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1
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:25,458
I'll pay you $5 if you eat that.
2
00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:28,962
What?
3
00:00:28,964 --> 00:00:30,030
The cheese you just dropped.
4
00:00:30,032 --> 00:00:32,098
Eat it and earn
yourself 5 smackeroos.
5
00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:33,733
No, thanks.
6
00:00:33,735 --> 00:00:35,435
10. No.
7
00:00:35,437 --> 00:00:37,804
20?
8
00:00:37,806 --> 00:00:40,073
Doug, we have the
same bank account.
9
00:00:40,075 --> 00:00:42,943
If I want to get $20 from
you, I'll go to the ATM.
10
00:00:42,945 --> 00:00:45,545
I don't need to
eat dirty cheese.
11
00:00:45,547 --> 00:00:47,547
True, but I got a 20 right here.
12
00:00:47,549 --> 00:00:50,317
You can have it right now. Buy
yourself a new... brassiere.
13
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:57,090
Awful tempting, but still a no.
14
00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:04,331
Will you give me 20 if I eat it?
15
00:01:04,333 --> 00:01:06,032
No!
16
00:01:06,034 --> 00:01:07,067
10? No.
17
00:01:07,069 --> 00:01:08,401
5? Doug!
18
00:01:08,403 --> 00:01:09,902
That's a bargain.
19
00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:11,737
You're not gonna find
anybody to eat dirty cheese
20
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:12,939
for under $5.
21
00:01:12,941 --> 00:01:14,074
I don't care!
22
00:01:14,076 --> 00:01:15,675
I have no desire
23
00:01:15,677 --> 00:01:18,178
to pay or be paid to
eat dirty cheese!
24
00:01:18,180 --> 00:01:21,614
You take no joy in life, do you?
25
00:02:10,539 --> 00:02:12,206
You trying to see
my combination?
26
00:02:12,208 --> 00:02:14,976
No. I was just looking
at the, uh...
27
00:02:14,978 --> 00:02:17,679
What is it, 10-2-38?
28
00:02:17,681 --> 00:02:19,881
You were looking. And by
the way, you're wrong.
29
00:02:19,883 --> 00:02:21,816
10-3-35? Nope.
30
00:02:21,818 --> 00:02:24,051
Come on, give it up. I
thought we were friends.
31
00:02:24,053 --> 00:02:27,455
Okay, fine. It's 7-8... 53.
32
00:02:27,457 --> 00:02:29,223
Don't insult my intelligence.
33
00:02:29,225 --> 00:02:30,658
Hey, come on. Are you ready?
34
00:02:30,660 --> 00:02:32,660
Just one sec. I want to
talk to Roger first.
35
00:02:32,662 --> 00:02:33,995
Why?
36
00:02:33,997 --> 00:02:36,397
I want to see if I can switch
vacation time with him
37
00:02:36,399 --> 00:02:37,599
so mine matches
up with Carrie's.
38
00:02:37,601 --> 00:02:40,401
Hey, Roger, did you
happen to have a chance
39
00:02:40,403 --> 00:02:42,504
to talk to your wife about
the vacation thing?
40
00:02:42,506 --> 00:02:45,874
Oh, yeah. You can have the time.
41
00:02:45,876 --> 00:02:48,309
My wife and I are
actually splitting up.
42
00:02:48,311 --> 00:02:50,044
Oh, man, that's... That's rough.
43
00:02:50,046 --> 00:02:52,179
That's really, uh...
44
00:02:52,181 --> 00:02:54,281
So that's the 8th
to the 22nd, right?
45
00:02:54,283 --> 00:02:55,683
Yeah.
46
00:02:55,685 --> 00:02:57,652
Yeah. Anyway, sorry
to hear about that.
47
00:02:57,654 --> 00:03:01,823
It's brutal stuff, you know.
Stay strong.
48
00:03:04,527 --> 00:03:07,128
All right, how long before
I can start celebrating?
49
00:03:07,130 --> 00:03:09,030
And... he's around the corner.
50
00:03:09,032 --> 00:03:11,365
Whoo-chicka-taah!
51
00:03:11,367 --> 00:03:13,367
So where are you guys
taking your vacation?
52
00:03:13,369 --> 00:03:14,769
I don't know. We
haven't decided yet.
53
00:03:14,771 --> 00:03:16,871
All I know is we're
going on vacation,
54
00:03:16,873 --> 00:03:18,940
because Roger's wife's
saying, "Bye-bye, loser."
55
00:03:18,942 --> 00:03:21,142
Not you. Different Roger.
56
00:03:41,530 --> 00:03:43,330
Great RV.
57
00:03:43,332 --> 00:03:47,669
Thanks. It's a
Roadbird Freedom 5000.
58
00:03:47,671 --> 00:03:49,103
W-where are you headed?
59
00:03:49,105 --> 00:03:51,305
Oh, wife and I just drove
down from Seattle.
60
00:03:51,307 --> 00:03:52,674
Don't know where
we're going next,
61
00:03:52,676 --> 00:03:53,908
but it doesn't really matter
62
00:03:53,910 --> 00:03:55,910
when you're driving
one of these puppies.
63
00:03:55,912 --> 00:03:59,914
Hey, honey! Fry me up
some steakums, will you?
64
00:04:03,085 --> 00:04:05,019
You ever been in one of these?
65
00:04:05,021 --> 00:04:06,888
Best vacation of my life.
66
00:04:14,764 --> 00:04:18,499
MOTHER: Doug, come on,
it's the Grand Canyon.
67
00:04:18,501 --> 00:04:21,469
The sun's about to set.
You're gonna miss it.
68
00:04:21,471 --> 00:04:23,004
Coming!
69
00:04:23,006 --> 00:04:24,672
MR. KOTTER: is the
second most painful day
70
00:04:24,674 --> 00:04:26,340
in a schoolteacher's life.
71
00:04:26,342 --> 00:04:30,144
HORSHACK: Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
72
00:04:38,787 --> 00:04:40,554
Yes!
73
00:04:45,594 --> 00:04:47,028
Hello, sweetheart.
74
00:04:47,030 --> 00:04:48,395
Hey, Dad.
75
00:04:50,633 --> 00:04:54,201
"Planning a Trip to Paris."
76
00:04:54,203 --> 00:04:56,938
What, are you planning
a trip to Paris?
77
00:04:56,940 --> 00:04:58,873
You nailed it.
78
00:04:58,875 --> 00:05:02,043
Doug and I are going on
vacation in a couple of weeks,
79
00:05:02,045 --> 00:05:03,711
and I found these
really cheap flights
80
00:05:03,713 --> 00:05:04,812
on the Internet.
81
00:05:04,814 --> 00:05:06,047
Ah, Paris.
82
00:05:06,049 --> 00:05:07,515
Last time I was there
83
00:05:07,517 --> 00:05:11,953
was when we liberated it
from the Nazis back in '44.
84
00:05:11,955 --> 00:05:14,689
Freedom rang again in
the City of Lights.
85
00:05:14,691 --> 00:05:16,190
I also got the clap,
86
00:05:16,192 --> 00:05:18,693
but that's a story
for another day.
87
00:05:23,799 --> 00:05:26,400
Anyway, as far as this
trip is concerned,
88
00:05:26,402 --> 00:05:31,739
thank you, but I'm going to
have to respectfully decline.
89
00:05:31,741 --> 00:05:33,141
Huh?
90
00:05:33,143 --> 00:05:35,376
Don't be offended. I'd
love to come with you.
91
00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:36,778
It's just that I have a problem
92
00:05:36,780 --> 00:05:37,879
on long flights.
93
00:05:37,881 --> 00:05:42,216
I tend to panic and
sob like a woman.
94
00:05:42,218 --> 00:05:44,886
Okay. Well, if you can't
come, you can't come, Dad.
95
00:05:44,888 --> 00:05:46,654
Send me a postcard.
96
00:05:46,656 --> 00:05:47,989
Okay.
97
00:05:47,991 --> 00:05:50,624
Close your eyes. What?
98
00:05:50,626 --> 00:05:52,626
Close this part
of your face now.
99
00:05:52,628 --> 00:05:55,229
Okay. What is it?
What's going on?
100
00:05:55,231 --> 00:05:56,831
Come on, come on.
Just come with me.
101
00:05:56,833 --> 00:05:58,232
Okay. All right, Doug.
102
00:05:58,234 --> 00:06:01,302
Don't try to feel me up
like you did last time.
103
00:06:01,304 --> 00:06:03,404
Relax, okay. I just picked
up a little something
104
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:04,872
on my way home from work.
105
00:06:04,874 --> 00:06:05,907
Okay. Okay.
106
00:06:07,375 --> 00:06:10,945
Here we go. Okay...
107
00:06:10,947 --> 00:06:12,313
Open 'em up
108
00:06:12,315 --> 00:06:15,683
and step into the world of
the Roadbird Freedom 5000.
109
00:06:15,685 --> 00:06:18,753
RV HOST: Do you like being
a slave to the clock,
110
00:06:18,755 --> 00:06:22,056
feeling compelled to
follow a certain schedule?
111
00:06:22,058 --> 00:06:25,359
Or are you independent minded?
112
00:06:25,361 --> 00:06:27,361
When you see RVs on the road,
113
00:06:27,363 --> 00:06:29,130
do you wonder where
they're going,
114
00:06:29,132 --> 00:06:30,664
where they've been,
115
00:06:30,666 --> 00:06:32,767
and envy the driver's freedom?
116
00:06:32,769 --> 00:06:36,170
Yes, yes, and oh, yeah.
117
00:06:38,306 --> 00:06:40,574
Uh, Doug...
118
00:06:40,576 --> 00:06:43,811
Don't think we're going in
an RV for our vacation.
119
00:06:43,813 --> 00:06:45,747
Why not?
120
00:06:45,749 --> 00:06:48,082
Because we are going to Paris!
121
00:06:48,084 --> 00:06:49,717
I found these really
cheap flights
122
00:06:49,719 --> 00:06:51,119
on the Internet.
123
00:06:51,121 --> 00:06:52,954
No, no, no, no, no.
RV. Out west.
124
00:06:52,956 --> 00:06:54,321
I got the video.
125
00:06:54,323 --> 00:06:57,558
Okay, maybe you didn't
hear me, but I said Paris.
126
00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:59,660
You know, as in Par-is,
127
00:06:59,662 --> 00:07:02,663
the most romantic frigging
city in the world.
128
00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:07,468
Okay? It's beautiful.
It's old. It's...
129
00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:09,237
Okay, I guess the Grand
Canyon isn't old.
130
00:07:09,239 --> 00:07:11,505
Yeah, yeah. They
just put that in.
131
00:07:11,507 --> 00:07:12,974
All right, Doug, just...
Just come here.
132
00:07:12,976 --> 00:07:15,176
Let me show you all the
stuff that I printed out.
133
00:07:15,178 --> 00:07:17,411
Now, we don't have
to stay in Paris.
134
00:07:17,413 --> 00:07:20,782
We could just be based there, you
know, and just travel around
135
00:07:20,784 --> 00:07:24,618
to, like, the wine
country, the Loire Valley.
136
00:07:24,620 --> 00:07:27,054
I-I'm sorry. The what valley?
137
00:07:27,056 --> 00:07:28,722
Loire.
138
00:07:28,724 --> 00:07:30,925
Okay, we're going
back to the tape.
139
00:07:30,927 --> 00:07:33,527
No! Come on! I don't want
to see the tape again.
140
00:07:33,529 --> 00:07:36,097
I don't think you understand
how great this is.
141
00:07:36,099 --> 00:07:37,598
L-look what this man is doing!
142
00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:41,035
He's driving around
in his living room!
143
00:07:41,037 --> 00:07:42,036
Uh-huh.
144
00:07:42,038 --> 00:07:44,705
And his wife is making him chili.
Where?
145
00:07:44,707 --> 00:07:46,573
In the living room!
146
00:07:46,575 --> 00:07:50,244
Okay, Doug. Listen
to me, sweetie.
147
00:07:50,246 --> 00:07:52,413
You're... You're a good fellow.
148
00:07:52,415 --> 00:07:54,682
I love being married to you.
I do.
149
00:07:54,684 --> 00:07:59,386
Now, that being said, RV, N-O.
150
00:07:59,388 --> 00:08:02,790
Okay. Okay, I see. I see.
You see what?
151
00:08:02,792 --> 00:08:04,692
You obviously like being
a slave to the clock.
152
00:08:04,694 --> 00:08:07,061
You feel compelled to
follow a certain schedule,
153
00:08:07,063 --> 00:08:09,330
whereas I am independent minded.
154
00:08:09,332 --> 00:08:12,166
Don't quote from the video.
155
00:08:12,168 --> 00:08:14,535
I'm not. I just thought of that.
156
00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:16,871
I'm... I'm not giving in
on this one, Carrie, okay?
157
00:08:16,873 --> 00:08:19,073
I'm not. You got your way
on all our other vacations.
158
00:08:19,075 --> 00:08:20,474
When? When did I get my way?
159
00:08:20,476 --> 00:08:22,276
Two years ago, when we
went down to Florida.
160
00:08:22,278 --> 00:08:24,445
Yeah, and we spent
the entire time
161
00:08:24,447 --> 00:08:26,314
at the Mets spring
training camp.
162
00:08:26,316 --> 00:08:29,283
Excuse me. That was
research for my gambling.
163
00:08:29,285 --> 00:08:31,219
Oh, please.
164
00:08:31,221 --> 00:08:32,987
Okay, fine. Fine.
165
00:08:32,989 --> 00:08:35,723
What about when we went to,
uh, Apple Country, huh?
166
00:08:35,725 --> 00:08:36,724
But that was a weekend.
167
00:08:36,726 --> 00:08:38,860
Of pure apple hell!
168
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,663
All right, Doug. Please.
169
00:08:42,665 --> 00:08:44,332
Let's not fight
about this, okay?
170
00:08:44,334 --> 00:08:46,167
All right. You're... You're right.
You're right.
171
00:08:46,169 --> 00:08:48,269
Okay. I mean, this...
This is our vacation.
172
00:08:48,271 --> 00:08:50,137
We're supposed to be having fun.
173
00:08:50,139 --> 00:08:51,638
Have fun. Yes.
174
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:54,708
Let's just sleep on it.
We'll figure something out.
175
00:08:54,710 --> 00:08:55,877
Figure something out?
176
00:08:55,879 --> 00:08:58,045
I'm screwed, right?
Doesn't look good.
177
00:08:58,047 --> 00:08:59,446
I don't want to go to Paris.
178
00:08:59,448 --> 00:09:01,582
Can't I just run at her,
tape her mouth shut,
179
00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:03,184
throw her in the
RV and drive off?
180
00:09:03,186 --> 00:09:04,685
That's not against
the law, right,
181
00:09:04,687 --> 00:09:05,953
if you're married, is it?
182
00:09:05,955 --> 00:09:07,121
It might be. Yeah.
183
00:09:07,123 --> 00:09:08,522
Hey, you could try
the guilt thing.
184
00:09:08,524 --> 00:09:09,523
What do you mean?
185
00:09:09,525 --> 00:09:10,925
You know, you come and you say,
186
00:09:10,927 --> 00:09:12,559
"Hey. Let's go where
you want to go.
187
00:09:12,561 --> 00:09:13,761
I want you to be happy."
188
00:09:13,763 --> 00:09:15,162
And she thinks you're
being so sweet,
189
00:09:15,164 --> 00:09:16,964
she'll turn around and do
what you want instead.
190
00:09:16,966 --> 00:09:19,066
I'll try it, man. I
got nothing else.
191
00:09:19,068 --> 00:09:20,768
Paris...
192
00:09:20,770 --> 00:09:24,138
I'm from Paris. Look at me.
193
00:09:24,140 --> 00:09:27,574
What accent was that?
I don't know.
194
00:09:33,015 --> 00:09:34,081
Hey.
195
00:09:34,083 --> 00:09:35,649
Hey.
196
00:09:35,651 --> 00:09:38,852
Uh, look. About the vacation...
197
00:09:38,854 --> 00:09:40,821
I thought about it,
and I realized
198
00:09:40,823 --> 00:09:43,657
you work hard,
199
00:09:43,659 --> 00:09:45,626
and I know this time
is important to you,
200
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:48,329
so if you want to go to Paris...
201
00:09:48,331 --> 00:09:50,131
Oh, my God. This is
gonna be so great!
202
00:09:50,133 --> 00:09:52,099
No... no... no. No Paris... no!
203
00:09:54,102 --> 00:09:55,702
Why did you just say we can go?
204
00:09:55,704 --> 00:09:57,204
That's nothing you
need to know about.
205
00:09:57,206 --> 00:10:00,374
The important thing is we
need to make a decision here.
206
00:10:00,376 --> 00:10:01,642
How do you want to decide?
207
00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:03,444
I don't know, but we
have to decide soon
208
00:10:03,446 --> 00:10:05,913
or we'll never be able to
get plane reservations.
209
00:10:05,915 --> 00:10:07,148
Or?
210
00:10:07,150 --> 00:10:12,119
Or get bug spray or whatever.
211
00:10:12,121 --> 00:10:14,956
It's obvious neither of us are
gonna budge on this thing,
212
00:10:14,958 --> 00:10:16,090
so how about this?
213
00:10:16,092 --> 00:10:17,724
How about... How about
we flip a coin?
214
00:10:17,726 --> 00:10:19,360
Flip a coin?
215
00:10:19,362 --> 00:10:21,362
You want to decide our
vacation by flipping a coin?
216
00:10:21,364 --> 00:10:23,530
Yeah. If it's good enough
for the Super Bowl,
217
00:10:23,532 --> 00:10:25,166
it's good enough for
the Heffernans.
218
00:10:26,634 --> 00:10:29,236
Okay. Fine. Fine. Flip a coin.
219
00:10:29,238 --> 00:10:31,505
Here you go.
220
00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:35,709
You want to flip a penny. What
the hell is wrong with you?
221
00:10:37,980 --> 00:10:39,746
What? It has two sides.
222
00:10:39,748 --> 00:10:42,383
You are such a girl.
223
00:10:43,785 --> 00:10:45,086
We're gonna flip
a quarter, okay?
224
00:10:45,088 --> 00:10:46,587
And for future reference,
225
00:10:46,589 --> 00:10:49,290
this is your smallest
flippable coin.
226
00:10:49,292 --> 00:10:50,424
Okay, flip it.
227
00:10:50,426 --> 00:10:52,893
Okay, here we go,
228
00:10:52,895 --> 00:10:55,129
so, uh, let's say... heads,
uh, Paris, tails, RV?
229
00:10:55,131 --> 00:10:57,798
Okay. Okay.
230
00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,766
All right, here we go.
Tails never fails.
231
00:11:02,770 --> 00:11:04,171
Oh. All right, well...
232
00:11:04,173 --> 00:11:05,739
The important thing is
233
00:11:05,741 --> 00:11:08,642
we'll have a great
vacation together...
234
00:11:08,644 --> 00:11:10,811
speaking English.
235
00:11:10,813 --> 00:11:12,346
But I will gladly make you
236
00:11:12,348 --> 00:11:15,182
French toast every
morning, because I won!
237
00:11:15,184 --> 00:11:17,218
Touché! No Paris, Carrie!
238
00:11:57,867 --> 00:11:59,868
Oh, God.
239
00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:08,410
Climb aboard!
240
00:12:13,517 --> 00:12:16,085
What is this doing here now?
241
00:12:16,087 --> 00:12:18,887
The guy let me take her home
overnight for a test drive.
242
00:12:22,326 --> 00:12:25,327
Okay. Has a lot of horn sounds.
We get it.
243
00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:26,829
Yep. She's got 28 of 'em.
244
00:12:26,831 --> 00:12:29,431
She? That's right, she.
245
00:12:29,433 --> 00:12:31,333
Okay, unless she has
boobies and a uterus,
246
00:12:31,335 --> 00:12:32,668
that has to stop.
247
00:12:32,670 --> 00:12:34,837
Come on, let me
give you the tour.
248
00:12:34,839 --> 00:12:36,171
All right, then,
249
00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:38,240
you got your driver's
cockpit right here...
250
00:12:38,242 --> 00:12:40,408
That's right, I said cockpit...
251
00:12:40,410 --> 00:12:42,845
With a powerful
Triton V-10 engine
252
00:12:42,847 --> 00:12:44,179
humming underneath.
253
00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:46,348
Over here, you got
your galley slide-out
254
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:48,350
with genuine leather
seating surfaces.
255
00:12:48,352 --> 00:12:49,852
Oh, and this is great.
256
00:12:49,854 --> 00:12:52,521
Built-in 25-inch television.
257
00:12:52,523 --> 00:12:54,023
Think of the beauty
of it, Carrie.
258
00:12:54,025 --> 00:12:55,524
If we're not getting
great reception,
259
00:12:55,526 --> 00:12:57,993
we just drive to
wherever it's better.
260
00:12:57,995 --> 00:12:59,962
Oh, and look here.
261
00:12:59,964 --> 00:13:02,131
See this table? Folds
into an extra bed.
262
00:13:02,133 --> 00:13:03,298
See how that works?
263
00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:05,300
Bed... Table.
264
00:13:05,302 --> 00:13:07,469
Bed... Table.
265
00:13:07,471 --> 00:13:09,504
Yeah, it's two things. I get it.
266
00:13:09,506 --> 00:13:11,674
Okay. Can I ask you a question?
267
00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:15,544
Breaker 1-9. The
lady's got a question.
268
00:13:15,546 --> 00:13:17,746
10-4.
269
00:13:19,816 --> 00:13:21,449
Where do you go to the bathroom?
270
00:13:21,451 --> 00:13:23,052
I'm glad you asked,
little missy.
271
00:13:23,054 --> 00:13:24,319
You got your private
restroom quarters
272
00:13:24,321 --> 00:13:25,587
right over here,
273
00:13:25,589 --> 00:13:29,124
conveniently located right
off of the master bedroom.
274
00:13:29,126 --> 00:13:31,326
See? You got all your privacy.
275
00:13:31,328 --> 00:13:33,461
Nobody knows your business.
276
00:13:33,463 --> 00:13:37,032
Hey. I can actually
hear you better now.
277
00:13:37,034 --> 00:13:38,834
All right, what happens
if we use the bathroom
278
00:13:38,836 --> 00:13:40,302
and we're out on the road?
279
00:13:40,304 --> 00:13:42,270
Where does everything... go?
280
00:13:42,272 --> 00:13:44,272
Well... you ride around
with it for a few days
281
00:13:44,274 --> 00:13:47,009
until you find a
place to drain it.
282
00:13:47,011 --> 00:13:49,244
Oh, my God!
283
00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:51,146
You know what would be nice?
284
00:13:51,148 --> 00:13:52,748
If you were remotely
on board with this.
285
00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:55,084
How can I be on board
with this, Doug?
286
00:13:55,086 --> 00:13:56,351
I-it's horrible.
287
00:13:56,353 --> 00:13:57,753
Hey, I won the flip, all right?
288
00:13:57,755 --> 00:13:59,755
I didn't force you to flip a coin.
You agreed.
289
00:13:59,757 --> 00:14:02,191
Yeah, but you forced me
to flip a quarter, okay?
290
00:14:02,193 --> 00:14:03,792
I had a good feeling
about that penny.
291
00:14:03,794 --> 00:14:06,294
Well, all I know is if you
would have won the flip,
292
00:14:06,296 --> 00:14:08,496
I'd be going to Paris
with a beret and a smile.
293
00:14:08,498 --> 00:14:09,765
Oh, yeah, right.
294
00:14:09,767 --> 00:14:11,967
I could just imagine what
a joy you would have been
295
00:14:11,969 --> 00:14:13,802
when we're standing
in the Louvre
296
00:14:13,804 --> 00:14:16,271
looking at 19th-Century
Impressionist art.
297
00:14:19,475 --> 00:14:22,745
Well, we'll never know
that now, will we?
298
00:14:22,747 --> 00:14:24,646
Now, this is gonna be fun.
You know why?
299
00:14:24,648 --> 00:14:27,082
Because that's a table bed,
and that's pretty neat.
300
00:14:27,084 --> 00:14:27,983
Yeah!
301
00:14:31,855 --> 00:14:34,556
An RV? What are you gonna do?
302
00:14:34,558 --> 00:14:36,759
I don't know.
303
00:14:36,761 --> 00:14:38,927
Maybe I could drop
something on Doug's foot
304
00:14:38,929 --> 00:14:41,263
so he can't drive for two weeks.
305
00:14:41,265 --> 00:14:43,832
Well, don't hurt him too bad.
He drives for a living.
306
00:14:43,834 --> 00:14:46,301
Oh, they'll find him something.
307
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:47,903
Where do you even
go to the bathroom
308
00:14:47,905 --> 00:14:49,037
in one of these things?
309
00:14:49,039 --> 00:14:50,538
Into a pail,
310
00:14:50,540 --> 00:14:53,408
which is behind a
piece of cardboard.
311
00:14:53,410 --> 00:14:55,377
You gotta keep this
from happening.
312
00:14:55,379 --> 00:14:56,745
I know.
313
00:14:56,747 --> 00:15:01,449
I wish there was some way I
can get Doug off of this.
314
00:15:01,451 --> 00:15:02,450
Darling.
315
00:15:02,452 --> 00:15:03,451
Hi, Dad.
316
00:15:03,453 --> 00:15:05,788
Oh, hello, Kelly. Hello.
317
00:15:05,790 --> 00:15:07,555
You're looking
gorgeous as usual.
318
00:15:07,557 --> 00:15:08,824
Well, thank you, Mr. Spooner.
319
00:15:08,826 --> 00:15:10,993
Oh, what a thing we
could have going
320
00:15:10,995 --> 00:15:14,629
if it wasn't for
society's taboos.
321
00:15:14,631 --> 00:15:17,299
Those damn taboos.
322
00:15:17,301 --> 00:15:19,134
RV rental agreement.
323
00:15:19,136 --> 00:15:23,138
What, are you agreeing
to rent an RV?
324
00:15:23,140 --> 00:15:26,541
Yeah. We're doing that instead of...
the Paris trip.
325
00:15:26,543 --> 00:15:27,843
No kidding?
326
00:15:27,845 --> 00:15:31,313
Nothing I love more than
cruising the open road.
327
00:15:31,315 --> 00:15:33,748
You think Douglas would
mind if I tagged along?
328
00:15:36,385 --> 00:15:38,653
Actually, um...
329
00:15:38,655 --> 00:15:41,489
he did say something
about a table
330
00:15:41,491 --> 00:15:43,125
turning into a bed?
331
00:15:45,895 --> 00:15:47,395
[STEPPENWOLF'S "MAGIC
CARPET RIDE" PLAYING
332
00:15:52,102 --> 00:15:54,236
♪ On a magic carpet ride?
333
00:15:56,707 --> 00:15:59,942
Oh, this is gonna be a
sweet road mix tape.
334
00:15:59,944 --> 00:16:02,410
Are you sure you don't
want to take this?
335
00:16:02,412 --> 00:16:03,879
Spence Olchin's
336
00:16:03,881 --> 00:16:05,780
"Prom Party Through
the Night" mix?
337
00:16:07,783 --> 00:16:09,318
Pretty sure.
338
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:12,654
Hey, "Sunglasses at Night",
339
00:16:12,656 --> 00:16:14,622
"Too Shy" by Kajagoogoo...
340
00:16:14,624 --> 00:16:15,790
Oh.
341
00:16:15,792 --> 00:16:17,392
I... I guess you can't
drive to those.
342
00:16:17,394 --> 00:16:18,861
This is a great tape.
343
00:16:18,863 --> 00:16:21,463
Yeah. It worked great for you
on prom night, didn't it?
344
00:16:22,798 --> 00:16:25,834
It's still a great tape.
345
00:16:25,836 --> 00:16:27,669
Well, I'm fine with what I got.
346
00:16:27,671 --> 00:16:30,472
I'm gonna be rocking my
way across the U.S.A.
347
00:17:01,371 --> 00:17:03,105
I'll bet you didn't know
348
00:17:03,107 --> 00:17:05,573
I played the mouth
organ, did you, Douglas?
349
00:17:05,575 --> 00:17:09,077
Okay, first of all, please
don't call it that.
350
00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:11,947
And second of all, why
are you playing it?
351
00:17:11,949 --> 00:17:14,283
Because I'm coming on
the road with you,
352
00:17:14,285 --> 00:17:15,817
you silly son of a bitch.
353
00:17:15,819 --> 00:17:18,620
If you're willing to learn
to play the spoons,
354
00:17:18,622 --> 00:17:20,122
we can jam all night.
355
00:17:20,124 --> 00:17:23,392
What do you mean, you're
coming on the road with us?
356
00:17:23,394 --> 00:17:24,393
In the RV.
357
00:17:24,395 --> 00:17:26,728
That was quite
generous of you kids.
358
00:17:26,730 --> 00:17:28,163
I know there can be
cramped quarters.
359
00:17:28,165 --> 00:17:30,832
That's why I'm only
gonna pack this outfit
360
00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:34,636
and a pair of silk underwear
I'll wash out at night.
361
00:17:34,638 --> 00:17:38,140
Uh, will you excuse me?
I have to, uh...
362
00:17:38,142 --> 00:17:40,775
Carrie!
363
00:17:40,777 --> 00:17:43,111
What'd you do? What...
What'd you do?
364
00:17:43,113 --> 00:17:44,112
What?
365
00:17:44,114 --> 00:17:45,547
You invited your father!
366
00:17:45,549 --> 00:17:47,149
You... You're trying
to ruin this vacation
367
00:17:47,151 --> 00:17:48,716
out of spite, aren't you?
368
00:17:48,718 --> 00:17:51,053
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
369
00:17:51,055 --> 00:17:53,488
He... He overheard me talking,
370
00:17:53,490 --> 00:17:55,557
and he thought I
was inviting him,
371
00:17:55,559 --> 00:17:58,660
and then he got so excited, I
just didn't want to say no.
372
00:17:58,662 --> 00:18:02,965
I don't want your
father in my Roadbird!
373
00:18:02,967 --> 00:18:06,335
Why not? We got that
great table bed, right?
374
00:18:06,337 --> 00:18:07,336
Yes, we do.
375
00:18:07,338 --> 00:18:09,104
But I don't want
to eat breakfast
376
00:18:09,106 --> 00:18:11,106
on a table that recently
held your father's ass.
377
00:18:11,108 --> 00:18:12,407
That's ass breakfast!
378
00:18:12,409 --> 00:18:15,410
Well, Doug, you know, we
do have another option.
379
00:18:15,412 --> 00:18:18,080
I mean, my father
doesn't like to fly,
380
00:18:18,082 --> 00:18:20,148
so we could go to,
oh, I don't know...
381
00:18:20,150 --> 00:18:21,683
Paris?
382
00:18:21,685 --> 00:18:23,318
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!
383
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,587
Well, this is a side of
you I've never seen.
384
00:18:25,589 --> 00:18:27,189
What do you mean?
What do I mean?
385
00:18:27,191 --> 00:18:29,391
You think that if you invite
your father on the RV,
386
00:18:29,393 --> 00:18:31,393
I'll back out, and then
we can go to Paris
387
00:18:31,395 --> 00:18:32,794
like you wanted in
the first place.
388
00:18:32,796 --> 00:18:34,162
No. No, no, no, no.
389
00:18:34,164 --> 00:18:36,764
I just thought it would be nice
to have my father with us.
390
00:18:36,766 --> 00:18:39,534
Oh, the lies!
391
00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:40,869
You know what? That's it. Okay?
392
00:18:40,871 --> 00:18:42,270
You know what you
just bought yourself?
393
00:18:42,272 --> 00:18:43,472
A trip with your father.
394
00:18:43,474 --> 00:18:45,073
Because I'm not backing
down on this one.
395
00:18:45,075 --> 00:18:46,475
That's fine.
396
00:18:46,477 --> 00:18:48,076
Fine, little sunshine sister.
Because that's the deal.
397
00:18:48,078 --> 00:18:49,978
And as long as we're
inviting people on vacation,
398
00:18:49,980 --> 00:18:51,046
watch this little ditty.
399
00:18:51,048 --> 00:18:51,946
Spence!
400
00:18:53,682 --> 00:18:55,717
Oh, yeah, it's gonna happen.
401
00:18:55,719 --> 00:19:00,422
That... that... that's fine.
That's fine.
402
00:19:00,424 --> 00:19:02,224
I... I like Spence.
403
00:19:07,096 --> 00:19:08,696
You all, uh, packed?
404
00:19:08,698 --> 00:19:09,731
Yep. You?
405
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:11,233
Yep.
406
00:19:11,235 --> 00:19:12,300
Great.
407
00:19:12,302 --> 00:19:13,535
Excited?
408
00:19:13,537 --> 00:19:16,271
Oh, yeah. Excited.
409
00:19:22,178 --> 00:19:24,979
SPENCE: Hold it, hold
it, I don't have it.
410
00:19:24,981 --> 00:19:26,614
Move faster. It's heavy.
411
00:19:26,616 --> 00:19:28,983
Dad, what the hell is that?
412
00:19:28,985 --> 00:19:30,318
I bought a canoe.
413
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:31,653
I figured, why rent?
414
00:19:31,655 --> 00:19:34,256
It'll pay for itself
after 50 uses.
415
00:19:34,258 --> 00:19:36,758
We don't have room
for a canoe, Arthur.
416
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:38,793
I told you! Shut up!
417
00:19:38,795 --> 00:19:42,397
If you hadn't been so whiny, we
could have snuck it by them.
418
00:19:42,399 --> 00:19:44,232
Okay, back down.
419
00:19:50,306 --> 00:19:52,474
Oh, man, what the
hell did we do?
420
00:19:52,476 --> 00:19:55,410
We destroyed our
vacation, that's what.
421
00:19:55,412 --> 00:19:56,678
You know,
422
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:58,913
now that my father and
Spence are coming,
423
00:19:58,915 --> 00:20:02,384
the thought of you and
me alone in an RV
424
00:20:02,386 --> 00:20:04,386
sounds like a little
slice of heaven.
425
00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:08,156
What if we bolt right now?
426
00:20:08,158 --> 00:20:11,659
We'll drive through the night.
They'll never find us.
427
00:20:11,661 --> 00:20:14,129
Nah. They'll hear the
engine starting.
428
00:20:14,131 --> 00:20:17,665
They'll run after us like dogs.
429
00:20:17,667 --> 00:20:20,001
Well, we just gotta
bite the bullet
430
00:20:20,003 --> 00:20:22,337
and get this stupid
vacation over with.
431
00:20:22,339 --> 00:20:25,006
No. No, that is not
acceptable, okay.
432
00:20:25,008 --> 00:20:28,510
We got the Roadbird Freedom 5000
sitting right outside, okay?
433
00:20:28,512 --> 00:20:31,846
I cannot... I will not...
Let that dream go.
434
00:20:31,848 --> 00:20:34,048
Spence! Arthur!
435
00:20:34,050 --> 00:20:36,451
Oh, my God.
436
00:20:36,453 --> 00:20:38,220
Let me handle this, son.
437
00:20:38,222 --> 00:20:40,222
Do you mean to tell me
438
00:20:40,224 --> 00:20:42,857
we were never wanted
on this trip?
439
00:20:42,859 --> 00:20:44,526
That we were just pawns
440
00:20:44,528 --> 00:20:49,063
in some twisted little
game of marital chicken?
441
00:20:49,065 --> 00:20:52,601
Dad, it's not like we
don't enjoy spending time
442
00:20:52,603 --> 00:20:55,537
with the both of you... here.
443
00:20:55,539 --> 00:21:00,442
Yes. Love you both... here.
444
00:21:00,444 --> 00:21:02,410
This is an outrage.
445
00:21:02,412 --> 00:21:06,981
This young man cleared two weeks
out of his schedule, as did I,
446
00:21:06,983 --> 00:21:10,018
and this is a very
busy time for me.
447
00:21:10,020 --> 00:21:13,821
Look, Dad, we are
very, very sorry,
448
00:21:13,823 --> 00:21:16,090
but it is our vacation.
449
00:21:16,092 --> 00:21:18,826
Well, it is our vacation too.
450
00:21:18,828 --> 00:21:22,497
We have just as much right
to that gorgeous motor home
451
00:21:22,499 --> 00:21:24,065
as you do!
452
00:21:24,067 --> 00:21:25,433
It would seem...
453
00:21:25,435 --> 00:21:29,204
that we are at an impasse.
454
00:21:29,206 --> 00:21:31,939
All right. So how do you
want to settle this?
455
00:21:41,918 --> 00:21:43,084
Well...
456
00:21:43,086 --> 00:21:48,190
I guess sometimes
tails does fail.
457
00:21:55,399 --> 00:21:56,798
♪ On a magic carpet ride?
458
00:22:10,137 --> 00:22:11,605
MAN WITH SOUTHERN
ACCENT: Hey, Clim.
459
00:22:11,607 --> 00:22:13,974
Check out that old man and
that funny looking boy
460
00:22:13,976 --> 00:22:15,642
by the camper.
461
00:22:15,644 --> 00:22:18,211
The boy's got an
awful pretty mouth.
32973
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