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1
00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:13,296
Come on. Here we go, baby.
Work with me.
2
00:00:13,298 --> 00:00:14,665
Oh...
3
00:00:14,667 --> 00:00:17,233
Okay. Okay.
4
00:00:17,235 --> 00:00:19,102
Oh...
5
00:00:19,104 --> 00:00:20,336
Come on.
6
00:00:20,338 --> 00:00:22,438
Hey, what, did you lock
your keys in your car?
7
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,141
No, I have a shirt in the back
8
00:00:24,143 --> 00:00:28,045
I'm trying to get on the hanger
without opening the door.
9
00:00:28,047 --> 00:00:31,682
Sorry. Trying to help out.
10
00:00:31,684 --> 00:00:33,550
Moron.
11
00:01:29,531 --> 00:01:31,632
You like your Liberace,
don't you, Dad?
12
00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:34,969
Oh, yes. Lee was
quite the showman.
13
00:01:34,971 --> 00:01:37,071
Darling, did you know
he was a little...
14
00:01:39,008 --> 00:01:40,541
That's not to repeat.
15
00:01:43,511 --> 00:01:45,512
TV HOST: If you're enjoying
the sounds of Liberace
16
00:01:45,514 --> 00:01:48,282
and want to see more quality
programming such as this,
17
00:01:48,284 --> 00:01:50,718
we need the support of
generous viewers like you.
18
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:54,588
There they go begging
for money again.
19
00:01:54,590 --> 00:01:55,857
Pathetic.
20
00:01:58,060 --> 00:02:01,362
Good morning. What is that?
21
00:02:01,364 --> 00:02:04,966
What? The Three Tenors tote bag?
22
00:02:04,968 --> 00:02:08,402
I've been in the market
for a tote bag for years.
23
00:02:08,404 --> 00:02:11,139
I just didn't have the
guts to pull the trigger.
24
00:02:12,941 --> 00:02:14,275
Look, honey.
25
00:02:14,277 --> 00:02:16,410
It's perfect for me,
don't you think?
26
00:02:16,412 --> 00:02:18,345
Yeah, it'll be a nice step up
27
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,281
from the fishing net you use.
28
00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:24,051
Yes, hello.
29
00:02:24,053 --> 00:02:27,021
What is the minimum donation
to get that tote bag?
30
00:02:27,023 --> 00:02:29,123
Ouch.
31
00:02:29,125 --> 00:02:31,192
Is there any wiggle
room on that?
32
00:02:32,795 --> 00:02:35,496
Hello! Hey, babe.
33
00:02:35,498 --> 00:02:36,730
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
34
00:02:36,732 --> 00:02:37,765
No frozen food for you.
35
00:02:37,767 --> 00:02:39,167
Now go upstairs,
put on some rouge,
36
00:02:39,169 --> 00:02:40,434
and squeeze into a girdle,
37
00:02:40,436 --> 00:02:42,837
because we are
stepping out tonight.
38
00:02:42,839 --> 00:02:45,639
Where are we stepping,
back in time?
39
00:02:45,641 --> 00:02:46,974
Better. We're going
to Fiorino's,
40
00:02:46,976 --> 00:02:49,177
this new Italian joint Deac
and I had lunch at today.
41
00:02:49,179 --> 00:02:50,477
It's unbelievable.
42
00:02:50,479 --> 00:02:52,413
Oh, honey, I'm tired.
Let's go another night.
43
00:02:52,415 --> 00:02:53,881
No, no, no, no. You
don't understand.
44
00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:55,183
This restaurant is special.
45
00:02:55,185 --> 00:02:57,018
I really think this
could be our place.
46
00:02:57,020 --> 00:02:58,052
How great would that be?
47
00:02:58,054 --> 00:02:59,854
I could call you up
from work and say,
48
00:02:59,856 --> 00:03:03,157
"Hey, meet me at the place."
49
00:03:03,159 --> 00:03:07,594
I wouldn't even have to say the name.
You'd know.
50
00:03:07,596 --> 00:03:09,530
And how much time
would that save?
51
00:03:09,532 --> 00:03:11,532
Come on, come on, come on.
Let's go, let's go.
52
00:03:11,534 --> 00:03:12,800
Come on, I'm already
comfortable.
53
00:03:12,802 --> 00:03:15,002
I'd have to put on a bra.
It's a whole ordeal.
54
00:03:15,004 --> 00:03:16,304
I'll help you.
55
00:03:16,306 --> 00:03:19,573
Please, Doug. You can't
even get my bra off.
56
00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:22,944
Yes, but this is for something I want.
Let's go!
57
00:03:29,651 --> 00:03:31,319
So you think I made
the right choice
58
00:03:31,321 --> 00:03:32,519
ordering the special?
59
00:03:32,521 --> 00:03:34,555
Well, it sounded good.
You think?
60
00:03:34,557 --> 00:03:37,458
Because I kind of had
my eye on the rigatoni.
61
00:03:37,460 --> 00:03:40,828
I don't know. Maybe I
should have gotten that.
62
00:03:40,830 --> 00:03:42,163
Although on the other hand,
63
00:03:42,165 --> 00:03:43,564
you gotta jump on
a good special,
64
00:03:43,566 --> 00:03:44,565
because that goes away.
65
00:03:44,567 --> 00:03:45,933
Well, the important thing is
66
00:03:45,935 --> 00:03:48,870
you've given it a tremendous
amount of thought.
67
00:03:48,872 --> 00:03:50,838
Hey, look who's back!
68
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,374
Mr. Green Shorts. Oh,
long pants now, eh?
69
00:03:53,376 --> 00:03:54,976
Yeah, yeah, I got
the long pants on.
70
00:03:54,978 --> 00:03:56,543
And who is this beauty?
71
00:03:56,545 --> 00:03:57,912
This is my wife, Carrie.
72
00:03:57,914 --> 00:03:59,713
Ah, so nice to see you.
73
00:03:59,715 --> 00:04:01,182
You're a lucky, lucky man.
74
00:04:01,184 --> 00:04:03,550
So you like my bruschetta?
Oh, it was great. Thanks.
75
00:04:03,552 --> 00:04:04,651
It's on the house,
76
00:04:04,653 --> 00:04:05,920
because you're such
a good customer
77
00:04:05,922 --> 00:04:07,654
and because she's so beautiful.
78
00:04:07,656 --> 00:04:10,992
Hey, you call me when you
leave this guy, huh?
79
00:04:10,994 --> 00:04:12,493
Enjoy, enjoy.
80
00:04:13,863 --> 00:04:16,130
He wants you to call
him when you leave me.
81
00:04:16,132 --> 00:04:18,032
How great is this place!
82
00:04:19,501 --> 00:04:20,935
It's very nice.
83
00:04:20,937 --> 00:04:22,370
"Very nice"? What,
are you kidding me?
84
00:04:22,372 --> 00:04:24,838
This is the best place ever.
They even gave me a nickname.
85
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,340
I know. Mr. Greenjeans.
86
00:04:26,342 --> 00:04:28,542
Green Shorts.
87
00:04:28,544 --> 00:04:31,178
Look at this. Free bruschetta.
88
00:04:31,180 --> 00:04:32,980
Hey, you gotta check
out the bathroom too.
89
00:04:32,982 --> 00:04:34,815
It's like peeing in old Italy.
90
00:04:34,817 --> 00:04:37,818
I look forward to it.
91
00:04:37,820 --> 00:04:41,455
All right, penne for the signora
92
00:04:41,457 --> 00:04:43,190
and gnocchi for the signore.
93
00:04:43,192 --> 00:04:44,525
Ah, smells great. Thanks.
94
00:04:44,527 --> 00:04:46,527
Some fresh parmigiana?
None for me, thank you.
95
00:04:46,529 --> 00:04:47,761
Signor?
96
00:04:47,763 --> 00:04:52,266
Oh, yeah. Keep grating
till you hit bone.
97
00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:55,636
Uh, excuse me.
98
00:04:55,638 --> 00:04:56,637
Yes?
99
00:04:56,639 --> 00:04:58,306
This has capers in it.
100
00:04:58,308 --> 00:05:00,541
Yes, yes. They give
it a nice flavor.
101
00:05:00,543 --> 00:05:03,411
Yes, but I ordered
it without capers.
102
00:05:03,413 --> 00:05:04,912
They give it a nice
flavor, honey.
103
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:08,149
I don't have anything
about "no capers."
104
00:05:08,151 --> 00:05:09,417
Well, I did say it.
105
00:05:09,419 --> 00:05:11,218
All right. I'll change
your order, if you want.
106
00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:12,954
No, I don't want to
change my order.
107
00:05:12,956 --> 00:05:14,088
I just want my food
108
00:05:14,090 --> 00:05:15,889
the way I ordered it
in the first place.
109
00:05:15,891 --> 00:05:17,758
Actually, I like extra capers,
so this works out great.
110
00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:19,961
I'll just take a few of these.
They come right out.
111
00:05:19,963 --> 00:05:21,562
Look at that. I got a big one.
112
00:05:21,564 --> 00:05:23,564
Doug, could you get your
fingers out of my food?
113
00:05:23,566 --> 00:05:25,967
I'm just saying I don't think
we need to send it back.
114
00:05:25,969 --> 00:05:27,568
Look, I got another one.
Doug, stop it.
115
00:05:27,570 --> 00:05:29,971
Can I just have my food the
way I ordered it, please?
116
00:05:29,973 --> 00:05:30,972
Very good. Thank you.
117
00:05:32,241 --> 00:05:33,707
Uh, excuse me.
118
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:37,511
Was that a sigh? Oh, God.
119
00:05:37,513 --> 00:05:39,013
No, signora.
120
00:05:39,015 --> 00:05:40,547
Well, it sounded like a sigh.
121
00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,149
Am I annoying you
in some way, huh?
122
00:05:42,151 --> 00:05:43,550
Signora, you asked to
change your order.
123
00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:44,918
I'll change your
order, that's all.
124
00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,520
Okay, again with the
"change." You know what?
125
00:05:46,522 --> 00:05:48,322
Let me have it.
126
00:05:48,324 --> 00:05:50,124
Let me just see your manager, please.
Thank you.
127
00:05:50,126 --> 00:05:51,158
Yes, signora.
128
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,793
What are you doing?
129
00:05:52,795 --> 00:05:54,395
You didn't see the
attitude on that guy?
130
00:05:54,397 --> 00:05:56,197
Come on. I'm not gonna
put up with that.
131
00:05:56,199 --> 00:05:57,498
Carrie, it is very stressful
132
00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:59,000
being in the service
industry, okay.
133
00:05:59,002 --> 00:06:00,767
I never told you this,
134
00:06:00,769 --> 00:06:03,304
but, some days, I just
sit in my truck and cry.
135
00:06:05,007 --> 00:06:08,342
Doug, would you give me a break?
The guy was out-and-out rude.
136
00:06:08,344 --> 00:06:11,578
Not rude. Fiery. He's Italian.
It's their way.
137
00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:13,747
So a little problem?
138
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:14,748
Yes. I ordered my food...
139
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:15,849
Nothing major.
Everything's great.
140
00:06:15,851 --> 00:06:17,451
It's just that my
wife got her food,
141
00:06:17,453 --> 00:06:19,053
and she thought she ordered
it without capers.
142
00:06:19,055 --> 00:06:21,088
I did order it without capers.
143
00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:22,223
Okay, she may have.
144
00:06:22,225 --> 00:06:23,824
The main thing is,
other than the capers,
145
00:06:23,826 --> 00:06:25,459
everything else, fantastico.
146
00:06:25,461 --> 00:06:28,529
Okay. So here's what's
not fantastico, okay,
147
00:06:28,531 --> 00:06:32,133
is when a waiter pretty
much calls a customer
148
00:06:32,135 --> 00:06:33,267
a liar.
149
00:06:33,269 --> 00:06:35,569
I didn't get that.
150
00:06:37,739 --> 00:06:39,240
I'm so sorry.
151
00:06:39,242 --> 00:06:42,176
We'll take care
of it right away.
152
00:06:47,916 --> 00:06:49,183
I'm so very sorry.
153
00:06:49,185 --> 00:06:51,519
We'll take care of everything.
154
00:06:54,089 --> 00:06:57,124
Did you see that? See what?
155
00:06:57,126 --> 00:07:00,761
They were talking about me right
in front of me in Italian.
156
00:07:00,763 --> 00:07:02,863
And then that guy,
he rolled his eyes.
157
00:07:02,865 --> 00:07:05,032
Can we just eat dinner, okay?
158
00:07:05,034 --> 00:07:07,168
You're gonna get your
dish back with no capers.
159
00:07:07,170 --> 00:07:09,270
Maybe a little spit,
but no capers.
160
00:07:11,339 --> 00:07:14,542
Look, just have some of
mine in the meantime.
161
00:07:14,544 --> 00:07:17,010
No. No, forget it. I'm
not even hungry now.
162
00:07:36,731 --> 00:07:38,499
Make sure it doesn't
have capers.
163
00:07:40,135 --> 00:07:41,635
Okay, here we go.
164
00:07:41,637 --> 00:07:44,271
You want to get into this now?
Bring it on.
165
00:07:44,273 --> 00:07:46,073
Oh, no, no. I don't
wanna get into it.
166
00:07:46,075 --> 00:07:47,475
I want you to be happy.
167
00:07:47,477 --> 00:07:49,676
Don't want you to have to
call the Lean Cuisine people
168
00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:52,045
and ask for the manager.
169
00:07:52,047 --> 00:07:54,014
Well, if I did have to,
170
00:07:54,016 --> 00:07:56,917
I guess we'd know whose
side you'd be on, don't we?
171
00:07:56,919 --> 00:07:58,519
Hey, I just wanted a
nice evening out.
172
00:07:58,521 --> 00:07:59,720
You're the one who went insane.
173
00:07:59,722 --> 00:08:01,155
Oh, yeah, I'm insane.
174
00:08:01,157 --> 00:08:02,556
I ordered my food without capers
175
00:08:02,558 --> 00:08:03,957
and then wanted it
with no capers.
176
00:08:03,959 --> 00:08:06,427
Yes. Fit me for a straitjacket.
I'm a loon.
177
00:08:06,429 --> 00:08:07,928
You know what I mean, all right?
178
00:08:07,930 --> 00:08:10,131
You're always on the lookout
for who's out to get you.
179
00:08:10,133 --> 00:08:12,233
You know, you can never
just let something go.
180
00:08:12,235 --> 00:08:14,801
No, no, no. That would result
in a delightful evening.
181
00:08:14,803 --> 00:08:16,370
And we can't have that, can we?
No.
182
00:08:19,341 --> 00:08:22,510
And by the way, you
didn't say no capers.
183
00:08:22,512 --> 00:08:24,011
How would you know?
184
00:08:24,013 --> 00:08:25,779
You were too busy figuring out
185
00:08:25,781 --> 00:08:27,314
what you were gonna
have for lunch
186
00:08:27,316 --> 00:08:29,483
a week from Thursday.
187
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,987
I just don't get you, Carrie.
188
00:08:33,989 --> 00:08:35,322
Oh, don't you?
189
00:08:35,324 --> 00:08:37,124
You knew how much I
loved that place,
190
00:08:37,126 --> 00:08:39,326
and you just had
to go and ruin it.
191
00:08:39,328 --> 00:08:41,962
First of all, I am not the
one who dragged me there,
192
00:08:41,964 --> 00:08:44,831
and second of all, that place...
Not so great.
193
00:08:44,833 --> 00:08:46,367
Oh, don't. Don't.
194
00:08:46,369 --> 00:08:47,901
No, it's true. It's true.
195
00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:49,603
I didn't want to say it then,
196
00:08:49,605 --> 00:08:51,372
but the bruschetta...
A little soggy.
197
00:08:51,374 --> 00:08:54,875
That's right, that's right, and
the music... way too loud.
198
00:08:54,877 --> 00:08:56,377
Okay, now you're just flailing,
199
00:08:56,379 --> 00:08:58,011
because that music
could not have been
200
00:08:58,013 --> 00:09:00,347
at a more perfect level.
201
00:09:01,350 --> 00:09:03,717
Aw, crap!
202
00:09:06,020 --> 00:09:07,521
And by the way,
203
00:09:07,523 --> 00:09:11,225
a normal person enjoys a
nice caper now and again.
204
00:09:11,227 --> 00:09:14,161
Okay. Well, here's a
"by the way" for you.
205
00:09:14,163 --> 00:09:17,331
Normal people put their soda
cans in the recycling bin,
206
00:09:17,333 --> 00:09:18,965
not on the clock-radio.
207
00:09:18,967 --> 00:09:20,801
I swear, you do that
just to annoy me.
208
00:09:20,803 --> 00:09:22,303
Of course I do.
209
00:09:22,305 --> 00:09:23,970
Obviously, everyone on
this earth has one goal,
210
00:09:23,972 --> 00:09:25,472
to annoy you.
211
00:09:25,474 --> 00:09:27,841
It's true. Actually, you
know, we have a club.
212
00:09:27,843 --> 00:09:29,776
We meet once a week.
213
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:31,878
We try to come up with new ways.
214
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:33,714
You want to see our
secret eye roll?
215
00:09:36,319 --> 00:09:40,153
Okay. Okay, now you're
just being a jerk.
216
00:09:40,155 --> 00:09:41,455
No, it's true, Carrie.
You're paranoid.
217
00:09:41,457 --> 00:09:42,623
You're just like your father.
218
00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:44,124
What?
219
00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:45,526
That's right. You're
two of a kind.
220
00:09:45,528 --> 00:09:47,127
I swear, I think the
Spooner family crest
221
00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:48,696
is a shaking fist
with the words,
222
00:09:48,698 --> 00:09:50,497
"I wanna see the manager!"
223
00:09:53,101 --> 00:09:55,302
You know what? I am not
in the mood for this.
224
00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:56,503
It's over.
225
00:09:56,505 --> 00:09:57,871
We're never going
back there anyway,
226
00:09:57,873 --> 00:09:58,905
so case closed.
227
00:09:58,907 --> 00:10:00,507
Oh, here we go, we're
taking a stand.
228
00:10:00,509 --> 00:10:01,508
We're banning the
restaurant now.
229
00:10:01,510 --> 00:10:02,976
Yes, we are.
230
00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:04,978
Okay, fine. You know,
I'll add it to the list.
231
00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:07,080
The dry cleaner's, Kinko's,
232
00:10:07,082 --> 00:10:10,150
Madison Square Garden, St.
Christopher's Church,
233
00:10:10,152 --> 00:10:12,085
and now...
234
00:10:12,087 --> 00:10:13,354
Fiorino's.
235
00:10:13,356 --> 00:10:15,856
No, you're not like
Arthur, not too much.
236
00:10:15,858 --> 00:10:16,957
Moron.
237
00:10:16,959 --> 00:10:18,759
Arthurina!
238
00:10:18,761 --> 00:10:22,496
Stop shutting lights!
239
00:10:22,498 --> 00:10:24,565
Oh, and just one more thing.
240
00:10:24,567 --> 00:10:26,967
I'm still gonna eat there when I want.
No, you're not.
241
00:10:26,969 --> 00:10:28,602
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I am. Tomorrow.
242
00:10:28,604 --> 00:10:30,170
And who knows.
243
00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:32,939
After that, I may swing
by the dry cleaner's.
244
00:10:32,941 --> 00:10:35,776
Where is it?
245
00:10:35,778 --> 00:10:37,177
That's very nice, Doug.
You know what?
246
00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:38,479
Go wherever you want to go,
247
00:10:38,481 --> 00:10:39,946
but let me tell you something.
248
00:10:39,948 --> 00:10:43,817
There has never been one time
that I didn't support you.
249
00:10:43,819 --> 00:10:45,185
That's right. Remember
at that party
250
00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:47,120
when you kept insisting
that pitted cherries
251
00:10:47,122 --> 00:10:48,922
means they have pits in them?
252
00:10:48,924 --> 00:10:50,157
You went on and on,
253
00:10:50,159 --> 00:10:51,759
and I backed you up
254
00:10:51,761 --> 00:10:53,761
because I don't want you
to look like an idiot
255
00:10:53,763 --> 00:10:55,262
all by yourself.
256
00:10:55,264 --> 00:10:59,166
Well, they should call them de-pitted.
It's confusing.
257
00:11:00,568 --> 00:11:04,438
The point is is that
we're married, okay?
258
00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:05,872
We're a couple. We're a team.
259
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,708
We're supposed to support
each other no matter what.
260
00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:10,277
They hurt my feelings tonight,
261
00:11:10,279 --> 00:11:12,379
Doug, you know?
262
00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:15,182
And if you go back there,
you're just basically saying
263
00:11:15,184 --> 00:11:16,583
that my feelings don't count.
264
00:11:16,585 --> 00:11:18,985
Oh, forget it.
265
00:11:18,987 --> 00:11:22,189
Don't do the "Oh,
forget it" thing.
266
00:11:22,191 --> 00:11:25,793
All right, look,
I'm sorry, okay?
267
00:11:25,795 --> 00:11:27,994
I won't go back there.
268
00:11:27,996 --> 00:11:30,531
Thank you. Okay.
269
00:11:38,273 --> 00:11:40,874
Goodbye, ravioli
stuffed with meat.
270
00:11:43,545 --> 00:11:46,480
I hardly knew ye.
271
00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:21,006
Hey, how's it going?
272
00:12:21,008 --> 00:12:24,009
Hey, tell me something,
and be honest.
273
00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:25,744
What?
274
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:27,580
How do I look from behind?
275
00:12:27,582 --> 00:12:29,582
Awesome.
276
00:12:29,584 --> 00:12:32,651
I'm asking a serious question, all right?
How do I look?
277
00:12:32,653 --> 00:12:34,086
What am I supposed to say?
278
00:12:34,088 --> 00:12:36,488
I know I don't have a good
butt in the traditional sense.
279
00:12:36,490 --> 00:12:37,656
I'm just saying,
280
00:12:37,658 --> 00:12:39,458
if I could see myself
from behind full on,
281
00:12:39,460 --> 00:12:42,127
would I be in for any surprises?
282
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:44,563
No. I mean, it's pretty
much what you'd expect
283
00:12:44,565 --> 00:12:46,098
when you look at the front.
284
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:47,566
Oh, good.
285
00:12:47,568 --> 00:12:49,068
Can we eat now?
286
00:12:49,070 --> 00:12:50,202
Let's do it.
287
00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:51,403
All right. Fiorino's.
288
00:12:51,405 --> 00:12:55,574
Uh... Well, I really
don't want to.
289
00:12:55,576 --> 00:12:56,842
What are you talking about?
290
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,510
You said that was
gonna be our place.
291
00:12:58,512 --> 00:13:01,346
Yeah. It's just that...
292
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:02,948
Carrie and I went there
the other night,
293
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,249
and I gotta tell you,
294
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:05,651
they were kind of rude to her.
295
00:13:05,653 --> 00:13:08,286
Really? But they're so
friendly over there.
296
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,889
I mean, they call you Mr.
Green Shorts.
297
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:13,525
They call me Mr. Green Shorts.
298
00:13:13,527 --> 00:13:14,927
Carrie thought they
were rude, all right?
299
00:13:14,929 --> 00:13:15,928
Let's just pick another place.
300
00:13:15,930 --> 00:13:17,329
What did they do that was rude?
301
00:13:17,331 --> 00:13:20,933
Well, one guy sighed.
302
00:13:20,935 --> 00:13:22,400
Uh-huh...
303
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:25,303
And the other guy
might've rolled his eyes.
304
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,571
I'm not sure.
305
00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:28,974
Anyway, it was very rough stuff.
306
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:31,576
Was this anything like
when we went to the movies
307
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:34,013
and the popcorn girl sassed her?
308
00:13:34,015 --> 00:13:36,815
Very similar, yes.
309
00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:38,350
So now you can't
eat at Fiorino's.
310
00:13:38,352 --> 00:13:39,952
No. I choose not to
eat at Fiorino's.
311
00:13:39,954 --> 00:13:41,586
They hurt Carrie's
feelings, okay?
312
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:43,656
We're a team. We
stand by each other.
313
00:13:43,658 --> 00:13:44,923
Uh-huh. That's
right, that's right.
314
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,659
And if that means
315
00:13:46,661 --> 00:13:49,161
I gotta wear a disguise
to go to the fruit stand,
316
00:13:49,163 --> 00:13:51,196
then that's the
price I gladly pay.
317
00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:54,166
Oh, she's a nutjob, isn't she?
318
00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:55,868
Well, I'm not a doctor, but...
319
00:13:55,870 --> 00:13:58,103
Oh, man. She really
had me going too.
320
00:13:58,105 --> 00:13:59,504
She threw out that whole speech
321
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,239
about how her feelings
were hurt and...
322
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:05,610
Oh, man, she really
was working it.
323
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:07,245
She cry?
324
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:08,781
No. No, it was worse.
325
00:14:08,783 --> 00:14:10,783
She kind of had that pre-cry
mist going, you know?
326
00:14:10,785 --> 00:14:12,851
Yeah, the little
quiver on the bottom.
327
00:14:12,853 --> 00:14:15,620
Oh, man, she's good.
She's damn good.
328
00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:16,789
Yeah, well, listen, man.
329
00:14:16,791 --> 00:14:18,190
I could talk about this all day,
330
00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:20,392
but there's a hunk of
lasagna with my name on it.
331
00:14:20,394 --> 00:14:22,260
I'm sorry you can't come.
332
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:23,896
Wait.
333
00:14:23,898 --> 00:14:25,597
Yeah?
334
00:14:25,599 --> 00:14:28,100
What's the special today?
335
00:14:28,102 --> 00:14:29,401
I think it's baked ziti.
336
00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:39,078
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down.
337
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,112
Oh, no, man.
338
00:14:40,114 --> 00:14:42,781
I got three days of
catching up to do.
339
00:14:42,783 --> 00:14:44,083
Hey, excuse me.
340
00:14:44,085 --> 00:14:46,919
Yeah, whatever Monday's
special was, bring it.
341
00:14:56,763 --> 00:15:01,233
Dad, I'm home. I got
back early today.
342
00:15:01,235 --> 00:15:03,401
Dad?
343
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:09,374
Dad, you'd better not be
in our bedroom again.
344
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,576
Look, when I ask for a tote bag,
345
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:14,246
I expect a tote bag.
346
00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:16,915
No, I won't hold. You hold.
347
00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:19,484
I'm on hold again. Unbelievable.
348
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:21,519
What you got going there, Dad?
349
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,288
Say hello to another
unlucky bastard
350
00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:26,691
chewed up and spit out
by the PBS machine.
351
00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:31,830
Hello.
352
00:15:31,832 --> 00:15:33,232
Look at what those
ganefs sent me
353
00:15:33,234 --> 00:15:34,900
instead of that beautiful bag.
354
00:15:34,902 --> 00:15:37,803
Dad, this is their
entire Civil War series.
355
00:15:37,805 --> 00:15:39,471
This is great.
356
00:15:39,473 --> 00:15:40,806
Oh, please.
357
00:15:40,808 --> 00:15:42,540
Father against son,
brother against brother.
358
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,443
Cry me a river.
359
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:49,314
I'm just saying this
is much more valuable
360
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,216
than that tote bag you wanted.
361
00:15:51,218 --> 00:15:53,418
Oh, really? Can I tote
my oranges in this?
362
00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:55,921
Will my swim trunks
fit in there?
363
00:15:55,923 --> 00:15:57,322
No and no.
364
00:15:57,324 --> 00:16:00,558
Look, they probably
ran out of tote bags
365
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,294
and sent you this instead.
366
00:16:02,296 --> 00:16:05,998
I didn't buy this. I
bought a tote bag.
367
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,499
You didn't buy anything.
368
00:16:07,501 --> 00:16:09,268
You made a donation to
public broadcasting.
369
00:16:09,270 --> 00:16:10,635
This is a gift.
370
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,671
It's not the gift I wanted.
371
00:16:12,673 --> 00:16:14,406
All right, hang up.
You're acting crazy now.
372
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:15,874
No, I'm not crazy.
373
00:16:15,876 --> 00:16:18,076
I'm just not gonna let these
people step all over me.
374
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:20,012
Fine. Have a good time.
375
00:16:20,014 --> 00:16:22,014
Yes, I'm here.
376
00:16:22,016 --> 00:16:24,783
Oh, you still claim there
are no tote bags, huh?
377
00:16:24,785 --> 00:16:27,686
Then let me speak
to your manager.
378
00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:39,864
Hey, hey. Mrs. Green Shorts.
379
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:42,100
You come back to give
us another chance?
380
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,369
Actually, I just came
by to apologize.
381
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,137
My behavior the other
night was inexcusable.
382
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:47,539
No, no, no. It's fine.
It's okay.
383
00:16:47,541 --> 00:16:48,740
You wanted to change your order.
384
00:16:48,742 --> 00:16:49,941
We changed your order.
No problem.
385
00:16:49,943 --> 00:16:52,410
I never wanted to change...
Not important.
386
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:53,478
The main thing is,
387
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,647
I just wanted to come by
388
00:16:55,649 --> 00:16:57,649
and say I'm sorry to you and...
389
00:16:57,651 --> 00:16:59,317
And, oh, and to him.
390
00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:01,919
Hi. Excuse me. Remember me?
"No caper" lady.
391
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:02,987
I just wanted to say
392
00:17:02,989 --> 00:17:04,589
that I'm very sorry
for the other night.
393
00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:05,757
I was really...
394
00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:07,158
Okay, he's still angry.
395
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,327
That's understandable.
That's understandable.
396
00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:12,230
Also, um, I don't see the busboy
397
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:13,598
that I threw an olive at.
398
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,968
Would you tell him
that I'm sorry too?
399
00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:18,436
Forget about it. It's okay.
400
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:19,837
Everything is okay.
401
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,374
Oh, thank you so much.
You know what?
402
00:17:22,376 --> 00:17:24,576
I'd love to surprise my husband
with a nice big dinner,
403
00:17:24,578 --> 00:17:26,177
so load me up with
the works, huh?
404
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:27,412
Really? Okay.
405
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:30,548
I tell you, I thought he
would never eat again
406
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:31,883
after the lunch he
had here today.
407
00:17:38,924 --> 00:17:39,924
Oh, God.
408
00:17:42,596 --> 00:17:43,695
Hello, Douglas.
409
00:17:43,697 --> 00:17:44,862
Hi.
410
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,832
I guess you probably heard
through the grapevine
411
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:52,203
that PBS and I are
butting heads.
412
00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:54,539
Yeah. It's all over town.
413
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:56,408
I got them good, though.
414
00:17:56,410 --> 00:18:00,445
I just pledged $1 million on
behalf of a Mr. Jim Shorts.
415
00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:04,115
Get it? You get it?
416
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:05,183
Yeah, I get it.
417
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:06,518
Oh.
418
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:07,752
What's the matter with you?
419
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,754
I just... I got a bit
of an upset stomach.
420
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:12,190
I ate lunch angry.
421
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:14,058
Anything I can do for you?
422
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:16,160
No, no, no. I'm fine. Thanks.
423
00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:18,029
Hey, you know what helps
when I'm nauseous?
424
00:18:18,031 --> 00:18:21,633
A nice gentle tummy rub.
425
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:26,270
Would you like one?
426
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:30,775
No.
427
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:33,611
I have very soft hands.
428
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,815
No.
429
00:18:36,817 --> 00:18:39,016
Come on, I'm your father-in-law.
430
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:40,785
It's the most natural
thing in the world.
431
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,253
No.
432
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:49,361
Oh, the hell with you.
I'm doing it.
433
00:18:49,363 --> 00:18:50,528
Stop that!
434
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:52,397
You're gonna thank me later!
435
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:53,798
Stop it! I don't like it now!
436
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,032
Fine.
437
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:57,535
You gotta sleep sometime.
438
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,807
Hey, honey. Hey.
439
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,175
How are you doing?
440
00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:06,277
Good, good, good. Very good.
Yeah, good.
441
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:08,446
Listen, I've been wanting
to talk to you all day.
442
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:09,748
Well, you found me.
443
00:19:09,750 --> 00:19:12,250
What's up?
444
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:16,521
Look, I just want to say
that I am so, so sorry
445
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:19,323
for that whole stupid thing
the other night at Fiorino's.
446
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:21,025
You are?
447
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,794
Yes. I mean, it
just hit me today.
448
00:19:22,796 --> 00:19:25,062
I completely overreacted.
449
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:26,598
You know, "I said, no capers!"
450
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,700
Hey, don't you roll
your eyes at me!
451
00:19:28,702 --> 00:19:30,835
You know, was I out
of control or what?
452
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,170
Maybe a little, yeah.
453
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:36,173
And then I actually banned
you from going back there.
454
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,942
Could you believe I did that?
455
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:39,377
Your feelings are your feelings.
456
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,945
Nobody has the right
to judge you.
457
00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:44,516
Oh, honey, you are so sweet.
458
00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:46,484
You know, even though
the ban was ridiculous,
459
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:48,720
the most important thing to me
460
00:19:48,722 --> 00:19:50,121
is that you respected
it, you know?
461
00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:52,524
You supported me. Thank you.
462
00:19:52,526 --> 00:19:55,627
Hey. Look, who's keeping
track of who respected what
463
00:19:55,629 --> 00:19:57,128
or who supported who?
464
00:19:57,130 --> 00:19:58,730
It's a whatever thing.
465
00:19:58,732 --> 00:20:01,399
Bottom line: you, me,
love, end of story.
466
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:02,934
I know you had
lunch there today.
467
00:20:02,936 --> 00:20:04,135
Let me finish.
468
00:20:04,137 --> 00:20:05,369
I can't believe you did that.
469
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:06,838
You're such a jerk.
470
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,372
You just said the
ban was stupid.
471
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:09,808
It was stupid,
472
00:20:09,810 --> 00:20:12,677
but it was still in effect when
you had lunch there today.
473
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:14,879
Yes, but I knew you
were a good person
474
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:16,380
who would eventually
come to her senses
475
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:17,449
and lift the ban.
476
00:20:17,451 --> 00:20:20,618
I went there today
as a show of faith.
477
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,854
Okay, how's this for
coming to my senses?
478
00:20:22,856 --> 00:20:25,089
The ban is back on.
How do you like that?
479
00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:27,091
You already lifted the ban.
You can't put it back.
480
00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:28,392
Oh, it's back. You're banned.
481
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:29,427
No, I'm not.
482
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:30,962
Oh, no? You wanna keep talking?
483
00:20:30,964 --> 00:20:33,197
Because now you're
banned from Bagel King.
484
00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:36,868
No way! They've done
nothing to you.
485
00:20:36,870 --> 00:20:38,470
Yeah, well, they don't
serve light cream cheese.
486
00:20:38,472 --> 00:20:39,771
That annoys me.
487
00:20:39,773 --> 00:20:40,972
Okay. Fine, fine.
488
00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:42,974
You want to ban me,
then I'm gonna ban you.
489
00:20:42,976 --> 00:20:44,408
Yeah. Yeah, that's right.
490
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,043
Say goodbye to your
nail place, baby.
491
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:47,545
And you know why?
492
00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:49,747
Because I don't like
the bell on the door.
493
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:50,915
Oh, yeah?
494
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:52,750
Well, you just had
your last egg roll
495
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,352
from Chef Ming's, my friend.
496
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:56,788
Oh, have I? Yeah, well,
497
00:20:56,790 --> 00:20:58,857
you had your last tasty treat
from Humphrey Yogart's. Yeah.
498
00:20:58,859 --> 00:21:00,625
Batting cages.
499
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:02,794
Loehmann's. You wanna
keep it coming?
500
00:21:02,796 --> 00:21:04,462
Come on. What, you
think you can hurt me?
501
00:21:13,071 --> 00:21:16,007
You're banned from there too.
502
00:21:16,009 --> 00:21:18,376
Okay. Should have
thought this through.
503
00:21:51,372 --> 00:21:53,973
Don't fight me. It's
going to happen.
35910
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