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1
00:00:05,622 --> 00:00:10,093
I get so sad when my
food's coming to an end.
2
00:00:10,095 --> 00:00:13,696
I know you do, honey.
3
00:00:13,698 --> 00:00:16,299
Then you start seeing the
bottom of the container,
4
00:00:16,301 --> 00:00:19,802
and you know it's...
It's almost over.
5
00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:37,387
Hey, what you got there?
6
00:00:37,389 --> 00:00:39,222
The one you brought in for me.
7
00:00:39,224 --> 00:00:40,923
Aha.
8
00:00:40,925 --> 00:00:41,958
Do you want it?
9
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:43,193
I shouldn't. I shouldn't.
10
00:00:43,195 --> 00:00:44,327
Then don't.
11
00:01:06,217 --> 00:01:10,120
I'm getting sad again.
12
00:01:57,309 --> 00:01:58,609
What's with that shirt?
13
00:01:58,611 --> 00:01:59,610
This?
14
00:01:59,612 --> 00:02:02,080
It's velour.
15
00:02:02,082 --> 00:02:03,314
It's nice.
16
00:02:03,316 --> 00:02:07,484
My mother's got a toilet
seat cover like that.
17
00:02:07,486 --> 00:02:09,887
What's up, boys?
Slide it on over.
18
00:02:09,889 --> 00:02:11,622
Do me a favor...
Make a little room
19
00:02:11,624 --> 00:02:15,059
for the IPS driver of the month.
20
00:02:15,061 --> 00:02:16,660
Oh, nice work, man
21
00:02:16,662 --> 00:02:19,263
Number one on-time record,
Number one delivery record,
22
00:02:19,265 --> 00:02:21,565
and the fewest lost packages.
23
00:02:21,567 --> 00:02:23,467
Driver...
24
00:02:23,469 --> 00:02:26,070
of the month.
25
00:02:26,072 --> 00:02:27,905
I put a fire out at
a nursery school.
26
00:02:27,907 --> 00:02:29,173
Oh, that's good.
27
00:02:29,175 --> 00:02:31,175
Listen, could we get a
pitcher of beer over here?
28
00:02:31,177 --> 00:02:33,144
Anything you want tonight,
boys, I'm buying.
29
00:02:33,146 --> 00:02:34,545
So what do you get for this,
30
00:02:34,547 --> 00:02:37,148
a trophy with a
little truck on top?
31
00:02:37,150 --> 00:02:38,282
Hey, for your information,
32
00:02:38,284 --> 00:02:40,684
they gave my man four Mets
tickets in the IPS box
33
00:02:40,686 --> 00:02:42,887
for this Saturday. Front row.
34
00:02:42,889 --> 00:02:45,289
Four seats, four of
us, we're there!
35
00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:46,457
Hey, let's get there early.
36
00:02:46,459 --> 00:02:49,593
You know what? We
should sleep at Doug's.
37
00:02:49,595 --> 00:02:51,262
Actually, Carrie's
already called dibs
38
00:02:51,264 --> 00:02:52,429
on one of the tickets.
39
00:02:52,431 --> 00:02:53,631
And I know I get one.
40
00:02:53,633 --> 00:02:54,832
Why do you get one?
41
00:02:54,834 --> 00:02:57,034
Because I punched him in six
times when he was late,
42
00:02:57,036 --> 00:02:59,270
hence his perfect
on-time record.
43
00:02:59,272 --> 00:03:01,505
Well, who gets the
fourth ticket?
44
00:03:01,507 --> 00:03:03,908
I don't know I guess you guys
gotta decide among yourselves.
45
00:03:03,910 --> 00:03:05,777
Here you go. Doug, your
wife's on the phone.
46
00:03:05,779 --> 00:03:08,112
Oh, thanks.
47
00:03:08,114 --> 00:03:10,748
Well, how do we decide who
gets the extra ticket?
48
00:03:10,750 --> 00:03:13,151
I don't know. Deac, what
do you think is fair?
49
00:03:13,153 --> 00:03:14,418
Don't care.
50
00:03:14,420 --> 00:03:16,353
I already got my ticket.
51
00:03:16,355 --> 00:03:17,989
Hey, we could measure something.
52
00:03:17,991 --> 00:03:20,925
You know, like the
length of something.
53
00:03:24,696 --> 00:03:26,837
All right.
54
00:03:28,601 --> 00:03:30,168
Or maybe there's another way.
55
00:03:32,470 --> 00:03:33,570
What's up?
56
00:03:33,572 --> 00:03:34,972
Carrie's gonna be
at her office late.
57
00:03:34,974 --> 00:03:37,008
I gotta go pick up
Arthur from work.
58
00:03:37,010 --> 00:03:41,145
Basically, what I'm saying
is, pay for your own food.
59
00:03:43,748 --> 00:03:46,750
Well, it looks like we're
gonna be here for a while.
60
00:03:46,752 --> 00:03:48,652
Yep.
61
00:03:48,654 --> 00:03:49,887
You hungry?
62
00:03:49,889 --> 00:03:51,055
Yeah you got some food?
63
00:03:51,057 --> 00:03:54,525
No, just making conversation.
64
00:03:57,696 --> 00:04:00,631
Aw, man, this traffic is brutal.
65
00:04:00,633 --> 00:04:04,068
Well, on the bright side, it
gives us a chance to talk.
66
00:04:05,603 --> 00:04:09,841
Hey, have you ever heard the
story about my foot surgery?
67
00:04:09,843 --> 00:04:10,975
Uh.
68
00:04:10,977 --> 00:04:13,711
Yes?
69
00:04:13,713 --> 00:04:15,346
Didn't take place in
a hospital proper,
70
00:04:15,348 --> 00:04:17,215
but I'm getting ahead of myself.
71
00:04:17,217 --> 00:04:20,784
Let me first tell you
about the accident.
72
00:04:20,786 --> 00:04:23,988
So if I didn't sell at least
200 canned hams a week,
73
00:04:23,990 --> 00:04:25,122
I didn't see a dime!
74
00:04:27,792 --> 00:04:33,197
And that little baby grew up
to be Miss Rosemary Clooney.
75
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:36,734
ARTHUR: Douglas, let me tell
you how the Vietnam War
76
00:04:36,736 --> 00:04:41,172
could have been avoided
with a simple phone call.
77
00:04:41,174 --> 00:04:43,407
Imagine the
possibilities, Douglas.
78
00:04:43,409 --> 00:04:44,876
You can sleep in it at night
79
00:04:44,878 --> 00:04:47,912
and eat it in the morning!
80
00:04:49,214 --> 00:04:51,782
And I guess the lesson I
learned from that was,
81
00:04:51,784 --> 00:04:55,887
farm equipment is
serious business.
82
00:04:55,889 --> 00:04:58,089
Well, here we are, home again.
83
00:04:58,091 --> 00:04:59,290
Home again.
84
00:04:59,292 --> 00:05:02,159
Yep. It only took
an hour and a half.
85
00:05:02,161 --> 00:05:04,996
Yes, but in a way, it was
a blessing in disguise
86
00:05:04,998 --> 00:05:07,831
We had some wonderful
bonding time.
87
00:05:07,833 --> 00:05:10,368
You're a good egg, Douglas.
88
00:05:10,370 --> 00:05:14,738
Oh, and I will get you that
literature I promised you.
89
00:05:14,740 --> 00:05:16,507
Great, I look forward to it.
90
00:05:22,048 --> 00:05:23,881
Oh, God!
91
00:05:28,687 --> 00:05:30,487
TV COMMENTATOR: Zero
to 5.8 in 60 seconds.
92
00:05:31,757 --> 00:05:32,924
Hey, I'm home.
93
00:05:32,926 --> 00:05:34,491
Hey!
94
00:05:34,493 --> 00:05:35,726
What are you watching?
95
00:05:35,728 --> 00:05:38,362
Letterman. Top 10.
96
00:05:38,364 --> 00:05:40,831
Huh? Top 10 list.
97
00:05:40,833 --> 00:05:42,199
What is it tonight?
98
00:05:42,201 --> 00:05:45,303
Top 10 signs...
99
00:05:45,305 --> 00:05:47,071
Top 10 what?
100
00:05:47,073 --> 00:05:48,239
Hold on! Carrie, I'm listening!
101
00:05:48,241 --> 00:05:49,506
Just tell me the topic!
102
00:05:49,508 --> 00:05:54,278
Carrie, could you...
Ah! I missed it!
103
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:56,680
Sorry. That's all right.
104
00:05:56,682 --> 00:05:58,482
Hey, thanks for picking
up Dad from work tonight.
105
00:05:58,484 --> 00:05:59,483
Did it go okay?
106
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:00,985
Okay?
107
00:06:00,987 --> 00:06:02,987
Let me tell you something,
Carrie, I love your dad,
108
00:06:02,989 --> 00:06:05,189
but being trapped in the car
with him for two hours...
109
00:06:05,191 --> 00:06:07,058
Not even close to okay.
110
00:06:07,060 --> 00:06:09,927
I mean, he just kept
going on and on
111
00:06:09,929 --> 00:06:12,863
about every little stupid thing.
112
00:06:12,865 --> 00:06:14,065
And I'll tell you
another thing...
113
00:06:14,067 --> 00:06:15,666
I'd really like to
set up a meeting
114
00:06:15,668 --> 00:06:18,469
between your father and a Tic Tac.
Hot ziggety!
115
00:06:18,471 --> 00:06:20,237
Whoo!
116
00:06:20,239 --> 00:06:21,372
God, it was brutal.
117
00:06:21,374 --> 00:06:23,207
It was like being
trapped in the car
118
00:06:23,209 --> 00:06:26,810
with a demented old
circus monkey.
119
00:06:28,213 --> 00:06:30,247
Anyway, why are you
late from work again?
120
00:06:30,249 --> 00:06:33,217
It's like the third time this
week you should just tell your...
121
00:06:34,453 --> 00:06:35,453
Hey, Arthur.
122
00:06:35,455 --> 00:06:36,720
Douglas.
123
00:06:42,727 --> 00:06:44,261
Where were you?
124
00:06:44,263 --> 00:06:45,963
In the garage, getting a beer.
125
00:06:45,965 --> 00:06:47,198
What's the matter?
126
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:51,869
I thought you were in there,
127
00:06:51,871 --> 00:06:54,305
and I started going off about
your father, and he came up,
128
00:06:54,307 --> 00:06:55,906
and I don't know if he heard me.
129
00:06:55,908 --> 00:06:57,308
Well, what did you say?
130
00:06:57,310 --> 00:07:02,313
I think I called him a
demented old circus monkey.
131
00:07:02,315 --> 00:07:05,949
A demented old circus monkey?
132
00:07:05,951 --> 00:07:09,020
I know it's hurtful,
that's the point.
133
00:07:09,022 --> 00:07:10,287
But why did you say it?
134
00:07:10,289 --> 00:07:12,456
You know he's always coming
in and out of doors.
135
00:07:12,458 --> 00:07:13,991
He's been down there
for four hours.
136
00:07:13,993 --> 00:07:15,192
I saw him take his pills.
137
00:07:15,194 --> 00:07:17,328
It looked like enough
to put a rhino down.
138
00:07:17,330 --> 00:07:19,130
Well, how did he act
when you walked in?
139
00:07:19,132 --> 00:07:21,132
Did he act like he heard you?
I don't know.
140
00:07:21,134 --> 00:07:22,799
He just said, "Douglas."
141
00:07:22,801 --> 00:07:26,870
Oh, I just wanted to come home
and have a beer and relax.
142
00:07:26,872 --> 00:07:28,339
Just for a moment,
143
00:07:28,341 --> 00:07:30,841
let's assume that he did hear
"demented old circus monkey."
144
00:07:30,843 --> 00:07:33,477
How bad does that
actually sound?
145
00:07:33,479 --> 00:07:35,212
Well, it doesn't sound good.
146
00:07:35,214 --> 00:07:39,783
Wait a second now. "Circus," fun
for the whole family, right?
147
00:07:39,785 --> 00:07:42,186
And "monkey," I think of
the tricycle, mug of beer
148
00:07:42,188 --> 00:07:43,921
It's very cute.
149
00:07:43,923 --> 00:07:46,090
What about demented?
150
00:07:46,092 --> 00:07:48,825
That could bite me in the ass.
Yeah.
151
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:58,369
Hey, there he is...
My man, Artie.
152
00:07:58,371 --> 00:08:01,138
Hey, the Art man.
153
00:08:01,140 --> 00:08:02,906
Art of the deal.
154
00:08:02,908 --> 00:08:05,142
Hello, Douglas.
155
00:08:05,144 --> 00:08:08,045
How you doing?
156
00:08:08,047 --> 00:08:10,414
Ah-ah-ah-ah!
157
00:08:10,416 --> 00:08:11,648
Love this guy.
158
00:08:15,087 --> 00:08:16,987
Uh, you know, uh,
159
00:08:16,989 --> 00:08:19,690
yesterday, right after we
got caught in traffic,
160
00:08:19,692 --> 00:08:22,426
I was a little, uh, furp,
little crazy, you know?
161
00:08:22,428 --> 00:08:27,398
I was just kind of saying stuff,
but I was thinking later on
162
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,933
that that time we spent
in the car together
163
00:08:29,935 --> 00:08:32,303
was kind of special, you know,
164
00:08:32,305 --> 00:08:34,671
because you were just so...
You were
165
00:08:34,673 --> 00:08:36,707
you, you know?
166
00:08:36,709 --> 00:08:39,110
I am me, yes.
167
00:08:42,380 --> 00:08:48,685
Hey, Stanley, you demented
old circus monkey, you!
168
00:08:54,292 --> 00:08:57,161
Who's a demented
old circus monkey?
169
00:08:57,163 --> 00:09:00,030
You are, yes, you are.
Because you're so good
170
00:09:00,032 --> 00:09:01,565
and fun to be around
171
00:09:01,567 --> 00:09:02,600
Yeah.
172
00:09:02,602 --> 00:09:04,268
Hey, honey. Hi, Dad.
173
00:09:04,270 --> 00:09:07,070
Hey, Carrie, you demented
old circus monkey!
174
00:09:09,474 --> 00:09:10,641
What?
175
00:09:10,643 --> 00:09:11,642
It's just my new thing
176
00:09:11,644 --> 00:09:13,344
I call everyone I
love, you know?
177
00:09:13,346 --> 00:09:16,747
It's my catch phrase,
starting yesterday.
178
00:09:16,749 --> 00:09:18,949
I'm off to work.
179
00:09:18,951 --> 00:09:20,117
See you tonight.
180
00:09:20,119 --> 00:09:22,119
All right, I want you
to take it easy now,
181
00:09:22,121 --> 00:09:24,087
you demented old circus monkey!
182
00:09:26,458 --> 00:09:28,392
That was subtle.
183
00:09:28,394 --> 00:09:30,027
I know.
184
00:09:30,029 --> 00:09:33,230
I was trying. He wouldn't
give me anything, you know?
185
00:09:33,232 --> 00:09:35,799
He didn't seem that angry, but
he wasn't all that nice, either.
186
00:09:35,801 --> 00:09:38,702
He was just kind of
there, like a cat.
187
00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:40,471
Doug, listen to me.
188
00:09:40,473 --> 00:09:42,606
You need to either
apologize to him,
189
00:09:42,608 --> 00:09:43,774
or let this thing go
190
00:09:43,776 --> 00:09:45,842
because you're really
starting to annoy me.
191
00:09:45,844 --> 00:09:47,678
I just need to know if he heard.
192
00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:51,782
Okay, I got it.
193
00:09:51,784 --> 00:09:54,218
You and I, we're gonna
do a reenactment.
194
00:09:54,220 --> 00:09:55,553
A reenactment?
195
00:09:55,555 --> 00:09:57,354
Yeah I'm gonna be me
you're gonna be him,
196
00:09:57,356 --> 00:09:59,956
and I'm gonna repeat what I said,
exactly the way I said it,
197
00:09:59,958 --> 00:10:02,359
and then we'll find out whether
he heard once and for all.
198
00:10:02,361 --> 00:10:06,063
Okay, what can I do to
make this not happen?
199
00:10:06,065 --> 00:10:08,899
We need everything to be
exactly the same way.
200
00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:11,535
This pass-way, this was
open right here, okay?
201
00:10:11,537 --> 00:10:13,737
And the TV was on it
was definitely on.
202
00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:15,105
Okay.
203
00:10:15,107 --> 00:10:18,442
How loud did I say it,
though, you know?
204
00:10:18,444 --> 00:10:20,711
Demented old circus monkey.
205
00:10:20,713 --> 00:10:21,912
It'd be like driving...
206
00:10:21,914 --> 00:10:25,583
Demented old circus monkey!
207
00:10:25,585 --> 00:10:27,184
Like a demented
old circus monkey
208
00:10:27,186 --> 00:10:29,786
Yeah, that was the one...
The third one, right there.
209
00:10:29,788 --> 00:10:31,888
Are you sure you're
in the right key?
210
00:10:31,890 --> 00:10:33,224
Now, come on, you're Arthur
211
00:10:33,226 --> 00:10:34,825
and you're coming up
out of the basement.
212
00:10:34,827 --> 00:10:35,859
Oy!
213
00:10:35,861 --> 00:10:38,862
Would you just work with me, please?
Okay.
214
00:10:38,864 --> 00:10:41,932
Do you need me to say something like,
"action," or anything like that?
215
00:10:41,934 --> 00:10:43,300
I can handle it, butch.
216
00:10:43,302 --> 00:10:44,335
All right, don't push it.
217
00:10:44,337 --> 00:10:45,736
Throw it away.
218
00:10:47,639 --> 00:10:48,805
Douglas!
219
00:10:48,807 --> 00:10:50,407
I'm Arthur!
220
00:10:50,409 --> 00:10:53,176
Arthur Spooner, that's me!
221
00:10:53,178 --> 00:10:55,979
I've invented a new kind of pie.
222
00:11:05,089 --> 00:11:06,757
Hi. Ahem.
223
00:11:06,759 --> 00:11:09,560
Oh, my God, this is not my hat.
224
00:11:09,562 --> 00:11:11,128
Hey, Arthur, we were just, uh...
225
00:11:11,130 --> 00:11:12,363
I saw what you were doing.
226
00:11:12,365 --> 00:11:14,565
I guess when I leave you
do little skits about me,
227
00:11:14,567 --> 00:11:15,633
is that it?
228
00:11:15,635 --> 00:11:19,169
Well, I don't.
229
00:11:19,171 --> 00:11:20,704
No, of course not.
230
00:11:20,706 --> 00:11:23,274
You're too busy calling me a
demented old circus monkey
231
00:11:23,276 --> 00:11:24,308
behind my back!
232
00:11:24,310 --> 00:11:25,709
Dad... No!
233
00:11:25,711 --> 00:11:29,413
I'm glad I can be a source of
such amusement to you two.
234
00:11:29,415 --> 00:11:31,448
I'll be going now.
235
00:11:31,450 --> 00:11:33,450
And by the way,
236
00:11:33,452 --> 00:11:36,019
I didn't invent a
new kind of pie.
237
00:11:36,021 --> 00:11:38,221
It was a crumb cake!
238
00:11:57,366 --> 00:11:58,078
Thank you.
239
00:11:58,103 --> 00:11:58,911
Mm-hm.
240
00:12:00,904 --> 00:12:01,499
Thank you.
241
00:12:01,524 --> 00:12:02,359
Mm-hmm.
242
00:12:09,028 --> 00:12:11,063
Oh, wow, he's really mad at us.
243
00:12:11,065 --> 00:12:12,397
There is no us.
244
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:15,067
You started this, and then
you took me down with you
245
00:12:15,069 --> 00:12:17,336
with that brilliant
little reenactment.
246
00:12:17,338 --> 00:12:21,173
In my defense, Carrie, it was
your choice to wear the hat.
247
00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:23,141
You created an atmosphere
248
00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:25,277
where it was easy to
get carried away.
249
00:12:25,279 --> 00:12:27,679
Just go out there and try
to talk to him, will you?
250
00:12:27,681 --> 00:12:29,181
Why don't you? I did.
251
00:12:29,183 --> 00:12:33,085
Every time I do, he just covers
his ears and shuts his eyes
252
00:12:33,087 --> 00:12:34,519
and walks away.
253
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:36,321
Usually right into something.
254
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,491
Okay, I'll go.
255
00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:44,729
Dad, would you just come
inside and eat with us?
256
00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:45,931
Sorry.
257
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:47,132
I prefer to eat out here
258
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:52,404
with the other demented
circus monkeys.
259
00:12:52,406 --> 00:12:55,207
You're not a circus monkey, Dad.
260
00:12:55,209 --> 00:12:56,208
Uh-uh.
261
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:59,244
Demented circus monkey.
262
00:13:00,846 --> 00:13:03,481
Will you stop it?
We're sorry, okay?
263
00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:06,751
Sure, it's easy to say you're
sorry after the insult.
264
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:08,954
Well, it's kind of hard to
do it before the insult.
265
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:10,923
Heh heh heh heh!
266
00:13:10,925 --> 00:13:12,724
If you're trying to
disarm me with your wit,
267
00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:16,528
I recommend you save your time.
268
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,866
Hey!
269
00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:23,201
Party Artie!
270
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,971
Chef Boy-Artie!
271
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,675
Yeah, we're... We're in here.
272
00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:34,079
All right, I got it!
273
00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:35,814
You wait in the
Shea parking lot,
274
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:37,249
and after 4 and a half innings,
275
00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:40,052
I come out, and then you go
in for the rest of the game.
276
00:13:40,054 --> 00:13:41,386
How's that?
277
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:45,390
You won't come out.
278
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:48,226
That's true.
279
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:50,262
I apologized to
the guy 20 times.
280
00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:51,296
What else can I do?
281
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:54,299
I don't know.
282
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:56,935
Why don't you take
him somewhere?
283
00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:57,970
What, like...
284
00:13:57,972 --> 00:14:00,605
out to the woods?
285
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:02,674
Hey, I got an idea.
286
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:05,543
We got a dish here with
about a dozen butter balls.
287
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,912
You eat them all
in under a minute,
288
00:14:07,914 --> 00:14:09,781
and you're going to Shea.
289
00:14:12,885 --> 00:14:15,020
I know what you could do.
290
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:16,821
What?
291
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:19,157
You could give him the
other Mets ticket.
292
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:23,061
This is a lot of butter,
293
00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:27,866
and I think we have a deal.
294
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:30,235
Not the game. He'll
ruin it somehow.
295
00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,604
He'll yell something
embarrassing,
296
00:14:32,606 --> 00:14:34,206
and the first-base
coach will look at me.
297
00:14:34,208 --> 00:14:36,408
Look, man, you hurt
the guy's feelings.
298
00:14:36,410 --> 00:14:38,210
You gotta deal with
the consequences.
299
00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:44,549
I guess you're right.
300
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,052
I guess I gotta bite the
bullet on this one.
301
00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:48,520
All right, I'll bring him.
302
00:14:52,658 --> 00:14:55,293
That's 12.
303
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:57,996
I win.
304
00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:00,965
I get the ticket!
305
00:15:06,205 --> 00:15:08,106
What?
306
00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:14,546
ANNOUNCER: Now batting,
307
00:15:14,548 --> 00:15:16,281
Number 61
308
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:19,151
Gilbert Showman.
309
00:15:19,153 --> 00:15:21,753
Okay, Arthur, got you a program
310
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:25,957
and a pennant here
and a little bat.
311
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,025
It's also a pen.
312
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:30,195
Look at it! I'm a
giant baseball player
313
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:32,464
with a very normal-sized bat.
314
00:15:32,466 --> 00:15:33,465
Whoa!
315
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,069
He lays down a bunt!
316
00:15:37,071 --> 00:15:39,271
Okay, it's not landing.
317
00:15:39,273 --> 00:15:41,339
Would you just take
this stuff, will you?
318
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:42,507
Thank you, no.
319
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:45,610
I accepted this ticket
because I love the Mets
320
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:49,481
and I enjoy the company
of Mister, uh...
321
00:15:49,483 --> 00:15:50,482
Palmer.
322
00:15:50,484 --> 00:15:52,717
Palmer.
323
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:55,253
You two I can do without.
324
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:57,722
All right, so what
do you wanna eat?
325
00:15:57,724 --> 00:16:00,024
You want a hot dog, peanuts?
326
00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:01,293
Nothing, thank you.
327
00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:03,095
What about one of those
ice creams you like?
328
00:16:03,097 --> 00:16:04,496
Cool-A-Coo? Huh?
329
00:16:04,498 --> 00:16:07,466
You love Cool-A-Coos.
330
00:16:07,468 --> 00:16:10,635
If I got you a cool-a-coo,
would you eat it?
331
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,971
I might eat it.
332
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:16,141
Then I'm gonna get
you a Cool-A-Coo
333
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:18,977
and one for my friend, uh...
334
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,345
I'm sorry, son.
335
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:22,247
Give it to me one more time.
336
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:23,248
Palmer.
337
00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:25,117
Palmer.
338
00:16:25,119 --> 00:16:28,086
ANNOUNCER: Now
batting, Number 4...
339
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:30,955
Greg Jacobs!
340
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:35,026
Oh, God.
341
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:43,401
These seats are
pretty great, huh?
342
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:49,841
Sure you don't
want that pennant?
343
00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:53,512
Because I think it's,
uh, pretty sweet.
344
00:16:53,514 --> 00:16:56,047
I'm sure.
345
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:04,656
Yeah! Yeah!
346
00:17:04,658 --> 00:17:07,725
Mets! Yeah! God,
this thing is fun!
347
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:08,593
Yeah.
348
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:26,278
Hi. I need two
Cool-A-Coos, please
349
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,046
Sorry, beer only.
350
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:31,783
Okay, I'll take a beer
and two Cool-A-Coos.
351
00:17:31,785 --> 00:17:33,951
Beer only.
352
00:17:33,953 --> 00:17:35,153
What are you talking about?
353
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,121
You got Cool-A-Coos right there.
I can see them!
354
00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:39,591
Beer only.
355
00:17:39,593 --> 00:17:43,127
Yeah, yeah, you mentioned that.
356
00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:47,532
Listen, I've got an old man out
there with very hurt feelings,
357
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:50,468
and he's got his heart set
on a fricking Cool-A-Coo.
358
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:52,571
Now, I'm gonna count to five,
359
00:17:52,573 --> 00:17:55,440
and if a Cool-A-Coo does
not appear in my hand,
360
00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:58,476
I'm gonna put you on a stick.
361
00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:12,424
What does Met stand
for anyway, you know?
362
00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:13,825
I mean, what's a Met?
363
00:18:13,827 --> 00:18:18,129
What's the deal with that?
364
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:20,232
Come on. Give me something, huh?
365
00:18:20,234 --> 00:18:23,568
It's short for "metropolitan."
366
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:26,504
Or perhaps it's short for
"hurtful son-in-law."
367
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:28,340
All right, that's it!
Come on, you know?
368
00:18:28,342 --> 00:18:30,775
I said I was sorry. I didn't
even mean what I said.
369
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:34,279
I've apologized. I've shared
front row seats with you.
370
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:36,981
I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.
371
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:38,816
Never got a foul ball before.
372
00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:47,259
Hey, buddy! Back in your seat!
373
00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:55,700
Hey!
374
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,307
Go, big man.
375
00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:03,642
Go.
376
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:07,379
ANNOUNCER: Oh, will
you look at this?
377
00:19:07,381 --> 00:19:08,846
This is terrible.
378
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,548
Is that Doug?
379
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:13,251
ANNOUNCER: Some moron is
running around the field,
380
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:15,620
ruining it for everyone.
381
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:18,122
Go, moose!
382
00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:32,404
Hey? How you guys doing?
383
00:19:32,406 --> 00:19:36,174
That's my son-in-law!
384
00:19:47,386 --> 00:19:51,022
Piazza!
385
00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:56,494
Driver of the month.
386
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:59,764
This is a long way to fall.
387
00:20:00,899 --> 00:20:02,934
Um, excuse me, sir?
388
00:20:02,936 --> 00:20:04,703
I'm sorry to bother you.
389
00:20:04,705 --> 00:20:06,371
Could you just let
us go now, please?
390
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,772
He won't go on the field again,
391
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:12,009
and I won't spit on any
more concession people.
392
00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:14,145
Sorry. Rules are rules.
393
00:20:14,147 --> 00:20:16,781
Oh, come on it's not like you're
running a real jail here.
394
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:20,017
It's Mets' jail get a grip!
395
00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:22,620
Piazza!
396
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:24,823
Hey, dude, you know what? We get it.
You like Piazza.
397
00:20:24,825 --> 00:20:25,857
Okay, now settle down, drunky.
398
00:20:25,859 --> 00:20:27,992
All right, honey, take it easy!
399
00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:32,063
This man has puking
in his future.
400
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,932
Hey, some guy's
here to claim you.
401
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,534
Hey, Arthur. Hi, Dad.
402
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:41,339
Well, I can't say this
is my proudest moment.
403
00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:43,575
Sorry I didn't get
you that foul ball.
404
00:20:43,577 --> 00:20:45,877
No, no, Douglas, I
was very touched.
405
00:20:45,879 --> 00:20:49,881
You did toss it away to save
yourself, but other than that,
406
00:20:49,883 --> 00:20:52,083
it was a very nice gesture.
407
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:54,051
I almost got you your ice cream.
408
00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:57,555
Well, yes, but I heard you
were in the "beer only" line.
409
00:20:57,557 --> 00:21:01,125
Last time I checked,
that means "beer only."
410
00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:04,396
Well, anyway, I'm sorry.
411
00:21:04,398 --> 00:21:07,331
Come on. Let's get you kids
out of this hell hole.
412
00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:09,000
Listen, Arthur, I'm...
413
00:21:09,002 --> 00:21:11,403
I'm really sorry about that
demented monkey comment.
414
00:21:11,405 --> 00:21:13,004
Aw, forget it.
415
00:21:13,006 --> 00:21:15,206
To be honest, Douglas,
behind your back,
416
00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:18,943
I often refer to you
as the butterball.
417
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:23,314
That's good to know, and ouch.
418
00:21:36,737 --> 00:21:38,137
TV ANNOUNCER: And from
the at-least-you-know
419
00:21:38,139 --> 00:21:39,973
you're-smarter
than-someone file,
420
00:21:39,975 --> 00:21:42,308
here's a guy who really
wanted a foul ball
421
00:21:42,310 --> 00:21:43,609
in Shea stadium today.
422
00:21:43,611 --> 00:21:45,544
Look at this lunatic go.
423
00:21:45,546 --> 00:21:48,514
Boing! Boing! Boing!
424
00:21:48,516 --> 00:21:49,916
Yeah, why don't
you show the part
425
00:21:49,918 --> 00:21:52,151
where I make a crazy
old man happy, huh?
426
00:21:52,153 --> 00:21:54,487
Oh, hey, Dad.
427
00:21:54,489 --> 00:21:56,289
Yeah, you're funny? Thought
that was funny, huh?
428
00:21:57,292 --> 00:21:58,624
Funny funny funny!
29923
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