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1
00:00:01,218 --> 00:00:02,818
Hey, it's almost 11.
You ready to go?
2
00:00:02,820 --> 00:00:04,720
Shh.
3
00:00:04,722 --> 00:00:07,223
Doug, you've seen this a hundred times.
We're late.
4
00:00:07,225 --> 00:00:09,392
Shha-shha-shha.
5
00:00:14,298 --> 00:00:15,965
Hey, the tortoise
beat Bugs Bunny.
6
00:00:15,967 --> 00:00:17,534
Who'd-a thunk it?
7
00:00:17,536 --> 00:00:20,603
Hey, it's not about who wins.
It's the journey.
8
00:00:21,938 --> 00:00:23,473
Hey, is this for me?
9
00:00:23,475 --> 00:00:24,807
Okay, we're on our way
10
00:00:24,809 --> 00:00:26,276
to see Deacon and
Kelly's new baby,
11
00:00:26,278 --> 00:00:27,877
and the paper says
"baby" all over it,
12
00:00:27,879 --> 00:00:30,780
but, yes, it's for you.
13
00:00:30,782 --> 00:00:34,217
Do you have to build yourself
up by tearing me down?
14
00:00:34,219 --> 00:00:36,486
Yes, now let's go!
15
00:00:36,488 --> 00:00:38,688
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what
about for Kirby? Huh?
16
00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:40,274
Aren't you supposed to get
something for the other kid
17
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:41,333
when the new kid is born
18
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:42,543
so he doesn't get jealous
19
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:45,695
and poke the baby
in the soft spot?
20
00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:47,597
You're right. Shoot.
21
00:00:47,599 --> 00:00:49,899
You know what? We don't
have time to stop.
22
00:00:49,901 --> 00:00:51,934
Maybe I could find him something
23
00:00:51,936 --> 00:00:54,404
in our stash of crappy
gifts people gave us.
24
00:00:56,006 --> 00:00:58,040
This opens up? Wow.
25
00:01:01,545 --> 00:01:03,145
Okay, let me see
what we got here
26
00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:04,647
for the little fellow.
27
00:01:04,649 --> 00:01:09,219
Bottle of Harvey's Bristol Cream.
That's wrong.
28
00:01:09,221 --> 00:01:13,323
Flavored body oils, wronger.
29
00:01:13,325 --> 00:01:17,594
Whoa, here we go.
Beaded car seat.
30
00:01:17,596 --> 00:01:21,598
It's got beads.
Kids love to sit.
31
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,899
Okay, I'll take it
from here, butch.
32
00:01:23,901 --> 00:01:28,705
Well, time for work. The
pretzel store awaits.
33
00:01:28,707 --> 00:01:30,806
Off to the salt mines, huh?
34
00:01:30,808 --> 00:01:33,443
I don't follow.
35
00:01:33,445 --> 00:01:35,177
It's just an expression,
36
00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:36,779
plus you work in
a pretzel store.
37
00:01:39,816 --> 00:01:42,318
Pretzels have salt.
38
00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:44,646
Well, that's 10
seconds of my life
39
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,989
I'm never getting back.
40
00:01:46,991 --> 00:01:50,693
Hey, uh, Dad, what's
with the briefcase?
41
00:01:50,695 --> 00:01:52,695
Oh, just picked up a few things
42
00:01:52,697 --> 00:01:54,163
at the five and dime
43
00:01:54,165 --> 00:01:57,233
to make my workspace
more enjoyable.
44
00:01:57,235 --> 00:02:00,637
I got this Garfield paperweight,
45
00:02:00,639 --> 00:02:02,171
some fake doggie poop,
46
00:02:02,173 --> 00:02:07,877
and this novelty troll
statue with purple hair.
47
00:02:07,879 --> 00:02:10,980
Oh, Dad, that's great. I'll
give you 5 bucks for this.
48
00:02:10,982 --> 00:02:11,881
50.
49
00:02:13,651 --> 00:02:15,285
You want 50 bucks for this?
50
00:02:15,287 --> 00:02:17,052
You seem very eager.
51
00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:20,456
Okay, this is a troll,
and I am your daughter.
52
00:02:20,458 --> 00:02:22,525
I know the difference.
53
00:02:26,497 --> 00:02:27,830
Five bucks.
54
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,636
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
55
00:02:33,638 --> 00:02:36,005
How much for the, uh, poop?
56
00:02:36,007 --> 00:02:37,373
Not for sale.
57
00:03:25,230 --> 00:03:28,032
He's just so little.
58
00:03:28,034 --> 00:03:29,900
Although he probably
felt like a holiday ham
59
00:03:29,902 --> 00:03:32,103
when you had to
squeeze him out, huh?
60
00:03:32,105 --> 00:03:35,306
Girl, you know, I was numb
from the eyebrows down.
61
00:03:35,308 --> 00:03:38,175
So, uh, Major, huh?
62
00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:41,578
Yep. That was my grandfather's name too.
Major Palmer.
63
00:03:41,580 --> 00:03:43,381
I like it. You know,
it's very dignified,
64
00:03:43,383 --> 00:03:46,350
like Colonel Sanders
or Captain Crunch.
65
00:03:47,986 --> 00:03:51,322
It's my kid.
66
00:03:51,324 --> 00:03:54,025
Sorry.
67
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,652
Deacon, honey, can you
bring me a cloth diaper?
68
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:56,762
You got it.
69
00:03:59,064 --> 00:04:00,664
Here you go.
70
00:04:00,666 --> 00:04:02,099
Thanks, baby.
71
00:04:02,101 --> 00:04:04,835
Ho! Feeding time.
72
00:04:04,837 --> 00:04:06,437
What's the matter, Doug?
73
00:04:06,439 --> 00:04:08,005
What... what... Nothing.
74
00:04:08,007 --> 00:04:09,973
Oh, I'm sorry, Doug, is this
making you uncomfortable?
75
00:04:09,975 --> 00:04:14,011
Is what making me uncomfortable?
Because I'm comfortable.
76
00:04:14,013 --> 00:04:15,812
Because I could feed
him in the other room.
77
00:04:15,814 --> 00:04:17,915
Oh, that? Are you kidding me?
That's natural, you know.
78
00:04:17,917 --> 00:04:19,150
In fact,
79
00:04:19,152 --> 00:04:21,352
hey, Major, save some for me.
80
00:04:27,025 --> 00:04:29,560
You can relax, Doug,
he's not even hungry.
81
00:04:29,562 --> 00:04:32,263
Hey, listen, we wanted to talk
to you guys about something.
82
00:04:32,265 --> 00:04:33,364
Sure. What's up?
83
00:04:33,366 --> 00:04:36,367
Well, Major's christening
is coming up,
84
00:04:36,369 --> 00:04:38,202
and part of that whole thing
85
00:04:38,204 --> 00:04:40,071
is that we have to pick
godparents for him.
86
00:04:40,073 --> 00:04:42,273
And we've been going crazy this
week trying to figure out,
87
00:04:42,275 --> 00:04:44,508
you know, should they
be relatives, friends,
88
00:04:44,510 --> 00:04:46,410
older, younger, I mean,
should they be black,
89
00:04:46,412 --> 00:04:47,811
should they have
kids of their own,
90
00:04:47,813 --> 00:04:49,580
you know, all that
kind of stuff.
91
00:04:49,582 --> 00:04:50,714
Anyway...
92
00:04:50,716 --> 00:04:52,349
We picked you guys.
93
00:04:52,351 --> 00:04:54,985
Us? Really?
94
00:04:54,987 --> 00:04:57,321
Wow, that's... Wow.
95
00:04:57,323 --> 00:04:58,655
We are so touched.
96
00:04:58,657 --> 00:05:00,224
It's a symbolic thing,
mostly, you know,
97
00:05:00,226 --> 00:05:01,492
being at all the
special occasions,
98
00:05:01,494 --> 00:05:02,526
that kind of stuff.
99
00:05:02,528 --> 00:05:03,827
Uh-huh.
100
00:05:03,829 --> 00:05:05,129
Well, and there's
one other thing.
101
00:05:05,131 --> 00:05:06,430
What?
102
00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:07,831
Well, you know,
103
00:05:07,833 --> 00:05:09,600
if anything happens
to me and Deacon,
104
00:05:09,602 --> 00:05:12,103
you'd sort of step in
and raise the boys.
105
00:05:12,105 --> 00:05:15,038
Oh. Uh-huh.
106
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:18,509
So you want to think about
it for a while, or...
107
00:05:18,511 --> 00:05:20,077
What are you, are
you kidding me?
108
00:05:20,079 --> 00:05:22,012
Sign us up!
109
00:05:22,014 --> 00:05:23,080
Yeah?
110
00:05:23,082 --> 00:05:24,348
Yeah, man, we are in.
111
00:05:24,350 --> 00:05:26,283
In like Flynn, or
Flynt, whichever.
112
00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,351
Right, hon? Come on.
113
00:05:27,353 --> 00:05:30,887
Oh, uh, yeah, yeah.
114
00:05:30,889 --> 00:05:31,955
That's great.
115
00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:33,724
Thank you guys so much.
116
00:05:33,726 --> 00:05:36,327
Thank us? Thank you!
Get in here. Gosh!
117
00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,737
Okay, yeah, I'll be
there in the morning.
118
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,973
Hey, Kenny, I've got a
problem with my other store.
119
00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:52,176
Can you run the show here
for a couple of days?
120
00:05:52,178 --> 00:05:53,410
Uh, I don't think so.
121
00:05:53,412 --> 00:05:55,212
I've got band practice
all this week, you know,
122
00:05:55,214 --> 00:05:56,614
and they said if
we're really good,
123
00:05:56,616 --> 00:05:57,615
there's a chance we...
124
00:05:57,617 --> 00:05:58,915
Great story. Thanks.
125
00:05:58,917 --> 00:06:02,219
Rita, think you could run
the place for a few days?
126
00:06:02,221 --> 00:06:03,254
Yes?
127
00:06:03,256 --> 00:06:04,455
Yes?
128
00:06:04,457 --> 00:06:05,889
No.
129
00:06:05,891 --> 00:06:07,324
No.
130
00:06:07,326 --> 00:06:08,425
Never mind.
131
00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:16,634
Arthur?
132
00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:21,205
Yes, sir?
133
00:06:21,207 --> 00:06:23,106
All right, Arthur, at ease.
134
00:06:23,108 --> 00:06:25,342
Look, I'm gonna be
out for a few days.
135
00:06:25,344 --> 00:06:26,943
I'm gonna put you in
charge, all right?
136
00:06:26,945 --> 00:06:28,412
Really? Well, thank you, sir.
137
00:06:28,414 --> 00:06:29,746
I appreciate the
vote of confidence.
138
00:06:29,748 --> 00:06:31,348
I assure you I'll rise
to the challenge.
139
00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:32,616
Yeah, all right, whatever.
140
00:06:32,618 --> 00:06:33,784
Just make sure
141
00:06:33,786 --> 00:06:35,286
you keep everything
running normally.
142
00:06:35,288 --> 00:06:36,753
Hold on.
143
00:06:39,257 --> 00:06:44,928
Everything... running...
What was it?
144
00:06:44,930 --> 00:06:46,163
Normally.
145
00:06:46,165 --> 00:06:49,567
Normally. Got it.
146
00:06:53,354 --> 00:06:54,331
Look, I'm sorry, Carrie.
147
00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:55,290
I didn't know what
you want me to say.
148
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:56,291
I just don't understand
149
00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:58,126
why you were so
quick to say yes.
150
00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,670
I don't know. I guess I was just
honored that they asked us.
151
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,380
It seemed like a
nice compliment.
152
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:03,548
Compliment?
153
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,258
When someone says
"You have nice eyes,"
154
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,468
that's a compliment.
155
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:08,011
When they say, "Will
you raise our kids
156
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:09,262
if we're ever squashed?"
157
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:12,672
That's something to think
about for five minutes.
158
00:07:12,674 --> 00:07:14,432
Is this tuna fish or cake?
159
00:07:14,432 --> 00:07:17,062
Doug, can you focus, please?
160
00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,396
What? I'm focused.
161
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:20,649
Okay, what if, God forbid,
162
00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:22,442
something did happen
to Deacon and Kelly?
163
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,152
Are you really ready
to raise two kids?
164
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,487
Nothing's gonna happen to them.
165
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:28,490
What if, God forbid,
something did?
166
00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:29,602
Nothing will.
167
00:07:29,602 --> 00:07:30,367
No, no?
168
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,257
You want to tell the kids
on Party of Five that? Hmm?
169
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:37,857
Touché. Okay.
170
00:07:38,233 --> 00:07:39,584
All right, well, you
know, if, God forbid,
171
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:40,710
something happened to them,
172
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:41,878
I guess we'd just
have to deal with it.
173
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:44,798
Well, that's a lot to deal with.
I know, but if, God forbid...
174
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:45,298
All right, you know what?
175
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,592
Let's ease up on
the God forbids.
176
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:48,975
Second of all,
177
00:07:48,975 --> 00:07:50,762
I gotta tell you, I
don't know if I'm ready
178
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,013
to raise somebody
else's children.
179
00:07:52,047 --> 00:07:53,280
You're ready.
180
00:07:53,282 --> 00:07:53,922
No, Doug,
181
00:07:53,922 --> 00:07:56,483
having kids of our
own is scary to me.
182
00:07:56,485 --> 00:07:58,118
I mean, if we have two kids,
183
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,421
and then we get their
two kids, that's four.
184
00:08:00,423 --> 00:08:02,122
Four human beings
185
00:08:02,124 --> 00:08:04,625
whose futures are in
our hands all at once.
186
00:08:04,627 --> 00:08:07,060
That's a massive responsibility.
187
00:08:07,062 --> 00:08:09,095
Plus all the noise.
188
00:08:10,231 --> 00:08:11,398
Look, I'll tell you what.
189
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,133
If something happens
to Deacon and Kelly,
190
00:08:13,135 --> 00:08:15,736
I'll take full responsibility
for the kids, okay?
191
00:08:15,738 --> 00:08:18,472
I'll feed them, I'll bathe
them, everything. All me.
192
00:08:18,474 --> 00:08:20,106
Like the dog?
193
00:08:22,343 --> 00:08:23,744
All right, yeah.
It's not gonna work.
194
00:08:23,746 --> 00:08:26,747
All right, well, I
don't know what to do,
195
00:08:26,749 --> 00:08:27,781
because we already said yes.
196
00:08:27,783 --> 00:08:29,149
No, you said yes.
197
00:08:29,151 --> 00:08:31,318
"In like Flynn, in like Flynt."
198
00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:33,821
All right, you see,
199
00:08:33,823 --> 00:08:36,189
you really wouldn't be
good with children.
200
00:08:36,191 --> 00:08:38,224
You're mean.
201
00:08:39,661 --> 00:08:42,663
All right, so what are
we gonna do here?
202
00:08:42,665 --> 00:08:44,130
Well, if it was up to me,
203
00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:45,799
I'd go through with
it, all right?
204
00:08:45,801 --> 00:08:48,435
But look, if you don't want
to, we just have to...
205
00:08:48,437 --> 00:08:52,005
go back over there
tomorrow and tell them.
206
00:08:52,007 --> 00:08:55,075
Oy, that's gonna be a fun night.
207
00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:57,945
Hey, remember that thing
about raising your kids
208
00:08:57,947 --> 00:09:00,213
if they're ever
orphaned and helpless?
209
00:09:00,215 --> 00:09:03,784
Well, gotta give
you a big fat no.
210
00:09:03,786 --> 00:09:05,552
Bye-bye!
211
00:09:07,689 --> 00:09:09,756
It's meatloaf.
212
00:09:16,298 --> 00:09:17,364
Hey!
213
00:09:17,366 --> 00:09:19,733
Hey. Hi. What's up?
214
00:09:19,735 --> 00:09:21,702
Hey, Major, look who's here.
215
00:09:21,704 --> 00:09:24,037
It's your godparents.
216
00:09:24,039 --> 00:09:27,908
That's okay. Just call
us Doug and Carrie.
217
00:09:27,910 --> 00:09:30,243
So what's going on? What
are you guys doing here?
218
00:09:30,245 --> 00:09:31,845
Oh, we're just coming
back from a thing.
219
00:09:31,847 --> 00:09:33,446
Just thought we'd
stop by and say hi.
220
00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:34,447
Oh, great.
221
00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:35,649
Yeah, but we can't stay long,
222
00:09:35,651 --> 00:09:37,317
because we got another
thing right after that.
223
00:09:37,319 --> 00:09:38,819
Yeah, it's just one
thing after another.
224
00:09:38,821 --> 00:09:41,154
Hey, as long as the baby's
up, let's grab a picture.
225
00:09:41,156 --> 00:09:42,322
Oh! Great idea.
226
00:09:42,324 --> 00:09:43,323
No, because my hair's...
227
00:09:43,325 --> 00:09:45,492
Kirby, Doug and Carrie are here.
228
00:09:45,494 --> 00:09:48,094
Yay!
229
00:09:48,096 --> 00:09:52,900
Yeah! Yay! Yeah.
230
00:09:52,902 --> 00:09:54,501
Everybody say "godparents."
231
00:09:54,503 --> 00:09:56,302
BOTH: Godparents.
232
00:09:57,739 --> 00:09:59,339
Oh, that's great. We'll
make you a copy.
233
00:09:59,341 --> 00:10:00,741
You guys want an 8 x 10?
234
00:10:00,743 --> 00:10:02,142
Uh, no, no, that's way too big.
235
00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:04,711
Yeah, yeah, a small
one, small one.
236
00:10:04,713 --> 00:10:07,414
So as long as we're here, um,
237
00:10:07,416 --> 00:10:09,215
we kind of need to
talk to you guys
238
00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:10,383
about something.
239
00:10:10,385 --> 00:10:12,218
Sure. What's up? Yeah,
what's going on?
240
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,655
Well, we were just at home
241
00:10:14,657 --> 00:10:16,222
and we were... We're
talking about it,
242
00:10:16,224 --> 00:10:18,291
and we were just
kind of thinking...
243
00:10:18,293 --> 00:10:21,261
Uh, thinking that, uh...
244
00:10:25,366 --> 00:10:26,967
Well, first of all,
right off the bat,
245
00:10:26,969 --> 00:10:28,168
let me just tell you something.
246
00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:29,570
We love your kids. Love them.
247
00:10:29,572 --> 00:10:31,572
Love them. I mean, this
one here, he's a champ,
248
00:10:31,574 --> 00:10:34,374
and Major, even though we
don't know him too well yet,
249
00:10:34,376 --> 00:10:36,009
uh, gives off a good vibe.
250
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:37,110
Yeah.
251
00:10:37,112 --> 00:10:39,479
Yeah, good... Good vibe. Plus...
252
00:10:39,481 --> 00:10:40,814
Yeah, because you could feel it.
253
00:10:40,816 --> 00:10:42,015
Yeah. Yeah.
254
00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:43,817
He's already got a
nice head of hair too.
255
00:10:43,819 --> 00:10:44,985
Beautiful. Very natural.
256
00:10:44,987 --> 00:10:47,320
Thanks.
257
00:10:47,322 --> 00:10:49,056
The thing is that, uh,
258
00:10:49,058 --> 00:10:51,692
we kind of got our hands
full, what with Arthur...
259
00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:53,894
Oh, he is a full-time
job, that one.
260
00:10:53,896 --> 00:10:55,261
Yeah.
261
00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:57,263
Plus we may have kids
of our own soon.
262
00:10:57,265 --> 00:10:58,665
Yes, yes, we may.
263
00:10:58,667 --> 00:11:00,667
You know, this one
is such a dingbat
264
00:11:00,669 --> 00:11:04,471
about taking her
pill, I'll tell you.
265
00:11:04,473 --> 00:11:07,975
So, uh, what are you saying?
266
00:11:09,777 --> 00:11:12,613
Um, I guess what we're
saying is that...
267
00:11:12,615 --> 00:11:16,883
Hey, Regis Philbin! This
guy's on fire, huh?
268
00:11:20,655 --> 00:11:23,556
So you don't want to
be the godparents?
269
00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:24,958
Look, Kel, I'm sorry,
270
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,027
but you know how we
feel about you guys.
271
00:11:27,029 --> 00:11:28,829
You know, if something
were to happen,
272
00:11:28,831 --> 00:11:31,064
it would just be way
too much for us.
273
00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:34,300
Okay. I mean, I understand.
274
00:11:34,302 --> 00:11:35,669
I-it's just, you know,
275
00:11:35,671 --> 00:11:37,170
you seemed so enthusiastic
the other night.
276
00:11:37,172 --> 00:11:40,040
Hey, I had a whole sleeve of Oreos.
I was flying.
277
00:11:45,647 --> 00:11:47,648
Sorry, Deac.
278
00:11:47,650 --> 00:11:48,782
Hey, you know, it's cool.
279
00:11:48,784 --> 00:11:50,984
I mean, I guess it was
kind of a heavy thing
280
00:11:50,986 --> 00:11:52,019
to put on you guys.
281
00:11:52,021 --> 00:11:53,854
Seriously, guys,
it's really okay.
282
00:11:53,856 --> 00:11:55,221
Well, good.
283
00:11:55,223 --> 00:11:57,691
Good.
284
00:11:57,693 --> 00:12:00,560
Hey, here you go. There you go.
285
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,653
Here you go, fellow,
my newest innovation:
286
00:12:17,678 --> 00:12:19,204
the frequent buyer card.
287
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:21,873
You buy 10 pretzels,
you get one free.
288
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,641
Nine X's to go.
289
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:29,948
Um, Arthur, I've been
meaning to tell you,
290
00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:31,683
don't you think
you should punch,
291
00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:33,585
like, a pretzel-shaped
hole or something
292
00:12:33,587 --> 00:12:34,719
when they buy a pretzel
293
00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:36,788
instead of just making
an X with a pen?
294
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:41,126
Because, you know, people
have their own pens.
295
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:44,463
I don't think I like nor
do I completely understand
296
00:12:44,465 --> 00:12:45,997
what you're getting at.
297
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:49,134
But I know a mutiny
when I see one.
298
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:50,502
No, no, I'm just saying that...
299
00:12:50,504 --> 00:12:52,370
Save your speech for
the unemployment line!
300
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:55,006
You're through here!
Now, beat it.
301
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,411
All right.
302
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,320
Rita, you saw that.
He lunged at me.
303
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:13,984
And I may need you to sign
an affidavit to that effect.
304
00:13:14,049 --> 00:13:14,910
CUSTOMER: Excuse me.
305
00:13:15,014 --> 00:13:16,080
Yes? May I help you?
306
00:13:16,497 --> 00:13:17,946
Free pretzel, please.
307
00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:20,499
10 X's already?
308
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,135
Wow, that was fast.
309
00:13:28,407 --> 00:13:29,907
So how are they running
this christening?
310
00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:31,776
You think they'll be
some food beforehand?
311
00:13:31,778 --> 00:13:33,044
Because if there isn't,
312
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:37,382
there's a Nathan's coming
up on Union Turnpike.
313
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:38,950
You think our gift
is good enough?
314
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:41,186
I mean, I know we
got a $200 bond,
315
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:42,820
but everybody knows
you pay 100 for it.
316
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,489
It's not like we're
fooling anyone.
317
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:49,227
So what do you say, a couple of franks?
I'm buying.
318
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:50,328
It's 9 a.m.
319
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,963
Hey, they are open, all right?
320
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:54,065
It's not like I'm a
freak or anything.
321
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:56,234
Okay, do what you want.
322
00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:00,372
So, did, um... Did
Deacon mention
323
00:14:00,374 --> 00:14:02,374
who they picked as the
new godparents yet?
324
00:14:02,376 --> 00:14:05,477
Yep. Bill and Robin Gilliard.
325
00:14:05,479 --> 00:14:07,679
The insurance guy and his wife?
326
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:08,880
Right.
327
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:12,350
Huh. Interesting.
328
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,918
They're nice.
329
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,321
They're very nice.
330
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:18,156
Wouldn't be my first choice.
331
00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:20,725
Wasn't theirs, either.
332
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,194
Yeah.
333
00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:29,701
How can a hot dog place
be out of sauerkraut?
334
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,903
It's what they do.
335
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:32,904
Let it go, babe.
336
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:33,938
Hey, guys.
337
00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:35,340
Hi, Deac. How are you?
338
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,341
Hi. How are you?
339
00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:37,509
Fine, thank you.
340
00:14:37,511 --> 00:14:38,776
You know Bill and
Robin Gilliard.
341
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,679
Sure. We met at Kirby's
birthday party
342
00:14:40,681 --> 00:14:42,013
last year.
343
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:44,382
You were the guy who
broke the piñata, right?
344
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,950
The kids got three swings each.
345
00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:48,853
Someone had to step in
and make it happen, huh?
346
00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:50,888
Uh, Deacon, your aunt
is signing her name
347
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,490
to other people's gifts again.
348
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:54,593
Well, excuse us.
349
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:01,032
So you're gonna be godparents?
350
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:02,534
Good for you.
351
00:15:02,536 --> 00:15:03,668
Thank you.
352
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,670
Gotta tell you, I give
you a lot of credit.
353
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:06,804
A lot of credit.
354
00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:08,840
If it was me, I
would be petrified
355
00:15:08,842 --> 00:15:10,942
at the thought of raising
somebody else's kids.
356
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:13,345
But you probably love
children, right?
357
00:15:13,347 --> 00:15:14,879
To tell you the truth,
358
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:17,549
I've never really been
that much of a kid person.
359
00:15:17,551 --> 00:15:21,085
No kidding? Huh.
360
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,887
So, taping the Nebraska game,
361
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:25,189
so if you hear anything,
don't say a word.
362
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:26,291
Not to worry.
363
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:27,959
But I'm taping Charles Osgood,
364
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:30,762
so if you hear anything,
don't say a word.
365
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:33,565
So you don't, uh,
366
00:15:33,567 --> 00:15:35,166
you don't watch much
college football, huh?
367
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,135
No, not really. Pros?
368
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:39,404
Well, I was invited
to a Super Bowl party
369
00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:40,405
a few years ago.
370
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:41,606
That was a lot of fun.
371
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,308
Hey, how about last
year's Super Bowl?
372
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:45,209
Elway. Wow, huh?
373
00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:52,116
John Elway?
374
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,852
Sorry, I don't know who that is.
375
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,888
Wha...?
376
00:15:58,157 --> 00:16:00,224
So, if something were
to happen, God forbid,
377
00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:02,527
you probably got a
pretty big house, right?
378
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,128
Mm, just an apartment.
379
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,331
Three bedrooms, four bedrooms?
Come on, what do you got?
380
00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:07,632
Two.
381
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,267
Hmm.
382
00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:10,635
Mets?
383
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:13,070
Well, I find baseball
a little boring.
384
00:16:13,072 --> 00:16:14,272
How about basketball?
385
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,308
A bunch of pituitary cases
386
00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:18,310
trying to stuff a
ball through a hoop?
387
00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:19,644
No, thank you.
388
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,747
Golf? Rugby? Come on,
Bill, give me something.
389
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:24,382
Well, I like to watch swimming.
390
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:28,953
So, come on, I mean,
you don't like kids,
391
00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:32,290
you have a small
apartment, uh, what's up?
392
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:33,792
Nothing's up.
393
00:16:33,794 --> 00:16:38,363
Well, why did you say yes?
W-w-what's your angle?
394
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:39,964
We have no angle.
395
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:42,066
We're just doing what
any decent people
396
00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:43,601
would do for their friends.
397
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:46,371
Oh. Right.
398
00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:52,744
Who's next?
399
00:16:52,746 --> 00:16:56,348
Uh, hey, free pretzel
with honey mustard dip.
400
00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:58,450
You were just here, weren't you?
401
00:16:58,452 --> 00:17:01,753
Me? Uh, no.
402
00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:05,457
Yes, you were. You
know, I'm wise to you.
403
00:17:05,459 --> 00:17:07,625
I'm wise to all of you.
404
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:11,496
Marking the X's on the cards
yourselves, very clever.
405
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:14,198
ALL: Thank you.
406
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,633
Well, let me tell
you all something.
407
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:18,302
I may not be hip or
with it like you kids.
408
00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:20,104
I may not listen
to your Tom Jones
409
00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:22,407
or your Dave Clark Five.
410
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:24,542
But at least I know
411
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,344
when I put my head on
my pillow tonight,
412
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:28,913
I'll sleep soundly,
and you know why?
413
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:32,450
It's because I'll
know that you kids
414
00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:34,519
have been dunking
your stolen pretzels
415
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:38,590
in my "very special"
dipping sauces.
416
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:42,660
Oh, yeah.
417
00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:51,335
Lord God, in baptism,
we die with Christ
418
00:17:51,337 --> 00:17:53,938
to rise again in him.
419
00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:01,145
We are horrible,
horrible people.
420
00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:03,715
They really ought to
have backup sauerkraut.
421
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,150
Doug.
422
00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:07,385
What?
423
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,454
The Gilliards are no
better prepared for this
424
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:10,455
than we are,
425
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:11,823
and yet they didn't
even hesitate
426
00:18:11,825 --> 00:18:13,458
to open up their
life for these kids.
427
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:15,159
Why didn't we open up our life?
428
00:18:15,161 --> 00:18:16,761
Hey, I wanted to
open up our life.
429
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,864
You wanted to keep
our life closed.
430
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:22,467
You know what? Let's
just do this.
431
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:23,601
What?
432
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,736
I changed my mind.
433
00:18:24,738 --> 00:18:27,138
I want us to be
Major's godparents.
434
00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:28,473
Go tell Deacon.
435
00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:33,144
What? No, Carrie, I can't.
436
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:34,612
The whole thing's
already happening.
437
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,180
He's right there.
Just go tell him.
438
00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:37,281
Carrie, it's too late.
439
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,583
It's not too late.
440
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:41,786
They didn't even
dunk the kid yet.
441
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:44,322
Even so, all right, I
can't go up there.
442
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,257
Doug, if we don't do this,
443
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:49,727
we will feel guilty for
the rest of our lives.
444
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,863
I mean, we're their
best friends.
445
00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:54,198
We should be the godparents.
446
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,768
Well, I was a little
rattled when Bill told me
447
00:18:56,770 --> 00:18:59,236
he didn't know who
John Elway was.
448
00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:03,107
Huh? Huh? And you want that
freak raising our kids?
449
00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:06,611
Doug, go tell him.
450
00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:07,612
Go! They're next.
451
00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:08,746
Okay, okay!
452
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:11,783
Excuse me, excuse me.
453
00:19:11,785 --> 00:19:13,017
Excuse me, excuse me.
454
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:15,319
Oh! Sorry about that.
455
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,193
Hey, Deac.
456
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:24,929
Hey, Deac.
457
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:27,866
I need to talk to you.
458
00:19:29,468 --> 00:19:30,935
What is it?
459
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:34,572
Look, we changed our minds.
460
00:19:36,642 --> 00:19:40,344
We want to take your
children when you die.
461
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,717
God forbid.
462
00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:51,022
What are you talking about?
463
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:52,123
We already started here.
464
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,325
I know. We made a mistake.
We want to do it.
465
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:55,527
Just sit down.
466
00:19:55,529 --> 00:19:57,595
Bill doesn't know who Elway is.
467
00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:59,631
Sit down!
468
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:06,504
What? Oh, for God's sake.
469
00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:10,341
Excuse me.
470
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:12,109
Pardon me. Ooh, nice hat.
471
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:13,845
What happened?
472
00:20:13,847 --> 00:20:15,046
He said it was too late.
473
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,948
It's not too late. Watch out.
474
00:20:19,985 --> 00:20:21,218
Hey!
475
00:20:22,487 --> 00:20:25,023
Hey!
476
00:20:29,327 --> 00:20:30,528
What?
477
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,396
We want to be the
godparents again.
478
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,098
Carrie, this is not a good time.
479
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,900
I know, but, Kel, look,
you said it yourselves,
480
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,368
we're the best
people for the job.
481
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:39,203
And you know what?
You're not invincible.
482
00:20:39,205 --> 00:20:40,638
Something could happen.
483
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,007
G-God... God forbid.
484
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:46,778
I've never been that excited
about the Gilliards.
485
00:20:46,780 --> 00:20:47,779
You haven't? No.
486
00:20:47,781 --> 00:20:49,380
Well, then, why did
you agree to them?
487
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:50,815
I thought you were
crazy about them.
488
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:53,618
Oh, they're okay.
489
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:56,020
Well, tell them they're out and
that Doug and Carrie are in.
490
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:58,289
Get out of here! You tell them.
491
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,291
She's your friend. I really
just know them through you.
492
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:01,693
Okay, you want me to tell them?
493
00:21:01,695 --> 00:21:04,261
Yeah, yeah, go. Deacon!
494
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:07,932
All right, I'll go.
495
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,400
Kelly, I want you to know,
496
00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:11,936
we'll raise the kids
as Jets or Giant fans,
497
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:12,971
whichever you want.
498
00:21:12,973 --> 00:21:15,673
That is comforting.
499
00:21:18,243 --> 00:21:22,880
Bill, give me the baby.
500
00:21:37,033 --> 00:21:39,049
So godparents, huh?
501
00:21:39,074 --> 00:21:42,008
Yeah! Yeah, boy.
502
00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:43,409
That reverend was pretty cool
503
00:21:43,411 --> 00:21:45,078
about us pulling the
old switcheroo, huh?
504
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:46,812
Yeah, he rolled with it.
505
00:21:46,814 --> 00:21:51,150
Hey, you remember that song
"Reverend Blue Jeans"?
506
00:21:51,152 --> 00:21:53,019
What?
507
00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:55,488
Neil Diamond. Hmm?
508
00:21:59,194 --> 00:22:02,161
It's not Reverend Blue Jeans.
509
00:22:02,163 --> 00:22:04,563
It's "Forever in blue jeans."
510
00:22:04,565 --> 00:22:06,332
No, it's "Reverend Blue Jeans."
511
00:22:06,334 --> 00:22:09,502
It was about a hip reverend.
He wore jeans.
512
00:22:09,779 --> 00:22:10,779
♪ Reverend Blue Jeans ♪
513
00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:15,508
No.
514
00:22:18,345 --> 00:22:23,182
♪ Forever in blue jeans, babe ♪
515
00:22:23,184 --> 00:22:25,218
How did I miss that?
35583
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