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1
00:00:02,869 --> 00:00:05,338
ARTHUR: Douglas!
2
00:00:05,340 --> 00:00:07,206
Douglas!
3
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:09,809
Douglas!
4
00:00:09,811 --> 00:00:11,177
DOUG: What?
5
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:12,312
ARTHUR: Come here.
6
00:00:12,314 --> 00:00:14,180
I'm busy!
7
00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:15,281
You're dizzy?
8
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:20,420
I'm busy with a "B."
9
00:00:20,422 --> 00:00:21,887
Dizzy?
10
00:00:23,256 --> 00:00:26,559
Yes, I'm dizzy.
11
00:00:26,561 --> 00:00:27,806
Well, come down here anyway.
12
00:00:27,831 --> 00:00:29,731
Hold on to the rail.
13
00:00:32,289 --> 00:00:33,789
What is it?
14
00:00:33,862 --> 00:00:36,263
I can't get the naked channel.
15
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,080
We don't get the naked channel.
16
00:00:41,105 --> 00:00:44,273
Yes, we do. We were
watching it last night.
17
00:00:44,298 --> 00:00:46,031
That was Nightline.
18
00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:54,211
Just tell me what number
is the naked channel.
19
00:00:54,236 --> 00:00:57,170
We don't get the naked channel!
20
00:00:57,425 --> 00:00:58,949
Why not?
21
00:00:58,974 --> 00:01:01,326
I don't know!
22
00:02:01,763 --> 00:02:02,763
Doug!
23
00:02:02,765 --> 00:02:03,831
DOUG: What?
24
00:02:03,833 --> 00:02:04,832
Would you come here?
25
00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:06,533
I need help with these boxes.
26
00:02:06,535 --> 00:02:08,702
I'm in the middle of something.
27
00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:12,806
CARRIE: Doug!
28
00:02:12,808 --> 00:02:14,708
All right, all right.
29
00:02:18,313 --> 00:02:20,647
Wow, you're making
progress in here, huh?
30
00:02:20,649 --> 00:02:21,648
Yeah, I have to.
31
00:02:21,650 --> 00:02:23,250
It's my only day to get it done.
32
00:02:23,252 --> 00:02:26,854
Okay, all these boxes out
here can go in the garage,
33
00:02:26,856 --> 00:02:29,123
and these boxes here you can
take down to the dumpster, okay?
34
00:02:34,096 --> 00:02:36,397
Hello? Dumpster.
35
00:02:36,399 --> 00:02:38,799
Wait! I'm not sure I want
to get rid of this stuff.
36
00:02:38,801 --> 00:02:40,401
Hey, look at this, one
of my videotapes.
37
00:02:40,403 --> 00:02:42,470
I want to keep this.
38
00:02:42,472 --> 00:02:45,206
Okay, this is an
episode of Quincy.
39
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:50,544
Uh, excuse me. Two episodes.
40
00:02:50,546 --> 00:02:53,547
Okay, fine.
41
00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,082
Just keep it, keep all of it,
42
00:02:55,084 --> 00:02:57,318
just get it out of here,
and while you're at it
43
00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:58,785
could you toss out
those newspapers?
44
00:02:58,787 --> 00:03:00,221
I'm gonna read those.
45
00:03:01,724 --> 00:03:02,990
Okay, Doug,
46
00:03:02,992 --> 00:03:05,626
All I want is a
lousy 3-by-3 space
47
00:03:05,628 --> 00:03:07,294
so I could do my work in peace.
48
00:03:07,296 --> 00:03:08,829
Why are you fighting me?
49
00:03:08,831 --> 00:03:11,499
I'm not. I'm fine with your
whole home-office thing.
50
00:03:11,501 --> 00:03:12,611
Fine.
51
00:03:13,469 --> 00:03:17,138
Not clear on why we need a bank
loan to get it done, though.
52
00:03:17,140 --> 00:03:19,806
Because all our cash is tied up.
53
00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:20,908
Yeah, but still, a loan?
54
00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:22,243
Let me tell you
something, Carrie.
55
00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:24,845
I could turn this whole room
into a palace for $100 bucks.
56
00:03:24,847 --> 00:03:26,380
Sorry, Doug, it's gonna cost
57
00:03:26,382 --> 00:03:27,581
a lot more than $100 bucks.
58
00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:28,649
Uh, how much more?
59
00:03:28,651 --> 00:03:30,251
Try 40 times that.
60
00:03:30,253 --> 00:03:32,386
$40,000?
61
00:03:33,621 --> 00:03:36,357
Oh, wait a second, $4000?
62
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:40,027
Yes, Doug, $4000.
63
00:03:40,029 --> 00:03:42,196
I need a computer,
a desk, wallpaper,
64
00:03:42,198 --> 00:03:43,931
curtains, office supplies...
65
00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:45,899
Office supplies? What, you
can't steal those from work?
66
00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:47,868
Oy.
67
00:03:47,870 --> 00:03:49,070
You know what the problem is?
68
00:03:49,072 --> 00:03:50,471
I'll tell you what
the problem is.
69
00:03:50,473 --> 00:03:51,672
It's that copy of
House Beautiful
70
00:03:51,674 --> 00:03:53,074
that came in our
mail by mistake.
71
00:03:53,076 --> 00:03:54,075
You flipped through that,
72
00:03:54,077 --> 00:03:55,876
and now you got a
bee in your bonnet
73
00:03:55,878 --> 00:03:57,878
about making a fancy
office for yourself.
74
00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:01,315
A bee in my bonnet?
75
00:04:01,317 --> 00:04:03,951
Yeah, that's a
real thing, right?
76
00:04:03,953 --> 00:04:06,954
Okay, look, Doug, I have
been schlepping boxes
77
00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:09,356
since 6 a.m. and I haven't
had my coffee yet.
78
00:04:09,358 --> 00:04:11,325
So if you keep aggravating me,
79
00:04:11,327 --> 00:04:14,628
I'm going to bite you.
80
00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:17,531
Look, all I'm saying is
that if you don't...
81
00:04:17,533 --> 00:04:19,433
Arthur, your toast is done.
82
00:04:19,435 --> 00:04:21,768
Don't tell me!
83
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:28,008
Look, let me remind you,
84
00:04:28,010 --> 00:04:30,411
when I fixed up this garage,
you know what it cost me?
85
00:04:30,413 --> 00:04:32,446
Nothing. Not a dime. Bupkiss.
86
00:04:32,448 --> 00:04:35,916
Uh, hi? What about that
$2800 big-screen TV?
87
00:04:35,918 --> 00:04:37,851
Uh, hi, Electronics
Depot charge card.
88
00:04:37,853 --> 00:04:40,187
No payments till November '99.
89
00:04:40,189 --> 00:04:41,255
That's next month.
90
00:04:41,257 --> 00:04:43,357
Ooh.
91
00:04:43,359 --> 00:04:45,892
Look, Doug, I don't want
to argue about this.
92
00:04:45,894 --> 00:04:47,495
Just be at the bank at 10:30,
93
00:04:47,497 --> 00:04:48,496
we'll sign the loan papers,
94
00:04:48,498 --> 00:04:51,232
and you can get on
with your life.
95
00:04:51,234 --> 00:04:53,967
10:30? Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, wait!
96
00:04:53,969 --> 00:04:55,469
What is this about 10:30?
97
00:04:55,471 --> 00:04:57,471
You told me you were gonna
make the loan appointment
98
00:04:57,473 --> 00:04:59,273
during my lunch break?
Well, I tried for that,
99
00:04:59,275 --> 00:05:00,774
but she's going on
vacation tomorrow.
100
00:05:00,776 --> 00:05:01,975
That's all she had.
101
00:05:01,977 --> 00:05:03,744
I told you this last night.
102
00:05:03,746 --> 00:05:04,878
When?
103
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,480
In the bedroom, when
you were working out,
104
00:05:06,482 --> 00:05:09,416
doing those stupid
hand grippy things.
105
00:05:09,418 --> 00:05:10,817
Yeah, well, obviously
I didn't hear you.
106
00:05:10,819 --> 00:05:12,319
I was in a zone.
107
00:05:12,321 --> 00:05:14,588
Look, there's no way I'm
gonna make it at 10:30.
108
00:05:14,590 --> 00:05:15,956
I'm running late as it is.
109
00:05:15,958 --> 00:05:18,959
Doug, she's leaving town tomorrow.
I need the loan today.
110
00:05:18,961 --> 00:05:20,961
What do you want from me?
I can't get away.
111
00:05:20,963 --> 00:05:22,796
My days are
jam-packed with work.
112
00:05:22,798 --> 00:05:24,765
I saw you roll your
eyes right there.
113
00:05:24,767 --> 00:05:27,034
Wasn't trying to hide it.
114
00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:28,669
Nope, can't do it, sorry.
115
00:05:28,671 --> 00:05:30,871
Doug, you're being so
passive-aggressive about this.
116
00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,473
I mean, if this was
something you wanted,
117
00:05:32,475 --> 00:05:33,474
you would get off work.
118
00:05:33,476 --> 00:05:35,276
But you just got a
bee in your bonnet
119
00:05:35,278 --> 00:05:36,877
because I want to
use a little money
120
00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:38,212
to make my office look nice.
121
00:05:38,214 --> 00:05:40,881
Okay, first of all, don't use
the "bee in the bonnet" thing.
122
00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:42,816
That's mine.
123
00:05:42,818 --> 00:05:45,852
Okay, second of all, I'd be
happy to meet you at the bank
124
00:05:45,854 --> 00:05:47,555
if it's during my
lunch break, okay?
125
00:05:47,557 --> 00:05:49,790
The rest of my workday, I'm busy.
You understand that?
126
00:05:49,792 --> 00:05:54,895
Busy. Not passive, not
aggressive, busy.
127
00:05:55,930 --> 00:05:57,298
88...
128
00:05:57,300 --> 00:05:59,099
89...
129
00:05:59,101 --> 00:06:01,868
90 and 91.
130
00:06:01,870 --> 00:06:04,071
Oh, yeah!
131
00:06:04,073 --> 00:06:06,240
Uh, sorry, Morales, but there's
a new sheriff in town,
132
00:06:06,242 --> 00:06:08,309
and his name is Doug Heffernan.
133
00:06:08,311 --> 00:06:10,678
Keep going, my man. Build
on it, build on it.
134
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:13,780
92, 93, 94...
135
00:06:13,782 --> 00:06:14,948
All right.
136
00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:16,950
Ninety f...
137
00:06:16,952 --> 00:06:19,587
Oh. Guess that one didn't land.
138
00:06:19,589 --> 00:06:21,388
At least you're in the
record books, my man.
139
00:06:21,390 --> 00:06:23,390
Come on, let's hit the road.
140
00:06:23,392 --> 00:06:24,958
Come on.
141
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:25,959
Deac?
142
00:06:25,961 --> 00:06:26,960
What?
143
00:06:26,962 --> 00:06:31,164
Could you please come to me?
144
00:06:31,166 --> 00:06:32,233
What's up?
145
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:36,470
I'm not sure, but I think
I may have shot myself.
146
00:06:36,472 --> 00:06:39,106
Really? Where?
147
00:06:39,108 --> 00:06:42,743
In a very, very bad place.
148
00:06:42,745 --> 00:06:45,512
Where?
149
00:06:45,514 --> 00:06:47,080
Right in the twins' playpen.
150
00:06:47,082 --> 00:06:48,949
Oooh!
151
00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:51,852
Ow. Does it hurt?
152
00:06:52,855 --> 00:06:54,020
Actually, no.
153
00:06:54,022 --> 00:06:57,824
It's... it's more of a
little sting, you know.
154
00:06:57,826 --> 00:07:00,294
Like a... like a rabbit bit me.
155
00:07:00,296 --> 00:07:02,296
Wait a minute, may...
Maybe it's not in there.
156
00:07:02,298 --> 00:07:03,530
Maybe it just grazed you.
157
00:07:03,532 --> 00:07:05,132
Yeah, maybe it grazed
me, you're right, yeah.
158
00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:07,735
Do me a favor, take a look.
Oh, no, no. No way, man.
159
00:07:07,737 --> 00:07:09,336
Come on, would you
take a look, please?
160
00:07:09,338 --> 00:07:12,005
I don't wanna look. You look.
I don't bend that far.
161
00:07:12,007 --> 00:07:13,507
All right, all right.
162
00:07:13,509 --> 00:07:15,075
Just look. Don't touch anything.
163
00:07:15,077 --> 00:07:16,677
Yeah. Good thing you
mentioned that.
164
00:07:18,380 --> 00:07:20,414
How you doing?
165
00:07:23,050 --> 00:07:25,386
How about... how about
an update there, pal?
166
00:07:25,388 --> 00:07:27,220
Okay, it's definitely in there.
167
00:07:27,222 --> 00:07:29,423
Oh, my God! What should I do?
What do I do?!
168
00:07:29,425 --> 00:07:30,624
Just relax, don't panic.
169
00:07:30,626 --> 00:07:32,693
I have to panic, okay? I'm
attached to my shorts!
170
00:07:32,695 --> 00:07:34,961
Look, all right, look,
we'll take care of it.
171
00:07:34,963 --> 00:07:36,963
Take care of it. Get
it out of me, man.
172
00:07:36,965 --> 00:07:38,766
Get it out of me! All right.
Look, look.
173
00:07:38,768 --> 00:07:41,368
I'll just give your shorts one quick
yank and it'll come right out.
174
00:07:41,370 --> 00:07:42,503
What are you, crazy? What?
175
00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:44,104
What if the staple
didn't go in straight?
176
00:07:44,106 --> 00:07:45,972
What if it's like a grabbie?
177
00:07:45,974 --> 00:07:48,475
No, no, I'm pretty sure
these go in straight.
178
00:07:48,477 --> 00:07:50,944
Pretty sure? You were gonna
pull on a "pretty sure"?
179
00:07:50,946 --> 00:07:52,879
You said get it out.
Well, find another way!
180
00:07:52,881 --> 00:07:54,748
Look, I'm gonna take you
to the emergency room,
181
00:07:54,750 --> 00:07:56,149
then I'll finish your
shift, all right?
182
00:07:56,151 --> 00:07:59,720
Good. Okay. Hand off me.
183
00:07:59,722 --> 00:08:00,721
How's that?
184
00:08:00,723 --> 00:08:02,556
Doug, your wife's on line one.
185
00:08:02,558 --> 00:08:03,557
Ooh, God!
186
00:08:12,434 --> 00:08:13,767
Hey.
187
00:08:13,769 --> 00:08:16,169
Hey, how are you doing, sweetie?
188
00:08:16,171 --> 00:08:18,104
Good. Fine. You? Good?
189
00:08:18,106 --> 00:08:20,607
Good. Listen, uh, I was
thinking about it,
190
00:08:20,609 --> 00:08:24,678
and, well, uh, I'm sorry about
our stupid fight this morning.
191
00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,481
Uh-huh, uh-huh. So,
see you tonight?
192
00:08:27,483 --> 00:08:29,483
I shouldn't have said
what I said, you know,
193
00:08:29,485 --> 00:08:31,385
about you not working hard.
194
00:08:31,387 --> 00:08:36,089
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
195
00:08:36,091 --> 00:08:38,492
That was just really
insensitive of me.
196
00:08:38,494 --> 00:08:40,828
I know you work very,
very hard, honey.
197
00:08:40,830 --> 00:08:43,564
Hard worker. Yah... yeah.
198
00:08:43,566 --> 00:08:46,633
Look, Doug, I am trying
to apologize to you.
199
00:08:46,635 --> 00:08:48,435
The least you could do
is say you're sorry.
200
00:08:48,437 --> 00:08:49,737
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
201
00:08:49,739 --> 00:08:52,105
Okay, stop.
202
00:08:52,107 --> 00:08:54,508
The other reason why I called is
203
00:08:54,510 --> 00:08:56,109
I talked to the
lady at the bank,
204
00:08:56,111 --> 00:08:59,513
I begged her, and she agreed
to me us at your lunch hour.
205
00:08:59,515 --> 00:09:01,582
So, I'll see you at the
bank at 1:30, okay?
206
00:09:12,326 --> 00:09:14,695
Any chance you could
miss, like, one pothole?
207
00:09:14,697 --> 00:09:17,831
This is the quickest
way to the hospital.
208
00:09:17,833 --> 00:09:21,201
So, why didn't you just
tell Carrie what happened?
209
00:09:21,203 --> 00:09:22,803
Because we got in a
fight this morning,
210
00:09:22,805 --> 00:09:25,406
and I made a huge deal about
how busy I am at work.
211
00:09:25,408 --> 00:09:28,742
How could I possibly
explain this?
212
00:09:28,744 --> 00:09:30,644
Just tell her it happened
while you were working.
213
00:09:30,646 --> 00:09:31,945
While I was working?
214
00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:34,047
The staple came in
from behind me.
215
00:09:34,049 --> 00:09:35,248
Then tell her I did it.
216
00:09:35,250 --> 00:09:36,550
You?
217
00:09:36,552 --> 00:09:40,086
Yeah, you were bending
over, and I noticed,
218
00:09:40,088 --> 00:09:43,457
and I came up behind you
with a staple gun...
219
00:09:43,459 --> 00:09:45,926
All right, I'm gonna
stop you right there.
220
00:09:45,928 --> 00:09:49,195
This sounds worse than
what really happened.
221
00:09:49,197 --> 00:09:51,398
Look, there's no reason she has
to know anything, all right?
222
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,600
It's still only 11:00. I
could get this thing removed
223
00:09:53,602 --> 00:09:55,201
and get to the bank by 1:30.
224
00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:56,770
No one has to know
the difference.
225
00:09:56,772 --> 00:09:59,372
Won't she eventually
look in that area?
226
00:09:59,374 --> 00:10:01,942
Believe me, not if I don't ask.
227
00:10:03,878 --> 00:10:06,279
Uh-oh. Speed bump.
228
00:10:21,887 --> 00:10:24,189
Here we go. All filled out.
229
00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:25,657
I will be, uh, right over there
230
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,659
when you're ready for me. Okay?
231
00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:39,571
Qaddafi! Ow...
232
00:10:42,007 --> 00:10:43,375
Sir? Hm?
233
00:10:43,377 --> 00:10:46,578
You forgot to write down
what you're here for.
234
00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:47,812
Oh, did I? Ha!
235
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:48,846
Yes.
236
00:10:48,848 --> 00:10:51,316
Forgot to write it down.
That's...
237
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,684
that's wild, isn't it?
238
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:56,888
What are you here for?
239
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:59,657
Uh... just a second, okay?
240
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,028
Yuspa!
241
00:11:05,764 --> 00:11:07,865
Oh, yeah! Unh!
242
00:11:09,868 --> 00:11:11,803
Okay. I, uh...
243
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:14,606
You know what? Let me just
draw you a picture here.
244
00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:17,008
This will...
245
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,978
Explain everything. That'll tell
the story right there, okay?
246
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,580
Ha ha!
247
00:11:24,883 --> 00:11:27,319
Are these what I think they are?
248
00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:30,688
Ahem. Yes. Yes. Yes.
249
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,890
That's the whole
area right there.
250
00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:34,626
Of course that's
not actual size.
251
00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:39,631
Actually, right now,
it probably is,
252
00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:40,632
because I'm a little nervous.
253
00:11:40,634 --> 00:11:42,167
Is the doctor gonna see me soon?
254
00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:45,403
What's this line?
255
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:48,106
That's a staple. A staple.
256
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:50,108
Yeah, a staple. That's one
staple right there. A staple.
257
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:53,011
How's that doctor thing looking?
258
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:55,213
In a few minutes.
I'll just have to see
259
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,748
your insurance card.
260
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,283
Oh.
261
00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:00,952
Arthur, it's me Doug.
262
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:03,755
Your son-in-law.
263
00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:06,090
Douglas? Yes.
264
00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:07,925
Doug is short for Douglas.
265
00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:10,828
Well, now you know.
266
00:12:12,598 --> 00:12:14,399
Listen, I need you
to do me a favor.
267
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,601
I need you to get me
Carrie's insurance card
268
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:19,171
and bring it to me at
Flushing Meadow Hospital.
269
00:12:19,173 --> 00:12:20,672
I'll tell you later.
270
00:12:20,674 --> 00:12:23,308
Just make sure she doesn't find
out you're meeting me here.
271
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:24,342
Okay? Thanks.
272
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:27,912
I love you too.
273
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:51,803
Okay...
274
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,474
What's the story?
275
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:57,809
Story? No story.
276
00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:00,144
I was just standing
here casually
277
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:02,480
scratching my head.
278
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:05,550
You were rifling
through my purse.
279
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:09,821
Uh-huh. That's only
because I was...
280
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:12,023
stealing money.
281
00:13:14,893 --> 00:13:16,394
Okay.
282
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:17,395
Why?
283
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,030
I'm gonna level with you, honey.
284
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:20,532
I have a gambling problem.
285
00:13:20,534 --> 00:13:22,767
My bookmaker Jimmy Marbles
is gonna break my kneecaps
286
00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:24,302
if I don't come up
with the scratch!
287
00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:28,940
Dad, if you keep saying
things like this,
288
00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:31,610
how will I know when
you're going senile?
289
00:13:31,612 --> 00:13:33,345
Uh-huh.
290
00:13:33,347 --> 00:13:35,647
Truth is, I was just
looking for a Tic Tac
291
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:37,649
and here we go!
292
00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:42,520
Birth control pills, dad.
293
00:13:43,956 --> 00:13:46,090
Why do you need birth
control pills?
294
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:47,559
Does he touch you?!
295
00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:06,978
Oh, God, Arthur, where you been?
296
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,547
Sorry. I thought you said
Flushing Meadow Park.
297
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,683
Then I got caught up in
a girls' soccer game.
298
00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:13,050
Here you go.
299
00:14:15,053 --> 00:14:16,954
Thanks. Aah...
300
00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:18,089
So, uh...
301
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:19,524
What are you here for?
302
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:22,394
Uh, nothing. Just, uh...
303
00:14:22,396 --> 00:14:23,695
Nothing.
304
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,196
Come on. What is it?
305
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,064
Eczema? Pinkeye?
306
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:29,634
No, Arthur.
307
00:14:30,969 --> 00:14:33,171
Having something, uh...
"enhanced"?
308
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:37,542
Again, no.
309
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:38,643
Then what?
310
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,244
I just had a little
accident at work.
311
00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:43,615
I, uh... shot myself
with a staple gun.
312
00:14:43,617 --> 00:14:44,482
Where?
313
00:14:45,918 --> 00:14:46,951
In, uh...
314
00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:48,119
Really?
315
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:49,387
Let's have a look.
316
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,955
No, Arthur...
317
00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:52,056
I don't see it.
318
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,558
Arthur, come on,
man, let's go, okay?
319
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,727
Straddle me so I can
get a better angle.
320
00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:57,662
Get up... Oh, there it is!
321
00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,364
Right in the tool bag!
322
00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:00,398
Whoa!
323
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,067
Would you stop and settle down?
324
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:05,704
Come on. This is hard
enough for me as it is.
325
00:15:05,706 --> 00:15:07,739
I know what you're going
through, Douglas. I've...
326
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:09,240
been down this road myself.
327
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:12,644
You have?
328
00:15:12,646 --> 00:15:15,947
Sure. Staples, rivets...
329
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:18,550
knitting needles...
330
00:15:18,552 --> 00:15:20,885
my advice is just leave it in.
331
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:25,757
Leave it in? I'm attached
to my IPS shorts.
332
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:28,360
Not a problem. Just make sure
you don't lose your job.
333
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:32,764
Yeah. Uh, insurance card.
334
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,165
How much longer?
335
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,033
Uh, the doctor is just finishing up.
You're next.
336
00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:37,268
Oh, great.
337
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,838
If you just follow me to
the examining area...
338
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,005
Bus crash!
339
00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:44,141
Ten critical, three serious!
Triage setup outside!
340
00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:47,645
Uh... this is a first-come
first-served dealie, right?
341
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,449
Arthur, look, do me a favor.
342
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,451
Hold my place in
line, would you?
343
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,588
Oww... aah, baby steps...
baby steps...
344
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:07,399
Hey.
345
00:16:07,401 --> 00:16:09,601
Hey! There you are. Yeah.
346
00:16:09,603 --> 00:16:11,269
Hey, how you doing there?
Good to see you.
347
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,471
What's that about?
348
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,472
Hmm?
349
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:15,874
What, no hug?
350
00:16:15,876 --> 00:16:17,942
Honey, we are in a bank. It's...
351
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:19,944
unless we're trying to borrow
money for a porno film,
352
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:23,080
I think we ought to pull in
the reins a little, huh?
353
00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:24,883
Okay, what's going on?
354
00:16:24,885 --> 00:16:25,917
What do you mean?
355
00:16:25,919 --> 00:16:27,018
Well, you're acting weird again,
356
00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,820
just like you were on the phone.
357
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:33,758
If you're still mad at me,
why don't you just say so?
358
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,660
I am not mad.
359
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,896
You are so. I can tell.
360
00:16:37,898 --> 00:16:39,697
I am not! Let's just
sign the stupid papers
361
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:40,899
and get out of here, okay?
362
00:16:40,901 --> 00:16:42,901
"Stupid papers."
363
00:16:42,903 --> 00:16:44,068
Okay, fine.
364
00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:45,069
Whatever.
365
00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:47,305
Mr. And Mrs. Hefferman?
366
00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:48,740
Actually, it's Heffer-nin.
367
00:16:48,742 --> 00:16:50,341
Oh. Well, I'm sorry.
368
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,744
Right this way, Mr. and Mrs.
Heffer-nin.
369
00:16:54,046 --> 00:16:56,314
Well, you don't actually
have to punch the "nin."
370
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:58,282
I was just saying that
for your benefit.
371
00:16:58,284 --> 00:17:00,718
Please come in.
372
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,287
Honey, look at you.
You're a mess.
373
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:04,856
Would you fix your collar?
374
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:07,191
And pull up your pants.
375
00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:16,901
Now, there are three
different payment options,
376
00:17:16,903 --> 00:17:21,072
each with its own distinct
advantages and disadvantages.
377
00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:23,107
Would you like me to
review them for you?
378
00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:25,376
No. Whichever one
you like is fine.
379
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:28,680
Uh, honey, I would
like to hear them.
380
00:17:28,682 --> 00:17:31,349
Fine.
381
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:32,684
Well, option one
382
00:17:32,686 --> 00:17:35,553
is just your straightforward
fixed monthly payment.
383
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,455
It's not one of your
more exciting choices,
384
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:39,457
but at least you know what
you're getting hit with
385
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:40,892
at the end of the month.
386
00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:45,497
Now, option two is called
the floating payment plan.
387
00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:48,099
In this plan, your payments vary
388
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:51,503
based upon fluctuations in
the prime rate of interest.
389
00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:53,471
Some months, your
payments will be lower,
390
00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:56,207
other months, you'll have
a sharp metal object
391
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:57,341
in your testicles.
392
00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:01,813
Now, for example, if in January,
393
00:18:01,815 --> 00:18:05,116
the prime rate goes to, say, 8%,
394
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:08,586
what you'll end up with
is a common office supply
395
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:12,156
violating the very
essence of your manhood.
396
00:18:13,325 --> 00:18:14,559
Pulling,
397
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:15,593
grabbing,
398
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:16,594
pinching,
399
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:17,662
swelling,
400
00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:18,663
tugging.
401
00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:21,032
Throbbing pain so intense
402
00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:24,969
you'll pray for the
sweet release of death.
403
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:27,572
And those are your
three basic options.
404
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:28,640
Any questions?
405
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:31,609
Excuse me just a moment.
406
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,912
Ahem! Rhonda Phillips.
407
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,416
So, honey, which option do
you think we should go with?
408
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,685
Whichever one is the quickest.
409
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:43,421
For God's sake, can you
just give me your opinion?
410
00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:46,624
I can't believe what a baby
you're being about this!
411
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,192
And why are you
sweating so much?
412
00:18:50,362 --> 00:18:51,796
Look, there's something I...
413
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,130
should probably tell you.
414
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,666
What?
415
00:18:54,668 --> 00:18:55,700
Come here.
416
00:19:02,741 --> 00:19:05,376
You stapled yourself
in the mall?
417
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:21,693
Really?
418
00:19:24,563 --> 00:19:25,697
Can I look?
419
00:19:25,699 --> 00:19:26,564
Yeah.
420
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:29,968
Okay.
421
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:34,205
Whoa!
422
00:19:35,774 --> 00:19:36,774
What happened?
423
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:38,209
We were fooling around at work.
424
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:41,646
I was shooting staples
into a tin can.
425
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:44,048
And then I caught
my undercarriage.
426
00:19:45,550 --> 00:19:47,184
Well, what are you doing here?
427
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,385
We should be at the hospital.
428
00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:49,553
Let's go.
429
00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:51,589
No. Look, this morning I
was being really stupid.
430
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:54,792
And selfish and...
I'm really sorry.
431
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:56,160
All right?
432
00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:58,763
I want you to have your office,
just the way you want it.
433
00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:01,432
I want it too, but I
also want to have kids.
434
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:02,767
Now come on.
435
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:05,436
No. Look, we're already here,
I can get through this.
436
00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:07,438
All right? I want to do
this for you, Carrie.
437
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,240
Let's just make it quick.
438
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:13,678
Anyway, I'm sorry about that.
439
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,579
But back to business.
440
00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:17,181
You folks decided?
441
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:18,783
Yeah. We're gonna go
with the third one.
442
00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:19,984
The balloon payment one.
443
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:21,252
The balloon one, yeah.
444
00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:22,586
Okay. You're sure?
445
00:20:22,588 --> 00:20:24,055
Yeah. We're sure.
We like balloons.
446
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:25,156
Pretty.
447
00:20:25,158 --> 00:20:28,159
Okay, fair enough.
448
00:20:29,361 --> 00:20:32,530
Option... three...
449
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:37,902
balloon... pay...
450
00:20:44,209 --> 00:20:45,777
Please... use mine.
451
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:49,714
Thank you.
452
00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:53,151
Payment.
453
00:20:53,153 --> 00:20:58,122
Okay, let me just get these
forms here together for you.
454
00:20:58,124 --> 00:21:01,893
All right, here we
have your k-19.
455
00:21:01,895 --> 00:21:02,760
Hello.
456
00:21:04,129 --> 00:21:07,565
And we have your disclosure.
457
00:21:09,467 --> 00:21:11,602
Your tax status report.
458
00:21:13,305 --> 00:21:15,539
Rate schedule.
459
00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:17,374
For God's sake, get a paperclip.
460
00:21:23,008 --> 00:21:23,602
Oh...
461
00:21:23,627 --> 00:21:25,424
I'm right here with you, baby.
462
00:21:25,449 --> 00:21:27,049
Just breathe.
463
00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:32,090
You're doing great.
We're almost there.
464
00:21:32,092 --> 00:21:33,257
Hang on. Hang on, baby.
465
00:21:33,259 --> 00:21:34,491
I'm trying. I'm trying.
466
00:21:34,493 --> 00:21:36,694
DOCTOR: It's just about out.
467
00:21:36,696 --> 00:21:38,229
Okay, here we go.
468
00:21:39,598 --> 00:21:41,465
It's coming.
469
00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:43,101
It's... out!
470
00:21:43,103 --> 00:21:44,268
Oh... oh...
471
00:21:44,270 --> 00:21:45,236
DOCTOR: And everything's fine.
472
00:21:47,106 --> 00:21:48,606
I love you.
473
00:21:48,608 --> 00:21:49,807
I love you too.
474
00:22:05,863 --> 00:22:06,950
MAN: Spooner.
475
00:22:07,930 --> 00:22:08,807
Spooner!
476
00:22:08,832 --> 00:22:09,613
ARTHUR: Yeah?
477
00:22:09,789 --> 00:22:12,123
MAN: Don't carry that
rivet gun in your pocket.
478
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,140
ARTHUR: Don't tell me.
479
00:22:15,276 --> 00:22:17,676
ARTHUR: Ohhh!
480
00:22:17,678 --> 00:22:20,213
A little help over here.
32988
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