All language subtitles for The.Bride.Wore.Boots.1946.720p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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Isn't it a wonderful
day for a ride, darling?

Aren't you glad I persuaded you?

Because you really do like to ride,
you know. You just won't admit it.

And you simply couldn't
be nervous on old Sad Sam

that no one could
manage to fall off...

Uh-oh!

Oh, dear.

Why, darling,
did you come unstuck?

Unstuck? Certainly not.

I just happened to glance down
and he wasn't there anymore.

Well, you're not hurt, dear.

Well, it's nice of you
to tell me.

The thing to do when you fall
off is to get right back on again.

Yes, I know. Upsy daisy.

I've been hearing that
for seven years. Horses!

When you were courting me,
you said you loved them.

Well, that was on a boat.

And remember,
you were gonna turn over

your horse business to your pal Lancelot,
and we were gonna live in the city.

You never fail to bring
Lance into it, do you?

I didn't bring him in.
You already had him.

Maybe he's the guy
you should have married.

That's what he thinks, too.

Oh, darling, let's not quarrel
again. It's the day before Christmas.

Come on, we'll walk
the horses home.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Look out, Jeff! He's going to
jump. Pick a soft spot to land.

Sorry, Sal.

Sorry, Miss Sally. We was just
trying to get Lady Julia home.

How is she, Lance?

Well, her leg is
more swollen, Sal.

She's very feverish. I
don't like her looks at all.

I think we'd
better have another vet.

I'm really worried about her.

I heard you.

Worried about an animal with your
husband lying in those bushes unconscious,

probably dead.

Maybe still is.

But, Jeff, dear...

Worried about a horse.

She's not a horse. She's a mare,
old boy. Ladies first, you know.

"Ladies first"?
Are you kidding?

After all, it was
just a little accident.

One time or another, I suppose I've
broken about every bone in my body.

Except your neck.

Oh, Jeff, after all, you
are all right. Come on.

Off again, on again, old boy.

Look, I wouldn't get
back on him again

if you cut him off at the
knees and put wheels on him.

But... I wouldn't get on him
again if he sprouted handlebars!

But...
I hate him, see.

I hate them all. I've
hated them all of my life.

The first thing I remember
hating was my hobbyhorse.

Jeff, please.

I hate merry-go-rounds.
I hate Black Beauty.

Jeff. Even horseradish
makes me throw up.

I've been wanting to tell you
this for seven long years.

Now, I'm through, see.
Well, I'm just through.

You'd better ride Sam home,

and Jeff can get safely
home in the car, perhaps.

If nothing frightens it.

Hello there,
Mr. Hodges.

Afternoon,
Mr. Warren.

Oh, more Christmas.
I have to see.

I'll ride on and
see to Lady Julia, Sal.

Merry Christmas,
Mr. Hodges.

Oh, same to you,
Mrs. Warren.

Here, calendar.
Got one myself.

Season's greetings from the
Little Gem Fertilizer Company.

Yes, that would be for
Mrs. Warren, all right.

That's right. Anything to do
with horses, it's for Mrs. Warren.

And anything like relics, it's for
mister. Got one right here, too.

Sword. Tell by the
feel. Ought to be able to.

Must be a dozen old swords
I've brought you, Mr. Warren.

No, 14, Mr. Hodges.
And a Bowie knife.

Yes.
Do you mind?

Mmm?
Who's it from?

Oh.
Oh, uh...

"Presented to
Mr. Jefferson Warren,"

"the distinguished
historian of the Old South,"

"by the Tatum Courthouse
Chapter of the Mason-Dixon Dames."

Oh, those Dames. They
just adore my husband.

You mean they
like my books, dear.

And they always send
him such wonderful things.

General Jackson's baby
high chair,

General Stuart's favorite bed...

The house is beginning
to look like a museum.

Well, it still
smells like a horse.

Guess that's all.

Thank you, Mr. Hodges.
Thank you.

For you, dear. "Merry Christmas
from Bonbright's Saddlery."

And this is for you.
"Colonial Dames."

Here you are, dear.
"Yuletide sale of snaffles."

Snaffles.

"Dames. Daughters.
Dames. Daughters. Dames."

Isn't it wonderful,
Mr. Hodges?

Mr. Warren gets almost as much
fan mail as if he were a crooner.

Always joking, Mrs. Warren.

I always say you two
have more fun. Bye.

Bye. Goodbye, Mr. Hodges.

"Christmas greetings
from the 7th Cavalry."

What are you, dear, the
daughter of the regiment?

Oh, Jeff, I'm sorry.
Please, let's not fight.

It is Christmas, and in less than
an hour, the children will be home

and you have to get into
your Santa Claus outfit.

Come on, dear.

Why do women have to
wear such tight boots?

To make their feet
look smaller, dear.

Jeff.

Hmm?

Do you remember
when we got that?

I don't know. It was about
four years ago, wasn't it?

Yes, when the
children were little.

Say, honey, where's the...

Where's the beard?
The beard.

In the drawer here.
Oh.

And do you remember what
they gave me for Christmas?

Chicken pox.
That's very funny.

Saved up all year.

Yes. It wasn't very
funny at the time.

Jeff.

Things were different then.

What's happened to us, Jeff?
What's the matter with us?

You mean beside the horses?

Oh, don't joke.

Yes, beside horses or
delegations from the MDD or...

Is it Lance?

Is it?

No.

I don't know. He's around.

And I'm not, I suppose.

Not like you used to be.

Let's cut it out, Jeff.

Let's not let
anything happen, ever.

Everything seems to, though.

Yes.

Well, let's hurry. I want to give you my
present before the children come home.

Yeah.

"From Sally."

Oh, Sally, what a desk.

What a swell desk.

It's just swell.

Oh, it isn't just a desk, any
old desk, it's Jefferson Davis'.

Jefferson Davis'?

Good gosh.

It is, though. Where he
signed things. Everything.

"While General Lee sat right over
there on the other side," the man said.

General Robert E. Lee.

Well, Sally, how the
dickens did you ever get it?

Oh, a wonderful antiquarian.

Jeff, you know, I always thought
anti meant against something.

Antiquarian. It sounds
like somebody against fish.

Is there a name for them?

For what?
People against fish.

Darling, aren't you
thrilled? Thrilled?

Well, Sally, I just can't get
over it. I just can't get over it.

And I thought you hated
my war collection.

I do. The things
other women give you.

Other women.

Oh, Sally, you know they
all come from nice old ladies.

Mmm. They're women, though.
And it's never too late.

Oh, you still haven't
noticed everything.

Why? Is there
something else?

Mmm-hmm.

Sally.

We couldn't fight
anymore, could we?

Not now.

It would be awful right in the same
house with President Davis' desk.

Fight?

Wait till you see
what I've got for you.

Jeff, it's something that begins
with an "H" and has little "H's."

Now, come on.
Come on.

Joe, what's my
mysterious present?

Oh, I ain't supposed
to tell, Miss Sally.

Now, Sally, wait right here.
Be right back. Come on, Joe.

You're sure no one's
seen him, huh?

No, sir. I kept him hid
just like you told me to.

Good.

Say, you know, Mr. Jeff, it
seems funny, you buying a horse.

Well, they tell me
it's a good one.

I guess it'd be a surprise
if it turned out

I picked a horse that could win
the Virginia Challenge Cup, hmm?

Oh, yes, it sure would.

You know that Clear Valley
Stables been trying to find that horse

for more than 25 years.

Here he is, Mr. Jeff.

He looks mighty
proud you bought him.

You know, horses like you.
You ought to like horses.

Yeah, well, I just can't
seem to somehow, Joe. I...

Wait a minute, Albert. You
can finish your dinner later.

Oh, no. No, don't interrupt his
dinner. Just bring him along. Yeah.

Yes, sir. I'll put a long leash
on him, sir. Come on, Albert.

Hello, Lance.
Hello, Sal.

I'm waiting for my present
from Jeff. I think it's a horse.

Oh, does it look like
one? If Jeff picked it out...

Lance, if you say
one mean word...

Hear you bought Sal a present,
old boy. There's a rumor it's a horse.

Where is it, darling?
I can't wait!

Isn't that sweet of Jeff, Lance?
Especially when he isn't...

Well, he isn't attached to them.

He's usually detached.

Sorry, old boy.
Just slipped off.

I mean out.

Christmas, Jeff.
Remember? Merry Christmas.

Do you like him?
Notice his withers, Sally.

"Very fine withers,"
the man said.

Wait till I give
you his pedigree.

Why, he's... He's sweet.

And, Sally, see
his fine, long tail?

"Very important, a
horse's tail," the man said.

Yes, he's handsome, Jeff.

Thanks. I don't
pretend to be an expert,

but he certainly looked
like a beautiful colt to me.

Colt?

Here, let's have
a look at his teeth.

Hold this.

Oh, teeth.

Good heavens, they're tusks!

Oh, Lance.
Please, no.

Never look
a gift horse in the mouth, eh?

You've been had, old boy.
This fellow's at least 12 years old.

Well, that's not too
old for a steeplechaser.

I've heard you say so yourself.

Why, I know him, Sally. I
thought I did. This is Albert.

Steeplechase. Why, he
couldn't jump over his own hat.

Lance!

Albert's beautiful, Jeff.

Come on, let's all go back.

Why, he used to be a sprinter on
the flat when I was in knee pants.

They've been trying to sell
him to some sucker for years.

Grandpappy Albert. Why, you ought
to have a long white beard. Here.

Let's see how you look
in a long white beard.

Here's a hat.

Doesn't he look
funny in a white beard?

And don't you look
funny in a nosebag?

Great, big grown men
fighting like animals.

Did you notice me when I hung
him on the end of my left, dear?

You beast!

And when I nailed him
with that Sunday punch?

And got nailed, I'm glad
to say. Look at your nose!

It's more like Santa Claus',
isn't it? Anything for realism.

A fine Christmas!
Fine, fine!

One of the finest I recall.

I've been waiting seven long
years for a chance to tag that guy.

Oh, well, Albert enjoyed
it if nobody else did.

Where's my beard, dear?

Here.
I do not like you.

Hmm. Smells like Albert.
Good thing I got a sore nose.

Did you hear
what I said? Come in.

I said,
"I do not like you."

What are you doing, dears?

Hating him.
Oh!

And you got me into it, too,
Mother, seven long years ago.

I'd never have looked at him if you
and the captain of that horrible scow

hadn't needed
a fourth at bridge.

Now, now, dear. There's
so little to do on a boat.

What's she done to you, darling?

I done to him? He's been
fighting with Lance like an animal.

Really, Jeff, did you
have to right then?

Afraid so, honey child.

A fight,

and I was at a children's party
in the basement of a church.

Mother.
Well, come, dears.

Your little cherubs are
waiting for jolly old St. Nick.

I suppose you let them
gorge themselves at the party.

Certainly. They wouldn't
think it was Christmas

if they weren't
allowed to be sick.

We'll be waiting.

And if it's possible,
try not to box anyone, dear.

One-Round
Santa Claus I was known as.

The bell.
He comes out slugging.

He's down. He's up.
He's down. He's down.

I don't see how you can
face your little children.

Hello, Todd.
Hello, Uncle Todd.

Hello, ladies.
Where's Jeff? In there.

Hi, Uncle Todd! A very
merry Christmas to you.

Did you locate the punch bowl?

Well, I went to it
like a homing beagle.

Let's get this up here where we
can stick these in here for the kids

from their favorite great-uncle.

I hope you haven't brought
them anything destructive again.

No, no, just air rifles. Oh!

Thousand-shotters.

Probably won't be a window
in the house come New Year.

What's the matter
with your nose?

Yeah. Oh, tough trip
down the chimney.

You better watch out
for those things.

Yeah. Well, you beat it,
so you'll be down there

when I make my grand
entrance for my little angels.

Little angels. Okay.

Now, we have a nice,
little present for Grandma.

A bull's-eye!

Got him in the...

Oh, you!
Why did you do that?

Mama, Mama,
Johnnie shot the angel!

Children, please!

Come on now, put the guns down.

But, Mama, I wanted
to shoot it first!

Put the gunny-wunnies down.

But who can I shoot, Mama?

Your Uncle Todd, dear, later.

Goody, goody!

Now, come on. Funny old Santa
has some more presents for you.

Well, my good little children, we've just
about reached the bottom of the barrel.

Oh, I hope not,
my jolly old elf.

Mama, Santa's got a nosebleed.

Look at his whiskers.
Looky, Mama.

Yes, dears, isn't he fun?

Must be going. Thousands of other little
children. People who love me. Let go.

No, no.

Don't go, Santa.

Let old Santa go
now, my little dears.

Yes, yes, the farther off,
the better.

But what made his nose bleed?

Well, a reindeer kicked him.

What reindeer? Dasher,
Dancer, Prancer, Santa?

No, no, it was...
It was Cupid.

And was it Cupid who
kicked Uncle Lance in the eye?

Now, just let go of old Santa.

Well, now, say goodbye
to Santa, now. Say goodbye.

Goodbye, everybody.
Goodbye.

But we want to go
with Santa Claus!

But, Mama, we wanna see
the reindeer kick him again.

That's a very good
eggnog, my boy.

Thank you, Uncle Todd.

A bit on the anemic side.

All right.

You're not drinking yours?

No, no, no,
I'll have one later. Thanks.

Okay, sir. Pity to have it
sitting around just doing nothing.

That's all right.

What did you give Sally
for Christmas, Jeff?

A horse, Uncle Todd.

A horse?

Why, I thought you
didn't like the silly things.

Great heavens.
A drunken horse.

Bring him right
along, please. Come along.

Company,
Mr. Jeff, for you.

Great cat!
He's coming to call.

Don't let him in now.
Do you hear?

It's a degradation
for Mr. Jeff.

It's a what?

One of them women's
degradations. Yes, sir.

Oh, brother.

"By the ladies of the Tatum Courthouse
Chapter of the Mason and Dixon Dames."

And now, dear Mr. Warren, after
receiving your kind acceptance

of our invitation to
speak at our convention,

we decided unanimously to
just surprise you in advance

with the most treasured
relic in our little museum.

General Pennypoke's charger.

And the saddle, Janet.

And saddle.

We think, coming from General
Pennypoke's own hometown,

that Black Prince was one of the most
significant horses in the Confederacy.

Don't we, girls?

It's an honor.

Just can't tell you how
much I appreciate this...

Oh, we knew you'd love him
just as if he were alive!

Of course, you know the story.

The General got Black Prince

after four lesser horses
were shot out from under him.

- Five, Janet!
- Five!

Shot right out.

Yes, well, I can certainly appreciate
the General's position in the matter.

I've had dozens of horses
shoot out from under me. I mean...

Well, now that the
ceremony's over,

I'm Janet Doughton.
How do you do?

And this is Mrs. Walsh.
How do you do?

And this is Mrs. Harvey.
How do you do?

But where's Mary Lou?

She's paying off the truck man.

Here you are, dear.

I'm afraid you've completely
missed the presentation. Such a pity.

But you can still meet
our dear, dear Mr. Warren,

which is the important
event, after all, isn't it?

Mr. Warren, this is
my niece, Miss Medford.

Mary Lou, this is our
distinguished author, Mr. Warren.

How do you do, Miss Medford?

And Mrs. Warren, ladies.
How do you do?

Oh, Mrs. Warren.

I just worship your
books, Mr. Warren,

especially The Last Campaign
on the Lower Mississippi.

But don't blame me for
Black Prince. Isn't he grim?

And now, if we could just have a
peek at where genius composes?

Right this way, ladies.

And this is his sword.

His sword. Oh.

Our uniform!

Yes, that's Mrs. Warren's
great grandfather's.

He rode with Stuart. Of
course, we've had it cleaned.

Dear, dear Mr. Warren.

I have an idea.
Girls, an idea!

If that table and
that chair were moved,

there'd be room for Black
Prince right beside your desk.

We'll bring him in.

We'll help!

Where we could feel he was a
constant source of inspiration.

Why, he'd adore a horse in
the house. Wouldn't you, darling?

Put him right there.

Ah, ah, ah, the chandelier.

Right by the desk
I gave him for Christmas.

Jefferson Davis' desk.

Oh, why, it does
look exactly like it.

It is it.

Why, Mrs. Warren, how did you ever get
the museum in Richmond to part with it?

It wasn't in Richmond.

But, Mrs. Warren,
I'm sure...

Isn't it odd that
President Davis

should have bought a
desk made in Grand Rapids?

Oh, dear,
dear Mrs. Warren...

I'm so sorry.
You'll dislike me now.

I didn't want you to.

I especially didn't want you to.

Oh, no. No, I
won't. Of course not.

I'm so afraid your Christmas
is going to be spoiled.

I told Aunt Janet this was an
awful time to descend on anyone.

But I couldn't resist coming
and getting to meet you.

And now, you'll never
forgive poor little me.

Or will you?

Well, merry Christmas,
as I was saying.

All the old harmless customs.

Well, I certainly hope you have
something nice in your stocking.

Goodbye, Mr. Warren.

Oh, yes. Goodbye.

Oh, I almost forgot
to give you this.

Oh, thanks. Thank you. Yes.
I'll see you at the convention.

Well...
Well...

Bye.

Look, Sally.
Now look, will you?

Oh, for Pete's sake, Sally!
Look, you...

Oh, cut it out, Sally.

I didn't want to kiss her.
Anyway, she's just kind of a child.

Child? Oh, you dear
boy. Let me by, please.

No, no, Sally. I tell you,
I was just standing there

when she kind of,
well, impulsively...

I know. She grabbed you
when you weren't looking.

Good heavens, Sally!

And you got that stranglehold
on her in self-defense.

Oh, I loved it when you said, "I hope
you find something nice in your stocking."

In her stocking.
You grammar-school wolf.

Wolf? Me? Look,
Sally, you know, I...

And not 10 minutes after you
were pretending to be Santa Claus.

Your poor little children!

But, Sally, it's Christmas!

Christmas in the harem!

What's happened, Jeff?

Will you please put this
in the garbage, Emma?

Oh, Sally, good grief.

Garbage?
Oh...

Sally! Oh, come on, kids.
Cool down and have a drink.

That's what I always say. Sally!

Christmas parade. Christmas
parade. Goody, goody.

Sally, where are you going?

Anywhere to get away from you!

Is Mama mad? Is
Mama mad at Papa?

Oh, look, Sally, you can't
do this to me. Let me in.

No, no, no, I'm through.

Do you hear me?
This is the last straw!

But, Sally...
No.

Going around kissing everybody you
meet when you can't even ride a horse.

But, Sally, listen...

No.

Even our presents go wrong.

Letting me be a laughingstock
in front of all those women

when you knew
the desk was a fake.

Well, Sally, they didn't laugh as loud
at the desk as Lance laughed at Albert.

Oh, Sally, look, we're
just fighting about nothing.

Sal? Sal?

Go away.

Sal.

You know what I'd planned, Sal?

I thought we'd go
to this convention

and then go on from
there to New York.

We'll have a time.
Take a trip.

No, I'd rather be shot.

You see, Sally, that's...
Well, that's our trouble.

We need to get away together,
just us, on a kind of a spree.

Oh, Sally.

Like we used to, honey.

Well...

What's the matter?

"And so it seems
completely clear that Lee..."

"And so it seems
completely clear that..."

Will you stop looking so lovely?

I cannot remember my speech,

read my own handwriting
or anything. Oh, yes.

"That Lee remained unaffected"

"by the personalities
of those surrounding him."

"Pause for applause."

You'd better scratch that
out, Jeff, or you'll say it.

Oh, that won't
bother me, darling.

Listen, the moment I
get this speech over with,

our trip really begins,
doesn't it?

Get back on the platform, Jeff.

Oh, yes.

Beauregard. "As
Beauregard said, for instance",

"before the First
Battle of Manassas..."

Well, why can't we start
now? What are we waiting for?

Room service, please.

"As Beauregard said before
the First Battle of Manassas..."

Send up a bottle of
champagne to Room 306, please.

Yes.

And this, in the final analysis,

is the imperishable
glory of Robert E. Lee.

Oh, Mr. Warren,
you've thrilled me so.

I could give you
a great big kiss.

I wish I could, too.

Please. I'm afraid we girls are
embarrassing dear Mr. Warren.

But I'm sure that he won't
mind one small, official kiss

on behalf of all the ladies of
the MDD. Will you, Mr. Warren?

Well, I...

And one on behalf of the
girls of the Junior Auxiliary.

But, good heavens, Sally, what was I
supposed to do in front of all those women?

Spit in her eye?
Certainly.

Oh, but good heavens, honey.
I've been trying to tell you that

it wasn't she kissing me,
it was the Junior Auxiliary.

Oh? Well, I mean,
they told her to. I mean...

Well, it wasn't official.
Well, it was kind of official.

She's the president of the
thing. It was her sort of duty.

Her duty to sit in the front
row with her legs crossed?

Oh, Sal, I didn't even
notice her legs.

Not that it interests me if you
want to leer in front of 1,000 people.

Leer? Me?
Exactly.

Exactly like they do with
somebody on the witness stand,

as I've no doubt she should be.

Practically drooling.

Now, look here, Sally
Warren, that is the most...

I find myself becoming very
unfond of you, Mr. Warren.

Very, very unfond.

But I haven't done
anything! I was only...

Good gosh, if you still
feel this way about it,

what did you come
on the trip for?

Oh, look here, Sally,

I thought we were going to have
a sort of a second honeymoon.

Second honeymoon.

Sure. What do you think I got the
champagne and roses for? Fun?

Oh, Sally.
Look, let's...

Let's open up the bottle of pop.

I suppose
she has beautiful legs.

Mmm.

Beautiful.
Beautiful.

Hmm? She?
She, who?

Mary Lou, of course.

Oh, look, haven't I
been trying to tell you

that I don't even know
if the woman has got legs?

Woman?

You... You said you
thought of her as a little girl.

No, no, no, darling.

Look, I said I didn't
think of her at all.

Big or little, girl or no
girl, legs or no legs.

Darling... I suppose
it's what I should expect.

Artistic temperament, off with
the old and on with the new.

Jeff.

Mmm?

We haven't made up yet.

I have.
I never unmade, Sally.

And you'll never...

Never. Never.

Let anybody...

Nobody.

Or anything...

Nothing.

Come between us?
Or interfere?

Nothing. Nobody. Ever.

Darling.

Oh, those people.

It's after 12:00.

I thought they'd
finally gone to bed.

Oh, Jeff.
Hmm?

Jeff, I can't kiss you with
sound effects. They can't do this.

Phone the manager, darling.

Oh.

Now...

No, Jeff, no.
The manager.

Manager?

No, I want the manager.
Well, look, I called for the...

He is? Oh. Oh. Oh.

He's asleep.

Oh, Jeff, that awful
noise. You'll have to...

Jeff, you simply
have to stop it.

Oh, no, Sally.

Oh, no, darling, not that.

The noise, Jeff.

Hmm?

Well, it's stopped, Sally.

Pound on the wall, darling.

I fixed 'em.

Yes, you fixed them.

Well, I will.

If the manager won't do
anything about it, I will.

Oh, no, darling! Don't go
in there and start a fight.

You don't know
how many there are.

I don't care how many there are.

And I don't care how big.

Well, if they're not decent
about it, you just throw them out.

Sounded like King Kong,
didn't it?

Well, it's the
neighbors dropping in.

Come in. Come in.

No, I'm sorry,
but what I came for...

Is a drink.

Say, aren't you the fellow
who made the speech tonight?

Well, after an ordeal like
that, you must need a drink.

Come on.
I don't want a drink.

What? Don't want a drink?
What's that got to do with it?

I didn't want to
listen to your speech, either.

Yeah, but you...

Join the party. Join the
party. But why I'm here...

Hey, folks, here's the
fellow that talked our ears off.

But he's not going to make a speech
now. He's going to have a drink.

Why, Jeff, what a nice surprise.

Well, hello.

Jeff, this is my brother
George Medford.

George, this is
Jefferson Warren.

Glad to know you.
Glad to know you.

How do you do?

Carolyn, come meet
one of my favorite people.

Hello. Oh, hello,
how are you? I'm fine.

Mary Lou, aren't you
going to introduce me?

Here's your bourbon.
Oh, thank you very much.

This is Mr. Warren's
room who complained, sir.

And there is the party.

Well... I'm very sorry,
but it's after 12:00.

And I've heard complaints
about the noise. Really.

In fact, a very
distinguished guest...

Well...

Good night. Had a
swell time. Good night.

Good night. Thanks
again. Thanks.

Good night, old fellow.
See you again.

Good night.

Yes. Well...
Jeff.

Christmas is over and there
doesn't seem to be any mistletoe,

but, well, isn't saying
good night a good excuse?

Yes, well, I...

But, Mary Lou,
look, please, you...

Sally! Sally!

Sally! Sally!

Open up the door, Sally.

Look, Sally,
you don't understand.

Open up the door.

Sally. Sally.

Mrs. Warren, I find there are
limits to human endurance.

Amours, Judge.

I just wanted to
state that his amours...

Mrs. Warren!

I know, I'm sorry. I won't say
another word until it's my turn again,

except to say that it
was his amours that...

Will counsel proceed?

As I...

As I have attempted to
make plain, Your Honor,

my client is not
contesting this divorce.

He's simply protesting,

most strongly,

the charge that Mrs. Warren has been
subjected to cruel and unusual treatment.

We don't believe that either of these
charges can be substantiated by any fact.

Mrs. Warren, will you
take the stand, please?

Oh, I can hardly wait.

Judge, how would you like to be
forced to live under the same roof

with a dead horse?

A what?
A dead horse.

Wouldn't you call that
cruel and unusual?

And as for his amours,
I guess being trapped

in his pajamas and
a loose dressing gown...

Just a moment,
Mrs. Warren.

Did I understand you to say a...

A dead horse, yes,

that one of his women gave
him. Doesn't that prove it?

Because I certainly can't imagine
keeping a dead horse around

from somebody you weren't
having amours with.

Your Honor, I object!

I don't see why he
should object. I'm the one...

In all my 30 years
on the bench, I...

Mrs. Warren.

I know, I'm sorry.

This court is adjourned
until 2:00,

at which time we will resume.

Unless in the meantime they
have come to take me away.

At that time I...

In the name of the great State
of Virginia, which one is that?

That is our Exhibit A,
Your Honor.

To prove how cruel it was.

Divorce granted!

You stay with Grandmother.
Mother won't be long.

She just has someone to settle.

Will you sit here, please,
Mrs. Warren?

Not Mrs. Warren anymore,
please.

The children and I
are taking my maiden name.

Oh, I knew
you'd gone crazy. That's...

Mrs. Warren is joking,
of course.

There wouldn't be any legal
way in which she could...

There would, too.

I can become Miss Apley
again and adopt them.

I guess I can adopt
my own children.

Mrs. Warren,
now, please.

Now, I suggested
this informal meeting

because I felt it was essential that
we reach some points of agreement

before court convenes.

For instance, have you decided
who is going to have the house?

Certainly. He is. I am not.

That's absurd. The house
was yours when I married you.

It wasn't anybody's till
you paid off the mortgage.

Well, when I did,
I put it in your name.

Oh, no, you didn't. You put
it in the name of Mrs. Warren.

I'm Sally Apley, thank heavens.

Besides, I'm moving
into Lance's house.

You're what?

If you think I'm going
to have my wife...

Widow, Mr. Warren.

Lance's house, where
I can look after my farm.

You may tell the gentleman that
Lance is going away for six months.

It may relieve his particularly nasty
mind. And I don't want any alimony.

You're going to get some
whether you... Well, I am not.

Please. We're are afraid that the judge is
going to consider this very unusual again.

You see, people are usually
fighting to keep things instead of...

All I'm taking is the horses, except
Albert, which of course goes to Mr. Warren.

He does not go to me.
He's yours. I gave him to you.

And now I give him back.
You can all be witnesses.

Besides, he'll keep you
from missing the children.

You what?
Of course, Mrs. Warren,

the custody of the children
is something we must discuss.

Oh, I've already discussed it.
Last night. With Mother.

I'm to have them, except
when I want him to have them.

But... I... I...

But, Mrs. Warren, there has to
be some regular arrangement.

There might be times when it would
be inconvenient for Mr. Warren to...

I know. Those are the
very times I'm thinking of.

No, no. The judge is
never going to permit it.

And has it occurred to you
that the judge might ask

the children themselves
as to any preference?

You ask them. They're
right in the other office.

You'll see.

And you'll see.

Oh, Miss Eagan, will you please
send in the Warren children?

And I think it would be much
fairer to omit any persuasion.

Good morning,
Mrs. Apley.

Now, listen, children. You
see, your mama and your papa...

Well, they aren't going to live
in the same house anymore.

Now, who do you
children want to live with?

Uncle Todd.
Uncle Todd.

Oh, where in the...
Double distilled... Hey!

Hey, you're getting the range.
Just clipped the elbow that time.

What are you looking for?

My shoe.
My shoe. My other shoe.

Put on another pair.

I don't want to
put on another pair.

I've got half of
this pair on already.

I haven't been able to find
anything in this house for a week.

Took all of her own things
and hid all of mine. On purpose.

Uh-oh, here come three more.

Three more. Two blondes and
one that doesn't make any difference.

That makes 19, you know.
Quite a field day, boy.

Nineteen! I advertised for one
lone competent secretary.

Say, I wonder if I couldn't
be of some slight assistance.

Maybe, you know, conduct a
small preliminary examination

to sort of weed out the
culls, as it were, huh?

Uncle, I'm not
hiring a chorus line.

No, no, no.
Certainly not.

But, I mean, I might be able to
eliminate somebody who's not in...

Physically in good shape,
shall we say?

21, 22, 23, 24.

And out the back way.

Look, Uncle Todd, I can't
talk to these women now.

Now, tell them I've gone to
New York with scarlet fever.

You advertised.

Well, get their telephones, get
their names, anything, do anything.

Good morning.
They's all in there, miss.

Has Mr. Warren
interviewed anyone yet?

No, ma'am, not yet.

Mr. Warren just ran out
the back door.

Hmm. Thank you. You
may put these away, please.

I'm Miss Medford.

Good morning.

I'm awfully sorry
to have kept you waiting.

I'm sure Mr. Warren will regret not
having been able to interview you himself.

But if you'll state
your qualifications

and address your letters to me,
Miss Medford, in care of Mr. Warren,

you'll hear from us.

Do you think Jeff
will let me stay?

Well, I can speak only
for myself, my dear.

Jeff is a very strange
character, you know, in a way.

I really am
an awfully good secretary.

And I did save him
from all those women.

Yes, if you care
for that sort of thing.

I think I'll wait right here
until he comes.

Why don't we do just that?

Now, you just make
yourself comfortable here.

Another one to save him from.

I'm awfully sorry, but the
position has already been filled.

Really?

How enterprising of you.

Mattie, I think you'll find

those boots of mine
in the hall closet.

Yes, ma'am.

I meant, of course, the position
of Mr. Warren's secretary.

Why, of course.

How very convenient
that will be for you both.

I'm sure you don't mean to
be insinuating, Mrs. Warren.

Miss Apley, please.
Of course not.

Thank you, Mattie.
Is Joe at the stables?

I think so, Miss Sally.

Oh, I... I hope this hasn't
been a trouble to you,

but there are so many of my
discarded things around the house.

Oh, of course not.

I do hope you'll come over often
now that we're to be neighbors.

Why, how nice of you.

I'll be sure to, particularly as
we have so much in common.

In common?
Yes.

Your future and my past.

Oh.

You know, Mr. Jeff, it gets mighty
lonesome around here without no horses.

Mmm-hmm.

And without any children.

Mmm-hmm.

And without any...
Joe!

Now, that will do.

Yes, sir.

There you is.
You look good now.

Miss Sally want you,
and you going to be ready.

Joe, why didn't you go
with the rest of them,

the horses and the children and
everything you're so lonesome for?

'Cause Mr. Lance
don't like me, Mr. Jeff.

And it breaks my heart
not to be able to help train.

Lady Julia for the Cup Race.

Best chance Clear Valley
Stables ever had.

Breaks Miss Sally's heart
if she don't win.

She's been trying ever
since she was a little girl.

And her pappy before her.
Yes, sir.

All for another
piece of silver, huh?

Yes, sir.

You see that? There he is.

Clear Valley horse in the first
Cup Race 45 years ago. Stamper.

Yes, sir.

Oh, Joe, all horses
look alike to me.

Even Albert, the only
horse I ever bought.

I wouldn't recognize him
if he stepped on my foot.

Yes, sir, but he
recognize you, Mr. Jeff.

That horse is purely
infatuated. Hear that? Infatuated.

Why, Tom, he tells me
that Albert horse

he don't eat, he don't sleep,

he just stand around
looking frail and lonesome.

You sure ought to
keep him here, Mr. Jeff.

Oh, no, Joe. Horses
are one thing I don't miss.

Besides, you've got
Black Prince in there.

Mr. Jeff, I just don't
believe in stuffin' horses.

When a horse is dead, he ought to
go on about his business and be dead.

Now, there's somethin'
about a stuffed horse.

Now, you stuff a bird,
you got a stuffed bird.

But a stuffed horse, Mr. Jeff,
that's just too much stuffin'.

I don't like him either, Joe.

It ain't exactly like and it
ain't exactly I don't like him.

But that Black Prince horse
seems to get bigger and bigger

the more he stands around.

Now, in the daytime,
he's normal size,

but in the evenin',
he seems to start growin'.

I walked in here last night and
there he was, standin' in his stall,

Iookin' right at me with
them biggity glass eyes.

Joe?
Are you there, Joe?

Yes, Miss Sally.

Have you got
my old hunting saddle?

Yes, ma'am. Come in.

I'll seek and I find it.

Sally.
Hello, Jeff. Joe!

Sally, wait a minute.

What for, Jeff?

Well, I don't know what for...

Just because
something happened...

Because you thought
something happened and...

Well, this happened.

Well, it's no reason why we
can't be civilized and talk, is it?

No, of course not.

What shall we talk about?
Mother?

Well, Mother is blooming
these days. She...

Sally, I'm not interested
in your mother.

You're not interested in Mother?

Oh, she'll be so hurt.

Well, I mean, I...

Well, the children!

Jeff, the children are simply
unfolding day by day. They...

Nor the children, Sally.

You're not interested
in the children, either?

Well, uh...

Your very own children?
It isn't...

Oh, Jeff, you can't mean that.

You know what I
mean, Sally. I, uh...

You haven't given me
a chance to talk about...

To talk about your book?
Of course.

How is the book coming, Jeff?

You know, I always
thought your love scenes

were the least realistic, but now
they ought to be actually ardent

with Mary Lou collaborating.

Don't you just love that
word "collaborating"?

With whom?
Collaborating?

Oh, I think it's
a splendid idea.

Uh, Joe...
Sally, look.

Now, I haven't seen that
girl since... Well, since.

And I don't want to see her.

And I'm never going to
see her again ever, and...

Jeff?
Where are you, Jeff?

Here he is, Miss Medford.

So nice to have seen you both.

Mmm-hmm.

Hello, Jeff.

What are you doing here?

Why, you advertised
for a secretary, Jeff.

Yes, I know. There are 25 women
down there waiting for the job.

Not anymore, Jeff.
I got rid of them.

You what?

I got rid of them.

And now you're wondering

who's going to get
rid of me, aren't you?

Oh, Jeff, you're so funny.

Yes. I'm hilarious.

You wanted a secretary and
I am a good one, honestly.

And I'd love to work with you
because I love your books.

And besides...

Yes, I know, it's the
"besides" part that worries me.

Oh! You don't even know
what I was going to say.

Well, you... I... I
was going to say

besides, I can be as quiet
as a little mouse. Really.

And I'd manage so that
no one ever disturbed you.

And I'd not do one
single thing to distract you,

unless you wanted
to be distracted.

I mean, there are times...

I just want
to finish a book, that's all.

No, no, this wouldn't
work out, Mary Lou.

I'm awfully sorry.
It just wouldn't work.

Of course, Jeff,
if you don't want me,

and of course if
Sally doesn't approve...

What's Sally got to do with it?

You wouldn't think
she'd have anything,

but, well...

But, well, what?

Well, when I met her
a little while ago, she...

She seemed so sure you were
still so blindly in love with her.

Is that so?

Is that so?

Blindly in...

You're hired.

Phone the stables, Florence.
Perhaps the children are there.

Yes, ma'am. Excuse me.

How do you do, Florence?

Oh, disposing of
the children, dear?

Sending them to their father for a
few days, the poor, lonesome man.

Oh! And isn't this
concern rather sudden?

I thought it was another
month before Jeff had them.

The judge said...
Oh, the judge!

Have you seen them, Mother?

They were in the south pasture

as I drove by a little
while ago, falling off a colt.

Sally, have you seen
Jeff? What's happened?

Happened?
Nothing. Nothing.

Yes, happened.
Give, my pet.

I haven't any idea what you...

Oh, Mary Lou Medford.

Oh, hurrying to move right in?

Prompt little number, isn't she?

I wonder, dear, why you should care
who moves in as long as you've moved out.

Or, have you, quite?

Quite. Perfectly quite.

Women could move in by
the hundreds and hundreds

and it would be a matter of
complete indifference to me.

Then why?

My children. I am
thinking only of my children.

Do you suppose I
want them to grow up

knowing their father made
a complete idiot of himself?

I see.

And you do think the patter
of little feet about his house

will keep him from...

I see.

All for the children's
sake, huh?

Certainly.

Oh, Mother, I can't stand you
when you try to act psychic.

Give it to me!

It's mine!
It's mine!

No, it isn't!
Children, please.

Mommy, make him give me

my darling baby rattlesnake.

He isn't yours.

He doesn't even like
you. He doesn't like girls.

He does, too. He loves me.
He's a girl rattlesnake himself.

Isn't he, Grandmother?

Very likely, dear.

Mommy, are we going some place?

Yes, dear, to visit your father.

Goody, goody.

Here, take your old
garter snake. He stinks.

You can have him, Grandmother.

Thank you, dear.

When are we going,
Mother? Now?

Now? Now? Now?

If you're very good
and listen to Mother.

Now, dears, your father
doesn't know you're coming, so...

A surprise? Hot dog!

We love surprises!

So will your father, dears.

Isn't your mother
cute to think of it?

Remember, your
father has missed you.

And his feelings would be hurt

if you ran away to play
outside all the time. So...

Romping in the halls
will cheer your father

as he writes his
bookie-wookie, Mother means.

Johnnie, Carol.
Mmm-hmm.

Yes, Mother.
Uh...

There is a pretty lady
helping your father.

And your mother wants you
to be very, very nice to her.

Perhaps she knows some
nice new games you all can play.

Yes, Mother.

Here you are, dears.

George will drive you
over. Kiss Mama goodbye.

Oh, yes, Father will
want to know all the news.

Tell him we're all fine, and that
Uncle Lance is coming home.

Remember, Uncle
Lance is coming home.

What? Lance?

I wired him a little while
ago. The farm needs him.

He can live in the guesthouse.

Goodbye, Mother.
Goodbye, Mother.

Goodbye, Grandmother.
Goodbye, Grandmother.

Have a good time.

And remember to tell us all
about it when you come home.

We will.

Mother, are you implying I'd
make spies of my own children?

Don't be dramatic, dear.

Of course, it would never occur to
you that little pitchers have big ears.

Oh, children!

You forgot your gunsie-wunsies.

Can we have them?

Of course you can have them.

But if you shoot them in
the house, be so careful.

Your mother would scold you
if you shot the pretty-witty lady.

Um...

Mmm, uh...

Uh...

Period.
Period.

New chapter.

Richmond

in the spring of '63 was a...

Richmond was...

Please.

Richmond in the
spring of '63 was...

Mattie? Mattie?

Yes, sir,
Mr. Jeff.

Mattie? What the
dickens are the children...

Good grief, that
sounds like a goat.

Yes, sir, Mr. Jeff.
It sure do.

Well, what in the name of...

Oh!

It's not funny. Mattie!

Mattie, get that
thing out of here!

Get that goat out! Get
him out of here. No!

Well, now,
you two run away and play,

back of the stable
or even farther, dear.

Daddy has to go in the house
and think of pretty, pretty words.

But we have to play
in the house, Father.

Mother told us to.

She said you'd be lonesome.

She would.
I thought so.

Yes, you've played in the house
now for three long, long days,

and Mother wants you to get
some nice, fresh, quiet air.

Now, run along.
That's it.

Little darlings.

Those kids should
have been spanked

and they knew it.
If they were mine...

Well, I want them to have some fun
when they come to visit their father.

After all, it was very nice of
Sally to send them before time.

Nice?
Men completely defeat me.

Well, now, you don't
think that Sally told them

to bring a goat
into the house, do you?

Yes.

Where the... Uh...

Where were we?

In Richmond,
in the spring of '63.

Oh, yes, Richmond.

Better change that to the fall
of '64 or we'll never get through.

Read the last page over to me
again, will you, Miss Medford?

Certainly, Mr. Warren.

Good heavens, I didn't
write anything amusing, did I?

Oh, Jeff, this is so silly.
Miss Medford. Mr. Warren.

Excuse me. Well,
during working hours...

And after working hours,
you chase me home.

Jeff, I think I ought to
be here all the time.

I think people
ought to live a book.

Yeah, well,
not this kind of book.

Now, let's see.
Where were we?

Richmond. Richmond
in the spring of...

I've always heard that writers got
some of their most beautiful ideas

when they weren't working.

Miss Medford, if you don't
mind, we're attempting to...

Jeff?

Don't you ever get
any beautiful ideas

when you're not working?

Um...

Don't you, Jeff?
No. Yeah. No.

Oh, Jeff!

No!

When I'm not working, I get ideas about
Richmond. Richmond in the spring of '63.

Richmond all day,
Richmond all night.

This whole place is a madhouse!

Children, servants, goats,
the coffee isn't fit to drink,

my best pipe's been stolen,
I'm all out of razor blades,

my fountain pen leaks,

and for the fifth consecutive
night, we've had tapioca pudding!

It's that woman!
I could... I could...

You could what?

I'd give $10,000 if
I weren't well bred.

And I wouldn't be either
if you'd...

If you'd give me half
a chance, you dope.

Dope? Look.

Oh, Mary Lou, we've got to
talk this thing over sensibly.

Don't you see? Don't you see,
Jeff? She's done everything.

She's fixed everything so you
can't forget her for a single minute.

The children and
the servants and...

Oh, Jeff.
Now, hold it.

Mary Lou... Yeah. Take...
Mary Lou... Jeff. Jeff.

Look at me. I'm
looking. I'm looking.

Jeff!
Mary Lou!

She sent that thing!

Mr. Jeff!
Mr. Jeff! I'm shot!

Well, don't just stand there. Come all
the way in and have some tapioca pudding!

Now, how did this
horse get here?

Oh, Mr. Jeff, he flew,
that's how.

He flew on the wings
of his infatuation.

I don't know what he
come out of or how he got in,

but he come across
that field, wow,

like Man O' War grew
feathers. Look at him.

I don't want to
look at him, Joe.

But listen, Mr. Jeff, I seen that
horse over the brook. Whoom!

Over the high hedges.
Whoom. Wham. Zoom.

Over the paddock fence.
Zoot. Zoot.

Mr. Jeff, this horse
is a leaper-deaper.

Well, then have him leap
back to Mr. Gale's place.

But listen, Mr. Jeff,
I'm shaking.

You don't know
what I got up here.

I got a stopwatch.

How would you like to
win the Cup yourself?

Oh, no! Good heavens,
Joe, you're crazy!

But listen, Mr. Jeff,
one of us is crazy.

Now, that'll do, Joe. Take
him back where he came from.

But listen, Mr. Jeff, I
ain't you, but if I was you,

I'd be ashamed of myself breaking
this poor little horse's heart like that.

Look at him, he's almost
crying. Look at that.

Why don't you go over
and stroke him a little bit?

Well, I...
I didn't mean to...

Look at him.

He's about to have
a psychopathic relapse.

Say, what are you
trying to do to me, boy?

You know I don't
like these things.

Now take him away!

Take him away?

See? They must
have saw him, too.

There he is.

Joe, did you see him?

Old Albert!
Who could have dreamed it?

Yes, ma'am, there
he was and here he is.

Well, that doesn't prove
anything except the animal's crazy,

kicking his way out of
the stable like that.

He did?
You see, Mr. Jeff,

when Albert makes up his
mind to visit you, he visit you.

Hello, old boy, you seem to have
a fatal fascination for that horse.

When did you get back?

Soon as I got Sal's wire.
Do you mind?

Now, now, we came to
see a man about a horse.

Saddle him up, Joe.
I'll see if he can jump.

Yes, sir. But, Lance,
if you think he is wild...

Oh, what's the difference, Sal?
He's got four legs, hasn't he?

So, I think I ought
to be able to ride him.

That is unless Jeff
would like to have a go.

After all,
he seems to be his pet.

No, thanks.

But if you've got some
other sort of exercise...

Gentlemen!

One would think you
didn't like each other.

Albert, that's the man
who's goin' to sit on you.

And if I was a horse and
a man put whiskers on me,

I'd rear up and throw him clean

out of the State
of Virginia, hear?

Mother! Mother!
Mother! Mother!

Hello, darlings!

Are you having a good time with
your father and the pretty lady?

We don't like her.

She told Father we
were getting in her hair.

Here he comes, Albert.

He's going to get right
up and sit on you.

I wouldn't let
that man sit on me.

Oh, whoa, whoa.
Whoa!

Now what's the matter?
Can't you handle him?

Oh, well, he's a little
difficult. Whoa, whoa.

Hold still, you
hammer-headed animal!

Mommy,
make Uncie Lance do it again!

Off again,
on again, eh, old boy?

Get me some spurs
and a crop. Quick.

Goody, goody!
He is, he is!

That animal's crazy, Sal.

Well, then, why do you...

I'm going to ride
some sense into him.

Nice going, Albert.

I said spurs and a crop.
Now go and get them.

Wait a minute, Joe.
Never mind.

Just what do you mean by that?

I mean, you're not going to do
what you intend to do to that horse.

I'm going to master that horse

and if you haven't
got the stomach for it,

I'll do it at my place.

No, you won't do it anyplace.
The horse stays here.

The horse belongs to Sally.

No, the horse belongs to me.

Sally?

I guess he's right, Lance. I
gave him back before witnesses.

Well, then, you're
a fool to keep him.

Jumper, racer.
The horse is a killer.

Killer? Look.

Jeff. Oh, Jeff.

Yes, good morning.
In here.

Oh, still at breakfast?

No, I've just finished,
thank you.

Oh, don't get up. I just
stopped for the mail.

Here's a fat one
from your publishers.

Publishers?
Well, take care of it.

What do you think
I've got a secretary for?

Jeff, it's the
complete itinerary.

And they've put the date ahead
starting at Raleigh, April 25th.

April 25th?
In two weeks?

Oh, who got me into
this lecture tour?

Look, just write those birds
and say I won't, that's all.

Jeff, you can't do that.

Why can't I?

Well, your publishers
feel it's most important.

And your public...

Ah, my public.

Besides, the arrangements
are all completed.

Well, who completed
them? I didn't. Did you?

I only tried to
be a good secretary.

After all, somebody had to work out
the timetable and make our reservations...

Our reservations?

Well, you certainly couldn't
handle all the details alone.

Besides, we're not
working on the book and...

And you might show
you wanted me to go.

A little bit.

Jeff.
Hmm?

This isn't business
hours and it is spring.

I thought you was finished,
Mr. Jeff.

Hello, Mattie.
Yes, I am.

Come on in the study, Jeff.

Well, I was just
going for a walk.

I thought before
we started to work...

Walk?

Uh... Well, I...

A little... A little
ride then, maybe, huh?

Again?

And you were the one man
in Virginia

who had courage enough
to say he hated horses.

Oh, I do. I do.
It's just that I...

I know. It's just that Albert...

Albert grieves if
you don't ride him.

It's just that Albert won't
train for the Cup Race

unless you give him his sugar.

Oh, that's silly.
That's just Joe's wild idea.

Oh, good heavens,
don't you suppose I see

who's behind this whole thing?

Behind what?

Behind horses, horses, horses!

Horses? I...

"The detective poured out
another half-tumbler of... Lemonade."

"It was his fifth.
He felt better."

"As he tossed it off, there
was the sound of a voice."

"'Lift 'em, Barlow.'"

"Barlow knew the voice."

"He shrugged, turned,
looked coolly at Mouse Moray."

"The Mouse's eyes were cold
under his snap-brimmed hat."

"The Police Positive steady
in the Mouse's big hand."

Is he going to shoot
him, Grandmother?

I trust so, dear.
Don't interrupt now.

"Barlow's lip curled."

"He said,
'Don't miss, Mouse."'

Mother! Children! Oh, there
you are! Rally round, men.

Ready? Heave ho!
Heave ho! Heave ho!

Why will you wear
such tight ones, dear?

Vanity, darling.
Strictly inherited.

This is a tough one.
Come on.

Ready? Heave ho.
Heave...

Oh, lend a hand, Mother.

Ready? Heave ho,
heave ho, heave...

Oh!

Yay! Team!
Team! Team!

Run along, kids.
Your lunch is ready.

Go on.

Oh!

Good workout?

Oh, grand! I paced Lance and
Lady Julia over the schooling course.

She's reaching top form.

You'd better get the
family jewels down, Mother.

Lance thinks this is our
year. He's riding great guns.

The Cup.

You'd give a lot for it,
wouldn't you, Sally?

Oh, just about anything.

Even yourself?

To the man who won it for you?

Marry Lance?

I don't know.

He's wanted to marry me
ever since we were kids.

He's our sort. He's...
Well, he's Lance.

You haven't mentioned love.

I tried love, Mother.

I know.

But how hard, Sally?

How hard?

Yes. How hard did either of
you try? Did you work at it?

Like you've worked to
win a Cup? Or did Jeff?

As hard as he worked to make
himself a successful author?

Or did you just...

Oh, stop it, Mother.

Did you know Jeff had
taken up riding finally?

Riding?

We saw him today, Mother,

the silliest sight, on Albert,

actually going over a
little fence not so high,

with both arms around
the creature's neck.

He hadn't seen us in
the road till Lance laughed.

And when Lance said,
"Hang on, old chap,"

Jeff... He is
ridiculous, Mother.

Well, anyhow, Jeff stopped
Albert, turned and said,

"I'm not hanging on,
I'm fond of him,"

and rode off with
the utmost dignity.

Lance, of course, was furious.

Jeff does seem to have
the faculty. Poor Lance.

Sally.
Yeah?

Did you know Jeff was going
on a six-weeks lecture tour?

Oh, no. His publishers
could never persuade him to.

Perhaps Mary Lou
Medford has more influence.

Anyway, they are going.
Or aren't you interested?

Why should I be interested?
You... You said "they."

So she has announced, as smugly
as possible, for your benefit, I believe.

My benefit?

How could she possibly
think it would concern me

where he goes or
who he goes with...

When, Mother?

The 25th, so she told Todd.

Oh, well, what a coincidence,
because on the 24th,

I'll be leaving for
the race with Lance.

And the children, dear?

Will stay with you, of course.

Oh, no. If I'm going to hock the family
gems, I'm going to the race myself.

Well, Uncle Todd, then.
They've been dying to, anyhow.

Todd, you should have
married and had some yourself.

Well, do you think it's
too late? Or do you?

Why, Todd, is this
a proposal or a pass?

Just a slight reconnaissance.

Spinach, Uncle Todd.

Spinach?
What do you mean?

Can we have some, Uncle Todd?

Spinach? To eat? Good
heavens, no. Not in my house.

You're not leaving
tomorrow with Sally, are you?

Not till race day.

I hate to see her go and Jeff
go in the opposite direction.

Right up till now,
I've kept on hoping.

So have I,
but he's too stubborn.

And she's too proud.

But I thought that eventually

certain ties might
bring them together again.

Todd, I've almost hoped
that something might happen.

Nothing serious, of
course, but mildly alarming.

They're so irritatingly healthy.
Manners, children. Here!

Even their stomachs
never get upset.

May I have some more
meat, please, Uncle Todd?

And potatoes and
gravy and jam and...

You've had enough,
children, I think.

Your Uncle Todd wouldn't
want you to get sick, you know.

Of course you wouldn't,
would you, Todd?

Hmm?

Oh, no, no, no.
Of course not.

They are as strong
as horses, aren't they?

Oh, most certainly.

Did anything ever happen to you when
you did at picnics and circuses and things?

You're sure you're still hungry?

Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.

Of course you are.

Well, now, Grace...

Oh, good heavens, Todd.

It's something I've insisted
they be allowed to do

every Christmas
and birthday for years.

George.

And some more jam, George.

And aren't there any pickles?

Yes, ma'am. Children,
let's play a little game.

The one who finishes first gets the
biggest piece of pie with syrup on it.

Goody, goody, a game!

I like games!

May

we.

Be excused?

Where are you going, children?

To throw up.

Where are they?

They upstairs in the
south bedroom, Miss Sally.

Is the doctor here yet?

Not yet, ma'am.

Where are they?
What was it?

Did they call a doctor?
What happened?

They upstairs,
Mr. Jeff.

But what is it? What
makes them look so green?

I wish somebody
would tell me something.

Why doesn't Sally come
out and tell me something?

Don't get in such a state, Jeff.

It's just some childish
thing, I suppose.

Oh, why doesn't the doctor come?

Why doesn't Sally come out?

She's trying to
get them to sleep.

Say, you don't think it
could be anything, do you?

I mean, you know, be anything?

Oh, of course not.

Oh, you'd say that anyway.

Now don't be such
an alarmist, Jeff.

It's probably nothing
at all, I guess.

It would be perfectly
safe, most likely,

for you to leave
tomorrow, I think.

Leave? Leave?

Yes, but we can wire you...
Good heavens!

Do you think I'd leave here
with the children like this?

Of course not. Oh, why
doesn't Sally come out?

Why doesn't the doctor
come? When will he get here?

Well, I'm going to go for...
I'm going to go for him myself.

Where's Jeff?

Gone for the doctor
in a terrible state.

Sally, do you think
there's anything serious?

No, and neither do you.

What?

There's not a thing
wrong with those children,

except you and Todd allowed
them to cram themselves full

or encouraged them.

Why, Sally! How could you?

Oh, don't be dramatic, darling.

I'm their mother,
you know, and you're mine.

Was Jeff really scared?

Of course. Called
off his trip at once.

Said he wouldn't dream of going.

Unless, you want me to assure
him that everything is all right.

It would be a shame
to disappoint Mary Lou.

Mmm.

And of course it might be
something, Sally.

Uh-huh.

Even the doctor won't
be able to tell at once.

I don't see how you could
think of going away now, either.

After all, a mother...

Yes, I know all about mothers.

I have one myself.

But, Mary Lou, I couldn't leave.

After all, well,
they're my own children.

And hers.

I just can't believe you've canceled
the tour that I'd so looked forward to.

Well, I couldn't do anything
else with the children...

Children!

It's just a little too much of a
coincidence for me to swallow.

So sudden and so serious and so
the night before we were leaving.

But, Mary Lou,
you didn't see them.

After all,
they were actually green.

She probably had them tinted.

If you're going to fall
for this, I'm through!

But...
Through!

Through? You...

You mean you're not going
to be my secretary anymore?

You're not even going
to help finish the book?

Secretary? Book?

Do you think I've stayed on
and on to help you finish a book?

Well, then, good heavens,
Mary Lou, why else?

Because I thought
you were human.

Because I thought
you'd finally get out

from under that
woman's thumb, you...

You... You poor worm!

Now, Mary Lou, wait a minute.

Look, Mary Lou. Listen.
Listen. I...

Joe. Joe.

What the...
What is that?

This is the entire mortal
remains of Black Prince.

All except one hind
leg and them wheels.

Well, what happened?

Albert climbed into his stall and kicked
the stuffings out of him and eat him.

He ate him?
Yes, sir.

Well, wouldn't it make him sick?

Him? Albert?

That horse is still hungry.

He the eatinest horse and the
runningest horse and the jumpingest horse.

Are you starting
that again, Joe?

Yes, sir. He's fit and
ready for the Cup now.

There ain't anything else
can beat Lady Julia, either.

If Albert don't run,
Mr. Lance is going to win.

Well, let him win.

Oh, let him win the Cup.
Let him win everything.

Now, that'll do, Joe.

That's what it means.

They left this morning. Lady
Julia, Mr. Lance and Miss Sally.

Well, Joe, we... We
haven't any rider anyway.

Oh, yes, we have.

I wrote Mr. Haynes all
about Albert, just hoping.

And Mr. Haynes is
the best in Virginia.

And he say if we
bring Albert up there,

he'll try him out
a day or two before.

Oh, please, Mr. Jeff.

Eh, well...

We goin'! We goin'!
Race Cup bound!

Cool her off very slowly, boy.

Yes, sir.

Beautiful, Lance.

She's fencing
at the top of her form.

I think we'll make it, old girl.

Oh, Sal, the winner
gets the girl, you know.

Well, I... I never promised
that, Lance. Not quite.

I'm going to hand the Virginia
Challenge Cup to my bride-to-be.

The Virginia Challenge Cup.

Oh, Lance!

Do you see what I see,
by any chance?

Here he come, Mr. Jeff.

Well, I thought they'd...
He'd gone. Mother?

Didn't you phone Jeff that
the children were all right?

Why, didn't I?

Oh, good heavens, sometimes
I think I must be losing my mind.

Oh!

That ain't no horse.
That's a four-legged bird.

Great work, Albert!

Oh, Albert, Albert, this is
embarrassing. Albert... Joe, do something.

I'm sorry, Mr. Haynes.
Are you hurt?

Is that horse crazy?

I really don't know what to say.

I guess Albert just
stopped a minute for a visit.

Visit? Why, you...

Oh, you're mad as hatters,
both of you.

I told you that horse was
a crazy one. He's a killer.

He ought to be destroyed.

And something done to his owner.

Right again, old boy.

Now, look here.

I'm very sorry, Haynes,
that the horse threw you.

And I'm sorry I
attracted his attention,

but I'm a little fed up with this
talk about the horse being crazy.

Look at him.

I've been riding him
myself nearly every day.

Well, then, why don't you
ride him yourself tomorrow?

Because I don't pretend to be...

Very good idea. Very
good. All right, I will.

Oh, no, Jeff. No.
You'll break your neck.

Come on, Joe.
Bring Albert.

The horses are now on the track

for the 45th running of the
historic Virginia Challenge Cup.

The distance is four miles, twice
around the course over timber.

Most of the greatest horses and finest amateur
riders in the history of steeple chasing

have competed for this trophy.

It is one of the most grueling
tests for both man and horse.

Hope you stay on, old boy.

This year's favorite
is Lady Julia,

ridden by Mr. Lance
Gale of Clear Valley Farm,

which has had entries in
every Challenge Cup Race.

The second choice is...
They're off!

It's Lady Julia taking the lead.

Long Play is second,
then Bold Son.

He's over!
But he can't ride!

Still Lady Julia in the lead.

Long Play and Bold
Son and The Heathen.

And in fifth place,
here comes Number Three.

Number Three is... It's the
100-to-1 shot, Albert.

Still Lady Julia. Mr. Gale
is riding her beautifully.

They're bunched
for the third jump.

Amagansett is coming
fast on the inside.

And now, there's a fall.

There are two horses down.
It's The Heathen and...

The rider's hurt.

Wait a minute, I can't
see the number, but...

There goes the ambulance.
The second horse was...

The second horse was...

Truby with Mr. Wells. Now,
it's Lady Julia and Albert.

Albert!

It's Albert challenging. They're head
and head. Albert's taking the lead.

Come on, Albert! Come
on, Albert! Come on, Albert!

Coming into the first turn, it's Albert,
the sensational long shot by a clear length,

but look at his rider.
He seems to be wobbling.

He's wobbling all over
his back. But he's over!

The rider is
Mr. Jefferson Warren,

and I'm told this is
his first steeplechase.

The field is stringing up
coming into the fifth jump.

And it's still Albert and
Lady Julia... And he's off!

Oh!

Albert has stopped
and is turning around.

He isn't hurt. Look!

Oh, I'm glad it's over.

Oh, go away from me,
you fool. Go away.

Get on him, Mr. Jeff,
get on him again!

You've done everything to embarrass
me except kneel down, you camel.

He's up again!
Good boy, Jeff!

It's Lady Julia again,

Long Play and...
Albert's in the race again!

Come on, Albert!
Come on, Albert!

It's still Lady Julia,
fencing beautifully.

Long Play is still
second, Bold Son is third.

And Number One,
Character, has refused.

He's crashed through the wing.

And there goes Albert,
trailing the field.

It's Clear Valley's Lady Julia,
the favorite, still in the lead.

Long Play is still second and Amagansett
is now third, and look at Albert!

He's coming up again! He's picking
up the field. He's running over horses.

He's running like a
sprinter! Look at him go!

He couldn't have! He
couldn't have! Go on, Albert!

He's coming into the jump. He's up among
the leaders. He's sailing over it. He's...

He's off again.

Oh!

Beat it, you jackass.
Beat it.

Can't you see I'm unconscious?

Oh, you fool, can't
you see I'm sick? Listen!

No, no, there's
an ambulance coming. Oh!

All right, you four-legged
moron, I'll ride the tail off of you!

He's mounting.
Oh, no!

He's up again!

Oh, not again!

A mile and a half, and the
real test is just beginning.

Warren's up again
and there they go.

And ladies and gentlemen,
that takes nerve.

What a horse and what a man.

Oh, what a man!

Come on, Albert!
Get it over with!

They're turning for home
on the first lap.

Eight horses still
have a chance.

The leaders are Lady Julia, Long
Play, Amagansett, Bold Son and...

Nine horses!
Here comes Albert!

Two miles nearly gone and two
long miles and 11 jumps yet to go.

The miles and jumps
that take the stamina.

At the halfway mark, it's Lady Julia,
Long Play, Amagansett, Bold Son and...

Give a yell for Albert!

Go on, Albert!
Go on, Albert!

He's picking up his field again.

He's passing Chestnut King.

He's passing Lassie's Own.
Over the 12th jump and...

It looked like another spill.

Into the turn, it's Lady Julia
beginning to pull away.

It looks like Clear Valley's
day at last.

They're taking the 14th
jump with eight to go.

And the leaders are still
fencing strongly. He's off again.

He's off again!
Oh! I...

Warren isn't getting up.

It looks as though
he might be badly hurt.

Albert didn't come back
for him this time.

Look!
He's going on alone!

He's staying in the
course, taking the jumps!

The field is turning for
home. Everybody driving hard.

Lady Julia still
holding her lead.

And here comes that
lion-hearted Albert.

Amazing!

And now they're coming
down to the line of finish.

It's all Clear Valley's
Lady Julia,

beautifully ridden
by Mr. Lance Gale.

And here comes Albert.

He's passed Long Play,
he's passing Lady Julia.

Though he's disqualified, Albert
is the first to cross the finish line.

The winner is Clear Valley's
Lady Julia, Mr. Lance Gale up.

But what a pity
there isn't a special cup

for that amazing riderless horse,
Albert, the steed who jumps alone.

There's your
Virginia Challenge Cup.

Thank you.

The Virginia Challenge Cup,

which our grand
Lady Julia brought us,

is something Clear Valley has
been wanting for a long time.

I want to give it into the
keeping of my partner,

and when I do, I'm in hopes that she'll
let me make a certain announcement.

Sal, come up here.

Miss Sally Apley?

Miss Apley, come
up and get your cup.

Where is she?

Not here either?

This is where he was.

All I could find out was
that they were taking him

to Clear Valley in an ambulance.

Jeff!

Oh! I...

I thought you were dead!

Oh!

I am.

What are you doing here?

Well, what...

Where do you think I'd be?

Oh, darling, will
you ever forgive me?

No.

Oh, Jeff!

What for?

Oh, darling, you are hurt.

Now, Sally, I'm all right. Here.

Except for a broken
neck, I'm fine...

Get in bed.

Well, then, sit down, at least.

Sit down?

Don't you suppose I would
if I could? Go away! I... I...

No, I won't. I won't.

Oh, Jeff, you're a hero.
My hero.

Imagine you riding
the Cup Race for me.

For you?
You're insane.

I did it because your
boyfriend put me on the spot.

Don't get the idea in your
head... Oh, but you did!

You got on again and again!

That wasn't because of Lance.

That was because 30,000
people were watching me.

What else could I do when
that animal kept coming back,

crouching over me,
dangling his reins

and blowing hot steam
in my face? Now beat it!

No, I won't.
I'm never going to get

a single inch away from you
again because you love me.

Certainly, I love
you... Oh, Jeff!

Oh, Sally, I...

Oh! Let go, Sally.

No, I won't. Kiss me.

I can't, I got internal inju...