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1
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:05,571
Ooh, Chicago!
2
00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:07,290
There is this pizza place
called Gazzola's.
3
00:00:07,292 --> 00:00:08,524
It's fantastic.
4
00:00:08,526 --> 00:00:10,693
It was closed down for a while,
but it just reopened.
5
00:00:10,695 --> 00:00:12,662
I'm sure they got
a Godzilla's in New York.
6
00:00:12,664 --> 00:00:13,996
We're not stopping.
7
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:16,716
It's just pizza.
8
00:00:16,718 --> 00:00:18,668
Just... pizza?
9
00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:21,254
Let me tell you
10
00:00:21,256 --> 00:00:25,324
about the thing
you say is just pizza.
11
00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:27,376
We begin with the first bite.
12
00:00:27,378 --> 00:00:29,412
Oh, the crunch!
13
00:00:29,414 --> 00:00:30,713
And then the marinara.
14
00:00:30,715 --> 00:00:33,466
That roiling lava
15
00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:37,019
of tomato and oregano--
it overtakes you!
16
00:00:37,021 --> 00:00:40,005
I'm falling!
17
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:43,242
And that's....
when she catches you.
18
00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:44,577
That chewy,
19
00:00:44,579 --> 00:00:48,698
voluptuous mistress, Mozzarella.
20
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:53,986
Her oven-kissed cheeks crackle
with warmth in your mouth,
21
00:00:53,988 --> 00:00:55,872
cradling the sauce
and the bread,
22
00:00:55,874 --> 00:00:58,324
letting you know
that from now on...
23
00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:02,128
this... is home.
24
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:05,164
This pizza...
25
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,333
is home.
26
00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:11,087
If it was so delicious,
27
00:01:11,089 --> 00:01:13,589
why'd they close it
in the first place?
28
00:01:13,591 --> 00:01:15,124
Rats.
We're not stopping!
29
00:01:15,126 --> 00:01:17,176
This road trip sucks!
30
00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:21,178
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x05 ♪
The Poker Game
Original Air Date on October 14, 2013
31
00:01:21,203 --> 00:01:26,203
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
32
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:33,142
Barney's bachelorpoker game was winding down.
33
00:01:33,144 --> 00:01:34,727
Tim Gunn, out.
34
00:01:34,729 --> 00:01:37,863
Lily, busted.
35
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:40,917
Marshpillow,fluffed and turned down.
36
00:01:40,919 --> 00:01:43,502
We were playing what we thoughtwas our final hand,
37
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:45,638
and it was getting intense.
38
00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:47,957
Action to Ranjit.
39
00:01:50,928 --> 00:01:52,612
Ranjit, action to you.
40
00:01:52,614 --> 00:01:54,680
What?!
41
00:01:54,682 --> 00:01:56,248
Hey, Ted, thanks
again for your gift.
42
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:59,385
He gave us a framed photo
of all of us at the bar, and
43
00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:01,721
he's getting us
two other wedding gifts.
44
00:02:01,723 --> 00:02:03,889
What can I say? I just love
giving wedding gifts.
45
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,308
I love giving
wedding gifts so much,
46
00:02:05,310 --> 00:02:08,027
I wish I could marry
giving-wedding-gifts,
47
00:02:08,029 --> 00:02:10,863
and then get myself
and giving-wedding-gifts
48
00:02:10,865 --> 00:02:13,182
a wedding gift.
49
00:02:13,184 --> 00:02:15,618
Maybe saying things like that's
why I am not married.
50
00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:19,705
Kids, there's a storybehind that face.
51
00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:22,124
Six years earlier, a few weeksafter their wedding,
52
00:02:22,126 --> 00:02:24,710
Marshall and Lily were goingthrough their wedding gifts.
53
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:26,329
Well, that's weird.
54
00:02:26,331 --> 00:02:27,997
Did Ted get us anything?
55
00:02:27,999 --> 00:02:30,266
Come on, Lily.
56
00:02:30,268 --> 00:02:31,801
Ted... Ted's our
best friend.
57
00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:34,787
If his gift hasn't arrived
yet, it's on the way.
58
00:02:34,789 --> 00:02:37,423
But time passed,and no gift arrived.
59
00:02:37,425 --> 00:02:39,191
Finally, Marshall starteddropping hints.
60
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:40,493
Hey, man,
61
00:02:40,495 --> 00:02:41,978
it was great having you
at our wedding.
62
00:02:41,980 --> 00:02:44,013
Thanks, Bro,
and thanks for this coffee.
63
00:02:44,015 --> 00:02:45,564
It is great.
64
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:48,334
You were not wedding absent.
65
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:50,353
No, sir.
66
00:02:50,355 --> 00:02:53,005
You were wedding present.
67
00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:55,708
Do I detect a note
of hazelnut?
68
00:02:57,395 --> 00:02:59,712
Wedding present.
69
00:03:01,832 --> 00:03:04,033
I think he got it.
70
00:03:05,168 --> 00:03:06,836
But I didn't get it.
71
00:03:06,838 --> 00:03:08,404
More months passed.
72
00:03:08,406 --> 00:03:10,172
His hints got more desperate.
73
00:03:10,174 --> 00:03:11,540
Happy Halloween!
74
00:03:11,542 --> 00:03:13,592
Yeah. What-what are
you supposed to be?
75
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:15,594
Well, I'm a wedding present,
Ted!
76
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:18,180
How could you not get me
a wedding present?
77
00:03:18,182 --> 00:03:22,101
I mean, how could you not get
that I am a wedding present?
78
00:03:22,719 --> 00:03:25,304
Get me? A wedding present!
79
00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:28,674
Get me a wedding present.
80
00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:29,942
Why isn't he getting it?!
81
00:03:29,944 --> 00:03:31,110
I don't know.
82
00:03:31,112 --> 00:03:32,495
Why didn't you
get the message
83
00:03:32,497 --> 00:03:35,064
to dress up like a pregnant
teenager, home skillet?
84
00:03:35,066 --> 00:03:38,067
But he kept on waitinguntil the summer of 2008
85
00:03:38,069 --> 00:03:39,502
when I got engaged.
86
00:03:39,504 --> 00:03:41,370
So Ted's getting married, huh?
87
00:03:41,372 --> 00:03:43,706
Bet he'd love a gift
from his old pal Marshall.
88
00:03:43,708 --> 00:03:44,990
Well, he can forget it!
89
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:46,909
We're getting them a gift.
90
00:03:46,911 --> 00:03:48,177
But Lily, this is the dream.
91
00:03:48,179 --> 00:03:50,479
This is the whole reason
we wanted Ted to get married.
92
00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:52,281
So we could not
give him a wedding gift,
93
00:03:52,283 --> 00:03:53,949
and he would know
exactly how it feels!
94
00:03:53,951 --> 00:03:57,019
Baby, I'm as pissed as you are,
but we're getting them a gift.
95
00:03:57,021 --> 00:03:58,421
We have to.
96
00:04:00,257 --> 00:04:02,425
Fine.
97
00:04:02,427 --> 00:04:05,227
We'll get them a gift.
98
00:04:05,229 --> 00:04:08,264
A gift that'll send
a message loud and clear.
99
00:04:08,266 --> 00:04:11,167
A gift-wrapping
station!
100
00:04:11,169 --> 00:04:13,819
Oh, boy. This time,
101
00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,938
he has to get it.
102
00:04:15,940 --> 00:04:18,441
And not long afterthat, a package arrived.
103
00:04:18,443 --> 00:04:20,659
Oh, well, well, well.
104
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:23,579
Package from one
Mr. Ted Mosby.
105
00:04:23,581 --> 00:04:25,498
It's a little late, but...
106
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:27,750
What the balls is this?!
107
00:04:27,752 --> 00:04:29,752
It-It's a thank you note
108
00:04:29,754 --> 00:04:32,922
for the gift-wrapping station.
109
00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:35,407
Which explains the face.
110
00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:36,942
Wedding gift.
111
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:38,410
Hey, Barney.
112
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:39,979
I've got a wedding gift
for you, too.
113
00:04:39,981 --> 00:04:41,246
Don't get married.
114
00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:42,414
Ah.
115
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,633
In fact, it comes
in His and Hers.
116
00:04:44,635 --> 00:04:46,018
Don't get married!
117
00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:47,303
Don't get married!
118
00:04:47,305 --> 00:04:48,637
Ah.
119
00:04:48,639 --> 00:04:51,757
I'm not cheating!
Don't tell anyone!
120
00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:53,225
I'll cut you in on half!
121
00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:54,794
Hey, Barney,
122
00:04:54,796 --> 00:04:58,447
can you ask James to stop
crapping all over marriage?
123
00:04:58,449 --> 00:05:00,299
He's not crapping on marriage.
124
00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:02,485
He literally drew this
on the toilet.
125
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,522
Come on, Robin. Please
don't ask me to pick sides.
126
00:05:06,524 --> 00:05:08,958
In two days,
he's gonna be your brother, too.
127
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,410
Just be honest and tell him
what's bothering you.
128
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,696
Okay.
129
00:05:14,916 --> 00:05:16,215
Marshall, are you...?
130
00:05:16,217 --> 00:05:17,516
Hey, Andretti!
131
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,502
Beat it!
132
00:05:19,504 --> 00:05:22,905
Marshall, are you sitting down?
133
00:05:22,907 --> 00:05:24,122
Well, I'm in a car,
134
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:25,641
and you were pretty clear about
135
00:05:25,643 --> 00:05:27,176
the No-Teen-Wolfing
Now-That-I'm-A-Dad rule,
136
00:05:27,178 --> 00:05:29,061
so, yeah, I'm sitting down.
137
00:05:29,063 --> 00:05:32,932
Ted is getting Barney and Robin
three wedding gifts!
138
00:05:34,017 --> 00:05:36,018
I hate him.
139
00:05:36,020 --> 00:05:37,019
Lily,
140
00:05:37,021 --> 00:05:38,604
requesting permission
to make a stink?
141
00:05:38,606 --> 00:05:40,489
Stink away!
142
00:05:40,491 --> 00:05:44,109
Hurry up and get it over with.
143
00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:47,329
Oh, that's Marshall.
144
00:05:47,331 --> 00:05:48,581
I should take this.
145
00:05:48,583 --> 00:05:49,782
Well,
146
00:05:49,784 --> 00:05:52,935
call me Akira Yoshizawa.
147
00:05:54,538 --> 00:05:56,288
World's most famous origamist?
148
00:05:57,974 --> 00:06:00,259
I fold.
149
00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:04,613
Barney, here's a good one.
150
00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:05,548
What's the difference
151
00:06:05,550 --> 00:06:06,715
between a Journey song
152
00:06:06,717 --> 00:06:08,200
and a husband?
153
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,387
A Journey song has a climax.
154
00:06:12,607 --> 00:06:13,906
I'm sorry, Robin.
155
00:06:13,908 --> 00:06:15,891
I'm just messing with you.
156
00:06:15,893 --> 00:06:17,175
Raise a hundred.
157
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,111
No, it's fine.
158
00:06:19,113 --> 00:06:21,981
It's just funny hearing all
this anti-marriage stuff
159
00:06:21,983 --> 00:06:24,366
from a divorced guy who
still wears his wedding ring.
160
00:06:24,368 --> 00:06:26,285
What, this?
Mm.
161
00:06:26,287 --> 00:06:27,570
Only wear it because,
162
00:06:27,572 --> 00:06:30,406
nothing attracts a gay guy
faster than a wedding ring.
163
00:06:30,408 --> 00:06:31,991
Except saying hi to him.
164
00:06:31,993 --> 00:06:35,544
Or being in the same room,
or every app on my phone.
165
00:06:35,546 --> 00:06:38,547
People, it is a good time
to be gay.
166
00:06:38,549 --> 00:06:41,333
So you can just... you can take
that ring off anytime you want?
167
00:06:41,335 --> 00:06:42,618
Anytime.
168
00:06:42,620 --> 00:06:46,889
I'm all in.
169
00:06:46,891 --> 00:06:48,874
And raise you...
170
00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:51,093
one ring.
171
00:06:51,095 --> 00:06:53,429
Ooh!
172
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,816
Fine.
173
00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:00,052
It's just a ring.
174
00:07:00,054 --> 00:07:03,188
Okay, let's see
what you got.
175
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:05,941
Robin has three jacks, James
176
00:07:05,943 --> 00:07:07,076
has...
177
00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:09,945
just shy of a pair
of a sixes.
178
00:07:09,947 --> 00:07:12,197
Thank you.
179
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:13,165
Yeah.
180
00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:14,566
I'm gonna hit the gym.
181
00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:16,035
Let me know if you want
to get some dinner later.
182
00:07:16,037 --> 00:07:19,237
Oh, we'll give you a ring,
just not this one. Ho!
183
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:24,143
You, Ted Mosby,
184
00:07:24,145 --> 00:07:26,378
never got me
and Lily a wedding gift!
185
00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:27,680
J'accuse!
186
00:07:27,682 --> 00:07:29,465
I did, too, get you a gift!
187
00:07:29,467 --> 00:07:31,183
It was a coffeemaker,
188
00:07:31,185 --> 00:07:33,602
and you never sent me
a thank you note!
189
00:07:33,604 --> 00:07:35,587
Oh.
190
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:38,274
So-so... me-cuse?
191
00:07:38,276 --> 00:07:40,676
You-cuse!
192
00:07:40,678 --> 00:07:43,279
Robin, when I said, "Be honest
and say what's bothering you,"
193
00:07:43,281 --> 00:07:45,364
I meant, stuff it down
and never do anything about it.
194
00:07:45,366 --> 00:07:46,582
How did you not get that?
195
00:07:46,584 --> 00:07:48,817
It's fine.
He's a grown-up.
196
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:53,656
What did you do
to my little boy?
197
00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:56,825
Hi, Mom.
198
00:07:59,209 --> 00:08:02,131
You get your brother's ring back!
Mom, please don't make me
199
00:08:02,132 --> 00:08:04,287
take sides!
That's your brother out there.
200
00:08:04,288 --> 00:08:06,371
You two shared bunk
beds and baseball mitts,
201
00:08:06,373 --> 00:08:09,307
and, when you were hungry,
these supple breasts.
202
00:08:09,309 --> 00:08:11,209
Arguably a little too long.
203
00:08:11,211 --> 00:08:12,978
Stinsons stand up
for each other.
204
00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:14,212
Take care of this!
205
00:08:14,214 --> 00:08:16,131
I...
I'm gonna play some cards.
206
00:08:16,133 --> 00:08:18,934
All right, chumps.
207
00:08:18,936 --> 00:08:21,553
I'm gonna tell you what I
told Frampton's guitar tech
208
00:08:21,555 --> 00:08:24,773
when he couldn't find
a condom: let's gamble.
209
00:08:26,359 --> 00:08:28,276
You gave us a coffeemaker?
210
00:08:28,278 --> 00:08:30,262
Not just ah coffeemaker.
211
00:08:30,264 --> 00:08:33,064
I asked what they used
at your favorite coffeehouse
212
00:08:33,066 --> 00:08:35,951
and got you that exact...
one tier down model.
213
00:08:35,953 --> 00:08:39,387
And you know
what you got me? Huh?
214
00:08:39,389 --> 00:08:41,206
No thank you note.
215
00:08:41,208 --> 00:08:43,258
So I started dropping hintsabout it.
216
00:08:43,260 --> 00:08:45,493
Do I detect a note of hazelnut?
217
00:08:45,495 --> 00:08:46,661
Wedding present.
218
00:08:46,663 --> 00:08:48,680
Kind of want to say thank you
219
00:08:48,682 --> 00:08:51,216
to that note of hazelnut.
220
00:08:51,218 --> 00:08:53,251
Thank you... note.
221
00:08:54,655 --> 00:08:57,022
Wedding... present.
222
00:08:57,024 --> 00:09:00,041
Anyway...
223
00:09:00,043 --> 00:09:02,160
Thank you note.
224
00:09:04,013 --> 00:09:06,731
Yeah, he got it.
225
00:09:06,733 --> 00:09:08,650
But you never got it!
226
00:09:08,652 --> 00:09:10,602
I drank so much coffee
that year,
227
00:09:10,604 --> 00:09:11,903
hoping you'd take the hint,
228
00:09:11,905 --> 00:09:14,689
my resting pulse was like
the drum solo from "Wipeout."
229
00:09:14,691 --> 00:09:17,409
And then, uh,
Halloween rolled around.
230
00:09:17,411 --> 00:09:18,610
Get me a wedding present.
231
00:09:18,612 --> 00:09:20,829
On that note...
232
00:09:20,831 --> 00:09:22,330
I think you'll like my costume.
233
00:09:22,332 --> 00:09:23,648
Mm.
234
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:26,984
I'm a thank you note.
235
00:09:26,986 --> 00:09:28,486
Thank you note.
Ah.
236
00:09:28,488 --> 00:09:31,539
Guess you could say
that we sort of go together.
237
00:09:31,541 --> 00:09:33,258
That's right, Marshall.
That's right.
238
00:09:33,260 --> 00:09:35,293
When someone gets you a gift,
239
00:09:35,295 --> 00:09:38,096
you give them
a thank you note.
240
00:09:38,098 --> 00:09:39,214
That is how it works.
241
00:09:39,216 --> 00:09:41,366
Give a gift, get a note.
242
00:09:41,368 --> 00:09:42,751
Agreed.
Exactly.
243
00:09:42,753 --> 00:09:43,818
Exactly.
244
00:09:43,820 --> 00:09:46,855
Exactly.
Exactly.
245
00:09:49,358 --> 00:09:51,643
I think he got it.
246
00:09:51,645 --> 00:09:54,062
Yeah. Yeah, he got it.
247
00:09:54,064 --> 00:09:56,281
I have to find a bathroom.
248
00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:58,783
I didn't get it!
249
00:09:58,785 --> 00:10:00,402
And I thought for sure
you'd get it
250
00:10:00,404 --> 00:10:03,104
when I sent that thank you note
for the wrapping station.
251
00:10:03,106 --> 00:10:06,825
"Dear Marshall and Lily,
252
00:10:06,827 --> 00:10:09,627
"this is a thank you noteto thank you
253
00:10:09,629 --> 00:10:12,247
"for the gift-wrapping station.
254
00:10:12,249 --> 00:10:15,166
"Because even thoughthe wedding never happened,
255
00:10:15,168 --> 00:10:18,920
"there's one thing thatdidn't leave me at the altar,
256
00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:21,756
and that's my manners."
257
00:10:21,758 --> 00:10:23,091
I can't believe this.
258
00:10:23,093 --> 00:10:24,642
Eriksens send thank you notes.
259
00:10:24,644 --> 00:10:26,678
It's the one thing
that we always do!
260
00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:28,680
We even have
a family saying about it.
261
00:10:28,682 --> 00:10:30,565
"Lick it, before you stick it!"
262
00:10:30,567 --> 00:10:33,318
"It" being the stamp
on the thank you note,
263
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,520
before you stick it
in the mailbox.
264
00:10:35,522 --> 00:10:37,221
I will make this right!
265
00:10:37,223 --> 00:10:38,690
I know, right?
266
00:10:38,692 --> 00:10:40,608
Hey, listen, we're about
to go through a tunnel.
267
00:10:40,610 --> 00:10:41,893
Guys, big dilemma.
268
00:10:41,895 --> 00:10:44,228
My mom's insisting
that I get Robin
269
00:10:44,230 --> 00:10:47,732
to give James his ring back,
but Robin's refusing.
270
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:50,502
But James seems like
he's really upset.
271
00:10:50,504 --> 00:10:52,587
But Robin's
gonna be my wife.
272
00:10:52,589 --> 00:10:54,572
But James
is my brother.
273
00:10:54,574 --> 00:10:56,591
But Robin lets me do sex to her.
274
00:10:56,593 --> 00:10:58,176
But I have
275
00:10:58,178 --> 00:11:00,845
to spend eternity
in my mom's mausoleum.
276
00:11:00,847 --> 00:11:03,965
I just wish there was a way
I didn't have to take sides!
277
00:11:03,967 --> 00:11:06,050
What should I do?!
278
00:11:07,854 --> 00:11:09,087
Choose your wife.
279
00:11:09,089 --> 00:11:11,422
You always choose
your wife. Easy.
280
00:11:11,424 --> 00:11:13,975
Got any other stumpers,
like how to answer
281
00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:15,427
"Does this make me look fat?"
282
00:11:15,429 --> 00:11:17,979
Well, maybe a little around
the hips but no more than usual.
283
00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:19,531
You're getting married,
284
00:11:19,533 --> 00:11:22,099
so I will deal with that
one after your honeymoon.
285
00:11:22,101 --> 00:11:23,201
And she did.
286
00:11:23,203 --> 00:11:26,187
Belize was amazi...
287
00:11:29,075 --> 00:11:32,377
In marriage, being right is less
important than being supportive.
288
00:11:32,379 --> 00:11:35,797
happy wife
equals happy life.
289
00:11:35,799 --> 00:11:38,133
Wow, thanks.
That's some great advice, Lil.
290
00:11:38,135 --> 00:11:39,968
I knew I could count on you.
291
00:11:42,655 --> 00:11:45,006
He's gotten very respectful
with his fake listening.
292
00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:46,307
Anyway, Lily,
293
00:11:46,309 --> 00:11:47,809
I told Marshall this
already, but...
294
00:11:47,811 --> 00:11:49,727
don't worry about not sending
a thank you note
295
00:11:49,729 --> 00:11:52,147
for the coffeemaker. It's cool.
296
00:11:52,149 --> 00:11:55,383
Uh, we did send a thank you note
for the coffeemaker.
297
00:11:55,385 --> 00:11:57,986
Uh... no, you didn't.
298
00:11:57,988 --> 00:12:00,989
Uh... yes, we did.
299
00:12:00,991 --> 00:12:02,907
To Stuart and Claudia,
300
00:12:02,909 --> 00:12:05,777
the people who gave us
the coffeemaker.
301
00:12:05,779 --> 00:12:09,364
Uh...
302
00:12:09,366 --> 00:12:10,899
what?
303
00:12:10,901 --> 00:12:12,217
Hey, you two!
304
00:12:12,219 --> 00:12:13,468
Hey.
Hey.
305
00:12:13,470 --> 00:12:15,420
Hey, thanks again
for that coffeemaker.
306
00:12:15,422 --> 00:12:17,088
We use it all the time.
307
00:12:17,090 --> 00:12:19,591
Especially when Ted's over.
308
00:12:19,593 --> 00:12:20,675
Yeah, it's
a great machine.
309
00:12:20,677 --> 00:12:22,961
We have one at home
and we love it.
310
00:12:22,963 --> 00:12:25,847
Did I forget
to get you a wedding gift?
311
00:12:26,532 --> 00:12:27,715
What kind of monster am I?
312
00:12:27,717 --> 00:12:29,467
Mosbys always give
wedding gifts.
313
00:12:29,469 --> 00:12:32,220
We even have an expression:
"Wrap it before you tap it."
314
00:12:32,222 --> 00:12:33,471
You know,
315
00:12:33,473 --> 00:12:34,522
wrap the gift
316
00:12:34,524 --> 00:12:36,173
before you tap the person
on the shoulder
317
00:12:36,175 --> 00:12:37,609
and say, "Here's your gift."
318
00:12:37,611 --> 00:12:40,628
I will make this right.
319
00:12:41,513 --> 00:12:42,981
Robin? Two things:
320
00:12:42,983 --> 00:12:44,482
number one, are you
dropping heat right now?
321
00:12:44,484 --> 00:12:46,117
No.
Great.
322
00:12:46,119 --> 00:12:47,952
Number two.
323
00:12:47,954 --> 00:12:50,288
Nice.
Thanks. Anyway,
324
00:12:50,290 --> 00:12:51,739
I came up with an amazing plan
325
00:12:51,741 --> 00:12:53,291
that I think
will make everyone happy.
326
00:12:53,293 --> 00:12:56,861
Step one: you let my mom win the
ring back in a hand of poker.
327
00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:58,746
Step two...
328
00:12:58,748 --> 00:12:59,914
No, that's all the steps.
329
00:12:59,916 --> 00:13:01,049
What do you think?
330
00:13:01,051 --> 00:13:04,052
So your plan is
you do absolutely nothing
331
00:13:04,054 --> 00:13:05,587
to get your fiancée's back.
332
00:13:05,589 --> 00:13:06,721
Okay.
333
00:13:06,723 --> 00:13:09,057
Let me propose
a different plan.
334
00:13:09,059 --> 00:13:10,391
Step one...
335
00:13:10,393 --> 00:13:13,177
Good game, everybody!
336
00:13:13,179 --> 00:13:15,330
And that's all the steps.
337
00:13:19,151 --> 00:13:22,020
That's a really
pretty bra, Mom.
338
00:13:25,103 --> 00:13:27,433
Well, I'd better leave now
before I lose
339
00:13:27,434 --> 00:13:28,716
any more of my dignity,
340
00:13:28,718 --> 00:13:30,318
the likelihood
of which
341
00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:33,888
is increasing every moment
in this very chilly room.
342
00:13:33,890 --> 00:13:35,640
Oh...
343
00:13:36,442 --> 00:13:38,760
Not good, Robin.
344
00:13:38,762 --> 00:13:40,395
Very not good.
345
00:13:40,397 --> 00:13:42,130
How do you
keep winning, anyway?
346
00:13:42,132 --> 00:13:43,631
Well, to the keen observer,
347
00:13:43,633 --> 00:13:47,552
all of you Stinsons have
the same very subtle tell.
348
00:13:48,187 --> 00:13:49,103
Whenever you're bluffing,
349
00:13:49,105 --> 00:13:50,939
you say the word "bluff."
350
00:13:50,941 --> 00:13:52,557
Hey, I'm hungry. Uh...
351
00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:54,425
should we get
some bluffalo wings?
352
00:13:54,427 --> 00:13:57,061
Raise you $20.
353
00:13:57,063 --> 00:14:00,615
When I walked in, I saw
an all-you-can-eat bluffet.
354
00:14:00,617 --> 00:14:02,767
Raise $50.
355
00:14:02,769 --> 00:14:06,037
Mmm... I could use
a bluffberry muffin.
356
00:14:06,039 --> 00:14:08,072
A blueberry bluffin. Sorry.
357
00:14:08,074 --> 00:14:11,125
A bluebluffy muffbluff. All in.
358
00:14:11,127 --> 00:14:12,293
I don't believe it.
359
00:14:12,295 --> 00:14:14,379
Robin, you've got
to give her that blouse back.
360
00:14:14,381 --> 00:14:15,780
She loves that blouse.
361
00:14:15,782 --> 00:14:20,718
She got those sequins from
Rick James...'s open casket.
362
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:21,920
Nope. Not happening.
363
00:14:21,922 --> 00:14:25,974
Woman, as your bridegroom,
I command you!
364
00:14:25,976 --> 00:14:27,258
We'll leave and
365
00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:30,294
give you guys
some privacy.
366
00:14:31,063 --> 00:14:32,964
You, uh,
367
00:14:32,966 --> 00:14:35,016
want to take back
that "I command you" thing?
368
00:14:35,018 --> 00:14:36,351
Please can I?
369
00:14:36,353 --> 00:14:38,436
Why is this so important to you?
370
00:14:38,438 --> 00:14:40,271
Because it's my family.
371
00:14:40,273 --> 00:14:44,158
And, so help me, you and I
will never have sex again
372
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,143
if you don't give back
their bluff.
373
00:14:46,145 --> 00:14:47,829
Stuff! Damn it.
374
00:14:47,831 --> 00:14:49,814
Look, I just...
I want to feel like
375
00:14:49,816 --> 00:14:52,367
you're on my side
once in a while. That's all.
376
00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:53,534
Look, I'm gonna
be your wife,
377
00:14:53,536 --> 00:14:54,869
for God's sakes.
378
00:14:54,871 --> 00:14:56,220
But, look,
379
00:14:56,222 --> 00:14:58,957
if it's... if it's
that important to you, here.
380
00:14:58,959 --> 00:15:01,158
Do what you want.
381
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,844
Thank you.
382
00:15:02,846 --> 00:15:06,681
And please don't play
strip poker with my mom again.
383
00:15:06,683 --> 00:15:09,834
It's all kinds of confusing.
384
00:15:17,677 --> 00:15:21,813
Oh, that's where
my phone is.
385
00:15:21,815 --> 00:15:24,115
I wasn't eavesdropping.
Hey, baby.
386
00:15:24,117 --> 00:15:25,950
Lily, we were wrong
the whole time.
387
00:15:25,952 --> 00:15:27,568
Ted got us the coffeemaker!
388
00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:29,020
He's a wonderful man!
389
00:15:29,022 --> 00:15:33,024
What? No. Claudia and Stuart
gave us our coffeemaker.
390
00:15:33,026 --> 00:15:35,860
Ted's a rat bastard!
Never mention his name again!
391
00:15:35,862 --> 00:15:36,878
Your coffeemaker?
392
00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:37,829
Ted got you that.
393
00:15:37,831 --> 00:15:38,913
I was with him
when he bought it.
394
00:15:38,915 --> 00:15:40,214
I don't know what to feel!
395
00:15:40,216 --> 00:15:42,266
But Stuart said
he got it for us.
396
00:15:42,268 --> 00:15:44,085
Stuart and Claudia
checked in.
397
00:15:44,087 --> 00:15:45,586
I saw them in the lobby.
398
00:15:47,139 --> 00:15:48,539
Let's go get
to the bottom of this.
399
00:15:52,594 --> 00:15:53,561
Stuart,
400
00:15:53,563 --> 00:15:55,396
no B.S., did you really get us
401
00:15:55,398 --> 00:15:57,231
that coffeemaker
for our wedding?
402
00:15:57,233 --> 00:15:58,666
Of course.
403
00:15:58,668 --> 00:16:01,169
What a crazy
thing to ask.
404
00:16:01,171 --> 00:16:02,704
They never give you enough
of these things.
405
00:16:02,706 --> 00:16:04,772
Oh, my God.
406
00:16:04,774 --> 00:16:06,858
Ted got us
that coffeemaker,
407
00:16:06,860 --> 00:16:09,077
and you just played it off
as your gift.
408
00:16:09,079 --> 00:16:12,246
You're a weasel. Admit it.
409
00:16:12,248 --> 00:16:13,331
No, that's insane.
410
00:16:13,333 --> 00:16:14,398
Really?
411
00:16:14,833 --> 00:16:15,833
Housekeeping!
412
00:16:15,835 --> 00:16:16,918
Conditioner thief!
413
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:18,836
Okay, shh, shh.
Yes, I am a weasel.
414
00:16:18,838 --> 00:16:22,040
I ripped the card off Ted's gift
and I wrote my name on it.
415
00:16:22,042 --> 00:16:23,925
Does Claudia know about this?
416
00:16:23,927 --> 00:16:26,511
No. Please don't tell her.
417
00:16:26,513 --> 00:16:29,464
That gift was a turning point
for us.
418
00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:31,132
Ah.
419
00:16:31,134 --> 00:16:33,067
I got to admit,
420
00:16:33,069 --> 00:16:36,854
I came pretty close
to leaving you.
421
00:16:36,856 --> 00:16:39,691
Bags packed, plane
ticket purchased,
422
00:16:39,693 --> 00:16:41,926
topless pics sent to your
brother, the whole nine.
423
00:16:41,928 --> 00:16:46,064
But seeing that you got our
friends such a nice gift,
424
00:16:46,066 --> 00:16:49,500
ah, it just really puts
you in a whole new light.
425
00:16:49,502 --> 00:16:51,703
Oh.
426
00:16:52,621 --> 00:16:56,157
I'm a pretty great guy.
Oh.
427
00:16:58,210 --> 00:16:59,839
And since that day, on the
428
00:16:59,864 --> 00:17:01,563
foundation of that coffeemaker,
429
00:17:01,564 --> 00:17:05,616
we've built a strong,
nurturing relationship.
430
00:17:05,618 --> 00:17:10,454
Well, out of respect for your
marriage, I won't say anything.
431
00:17:10,456 --> 00:17:13,057
Say hi to Claudia
when she gets out of the shower.
432
00:17:13,059 --> 00:17:14,842
That's not Claudia. Good night.
433
00:17:16,395 --> 00:17:18,179
Tap tap.
434
00:17:18,181 --> 00:17:20,148
Look what I wrapped!
435
00:17:20,783 --> 00:17:21,949
What?
436
00:17:23,970 --> 00:17:26,771
So, I went to give James
his ring back...
437
00:17:27,489 --> 00:17:29,991
Glad you came
to your senses.
438
00:17:29,993 --> 00:17:32,777
You can't let being married
keep you from being you.
439
00:17:32,779 --> 00:17:33,945
It's like Tom,
440
00:17:33,947 --> 00:17:36,313
always telling me I spend
too much time at the gym.
441
00:17:36,315 --> 00:17:37,398
Exactly. Is it so wrong
442
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,150
if you want to work out
a couple times a week?
443
00:17:39,152 --> 00:17:40,985
Right. Or a couple times a day.
444
00:17:40,987 --> 00:17:42,203
Or a couple times...
445
00:17:42,205 --> 00:17:44,255
A couple times a day? Really?
446
00:17:44,257 --> 00:17:47,041
A few hours before work,
a few hours after.
447
00:17:47,043 --> 00:17:50,128
Only way to keep up
the chocolate xylophone.
448
00:17:51,614 --> 00:17:53,848
Still, that's a lot of time
at the gym.
449
00:17:53,850 --> 00:17:55,500
Especially with two kids.
450
00:17:55,502 --> 00:17:56,851
It's like
I always said to Tom,
451
00:17:56,853 --> 00:17:58,803
"I've got to stay in shape
452
00:17:58,805 --> 00:18:00,171
in case I'm ever single again."
453
00:18:00,173 --> 00:18:02,740
And, hello, I was right.
454
00:18:02,742 --> 00:18:05,393
Oh, my God.
455
00:18:05,395 --> 00:18:08,112
I think I finally understand
what Lily was mumbling
456
00:18:08,114 --> 00:18:10,198
in my peripheral vision earlier.
457
00:18:11,033 --> 00:18:12,400
I'm marrying Robin
458
00:18:12,402 --> 00:18:13,851
so I can be part of a team,
459
00:18:13,853 --> 00:18:16,404
not just some guy alone at a gym
460
00:18:16,406 --> 00:18:18,206
with admittedly amazing abs.
461
00:18:18,208 --> 00:18:19,373
Thanks, Bro.
462
00:18:19,375 --> 00:18:22,360
No. Thank you, Bro.
463
00:18:24,429 --> 00:18:26,547
You're not getting this ring.
464
00:18:26,549 --> 00:18:28,800
I'm always gonna have your back.
465
00:18:28,802 --> 00:18:30,351
No matter what.
466
00:18:30,353 --> 00:18:32,804
Thank you.
467
00:18:32,806 --> 00:18:34,288
I love you.
Mmm,
468
00:18:34,290 --> 00:18:35,973
I love you, too.
469
00:18:37,376 --> 00:18:39,376
Oh, oh! I almost didn't
tell you the best part!
470
00:18:39,378 --> 00:18:40,211
There's more!
471
00:18:40,213 --> 00:18:41,462
Really?
472
00:18:41,464 --> 00:18:44,098
James, let me spell this out
for you:
473
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:46,150
now that I've got Robin,
474
00:18:46,152 --> 00:18:48,736
we are not brothers anymore.
475
00:18:48,738 --> 00:18:49,654
What?!
476
00:18:49,656 --> 00:18:51,322
Uh-huh.
477
00:18:51,324 --> 00:18:53,074
If you and
Robin are both
478
00:18:53,076 --> 00:18:55,076
ever hanging from a cliff
479
00:18:55,078 --> 00:18:56,994
and I have one hand free,
480
00:18:56,996 --> 00:18:58,362
enjoy the fall.
481
00:18:58,364 --> 00:18:59,864
Uh, buh-bye.
482
00:19:00,499 --> 00:19:02,416
If you...
Oh, Mom! Good!
483
00:19:02,418 --> 00:19:03,534
You should hear this, too.
484
00:19:03,536 --> 00:19:06,454
This mother-son thing--
it's over.
485
00:19:06,456 --> 00:19:07,755
It's been
a nice few decades,
486
00:19:07,757 --> 00:19:09,457
but I've got a wife now,
487
00:19:09,459 --> 00:19:11,408
so you mean nothing to me.
488
00:19:11,410 --> 00:19:13,344
Oh, and me coming over
489
00:19:13,346 --> 00:19:14,512
for Thanksgiving and Christmas,
490
00:19:14,514 --> 00:19:15,463
that's done!
491
00:19:15,465 --> 00:19:16,797
No more of that!
492
00:19:16,799 --> 00:19:18,015
And you know why?
493
00:19:18,017 --> 00:19:19,934
Because Robin said so!
494
00:19:19,936 --> 00:19:22,920
This came directly from her!
495
00:19:23,755 --> 00:19:27,591
See ya, losers!
496
00:19:27,593 --> 00:19:28,776
Oh, my God.
497
00:19:28,778 --> 00:19:29,777
Yeah.
498
00:19:29,779 --> 00:19:31,929
Fiancé of the year?
499
00:19:31,931 --> 00:19:34,982
I think I know what's next.
Oh, God.
500
00:19:34,984 --> 00:19:37,318
Oh, God. I can't leave this room
for the rest of the weekend.
501
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:41,906
I'm sure we can find
something to do, eh?
502
00:19:41,908 --> 00:19:43,641
Ted, I'm so sorry!
503
00:19:43,643 --> 00:19:45,626
No, I'm sorry.
504
00:19:45,628 --> 00:19:47,545
I shouldn't have spent the last
six years passive-aggressively
505
00:19:47,547 --> 00:19:49,580
drinking gallons
of coffee around you.
506
00:19:49,582 --> 00:19:51,132
And I shouldn't have taken
that sewing class
507
00:19:51,134 --> 00:19:53,501
to learn how to make
that wedding present costume.
508
00:19:53,503 --> 00:19:55,670
I regret all of it.
Me, too!
509
00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:57,972
Except I actually don't regret
that sewing class.
510
00:19:57,974 --> 00:20:00,457
I learned a fun and useful
lifetime skill.
511
00:20:00,459 --> 00:20:03,311
But, seriously,
even without the coffeemaker,
512
00:20:03,313 --> 00:20:05,313
you've given us more
than enough.
513
00:20:05,315 --> 00:20:08,482
Well, there is one more gift
on the way.
514
00:20:08,484 --> 00:20:10,902
Whatever it is, send it back.
515
00:20:10,904 --> 00:20:12,970
It's a little late for that.
516
00:20:14,072 --> 00:20:15,690
Marshall Eriksen?!
517
00:20:15,692 --> 00:20:17,074
Yes?!
518
00:20:17,076 --> 00:20:19,527
I got your pizza!
519
00:20:19,529 --> 00:20:21,112
Oh, Ted!
520
00:20:21,114 --> 00:20:23,247
You are the best friend ever!
521
00:20:23,249 --> 00:20:24,949
Don't say another word,
Marshall.
522
00:20:24,951 --> 00:20:27,318
Save it for the thank you note.
523
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:28,485
You got it, buddy!
524
00:20:28,487 --> 00:20:29,620
And, kids,
525
00:20:29,622 --> 00:20:30,705
I got that thank you note
526
00:20:30,707 --> 00:20:33,657
four months later.
527
00:20:33,659 --> 00:20:35,876
Four months.
528
00:20:39,126 --> 00:20:40,359
Uh, here's
your blouse back.
529
00:20:41,349 --> 00:20:43,166
Is there any way
we could just, um...
530
00:20:43,168 --> 00:20:44,701
forget about all this?
531
00:20:44,703 --> 00:20:47,520
Oh, no, dear,
you keep the blouse.
532
00:20:47,522 --> 00:20:50,457
Think of it
as your consolation prize.
533
00:20:50,459 --> 00:20:51,958
Consolation prize?
534
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:55,078
You won the battle.
535
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,247
But I'll win the war.
536
00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,200
Game on, bitch.
537
00:21:01,202 --> 00:21:06,202
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man37286
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