Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:08,139
NARRATOR:
Kids, Barney and Robin's
wedding turned out
2
00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:10,506
to be a life-changing weekend
for all of us.
3
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,314
Well, not just us.
4
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,046
One ticket to Farhampton,
please.
5
00:00:14,082 --> 00:00:15,922
NARRATOR:
But I'll get to that.
6
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:17,149
(horn honks)
7
00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:19,545
Who are you honking at?
You.
8
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,517
You're going 40 in a 65.
9
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,755
Pick it up, Grandma!
10
00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:25,761
Look, I'm happy to rock it up
into the 50s,
11
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:29,333
but I'm gonna need a hand...
or two.
12
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,533
Oh, no. Not the driving gloves.
13
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:33,165
In 99.9% of highway accidents,
14
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:35,501
the driver was not
wearing gloves.
15
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:36,696
Because they're stupid.
16
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,237
They don't help you
drive better.
17
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:40,112
That's why no one wears them.
18
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:43,211
Then why is it called...
the glove compartment?
19
00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:45,384
I am not
having this argument again.
20
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:48,123
Now, as you know, a Mosby
road trip is not only safe,
21
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:49,119
but informative.
22
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:51,350
Chiggedy-check it.
23
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,385
Manhattan to Farhampton:
24
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:56,791
Lil' and Ted's
Excellent Adventure?
25
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,634
That baby's stuffed to the rings
with fun facts
26
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:01,029
about our unsung neighbor
to the east-- Long Island.
27
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,401
For instance, just up
ahead, the historic
28
00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:05,571
childhood home of
Florian van Otterloop,
29
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:06,899
the Dutch bucklesmith
30
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:08,904
who revolutionized
the belt industry.
31
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:10,896
Uh, fun story
about that color-blind genius.
32
00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:12,268
When he...
Please stop!
33
00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:15,076
Well, I was just gonna
slow down for pictures,
34
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:18,179
but that level of enthusiasm
can't go unrewarded.
35
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:37,125
(phone chimes)
Hmm.
36
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:39,395
Oh, look at my
little cousins
37
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,103
in their flower
girl dresses.
38
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:43,495
Aw, they'll look so cute
next to the ring bear.
39
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:44,907
Yeah.
40
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:48,078
Wait, you said
ring bear-er, right?
41
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,908
Ring bear.
42
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,353
Ring bear-er.
43
00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:53,009
Ring bear.
44
00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:55,246
Are you planning
some crazy stunt
45
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:57,923
with a dangerous wild animal
at our wedding?
46
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,121
(phone chirps)
Because...
47
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:00,493
Oh, oh, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry.
48
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:01,991
Oh, boy.
49
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,162
My brother wants to know
50
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:05,661
what time he "goes on"
at the reception.
51
00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:07,133
What does that mean?
52
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:11,331
Every wedding he attends,
James insists on... performing.
53
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:13,365
* Islands in the stream
54
00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:15,501
* That is what we are
55
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:18,106
* No one in between...
56
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,708
So? What do you got
against K-Rodge?
57
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,180
Everybody loves
The Gambler.
58
00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:22,979
Wait for it.
59
00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:25,510
* How can we be wrong?
60
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:29,816
* Sail away with me
to another world *
61
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:34,120
* And we rely
on each other, uh-huh! *
62
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,124
That is nothing.
63
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,986
I have invited Scherbatskys
from all over Canada,
64
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,356
and they are Canuckin' nuts.
65
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:42,804
Like my cousin Ruth
from the Yukon.
66
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,170
I don't like to encourage
Canadian stereotypes,
67
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:48,369
but that woman
practically rides a moose.
68
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:50,142
(laughs)
69
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,470
Does she actually ride a moose?
70
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:52,465
Yeah.
71
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,066
And, uh,
72
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:56,077
I'm worried she'll bring it
to the wedding.
73
00:02:56,109 --> 00:03:00,079
She and the moose are...
very close.
74
00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:03,075
Whoa.
75
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:06,486
Every wedding's got a wild card,
but we've invited a whole set.
76
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,520
(accordion playing
"Wedding March")
77
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,155
Someone is gonna
ruin this wedding.
78
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:21,097
It's just a question
of... who.
79
00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:24,174
I'm gonna ruin this wedding!
80
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,544
My wife is
gonna kill me!
81
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:27,683
PILOT: Flight attendants
prepare for departure.
82
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,938
We were gonna move to
Italy for her dream job,
83
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:32,277
so I brought my son
here to Minnesota
84
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:34,623
to see my mom
before we left.
85
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,750
And then I got offered
a job as a judge
86
00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:41,116
in New York City,
which is my dream.
87
00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:44,020
But that'll totally
destroy her dream!
88
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,387
You are destroying
a lot of dreams right now.
89
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,928
(phone chimes)
90
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,897
(chuckles)
91
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,937
Wait.
92
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,972
If I got this...
93
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:05,451
(phone chimes)
94
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:08,818
(sighs)
95
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,049
Aren't you gonna
check that?
96
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,453
No.
97
00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:13,485
It-It's just another
obnoxious update
98
00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:14,491
from Marshall's mom.
99
00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:15,492
She's been posting
100
00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:18,133
these "cute" baby pics
of Marvin,
101
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:20,928
but it's all just propaganda.
102
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,531
First, it was
"Don't move to Italy."
103
00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:26,131
Followed by an extremely subtle
guilt trip.
104
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:32,072
And then, randomly preachy.
105
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,235
Nah, not looking.
106
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,913
It's just gonna piss me off.
107
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,582
Why are we exiting again?
108
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,150
Well, if you turn in your binder
109
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:39,748
to the section labeled
"Mennonite Windmills..."
110
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:40,980
Get back on the expressway now.
111
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,124
(scoffs)
112
00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:45,019
The expressway's
for gloveless amateurs.
113
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:46,192
I'm done.
114
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,019
There's a train station
coming up; just drop me off.
115
00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,985
Okay, but some newfangled
train's not gonna stop
116
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:52,263
at the 40-foot-tall
butter churn in Ronkonkoma!
117
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,802
Yes, but unlike any of
your 18th-century stops,
118
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:59,129
at least the train will have
a 21st-century toilet!
119
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:00,626
You're a 21st-century toilet!
120
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:01,698
(gasps)
121
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:02,695
Train now!
122
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,506
Fine!
123
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:07,608
Okay, so far,
I've got 12 wild cards,
124
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,011
not counting the ring bear.
125
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,112
Ring bear-er.
126
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,353
Oh, oh, here's another one.
127
00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:13,849
You know how I found out
that I'm one-quarter Canadian
128
00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:15,021
but I've completely
blocked that out
129
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:16,778
because your nation's ridiculous
and I'm awesome?
130
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:17,847
Sure.
131
00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:19,985
Well, turns out,
I have a crazy cousin Mitch
132
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,220
on that side of the family.
133
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:22,194
That's funny.
134
00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:24,022
I have a crazy
cousin Mitch, too.
135
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:26,027
But I guarantee
he is crazier than yours.
136
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,329
He built his own house
from timber he chopped down
137
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,132
from other people's houses.
138
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,473
That's funny.
139
00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:33,029
My cousin Mitch
is a lumberjack.
140
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,836
Except mine has six fingers.
141
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,139
On one hand or total?
142
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,110
Total.
143
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,072
Are truckers always
beating him up?
144
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,978
Yes, because he has to...
145
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,080
BOTH: ...hitchhike
with his middle finger.
146
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:46,881
Wait.
147
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:49,224
Is it possible that we're...
148
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:54,424
Could... c-could...
could we be...?
149
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:55,885
Shh...
150
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:01,532
Ranjit, could you be a dear
and pull over for a second?
151
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:04,062
Pulling over!
152
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:06,097
(both chuckle weakly)
153
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:10,936
(both retching)
154
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,841
All right, train.
155
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:16,013
Let's show your critics you're
not just a Dumpster on wheels
156
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,513
full of drunk idiots.
157
00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:19,845
CONDUCTOR:
We're being held at this station
158
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,180
until further notice.
159
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,224
I got to sober up.
160
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:36,856
(phone ringing)
161
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,027
Eriksen residence,
Judy speaking.
162
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,396
Why did you post
that judge photo?
163
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,104
Because I'm guilty...
164
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:45,105
of being one proud mama!
165
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,038
Lily doesn't know
that I took the job,
166
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,444
so if she sees it,
I'm dead.
167
00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:49,606
Just take it down, okay?
168
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:50,643
Fine.
169
00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:53,108
Let me just get on the online
170
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,646
so I can Internet.
171
00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:57,152
I love the lingo!
172
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:59,154
(modem screeching)
173
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,916
Look, Mom,
just-just...
174
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,064
click on the photo
on your wall,
175
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,730
and then under "menu,"
click on "options."
176
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,959
Some kind of advertisement
popped on.
177
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,555
Oh, my.
178
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:12,267
That appears to be pornography.
179
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:14,269
Just click
on "options."
180
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:16,971
(whispering):
It's men with other men.
181
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,074
(whispering loudly):
Just click on "options"!
182
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,165
Excuse me!
183
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,936
Are there any other seats
left on this plane?
184
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:21,984
No.
185
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:23,109
Hell, I've been
going to Pilates.
186
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,183
I can just hang on
to the landing gear like this.
187
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:26,182
Sorry, ma'am.
188
00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:28,283
I only signed up for Pilates,
189
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:30,975
I haven't actually
started going yet.
190
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,848
I didn't sign up.
191
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,315
LILY:
No, I'm not looking.
192
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:39,326
I don't need to see
my child used against me.
193
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:43,299
My sweet, beautiful child
who I haven't seen in a week...
194
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:47,000
whose head smells like love
and unicorn teardrops,
195
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:48,974
and why are trains
so lonely?!
196
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:49,972
Damn it, I'm looking!
197
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,303
WOMAN:
Hey, are you okay?
198
00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:53,168
You look stressed.
199
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:54,036
Plus, you muttered
200
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,514
a few words out loud.
201
00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:57,443
I heard "lonely" and "unicorn,"
202
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,977
which actually gave me
a great idea
203
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:01,622
for a children's book,
so thank you.
204
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,219
Are you okay?
205
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,850
No.
206
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:06,785
But there's nothing you can do.
207
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:07,990
Do you want a cookie?
208
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,461
(crying):
Yes.
209
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,619
Yes, I do.
210
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:11,958
Wow.
211
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:12,992
You just took a cookie
212
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:14,726
from a complete stranger
on a train.
213
00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:16,062
I like how trusting you are.
214
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,966
There could be drugs
or poison in there.
215
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,568
But there's not, is there?
216
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,030
No idea,
I found them under my seat.
217
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,038
No!
218
00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,499
Kidding! Sorry!
219
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,807
You looked stressed, so I
thought you could use a cookie,
220
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,339
then I thought
you could use a joke.
221
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:29,084
I should have stopped
at the cookie.
222
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:29,979
You know what?
223
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,080
I don't care
if these are poisoned.
224
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,512
There's chocolate
and peanut butter
225
00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:35,217
and caramel in these sumbitches.
226
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,648
I call them "Sumbitches"!
227
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:38,815
(laughing)
228
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:39,852
NARRATOR:
And that's how Lily
229
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:41,217
met your mother.
230
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,662
Are Cousin Mitch and I
directly related?
231
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:46,162
No, Mom, I'm asking
232
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,233
is Cousin Mitch
a blood relative?
233
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,601
I'm not asking
about Cousin Pete,
234
00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:51,100
I'm asking about Cousin Robin!
235
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:52,101
Mitch!
236
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:53,002
Cousin Mitch!
237
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,333
Well, just find out
from Uncle Frank
238
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,337
and call me back!
239
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,938
Well, then, go
visit Cousin Cecil
240
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:59,110
at his sky-diving school
and ask him!
241
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,939
Oh, God, he did?
242
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,210
Well, I guess that can happen
243
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,884
no matter
how experienced you are.
244
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,753
I'm so sorry.
245
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:08,951
(exhales)
246
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,952
My cousin Cecil...
247
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:12,224
got fired.
248
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:13,452
(sighs):
Oh.
249
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:14,956
That's a relief.
250
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,988
He was so distraught, he jumped
off a bridge; he's dead.
251
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:21,286
Um... I'm so sorry
for your loss.
252
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:25,629
It may be our loss.
253
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:27,899
(both shudder)
254
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:29,865
Just click
on "options"!
255
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,873
All I see is a man
holding a bratwurst!
256
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,136
Oh.
257
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:36,744
No, the pornography's back.
258
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,477
I said, please turn off
all electronic devices.
259
00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:41,407
Oh. (laughs)
260
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,748
This isn't an
electronic device.
261
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,494
This is actually a toy.
262
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:47,088
For my son.
263
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:49,755
We call it Phone-y.
(scoffs)
264
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,730
I call you phony.
265
00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:54,929
We can't take off
till you hang up.
266
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,832
Okay, enough.
Give me that phone!
267
00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,104
Just click
on "options."
268
00:09:58,131 --> 00:09:59,501
I don't see it!
269
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,572
I said,
give me the phone!
270
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:02,741
Just click
on "options"!
271
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,340
Stop yelling at me!
272
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:05,511
Just click
on "options."
273
00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:06,508
Give me the phone.
274
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:07,779
Click on "options"!
275
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:09,838
Click on...
I have a baby!
276
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,947
Please, I-I have to get
to New York.
277
00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:13,509
Yeah, well, you should
have thought about that
278
00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:14,606
before you attacked me.
279
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,018
All right, boys,
you got this?
280
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:17,249
Good.
281
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,094
Let's get this bird
in the air.
Ah, you're both
282
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,519
banned from this flight.
283
00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:25,490
So I was driving with my
friend, who thinks he's
284
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,025
"The Road Trip Master."
285
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:30,130
He has leather driving gloves.
286
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:31,533
Who wears those?
287
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:34,034
Huge dorks, that's who.
288
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,037
NARRATOR:
Your mother was lying.
289
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,198
She had her own pair.
290
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,637
And he always makes us stop
291
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:41,542
to see some weird
roadside attraction
292
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:44,954
no one except him
gives a crap about.
293
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,378
Nerd alert.
294
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:48,123
NARRATOR:
Kids, you remember
the seven-hour detour
295
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,818
on our road trip
to Disney World
296
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:52,550
so your mother didn't miss
that goat in South Carolina
297
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,015
who could blow smoke rings.
298
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:58,494
And he won't go one mile an hour
over the speed limit.
299
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:00,055
That would drive me crazy.
300
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:03,033
I would give him
a humiliating nickname
301
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:05,903
until he stopped driving
like a little girl.
302
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:08,473
NARRATOR:
It was "Lady Tedwina Slowsby."
303
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,971
And it worked.
304
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:14,514
Okay, look, if it's
true, if we are...
305
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,011
(gags softly)
306
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,213
You know.
307
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:18,884
It's really not that big a deal.
308
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,512
Okay, we-we know
we won't have kids.
309
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:21,977
And even if we did,
310
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,875
King Joffrey's parents
were brother and sister,
311
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,517
and he was
a fair and wise leader.
312
00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:28,022
Yeah. Look, no one
ever needs to know but us.
313
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:28,855
Exactly.
314
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:30,019
(both chuckle)
315
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:31,187
I know.
316
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:36,332
BARNEY:
We might have to...
317
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,433
ROBIN:
Take care of Ranjit.
318
00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,565
Hey, you just finished my...
319
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,740
Creepy telepathic
murder thought.
320
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:46,010
Oh, it must be
a soul mate thing.
321
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,209
Unless...
322
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,780
it's a weird cousin thing.
323
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,411
(gags softly)
324
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:55,175
So we'll be good
either way, right?
325
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,545
Honey?
326
00:11:56,583 --> 00:12:00,193
That's right... sweetie.
327
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,620
Now, get over here, you.
328
00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:05,985
Gah, just try
and stop me.
329
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:19,605
Aw.
Ooh, ooh.
330
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:21,569
Ooh, mmm, mmm, mmm.
331
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:23,078
Well, I can't wait
till tonight.
332
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,240
I have got some
333
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,577
naughty-naughty-naughty
things planned.
334
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:26,882
Aw.
335
00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:29,324
Oh, wow, you have certainly
piqued my incest.
336
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:30,579
Interest. Interest!
337
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:36,093
I still can't believe he dragged
me to the childhood home
338
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:39,393
of some stupid bucklesmith
no one's ever even heard of.
339
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,926
Yeah, who cares
about Florian van Otterloop?
340
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:43,962
I never told you his name.
341
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,427
Sumbitch?
342
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:48,265
I mean, why'd he have to
act that way?
343
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:51,001
He knows I hate
how he gets on road trips.
344
00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:54,108
It almost seems like
he wanted you to storm off.
345
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:55,981
But we're going
to the same place.
346
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:59,079
There's no reason
why he'd want to ditch me.
347
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,482
NARRATOR:
And suddenly Lily remembered
that a week ago,
348
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:04,124
I'd helped Robin look
for her long-lost locket.
349
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:06,191
But it was gone.
350
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:12,287
Then Lily told me
the locket actually got stashed
351
00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:15,095
in my pencil box,
but when I opened it...
352
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,128
the locket wasn't there.
353
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,534
Good.
354
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:19,665
'Cause that locket's trouble.
355
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:20,929
How? It's-it's just a friendly,
356
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,098
innocent wedding gift.
357
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,095
It's not innocent.
358
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,766
Ted, you think
359
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,984
if you can get that locket
for Robin you'll win her back.
360
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:30,578
Lily, I've let it go.
361
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,275
I mean...
What?
362
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,847
There's, like,
a one percent chance
363
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:41,146
that Stella has the locket
from when we lived together.
364
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:43,488
Promise me you didn't call
the woman who left you
365
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:46,693
at the altar so that
you could find that locket.
366
00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:47,896
Of course not.
367
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:48,958
I e-mailed her.
368
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,126
Ted.
369
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,333
But Stella's living
in L.A. now.
370
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:52,474
And even if she has it,
371
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:53,829
it's buried
in some storage unit.
372
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,137
She said I'd have
to fly out there
373
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,998
and look for it myself.
374
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:59,137
Promise me you aren't
about to do that.
375
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,872
I promise.
376
00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:03,109
Sumbitch!
377
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:21,089
You better hope when Sweaty
finally gets off that phone,
378
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:23,198
he can get me on the next flight
to New York.
379
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,430
I got the password
from my mom.
380
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:27,095
I'm gonna take that
photo down myself.
381
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,204
You know, I don't give
a damn about your photo.
382
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:31,536
My daughter is giving
a big speech for the Model U.N.
383
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,971
at her school, and I'm
gonna miss it because of you.
384
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,914
(sighs)
385
00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:39,354
Her father and I are separated.
386
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,749
She lives with her dad.
387
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:44,181
And if I don't make it...
388
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:47,047
she's never gonna
trust me again.
389
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,187
I'm so sorry.
390
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,962
Wow, that worked on you?
391
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:53,691
Let's hope Pit Stains is
as dumb as you are.
392
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,256
What? Why is this
so hard for my mom?
393
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:56,255
All you do
394
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:58,096
is you click the photo,
395
00:14:58,131 --> 00:15:00,071
and then you click on the...
396
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,900
I don't see...
I don't see "options."
397
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:05,036
Just click on "options."
398
00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:06,042
But where is it?
399
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:07,073
Just click on "options."
400
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:08,537
Is it up on the toolbar?
401
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,435
Just click on "options."
It's not there!
402
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:13,477
Just click on "options"!
403
00:15:14,982 --> 00:15:17,052
(phone ringing)
404
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,824
Hi, Grandma.
405
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:21,151
You-you can explain how
Cousin Mitch is related to us?
406
00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:23,218
Explain, Grandma, explain!
407
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,156
Okay, he married
Barney's dad's cousin Renee,
408
00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:26,762
who he met selling Vachon cakes
409
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:29,163
outside a curling bonspiel
in Chicoutimi.
410
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,456
English, Grandma, English!
411
00:15:30,497 --> 00:15:33,167
And on our side of the family,
he was adopted
412
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,970
because his real parents
were eaten alive
413
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,102
by their sled dogs?
414
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,106
That's awesome!
Thanks, Grandma.
415
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:40,268
(both sigh)
416
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:41,737
So...
417
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,314
So you and I share
no DNA whatsoever.
418
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,454
Let's change that.
419
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,079
(both moaning)
420
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,845
RANJIT:
Don't hold back.
421
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:52,252
This divider is
totally soundproof.
422
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:55,615
Go all the way.
423
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:57,085
Wait till the hotel?
424
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,034
Totally.
425
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:00,329
Hey, you know what?
426
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,300
I'm not worried about a wild
card at our wedding anymore.
427
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,870
Whether it's Uncle Vic
or Aunt Shelly
428
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:06,928
or the ring bear.
429
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,496
Ring bear-er. Er.
430
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:10,835
Whether any
of those mammals go rogue,
431
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:14,470
our wedding is
gonna be legendary.
432
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,142
No "wait for it"?
433
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:19,347
I've got you.
434
00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:22,019
I don't have to
wait for it anymore.
435
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,887
(phone ringing)
436
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,731
(line ringing)
437
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:37,963
It's a long story,
438
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,197
but if we don't beat my friend
out to that wedding,
439
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:41,503
it's gonna be bad.
440
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,974
This is too stressful.
I-I need to see Marvin!
441
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,143
No! You made me promise
not to let you look,
442
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,643
because it's
only gonna upset you.
443
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:50,844
Here, have another sum... bitch.
444
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:53,907
No more sumbitches?!
445
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,576
Give me the damn phone!
446
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,145
(both scream)
447
00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,194
(clamoring)
Just go to "edit"
on the toolbar!
448
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:00,549
No, "account settings"!
449
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,157
Just click
on "options."
450
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:03,519
Stop!
451
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:06,226
It can't be done.
452
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:09,229
That photo is etched
in eternity.
453
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,902
Long after humanity's
reign has ended,
454
00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:13,931
the only traces
of our civilization found
455
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,496
by Earth's new ape masters
will be
456
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,495
the top
of the Statue of Liberty
457
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,707
and this photo of me
pretending to be
458
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:23,379
a judge with a banana gavel.
459
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,510
Well, they'll probably like
the banana thing.
460
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,105
The ape masters?
461
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:30,018
Sorry.
Lily's gonna see it,
462
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,689
and we're gonna have
the biggest fight of our lives.
463
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:36,119
(chuckles) Oh, I wish I could
see your wife kick your ass.
464
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:38,526
I don't mean a physical fight.
465
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:39,628
She's not an animal.
466
00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:41,959
I'm sorry I tried
to bite you.
467
00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:44,604
I'm sorry that I swatted you
on the nose
468
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:45,931
with a rolled-up magazine.
469
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,235
It's the only way I'll learn.
470
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:54,607
Look, I haven't seen
my baby in a week.
471
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,711
You know what?
472
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,153
Go for it.
473
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,090
It's gone!
474
00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:10,622
It's gone!
(all cheering)
475
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:11,757
You did it!
476
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,531
You did it! (laughs)
477
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:18,398
No new insulting Marvin photo.
478
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,171
Hmm.
479
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:24,940
(voice breaks):
No new insulting Marvin photo.
480
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:27,471
I know I'm just a stranger
on a train
481
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:31,477
who you tried to bite, but...
do you want a hug?
482
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,701
(Lily yells)
483
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:56,303
Lily! What the hell?!
484
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:02,182
Ted and I had some
road trip issues.
485
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,109
Did he put on the gloves?
Mm-hmm.
486
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,413
That tackle was justified.
487
00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:08,153
What's this?
It's for you.
488
00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:09,921
Don't open it.
489
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:15,152
TED: With all
the big changes coming up,
490
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:17,688
I just wanted Robin
to remember her friends.
491
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,494
We all want nothing but
happiness for you and Barney.
492
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:22,057
Right, Lily?
493
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:24,956
Right.
494
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,127
Oh, wow.
495
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,366
That was, what, eight years ago?
496
00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:29,371
Yeah.
497
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,372
Eight years.
498
00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:34,265
Thanks, Ted.
499
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,682
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna get checked in.
500
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:46,586
Marshall's flight just took off.
501
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,189
My boys will be here soon.
502
00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:50,161
Oh, yay.
503
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,059
NARRATOR:
Actually, Lily's boys were
just learning there was
504
00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:55,161
only one more flight out
to New York with one seat left,
505
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,064
and it was all the way
across the airport.
506
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,775
You're not gonna
tackle me again, are you?
507
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,117
I'm the maid of honor.
508
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:20,951
There's a good chance
that won't be
509
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,387
my only tackle of the weekend.
510
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,022
NARRATOR:
It wasn't.
511
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,226
Look, I'm sorry.
512
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:29,059
I just got it in my head
that you somehow managed
513
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:31,055
to track down that locket
in Los Angeles,
514
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:33,067
and now you were gonna
blow up the wedding.
515
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:34,799
You really think I'm that crazy?
516
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:38,312
(sighs)
I guess that's fair.
517
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:42,238
Look, even though I was wrong,
tell me you aren't thinking
518
00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:44,905
about doing anything
insane this weekend.
519
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,954
Of course not.
520
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:49,549
NARRATOR:
And all I can say, kids,
521
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:53,092
is at that moment,
I really thought I meant it.
522
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:56,989
But the truth is...
you never know
523
00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:59,063
who's gonna be the wild card
at a wedding.
524
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:10,601
Hi. One ticket
to Los Angeles, please.
525
00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:14,037
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
34053
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof