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I Remember the Crows
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I keep having insomnia.
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I can't seem to solve this problem.
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I've been having very
little sleep, and my dreams are
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always the same.
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I'm always stranded
somewhere and I can't get out.
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And it bothers me,
because I feel stuck,
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I feel helpless.
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00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:07,561
I hate insomnia,
it really bothers me.
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I've tried all kinds of treatment,
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phytotherapy, you name it.
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Are you filming already?
13
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:25,912
Yes, we are.
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It's dark in here.
15
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Do I look okay?
16
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- Mhm. You look beautiful.
- That's good.
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00:02:36,882 --> 00:02:40,969
I'm glad you came over.
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00:02:42,012 --> 00:02:46,266
It's been a while since
we arranged for you to come.
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00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:52,438
So, tell me,
what do you want to know?
20
00:02:52,856 --> 00:02:54,608
Tell me about yourself.
21
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,235
What can I tell you about myself?
22
00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,946
Other than what you already know.
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- Everything.
- Everything?
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00:03:05,076 --> 00:03:06,411
- Okay.
25
00:03:07,871 --> 00:03:13,418
But you know it's hard for
me to talk about my childhood.
26
00:03:13,877 --> 00:03:18,089
There are some things that
usually freak people out, you know?
27
00:03:25,764 --> 00:03:27,182
Okay, here we go...
28
00:03:32,478 --> 00:03:34,981
I'd quit smoking before today.
29
00:03:37,901 --> 00:03:38,901
Well...
30
00:03:46,242 --> 00:03:49,079
I had a very long relationship,
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00:03:49,746 --> 00:03:53,917
which started when I was really young,
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with an older man.
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00:03:59,798 --> 00:04:05,971
And it took me a long time to realize
that it was not a typical relationship,
34
00:04:06,429 --> 00:04:10,976
but a kind of...
I mean, it was abuse.
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00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:19,735
I'm finding it hard
to get into the subject.
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00:04:20,443 --> 00:04:24,615
I guess I'm feeling a little shy.
37
00:04:31,496 --> 00:04:33,039
Who is this man?
38
00:04:33,790 --> 00:04:39,212
At eight I was sure I was really a girl.
39
00:04:40,005 --> 00:04:44,175
That was when I met my first man...
40
00:04:48,138 --> 00:04:49,973
He was my great uncle,
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00:04:51,642 --> 00:04:54,477
my mother's father's brother.
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00:04:58,649 --> 00:05:04,320
We started a relationship
and it was crazy for me, because...
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00:05:04,988 --> 00:05:08,033
my mother saw him as a hero,
44
00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:10,410
a very important person to her.
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00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:15,415
A man of great character,
a man above any suspicion.
46
00:05:16,374 --> 00:05:20,378
She felt a true daughter's love for him.
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00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:28,928
And I thought that he had
come into our lives to be a father figure,
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00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:31,347
because my father had left home,
49
00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:38,313
so I thought...
he would be a father to me.
50
00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:44,027
And we started to bond
51
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in this crazy way,
because he was the only one
52
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:51,284
in my family
who treated me as female.
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00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:56,832
Not in front of other people.
Not in front of my mom, or anybody else.
54
00:05:58,709 --> 00:06:03,379
But whenever we were
alone he treated me like a girl.
55
00:06:06,883 --> 00:06:09,385
And he dubbed me Priscila.
56
00:06:09,886 --> 00:06:12,806
Then, for many years, I was Priscila.
57
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It's so crazy...
58
00:06:26,778 --> 00:06:30,782
And we started having a
relationship. He gave me dresses,
59
00:06:31,407 --> 00:06:33,827
he treated me as female,
60
00:06:35,787 --> 00:06:37,706
he gave me expectations,
61
00:06:38,123 --> 00:06:41,126
so that I could feel...
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00:06:46,923 --> 00:06:47,923
I don't know.
63
00:06:50,093 --> 00:06:53,013
I'm really having a hard time
64
00:06:54,097 --> 00:06:57,017
getting into the subject.
65
00:06:58,685 --> 00:07:01,730
It seemed that he had
it all very well thought out.
66
00:07:01,772 --> 00:07:04,357
Everything he did
was really thought through.
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00:07:04,816 --> 00:07:07,193
From the time he first approached me,
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00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:12,198
and then when we went out,
when we went shopping for clothes...
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00:07:12,448 --> 00:07:16,787
He bought me
many things, girl's clothes,
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00:07:17,287 --> 00:07:22,292
earrings, rings, things
for me to wear just for him.
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00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:29,800
We had a trunk where
all these things were kept hidden.
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00:07:30,842 --> 00:07:33,679
All that seemed normal to me.
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00:07:34,137 --> 00:07:36,890
I wasn't aware then, as I am now,
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that I was being molested, abused.
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00:07:41,186 --> 00:07:42,854
That didn't exist for me.
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00:07:43,313 --> 00:07:46,692
It was a relationship
between a man and a woman.
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00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:52,238
And I grew up in front of the television,
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00:07:52,698 --> 00:07:53,740
so you can imagine...
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00:07:54,866 --> 00:07:58,912
I would come home from
school and immediately turn on the TV
80
00:07:59,996 --> 00:08:01,331
to watch whatever was on.
81
00:08:02,207 --> 00:08:08,213
And we live in a country where soap
operas begin at 6pm and only end at 10pm.
82
00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:14,970
And my mother, my brothers
and I would watch them all.
83
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:16,805
It was all very natural to me.
84
00:08:17,180 --> 00:08:18,181
I watched those
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00:08:19,349 --> 00:08:22,936
soapy love stories and I thought
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00:08:24,062 --> 00:08:30,569
I was like the female lead having
a passionate affair with another character.
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00:08:31,194 --> 00:08:33,864
I didn't question
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00:08:35,031 --> 00:08:37,784
the fact that
I was 8 and he was 55.
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00:08:38,535 --> 00:08:41,454
It was all good to me.
90
00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:45,000
But then I think I grew up too fast
91
00:08:45,751 --> 00:08:49,505
and then I was playing the role
92
00:08:51,047 --> 00:08:53,717
of a teenager, an older woman...
93
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:59,222
But I also played with other
kids, I had a normal kid's life.
94
00:09:01,057 --> 00:09:02,308
And how did it end?
95
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,020
It ended because I grew up.
96
00:09:06,396 --> 00:09:09,399
I became sexually unappealing.
97
00:09:12,277 --> 00:09:17,824
It took me years to figure that out.
98
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:26,332
In my mind, it'd ended
because I'd let him down somehow,
99
00:09:26,750 --> 00:09:30,754
or because I hadn't
become the beautiful woman
100
00:09:31,087 --> 00:09:34,758
that he'd idealized.
101
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,763
That was a big issue for me,
102
00:09:41,097 --> 00:09:45,811
because I spent most of
my teenage thinking I was ugly,
103
00:09:47,270 --> 00:09:49,648
and I carried that
feeling into my adulthood.
104
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:53,527
So I've never felt
like a beautiful woman,
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00:09:54,027 --> 00:10:00,200
because when he dumped me,
the only thing that crossed my mind was
106
00:10:01,618 --> 00:10:05,789
that I'd let him down, I mean...
I hadn't grown into a beautiful woman,
107
00:10:06,497 --> 00:10:10,669
a woman like the ones I saw on TV.
108
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:16,216
But it was good that
it ended, because when it did,
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00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:21,471
a new world opened up to me, I mean...
110
00:10:22,639 --> 00:10:26,351
Then I discovered cinema,
the things I liked,
111
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:28,729
the things I still like.
112
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:33,108
- How old were you when it ended?
- 14.
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00:10:35,652 --> 00:10:39,322
At 14 I was almost as tall as I am now.
114
00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:41,449
I think...
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00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:46,329
I grew too much for his taste.
116
00:10:47,372 --> 00:10:49,040
Or not... I don't know.
117
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:51,668
What I know is that
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00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:54,755
only when I went
to therapy in my thirties
119
00:10:55,714 --> 00:10:58,216
did I realize what that
relationship really meant.
120
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:01,427
That it's a relationship of abuse.
121
00:11:06,349 --> 00:11:07,684
Of... Pedophilia?
122
00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:12,313
But I don't see myself
as a victim, I see myself as...
123
00:11:12,856 --> 00:11:14,525
Oh, I don't know how I see myself.
124
00:11:15,901 --> 00:11:19,404
I understand that
I was a victim of a pedophile,
125
00:11:19,738 --> 00:11:23,992
but at the same time
I can't victimize myself, you know?
126
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:27,871
Because he was an
important person to me,
127
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:31,124
because he saw me like
no one else had seen me.
128
00:11:31,374 --> 00:11:35,921
I'm not justifying what
he did. What he did is abominable.
129
00:11:39,049 --> 00:11:41,051
This is a delicate matter.
130
00:11:41,552 --> 00:11:43,554
Because anything I say
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00:11:46,389 --> 00:11:51,061
in order not to victimize
myself will sound like I support this.
132
00:11:51,645 --> 00:11:52,646
And I don't.
133
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:56,232
Do you get it?
134
00:11:57,651 --> 00:12:00,987
I don't know if this story
will be good for your film, Gustavo.
135
00:12:01,780 --> 00:12:02,780
Why?
136
00:12:02,906 --> 00:12:04,950
Because I think it's a sad story.
137
00:12:07,077 --> 00:12:13,124
And I'm not telling it the
same way I told you some years ago.
138
00:12:13,917 --> 00:12:16,002
I'm messing it up,
139
00:12:16,587 --> 00:12:18,088
I feel blocked.
140
00:12:18,672 --> 00:12:22,425
I really don't seem to
be able to tell you the story.
141
00:12:24,427 --> 00:12:28,098
Then I think it
could be bad for your film.
142
00:12:28,974 --> 00:12:33,478
Because I understood that
you want to make a film about me.
143
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:37,899
So, we could talk
about more fun things.
144
00:12:44,823 --> 00:12:45,824
But...
145
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,034
Don't you like sad films?
146
00:12:49,119 --> 00:12:51,788
Actually, I do. I love sad films.
147
00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:58,920
But this sad film is super sad.
148
00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:01,297
It's a really sad film.
149
00:13:04,635 --> 00:13:06,469
What sad films do you like?
150
00:13:07,470 --> 00:13:08,639
Oh, so many...
151
00:13:09,014 --> 00:13:11,224
There's one that my
mother and I watch every year.
152
00:13:11,642 --> 00:13:13,519
Once a year we watch it together.
153
00:13:14,185 --> 00:13:16,354
It's “Terms of Endearment”,
d'you know it?
154
00:13:16,813 --> 00:13:20,901
With Shirley MacLaine.
Every year we watch it,
155
00:13:21,359 --> 00:13:24,195
we cry, because I think
156
00:13:25,989 --> 00:13:29,743
my relationship with her is
really like the one in the film.
157
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,913
Between Shirley MacLaine
and Debra Winger, see?
158
00:13:33,371 --> 00:13:34,748
What is the film about?
159
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:40,336
Oh, it's about an overprotective
mother, with a rebellious daughter,
160
00:13:40,837 --> 00:13:43,756
and the daughter marries
a guy who is not that good a catch.
161
00:13:43,757 --> 00:13:45,300
He's kind of a sleazeball and...
162
00:13:46,552 --> 00:13:50,556
Well, I don't think he's
really sleazy, he's unfaithful.
163
00:13:54,893 --> 00:13:57,395
Then she finds out that
she has cancer and she dies.
164
00:13:59,022 --> 00:14:02,693
And my mother and
I always bawl at this movie.
165
00:14:03,527 --> 00:14:07,363
We like to cry together
at this movie, it's bizarre.
166
00:14:08,198 --> 00:14:10,784
We get all set,
167
00:14:11,577 --> 00:14:13,995
we make popcorn, buy soft drinks...
168
00:14:14,871 --> 00:14:17,541
We take a day off to watch it and cry.
169
00:14:19,209 --> 00:14:21,545
Then I'm smoking
170
00:14:22,378 --> 00:14:23,819
and she always turns to me and says,
171
00:14:23,922 --> 00:14:27,968
“There, see, you're paving
the way for that to happen”
172
00:14:30,887 --> 00:14:34,766
She thinks I'm inviting this
cancer to act out the film, you know?
173
00:14:35,266 --> 00:14:38,478
Because, actually, my mother
thinks my life is to act out films
174
00:14:38,895 --> 00:14:41,565
Film scenes that are important to me.
175
00:14:42,065 --> 00:14:44,901
She thinks that I live for...
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00:14:45,902 --> 00:14:46,902
films.
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00:14:47,278 --> 00:14:49,447
That in my life
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00:14:50,574 --> 00:14:54,285
I'm always acting out films that I see.
179
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:59,207
I guess that's more
or less the way she sees me.
180
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,714
I was already in fifth, sixth grade
181
00:15:06,798 --> 00:15:10,176
when a new maths
teacher came to the school.
182
00:15:11,136 --> 00:15:13,805
I'd never had a male teacher before.
183
00:15:15,431 --> 00:15:19,102
He was really friendly,
184
00:15:19,770 --> 00:15:24,482
and I was so physically attracted
to him. So I fell in love and all that.
185
00:15:25,817 --> 00:15:29,237
Then what had
happened before happened again.
186
00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:32,032
We began a secret affair.
187
00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:38,371
In my mind, it was a love relationship,
I over-romanticized the situation,
188
00:15:38,789 --> 00:15:43,835
but to him, I was just a fuck.
Someone he was fucking.
189
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:55,597
And once again I was
daydreaming about something
190
00:16:00,644 --> 00:16:02,228
that wasn't there.
191
00:16:03,647 --> 00:16:07,192
I was jealous of him at school.
192
00:16:07,818 --> 00:16:12,823
Of the way he
related to other boys and girls.
193
00:16:17,493 --> 00:16:20,997
I told a friend, who told
the whole school, then one day
194
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:24,167
a group of students
who were big fans of his
195
00:16:25,043 --> 00:16:28,964
got together and beat the shit
out of me. I was in bed for a month.
196
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:33,259
The story went around the whole
school. Everybody wanted to know
197
00:16:33,719 --> 00:16:35,887
what had really happened,
198
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:40,934
and, once again,
I was tagged as a liar.
199
00:16:42,185 --> 00:16:45,772
“Oh, she has an active imagination,
200
00:16:47,941 --> 00:16:50,777
she's delusional,
201
00:16:52,070 --> 00:16:54,573
she comes up with
the most fantastic stories
202
00:16:55,741 --> 00:16:59,244
and she actually believes in them”
203
00:16:59,953 --> 00:17:04,290
Anyway, people have
always called me crazypants.
204
00:17:05,041 --> 00:17:08,085
Crazypants Trans.
205
00:17:08,086 --> 00:17:11,089
Where did they beat you up?
206
00:17:12,382 --> 00:17:14,217
At the school's front door.
207
00:17:15,886 --> 00:17:18,304
I got really roughed up that day.
208
00:17:18,889 --> 00:17:21,099
My face was swollen,
209
00:17:22,643 --> 00:17:25,729
I had bruises all over
my body. I was in real bad shape.
210
00:17:26,647 --> 00:17:28,649
Every year after that
211
00:17:29,650 --> 00:17:33,486
my mom enrolled me at some
new school, and on my first day,
212
00:17:33,737 --> 00:17:35,446
I'd break down crying.
213
00:17:38,408 --> 00:17:42,913
I felt sick to my stomach,
I had really intense
214
00:17:46,082 --> 00:17:48,502
physical reactions.
215
00:17:49,085 --> 00:17:51,630
I never got past the first day.
216
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,508
I went on the first day
and didn't come back again.
217
00:17:54,758 --> 00:17:56,760
That went on for years.
218
00:17:57,177 --> 00:18:00,430
Every year I had a first day of class.
219
00:18:02,599 --> 00:18:04,601
For five years.
220
00:18:05,268 --> 00:18:09,773
Until she gave up. She said, “There's
really no way for you to go to school
221
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:14,194
People will never
accept you as you are...
222
00:18:14,611 --> 00:18:17,447
Saying you're a
woman without being one”
223
00:18:20,617 --> 00:18:21,785
And that was that.
224
00:18:22,703 --> 00:18:24,370
At that time
225
00:18:24,663 --> 00:18:29,501
I didn't have much to do
because I didn't have a school life,
226
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:31,962
and I was a teenager
227
00:18:33,129 --> 00:18:35,549
who was really
dependent on my mother.
228
00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:42,848
Then I discovered cinema.
I became a regular at video rental stores
229
00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:45,391
and movie theaters.
230
00:18:47,644 --> 00:18:51,480
And that was what saved
me from madness, suicide,
231
00:18:51,481 --> 00:18:54,067
depression, all kinds of bad things.
232
00:18:54,818 --> 00:18:55,861
Because
233
00:18:57,362 --> 00:18:58,614
films gave me
234
00:19:00,574 --> 00:19:02,450
a refuge.
235
00:19:03,785 --> 00:19:06,955
She never restricted me.
236
00:19:07,873 --> 00:19:10,626
“You can't do that, that's a girl's thing”
237
00:19:11,292 --> 00:19:12,794
I could always do everything.
238
00:19:16,798 --> 00:19:21,219
So that was a problem
for him, because he had...
239
00:19:25,516 --> 00:19:31,104
He had set ideas about
what children should be like.
240
00:19:31,897 --> 00:19:33,439
He was very strict,
241
00:19:35,734 --> 00:19:38,654
very introspective,
a very difficult person.
242
00:19:39,821 --> 00:19:44,034
And my mother didn't
have that temperament, she was
243
00:19:44,910 --> 00:19:48,664
more fun. She's not
anymore, because she converted.
244
00:19:49,998 --> 00:19:51,583
She's super religious now.
245
00:19:53,168 --> 00:19:55,169
And she's not fun anymore.
246
00:19:55,170 --> 00:19:59,090
But she was a really
fun person in my childhood.
247
00:20:00,008 --> 00:20:01,259
Do you have a picture of her?
248
00:20:01,885 --> 00:20:03,136
I think I do.
249
00:20:05,346 --> 00:20:07,348
Let me see if I can find it...
250
00:20:09,935 --> 00:20:13,271
I could have set them
aside for you, right? The photos...
251
00:20:14,064 --> 00:20:16,399
But I actually left them here.
252
00:20:21,404 --> 00:20:22,656
I found them!
253
00:20:27,285 --> 00:20:31,707
I'm cut out of this picture,
but I'm this little baby here.
254
00:20:35,376 --> 00:20:38,714
Everybody says my mother looks
definitely Japanese in this picture,
255
00:20:39,089 --> 00:20:41,925
but she's just
looking at me, so her eyes
256
00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:44,636
are nearly shut.
257
00:20:48,890 --> 00:20:51,392
There are a pictures
of me with my brothers,
258
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:55,063
but I'm dressed
as a boy, I don't like them.
259
00:20:55,731 --> 00:20:57,232
But you want to see them?
260
00:20:58,316 --> 00:21:00,986
I do. Don't you want to show them?
261
00:21:02,738 --> 00:21:04,280
This one.
262
00:21:05,406 --> 00:21:10,662
My brothers will kill me when they find
out that I showed these pictures to you.
263
00:21:11,121 --> 00:21:12,789
I'm this one right here.
264
00:21:13,498 --> 00:21:17,043
- You're not dressed as a boy.
- I totally am!
265
00:21:17,794 --> 00:21:19,963
Look at this one,
I'm totally a boy in it.
266
00:21:21,923 --> 00:21:24,259
Look, I'm this one.
267
00:21:24,926 --> 00:21:26,637
I'm like “Top Gun”.
268
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,766
In a US...
269
00:21:32,350 --> 00:21:34,019
Air Force uniform.
270
00:21:39,274 --> 00:21:42,693
Wow, would you believe that I
don't recognize myself in these pictures?
271
00:21:42,694 --> 00:21:45,572
I know it's me, but I can't see it.
272
00:21:47,448 --> 00:21:53,288
Well, both my grandparents are
from Ceará. They came to São Paulo in 69.
273
00:21:54,623 --> 00:21:57,876
In 74, when
my mother got married,
274
00:21:58,376 --> 00:22:00,378
she was 27.
275
00:22:02,380 --> 00:22:08,094
And to my grandfather's
family, she was almost an old maid.
276
00:22:08,845 --> 00:22:10,847
Almost too old to marry.
277
00:22:11,472 --> 00:22:13,809
So when she met my father,
278
00:22:14,184 --> 00:22:17,521
she found him interesting, different,
279
00:22:19,022 --> 00:22:20,231
and she married him.
280
00:22:20,691 --> 00:22:26,279
Not because she loved
him, but he was a good catch.
281
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,953
“He's nice, he wants
to marry me, he's in love”.
282
00:22:36,081 --> 00:22:38,083
It's awful to say this.
283
00:22:39,084 --> 00:22:44,130
I think my mother married my
father because she thought he had money.
284
00:22:44,590 --> 00:22:50,762
But he didn't. My father passed
himself off as someone he was not.
285
00:22:52,347 --> 00:22:54,850
You know that kind of
person who lives above their station?
286
00:22:56,017 --> 00:23:00,021
Someone who is upper middle class
287
00:23:01,231 --> 00:23:04,400
from the doorstep out, but back home
288
00:23:04,860 --> 00:23:06,194
is on the breadline?
289
00:23:08,530 --> 00:23:12,868
She bought a pig in a poke, see?
290
00:23:13,702 --> 00:23:16,872
She thought he was
a good catch, but he wasn't.
291
00:23:20,041 --> 00:23:23,754
It's awful to say this
about my parents. But it's true.
292
00:23:24,588 --> 00:23:26,673
I won't lie to you, Gustavo.
293
00:23:31,469 --> 00:23:33,013
But she blames you for...
294
00:23:33,304 --> 00:23:36,182
She blames me for
everything, because I'm trans,
295
00:23:38,059 --> 00:23:42,773
because I ended her
marriage, which, actually, was doomed
296
00:23:45,275 --> 00:23:46,610
from the start.
297
00:23:47,569 --> 00:23:50,947
She blames me because her
family walked out on her after I came out.
298
00:23:51,114 --> 00:23:52,490
She blames me for...
299
00:23:56,912 --> 00:23:59,080
You know what's
making me a little tense?
300
00:23:59,497 --> 00:24:01,833
I think you are too quiet.
301
00:24:02,458 --> 00:24:04,795
You're too silent.
302
00:24:05,587 --> 00:24:07,798
Too starchy...
303
00:24:09,758 --> 00:24:11,760
This is making me a little nervous.
304
00:24:12,678 --> 00:24:16,347
What's the meaning of the film?
305
00:24:17,849 --> 00:24:19,851
Is it a comedy? A drama?
306
00:24:19,935 --> 00:24:22,770
Are you leaning towards drama,
do you want me to tell you sad stories?
307
00:24:22,771 --> 00:24:24,314
Funny stories?
308
00:24:24,439 --> 00:24:27,192
Tell the story about the
video rental store you worked at.
309
00:24:27,609 --> 00:24:30,987
All right, so, I started
working at a video rental store
310
00:24:31,613 --> 00:24:33,699
when I was 17.
311
00:24:34,616 --> 00:24:37,953
It was a neighborhood store called
312
00:24:38,369 --> 00:24:39,913
Radish Video.
313
00:24:41,372 --> 00:24:47,045
It was fun because it was
small but it had many great films.
314
00:24:48,004 --> 00:24:49,255
I stole some.
315
00:24:50,799 --> 00:24:54,970
I thought, “Nobody will ever rent
them, people don't like this kind of film”
316
00:24:55,303 --> 00:24:57,806
Bergman, Woody Allen.
317
00:24:59,307 --> 00:25:02,060
People rented Eddie Murphy films,
318
00:25:02,811 --> 00:25:05,647
American blockbusters.
319
00:25:06,397 --> 00:25:10,652
So the films I read about in film
magazines, which were considered art-house
320
00:25:10,694 --> 00:25:12,696
and were never rented,
321
00:25:13,154 --> 00:25:14,322
I took them home.
322
00:25:15,073 --> 00:25:16,449
I remember I took
323
00:25:18,869 --> 00:25:21,037
Bergman's “The Serpent's Egg”,
324
00:25:22,247 --> 00:25:25,000
“Interiors”, which I love, by Woody Allen,
325
00:25:26,710 --> 00:25:28,211
what else...
326
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:33,008
I took...
327
00:25:36,177 --> 00:25:38,514
I took one that
really shocked my mother.
328
00:25:38,889 --> 00:25:40,724
Fassbinder's “Querelle”.
329
00:25:41,432 --> 00:25:45,270
There was a rape
scene with this big man...
330
00:25:45,521 --> 00:25:48,023
It was hard to watch them at home,
331
00:25:48,439 --> 00:25:53,862
because the VCR was in the living
room, and my mother was usually home.
332
00:25:55,113 --> 00:26:01,452
So, when the movie's theme
was more daring, it was hard to watch.
333
00:26:02,704 --> 00:26:06,708
But I guess it's the same with
anybody that age, right? Teenage?
334
00:26:07,458 --> 00:26:09,460
When we want to watch
335
00:26:10,879 --> 00:26:12,714
a movie restricted for our age.
336
00:26:13,214 --> 00:26:15,717
But did you try to watch them secretly?
337
00:26:16,802 --> 00:26:18,804
No, I watched them with everybody.
338
00:26:20,388 --> 00:26:23,934
It's only I was embarrassed
because she was embarrassed.
339
00:26:25,561 --> 00:26:27,062
Then, later,
340
00:26:28,396 --> 00:26:32,776
maybe because she used to feel embarrassed
about some of the films I watched,
341
00:26:33,944 --> 00:26:37,864
I started feeling that
way, too. I was recently
342
00:26:38,824 --> 00:26:40,659
at a short-film festival...
343
00:26:40,992 --> 00:26:43,161
Actually, you were there, too,
344
00:26:43,411 --> 00:26:46,164
and a friend of ours
was sitting beside me,
345
00:26:46,915 --> 00:26:49,334
and there was a
sex scene in one of the films
346
00:26:50,126 --> 00:26:52,546
and I reacted very spontaneously.
347
00:26:53,296 --> 00:26:58,176
I sounded just like my mother,
“Oh my God, have mercy, how gruesome”.
348
00:26:58,635 --> 00:27:00,345
I was horrified by that scene.
349
00:27:01,262 --> 00:27:05,308
And our friend
kept laughing by my side,
350
00:27:05,976 --> 00:27:07,477
she was shocked by my reaction.
351
00:27:07,686 --> 00:27:10,564
She said, “You're such a prude, Ju.”
352
00:27:14,442 --> 00:27:15,944
Do you think I'm a prude?
353
00:27:17,278 --> 00:27:18,278
No.
354
00:27:21,366 --> 00:27:23,702
Well, sometimes I am one.
355
00:27:26,997 --> 00:27:30,000
Haven't you ever made a sex video?
356
00:27:30,626 --> 00:27:34,295
What a contradiction,
right? I'm such a prude,
357
00:27:35,380 --> 00:27:38,216
but I used to make porn films.
358
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:42,679
I was the actress,
the director, the screenwriter, all of it.
359
00:27:43,555 --> 00:27:47,267
I arranged to meet
men at hotels. Here in São Paulo.
360
00:27:47,726 --> 00:27:50,270
I brought a mini camera that I had,
361
00:27:50,854 --> 00:27:52,773
a camera that filmed.
362
00:27:54,315 --> 00:27:57,569
The guys got mad at me,
363
00:27:58,028 --> 00:28:00,531
they said, “I came
here to fuck, not to film”
364
00:28:00,906 --> 00:28:04,075
And I said, “Hey,
look, hold still right here,
365
00:28:04,325 --> 00:28:07,829
do this, stand here
now because I'm going to film”
366
00:28:08,163 --> 00:28:11,332
I was practically directing the fuck
367
00:28:12,501 --> 00:28:14,835
and after he came and then
went away, I was super excited,
368
00:28:14,836 --> 00:28:17,255
I went home and started editing.
369
00:28:17,673 --> 00:28:22,761
I made thousands of videos. I had a
blog where I posted all these videos,
370
00:28:23,386 --> 00:28:25,388
with me in them.
371
00:28:26,848 --> 00:28:30,351
But I think
there's a reason for it there.
372
00:28:31,019 --> 00:28:34,355
I think sex has a meaning there.
373
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:38,694
I have a few fetishes.
374
00:28:40,361 --> 00:28:44,700
I was able to explore them with
some men, while others refused to do it.
375
00:28:44,950 --> 00:28:48,036
Because I went out with
a lot of prudes, too. So for example,
376
00:28:49,412 --> 00:28:51,414
I had a fetish of being stepped on.
377
00:28:51,707 --> 00:28:56,044
Then men would say, “Oh, no, I won't
step on you, I don't want to hurt you,
378
00:28:56,628 --> 00:28:58,295
this is not cool,”
379
00:28:58,296 --> 00:29:01,633
and I insisted,
“Please, do it, I really want it,
380
00:29:02,050 --> 00:29:06,221
it's just a little step,
you won't crush me to death,
381
00:29:06,638 --> 00:29:08,056
it's for the film”
382
00:29:09,057 --> 00:29:11,476
They'd say, “It's not my thing,”
383
00:29:11,727 --> 00:29:15,606
and their cock would go limp
and they didn't want to fuck anymore.
384
00:29:18,233 --> 00:29:22,070
There were other ones, too, but am I
going to talk about my fetishes now?
385
00:29:22,278 --> 00:29:24,155
Only if you want to.
386
00:29:24,489 --> 00:29:27,534
Oh, I don't know if it's
appropriate... here I go again!
387
00:29:28,577 --> 00:29:31,830
I don't know if it's proper.
388
00:29:33,749 --> 00:29:35,584
God, it's so hot in here.
389
00:29:38,336 --> 00:29:43,759
What else can I tell you
about my amateur porn actress phase?
390
00:29:47,262 --> 00:29:49,598
And film director phase?
391
00:29:50,015 --> 00:29:53,018
By the way, I could...
Hey guys, this is Cloud, okay?
392
00:29:54,645 --> 00:29:57,397
She's a lovebird that I got as a present.
393
00:29:59,482 --> 00:30:02,694
She's super cute, but I
still don't know how to deal with her.
394
00:30:03,278 --> 00:30:05,614
We've had some spats.
395
00:30:06,823 --> 00:30:07,823
Why?
396
00:30:08,617 --> 00:30:12,452
Because she likes to
walk on my body, and her claws
397
00:30:12,453 --> 00:30:14,831
on me make me a little nervous,
398
00:30:15,874 --> 00:30:17,458
a little tense.
399
00:30:17,959 --> 00:30:22,673
But I've been told it's an amazing bird.
400
00:30:25,300 --> 00:30:28,219
There's all that about love,
401
00:30:28,637 --> 00:30:31,682
that's why it's called a lovebird.
402
00:30:36,144 --> 00:30:37,144
She's Cloud.
403
00:30:38,522 --> 00:30:41,775
I feel lonely here, so I think
404
00:30:44,069 --> 00:30:45,737
she keeps me company
405
00:30:46,196 --> 00:30:49,365
when I'm feeling
down and depressed.
406
00:30:50,408 --> 00:30:51,618
You've never seen it?
407
00:30:51,993 --> 00:30:55,496
I've seen “The Birds”,
but I remember the crows, mostly.
408
00:30:55,997 --> 00:30:57,749
I think this little birdie,
409
00:30:58,875 --> 00:31:02,378
I believe she's female,
they told me she's female...
410
00:31:02,754 --> 00:31:06,800
I don't know how to find out if
she's female, but that's what they say.
411
00:31:10,721 --> 00:31:12,723
I think it's what
412
00:31:13,264 --> 00:31:15,350
Tippi Hedren buys
413
00:31:16,267 --> 00:31:18,269
at the bird store, isn't it?
414
00:32:05,942 --> 00:32:09,613
It could be a very
old Japanese song, right,
415
00:32:10,071 --> 00:32:13,116
one an old lady would listen to.
416
00:32:13,784 --> 00:32:15,118
It could be.
417
00:32:15,827 --> 00:32:17,162
Let's go.
418
00:32:21,792 --> 00:32:22,792
Action!
419
00:32:25,671 --> 00:32:29,340
So, I bought this
kimono, do you think it's pretty?
420
00:32:32,177 --> 00:32:33,762
I paid a fortune for it.
421
00:32:37,473 --> 00:32:41,520
I'll have some tea,
I've had too much to drink.
422
00:32:42,187 --> 00:32:44,397
No more wine for me today.
423
00:32:59,955 --> 00:33:02,624
I feel like I'm
in one of Ozu's films,
424
00:33:04,793 --> 00:33:06,628
like an old Japanese lady.
425
00:33:12,050 --> 00:33:13,468
Do you want some tea?
426
00:33:14,803 --> 00:33:16,054
I'll have some.
427
00:33:19,725 --> 00:33:23,269
I didn't make it, okay?
The crew made it, so if it tastes foul...
428
00:33:28,358 --> 00:33:29,610
Arigato.
429
00:33:32,863 --> 00:33:35,532
What else do you want to know?
430
00:33:43,832 --> 00:33:46,001
Which Ozu's film are you in?
431
00:33:46,585 --> 00:33:49,129
Oh, I don't know.
There are so many. I love Ozu.
432
00:33:50,046 --> 00:33:55,218
I like Ozu more than
Kurosawa, more than Mizoguchi.
433
00:33:57,387 --> 00:33:58,387
Why?
434
00:33:59,180 --> 00:34:03,519
I don't know, I think the stories
are more beautiful, more simple.
435
00:34:08,524 --> 00:34:11,860
- I can't explain.
- Like everyday life?
436
00:34:12,235 --> 00:34:13,737
Yeah...
437
00:34:15,864 --> 00:34:18,909
They're everyday
life stories. About living life.
438
00:34:23,079 --> 00:34:25,582
About simplicity. Ugh,
439
00:34:28,209 --> 00:34:29,961
the tea is foul!
440
00:34:31,254 --> 00:34:32,255
Sorry.
441
00:34:34,424 --> 00:34:35,424
Anyway.
442
00:34:37,761 --> 00:34:39,680
What about that
friend from your childhood?
443
00:34:41,056 --> 00:34:42,390
Dougletes?
444
00:34:43,391 --> 00:34:45,435
That'll be Dougletes.
445
00:34:46,061 --> 00:34:48,939
She introduced me to
a madam, Claudia Camburão,
446
00:34:49,773 --> 00:34:55,486
who was a real character,
she was a mãe-de-Santo...
447
00:34:56,738 --> 00:34:59,490
She wanted me
448
00:35:00,408 --> 00:35:04,913
to fill out my body.
Grow tits, hips, an ass
449
00:35:05,664 --> 00:35:08,249
with industrial silicone.
450
00:35:11,252 --> 00:35:13,088
The notorious “Barra Mil”.
451
00:35:14,005 --> 00:35:15,757
I really wanted to do it,
452
00:35:16,466 --> 00:35:18,802
my dream was to have
453
00:35:20,095 --> 00:35:21,638
a curvaceous body.
454
00:35:22,263 --> 00:35:24,933
But I was also
afraid of going all into this
455
00:35:25,183 --> 00:35:29,020
and losing touch with my mother and
my family. Because my mother said,
456
00:35:29,813 --> 00:35:31,147
“Do whatever you want
457
00:35:31,481 --> 00:35:35,151
but don't change your
body. If you become a transvestite
458
00:35:35,611 --> 00:35:38,822
you won't be welcome
in my home ever again”
459
00:35:39,531 --> 00:35:41,575
I was really afraid of that happening.
460
00:35:43,952 --> 00:35:47,623
I've always been very close
to my family, so I was really scared.
461
00:35:48,331 --> 00:35:53,837
I repressed myself a lot,
I was afraid I would lose them.
462
00:35:55,506 --> 00:35:57,674
So it didn't happen.
463
00:35:57,966 --> 00:35:59,551
But I came close...
464
00:35:59,801 --> 00:36:04,305
I'd made up my mind
to have that transformation,
465
00:36:05,641 --> 00:36:09,853
so I set a date to do it.
466
00:36:11,688 --> 00:36:17,277
I paid for the industrial silicone
467
00:36:18,319 --> 00:36:20,321
and when I got there,
468
00:36:21,740 --> 00:36:27,078
there was a baby queen ahead
of me. She must have been 14 or 15.
469
00:36:28,997 --> 00:36:33,585
And when I saw Claudia
with that pen-thick needle,
470
00:36:36,171 --> 00:36:39,174
sucking up the silicone
from a Coca-Cola bottle,
471
00:36:40,175 --> 00:36:42,594
I thought, “I can't do this”
472
00:36:45,514 --> 00:36:48,183
It was a dirty oil,
473
00:36:49,225 --> 00:36:50,644
it looked like piss,
474
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:53,188
it was disgusting.
475
00:36:53,564 --> 00:36:56,107
I was really scared,
476
00:36:56,567 --> 00:36:59,611
but I wanted to watch the procedure.
477
00:37:00,529 --> 00:37:04,449
The queen was all brave,
“I'll get curves, I'll be gorgeous!
478
00:37:04,908 --> 00:37:07,160
Fill out my ass!”
479
00:37:08,203 --> 00:37:11,039
And when Claudia started shooting,
480
00:37:11,748 --> 00:37:15,961
the queen had a fit, she was
shaking all over. She passed out.
481
00:37:16,878 --> 00:37:20,048
And Claudia didn't stop shooting.
482
00:37:20,716 --> 00:37:23,426
Blood was trickling out,
483
00:37:24,135 --> 00:37:29,474
silicone and blood,
it was disgusting. And that...
484
00:37:31,059 --> 00:37:32,728
hole in that ass.
485
00:37:33,895 --> 00:37:35,271
I didn't get it,
486
00:37:36,565 --> 00:37:37,941
I didn't like that.
487
00:37:38,274 --> 00:37:42,445
I was criticized
for not filling out my body
488
00:37:43,905 --> 00:37:45,281
in my youth.
489
00:37:47,075 --> 00:37:51,246
They'd tell me, “you're not
a transvestite, you're not trans,
490
00:37:51,622 --> 00:37:54,165
because you don't
change your body, you have no
491
00:37:55,083 --> 00:37:57,252
surgical intervention”
492
00:37:57,919 --> 00:38:01,089
I never felt that strong urge,
493
00:38:02,423 --> 00:38:05,093
what mattered most...
494
00:38:05,761 --> 00:38:10,098
what mattered most
to me was to develop my mind,
495
00:38:12,768 --> 00:38:14,352
to study.
496
00:38:15,270 --> 00:38:21,026
But I was self-taught differently...
497
00:38:21,943 --> 00:38:23,111
I mean,
498
00:38:25,656 --> 00:38:27,407
I didn't really study,
499
00:38:29,868 --> 00:38:33,371
I was just watching
film after film after film.
500
00:38:34,164 --> 00:38:38,001
Until American cinema fucked
up with my head and slap, bang,
501
00:38:38,669 --> 00:38:39,878
here I am.
502
00:38:41,129 --> 00:38:43,339
I remember
I tried to prostitute myself.
503
00:38:43,799 --> 00:38:46,134
I hit the streets,
504
00:38:49,513 --> 00:38:51,890
I was wearing a
very short mini skirt.
505
00:38:52,223 --> 00:38:56,227
I don't usually do
tucking, it's too painful.
506
00:38:57,020 --> 00:38:59,856
I was wearing really tight panties,
507
00:39:00,566 --> 00:39:02,233
I was so skinny,
508
00:39:03,694 --> 00:39:04,694
so ridiculous.
509
00:39:04,736 --> 00:39:06,613
What's tucking?
510
00:39:10,659 --> 00:39:15,163
It's tucking your
cock in so you'll hide it.
511
00:39:16,164 --> 00:39:19,209
It's not cool.
512
00:39:22,003 --> 00:39:24,172
Don't you know
what tucking is, Gustavo?
513
00:39:24,715 --> 00:39:27,718
Are you asking this
only to embarrass me in public?
514
00:39:28,885 --> 00:39:31,972
It's like making a pussy
515
00:39:33,515 --> 00:39:35,559
but it's a weird pussy,
516
00:39:36,059 --> 00:39:40,564
because you tuck it all back, stick it into
a hole, I don't know which one exactly,
517
00:39:40,606 --> 00:39:44,526
and you put on panties
on top and feel like you're...
518
00:39:50,031 --> 00:39:52,950
I've lost my words
because you embarrassed me.
519
00:39:52,951 --> 00:39:56,037
I just wanted everybody
to understand what tucking is.
520
00:39:56,538 --> 00:39:59,374
Come on, everybody
knows what tucking is.
521
00:40:01,877 --> 00:40:04,921
Then I stood at this spot,
522
00:40:05,547 --> 00:40:09,300
and the first car stopped and
the guy asked how big my cock was
523
00:40:09,593 --> 00:40:12,513
and I started to
laugh, I couldn't stop laughing.
524
00:40:13,221 --> 00:40:17,392
Then he got really
mad, he was offended,
525
00:40:17,893 --> 00:40:19,728
and he started chasing me,
526
00:40:20,562 --> 00:40:21,897
he wanted to beat me up.
527
00:40:22,063 --> 00:40:24,107
And I ran like crazy,
528
00:40:25,233 --> 00:40:26,777
I only stopped
529
00:40:30,947 --> 00:40:34,200
after I'd reached
the subway station.
530
00:40:34,660 --> 00:40:37,203
I never did it again,
531
00:40:37,746 --> 00:40:39,581
I wasn't cut out for that.
532
00:40:39,915 --> 00:40:43,293
I wouldn't make it as a hooker,
533
00:40:44,294 --> 00:40:48,840
I have this thing about
sex that I can't separate...
534
00:40:52,511 --> 00:40:55,847
I wouldn't be able to charge for sex.
535
00:40:57,140 --> 00:41:00,143
I'm too silly, I fall in love.
536
00:41:00,852 --> 00:41:04,397
I'd fall for the first guy
who spoke softly to me, I'd say
537
00:41:04,690 --> 00:41:06,692
“Don't pay me, let's date instead”
538
00:41:07,358 --> 00:41:12,363
“Leave that be,
I'm in love, let's date”, you know?
539
00:41:17,828 --> 00:41:20,496
But tell me, how
much did it cost to rent this?
540
00:41:23,083 --> 00:41:26,169
- How much did it cost to rent this?
- I don't know. Why?
541
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:28,088
Because I don't think....
542
00:41:29,339 --> 00:41:31,091
I don't think it was cheap.
543
00:41:32,008 --> 00:41:33,552
Did it look okay?
544
00:41:36,262 --> 00:41:39,099
God, I'm glad I
took it off, it was too hot.
545
00:41:42,769 --> 00:41:44,646
Turn the light on here.
546
00:41:46,690 --> 00:41:49,526
You know that I started
smoking because of my father...
547
00:41:53,279 --> 00:41:55,616
When I was 12,
548
00:41:57,283 --> 00:42:00,286
my father sent
this huge box from Japan.
549
00:42:01,788 --> 00:42:04,875
There were all kinds of things in it,
550
00:42:05,333 --> 00:42:07,711
chocolates, cigarettes,
551
00:42:09,295 --> 00:42:12,924
Kodak films,
552
00:42:15,176 --> 00:42:17,846
a Walkman.
553
00:42:19,515 --> 00:42:23,560
Trifles that you can
buy at dime stores in Japan.
554
00:42:25,521 --> 00:42:30,191
And the Marlboro carton had a label
555
00:42:30,984 --> 00:42:33,987
with my name on it.
I don't know if he labeled it wrongly...
556
00:42:34,487 --> 00:42:37,407
I kept the carton to myself,
557
00:42:38,033 --> 00:42:40,201
because it had my name on it.
558
00:42:41,912 --> 00:42:44,998
Then I started
smoking. I'd get to school
559
00:42:46,166 --> 00:42:48,043
and I was a sensation
560
00:42:48,669 --> 00:42:52,881
because I had foreign
cigarettes, because I smoked, because
561
00:42:55,383 --> 00:42:56,718
I was a rebel.
562
00:42:57,385 --> 00:42:59,429
This is too trashy.
563
00:43:00,013 --> 00:43:02,098
You really want to humiliate me.
564
00:43:03,725 --> 00:43:06,436
There was a night when I
slept at a club because I was too drunk.
565
00:43:07,437 --> 00:43:12,025
I woke up and I
was locked in, all alone.
566
00:43:12,568 --> 00:43:15,904
I had to wait for
people to arrive the next night,
567
00:43:16,362 --> 00:43:18,281
so I could get out.
568
00:43:18,865 --> 00:43:23,244
I guess you could say
that I partied for 2 days straight.
569
00:43:23,704 --> 00:43:29,793
At 7pm people came to open the club.
570
00:43:30,627 --> 00:43:35,340
They were startled,
the club owner, the DJ,
571
00:43:36,257 --> 00:43:38,301
some employees, the bartenders...
572
00:43:39,636 --> 00:43:43,640
They were startled,
“You haven't eaten anything?”
573
00:43:44,432 --> 00:43:48,353
I drank a lot of Coca-Cola
that day, that's all I remember.
574
00:43:49,980 --> 00:43:52,357
Do you want me
to tell about the time
575
00:43:53,108 --> 00:43:58,780
I collapsed in the back room
and woke up soaked in cum?
576
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:00,907
You just did.
577
00:44:03,076 --> 00:44:04,076
It was awful.
578
00:44:05,161 --> 00:44:06,830
Now I humiliated myself.
579
00:44:08,832 --> 00:44:11,167
But it was fun, today is...
580
00:44:11,627 --> 00:44:12,627
I don't know.
581
00:44:18,341 --> 00:44:19,926
I think I've gotten old.
582
00:44:20,594 --> 00:44:22,513
Maybe the night is the same
583
00:44:23,930 --> 00:44:27,433
as when I was
younger, only I'm older now.
584
00:44:30,103 --> 00:44:31,980
You know, I bought these binoculars
585
00:44:32,939 --> 00:44:35,984
to check out a boy
who hangs out on the street.
586
00:44:37,443 --> 00:44:40,280
I think he's a security guard.
587
00:44:46,828 --> 00:44:48,830
He's not out on the street today.
588
00:44:49,831 --> 00:44:51,041
What time is it?
589
00:44:52,208 --> 00:44:55,461
I don't know,
I've turned off my cell phone.
590
00:44:59,299 --> 00:45:03,637
He's not really a boy, see?
I don't like boys. I like older men.
591
00:45:05,013 --> 00:45:07,182
He's a middle-aged man.
592
00:45:10,686 --> 00:45:13,438
A night guard, I guess.
593
00:45:15,315 --> 00:45:16,650
Have you ever spoken to him?
594
00:45:17,192 --> 00:45:19,194
No, but we flirt.
595
00:45:19,485 --> 00:45:23,990
Sometimes I'm feeling lonely,
a little stressed, so I go downstairs
596
00:45:24,365 --> 00:45:29,037
to smoke a cigarette,
and we exchange looks.
597
00:45:31,915 --> 00:45:35,335
Then I try to approach
him, but I think he's a little afraid.
598
00:45:38,505 --> 00:45:39,505
What is he like?
599
00:45:39,923 --> 00:45:42,425
Oh, he's like a daddy bear.
600
00:45:48,098 --> 00:45:50,642
I don't like beefcakes.
601
00:45:54,062 --> 00:45:58,567
You might think that
I like older men because of
602
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:00,652
my great-uncle.
603
00:46:03,071 --> 00:46:07,158
Because the first man
in my life was an older man.
604
00:46:07,701 --> 00:46:08,910
I don't think so, though.
605
00:46:09,536 --> 00:46:12,455
I think I've always liked older men.
606
00:46:13,790 --> 00:46:17,002
Anyway, that's not that interesting.
607
00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:19,920
No?
608
00:46:20,088 --> 00:46:21,088
No.
609
00:46:23,133 --> 00:46:26,845
Do you think people will
want to know what kind of men I like?
610
00:46:27,554 --> 00:46:29,389
Does that make any difference?
611
00:46:31,432 --> 00:46:34,310
I felt a little self-conscious
612
00:46:36,772 --> 00:46:39,983
when I went to
check if the guy was out there.
613
00:46:40,233 --> 00:46:41,233
Why?
614
00:46:41,735 --> 00:46:42,735
I don't know.
615
00:46:43,278 --> 00:46:46,156
I'm feeling a little... Strange.
616
00:46:49,117 --> 00:46:51,036
Actually, I'm worried
617
00:46:52,746 --> 00:46:54,414
if I'm fat.
618
00:46:57,125 --> 00:46:58,125
To him?
619
00:46:59,460 --> 00:47:01,004
To the camera!
620
00:47:01,838 --> 00:47:03,674
I don't care about him.
621
00:47:05,634 --> 00:47:08,970
Was it never an issue for
you in the other films we've made?
622
00:47:09,429 --> 00:47:10,597
My looks?
623
00:47:10,847 --> 00:47:12,182
Never.
624
00:47:15,018 --> 00:47:17,270
I'm afraid that this...
625
00:47:23,026 --> 00:47:24,027
What?
626
00:47:24,695 --> 00:47:27,280
Oh, I don't know, sometimes I think
627
00:47:32,118 --> 00:47:35,956
I don't take enough care
of myself. I could look prettier,
628
00:47:37,624 --> 00:47:42,838
to make more films,
to work with other directors.
629
00:47:46,174 --> 00:47:50,512
I'd never thought I'd
turn 40 working as an actress.
630
00:47:51,972 --> 00:47:54,641
I was thinking
about this the other day.
631
00:47:55,058 --> 00:47:58,311
When I was 30, I thought my life
632
00:47:59,479 --> 00:48:02,691
had come to a
complete stop, and I'd only be...
633
00:48:05,902 --> 00:48:08,780
Because up to my
thirties I had nothing,
634
00:48:13,493 --> 00:48:16,705
and now at 40 I'm an actress...
635
00:48:20,166 --> 00:48:22,544
What was it like
to act for the first time?
636
00:48:23,169 --> 00:48:24,254
Oh, it was amazing.
637
00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:28,509
What's more:
638
00:48:29,092 --> 00:48:31,512
I acted in your film
639
00:48:33,221 --> 00:48:36,391
and got a Best
Supporting Actress award!
640
00:48:36,850 --> 00:48:39,269
So much spotlight!
My first film!
641
00:48:43,940 --> 00:48:46,109
- Do you think you're a good actress?
- No!
642
00:48:49,362 --> 00:48:51,532
I think I have potential...
643
00:48:53,241 --> 00:48:56,119
I was watching an
interview with Katharine Hepburn...
644
00:48:56,953 --> 00:48:59,623
I've told you, right, that
my name is Julia Katharine
645
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:01,875
because of Katharine Hepburn?
646
00:49:02,876 --> 00:49:05,253
I mean, she said
that she was an awful actress,
647
00:49:05,879 --> 00:49:07,714
then she became a great actress
648
00:49:09,424 --> 00:49:13,136
doing... Just like me, she
didn't have any formal training.
649
00:49:13,720 --> 00:49:17,307
“Hey, look, I went to Drama School,
650
00:49:18,266 --> 00:49:21,269
I did an amazing course”
651
00:49:21,895 --> 00:49:23,564
She was learning
652
00:49:24,397 --> 00:49:26,567
on the job.
653
00:49:27,734 --> 00:49:29,986
And I'm beginning at 40,
654
00:49:31,613 --> 00:49:33,657
then when I'm 80
655
00:49:34,074 --> 00:49:36,451
I'll do “Driving Miss Daisy”
and I'll get an Oscar.
656
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:38,704
Like Jessica Tandy.
657
00:49:39,996 --> 00:49:42,708
I want to be an
actress to get awards.
658
00:49:43,667 --> 00:49:48,046
It's my goal, to get on a
stage and make speeches.
659
00:49:48,630 --> 00:49:50,173
It's what I want.
660
00:49:54,135 --> 00:49:57,806
- Do you watch speeches?
- I have insomnia.
661
00:49:58,014 --> 00:50:02,853
I spend the whole night on YouTube
watching all kinds of awards ceremonies,
662
00:50:03,269 --> 00:50:07,524
Golden Globes,
the Oscars, the Emmys,
663
00:50:08,316 --> 00:50:13,071
I watch them all.
Except ours, which I find a little...
664
00:50:14,030 --> 00:50:15,115
Sad.
665
00:50:18,619 --> 00:50:20,954
Is there any speech that you...
666
00:50:21,204 --> 00:50:24,875
I like speeches where people cry.
667
00:50:25,458 --> 00:50:28,128
Like Nicole Kidman
crying when she got an Oscar,
668
00:50:28,336 --> 00:50:30,922
Charlize Theron crying
when she got an Oscar...
669
00:50:31,381 --> 00:50:34,217
And she talked about her mother,
she dedicated the Oscar to her mother,
670
00:50:34,467 --> 00:50:36,011
who killed her husband.
671
00:50:36,512 --> 00:50:38,346
Isn't that great?
672
00:50:39,515 --> 00:50:41,933
It's like Mexican soaps.
673
00:50:46,146 --> 00:50:49,650
I like all kinds
of awards ceremonies.
674
00:50:51,652 --> 00:50:56,197
It's ludicrous to say
this, I think people will think
675
00:50:57,658 --> 00:50:59,826
I'm foolish, superficial,
676
00:51:00,661 --> 00:51:03,329
but to each their own.
677
00:51:03,705 --> 00:51:05,040
I like awards,
678
00:51:05,541 --> 00:51:06,792
I think they're great.
679
00:51:07,584 --> 00:51:09,503
I like Vivien Leigh. Do you?
680
00:51:10,504 --> 00:51:11,672
Why do you like her?
681
00:51:12,172 --> 00:51:14,340
Because she did
“A Streetcar Named Desire”,
682
00:51:15,008 --> 00:51:16,760
because she was manic-depressive,
683
00:51:17,177 --> 00:51:20,013
because she lost
Laurence Olivier to Joan Plowright,
684
00:51:20,514 --> 00:51:22,265
who was a heinous, hateful woman.
685
00:51:23,058 --> 00:51:24,976
Because she suffered for love,
686
00:51:29,565 --> 00:51:31,066
and I think she was stunning.
687
00:51:32,859 --> 00:51:36,112
A misunderstood,
mismanaged talent in film.
688
00:51:40,033 --> 00:51:43,537
I was about to say
something spiteful, but I won't.
689
00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:47,165
Now, about suicide.
690
00:51:47,791 --> 00:51:50,836
Since I was young it's always
691
00:51:52,420 --> 00:51:57,759
crossed my mind,
but I enjoy life so much
692
00:51:59,260 --> 00:52:04,265
that every time I thought
about it or tried to kill myself,
693
00:52:05,141 --> 00:52:07,143
I didn't really want to die.
694
00:52:08,729 --> 00:52:13,274
It was just a way to get some
attention, I just wanted to show off.
695
00:52:17,571 --> 00:52:19,155
Have you tried to kill yourself?
696
00:52:19,906 --> 00:52:22,242
Sometimes, when I was younger.
697
00:52:23,910 --> 00:52:26,496
But it was ludicrous, because
698
00:52:27,581 --> 00:52:32,753
I slit my wrists this way,
and you have to do it this way.
699
00:52:34,087 --> 00:52:35,296
I was
700
00:52:37,090 --> 00:52:38,759
all very dramatic,
701
00:52:40,636 --> 00:52:42,679
I'd just cut myself and lay there...
702
00:52:44,931 --> 00:52:46,808
Looking crazy and spaced out.
703
00:52:47,768 --> 00:52:50,604
Waiting for my mother to
open the bathroom door and find me.
704
00:52:51,522 --> 00:52:54,941
And when she did,
I put on a crazy face
705
00:52:57,277 --> 00:52:59,112
to mortify her.
706
00:53:02,490 --> 00:53:04,367
But it didn't work.
707
00:53:04,951 --> 00:53:06,119
I always thought,
708
00:53:06,620 --> 00:53:10,874
“This time my mom will be
moved, she'll be worried about me,
709
00:53:11,124 --> 00:53:14,044
she'll let me be the woman
I've always wanted to be” No.
710
00:53:14,460 --> 00:53:15,712
It went like,
711
00:53:16,296 --> 00:53:17,839
“Damn, you've messed the bathroom up,
712
00:53:18,965 --> 00:53:21,467
you're going to clean that up.
713
00:53:22,302 --> 00:53:24,743
You're cutting yourself,
do you really think that'll kill you?
714
00:53:24,846 --> 00:53:26,515
Is that what you really think?
715
00:53:26,807 --> 00:53:29,225
This is ludicrous, shame on you!
716
00:53:29,726 --> 00:53:32,270
Tie that wrist up
and get your act together”
717
00:53:33,814 --> 00:53:36,733
I'd come back to
my room, very quiet,
718
00:53:37,192 --> 00:53:39,360
and I'd sleep it off.
719
00:53:41,321 --> 00:53:42,573
Pathetic, right?
720
00:53:49,538 --> 00:53:51,122
When I came back from Japan
721
00:53:52,207 --> 00:53:54,543
I met a guy called Roberto.
722
00:53:57,671 --> 00:53:59,506
I was super skinny, see?
723
00:54:03,009 --> 00:54:05,053
I really felt like
724
00:54:06,012 --> 00:54:09,349
filling out my
body, getting an ass, tits.
725
00:54:10,851 --> 00:54:12,603
And this guy started
726
00:54:16,523 --> 00:54:18,441
to give me hormones,
727
00:54:19,901 --> 00:54:22,070
But it was a lot of hormones.
728
00:54:25,699 --> 00:54:30,078
5 boxes a week of birth control pills,
729
00:54:32,748 --> 00:54:35,000
Perlutan, CPA.
730
00:54:42,549 --> 00:54:43,717
I took
731
00:54:45,552 --> 00:54:47,137
two shots
732
00:54:48,221 --> 00:54:49,890
every other day.
733
00:54:51,099 --> 00:54:53,184
Perlutan is an injection, see?
734
00:54:53,560 --> 00:54:55,604
It's complicated because
735
00:54:57,898 --> 00:54:59,733
the body retains fluid.
736
00:55:02,068 --> 00:55:05,822
And he pressured
me to have a hot body,
737
00:55:10,410 --> 00:55:12,328
like a Playboy Bunny body.
738
00:55:13,454 --> 00:55:14,956
But it didn't work.
739
00:55:21,462 --> 00:55:23,965
I kept putting on
weight without realizing it,
740
00:55:24,633 --> 00:55:27,636
you know I eat
741
00:55:28,512 --> 00:55:30,346
junk food all the time.
742
00:55:31,264 --> 00:55:33,183
I turned out like this.
743
00:55:37,604 --> 00:55:41,357
I think I've missed
out on a lot of opportunities
744
00:55:41,942 --> 00:55:46,822
because I've
neglected my looks, my body.
745
00:55:55,539 --> 00:56:00,293
You've told the whole story about Perlutan
and the hormones but not about the outcome.
746
00:56:00,794 --> 00:56:02,128
I turned out like this.
747
00:56:03,630 --> 00:56:06,800
Oh, you want me to talk
about the CVA that left me like this?
748
00:56:11,638 --> 00:56:13,807
In 2010...
749
00:56:14,850 --> 00:56:20,063
I started taking
loads of hormones in 2008.
750
00:56:21,314 --> 00:56:25,736
In 2010, I had a CVA.
I was watching “House”, just imagine!
751
00:56:28,739 --> 00:56:30,907
- The medical drama?
- Yeah,
752
00:56:31,366 --> 00:56:34,035
I loved it. I love “House”.
753
00:56:35,996 --> 00:56:39,750
I have a ritual to watch
754
00:56:40,751 --> 00:56:42,836
the series and films I like,
755
00:56:44,087 --> 00:56:48,759
which is a lot of chips and soft drinks.
756
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:52,929
I was huge, I weighed 100 kg,
757
00:56:58,059 --> 00:57:02,272
believe it or not, 100 kg in 2010.
758
00:57:03,439 --> 00:57:05,776
Today I weigh 93kg.
759
00:57:08,695 --> 00:57:10,446
That's all I'd eat.
760
00:57:11,698 --> 00:57:13,575
Sodium overload.
761
00:57:14,535 --> 00:57:16,620
Processed snacks,
762
00:57:17,579 --> 00:57:21,249
carbs, that kind of thing.
763
00:57:23,084 --> 00:57:26,838
I was watching “House”
one night. I usually sit like this,
764
00:57:27,589 --> 00:57:31,092
and I already have poor
circulation because of the hormones.
765
00:57:32,135 --> 00:57:36,306
I felt this massive headache,
766
00:57:38,058 --> 00:57:40,310
I put an aspirin under my tongue
767
00:57:40,727 --> 00:57:43,438
and my brother
took me to the hospital.
768
00:57:44,230 --> 00:57:47,568
When I got there, they diagnosed
769
00:57:48,151 --> 00:57:49,319
a minor CVA.
770
00:57:51,321 --> 00:57:54,991
So half my face was
paralyzed for 6 months.
771
00:57:55,408 --> 00:57:57,118
I had to do physical therapy.
772
00:57:57,994 --> 00:57:59,329
I was like this,
773
00:58:00,246 --> 00:58:03,416
do you know that soap
character Dom Lázaro and the melon?
774
00:58:03,917 --> 00:58:05,752
I was like the character.
775
00:58:09,422 --> 00:58:11,257
I can't believe I'm telling this,
776
00:58:11,633 --> 00:58:16,137
you're humiliating me in so
many ways. I didn't want to tell this.
777
00:58:16,638 --> 00:58:20,809
But I was like that soap
character, asking for a melon.
778
00:58:23,687 --> 00:58:25,689
That was what
you wanted, so there it is.
779
00:58:26,607 --> 00:58:30,527
It was awful for me, I didn't
have sex or anybody for 6 months.
780
00:58:30,861 --> 00:58:34,030
My boyfriend broke up with me,
the one who gave me hormones.
781
00:58:34,322 --> 00:58:35,824
Roberto.
782
00:58:42,205 --> 00:58:45,125
So hormones didn't
give me a boyfriend or a body,
783
00:58:45,667 --> 00:58:47,210
but a crooked mouth
784
00:58:47,711 --> 00:58:49,254
and a melon.
785
00:58:52,465 --> 00:58:55,135
That's what you wanted. I've told it.
786
00:58:56,177 --> 00:58:58,514
You love this story.
787
00:59:01,642 --> 00:59:04,060
It was very important for me
788
00:59:05,061 --> 00:59:07,564
to feel desired by a man
789
00:59:08,356 --> 00:59:09,356
at the time.
790
00:59:09,733 --> 00:59:10,817
So I was
791
00:59:12,986 --> 00:59:15,238
an extremely sexual person,
792
00:59:16,990 --> 00:59:20,326
I dealt with all
my issues, my frustrations,
793
00:59:20,493 --> 00:59:22,746
my follies by having sex.
794
00:59:24,665 --> 00:59:29,044
But this ended up making
me depressed, I couldn't feel...
795
00:59:30,671 --> 00:59:32,338
I don't know how to explain.
796
00:59:34,049 --> 00:59:38,219
But speaking of cinema, I can say
that Lars Von Trier's “Nymphomaniac”
797
00:59:38,428 --> 00:59:42,683
is a children's tale when
you compare it to the things I did.
798
00:59:45,268 --> 00:59:49,606
Lars Von Trier should have
met me, he'd have made a better film.
799
00:59:52,400 --> 00:59:53,735
But when...
800
00:59:56,780 --> 01:00:00,158
my father died, I felt an urge
801
01:00:01,618 --> 01:00:03,704
to get closer to him somehow,
802
01:00:04,120 --> 01:00:06,665
and the way I found to
do that was to go to Japan.
803
01:00:07,207 --> 01:00:12,378
But I was worried about my
transsexuality, so I asked at the agencies,
804
01:00:12,879 --> 01:00:16,299
“Okay, if you give me a
loan to pay for my trip to Japan,
805
01:00:16,633 --> 01:00:20,053
will I have trouble finding
a job?” Everybody said no.
806
01:00:20,303 --> 01:00:24,641
“Don't worry, the Japanese are
super cool, they don't have any prejudice”
807
01:00:24,891 --> 01:00:30,063
But they didn't tell me that the
Brazilians working there were prejudiced.
808
01:00:31,231 --> 01:00:35,485
So I got to Japan and the first thing I
heard in Tokyo's airport, in Narita, was,
809
01:00:36,069 --> 01:00:39,906
“Damn, they sent me a transvestite, what am
I supposed to do with a transvestite here?”
810
01:00:40,616 --> 01:00:43,451
And I didn't have a penny in my pocket,
811
01:00:43,910 --> 01:00:46,466
all I had was my passport,
which had to stay with
812
01:00:46,478 --> 01:00:48,790
that person who picked
me up at the airport.
813
01:00:49,165 --> 01:00:52,002
I didn't know what the
fuck was going to happen.
814
01:00:53,920 --> 01:00:58,675
So I endured all kinds of
humiliation and embarrassing situations
815
01:00:59,092 --> 01:01:01,344
for being transsexual.
816
01:01:03,096 --> 01:01:05,516
They placed me in male jobs,
817
01:01:05,974 --> 01:01:09,520
paying me women's wages.
I couldn't adapt, I kept getting fired.
818
01:01:09,853 --> 01:01:13,774
And when you don't have a
job, you don't have a place to live,
819
01:01:15,609 --> 01:01:18,862
because you live
in the factory dormitories...
820
01:01:20,196 --> 01:01:23,784
I kept swinging from place to
place, I got to see most of Japan
821
01:01:24,785 --> 01:01:26,452
because of work.
822
01:01:26,828 --> 01:01:28,413
I left a plant,
823
01:01:28,705 --> 01:01:32,543
there was no work in the
area, I had to go to another region.
824
01:01:32,793 --> 01:01:34,377
And so things went on,
825
01:01:34,795 --> 01:01:37,463
I was traveling around Japan until
826
01:01:38,131 --> 01:01:40,801
I got tired of it and
827
01:01:42,719 --> 01:01:45,055
I surrendered to my fate.
828
01:01:45,514 --> 01:01:48,559
Those were the 4 months
when I lived in the streets in Japan.
829
01:01:49,976 --> 01:01:53,146
I did all kinds of work,
I scraped refrigerators.
830
01:01:53,814 --> 01:01:57,651
The Brazilians tricked me,
831
01:01:58,151 --> 01:02:00,862
they didn't tell me
that I had to wear a mask
832
01:02:01,071 --> 01:02:02,573
to sand refrigerators.
833
01:02:02,989 --> 01:02:06,492
In my first week of work,
I did it without wearing a mask.
834
01:02:07,077 --> 01:02:12,248
After a while, I felt thirsty
all the time, and my throat was dry.
835
01:02:13,249 --> 01:02:16,503
Then I said, “I can't do this”, and I quit.
836
01:02:17,170 --> 01:02:23,885
I felt short of breath the
following days, so I went to the doctor
837
01:02:24,553 --> 01:02:28,306
and I found out I had
aluminum follicles in my lungs.
838
01:02:28,557 --> 01:02:29,641
Just imagine,
839
01:02:29,891 --> 01:02:32,143
I'll have that for the rest of my life.
840
01:02:32,477 --> 01:02:34,646
But I had good things there.
841
01:02:35,230 --> 01:02:37,941
I've told you, right,
that I bought a Chanel perfume
842
01:02:38,483 --> 01:02:42,362
because I love Nicole Kidman.
843
01:02:43,071 --> 01:02:46,074
I already knew the
story that Marilyn only wore
844
01:02:46,282 --> 01:02:48,493
Chanel No.5 to bed, she was naked
845
01:02:48,744 --> 01:02:50,453
with only a drop of Chanel No.5 on.
846
01:02:51,287 --> 01:02:52,623
Then I got to Japan
847
01:02:53,248 --> 01:02:55,917
and I was fascinated by the stores.
848
01:02:58,587 --> 01:03:01,006
Things weren't cheap, but if you
849
01:03:02,340 --> 01:03:04,926
saved up, you could buy things that
850
01:03:05,260 --> 01:03:10,431
you couldn't buy here,
even if you saved up for a long time,
851
01:03:11,767 --> 01:03:13,644
working at a plant.
852
01:03:16,437 --> 01:03:19,482
Then I saved up and
853
01:03:19,858 --> 01:03:24,112
I bought a Chanel
No.5. I wanted it because of
854
01:03:24,530 --> 01:03:28,867
Marilyn and the commercial
that was running on Japanese TV
855
01:03:29,284 --> 01:03:30,536
with Nicole Kidman.
856
01:03:31,119 --> 01:03:32,370
I bought it.
857
01:03:33,872 --> 01:03:36,416
I kept this perfume as if
858
01:03:37,125 --> 01:03:40,003
it were a gold nugget, a diamond.
859
01:03:40,546 --> 01:03:45,759
This perfume was in my suitcase,
it traveled all around Japan with me.
860
01:03:46,384 --> 01:03:47,468
And when...
861
01:03:49,054 --> 01:03:50,055
I lived in the streets,
862
01:03:50,305 --> 01:03:55,727
I'd lose everything... I'd get rid
of the extra weight in my backpack,
863
01:03:56,311 --> 01:04:00,649
but I'd never get rid of the
Chanel No.5 or the award I'd gotten.
864
01:04:01,567 --> 01:04:04,986
I treasured them.
865
01:04:06,404 --> 01:04:08,782
I got back to Brazil holding them.
866
01:04:09,032 --> 01:04:10,701
I had a plastic bag
867
01:04:11,993 --> 01:04:16,247
with the trophy and the
Chanel No.5 in it, I cherished them.
868
01:04:16,832 --> 01:04:19,337
But I kept the perfume
for so long that when I
869
01:04:19,349 --> 01:04:21,920
decided to wear it,
it gave me a terrible rash.
870
01:04:22,170 --> 01:04:24,047
It had expired.
871
01:04:24,673 --> 01:04:28,093
I put it on and it burnt all my neck.
872
01:04:28,844 --> 01:04:32,598
I had red welts from the perfume.
873
01:04:33,557 --> 01:04:36,392
It was awful,
I'd kept it for too long.
874
01:04:37,185 --> 01:04:38,185
Without wearing it?
875
01:04:38,353 --> 01:04:40,105
Without wearing it, because I thought,
876
01:04:40,689 --> 01:04:45,110
“When in life am I going to have
another chance to buy it? So I'll keep it”.
877
01:04:45,861 --> 01:04:50,532
I had no idea this
kind of thing also expired.
878
01:04:54,452 --> 01:04:55,621
It's a silly story.
879
01:04:56,872 --> 01:04:59,082
Japan was that,
880
01:05:01,209 --> 01:05:04,087
an attempt to have
881
01:05:06,882 --> 01:05:08,592
a better financial life
882
01:05:09,092 --> 01:05:11,136
and to get to know my father.
883
01:05:52,260 --> 01:05:54,596
Do you think the film exotifies you?
884
01:05:55,346 --> 01:05:57,182
Oh, I don't know. You tell me.
885
01:05:58,099 --> 01:06:00,435
I felt exotified at times.
886
01:06:01,770 --> 01:06:02,770
Which ones?
887
01:06:03,104 --> 01:06:06,692
The time I dressed up as a
geisha, when I put on the kimono.
888
01:06:07,108 --> 01:06:08,108
Only then?
889
01:06:09,027 --> 01:06:11,530
The time we were talking about
890
01:06:16,618 --> 01:06:18,954
my sexual life.
891
01:06:24,960 --> 01:06:26,962
Do you think this shouldn't be...
892
01:06:27,378 --> 01:06:29,130
It could be, but...
893
01:06:32,050 --> 01:06:35,053
I don't think it's really... you know?
894
01:06:37,138 --> 01:06:39,307
I don't think it's that important.
895
01:06:40,350 --> 01:06:42,268
Do you think
it's because you're trans?
896
01:06:43,687 --> 01:06:44,771
Well, isn't it?
897
01:06:45,396 --> 01:06:48,233
People are curious to know,
898
01:06:50,485 --> 01:06:53,321
people like to...
899
01:06:55,657 --> 01:06:56,742
I don't know.
900
01:06:59,745 --> 01:07:01,121
It seems that trans women
901
01:07:01,371 --> 01:07:05,584
and men, I wouldn't
say trans men, because
902
01:07:06,334 --> 01:07:10,380
I don't know them very
well, I can't speak on their behalf.
903
01:07:11,339 --> 01:07:16,595
I don't see people that
interested in trans men's sexual lives.
904
01:07:17,513 --> 01:07:20,181
But trans women are really
905
01:07:20,849 --> 01:07:22,433
objectified,
906
01:07:23,268 --> 01:07:25,145
there's always an object of interest,
907
01:07:26,437 --> 01:07:28,148
this idea that sex
908
01:07:29,357 --> 01:07:31,777
is always on our minds all the time,
909
01:07:32,277 --> 01:07:36,615
like that's all we experience.
Like we don't have other desires.
910
01:07:37,616 --> 01:07:40,619
Like all we do is have sex.
911
01:07:42,037 --> 01:07:44,205
Doesn't it look that way to you?
912
01:07:46,625 --> 01:07:49,044
My mother finds it natural
913
01:07:50,378 --> 01:07:52,631
for me to have a
relationship with a trans man,
914
01:07:53,381 --> 01:07:56,718
because, according
to her church's minister,
915
01:07:57,385 --> 01:08:02,390
If I'm a trans woman dating a
trans man, it's perfect in the eyes of god.
916
01:08:02,974 --> 01:08:05,811
Because it's a man, that being me,
917
01:08:06,562 --> 01:08:09,314
in a relationship with a
woman, that being the trans man.
918
01:08:10,398 --> 01:08:13,318
Then it'd only be
an inversion of social roles,
919
01:08:14,110 --> 01:08:15,821
but it's still
920
01:08:17,989 --> 01:08:22,160
a natural relationship because
it's between a man and a woman.
921
01:08:22,744 --> 01:08:25,581
That's insane.
922
01:08:27,999 --> 01:08:29,084
And your screenplay,
923
01:08:29,585 --> 01:08:32,462
do you have any
expectations to film it?
924
01:08:33,964 --> 01:08:37,300
I'm planning to film it now in 2018.
925
01:08:38,510 --> 01:08:39,595
What is it called?
926
01:08:40,345 --> 01:08:41,722
T for two.
927
01:08:43,098 --> 01:08:44,933
- Did you write it yourself?
- I did.
928
01:08:47,268 --> 01:08:49,855
It's no masterpiece,
929
01:08:54,943 --> 01:08:59,656
no Tennessee Williams,
but it's a play, it's a text.
930
01:09:00,657 --> 01:09:01,867
What is it about?
931
01:09:02,450 --> 01:09:04,620
It's about a cis man
932
01:09:05,537 --> 01:09:10,291
in his fifties who has a relationship
with a trans woman for the first time,
933
01:09:11,126 --> 01:09:14,004
and he has an
ex-wife, and it's hard for him
934
01:09:14,630 --> 01:09:18,340
to own up to this relationship
because of his ex-wife, what she'll think,
935
01:09:18,341 --> 01:09:19,694
to own up to this relationship
because of his ex-wife, what she'll think,
936
01:09:19,718 --> 01:09:22,303
how people around him will react.
937
01:09:24,848 --> 01:09:26,432
What kind of film is it?
938
01:09:27,183 --> 01:09:28,602
A romantic comedy.
939
01:09:29,227 --> 01:09:32,230
Because I've decided that,
940
01:09:32,523 --> 01:09:35,400
if I become a filmmaker in my life,
941
01:09:36,484 --> 01:09:39,905
I'll always make romantic comedies.
942
01:09:39,988 --> 01:09:45,326
I want to make up for all the
lack of romance in my life through films.
943
01:09:45,994 --> 01:09:46,994
I want to
944
01:09:47,538 --> 01:09:50,707
live in films all
945
01:09:51,082 --> 01:09:54,460
the amazing love stories I thought
946
01:09:56,379 --> 01:09:58,632
I'd have one day.
947
01:10:00,216 --> 01:10:03,303
It's crazy, but it's exactly what it is.
948
01:13:29,300 --> 01:13:31,011
Cut.
949
01:14:25,649 --> 01:14:27,358
What now?
950
01:14:37,619 --> 01:14:39,120
That's all, guys.
951
01:14:39,495 --> 01:14:41,832
I guess it's done.
952
01:14:44,960 --> 01:14:48,129
Come here,
I want to show you something.
953
01:14:49,673 --> 01:14:52,092
That's all, it's done.
954
01:14:57,639 --> 01:15:00,684
I want you to see the only
good thing about having insomnia,
955
01:15:01,643 --> 01:15:03,394
will you come here?
956
01:15:14,990 --> 01:15:17,492
It's the only good
thing about having insomnia.
957
01:15:25,000 --> 01:15:26,502
Isn't it beautiful?
958
01:15:30,714 --> 01:15:32,549
I'm the director now.
959
01:15:34,175 --> 01:15:36,177
I'll direct the sun.
960
01:15:46,522 --> 01:15:47,689
Action!
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