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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:02,896 Kids, early in this story... 2 00:00:02,969 --> 00:00:05,369 you may recall me saying something along the lines of... 3 00:00:05,438 --> 00:00:07,565 Okay. No more dating. 4 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,437 I am ready to settle down. 5 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:12,376 And at the time, I probably thought I meant it. 6 00:00:12,445 --> 00:00:15,243 But, kids, I'll be honest. Being single's fun. 7 00:00:15,315 --> 00:00:19,342 As a young, unattached man in New York City, I had a great time. 8 00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:21,080 A great time. 9 00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:24,955 What was I saying? Oh, yeah. 10 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:29,428 I had such a great time that it took someone very special to make me wanna settle down. 11 00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:33,933 And that someone was Jeanette. 12 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,935 What made Jeanette so special? Well... 13 00:00:37,003 --> 00:00:40,404 That was a foul! 14 00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:42,907 Jeanette was the last girl I dated before I met your mother. 15 00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:44,568 The girl who finally got me to say... 16 00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:50,139 No more dating. I'm ready to settle down. 17 00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:53,242 - And really mean it. - Oh! 18 00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:07,900 But let's back up a little bit. 19 00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:10,265 She broke your TV with a beer bottle? 20 00:01:10,336 --> 00:01:12,634 In her defense, she was aiming for the window. 21 00:01:12,705 --> 00:01:14,605 Dude, you've gotta get rid of this girl. 22 00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:18,633 Agreed. "Cray-Cray" gotta go bye-bye 'fore you get stab-stabbed. 23 00:01:18,711 --> 00:01:22,647 Oh, really? And are you guys saying this because you don't want me to be with Jeanette... 24 00:01:22,715 --> 00:01:26,583 or because you want me to stay single so you guys can keep your clubhouse? 25 00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:29,952 - J'accuse! - I had a point, and they knew it. 26 00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:34,084 You see, in early 2013, I was the only single guy in the group. 27 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,594 Which meant, whenever Marshall or Barney bought something... 28 00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:38,663 they weren't allowed to keep in their apartments... 29 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,021 You know what, Ted? That reminds me. 30 00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:12,394 I just bought this antique Swiss clock... 31 00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:14,194 but Robin won't let us put it in the apartment. 32 00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:17,634 So I was gonna leave it at your place. Only problem, it's broken. 33 00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:20,639 So I was just gonna sit here and try to fix it... 34 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:23,540 while maybe you tell us what you and Jeanette did last night? 35 00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:27,239 Okay. Well, uh, Jeanette is a big Marilyn Monroe fan. 36 00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:29,975 There ya go. Now it's working. 37 00:02:30,049 --> 00:02:31,607 Sorry. Sorry. Go on. Go on. 38 00:02:31,684 --> 00:02:34,405 She's a Marilyn Monroe fan, so I guess you watched one of her movies? 39 00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:37,719 Um, no. We had a séance. 40 00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:40,224 Look at that! Good as new. 41 00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:44,593 Anyway, were you able to contact Marilyn in the spirit world? 42 00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,690 No. We talked to her cat. 43 00:02:50,036 --> 00:02:52,095 Screw loose! That's the problem. 44 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,901 Uh-oh. 45 00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:55,873 Looks like somebody's hungry. 46 00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:59,378 I'm gonna get his food ready. Robin, can you grab him? 47 00:02:59,445 --> 00:03:02,812 Can I? Try and stop me. 48 00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:04,611 Now, kids, what Lily didn't realize... 49 00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:06,242 what none of us realized, in fact... 50 00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:09,379 was that in the eight months since your cousin Marvin was born... 51 00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:11,355 Robin had never once held him. 52 00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:14,587 The truth was the thought of holding him terrified her. 53 00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:17,562 So she had always avoided it, ever so discreetly. 54 00:03:17,630 --> 00:03:19,461 - Can you hold... - Oh, shoot! Look at that! 55 00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,693 Oh. Geez. 56 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:25,101 I got him. Come here, you little munchkin. 57 00:03:25,171 --> 00:03:28,629 Oh, man! Oh. Well, I call next. 58 00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:32,109 Well, I should go. It's time for Jeanette's... something. 59 00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:34,908 Time for Jeanette's what, Ted? 60 00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:38,883 Uh, we are taking her dog to an exorcist. 61 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:41,682 Wow, Ted, that sounds... 62 00:03:46,459 --> 00:03:49,053 Crap. It's really broken now. 63 00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:52,825 Okay, fine. I admit it. She's crazy. Obviously. 64 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,333 But I'm not in this for the long haul. 65 00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:57,062 It's just, you know... It's just fun. 66 00:03:57,136 --> 00:03:59,127 Of course it's fun. At first. 67 00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:02,902 But then, when she starts calling out the name of her high school science teacher... 68 00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:05,740 in the throes of passion, it's really fun. 69 00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:09,441 But then, when she starts bringing knives into bed... 70 00:04:09,515 --> 00:04:12,040 and making you fear for your safety... 71 00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:13,949 it's really, really fun. 72 00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:17,786 But then, when she starts unbuttoning your pants... 73 00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:21,691 while you're being forced to drive blindfolded down the freeway... 74 00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:25,891 with a gun pointed at your... 75 00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:27,762 I'm sorry. What were we talking about? 76 00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:30,997 - Jeanette. - Oh, right. That girl's crazy. You gotta break up with her. 77 00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:35,302 I know. I know. You're right. I... I have to break up with her. 78 00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:38,435 I should do it in a public place though, so she doesn't flip out. 79 00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:42,106 The next night I met her in a public place, so she wouldn't flip out. 80 00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:45,673 I will kill you, ref! I will kill you in front of all these people! 81 00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:49,017 - Oh, boy. - What, you think I won't just 'cause I'm in a public place? 82 00:04:49,088 --> 00:04:52,057 I'll go to jail for the rest of my life if I have to! 83 00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:57,662 Listen, before the game starts, I think we need to talk. 84 00:04:57,730 --> 00:05:01,029 - I can't believe Ted's dead. - I know. 85 00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:03,864 - What a way to go. - Killed by a bazooka. 86 00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:05,927 All right, so I'm not on my game today. 87 00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:08,473 I did just break up with someone last night. 88 00:05:08,541 --> 00:05:13,069 Anyway, I gotta hop out for a bit. Uh, you guys stay here. 89 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:17,742 Oh, and if Jeanette comes by, do not let her into the apartment. 90 00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,512 Don't let her in. Got it. 91 00:05:19,585 --> 00:05:22,247 Guys, this is serious. This girl is like bedbugs. 92 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,756 Once she's in the apartment, there is no getting her out. 93 00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:28,385 Ted, buddy. 94 00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:31,624 How long have we been dealing with Barney's insane girlfriends? 95 00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:34,428 Years. Nigh on a decade. 96 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,560 I had to testify in five competency hearings. 97 00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:39,901 I think we can handle Jeanette. 98 00:05:39,972 --> 00:05:43,601 Okay. Okay. See you soon. 99 00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:48,071 That kid. Am I right? 100 00:05:48,147 --> 00:05:51,947 Hmm. Now look who forgot his keys. 101 00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:55,686 What is it? 102 00:06:00,393 --> 00:06:03,157 Meanwhile, Lily and Robin were out getting lunch... 103 00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:04,719 when disaster struck. 104 00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:07,061 Oh, God. I left his Binky on that bus! 105 00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:08,533 Wait. Don't you have other Binkies? 106 00:06:08,601 --> 00:06:10,899 That one's his favorite. He'll know the difference. 107 00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:13,632 I am not gonna let this be the reason he resents me later in life. 108 00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:16,800 Oh, if-if he starts crying, just pick him up. 109 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:19,504 What... Uh... Uh... 110 00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:25,980 Okay. Okay. Yeah, there, there. There. Okay. 111 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,576 Hey, I'm back. 112 00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:30,053 - Did I miss anything? - Nope. 113 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,591 - Did Jeanette come by? - Jeanette. I know lots of Jeanettes. 114 00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:34,148 - Jeanette Funicello, Jeanette Cle... - I can't answer that. 115 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:38,493 - Guys. - Okay, she came by because she forgot her book. 116 00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,657 So we let her go up in your room and get it. 117 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:42,325 And then? 118 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,131 And then what? 119 00:06:44,203 --> 00:06:46,467 And then she left? 120 00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:49,599 I think she left. 121 00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:54,842 Are you sure she left? 122 00:06:54,914 --> 00:07:00,477 I am 90% sure that she left. 123 00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:04,623 Eighty percent. 124 00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:06,521 Actually, I'm gonna change my answer. 125 00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:08,992 I am now starting to think she never left. 126 00:07:09,061 --> 00:07:12,792 And instead, she barricaded herself in your room. 127 00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:14,355 And I'm never coming out! 128 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,326 Hundred percent. 129 00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:23,967 I cannot believe you guys! 130 00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:27,137 Well, maybe if you had given us a warning that she was crazy! 131 00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:30,410 Dude, it's okay. She can't stay in there forever. 132 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:35,284 She'll have to come out to eat and drink and go to the bathroom, right? 133 00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:39,017 A few months earlier, the East Coast had been hit by a bad storm... 134 00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:43,118 and some intelligent, forward-thinking New Yorkers took it as a wake-up call... 135 00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:45,130 making sure to stock their bedrooms... 136 00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,428 with enough food and water to last months... 137 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:50,526 not to mention a portable waste management system. 138 00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:52,571 It was really the smart thing to do. 139 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:57,632 - You dumb-ass. - Really, Ted. How could you be so unbelievably stupid? 140 00:07:57,710 --> 00:08:01,840 No. No. You guys are the ones who invited a vampire into my apartment. 141 00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:03,643 This is your fault! And P.S. 142 00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:07,482 If this disaster had been a superstorm instead of a hot lunatic... 143 00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:09,913 you'd all be begging to eat my freeze-dried protein paste... 144 00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:12,891 and crap into my biohazard bucket... just saying. 145 00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:16,224 I got it. It was on the floor of the bus. 146 00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:19,594 I should probably throw it out. Eh. 147 00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,223 Did he give you any problems? 148 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,768 Oh. He cried a little, but then he stopped. 149 00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:26,862 Oh, good. Anything else happen? 150 00:08:26,939 --> 00:08:30,670 Nope. That is it. 151 00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,870 All gone. 152 00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:37,973 - Oh, we have to do this more often. - Oh, we totally do. 153 00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:41,884 - I can't believe Marvin's in kindergarten. - He's growing up so fast. 154 00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:45,554 Can I confess something to you? 155 00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:48,423 Remember the day you left Marvin's Binky on the bus... 156 00:08:48,494 --> 00:08:50,121 and you left me alone with him? 157 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:54,189 - Yeah. - Well, I didn't tell you this at the time, but... 158 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:58,601 Okay. Okay. Yeah, there, there. 159 00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:01,504 There. Okay. Shh. 160 00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:04,873 Oh, no. Looks like somebody's not happy. 161 00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:07,208 No kidding. I'm miserable. Listen to this thing. 162 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,044 He probably just wants to be held. 163 00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,676 I think you're right. 164 00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:14,549 - Can you do it? - All right. 165 00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:17,316 Come here, handsome. 166 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:21,121 Yeah. Yes. 167 00:09:21,193 --> 00:09:23,252 - Oh. - I let a stranger pick up Marvin. 168 00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:26,492 L-I... I'm sorry. It's just I hadn't actually picked him up at that point... 169 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,227 and-and I was scared, so I didn't... 170 00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:32,169 You know what? It was four years ago. He's obviously fine. 171 00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,830 Don't even worry about it. 172 00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:35,237 - Really? - Yeah. 173 00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:38,141 Thank you. Oh. 174 00:09:38,210 --> 00:09:40,178 I mean, as long as there's not more to that story. 175 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:44,182 Nope. That is it. 176 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:49,613 - Jeanette, you have to leave! - In a minute! 177 00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:52,783 I still haven't found that book. 178 00:09:52,858 --> 00:09:56,385 Listen, Jeanette, I didn't wanna do this, but I called the police. 179 00:09:56,462 --> 00:09:58,896 - They're on their way. - All units, all units. 180 00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:03,664 Possible 10-90 in progress at 521 West 82nd, Apartment 15. 181 00:10:03,736 --> 00:10:06,330 - Where is that coming from? - Is that you, Dolores? 182 00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:08,270 Jeanette? Hey, girl. How you been? 183 00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,866 Oh, you know. I'm just doin' me. 184 00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:13,503 Anyway, I'll check out that 10-90. 185 00:10:13,579 --> 00:10:17,310 - Okay, but remember... - I know. No excessive force. 186 00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:21,149 Last thing I need is another suspension. Am I right? 187 00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:23,154 And that, kids, was how I found out... 188 00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:25,122 what Jeanette did for a living. 189 00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,716 Wait a second. 190 00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:30,159 - Is she a cop? - I think she's a cop. 191 00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:33,494 - Did you know she was a cop? - I didn't know she was a cop! 192 00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:36,865 Ted, I'm sorry I have to say this. 193 00:10:36,936 --> 00:10:39,736 Jeanette lives here now. This is her place. You're gonna have to leave. 194 00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:43,401 - What? Why don't you have to leave? - They can stay. 195 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,240 - Thank you, Officer Jeanette. - Thank you, Officer Jeanette. 196 00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:49,574 All gone. 197 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,640 - We need to do this more often. - We totally do. 198 00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:54,982 - I can't believe Marvin's in middle school. - Oh, he's growing up so fast. 199 00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:58,217 Can I confess something to you? 200 00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:02,420 Remember the day you left Marvin's Binky on the bus, and I let that old lady pick him up? 201 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,362 I seem to recall that was the entire story. 202 00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:07,399 There's a little bit more. 203 00:11:07,466 --> 00:11:09,331 There, there, little one. 204 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:12,371 Let's put you back in your strolly-poo... 205 00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:15,703 so you can drift off to dreamy, dreamy land. 206 00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:19,368 Oh, thank you so much. 207 00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:22,039 This is my first time alone with him, and, you know, I'm... 208 00:11:22,114 --> 00:11:25,242 I have this weird feeling that I'm gonna, I don't know, like, drop him... 209 00:11:25,317 --> 00:11:27,911 or injure him in some way, which is completely insane. 210 00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:29,716 - But I just get... - Oh, heavens! 211 00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:31,450 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God. 212 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,389 I know. L-l-I'm so sorry. 213 00:11:33,459 --> 00:11:37,225 Well, you know what? That was, what? Twelve years ago. 214 00:11:37,296 --> 00:11:40,026 - Don't even worry about it. - Really? 215 00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:41,589 Oh, thank you. 216 00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:44,864 Just promise me there's no more to that story. 217 00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:48,902 Nope. That is it. 218 00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:54,074 Are you sure you wanna do this? The girl's a cop. 219 00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:56,910 Yeah. This seems like a really bad idea. 220 00:11:58,184 --> 00:11:59,879 I don't care. 221 00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:03,388 I am going into that bedroom because this is my home... 222 00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:05,447 and I have to defend it. 223 00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:07,492 But mostly because... 224 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:11,394 my allergy medication is in there! 225 00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:14,763 All right. Just be careful, okay? This girl is really crazy. 226 00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:18,065 Yeah. Why can't she just accept the fact that you guys broke up? 227 00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:20,298 I know. I know. Why can't she just accept that? 228 00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:22,840 Why? It's like, "Why?" 229 00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:28,003 It might be because we didn't actually break up. 230 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,275 Oh, man. Jeanette. 231 00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:32,510 Come on! That's vintage vinyl! 232 00:12:36,455 --> 00:12:41,222 Ted, did you or didn't you break up with Jeanette last night? 233 00:12:41,293 --> 00:12:43,921 I don't know. It's kind of confusing. 234 00:12:43,996 --> 00:12:46,328 I think we need to talk. 235 00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:51,062 Oh. Oh, okay. I see where this is going. 236 00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:53,697 You're in love with Lily. That's it, isn't it? 237 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,673 What? No. I... 238 00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:58,369 Like I should be surprised... with her fancy medical degree... 239 00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,537 And her sexy Southern drawl. 240 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:01,944 What? She's not... 241 00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:03,948 Don't talk to me! Don't look at me! 242 00:13:04,016 --> 00:13:07,952 I hate you, and I never wanna see you again! 243 00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:10,079 And then things got crazy... 244 00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:12,124 and we got thrown out of the Barclays Center. 245 00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:15,354 I don't know. It felt pretty "break-uppy." 246 00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,929 Anyway, we parted on pretty bad terms. 247 00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:22,490 So I kind of thought, maybe I could, you know... 248 00:13:22,568 --> 00:13:25,696 Never contact her again and hope she'd take the hint and just leave you alone? 249 00:13:25,771 --> 00:13:28,239 - Barney, give me some credit. - Was that the plan? 250 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:29,638 Yes. 251 00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:33,970 - All gone. - We need to do this more often. 252 00:13:34,046 --> 00:13:35,707 We totally do. I can't believe Marvin's in high school. 253 00:13:35,781 --> 00:13:37,840 - He's growing up so fast. - Can I confess something to you? 254 00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:40,112 Oh, no. What? What happened? 255 00:13:40,186 --> 00:13:42,017 Tell me what you did to my son! 256 00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:46,089 This is not going well at all. 257 00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:49,559 Oh, honey. You are shaking. Let's get you out of the cold. 258 00:13:49,628 --> 00:13:51,220 What's open near here? 259 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:57,900 You took my infant child to a strip club? 260 00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:01,098 It was just topless. He saw yours all the time anyway. 261 00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:03,664 Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. 262 00:14:03,742 --> 00:14:08,543 But that is all there is, okay? There is no more to the story. I have now told you everything. 263 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,647 - All gone. - We need to do this more often. 264 00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:16,154 - We totally do. I can't believe Marvin's driving. - He's growing up so fast. 265 00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:18,690 - Okay, there's one other thing. - What? 266 00:14:18,757 --> 00:14:21,783 Well, I have to go use the ladies' room. Can you watch him for me? 267 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,056 Of course. 268 00:14:24,129 --> 00:14:27,360 I could just eat you up. 269 00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:31,130 You left him with a complete stranger? He could've been... 270 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,761 Robin, how could you? 271 00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:35,466 Lily, please. Okay? It was 16 years ago. 272 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,031 He's fine. 273 00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:39,942 You're right. It's fine. 274 00:14:40,012 --> 00:14:41,673 God. 275 00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:44,477 It feels so good to have gotten this off my chest. 276 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,677 Finally, it is all on the table. 277 00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:50,711 All secrets are exposed, and there is nothing left to be revealed. 278 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,452 - All gone. - We need to do this more... 279 00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,120 - There's more to the story. - Damn it, Robin! 280 00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:57,094 What could you possibly have left out? 281 00:14:57,162 --> 00:15:01,656 It's just there's, um, one little detail... 282 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,726 that I may have slightly altered. 283 00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:06,737 If he starts crying, just pick him up. 284 00:15:06,805 --> 00:15:09,205 Gosh. 285 00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:14,237 Yeah, there, there. Come on, buddy. 286 00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:16,804 - Shh. - Looks like somebody's unhappy. 287 00:15:16,882 --> 00:15:19,851 No kidding. I'm miserable. Listen to this thing. 288 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:24,652 - Maybe he needs to be held. - I think you're right. 289 00:15:24,723 --> 00:15:26,748 - Can you do it? - Sure. 290 00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:28,315 Come here, handsome. 291 00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:30,914 Come here, come here, handsome devil. You're such a beautiful... 292 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:35,128 Oh, you're such a cool dude. Oh. 293 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,861 All right. There, there, little one. There, there. 294 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,564 Let me put you back in your stroller-poo... 295 00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:42,300 so you can drift off to dreamy, dreamy land. 296 00:15:42,374 --> 00:15:44,308 Okay? All right. 297 00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:46,537 - Thank you so much. - Hey, don't worry about it. 298 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,944 It's my first time alone with him, and I have this weird feeling... 299 00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:51,380 I'm-I'm gonna drop him or injure him in some way. 300 00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,680 - I know it's completely insane, but... - Oh, heavens. Watch it. No! 301 00:15:53,752 --> 00:15:55,720 No! 302 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:58,848 This is not going well at all. 303 00:15:58,924 --> 00:16:02,018 Oh. Oh, hon, you're shaking. 304 00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:04,688 Let's get out of the cold. Is there anything open near here? 305 00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:12,499 - I need to go to the ladies' room. Can you watch him for me? - Of course. 306 00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:15,732 I could just eat you up, little dude. I could just... Yum-yum, yum-yum, yum-yum. 307 00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:21,302 You waited 17 years to tell me that you met... 308 00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:24,315 the greatest boxer of all time? 309 00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:27,750 My son was rocked to sleep by Senator Mike Tyson? 310 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,220 - I wanted to tell you, believe me. - How could you? 311 00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:32,382 Okay, this is the right thing to do. 312 00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:35,154 You gotta go up there and break up with her for real. 313 00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:38,890 And don't worry. If anything happens, just scream. We'll come rescue you. 314 00:16:38,964 --> 00:16:40,659 Okay. 315 00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:01,613 Did you guys not hear me screaming up there? 316 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:04,986 Oh, I feel so awful. We went to get subs. 317 00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:07,048 We got you one though. 318 00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:08,616 We didn't get you one. 319 00:17:09,828 --> 00:17:11,557 So Jeanette's squatting in your room? 320 00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,188 What are you guys doing here? 321 00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:16,530 - We heard you screaming from three blocks away. - Why is she in there? 322 00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:18,433 Lily, there is no reason why. 323 00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:21,098 That's like asking, "Why is the Earth round?" 324 00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:24,301 "Why does the sun come up in the morning?" "What do I do for a living?" 325 00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:27,140 There are some questions we're not meant to know the answers to. 326 00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:30,238 Crazy girls are crazy because they're crazy. 327 00:17:30,315 --> 00:17:32,408 L-I don't think it's quite that simple. 328 00:17:32,484 --> 00:17:35,544 I was talking to a friend of mine about Ted and Jeanette. 329 00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,486 Oh, great. What friend is this? 330 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:41,390 Uh, just this wise old lady that I know. 331 00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:42,791 Here's the thing about crazy. 332 00:17:42,861 --> 00:17:45,591 When a guy's sending mixed signals to a girl... 333 00:17:45,664 --> 00:17:48,292 it takes a toll on her psychological well-being. 334 00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:51,928 You wanna know why a girl acts crazy? Look at the guy she's dating. 335 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:55,405 Then you really see some crazy. Trust me. 336 00:17:57,643 --> 00:17:59,634 Are you Mike Tyson? 337 00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:03,203 Now hold on. I've dated tons of crazy girls in my life... 338 00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:06,877 and not once have I ever treated them with anything other than... 339 00:18:06,952 --> 00:18:10,012 Oh, right. I'm a monster. 340 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,353 Maybe the old lady with the face tattoo is right. 341 00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:16,417 Maybe the reason Jeanette's acting this way is Ted. 342 00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:18,463 Me? How is this my fault? 343 00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:21,055 Yeah, come on. This is Ted we're talking about. 344 00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:25,126 I'm sure he didn't do anything to lead her on or send mixed signals. Right, Ted? 345 00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:28,700 Don't talk to me! Don't look at me! 346 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:31,299 I hate you, and I never wanna see you again! 347 00:18:36,348 --> 00:18:38,873 And we got thrown out of the Barclays Center. 348 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:42,114 - Okay, that's disappointing. - So disappointing. 349 00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:43,677 Seriously. 350 00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,110 But that was last night. I mean, it's not like... 351 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:49,918 Listen, Jeanette. 352 00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:52,122 We really need to have a serious talk about our... 353 00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:57,466 So, did Lily leave these boots here, or was it some other bitch? 354 00:19:00,439 --> 00:19:03,875 Marshall, Barney, help me! 355 00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:08,003 - I don't think they're coming. - Guess not. 356 00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:16,415 It's those red boots. They just look sexy on everyone. 357 00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:19,013 Okay, Ted, what is with the red boots? 358 00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:22,185 You're a smart guy. You've got some taste. You've got a visual sense. 359 00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:24,491 I mean, you're an architect, for Pete sakes. 360 00:19:24,563 --> 00:19:26,394 How can you look at those boots and think... 361 00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:28,763 Oh, my God. I'm holding it. I'm holding the baby. 362 00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,962 - What, you never held him before? - Tons of times. 363 00:19:32,037 --> 00:19:35,268 This-This is not a big moment for me. 364 00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,535 This is exhilarating. 365 00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:40,874 Look, yes, I know what you're gonna say. 366 00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:43,005 I have to break up with her. 367 00:19:43,081 --> 00:19:45,072 No, I was actually gonna say the opposite. 368 00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:47,516 I think you need to be with Jeanette right now. 369 00:19:47,586 --> 00:19:49,417 Because she's the one. 370 00:19:49,488 --> 00:19:52,719 No. What? No! She's insane. 371 00:19:52,791 --> 00:19:56,591 But I think you are also a little insane right now. 372 00:19:56,662 --> 00:19:59,597 So, I think you need to go be with your crazy girl for a while. 373 00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:01,724 And when it all goes down in flames... 374 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,495 And I don't mean that figuratively. 375 00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:05,093 I expect there to be actual flames. 376 00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:06,933 And there were. 377 00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:09,132 We'll be here for you 'cause we love you. 378 00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:16,813 Jeanette, I just wanna say that, uh... 379 00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:20,249 you going through my stuff like that... 380 00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:22,753 You are really something special. 381 00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:27,253 I'm gonna send Lily a dead animal in the mail. 382 00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:30,724 I think I'm falling for you. 383 00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:33,731 I think we should have a three-way with my therapist. 384 00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:35,130 He's 70. 385 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,725 What is your ring size? 386 00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:49,642 Robin, it's 3:00 in the morning. 387 00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:51,842 - Really? - Yeah. 388 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:55,683 Sure you don't wanna just put him in the crib and, you know, go home? 389 00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:57,517 No, I'm good. 390 00:20:58,290 --> 00:20:59,780 Okay. 391 00:20:59,858 --> 00:21:01,985 - Good night. - Good night. 392 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:08,396 What's that smell? 393 00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:10,765 Lily! Lily! 31958

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