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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,801 --> 00:00:03,962 Lily, I just saw the worst thing ever. 2 00:00:04,037 --> 00:00:05,698 Kind of busy right now, Marshall. 3 00:00:05,772 --> 00:00:07,467 - Quiet. He can hear you. - Who's "he"? 4 00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:09,599 He's coming. Everyone shut up! 5 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:12,941 Okay, kids. You're probably wondering how we all got here. 6 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:15,072 Oh, hey, buddy. Can we borrow your air mattress? 7 00:00:15,148 --> 00:00:16,706 My mom's coming into town for a few days. 8 00:00:16,783 --> 00:00:18,751 - Absolutely not. - Bummer! 9 00:00:18,818 --> 00:00:20,649 I guess she can't stay with us. 10 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,551 Hey! Look what I just found. 11 00:00:22,622 --> 00:00:26,114 A list of hotels and other creative housing options. 12 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,592 Baby, my mom is not staying at a hotel... 13 00:00:28,661 --> 00:00:30,561 or our storage unit. 14 00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:32,495 Why can't we borrow your air mattress? 15 00:00:32,565 --> 00:00:35,005 Because when you animals borrow things, you never return them. 16 00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:36,558 - Wha... - That's ridiculous. 17 00:00:36,636 --> 00:00:39,366 No. My Cleveland, Ohio, Chamber of Commerce mini cooler... 18 00:00:39,439 --> 00:00:41,066 is ridiculous. 19 00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:42,802 Ridiculous at keeping stuff cold... 20 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,538 while also promoting Ohio's second-largest rubber producer. 21 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:47,773 Watch your back, Akron. 22 00:00:47,847 --> 00:00:49,405 I totally gave that back. 23 00:00:49,482 --> 00:00:51,746 And what about that "Vote for Ted" hoodie... 24 00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:54,616 from when I ran for treasurer in high school? 25 00:00:54,687 --> 00:00:56,882 Mrs. Gooding said my concession speech... 26 00:00:56,956 --> 00:00:59,789 was, quote, "full of grace." 27 00:00:59,859 --> 00:01:02,350 I don't recall borrowing that. 28 00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:05,523 And whatever happened to my limited-edition DVD... 29 00:01:05,598 --> 00:01:09,295 of the classic 1989 Silverman-McCarthy romp, Weekend at Bernie's... 30 00:01:09,369 --> 00:01:12,361 borrowed well over six months ago? 31 00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:15,169 Yeah, I'm keeping that. Those extra features are awesome. 32 00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:16,970 And that making-of documentary? 33 00:01:17,043 --> 00:01:19,841 A Cinematic Journey. 34 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:24,111 Look, I'm just tired of people borrowing things and never returning them. 35 00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:27,984 If you don't believe me, ask my ex-friend Stuart. 36 00:01:28,054 --> 00:01:31,683 Ted, I gave your red cowboy boots back the day after Halloween. 37 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:34,192 How could you lie to me right to my face, Stuart? 38 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:38,196 You are a horrible human being. 39 00:01:39,532 --> 00:01:42,626 Congrats on your daughter's christening. 40 00:01:42,702 --> 00:01:45,535 And where's the worst abuser of my generosity, Barney? 41 00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:48,631 Or... Or should I say "Borrow-ney"? 42 00:01:48,708 --> 00:01:51,370 You should never say that. And I think he's out with Patrice. 43 00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,537 Ugh. Patrice? That's still happening? 44 00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:56,639 Kids, you remember Patrice. She worked with your Aunt Robin. 45 00:01:56,716 --> 00:02:00,709 Robin! You left your purse at the vending machine, and some guy tried to steal it. 46 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:04,553 I fought him off, but I think I dislocated my shoulder. 47 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:07,787 You scratched the leather! 48 00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:11,262 Ugh! Can't you do anything right, Patrice? 49 00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:14,129 That Barney and Patrice thing is so bogus. 50 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:17,101 He's clearly trying to get back at me for rejecting him. 51 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:21,197 Um, Robin, after you rejected Barney, didn't he reject you? 52 00:02:21,274 --> 00:02:25,040 Didn't you go over to his place and try to sleep with him in your purple-and-black underwear? 53 00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:30,048 Hey, uh, Lil, feel free to disregard that "don't tell anyone about this ever" thing. 54 00:02:30,116 --> 00:02:32,710 - She has your mini cooler. - I knew it. 55 00:02:32,785 --> 00:02:36,414 But seriously, what other reason would Barney have to date Patrice? 56 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,719 - It's an overcorrection. - How dare you! 57 00:02:38,791 --> 00:02:40,281 And what is that? 58 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,420 Barney was engaged to Quinn, a stripper he never really trusted... 59 00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:47,830 so he overcorrects by dating her opposite... warm and nurturing Patrice. 60 00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:52,895 That does happen. Like, Ted, after you broke up with sweet, innocent Victoria. 61 00:02:52,972 --> 00:02:55,964 - No, you hang up first. - No, you hang up first. 62 00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:58,408 - No, you hang up first. - Hang up, you little bitch! 63 00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:03,448 - Overcorrection. - Yeah. And it's not just relationships. 64 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,609 Remember when that comedy club owner told Marshall... 65 00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:08,586 that his "funny fish name" stand-up act didn't have enough edge? 66 00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:11,283 Flounder? I barely know her. 67 00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:13,621 Oh! 68 00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:15,320 Overcorrection. 69 00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:17,920 Although it was better than his Chris Rock rip-off. 70 00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:21,660 ♪♪ A trout with a daughter has one job. 71 00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:26,296 One job... to keep her off the fishing pole. 72 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:28,033 You suck! 73 00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:31,235 Lily! 74 00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:46,525 I'm a little worried about Ted. 75 00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:51,155 I mean, we're parents now, and even Barney is moving on. 76 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:54,325 I just wish he had someone to talk to. 77 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:58,063 Even for a week, or, you know, four days, three nights. 78 00:03:58,137 --> 00:03:59,866 My mom is not staying with Ted. 79 00:03:59,939 --> 00:04:01,839 He'd love her baking gummy bear pancakes. 80 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:04,968 I'm her special boy. I get her special pancakes. 81 00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:07,205 But my dad is here nannying all the time. 82 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:08,770 Then add your mom in. 83 00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:11,373 This place is crowded enough already. 84 00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:12,884 Hey, Lil. 85 00:04:12,952 --> 00:04:14,977 Let me know how the pump's working. 86 00:04:15,054 --> 00:04:17,682 - I cleaned it for you. - It's fine, Dad. 87 00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:19,281 I had to check the suction... 88 00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:21,020 so I tested it on myself. 89 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,288 Oh, no. 90 00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:24,296 Don't worry. The suction's fine. 91 00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:26,229 Actually, kind of nice. 92 00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:29,993 Okay. 93 00:04:30,069 --> 00:04:32,560 Barney is so not for real about Patrice. 94 00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:34,402 Today, he did the craziest... 95 00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:37,409 "most clearly staged for my benefit" thing ever. 96 00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:39,707 - Hey, Patrice. You ready for lunch? - Sure! 97 00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,713 Right? 98 00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:42,975 Right? 99 00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:45,415 I mean, what's next? 100 00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:47,510 Birthday gifts? 101 00:04:47,587 --> 00:04:49,885 Wake up, people. This is not an overcorrection. 102 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:53,357 It's fraud. And we need to keep trying to stop this. 103 00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:55,189 What do you mean "keep" trying? 104 00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:59,530 - Barney is not who you think he is. - What do you mean? 105 00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:01,590 He has a book of plays he uses... 106 00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:03,602 to trick women into sleeping with him. 107 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:06,730 Oh, no way. Barney's my honey bear. 108 00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,865 Actually, uh, one of his plays is called the Honey Bear. 109 00:05:08,941 --> 00:05:10,670 He dresses up like Winnie the Pooh... 110 00:05:10,743 --> 00:05:13,143 and the next thing you know, his head's stuck in your pot. 111 00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:15,544 Robin, you're a doll for worrying about me... 112 00:05:15,615 --> 00:05:17,913 but that doesn't sound at all like my Barney. 113 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,612 Why won't you let me help you, Patrice? 114 00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:27,750 And she can't see that Barney is using her, and it breaks my heart. 115 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:31,627 You know, I-I love Patrice. We're like sisters. 116 00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:34,360 You've never gotten through even one exchange without screaming at her. 117 00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:36,425 Sisters fight, Ted! 118 00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:40,062 But the bond is always there. 119 00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:41,572 - Okay? - Okay. 120 00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:44,371 That's why I need to steal the playbook and show it to Patrice... 121 00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:46,241 so she'll believe me. 122 00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:49,475 Or you could do almost anything else... 123 00:05:49,549 --> 00:05:51,483 and not sound so creepy. 124 00:05:51,551 --> 00:05:55,385 Robin, seriously, this obsession isn't healthy. 125 00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:57,116 Just let it go. 126 00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,648 Maybe you guys are right. 127 00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:03,389 Thanks for talking some sense into me. 128 00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:12,066 Lily, can I ask you a question? 129 00:06:12,138 --> 00:06:15,130 If it's "Did somebody put gravel in the couch cushions you're sleeping on?" 130 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,800 Absolutely not! 131 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:19,709 - What would be the motive? - No, it's not that. 132 00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:22,509 Uh, don't tell Marshall, because he's not ready... 133 00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:27,417 but I think I might wanna get back out there... 134 00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,284 and meet a nice man. 135 00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:31,619 Wow! That's great, Judy! 136 00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:34,626 And I thought you might be able to help 'cause you always look so good. 137 00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:36,491 You think I look good? 138 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:41,022 I mean, you dress like a Duluth streetwalker, but my son seems to like it. 139 00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:43,864 I'll take it. 140 00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:46,029 So, any advice? 141 00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:50,371 Well, first, I'd throw out any giant sweater with a horse on it. 142 00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:53,844 - Even the ones... - Even the ones that have manes with real horsehair, yes. 143 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:57,007 And second, I'd let the gals out to play a little more. 144 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,142 The gals? 145 00:06:59,218 --> 00:07:01,448 Oh. 146 00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:04,183 You mean the Minnesota Twins. 147 00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:08,817 Meanwhile, Robin was about to give up... 148 00:07:08,895 --> 00:07:10,760 on ever finding the playbook... 149 00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:12,695 until... 150 00:07:18,404 --> 00:07:20,736 Oh, The Bro Code. Damn it! 151 00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,556 David Lee Roth's Autobiography? 152 00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:41,024 Crap! 153 00:07:41,093 --> 00:07:43,459 "To the best wing man ever. We'll always have Panama. 154 00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:45,690 Love, Diamond Dave." 155 00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:56,200 Patrice, it's really nice of you to buy Robin a new purse... 156 00:07:56,275 --> 00:07:59,711 but it's not your fault that the other one got scratched. 157 00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:03,041 Well, just get yourself over here. 158 00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:05,811 I've got the tree, the decorations and the know-how from Lethal Weapon 2... 159 00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:08,285 to pop that shoulder right back into place. 160 00:08:08,354 --> 00:08:12,347 Yep. There is not one reason to leave this apartment for even a second tonight. 161 00:08:16,362 --> 00:08:17,852 Ow! 162 00:08:22,301 --> 00:08:25,134 Hey, how's my favorite architect, other than incredibly handsome? 163 00:08:25,204 --> 00:08:27,729 - Hi, Mom. - No, it's Robin. 164 00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:29,832 What do you need? 165 00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:32,509 For reasons that aren't important, I'm trapped in Barney's closet. 166 00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:35,036 Help get me out, and I'll return your Weekend at Bernie's DVD. 167 00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:38,106 No way. That's not enough to get me involved in your crazy mess. 168 00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:41,585 I'll also go with you to the five-day fan convention in the desert. 169 00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:44,987 - You'll come with me to Bernie Man? - Yes. Just hurry! 170 00:08:45,057 --> 00:08:50,120 Ooh, someone's excited to see me. 171 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:52,562 Who's Mama's big boy? 172 00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,964 Who's Mama's big boy? 173 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,966 - Wait. - I am. 174 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:03,300 - Mickey? - And I've been bad. 175 00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:09,837 Get off my mommy! 176 00:09:21,093 --> 00:09:23,152 Hugh Hefner in your lobby, right now! 177 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,390 I'm gonna grab my robe! 178 00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:36,201 "Teddy's first Christmas." 179 00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:38,243 Barney, are these my ornaments? 180 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,472 That could be anyone's baby handprint, Ted. 181 00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:43,982 Now come on. Hef's old, but he moves like a cheetah! 182 00:09:57,964 --> 00:10:01,991 Dramatic, Choir Vocalizing] 183 00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:09,606 Why would you do that? 184 00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:11,643 With Mickey? 185 00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:13,736 I've been lonely, Marshall. 186 00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:17,340 And all the men in St. Cloud's idea of romance... 187 00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:19,748 is taking me ice fishing. 188 00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:21,480 That was me and your father's thing. 189 00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:24,455 Plus, call it an overcorrection... 190 00:10:24,523 --> 00:10:29,358 but it's kind of nice being with a sophisticated, big-city man. 191 00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:33,057 You know, I don't know what the big deal is. 192 00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:35,692 You've been bumpin' uglies with my daughter for years. 193 00:10:35,768 --> 00:10:38,430 The second I climb up on your mom, it's the end of the world? 194 00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:42,938 How could you think that was Hef? 195 00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:44,499 It was an honest mistake. 196 00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:46,602 That guy was black, Ted. 197 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:49,045 I guess I just don't notice that kind of stuff. 198 00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:05,956 We'll get to the grotto one day, my pet. 199 00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:07,897 One day. 200 00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:10,367 How's my favorite architect, other than well-endowed? 201 00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:13,337 - Mom? - No, it's Robin again. 202 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,431 Look, you gotta come back in and get my purse. 203 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,669 Nope. I'm done. Bye, Robin. 204 00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:21,804 Wait! What if I told you I was looking at your red cowboy boots right now? 205 00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:24,772 Describe them. 206 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,375 - They're red, and they're cowboy boots. - That's them! 207 00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:29,114 Why are they at Barney's? 208 00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:30,951 Hey, Barney. 209 00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:34,720 - Just returning Ted's boots I borrowed for Halloween. - You were a cowboy? 210 00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:36,421 No, my wife was Wonder Woman. 211 00:11:36,495 --> 00:11:39,828 Can you believe Ted thinks a guy can get laid wearing these? 212 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,930 Challenge accepted. 213 00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:47,739 Do you know what that sound is, Ted? 214 00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:51,607 That's a red boot about to be savagely cut up by my pocketknife. 215 00:11:51,677 --> 00:11:55,238 You mean my pocketknife. I lent it to you two years ago. 216 00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:02,913 Hey. Sorry about the Hugh Hefner mix-up. 217 00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:06,321 But seriously, Jon Bon Jovi is downstairs. 218 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:09,020 You sure it isn't my landlady, Mrs. Takahashi? 219 00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:11,393 I'm serious. The janitor just mopped the floor. 220 00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:14,464 Bon Jovi is literally standing next to a sign that says "slippery when wet." 221 00:12:14,533 --> 00:12:17,468 - Uh-uh. - I want those ornaments back! 222 00:12:37,723 --> 00:12:40,351 Damn it, Ted! You get those ornaments all year! 223 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:43,122 I just need 'em for Christmas! 224 00:12:43,195 --> 00:12:45,720 Oh, hey, Patrice. Did you have any trouble finding Rudolph? 225 00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:48,426 No. It was right on Ted's fire escape like you said. 226 00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:51,299 - Are you sure he's okay with us borrowing it? - Positive! 227 00:12:55,474 --> 00:12:57,635 - I got your purse. - Oh, Ted, you're the best. 228 00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:01,111 - But I'm trapped in Barney's living room closet. - Oh, Ted, you're the worst! 229 00:13:01,180 --> 00:13:03,307 Enough messing around. I'm calling in the wolf. 230 00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:04,974 - Lily? - Lily! 231 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:16,155 - What are you doing here? - What are you doing here? 232 00:13:16,228 --> 00:13:19,108 Hold on. Marshall's calling me on the other line. 233 00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:24,166 Lily, I just saw the worst thing ever. 234 00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:25,931 Kind of busy right now, Marshall. 235 00:13:26,005 --> 00:13:27,700 - Quiet. He can hear you! - Who's "he"? 236 00:13:27,773 --> 00:13:30,207 He's coming. Everyone shut up! 237 00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:41,947 I'm just gonna grab the star to put on top of the tree. 238 00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:44,421 It's gonna be legen... Wait for it. 239 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,980 ...merry. 240 00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:56,531 What are you doing here, Lily? 241 00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:59,469 I've been using Barney's apartment to pump milk for Marvin. 242 00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:01,062 What? Why? 243 00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:03,020 Our apartment is so crowded these days... 244 00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:05,306 I don't get a minute to myself. 245 00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:07,106 I have a key to Barney's apartment... 246 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,578 he has a kick-ass couch... 247 00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:10,376 and he DVRs all the Real Housewives shows... 248 00:14:10,449 --> 00:14:13,043 including the reunion specials. 249 00:14:23,295 --> 00:14:24,990 What are you doing here? 250 00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:28,431 I came to get the playbook so I could show Patrice who Barney really is. 251 00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:30,832 Why can't you just let them be happy? 252 00:14:30,903 --> 00:14:32,666 Because they're not really happy, Lily. 253 00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:34,933 Patrice, can you grab my computer from the bedroom? 254 00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:38,101 I wanna change my Facebook status to "happy." 255 00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:39,940 You shouldn't have that. 256 00:14:40,012 --> 00:14:42,173 You're right. 257 00:14:50,322 --> 00:14:52,415 What? 258 00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:54,083 Where is Ted? 259 00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:57,352 My label maker! 260 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,957 No! I'm never coming out! 261 00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:04,594 You know, Marshall, you've been in there for a while now... 262 00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:08,697 and I couldn't help but notice you chugged that Super Big Gulp. 263 00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:10,833 It's not gonna work, Mickey. 264 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,310 My bladder's as big as your betrayal. 265 00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:17,440 I see. So it's not gonna bother you to think about leaky faucets... 266 00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:23,250 or open hydrants or rushing rivers or... 267 00:15:23,322 --> 00:15:25,722 - Oh, God. I gotta pee! - Oh! 268 00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:29,951 - What is this? - Where did you find that? 269 00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:33,863 I didn't wanna believe that this existed, but is this the playbook? 270 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,663 Let's see him lie his way out of this one. 271 00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:39,733 Yes. It is. 272 00:15:39,805 --> 00:15:44,299 These are all the tricks I use to get women to sleep with me. 273 00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:47,038 What do you mean "tricks"? 274 00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:50,479 Like, "The Two Can Play at That Game." 275 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:54,881 Can I help you? 276 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,718 I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but... 277 00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,258 my wife is having an affair with your husband. 278 00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:04,854 I even found a list of every dirty way they've enjoyed each other's bodies. 279 00:16:04,930 --> 00:16:09,492 I wish there was some way we could get back at them. 280 00:16:09,568 --> 00:16:11,729 There is. 281 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,204 We can kill them. 282 00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:24,008 I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this... 283 00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:25,914 You're not who we thought you were. 284 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,850 - Patrice, I... - I need some air. 285 00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:30,784 I... 286 00:16:30,856 --> 00:16:32,585 Come on, Patrice. 287 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,922 You... You have got to be kidding me. 288 00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:41,723 Wait, is that my mini cooler? 289 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,462 Not now, Ted. Let's go! 290 00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:46,026 Shh! 291 00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:52,672 Patrice, I have done some sleazy stuff to seduce women... 292 00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:55,009 but... I wanna be a better person. 293 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,378 You make me want to be a better person. 294 00:16:57,449 --> 00:16:59,974 I can't be with a man who has a playbook. 295 00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:02,881 I understand. 296 00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:12,925 Whoa! 297 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:15,359 - Whoa! - Whoa! 298 00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:16,901 Whoa! 299 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:18,561 Is that my garbage can? 300 00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:26,001 I knew you were a keeper. 301 00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:27,943 Oh. 302 00:17:28,013 --> 00:17:29,503 Uh... 303 00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:36,513 I should go explain this to the super. 304 00:17:36,588 --> 00:17:39,614 Hey, come with. There's a small chance Jon Bon Jovi's down in the lobby. 305 00:17:39,691 --> 00:17:42,751 "You Give Love a Bad Name" is the first track on my Get Psyched mix! 306 00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:44,625 Mine too! 307 00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:54,429 You still don't believe those two are for real? 308 00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:56,167 I'll take that. 309 00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:58,471 The Ted Mosby store is officially closed. 310 00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:00,102 What spilled in here? 311 00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:02,340 Breast milk. 312 00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:04,314 Seriously, I give and give... 313 00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:07,511 and all I ask back is a little bit of respect. 314 00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:15,624 Okay. So tonight got weird. 315 00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:17,286 You have no idea. 316 00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:20,297 My mom's apparently ready to get back out there. 317 00:18:20,365 --> 00:18:24,358 Marshall, she told me all about it, and I was happy to help. 318 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:26,131 You helped? Why? 319 00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:28,867 I know it's hard to think of your mom as a woman with needs... 320 00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:33,901 but you have to let her get out there and rediscover her sexuality with someone special. 321 00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:40,684 - Oh, you don't know. - No, uh, Marshall, I do know. 322 00:18:40,752 --> 00:18:44,586 You just think it's gross because it's your parent, but you know what? 323 00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:46,385 - It's beautiful. - Hmm. 324 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:52,359 My mom and your dad are humping. 325 00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:57,268 I think you should be happy for them. 326 00:18:57,336 --> 00:19:00,396 What? What? Why? What is good about this? 327 00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:03,930 Well, first of all, respect to Mickey. Your mom's a piece. 328 00:19:04,009 --> 00:19:06,569 She's no Ted's mom, but she's a piece. 329 00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:09,808 And secondly, I mean... 330 00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,043 it's nice that they found each other. 331 00:19:12,117 --> 00:19:14,415 Sometimes you fall for someone you'd never expect... 332 00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,477 but that doesn't make it wrong. 333 00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:18,420 Doesn't everyone deserve to be happy? 334 00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:22,858 I guess none of us thought of it that way. 335 00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:24,919 Next round's on me. 336 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,230 Wow. 337 00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:29,562 I know. 338 00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:32,695 Barney's lost it. He needs an intervention. 339 00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:34,398 - Oh. - Oh, G... 340 00:19:34,473 --> 00:19:39,433 Robin, after everything we've seen, do you still think Barney's faking this? 341 00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,502 No. But we have to stop it. 342 00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:43,480 Barney is not Barney anymore. 343 00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:46,040 - People change. - But not this fast and this drastically. 344 00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:48,109 This is a cry for help, okay? 345 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:51,088 If I was out of control, I would want you guys to help me. 346 00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:53,488 So, what do you say? Intervention? 347 00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:57,623 Intervention. 348 00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,459 Oh, good. You're all here. 349 00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:04,696 Um, when Barney shows up, it's important for him not to feel ganged up on... 350 00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:08,900 so let's start with, um, "We love you, and we're worried about you." 351 00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:12,068 We love you, and we're worried about you. 352 00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:16,171 Oh, great. But, you know, with less pity in your eyes. 353 00:20:16,248 --> 00:20:18,307 Sweetie, sit down. 354 00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:21,841 Uh, no. Only the person getting the intervention sits down. 355 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,151 Yeah. 356 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,714 Oh. 357 00:20:27,759 --> 00:20:29,852 Please tell me this is about my drinking. 358 00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:33,053 Damn it. 359 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,865 So we, um... we just wanted to say... 360 00:20:40,939 --> 00:20:44,431 that we're sorry for the way that we acted... 361 00:20:44,509 --> 00:20:48,138 when we found out about you two. 362 00:20:48,213 --> 00:20:51,614 Your happiness is what is most important... 363 00:20:51,683 --> 00:20:55,278 so if you two wanna date, it's okay by us. 364 00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:57,185 Who said anything about dating? 365 00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,520 This is just about sex. 366 00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:02,458 We're family... 367 00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:05,293 With benefits. 28726

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