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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,468 --> 00:00:03,129 In the fall of 2012... 2 00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:05,865 Nick and Robin were going strong. 3 00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:08,908 Sometimes it's hard to say what it is exactly that makes a couple click. 4 00:00:08,975 --> 00:00:11,273 Wow. 5 00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:14,745 - Bravissimol - Yeah. 6 00:00:14,814 --> 00:00:16,304 Whatever it was... 7 00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:19,443 kids, Nick and Robin really connected at first. 8 00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:22,818 Hey, you know, I think I'm really starting to feel something here. 9 00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:24,447 And... 10 00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:27,891 But then, as often happens, they started to drift apart. 11 00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:30,555 Why? Who can say? 12 00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:32,962 Nick and I haven't had sex in three days. 13 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,557 And it's your fault. 14 00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:36,727 Nick won't have sex because he pulled his groin muscle... 15 00:00:36,803 --> 00:00:39,237 all 'cause you made him join your stupid basketball team. 16 00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:42,468 - Did you say "stupid basketball team"? - Yeah. 17 00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:45,739 Oh, my gosh. Guys, we have to rush Robin to the hospital... 18 00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:48,280 because, somehow, she swallowed her vocal cords... 19 00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:49,906 and they got lodged in her rectum... 20 00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,814 Because she's talking out of her ass. 21 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,477 Over the summer... 22 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:56,351 Marshall had joined a Midtown professionals basketball league. 23 00:00:56,423 --> 00:01:00,086 His team of lawyers was called the Force Majeures. 24 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,080 Ever since they lost to a group of accountants... 25 00:01:02,095 --> 00:01:04,086 he'd started getting a little intense about it. 26 00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:06,792 You sure you didn't have a ringer or two out there, Joel? 27 00:01:06,866 --> 00:01:08,800 Don't know what you're talking about. 28 00:01:08,868 --> 00:01:10,426 Good hustle out there, Aboubakar! 29 00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:16,733 If Joel can use ringers, then so can we. 30 00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:21,270 And Nick is our best player, so as far as I'm concerned, you can both keep your groins on ice. 31 00:01:21,347 --> 00:01:25,977 Groins on Ice. Least popular Madison Square Garden holiday show ever. 32 00:01:26,052 --> 00:01:27,679 Why are you so into this basketball league? 33 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,188 Robin, it's the Little Ivies Professionals Over 30... 34 00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:31,814 Who Work in Midtown League. 35 00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:33,222 It's The Showl 36 00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:35,955 You know, it's kind of funny... 37 00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:39,021 imagining people icing their groins. 38 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,067 First they'd be all cold, and... 39 00:01:41,134 --> 00:01:43,568 and then the ice would start to melt... 40 00:01:43,636 --> 00:01:48,130 and... things would get all wet and... steamy. 41 00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:52,707 Okay, Lily. 42 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,646 Look, buddy, I'm also the captain of a team... 43 00:01:55,715 --> 00:01:59,116 in the Little Ivies Professionals Over 30 Who Work In Midtown League. 44 00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:00,675 I'm addicted to the adrenaline too. 45 00:02:00,753 --> 00:02:03,415 Still, don't you think you're getting a little obsessive about... 46 00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:09,087 Uh, hold up. Hold up. Are you suggesting that you are a member of a sports team... 47 00:02:09,162 --> 00:02:11,027 and you're the captain? 48 00:02:11,097 --> 00:02:14,999 So says the "C" I personally sewed onto my jersey. 49 00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:18,799 Uh, after Victoria and I broke up, I had some free time. 50 00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,737 So... called up a few architect friends... 51 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:24,766 and put together a little team called the T-Squares. 52 00:02:28,047 --> 00:02:30,174 See that? The floor's uneven. 53 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:33,014 And that window placement is rubbish. 54 00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:35,145 You know, if a genie gave me one wish... 55 00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:38,088 I would knock down that wall and create a nice flow. 56 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,750 Great wish. 57 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,316 There's too much hard wood, right? 58 00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:45,522 Did you nerds actually play any basketball? 59 00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:50,126 Um, us nerds focused on something far more important... 60 00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:51,534 bonding. 61 00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:53,629 You guys are gonna get pounded. 62 00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:55,105 And I am not. 63 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,700 Oh, come on. You can't go a couple weeks without sex? 64 00:02:57,777 --> 00:03:00,803 Our point guard's a 52-year-old virgin, happy as a clam. 65 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:02,745 I'm sure he's quite a ball handler. 66 00:03:02,815 --> 00:03:06,478 The problem is, now that we're not having sex, we're talking more... 67 00:03:06,553 --> 00:03:12,492 and I'm realizing that Nick is kind of... dumb. 68 00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:14,083 - Really? - News to me. - No. 69 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,094 - I hadn't noticed that. - Oh, my God. 70 00:03:16,162 --> 00:03:18,255 You guys think that he's dumb too? 71 00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:19,662 - So dumb. - Air bags are sharper. 72 00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:22,462 - Hot as lava but just as thick. - Mm. 73 00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:38,039 Wow. When did you guys start to notice... 74 00:03:38,117 --> 00:03:39,778 that he was kind of dumb? 75 00:03:39,852 --> 00:03:43,754 Well, there was the time Nick was doing the crossword. 76 00:03:43,823 --> 00:03:46,348 Hey, what's a four-letter word for "cut"? 77 00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:48,291 - Nick. - Yeah? 78 00:03:48,361 --> 00:03:50,522 Is a four-letter word for "cut." 79 00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:52,121 - What is? - Nick. 80 00:03:52,198 --> 00:03:55,565 What? Oh. I got it. 81 00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:57,296 Shave. 82 00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:01,774 And there was the comment about Gypsies. 83 00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:05,971 No, no. L-I think Gypsies prefer to be called Romani now. 84 00:04:06,045 --> 00:04:09,071 Do they? Really? 85 00:04:09,148 --> 00:04:11,708 And what do unicorns and, uh, elves... 86 00:04:11,784 --> 00:04:14,446 and leprechauns prefer to be called? 87 00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:17,045 You do know, uh... 88 00:04:17,123 --> 00:04:20,024 Gypsies are a real ethnic group that actually exists? 89 00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:24,288 Oh, you guys, I feel terrible now. 90 00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:27,800 I always thought they were just made up, like goblins or trolls or dolphins. 91 00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:30,968 And then there's that story you told... 92 00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:33,733 about how you and Nick picked up that Danish exchange student... 93 00:04:33,806 --> 00:04:35,967 and you all took a shower together. 94 00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:38,636 I never told a story like that. 95 00:04:38,711 --> 00:04:40,178 Well, no time like the present. 96 00:04:40,246 --> 00:04:42,714 Let's give this Danish ho a name. 97 00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:44,647 I'm thinking Nadia. Yeah. 98 00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:47,481 She sounds slutty and bi-curious. 99 00:04:47,553 --> 00:04:49,214 What is wrong with you? 100 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:52,315 Your kid is right there. Maybe you wanna clean it up a lit... 101 00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:55,850 You're wearing a baby and you're doing pull-ups? 102 00:04:55,928 --> 00:05:01,025 No, Ted. I'm sitting around getting soft 'cause that's what champions do. 103 00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:02,294 You know, the problem is... 104 00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:05,064 now that I know how dumb Nick is... 105 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,505 - it's kind of making me reconsider the relationship. - Why? 106 00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:12,135 Eventually, Nick's groin will heal, and you'll be back in Sexville... 107 00:05:12,211 --> 00:05:15,408 where all the crossword puzzles only have one box to fill. 108 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:17,278 Talk about a double standard. 109 00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:20,945 Every time I go after a busty dullard who can't tell time... 110 00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:24,786 or thinks I'm the ghost of Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm shallow. 111 00:05:24,857 --> 00:05:28,816 But somehow it's okay for Robin to date a guy who can't be trusted around outlets. 112 00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:30,055 Dump him! 113 00:05:30,129 --> 00:05:32,359 Okay. That is ridiculous. 114 00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:35,060 Is Nick a genius? No. 115 00:05:35,134 --> 00:05:38,069 But does he have average intelligence? 116 00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:39,126 No. 117 00:05:39,205 --> 00:05:42,197 But he is a human being with a heart. 118 00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:45,711 And you're afraid, if I dump him, it'll throw off his game. 119 00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:48,076 Robin, he got 36 points and 17 rebounds last week. 120 00:05:48,147 --> 00:05:51,344 And that was with his shoes on the wrong feet. 121 00:05:52,618 --> 00:05:54,848 Well, you're probably all wondering... 122 00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:57,446 how the T-Squares' practice went today. 123 00:05:57,523 --> 00:06:00,924 - The T-what? - We played up here. 124 00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:06,056 Basketball, people don't realize, is all geometry, physics and engineering. 125 00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:11,729 If you think like an architect, you could win a thousand games without ever touching a ball. 126 00:06:11,804 --> 00:06:14,500 What happened to your ball? 127 00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:17,065 Some kids from the Hebrew school next door took it and wouldn't give it back. 128 00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:18,735 Oy. 129 00:06:18,811 --> 00:06:21,439 - Hey. - Hey. 130 00:06:21,514 --> 00:06:23,414 How'd the breakup with Nick go? 131 00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:24,916 Well... 132 00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:27,009 So I went to this fortune-teller today... 133 00:06:27,086 --> 00:06:29,247 and she said there was a curse on me. 134 00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:32,018 Did she sell you something to ward off the curse? 135 00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:34,753 It's like you're a fortune-teller too. 136 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:40,498 - Nick, um, I think we need to talk. - Yeah. 137 00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:43,558 Uh. It's just... 138 00:06:43,636 --> 00:06:46,161 Oh! These are hard. 139 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,834 Anyway, this $500 bracelet will ward off evil till the end of the week, so... 140 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:53,504 Do you think that you could do, uh, sit-ups or something while you talk? 141 00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:55,774 Yeah. 142 00:06:55,848 --> 00:07:00,717 Anyway, this fortune-teller... she was able to tell me all sorts of stuff about my future... 143 00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:02,345 just from my credit cards... 144 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:06,290 and my Social Security number, my driver's license... 145 00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:09,226 I knew you'd cave. Which is why I came up... 146 00:07:09,295 --> 00:07:11,695 with a little extra incentive to break up with Nick. 147 00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:15,359 End it by 8:00 p.m. Tonight or this invite goes live. 148 00:07:17,403 --> 00:07:21,305 "Robin and Patrice's BFF Fun Day"? 149 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:24,172 Kids, Patrice was a coworker of Robin's... 150 00:07:24,243 --> 00:07:26,803 who'd become sort of obsessed with her. 151 00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:30,610 Robin had managed until now to keep Patrice at arm's length. 152 00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:37,489 But if Patrice were invited to something called "Robin and Patrice's BFF Fun Day'... 153 00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:39,889 she'd latch onto Robin and never let go. 154 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,722 Why would you do that? 155 00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:43,694 - Delete that right now! - No! 156 00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:47,699 If I don't give you a little push, you'll let this drag on until Nick can have sex again... 157 00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:51,066 and then you'll be right back to procrastinating on all fours. 158 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:53,765 I hate to admit it, but the man in the suit has a point. 159 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,104 Oh! Fine. 160 00:07:56,175 --> 00:08:00,168 But the play-offs are coming up soon, and I can't have this guy an emotional wreck. 161 00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:03,010 If you do dump him, at least let him down easy. 162 00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:06,711 Yeah. Take him to a nice restaurant, preferably a dessert place. 163 00:08:06,786 --> 00:08:09,346 That way you won't have to sit through a whole meal before you get to... 164 00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:10,719 - Splitsville. - Exactly. 165 00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:11,814 No, Splitsville. 166 00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:13,381 It's a dessert place right around the corner. 167 00:08:13,459 --> 00:08:16,622 It's sort of the place to end a relationship. 168 00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:24,359 Uh, Nick, listen. 169 00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:29,204 - You are awesome and totally sweet. - Mmm. 170 00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:32,642 But we're just not... 171 00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,407 You know where I'm going with this, right? 172 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,948 No. No clue. 173 00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:40,914 Um... 174 00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:43,421 I don't know if we should keep seeing each other. 175 00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:46,049 You wanna start turning off the lights during sex? 176 00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:49,390 No! God, no. No, no. 177 00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:54,229 I am just worried that as a couple we're not working out. 178 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:56,666 You wanna start going to the gym together? 179 00:08:56,736 --> 00:09:00,137 Okay, no, Nick. Here is the deal. Okay. 180 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,800 - Um, sorry, babe. I gotta take this. Excuse me. - Mm-hmm. 181 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:06,402 Hello? Hey, what's up? 182 00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:13,317 You... Well, I... I'd... I don't understand. 183 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,445 But you don't... 184 00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:18,718 Okay. Um, you know what? I'm sorry. L-l... I have to go. 185 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,488 - What happened? - I... 186 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,556 I, um... 187 00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:31,865 Oh! I'm sorry. I can't talk about this. 188 00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:35,135 Anyway... 189 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,142 what were you gonna say? 190 00:09:39,045 --> 00:09:42,913 Uh, I was gonna say... 191 00:09:42,982 --> 00:09:45,644 order whatever else you want. 192 00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:47,117 It's on me. 193 00:09:47,186 --> 00:09:50,986 Well, thanks, but I think I'd just rather eat it out of a bowl. 194 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:59,694 Well, no doubt you're all wondering how the T-Squares' first game went. 195 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:02,791 - What squares? - Picture a well-oiled machine. 196 00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:04,199 Your sewing machine? 197 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,910 There were two seconds left on the clock. 198 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,203 Aboubakar was all over me. 199 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:13,405 And that's when all my years of architectural training came to my aid. 200 00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:16,880 I saw the space in a way my opponents never would. 201 00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:33,596 Yes! 202 00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:36,328 I told you guys I'd make one of these. 203 00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:41,135 Turns out those two points were taken away because apparently the ball went "out of bounds." 204 00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:44,267 But don't worry. I'm appealing to the league office. 205 00:10:44,343 --> 00:10:47,574 This Aboubakar, I-I'm assuming you showered with the guy? 206 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,114 Paint me a word picture. 207 00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:52,378 Hello? 208 00:10:52,451 --> 00:10:54,783 Lil, is Barney there? He's not answering his phone. 209 00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:57,721 Mm. He's a little busy right now. It's Robin. 210 00:10:57,790 --> 00:11:01,351 Thirty-seven, 38. Put her on speaker. Thirty-nine. 211 00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:03,793 When did you start being able to do stuff like this? A few months ago... 212 00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:06,024 you had to catch your breath after making a sandwich. 213 00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:10,467 Barney, delete the "Robin and Patrice BFF Fun Day"invite. 214 00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:12,265 - Did you break up with Nick yet? - I can't. 215 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:13,703 He just got some horrible call. 216 00:11:13,773 --> 00:11:15,934 I think a family member might have died or something. 217 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,909 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! 218 00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:21,412 No, I mean, good that Robin can't dump him. 219 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,539 The death part, less good. 220 00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:25,811 Robin, if you dump Nick... 221 00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:28,752 he could get mad and-and tear your blouse off. 222 00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:31,255 And then he bites you on the neck... not super hard... 223 00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:33,587 just on the brink between pleasure and pain. 224 00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:36,992 And then that Danish slut, Nadia, bursts in... 225 00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:39,691 You can't wait. His groin will heal. 226 00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:41,824 And then, before you know it, you'll be marrying a man... 227 00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:44,426 who once ate a vanilla-scented candle. 228 00:11:44,503 --> 00:11:48,234 That was on me. I shouldn't have left it in the kitchen. 229 00:11:48,307 --> 00:11:51,003 Though it was lit. Man, he dumb! 230 00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:53,739 - The invite goes live in five minutes. - What? 231 00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:55,838 It goes out automatically unless I stop it. 232 00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:59,817 And that only happens if I hear you dump Nick on speakerphone before then. 233 00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:01,352 Fine. 234 00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:07,215 Hey, Nick. I'm sorry about that. 235 00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:10,023 Um, listen. 236 00:12:10,096 --> 00:12:14,192 - There's something I need to talk to you about. - No, Robin, I'm sorry. 237 00:12:14,266 --> 00:12:16,700 I'm, like, half here. 238 00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:20,830 That phone call, it just... I got some really bad news. 239 00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:25,943 My doctor did an M.R. I. And... 240 00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:31,805 Oh. Oh, God. What... What is it? 241 00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:34,785 My groin injury is worse than they thought. 242 00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:37,049 I can't play basketball for weeks. 243 00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:40,183 Oh, thank God. I thought he was dying or something. 244 00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:43,353 How many weeks? How many weeks? 245 00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:46,796 Please tell me it's not a tear in the iliolumbar ligament. 246 00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:48,959 It's a tear in the libial flum-flar liniment. 247 00:12:49,034 --> 00:12:51,662 If it's a small tear, he can still make play-offs. 248 00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:54,331 - It's a big tear. - He better not be out for the season. 249 00:12:54,406 --> 00:12:56,533 - I'm out for the season. - Damn it! 250 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:59,077 They're going up against the Number Crunchers without me. 251 00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:03,548 It's an after-work basketball league for lawyers and accountants... 252 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,413 and architects who sew. 253 00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:07,816 I mean, who takes it that seriously? 254 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:12,421 No! 255 00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:15,892 I just hate letting Coach Eriksen down. 256 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:20,830 I would follow that man through the gates of hell. 257 00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,424 Winning. 258 00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:24,935 What do we win... 259 00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:28,599 when we beat those Number Crunchers a few short weeks hence? 260 00:13:28,674 --> 00:13:30,403 A game? Sure. 261 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:32,376 A trophy? Sort of. 262 00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:34,708 We win a $25 gift card to Bennigan's. 263 00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:37,180 But what is it that we really win? 264 00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:39,945 - The game! - Yes, I said that, Nick. 265 00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:41,486 Yeah. 266 00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:44,853 But we also win the right to walk tall. 267 00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:46,050 Oh! 268 00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:48,593 The right to call ourselves champions. 269 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,424 - Yeah. - So we are gonna go out... 270 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,862 and we are gonna wipe the floor with those accountants. 271 00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:55,958 And afterwards, we will feast like kings... 272 00:13:56,035 --> 00:13:58,936 on Southwest Fajitas and Cajun Shrimp! 273 00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:03,566 And that check... That check will be marginally less expensive! 274 00:14:03,642 --> 00:14:05,542 Yeah! Yeah! 275 00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:08,739 Now they're probably gonna have to pay full price for that meal. 276 00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:12,414 Nick. 277 00:14:12,484 --> 00:14:15,715 - You are so sweet. But I just... - Good news is... 278 00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:19,246 it doesn't really matter if it takes my groin pull a little longer to heal... 279 00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:22,761 so may as well start having sex again. 280 00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:25,160 - Listening. - Sickening. 281 00:14:25,231 --> 00:14:26,220 Exiting. 282 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,568 - Nick... - Huh? 283 00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:34,401 I just, uh... 284 00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:36,771 I... 285 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:38,942 - Hmm? - Um... 286 00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:41,502 - Mm-hmm? - Uh... Oh, God. 287 00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:45,607 - What do you think? - Oh. 288 00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:50,553 - I think I am suddenly in the mood for something hot. - Oh, I see. 289 00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:52,113 Sounds like I should order some cappuccinos. 290 00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:55,160 - Wait, don't talk till tomorrow morning. - Okay. 291 00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:57,024 She can't go home with you, Nick. 292 00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:58,620 - Barney! - Why not? 293 00:14:58,697 --> 00:15:01,757 Because Robin and I are in love. 294 00:15:07,506 --> 00:15:10,168 Barney, what are you doing here? 295 00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:12,836 Taking care of something you clearly can't do on your own. 296 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,107 I'm sorry, but you and Robin are done. 297 00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:16,613 What? Robin, what is this? 298 00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:19,776 Uh, Barney, look, I know what you're doing, okay? Please stop. 299 00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:23,015 Robin doesn't want to hurt your feelings because you're a nice guy. 300 00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:26,455 But she thinks you're stupid, and she hates you. You're welcome. 301 00:15:26,525 --> 00:15:29,187 - Stop doing this. - I love her, Nick. 302 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:30,853 Look, he doesn't love me. 303 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,625 He's just saying this because he thinks that... 304 00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:35,826 I love everything about her. And I'm not a guy who says that lightly. 305 00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:38,335 I'm a guy who has faked love his entire life. 306 00:15:38,404 --> 00:15:41,373 I thought love was just something idiots thought they felt. 307 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:45,467 But this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to. 308 00:15:45,544 --> 00:15:48,741 And there have been times that I wanted to. 309 00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:53,581 It has been overwhelming and humbling... 310 00:15:53,652 --> 00:15:56,849 and even painful at times. 311 00:15:56,922 --> 00:16:00,050 But I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing. 312 00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:05,357 I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her. 313 00:16:06,665 --> 00:16:09,327 More than she knows. 314 00:16:14,006 --> 00:16:16,566 Robin, is this true? 315 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,775 You heard him. 316 00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,541 Oh, wow. 317 00:16:23,615 --> 00:16:27,346 It feels like I have a pulled groin muscle... in my heart. 318 00:16:27,419 --> 00:16:29,182 Nick, I... I'm so sorry. 319 00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:31,449 I just think that maybe... 320 00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:33,252 Pardon me... 321 00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:36,089 but did you just also get your heart broken? 322 00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:38,095 Yes. 323 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:42,224 I just got my heart broken too! 324 00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:46,897 Well, do the... the two of you wanna come back to my place? 325 00:16:46,972 --> 00:16:48,701 Yes! 326 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:55,245 Thus concluded the autumn of breakups. 327 00:16:55,314 --> 00:16:56,747 Wow. 328 00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:58,373 Crazy, right? 329 00:16:58,450 --> 00:17:03,012 Yeah. You know what'd be really crazy? If all of 'em got it on. 330 00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:06,922 Barney, Robin, Nick and those two women. 331 00:17:06,992 --> 00:17:10,985 And you just know Nadia's watching in the corner with her pet snake. 332 00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:12,928 Okay, why aren't you two having sex? 333 00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:15,796 - What? - Excuse me? 334 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,530 Lily has been slobbering over Robin's sex life... 335 00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:22,062 like a cartoon hobo watching a pie cool on a windowsill. 336 00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:25,702 And you... The only other time you've ever exercised this seriously... 337 00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,643 was when Lily had mono freshman year... 338 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:31,171 and I caught you doing one-armed push-ups with your genitals over a bowl of ice. 339 00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:34,981 So when did you stop doing it and why? 340 00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:38,456 It was, you know... 341 00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:40,651 before Marvin was born. 342 00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,250 What? The... That's insane. 343 00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:45,660 Well, you have to wait a while after having a kid, and... 344 00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:47,926 and then you're exhausted from being up all night. 345 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,197 And then this uncanny phenomenon began. 346 00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:15,820 Wow. You guys gotta fix this. 347 00:18:15,894 --> 00:18:19,159 It's not that easy. I... 348 00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:23,194 Ted, having a kid changes things. 349 00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:27,671 You don't have the time or energy. You're never alone. 350 00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,909 - Come here. - What are you doing? 351 00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:36,209 Taking Marvin for a walk so you guys can have some privacy. 352 00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,839 Oh. Ted, come on. 353 00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:39,713 That's-That's just not the way that it works. 354 00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:42,879 Yeah, it's not like we can have sex on cue. 355 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,650 Yeah, I'll give you guys plenty of time. 356 00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:46,748 Maybe I'll even swing by the gym... 357 00:18:46,825 --> 00:18:49,692 show Marvin where his Uncle Ted made the shot. 358 00:18:49,761 --> 00:18:52,753 If I'm late, it's 'cause I've been delayed by autograph seekers. 359 00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:56,826 Whoop. Forgot Marvin's diaper bag. 360 00:18:56,902 --> 00:19:00,099 Yowza! Ooh! Okay. 361 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:05,538 And the Oscar for Best Fake Romantic Speech goes to Barney Stinson. 362 00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:07,806 I'd like to thank all the ladies over the years... 363 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,041 with whom I've practiced fake romantic speeches. 364 00:19:10,115 --> 00:19:13,915 And, of course, Robin Scherbatsky for being so hypnotized by hog... 365 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,647 that she needed me to come and save her. 366 00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:17,916 You know what? I didn't need your help. 367 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:21,892 You were this close to ripping off his misbuttoned shirt... 368 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,155 and pulling down his inside-out underpants. 369 00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:28,627 I'll give you this. You were pretty convincing. 370 00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:31,362 Hey, tricking good-looking idiots is kind of my thing. 371 00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:33,199 No. 372 00:19:34,706 --> 00:19:38,142 I mean, you were really convincing. 373 00:19:41,446 --> 00:19:43,937 Please. I was broing you out. 374 00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:46,981 I'm just glad he bought it so quick. 375 00:19:47,052 --> 00:19:50,044 Any longer, I'd have had to kiss you. 376 00:19:58,230 --> 00:20:00,630 - Hello. - Whoo! Oh, my God, Robin. BFF Fun Day! 377 00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:03,634 - That's the most amazing thing ever. You totally read my mind. - Hey, Patrice. 378 00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:07,433 - That's exactly what I wanna do for my birthday. I just... - Oh. You got the invite. Great. 379 00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:10,634 - Uh, yeah. Uh, let me call you back. - This is so fantastic! 380 00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:14,167 - I can't even catch my breath! Yay! Yay! Yay! - Mm-hmm. Yeah. 381 00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:17,511 You know what I forgot to do? 382 00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:22,213 ♪ Like a fool, I went and stayed too long ♪ 383 00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:25,313 ♪ Now I'm wondering if your love's still strong ♪ 384 00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:28,325 ♪ Ooh, baby Here I am ♪ 385 00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:31,829 ♪ Signed, sealed, delivered I'm yours ♪ ♪ 386 00:20:36,301 --> 00:20:39,793 Hey, T-Squares. Well, bad news. 387 00:20:39,871 --> 00:20:44,399 Heard back from the league office. My shot is not gonna count. 388 00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:46,535 But onwards and upwards, right? 389 00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:49,638 What did you cats wanna rap about? Hmm? 390 00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:52,513 Listen, Coach. You're great. 391 00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:56,281 And we all really want to stay friends. 392 00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:01,121 I can change. I can... 393 00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:04,424 Come on, we... We had some good times. 394 00:21:04,496 --> 00:21:06,487 Things have been weird lately. 395 00:21:07,699 --> 00:21:10,190 Is there another architect? Just tell me. 31732

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