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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,536 Wait a second. 2 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,205 There's a recording device under here. 3 00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:38,606 Oh, is there really? 4 00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:40,374 You're not even playing. 5 00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:49,550 ♪ Smart ♪ 6 00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:51,085 ♪ Less ♪ 7 00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:55,756 ♪ Smart ♪ 8 00:00:56,357 --> 00:00:57,258 ♪ Less ♪ 9 00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:11,605 Sean, too rock-n-roll? 10 00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:12,740 Do I look like-- 11 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:15,143 ♪ No-no-no... No, no, no... ♪ 12 00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:16,444 ♪ Oh, yeah! ♪ 13 00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:19,947 They're doing a remake of Pretty Women, 14 00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:21,915 but with the guy. So, he's the guy. 15 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,784 But do I look like Chrissie Hynde? 16 00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,453 I don't wanna look like Chrissie Hynde. 17 00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:26,520 You look like one of those things, 18 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,289 like you come in, with your shades on, you go... 19 00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:31,159 ♪ Oh, yeah... Ba-da-ba-bum ♪ 20 00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:34,762 ♪ Ba-da-ba-ba-bum ♪ 21 00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:37,165 ♪ Chik... chik... kah ♪ 22 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,635 I wear what I'm told. 23 00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:44,338 ♪ Na-na-na... Cool dad ♪ 24 00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:47,675 ♪ Da-da-da... I'm young ♪ 25 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,413 So, I'm trying to figure out 26 00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:54,248 should I bring my sister on first? 27 00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:55,183 Should I bring her in the middle? 28 00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:56,584 Should I bring her in the end? 29 00:01:56,584 --> 00:01:57,985 Does she wanna come out at all? 30 00:01:57,985 --> 00:01:59,587 My guess is, she doesn't wanna do any of it. 31 00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:01,989 She just wants to wave and say, "Hello" if anything. 32 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,857 But I'm gonna try and convince her to come out and maybe do 33 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,193 little bit at the top. But if I... 34 00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:07,561 If I lead them to believe 35 00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:09,863 that she's actually the mystery guest, 36 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,599 I feel like they may go on too long. 37 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:13,234 They may be so enthralled 38 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:16,570 with beating the shit out of me in the best way... 39 00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:20,741 that I can't get in there to get her... you know what I mean? 40 00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:23,577 Wait, are you doing a private testimonial? 41 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,846 Yeah. I've been doing them this entire time. 42 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,748 You like that stuff? 43 00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,049 No, I don't want them to think that 44 00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:30,584 - we were rude and we didn't try everything. - Yeah. 45 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,887 - Mmm-hmm. Oh, wow. - These are so good. 46 00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:35,823 Just half? Samuel? 47 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,226 You already put it in your mouth. 48 00:02:38,226 --> 00:02:39,927 - Yeah, I'm not gonna eat that. - Why would you eat that? 49 00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:40,961 Mmm... 50 00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:44,865 I'll give you one anyway. 51 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:47,301 Did you wear any of this before? 52 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:49,737 And it's all in black. 53 00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:51,071 Shoes and pants. 54 00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:53,274 - It's what? All black? - Mmm-hmm. 55 00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:55,142 - Good for you. - You want all black like that? 56 00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:56,277 Well, why not? I mean... 57 00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,045 like there was a navy work in there. 58 00:02:58,045 --> 00:02:59,547 These are actually olive pants... 59 00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:01,582 - Mmm-hmm. - ...that were... 60 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,016 on the sheet. 61 00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:05,953 And, um... 62 00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,488 - I don't think it was happening. - Mmm-hmm. 63 00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:09,122 And brown boots... 64 00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:10,824 The brown boots have no tread. 65 00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:13,026 And since we're going into weather, 66 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,728 I thought, I don't wanna fall on my ass. 67 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,063 The, um... 68 00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,399 So you don't want this last one? 69 00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:20,968 The brown shoes with the whole black outfit, 70 00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:23,271 that would've been a nightmare. 71 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,040 Is that your second one? 72 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,676 Yeah. There's a whole other bag of 'em. 73 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,979 - You needed two? - I did. 74 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:34,415 - One didn't do it? - No. 75 00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:37,885 I'm going on stage. I need to watch my weight. 76 00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:40,354 I feel like I've put on some weight on this tour. 77 00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:42,823 My body dysmorphia... 78 00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,792 which has been aided by my friend... 79 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,628 Yeah, I'm sorry. 80 00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:49,530 Um... 81 00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:51,932 ...is pretty bad. 82 00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:55,436 I'm a pig. He's right. 83 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:58,038 I'm an animal. 84 00:03:58,038 --> 00:04:00,774 And I barely deserve to be on this planet. 85 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:02,743 - Yeah, I need to lose, like, ten pounds. - No. 86 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,478 - No, I do. I do. - I don't think so. 87 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,680 But you know, I got three kids... 88 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,616 The way they eat... the kind of food that they like... 89 00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:10,318 I'd do a pretty good job, but also... 90 00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:13,020 I don't wanna be depriving them of... 91 00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:16,690 fun and being a kid and having... 92 00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:20,027 Yeah, fruit loops is so fun. 93 00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:22,630 'Cause I don't want... they're gonna have eating disorders 94 00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:25,333 and have a lot of issues with it. 95 00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:27,200 And their relationship with food will be fucked up. 96 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,102 You don't think eating healthy 97 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,372 can exist without an eating disorder? 98 00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:33,974 It can. But it's a lot of talking about it. 99 00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,710 Well, sometimes, it takes repetition 100 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:37,811 to really grind it in. 101 00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,347 I know I need it. 102 00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:40,981 Okay, Great Santini. 103 00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:48,489 Hi, come on in. 104 00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:52,560 Oh, I forgot this. 105 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:53,661 Bye, thank you. 106 00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:56,196 Hey, I got a look at your sheets. 107 00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:57,965 I hope left a tip for that. 108 00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,367 Yeah, I put it on your card. 109 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:01,802 Hi. 110 00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:05,573 - Hilarious. - Really funny. 111 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,240 Um... 112 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:08,776 I find myself in a really good rhythm 113 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:09,777 with this travel thing. 114 00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,445 I usually don't like traveling, 115 00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,381 but... 116 00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:16,817 checking in, checking out, zipping up, zipping out... 117 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,719 - Um... - What, when... 118 00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:21,589 on tour, you really, how you don't do anything? 119 00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:23,924 I guess that's the part that's feeling kind of smooth. 120 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,794 By the way, you know we're on LSD, right? 121 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,596 - Right now? Still. - Yeah. Like short drive. 122 00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,098 Oh, God. Thank God. 123 00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,133 You got me so worried that I as on acid. 124 00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:35,636 Huh... 125 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,407 - Hello. - Hi. 126 00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:40,841 I haven't sat in this seat yet. 127 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,109 - Oh... - Thank you. 128 00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:43,677 - Huh... - Is the flight only half an hour? 129 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,178 - Yeah. - If that. 130 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,848 And we're not getting higher than 300 feet off the ground. 131 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,149 We're actually taking the highway. 132 00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,657 So, I go to Safari 133 00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:57,991 and I just type in Wordle. 134 00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,194 Every time. 135 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,630 "A daily word game." 136 00:06:10,438 --> 00:06:12,706 Oh, work it, Will. 137 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,207 Really concentrate, bro 138 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,677 and see if you can figure it out. 139 00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:18,245 He thinks that if he thinks hard enough, 140 00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:19,447 it'll come to him 141 00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:21,449 what the five-letter word is today. 142 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:24,452 Stupid ass. 143 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:26,920 Just start with something. 144 00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:28,656 Oof... 145 00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:30,691 Not a good start. 146 00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,626 I got one in the wrong place. 147 00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:34,294 I got two in the wrong place. 148 00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:36,797 And now I have three all in the wrong place. 149 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,469 I'm doing real bad. 150 00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:42,903 Guys, I got it in five. 151 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,472 Does anybody want hints? 152 00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:46,173 Ah, fuck. I got it in four, but... 153 00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:48,208 What? 154 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:49,910 Oh, I did this one last night. 155 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,912 And I didn't remember it took me four tries. 156 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:54,314 You guys both got it in four? 157 00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,149 Yeah. 158 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:58,786 Well, I'm new at this. Watch your soda pop. 159 00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:00,087 Guys, we're blasting off. 160 00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,989 Guys, we're blasting. 161 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,292 And welcome to Madison. 162 00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,164 Thanks, guys. 163 00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,336 - Hello... good. How are ya? - Hi, how are you? 164 00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:18,238 - I'm Sean. - Oh, look at this. 165 00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:28,015 Oh, my God. 166 00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:31,418 Who me? 167 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:33,687 What? 168 00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:36,824 - Sean, you have pulled up the Waze... - On the Waze... 169 00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,058 ...you are on a bus. 170 00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:39,693 Hmm... 171 00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:42,095 It is an exercise in powerlessness, Sean. 172 00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:44,331 No, I know. Yeah. Okay. 173 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,407 So glad we didn't do three hours in here, I'm already carsick. 174 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:55,909 Yeah, I know. 175 00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:58,078 It's a nice bus. 176 00:07:58,078 --> 00:07:59,613 How much further do we have, Sean? 177 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:00,814 12 minutes. 178 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:06,086 What if I open this and somebody was in there? 179 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,121 - Like your dad? - Oh, God. 180 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,558 Oi. Where are you based out of? 181 00:08:11,559 --> 00:08:13,594 Oh, yeah? 182 00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,128 Where did you sleep last night? 183 00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,097 At a hotel just south of Chicago. 184 00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:18,632 Why didn't you just sleep in here? 185 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,168 No shower in here? 186 00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:24,171 Ah... 187 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,373 - I get it. - There's the capital building. 188 00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:28,976 The famous Madison Capital. 189 00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:31,579 It's the capital of Wisconsin, you fucking moron. 190 00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:41,188 These are the longest ten minutes in the world. Right? 191 00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:43,957 A watched pot never boils. 192 00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,859 - Five minutes. - What did he say? 193 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:46,894 Bang! 194 00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:48,996 That's how quick. 195 00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:50,497 You notice I went right for the end of the chin, 196 00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:51,699 the furthest point from the top of the head. 197 00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:54,968 That's how you knock a guy out. 198 00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:56,970 This is what they taught you in fight camp? 199 00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,739 No, this is what they taught me in life. 200 00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:02,976 There's a frozen lake. 201 00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:07,414 Huh? Which lake is that, smart guy? 202 00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:09,817 This is Lake Mendota. 203 00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:11,619 - Is it one of the Great Lakes? - No. 204 00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:15,122 Is it in the Great Lake system? 205 00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:16,624 Lake Mendota. No... 206 00:09:16,624 --> 00:09:17,858 - Great Lakes? - ...like this. 207 00:09:19,627 --> 00:09:22,395 No, the Great Lakes are to the east of here. 208 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,831 And that would be Michigan 209 00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:26,266 and also to the north of here would be Superior. 210 00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:31,304 And we're definitely not in, like, a big city. 211 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,675 Should we push the show back, maybe? 212 00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:39,012 Nothing would make traveling more exciting. 213 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:46,276 These guys are out there 214 00:09:46,276 --> 00:09:48,678 - fishing a bit. - Are they? 215 00:09:48,678 --> 00:09:50,680 Those two fellows are deep. 216 00:09:51,647 --> 00:09:53,216 Oh, fuck. 217 00:09:53,216 --> 00:09:54,884 We got bass. We got perch. 218 00:09:54,884 --> 00:09:56,852 We got fucking Northern pike. 219 00:09:56,852 --> 00:09:58,788 We got fucking it all, eh? 220 00:09:58,788 --> 00:10:02,225 Yeah, really fat fish swimming this time of year. 221 00:10:02,225 --> 00:10:03,526 Like, I'll tell you what, 222 00:10:03,526 --> 00:10:04,760 you get on your snow machine, 223 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,130 you can get out there and get going pretty good, you know? 224 00:10:07,130 --> 00:10:09,165 That's for sure. 225 00:10:09,165 --> 00:10:10,333 You hungry, Scotty? 226 00:10:10,333 --> 00:10:11,334 Look what I prepared for you. 227 00:10:11,334 --> 00:10:12,735 Oh, thank you. Welcome. 228 00:10:13,103 --> 00:10:14,370 Edgewater... 229 00:10:14,370 --> 00:10:16,239 Edgewater. We're out on the edge of the water. Do you get it? 230 00:10:19,242 --> 00:10:20,743 Oh, people are walking right there. 231 00:10:21,944 --> 00:10:24,314 Let's get out there. 232 00:10:24,314 --> 00:10:25,581 Have you ever walked to the lake before? 233 00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:27,083 - No. Have you? - Yeah. 234 00:10:27,083 --> 00:10:28,584 I don't need the yeah. 235 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:31,721 It's the best. 236 00:10:31,721 --> 00:10:32,988 Well, let's do it. 237 00:10:32,988 --> 00:10:34,690 When would we get another chance? 238 00:10:34,690 --> 00:10:36,992 You guys, we're at the edge of the water. 239 00:10:36,992 --> 00:10:39,195 Look at all the people walking out here on the ice. 240 00:10:39,195 --> 00:10:40,930 Oh, my God. They're walking on the ice? 241 00:10:40,930 --> 00:10:42,098 What are they doing? 242 00:10:42,098 --> 00:10:43,099 Why would they do this? 243 00:10:43,099 --> 00:10:44,567 Look. There're stairs right there. 244 00:10:44,567 --> 00:10:46,202 It's part of the hotel. 245 00:10:47,903 --> 00:10:49,639 I mean, they got hockey nets out there. 246 00:10:50,306 --> 00:10:51,507 Fuckin' where? oh, fuck... 247 00:10:51,507 --> 00:10:54,076 They got a rink out there. Oh, shit. 248 00:10:54,076 --> 00:10:55,578 Let's check it out there and walk. 249 00:10:55,578 --> 00:10:56,812 I'm going out there and walking. 250 00:10:59,515 --> 00:11:01,351 Did we press the right one? 251 00:11:01,351 --> 00:11:03,253 You pressed one? Oh, you did! 252 00:11:03,253 --> 00:11:04,754 Oh... 253 00:11:04,754 --> 00:11:08,023 You got your sunglasses on for a fucking arctic day? 254 00:11:08,023 --> 00:11:10,160 There hasn't been sun here for a week. 255 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:11,794 'Cause I didn't want to get that look. 256 00:11:11,794 --> 00:11:13,629 Which is this shit look. 257 00:11:17,933 --> 00:11:19,969 Sean. Back me up on this. 258 00:11:24,474 --> 00:11:25,441 Oh... 259 00:11:25,441 --> 00:11:27,443 - Is this correct? - Yeah. 260 00:11:27,443 --> 00:11:30,480 No. Not one, you dummy. 261 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,682 Well, where does everyone else 262 00:11:32,682 --> 00:11:34,184 put their bottom floor? 263 00:11:35,185 --> 00:11:36,219 What? 264 00:11:37,487 --> 00:11:39,722 Where was the main floor that we got off? 265 00:11:39,722 --> 00:11:41,191 Oh, the star, the six... 266 00:11:41,191 --> 00:11:43,893 - Seven. - That's why it was a short elevator ride. 267 00:11:43,893 --> 00:11:46,329 - You're so dumb. - Yeah... well... 268 00:11:48,864 --> 00:11:51,000 Oh, my God. I can smell how dumb you are. 269 00:11:51,401 --> 00:11:52,968 Six. 270 00:11:52,968 --> 00:11:55,371 Who builds the first floor at number six? 271 00:11:55,371 --> 00:11:57,273 - 'Cause it's on a hill. - Oh, yes. 272 00:12:01,411 --> 00:12:03,913 - Four. - Oh, my gosh. 273 00:12:03,913 --> 00:12:06,449 I've never gotten off one elevator... 274 00:12:06,449 --> 00:12:08,318 so many times. 275 00:12:08,318 --> 00:12:10,653 Three... big idiots. 276 00:12:12,455 --> 00:12:14,724 Why wouldn't you bring your gloves on this? 277 00:12:14,724 --> 00:12:16,559 I know. They're in my bag. 278 00:12:18,228 --> 00:12:19,862 I really hope one of us falls on the ice. 279 00:12:21,030 --> 00:12:22,532 I really hope one of us doesn't. 280 00:12:26,769 --> 00:12:30,139 Hi. Which way do we go for a lake-walk? 281 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:31,507 A lake-walk. Absolutely. 282 00:12:31,507 --> 00:12:33,042 Like on to the ice? 283 00:12:36,379 --> 00:12:37,513 And it's safe? 284 00:12:40,950 --> 00:12:41,851 Look at this. 285 00:12:42,885 --> 00:12:43,953 Guys, I'm cold. 286 00:12:46,021 --> 00:12:48,157 You got really good shoes on for this, Willie. 287 00:12:48,258 --> 00:12:49,425 Yup. 288 00:12:49,425 --> 00:12:51,694 Plus, I'm not a pussy, 'cause I'm Canadian. 289 00:12:51,694 --> 00:12:55,164 By the way, this place is fucking rad. 290 00:12:55,265 --> 00:12:57,267 I bet in the summer, this will be a great spot to sit down 291 00:12:57,267 --> 00:12:59,302 and have a couple of cold ones, bud. 292 00:13:02,438 --> 00:13:03,773 Wow, this is pretty cool. 293 00:13:05,708 --> 00:13:07,277 Smash cut. 294 00:13:07,277 --> 00:13:09,712 Send me the rope! 295 00:13:09,712 --> 00:13:12,282 Just throw the rope! 296 00:13:12,282 --> 00:13:14,284 I can't feel... 297 00:13:16,118 --> 00:13:17,820 Oh, my God. Can you imagine? 298 00:13:20,323 --> 00:13:22,358 This doesn't scare you? 299 00:13:22,358 --> 00:13:24,727 Yeah. Wait till I fall on my ass 300 00:13:24,727 --> 00:13:26,396 in my dumbass boots. 301 00:13:28,798 --> 00:13:31,166 Leave you hands available for slipping. 302 00:13:32,802 --> 00:13:34,304 This is so scary. 303 00:13:35,671 --> 00:13:37,940 Hang out and play with the crack right there. 304 00:13:37,940 --> 00:13:40,376 - Oh, I do that every night. - Hey-oh. 305 00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:44,414 Wait, we're walking on the lake. 306 00:13:44,414 --> 00:13:45,681 This is so crazy. 307 00:13:47,317 --> 00:13:48,484 It's wet. 308 00:13:48,484 --> 00:13:50,052 It's pretty frozen. 309 00:13:50,052 --> 00:13:52,622 What is that game over there? What is that thing? 310 00:13:52,622 --> 00:13:54,089 - Hockey. - It is? 311 00:13:54,089 --> 00:13:55,525 Why is it wet? 312 00:13:55,525 --> 00:13:57,627 - Does that mean it's thinner? - Yeah, 'cause they fucking... 313 00:13:57,627 --> 00:13:59,094 smooth is over or whatever. 314 00:13:59,094 --> 00:14:00,330 How do you smooth it? 315 00:14:00,330 --> 00:14:01,864 Does that mean when you walk on there, you fall in? 316 00:14:01,864 --> 00:14:03,333 Probably not. 317 00:14:03,333 --> 00:14:04,700 Let's go, check it out, Sean. 318 00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:07,370 I don't wanna keep walking that way. 319 00:14:07,370 --> 00:14:09,238 Are you nervous? 320 00:14:09,339 --> 00:14:11,674 Yeah, I don't wanna walk where it's slushy. 321 00:14:11,674 --> 00:14:12,942 We're in the middle of the fucking lake. 322 00:14:20,450 --> 00:14:22,117 What a bully. 323 00:14:25,721 --> 00:14:26,689 Oh, God. 324 00:14:36,566 --> 00:14:38,167 No. No. 325 00:14:38,167 --> 00:14:39,435 It's your turn, sister. 326 00:14:39,435 --> 00:14:41,771 No, I talk my problems out. 327 00:14:41,771 --> 00:14:43,072 I gotta go. Freezing. 328 00:14:43,072 --> 00:14:44,507 - Where you going? - It's cold! 329 00:14:44,507 --> 00:14:46,442 Yeah, let's not ruin a good thing, all right? 330 00:14:46,442 --> 00:14:48,378 - Oh, that's it? - Congrats, guys. 331 00:14:49,111 --> 00:14:51,447 The term is "Indoor Cats". 332 00:14:51,447 --> 00:14:53,749 Wait. Everybody stop for a second. 333 00:14:53,749 --> 00:14:56,218 - Okay. - We need dance music. 334 00:14:56,218 --> 00:14:57,453 Scotty, can you help? 335 00:14:58,421 --> 00:15:00,756 This is the dance move my sister taught me 336 00:15:00,756 --> 00:15:02,992 before my fourth grade dance. 337 00:15:02,992 --> 00:15:05,395 And then when I got out on the dance floor, 338 00:15:05,395 --> 00:15:07,930 the girl said, "Is that the only step you know?" 339 00:15:07,930 --> 00:15:09,865 She walked off the dance floor 340 00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:11,801 - and I've never danced since. - Oh... 341 00:15:11,801 --> 00:15:13,035 - Is that true? - That's a true story. 342 00:15:13,035 --> 00:15:14,537 - Really? - ♪ Everybody dance now ♪ 343 00:15:22,412 --> 00:15:24,079 ♪ Give me the music ♪ 344 00:15:26,582 --> 00:15:28,183 ♪ Give me the music ♪ 345 00:15:29,519 --> 00:15:31,554 ♪ Everybody dance now ♪ 346 00:15:36,926 --> 00:15:38,728 I can't. Okay, we're done. 347 00:15:43,922 --> 00:15:45,090 Let's see how this guy did. 348 00:15:47,359 --> 00:15:49,494 Oh yeah, Okay. Well, we're gonna get you out there. 349 00:15:49,494 --> 00:15:51,229 This and that and that. 350 00:15:51,229 --> 00:15:52,530 And that. 351 00:15:54,099 --> 00:15:55,733 To be able to do that all... 352 00:15:55,733 --> 00:15:57,269 at a nuclear power plant... 353 00:15:59,404 --> 00:16:01,639 By the way, he's holding the Norwegian flag 354 00:16:01,639 --> 00:16:02,607 as he does it. 355 00:16:05,177 --> 00:16:06,711 - We got food coming. - Did you order? 356 00:16:09,948 --> 00:16:11,449 I got a salad. 357 00:16:11,449 --> 00:16:12,684 I sure did. 358 00:16:18,623 --> 00:16:21,259 Do you know the expression, "Can't win"? 359 00:16:21,259 --> 00:16:22,294 Yeah. 360 00:16:26,098 --> 00:16:28,333 By the way, she said 06:45 361 00:16:28,333 --> 00:16:29,434 and it's 06:45. 362 00:16:29,434 --> 00:16:30,802 Now, thank you, professor. 363 00:16:34,306 --> 00:16:36,774 "According to my calculations 364 00:16:36,774 --> 00:16:38,977 Madison should have never been built." 365 00:16:40,345 --> 00:16:42,948 "Uh... The table water level 366 00:16:42,948 --> 00:16:46,051 is much too high, I said." 367 00:16:46,051 --> 00:16:47,920 - Oh, my gosh. - Oh, my God. There she is. 368 00:16:51,990 --> 00:16:53,025 Hold on. 369 00:17:02,334 --> 00:17:04,602 What are we gonna find out that you dripped... 370 00:17:04,602 --> 00:17:06,171 into tonight? 371 00:17:17,282 --> 00:17:19,684 That's what... here's your fried chicken salad. 372 00:17:20,418 --> 00:17:21,786 Oh... 373 00:17:21,786 --> 00:17:23,088 That's such an oxymoron. 374 00:17:23,088 --> 00:17:24,456 He didn't ask me what kind of salad 375 00:17:24,456 --> 00:17:26,758 - and I was just waiting... - Oh, look they put a funny... 376 00:17:26,758 --> 00:17:28,160 cock on your thing. 377 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,963 - You know, it's W-A-asshole. - They think you're a dickhead. 378 00:17:33,831 --> 00:17:36,268 When you order fried chicken salad, 379 00:17:36,268 --> 00:17:37,835 it's gotta be a dickhead. 380 00:17:37,835 --> 00:17:40,038 Hey, fuck off, dude. 381 00:17:42,274 --> 00:17:44,076 You don't need to turn it over, by the way. 382 00:17:44,076 --> 00:17:46,144 Thank you. Thank you. 383 00:17:46,144 --> 00:17:47,312 I'm not gonna turn it over. 384 00:17:48,046 --> 00:17:49,181 Only thing I'm turning over 385 00:17:49,181 --> 00:17:50,582 is my will to the power of God. 386 00:17:50,582 --> 00:17:51,849 Thank you so much. 387 00:17:51,849 --> 00:17:53,151 - Thank you... - Second meal? 388 00:17:53,151 --> 00:17:55,988 - Oh... - Oh, girl. 389 00:17:55,988 --> 00:17:58,556 ♪ You'd be in trouble If you ate my fries... ♪ 390 00:18:01,994 --> 00:18:04,396 - Oh, they put cheese on it... - I'm confused. 391 00:18:04,396 --> 00:18:06,264 This is the specialty? 392 00:18:09,634 --> 00:18:11,069 It's just meat. 393 00:18:11,069 --> 00:18:12,370 I'm so sorry. 394 00:18:12,370 --> 00:18:14,139 This fucking salad is delicious. 395 00:18:16,641 --> 00:18:19,244 How did you get lettuce and tomato on all the stuff of yours? 396 00:18:19,244 --> 00:18:21,113 - I don't know. - Want some ketch? 397 00:18:21,546 --> 00:18:22,880 I got that. 398 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:24,216 I got some waffle fries. 399 00:18:25,817 --> 00:18:26,918 I wanna trade you my waffle fries 400 00:18:27,019 --> 00:18:27,919 for the rest of your salad. 401 00:18:28,486 --> 00:18:29,454 Nope. 402 00:18:30,822 --> 00:18:32,424 You're still bummed. 403 00:18:32,424 --> 00:18:34,492 And you ribbed me and everything and now you're really jealous. 404 00:18:36,161 --> 00:18:38,730 I realize I can't have all this gluten. 405 00:18:38,730 --> 00:18:40,265 I'll shit my pants in the middle of the interview. 406 00:18:40,265 --> 00:18:43,435 I'm praying for that. 407 00:18:43,435 --> 00:18:46,138 Thanks, man. 408 00:18:48,406 --> 00:18:50,375 I'd tell ya, I eat... 409 00:18:50,375 --> 00:18:53,545 Try to fucking get it down your hole 410 00:18:53,545 --> 00:18:54,946 and then communicate. 411 00:19:01,453 --> 00:19:04,556 While his mouth is full. 412 00:19:04,556 --> 00:19:06,424 While his fucking mouth is full. 413 00:19:07,225 --> 00:19:08,393 My lips are longer. 414 00:19:10,228 --> 00:19:11,163 My lips are longer. 415 00:19:11,163 --> 00:19:12,364 No, you just got a bigger mouth. 416 00:19:14,066 --> 00:19:15,733 - Semantics. - Waffle fries. 417 00:19:15,733 --> 00:19:16,868 Tremendous. 418 00:19:16,868 --> 00:19:19,237 To me, second only to onion rings. 419 00:19:19,237 --> 00:19:21,706 - Curly fries. - What's the difference? They're all... 420 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:24,109 It's all a fried potato. 421 00:19:25,777 --> 00:19:27,079 What do you mean, "What's the difference?" 422 00:19:27,079 --> 00:19:29,081 It's the shape and the seasoning, Sean. 423 00:19:29,081 --> 00:19:31,483 And the curly fry is able to get crispier 424 00:19:31,483 --> 00:19:33,618 than the waffle fry, because it's leaner. 425 00:19:34,586 --> 00:19:35,987 - I admit it. - A leaner cut. 426 00:19:36,088 --> 00:19:37,089 So, I'm crispier. 427 00:19:38,623 --> 00:19:41,226 Do you know that he teaches fries at Cal State Fullerton? 428 00:19:43,361 --> 00:19:44,929 I feel like I might need to take a shower 429 00:19:44,929 --> 00:19:45,797 after that burger. 430 00:19:50,135 --> 00:19:51,369 I got stuff caught in my teeth. 431 00:19:53,238 --> 00:19:55,607 He showers after he eats. 432 00:20:02,214 --> 00:20:05,450 Yeah. 433 00:20:05,450 --> 00:20:07,352 I can't believe you do that, too. 434 00:20:07,352 --> 00:20:09,053 I do it exactly the same. 435 00:20:09,053 --> 00:20:10,888 I've never heard more talk about like... 436 00:20:10,888 --> 00:20:12,624 shower and the thing and what we do and... 437 00:20:12,624 --> 00:20:13,891 Blah, blah, blah, blah... never heard more. 438 00:20:15,593 --> 00:20:18,096 Um, Jason, Jason... 439 00:20:18,096 --> 00:20:21,032 Phone, headphones, TV, everything... 440 00:20:21,032 --> 00:20:23,335 ba-da-da-da-da... constantly... 441 00:20:24,269 --> 00:20:26,238 Don't touch my shit. 442 00:20:26,238 --> 00:20:29,241 Constant... just stuff coming in at all times. 443 00:20:29,241 --> 00:20:31,476 How about sitting with yourself? 444 00:20:31,476 --> 00:20:32,977 Is that too scary? 445 00:20:34,279 --> 00:20:36,148 You've tried it, right? 446 00:20:36,148 --> 00:20:37,315 You've sat with me. 447 00:20:39,684 --> 00:20:40,952 I'll be back. 448 00:20:40,952 --> 00:20:43,855 Uh-oh... somebody just... are you having a contraction? 449 00:20:46,591 --> 00:20:48,626 - Is he gonna poo? - He better not. 450 00:21:08,736 --> 00:21:10,838 The hair is not really happening tonight. 451 00:21:12,072 --> 00:21:13,674 I should have brought the other piece. 452 00:21:16,010 --> 00:21:17,712 Rock Dad. 453 00:21:17,712 --> 00:21:19,714 "Hey, kids. Hey, gang. I'm Rock Dad. 454 00:21:20,948 --> 00:21:23,317 I'm gonna get a pretty rad new Harley." 455 00:21:23,317 --> 00:21:25,152 - Hey. - Hi, how are you? Are we ready? 456 00:21:25,152 --> 00:21:26,887 - Let's go, Sean. - Let's go. Let's go. 457 00:21:26,887 --> 00:21:28,188 Is it... are we... 458 00:21:28,623 --> 00:21:29,957 Hi! 459 00:21:31,091 --> 00:21:33,628 I'll see you out there. 460 00:21:33,628 --> 00:21:35,630 - Oh, God. - I hope. Only if you feel it. 461 00:21:35,630 --> 00:21:36,831 It's your decision. 462 00:21:36,831 --> 00:21:38,766 Don't you let Sean force you. 463 00:21:42,703 --> 00:21:44,104 Take your time with the house lights. 464 00:21:44,104 --> 00:21:45,105 - Oh, wait. - Yeah. 465 00:21:45,105 --> 00:21:46,874 - Oh... oh, wait. - Um... 466 00:21:46,874 --> 00:21:48,709 Take your time with the house lights. 467 00:21:48,709 --> 00:21:51,011 - Wait. I think we're on right now. - Oh... 468 00:21:51,011 --> 00:21:52,947 - We should... yeah... - Okay, so... 469 00:21:52,947 --> 00:21:54,248 No flash photography. 470 00:21:54,248 --> 00:21:55,549 Don't use your fucking cellphones. 471 00:21:55,650 --> 00:21:58,485 Don't record, have a good time... 472 00:21:58,485 --> 00:22:00,520 say hi to your neighbor. 473 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:05,325 And this is SmartLess! 474 00:22:05,325 --> 00:22:06,927 Hello, Madison! 475 00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:13,367 Whoo! 476 00:22:14,869 --> 00:22:16,503 We... 477 00:22:16,503 --> 00:22:19,506 We finally made it to Madison, Wisconsin. 478 00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:21,776 What's that? 479 00:22:21,776 --> 00:22:24,078 Okay. I gotta... 480 00:22:26,013 --> 00:22:28,315 I gotta say a little bit, 481 00:22:28,315 --> 00:22:30,050 you know, as you guys know, 482 00:22:30,050 --> 00:22:32,119 you're a big part of the podcast 483 00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:35,155 and coming here today 484 00:22:35,155 --> 00:22:37,524 kinda feels a little bit like a home game. 485 00:22:37,524 --> 00:22:40,560 Yeah, yeah. And a shoutout to The Edgewater Hotel 486 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:42,797 - who housed us for four hours today. - Yeah. 487 00:22:42,797 --> 00:22:45,065 It's right on the frozen lake 488 00:22:45,065 --> 00:22:47,034 and us soft little LA freaks, 489 00:22:47,034 --> 00:22:48,402 we're like, "Well, that lake's frozen. 490 00:22:48,402 --> 00:22:50,304 I see people walking on it. Should we go walk on it?" 491 00:22:50,304 --> 00:22:51,538 So, we walked on it. 492 00:22:52,439 --> 00:22:53,974 Not to pull rank too much, 493 00:22:53,974 --> 00:22:55,843 but neither of them had ever been out 494 00:22:55,843 --> 00:22:56,977 on a frozen lake before, 495 00:22:56,977 --> 00:22:59,246 which you guys know is just what you do. 496 00:22:59,246 --> 00:23:01,415 Look, as a Canadian, I get it. 497 00:23:03,117 --> 00:23:04,484 - Hey, let's sit down. - Um... 498 00:23:04,484 --> 00:23:06,053 Wait. Let's switch seats... 499 00:23:06,053 --> 00:23:08,455 Oh, let's switch... 500 00:23:08,455 --> 00:23:10,224 So, you know, we're here because 501 00:23:10,224 --> 00:23:11,959 my sister lives in Wisconsin... 502 00:23:11,959 --> 00:23:14,829 And... yeah, yeah. 503 00:23:15,830 --> 00:23:17,965 And just one quick Tracy story, 504 00:23:17,965 --> 00:23:20,467 she came to pick me up at college after my fourth year 505 00:23:20,467 --> 00:23:23,170 and she came in some pickup truck or something. 506 00:23:23,170 --> 00:23:25,572 And we got high before we got into the truck. 507 00:23:25,572 --> 00:23:26,941 - And we got... - Sean... 508 00:23:26,941 --> 00:23:28,075 - Come on. - What? 509 00:23:28,075 --> 00:23:31,611 Drugs? 510 00:23:31,611 --> 00:23:33,247 That's a good one. And... 511 00:23:33,247 --> 00:23:35,515 I'm driving up Route 55, 512 00:23:35,515 --> 00:23:36,917 listening to Madonna 513 00:23:36,917 --> 00:23:39,086 and we're both like in our own world, 514 00:23:39,086 --> 00:23:40,988 like we're actually Madonna and like... 515 00:23:40,988 --> 00:23:42,622 ♪ Just like a prayer ♪ 516 00:23:42,622 --> 00:23:44,258 All of a sudden I open my eyes and in the rear view mirror 517 00:23:44,258 --> 00:23:45,960 I just see some pants. 518 00:23:47,461 --> 00:23:49,163 And then a shirt. 519 00:23:49,163 --> 00:23:51,298 And then she's driving. She's like... 520 00:23:51,298 --> 00:23:53,868 "Holy shit!" Some more pants and some socks 521 00:23:54,468 --> 00:23:55,870 and like a suit... 522 00:23:55,870 --> 00:23:57,938 And then we're like, "Maybe we should pull over." 523 00:23:57,938 --> 00:23:59,940 We pulled over and I'm talking like... 524 00:23:59,940 --> 00:24:02,076 two miles of clothes... 525 00:24:02,076 --> 00:24:03,410 ...behind us. Right? 526 00:24:03,410 --> 00:24:06,346 And we just... what do we do? Should we go back and get it? 527 00:24:06,346 --> 00:24:08,082 No, we didn't get... we just drove the fuck home. 528 00:24:09,583 --> 00:24:11,786 But you know, why finish any of these stories, 529 00:24:11,786 --> 00:24:13,220 when I can have Tracy tell them herself. 530 00:24:13,220 --> 00:24:14,121 What? 531 00:24:14,121 --> 00:24:15,790 Yeah. Yeah. 532 00:24:16,590 --> 00:24:18,158 - Whoo! - You guys! 533 00:24:18,592 --> 00:24:20,194 Tracy! 534 00:24:20,194 --> 00:24:22,229 Thank you for being here. 535 00:24:22,229 --> 00:24:23,430 She doesn't look like she needs 536 00:24:23,430 --> 00:24:24,698 anything explained to her. 537 00:24:26,066 --> 00:24:27,868 How fucking weird is it? 538 00:24:27,868 --> 00:24:28,969 - It is weird. - Right. 539 00:24:28,969 --> 00:24:31,638 And all these people know who you are, because... 540 00:24:31,638 --> 00:24:32,907 we talk about you all the time. 541 00:24:32,907 --> 00:24:34,041 - Yeah. - Here's the thing... 542 00:24:34,041 --> 00:24:35,943 I am a single mom 543 00:24:35,943 --> 00:24:37,077 - and I'm at home... - Tracy! 544 00:24:37,077 --> 00:24:39,613 and I literally, it makes my Monday... 545 00:24:39,613 --> 00:24:41,615 I think it makes everybody's Monday morning 546 00:24:41,615 --> 00:24:43,717 - to look forward to that. - That's nice. 547 00:24:43,818 --> 00:24:45,986 Yup. 548 00:24:45,986 --> 00:24:48,655 So, I really appreciate you guys... 549 00:24:48,655 --> 00:24:49,890 - That's what-- - ...involving me. 550 00:24:49,890 --> 00:24:51,225 You used to be a police officer. 551 00:24:51,225 --> 00:24:52,726 I'm obsessed with crazy police stories. 552 00:24:52,827 --> 00:24:53,994 Do you have a crazy one? 553 00:24:53,994 --> 00:24:55,495 - You used to be a police officer? - Yeah. 554 00:24:55,495 --> 00:24:57,131 - Hang on a second. - Well, we didn't know that. 555 00:24:57,131 --> 00:24:58,565 So, I was a cop for 15 years. 556 00:24:58,565 --> 00:24:59,834 But we lived in Glen Ellyn, Illinois, 557 00:24:59,834 --> 00:25:01,235 where the worst thing that would happen 558 00:25:01,235 --> 00:25:02,702 - if somebody's bike-- - You don't say that. 559 00:25:02,702 --> 00:25:03,971 - Well, bike-- - You weren't there. 560 00:25:03,971 --> 00:25:05,840 No, like, okay... 561 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:09,043 Did you ever work on a case of a weed-smoking couple 562 00:25:09,043 --> 00:25:12,179 who lost a bunch of clothes on the highway? 563 00:25:12,179 --> 00:25:13,881 Did you guys ever solve that case? 564 00:25:17,584 --> 00:25:20,387 What was the most dangerous thing you were ever involved with as a cop? 565 00:25:20,387 --> 00:25:22,522 You know, burglaries and... 566 00:25:22,522 --> 00:25:23,690 domestic... probably domestic. 567 00:25:23,690 --> 00:25:25,059 Did you see any dead bodies? 568 00:25:25,059 --> 00:25:26,560 - Yeah, a ton. - You did? 569 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,996 - No way. - Then that became normal to you? 570 00:25:28,996 --> 00:25:30,998 - Yeah. That doesn't bother me. - Okay. Great. 571 00:25:30,998 --> 00:25:34,001 Really, really? Did you ever see anybody... 572 00:25:34,001 --> 00:25:36,070 uh... get dead? 573 00:25:36,070 --> 00:25:38,272 Is that the way you say it, Will? 574 00:25:38,272 --> 00:25:39,874 - A murder. No. - "Die". 575 00:25:39,874 --> 00:25:41,241 Even die he made longer. 576 00:25:44,078 --> 00:25:45,279 We're having fun, Tracy. 577 00:25:47,714 --> 00:25:49,884 Were you a motorcycle cop or did you drive a car? 578 00:25:50,484 --> 00:25:51,886 I drove a car. 579 00:25:51,886 --> 00:25:54,554 - Dude, she could've been a motorcycle cop... - Okay, but I mean... 580 00:25:54,554 --> 00:25:55,956 We didn't have motorcycle cops. 581 00:25:55,956 --> 00:25:57,524 - You didn't have motorcycle cops? - No. 582 00:25:57,524 --> 00:25:59,126 Oh, 'cause of weather, right? 583 00:25:59,126 --> 00:26:00,494 What? 584 00:26:01,896 --> 00:26:03,297 Now you can see in person 585 00:26:03,297 --> 00:26:04,498 what we're dealing with. It's... 586 00:26:06,066 --> 00:26:07,134 It's absurd. 587 00:26:07,134 --> 00:26:10,004 But if you're in a place that has a lot of winter... 588 00:26:10,004 --> 00:26:12,172 um... 589 00:26:12,172 --> 00:26:13,540 You can't have... 590 00:26:13,540 --> 00:26:15,042 you can't have a motorcycle cop, 591 00:26:15,042 --> 00:26:17,177 - 'cause you got snow and ice and stuff like that... - Good for you, dude. 592 00:26:17,177 --> 00:26:19,146 I figured... 593 00:26:19,146 --> 00:26:20,780 You see, I have a process 594 00:26:20,780 --> 00:26:22,182 that I figure stuff out. 595 00:26:22,182 --> 00:26:23,183 Um... 596 00:26:23,183 --> 00:26:25,652 What was one of the best memories you have of me? 597 00:26:27,054 --> 00:26:30,024 Well, growing up we had just us five kids. 598 00:26:30,024 --> 00:26:32,927 - Yeah. Chaos. -"Just us five kids"? 599 00:26:32,927 --> 00:26:35,162 We were the two youngest, so we kinda stuck together. 600 00:26:35,162 --> 00:26:37,331 Poor guy. I made him do, like, 601 00:26:37,331 --> 00:26:38,966 baton lessons and cheerleading... 602 00:26:38,966 --> 00:26:40,500 - I mean, it was bad. - Yeah, she did. 603 00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:42,369 - She did. You wanna do a cheer together right now? - No. 604 00:26:42,369 --> 00:26:44,304 Oh, please do a cheer now. 605 00:26:44,304 --> 00:26:45,372 - No. - Oh, my God. 606 00:26:45,372 --> 00:26:47,074 Right now. Right now. 607 00:26:47,074 --> 00:26:48,943 Okay, I'm gonna do it. 608 00:26:48,943 --> 00:26:51,711 - Here we go. - I am not doing it. 609 00:26:51,711 --> 00:26:53,213 Five, six, seven, eight... 610 00:26:53,213 --> 00:26:55,582 We've got power. 611 00:26:55,582 --> 00:26:58,118 Wild cat power. 612 00:26:58,118 --> 00:27:00,654 P-O-W... 613 00:27:00,654 --> 00:27:03,057 E-R... We've got power. 614 00:27:03,057 --> 00:27:04,959 We've got power. 615 00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:07,794 Stand up. 616 00:27:07,794 --> 00:27:09,997 Thank you. I love you. 617 00:27:09,997 --> 00:27:12,866 Madison's own, Tracy. 618 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:18,861 Let's move on, shall we? 619 00:27:18,861 --> 00:27:20,029 Where are we going? 620 00:27:20,029 --> 00:27:22,632 We're gonna go on a little trip, Jason. 621 00:27:23,766 --> 00:27:24,934 You know how you wonder how sometimes certain people 622 00:27:24,934 --> 00:27:26,469 in our business become successful 623 00:27:26,469 --> 00:27:29,005 and then they sustain that success, right? 624 00:27:29,005 --> 00:27:30,473 Sure you need talent and brains 625 00:27:30,473 --> 00:27:32,008 and ability to capture an audience, 626 00:27:32,008 --> 00:27:33,543 but I found the secret ingredient 627 00:27:33,543 --> 00:27:35,211 to becoming a superstar 628 00:27:35,211 --> 00:27:36,979 is being a nice person. 629 00:27:36,979 --> 00:27:37,980 - Huh! - Right? 630 00:27:37,980 --> 00:27:39,682 This person is one of those people. 631 00:27:39,682 --> 00:27:41,283 He's one of the nicest, kindest people 632 00:27:41,283 --> 00:27:43,152 I've ever had the pleasure of being friends with. 633 00:27:43,152 --> 00:27:45,888 He's the first person to introduce me to a Segway. 634 00:27:45,888 --> 00:27:47,824 The scooter. Not how to connect thoughts. 635 00:27:47,824 --> 00:27:50,427 He's played an attorney, 636 00:27:50,427 --> 00:27:53,496 a pickpocket, a talking shrimp 637 00:27:53,496 --> 00:27:55,465 and a spy for the FBI. 638 00:27:55,465 --> 00:27:57,634 He also happened to appear with me on one of the funniest episodes 639 00:27:57,634 --> 00:27:58,768 of Will Grace. 640 00:27:58,768 --> 00:28:00,637 Unlike how he's treated by Jimmy Kimmel, 641 00:28:00,637 --> 00:28:01,738 we have plenty of time for him tonight, 642 00:28:01,738 --> 00:28:03,806 - it's Matt Damon. - What? 643 00:28:08,445 --> 00:28:10,947 Whoo! 644 00:28:10,947 --> 00:28:12,649 - Hey, buddy. - Hey, buddy. 645 00:28:18,354 --> 00:28:19,822 What? 646 00:28:19,822 --> 00:28:21,658 I know you're probably wondering who cancelled 647 00:28:21,658 --> 00:28:23,593 and thank you for replacing at the last minute. 648 00:28:23,593 --> 00:28:24,994 - You're very welcome. - Yeah. 649 00:28:24,994 --> 00:28:26,829 If I was ever gonna do this show, 650 00:28:26,829 --> 00:28:28,465 it would have to be in Wisconsin, right? 651 00:28:31,934 --> 00:28:34,070 He's the perfect example of the nicest guy 652 00:28:34,070 --> 00:28:35,772 - in the world. - That's why I said. 653 00:28:35,772 --> 00:28:37,474 The kindness that you have 654 00:28:37,474 --> 00:28:39,609 is so authentic and sincere 655 00:28:39,609 --> 00:28:40,777 and organic. 656 00:28:40,777 --> 00:28:43,279 What is is that keeps you from 657 00:28:43,279 --> 00:28:44,947 behaving badly... 658 00:28:44,947 --> 00:28:46,949 And let me just say before you answer that, 659 00:28:46,949 --> 00:28:49,151 Jason wants to know why aren't you giving into your desire 660 00:28:49,151 --> 00:28:50,487 to be shitty to people... 661 00:28:50,487 --> 00:28:52,154 ...because he finds it 662 00:28:52,154 --> 00:28:54,090 really hard to bury it. 663 00:28:54,090 --> 00:28:55,925 Is it similar to how he buries it? 664 00:28:55,925 --> 00:28:57,393 Go ahead. 665 00:28:57,494 --> 00:29:00,162 I don't know. I never had an impulse to do that. 666 00:29:00,162 --> 00:29:02,832 I think I was just lucky I had great parents, 667 00:29:02,832 --> 00:29:05,001 a great big brother and a great foundation. 668 00:29:05,001 --> 00:29:06,503 So, were your parents in the arts or no? 669 00:29:06,503 --> 00:29:08,270 No. No. My mom's a professor 670 00:29:08,270 --> 00:29:10,272 of early childhood education. 671 00:29:10,272 --> 00:29:11,674 Oh, wow. 672 00:29:11,674 --> 00:29:13,676 You went to Harvard, right? 673 00:29:13,676 --> 00:29:15,411 You only went for one year. Did you go for four years or what? 674 00:29:15,512 --> 00:29:16,913 I went for five years. 675 00:29:16,913 --> 00:29:19,015 - Oh... - Did you really? 676 00:29:19,015 --> 00:29:21,684 Yeah, I got credit for three of them. 677 00:29:21,684 --> 00:29:23,553 Was it hard? 678 00:29:25,755 --> 00:29:28,357 - The school? - Just humor him. 679 00:29:28,357 --> 00:29:29,792 Was Harvard hard? 680 00:29:30,727 --> 00:29:32,361 I don't have a high school diploma. 681 00:29:32,361 --> 00:29:33,763 Please bear with me. 682 00:29:33,763 --> 00:29:35,565 I mean, obviously it was hard. I didn't finish. 683 00:29:35,565 --> 00:29:36,766 So, you know... 684 00:29:36,766 --> 00:29:38,367 Did not finish? Did not graduate? 685 00:29:38,367 --> 00:29:40,770 No, no, no. I'm still on a leave of absence, guys, ok? 686 00:29:40,770 --> 00:29:43,039 - Right. - This ain't over yet. 687 00:29:43,039 --> 00:29:44,406 Okay? Don't count me out. 688 00:29:44,406 --> 00:29:46,375 I would be a senior if I went back. 689 00:29:46,375 --> 00:29:48,077 You were so close. 690 00:29:48,077 --> 00:29:50,146 You know, have you ever done a commencement speech? 691 00:29:50,146 --> 00:29:52,281 I did the commencement speech at MIT. 692 00:29:52,281 --> 00:29:53,816 Yeah. They don't ask me for that stuff. 693 00:29:55,084 --> 00:29:56,619 Ben, I know he did one at Brown. 694 00:29:56,619 --> 00:29:58,755 And Ben got a diploma from Brown. 695 00:29:58,755 --> 00:30:00,156 Tracy, that's Ben Affleck. 696 00:30:00,156 --> 00:30:03,125 Yeah. And... 697 00:30:03,125 --> 00:30:05,127 The great thing about that was that 698 00:30:05,127 --> 00:30:06,996 John Krasinski went to Brown 699 00:30:06,996 --> 00:30:08,631 and is very proud of that. 700 00:30:08,631 --> 00:30:10,967 And studied, I mean, worked really hard for four years 701 00:30:10,967 --> 00:30:12,569 and got a diploma and Ben called him 702 00:30:12,569 --> 00:30:14,470 and said, "I was in Rhode Island for 45 minutes 703 00:30:14,470 --> 00:30:16,405 and I..." 704 00:30:16,405 --> 00:30:17,674 - I love that. - Hang on. 705 00:30:17,674 --> 00:30:19,275 Bear with me for one more second. 706 00:30:19,275 --> 00:30:20,577 if you give a commencement speech, 707 00:30:20,577 --> 00:30:21,944 - you get a diploma... - Yes. 708 00:30:21,944 --> 00:30:23,580 An honorary doctorate. 709 00:30:23,580 --> 00:30:25,114 - Doctorate? - I got one of those, too. 710 00:30:25,114 --> 00:30:26,916 Do you have to have a high school diploma before? 711 00:30:26,916 --> 00:30:29,085 - No! - By the way, by the way, 712 00:30:29,085 --> 00:30:32,521 - asking for a friend. - I'm just asking for a friend. 713 00:30:32,521 --> 00:30:34,924 I don't think I know this answer. 714 00:30:34,924 --> 00:30:36,959 When did you meet Ben Affleck? 715 00:30:36,959 --> 00:30:38,961 I was ten and he was eight. 716 00:30:38,961 --> 00:30:40,362 - And... Oh... - Really? 717 00:30:42,498 --> 00:30:45,201 We grew up 200 yards away from each other. 718 00:30:45,201 --> 00:30:47,937 - And met each other-- - Like out on the street playing... 719 00:30:47,937 --> 00:30:49,438 Yeah, we used to play little league together 720 00:30:49,438 --> 00:30:51,173 and we used to play... When he got to high school, 721 00:30:51,173 --> 00:30:52,775 I was a junior and he was a freshman. 722 00:30:52,775 --> 00:30:54,644 - And that's when we really started... - Oh, wow... 723 00:30:54,644 --> 00:30:56,913 ...hanging. And he'd been on an after-school special, 724 00:30:56,913 --> 00:30:59,682 he'd been on a... he was like the big star 725 00:30:59,682 --> 00:31:01,951 - of high school... - And was he like a big shot? 726 00:31:01,951 --> 00:31:03,886 When he arrived at the high school, 727 00:31:03,886 --> 00:31:05,722 I had to set him straight... 728 00:31:05,722 --> 00:31:08,725 'Cause I was the lord of that theater department. 729 00:31:08,725 --> 00:31:11,127 And I went up to him, 730 00:31:11,127 --> 00:31:13,395 like, first day and like pulled him up 731 00:31:13,395 --> 00:31:15,798 and was like, "Hey..." 732 00:31:15,798 --> 00:31:17,199 "...You know, it's different here in the theater." 733 00:31:20,269 --> 00:31:22,238 You went straight douche right away. 734 00:31:22,238 --> 00:31:23,640 You're not gonna get by on your looks. 735 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:25,642 Oh... 736 00:31:25,642 --> 00:31:28,144 - That's hilarious. - And we were both like 5'2''. 737 00:31:29,712 --> 00:31:32,481 - What about... you ever done a musical? - Yes. 738 00:31:32,481 --> 00:31:33,983 - You have? - Of course. 739 00:31:33,983 --> 00:31:35,952 - Hang on... - What did you do? 740 00:31:35,952 --> 00:31:37,453 - I was Pippin. - No way. 741 00:31:37,453 --> 00:31:39,455 - Heck yeah. Yeah. - What! 742 00:31:39,455 --> 00:31:41,423 - I totally-- - ♪ Everything has its season ♪ 743 00:31:41,423 --> 00:31:43,292 ♪ Everything has its time ♪ 744 00:31:43,292 --> 00:31:44,426 ♪ Show me a reason ♪ 745 00:31:44,426 --> 00:31:47,396 ♪ And I'll soon Show you a rhyme ♪ 746 00:31:47,396 --> 00:31:48,665 Oh, my God. 747 00:31:49,531 --> 00:31:52,301 I literally, I sing that to my daughter 748 00:31:52,301 --> 00:31:54,837 - Really? - ...to drive her... I do. With the choreography 749 00:31:54,837 --> 00:31:56,205 we did, it was like... 750 00:31:56,205 --> 00:31:57,473 Let's see it. Here we go! 751 00:31:57,473 --> 00:31:59,475 - Literally like... - A five, six, seven, eight... 752 00:31:59,475 --> 00:32:01,010 It was like... 753 00:32:01,010 --> 00:32:04,480 ♪ Rivers belong Where they can ramble ♪ 754 00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:08,050 ♪ Eagles... ♪ 755 00:32:08,050 --> 00:32:09,919 - That was literally the choreography. - Yeah. 756 00:32:09,919 --> 00:32:10,987 So, that's my kryptonite. 757 00:32:10,987 --> 00:32:12,554 I can't sing in the shower either. 758 00:32:12,554 --> 00:32:13,489 I can't sing either. 759 00:32:13,489 --> 00:32:15,692 That sounded pretty good. 760 00:32:17,159 --> 00:32:18,995 You still love theater, you still want to do theater? 761 00:32:18,995 --> 00:32:20,930 Actually, I was gonna say because... 762 00:32:20,930 --> 00:32:22,264 Leave it. Don't. Keep it there. 763 00:32:24,566 --> 00:32:26,235 Keep talking. 764 00:32:26,235 --> 00:32:29,238 When I went to see you on Broadway... 765 00:32:29,238 --> 00:32:31,407 - Was this Promises, Promises? - It was Promises, Promises. 766 00:32:31,407 --> 00:32:33,075 And so... 767 00:32:33,075 --> 00:32:34,844 Hold for applause, Matt. 768 00:32:34,844 --> 00:32:37,379 - Obviously he was amazing. - Yeah... 769 00:32:37,379 --> 00:32:39,415 It was deep into the run though. 770 00:32:39,415 --> 00:32:41,050 And we went backstage and... 771 00:32:41,050 --> 00:32:42,852 It made me never wanna do theater again. 772 00:32:42,852 --> 00:32:44,253 I was like, "Hey. What's going on? Hi." 773 00:32:44,253 --> 00:32:46,422 Scotty just had his hand around. 774 00:32:46,422 --> 00:32:48,725 He's just holding you up. 775 00:32:48,725 --> 00:32:50,760 You were like, "Eight shows a week. Who would do this? 776 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:52,194 Yeah... 777 00:32:52,194 --> 00:32:54,864 And you still had, like, a month-and-a-half to go. 778 00:32:54,864 --> 00:32:57,599 Yeah. You were so nice to come. A. And B... 779 00:32:57,599 --> 00:33:00,469 I sent you a long time ago as a birthday gift... 780 00:33:00,469 --> 00:33:02,338 t-shirts with my picture on it. 781 00:33:02,338 --> 00:33:04,606 - Oh, that's right. - And you wore it to the show. 782 00:33:04,606 --> 00:33:06,375 - That's right. - Oh, my God. 783 00:33:06,375 --> 00:33:08,377 - That's right. I totally forgot about that. - Yeah. 784 00:33:08,377 --> 00:33:09,478 And you had holes in it. 785 00:33:09,478 --> 00:33:11,013 And you were like, "I sleep in it." 786 00:33:11,013 --> 00:33:13,549 Because I did. Because you know those shirts that you wash so many times? 787 00:33:13,549 --> 00:33:15,384 - Yeah. - They're like, they're better... 788 00:33:15,384 --> 00:33:16,753 That was my Sean Hayes shirt... 789 00:33:16,753 --> 00:33:18,988 Yeah. 790 00:33:18,988 --> 00:33:21,123 I too get better the more you wash me. 791 00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:25,762 He did this episode of Will Grace. 792 00:33:25,762 --> 00:33:28,798 - Oh, my God. - He played this guy who actually pretended to be gay, 793 00:33:28,798 --> 00:33:30,299 so he could sing in the gay men's chorus. 794 00:33:30,299 --> 00:33:32,634 Because they were going to Europe 795 00:33:32,634 --> 00:33:34,536 - and he wanted the free trip to Europe. - Right. 796 00:33:34,536 --> 00:33:36,638 It was such a... 797 00:33:36,638 --> 00:33:37,874 It was so stupid. 798 00:33:37,874 --> 00:33:39,341 It was so funny though. 799 00:33:39,341 --> 00:33:40,542 Did you sing on the show? 800 00:33:40,542 --> 00:33:42,644 - Yeah, he did. - In the chorus, we all sang. 801 00:33:42,644 --> 00:33:45,047 But the whole idea was that Sean, 802 00:33:45,047 --> 00:33:47,349 - he figures it out. - And I'm like, "You're straight. 803 00:33:47,349 --> 00:33:49,351 - I know you're straight." - And so, he tries to "in" me. 804 00:33:49,351 --> 00:33:51,420 - Right. - Instead of out him. 805 00:33:51,420 --> 00:33:53,089 I couldn't believe how 806 00:33:53,089 --> 00:33:54,390 by that point, because you'd 807 00:33:54,390 --> 00:33:55,925 put all the work in for ten years, 808 00:33:55,925 --> 00:33:57,493 how little you guys worked. 809 00:33:57,493 --> 00:33:59,095 - I was like, "Holy shit." - Yeah. 810 00:33:59,095 --> 00:34:01,297 - It's amazing. - It was criminal. 811 00:34:01,297 --> 00:34:03,632 Well, James Burrows, who's one of the greatest directors of all time... 812 00:34:03,632 --> 00:34:05,802 - Yeah. - He's got me like this, right? 813 00:34:05,802 --> 00:34:07,804 So, now... and I got spoiled at such a young age, 814 00:34:07,804 --> 00:34:09,005 so now when I'm on set, I'm like... 815 00:34:09,005 --> 00:34:10,907 "What's taking so long?" You know. 816 00:34:10,907 --> 00:34:12,408 I wanna talk about, you know. 817 00:34:12,408 --> 00:34:13,810 I know you're so sick of talking about... 818 00:34:13,810 --> 00:34:15,111 You have typed questions. 819 00:34:15,111 --> 00:34:16,345 You know what? 820 00:34:16,345 --> 00:34:17,947 - That's amazing, by the way. - Sean prepares. Sean prepares. 821 00:34:17,947 --> 00:34:20,116 That's harder than you worked on that episode 822 00:34:20,116 --> 00:34:21,984 of Will Grace. 823 00:34:21,984 --> 00:34:22,985 Without a doubt. 824 00:34:26,122 --> 00:34:28,858 It's so true and I made so much money. 825 00:34:28,858 --> 00:34:31,693 Sean is... 826 00:34:31,693 --> 00:34:33,429 Sean is so organized. 827 00:34:33,429 --> 00:34:35,264 One of things that we're finding out in this tour 828 00:34:35,264 --> 00:34:36,833 - Oh, my God. - is, Sean is... 829 00:34:36,833 --> 00:34:38,167 It's insane. So, the other night, 830 00:34:38,167 --> 00:34:39,969 we all had dinner, like eight or ten of us. 831 00:34:39,969 --> 00:34:42,104 The food arrived. We started eating. 832 00:34:42,104 --> 00:34:43,605 Sean's finished in, I don't know, 833 00:34:43,605 --> 00:34:44,841 maybe two minutes. 834 00:34:44,841 --> 00:34:46,943 And he stands up and starts... he clears his plate 835 00:34:46,943 --> 00:34:48,510 and then he starts clearing all the loose ends 836 00:34:48,510 --> 00:34:50,980 and then he starts clearing the plate like... No, no, no. I'm not done yet. 837 00:34:50,980 --> 00:34:52,314 What... Right? 838 00:34:52,314 --> 00:34:53,850 - Still chewing. - Now this is a hotel room. 839 00:34:53,850 --> 00:34:55,351 There're people who're gonna come and clean it anyway. 840 00:34:55,351 --> 00:34:57,086 But no. He's cleaning it. 841 00:34:57,086 --> 00:34:58,955 You know, my wife does this exact same thing. 842 00:34:58,955 --> 00:35:00,422 It drives me crazy. 843 00:35:00,422 --> 00:35:01,390 It's bonkers. 844 00:35:01,390 --> 00:35:03,559 I'm like, "Why are you busing the table?" 845 00:35:03,559 --> 00:35:05,761 Like, I'm eating my food... 846 00:35:05,862 --> 00:35:07,463 - Like, I'm not... - He likes order. 847 00:35:07,463 --> 00:35:10,066 He doesn't like chaos. He likes things done tight 848 00:35:10,066 --> 00:35:12,534 or being driven here in a tour bus. 849 00:35:12,534 --> 00:35:14,370 - Yeah. - And he's got... 850 00:35:14,370 --> 00:35:16,072 he's got Waze open... 851 00:35:16,072 --> 00:35:18,240 - Yeah. - ...to make sure the driver 852 00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:20,409 - is on the right route. - Not a bit. 853 00:35:20,409 --> 00:35:22,945 And so, we keep going, every thirty seconds we go, 854 00:35:22,945 --> 00:35:25,047 "How much longer, Sean?" He's like, "Three minutes." 855 00:35:26,382 --> 00:35:28,717 But I'm starting a new app. 856 00:35:28,717 --> 00:35:30,286 It's not called Waze, it's called "Gays." 857 00:35:30,286 --> 00:35:31,988 It's much faster. 858 00:35:31,988 --> 00:35:33,789 It's much faster... 859 00:35:33,890 --> 00:35:35,124 It's much faster. 860 00:35:35,124 --> 00:35:36,425 With a more handsome font. 861 00:35:36,425 --> 00:35:37,626 Yeah... 862 00:35:37,626 --> 00:35:39,228 Uh, I wanna... 863 00:35:39,228 --> 00:35:41,297 I wanna start at the beginning. 864 00:35:41,297 --> 00:35:42,464 No. 865 00:35:42,464 --> 00:35:43,900 I know you're sick of talking about Good Will Hunting. 866 00:35:43,900 --> 00:35:45,902 And just bear with me here, 867 00:35:45,902 --> 00:35:47,603 because there are young people starting out 868 00:35:47,603 --> 00:35:48,905 that love this story. 869 00:35:48,905 --> 00:35:51,307 You just fucking did it. Like you just... 870 00:35:51,307 --> 00:35:52,574 You're like, "Well, I wanna work. 871 00:35:52,574 --> 00:35:54,643 So, maybe I should just write my own thing. Right?" 872 00:35:54,643 --> 00:35:57,346 And then won and Oscar for the script. 873 00:35:57,346 --> 00:35:59,248 - It's like... - I mean, it worked out. 874 00:35:59,248 --> 00:36:01,583 Yeah... Yeah, for you to just... Yeah, exactly. 875 00:36:01,583 --> 00:36:03,319 Yeah, it worked out. 876 00:36:03,319 --> 00:36:05,554 We were desperate. We were unemployed, 877 00:36:05,554 --> 00:36:07,256 struggling actors and... 878 00:36:07,256 --> 00:36:09,058 It was that movie, Primal Fear... 879 00:36:09,058 --> 00:36:10,326 - Auditioned for it. - Yeah. 880 00:36:10,326 --> 00:36:11,994 I swear to God, I auditioned for it in Chicago. 881 00:36:11,994 --> 00:36:14,596 Right. I paid for a dialect coach 882 00:36:14,596 --> 00:36:15,932 to prepare for the audition. 883 00:36:15,932 --> 00:36:17,433 'Cause he switches from Southern to normal 884 00:36:17,433 --> 00:36:18,734 - or normal to Southern. - It's like a Jekyll Hyde... 885 00:36:19,268 --> 00:36:20,269 - thing. -"Normal". 886 00:36:20,269 --> 00:36:21,837 Did you say, "Southern to normal"? 887 00:36:24,706 --> 00:36:25,942 Oh, God. 888 00:36:27,576 --> 00:36:28,945 I'm terrified for you, buddy. 889 00:36:28,945 --> 00:36:30,412 I gotta be honest. 890 00:36:30,412 --> 00:36:32,514 The country just got cut in half. 891 00:36:32,514 --> 00:36:34,283 And you can't... 892 00:36:34,283 --> 00:36:36,385 You can only go to half the country now. 893 00:36:37,786 --> 00:36:39,121 Where do you guys shoot Ozark? 894 00:36:43,159 --> 00:36:44,660 Yeah. 895 00:36:45,627 --> 00:36:46,728 So... 896 00:36:46,728 --> 00:36:48,397 - Oh, God bless him. - But the idea 897 00:36:48,397 --> 00:36:50,366 was that there are two distinctive voices 898 00:36:50,366 --> 00:36:51,867 that come from this guy. 899 00:36:51,968 --> 00:36:54,070 Both perfectly good voices. 900 00:36:54,070 --> 00:36:55,371 Yes. 901 00:36:55,371 --> 00:36:57,339 Two excellent, distinctive voices. 902 00:36:57,339 --> 00:36:58,474 But it's an actor's dream, 903 00:36:58,474 --> 00:37:00,809 because it's... It's a really showcasing part for him. 904 00:37:00,809 --> 00:37:02,378 - Right. - So, Ben and I realized, 905 00:37:02,378 --> 00:37:04,613 "What are the chances that, A, another one's gonna come 906 00:37:04,613 --> 00:37:06,115 in the next five years... 907 00:37:06,115 --> 00:37:08,050 and B, that even if it does, 908 00:37:08,050 --> 00:37:09,318 we'll be the ones to get it?" 909 00:37:09,318 --> 00:37:11,020 We'll get called back, we'll get close. 910 00:37:11,020 --> 00:37:12,621 Remember? Oh, you don't remember auditioning. 911 00:37:12,621 --> 00:37:14,556 - Yes, I do. - You were like a star for the whole... 912 00:37:14,556 --> 00:37:16,325 You were a fucking star 913 00:37:16,325 --> 00:37:17,693 - when you were like eight. - Exactly. 914 00:37:17,693 --> 00:37:20,129 And I was watching you like, "That guy, I could do that." 915 00:37:20,129 --> 00:37:22,198 "I could do that." 916 00:37:22,198 --> 00:37:26,002 So, that kind of started us thinking about... 917 00:37:26,002 --> 00:37:27,736 - writing. - 'Cause you were dying to be an actor, 918 00:37:27,736 --> 00:37:29,005 - not a writer. - Right. Right. 919 00:37:29,005 --> 00:37:31,007 We were writing just literally to give ourselves... 920 00:37:31,007 --> 00:37:32,741 And you win an Oscar for writing. 921 00:37:32,741 --> 00:37:33,875 I know. It's weird. 922 00:37:33,875 --> 00:37:36,478 I've never gotten any award of any kind for acting. 923 00:37:36,478 --> 00:37:39,348 - That's crazy. - You get nominated a shit ton of times, I'll bet. 924 00:37:39,348 --> 00:37:41,483 I mean, I got a Golden Globe. 925 00:37:41,483 --> 00:37:43,085 - Well, that's something. - Yeah, that's something. 926 00:37:43,085 --> 00:37:44,886 - Come on. - For The Martian, right? 927 00:37:44,886 --> 00:37:46,555 - For The Martian. - Yes. 928 00:37:46,555 --> 00:37:47,889 Thank you. They gave it to me 929 00:37:47,889 --> 00:37:49,425 in the category of "Musical or comedy". 930 00:37:49,425 --> 00:37:51,827 No way. 931 00:37:51,827 --> 00:37:53,595 - No way! - 100 percent. 932 00:37:53,595 --> 00:37:56,265 By the way, it's one of my favorite movies of all time. 933 00:37:56,265 --> 00:37:57,599 It's so good. 934 00:37:57,599 --> 00:38:00,236 - I appreciate it. Thank you. - I wanna ask you this, 935 00:38:00,236 --> 00:38:02,304 the fucking Bourne movies... 936 00:38:02,304 --> 00:38:04,306 That's crazy. 937 00:38:05,207 --> 00:38:06,675 What was that experience like? 938 00:38:06,675 --> 00:38:08,410 Because that, to me, is it. 939 00:38:08,410 --> 00:38:11,047 And would you ever go through that training process again? 940 00:38:11,047 --> 00:38:13,515 - I was 45 on the last one. - It hurt. 941 00:38:13,515 --> 00:38:14,750 Yeah and people would go like... 942 00:38:14,750 --> 00:38:16,752 "Hey man. How did you get...?" And I'd go, "Not worth it." 943 00:38:16,752 --> 00:38:18,120 Right. 944 00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:20,822 Do you have any long-lasting injuries from all of that? 945 00:38:20,822 --> 00:38:23,759 No, no. It's all... little... 946 00:38:23,759 --> 00:38:26,062 nick and cuts and stuff from those fight scenes, but... 947 00:38:26,062 --> 00:38:27,429 You know, they're pulling their punches. 948 00:38:27,429 --> 00:38:29,331 In fact, on the first movie 949 00:38:29,331 --> 00:38:32,201 The Bourne Identity, I fight this guy in an apartment. 950 00:38:32,201 --> 00:38:34,270 Nicky Node was his name and Nicky was... 951 00:38:34,270 --> 00:38:35,371 - In Paris. - In Paris. 952 00:38:35,371 --> 00:38:38,107 Yeah. I know. 953 00:38:38,107 --> 00:38:39,975 Why are you telling me stuff I know, Matt? 954 00:38:40,076 --> 00:38:41,877 Sorry. Sorry. 955 00:38:41,877 --> 00:38:43,445 Nicky was a professional... 956 00:38:43,445 --> 00:38:44,846 had been a professional kickboxer 957 00:38:44,846 --> 00:38:47,183 and he was an actor and a stuntman and so... 958 00:38:47,183 --> 00:38:49,118 I went to him before we shot. 959 00:38:49,118 --> 00:38:51,087 And I said, "Look, I'm really sorry. 960 00:38:51,087 --> 00:38:52,721 I'm gonna accidentally hit you..." 961 00:38:52,721 --> 00:38:54,890 "I mean, I just know I am. 962 00:38:54,890 --> 00:38:56,392 "For every time I hit you, 963 00:38:56,392 --> 00:38:59,095 I'll give you a bottle of champagne." 964 00:38:59,095 --> 00:39:01,530 And Nicky goes, "Well, this is good. 965 00:39:01,530 --> 00:39:02,631 Yes." 966 00:39:02,631 --> 00:39:04,733 So, by the end of the day, 967 00:39:04,733 --> 00:39:07,103 I owed the dude a case of champagne. 968 00:39:07,103 --> 00:39:08,737 But... 969 00:39:08,737 --> 00:39:11,107 he had been used to, like, fighting professionally. 970 00:39:11,107 --> 00:39:12,541 He was like, "It did not hurt at all." 971 00:39:12,541 --> 00:39:14,110 He was fine. You know what I mean. He was like... 972 00:39:14,110 --> 00:39:16,112 He was thirsty, he was leaning into it. 973 00:39:16,112 --> 00:39:17,146 He was like, "Great." 974 00:39:17,146 --> 00:39:19,581 He was like, "Any time you wanna do a fight scene." 975 00:39:19,581 --> 00:39:20,816 I'm in. 976 00:39:20,816 --> 00:39:22,751 You know, like, there are the Tom Cruises of the world 977 00:39:22,751 --> 00:39:24,120 who do their stunts. 978 00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:25,921 - Yeah. - Like literally hang off a plane. 979 00:39:25,921 --> 00:39:27,256 - Like do that. - Yeah. 980 00:39:27,256 --> 00:39:29,425 You know, I remember I had dinner with him once 981 00:39:29,425 --> 00:39:31,160 and it was after he did the one 982 00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:33,329 - where he ran around the building. - Yeah, that's crazy, 983 00:39:33,329 --> 00:39:34,796 And I go... 984 00:39:34,796 --> 00:39:37,133 "Can you tell me how that happened?" 985 00:39:37,133 --> 00:39:38,467 And he's a really intense guy. 986 00:39:38,467 --> 00:39:39,935 You know, he's like, "Yeah, I'll tell you how that happened." 987 00:39:39,935 --> 00:39:41,670 He's like... so... I go, "All right. 988 00:39:41,670 --> 00:39:43,339 All right. I'm in." I'm like, "Okay." 989 00:39:43,339 --> 00:39:44,673 - Yeah. - And he goes, I've been thinking about 990 00:39:44,673 --> 00:39:45,641 this shot for 15 years. 991 00:39:45,641 --> 00:39:47,509 I'm like, "Wow! Really?" 992 00:39:47,509 --> 00:39:49,611 He goes, "So, I go to the safety guy 993 00:39:49,611 --> 00:39:51,012 "and I lay it all out. 994 00:39:51,012 --> 00:39:52,848 "Safety guy goes, 'We can't do that.' 995 00:39:53,949 --> 00:39:55,184 'It's too dangerous. You can't do that.' 996 00:39:56,152 --> 00:39:57,286 So, I get a new safety guy." 997 00:39:59,421 --> 00:40:00,689 That's the beginning. 998 00:40:00,689 --> 00:40:02,324 The beginning of his story. 999 00:40:02,324 --> 00:40:03,959 - No way. - And I just go, "Stop". 1000 00:40:03,959 --> 00:40:05,994 Like... that's where we're different. 1001 00:40:05,994 --> 00:40:06,995 Right. 1002 00:40:06,995 --> 00:40:08,430 When the safety guy says, "No", 1003 00:40:08,430 --> 00:40:09,665 I'm like, "Eh, safety guy says 1004 00:40:09,665 --> 00:40:11,133 it's not a good idea." 1005 00:40:11,133 --> 00:40:12,634 You know. 1006 00:40:12,634 --> 00:40:14,803 I wanna know, you know, another favorite movie 1007 00:40:14,803 --> 00:40:17,105 that I love that you're in is 1008 00:40:17,105 --> 00:40:18,039 The Departed. 1009 00:40:18,039 --> 00:40:19,308 Yeah. 1010 00:40:19,308 --> 00:40:20,709 What was that experience like? 1011 00:40:20,709 --> 00:40:23,044 How did you come about that part? 1012 00:40:23,044 --> 00:40:24,780 This is the worst... this is like... 1013 00:40:24,780 --> 00:40:26,114 How many names am I gonna drop 1014 00:40:26,114 --> 00:40:27,949 - that I have to pick up? - You're allowed. 1015 00:40:27,949 --> 00:40:30,719 - You're allowed to. - We were at George Clooney's house. 1016 00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:32,154 - Sure. - In Italy. 1017 00:40:32,154 --> 00:40:33,289 - We figured you knew him. - Huh... 1018 00:40:33,289 --> 00:40:35,891 And Lucy and I were sitting there at the pool. 1019 00:40:36,392 --> 00:40:37,859 Tracy, Lucy is... 1020 00:40:37,859 --> 00:40:39,127 Tell Tracy who Lucy is. 1021 00:40:39,127 --> 00:40:41,297 Tracy, Lucy is my wife. 1022 00:40:43,064 --> 00:40:44,800 How fun is it that he can look at Tracy 1023 00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:47,002 while he does it? 1024 00:40:47,002 --> 00:40:48,704 So, Brad Pitt... 1025 00:40:48,704 --> 00:40:50,406 walks over... 1026 00:40:50,406 --> 00:40:51,573 Sounds like a very nice weekend. 1027 00:40:51,573 --> 00:40:52,541 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1028 00:40:53,775 --> 00:40:55,344 Look, we were working, okay? 1029 00:40:55,344 --> 00:40:56,445 - Sure. - It was hard. 1030 00:40:56,445 --> 00:40:58,280 - It was really hard. - Rehearsing. 1031 00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,749 And Brad sat down next to us and goes, 1032 00:41:00,749 --> 00:41:02,884 "Hey, Matty... 1033 00:41:02,884 --> 00:41:05,287 you wanna do a movie with Martin Scorsese?" 1034 00:41:05,287 --> 00:41:06,488 - No way. - What? 1035 00:41:06,488 --> 00:41:08,123 And I was like... "Yeah." 1036 00:41:08,224 --> 00:41:09,458 Yeah... 1037 00:41:09,458 --> 00:41:11,593 And he was like, "No, I'm actually serious." 1038 00:41:11,593 --> 00:41:14,062 - Well... - I'm like, "What are you actually talking about?" 1039 00:41:14,062 --> 00:41:15,764 Drop the script on your towel right then? 1040 00:41:15,764 --> 00:41:17,799 - Yeah and he goes... - And then the script went... 1041 00:41:17,799 --> 00:41:20,269 - boop! - Yeah, exactly. 1042 00:41:22,838 --> 00:41:24,806 Yeah. 1043 00:41:25,674 --> 00:41:29,077 Page one... 1044 00:41:29,077 --> 00:41:31,847 Did you at any point say, "Well, hang on second, bruh. 1045 00:41:31,847 --> 00:41:33,148 Why aren't you playing this part?" 1046 00:41:33,249 --> 00:41:35,784 He felt like he had aged out of it. 1047 00:41:35,784 --> 00:41:37,319 He's just unbelievable generous. 1048 00:41:37,319 --> 00:41:39,087 And he goes, "Nah, I think it'd be better if you did it." 1049 00:41:39,087 --> 00:41:40,922 - Really? - I love me some Brad Pitt. 1050 00:41:40,922 --> 00:41:42,424 It's hard to not look at him. 1051 00:41:42,424 --> 00:41:43,859 It's so hard not to look at him. 1052 00:41:44,893 --> 00:41:46,828 He's the most regular guy. He's from Missouri. 1053 00:41:46,828 --> 00:41:48,697 - Yeah. - He just couldn't be... 1054 00:41:48,697 --> 00:41:51,132 He couldn't be more normal, Jason. 1055 00:41:51,132 --> 00:41:52,268 Yeah. 1056 00:41:52,268 --> 00:41:53,669 He's really normal. 1057 00:41:53,669 --> 00:41:57,273 He pushes down the instinct to be shitty to people. 1058 00:41:57,273 --> 00:41:59,275 - Yeah... - He actually said, "Hey, man, I just wanna say 1059 00:41:59,275 --> 00:42:00,942 I loved your show so much, man. 1060 00:42:00,942 --> 00:42:02,177 I watched the whole thing." 1061 00:42:02,278 --> 00:42:03,579 I was so shocked and I was like, "Really?" 1062 00:42:03,579 --> 00:42:05,581 He goes, "Oh, I just loved..." And then he gave me a big hug. 1063 00:42:05,581 --> 00:42:07,015 And I said, "Thanks, man." And... 1064 00:42:07,015 --> 00:42:09,050 then we go to the door to go out. I say, "I'll see you guys later." 1065 00:42:09,050 --> 00:42:11,119 and I walk outside and I slid down the wall. 1066 00:42:11,119 --> 00:42:12,521 I went, "Oh, my God." 1067 00:42:12,521 --> 00:42:14,623 Oh, my God. 1068 00:42:14,623 --> 00:42:15,757 Yeah, yeah. 1069 00:42:15,757 --> 00:42:18,294 Who do you think he thought you were? 1070 00:42:22,764 --> 00:42:25,367 I wanna introduce everybody to the real Jason. 1071 00:42:25,367 --> 00:42:28,069 He's finally showed up. 1072 00:42:28,069 --> 00:42:31,206 Well, speaking of normal, Matthew Damon, 1073 00:42:31,307 --> 00:42:33,942 you're one of the most normal people I've ever known. 1074 00:42:33,942 --> 00:42:35,377 - Is that it? - Thank you for being here. 1075 00:42:35,377 --> 00:42:36,778 - Oh, my God. - That's it. 1076 00:42:36,778 --> 00:42:38,314 That's all we have time for. 1077 00:42:38,314 --> 00:42:39,615 All right. 1078 00:42:39,615 --> 00:42:43,084 - Thank you for being... - Matt Damon! 1079 00:42:43,084 --> 00:42:45,454 Guys, thank you. 1080 00:42:49,725 --> 00:42:51,460 - Wow. - Wow! 1081 00:42:53,128 --> 00:42:54,530 - That was quick. - Yeah. 1082 00:42:55,364 --> 00:42:57,533 I love that man. 1083 00:42:57,533 --> 00:42:59,368 - [Will and Jason] Yeah. - [Sean] He's the kind, like... 1084 00:42:59,368 --> 00:43:01,470 I was talking about kindness and everything. 1085 00:43:01,470 --> 00:43:02,904 I do think it's interesting though, you know, 1086 00:43:02,904 --> 00:43:05,040 when he did The Talented Mr. Ripley, 1087 00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:06,875 which is about a gay... 1088 00:43:06,875 --> 00:43:08,009 What's that? Was it me? 1089 00:43:08,009 --> 00:43:09,678 - Here he comes. - No, no... 1090 00:43:09,678 --> 00:43:11,347 - We're not doing a bye. - No, no, not yet. 1091 00:43:11,347 --> 00:43:13,482 Usually, this is where Sean starts wrapping up 1092 00:43:13,482 --> 00:43:14,550 and his brain breaks, 1093 00:43:14,550 --> 00:43:16,084 trying to work his way to a bye. 1094 00:43:16,084 --> 00:43:17,853 You can feel it. 1095 00:43:17,853 --> 00:43:20,356 - I'm getting it right now. -"I... just... you know... 1096 00:43:20,356 --> 00:43:22,524 Talented... Mr. Ripley..." 1097 00:43:23,692 --> 00:43:24,993 I was gonna say, 1098 00:43:24,993 --> 00:43:26,995 in The Talented Mr. Ripley, he plays a gay con man 1099 00:43:26,995 --> 00:43:29,030 and that's about the time he started hanging out with me. 1100 00:43:29,030 --> 00:43:30,866 But... 1101 00:43:30,866 --> 00:43:32,167 We are thinking about... 1102 00:43:32,167 --> 00:43:33,234 getting rid of the bye. 1103 00:43:33,234 --> 00:43:34,770 - Yeah, what do you guys think? - The bye... 1104 00:43:36,372 --> 00:43:38,774 - Yeah, both of them... - It's so cringy... 1105 00:43:38,774 --> 00:43:40,041 So, listen, if you wanna 1106 00:43:40,041 --> 00:43:41,443 pick on anybody after this show, 1107 00:43:41,443 --> 00:43:43,412 these three said they want us to get rid of it. 1108 00:43:43,412 --> 00:43:45,847 But about if we just change it to a... 1109 00:43:45,847 --> 00:43:48,884 "See ya" and then we can find a "See"... 1110 00:43:48,884 --> 00:43:50,952 - But we can't think of... - Wait, wait, wait, wait... 1111 00:43:50,952 --> 00:43:52,220 - ...any more byes. - Wait. 1112 00:43:52,220 --> 00:43:53,288 Wait, wait. 1113 00:43:53,389 --> 00:43:54,690 Let's vote on it right now. 1114 00:43:54,690 --> 00:43:56,758 Um, so, "Bye"... 1115 00:44:01,397 --> 00:44:03,264 - And... - Or "See ya"... 1116 00:44:04,966 --> 00:44:07,202 - I didn't pitch it well. - Well, so you know which one won. 1117 00:44:08,670 --> 00:44:10,939 Bye! 1118 00:44:10,939 --> 00:44:13,008 Thank you, Madison. 1119 00:44:13,008 --> 00:44:14,943 Thank you guys so much. 76190

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