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1
00:00:01,568 --> 00:00:03,335
[Pool Balls Clack]
[Door Opens]
2
00:00:03,404 --> 00:00:07,405
[Charlie]♪ Come one, come allto a beautiful show ♪
3
00:00:07,474 --> 00:00:10,742
♪ It's gonna be awesome
and some other stuff ♪
4
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:13,578
♪ Dee-dee-dee-deedo-dee-dee-deedo-dee-dee-do-dee ♪
5
00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:16,381
[Laughs]
♪ Some other musical stuff ♪♪
6
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:19,551
- What you doin', buddy?
- I wrote a musical.
7
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:20,830
Huh?
You wrote a musical?
8
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,287
Why? Why did you do that?
9
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,623
Uh, just to write a musical.
10
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:27,726
- Does there have to be
a reason? I don't think so.
- Yeah, there does.
11
00:00:27,794 --> 00:00:30,106
Nobody writes a musical
for no reason.
It doesn't make sense.
12
00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:32,370
All right. Well, this guy did.
So there you go.
[Chuckles]
13
00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:35,000
- Who's the mark?
- What?
14
00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:36,279
Oh.
Yeah.
15
00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,014
No. There's no...
There's no mark, guys.
16
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,016
I wrote a musical.
It's pretty damn good, okay?
17
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,917
- I want to put it on.
- What's your angle?
18
00:00:41,941 --> 00:00:44,509
- I don't have an angle.
- Whose face
are we shoving this in?
19
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,689
You don't shove a musical
in someone's face.
What are you talking about?
20
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,513
But who versus?
Who are we doing it versus?
21
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:51,683
Oh, my God. Are you guys
gonna make this about this?
I mean, look.
22
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:53,830
I just wrote a musical
to write a musical, okay?
23
00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:55,788
I don't have
a ulterior motive here.
24
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:58,435
I'm not trying to
screw anyone or-or gain
anything out of it.
25
00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:02,160
You know what? If you guys don'twant to be in it, I can findother people to play your parts.
26
00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:04,207
Whoa!
Whoa, whoa.
Hang on there, pal.
27
00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:06,376
Hang on. We're just
trying to wrap our heads
around this.
28
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,766
Yeah. I mean,
there's no reason to
give away our parts, okay?
29
00:01:08,835 --> 00:01:10,435
All right.
No. We'll do it.
30
00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:12,337
What's it called?
31
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,572
The Nightman Cometh.
32
00:01:47,041 --> 00:01:50,408
Okay. Gather around,
please, everybody!
33
00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:52,444
Uh, let's gather down front.
34
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,746
♪ I feel the magic
Do you feel the magic ♪
35
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:56,315
[Chuckles]
Here we go!
36
00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:58,783
Now, you guys,
you all know Artemis.
37
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,830
Yes.
Uh, Artemis was kind enough...
38
00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:02,888
to book for us
this fine local theater.
39
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,923
Okay. So, round of applause
for Artemis.
40
00:02:04,991 --> 00:02:06,903
Very nice.
She also transcribed my work...
41
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:10,161
into a format
you might consider
a little bit more legible.
42
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:12,864
- Or literate.
She added words to it.
- All right.
43
00:02:12,932 --> 00:02:15,701
No more interruptions now, Dee.
Thank you. Please.
44
00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:18,209
Charlie, I got
a question for you.
Who's playing this Lead Boy?
45
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:19,515
That's gonna be Mac.
What?
46
00:02:19,539 --> 00:02:22,740
Oh, yeah!
Lead, of course.
Who's playing the Dayman?
47
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,789
The Lead Boy becomes
the Dayman when he defeats
the Nightman. So it's also Mac.
48
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,946
Two parts?
Oh, yeah!
Wait. That's bullshit. Bro...
49
00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:32,050
- The Nightman's a better role.
- He gets to play two roles?
Come on.
50
00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:34,631
- It's the same person.
- Charlie, who's playing
the troll guy?
51
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,966
- You're gonna play
the troll guy.
- I'm the troll guy?
52
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,057
- Who else would be the troll?
- Oh! I like that.
53
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:41,059
All right. Good.
Can I do it naked?
54
00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:43,228
Absolutely not.
Why would you want to be naked?
55
00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:45,931
Because in the '70s,
everybody did theater naked.
56
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,977
Everybody got laid all the time.
57
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:51,047
All right. This is not the '70s.
You're gonna do theater
with your clothes on, please.
58
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:54,473
Charlie, what the hell is this
play about? I'm a princess
who lives in a coffee shop?
59
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:57,675
You work in a coffee shop.
You don't live in a coffee shop.
Read closer.
60
00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:00,945
Well, why am I in love
with a little boy?
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00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,481
You're in love with
a young man.
You wrote "boy."
62
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:05,483
All right. Well, man, boy...
It's a metaphor.
63
00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:07,630
Well, the audience
is gonna think
I'm a child molester.
64
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,694
I've changed my mind.
I'm playing the Nightman.
What?
65
00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:11,255
Whoa.
Yeah.
66
00:03:11,324 --> 00:03:13,570
Why would you want to
play the Nightman?
The Nightman's badass, dude.
67
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:16,161
He has the eyes of a cat
and does karate
across the stage.
68
00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:17,796
Where are you getting
that from? Karate?
69
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,843
I made that up.
It's gonna be great.
This is great.
70
00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,911
That frees up Lead Boy
and Dayman.
I can play both.
71
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:23,913
I don't want you guys switching.
That's not how it works.
72
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:26,182
Frank, you got a guy
that does cat eyes?
I'm already on it.
73
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,139
Oh, my God.
For the love of God.
74
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,575
Uh, you know what?
Let's just get started.
75
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,244
[Charlie]
You guys ready?
76
00:03:33,313 --> 00:03:34,513
[Dennis]I'm ready.[Dee] Yeah.
77
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:36,848
♪ Tiny boy
Little boy ♪
78
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,850
Ooh.
♪ Baby boy
I need you ♪
79
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,852
Ah. Ooh.
♪ Tiny boy, little boy ♪
80
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:43,088
♪ Want to make love
to you, boy ♪
81
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:46,158
♪ If you only knew ♪♪
Hold on a second.
Uh, Charlie.
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00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,159
- Yes.
- Are you goddamn kidding me?
83
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,273
What?
"Tiny boy, little boy,
baby boy"?
84
00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:52,230
Yes?
85
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:55,539
You're wanting me to say
I want to make love
to a little baby tiny boy.
86
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:58,615
But I've explained this
to you, Dee. I'm talking
about the spirit of this man.
87
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:01,150
It's like a little boy.
It's a metaphor.
You keep using that word,
88
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,819
but I'm not convinced
you know what it means.
89
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:04,587
Also, I'm not making out
with Dennis later.
90
00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:07,390
It says we're supposed to
at the end of the song.
That's not gonna happen.
91
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,214
I'm not sure I'm comfortable
with that either.
92
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,494
This is why I didn't
think you should be
playing the boy.
93
00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:13,663
I don't want you guys
kissing either.
What if it's just...
94
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:16,198
a sexually
charged embrace?
Okay, Artemis,
95
00:04:16,222 --> 00:04:18,156
please don't talk to the talent.
96
00:04:18,224 --> 00:04:20,202
You know what? Um...
All right. Screw this shit.
97
00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:22,539
- If no one likes the song,
I'm gonna cut the song.
- Thank you.
98
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:24,963
No, no, no.
Don't cut the song, man.
I like the song.
99
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:27,009
Dee, apologize to Charlie.
I'm not gonna do that.
100
00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:29,145
He wants me to bang this baby,
and I don't feel comfortable.
101
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:31,247
I think it's a bad idea
to cut the song, Charlie.
102
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,149
Thank you, Artemis.
Thank you very much.
103
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:36,608
All right.
Could you give me a second
with-with-with the talent here?
104
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:39,144
Thank you. Uh, Dennis,
could you take a five?
105
00:04:39,213 --> 00:04:41,679
Uh, well,
I just don't want to
cut the song, man.
106
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:44,482
- I would like for you
to take a five.
- Five minutes?
107
00:04:44,551 --> 00:04:49,154
Can we have five now, please?
Dee and I. Can I get...
Can you have a five over there?
108
00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:52,724
Will you take a five, Dennis.
Take a five, please.
Yeah, I'll take a five.
109
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:56,160
[Sighs]
Okay, Dee.
The-The song is history.
110
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:58,674
Thank you, Charlie.
I appreciate that,
'cause I was uncomfortable.
111
00:04:58,698 --> 00:05:01,678
Yeah, I bet.
What-What are we gonna sing
instead? What should I sing?
112
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:04,180
Uh, what's on
the back there?
It's the same song.
113
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,249
And what's on
the very back page?
Nothing.
114
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:08,974
Ah. Then that's what
you'll be singing.
115
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:12,210
Charlie,
this is my big song.
Yeah.
116
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:14,757
Yeah.
Everybody else has a big song.
I deserve to have one.
117
00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:17,293
Do you?
Don't screw me like this,
Charlie. Come on.
118
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:20,318
Don't screw you?
Oh, I'm sorry, Dee.
119
00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:22,398
Um, let me try
and remember something.
120
00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:25,835
Uh, let's see. Was it...
Did Dee write a musical
and come to Charlie with it?
121
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:30,362
No! Charlie wrote a musical
and came to Dee with it...
and the gang.
122
00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:34,366
And the gang likes to screw it
up and make it about themselves
and take it away from Charlie...
123
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:36,412
and ruin his hopes and dreams.
124
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:39,437
So let me tell you something,
Dee. Let me break down
a scenario for you.
125
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:42,474
I could cut the song, okay?
Because I wrote it.
126
00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:45,844
I could have Artemis
do the song, okay?
Because you did not write it.
127
00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:49,180
Or I could strap on a wig
and I could do the song myself.
128
00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:53,518
So you tell me,
Little Miss All That,
what do you want to do?
129
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:56,754
Song or no song?
130
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:04,262
Well, so... song.
[Gasps]
Song?
131
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:06,798
Yeah. Song.
You want to sing a song.
132
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,466
I never wasn't gonna
sing the song.
133
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,047
You are excited
about singing a song,
and you want to sing a song.
134
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:13,938
Yeah. I would
like to do it.
Good!
135
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:16,541
Yeah, I'll...
So back up
on your podium you go.
136
00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:19,510
Thank you.
Dennis, what are you doing?
137
00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:22,013
I'm eating because
I'm very uncomfortable.
138
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:25,316
Well... You guys are making...
Can you just get
on the stage, please?
139
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,930
And can we finish
this rehearsal?
It was really loud.
140
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:30,199
Don't start.
Technically, thatwasn't five minutes.
141
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:33,058
Okay. You know what?
You guys have me up to here.
Okay.
142
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,438
Okay, I'm here.I don't want tobe here, okay?
143
00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:38,307
Now I have to
play the piano,
and I'm all up here.
144
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:40,643
So let's...
You know what? Let's try
and get this down.
145
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,907
Let's try and work this
down a bit. Okay?
146
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:45,047
And you know
what's gonna do that?
Learning the song.
147
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,749
The way it's written.
Let's do it.
148
00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:50,293
Back to the top.
Five, six,
seven, eight...
149
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:56,047
♪ Gotta pay the troll toll
to get into this boy's hole ♪
150
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:59,184
♪ You gotta pay the troll toll
to get in ♪
151
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:03,621
♪ You want this baby boy's hole
you gotta pay
the troll toll ♪♪
152
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,791
Stop, stop, stop.
All right. Um, not bad.
153
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:09,761
Good rhythm.
Love the enthusiasm. I feel
like you're saying "boy's hole."
154
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:13,498
And it's clearly "soul."
And I know... Artemis, you did
write "soul," right?
155
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,644
I did write
"soul" definitely.
So it's "boy's soul."
156
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:19,204
♪ You gotta pay the troll toll
to get into this boy's hole ♪
157
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,684
♪ You gotta pay ♪♪
No, see? Right there.
It sounds like "hole."
158
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:23,708
Like, if you drag that...
Are you chewing gum?
159
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,623
Yeah.
Give me
the gum, okay?
160
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:28,991
G-Gi... The gum, Frank.
Please.
He said no gum.
161
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:31,060
I said no gum, everyone.
[Artemis]It's unprofessional.
162
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:32,528
Thank you.
Can I bring something up?
163
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,552
- Yes.
- Um, I think we have to be
very careful...
164
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,598
about how we do
the rape scene.
[Dennis] Yeah.
165
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:39,624
Well, what in God's name
are you talking?
There's no rape scene.
166
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:43,928
Well, sure.
Uh, I pay the troll toll,
and then I rape Dennis.
167
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:46,964
No. You don't rape him.
You become him.
You do not rape him.
168
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:48,799
[Frank]He doesn't?
No.
169
00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:51,380
Look. [Sighs]
Let me just walk you guys
through this, okay?
170
00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:52,837
Here's what happens.
Yeah.
171
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,539
Once you've paid the toll...
Yeah.
172
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:57,553
I want you to come over
to Dennis, by his bed here.
I'll be lying back.
173
00:07:57,577 --> 00:07:59,555
You want me to
cross the stage?
Yes.
174
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:02,959
All right. This is a great
opportunity to showcase some
skills and just put on a clinic.
175
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,761
I would rather you didn't.
I think the people
are gonna want to see that.
176
00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:07,830
Let's not.
Then I'll hop up
sort of like a cat.
177
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:09,821
Like so. Meow.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
178
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:13,658
Just leave it at that.
Okay. Once he gets near you,
you have to sense him, okay?
179
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:16,072
- Suddenly you sense him.
- What if I were to
position him...
180
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,862
in a way where I get behind him,
181
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:20,275
then Frank could throw
that blanket he's got
right there over us.
182
00:08:20,299 --> 00:08:22,412
Oh, yeah.
Then that way you can't
see the penetration.
183
00:08:22,436 --> 00:08:25,348
That's a good idea. You know
what, Charlie? Because the
blanket will make the raping...
184
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:28,673
I'm sorry, the, uh,
"sexing" from behind...
feel more classy.
185
00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:31,809
That's good. Then what
I can do is thrust this way.
And you can struggle.
186
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,947
Now I'm here. Okay?
I am...
187
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:39,517
I'm past where I thought
I could go. I'm like
all the way up here with it.
188
00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:47,102
Oh, my God. Hey, you.
Oh, my God!
You scared me.
189
00:08:47,126 --> 00:08:49,404
I'm sorry. I dropped,
like, a hundred dollar bill
under there,
190
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:52,041
can't find it anywhere,
and then... What are you
doing walking here?
191
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,376
Is this one of
your walking places?
Charlie, I have Mace.
192
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,334
Oh, my God.
Check this out.
193
00:08:56,403 --> 00:09:00,271
Uh, I have a free ticket
for you to see a musical
that I wrote.
194
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:02,952
Oh, wow!
A free ticket to a play
that I don't want to see.
195
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,753
You don't want to?
I don't.
196
00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:07,478
It's a front row seat.
I don't care.
I don't want to see your play.
197
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,026
I'm gonna cut you a bargain.
Cut you a little deal.
Come see this play...
198
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,529
I didn't want to
have to do this,
but if you come see this play...
199
00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:14,630
Yeah?
I'm gonna leave you alone
for the rest of your life.
200
00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:16,087
Really?
Yeah.
201
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:18,267
Okay. So you're not gonna
follow me home anymore?
No.
202
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,825
And you're not gonna call me
at 3:00 in the morning...
No.
203
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,872
And tell me that you are...
204
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,606
in the emergency room
in the hospital...
Yeah.
205
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:27,310
'cause you had a terrible
car accident.
Yeah. It's great that you came.
206
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:29,411
Well, you listed me
as your emergency contact.
Well, yeah.
207
00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:31,347
Because I consider you that.
I have to go.
208
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,437
Look. Ah...
209
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,740
All right.
I swear to God,
I'm gonna leave you alone.
210
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:38,721
I'm gonna stop listing you
as my emergency contact.
I'm gonna stop calling you...
211
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,779
All that stuff...
If you see the musical.
212
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:43,414
That's how much
this means to me.
213
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,152
Nice.
214
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:49,153
Leave me alone.
You're not gonna regret it.
215
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:52,190
I regret it already.
All right.
216
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,558
♪♪ [Whistling]
217
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,479
[Crowd Murmuring][Charlie Sighs]Oh, man.
218
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:05,447
What is going on?
When are we gonna start?
219
00:10:05,471 --> 00:10:07,431
We're gonna start
when I'm ready.
Stop hounding me.
220
00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:09,986
We were supposed to start20 minutes ago.We're not gonna start...
221
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,988
[Gasps] She's here!
She's here! She's here!
Who's here?
222
00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:14,891
Circle in, everybody.
Can we get down in the middle.
Can we get down front.
223
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:17,192
Couple last-minute things.
I just want to brief
everyone on this.
224
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:19,128
Artemis,
can you bring in Gladys?
This is Gladys.
225
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:21,096
She's gonna be playingthe piano insteadof me tonight.
226
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,254
- What? Why?
- It's cool.
She knows all the songs.
227
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:26,068
Gladys, can you head outand get us started?
I forgot to tell you.
228
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:28,092
Calvin Coolidge
was a good friend of mine.
229
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:31,207
You've been telling me that
Calvin Coolidge was a friend
of yours like all morning.
230
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,364
- How many times?
- Like a hundred times now.
231
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,411
Oh.
At a certain point,
I need you to stop...
232
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:37,413
telling the Calvin Coolidge
story and start playing...
Shh.
233
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:40,705
- Don't shush me.
Please don't shush me.
- Oh, my God, dude.
234
00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:43,485
- Just get her out there
and get the play started.
- What the hell are you doing?
235
00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:45,854
You can't be throwing us
curveballs like this.
I'm hanging on by a thread.
236
00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:48,457
Don't argue with me now.
We just gotta do this.
Let's stick together.
237
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:51,160
Real quickly. A couple
things. I can't really
move my arms in this.
238
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:53,228
It is a rental.
I think I need to
rip the pit.
239
00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:55,253
Do not rip that costume, okay?
It's very expensive.
240
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:58,100
Fine. But one other thing.
I wrote a song.
I'm gonna throw it in.
241
00:10:58,124 --> 00:11:00,925
I swear to God,
you cannot add a song.
It's gonna happen.
242
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,738
I will smack your face...
It's gonna happen.
243
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,602
Off of your face.
Okay.
244
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,375
Do not add a song.
It's starting. Go.
245
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:08,077
You gotta get ready.
I'm not ready, dude.
246
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:10,079
I don't think I can do this.
Just get out there.
247
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,223
I don't think I can do this.
You're gonna be fine.
248
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:16,842
[Charlie]Don't change your lines, okay?Don't change your lines.
249
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,410
Do not rip that costume.
250
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:20,978
♪♪ [Up-tempo Piano]
251
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:23,447
What is this strange feeling?
252
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:27,085
I feel so strange inside.
253
00:11:27,154 --> 00:11:30,055
It's so strange, but appealing.
254
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:32,990
I feel good. Ooh.
♪ Tiny boy ♪
255
00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:35,593
♪ Little boy, baby boy
I need you ♪
Ah. Ooh.
256
00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:37,840
Ah. Ooh. Oh.
♪ Tiny boyLittle boy ♪
257
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,097
♪ I want to touch you, boy ♪
♪ If you only knew ♪
258
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:42,244
♪ What I'd do to you ♪
♪ I need you, boy ♪
259
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:45,236
♪ If I was that boy
that's inside of you ♪
260
00:11:45,304 --> 00:11:47,417
♪ Tiny boy, little boy
Baby boy ♪
Ah. Ooh.
261
00:11:47,441 --> 00:11:49,985
♪ I need you
Tiny boy, little boy ♪
Ah. Ooh. Oh.
262
00:11:50,009 --> 00:11:53,022
♪ Want to make love
to you, boy ♪
♪ If you only knew ♪
263
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,814
♪ What I'd do to you ♪
♪ Boy, oh, boy ♪
264
00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:57,603
♪ If I was that boy
that's inside of you ♪
265
00:11:57,650 --> 00:12:00,585
♪ Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy ♪
♪ Inside, insideinside of you ♪
266
00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:05,390
[Together]
♪ My boy ♪♪
267
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:08,626
[Both Sigh]
Oh, boy.
268
00:12:09,696 --> 00:12:12,029
♪♪ [Piano]
[Applause]
269
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:20,438
♪ Just to be clear
I did not write that song ♪
270
00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:24,709
♪ And have never had sex
with a child
Just to be clear ♪
271
00:12:24,777 --> 00:12:28,346
♪ Just to be clear ♪
What...
What is happening?
272
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:32,050
♪ Most men find me to be
an eight or nine out of 10 ♪
273
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:36,287
♪ And I am available
to any interested men ♪
274
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:40,091
♪ Who'd like to get my number
after the show ♪♪
275
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,995
Keep singin', bitch.
You're not gonna have a face
by the time I'm done with you.
276
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:47,031
What the hell is she doing?
She's bombing like crazy.
277
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,433
What an idiot.
I was awesome though, right?
278
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:51,948
You? No, dude.
You totally froze up
out there. You sucked.
279
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:55,106
Um, I was hearing a lot
of laughs out there, bro.
Laughs are cheap.
280
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:57,108
[Applause]
I'm going for gasps.
281
00:12:57,176 --> 00:13:00,311
Wait till you see, dude.
Gasps are where it's at.
282
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:02,580
I gotta go pop my cat eyes in.
283
00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:05,717
♪♪ [Piano]
284
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:12,090
[Hisses]
285
00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:14,292
[Laughing]
286
00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:16,605
We're getting a lot of laughs.
That's good.
That's not good.
287
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:19,108
This is not a comedy, okay?
No one's supposed
to be laughing.
288
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,499
♪♪ [Snapping Rhythmically]
289
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:24,469
You came at the right time.
Is he sleeping?
290
00:13:24,538 --> 00:13:27,138
Yes. He's sleeping
right over there.
291
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:30,441
Just the way you like 'em.
292
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,944
Did you bring the toll?
293
00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:37,648
Confound your
lousy toll, troll.
[Hisses]
294
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:39,250
[Laughing]
295
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:42,387
Goddamn it.
Stop laughing at me.
296
00:13:42,456 --> 00:13:46,224
♪ You gotta pay the troll toll
if you want to get into
that boy's hole ♪
297
00:13:46,292 --> 00:13:48,492
♪ You gotta pay the troll toll
to get in ♪
298
00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:53,364
♪ You want the baby boy's hole
you gotta pay
the troll toll ♪
299
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:57,012
♪ You gotta pay
the troll toll
to get in ♪
300
00:13:57,036 --> 00:13:58,703
♪ Troll toll ♪
301
00:13:58,772 --> 00:14:00,705
♪ What'd you say ♪
302
00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:02,506
♪ Troll toll ♪
303
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,342
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
304
00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:07,878
♪ Troll toll ♪♪
305
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:12,583
Here's your toll, troll.
[Coins Clink]
306
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:15,853
Your boy awaits.
307
00:14:15,922 --> 00:14:20,091
At last.
The boy's soul is mine.
308
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,062
[Grunting]
309
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,234
[Chuckling]
310
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:32,537
[Snoring, Whistles]
311
00:14:32,606 --> 00:14:34,539
[Gasps]
312
00:14:34,608 --> 00:14:36,540
Give me that leg, boy.
No.
313
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,688
[Dennis]
Dude, do you have
a boner right now?
314
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,690
[Mac]Shut up, dude.Don't ruin this for me.
315
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:43,259
[Dennis] What? What the hellare you... Jesus. Okay, stop.[Thumping]
316
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:45,243
That's enough, dude.
Does it hurt?
317
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,285
Ow. Oh. God.
318
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:59,897
I am going to smack everyone
into tiny little pieces.
319
00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:04,402
Hello, boy!
320
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:08,639
Come over here
and scratch my itchy-witchy
toesy-woesies.
321
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:10,941
No.
What?
322
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:13,478
- Get over here.
- No, Antonio.
323
00:15:13,547 --> 00:15:15,713
I control you.
You control nothing.
324
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:19,751
I am not your
slave anymore,
and I am not a boy.
325
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:22,653
I am a man. See?
326
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:24,956
I was transformed...
327
00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:27,024
by the strong,
328
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,727
musky power of true love.
329
00:15:30,864 --> 00:15:32,864
I am now...
330
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:36,233
the Dayman.
331
00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:41,706
- What the hell is that?
- You know what it is, bitch.
332
00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:43,708
Bang!
[Groans]
333
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:46,644
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!
334
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:48,646
[Groaning]
335
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:51,182
- ♪♪ [Piano Tinkles Ominously]
- [Hisses]
336
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:53,318
[Audience Laughing]
337
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:58,322
Where's the boy?
338
00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,890
The boy is gone.
339
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,893
You can't tell me what to do.
340
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:05,630
N... I didn't tell you what to...
You're skipping a line, dude.
341
00:16:05,699 --> 00:16:08,633
Yeah. Uh...
You can't tell me what to do.
342
00:16:08,702 --> 00:16:10,779
You're still skipping
the same line.
Just move past it...
343
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,949
'cause I can't remember...
God, it's crazy how much
better I am at acting than you.
344
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:18,009
I'm going to kick your ass, bro.
I'll tell you what.
I am the ruler of darkness.
345
00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:21,312
I am the master of light.
346
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:25,650
I am the Dayman.
347
00:16:25,719 --> 00:16:27,730
Whatever, bro.
Here's your whatever, bitch.
348
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:29,865
What? No, don't improv.
Don't tell me what to do.
349
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:30,822
[Both Grunting]
350
00:16:30,891 --> 00:16:32,156
[Groans]
351
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:34,492
[Shouts]
[Screams]
352
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,460
Whoo!
[Laughs]
353
00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:38,641
[Shouting]
[Shouts]
Body bag!
354
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:39,964
[Groans]
355
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:43,534
[Growls]
No.
356
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,703
Yes.
No.
357
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:48,839
No!
358
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:50,909
[Gasps]
359
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,210
[Exhales]
360
00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:54,712
♪♪ [Piano Imitating Heartbeat]
361
00:16:57,417 --> 00:17:00,317
♪♪ [Heartbeat Slows]
362
00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:04,422
[Gasps, Groans]
♪♪ [Ends]
363
00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:10,929
[Gasps]
364
00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:13,264
You have defeated the evil
that was here.
365
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:19,103
Naturally, for I am the Dayman.
366
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:23,074
[Gasps] You once were a boy,
and now you are a man,
and I am in love with you.
367
00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:26,977
That's right.
And now I am in love
with you.
368
00:17:28,314 --> 00:17:30,748
♪ Dayman ♪
♪♪ [Both Vocalizing]
369
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:34,485
♪ Fighter of the Nightman ♪
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
370
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:37,655
♪ Champion of the sun ♪
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
371
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:42,360
♪ You're a master of karate
and friendship for everyone ♪
372
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:45,507
♪ Dayman ♪
♪ Dayman, Dayman
Dayman ♪
373
00:17:45,531 --> 00:17:48,900
♪ Fighter of the Nightman ♪
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
374
00:17:48,969 --> 00:17:52,036
♪ Champion of the sun ♪
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
♪ The sun, the sun, the sun ♪
375
00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:56,507
♪ You're a master of karate
and friendship for everyone ♪
376
00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:59,443
♪ Dayman ♪
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
377
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:03,014
♪ Fighter of the Nightman ♪
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
378
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:06,083
♪ Champion of the sun ♪
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
379
00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:10,954
♪ You're a master of karate
and friendship for everyone ♪
380
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:15,025
♪ Dayman ♪♪
381
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:18,395
Stage freeze!
Don't say stage freeze.
Just do it.
382
00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:24,702
♪♪ [Vocalizing,
Voice Warbling]
383
00:18:28,008 --> 00:18:31,308
♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]
384
00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:36,247
♪ I was that little boy
That little baby boy was me ♪
385
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:41,686
♪ I once was a boy
but now I am a man ♪
386
00:18:41,754 --> 00:18:44,555
♪ I fought the Nightman
lived as Dayman ♪
387
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,391
♪ Now I'm here
to ask for your hand ♪
388
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:52,830
♪ So if you want to marry, man
will you marry me ♪
389
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:55,800
♪ Will you come on stage
and join me ♪
390
00:18:55,869 --> 00:18:58,069
♪ In this thing
called matrimony ♪
391
00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:00,838
♪ Please say yes
and do not bone me ♪
392
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:04,441
♪ Please just marry ♪
393
00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:11,115
♪ Me ♪♪
394
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,053
Is that it?
395
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:17,221
Uh... Huh?
396
00:19:17,289 --> 00:19:19,857
Is the play over?
Ye... Yeah.
397
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:22,026
Okay. Great.
Well, then I'm out of here.
398
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,855
Hang on.
Hang on a second.
Hang on.
399
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,099
- Is it a yes, or...
- Is it a yes?
400
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:31,970
Really, Charlie? Will I marry
you? No. No, I will not.
I will never marry you.
401
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:35,473
And I also held up
my end of the bargain, so
I never have to see you again.
402
00:19:35,541 --> 00:19:37,808
Okay. So wait. Just...
403
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:41,378
I'm sorry.
I want to get this clear.
Uh, you are saying no?
404
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:44,148
Oh, I am definitely,
definitely saying no.
405
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:47,117
Okay. Well, I didn't
ever sign anything.
406
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:50,621
So, um, I'll see you tomorrow.
407
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:57,094
That's it.
You can go home.
408
00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:59,207
It's over.
[Dennis]Well, we're gonna do a bow.
409
00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:01,165
Hold on.
Yeah?
410
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:03,167
Uh, if you want.
411
00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:06,436
It was a great
musical, Charlie.
You did a great job.
412
00:20:06,505 --> 00:20:08,472
She ain't worth it.
413
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:16,447
Told you nobody just writes
a musical for no reason.
414
00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:18,983
I am here. I am...
I am past here.
415
00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:22,120
And by the way,
416
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:24,122
I thought the rape scene
went really well.
417
00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:27,759
I... I am here.
I am here with it.
And that was awful for me.
418
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:30,061
And if you bring this up
back at the apartment tonight,
419
00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:32,163
I am going to smack you.
I swear to God.
420
00:21:05,265 --> 00:21:08,199
[Voices Speaking Backwards]
36554
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