All language subtitles for How_I_Met_Your_Mother_S07E12_test

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:06,171 [Robin] Kids, have I ever told you the story of how I met your father? 2 00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:11,243 Well, I'll just skip ahead to the moment I told him I was pregnant. 3 00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:13,245 [Groans] What happened? 4 00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:14,747 Did I pass out? 5 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,448 Not exactly. 6 00:00:16,449 --> 00:00:18,949 I'm pregnant. 7 00:00:22,455 --> 00:00:24,523 Are you sure you're not just getting fat? 8 00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:26,692 [Groans] 9 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:29,491 Oh, yeah. 10 00:00:29,562 --> 00:00:31,597 So, um, you're pregnant. 11 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:34,098 - [Sighs] Yeah. - Huh. 12 00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:38,938 Looks like nobody told your boobs. [Chuckles] 13 00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:42,807 [Groans] What happened? Did I pass out? 14 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:46,106 - Oh, my- - Please stop hitting me! 15 00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:48,746 Okay, are- 16 00:00:48,848 --> 00:00:51,250 Are you sure you're- 17 00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,719 Well, no, not positive. 18 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,521 I'm a week late. But I am never late. 19 00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:57,923 It's a point of pride with me. 20 00:00:57,924 --> 00:01:00,526 I'm gonna go see the doctor on Monday to find out for sure. 21 00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:03,295 Until then, not a word of this to anyone. 22 00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:05,164 Not even Kevin? 23 00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:08,225 I mean, it's probably his. 24 00:01:08,301 --> 00:01:11,403 I've spent years training my boys to swim the other way. 25 00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:14,173 Kevin and I haven't had sex yet. 26 00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:17,184 If I'm pregnant, you're the dad. 27 00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:20,779 That's... wonderful! 28 00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:21,947 Huh? 29 00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:24,448 I'm gonna be a daddy! 30 00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:28,085 ## [Upbeat Pop] 31 00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:32,156 ## [Man Vocalizing] 32 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:39,263 ## [Ends] 33 00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:43,931 Okay, one scotch for me. 34 00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:45,704 One iced tea in a rocks glass for Mommy. 35 00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:49,785 - Stop it. - Sorry, sorry. Keeping it secret. 36 00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:53,512 Ooh, I think I gave you the wrong one. Here, let me just- 37 00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:56,615 - Give it to me. Drop it. Let go. - Ye- I don't- You- 38 00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:59,116 Take it away from you. 39 00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:01,987 Barney, why are you so happy about this? 40 00:02:01,988 --> 00:02:04,356 Because this is perfect! I wanna be a dad. 41 00:02:04,357 --> 00:02:07,326 This is not good news. I have a boyfriend. 42 00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:09,161 Yeah, but if Kevin weren't around- 43 00:02:09,162 --> 00:02:10,929 It doesn't matter! 44 00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:13,532 I don't want kids. I've never wanted kids. 45 00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:17,503 And never in a million years will I ever want kids. 46 00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:20,004 [Robin] Sorry, kids. 47 00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,508 I can't have a baby. 48 00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:27,003 Hey, guys. Guess what this is? 49 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,314 One of your socks? Boom! You're huge. 50 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:32,584 No, it's our unborn son's Christmas stocking. 51 00:02:32,585 --> 00:02:36,488 Grandma Gunderson started knitting it the day Lily and I got married. 52 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:39,158 She died before she could finish. 53 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,426 Hmm. 54 00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:41,927 I miss stockings. 55 00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:43,929 My stepdad, Clint, made us get rid of anything... 56 00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:46,231 that reminds him of the commercialization of Christmas. 57 00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:48,567 I thought you said he dresses up as Santa. 58 00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:52,771 Yeah, but, uh, to protest gender stereotypes, he plays Santa as a woman. 59 00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:54,039 Though he keeps the beard. 60 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,532 The result... is... disturbing. 61 00:02:57,610 --> 00:02:59,378 Well, we should go. 62 00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:03,115 We have to get to We B Babies so that we can register for our shower. 63 00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,017 No can do. 64 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:08,587 I have a big project that I'm working on. 65 00:03:08,588 --> 00:03:13,492 - This is Richard Holdman's house in East Meadow. - ## [Festive] 66 00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:16,895 Last year, he had the most visited Christmas display in the Tri-State area. 67 00:03:16,896 --> 00:03:18,897 But not this year. You know why? 68 00:03:18,898 --> 00:03:21,633 Because Big Fudge has come to town. 69 00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:23,836 And he brought his two friends- 70 00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:25,504 Mannheim... Steamroller. 71 00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:27,072 Game on. 72 00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:29,108 - [Hiccups] - Are you okay? 73 00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:31,609 Yeah. Uh, it's just, um- 74 00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:34,413 I hate Mannheim Steamroller. 75 00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:36,415 Isn't there anyone else you can use? 76 00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:39,485 Come on. Who am I gonna use if not the Steamroller? 77 00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:41,553 I don't know. AC/DC? 78 00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,655 AC/DC. 79 00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:45,891 Robin, do you have any idea... 80 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:48,227 why they call them Mannheim Steamroller? 81 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:52,597 Because they rock... so hard, so festively... 82 00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:56,032 that steam comes out of your brain... 83 00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:58,604 as it melts. 84 00:03:58,605 --> 00:04:01,173 So, I have to go to We B Babies by myself? 85 00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:03,894 Robin and I will go with you. 86 00:04:05,478 --> 00:04:07,980 Barney, what are we doing here? 87 00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:11,350 I wanna show you that having a kid is nothing to be afraid of. 88 00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:13,152 - [Chattering, Laughing] - [Crashing] 89 00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:15,653 [Groaning] Kids, stop. 90 00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:18,157 [lmitates Gunshot] 91 00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:21,793 - Okay, first on the registry- nipple butter. - Uh-oh. 92 00:04:21,794 --> 00:04:25,931 As you breast-feed, your nipples stretch out, like, four inches and get all dry and cracked. 93 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:29,242 The nipple butter stops the bleeding. 94 00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:33,172 My four-inch nipples are gonna crack and bleed! 95 00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:37,042 Yes, but while the baby's gnawing on your bleeding nips... 96 00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:39,633 Iook what she'll be wearing! 97 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:46,913 Insane Duane? 98 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,689 Barney? 99 00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:53,458 [Robin Narrating] lnsane Duane was your father's best friend... 100 00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:58,349 back in the days before he met me or your Uncle Ted. 101 00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:00,966 Goin' back to her place. Boom! 102 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:05,370 All right, you win! Here's 20 for picking up a girl with only one word. 103 00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:07,940 And here's another 20 for that word being "boner." 104 00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:14,146 Thank you. I will meet you back here in an hour when I'm done with, uh- 105 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,715 Who cares what her name is? She won't be around long enough for it to matter. 106 00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:19,216 [Laughs] Nice. 107 00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:23,745 - Honey, this is my friend- - Shh. 108 00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:26,758 I can't believe I haven't seen you around. 109 00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:29,695 Well, after Sheila and l had that quickie... 110 00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:34,258 my life's been playdates, preschools and poops. 111 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:38,637 - I haven't set foot in a bar in years. - You stopped drinking? 112 00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:41,138 Oh, I still drink. 113 00:05:42,408 --> 00:05:44,243 Vaginal numbing spray. 114 00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:49,047 Apparently, after childbirth, your hoo-ha looks like Rocky Balboa's face. 115 00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:52,484 - You can't have a baby! - I can't have a baby! 116 00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:55,087 [Robin Narrating] The next day, we went to the doctor. 117 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:58,290 Well, Mrs. Scherbatsky, I'm sure that you and your husband- 118 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,793 - Uh, he's not my husband. - Oh, I am so sorry. Your boyfriend then. 119 00:06:01,794 --> 00:06:03,929 - He's not my boyfriend. - [Mutters In Russian] 120 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:06,531 All right, well, I will just cut to the chase, yeah? 121 00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:09,032 - Wait. Wait. - All right. 122 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,671 - Okay. - All right, we're ready. Good. 123 00:06:12,672 --> 00:06:14,740 Um, you? Not pregnant. 124 00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:17,009 - [Robin Sighs] - Yeah! 125 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:19,911 - ## [iPod: Dance] - Oh, yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about! 126 00:06:19,912 --> 00:06:23,040 [Yelling] 127 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:24,783 Yeah! You know! You know! 128 00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:27,434 [Robin] Again, sorry, kids. 129 00:06:28,788 --> 00:06:32,090 Hey, mister. Are you putting up all these Christmas lights? 130 00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:37,396 Oh, kid, by the time I'm done, you're gonna be able to see this sumbitch from outer space. 131 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,765 Cool. 132 00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:41,933 I wanted to put lights on our house, but... 133 00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:46,294 my dad says he's too busy with work and stuff. 134 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,170 Hey, what do you say, uh... 135 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:52,244 you come back here next weekend and help me out? 136 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:54,813 Yeah. You've got yourself a deal! 137 00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:57,314 - I'm Scott. - I'm- 138 00:06:58,351 --> 00:06:59,785 Mr. Eriksen. 139 00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:02,286 Thanks, Mr. E! 140 00:07:04,223 --> 00:07:06,525 Mr. E. 141 00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:12,331 Looks like some little scamp just earned the right to put the Vikings helmet on Baby Jesus. 142 00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:13,999 [Robin Narrating] Later that week... 143 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:17,035 as I was enjoying every second of not being pregnant- 144 00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:18,870 [TV: Male Announcer] Next on Teenage Mommies. 145 00:07:18,871 --> 00:07:20,872 [TV: Girl] But you said you'd watch Bella! 146 00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:22,874 [TV: Girl #2] I have cheerleading practice! 147 00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:25,877 [Chuckles] Sucks to be you, Braces! 148 00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:28,180 [Phone Rings] 149 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,681 Oh. Yello! 150 00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:35,105 Uh, yeah, I can come back in. 151 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,488 Robin, we ran some tests last week. 152 00:07:39,692 --> 00:07:42,728 This is going to be difficult to hear. 153 00:07:42,729 --> 00:07:46,631 [Robin Narrating] And then the doctor said a bunch of medical stuff that- 154 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:49,401 Well, the gist of it was this. 155 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,902 I can't have a baby? 156 00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:59,144 No, you can't have a baby. 157 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,814 Uh, great. 158 00:08:03,883 --> 00:08:06,985 Uh, well, I mean, um, not-not great. 159 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:10,322 I mean, I've never wanted kids, so if it has to happen to someone, it- 160 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:14,025 Robin, is there anyone you can talk to about this? 161 00:08:14,026 --> 00:08:15,827 Perhaps a close friend. 162 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:18,530 [Robin Narrating] I knew I could have talked to my friends. 163 00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:22,000 But it's just, I already knew exactly how they would all react. 164 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:25,337 Ted would go into overdrive trying to make me feel better. 165 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,707 You need comfort food. Fried chicken, mac 'n' cheese, mashed potatoes. 166 00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:30,509 Open your present. I'll work on these shoulders. 167 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,911 Okay, just breathe, relax, eat your chicken. 168 00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:36,782 Come on, eat! Breathe! Open it! Breathe! Open it! Eat! 169 00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:39,251 - Robin, why are you so tense? - [Groans] 170 00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,253 [Robin Narrating] Lily would just implode. 171 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:45,657 And here I've been going on and on about babies. 172 00:08:45,658 --> 00:08:50,027 [Sobbing] Oh, I am such a bad friend! 173 00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:54,566 - And I'd wind up comforting her. - It's okay. 174 00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:57,436 You have to punch me in the face! 175 00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:01,440 Marshall would ask me a ton of questions I don't know the answers to. 176 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,442 - Have you thought about adoption? - Um, well- 177 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,944 - Does this kind of thing run in your family? - Uh- 178 00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:10,682 What was the date, duration and consistency of your last period? 179 00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:13,919 And your father would bend over backwards trying to make me laugh. 180 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,421 A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar- 181 00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:18,790 No, a barbershop. No, a post office. 182 00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:21,426 No, it's two priests. No, it's two ducks. 183 00:09:21,427 --> 00:09:24,796 No, a priest holding a duck. And he's Polish. The priest, not the duck. 184 00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:27,632 Actually, the duck could be Polish too. Doesn't matter. 185 00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:29,434 Yes, it does. The duck's not Polish. 186 00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:32,737 And when that didn't work, he would actually bend over backwards. 187 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:35,832 Pratfall! Whoa! [Groans] 188 00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:40,812 The bottom line is I didn't feel like talking about it. So when Ted asked- 189 00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:43,482 Hey, Robin, you okay? You look upset. 190 00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:46,818 I just came up with the first lie that popped into my head. 191 00:09:46,819 --> 00:09:49,287 Yeah, uh... 192 00:09:49,288 --> 00:09:51,656 I just found out I can never... 193 00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:54,926 b- be a pole-vaulter for the Canadian Olympic team. 194 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:57,128 I'm too tall or something. 195 00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:59,364 - I'm so sorry. - I had no idea. 196 00:09:59,365 --> 00:10:01,333 Can we get some fried chicken over here? Stat! 197 00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:04,235 I am such a bad friend! 198 00:10:04,303 --> 00:10:07,372 Three slutty nuns show up at St. Peter's- Wait, wait. They're not slutty. 199 00:10:07,373 --> 00:10:09,374 Well, they are, but you're not supposed to know that yet. 200 00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:11,843 - [Phone Rings] - Hey, baby. What's up? 201 00:10:11,844 --> 00:10:14,946 Hey, uh, listen, the construction of the Symphony of lllumination... 202 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,549 is taking a little longer than I thought. 203 00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:20,185 Good thing I have Scott here to help me. Right, Scott? 204 00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:21,853 You betcha, Mr. E! 205 00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:25,524 Bad news. Robin's too tall to be an Olympic pole vaulter. 206 00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,158 Has she filed an appeal with the l.O.C.? 207 00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:28,660 Have you filed an appeal with the l.O.C.? 208 00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,629 Could she make herself shorter by slouching? 209 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:31,997 Can you make yourself shorter by slouching? 210 00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:33,331 Has she considered going back to school... 211 00:10:33,332 --> 00:10:34,533 and competing at the collegiate level? 212 00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,334 Have you considered going back to school- 213 00:10:36,335 --> 00:10:39,404 - I don't want to talk about it! - Sorry. 214 00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:41,573 Okay, I love you, baby. See ya tomorrow. 215 00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:43,041 Okay, I love you too. 216 00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:44,910 Whoops. 217 00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:46,378 [Phone Clatters On Ground] 218 00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:48,380 Scott? Scott, I dropped my phone! 219 00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:49,881 Yep. Found it. 220 00:10:49,882 --> 00:10:52,417 - Could you bring it up here? - You got it. 221 00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:56,588 Hey, while I'm at it, can I get you a beer? 222 00:10:56,722 --> 00:10:58,924 He wants to bring the old man a beer. 223 00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:01,593 Yeah, sure. Uh, there's a whole case in the fridge. 224 00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:02,994 Thanks, son. 225 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:05,330 Do you- Do you mind if I call you "son?" 226 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,999 You can call me whatever you want... 227 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,500 jackass. 228 00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:15,430 Scott, the ladder fell. 229 00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:18,176 Scott? 230 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:21,977 ## [Stereo: Hip-hop, Loud] 231 00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:27,042 ## [Continues] 232 00:11:33,459 --> 00:11:35,060 Scott! 233 00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:39,061 ## [Muzak: "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"] 234 00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:45,670 Listen, I know things have been kind of weird between you and me these past couple weeks... 235 00:11:45,671 --> 00:11:48,740 so I just want to say, I'm-I'm glad we're back to where we started. 236 00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:50,475 - Yeah. - Friends with benefits. 237 00:11:50,476 --> 00:11:51,743 - No. - Just like always. 238 00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:53,044 Never been that. Just friends. 239 00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:55,780 With benefits. We'll talk about it later. 240 00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,983 - Look at all these babies. - Hmm. 241 00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:02,554 Isn't it crazy how, now that we're not having one, babies are cute again? 242 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,089 Ha-ha! Look at that one. 243 00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:06,625 - I'm good. - No, I'm serious. Look, look. 244 00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:10,228 - [Barney Laughs] - Aw, damn it, that thing's cute as crap. 245 00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,930 [Gasps] 246 00:12:11,931 --> 00:12:14,741 [Whispering] Screw you, baby. 247 00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:17,068 - ## [Hip-hop Continues] - Scott? 248 00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:21,005 - Scott! What is going on? - Hey, Mr. E. 249 00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:24,209 Scott, if you do not let me down... 250 00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:27,579 I am going to scream my head off until someone comes to help me... 251 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,948 and then you're gonna have to explain all of this to the cops. 252 00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:33,385 And then you'll have to explain why there's a picture of my ding-dong on your phone. 253 00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:35,620 There is no picture of your- 254 00:12:35,621 --> 00:12:37,922 - There is now. - [Shutter Clicks] 255 00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:39,958 Oh, yeah. That's a beauty. 256 00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:42,826 Scott! Scott! 257 00:12:42,895 --> 00:12:44,396 ## [Continues] 258 00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:46,831 [Whispers] Scott! 259 00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:48,700 Marshall keeps asking me... 260 00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:51,102 to text him pictures of my boobies. 261 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:55,306 After all these years, he sometimes still acts like a teenager. 262 00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:57,807 I'll be right back. 263 00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:04,445 Insane Duane. 264 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:07,714 It's... Sane Duane now. 265 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,287 You used to be magnificent. 266 00:13:15,494 --> 00:13:18,156 [Sighs Quietly] 267 00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:21,690 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 268 00:13:21,767 --> 00:13:23,568 Yeah, um- 269 00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:27,839 I guess this, um- this pole vaulting thing is finally hitting me. 270 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:31,676 I don't get it, Robin. Did you really want to be a pole vaulter? 271 00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:33,211 No. 272 00:13:33,212 --> 00:13:35,046 No, I was, uh- 273 00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:38,349 I was always adamantly against having a- 274 00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:40,151 uh, a pole vaulting career... 275 00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:42,220 even though it's what most women want. 276 00:13:42,221 --> 00:13:44,589 Most women want to be a pole vaulter? 277 00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:46,725 In Canada. It's very big up there. 278 00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:52,030 You know, it's meet a nice guy, get married, vault some poles. 279 00:13:52,031 --> 00:13:55,330 But I never wanted that. 280 00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:57,635 Of course, it-it's one thing not to want something. 281 00:13:57,636 --> 00:14:01,239 It's another to be told you can't have it. 282 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:02,874 I guess it-it's just nice... 283 00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:08,565 knowing that you could someday do it if you changed your mind. 284 00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:13,892 But now, all of a sudden, that door is closed. 285 00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:19,124 What about the one where you ski and shoot at the same time? 286 00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:22,260 That seems like something you'd be good at. 287 00:14:22,261 --> 00:14:25,628 Oh, my God, Robin. Look at this. 288 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:28,360 O Cana-dorable! Am I right? 289 00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:30,702 Excuse me. 290 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:33,353 [Mumbling] Yep, this works. 291 00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:39,242 - ## [Hip-hop] - Scott! 292 00:14:39,311 --> 00:14:42,981 When I get down from here, you are gonna be in big, big trouble, mister! 293 00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:46,751 Come on, Mr. E. Didn't you ever cut loose when you were a kid? 294 00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:49,252 That's irrelevant. 295 00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:51,689 But of course I did. 296 00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:54,359 One time, when my parents were out of town... 297 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:58,196 my brothers and l set the basement on fire... 298 00:14:58,197 --> 00:15:01,697 hosting an amateur wrestling exhibition. 299 00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,602 There were some theatrics. 300 00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:07,103 See? You get me. 301 00:15:07,173 --> 00:15:10,575 I don't think of you as some dummy I trapped on the roof. 302 00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:14,326 I- I think of you more like- like my dad. 303 00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:19,818 Can we keep the party going for 30 more minutes? Please? 304 00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:22,720 ## [Continues] 305 00:15:22,788 --> 00:15:24,589 Okay, Scott. 306 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,090 Thanks, Pop. 307 00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:34,011 It's fine. The kid just needed to blow off some steam. 308 00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:38,887 - ## [Continues] - [Shouting, Cheering] 309 00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:43,541 No! Grandma Gunderson knitted that! 310 00:15:44,743 --> 00:15:47,243 Scott! 311 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,314 That was crazy. 312 00:15:49,315 --> 00:15:51,916 She just ran out of there crying. 313 00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:54,152 Now she's not answering her phone. 314 00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:57,055 She's been acting really weird for a few weeks now. 315 00:15:57,056 --> 00:16:00,391 Really since the night we discussed the hurricane. 316 00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:05,102 Barney, you split a cab home. Did she say anything? 317 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,475 We really didn't talk much. 318 00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:10,535 Well, lucky for us... 319 00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:15,506 someone at this table is skilled in the art of detection. 320 00:16:15,507 --> 00:16:17,508 Robin's upset. 321 00:16:17,509 --> 00:16:20,178 She and Kevin are having trouble. 322 00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:21,846 - He cheated on her. - [Lily] No way. 323 00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:24,148 Kevin's an honest, decent guy... 324 00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:27,485 who never on his best day could pull a hotter chick than Robin. 325 00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:29,487 Maybe Robin cheated on him. 326 00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:33,191 Maybe Robin is the dirty bird who slept with someone else. 327 00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:37,328 I don't know. This pole vaulting thing seems like a slam dunk to me. 328 00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:40,355 Oh, it is so obvious! Barney! 329 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,968 What is the name of that guy you worked with? 330 00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:45,603 Uh, Randy? It was Randy. 331 00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:48,706 Wait a second. I just cracked this case. 332 00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:51,376 - [Whimpers] - The little maple leaf onesie. 333 00:16:51,377 --> 00:16:54,412 It made her homesick. That's why she's so upset! 334 00:16:54,413 --> 00:16:55,914 She's not going home for Christmas. 335 00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:57,749 She wants me to invite her to Ohio. 336 00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,751 That's gotta be it! 337 00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,787 Either that or she slept with Barney. [Chuckling] 338 00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:05,868 - [Both Chuckling] - [Laughing] 339 00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:10,160 [Muttering, Laughing] 340 00:17:10,796 --> 00:17:13,296 [Laughing Stops] 341 00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:15,867 [Coughs] 342 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,402 Oh, you must be Scott. 343 00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:20,065 Oh, uh, hello, ma'am. 344 00:17:20,139 --> 00:17:23,374 It's nice to finally see your face. 345 00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:25,710 Well, better go hit those books. 346 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:28,541 Hold it right there, young man. 347 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:32,248 This is for helping out my husband. 348 00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:35,153 Wow! Fifty bucks? 349 00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:37,654 Merry Christmas. 350 00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:48,059 Lily! 351 00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:50,268 An airplane ticket to Cleveland? 352 00:17:50,269 --> 00:17:53,871 I know it's not Canada, but it starts with a "C" and it's cold as balls. 353 00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:56,441 So get packed. You're coming home with me for Christmas. 354 00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:58,710 Yeah, nice try, dude. 355 00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:02,914 I wouldn't go to Cleveland for $125 million paid over six years. 356 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,550 Still? Still with the LeBron jokes? 357 00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:09,654 Where's that ring, huh? Where's that ring he's supposed to have by now? 358 00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:11,155 I just- I thought you were... 359 00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:12,991 bummed about not going home for Christmas. 360 00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:15,126 Are you kidding? 361 00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:17,161 I love New York at Christmas. 362 00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:19,858 It's so quiet and peaceful. 363 00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:22,266 Got my eggnog to keep me company. 364 00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:24,602 Robin, what's wrong? 365 00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:25,970 Nothing. 366 00:18:25,971 --> 00:18:28,206 - Just tell me. - Why do you need to know so bad? 367 00:18:28,207 --> 00:18:31,876 - So I can cheer you up. - It's not your job to cheer me up. 368 00:18:31,877 --> 00:18:33,978 Yes, it is. Cheering you up is my job. 369 00:18:33,979 --> 00:18:35,780 Well, then you're fired. 370 00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:38,116 You can't fire me. I'm union, bitch. 371 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,018 - It's not your job to cheer me up. - Yes, it is. 372 00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,519 - No, it's not. - Yes, it is! 373 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:44,020 No, it's not! 374 00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:48,358 Merry Christmas, Ted. 375 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:51,461 Merry Christmas. 376 00:18:53,432 --> 00:18:57,535 [Robin Narrating] So, kids, I settled in for a Christmas alone. 377 00:18:57,536 --> 00:19:00,338 I appreciated that Ted wanted to cheer me up... 378 00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:04,070 but, honestly, it wasn't necessary. 379 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:07,145 So I can 't have kids. Big deal. 380 00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,747 This way, there 's no one to hold me back in life. 381 00:19:09,748 --> 00:19:12,784 No one to keep me from traveling where I want to travel. 382 00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:15,319 No one getting in the way of my career. 383 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,089 If you wanna know the truth of it... 384 00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:21,020 I'm glad you guys aren't real. 385 00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:36,172 Really glad. 386 00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:51,754 [Sighs] 387 00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,857 - [Clicking] - Damn it. 388 00:19:55,227 --> 00:19:58,247 - [Sighs] - ## [Rock: A C/DC] 389 00:19:58,597 --> 00:20:01,225 ## [Continues] 390 00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:08,403 ## [Continues] 391 00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:12,208 Yes, it is. 392 00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:14,979 You don't wanna tell me what's wrong? 393 00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:17,540 Fine. I don't need to know. 394 00:20:17,816 --> 00:20:19,784 But you can never stop me... 395 00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:21,552 from trying to cheer you up. 396 00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:25,156 It's a fact of life. You're just gonna have to deal with it. 397 00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:29,997 - Ted, l- - Hold on, hold on. This is the best part. 398 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:34,491 # I'm on a highway to hell# 399 00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:37,933 # On the highway to hell# 400 00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:42,767 # Highway to hell# 401 00:20:42,841 --> 00:20:46,511 [Ted Narrating] Kids, your Aunt Robin never became a pole vaulter... 402 00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:48,513 but she did become a famous journalist... 403 00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:51,582 a successful businesswoman, a world traveler. 404 00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,417 She was even briefly a bullfighter. 405 00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:56,587 That's a funny story. I'll get to that one later. 406 00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:59,757 But there 's one thing your Aunt Robin never was- 407 00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:02,522 she was never alone. 408 00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:08,294 # And I'm goin' down ## 29512

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.