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1
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♪ If you're looking for me ♪
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,771
Greetings, America.
3
00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:11,904
I am Killface.
4
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:15,347
Don't bother flicking your infernal remotes.
5
00:00:15,382 --> 00:00:18,352
I've taken over your airwaves.
6
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:23,983
Now, I trust you're all comfy
on your tacky sofas from "Rooms To Go"?
7
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,288
Lots of nibbles close at hand?
8
00:00:26,326 --> 00:00:28,351
Well, tuck in,
9
00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:30,227
and why not smoke between gobbles?
10
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,665
Yes, go for the gusto, America.
11
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:35,293
Live like there's no tomorrow,
12
00:00:35,335 --> 00:00:38,600
because as far as
you squalid lot are concerned,
13
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:40,573
there very much isn't.
14
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:44,635
Behold the instrument of your doom.
15
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:48,080
I call it the "Annihilatrix,"
16
00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:49,981
and when it is completed,
17
00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:51,917
a million gigatons of thrust
18
00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:57,288
will propel the Earth directly into the sun.
19
00:00:57,324 --> 00:01:02,125
So look upon my works,
ye mighty and despair.
20
00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:23,440
Ahem.
21
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:28,911
Um--
22
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:29,980
BRENT: What?
TRENT: What?
23
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,013
Shall we do it again?
24
00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:31,957
BRENT: It's fine.
25
00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:33,221
It's fine, OK? It's fine.
26
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:34,785
KILLFACE: Thank you.
27
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,796
14 takes is plenty, believe me.
That's a lot.
28
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:39,299
I went a little off the page
with that last line there.
29
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:40,801
Yeah, no, we picked up on that.
30
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:41,733
Is that cool?
31
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,258
BRENT & TRENT: Yes, it's fine.
32
00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:44,930
Ozymandias just felt right, you know?
33
00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:47,464
- Uh-huh. Did it.
- Oh, God.
34
00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:48,770
- What?
- You don't think it's copyrighted?
35
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,004
What?
36
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:51,135
- The Shelley.
- Who?
37
00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:52,703
Ozymandias, the poem by Shelley.
38
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,236
Who? That receptionist chick?
39
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:55,612
Depends when she wrote it.
40
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,777
Shelley was a man, you philistine.
41
00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:58,944
- It's fine.
- KILLFACE: Cheesy crust,
42
00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:00,647
where on earth
did you go to school?
43
00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:02,052
USC Film School.
44
00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:04,057
Maybe you heard of it?
45
00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:07,583
[Sigh]
46
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,756
And we're happy with this background?
47
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,457
Yes, we're happy with it, OK?
48
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:12,488
- It's not too--
- BRENT & TRENT: No.
49
00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:13,499
Leno-y?
50
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:16,230
If you want to be Leno-y,
we could have you come down here
51
00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:17,634
and you can do high-fives.
52
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:20,766
TRENT: We can put a wig
with a gray streak in your face!
53
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,571
We can have you read off cue cards!
54
00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:26,978
We'll put Kevin Eubanks
over there on guitar!
55
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:29,843
I shouldn't have said that.
56
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:30,748
Aah!
57
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,586
- That's my twin brother!
58
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:36,317
I want it to be perfect.
59
00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:41,123
Iitis. It is.
Seriously, man, it's really awesome.
60
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,856
- You're awesome.
- Val?
61
00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:44,920
Uh--
62
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:46,660
Well, if Val's happy, I'm happy,
63
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,600
so theme song and let's run it.
64
00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:49,659
Oh, we need a theme song.
65
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:50,693
BRENT: OK, um...
66
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:52,000
♪ Entertainment tonight ♪
67
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:53,097
'Dadadadun?
68
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:54,630
- BRENT: Uh...
- What?
69
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,837
- You mean, run it where?
- KILLFACE: What do you mean, where?
70
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,402
On what thing would we have it to run?
71
00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:01,745
I want this
in every single television in the world.
72
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:05,810
OK, well, do you have $20 b--billion?
73
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,685
Yes, Brent, as a matter of fact, I do.
74
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:10,656
Would you care to see it?
75
00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,850
KILLFACE: There's your 20 billion, Brent.
76
00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,225
Drink it in.
77
00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:18,197
The fusion chamber alone cost 9 billion,
78
00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:21,428
the thruster's another 4.
79
00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:24,199
You think there's
just heaps of money left over
80
00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:25,636
for--what did you call it?
81
00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:27,333
Uh...media buy.
82
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,069
- Media buy.
- VALERIE: Please don't kill us.
83
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:30,508
Please don't make it so appealing.
84
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,512
What do you want us to do, man?
85
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,446
Well, why don't we ask good old Trent?
86
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:36,711
Please don't do that.
Let's not. Let's not. Oh, God!
87
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:39,378
Ladies and gentlemen, Trent.
88
00:03:39,419 --> 00:03:41,717
Hey, how you doing? Good to be here.
89
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:42,950
Oh, dude, put him down!
90
00:03:42,989 --> 00:03:44,923
So, uh, heard you went to the--
91
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:46,255
went to the doctor
92
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:49,524
and he had a bit of bad news for you,
is that right?
93
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,555
Yeah. Turns out I have termites.
94
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,467
[Valerie crying]
95
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:58,096
TRENT: You're losing them, boss.
96
00:03:58,138 --> 00:04:01,369
Well, I hope you can still sing a song
while I drink some water.
97
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:02,398
Come on, man.
98
00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:04,570
♪ Row, row, row your boat gently-- ♪
99
00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:06,306
[Coughing]
100
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:07,575
BRENT: You're horrible.
101
00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:09,241
Turn around!
102
00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:11,273
OK, turn back around. I've got it now.
103
00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:13,047
["Dixie" ringtone]
104
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,076
Oh!
105
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:15,282
TRENT: Oh!
106
00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:18,348
Because I don't know how to change
the ring on this tele--hello?
107
00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:21,224
Sir? It's Phil.
We've got another problem up here.
108
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,854
I'm on the way. Valerie!
109
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:25,297
I want you to come over here
110
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and make out with Trent.
111
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:27,657
Just, you know,
112
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,692
really back that thing up on him.
113
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Brent, let's take a ride.
114
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[Ringtone playing, dialing]
115
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[Different ringtone]
116
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[Dialing]
117
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:45,414
[Sighs]
118
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:54,385
I'm trying to get Cat Party on there.
119
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Ahh!
120
00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:56,888
Wait, no!
121
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:57,988
No, no, no!
122
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Silence, dog.
123
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,525
He's from marketing.
Phil, Brent. Brent, Phil.
124
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:04,503
Now what the deuce
is wrong with those couplings?
125
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:06,506
- Well, they keep melting.
- Oh.
126
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,941
- Oh, did Lorraine get the gift card?
- Yes, she did.
127
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,273
- That was very nice of you, sir.
- Nonsense, Philip.
128
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:14,110
- How's she doing?
- Uh, she's still, well, fat.
129
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,911
Well, give it some time, man.
130
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,917
Phil's wife just had a little baby girl.
131
00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:19,544
- Great.
- PHIL: 6 months ago.
132
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:21,577
- Phil, positive reinforcement.
- Yes, sir.
133
00:05:21,621 --> 00:05:23,419
And speaking of, with the couplings,
134
00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:25,925
can we just blah-blah, reroute them?
135
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:28,155
Uh-um, that should work.
It's gonna cost some more.
136
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:30,493
Talk to Charlene,
get a P.O. number and get it done.
137
00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:31,395
Will do, Mr. K.
138
00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:32,921
- And seriously--
- Yes, sir?
139
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,196
Lorraine needs to know
you still find her desirable.
140
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:37,602
- Yes, sir.
- Because God knows I do. I'm kidding.
141
00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:39,662
- Get out of here.
- Outside two and "o0."
142
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:43,040
- You see, Brent, we all have jobs to do.
- Great, there goes my pen.
143
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:45,477
My job is to complete the Annihilatrix
144
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:48,812
and destroy mankind by driving
this vile planet straight into the sun.
145
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,682
- Wait. I have another idea. Listen.
- And your job is to market it.
146
00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:53,709
No, listen, we can get Jason Alexander.
147
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- Great!
- Yeah.
148
00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,450
You can call him when you hit the ground.
149
00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:58,116
No, wait, wait, I've got another idea.
150
00:05:58,158 --> 00:06:00,183
Better than Jason Alexander.
151
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:02,218
- Don't say David Arquette to me.
= w=-
152
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:05,960
Well, now that you say that,
I'm not going to.
153
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BRENT: Any standard DVD player.
154
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:09,997
Or any, er, PC, it says here?
155
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,767
Yes, any personal computer
with DVD capabilities.
156
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,865
- KILLFACE: Great Scott!
- Ah!
157
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:19,607
PC stands for personal computer.
I just this moment got that. Valerie!
158
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,136
Aah!
159
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:23,946
It's all right if you want to laugh.
160
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,250
- [Nervous chuckle]
- KILLFACE: Good girl.
161
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,050
- What's our unit price on this?
- What, including postage?
162
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:31,615
Well, unless you propose having
the stork plop them down the chimney.
163
00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:35,356
You know who I like is that pickle stork...
164
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,864
that they had...
165
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,162
From the pickles?
166
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,690
The mailman?
167
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:44,699
No? Never mind.
168
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,263
- What's the unit price?
- 380.
169
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:47,535
3807?!
170
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:50,339
Well, you are the one
who wanted animated menus. So...
171
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,243
Well, how much without animated menus?
172
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:53,474
I don't know. Less.
173
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Brent, you are killing me.
174
00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:56,445
Well, hey, you know, look,
175
00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:58,645
since I don't own
a [beep] damn DVD factory,
176
00:06:58,685 --> 00:07:01,086
there's not too [beep] much I can do
about it, now, is there?
177
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:02,520
You [beep] kidnap us, right?
178
00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:03,818
You drag us up here,
179
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,916
you [beep] on every strategy
we come up with.
180
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,085
And by the way,
181
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,561
that web promotion was tight!
182
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:09,756
But the bottom line is,
183
00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:12,265
you don't [beep] have the budget
184
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:15,132
to run with the big dogs, now do you?!
185
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,466
Ruff ruff ruff ruff!
186
00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:19,802
[Chuckles] Are you finished?
187
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:20,897
Yeah. I'm sorry--
188
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,308
- [Bang]
- Aah!
189
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:24,640
Oh, please.
190
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,646
Look, Trent, I've made you a playmate.
191
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,239
Say hello.
192
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:31,046
- Good lad. Sinn?
- Yes, sire?
193
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:35,214
If you would, please draw a bath
for our lovely guest here,
194
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,223
and then get this place de-corpsed.
195
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:40,352
Young Simon should be
skulking home any time now.
196
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,303
Not a thing dry-erase about that.
197
00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:01,781
- SINN: Sire?
- Come in, come in. I-
198
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,715
- Oh.
- Is something amiss?
199
00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:05,809
Er, no, I...
200
00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:07,786
I didn't know we were doing
the geisha thing again.
201
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,415
- Well, if sire wishes--
- No, no, no. It's fine, really.
202
00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:11,447
Leave us!
203
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:15,192
Right, then, Val. Brainstorm away.
204
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:19,324
And really get outside that old box, huh?
205
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:24,065
Bearing in mind
the budget of quarter million and...
206
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,128
go.
207
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,942
- Postcards.
- Uh, a direct--aah!
208
00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:38,178
Postcards?!
209
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:41,813
A direct mailing campaign, 26 per unit
to one million households!
210
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:42,913
Aah!
211
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:48,122
[SOBBING] Given budgetary constraints,
it's the most cost-effective strategy.
212
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:49,185
You made me do that.
213
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:52,790
- With a maximum response of 2%.
- What?!
214
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:55,802
But 1% is more realistic.
215
00:08:57,804 --> 00:09:00,136
- Valerie, that's only 10,000 people.
- Yes.
216
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,141
- Hmm?
- Yes.
217
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,371
How on God's green earth is that cost--
218
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:05,776
[Door closing]
219
00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:08,281
KILLFACE: Ah, Simon, good to see you.
220
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:10,840
And what news of the old alma mater?
221
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,352
[Mumbling]
222
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,114
Hmm?
223
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,782
[Sighs] I blame the hip-hop.
224
00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:18,222
Right then, Val.
225
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:19,487
Direct mail it is.
226
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:20,618
- OK.
- Right?
227
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:22,754
- Yeah.
- Well, I'll, uh, leave you to it.
228
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:23,854
OK.
229
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,856
Phone's on the desk.
There's a computer and a nerve center.
230
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,427
- Do I dial "9"?
- Uh, no.
231
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:32,199
- No, just dial straight away.
- Yeah.
232
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:35,765
- And then get with Sinn if you would.
- OK.
233
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:39,006
She'll take care of your invoice
and murder and dismemberment, right?
234
00:09:39,045 --> 00:09:40,171
- Yeah.
- Right?
235
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:42,443
- Yes.
- Good girl.
236
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:44,917
♪ Hey, I met me a nasty girl ♪
237
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:47,977
♪ She said 8-time queer you insatiable♪
238
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,785
♪ don't know what that means but-- ♪
239
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:54,192
And what did we say about snacks?
240
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,456
Don't do it.
241
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:57,987
Don't you push
that bowl of cereal on the floor.
242
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,760
[Crash]
243
00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:00,766
[Sigh]
244
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,167
[Indistinct]
245
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:06,434
We can't ever go back to Arizona!
246
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:08,598
[Sighs]
247
00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:11,303
♪ Funny I could sneeze ♪
♪ (Funny I could sneeze) ♪
248
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:12,641
♪ All that cheese ♪
249
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:14,511
- ♪ (All that cheese) ♪
- [Lowers volume]
250
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,675
Can't watch telly for 5 seconds
251
00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:18,912
without seeing that gibbering hooligan.
252
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:22,286
And here I am reduced to postcards,
253
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:26,316
the dry hump of marketing strategies.
254
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:31,320
Well, I hope someone sees them, right?
255
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:33,529
♪ Quarter in the slot machine ♪
256
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:35,159
♪ Take the main jackpot ♪
257
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:36,669
♪ I'll make you scream ♪
258
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:39,729
♪ Milkshake your mama
like a Dairy Queen ♪
259
00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:42,537
♪ Let my first side queen not stop afraid ♪
260
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:45,306
♪ Super head, tell Bill Maher
I'm coming for you, baby ♪
261
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:48,110
♪ All that cheese ♪
♪ (Hey, all that cheese) ♪
262
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,446
♪ Tell you how it is ♪
♪ (Tell you how it is) ♪
263
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:53,646
♪ When you want it on your belly ♪
♪ (When you want it on your belly) ♪
264
00:10:53,686 --> 00:10:56,451
♪ Or running out to sneeze ♪
♪ (Or running out to sneeze) ♪
265
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,083
♪ All that cheese ♪
♪ (All that cheese) ♪
266
00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:01,890
♪ And, baby, how it is ♪
♪ (And, baby, how it is) ♪
267
00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:04,556
♪ If you got good brains ♪
♪ (If you got good brains) ♪
268
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:07,726
♪ You can take my pop quiz ♪
♪ (You can take my pop quiz) ♪
269
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:10,702
♪ Slow 'dis, no hiss ♪
270
00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:13,229
♪ Can your playboy keep a fly head? ♪
271
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:16,004
♪ Can your playboy keep a fly head? ♪
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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