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1
00:00:02,950 --> 00:00:03,650
KIDS,
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00:00:03,650 --> 00:00:05,850
THE YEAR 2030
HERE'S SOMETHING I WISH MY DAD HAD TOLD ME.
3
00:00:06,150 --> 00:00:08,850
The longest pause you will ever
experience in your life
4
00:00:08,850 --> 00:00:09,250
PRESEND DAY
5
00:00:09,250 --> 00:00:11,350
PRESEND DAY
is the one that follows asking
the question...
6
00:00:11,350 --> 00:00:12,850
Will you marry me?
7
00:00:13,350 --> 00:00:15,150
Your brain goes into overdrive,
8
00:00:15,150 --> 00:00:17,550
imagining every
possible response.
9
00:00:18,150 --> 00:00:19,150
No.
10
00:00:19,750 --> 00:00:21,250
Oh, God, no.
11
00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:26,550
You want me to marry...
12
00:00:26,650 --> 00:00:28,450
No.
13
00:00:28,850 --> 00:00:31,050
Oh, I'm sorry, Ted.
I can't.
14
00:00:31,050 --> 00:00:32,250
Mark Johnson,
the quarterback
15
00:00:32,250 --> 00:00:34,750
from your high school football
team, already asked me.
16
00:00:35,150 --> 00:00:36,650
What's up, Turd?
17
00:00:37,050 --> 00:00:38,650
It's Ted!
18
00:00:39,650 --> 00:00:41,950
But if you're lucky,
she may answer with the single
19
00:00:41,950 --> 00:00:44,350
greatest word
in the English language.
20
00:00:44,950 --> 00:00:45,650
Yes.
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00:00:45,650 --> 00:00:46,950
本字幕仅供学习交流，严禁用于商业用途
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-==http://www.ragbear.com==-
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER 401
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00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:59,750
-=破烂熊字幕组=-
翻译: 校对:
时间轴:我爱狮心小s
24
00:01:00,950 --> 00:01:03,950
Stella and I spent that summer
happily engaged.
25
00:01:04,350 --> 00:01:06,550
Marshall was still coping
with unemployment.
26
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:07,750
What are you doing?
27
00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:12,050
Lily threw herself
into her painting.
28
00:01:12,150 --> 00:01:13,350
What are you doing?
29
00:01:14,750 --> 00:01:17,350
Barney was rehabilitating
from his bus accident.
30
00:01:17,450 --> 00:01:18,950
What are you doing?
31
00:01:20,050 --> 00:01:21,950
And well, Marshall just kept
32
00:01:21,950 --> 00:01:23,650
coping with unemployment.
33
00:01:26,450 --> 00:01:28,050
What are you doing?
34
00:01:29,150 --> 00:01:30,950
METRO NEWS 1
And Robin continued to uphold
35
00:01:30,950 --> 00:01:33,750
METRO NEWS 1
the high journalistic standards
of Metro News 1.
36
00:01:34,150 --> 00:01:36,650
Is your favorite
brand of dental floss
37
00:01:36,650 --> 00:01:39,250
poisoning your entire family?
38
00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:43,450
Tune in at 11:00
for the shocking... tooth.
39
00:01:45,950 --> 00:01:48,450
Okay, I officially
hate my job.
40
00:01:48,450 --> 00:01:50,250
I'm not a reporter,
I'm just someone
41
00:01:50,250 --> 00:01:52,750
who shows up at night
and scares people.
42
00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:54,650
I'm the bogeyman
with a teleprompter.
43
00:01:57,950 --> 00:02:00,050
"Bogeyman
with a teleprompter. "
44
00:02:00,050 --> 00:02:01,850
That's hilarious!
Great joke,
45
00:02:01,850 --> 00:02:03,150
Robin, great joke.
46
00:02:03,250 --> 00:02:04,450
Barney, no offense
to Robin,
47
00:02:04,450 --> 00:02:06,150
but that wasn't
that funny.
48
00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:08,750
Are you kidding?
That was a great joke.
49
00:02:08,750 --> 00:02:11,350
It's smart, funny beautiful,
the whole package.
50
00:02:11,350 --> 00:02:13,750
It's everything you're
afraid to let yourself want.
51
00:02:14,550 --> 00:02:16,250
In a joke.
52
00:02:18,250 --> 00:02:20,650
"Bogeyman with a teleprompter. "
53
00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:22,350
Classic.
54
00:02:24,350 --> 00:02:27,750
Okay, what is so urgent
that you called me and begged me
55
00:02:27,750 --> 00:02:30,550
to come over
at 7:22 in the morning?
56
00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:32,350
I could tell you knew
something was up with me,
57
00:02:32,350 --> 00:02:33,850
and you're right.
58
00:02:34,350 --> 00:02:34,950
But I can't
59
00:02:34,950 --> 00:02:36,050
tell you what it is.
60
00:02:36,050 --> 00:02:37,450
I should tell you,
but I can't!
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00:02:37,450 --> 00:02:38,650
I have to.
I never will!
62
00:02:38,650 --> 00:02:39,950
I'm going to.
Let's just drop it.
63
00:02:39,950 --> 00:02:41,150
What's up with you?
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00:02:41,850 --> 00:02:43,350
Barney, just say it.
65
00:02:46,650 --> 00:02:48,650
I think I'm in love with Robin.
66
00:02:49,350 --> 00:02:50,550
Hey, Lily needs
some gift ideas
67
00:02:50,550 --> 00:02:52,150
for Stella's
wedding shower.
68
00:02:52,350 --> 00:02:53,650
Does she like to cook?
69
00:02:53,950 --> 00:02:56,550
Um... actually,
I don't know.
70
00:02:56,650 --> 00:02:58,650
Oh, what's her favorite color?
71
00:02:59,950 --> 00:03:01,150
Don't know that either.
72
00:03:01,850 --> 00:03:03,350
Well, does she have any hobbies?
73
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:04,850
Yes, she's exactly
74
00:03:04,850 --> 00:03:06,650
the kind of person
who would have hobbies.
75
00:03:07,050 --> 00:03:08,650
And interests, too.
76
00:03:09,350 --> 00:03:11,050
I am one lucky son of a bitch.
77
00:03:11,050 --> 00:03:12,650
Dude, you don't know
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00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,450
anything about the woman
you're marrying.
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00:03:14,450 --> 00:03:17,350
What? You're crazy!
I know plenty.
80
00:03:17,350 --> 00:03:18,750
What color are her eyes?
81
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:22,650
The color of the ocean
after a storm.
82
00:03:22,650 --> 00:03:23,950
Which is?
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00:03:26,450 --> 00:03:27,850
Beautiful.
84
00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:30,250
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
85
00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:31,850
I thought
you called me over here
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00:03:31,850 --> 00:03:33,650
to uncuff you
from your sex swing again,
87
00:03:33,650 --> 00:03:35,750
but you're in love?
88
00:03:35,850 --> 00:03:37,450
That is so sweet!
89
00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:38,750
It's not "sweet
90
00:03:38,750 --> 00:03:40,750
It's like a disease.
91
00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:44,150
I slept with Robin one time
and I caught feelings.
92
00:03:44,150 --> 00:03:45,850
I caught feelings bad.
93
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,750
I used protection
and everything.
94
00:03:47,750 --> 00:03:49,650
Oh, Barney, you don't
95
00:03:49,650 --> 00:03:52,350
"catch" feelings,
you just have them.
96
00:03:52,350 --> 00:03:53,450
And they're good.
97
00:03:53,450 --> 00:03:54,950
They're terrible!
98
00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:57,450
I can't eat, I can't sleep.
99
00:03:57,550 --> 00:03:58,650
She's all I think about.
100
00:03:58,650 --> 00:04:00,550
I close my eyes, I see Robin.
101
00:04:00,550 --> 00:04:02,950
I, I hear a song;
it reminds me of Robin.
102
00:04:02,950 --> 00:04:04,850
- Morning.
- I sleep with that chick,
103
00:04:04,850 --> 00:04:06,350
I'm thinking
about Robin.
104
00:04:07,550 --> 00:04:10,750
Okay, so I don't
know every single detail about Stella.
105
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:11,450
What's this really about?
106
00:04:11,450 --> 00:04:12,650
Do you not like her
or something?
107
00:04:12,650 --> 00:04:14,750
No, Ted,
I like Stella a lot.
108
00:04:14,750 --> 00:04:15,850
She's a Mets fan.
109
00:04:15,850 --> 00:04:19,250
- Really?
- It's just that everything
with you guys has moved so fast.
110
00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:21,250
You've only known
each other a few months.
111
00:04:21,350 --> 00:04:23,550
Don't you think maybe you should slow things
down a little bit?
112
00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:24,750
Get to know each other better?
113
00:04:24,750 --> 00:04:27,650
I'll have
a whole lifetime to get to know her better.
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00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:32,550
Right now, I know
the one thing that I have to: that I love her.
115
00:04:32,550 --> 00:04:34,050
You love her?
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00:04:34,250 --> 00:04:34,850
Barney,
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00:04:34,850 --> 00:04:36,450
how can you be in love,
118
00:04:36,450 --> 00:04:39,250
and still be sleeping
with anything that moves?
119
00:04:39,950 --> 00:04:41,850
I'm sorry,
I don't follow you.
120
00:04:42,050 --> 00:04:44,950
That's like saying,
"How can an ant carry
121
00:04:44,950 --> 00:04:48,450
"20 times its body weight,
but root beer floats are still delicious?"
122
00:04:48,450 --> 00:04:50,150
Are the two even related?
123
00:04:50,150 --> 00:04:51,550
Really? Ow!
124
00:04:51,550 --> 00:04:53,550
Barney, you're going
to have to stop screwing around
125
00:04:53,550 --> 00:04:55,550
if you want to be
Robin's boyfriend.
126
00:04:57,950 --> 00:04:59,050
"Boyfriend"?
127
00:04:59,050 --> 00:05:01,750
I don't want
to be Robin's boyfriend.
128
00:05:01,850 --> 00:05:03,350
Well, what do you want, then?
129
00:05:03,350 --> 00:05:04,550
I don't know.
130
00:05:04,550 --> 00:05:06,250
I just want
to be with her.
131
00:05:06,350 --> 00:05:07,750
All the time.
132
00:05:07,750 --> 00:05:10,750
I want to hear about her day and tell her
about mine.
133
00:05:10,950 --> 00:05:14,350
I want to hold
her hand and smell her hair.
134
00:05:15,050 --> 00:05:17,450
But I don't want to be
her stupid boyfriend.
135
00:05:18,050 --> 00:05:21,450
Barney, what you just described
is a relationship
136
00:05:21,450 --> 00:05:23,850
between a boyfriend
and a girlfriend.
137
00:05:23,850 --> 00:05:26,250
And a pretty clingy one at that.
138
00:05:26,550 --> 00:05:29,050
Look, Lily, are you going
to help me out with this or not?
139
00:05:29,350 --> 00:05:31,150
I'm a kindergarten teacher.
140
00:05:31,250 --> 00:05:33,150
I see a confused,
little kid in the corner
141
00:05:33,150 --> 00:05:35,250
trying to eat
the lefty scissors,
142
00:05:35,250 --> 00:05:37,250
I gotta help the poor,
little bastard.
143
00:05:37,450 --> 00:05:40,850
But only if you stop sleeping around.
Deal?
144
00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:43,050
Deal.
145
00:05:43,350 --> 00:05:45,850
Coming up next,
is your local ice cream man
146
00:05:45,850 --> 00:05:49,250
actually driving a roving
meth lab on wheels?
147
00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:51,250
Stay tuned for the full...
148
00:05:52,550 --> 00:05:53,650
scoop.
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00:05:53,650 --> 00:05:54,750
Really?
150
00:05:57,550 --> 00:05:59,850
- Uh-huh...
- Mmm...
151
00:05:59,950 --> 00:06:01,950
I know dudes
think it's girlie for a guy to cook,
152
00:06:01,950 --> 00:06:04,050
but us ladies?
153
00:06:04,150 --> 00:06:05,550
We find it mighty sexy.
154
00:06:05,550 --> 00:06:06,850
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
155
00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:08,150
You know, uh...
156
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:10,050
my grandma
taught me how.
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00:06:10,050 --> 00:06:11,850
- Oh, yeah, she did.
- Yeah.
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00:06:11,950 --> 00:06:15,350
I had a lot of time after
school to watch her cook because
159
00:06:15,350 --> 00:06:17,850
I wasn't good at sports.
160
00:06:17,850 --> 00:06:19,750
I'm on fire right now.
161
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,650
Delicious.
What's in this pesto?
162
00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:28,850
Oh, you know, the usual:
basil, garlic, olive oil,
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00:06:28,850 --> 00:06:31,350
but can you guess
my secret ingredient?
164
00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:34,750
- Peanuts.
- Yes. How did you know that?
165
00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:42,950
- Okay, let me think. What else?
- You know what, sweetie?
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00:06:42,950 --> 00:06:45,650
I woke up so early and I had
a really long day at work.
167
00:06:45,650 --> 00:06:46,950
And then there
was that whole thing
168
00:06:46,950 --> 00:06:48,150
where you tried to kill me.
169
00:06:48,150 --> 00:06:49,850
Can we please just go to sleep?
170
00:06:49,850 --> 00:06:52,650
No, I clearly need
to know more about you.
171
00:06:52,850 --> 00:06:55,450
Let's do firsts.
Um, first kiss?
172
00:06:55,550 --> 00:06:57,350
Dale Harris, second grade.
173
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:58,750
Wait, you're talking
like peck on the cheek
174
00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:00,550
or a full-on passionate
making out?
175
00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:02,950
- Passionate making out.
- Okay, yeah, Dale Harris, second grade.
176
00:07:02,950 --> 00:07:05,150
Uh, first time you had sex.
177
00:07:05,350 --> 00:07:07,350
- Dale Harris, second...
- Stop it.
178
00:07:07,350 --> 00:07:09,550
Billy Devito,
sophomore year of college.
179
00:07:09,550 --> 00:07:10,450
Prude.
180
00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:12,950
Molly McKenzie,
junior year of high school.
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00:07:12,950 --> 00:07:14,050
Slut.
182
00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:17,150
Robin just needs to see
this new see of you.
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00:07:17,450 --> 00:07:19,650
- So just call her up?
- Just call her up.
184
00:07:21,950 --> 00:07:22,950
It's...
185
00:07:25,050 --> 00:07:26,250
Hi, Robin.
186
00:07:28,150 --> 00:07:28,950
She wasn't there.
187
00:07:28,950 --> 00:07:30,150
I left a voice mail.
188
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,650
You left a voice,
but it wasn't male.
189
00:07:33,550 --> 00:07:34,450
Barney, I don't get it.
190
00:07:34,450 --> 00:07:37,050
You've called a million
girls a million times.
191
00:07:37,050 --> 00:07:38,950
Yeah, but those
were just booty calls.
192
00:07:38,950 --> 00:07:41,750
On a booty call,
you barely even have to talk.
193
00:07:41,950 --> 00:07:43,550
9:03 PM
Around 9:00 p. m., you say...
194
00:07:43,650 --> 00:07:45,650
Hey, baby, it's Barney.
You busy tonight?
195
00:07:45,750 --> 00:07:47,950
Sweet.
See you in half an hour?
196
00:07:47,950 --> 00:07:49,050
Can't wait.
197
00:07:49,250 --> 00:07:51,650
12:22 AM
But the later it gets,
the fewer words you need.
198
00:07:51,650 --> 00:07:52,950
Barney. Busy?
199
00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:54,150
Sweet.
200
00:07:54,950 --> 00:07:56,350
3:00 AM
And by 3:00 in the morning...
201
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:03,850
Sweet.
202
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:05,850
A question mark?
203
00:08:05,850 --> 00:08:08,650
You got laid off
a question mark?
204
00:08:09,150 --> 00:08:11,350
Ow! Hey!
205
00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:14,250
It's no worse than your
super-obvious code words.
206
00:08:15,650 --> 00:08:16,550
Rhinoceros.
207
00:08:16,550 --> 00:08:17,950
We have to go.
208
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:21,350
Great. Now we need
a new code word.
209
00:08:22,350 --> 00:08:24,250
Ah, ah, it's her,
it's Robin.
210
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:25,450
What do I do?
211
00:08:25,650 --> 00:08:27,450
No-no-no-no, aah!
Robin...
212
00:08:27,450 --> 00:08:29,250
great to hear from you.
213
00:08:29,350 --> 00:08:31,350
To what do I owe the pleasure?
214
00:08:31,650 --> 00:08:34,550
You called, went
, and hung up.
215
00:08:34,650 --> 00:08:35,550
What do you want?
216
00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:37,050
Help me!
217
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,550
Uh, just ask
her something.
218
00:08:40,850 --> 00:08:42,650
How are you feeling today?
219
00:08:43,050 --> 00:08:44,050
Fine.
220
00:08:44,150 --> 00:08:45,550
Something personal.
221
00:08:47,650 --> 00:08:51,050
At what age did you first
get your period?
222
00:08:51,650 --> 00:08:53,150
Did you just ask me
about about my period?
223
00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:55,250
No, I did not.
224
00:08:56,250 --> 00:08:57,950
Look, Barney,
I'm at work right now.
225
00:08:58,050 --> 00:08:59,650
Just ask her out.
226
00:09:00,350 --> 00:09:04,050
Um, Robin,
I was wondering if...
227
00:09:06,150 --> 00:09:07,850
Nothing.
Gotta go. Bye.
228
00:09:08,050 --> 00:09:11,950
Ha! That was
just a practical joke.
229
00:09:11,950 --> 00:09:13,750
I'm not really in love
with Robin.
230
00:09:13,750 --> 00:09:15,950
You should've seen the look
on your face.
231
00:09:15,950 --> 00:09:19,750
There's cameras
right there and there and there. Ah!
232
00:09:20,150 --> 00:09:24,350
What a legendary prank that we're never going
to speak of again.
233
00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:29,550
PM 19:47:00
234
00:09:29,550 --> 00:09:31,550
Gross.
235
00:09:32,950 --> 00:09:34,950
Uh, first movie
you ever saw.
236
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,650
Benji, 1981.
237
00:09:37,450 --> 00:09:39,950
I watched it recently with Lucy
and I just thought,
238
00:09:40,150 --> 00:09:43,050
"Oh, that dog
is so dead right now. "
239
00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:44,950
What about you?
240
00:09:44,950 --> 00:09:46,550
My dad took me
to an old drive-in
241
00:09:46,550 --> 00:09:48,450
to see the original Star Wars.
242
00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:51,050
You know, I've actually
never seen Star Wars.
243
00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:53,550
She's never seen Star Wars?!
244
00:09:53,550 --> 00:09:55,450
Ted, the only people
in the universe who haven't seen
245
00:09:55,450 --> 00:09:57,650
Star Wars are the characters
in Star Wars,
246
00:09:57,650 --> 00:09:58,950
and that's 'cause they
lived them, Ted!
247
00:09:58,950 --> 00:10:01,050
That's 'cause they lived
the Star Wars.
248
00:10:01,050 --> 00:10:02,350
You've got to calm down.
249
00:10:02,350 --> 00:10:03,750
I told you. I told you
you didn't
250
00:10:03,750 --> 00:10:04,850
know this girl well enough.
251
00:10:04,850 --> 00:10:07,450
What if you show it to her
and she doesn't like it?
252
00:10:07,450 --> 00:10:08,950
Dude, it's just a movie.
253
00:10:08,950 --> 00:10:11,550
Ted, Star Wars is your all-time
favorite movie,
254
00:10:11,550 --> 00:10:13,950
and whether or not Stella
likes it is actually important.
255
00:10:13,950 --> 00:10:16,650
It's like, it's a test
of how compatible you guys are.
256
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:19,150
Marshall, it's just a movie.
257
00:10:19,150 --> 00:10:21,150
It's just a movie.
258
00:10:21,150 --> 00:10:25,250
121 AWESOME MINUTES LATER
259
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,150
Okay, if Stella
doesn't like this movie,
260
00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:29,450
- I can't marry her.
- No, you can't.
261
00:10:29,650 --> 00:10:31,550
- You want to watch it again?
- Yes, I do.
262
00:10:39,450 --> 00:10:41,250
Wait, where are the boys? I
thought this was a group thing.
263
00:10:41,250 --> 00:10:42,550
Yeah, I lied.
264
00:10:42,550 --> 00:10:44,450
They're not coming
and I'm about to leave.
265
00:10:44,450 --> 00:10:46,550
- Why?
- Because...
266
00:10:46,650 --> 00:10:49,050
they're not in love with Robin,
and neither am I.
267
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:51,850
I mean, she's great and sweet.
268
00:10:52,050 --> 00:10:54,150
I'm not going to pretend
that I hen't noticed her body,
269
00:10:54,150 --> 00:10:56,850
but this is off topic.
Good luck.
270
00:10:56,850 --> 00:10:58,850
Wait, wait, I
can't do this.
271
00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:00,050
She'll never take
me seriously.
272
00:11:00,050 --> 00:11:02,750
- She thinks I'm some womanizing idiot.
- Hey.
273
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:04,850
We both know
you're more than that.
274
00:11:04,950 --> 00:11:07,850
Okay, just show Robin the
Barney I met the other day.
275
00:11:08,350 --> 00:11:10,850
You mean the insecure,
touchy-feely she-male
276
00:11:10,850 --> 00:11:13,150
who sounded alarmingly
close to Ted?
277
00:11:13,250 --> 00:11:15,850
Hey, Ted hit that
for over a year.
278
00:11:16,750 --> 00:11:17,850
Wish me luck.
279
00:11:19,350 --> 00:11:21,050
I just thought it'd be fun
to watch a movie tonight,
280
00:11:21,050 --> 00:11:22,950
and since you've
never seen Star Wars,
281
00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:24,850
I figured why not?
282
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:26,050
No big deal.
283
00:11:26,450 --> 00:11:27,550
It's pretty good.
284
00:11:28,150 --> 00:11:29,750
- Sounds like a plan.
- Hmm.
285
00:11:35,050 --> 00:11:35,850
Hey, I'm just gonna
grab a beer.
286
00:11:35,850 --> 00:11:37,150
- You want one?
- Um...
287
00:11:37,150 --> 00:11:39,350
the movie's already
started, so...
288
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:41,050
Yeah, it's just some words flying through space.
289
00:11:41,050 --> 00:11:42,650
I mean, I'm not going
to read that anyway.
290
00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:43,950
Oh, my God
291
00:11:43,950 --> 00:11:45,850
Off to a bad start.
292
00:11:46,450 --> 00:11:48,050
What are you doing
down there?
293
00:11:48,150 --> 00:11:50,750
I'm making sure my best friend
is marrying the right woman.
294
00:11:50,750 --> 00:11:51,750
That's what I'm doing.
295
00:11:51,750 --> 00:11:54,250
Dude, what the hell are you
doing, hiding behind the couch?
296
00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:55,850
You need to get a job.
297
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:58,550
I really do, don't I?
298
00:11:58,550 --> 00:12:00,250
Yeah.
299
00:12:00,950 --> 00:12:04,450
So, Robin.
tell me about your day,
300
00:12:04,750 --> 00:12:05,950
and not just what happened,
301
00:12:05,950 --> 00:12:08,550
how you felt
about what happened.
302
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:10,050
What?
303
00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:11,750
I'm not looking
to problem-solve,
304
00:12:11,750 --> 00:12:13,250
I'm just looking to listen.
305
00:12:15,250 --> 00:12:16,750
Why are you acting like this?
306
00:12:16,750 --> 00:12:17,550
Like what?
307
00:12:17,750 --> 00:12:19,150
You're being super nice.
308
00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:21,350
It's freaking me out.
309
00:12:21,350 --> 00:12:24,150
Be gross, be inappropriate.
310
00:12:24,150 --> 00:12:25,450
- Be Barney.
- Uh,
311
00:12:25,450 --> 00:12:26,750
I'm being Barney,
312
00:12:27,250 --> 00:12:29,950
and I think
tonight's going to be
313
00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:32,350
de- wait for it- lightful.
314
00:12:33,450 --> 00:12:34,950
Delightful.
315
00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:36,450
Right.
316
00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:41,950
Hey, um, so I went
to the chiropractor yesterday.
317
00:12:42,350 --> 00:12:45,750
That guy bent me over the table
and pounded me for a good hour.
318
00:12:48,850 --> 00:12:49,850
Is insurance going
to cover that?
319
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:51,150
Sometimes they don't.
320
00:12:52,050 --> 00:12:53,150
That's it?
321
00:12:53,650 --> 00:12:54,650
Okay.
322
00:12:56,050 --> 00:12:58,750
Well, um,
today I was at the dentist.
323
00:12:58,750 --> 00:13:02,550
That guy drilled me
all day long.
324
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,250
He drilled me hard.
325
00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:08,050
He filled all of my cavities.
326
00:13:08,250 --> 00:13:09,450
Come on, man.
327
00:13:09,850 --> 00:13:11,450
Well, your teeth
look fantastic.
328
00:13:11,450 --> 00:13:13,350
Who are you?
329
00:13:21,150 --> 00:13:22,250
What?
330
00:13:23,250 --> 00:13:24,150
Nothing.
331
00:13:25,350 --> 00:13:26,750
You were staring
at me.
332
00:13:28,550 --> 00:13:30,350
You look really
beautiful tonight.
333
00:13:32,350 --> 00:13:34,350
You don't look
so bad yourself, mister.
334
00:13:34,350 --> 00:13:36,550
Yeah, great scene,
great scene.
335
00:13:39,150 --> 00:13:40,850
Star Wars fun fact
number seven-
336
00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:42,450
George Lucas based
the film's structure
337
00:13:42,450 --> 00:13:45,350
on Akira Kurosawa's
The Hidden Fortress.
338
00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:46,550
Uh, he also owes a debt
339
00:13:46,550 --> 00:13:48,250
to Joseph Campbell's work
with comparative mythology.
340
00:13:48,250 --> 00:13:50,750
Yeah, Ted,
I'm losing wood over here.
341
00:13:50,850 --> 00:13:52,150
What's going on?
342
00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:53,250
Nothing.
343
00:13:54,550 --> 00:13:56,750
Wait, it's really important
to you
344
00:13:56,750 --> 00:13:58,750
that I like this movie,
isn't it?
345
00:14:00,250 --> 00:14:01,250
No.
346
00:14:01,650 --> 00:14:04,550
Well,I'm not gonna like it with you
staring at me the whole time.
347
00:14:05,250 --> 00:14:07,250
Go to your room and I will
come get you when it's over.
348
00:14:07,250 --> 00:14:08,950
- Stella.
- Go.
349
00:14:15,850 --> 00:14:17,450
Should I leave, too?
350
00:14:18,250 --> 00:14:20,250
What part,
what part, what part?
351
00:14:27,850 --> 00:14:29,150
Thanks.
352
00:14:29,850 --> 00:14:30,950
Nothing?
353
00:14:31,350 --> 00:14:32,750
Not even
a glance?
354
00:14:32,750 --> 00:14:36,750
I mean, even I was thinking about rocking a motorboat
on those bad boys.
355
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,750
What the hell
is wrong with you, Barney?
356
00:14:39,350 --> 00:14:41,350
I don't always want
to be that guy.
357
00:14:41,350 --> 00:14:45,050
Sometimes I want to be someone you can have
an actual conversation with.
358
00:14:45,550 --> 00:14:49,050
Now,tell me something about you that I don't know yet.
359
00:14:49,450 --> 00:14:50,350
Seriously.
360
00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:53,050
Okay.
361
00:14:53,750 --> 00:14:57,450
Um... there's a job opening
at a new cable network
362
00:14:57,450 --> 00:15:00,050
that would be perfect for me-
363
00:15:00,350 --> 00:15:04,150
completely legit world news, interviews
with people who matter-
364
00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:07,450
uh, but I decided
I'm not going to apply.
365
00:15:07,650 --> 00:15:08,650
Why not?
366
00:15:08,650 --> 00:15:13,150
Because I'm a joke. I'm just the scary news
lady from some stupid local news channel.
367
00:15:13,150 --> 00:15:16,150
Hey, we both know
you're more than that.
368
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,750
Promise me you'll apply.
369
00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:20,650
Barney, it's not as easy...
370
00:15:20,650 --> 00:15:23,350
Promise me you'll apply.
371
00:15:25,150 --> 00:15:26,350
Okay.
372
00:15:26,350 --> 00:15:27,650
I promise.
373
00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:31,950
Okay, she's up
to the scene where Luke, Leia,
374
00:15:31,950 --> 00:15:34,250
Han and Chewy escape from the Death Star's
trash compactor.
375
00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:37,750
- Great scene.
- Great scene.
376
00:15:39,850 --> 00:15:41,950
Okay, we should
have just heard...
377
00:15:46,450 --> 00:15:48,350
...but Stella
didn't make a peep.
378
00:15:48,450 --> 00:15:50,250
- I'm gonna take a look.
- All right.
379
00:15:58,550 --> 00:15:59,750
She's not even watching.
380
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,150
She's texting.
381
00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:02,450
I'll tell her
you still want to be friends.
382
00:16:02,450 --> 00:16:04,050
I don't believe this.
383
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,750
I don't believe this; she knows
this is important to me.
384
00:16:05,750 --> 00:16:06,750
She's blatantly...
385
00:16:10,650 --> 00:16:12,850
"Stop watching me, jackasses. "
386
00:16:14,550 --> 00:16:17,550
To taking chances.
387
00:16:20,450 --> 00:16:21,750
You know, Robin, there's
actually something I,
388
00:16:21,750 --> 00:16:23,550
I do want to talk
to you about.
389
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:26,250
- Last call.
- Of course it is.
390
00:16:26,450 --> 00:16:27,650
One more for the road?
391
00:16:27,850 --> 00:16:28,950
Yeah, why not?
392
00:16:29,050 --> 00:16:29,950
Hold that thought?
393
00:16:32,850 --> 00:16:34,150
I will.
394
00:16:42,450 --> 00:16:43,550
I loved it.
395
00:16:43,550 --> 00:16:44,550
Yes!
396
00:16:44,550 --> 00:16:47,850
Yes, I am marrying a woman who is not only hot
397
00:16:47,850 --> 00:16:49,250
but loves Star Wars.
398
00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:50,250
That's the dream.
399
00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:51,550
Yes
400
00:16:52,450 --> 00:16:53,250
What was that?
401
00:16:53,250 --> 00:16:56,650
I was high-fiving 15-Year-Old Me
through the space- time continuum.
402
00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:57,450
We did it.
403
00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:00,150
We did it, you masturbating
little bastard.
404
00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:02,450
Champagne for everybody.
405
00:17:05,550 --> 00:17:06,650
It was so good.
406
00:17:06,850 --> 00:17:08,950
- You hated it, didn't you?
- Ugh, it's so stupid.
407
00:17:08,950 --> 00:17:11,250
I mean, first of all, how do
they understand that walking...
408
00:17:11,250 --> 00:17:12,850
bear they hang around
with all the time?
409
00:17:12,850 --> 00:17:14,350
- Wookiee.
- Yeah, he goes...
410
00:17:16,350 --> 00:17:17,150
And they're all like,
411
00:17:17,150 --> 00:17:19,050
"That's a good point, Bear,
let's try that. "
412
00:17:19,050 --> 00:17:20,050
Okay, he's a Wookiee,
413
00:17:20,050 --> 00:17:22,950
and his kind is actually
more intelligent than they appear.
414
00:17:24,150 --> 00:17:27,950
Look, Stella, that is Ted's favorite movie
of all time.
415
00:17:28,150 --> 00:17:30,450
He watches it
when he's home sick with the flu.
416
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,250
He watches it on rainy
Sunday afternoons in the fall.
417
00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:35,950
He... he watches it
on Christmas Eve.
418
00:17:36,850 --> 00:17:41,950
Ted watches Star Wars in sickness and in health,
in good times and in bad.
419
00:17:42,850 --> 00:17:44,350
Do you really think
that you can pretend
420
00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:48,350
to like a movie
that you actually hate for the rest of your life?
421
00:17:52,950 --> 00:17:54,350
I do.
422
00:17:55,750 --> 00:17:57,550
Well, then, Ted's a lucky guy.
423
00:18:02,250 --> 00:18:03,650
Bear.
424
00:18:06,550 --> 00:18:07,450
- Hey.
- Hey.
425
00:18:07,450 --> 00:18:08,650
So, here's the deal.
426
00:18:08,950 --> 00:18:12,050
April, have...
you met Barney?
427
00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:13,250
Hi, Barney.
428
00:18:13,350 --> 00:18:15,950
- Uh, hello.
- April just finished her shift,
429
00:18:15,950 --> 00:18:17,950
and she's looking
to blow off some steam.
430
00:18:18,650 --> 00:18:19,950
- Ha.
- Hmm.
431
00:18:20,050 --> 00:18:21,950
Would you excuse
us for one sec?
432
00:18:23,250 --> 00:18:24,150
What are you doing?
433
00:18:24,150 --> 00:18:25,450
Well, you were
so nice to me tonight,
434
00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:28,650
I wanted to return the favor,
wingwoman-style.
435
00:18:29,350 --> 00:18:31,050
So, as I was saying,
April, Barney...
436
00:18:31,050 --> 00:18:33,150
is the Yankees'
new second-baseman.
437
00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:34,650
And Barney,
April asked
438
00:18:34,650 --> 00:18:39,250
if tomorrow, you could hit a goal
for her during the baseball match.
439
00:18:39,550 --> 00:18:41,050
You can't make
this stuff up.
440
00:18:42,350 --> 00:18:44,250
So, you two kids have fun.
441
00:18:47,150 --> 00:18:49,150
So are you, uh,
nervous about the game?
442
00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:51,350
Yeah, I'm nervous
for the other team
443
00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:54,550
'cause when I step
up to that plate...
444
00:18:57,050 --> 00:18:59,150
Look, April, I am not
a New York Yankee.
445
00:18:59,850 --> 00:19:01,450
Any other night, I would probably
try to convince you
446
00:19:01,450 --> 00:19:02,550
that I am, but I'm not.
447
00:19:02,550 --> 00:19:06,450
I'm just some guy who's in love with the
girl that just left,
448
00:19:06,850 --> 00:19:09,750
and she's never going
to feel the same way.
449
00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:13,150
So I'm just going to go.
450
00:19:14,350 --> 00:19:15,550
And that was it.
451
00:19:15,550 --> 00:19:17,650
I'm so sorry, Barney.
452
00:19:19,350 --> 00:19:20,950
But you can't give up.
453
00:19:21,150 --> 00:19:22,350
You know,
it may take some time,
454
00:19:22,350 --> 00:19:24,650
but once Robin really sees
the new you...
455
00:19:24,650 --> 00:19:25,650
Barney, um,
456
00:19:25,650 --> 00:19:27,350
when my family gets
to Yankee Stadium,
457
00:19:27,650 --> 00:19:29,350
are the tickets
under your name or mine?
458
00:19:29,350 --> 00:19:31,850
My name, and tell your
nephews to bring their mitts.
459
00:19:31,850 --> 00:19:33,950
They're going to be
in foul ball country.
460
00:19:36,350 --> 00:19:37,050
Come on.
461
00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:39,850
Okay, well, the Robin stuff
was completely true.
462
00:19:40,750 --> 00:19:42,150
Damn it, Barney.
463
00:19:42,250 --> 00:19:44,250
I mean, for the last time,
464
00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:47,550
you can't, you can't
be in love with Robin
465
00:19:47,550 --> 00:19:50,650
and still be sleeping with
every bimbo on the planet.
466
00:19:50,650 --> 00:19:52,750
You have to choose right now.
467
00:19:54,550 --> 00:19:55,650
I choose bimbos.
468
00:19:55,650 --> 00:19:58,850
- What?!
- Hey, Lily, bimbos make me happy.
469
00:19:58,950 --> 00:20:00,750
Bimbos make me
feel alive.
470
00:20:01,350 --> 00:20:05,050
Bimbos make me want to
pretend to be a better man.
471
00:20:05,650 --> 00:20:07,450
This whole thing with
Robin was just a fling,
472
00:20:07,450 --> 00:20:11,050
but at the end of the day,
my heart belongs to bimbos.
473
00:20:11,150 --> 00:20:13,750
No, no, this is just
a defense mechanism
474
00:20:13,750 --> 00:20:15,650
because you're afraid
of getting hurt.
475
00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:17,750
You're just confused.
476
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:19,550
Oh, I'm not
confused, Lily.
477
00:20:20,150 --> 00:20:21,650
You know who is confused?
478
00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:23,050
Bimbos.
479
00:20:23,450 --> 00:20:24,750
They're easily confused.
480
00:20:24,750 --> 00:20:26,350
It's one of the
thousand little things
481
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:27,850
I love about them.
482
00:20:28,150 --> 00:20:31,550
I love their vacant,
trusting stares;
483
00:20:31,550 --> 00:20:34,250
their sluggish,
unencumbered minds;
484
00:20:34,550 --> 00:20:36,850
their unresolved daddy issues.
485
00:20:37,050 --> 00:20:39,750
I love them, Lily,
and they love me.
486
00:20:40,250 --> 00:20:44,150
Bimbos have always been there
for me, through thick and thin.
487
00:20:44,550 --> 00:20:45,450
Mostly thin.
488
00:20:45,450 --> 00:20:46,850
B- man don't do thick crust.
489
00:20:46,850 --> 00:20:48,050
What up?
490
00:20:48,050 --> 00:20:49,750
See you, Barney.
491
00:20:53,450 --> 00:21:03,450
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