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1
00:00:02,028 --> 00:00:03,929
Good morning, Timmy.
2
00:00:03,930 --> 00:00:06,098
Oh, Allison, a very good
morning to you as well.
3
00:00:06,099 --> 00:00:08,284
Do you happen to know
if this coffee is fresh?
4
00:00:08,285 --> 00:00:11,436
If it were any fresher,
you'd have to slap it. Ha.
5
00:00:12,906 --> 00:00:14,990
That's funny.
Indeed.
6
00:00:14,991 --> 00:00:17,943
Anyway, guess I'll
see you around.
7
00:00:17,944 --> 00:00:19,128
Yes.
8
00:00:19,129 --> 00:00:20,963
And I wish you
a peaceful Tuesday.
9
00:00:20,964 --> 00:00:22,281
Peaceful?
10
00:00:22,282 --> 00:00:24,433
To offset the influence
of mars, the God of war,
11
00:00:24,434 --> 00:00:26,635
for whom Tuesday
is in fact named.
12
00:00:26,636 --> 00:00:28,337
Huh.
13
00:00:28,338 --> 00:00:29,805
How 'bout that?
14
00:00:33,191 --> 00:00:35,573
Wow, you hit her with
the origin of Tuesday,
15
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:36,767
And she's still not naked.
16
00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:39,856
Oh, you're here.
17
00:00:39,857 --> 00:00:41,441
Clearly the shuttle
tour from hell
18
00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:43,726
is back up and running.
19
00:00:43,727 --> 00:00:45,862
Rough way to treat
your mentor.
20
00:00:45,863 --> 00:00:47,930
Gum?
No thanks.
21
00:00:47,931 --> 00:00:50,783
No, I mean, gum.
22
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:54,570
So, uh, you likey
the new girl.
23
00:00:54,571 --> 00:00:57,040
What would make you
say that, sir?
24
00:00:57,041 --> 00:00:59,158
Well, please, your goggles
are all fogged up,
25
00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:00,943
and you were smiling so big
26
00:01:00,944 --> 00:01:05,248
you looked like
the Cleveland indians' mascot.
27
00:01:05,249 --> 00:01:06,549
Now then,
28
00:01:06,550 --> 00:01:10,336
I do admit to being
quite taken by Allison.
29
00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:11,471
She has a certain something
30
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:12,805
I can't quite
put my finger on.
31
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,640
Ah, well,
she's not gonna let you
32
00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:16,242
put your finger on it
if you keep with
33
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,428
the days of the week
fun facts coming.
34
00:01:18,429 --> 00:01:20,730
Sir, not every
romantic interaction
35
00:01:20,731 --> 00:01:23,632
begins with,
"you're not a cop, are you?"
36
00:01:25,152 --> 00:01:27,470
Listen, as your mentor--
you're not my mentor.
37
00:01:27,471 --> 00:01:29,772
As your mentor,
38
00:01:29,773 --> 00:01:32,158
if you want to bag Allison,
39
00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:33,910
you gotta step into it
a little bit, you know?
40
00:01:33,911 --> 00:01:36,112
Notch up the offensive.
41
00:01:36,113 --> 00:01:38,414
I'm not trying
to bag Allison, sir.
42
00:01:41,385 --> 00:01:42,702
Dude...
43
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:45,872
Groundwork's all
you'll be laying.
44
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:47,156
Good one.
45
00:01:47,157 --> 00:01:48,791
Listen, I know chicks
like this,
46
00:01:48,792 --> 00:01:50,343
and they're all librarian
on the outside.
47
00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:51,878
But inside there's
a sexy ViXen
48
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:53,346
waiting for you to bust her
out of her cage.
49
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:54,697
Save your breath, sir.
50
00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,349
I'd much sooner
take romantic advice
51
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,301
from Mr. eldrick "tiger" Woods.
52
00:02:00,104 --> 00:02:01,170
Ouch.
53
00:02:01,171 --> 00:02:03,339
If I've offended you,
I apologize.
54
00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:05,141
Which might in fact
be an opening
55
00:02:05,142 --> 00:02:07,310
for you to apologize for
all your offensive comments
56
00:02:07,311 --> 00:02:08,444
aimed at me.
57
00:02:08,445 --> 00:02:10,563
Hmm? No?
Didn't think so.
58
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:19,572
Ha-ha!
59
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:20,940
Hey, what are you doing
at Timmy's computer?
60
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,259
I'm sending an email
to that new chick from Timmy.
61
00:02:23,260 --> 00:02:25,878
But Timmy's not here.
62
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:31,217
Has anyone ever successfully
explained something to you?
63
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:33,719
Ha, lots of times.
64
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:34,870
Great.
65
00:02:34,871 --> 00:02:37,140
Okay, I'm sending it
as Timmy
66
00:02:37,141 --> 00:02:38,591
because he doesn't know
how to close the deal.
67
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:39,842
So as his mentor--
68
00:02:39,843 --> 00:02:41,093
uh, you're not
his mentor.
69
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:44,180
I'm his mentor, all right!
70
00:02:44,181 --> 00:02:48,234
I'm giving him a little
poetic assistance.
71
00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:50,253
"And lick
the vanilla icing
72
00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:52,889
off your sweet rack"?
73
00:02:52,890 --> 00:02:55,875
I wanted to go romantic.
74
00:02:58,385 --> 00:03:01,420
d How many ways
to say I love you? d
75
00:03:03,557 --> 00:03:08,294
d how many ways to say
that I'm not scared d
76
00:03:08,295 --> 00:03:10,563
d with you by my side d
77
00:03:10,564 --> 00:03:13,199
d there is no denying d
78
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:16,502
d that I can't wait
for me and you d
79
00:03:16,512 --> 00:03:20,512
d Rules of Engagement 5x02 d
The Bank
Original Air Date on September 27, 2010
80
00:03:20,522 --> 00:03:21,922
-- sync by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
81
00:03:24,549 --> 00:03:27,868
Mmm.
Oh, jeez.
82
00:03:27,869 --> 00:03:29,069
Oh, by the way,
83
00:03:29,070 --> 00:03:30,537
I found my other
rollerblade,
84
00:03:30,538 --> 00:03:32,506
so you can disregard
my email.
85
00:03:35,277 --> 00:03:36,977
You'll never guess
where I found it.
86
00:03:36,978 --> 00:03:39,630
I never will.
87
00:03:39,631 --> 00:03:44,501
Look, you and I
have hung out a lot today.
88
00:03:44,502 --> 00:03:46,837
Oh.
So...
89
00:03:50,875 --> 00:03:52,176
Can I finish my beer?
90
00:03:52,177 --> 00:03:54,378
How much is left?
91
00:03:56,548 --> 00:03:59,099
It's, like, less than half.
92
00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:01,352
Fine.
93
00:04:02,771 --> 00:04:04,688
Hey, Jeff, I'm on hold
with the people
94
00:04:04,689 --> 00:04:05,973
from that pilates studio.
95
00:04:05,974 --> 00:04:07,674
They say I'm not signed up
for my class.
96
00:04:07,675 --> 00:04:09,026
You mailed that check,
right?
97
00:04:09,027 --> 00:04:10,861
Oh, jeez, no.
I'm sorry, Aud.
98
00:04:10,862 --> 00:04:12,112
It's right over here.
99
00:04:12,113 --> 00:04:13,981
How could you forget that?
100
00:04:13,982 --> 00:04:17,368
It was weeks ago.
101
00:04:17,369 --> 00:04:18,685
Yeah, I'm still here.
102
00:04:18,686 --> 00:04:21,322
Um, I owe you an apology.
103
00:04:21,323 --> 00:04:24,041
Oh, man, looks like
doghouse city for you.
104
00:04:24,042 --> 00:04:26,410
Oh, I'm gonna be fine.
How do you figure, man?
105
00:04:26,411 --> 00:04:28,028
Audrey had
the same look jenn had
106
00:04:28,029 --> 00:04:31,882
when she found my rollerblade
in her bubble bath.
107
00:04:32,967 --> 00:04:34,635
See, whenever aud
screws up,
108
00:04:34,636 --> 00:04:37,471
instead of getting mad
and shoving it in her face,
109
00:04:37,472 --> 00:04:40,924
I just deposit it
into this handy file.
110
00:04:40,925 --> 00:04:43,794
The bank.
111
00:04:43,795 --> 00:04:46,230
The bank?
That's right.
112
00:04:46,231 --> 00:04:47,714
Then when I screw up,
113
00:04:47,715 --> 00:04:50,234
I withdraw
one of her old screwups
114
00:04:50,235 --> 00:04:53,103
to neutralize her anger.
115
00:04:53,104 --> 00:04:55,689
Seems kind of petty
and manipulative.
116
00:04:55,690 --> 00:04:58,609
Thanks.
117
00:04:58,610 --> 00:05:00,527
Great, you didn't mail
that check,
118
00:05:00,528 --> 00:05:03,080
and now there are no more spots
left in the class.
119
00:05:03,081 --> 00:05:04,448
Bet you never forget
to mail a check
120
00:05:04,449 --> 00:05:06,417
to the beer of the month club,
do you?
121
00:05:06,418 --> 00:05:10,671
First of all,
I have that on autopay,
122
00:05:10,672 --> 00:05:12,339
and, you know,
I said I was sorry.
123
00:05:12,340 --> 00:05:13,874
And people forget things.
124
00:05:13,875 --> 00:05:15,592
I mean, just by way
of random example,
125
00:05:15,593 --> 00:05:17,744
uh, a few weeks ago,
126
00:05:17,745 --> 00:05:20,681
you forgot to return
that mamma Mia! DVD.
127
00:05:20,682 --> 00:05:23,016
By the time we found it
in the couch cushions,
128
00:05:23,017 --> 00:05:25,102
we owned it.
129
00:05:25,103 --> 00:05:27,271
For 80 bucks.
130
00:05:27,272 --> 00:05:29,473
Well, that was--
131
00:05:29,474 --> 00:05:30,958
a similar incident, sure.
132
00:05:30,959 --> 00:05:35,362
But I only bring it up to show
that people aren't perfect.
133
00:05:35,363 --> 00:05:37,581
Well, that's true.
134
00:05:37,582 --> 00:05:41,568
I don't think
I even got mad at you.
135
00:05:41,569 --> 00:05:44,822
No, you were actually
pretty understanding.
136
00:05:44,823 --> 00:05:47,607
So I guess this is, like,
137
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:50,277
a teachable moment.
138
00:05:52,464 --> 00:05:55,332
You're right.
I'm sorry I got upset.
139
00:06:00,305 --> 00:06:01,638
Apology accepted.
140
00:06:01,639 --> 00:06:03,307
Anyway, I'm going
to the dry cleaners.
141
00:06:03,308 --> 00:06:04,858
You want me to pick you up
a pizza?
142
00:06:04,859 --> 00:06:06,977
I'll end the suspense.
143
00:06:06,978 --> 00:06:08,512
Yes.
144
00:06:09,431 --> 00:06:11,965
Bye.
145
00:06:13,184 --> 00:06:15,486
She--
she stopped being mad,
146
00:06:15,487 --> 00:06:18,472
and she's gonna
get you a pizza?
147
00:06:18,473 --> 00:06:21,859
Thank you for banking with us,
Mr. Bingham.
148
00:06:22,777 --> 00:06:25,028
Oh, man, I gotta
try this with jenn.
149
00:06:25,029 --> 00:06:26,530
Well, I'm glad
I could help.
150
00:06:26,531 --> 00:06:29,783
Anyways, um...
151
00:06:29,784 --> 00:06:33,153
I think we both know
what this means.
152
00:06:36,508 --> 00:06:39,710
Ah, good morning,
my paid friend.
153
00:06:39,711 --> 00:06:41,328
Yes, I'll just note
154
00:06:41,329 --> 00:06:44,932
that 2:15 is now part
of the morning.
155
00:06:44,933 --> 00:06:48,101
So make any progress
with Allison, Hmm?
156
00:06:48,102 --> 00:06:52,005
She give you a shout-out
on the old email machine, Hmm?
157
00:06:52,006 --> 00:06:53,891
No.
158
00:06:53,892 --> 00:06:55,008
Really?
159
00:06:55,009 --> 00:06:56,510
Yes.
160
00:06:56,511 --> 00:06:59,613
And before you tell me
to notch up the offensive
161
00:06:59,614 --> 00:07:01,114
or step into it
162
00:07:01,115 --> 00:07:04,017
or put something on a rag
and make her smell it...
163
00:07:05,620 --> 00:07:08,188
I've got it under control.
164
00:07:08,189 --> 00:07:09,957
Oh, fine.
165
00:07:09,958 --> 00:07:12,359
Far be it from me
to get involved.
166
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:14,745
Yes, it be far.
167
00:07:16,030 --> 00:07:17,631
Well, I'm gonna take
a little break.
168
00:07:17,632 --> 00:07:19,833
You've certainly earned it.
169
00:07:21,035 --> 00:07:22,553
But make sure
you're back by 3:10
170
00:07:22,554 --> 00:07:24,505
or you'll miss
quitting time.
171
00:07:35,733 --> 00:07:37,351
Oh, hey there.
172
00:07:37,352 --> 00:07:38,652
Allison is it?
173
00:07:38,653 --> 00:07:40,938
Uh, right.
Hello, Mr. Dunbar.
174
00:07:40,939 --> 00:07:42,222
Hey there.
175
00:07:42,223 --> 00:07:43,490
I don't think I've
given you my official
176
00:07:43,491 --> 00:07:45,826
"welcome to the company."
177
00:07:45,827 --> 00:07:48,395
I have mace.
178
00:07:48,396 --> 00:07:50,080
Jeez, relax.
179
00:07:50,081 --> 00:07:51,281
Sorry.
180
00:07:51,282 --> 00:07:53,066
It's just,
I've heard some stories.
181
00:07:53,067 --> 00:07:54,234
Oh, yeah?
182
00:07:54,235 --> 00:07:56,537
Well, some of them are
probably exaggerated
183
00:07:56,538 --> 00:07:57,737
for all you know.
184
00:07:57,738 --> 00:08:00,891
So having a little tea?
185
00:08:00,892 --> 00:08:01,858
Yes.
186
00:08:01,859 --> 00:08:03,193
You know,
speaking of tea,
187
00:08:03,194 --> 00:08:04,978
it usually comes
from faraway places,
188
00:08:04,979 --> 00:08:06,630
like asia,
189
00:08:06,631 --> 00:08:09,416
and darker in color
than, say, milk.
190
00:08:09,417 --> 00:08:12,636
You know my assistant
Timmy, right?
191
00:08:12,637 --> 00:08:14,688
I'm familiar
with his work.
192
00:08:14,689 --> 00:08:16,723
I think he likes you.
193
00:08:16,724 --> 00:08:18,275
O.M.G. Alert.
194
00:08:18,276 --> 00:08:21,612
Yes, he's made that
abundantly clear.
195
00:08:21,613 --> 00:08:23,897
Ah.
196
00:08:23,898 --> 00:08:26,199
Well, do you like him?
197
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,051
I mean, I know he's
no Tom cruise.
198
00:08:28,052 --> 00:08:30,404
I mean, we know.
199
00:08:30,405 --> 00:08:33,123
He's got the goofy specs,
built like Mr. salty,
200
00:08:33,124 --> 00:08:34,908
but he's a sweet kid.
201
00:08:34,909 --> 00:08:36,943
Well, I thought so, but--
202
00:08:36,944 --> 00:08:37,995
but what?
203
00:08:37,996 --> 00:08:39,913
Well, yesterday,
he sent me this email
204
00:08:39,914 --> 00:08:42,633
that was just so...Shocking.
205
00:08:42,634 --> 00:08:44,468
...Ly good?
206
00:08:44,469 --> 00:08:46,219
...Ly disgusting.
207
00:08:46,220 --> 00:08:48,455
Turns out
he's a total pig.
208
00:08:48,456 --> 00:08:50,807
And an idiot.
209
00:08:50,808 --> 00:08:52,893
Why is he an idiot?
210
00:08:52,894 --> 00:08:54,794
Well, to start,
he spelled "straddle"
211
00:08:54,795 --> 00:08:56,680
with ts instead of ds.
212
00:08:56,681 --> 00:08:58,798
It's ds?
213
00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:02,903
It was like being sexually
harassed by a fourth grader.
214
00:09:02,904 --> 00:09:05,472
Well, maybe when he was
a kid he was dyslexic.
215
00:09:05,473 --> 00:09:08,475
His parents didn't notice
because they were too busy
216
00:09:08,476 --> 00:09:11,478
self-medicating with gin
and cough syrup
217
00:09:11,479 --> 00:09:13,480
using their friends as pawns
218
00:09:13,481 --> 00:09:16,049
in their games
of sexual chess.
219
00:09:16,050 --> 00:09:19,152
Well, that might excuse
his near-literacy.
220
00:09:21,155 --> 00:09:22,673
With that ugly attitude,
221
00:09:22,674 --> 00:09:25,993
he'll never have any sort
of meaningful relationship.
222
00:09:27,462 --> 00:09:28,879
Sorry.
223
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,214
I guess those are tough words
to hear about your friend.
224
00:09:31,215 --> 00:09:33,350
Yeah, my friend.
225
00:09:39,507 --> 00:09:41,224
Hey, hon,
back from the store.
226
00:09:41,225 --> 00:09:44,311
Oh, great, just in time.
Let me have the milk.
227
00:09:44,312 --> 00:09:46,897
Oh, yeah.
228
00:09:46,898 --> 00:09:48,348
You forgot to buy the milk?
229
00:09:48,349 --> 00:09:50,200
I just reminded you, like,
15 minutes ago.
230
00:09:50,201 --> 00:09:52,686
It was the one thing
I asked for.
231
00:09:52,687 --> 00:09:54,187
Oh, yeah?
232
00:09:54,188 --> 00:09:55,989
Well...
233
00:09:55,990 --> 00:09:57,791
How 'bout the time
when we were broken up
234
00:09:57,792 --> 00:10:00,193
and you had sex
with your ex-boyfriend, huh?
235
00:10:00,194 --> 00:10:02,045
What?
236
00:10:02,046 --> 00:10:04,081
Did you actually
just say that?
237
00:10:04,082 --> 00:10:06,216
Yeah.
238
00:10:06,217 --> 00:10:09,002
It shows that we all
make mistakes.
239
00:10:09,987 --> 00:10:13,173
This isn't a teachable
moment, is it?
240
00:10:16,811 --> 00:10:19,796
d We are the champions d
241
00:10:19,797 --> 00:10:23,016
d we are the champions d
242
00:10:23,017 --> 00:10:26,319
d no time for losers d
243
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:32,659
d 'cause we are
the champions d
244
00:10:32,660 --> 00:10:34,277
d of the world d
245
00:10:34,278 --> 00:10:36,613
Jeff.
246
00:10:36,614 --> 00:10:38,832
Yeah?
247
00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:41,785
Want in on this?
248
00:10:41,786 --> 00:10:43,036
No, I'm good.
249
00:10:43,037 --> 00:10:44,671
I was just on the computer
trying to cancel
250
00:10:44,672 --> 00:10:46,540
the check I wrote
for that pilates class
251
00:10:46,541 --> 00:10:48,575
when I came upon
a little file
252
00:10:48,576 --> 00:10:51,294
called "bank."
253
00:10:51,295 --> 00:10:54,381
Did you?
254
00:10:54,382 --> 00:10:56,433
Still feel like
the Champion of the world?
255
00:11:04,506 --> 00:11:06,040
A file?
256
00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:07,791
You keep a file
of every mistake
257
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,610
I have made
over the years?
258
00:11:09,611 --> 00:11:12,680
I'm sure I've missed a few.
I'm not perfect.
259
00:11:12,681 --> 00:11:13,997
Oh, my God.
260
00:11:13,998 --> 00:11:16,166
Every time when you were
so understanding,
261
00:11:16,167 --> 00:11:17,351
it was just a ploy.
262
00:11:17,352 --> 00:11:19,637
I learned early on
that if you screwed up
263
00:11:19,638 --> 00:11:20,888
and I called you on it,
264
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:22,223
you'd just get
even madder at me.
265
00:11:22,224 --> 00:11:24,692
I'd get nothing
out of it.
266
00:11:24,693 --> 00:11:27,177
Why do you have to get
something out of it?
267
00:11:27,178 --> 00:11:29,813
Why can't you just be kind
and understanding?
268
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:31,848
That would be fine
in a world of fairies
269
00:11:31,849 --> 00:11:33,850
and magic bunnies.
270
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:36,654
This is marriage
we're talking about.
271
00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:37,988
It's a constant series
of battles
272
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:40,190
to be won and lost.
273
00:11:40,191 --> 00:11:44,328
How would you feel if
I stored up your screwups, huh?
274
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,714
Like when you forgot
to pick me up at the airport,
275
00:11:46,715 --> 00:11:48,465
or that time you forgot
your credit card
276
00:11:48,466 --> 00:11:50,668
at the strip club.
277
00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:52,336
Well, I mean, first of all,
those are technically
278
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:55,589
part of the same incident.
279
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:57,892
And secondly,
it sounds to me
280
00:11:57,893 --> 00:11:59,677
like you do
store those up.
281
00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:01,562
No, I just happen
to remember them.
282
00:12:01,563 --> 00:12:04,381
I don't log them into
my hard drive.
283
00:12:04,382 --> 00:12:05,882
Enjoy the guest room.
284
00:12:05,883 --> 00:12:07,935
You know, you're the one
who's always telling me
285
00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:09,570
that I should write stuff down
so I don't forget it.
286
00:12:09,571 --> 00:12:10,988
You should be proud of me!
287
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:25,085
I think my bank
needs a bailout.
288
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:31,041
So you sent this email
to a woman,
289
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:33,910
an actual human woman?
290
00:12:33,911 --> 00:12:35,713
Yeah, dude.
291
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:36,931
That stuff always
works for me.
292
00:12:36,932 --> 00:12:38,215
Oh, really?
293
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:41,885
"I want to lick vanilla icing
off your Lady bumps."
294
00:12:43,021 --> 00:12:44,238
That stuff only works
295
00:12:44,239 --> 00:12:47,725
on your particular brand
of skank.
296
00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:49,276
Yeah, don't think
that you can play cupid
297
00:12:49,277 --> 00:12:53,314
just 'cause you're
the same height.
298
00:12:53,315 --> 00:12:55,149
I'm sorry, is this
coming from two guys
299
00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:57,818
who spent last night
spooning on a couch
300
00:12:57,819 --> 00:12:59,603
'cause their chicks
gave them the boot?
301
00:12:59,604 --> 00:13:01,822
We were not spooning, okay.
302
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,924
Jeff was in the guest room,
and I was on the couch.
303
00:13:03,925 --> 00:13:05,042
Till about 4:00 A.M.
304
00:13:05,043 --> 00:13:08,111
I heard a noise!
I got scared!
305
00:13:08,112 --> 00:13:09,780
So sad.
306
00:13:09,781 --> 00:13:11,131
Good day there, gents.
307
00:13:11,132 --> 00:13:12,783
Hey.
308
00:13:12,784 --> 00:13:13,751
Hmm, what's that?
309
00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:14,969
"Please join us
for breakfast, Timmy."
310
00:13:14,970 --> 00:13:16,337
Thanks ever so much
for asking,
311
00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:17,554
but I can't.
312
00:13:17,555 --> 00:13:18,639
You see, the thing is,
313
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:20,457
this is the morning
I make my move
314
00:13:20,458 --> 00:13:21,958
on the enchanting Allison.
315
00:13:21,959 --> 00:13:23,093
Hmm.
316
00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:24,311
How's that work?
What do you do?
317
00:13:24,312 --> 00:13:27,398
Visit the father's hut,
swing a chicken around?
318
00:13:28,583 --> 00:13:30,267
No.
319
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,820
I am bringing her something
that comes close
320
00:13:32,821 --> 00:13:34,238
to matching her
in sweetness.
321
00:13:34,239 --> 00:13:36,190
A cupcake.
322
00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,624
Uh, chocolate?
323
00:13:37,625 --> 00:13:39,076
Vanilla.
324
00:13:41,663 --> 00:13:44,365
Well then,
wish me luck.
325
00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:45,532
Hmm, no? Nothing?
326
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:47,167
That's fine.
Silent prayers then.
327
00:13:49,337 --> 00:13:52,139
Dude, he got her
a vanilla cupcake.
328
00:13:52,140 --> 00:13:53,757
It's too perfect.
329
00:13:53,758 --> 00:13:55,959
No, it's not perfect, man.
You gotta stop him.
330
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,678
Yeah, he's walking into
a buzz saw.
331
00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:00,097
All right,
you guys are probably right.
332
00:14:00,098 --> 00:14:02,165
This could be the most
humiliating experience
333
00:14:02,166 --> 00:14:03,333
of his life.
334
00:14:03,334 --> 00:14:04,802
I should stop it.
I'm responsible.
335
00:14:04,803 --> 00:14:07,187
I gotta be the one--
yay, pancakes!
336
00:14:12,093 --> 00:14:13,277
Knock, knock.
337
00:14:13,278 --> 00:14:16,012
Timmy.
338
00:14:16,013 --> 00:14:19,033
I bring sweets
for the sweet.
339
00:14:19,034 --> 00:14:21,452
Oh, I thought
if I ignored you,
340
00:14:21,453 --> 00:14:24,221
you'd get the message,
but apparently not.
341
00:14:29,044 --> 00:14:30,527
Have I done something
to offend you?
342
00:14:30,528 --> 00:14:31,662
Really?
343
00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:33,580
You have no idea
about the poem you emailed me
344
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:36,083
titled points of entry?
345
00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:39,219
Allison, I didn't
send you any email.
346
00:14:39,220 --> 00:14:41,221
Then what's this?
347
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:44,675
Mr. Dunbar.
348
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:45,809
What about him?
349
00:14:45,810 --> 00:14:48,178
He sent that.
350
00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:49,546
You have to believe me.
351
00:14:49,547 --> 00:14:50,631
Why should I?
352
00:14:50,632 --> 00:14:53,350
Allison, I was first
in my class at Oxford.
353
00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:55,235
Do you really think
I'd spell "pelvis"
354
00:14:55,236 --> 00:14:57,020
with two ls?
355
00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:58,739
I guess not.
356
00:14:58,740 --> 00:14:59,890
And I did think
it was odd
357
00:14:59,891 --> 00:15:01,425
that you misspelled
"finish."
358
00:15:01,426 --> 00:15:03,110
No, that's actually
correct.
359
00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:06,830
It refers to an apparatus
he ordered from Finland.
360
00:15:06,831 --> 00:15:09,283
But I assure you,
I would never disrespect you
361
00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:11,618
or any other woman
with this kind of language.
362
00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:13,704
It's such a relief
to know that you're still
363
00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:17,291
the charming gentleman
I thought you were.
364
00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:19,743
And an even greater relief
to hear you call me charming.
365
00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:21,528
Well, you are.
366
00:15:21,529 --> 00:15:23,514
I mean, you're certainly
not the kind of person
367
00:15:23,515 --> 00:15:25,866
that would want
to watch me do this...
368
00:15:25,867 --> 00:15:28,969
With a jar of that.
369
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,971
Goodness no.
370
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:32,489
Um...
371
00:15:32,490 --> 00:15:34,475
And, you know, I'm certainly
far too refined
372
00:15:34,476 --> 00:15:38,579
to even suggest
that we try that.
373
00:15:38,580 --> 00:15:39,863
How can you even do that?
374
00:15:39,864 --> 00:15:41,982
That's what the Helsinki
harness is for.
375
00:15:43,935 --> 00:15:47,237
But if we were
to complete that act,
376
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:52,075
one can see how it would
segue very nicely into, uh--
377
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:55,295
oh, into that right there
in all caps.
378
00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:58,749
It all seems so forbidden
379
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,968
and naughty.
380
00:16:00,969 --> 00:16:04,338
Naughty indeed.
381
00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:26,527
Hey, honey.
382
00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:29,112
Hooray.
You're here.
383
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:32,416
Look, I feel really bad
about last night.
384
00:16:32,417 --> 00:16:36,537
So I brought you
a little something.
385
00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:38,956
That's cute.
386
00:16:38,957 --> 00:16:40,457
Okay, look, I know this
doesn't make up
387
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:41,959
for what I said.
388
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:46,213
But I thought it might
get us 2% closer.
389
00:16:47,849 --> 00:16:50,267
You're such a dork.
390
00:16:50,268 --> 00:16:52,519
I'm really sorry.
391
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,721
It was just so harsh
and out of nowhere.
392
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:56,974
I know.
I mean, see, Jeff said--
393
00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:59,893
oh, my God, I knew
this smelled like him.
394
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:03,480
You know, lately
so does the elevator.
395
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:05,816
Look, we don't need any
of his relationship tricks.
396
00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:07,568
I know,
and to be honest,
397
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:09,203
I'm not even upset
that you slept with Serge
398
00:17:09,204 --> 00:17:10,370
the time we broke up.
399
00:17:10,371 --> 00:17:11,354
Well, you shouldn't be.
400
00:17:11,355 --> 00:17:12,355
Yeah, and I have got
401
00:17:12,356 --> 00:17:13,957
no right to complain
402
00:17:13,958 --> 00:17:16,243
because that week
I slept with my ex
403
00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:18,612
and her friend.
404
00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:24,384
Oh, look, we have another
carton right here in the door.
405
00:17:24,385 --> 00:17:26,336
Brain fart.
406
00:17:30,808 --> 00:17:32,893
Well, I'd like the apartment
to be bigger too,
407
00:17:32,894 --> 00:17:35,062
but I don't think
that's gonna do it.
408
00:17:37,148 --> 00:17:38,548
I'm stretching.
409
00:17:38,549 --> 00:17:40,550
Something I was hoping
to do in pilates.
410
00:17:40,551 --> 00:17:44,688
Speaking of which.
411
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,990
You got me into the class?
I did.
412
00:17:46,991 --> 00:17:49,092
It was totally full.
How'd you do that?
413
00:17:49,093 --> 00:17:51,061
You know anything
about scoliosis?
414
00:17:51,062 --> 00:17:52,112
No.
415
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:53,380
Well, read up,
416
00:17:53,381 --> 00:17:56,083
'cause the pilates people
think you have it.
417
00:17:57,368 --> 00:18:01,121
Are you still mad about...
418
00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:03,340
No, I'm not mad.
419
00:18:03,341 --> 00:18:05,092
I'm just disappointed.
420
00:18:05,093 --> 00:18:07,711
I don't want to be a couple
who fights like that,
421
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:10,264
all calculating,
storing stuff up,
422
00:18:10,265 --> 00:18:11,798
using it later.
423
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:13,717
Tell you what,
how 'bout from now on--
424
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,585
oh, I agree,
no more fighting.
425
00:18:15,586 --> 00:18:18,421
Well, that's a little
pie in the sky.
426
00:18:18,422 --> 00:18:21,191
I was gonna say,
how 'bout we just fight
427
00:18:21,192 --> 00:18:23,193
about what we're fighting
about at the time.
428
00:18:23,194 --> 00:18:24,478
Okay.
429
00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:26,446
Let's start by deleting
the bank.
430
00:18:26,447 --> 00:18:28,865
All right, and I'll
get rid of this too.
431
00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:39,326
You printed it out?
432
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:40,744
Look, you know what,
you gotta have backup
433
00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:41,995
of all your important files.
434
00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:43,497
Let's just say
that the computer crashes,
435
00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:45,949
what, are we gonna not fight?
436
00:18:47,468 --> 00:18:49,920
Oh, you've been saving
this stuff up
437
00:18:49,921 --> 00:18:52,639
since I spilled gravy
on your tuxedo?
438
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:56,009
I wasn't gonna yell at you
on our wedding day.
439
00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:00,847
August '98,
dropped new camera
440
00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:02,465
into the Grand Canyon.
441
00:19:02,466 --> 00:19:03,734
'Cause you wouldn't wear
the strap
442
00:19:03,735 --> 00:19:06,603
'cause it clashed
with your stupid purse.
443
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:09,022
Is what I didn't say
at the time.
444
00:19:11,993 --> 00:19:14,811
June '06, paid for
insurance on rental car
445
00:19:14,812 --> 00:19:17,581
when credit card
covered anyway.
446
00:19:17,582 --> 00:19:20,667
January '09, asked for
a bite of my sandwich,
447
00:19:20,668 --> 00:19:22,202
took three.
448
00:19:26,841 --> 00:19:28,342
We have had
some good times.
449
00:19:28,343 --> 00:19:30,544
Yes, we have.
450
00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:32,679
You know, maybe we
shouldn't destroy this.
451
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:33,847
No?
452
00:19:33,848 --> 00:19:36,049
I mean, we don't take
a lot of pictures.
453
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:38,385
Camera. Grand Canyon.
454
00:19:40,438 --> 00:19:41,605
Right.
455
00:19:41,606 --> 00:19:43,173
It's pretty much
the only record
456
00:19:43,174 --> 00:19:44,891
of our life together.
457
00:19:44,892 --> 00:19:47,027
A scrapbook of our marriage.
458
00:19:47,028 --> 00:19:50,197
Or evidence
for our divorce.
459
00:19:50,198 --> 00:19:54,468
Who knows where this
crazy ride's gonna take us.
460
00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:02,325
Hey, I recorded Gran Torino
in the bedroom.
461
00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:04,194
You want to go watch it?
462
00:20:04,195 --> 00:20:05,379
Yeah, sure.
463
00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:06,546
Oh.
464
00:20:06,547 --> 00:20:09,416
I think my Oprah has
bumped it off the TiVo.
465
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:10,667
No problem.
466
00:20:10,668 --> 00:20:12,469
We'll watch something else.
467
00:20:12,470 --> 00:20:13,470
I'll be right in.
468
00:20:13,471 --> 00:20:14,721
I'm gonna get some chips.
469
00:20:14,722 --> 00:20:16,890
Okay.
470
00:20:29,506 --> 00:20:31,407
The Office Depot people
never let on
471
00:20:31,408 --> 00:20:34,477
quite how versatile
this baby was.
472
00:20:34,478 --> 00:20:37,146
When they called it
a five-position chair,
473
00:20:37,147 --> 00:20:38,681
I think they missed a few.
474
00:20:38,682 --> 00:20:41,350
Now, I think
it's for the best
475
00:20:41,351 --> 00:20:43,653
if Mr. Dunbar never learns
of the role he played
476
00:20:43,654 --> 00:20:46,522
in prompting this
most recent activity.
477
00:20:46,523 --> 00:20:47,957
We wouldn't want to encourage
his involvement
478
00:20:47,958 --> 00:20:48,908
in our affairs.
479
00:20:48,909 --> 00:20:50,376
Agreed.
480
00:20:50,377 --> 00:20:52,578
In fact, let's just delete
that email right now.
481
00:20:52,579 --> 00:20:55,748
Good idea.
482
00:20:55,749 --> 00:20:58,084
Oh, and Allison...
483
00:20:58,085 --> 00:21:00,369
Print out a copy first?
484
00:21:00,370 --> 00:21:02,371
You read my mind.
485
00:21:02,881 --> 00:21:07,781
-- sync by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
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