All language subtitles for About.Fate.2022.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-SMURF

(SLOW MUSIC INTRO PLAYS)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALARM RINGING)

(ALARM CONTINUES RINGING)

(ALARM STOPS)

(SIGHS)

Today's the day.

(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)

Today's the day. (CHUCKLES)

What?
Don't look at me like that.

It could happen.

(SWALLOWS)

(EXHALES)

(SIGHS EXCITEDLY)

- Good morning.
- (CAT MEOWS)

Yes. (GASPS)

Yes! (CHUCKLES)

I'll think about it.
(CHUCKLES)

(EXHALES HEAVILY)

That's a proposal-worthy face.
Right?

Well, I'd marry you.

(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)

(EXHALES)

Hey. Teddy? Come on.

(CAT MEOWS)

What? You lick your own butt.

(CAT PURRS)

I'm feeling much better,
thank you for asking.

(TEXTING TONE WHOOSHING)

Oh.

(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)

- (ENGINE CRANKING)
- (SIGHS)

(ENGINE STARTS)

(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

So, when do we pick up the ring?

Morning, Mom.

You know, I already told you

I'm gonna pick up the ring
on my lunch hour.

So, you know, I actually
don't need any help.

- Yeah, I know.
- Thanks.

But you know
how forgetful you are.

And that cold medicine
makes you loopy.

Yeah, well, I don't know,

I feel like I'm not gonna forget

my engagement ring,

even with a cold.

But I appreciate it.

And don't stop taking
that medicine.

You know,
no woman wants to say yes

to a crusty nose.

You have to remember
you only have one day a year

when you can propose
on December 30th.

You know, three generations
of Reeds can't be wrong.

Yeah, I'm well aware.
No, I know.

But I gotta go, okay?
But I'll talk to you later.

Oh, who'd have thought, my son,

two times Student Samaritan
of the Month,

engaged to a girl with
her own park bench? Like...

I know. I know. (CHUCKLES)

All right, well, I love you,
okay? Gotta go. Bye.

Oh, and just one more thing...

- Oh, shit!
- (CAR HORN BEEPS)

Dad proposed to you
after one week.

Well, that was a different time.

And your dad wanted to get laid.

Oh, as a matter of fact,
he's on his way back now.

We're in our hotel room, so...

Okay, TMI, Mom.

Anyway, he made
dinner reservations

and says he wants to talk.

Oh, I hope it's not cancer.

What if the first time
you're meeting my boyfriend,

you're actually
meeting my fiancé? (GASPS)

Okay, we've been
down this road before

and it never ends well.

Look, you have a date
to the wedding,

just take the win.

I wonder if it's too late
to get a spray tan.

Your sister will kill you

if you have a tan
at her winter wedding.

Well, maybe I want to be
tanned for my winter proposal.

MOM: I will meet you
at the bridal shop at noon.

Do not be late. Again.

- Love you.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

Morning, Doris.

- (DORIS GASPS)
- Double tall latte.

You are the sweetest lawyer
in the entire building.

(CHUCKLES) Stop.

Oh. Um...

Yeah, it's actually
not what you think it is.

(CHUCKLING) Oh, well,
it looks like coffee.

Well, then I guess it is
what you think it is, Doris.

There we go.

- Hey, buddy.
- Hey!

Big night tonight.

Yeah, you a little nervous?

Well, clearly.
Oh, shit. Nice.

I get it. It's not every day

you propose
to the hottest chick in town.

Oh. (CHUCKLES)

Okay, can you please not refer
to my future wife as a chick?

Oh, sorry.

- Empress. Duchess. Mistress.
- You know what? No.

She's not like that, okay?

Oh, yeah?
You use her Sonic are again?

No, I already told you,
that was my fault.

- I should've asked.
- Listen, buddy.

There is
an unspoken list of things

that couples in relationships
can share.

Okay? You've got porn,

you've got razors,

toothbrushes.

- Mostly porn.
- Okay. I'm just gonna need you

to stop worrying
about my girlfriend

and just focus
on getting your own, okay?

Hey, I'm working on it, man.

"I am Sam" is up
on Hinge and Tinder.

You know that's a movie

about the mentally
disabled guy, right?

- Shit.
- Just saying.

I thought I was low on matches.

(PHONE RINGING)

(DRAMATICALLY) Oh, my God.

You missed the best party.

Totally should have come.

Yeah, I wanted to,
but all you texted me

was the side of a building
and the name "Paco."

Paco! Oh, my God. So cute.

We should all
grab drinks at lunch.

I can't. I have the stupid
final dress fitting.

My sister's worried I'm gonna
put on a late 10 pounds

and ruin her perfect aesthetic.

Fine. After work, then.

Stop pretending
like you don't know

what's possibly
maybe happening tonight.

Why are you getting engaged

to a man who's hiding
from your friends?

He's not hiding. He's earning
his third-degree black belt.

I mean, that's time-consuming.

And he's getting over
a really bad cold.

For three months?

Can you just support me?

Okay? I think I have
finally found Mr. Right.

I do support you.

I just think Mr. Right is not
the guy that calls you

while he's sitting on your face.

My face is on a park bench.

You're supposed to sit on it
and call me.

If they're shopping for homes,
not vagina.

He said it was fate.

- (SQUEALS)
- No!

It's advertising.

Fate is magical.

Fate is supernatural.

Fate is meeting Calvin Harris
at Coachella,

losing him in a crowd,

then waking up in Joshua Tree

to find him making s'mores
by an open campfire.

Without his shirt on.

- (CHUCKLES)
- That was a fun weekend.

I have to work. Please.

Oh, my God.

(MIMICKING) Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. You're so boring.

- Goodbye.
- Bye.

SISTER: And you're positive
he's coming.

WOMAN: Yes, he's coming.

Why do you keep asking me?

SISTER: Because
no one's even met him.

And you do have a history
of fake boyfriends.

WOMAN: (CHUCKLES)
Okay, that was one time.

Kip is real.

He's my date.
You're gonna love him.

- It's $40 a plate.
- So?

- $40 a plate. It's just...
- Okay, so?

We're not having
a rehearsal dinner,

so we can have
a really nice reception.

And if he's not coming, then
we'll invite Brian's Auntie V.

Oh, okay. Well, screw Auntie V
because he's coming.

And if he doesn't, I'll be
sure to write you a check.

MOM: Well, you can
write it out to me.

Who do you think
is paying for this thing?

Isn't the groom's family

traditionally supposed to pay
for that part?

- Mm...
- Okay, sorry, are you calling

Brian's family cheap?

No, they happen to be taking us

to a really fancy brunch
the day after the wedding.

Are we almost done here?
Because I don't want

to be late for my spray tan
appointment, so...

No, no. Mom? See, I told you.

She's gonna ruin the wedding.

Okay, how is
me getting a spray tan

gonna ruin the wedding?

I don't know.
You'll turn yourself orange

or you'll get UV-poisoning
and die.

You will figure out some way

to make my wedding all about...

you.

- Prom?
- Still haven't let that go?

- Yeah.
- It's not my fault

that Dylan Kidd
liked me better than you.

Well, you're the one
who gave him a blow job

in the guest bathroom.
So, it is your fault.

Yeah, well, that's because
you take forever to get ready.

BOTH: Mom?

It is true, you do.

I knew it. I knew I should've
asked Gloria Hefner

to be my maid of honor.

Gloria Hefner has one eyebrow.

How fast can you make
another dress?

No, no, no.
She's out of the wedding!

- Out, out, yes! Yeah.
- Promise? Swear? Promise?

Okay, girls, girls, girls!
Enough.

You're sisters.

So, that means, by law,
you are bound to pretend

to love each other and
be in each other's weddings.

That's just how it goes. Okay?

So, why don't you two say
something nice to each other?

Nothing comes to mind, so...

SALESWOMAN: Here you go, sir.
Sized and shined.

Oh, my God.

Oh, honey, no, no.

(SIGHS) Mom,
what are you doing here?

I told you,
I don't any help today.

MOM: Well, from the looks
of this box, you do.

What's wrong with the box?

Well, it's just dull.
I mean, it doesn't sing to me.

Do you have these
in another color

like gold, or glitter,
or faux fur?

Yeah, apparently we're looking
for the Beyoncé of ring boxes.

We just have these.

My only son is getting engaged
for the very first time in...

I mean, you can understand

how I just want
this proposal to be perfect.

And it will be perfect, okay?

So, you don't really
have to worry about it.

Uh-huh. So, maybe,
I could hear it first?

- Hear what?
- Your proposal speech.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

Absolutely not. No.

Just try it out.
Just for safety.

No, I'm not proposing
to my mother. That's crazy.

Okay. Suit yourself.
(CHUCKLES)

- Sorry, this is...
- It's a nice box.

It's a really nice box.

Well, it's only the
single-most important thing

you'll ever say
to a woman, but, uh,

you'll be fine just winging it.

Okay. You know what? One time.

But you say nothing.

All right.

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYS)

- Babe?
- (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Ever since I saw your face,

staring up at me
from that park bench,

I knew that you were
the one for me.

Your beauty, your drive,
your energy...

I mean, I never thought
that some guy like me

would end up with
an incredible woman like you.

You inspire me.

You challenge me.

You push me
out of my comfort zone

because I know you just
want me to be a better man.

And because of you, I am.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Clementine,

will you please
do me the great honor

of becoming my wife?

Oh! Honey, of course, I will.
(LAUGHS)

- WOMAN: Aw.
- All right. (GRUNTS)

That's that. All right.

- Oh! Oh, God!
- No, it's not cool. Just...

(TEARFULLY) I'll take these.

(ROMANTIC HOLIDAY MUSIC
PLAYING)

(SIGHS) Wow!

You look stunning.

(CHUCKLES) You look
quite dapper yourself.

I'm so glad
you're feeling better.

Oh, well, I'm still taking
the cold medicine,

just to be safe.

Yeah, I know this place is
kind of a surprise, but, um,

you know,
it's sentimental for me.

My family actually does

their New Year's day brunch
here, every year.

I think Bennigan's is fun.

I mean, the cocktails
are super creative.

Ooh, yeah,
should we order drinks?

Peach on the Beach looks good.

Oh, my God, Peach on the Beach
is the best.

(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS) I am so excited
for tomorrow.

I mean, I can't wait for you
to meet my family.

Uh, the wedding starts
at 7:00.

Yeah, yeah. So, I'm just
gonna go into the city,

meet the guys, and then,
I should have plenty of time

to come back, shower.

And then, uh, I'll be
at your place by 9:00?

I picked up your tux
from the dry cleaner,

so you can just get ready
at mine. (CHUCKLES)

Perfect.

You know, it's funny,

even though we haven't
been together that long...

I know, I can't believe
it's only been three months.

(CHUCKLES) Feels like forever.

You know, it's funny, my parents

actually have this saying,

"When you know, you know."

"When you know, you know."

Believe it or not, they, uh...

they actually got engaged
at a Bennigan's.

(MAN CHUCKLES)

WAITRESS:
Welcome to Bennigan's.

OMG. (LAUGHS)

I know you.

You're
the Fletcher's Mattress girl.

You're even prettier in person.

Thank you, that's so sweet.
(CHUCKLES)

You know, she's also
the Muffinland Bakery Queen.

WAITRESS:
Um, could I get a selfie?

WOMAN: Is this a joke?

I think it's for the best.

You think it's best to dump me

the night before
my sister's wedding?

We have had
a beautiful adventure

the last few months.

But before
things get complicated,

you know,
with meeting the family

and seating assignments and...

Uh, I don't want to be a dick.

Oh, you don't want to be a dick?

Well, that's exactly
what you're being, Kip.

- You're being a dick.
- Whoa. (CHUCKLES)

Okay. Um, look,

I know that my assistant
messed up the reservation.

La Boucherie, Bennigan's.

We can still have a nice dinner,

even though it's not French.

No, we can't have
a nice dinner, Kip.

Okay? And what, did you think
it would be nicer

to dump me over truffle fries
and escargot?

MAN: One, two, three. Hey.

- There you go.
- Oh, my God!

- Thank you! (GASPS)
- Yeah, of course.

I'm literally going to die.

Oh, no! Maybe we can get
our drinks first?

(LAUGHS)

You're funny.

- He's funny.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Are you, um... Are you
her manager or something?

Griffin is actually
a brilliant lawyer.

He's about to join
my uncle's firm.

I am?

One of the partners is leaving.

KIP: Margot, I meditated
on this last night.

And it came to me in a dream
the timing is just not right.

But maybe in another life.

In another life, what?

- Reincarnation.
- Oh!

- (LAUGHS)
- Yes, it's another chance...

- Okay.
- ...and that is on the way

to nirvana.

Wow, well, thank you so much,
Kurt Cobain.

That's not the right Nirvana.

And that's what
I'm talking about.

- (SCOFFS)
- It's just, something's not...

What're you doing?
You're overreacting.

- Come on, sit down.
- You think I'm overreacting?

Okay, this is not overreacting.

This would be overreacting!

(GROANING) Peach on the Beach.
What do they put in that?

What is going on?

It's been three months.

What were you expecting?
A proposal?

I mean...

No. (SIGHS)

Oh...

shit. Okay. Um...

This is awkward.

(SIGHS HEAVILY) Okay.

(KIP SIGHS)

Margot, wait.

Yeah?

(SIGHS)

I am gonna need the tux.

Do not call me.

Ever.

Ever, ever.

- Again.
- (KIP CLEARS THROAT)

KIP: All right. (SNIFFLES)

(MARGOT GROANS)

Oh, my God,
that was so embarrassing.

Babe? From the moment
that I saw your face

looking up at me
from that park bench...

Oh, my God, are you proposing?

Um...

- Yes.
- Yes!

- Yes?
- Yes! Oh, my God!

- Yes? Oh, my God.
- Yes, I'm so happy!

Oh, my God, I love you
so much. Yes, of course.

Now, can you please sit down?
Sit down.

You don't want to see the ring?

Oh, I'm sure it's beautiful.
I'm sure it's beautiful.

Just, um, save it
for the real proposal. Okay?

- The real proposal?
- Mm-hmm.

Tomorrow night
at our New Year's Eve party.

It'll be perfect.

But, this is perfect.

Tonight. You know,
it's December 30th.

It's a Reed family tradition.

I love your traditions.

I just...

We are technically engaged.
Yay.

Just do it again like that.

Tomorrow.
And I will say yes, again.

I... I don't want to do it
again tomorrow, you know?

I just... I just did it.

Here, now. I mean, almost.

Griffin, I... (SIGHS)

I just don't see
what the big deal is.

Like, you just got
your proposal.

And then, me and my followers
can get mine.

Well, I guess
the big deal is that

I don't want our proposal
to be some photo op

for your social media.

It's about us.

It will be about us.

But I have a responsibility
to my public and my sponsors.

Griffin, you know
I'm a professional influencer,

which means that I get paid

when I influence
other people's lives.

Like, what I wear

and what I eat

and where I get engaged.

There is no chance in hell
that I'm going to waste

a once-in-a-lifetime
golden opportunity

for Death by Chocolate
and Turkey O'Tooles, no.

Wait, wait, come on.
You're gonna leave?

- We just got engaged.
- Whoa. No, no. We did not.

I am taking back my yes.

- Hey!
- No, no.

- (SIGHS)
- Oh, great.

- Thank you so much.
- What?

- Thank you.
- MARGOT: I don't work here.

- Take me to Maple, please.
- No, no, no!

- Can't hear you, sorry.
- MARGOT: Great.

Just great.

(SCOFFS) This is...

Ugh. Come on.

- Um, did you see...?
- Are you looking for

a tall, redhead, super rude?

- Yeah.
- Yeah. I saw her.

She actually just left
in my Uber.

Oh, here, she gave me this.

Oh. Thanks.
Yeah, sorry, she was upset.

Great job, Bennigan's.
Great job.

Uh, do you need help?

Uh...

Not unless you got
an engagement ring

in your pocket.

Uh...

(CLICKS TONGUE, WHISPERS)
This is me.

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

(MARGOT GROANS)

Good morning, Judy.

JUDY: It's almost noon.
Your sister's losing her mind.

The wedding planner
is stuck in Vermont

and the bridal shop
forgot to pack the veil.

And the maid of honor
is still in bed.

I'm not still in bed.

Christ, he didn't propose,
did he?

You got your hopes up
and you were wrong,

and now you're falling apart.

I'm not falling apart.
No, Mom.

I am not feeling well. At all.

(COUGHS)

I don't think I should go
to the wedding.

I could be contagious.

So, this Kip
is still your plus one?

- Yes.
- All right, then.

You need to shower yourself
in Benadryl,

ice your puffy face
and get your butt down

to the hotel to help
your sister get married.

Okay. I'll de-puff.

And you'll pick up the veil.

Yes, I'll pick up...

We will pick up the veil.

(SIGHS)

I'm in hell.

(EXHALES)

(GROANS SOFTLY)

- Surprise!
- (YELPS) Jesus Christ!

I got Zara to loan us
an amazing suit

for the party tonight.

(EXHALES) Sorry, am I missing
something here?

Yes.

Me, apologizing.

Look, I'm really sorry
about last night.

If you still want my "yes,"
it's all yours.

(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

Yeah, you know what,

I'm really sorry too, okay?
I just...

All I want is for you to have
the proposal of your dreams.

Okay? And so, if that means

that we monetize the engagement,

then, yeah, let's...
let's do it.

- I support you.
- Oh, thank you.

Oh, that... That...

That looks so good.

Uh, you're acting strange.

Are you okay?

Oh. Yes. Sorry, I'm just...

I overslept and I'm gonna be
late to meet the guys, so...

I just don't really see
why you have to go.

Oh. Yeah. No, I know.

But it's just like our
tradition since law school.

You know,
Sam's family is Russian.

They just love bathhouses, so...

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

And you know that
I love traditions, but, uh,

traditions can change.

I have to pee.
Try on the suit.

Hey, babe, two drink maximum
tonight. Okay?

Remember,
vodka is not your friend.

Vodka's not my friend.
You got it.

Hey, how about
I just try this on later.

And then,
you could be surprised. Huh?

Did you use my toothbrush?

Uh, no, why?

It's wet.

Oh, well, I mean,
I took a shower.

So, I probably just splashed
on it or something.

Hmm. I leave it here
because I trust you.

And relationships
are built on trust.

Uh, don't you think
it's weird that you kiss me,

but I can't use your toothbrush?

No.

Some things
aren't meant to be shared.

- Oral hygiene is one of them.
- Oh.

(STEAM HISSING)

Davai, davai!

Davai!

- (SAM GROANS CONTENTEDLY)
- (GRIFFIN LAUGHING)

She said "yes"?
And then she said "no"?

Yes. But it's a yes, I think.

Maybe she changed her mind

about marrying
a lowly public defender.

No, wrong. She supports me.

She just thinks I should make
a move into corporate.

You hate corporate.

I don't hate corporate.

Are you leaving the office?

No, I mean, it's just a maybe.

Clementine's uncle has a firm.

So, she just wants
me to consider it.

Hey, buddy. What do you want?

Listen, I'm getting
what I want, okay?

I'm getting...
I'm getting her.

Tonight, I'm making it
official, again.

- You're getting married?
- Yeah.

- (UPBEAT BALKAN MUSIC PLAYING)
- (LAUGHTER)

YEGOR: Yes,
a little to celebrate.

GRIFFIN: Oh, no, no, no. No.

I told Clementine I'm not
gonna drink today, so...

Nyet! Nonsense,
get up, get up.

Up, up, up, up, up.

You will get married.
We toast.

This is the best vodka
in the world.

My grandmother had this
at her wedding.

You cannot insult his babushka.

Okay, I'm not gonna insult
anyone's babushka. One shot.

ALL: Na zdorovie!

SAM: Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.
All the way. All the way.

- Smell, smell.
- (SNIFFS)

Right.

(ALL CHEER AND LAUGH)

One more cheer.

The beautiful Clementine!

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

(ALL TOAST IN RUSSIAN)

(GASPS) Ooh.

ALL: (SINGING) Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling

Clementina

Whoo-hoo!

- (MAN EXCLAIMS)
- Clementina

Clementina

Clementina

Clementina (LAUGHING)

(GRUNTING)

Last one.

(ALL CHEERING)

- Whoo-hoo!
- Let's go!

(ALL SHOUTING AND LAUGHING)

(EXCLAIMS)

(ALL YELLING BOISTEROUSLY)

(SINGING)
Darling, oh, my darling

-Oh, my darling, Clementina
-GROUP: Clementina, Clementina

(LAUGHTER)

GRIFFIN: Thank you.

I have to say a proper goodbye.

- Hey, put yourself...
- (GRIFFIN YELLS)

Hey, what's your name?

Gevorg.

Ah, that's my aunt's name.

(RETCHES)

(IN RUSSIAN)

(IN ENGLISH)
Okay, I love you too, Gevorg.

Deliver her to 15 Maple Drive,
Norwood.

(IN RUSSIAN)

(IN ENGLISH) 15 Maple...

- (CAR HORN BEEPS)
- Go get her, my friend.

Do svidaniya.

- Yep. (KISSES)
- GRIFFIN: Do svidaniya.

(SPEAKS RUSSIAN)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

GRIFFIN: Do svidaniya.

Who pissed in your Cheerios?

Maybe I should just call him.

The guy just dumped you.

He doesn't get a call.
He gets a beating.

I'm sorry, you're not allowed
to have alcohol in here.

What about a broken heart?

Is she allowed to have
one of those in here?

We're sorry.

I thought this was
a place of healing.

Look, seriously,
what am I going to do?

I can't show up without a date.

How about him?
He seems fun.

What?
The wedding's in four hours.

- You can't afford to be picky.
- Forget it.

I can't just pick up
some random guy off the street

and bring him
to my sister's wedding.

Sure, you can.

Hey.

Want to go to a wedding later?

Uh...

(MARGOT SCOFFS)

Uh, I have plans. Or I would.

Of course, you would.

MARGOT: This is so stupid.

I mean, what kind of a loser

doesn't already have a date
for New Year's Eve?

Don't answer that.

Got him.

He's free tonight and he's cute.

Perfect.

(GROANS)

(HOLIDAY MUSIC PLAYING)

GRIFFIN: 15 Maple Drive?

That's right. 15 Maple Drive.

(WHISPERS) 15 Maple Drive.

$96.15

Wait. Maybe $46.15.

But it's fine.
'Cause it's New Year's Eve.

You're supposed to get a tip.

You robbed me.

You robbed me.

Okay, my friend.
Happy New Year.

GRIFFIN: Oh, shit. Oh, God.

(GRUNTING)

Come here, you.

Oh. Oh, shit.

(GROANING)

(TEDDY PURRING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUMBLES)

Hi, Teddy.

What are you doing up there?

Why are you so dirty?

Clementine! Look at you.

(CLOCK TICKING)

We're gonna have
to talk about that.

(GROANS)

(SIGHS)

(FAN WHIRRING DISTORTEDLY)

(SNIFFS, GROANS)

(MOANING)

(SNIFFS)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES)

(KEYS JINGLE)

(CLOCK RESUMES TICKING)

(SIGHS)

(GROANS, SIGHS)

(GRUNTS)

(WHIMPERS)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE)

- Who the hell are you?
- Who the hell are you?

- Well, I live here!
- I live here!

- This is my bed.
- This is my bed.

- Really?
- What?

What a coincidence! We both
have a one-eyed teddy bear?

- What? Oh.
- (SHRIEKS)

Why are you naked?

I don't know, I guess I...
I took a shower.

- I'm calling the police.
- Do I look scary? I'm naked.

That's exactly what's scary.

- Don't... Don't call the cops.
- 9-1-1.

- (LINE RINGS)
- 911. What's your emergency?

There is a naked deranged man
in my house.

- Not deranged, actually.
- Does he have a weapon?

Do you have a weapon?

Do I look like I have a weapon?

- (GASPS)
- (GRIFFIN YELPS)

- Ow.
- Karma.

That's what you get
for breaking into my house.

Ma'am, are you in danger?

Oh, I didn't break in.

Jesus! I used the spare key
under the flower pot.

Wha...
And how did you know

there's a spare key
under my flower pot?

Because there's a spare key

under every flower pot
in Norwood.

Ha! You're not in Norwood,
you're in Westwood.

Ma'am, can you please
repeat the address?

I am? Jesus.

- Thanks a lot, Gevorg.
- Who?

Who's that? Are you alone?

Is there another intruder
in the house?

Yeah, of course, I'm alone.
I think.

Oh, no. I'm gonna die. This is
just like Basic Instinct.

No, no, no. In Basic Instinct,

she ties the guy to the bed
and kills him with an icepick.

So, if this is Basic Instinct,
then I should be scared.

Then it's Jagged Edge.

In Jagged Edge, Jeff Bridges
is wearing a ski mask.

- I'm wearing a towel.
- Then it's Rear Window.

In Rear Window,
Jimmy Stewart is in a cast,

and Raymond Burr kills his wife

in a completely
different apartment.

It doesn't even make sense.

Ma'am, do you even watch movies?

I don't always
make it to the end.

I don't know what's going on
here, but I'm harmless.

- Okay? I swear.
- He sounds harmless to me.

Fine.

But if he dismembers me and
makes lamps out of my skin,

it's on you.

Just stay, sit.

Don't bleed on anything.

Oh, my God.

(FAUCET RUNS)

- (SOFTLY) Here.
- Ow!

- That hurts.
- You're welcome.

- (SIGHS)
- Not to be weird,

but have we met?

No, we haven't met.

I... I'm a real-estate agent.

Maybe you've seen my face
on a park bench.

Mm... No, that wasn't it.

Oh, my God! Last night
at Bennigan's parking lot.

Okay, are you stalking me?

No, oh, my God, no. I swear.

I don't know why I'm here.

But I live at 15 Maple Drive.

This is 15 Maple Drive.

What?
No, that's... that's crazy.

(DOORBELL DINGS)

- Oh, no, who's that?
- How should I know?

Apparently, this is your house.

Kip?

- What do you want?
- My tux.

I texted you I was coming.

I didn't get it.
I... I blocked you.

- A bit soon, don't you think?
- Goodbye.

Just let me get my tux.
And I'll be gone.

The tux you were supposed to
wear to my sister's wedding?

Yeah, it's a really nice tux.
And I have a...

- (MARGOT GASPS)
- GRIFFIN: Fuck.

(GRIFFIN GROANS)

- Um... Uh...
- (KIP SCOFFS)

Hi. This...

- I...
- Who the hell is this?

- I don't know. Who are you?
- I'm her boyfriend.

Ex-boyfriend.

We broke up
less than 24 hours ago.

And there's already some
naked guy in your apartment?

- I mean, how...
- We didn't break up.

You broke up with me.

Wait, you broke up with her
right before New Year's Eve?

What a dick!

I know, right? Thank you.

The naked dude
is calling me a dick.

What? Do you have
a problem with that?

Trust me,
you should hope that I don't.

Okay, no, no, no.

You will not threaten my guest.

What is going on here?

Are you drunk?
Is this all you?

So, what if I am?

You've drunken some rosé and
you've picked up some loser.

Actually, I'm a lawyer, so...

You are?

Ha.

You don't even know what
naked guy does for a living.

He could be a serial killer,
he could be crazy.

I'm not naked anymore.

Yeah, he can be naked
if he wants to be naked.

In fact, we can be naked

all over the place
if we want to be.

What does that mean?

It means...

do you want to go to a wedding
with me tonight?

GRIFFIN: Wh... Mm... Uh...

(GRIFFIN MUMBLING)

(SCOFFS)

(GRIFFIN SIGHS)

All right, okay,
I've seen enough.

Goodbye, Kip.

- Seriously?
- I mean,

it felt pretty serious to me.

Okay, no, I get it now.
This is a test.

(INHALES SHARPLY)

Fortunately, for you,
I went through

a grueling heart chakra
healing this morning

with my guru over Zoom.

So, I am not about to lose

the progress that I made
over this.

- Okay.
- Okay.

But, if I see you again,

Sadeep is not going to be happy.

Okay, okay, enough.

Goodbye.

Oh, my God.

- I am so sorry.
- Oh, no.

I don't know
what came over me, I was...

It's totally fine.

But, you know,
I should get going. (CHUCKLES)

Um... Yeah, I was... I just...

About the wedding...

Oh, that was real?

You probably have plans.

I mean, yeah,
you could say that.

Yeah, and I mean, who would...

who would go to a wedding
with a total stranger

on New Year's Eve?

(MOUTHS)

Um... Well, this has, uh,
been interesting.

You see, my sister is getting
married in about two hours.

And I'm the maid of honor.

And that guy who just left was
supposed to be my plus one.

And everyone was like,
"Don't get your hopes up."

But, what did I do?
I went and got my hopes up,

and it's $40 a plate.

And if I show up alone,

I'll have to sit
next to an empty chair

surrounded by happy couples
and judgy relatives,

and I'll be
the last girl standing

when the band starts to play.

And the first girl shoved out
onto the dance floor

to catch that stupid
overpriced bouquet.

And I mean, I would rather die
a slow and painful death

than participate
in that humiliating

sexist Hunger Games tradition...

You know? I just...
Aah! (CHUCKLES)

GRIFFIN: Ah...

Look, I, um... I really can't.

I really... I really can't.

No, of course.

I mean, I sound psycho.

No, no, not at all.

Um...

Breakfast at Tiffany's?

MARGOT: Oh, yeah.
It's my favorite movie.

My cat's name is Cat.
(CHUCKLES)

Mine too.

You have a cat named Cat?

No, uh, Breakfast at Tiffany's.

I have a Breakfast
at Tiffany's poster

in my kitchen.

My cat is named Ted.

(CHUCKLES)

Well, anyway, um, thanks
for not calling the cops.

Yeah, thanks

- for not murdering me.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)

Okay, well, goodbye.

(DOOR SHUTS)

- (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
- (WHIMPERS)

(SCREAMS THROUGH CUSHION)

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

- Yes?
- Hey.

Uh, I just, I forgot my bag.

- Oh. Oh.
- It's right over there.

- Sure.
- Thank you.

Thank you
and I'm sorry about all this.

But, um,

yeah. Goodbye, again.

Yeah. Goodbye.

Forever.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Okay, I just,
I'd have to leave by 8:00.

(GASPS) Yes! Thank you,
thank you, thank you.

- Thank you, thank you.
- It's okay. All right.

- Thank you, thank you.
- Yes, yes.

How are you gonna explain
bringing me to this wedding?

I'm not. You'll be Kip.

Wait, you want me to pretend
to be the dick who just left?

Please.
It'll just be so much easier.

And you could leave as soon
as the ceremony's done.

Please,
you'll be saving my life.

(SIGHS) Does Kip have a job?

Of course, you have a job.

I wouldn't date
a complete loser.

You're a commercial contractor.

You own your own company.

Okay, well, I don't
really know anything about

being a contractor
because I'm a lawyer.

Oh, perfect.

Don't you guys basically lie
for a living? (SPITS)

- (CHUCKLES DRYLY)
- Here, you can use mine.

GRIFFIN: This is a 42 long.
I'm a 40.

MARGOT: It's Armani.

Just keep your hands
in the pockets.

(SIGHS) Wait,
so if no one's met him yet,

then why can't
I just be a lawyer?

Because they already know
he's a contractor.

Oh, and a black belt.

- He's a black belt?
- Yeah, but relax.

It's not like
you're getting into a fight

at my sister's wedding.

So, how long
have you guys been dating?

Had been. Almost three months.

Wait, three months

and not a single person
in your life

has met your boyfriend?

He was busy. People are busy.

Can we dispense
with the Twenty Questions?

I need a zip.

GRIFFIN: Oh, yeah.

Okay.

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

(BOTH SIGH)

I'm Margot, by the way.

Griffin.

Griffin?
Wait, your name is Griffin?

Yes, like the mythical
creature. (CHUCKLES)

Part lion, part bird. I know.

(MARGOT CHUCKLES)

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

- (CHIMING CONTINUES)
- MARGOT: Uh...

- We gotta go, gotta go.
- Yes, yes, yes.

GRIFFIN: Okay. Oh.
MARGOT: Okay.

Wait. Hold on. I feel like
I'm forgetting something.

Yeah, you're forgetting
this isn't your house.

- Come on!
- Okay.

- (ENGINE CRANKING)
- Oh, come on.

Come on, come on, come on,
baby, come on.

- Come on, come on, come on.
- (ENGINE STARTS)

Yes!

Uh, wait, should I drive?

You know, that is
such a man thing to say.

Like I'm incapable of starting
the car because I'm a woman

and it happens to be
sub-zero temperatures outside?

Good one.

Or, perhaps because a DUI
will literally ruin your life.

And I at least had a nap.

Oh.

Well, that's actually
very sweet.

- Switch?
- Yeah, please.

No! Well, hold on. I'm gonna
go around. I'm going around.

Around, around.

Jeez! (GRUNTS)

We need caffeine.

Wait, are you sure we have time?

Yeah, there's always time
for coffee, let's go.

(BLUES MUSIC PLAYS)

GRIFFIN: All right, do you
want to tell me what happened

with, uh,
Mr. Armani back there?

MARGOT: It's a long story.
Not that interesting.

Well, you know,
if it's any consolation,

I'm pretty sure you dodged
a bullet back there.

What about you?

Did you dodge a bullet with
Miss Ginger Spice America?

(SCOFFS)

Her name is Clementine.

Clementine?

Wow. It's not a name,
it's a tricky fruit.

Tricky fruit? What is that?

Tricky. Fake, looks all sweet
on the outside,

all bright and orange.

Then you peel it,
it's this dry sour pith.

No. My...
My Clementine is great.

Hmm. Great.

- (SIGHS)
- I thought you guys broke up.

What? No, why...
why would you say that?

Oh, um...

(CHUCKLES)
'Cause she, you know,

fled Bennigan's, stole my Uber.

Plus, you're on a date with me.

We're not on a date.
I mean, this is a favor.

Yeah, I mean,

you know, you're on a favor
with me. So...

Mm...

You know, I get it, it's fine.
You don't even know me.

Let's just get this over with.

Oh, it's left here.

- Here. Here, here, here!
- Left where? Here? Jeez!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(BOTH PANTING)

Are you trying to kill us?

A little notice next time.

(GRIFFIN GRUNTS)

(GRIFFIN SIGHS)

Why does it look like
the lights are out?

- The sign says closed.
- No, no, no, no,

this cannot be happening! No!

I can't believe
they closed early.

I mean, how could
they do this to me?

Well, you wanted
to stop for coffee, so...

I'm bringing a stranger
to my sister's wedding.

Do I look like I make
good decisions under pressure?

Let's break in.

- Wait, what now?
- I cannot show up

without the veil.
I will be disowned

- after they kill me!
- Where are you going?

MARGOT: Oh! I can climb
on this and go in that window.

Oh, my, God, are you crazy?
Burglary is a felony.

What do you suggest? I don't
think there's a spare key

hiding under the flower pot.

Plus, it's not stealing if
it's your own property. So...

Um, actually, it's called
breaking and entering.

And you can get up to
three months in county jail.

- Oh. Well, that's doable.
- Oh, my God.

(MARGOT GRUNTS)

Come on, it's just a veil.

- MARGOT: Hmm?
- Well...

Sorry, what? "Just a veil"?

Well, yeah. I mean, it's just
like a piece of fabric, right?

So, can't she just,
I don't know,

find something else?
Like a towel or a sheet?

(LAUGHS) Okay. You want
my sister to get married

with a sheet
wrapped around her head?

A pretty sheet?

Okay, just move.

Okay, there's nothing
you can say

that's gonna
talk me out of this.

No, I'm saying you're not
tall enough to get up there.

So, just move. Let me do it.

Oh. Okay.

Thank you.

Hmm, all right. This is...

(GRUNTING)

MARGOT: Okay. All right, here.

- Let me, let me help you.
- GRIFFIN: No.

Okay. Okay. Here we go.

- Oh! Sorry, okay. Okay. Okay.
- GRIFFIN: Yes. Yeah.

Here we go, okay, okay.
Okay. Here we go.

- Almost. Yeah.
- Go. Go.

Okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay, that's my head.

- (BOTH GRUNTING)
- (GLASS BREAKING)

- Oh, no.
- Oh, no.

- (CRASHING)
- MARGOT: Oh! Shit!

- (GRIFFIN GROANS)
- Okay,

- uh, what do I do?
- (CAR ALARM WAILING)

- What do I do?
- Just meet me around front.

Okay.

GRIFFIN: Wait, wait, wait.

What's your sister's name?

Carrie. Carrie Hayes.

- Yeah. Oh, shit!
- Shit.

- I have the veil! Ha-ha! Yeah.
- My hero!

Oh, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.

(GASPS) Oh, perfect.

- All right, let's go.
- Let's do it.

Oh, wait, one second.

MARGOT: Wait,
what are you doing?

GRIFFIN: I have
to leave some money

because I, uh,
broke a display case.

I'm a fugitive
with Mother Teresa.

Okay.

All righty. Do it.

(ENGINE CRANKING)

No. No, no, no, no, no. No!

Don't panic, no.
It's just cold.

(ENGINE SPUTTERS, DIES)

- And dead.
- Try again.

- Try again, try again.
- Come on, baby.

- (ENGINE CRANKS)
- (SIGHS)

(WHIMPERS) No!

(SCREAMING AND WHIMPERING)

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

MARGOT: Come on, Uber!

Well, someone has to
come by eventually.

(MARGOT SIGHS)

Carrie was right.
I am gonna ruin her wedding.

Well, I mean, listen,

if two people are destined
to be together,

then nothing can ruin it.

You don't know my sister.

She would call
the whole thing off

just so she could
hold it over my head

for the rest of our lives.

I'd say you guys
don't really get along.

No, we do.

We're just different.

Her life is perfectly planned
and executed

down to the last detail,

and I ate expired yogurt
for lunch.

Wait, that yogurt was expired?

Jesus!

Ever since we were kids,

Carrie made me feel like
I could never live up to her.

So, I didn't bother trying.

- Okay. So, it's her fault.
- I'm not saying that.

Okay, maybe I am saying that.

I bet you don't know
what it's like

to be a constant
disappointment to your family.

No, but I am like an only child

to the world's happiest,
happy couple ever.

Wow, does Social Services know?

- Okay. No, I'm serious though.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)

It's like the bar
is already so high.

And then, I'm like
their sole purpose in life.

So, I'm just excited
to get married,

so they'll finally have,

you know, someone else
to focus on for once.

Oh, are you getting married
soon? (CHUCKLES)

Well, I mean,
not tomorrow but...

CARRIAGE DRIVER: Go! Go!

Hey! Wait!

- GRIFFIN: Margot, wait!
- Whoa! Shit.

MARGOT: Excuse me!
GRIFFIN: Margot!

- Excuse me! Excuse me!
- Go!

- Go! Go!
- Hello! Excuse me!

- Margot, wait!
- MARGOT: Wait!

MAN: Driver?
MARGOT: Hold on.

MAN: Driver!
MARGOT: Wait.

Whoa. Whoa.

(BREATHLESSLY) Hi! Thank you.
Thank you, our car broke down.

My sister's getting married
tonight and I am so late.

GRIFFIN: Okay.
I have got the boot,

- Cinderella.
- WOMAN: Ooh, your shoe!

MARGOT: Oh! My... My prince.

- GRIFFIN: Yeah, yeah, just...
- He's harmless, he's with me.

- Oh, oh. Thank you, okay...
- Put your foot in here.

- ...I got it.
- Well, come on up!

- GRIFFIN: Really?
- Yes.

GRIFFIN: Cool.
MARGOT: Thank you.

GRIFFIN: Hotel's like
three miles away,

so, you know, we were
actually just gonna walk.

But this is probably better.

MARGOT: Ooh, you're saving
our lives. Seriously.

(MARGOT SIGHS HEAVILY)

So, what brings
you both out tonight?

It's our anniversary.

Always take my bride to dinner
on New Year's Eve.

- (GIGGLES)
- MARGOT: Aw!

Happy anniversary!

Fifty-eight years.

And he is still the most
romantic man I ever met.

Fifty-eight years?
That's incredible!

So is your coat, by the way.

Ooh, this is my lucky coat.

I met the man of my dreams
because of this coat.

GRIFFIN: Because of the coat?

Sounds like
there's a story there.

Go on, dear. You tell it.

Oh, they don't want to hear

how a couple old coots met
50 years ago.

- Yes, we do!
- What? Yeah, we do.

- We definitely want to hear.
- GRIFFIN: Please.

Well,

it was a drizzly,
gray October morning.

I was taking the ferry
over to Manhattan

to meet my buddy, Hank,
for lunch.

So, the ferry pulls
into the port

and I see this beautiful girl

wearing a carnation pink coat.

- (GIGGLES)
- I was love-struck, frozen.

When I finally
got my legs to move,

I chased after her
but lost her in the crowd.

- Wait, you lost her?
- You lost her?

I was crushed. I figured
I'd go see a matinee.

So, I walked over
to the Astor on Broadway.

And would you believe it?

Who walks in
and sits one seat over?

But the girl
in the carnation pink coat.

(ALL CHUCKLE)

- Come on!
- No way!

So, the movie ends

and I follow her into
the lobby and ask her,

would she like to go
have a piece of pie with me?

- She said, "No."
- BOTH: "No"?

WOMAN: I had plans.

To meet my cousin.

MAN: So, I asked her,

"Would you please
give me your phone number?

"And I'll call you tomorrow."

Again, she said, "No."
Turned and walked out.

- GRIFFIN: Oh, no.
- You just walked away?

Give a strange man
my phone number?

My mother would've had my hide.

So, I go to meet my buddy, Hank,

over at Stardust Diner
on 52nd Street.

I walked in,
and would you believe it?

Draped over the back
of the booth

- was a carnation pink coat.
- (WOMAN GIGGLES)

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

- That was that.
- BOTH: Mm.

MAN: Two months later,
we eloped.

And that was
58 years ago tonight.

Simply, a matter of fate.

Wow! That's a beautiful story.

Nothing like that
would ever happen on Tinder.

I mean, not that I'm on Tinder.

Our son is gonna pick us up.

Why don't you folks
keep the carriage

- for the rest of the night?
- Oh.

- Really?
- GRIFFIN: Are you serious?

That would be amazing.

DRIVER: Whoa.

Here we are, folks.

MARGOT: Happy anniversary.

Go on, dear. You take this.

Oh, no, no, no. I can't.

A pretty girl like you
can't be going to a wedding

in such an ugly coat.

(GASPS QUIETLY) Uh...

Well, it's your lucky coat.
I wouldn't feel right.

Dear, when the universe hands
you a gift, you don't say no.

Well, okay.
Only if you take mine.

(WOMAN CHUCKLES)

- Look at that!
- WOMAN: Thank you.

GRIFFIN: Well.

- Lovely meeting you.
- (WHISPERS) He's a keeper.

Oh, um...

- What was the movie?
- Sorry, son?

The matinee at the Astor.
You know, the day you two met.

Ah! Audrey Hepburn.

- Breakfast at Tiffany's.
- Breakfast at Tiffany's.

MAN: Still our favorite.

Wow.

Will you take this
and just make sure

you pay for that couple's meal.

I'll just come by
in the morning to grab it.

Thank you so much.

What did you just do?

Oh, I just gave him
my credit card.

I thought we should
treat them to dinner.

You just gave a stranger
your credit card?

Yeah, it's fine. I'll just
come get it in the morning.

It's not a big deal.

(GENTLE FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

(MARGOT SIGHS IN RELIEF)

DRIVER: Easy.
GRIFFIN: Ah. Here we are.

MARGOT: All right. Thank you,
thank you, thank you.

Thank you so much, Sir.
Sorry, move.

(GRUNTS)
I'm coming with you.

Thank you so much.
Happy New Year.

Happy New Year.

- MARGOT: Thank you.
- Ah, thank you so much.

Okay. So, Dad is Paul.
Mom is Judy.

Remember, you build stuff
and you adore me.

I have to get this veil
to my sister, okay?

- Okay.
- Oh, hi, aunties!

- Oh. Oh. Yes. Wait, Margot.
- This must be Kip!

I'm glad you're here.
Sheila, Rita.

(SIGHS) Okay. Just make sure
that the buttons

are all lined up perfectly,
thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

- I'm here! I'm here! I'm here!
- Oh!

You are two hours late!

Yeah, we got the veil.

- "We"? Is Kip here?
- Yes, Kip is here.

- Oh.
- You guys have no faith in me.

Where are your shoes?

(SLURPS)

Um, Fourth Avenue.

No, no, no, no, no.

You cannot wear dirty
winter boots down the aisle.

- Um...
- CARRIE: Mom?

Well, you could always wear
your grandmother's shoes.

(SNORING)

- Cute.
- No.

I knew you were
gonna ruin the wedding.

I think you are
an absolute disaster!

Well, you know
what's not a disaster? You.

Okay? You look amazing.

And it's fine, I'll find Dana
and wear her shoes.

Everything will be fine.

Let's just get this veil on you.

Let's get you all situated.

- Then just...
- MARGOT: Yeah, I got you.

- That's right.
- MARGOT: Here we go.

(MARGOT GASPS)

Okay, come on.
You look stunning!

I'm really glad you're here.

I'm so sorry I was late.

It was just a debacle,
the whole thing.

- It's okay. It's okay.
- Evening, ladies.

Back-up wedding planner
at your service.

I'm Flour.

Not like the bouquet,

like the grain.

I'm sorry, are you high?

Meh.

- Little bit. (LAUGHS)
- (LIGHTS CRACKLING)

Oh! Maybe a lot.

- No, no, no.
- It's okay. It's okay.

- No, no, it's not okay.
- It's all right.

No, no, I'm freaking out.

- You want a hit?
- Oh, I'd love one. Thanks.

After the wedding maybe. Um...

Cool, cool.

All right, gonna go find Dana
for those shoes. So...

- Please.
- Oh, I want to go with you

because I want to meet
this Kip character.

No. Mom, please,
there's not enough time and,

you know, Kip is nervous.

He doesn't need my whole
family pawing all over him.

Do you have...?

Nobody's gonna be pawing
all over him. It's ridiculous.

CARRIE: I just...
MARGOT: Yeah.

JUDY: That doesn't make...
Wait for me.

Hell, yes. Rita, you can

knock down a pony wall
without a permit. No problem.

What about the electrical?

Just pull it.

Just take it out. Come on,
Paul, just pull that shit.

RITA: Isn't that dangerous?

I mean, yeah, if you're, like,

standing in a bathtub
or something.

(ALL LAUGH)

Oh, man, I love this guy.

Hey, dude, marry Margot
so we can be bros.

- GRIFFIN: Whoa!
- And you can teach me

all your moves, right? Hyah!

Oh, oh, careful.
I'm dangerous.

You're a martial arts guy too?

- I mean, I dabble, you know?
- Oh!

- For the cardio mostly.
- BRIAN: Dabble?

The dude's like
a third-degree black belt.

Third, fourth. It's like,
who's counting at this point?

- BRIAN: Dude!
- (ALL EXCLAIM)

JUDY: Well, for months,
all I've heard

is Kip, Kip, Kip.
I want to meet Kip.

Okay, Mom, you're being crazy.

- So, tone it down and I'll...
- DANA: Kip is here?

- Yes. That's him, right there.
- MARGOT: Uh, Kip.

Not much to look at

- but seems nice.
- MARGOT: Kip. Hey, Kip.

- Hey, Kip. Kip? Kip.
- Oh.

- Yeah, hi.
- DANA: That's Kip?

Yes, that's
Margot's boyfriend, Kip.

MARGOT: Yeah, sorry. I wanted
you to meet my mother.

Um, this is my mom, Judy.

- Oh, my gosh.
- Dying to meet you.

Hello, I've been dying
to meet you as well.

- The black belt?
- Uh, I guess.

Hold my purse.

Excuse me.

- (ALL GASP)
- How dare you show up here?

You are a sorry excuse
for a man! Kip!

I'm sorry.

Not the reflexes I'd expect
from a black belt.

Hey, Dana, stop.
This is not Kip.

DANA: Hmm?
MARGOT: I mean... I mean...

this is... this is...
this is not the...

the Kip you thought he was.

He's apologized
for doing that thing

that you're so mad about.
(MOUTHS) Stop it.

You mean, dumping you?

You dumped my daughter?

Dude!

I did...

Uh...

- Not? I didn't.
- MARGOT: He... He...

He didn't.

See, I... I thought he did,
but it was a misunderstanding.

Yeah. (CHUCKLES) Happens.

How can you be confused
about being dumped?

MARGOT: Um...
GRIFFIN: Ooh...

Texting, Mother.

GRIFFIN: Oh, yeah.
It was the text.

- It was a wrong text.
- Yeah.

MARGOT: It was an emoji thing.
GRIFFIN: Yeah, you got it.

Hey! Who's ready
to get married?

- That's me. Hi. That's me.
- FLOUR: Oh! Right on.

- (LIGHTS BUZZ)
- (GASPS)

Okay, you all saw that, right?

- WOMAN: Ooh, poltergeist.
- (SNAPS FINGERS)

(LAUGHS FORCEFULLY)

So, are you sure it's okay
that I'm sitting this close?

Oh, don't be silly.

- You're practically family.
- Okay.

(SHEILA AND GRIFFIN CHUCKLE)

Mm. Thanks.

(PACHELBEL'S CANON IN D
PLAYING)

- (GUESTS EXCLAIM)
- Sorry.

SHEILA: (WHISPERS)
I thought they were

supposed to wear
matching dresses.

(SIGHS)

(PACHELBEL'S CANON IN D
CONTINUES PLAYING)

(SWITCHES THUD)

- (MUSIC STOPS)
- (GUESTS EXCLAIMING)

Oh-ho, that's a good sign.

- What's happening?
- JUDY: Honey, it's okay.

I'm sure it's just the weather.

The lights will be on soon.

Sorry, folks!

Lights won't be back
anytime soon.

- (GUESTS GROAN)
- Power lines are freezing up.

And we just blew a generator.

PAUL: You...
You don't have a backup?

Uh, this was our backup.

We've got a team working on it.

I just don't know
how long it's gonna take.

- CARRIE: Daddy?
- No, not to worry, honey.

I'll get you to the altar.
It's plenty bright.

CARRIE: No, no, no, no, no.

I can't walk down the aisle
in blue light.

I'll look like a zombie bride.

- A beautiful zombie bride.
- Aw.

Maybe, we can get some candles?

You know, just like

- a few hundred or...
- GUEST: That's a great idea.

Sorry, folks.
Building fire codes.

We've got an expert builder
right here in the family.

Kip knows all about
fire codes. Don't you, Kip?

- Uh...
- Yeah, bro. What can we do?

Um... (SIGHS)

- How about oranges?
- GUEST: Huh?

Oranges, sir?

Yeah, I mean, oranges aren't
against code, right?

- GUEST: Huh.
- Where's your kitchen?

Okay, I need some olive oil,

a couple of kitchen scissors

and a couple of mops, all right?

You three start
cutting these in half.

And then, you start helping me
scoop out the flesh. Okay?

Is this a Clementine thing?

Actually,

it's an orange thing.
Just trust me.

You're obsessed
with citrus fruit.

(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

WOMAN 1: No,
we'll save it for later.

MAN 1: Get these over to them.
WOMAN 2: Do you need more?

WOMAN 3: Grab a new mop.
MAN 2: Ah, great, thanks.

MAN 3: Yeah. Just start
cutting some more wicks.

MAN 4: Yeah, right here.
On the top. I'll get it.

MARGOT: How do you know
how to do this?

Well, I once defended
a vegan chef for stalking.

She was guilty as hell,

but she taught me
how to make candles.

And my spelt muffins are to die!

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

- MARGOT: All right.
- Yeah, try lighting a couple.

- All right.
- Here you go.

- Hey!
- (LAUGHS)

WOMAN: This is great!

GRIFFIN: Thanks.

(PACHELBEL'S CANON IN D
PLAYING)

(CARRIE SIGHS HAPPILY)

(GUESTS GASP, CHEER)

We did it!

- BRIAN: Hey, this guy!
- Congrats!

BRIAN: Look at you,
saving the wedding!

- Wow! Amazing.
- CARRIE: I'm married!

(HAPPY CHATTER)

- Kip! (LAUGHS)
- I know!

- Cheers!
- Cheers!

(BAND PLAYING PLEASANT MUSIC)

CARRIE: I know, he's the best.
One second.

Hi, can we play the other song?

The one we talked about?
Thank you.

I'm gonna come find you.

- Okay. Yeah.
- Have a drink.

Have so much fun.

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.

My sister is so happy.

And, I mean,

you saved the wedding.

Oh, no, you're so welcome.

I mean, I'm just glad it worked.

I've never tried that before.
(CHUCKLES)

- Yeah, right.
- No, I'm serious.

Stop. (CHUCKLES)

- Well... (CHUCKLES)
- Well...

(INHALES DEEPLY)

It's probably time
for you to go, huh?

(EXHALES DEEPLY) Yeah.

But we should, uh, toast
the newlyweds, right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it would be rude
if Kip didn't.

- Of course, yeah.
- (CHUCKLES)

I'm gonna go get
some champagne. Be right back.

(SIGHS)

Okay, Mata Hari,

who's the imposter?

Just some guy I met tonight.

Tinder? Hinge?

- Christian Mingle?
- No! I, uh...

I walked into my apartment
and he was in my bed.

- Are you medicated?
- We have the same address.

You know, I keep a spare key
under the flower pot,

it's a very long story.

So, this random hot man
appears in your bed

and agrees to play
your ex-boyfriend

at your sister's wedding?

You think he's hot?

I'm putting out
a spare key tonight.

Nice to meet you, Kip.

Hello, Veronica.
Small world.

You know, it's funny.

You look just like
a public defender I know.

But he's about to be engaged
to a redhead mattress model.

Yeah, I'm, uh, just here
helping out a friend.

VERONICA: Oh! Pretty friend.

Future fiancé
must really trust you.

Yeah, actually she does.

But, um, I would appreciate it

if you could keep this
between us.

Yeah. Absolutely.

MARGOT: Congratulations,
sister. You did it.

- (CHUCKLES)
- Love you, sister.

And Kip is amazing!

I'm sorry I ever doubted you.

Thank you.

Who is that,
that Kip is talking to?

That's, um...

It's Brian's Aunty V.

Wait. You gave away
my plus one?

Yeah, but you weren't
answering your phone

and I thought that you were
just gonna flake on me

like you always do. So...

Nice.

So, you want us
to share the halibut?

Yeah, we'll get you
some extra bread.

That's...

That's gross.

- (SIGHS)
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)

You're staying for dinner.
You're staying for dinner.

I promise it's the last thing
I'll ask of you this evening.

But you have to stay for dinner.

Okay. Okay.

- Okay, you're gonna stay? Yes?
- Okay. Yeah, no.

- Yes.
- I beg.

Yeah, please, just let me...

Okay, but you're gonna stay?

- Yes, of course.
- You're gonna stay.

- Promise? Okay.
- Yeah, just let me...

Okay, no, okay, but you're
gonna stay, yeah?

Yeah. Yes, yes, yes.

Hey, Clem!

CLEMENTINE: Did you just
hang up on me?

What? No, no, no.
Of course not.

Sorry, there is just
bad reception here.

Bad reception?
Where are you?

Uh, well, like I said,
I had to make a quick stop,

and then
I'll explain everything...

- (LINE DISCONNECTS)
- Hello?

- Ooh.
- (CELL PHONE RINGS)

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

Hey, sweetie.

"Sweetie"? It's almost 9:00.

Where the hell are you, Griffin?

CARRIE: Kip? Kip, Kip, Kip.

- Time for pictures.
- Oh, yeah. Okay. I'll be

- right over there. Okay, yeah.
- Okay.

- I'm sorry. Was that a bride?
- Uh, yes.

Your quick stop
was at a wedding?

Um... (CLICKS TONGUE)

Sort of. Yeah.

Whose wedding? And who is Kip?

Oh. Uh, me. I'm Kip.

It's, um...
It's just a nickname.

I've never heard
anyone call you Kip.

Really? 'Cause, uh,
back in college...

SHEILA: Kip!

...all my law school buddies
was like...

SHEILA: Come on! Pictures!

Yeah, just give me
one second, okay?

No, no, no. Come...

Because I have to finish
this call, okay?

- That was a law school buddy?
- Um...

And Griffin,
what are you wearing?

That's not the suit I got you.

Kip, we gotta talk
manufactured siding at dinner.

- Table 14.
- GRIFFIN: And we will.

I promise you,
I'll be right there. Okay?

Just gotta wrap this up, okay?

I'm sorry,
are you staying for dinner?

Griffin, we had a deal.

Um, yeah, I know.
Listen, Clem.

This friend is having
a family emergency.

And they just, they really,
really need my help.

Is this some kind
of genetic defect?

You never say no to anyone.
Except for me.

No, look,
I'm really sorry, okay?

You're gonna have to go on

and then I'll meet you there
at the party late...

- (LINE DISCONNECTS)
- SHEILA: Kip. Come on.

We're all waiting for you.

Oh, you know,
I really don't need

to be in the wedding pictures.

Nonsense.
You're practically family.

I'm really not.

SHEILA: Come on.

(WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Yeah, yeah, that's sweet.

- (CAMERA CLICKING)
- (LAUGHTER)

Oh, Margot.
Kip, Kip, Kip. Come on in.

- Oh, God, no, he's fine.
- Dude. Dude.

Do we, like, stick
our tongue out?

- We're like, "Ahh!"
- Maybe less tongue.

MARGOT: Let's do it!

One, two, three.

And we jump!

(SCREAMS AND LAUGHTER)

GRIFFIN: I was early.
BRIAN: Okay.

I want to pinch your cheeks.

I just want
to pinch your cheeks.

One, two...

- (ALL CHEER)
- Here we go. One, two, three.

BRIAN: Just us, just men.

Oh, that was so much fun,
you guys.

- You already got me...
- No, no. No.

So sweet!

- Kip.
- Come here, come here.

- Jump in.
- Get in the edge. Just there.

BRIAN: So, here's
to food poisoning.

If I hadn't gotten
those bad clams

and ended up
in the emergency room,

I wouldn't have met
the hottest nurse in town

when I was at my very worst.

CARRIE: Well, he was green.

- And adorable.
- (CHUCKLES)

- To food poisoning and fate!
- CARRIE: Yeah!

And thank you to everyone
for coming out tonight.

It's always been my dream

to get married
on New Year's Eve.

And, um, to my parents
for footin' the bill.

It's coming out
of your inheritance.

- Dad!
- And to my maid of honor,

my sister.

Who will be late
to her own funeral

but who really
came through for me

when I needed her the most.

GUESTS: Aw.

And to Kip, who until tonight,
let's face it,

I don't think any of us
believed you existed.

- I know.
- (LAUGHTER)

But who really saved
the wedding.

- Kip, Kip, Kip, Kip.
- Kip, Kip, Kip, Kip.

- Okay. Oh, stop.
- No, stop. Stop, stop. Okay.

- RITA: Speech.
- ALL: Kip, Kip, Kip, Kip.

- Speech.
- No, no, no.

I mean,
I'm just happy I could help.

I want to hear how you two met.

Ah! Me too.

Ah, no. This is Carrie
and Brian's night.

You know? It's not about us.

Yes, to Carrie and Brian!
Whoo!

- Oh, no. That's okay.
- It's all yours, bro.

MARGOT: That's okay.

All right.

Okay. (CHUCKLES)

Okay.

- How did we meet?
- How we met!

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

- Um... Well...
- (INHALES SHARPLY)

(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYS)

It was a chilly,
gray October morning.

And I was taking the ferry
into the city

to meet a friend,

when I looked down

and I see the most beautiful
girl I've ever seen

in this incredible
carnation pink coat.

SHEILA: She wore it tonight.

It's vintage. (CHUCKLES)

And I guess you could say
I caught her by surprise.

Yes. (CHUCKLES)

And from that moment on, it's...

it's been a non-stop adventure.

I've scaled tall buildings,

I've braved snow
by steed and carriage.

I built fire and saved the day.

(CARRIE LAUGHS)

When I'm with her, I just...

(SIGHS)

...I feel like
I'm a superhero.

Let's just say that
from the moment we met,

I felt like I was home.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

So, uh, to Margot!

ALL: To Margot!

(GRIFFIN CHUCKLES)

GRIFFIN: Cheers.
CARRIE: Cheers, cheers.

Jesus, that was amazing!

Even if it was all bullshit.

Most romantic bullshit
I ever heard.

That was an impressive speech,
Counselor.

GRIFFIN: Mm.

Thanks. It was
surprisingly effortless.

- Hmm.
- Don't let this one get away.

Real subtle, Dad.

But seriously, thank you.
I owe ya.

Yeah, you do.

(BAND PERFORMING MOON RIVER)

Did you tell them to play this?

No, I didn't. I swear.
(CHUCKLES)

- Come on. (CHUCKLES)
- No.

- Wow. (SMACKS LIPS)
- Aw.

Don't forget
to email me that bid.

Oh, yeah. You got it, Rita.

Are you taking side jobs
with my aunts?

Yeah, well, they're having
some foundation issues.

- Mm.
- It's complicated.

Contractor stuff.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(MOON RIVER CONTINUES PLAYING)

KIP: Margot.

Kip?

Kip? I thought he was Kip.

Well, don't look at me.

- What are you doing here?
- What do you mean,

what am I doing here?
I texted you I was coming.

Okay, I told you I blocked you.

(SIGHS) My God!
You look so beautiful, I...

- Okay, okay.
- Listen, no, no, no.

You ever heard of the saying,

"You don't know what you have
till it's gone"?

Have you ever heard the saying,

"Not the time or the place"?

- I understand that.
- You need to leave.

- Let me just talk to you.
- Look,

this is so embarrassing.
You need to go.

- (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) Sorry.
- (SCOFFS)

Hold on.
Is he wearing my tuxedo?

- Hey, come on.
- KIP: Margot.

She already asked you
to leave, all right?

KIP: Is he wearing my tux?

- You're wearing my tuxedo.
- Yes.

Have you ever heard
of the saying,

"Never wear
another man's tuxedo"?

You know, you've been
touching a lot of things

- that are not yours.
- MARGOT: Okay. Okay.

- Guys, this is... Come on.
- I don't think so.

KIP: That is a thing.
No, no,

- this has nothing to do...
- Margot, it's okay.

- This is between us. Okay?
- MARGOT: Let's not.

You cannot just steal
another man's clothes...

Don't put your finger
on my chest.

...steal another man's
girlfriend.

Don't put your finger
on my chest again.

KIP: Or else what?
What you gonna do?

- All right.
- (GUESTS GASP)

Are you threatening me
with a deadly weapon?

- Yes.
- Karate chop!

- (ALL GASPING)
- (BONES CRACK)

- Forgive me, Sensei.
- Kip!

(GRIFFIN GRUNTS, GROANS)

- What is happening?
- He started it.

- (BOTH GRUNTING)
- (CARRIE YELPS)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

KIP: Kip up!

Okay. So, you really want
to do this, huh?

I guess. Okay.

She told you
I was a black belt, right?

Uh, yes, she did.

(KIP STOMPS AND GRUNTS)

Griffin, Griffin,
he's not worth it!

- PAUL: Griffin? Who's Griffin?
- I have no idea.

But the new Kip is hot.

CARRIE: Brian, do something!
KIP: Here we go.

WOMAN: Oh!

KIP: Okay.
BRIAN: Hit him, Kip!

Uh, Kip number one! Whoo!

KIP: Really, a shoe?

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(ALL EXCLAIM)

- GRIFFIN: (COUGHS) Oh, shit.
- Are you good?

Whose shoe is that?
You guys look beautiful.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(CARRIE SHRIEKS)

- Not the cake.
- Did we mess up the cake?

- No, we're good.
- Cake's okay.

- (YELLS)
- It's okay. It's okay.

- Thank God. The cake's okay.
- (GUESTS SCREAM)

MARGOT: Guys,
you're two grown men!

- Stop it!
- Oh.

MARGOT: You guys,
that's enough!

- Hold on a sec.
- Yeah, try it.

(GRUNTS)

- Hey, not bad.
- GRIFFIN: Pretty good.

(FABRIC RIPS)

Did you just rip
my Armani pants?

You just ripped my groin!

(ALL EXCLAIM)

Kip, we're done. We're done,
you guys. That's enough!

I think we're done!

RITA: That's it, Kip.

- GRIFFIN: Go to sleep!
- Kill him!

GRIFFIN: Go to sleep!
Go to sleep, bitch!

That's not how it works.

- (KIP GRUNTS)
- (CARRIE CRIES)

- KIP: You done?
- Yeah.

This is like Godzilla
versus Bambi.

We're done. For sure.

(ALL GASP)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS)

(CARRIE SIGHS IN RELIEF)

Cake's safe.

(GRIFFIN GROANS)

Is that a ring?

You're proposing tonight?

Uh-huh.

You guys literally just met.

- Not to me, to his girlfriend.
- GRIFFIN: Oh, shit.

SHEILA: Kip has
another girlfriend?

Wow. What a dick!

Oh, my God!

You brought a fake date
to my wedding?

No, no, no. He's...
He's not a fake date.

He's just...
He's just not Kip.

Oh, so not-Kip is in all
of our wedding photos!

- Dude!
- MARGOT: I'm so sorry. It's...

I was... I didn't... (SIGHS)

Congratulations, sister.
You really did it.

You restored my belief

in your ability to ruin
absolutely everything.

I'm so sorry. I didn't...
(VOICE BREAKING)

Sorry...

Hold on. Margot! Wait!

Excuse me. Sorry.

Margot! Margot.
Margot, I'm sorry.

Sorry for what?
You didn't do anything.

- I mean, this is all my fault.
- No.

Look, I should have told you,
okay? I tried.

- I tried to tell you.
- Tell me what?

That you're practically
engaged to a supermodel?

(CHUCKLES) No, okay.

- She's just a regular model.
- It doesn't matter!

I mean,
it's none of my business!

Carrie's right.
I'm a total disaster.

I mean, what kind of a crazy
person brings a total stranger

to one of the biggest days
of their sister's life?

Well, I mean, in all fairness,
we did meet last night.

Look, I'm sorry
I brought you into this.

- You're so nice.
- No, I'm not.

I'm not nice, okay? This...

Like, what I'm doing here,
this is not nice, okay?

This is really selfish.

What?

I don't know.
When I saw you the other night

in the parking lot, I just...

I felt something that I've
never felt before, and I...

I wanted to wrap
my arms around you,

and just tell you that
everything was gonna be okay.

And then 24 hours later,
you needed my help, and...

I don't know, I just...

I couldn't say no.

- (SIGHS)
- KIP: Babe.

- Oh, God.
- Are you okay?

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, I'm...

What are you still doing here?

What are you still doing here?

Dude, it's over, all right?
She doesn't want you here!

Don't tell me what she wants.
All right?

- Okay, guys...
- I know she doesn't want

some asshole
who can't make up his mind.

- Really? I'm an asshole?
- Okay, you guys! Stop it!

Aren't you, like,
engaged or something?

That's enough!

Griffin is leaving.

He has somewhere
very important to be.

Yeah. That's right.

I'm leaving. You win.

- Congrats.
- Hey.

- What about my tux?
- Kip!

Do you know how long it took
me to get that tux tailored?

MARGOT: Enough.
GRIFFIN: Oh, my God!

I'm so sor... Did you want...

You want your tux?

Yeah, sorry, you should've
just said that.

- First thing.
- KIP: Oh! Here we go again.

- Naked guy!
- MARGOT: Griffin, stop!

- KIP: Right on cue.
- $2,200.

- Okay, stop!
- $3,200, but who's counting?

Griffin, what are you doing?

I got to give him back his tux.

- It's $2,800.
- Is he taking his clothes off?

- I swear, he's a nudist.
- This wedding keeps getting

better and better.

KIP: It's, like, sticky.
MARGOT: You can't go outside

like that!
You're gonna freeze! Stop it!

Fuck your cufflinks.

- WOMAN: Sir?
- What?

You can't be naked in the lobby.

Sorry. Sorry.

Thank you very much.

I don't have any cash, but...
Sorry.

Well, it's been
a little slice of heaven.

MARGOT: Yeah.

Unforgettable.

I guess I'll just pay
for the dry cleaning.

(SCOFFS) Come on.

Look, why are you even here?

- I came to see you.
- You broke up with me.

I know, and I made a mistake.

Babe, just give us
another chance. Please.

(INDIE POP MUSIC PLAYING)

I need a drink.

Sorry, my love.

(GRUNTING)

Damn it!

(INDIE POP MUSIC CONTINUES)

Ugh. Shit.

Fuck.

(SIGHS)

(INDIE POP MUSIC CONTINUES)

Hey, man. It's me again.

Uh, could you take me
to the bus stop?

Sure. But it looks like
you forgot somethin'.

Oh, yeah. The tux.
It wasn't mine.

Not the tux. The girl.

She wasn't mine either.

Could've fooled me.

(URGING HORSE) Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah!

(INDIE POP MUSIC CONTINUES)

(LAUGHS) Hey, man.
You forgot your pants.

(CONTINUES LAUGHING)

Oh, man! I might do the same!

(BLOWS HORN)

(BUS BRAKES SQUEAL)

Hey.

I know, yeah.
I'm on the list. Griffin Reed.

You good? Thank you.

DANA: His name is Griffin?

I know.

DANA: Did you tell him?

No, I didn't tell him.

Wow. Talk about fate.

It's not fate! I wish people
would stop using that word.

But you like him.

So? He's proposing to some
model named Clementine.

- Oh! Clementine Pratt?
- You know who she is?

I've seen her Instagram.

She's got, like,
10,000 followers.

MARGOT: She's so pretty.

DANA: Well,
if he's so in love with her,

what's he doing
at a wedding with you?

He's a really nice guy.

- No one's that nice.
- It doesn't matter!

He's on his way
to propose to someone else,

and the real Kip
came back for me,

so everything worked out
just the way it should.

Okay? There's your... fate.

- (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
- WOMAN: Yeah! It was fire!

MAN: Really?
I wish I was there!

WOMAN: Yeah,
you should have come.

MAN: I'll come next time.

Better! Appreciate it!

Wait, do you have my social?

WOMAN: Oh, yeah.
Your pictures are so great!

- MAN: Okay, baby.
- (GASPS) Hi!

Hi, uh, can I just get
a whiskey neat, please?

Hey, you're Clem's guy, right?

- Oh, uh, yeah.
- Grover?

- Griffin.
- Ah, yes.

Griffin, the... lifeguard.

- Lawyer.
- Ah. Good on you, mate.

- Hi!
- Hey, babe.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Look who decided to show up
to their engagement party.

What the hell happened to you?
Were you mugged?

What are you wearing?

Oh, no. I'm sorry.
Look, my phone died.

It's just, it's been
a really long night, so...

Yeah. For me.

Do you know how embarrassing
it is to show up

to your own
New Year's Eve party alone?

I know. I'm...

I had sponsors
waiting for our arrival!

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

And what am I supposed
to tell Zara?

- I don't know. I...
- You know what?

It doesn't matter.
I will smooth it up with Zara

and you can wear them
for the wedding.

Okay.

Don't worry.
Everything's all set.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Please give it up for
the fabulous Clementine Pratt!

(ALL CHEERING)

Thank you! Thank you.
My goodness.

Don't worry.
I'm not gonna sing.

But I just wanted to thank James

for hosting
this incredible party tonight!

I don't know about you all,

but I have a feeling
this is going to be

the best New Year's Eve ever.

(CROWD CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)

Babe,
(WHISPERS) I think you're on.

CARRIE: Okay!

- Who's ready for the bouquet?
- BRIAN: Hey.

CARRIE: Okay,
on the count of three.

- Ready?
- FLOUR: Okay!

CARRIE: Three, two...

KIP: One!
No, I'm just kidding.

- What?
- Just one second

before you guys do that.

This is my favorite part
of the wedding, by the way.

But I just have to do this.

- What the hell?
- KIP: I really appreciate it.

Would you guys just mind?

Many of you guys
don't know me, okay?

But, uh, I am Kip.
The real Kip.

And I just want to apologize

for what happened
with the imposter Kip.

I kinda liked the imposter.

And I don't want
to steal the thunder

from the beautiful bride.

- Oh, no.
- BRIAN: Yes.

We wouldn't want
to do that. No.

- KIP: This has to be done.
- Right.

This is very important.

(CLEMENTINE CLEARS THROAT)

Okay.

- (SOFT MUSIC PLAYS)
- (CLEMENTINE CHUCKLES)

Oh, shit.

(GIGGLES)

You know,
whenever I imagined myself

proposing to my future wife,

I always knew
it would only happen once.

When I imagined the man
of my dreams proposing to me,

I wanted it to be
once in a lifetime.

And I'd never give that moment

to someone
who I had any doubts about.

Twenty-four hours ago,

all I wanted was for you
to ask me to marry you.

GRIFFIN:
Twenty-four hours ago,

I'd convinced myself
that you were the woman

I wanted to spend
the rest of my life with.

(GIGGLING)

But that's...

Changed.

(SCOFFS)

- GRIFFIN: Um...
- What?

I... I thought
this is what you wanted.

- I can't. I can't do this.
- CLEMENTINE: What?

I can't let you do this.

I'm really sorry.
I... I can't.

- What?
- I'm sorry.

- Come on. Get up.
- (MIC FEEDBACK)

Happy New Year, everyone!
Ha-ha-ha-ha. Here.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Okay.

(SOFT MUSIC CONTINUES)

Just... Just stop
for just a second. All right?

I know that I'm embarrassing
myself, but...

I treated you terribly
last night.

- And I am sorry. Last night...
- Yeah.

The truth is, I have spent
the last 24 hours thinking

that I've been making the
biggest mistake of my life.

I... actually think
that I love you,

and I...
I do want to marry you.

You "think"? (SCOFFS) What,

are you... are you crazy?

You don't love me.

And you know what? I...
I don't love you.

I mean, I had more fun tonight,

a more honest,
genuine connection

with a total stranger
than I've had with you

in the last three months!

Wow. Kick a guy
while he's down.

I'm just being honest.

You know it's true.

And you'll bounce back,
I'm sure.

Goodbye, okay?

For real this time, please.
(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)

Goodbye.

(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS)

(SIGHS)

(GRIFFIN SIGHS)

Oh, my God.

(SIGHING)

Okay...

(GENTLE MUSIC CONTINUES)

(SIGHS)

Ted, are you hungry?

- (PURRING)
- Hey, buddy. Happy New Year.

Yum, yum, yum.

Good night, pal.

CARRIE: Wow, okay.

So you're just sneaking out
of my wedding?

I was going more
for graceful exit. (CHUCKLES)

Oh, okay. Right.

Just, uh, quick question first.

- Why do you hate me?
- Hate you?

- Yeah.
- I don't hate you.

I worship you.

- (SCOFFS) Okay. Come on.
- What? It's true!

I wish I were more like you.

I mean, you're brave.
You're smart.

Everywhere we go,
everybody just adores you.

I mean, you're marrying the
best guy in the world tonight.

(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)

Your life is perfect.

You think my life is perfect?

Are you crazy?

No, the only difference
between me and you is

I go for what I want.

And you're too afraid to try.

So, stop trying to be me.

Just go be you.

- (CHUCKLES)
- You're right.

(SNIFFLES) Thank you.

Yeah.

I'm sorry I ruined your wedding.

No. Hey, it's fine.

You know, Brian said that
the fight already went viral.

(BOTH LAUGH)

(SIGHS)

I love you, sister.

I love you too. (CHUCKLES)

- Hmm.
- (CHUCKLES)

PEOPLE: Ten! Nine!
CARRIE: Oh!

PEOPLE: Eight! Seven!
CARRIE: Um...

- MARGOT: Go. Go.
- Yeah, okay. But don't forget

- brunch tomorrow.
- PEOPLE: Six! Five! Four!

- Okay.
- Yeah?

PEOPLE: Three! Two! One!
Happy New Year!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS)

(GROANS)

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

(GROANS)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

Hi, Ted.

I love what you've done
with my apartment.

(SIGHS)

Margot?

I rang the bell,
like, a thousand times,

but you didn't answer,
so I just...

I don't have a bell.

Oh. I wonder what that was.

Wait, hold on. So, what...
what are you doing here?

Uh, you left this at my house.

I thought it might be
important. Legal stuff.

Yeah. Thank you.

- You're alone.
- Um, yeah.

And not engaged. (CHUCKLES)

- And...
- No...

Wait. How did you know?

Instagram.

Ah, right. Yeah.
(CLICKS TONGUE)

Wait, hold on. So, you came
all the way over here

at 2:00 a.m.
just to return my bag?

Yeah.

Well, and to show you something.

You want to show me something?

Yes.

Unzip.

Is this a trap?

- No!
- Okay. (LAUGHS)

- Just do it!
- All right. All right.

(SIGHS) The stupid things
we do in college, right?

(CHUCKLES)

Um...

That's a...

- MARGOT: A griffin.
- What...

MARGOT:
I have a griffin tattoo.

You got that in college?

Yeah.

I had just broken up
with my boyfriend.

I was a little drunk.

And I told the guy
to surprise me.

So... surprise! (CHUCKLES)

Oh, thank God,
it's not a Tweety Bird.

(LAUGHS)

This is insane.

You have a griffin on your body.

If you have "Margot"
on your ass,

I really am calling the police.

Oh, not yet,
but that's a good idea.

CLEMENTINE:
Are you fucking kidding me?

Oh, shit! Clementine!

What are you doing here?

You didn't even call
to check on me.

What... We broke up.

I want my Sonic are.

What?

My Sonic are toothbrush.

I actually had to pay
for that. I want it back.

- Now?
- Yes, now!

Before you rub it
all over your mouth,

or clean your toilet with it.

Or let someone else use it.

Yeah, okay, all right.
Just one second.

Thanks.

Wait.

I know you.

Are you the girl
from Bennigan's?

Yes.

- You stole my Uber.
- So, you stole my boyfriend?

No. Not... Not really.
Not... Not on purpose.

How long has this been going on?

Minutes! Seconds. Not long.

What kind of person steals

someone's boyfriend
on New Year's Eve?

I didn't mean to. I swear.

I think this is everything.

I need a bag!

Bag, yes. One second.

Did you know he was supposed

to ask me to marry him tonight?

Um, was he?

(TEARFULLY)
It was so humiliating.

He basically dumped me
in front of the whole party.

Some people even got it
on video. (CRIES)

I'm sorry. Tissue?

- Thanks.
- That's... That's awful.

I've seen your Instagram.

Your pictures are really pretty.

Thanks.

(BLOWS NOSE)

It's Face tune.

Oh. That's a good app.

Okay, I have a bag.

She doesn't need a bag!
She needs a hug!

And more tissues!

(SIGHS) Seriously?

- Griffin!
- Okay.

You do seem like a nice person.

I'm trying to be.

(SOBBING)

Oh, no. Okay.

You know, I really hope you
don't wake up tomorrow

and realize there was never
anything real between you two.

And that you just ruined

the entire course
of all of our lives

for some meaningless, romantic
New Year's Eve fantasy.

(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYS)

GRIFFIN: Okay, so, it looks
like we're out of Kleenex,

but I found some TP.

I have to go.

I'm sorry. I'm...
I'm really sorry.

Wait, Margot,
where are you going?

Margot?

What did you do?

- Nothing.
- (SCOFFS)

All right, take your stuff.

Margot?

Margot, wait.

What just happened?

I can't do this.

I can't be responsible
for ruining your life

like I do everyone else's.

Oh, you're not ruining
anything. Okay?

Listen, Margot,
I'm crazy about you.

You don't even know me.

I mean, a couple hours ago,

you were gonna propose
to somebody else.

Yeah, and it would've been
the worst mistake of my life.

Come on, 15 Maple Drive?

Breakfast at Tiffany's?
Your tattoo?

That's got to mean something,
right?

You know this is fate.

I am so tired of everyone saying

that everything is fate.

Okay, who doesn't love
Breakfast at Tiffany's?

15 Maple Drive?

I'm sure if you googled it,

there are thousands of results.

You could've woken up
in anyone's bed.

Yeah, but I woke up in yours.
Okay?

So, call it fate,

or dumb luck, or chance,
or whatever it is,

but I still get to choose, okay?

And I... I choose you.

And... And I choose...

I choose to do the right thing.

Maybe fate
is that girl waiting for you

in your apartment right now.

You don't believe that.

Come on.

Thank you
for helping me tonight.

I mean, you really are

the nicest human I've ever met.

And before you say it,
"nice" isn't a bad thing.

It's a great thing.
It's a rare thing.

So, don't ever stop.

Wait, Margot, please, just...

You know, when the universe
gives you a gift,

you don't just say no.

Happy New Year, Griffin.

(SIGHS)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALARM RINGING)

(RINGING STOPS)

Oh, shit.

Oh, God.

(SIGHS)

(GROANS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(LAUGHS) Hey!

Oh, there he is!

Happy New Year, everybody.
Hello, hello!

Honey, what happened
to your face?

Oh, it's fine, it's fine.
I just...

Yeah, last night,
I ran into a fist.

- Fist?
- Yeah.

Well, you should see
the other guy. (LAUGHS)

GRIFFIN: Yeah, right? (LAUGHS)

So, where is Clementine?

Yeah, yeah,
where's this gorgeous fiancée

your mother keeps showing me
on Instacart, huh?

Instacart! Um...

She's, uh, actually
not gonna make it today.

What happened? Oh, she didn't
get your cold, did she?

No, she's fine, actually.

Um, yeah...

(SIGHS)

It's actually just...
It's not gonna work out.

Yeah, I'm sorry
to disappoint you guys.

Oh, disappoint who? Us?

Yeah, I know, December 30th
is like your special day,

- and I kind of blew it.
- DAD: Hell, son...

Son, it's just a day.

I mean,
you'll find your own day.

And your own girl.

Oh. I love you.

- I love you more.
- (CHUCKLES)

Okay, I'm gonna go
to the bathroom.

- I'll be right back.
- MOM: All right.

- We'll be right here.
- Okay? All right.

- (WATER TRICKLES)
- (GROANS)

(SIGHS)

(GROANS SOFTLY)

Okay.

Dude!

What?

BRIAN: Hey, Kip's here.
GRIFFIN: (LAUGHS) Oh, my God.

BRIAN: What are
you doing here?

Wow.

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS)

(GRIFFIN GASPS)

(LAUGHS SOFTLY)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES)

(CHUCKLES)

(BOTH LAUGH)

(SIGHS)

(CHUCKLES)

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

(MARGOT BREATHING HEAVILY)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)