All language subtitles for batman.the.brave.and.the.bold.s03e11.crisis.22.300.miles.above.earth.1080p.bluray
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1
00:00:12,609 --> 00:00:15,942
Where there's smoke there's fire, Batsy.
2
00:00:16,112 --> 00:00:18,945
What diabolical devilry
have you devised, Joker?
3
00:00:19,115 --> 00:00:23,575
I'll give you a hint.
I'm about to rake you over the coals.
4
00:00:23,753 --> 00:00:27,655
You see, while you roast, we roast you.
5
00:00:27,824 --> 00:00:31,590
Live from an abandoned warehouse
in Gotham City,
6
00:00:31,761 --> 00:00:36,255
it's the Joker's
Superhero Celebrity Roast.
7
00:00:39,102 --> 00:00:41,627
Tonight's star-studded spectacular
8
00:00:41,805 --> 00:00:44,603
brings some of the greatest
archvillains together.
9
00:00:44,774 --> 00:00:51,441
To dishonor
our least favorite hero, Batman.
10
00:00:52,782 --> 00:00:56,343
Let's get things started
with everyone's favorite chunky monkey,
11
00:00:56,519 --> 00:00:58,783
Gorilla Grodd.
12
00:01:00,957 --> 00:01:04,654
Uh, it's sure great
to be at a roast for Batman.
13
00:01:04,828 --> 00:01:07,160
I call dibs on his thigh.
14
00:01:13,803 --> 00:01:15,964
Mr. Freeze at a roast,
15
00:01:16,139 --> 00:01:18,607
who would have thawed it?
16
00:01:20,644 --> 00:01:23,204
Of all the heroes out there,
17
00:01:23,380 --> 00:01:28,477
I only have ice for you, Batman.
18
00:01:30,253 --> 00:01:32,687
- No puns.
- Yikes.
19
00:01:42,499 --> 00:01:46,765
You're dropping more bombs than the
Batplane did on my last hideout, Grundy.
20
00:01:46,936 --> 00:01:49,063
Let's bring in the ringer.
21
00:01:52,409 --> 00:01:56,402
And now, abducted straight from his show
at Nero's Palace,
22
00:01:56,579 --> 00:02:00,640
please welcome Jeffrey Ross.
23
00:02:07,357 --> 00:02:10,986
Oh. Sorry, Batman.
I only roast the ones I love.
24
00:02:11,161 --> 00:02:13,254
And because they're holding a gun to me.
25
00:02:15,832 --> 00:02:17,163
Understood, citizen.
26
00:02:17,333 --> 00:02:20,234
Knock him dead, kiddo. Or else.
27
00:02:20,403 --> 00:02:24,669
I must say, I'm flattered that of all
the comedians, you chose me, Joker.
28
00:02:24,841 --> 00:02:27,173
Don't be. Groucho was unavailable.
29
00:02:27,343 --> 00:02:30,506
Oh, that is cold.
30
00:02:32,348 --> 00:02:36,512
Anyway, great to be here in Gotham City,
home of Batman and Robin.
31
00:02:36,686 --> 00:02:40,520
What an undynamic duo those two are.
Am I right, villains?
32
00:02:42,926 --> 00:02:44,518
And, Batman, I just want to know:
33
00:02:44,694 --> 00:02:47,629
Who put you in charge
of Robin's adult supervision?
34
00:02:47,797 --> 00:02:50,732
I mean, I'd be worried
about letting him walk to school alone
35
00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:52,868
and you have him disarming bombs.
36
00:02:55,305 --> 00:02:58,866
It's funny because it's true.
37
00:02:59,042 --> 00:03:02,773
Yo, Batman, was everyone else
over the age of 10 busy?
38
00:03:02,946 --> 00:03:06,438
You must call him The Boy Wonder
because you can't believe he's alive.
39
00:03:06,616 --> 00:03:08,709
That's right, Ross, keep them laughing.
40
00:03:08,885 --> 00:03:11,149
Yo, Batman,
what's up with that utility belt?
41
00:03:11,321 --> 00:03:14,722
Are you here to fight crime
or remodel my bathroom?
42
00:03:17,427 --> 00:03:19,054
Does it hold up your underwear?
43
00:03:19,229 --> 00:03:21,697
Because after kindergarten,
most of us figured out
44
00:03:21,865 --> 00:03:24,095
that the undies go inside your pants.
45
00:03:26,136 --> 00:03:28,502
At least you don't
have to change your underwear
46
00:03:28,671 --> 00:03:30,798
every time you see Bane
coming for you, huh?
47
00:03:39,249 --> 00:03:40,580
Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Ross.
48
00:03:43,586 --> 00:03:47,147
But I've got a few punch lines
of my own I'd like to try out.
49
00:03:47,323 --> 00:03:50,759
Batman? Free? Vamoose.
50
00:03:53,429 --> 00:03:55,329
Penguin, they should call you The Nail.
51
00:03:55,498 --> 00:03:58,592
Because you're always getting
pounded by the Hammers of Justice.
52
00:04:00,970 --> 00:04:03,962
I'd try not to hit your good side,
Two-Face, but you don't have one.
53
00:04:06,342 --> 00:04:09,175
Riddler, the answer
to all your riddles is this.
54
00:04:13,183 --> 00:04:14,650
Where do you think you're going?
55
00:04:14,818 --> 00:04:19,721
You've done a lot of terrible things, Joker,
but your real crime is against comedy.
56
00:04:25,962 --> 00:04:27,486
Appreciate the assist.
57
00:04:27,664 --> 00:04:32,101
You know, this superhero stuff
isn't so hard. Think I might give it a try.
58
00:04:32,268 --> 00:04:34,862
Stick to comedy, Jeff.
59
00:05:19,015 --> 00:05:21,506
A little higher to the left,
Captain Marvel.
60
00:05:22,151 --> 00:05:26,645
Why, Martian Manhunter,
you look as nervous as a hermit crab.
61
00:05:26,823 --> 00:05:27,847
Nonsense.
62
00:05:28,925 --> 00:05:31,018
It's just important
we make a good impression.
63
00:05:31,961 --> 00:05:33,690
Having a mixer was a great idea.
64
00:05:33,863 --> 00:05:36,525
Who cares what a bunch of fossils
have to say?
65
00:05:36,699 --> 00:05:40,760
Are you kidding? The Justice Society
of America are legends.
66
00:05:40,937 --> 00:05:44,236
Just think of all the wisdom
they can pass down from their years of...
67
00:05:44,407 --> 00:05:45,431
Boring.
68
00:05:46,943 --> 00:05:50,106
Oh. Look, the teleporter is activating.
69
00:05:51,347 --> 00:05:54,805
Impossible. They're not due
to arrive for another 20 minutes.
70
00:05:54,984 --> 00:05:57,953
And Batman isn't here.
This whole thing was his idea.
71
00:05:58,121 --> 00:06:02,683
Relax, my friend. Just go
with the flow. And no more cookies.
72
00:06:02,859 --> 00:06:05,123
You know what they do to you.
73
00:06:13,937 --> 00:06:16,462
Gentlemen, I am J'onn J'onzz.
74
00:06:16,639 --> 00:06:19,472
Welcome to Justice League
International headquarters.
75
00:06:19,642 --> 00:06:23,976
Justice League International?
You said it was the other Justice League.
76
00:06:24,147 --> 00:06:25,307
The good one.
77
00:06:25,481 --> 00:06:28,075
I must have read the invitation wrong.
78
00:06:28,251 --> 00:06:32,415
Does that mean Superman won't be here?
Superman is the only reason I came.
79
00:06:34,090 --> 00:06:36,149
Well, please make yourselves at home.
80
00:06:36,326 --> 00:06:38,419
These sure are fancy digs, Martian.
81
00:06:38,594 --> 00:06:41,358
But what good are you
floating around in space?
82
00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:45,092
Last time I checked, you can't
stop bank robbers from up here.
83
00:06:45,568 --> 00:06:47,035
You got that right.
84
00:06:50,974 --> 00:06:56,606
Yes, well, come, my friends.
Plenty of refreshments right this way.
85
00:06:59,849 --> 00:07:01,749
Say, kid, where's the john in this joint?
86
00:07:01,918 --> 00:07:03,681
Down the hall on the left.
87
00:07:08,024 --> 00:07:11,516
Batman, where are you?
Everyone is here.
88
00:07:11,694 --> 00:07:13,525
Sorry, J'onn. Running a little late.
89
00:07:13,696 --> 00:07:16,893
Things are not getting off to a good start.
90
00:07:17,066 --> 00:07:21,298
I can't talk now.
Skiing ninjas with lasers. Batman out.
91
00:07:52,902 --> 00:07:55,393
No one's talking to each other.
92
00:07:55,571 --> 00:07:57,562
Ice, why don't you try mingling?
93
00:07:58,141 --> 00:08:01,577
But I don't have to go to the bathroom.
94
00:08:03,746 --> 00:08:07,238
The shrimp's too spicy
and the chicken is dry.
95
00:08:07,417 --> 00:08:10,409
Ma Hunkel would never have
put out such a shabby spread.
96
00:08:10,586 --> 00:08:12,850
And such small portions too.
97
00:08:14,424 --> 00:08:16,585
Uh, I think we're almost out of food.
98
00:08:16,759 --> 00:08:18,624
Already? How can that be?
99
00:08:18,795 --> 00:08:22,561
I based my calculations on an average
of four glasses of punch per person.
100
00:08:22,732 --> 00:08:25,599
One serving of crudités,
two servings of hors d'oeuvres.
101
00:08:25,768 --> 00:08:27,599
There should have been
more than enough.
102
00:08:27,770 --> 00:08:30,204
These hors d'oeuvres are outrageous.
103
00:08:31,140 --> 00:08:33,199
They are for the guests.
104
00:08:33,376 --> 00:08:35,867
And you are not a guest.
Don't you understand?
105
00:08:36,045 --> 00:08:39,173
There's nothing worse than
running out of food at a party. Nothing.
106
00:08:39,348 --> 00:08:41,213
Think you could turn up the heat, chief?
107
00:08:41,384 --> 00:08:44,046
It's colder than a polar bear's toenails
in here.
108
00:08:44,454 --> 00:08:45,478
Except for that.
109
00:09:14,183 --> 00:09:15,980
So that's the original Green Lantern?
110
00:09:16,152 --> 00:09:18,985
His costume designer
must've been color-blind.
111
00:09:19,155 --> 00:09:21,146
Only thing we'll learn
from these geezers
112
00:09:21,324 --> 00:09:23,189
is how to add
more fiber to our diets.
113
00:09:23,359 --> 00:09:29,298
They do smell nice, though.
Like mothballs and menthol rub.
114
00:09:30,566 --> 00:09:33,467
Wildcat, I just... I can't believe
I'm actually meeting you.
115
00:09:33,636 --> 00:09:36,628
My grandpa used to tell me stories
about you guys all the time.
116
00:09:37,173 --> 00:09:38,197
Grandpa?
117
00:09:38,374 --> 00:09:42,003
So I told the prime minister,
"Call off your submarines
118
00:09:42,178 --> 00:09:44,442
or I'll summon
a pod of humpback whales to..."
119
00:09:44,614 --> 00:09:47,811
Hold that thought,
I gotta see a man about a horse.
120
00:09:50,586 --> 00:09:52,816
So, Spectre, old chum.
121
00:09:52,989 --> 00:09:55,822
Did I ever tell you about the time I...
122
00:09:56,759 --> 00:09:58,226
Never mind.
123
00:10:02,598 --> 00:10:03,997
Where are you going?
124
00:10:04,167 --> 00:10:09,935
Bug Boy here is giving us a tour of
this tin can y'all call a headquarters.
125
00:10:11,474 --> 00:10:13,738
That is not going to end well.
126
00:10:18,014 --> 00:10:20,915
You've had quite an exhausting night,
detective.
127
00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:23,847
I hope you found
your little nap refreshing.
128
00:10:24,020 --> 00:10:26,921
I never get tired
of foiling your twisted schemes, Ra's.
129
00:10:27,089 --> 00:10:30,252
I'd hardly call restoring
ecological balance to Earth
130
00:10:30,426 --> 00:10:34,522
a "twisted scheme,"
but to each his own, detective.
131
00:10:34,697 --> 00:10:37,860
Soon I shall fire a fusion
rocket into the sun.
132
00:10:38,034 --> 00:10:39,661
The resultant solar flares
133
00:10:39,835 --> 00:10:42,702
will melt all ice on the planet
in a matter of days,
134
00:10:42,872 --> 00:10:45,705
flooding the continents.
135
00:10:54,116 --> 00:10:56,812
Farewell, detective.
136
00:11:18,736 --> 00:11:21,830
Hello. Guy, is it?
137
00:11:22,006 --> 00:11:25,305
Hal Jordan's told me a lot about you.
Keeping out of trouble?
138
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:27,239
Not if I can help it, old-timer.
139
00:11:27,412 --> 00:11:31,405
In my day, there wasn't time for social
events when we were on active duty.
140
00:11:31,583 --> 00:11:34,108
But with a Green Lantern
like Hal keeping Earth safe,
141
00:11:34,285 --> 00:11:36,253
you don't worry about that,
do you?
142
00:11:36,421 --> 00:11:37,786
What's that supposed to mean?
143
00:11:37,956 --> 00:11:43,258
Ooh! J'onn said there's going
to be pie later. I love pie, don't you?
144
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:57,163
Would you mind
looming somewhere else, please?
145
00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:59,207
Batman, do you read me?
146
00:11:59,377 --> 00:12:00,537
Why doesn't he answer?
147
00:12:00,712 --> 00:12:03,909
If you're relying on Batman
to be the life of the party,
148
00:12:04,082 --> 00:12:07,017
I'm afraid you're whistling
the wrong tune.
149
00:12:08,219 --> 00:12:11,620
That's it. Music.
How could I have forgotten music?
150
00:12:11,789 --> 00:12:17,694
Never fear, old chum. If music
is what you need, I've got just the thing.
151
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:20,660
Excuse me. Excuse me, everyone.
152
00:12:20,832 --> 00:12:25,633
I thought I'd entertain you with
a rendition of an Atlantean spiritual.
153
00:12:25,803 --> 00:12:29,830
Perhaps you've heard of it.
"Nearer Our Fins to Thee"?
154
00:12:30,008 --> 00:12:33,171
It goes a little something like this:
155
00:12:41,753 --> 00:12:46,156
By H'ronomeer, I need a cookie.
156
00:12:59,504 --> 00:13:02,200
Talia. Why did you save...
157
00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:05,936
I see.
158
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,440
Um, thanks.
159
00:13:12,116 --> 00:13:13,947
This place is huge.
160
00:13:14,118 --> 00:13:19,055
Definitely bigger than our old brownstone
headquarters in Civic City, eh, Wildcat?
161
00:13:19,746 --> 00:13:21,331
Hunk of junk.
162
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:23,759
What's that smell?
163
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:26,055
Oh, uh. That's my cabin.
164
00:13:26,230 --> 00:13:28,790
What in the Sam Hill?
165
00:13:31,302 --> 00:13:33,167
Yeah, I guess it's a little messy.
166
00:13:33,337 --> 00:13:36,363
"A little messy"?
This is a disgrace, son.
167
00:13:36,541 --> 00:13:38,236
I can't even see the floor.
168
00:13:38,409 --> 00:13:40,969
Is that a pile of garbage
or your bunk?
169
00:13:41,846 --> 00:13:44,815
I should be able to bounce
a quarter off that mattress.
170
00:13:45,583 --> 00:13:47,175
Why would you want to?
171
00:13:47,552 --> 00:13:49,577
I need air.
172
00:13:53,424 --> 00:13:54,584
It's a movie title.
173
00:13:56,594 --> 00:13:58,391
One word.
174
00:13:59,664 --> 00:14:02,064
- Bite. Masticate.
- Teeth.
175
00:14:02,233 --> 00:14:03,928
Eat. Eat.
176
00:14:04,102 --> 00:14:06,662
- Chomp.
- Hand-waving.
177
00:14:06,838 --> 00:14:08,203
- To chew.
- Clapping.
178
00:14:08,372 --> 00:14:11,432
Oh, come now,
you're not even trying.
179
00:14:11,609 --> 00:14:13,133
Where are you going?
180
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:16,678
Can't you see we're in the middle
of the greatest game of charades ever?
181
00:14:16,848 --> 00:14:18,907
Uh, nature calls.
182
00:14:20,218 --> 00:14:21,810
Mandible.
183
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:24,887
You were supposed to be
one of the most powerful Lanterns ever.
184
00:14:25,056 --> 00:14:27,616
But your ring is vulnerable to wood.
185
00:14:27,792 --> 00:14:30,659
So, what happens if a guy
comes at you with a pointy stick?
186
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:33,820
Same thing that happens to you
if he paints it yellow.
187
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:35,898
Was that some kind of crack, old man?
188
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:37,500
If the ring fits, Gardner.
189
00:14:42,273 --> 00:14:45,242
Batman to Watchtower,
Batman to Watchtower, come in.
190
00:14:45,409 --> 00:14:48,810
Watchtower, this is an emergency,
please respond.
191
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,179
Great.
192
00:14:53,885 --> 00:14:57,377
I think now
would be a good time for pie.
193
00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:03,050
Oh, no, the pies. I left them in the oven.
Ice, stall for time.
194
00:15:03,227 --> 00:15:05,218
Mind your own business, gramps.
195
00:15:05,396 --> 00:15:08,331
Hey! Let's all share a story. I'll start.
196
00:15:08,499 --> 00:15:12,094
I'll call this tale, "Please Stop
Fighting, It's Getting Awkward."
197
00:15:12,270 --> 00:15:14,170
It is my business, Gardner.
198
00:15:14,338 --> 00:15:16,272
No wonder this new league
is such mess
199
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,567
if you're the caliber of hero
they've sunk to using.
200
00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:19,903
Mm-hmm.
201
00:15:20,077 --> 00:15:22,568
Hey, I'm proud to be on this team.
202
00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:26,183
You'd be proud if you could figure out
how to work a vacuum cleaner.
203
00:15:26,350 --> 00:15:31,253
Easy, there. JLI may do things
our own way, but we get the job done.
204
00:15:31,422 --> 00:15:34,983
You know, the other league
didn't have do things "their own way."
205
00:15:35,159 --> 00:15:38,925
I guess this new generation just
doesn't mind embarrassing themselves.
206
00:15:39,096 --> 00:15:42,930
Yeah, well, I'd put our guys up against
your so-called "Mystery Men" any day.
207
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:46,433
The mystery is how you geezers
managed to make it this far.
208
00:15:46,604 --> 00:15:50,540
This party might not be out
of punch after all.
209
00:15:50,708 --> 00:15:54,439
What can you expect from
a backup Lantern with a bad attitude
210
00:15:54,612 --> 00:15:57,581
- and a cheap haircut?
- It's go time, old man.
211
00:15:59,383 --> 00:16:02,875
Now, friends,
that's no way for heroes to behave.
212
00:16:05,523 --> 00:16:07,320
Suffering swordfish.
213
00:16:31,582 --> 00:16:35,746
I have a little surprise.
Who wants pie?
214
00:16:45,763 --> 00:16:46,991
Holy moly.
215
00:16:47,531 --> 00:16:49,089
Hey, Wildcat.
216
00:17:23,833 --> 00:17:27,496
Your ingenuity never ceases
to amaze me, detective.
217
00:17:27,670 --> 00:17:30,833
But in this case,
I know you had assistance.
218
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:38,576
Sadly, you'll be dead
before the sun incinerates you.
219
00:17:45,421 --> 00:17:48,720
So, uh, who gets to make
the big entrance quip?
220
00:17:48,892 --> 00:17:51,725
After you, sir. Age before beauty.
221
00:17:51,895 --> 00:17:53,487
Well, thanks, Fish Face.
222
00:17:53,663 --> 00:17:55,324
All right, punks. The party's over.
223
00:17:55,498 --> 00:17:59,298
That's right. Your ecological
incursion ends here, Ra's Al Ghul.
224
00:17:59,469 --> 00:18:01,562
Ha, ha! Yah!
225
00:18:01,738 --> 00:18:03,933
You're too late, heroes.
226
00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:18,680
I got it.
227
00:18:51,221 --> 00:18:52,313
Lights out, creep.
228
00:18:52,488 --> 00:18:55,480
That's the right prescription, Doctor.
229
00:19:02,265 --> 00:19:04,597
Let's go a couple rounds, big boy.
230
00:19:04,767 --> 00:19:07,964
I've had heavybags
that hit back harder than you do.
231
00:19:25,722 --> 00:19:27,280
Eat this, squid face.
232
00:19:37,033 --> 00:19:39,866
Squid face! Ho!
233
00:19:49,545 --> 00:19:52,810
I'll free Batman, you smash that rocket.
234
00:19:52,982 --> 00:19:54,973
You read my mind.
235
00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:23,070
Face me, detective.
236
00:20:37,927 --> 00:20:40,418
Why won't you just perish already?
237
00:20:48,438 --> 00:20:52,875
This time I shall watch the life
fade from your eyes, detective.
238
00:20:53,042 --> 00:20:55,101
You should have been watching
my hands.
239
00:21:27,583 --> 00:21:31,883
The way you fight, kid, I almost don't mind
you sleeping in a pigsty.
240
00:21:32,054 --> 00:21:36,889
I suppose we owe you an apology.
We haven't been very good guests.
241
00:21:37,059 --> 00:21:38,219
That's for sure.
242
00:21:38,394 --> 00:21:43,457
You see, we thought this new league
had dismissed our ways of doing things,
243
00:21:43,633 --> 00:21:45,328
forgotten our traditions.
244
00:21:45,501 --> 00:21:46,525
Are you kidding?
245
00:21:46,702 --> 00:21:51,332
You guys didn't just do the superhero
group thing first, you did it the best.
246
00:21:51,507 --> 00:21:53,498
We saw a lot of us in you out there.
247
00:21:53,676 --> 00:21:58,170
It's nice to know the spirit of the JSA
is alive and well.
248
00:21:58,347 --> 00:22:00,247
I see I missed quite the party.
249
00:22:00,416 --> 00:22:03,249
Yes. My little soiree
was just the thing they needed.
250
00:22:03,419 --> 00:22:07,412
It seems different generations
can bond over a common desire.
251
00:22:07,590 --> 00:22:09,524
- Justice?
- Pie.
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