All language subtitles for Head.Over.Heels

This is Grinnell, Iowa,
my hometown;

where my family
and all of my friends live.

But I'm not there now.

I'm here. New York City.

Home to eight million people,
roughly half of whom are men.

Which means half of the city
is genetically predisposed
to lie to the other half.

You see, I'm the woman
who has the world's worst
judgment in men.

I know what you're thinking.

You might think that you do,
but you don't. I do.

My grade-school boyfriend,
Tommy, left me for...

someone with boobs 00:01:04,330
My high-school boyfriend,
Charlie, left me for,

well, someone
who didn't have any boobs.

Amanda. This isn't
what it looks like.

But that's all behind me now.

I have a great job
restoring paintings
at the Metropolitan Museum.

I'm in the Renaissance
art division

where the men are easier
to deal with.

There you are, handsome.

So there's this new hottie, Paulina,
upstairs in 20th-century Sculpture.

She is so sweet, and I swear
I'm gonna be gettin' all up
in there, and I'm gonna be

Lisa, you are crossing
the sharing boundary again.

But seriously, we have
to put in for transfers.

Renaissance is a dead end.

We're gonna end up like the
menopause triplets over there.

I don't think I could
ever leave Renaissance.

I would miss these paintings
way too much.

I mean, they're just
so romantic and Shit.

- Here comes old man Rankin. Look busy.
- Oh ! Rat farts !

I am busy. Help me look busy.

- Afternoon, ladies.
- When will we go to the Poconos again ?

Amanda, I need your help.

Take a look at this piece of crap.

Oh, my God, it's...

That's Titian's The Bacchanal.

There she goes again.

Look at this man's face here.
It's completely lost.

You're gonna have to start
from scratch on that.

Put aside your other work,
Amanda. This is priority
number one for now.

What's with you and this
weak-in-the-knees routine ?

You do it every time
you get a new painting.

I do not. Not every time.

I mean, when I look at this painting,

I can just tell that
these people were in love...

and they stayed in love
until the day that they died.

Amanda, it's a painting.
If this were real life,
in two years,

that girl would be pregnant
and that guy would be out
banging a barmaid.

Maybe that's why I like art
better than real life.

They can stay in love forever.

Speaking of real life, aren't you
supposed to have one tonight,
for a change ?

I was gonna surprise
Michael with dinner.

What's so funny ?

Nothing. Just that you're
going to die alone.

She's going to die alone !

Seriously, why do I need a personal
life if my work makes me happy ?

Because work isn't enough.
You need someone to share
your life with.

And if you give up on that now,

it might not be so
easy to find later.

Polly, could I see you in my office ?

I need to have a look at
the, uh, restoration reports.

Oh, God. Do you think
that could be me one day ?

No. If it got that bad,
I'd shoot you...

and put you out of your misery.

I think I better go see Michael.

Michael ?

Oh, shit.

Amanda, this... isn't what it looks like.

It looks like you're having sex...

with a woman from the cover
of a lingerie catalog.

In our bed.

Amanda, you know what
your problem is ?

You think everybody's
basically good, and you
fall for them right away.

There are four million men
in New York. Why can't I
find one good one ?

Just one. Just one.
You know ? Just one.

Remember when you saw
the Titian and you got
weak in the knees ?

Have you ever felt
that way about a guy ?

Lisa, please.

Real women don't get weak in the
knees over some guy.

Yeah, but most woman don't get
weak in the knees over a painting.

Well, I understand paintings,

and I know what I feel
for them is real.

Men, they're just...
They're complicated, you know ?

What I need to do right now is just
focus on work and forget about men.

I think that's the smartest thing
you've said all night.

Is this okay ?

I think I'll start looking
for a place this Saturday.

Or tomorrow.

Hi. I'm going up to Apartment 9.

Hamlet, no !

- Get it off me !
- Get off of her. Come on. Bad dog !

Are you okay ?

I guess he likes you.

I think you might still
be a little shaken up.

No, I'm fine.
I just got weak... knees.

You know, you should really
learn to control yourself.

I mean, control your dog.

He's not my dog.
I walk him for my neighbor.
She had her hip replaced.

"Not my dog." Right.
That's what you say
to avoid a lawsuit...

Come on, Hamlet. No means no, dude !

He's a horny bastard, isn't he ?

- I wouldn't know. I just met him.
- I was talking about the dog.

I know. I know that.

Can I get you anything,
like a Kleenex or a cigarette ?

No, I'm fine, really.

Look, it was nice to meet
you and your huge dong

I mean,hishuge dong.

I've seen way bigger than that.

I mean, his huge dick.

Dog ! Huge dog !
Right. Okay. Gotta go.

It was nice meeting you too.

Oh ! Hamlet. Great Dane.

I get it. That's clever
for a dog name.

Yeah, I thought so too.

Oh, my God. I gotta go. Bye.

Come on in.

This place is amazing.

Holly Payton. Oh, Amanda Pierce.

The rent's $500. You can pay cash,
check, money order, cash...

Could I see the room first ?

Here it is.

It looks like a closet.

Closets don't have windows.

Besides, this...is the closet.

I mean, how much room
do you need to sleep ?

But shoes, they need their space.

Okay, now, we have a lot
of people interested.

So what is it that you do ?

- Oh, I work over at...
- You work ?

I like you. Did I mention you're
in the lead for the apartment ?

Oh, you're back.

This is Amanda. She works.

Amanda, this is Roxana Miloshslah.

- Miloslavzniakova.
- Hi. It's nice to meet you.

You know what's nice ?
Paying the rent. That's what's nice.

G'day. I'm Candi. With an "I".

- Amanda.
- I had a pet dingo named Amanda once.

- A pet dingo ?
- Yeah, but me dad backed
over her with a tractor.

I was finding pieces of her
all summer...tops of trees,
my little sister's hair...

Thank you, Candi. This is Jade...
Oh, God, not the ring.

Wow. That's an incredible
diamond. You engaged ?

No, it would take a lot
more carats than this.

You're not a smoker girl,
are you ?

That's how we all got put together.

We are the last four
nonsmoking models...

on the whole island of Manhattan.

Oh, my God. You're all models.

Oh, don't envy us.
We're struggling.

- In this apartment ?
- Our agency lets us stay here for free.

We like to rent the extra closet
room for spending money.

I don't think she likes them
the models.

No, my boyfriend just
left me for a model.

It's not any of you.

I'm glad we don't have to go
through that one again.

Then we'll all get along fine.

No problem.

That was good English, Dieter.

Hey, Mandy. You want a blouse ?

Phooey. This shirt makes me
look like heroin addict.

And not in a good way.

Here.

Take mine. I wore it once
before anyway.

- What are you going to wear ?
- I'll just take hers.

- Say what ?
- She wants to try on your top. Give it.

What's going on here ?

Did you know there are two guys
just waiting in the hall for you ?

Only two ?

The longer we wait, the more
money they'll spend.

On dinner.

Okay, let's back it up, boys.

See if there's anything
you like, Amanda.

I'm not really interested
in men right now.

Oh, but they seem like great guys.

Yeah, they allseemlike great
guys when they know you're watching.

You gotta learn to look past
what they want you to see.

That guy right there Suit's Hugo Boss,
but it's straight off the rack.

Tie's a Gucci knockoff,
and those shoes

Girl, that's between him and Payless.

But check this guy.
See that bulge in his pants ?

That's either a necklace box
from Tiffany's or,

Oh, hell. I'll take him either way.

So you pick relationships
based on clothing and gifts.

No, we pick them based on personality.

- Now pick a guy so we can go.
- Oh, I don't think I can afford
to go out with you guys.

Actually, I know that I can't.

We don't pay. We're models.

What does someone like you do ?

I'm a paintings conservator
at the Met, specializing
in Renaissance art.

Right now I'm restoring
this one painting,

Titian'sBacchanal.

And one of the faces is blank,

and there's absolutely no historical
record of what it looked like,

so it's up to me to complete it.

Yeah, we should definitely
talk more about that later.

Hi, Candi with an "I".

Facial-Flex ?

Oh, no, I'm good, thanks.

Wow. You have a really
symmetrical nose.

- So why aren't you going out with them ?
- I can't go out in public yet.

The agency made me get an operation.
My earlobes were uneven.

Some of the really great faces
aren't necessarily symmetrical.

Yeah, the beauty's often in the flaws.

You're an odd bird.
You know that ?

Wow. We have quite a view here.

It's him. It's who ?

That guy...Mr. Fish Tank ?

Oh, his name's Jim Winston.

But his head doesn't
normally look that big.

- It's the water that
makes it look that way.
- How do you know ?

Oh, I know a lot about water.

Australia's an island, you know.

I mean, how do you know
his name is Jim Winston ?

Oh. He's a fashion executive.

The girls tell me he's the hottest
young guy in the business.

So you want him, eh ?
Why do you say that ?

That look on your face.

I used to see it all the time
when I'd catch me Uncle Pete
lookin' at me.

Th-There's no look. I was just shocked
because I recognized someone.

Besides, I never go out with
guys like that, even if I were
going out, which I'm not, so...

You want me to find out
where he works ?

I just told you, I don't care
if I ever see him again.

Hamlet ! Get off her.

It's you.

Again.

Hamlet definitely
seems to like you.

You mean, he doesn't
just tackle anybody ?

No. He tackles everybody.
But he only drools on his favorites.

Well, I'm flattered.

You're funny.

You really should have somebody
take a look at those knees.

They've never done this before.
I'm gonna have to see a psychiatrist.

I mean, a leg doctor, because
obviously it's a leg problem.

At least let me buy you
another latte. Ah, no, thanks, Jim.

How do you know my name ?

I don't remember introducing myself.

But you did, Jim. Remember ?

I'm Amanda and that's Hamlet.
Jim, Amanda, Hamlet.

I think I'd remember a beautiful
name like Amanda.

But you didn't.
Anyway, sorry.

I can't go out with you.
For coffee.

I didn't mean go out with you,
just go out with you for coffee.

Not even to replace this one,
which I can't.

I got the runs. I mean, I gotta run.
Okay, gotta go.

I got the runs ?

So why didn't you
have coffee with him ?

Because that's what
I would normally do.

I would have coffee with him,

I'd move in and find myself alone
on a beach in Waikiki...

while he's off with the slut that runs
the pearl-diving concession.

Oh, yeah, it happened.

Is that the new C.K. girl ?

- She's cute.
- You know, I heard they
gave her $11 million.

She looks 14, though.

She's 12.

If these guys are your dates, why do
you make them stand over there ?

Have you ever spent an entire
evening with one of these guys ?

It's all, "You're beautiful
in that dress." "You look
beautiful in this light."

"Come marry me and be
the queen of my country".

So Holly worked out the "You sit over
there" system. It works.

You know, she turned down
a Fulbright at Stanford.

Why had you do that ?
Sweetheart, look at me.

What do I need Stanford for ?

- That's $120. I don't,
- It's 1.200.

- $1.200 ?
- Relax.

Please, may I have the honor of
taking you to dinner ?

Thank you. That's so sweet.

It's nothing.

If you're so not interested in him,

why are you watching him ?

I'm not.
Well, Iam.

But only to prove to you
that he has some huge flaw.

- How do you know that ?
- Because I'm attracted to him.

What a cute little bunny. Look.

Okay, there's the flaw.
He has a love child.

Who's that woman that just walked in ?

He can't have a love child
without a lover.

And that scumbag invited
me out for coffee.

Then how do you explain
the husband-looking guy
with the baby pouch ?

A little ménage à trois
action. Yeah.

I bet they don't even know
which one the father is.

Ah, schoolgirls. That's sweet.

Unfortunately, what we're about
to find out is they're

underage prostitutes
dressed as Catholic girls.

See that ?
He's giving them money.

I think the money's probably for
all those candy bars he's buying.

Those little whores are good.

They even bring the props.

Okay, pace yourself.

Now, I am looking very hard, okay,
and I can't see any flaws.

He's like Mr. Perfect.

A little too perfect, maybe ?
Hmm? Gay perfect ?

He wears boxers, and there are
no framed portraits of his mother.

Trust me.
That man is not gay.

I can't decide whether he looks
better with clothes on or off.

- These are great pictures, Jade.
- I know.

Candi, your eyes your whole
face is beautiful.

- Why do they keep making you
get work done ?
- Bulk discount.

Look, Amanda, he's having a party.

It's the best time
for you to talk to him.

Yeah, except that I'm not invited.
So what ? We crash.

That's a really great way
to talk to someone

getting turned away from his party.

Who would keep models
away from a party ?

Every man there is gonna be
saying, "I wish more models
would show up at this party."

- No, thanks anyway.
- Stop the pose.
You know you're into him.

Busted.

So ? He just happens to have a
Renaissance structure to his face.

I mean, what's the point ?

He's in the fashion business.
He probably only dates, you know.

Promiscuous women ?

No. Models.

Fine. If you think he wants a model,

we will give him a model.

Makeover !

I can't wear this.
I look like a skank.

You can wear it, honey.
I'm just not sure how long
you'll keep it on.

Let me see.

Remember, when you walk in,
you're the most beautiful
woman in the room.

Well, you're in the top four.
True.

Oh, and keep your cheeks clenched.

Not those.

Oh, and most important, don't forget
to turn them on, the headlights.

Here comes the girl now.
Excuse us.

Hey, Jimmy, a piece of heaven fell into
my office today, I swear to God.

And she signed with you, Nick.
When did she get the third eye removed ?

Ladies, the first glass was free,

but this one is gonna cost ya.

Hey, Ivan. Harold.

Hey, Jimmy, just got some new samples in.

You wanna open them now or later ?

I will take her now...and her later.

Just because we work together
doesn't mean we can't, you know

- I mean, why do you have to act all
- Excuse me.

- I'll see you.
- Where are you going ?

I think I was wrong about Jim.
I'm out.

So, what was that you
were saying about me ?

Hold it ! Wait !

- Amanda ?
- Jim !

I didn't recognize you
without your big, drooling dog.

I barely recognize you.

Yeah, I live with models.
I was their science project tonight.

So, you're a model.

Oh, yeah. Supermodel.

I meant to say that I hope
you're not a model.

You're not like most of the women
I see at these parties.

What is it you do? I restore
paintings at the Met.

Really ?
What's why I'm leaving.

I wish I could leave.

Why ? You seemed like
you were having a great time.

Well, my job basically
consists of kissing ass
and smiling while I do it.

But that's not really me.

So the split personality emerges.

You're really two different people.

You could look at it that way.

We'd, uh, both like to talk to you.

Well, I don't want to keep you two
from your party, so

Hey, as far as we're concerned,
you are the party.

But why did she leave you ?
I mean, you're practically perfect.

I mean, it sounds like you two
were a great couple.

You know what my problem is ?

I think everybody's basically good.
Then I fall for them right away.

And then I get disappointed.

I know exactly what you mean.

Not saying that I was ever
the best boyfriend.

My work kept me away for long hours,

and she thought it was dangerous.

She thought the fashion
business was dangerous ?

Dangerous. To my health.

You know, stressful.

Well, I'd hate to see anything happen
to you, and I only just met you.

There you are. Jim.

Come back to the party, man.
There's somebody I want you to meet.

Great. Was the chairman
able to make it ?
Oh, no, not the chairman.

Just some V.I.P.s in from Antwerp.

Okay, okay. Hold on a second.

Remember that ass I hate kissing ?

Well, this is Belgian ass.
The worst.

Well, I wouldn't know,
but I'll take your word for it.

Hey, maybe we could meet
on purpose next time.

A date ?

You know, a-actually,
my schedule's pretty crazy
the next few weeks.

Me too. I have this big
project at the museum.

And Mr. Rankin. Good night, Jim.

My jacket.

Jim, come on.

Forget about that one.
This party's swarming with them.
Come on.

I wanna go out with you.

- Asthma ?
- Only when I'm under stress.

Look, I usually hide in my work.

I mean, behind my work.

So I don't hurt anyone.
I mean, get hurt.

I think we're both alike.

You mean, inarticulate ?

That's the word I was looking for.

What are you doing Saturday ?

Whoa! I thought I told you
to get those knees looked at.

And you know what ?

He likes me without the dress
and the makeup and the stiletto heels.

Oh, Mandy, maybe the next one
will work out for you.

Mmm, there's not gonna be
a next one. He is the one.

There you are ! We thought
you got a room.

You guys looked so cute together.

Guess what.

He totally kissed me.

- You go, girl !
- You are in love with him.

Who's that ?

- Oh, it's...
- Another woman.

Maybe they're just good friends.

Then why is he closing the blinds ?
He never closes the blinds.

- Maybe she's his sister.
- We are not in the outback, Candi.

We are so sorry. Our creep radar
didn't go off with him at all.

It's okay. I haven't been able
to believe my eyes or my heart.

- Why should my knees be
any different, right ?
- You know what ? Forget him.

- Why don't you come out with us ?
- No. You guys go ahead.

- You sure ?
- I'm totally fine.

Oh, Mandy, I can't see you,
but I know you must be sad.

Did someone scream ?

Temporary blindness
has improved my hearing.

You guys, get out here.

What's happening ?
Are they having sex?

- I think he killed her.
- How do you mean, "killed" ?

Killed, as in dead.

Well, where's the body ?

She's gone. She was lying right there.

Where are you going ?
You're calling him ?

Yeah, I wanna make sure
he didn't hurt himself
while he was killing the blonde.

- That's so sweet.
- I'm calling the police.

I'd like to report a murder.

I'll hold.

How many screams did you hear ?
Just one.

It's right here ?

And so you turned around and,
poof, the body just disappears ?

I didn't say "poof".
I believe I said "bam".
And bam, the body's gone.

I'm sure it is.

Hello, Officer.
What's happening ?

So, what exactly did
this Winston guy do ?

Well, there were the
Catholic schoolgirls

What did he do with the schoolgirls ?

He was buying candy bars.
But that's not...

- Were the schoolgirls
witnesses or accomplices ?
- Well, I don't know.

But Mr. Perfect sure did
spend a lot of money.

Who's Mr. Perfect ?
We call him Mr. Perfect...

- because of the old lady, the
big dog and the love child.
- The love child ?

Look, forget about the love child.
I will tell you exactly what I saw

We saw him lifting.
The body didn't disappear ?
You saw him lift it ?

We saw him lift himself
up and down, up and down.

Yeah, he gets very sweaty.

- Okay, so you didn't see him
lift the body ?
- Like I told you before...

We were in middle of wardrobe change.

- Was there anybody else
here in the room ?
- I was in the room, yes.

I think I've heard as much as I need.

Look, I don't think you're taking
this very seriously here.

Hey, to be honest, I don't
believe any of this.

Bunch of bored models sitting around,
sniffing a little nail polish,

and then suddenly, bam,
you think you see something.

Don't get all hysterical.
I'm still gonna investigate it.
It is my job.

Nobody pays me $1.000 a day
to sit on my duff looking pretty.

Big surprise, sparky.

You know, a serious crime
has been committed,

and all you're doing is
insulting me and my friends.

I want your badge number.

Here it is. That's if you
can count this high.

Let's go.

You guys just getting home ?
It's 7:00 in the morning.

The team had to fly to Atlanta.

- So I guess Jim didn't do it.
- Why do you say that ?
Is it in the paper ?

No. He's standing right there
in his apartment.

What the...

No, I will not "buzz off"...

until you tell me why Jim Winston
is still in his apartment.

Is he out on bail ?
Do murderers usually get bail?

No, sometimes we just
release 'em for fun.

Look, no body, no crime.
Then how do you explain what I saw ?

The woman, Megan O'Brien ?
She tripped over a rug.

When you turned your back,
Mr. Winston picked her up.

- So he's not a killer.
- Actually, he seems like a great guy.

And this Megan woman, she's okay ?

I guess.

What do you mean you guess ?
It's a yes-or-no question.

Look, we haven't talked to her yet.

She's out of town on business.
We'll track her down.

When you do talk to her,
can you call me immediately ?

This is very important to me.
Sure, Ms. Pierce.

I'll put your number in the
precinct speed dial right now.

Jackass.

Is this it ?

Not one step further.
This place is filthy.

I was talking to my shrink this morning,

and she said that you were projecting.

What you thought you saw Jim do
through the window...

was actually your own desire
to kill all your ex-boyfriends.

Why are you talking to your
therapist about me?

She says I talk way too much
about myself.

Amanda, we came down here
because we decided you should
keep your date with Jim.

He's too cute to be a killer.
And you said the cops don't
have anything on him, so

Look, you guys, I appreciate
the effort. Really, I do.
But guess what.

I am not going out with Mr.
Psycho Killer Guy, so go home.

Please don't make them go home.

Amanda, seriously.
You really don't know what happened.

That is not true. You guys
didn't see what I saw.

And you didn't see what we saw
when you were on the stairs with him.

- And what was that ?
- That you're crazy sick in love.

That is not true.
I am 100% over him.

That's why you spent the whole morning
staring at that drawing of his face.

So ? Big deal. He has a good face.

And yeah, maybe there's
some mysterious yet valid
explanation for what I saw.

But why should I start
going out with the guy...

when he's shaping up to be an even
bigger liar than the rest of them ?

So what ?
All men lie. We know that.

Exactly. If you don't like
what the police aren't doing,
start your own investigation.

- What are you...
- That way you can find out
for yourself...

if he's a nice bloke
or if he's a slasher.

Or if he's lying about
being married.

Don King fooled me on that one twice.

Look ! I don't care about him !

Amanda, if you don't sort this out,

you'll never have a good relationship
for the rest of your life.

You'll end up a pathetic,
lonely old woman...

who makes her coworkers watch videos
of her cat's lame-ass birthday parties.

You say what you want
about me, tramp,

but don't you go bad-mouthing Jane-cat !

Enough ! Everyone shut up
and listen to me !

All of you, young and old,
gay and straight.

I'm a-gonna have red beans for dinner !

And especially the deaf !

I don't care about him.

I don't care about the baby
sitting or his eyes...

or the fact that he can do
a zillion "pully-uppy" things
on that bar.

And I don't care about his sexy grin...

or the fact that he can make me laugh
even when his dog is trying to hump me.

And I really don't care...

that I fall asleep every night
dreaming about him.

Because I am not crazy !

I saw him kill that girl,
and I know it.

I'm a-gonna have red beans for dinner.

I only caught about every fifth word,
but that girl is head over heels.

I am not !

Look, fine.
I will investigate him.

I will stalk his ass just to prove there
is something seriously off with this guy...

and all of you are just too stupid to see it.

Can I help you ?

We were in Apartment 403 last night,

and we want to be...discreet.

You understand.
We left some clothes.

What she means to say, our... black,
French-cut crotchless panties.

And the rest of the props
from our act.

So you will help us, no ?

Sure. I'll trade you his key
for that dress.

Mitch, you are a nasty boy !

Look, don't blame me.
I didn't break the elevator.

So what exactly are we looking for ?

Evidence. Anything that may indicate
he's a cold-blooded killer.

Look. It's him with his grandparents.

That is very cute. Look at him.

Hello. Hi. Girl who has a date with a
potential murderer in four days.

Could we get back to work, please ?
Jim might be home any minute.

Relax. We called his office.
He's gonna be in a meeting all day.

Yeah, and Holly's waiting
for a phone call.
Says she's keeping lookout.

Yeah, I'm 17.

Year I was born ?

- Look at this.
- What is it ?

Dirty laundry. He's got a whole pile
just sitting on a chair in his bedroom.

I hate that.

Look. It has a bloodstain on it.

That's why I brought it out.
He didn't presoak.

That baby's set for life.
This is going into evidence.

Oh, yeah, good.
Now make love to the shirt.

Love the shirt. Make love to the shirt.

Now hate it. It hates you.

There's a yellow stain
right next to it.

It's probably...

It's ketchup.

That's amazing.
She's a bleeding Sherlock Holmes.

If you find 20-dollar bill on the floor
of somebody else's apartment,

is that the same as finding
it on the street ?

Then I haven't found anything.

Oh, yes, you have.
Where did you find that ?
It's a box of knives.

Not just knives. Daggers.

Cheese daggers.

This Gouda's not bad.

Where the hell are they ?

What do I do ? What do I do ?

- What are you all doing ?
- This is where she fell.

Couldn't the police be right ?

What the hell was that ?

A kiwi !

What is she doing ?
Charades ?

I love charades.

Sounds like...

No props in charades.

No props and no clothes.

Uncle Pete's rules.

Okay, Candi.

No more stories from the dark farm.

Pretty please ?

Jim's in the hallway ?
Everybody, hide !

I was here first.

Vince, it's me.

The breakfast meeting went well.

I had to eat more of
those damn pierogies,

but I should get a meeting
with the chairman soon.

No. Don't go in there.

What's going on in there ?

Let me just say, if he hadn't
have washed his hands,

this investigation would
be over right here.

So, he sounds pretty damn normal.

Yeah. Nothing really
shouts out "psycho killer",

but I still feel like
I'm missing something.

Jim, how'd you get in here ?

Oh, I mentioned your name.
The guard let me in.

Oh, so you're Jim.

TheJim.

Nice to know I've been talked about.

You have no idea.

This is my friend, Lisa.
She's a black belt in karate.

I'm sorry for bargin' in, but,

I couldn't wait all the way
until Saturday to see you.

Hey, is this Titian ?

Yeah. You know Titian ?

Literally the only thing
I remember from art history.

Hey, do you wanna go grab a drink ?

I can't.

I'm not comfortable with you,
I mean, leaving with you.

I mean, leaving without
finishing this here.

I understand.
I'll let you get back to it.

I'm sorry if I scared you,

but it's just me,
not some psycho killer.

For you.

Hey, just curious.
Did the police ever contact
that woman or find her body ?

Thanks a lot.

You couldn't justlet me enjoy that
for a second, could you ?

Maybe you better keep investigating.

That Winston. I swear the women
just flock after him.

Is that her ? The short one ?

I think so. Last time I saw her,
she was all dolled up.

We better check her out,
make sure we don't have another
Megan O'Brien on our hands.

For your collection.

Oh. I have just the shoes for this.

- What do you want ?
- Does he rent a storage space ?

This better be important.
It's me.

Guess what. I found it.

Found what ?
[ Amanda ]
The body.

Jim kept it in a duffel bag
in his storage space.

It was the only place
we didn't search.

In a duffel bag ?
Where are you now ?

Central Park, a perfect place
to bury a body.

I mean, who comes here
after dark besides murderers ?

Oh, wait. He stopped.
Go past, go past.

Stop up there.

Whose cottage cheese is this ?

Hold on a second.

Keep the change.

All right. I'm following him
into the woods.

Do you think that maybe
one of us should hang up
and call the police ?

Don't hang up on me.
This is it.

He's put it down.

He just pulled out a shovel.
He's gonna bury it right here.

Oh, my God !

- It's a baseball bat.
- Run !

For a Little League team.

He coaches
a Little League team.

That is so sweet.

Isn't that sweet ?

Amanda, please tell us you're gonna
stop investigating him now.

Only long enough to go out with him.

Oh, is this the...

Okay, kind sir.

I don't mean to be discriminatory,

but there is an age limit
to get on the waiting list.

Pardon me. My name is Halloran.

I'm here to see Ms. Amanda
Pierce about some work.

We spoke on the phone.

It's very unusual. Russian,
turn of the century ?

Well, I'm impressed.
You know your stuff.

What are these... holes ?

- I think mice.
- Very neat mice.

I booked my first big
runway show tomorrow.

Nice view.

Yeah, if you're into
that sort of thing.

We usually keep
the blinds closed.

Jim ! How's it going ?

Hey, listen.
Whatever happened to Megan ?
It's like she disappeared.

Megan ?
Megan O'Brien.

You know, the blonde ? It's weird.
Nobody's seen her since your party.

- What the hell happened to her?
- You know, I don't know if I,

I think she went on vacation.

Vacation ? During fashion week ?
That's crazy !

It's good to see you, Bern.

Anything look good for dessert ?

Everything.

- We'll have everything.
- Very good, sir.

What ? Are you kidding ?

I'm not in a rush. Are you ?

This is awesome.

Do you realize that every time you
took a bite of something good at dinner,

you made a little sound ?

I did Oh, God.
No, it's like a cat purring, or

I just like it, that's all.

Okay. They made it to the dessert
course without any bloodshed.

Can we go to party now ?
Yeah, let's hurry.

I'm getting hives just from being
around all these ugly people.

Guys, get serious.

I told you I think he
killed that Megan girl.

We never should have pushed
Amanda to go out with him.

The fashion world is complicated.

It's all about the next thing.

Everybody's running around all
crazy, looking for some new idea,

but they're too frantic
to actually experience it.

That's not what I want.

Well, what do you want ?

To know a good thing
when I find it.

Like tonight, and the way you look,

make me feel

I just wish I could freeze this moment
and hold onto it, you know ?

Let's get outta here.
What ? What about dessert ?

Do me a favor.

Meet me outside, okay ?

They're coming at us !

Amanda will freak if she sees us.

It's Jim. Again !

Please, just let him pee.

Did you lock the door ?

We only got a few minutes.
Whip that bad boy out.

Here you go. Thatis huge.

All right, I'm gonna stick it in now.

Sweet.

Don't worry. I've stuffed it
into tighter holes than this !

No, I'm out with her right now.

Fine. Fine ! They want a body,
I'll give 'em a goddamn body.

What are you doing ?
It's gonna blow, man ! Get out !

That can't be good.

Okay, don't move.

Hey, Jim ? What's going on here ?
Where are we exactly ?

All right. You can open them up now.

- Jim, how did you...
- I know some people.

I used to clean the aquariums
here when I was a kid.

- They're amazing.
- Yeah, they're beluga whales.

That's, Ben.

And that's Betty.

That's Ben's second wife.

Whenever I get stressed out,
I come here, watch these guys,

try to be more like them.

Mr. Fish Tank.

Mr. Fish Tank. That's what Candi

That's what I'm gonna
start calling you.

This might not seem like the most
guy-like thing to say,

but do you think we're
moving too fast ?

I mean, you hardly know me.

Oh, I feel like I know you all too well.

Somehow, already.

You're right. I've wanted to do this
ever since Hamlet first drooled on you.

Me too.

Do you believe in love at first sight ?

At first sight ? It's too easy.

I believe in taking a deeper look.

Watch it, stinky ! You smell like poop.

- Do you think we should tell Amanda ?
- I don't know !

It's probably nothing.

We should probably say something.

Yeah, but I definitely don't want to
be the one that ruins their relationship.

Which seems to be going very well.
They're really clicking sexually.

How do you know ?

She forgot to pull down the blinds !

Okay. I'm starting a new religion.

It's called "Amanda-ism",

and basically it's me worshipping you.

Well then,

it's time for a little confession.

You have to start telling me a
little bit more about yourself.

Like what ? Anything.

Just tell me all your secrets.

Well, I'm not really
a secrets kind of guy.

Come on !

Everybody has some secrets.

Well, there is one fact
I've been hiding from you.

I happen to be a master... of daggers.

What is he doing ?

Jade, I think you were wrong
about those cheese knives.

A master of daggers ?

You know, I was just teasing.

Oh, my God. I should have never
let her go over there tonight.

- Now I know your secret.
- What ?

You throw like a girl.

Oh, man ! I forgot to close the blinds.

Darling, after that performance,
I want to be your friend.

Yeah. Hey, how'd you do
that thing with your back ?

Okay. I could get really freaked
out about this, but guess what.

Jim is taking me to Shelter
Island for the weekend,

and he says he has something
important he wants to tell me.

Congratulations. You bag him.

I know, I know. I don't
want to get too excited,

but we're leaving early,
so I gotta get to work.

Wow, that was fast.

Okay, if they get married,
I'll throw a shower.

- I'll do the pictures.
- I do groomsmen.

Hold on.
He's taking her away ?

Maybe permanently away ?

Hey, Roxana, could I borrow
that Richard Tyler thing again ?

I don't know. I give to you,
I may never see again.

Fine. Take it away.

Did I miss something here ?

At yesterday's show,
I heard some guy ask Jim...

about that woman who disappeared, and...

And you were worried about me.

Hey, you guys. Thought we
could walk to work together.

Lisa, I only live a block
from the museum.

Thought you could use the company.

Look, Holly, please.
Don't be worried. It's okay.

I followed him. I have
searched his apartment.

And now that I know him
in-intimately...

Darling, you left the blinds up.
We all know him intimately.

Believe me, Amanda, we really want
it to work out between you and Jim.

I mean, if it could work out
for you guys after all this

Now we're all beachfront
property in the Hamptons,

but in a few years, we're gonna
be condos in Jersey.

I am gonna want a real relationship
before that happens

preferably with a four-carat
ring, D-flawless.

Oh, that is so sweet.

Yeah, me too.
Only I want A-flawless.

Roxy, there is no "A."
Diamond ratings start with "D."

You can't fool me. I want "A."

Nice work, Amanda.

Yes, the face is perfect.

Yes, it is.

Come over and see it sometime.
All right, I will.

I've been quite impressed
with the way you do business.

We very much appreciate
how you've handled the little
problem with the woman.

Oh, that was no problem.
I do have a question though.

Antwerp.

How does the money get back here ?
Don't worry.

I'm going to explain
everything to you.

I have plans to increase your
role within the organization.

Where are we meeting ?

There's time for just a brief meeting
out on the runway at 5:00.

Great. Which airport ?
What's that ?

- Which one?
- Jim ! Mr. Halloran.

- Amanda.
- What's this ?

All she did was trip over
a rug. Then you helped
her up. Why is she dead?

- What are you talking about ?
- This is the woman I saw
in your apartment,

the woman I saw killed by you.

What do you mean, "saw" ?

My apartment overlooks yours, and I
can see everything that you do.

I know, I know. I should have
told you, but I didn't.

Mr. Halloran knows.
Well, wait a minute.
How do you know Mr. Halloran ?

Amanda, oh, my God.
We really need to talk.

Amanda, let's get to the car.
We're running late, aren't we ?

I'm not going anywhere with you.

I think we should all have a talk.

Let go of me!

Follow them !

I was wrong about the girls.
They did see something.
Let's take care of this.

I can't believe this is happening.

You're gonna whack me.
You're gonna take me
to New Jersey and whack me !

Stop it, okay ?
I'm not gonna whack you.

Why was Mr. Halloran shooting at me ?
Because he's not Mr. Halloran.

He's Vadim Strukov, a very
well-connected Russian criminal.

- So, what ? Are you a cop ?
- Kind of.

"Kind of" ?
Let me see your badge !

- I don't have one.
- Why don't you have a badge ?

- Because I'm undercover.
- Oh, hey, you know what ?

I'm undercover too.
Did you want to see my badge ?
Oopsy! I don't have one !

Let me out !

Will you stop it ?
What's the matter with you ?

But I saw you.
I saw you murder that woman.

There was no murder. That whole
thing was staged for Strukov,

who was on a roof across the
courtyard watching.

What are you talking about ?

I'm a federal agent.
With the F.B.I. ?

So's Megan.

F.B.I. ?

Megan's cover got blown,
so we staged it as a way
for me to prove my loyalty.

That picture in thePost ?
We planted it.

Strukov was getting suspicious
that no body had turned up.

Oh. Well, what do these
Russian guys do ?

When criminals like Strukov
make hundreds of millions
of illegal dollars,

they can't just put it in a bank.

They find a young hotshot like me.

They give me the money, I buy
the dresses from Antwerp.

Then they import them back here,
and the money's clean.

But hundreds of millions of dollars.
They must be selling a lot of dresses.

But they're not. They sell hardly any.

- How do they get their money back ?
- I was about to find out...

before you showed up early
and blew my cover.

I was only early because I
was so excited about going away
for the weekend with you.

Amanda, I'm sorry.

I didn't plan to meet you or to get
so involved with you or

Hold on. I think I'm getting through.

Hey. It looks like Halloran
is actually Vadim Strukov.
He's the chairman.

It was under my nose the whole time.

He was planning a meeting on a runway
at 5:00, but I don't know which airport.

Cover them all.
Wait.

Those were bullet holes
in Mr. Halloran's painting.

What are you talking about ?

I'm privately restoring a painting
for Mr. Halloran. That's how we met.

- Oh, my God, it was a Russian painting.
- He's been to your apartment ?

Why, you think my roommates
are in danger ?

It's 3:00 in the afternoon.
Waiting list does not begin
for another five hours.

Okay, maybe you can jump the list.

Stay here.

F.B.I.! Freeze !

Put your hands on your head.
Not you, girls. Him.

Hamlet, stay. Hamlet, no !

Oh, these handcuffs are too tight.

Okay, would somebody friendly please
tell me what is going on ?

- Jim's an undercover F.B.I. agent.
- No, he's not.

Everybody knows he's Jim Winston.

Oh, my God. Jim Winston
isn't even your real name.

I slept with a man, and I don't
even know his real name.

- Okay, so what's your real name ?
- It's, smoot.

- Bob Smoot.
- "Bob Smoot".

I'm gonna die handcuffed next
to a guy named Bob Smoot ?

I can't die here. This place is full
of ugly dresses.

Jim or Bob, or whatever your name is,

if ever you're pretending to be
in the fashion business again,
a little note:

except for strippers, women
like jewelry on their fingers,
not on their tits.

Maybe there are a lot
of strippers in Antwerp.

Antwerp ? Nobody makes
dresses in Antwerp.

The only thing that comes from
Antwerp is diamonds. Good ones.

What are you doing ?

Stop it. Stop it !
That's disgusting !

Smoot is kinky.

If that was a rhinestone,
I would have been able to crush
it instead of chipping my tooth.

The dresses.

I was so obsessed about tracking
the money, I forgot about the dresses.

Antwerp Russia.

They were never laundering money.
They were smuggling diamonds.

But you can go to Tiffany's and
have a fat businessman buy you
all the diamonds you want.

Yeah, but not Russian diamonds.
Is illegal to take diamonds
out of country.

Oh, Holly, you borrowed
my panties again.
Diamonds ?

That's why Strukov never let me
take one for girlfriend.

Or wife. Bastard !

Harold, I'll make a deal
with you right now.

You get us out of here
and turn state's evidence,

I guarantee they'll go easy on you.

Think about it, Harold.
Federal witness protection program.

We're booking people
into Hawaii right now.

At least he wasn't lying
about that black belt.

What are you doing ?
It's evidence.

What are you doing ?
Tennis bracelet.

You see ?

The diamonds are replaced
by cheap zirconiums before
they go to the shipping floor.

So everything we've been through
together has been a lie.
No, not everything.

Just the little things.
Like your name, your job,

the fact that all of your exes are
in the witness protection program ?

The limo ! Get in the limo !

Excuse me.

Who the hell are you people ?

Hey, hey ! This is my limo !

My limo ! Ladies !

- Stay down !
- Don't worry. I got the limo
at the Jackie auction.

- It's totally bulletproof.
- Mr. Alfredo ?

I'm Candi, and let me just say,
it's such an honor to meet you.

Oh, thank you, dear,
but don't tease.

It's bad enough that half my models
canceled on me with the flu.

What am I supposed to do
for my 5:00 runway show?

Who's that ? It's Alfredo.

Everybody knows Alfredo
does the hottest runway.

- Runway ?
- Wha-What? What is it ?

- Jesus !
- So, Alfredo, do you need models ?

Well, what the hell
have I been saying ?

Well, what the hell
do we look like ?

- Vince, it's Jim. Look, I don't think...
- Models with attitude.

It could be a fashion show runway.
I like it. You're hired.

Hey, we're still being chased
by those Russian guys.

Hell, we lost those losers ages ago,

and your hanging with the G-man
just got us a good gig.

I know I screwed up.
No, I had him, but I lost him.

Look, Amanda showed up early
and blew my cover.

No, I didn't tell her who I...
Of course I lied to her.

Look, I'm pulling up
to the tent right now.

If he's at this show,
I could bust him. Trust me.

Hurry up. We're here.
Marvelous.

You guys make your way through
the crowd and get movin'.

Look, I have to find Strukov,
but I am personally making sure
that you get out of here.

Aw, gee, thanks, Jim, but you
do what's important to you.

I'll be fine on my own.

This is the last one.
Make her beautiful.

but I'm not a mo...

Let's get cracking.

Forget about the stupid models.

Just get Winston and the Amanda girl
and get them out of here.

And for Christ's sake, be discreet.

Don't attract attention.

I look like Stevie Nicks !

Where you going ?

<

Get off me ! Will you
get this woman off me !

Move your hands !

Amanda, trust me.

Leave it to Alfredo
to bring a sense of theater
back to New York fashion...

with his new
slam-bang show tonight.

[ Audience Applauding,
[ Audience Applauding,
Whistling ]

I should've guessed that if there
was gonna be some sort of fashion fiasco...

that you girls would be
in the center of it.

The only fashion fiasco here
is your haircut, sparky.

Yeah, that's really.
Pardon me, Officer.

Ladies, I just want you to know
that you'll each be issued
a special commendation...

for meritorious service
from the director of the F.B.I.

Agent Smoot says there's no way he
could have cracked this case without you.

That's five separate commendations,
if you can count that high.

Nice work, Smoot.

Can I talk to you ?

I owe you an apology.

This is not the best place
for this, but, listen.

I'm sorry I lied to you,
but I'm not sorry I met you.

Not at all.

So, I was hoping that
you could forgive me,

and maybe we could start over.

What do you think ?

Uh, I don't know, you know.
I just,

I just ended this relationship
with some guy named Jim...

because he wasn't honest
with me from the beginning.

I'm not really sure I'm ready to
start a new one with whoever you are.

Let's go, Smoot.

We're gonna be filling out paperwork
for the rest of our lives.

I know what you're thinking
and this time you're right.

I screwed up.

By the time I realized it,
he was already gone,

and now I can't find the one guy
I ever really cared about.

- Mandy !
- Did you miss us ?

Hey, how was Palm Springs ?

Oh, we just had the best time
at that Dinah Shore tourney.

Oh, you finished.

It's magnificent.

Well, at least he was
good for something.

Have you talked to him ?

No, his phone was disconnected
when he moved.

Not that I tried calling him
or anything.
He moved ?

Yeah. It only took
two movers five hours
to pack and move everything.

Not that I was watching.

It's like he was never really there.

Yeah. You know, I kind of
don't want this reminder
for all of eternity.

I'm thinking of rubbing him out.

Oh, yeah, I agree.
Think you better rub him out.

Amanda, admit it. You're not
ready to give up on him.

Why does he only have one eye ?

That's 'cause you're looking
at the side of his face.
He's in profile.

Well, it makes him look like a fish.

I know a lot about water, you know ?

Mr. Fish Tank.

Jim ?

Hamlet !

Hi. I just moved
into the neighborhood.

A building that faces this one.
It's got a great view.

Sounds nice, I think.

You wanna come up and see it ?

Oh. I don't know.
We've just met.

I'm Bob Smoot.

Amanda Pierce.

You know, I've gotta be
honest with you,Bob

I know. Smoot is a very
strange-sounding name.

It's good to be honest
from the get-go.

So, what's your line
of work, Bob ?

That's funny you should ask.

I just got promoted to a nice,
boring desk job with the F.B.I.

That's funny. You look a lot like
this guy I used to know.

Good guy ?
Great guy.

But he's not as cute as you.

Come on.

Come here. Come over here.

Look down there.

I told you that I had
a great view.

You know, I heard you shouldn't
look into your neighbors' windows.

It only leads to trouble.

Well, you can't always
believe what you see.

A woman I used to know told me...

that sometimes you need
to take a deeper look.

Whoa. That's a weird feeling.

See what I mean ?

Can we try that again ?

Definitely.

Hey, can you do that thing
with your back ?