All language subtitles for dont trust the bitch in apartment 23 s01e08 1080p web x264-strife (1)_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,928 (computer chimes) 2 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,928 HI, MOM! 3 00:00:10,970 --> 00:00:12,513 (singsongy) 4 00:00:10,970 --> 00:00:12,513 HAPPY SPRING FORWARD! 5 00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:14,306 DID YOU CHANGE 6 00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:14,306 YOUR CLOCK? 7 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,934 (both) ONLY THE MICROWAVE. 8 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,934 THE REST CHANGE THEMSELVES! 9 00:00:16,976 --> 00:00:18,059 (both laugh) 10 00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:20,061 Ready for some 11 00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:20,061 spring cleaning? 12 00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:22,439 YES! CHLOE ACTUALLY GOT ME 13 00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:22,439 SOME CLEANING SUPPLIES. 14 00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:24,232 Whoo! What'd you get? 15 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:27,361 "LADY EVELYN'S 16 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:27,361 FEMININE WASH." 17 00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:30,071 What's the picture on the box? 18 00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:30,071 Is that woman rowing a boat? 19 00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,281 OH, GOD. I GOTTA GO. 20 00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,281 What is that-- 21 00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:35,076 (gasps) GOOD LORD. WHY ARE YOU 22 00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:35,076 DRESSED LIKE A MECHANIC? 23 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,078 WHY DID YOU PICK ME UP 24 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,078 FEMININE WASH? 25 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,164 YOU SAID YOU NEEDED 26 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,164 CLEANING SUPPLIES. 27 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:42,376 OKAY, WELL, I'M OFF. 28 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:42,376 A MAN I CAN'T NAME 29 00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:44,879 IS FLYING ME TO A PLACE 30 00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:44,879 I CAN'T TELL YOU ABOUT. 31 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,756 IT'S PARIS! 32 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,756 WOW, I GAVE THAT UP EASY. 33 00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:50,133 WAIT. SO PART OF SPRING CLEANING 34 00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:50,133 IS ABOUT REORGANIZING. 35 00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,511 REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE CHOKING, 36 00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,511 AND I SAVED YOU, 37 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,262 AND THEN YOU SAID I COULD HAVE 38 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,262 SOME SHELF SPACE? 39 00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,891 (sighs) 40 00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,891 YOU CAN HAVE THAT ONE, 41 00:00:56,932 --> 00:01:00,019 THIS ONE, THIS ONE, 42 00:00:56,932 --> 00:01:00,019 AND THIS ONE. 43 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,102 (mouths words) 44 00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:02,479 YOU CAN TOSS EVERYTHING OUT, 45 00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:04,105 INCLUDING THE BOX OF 46 00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:04,105 LOVE LETTERS FROM JEFF GOLDBLUM. 47 00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,733 I NEED CLOSURE. 48 00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:09,778 (door closes) 49 00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:16,117 (jangling) 50 00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:18,787 I THOUGHT I'D DONATE SOME 51 00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:18,787 OF MY ROOMMATE'S OLD STUFF 52 00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:20,539 TO THE CHURCH RUMMAGE SALE. 53 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:21,957 GOD LOVES A BARGAIN. 54 00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:26,127 OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH, JUNE. 55 00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:26,127 TIMES ARE TOUGH. (chuckles) 56 00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:29,965 AND WE CAN USE 57 00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:29,965 ALL THE HELP WE--OH. 58 00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:32,509 LOVE LETTERS 59 00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:32,509 FROM A CELEBRITY. 60 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:37,305 I HAD A FAMOUS SUITOR MYSELF-- 61 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:37,305 FREDERICK SPITZ. 62 00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,140 THE FAMOUS PUPPETEER. 63 00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:44,063 HIS HAND MANIPULATED A MUPPET 64 00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:44,063 FOR 40 YEARS... 65 00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:47,649 AND ME, 66 00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:47,649 FOR ONE MAGICAL NIGHT. 67 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,819 (door unlocks) 68 00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:53,113 (sighs) 69 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:57,034 CLEAN HOUSE, CLEAN MIND. 70 00:01:57,076 --> 00:01:58,368 IT IS TUB TIME. 71 00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:04,875 ♪♪♪ 72 00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:07,544 (woman) ♪ YOU WERE NAVIGATING, 73 00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:07,544 I WAS CALIBRATING ♪ 74 00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:10,631 ♪ YOU WERE VALIDATING 75 00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:10,631 ALL THAT I COULD BE ♪ 76 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:13,550 ♪ YOU WERE STIPULATING, 77 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:13,550 I WAS COMPLICATING ♪ 78 00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:18,555 ♪ YOU INSINUATED 79 00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:18,555 WE COULD ALL BE FREE, FREE ♪ 80 00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:22,059 ♪ FREE, HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE ♪ 81 00:02:22,101 --> 00:02:25,186 ♪ FREE, FREE, I-- ♪ 82 00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:27,188 I MISS MY PLANE-- 83 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,190 (gasps) 84 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:34,029 NO, I WASN'T! 85 00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:37,574 THIS MUST BE HOW MOMS FEEL ON 86 00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:37,574 THE FIRST DAY OF KINDERGARTEN. 87 00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:39,200 STAND UP. GIVE ME A HUG. 88 00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:44,205 (Katie Hampton) ♪ I'M NOT 89 00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:44,205 PERFECT, I'M NO SNITCH ♪ 90 00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:45,791 ♪ BUT I CAN TELL YOU ♪ 91 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,459 (whispers) ♪ SHE'S A... ♪ 92 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,459 (buzzer) 93 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,211 ♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪ 94 00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:53,882 ♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪ 95 00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:56,217 CORN DOG, HORNDOG? 96 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:57,511 (refrigerator door opens, 97 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:57,511 bottles rattle) 98 00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:58,637 (scoffs) I DON'T EVEN KNOW 99 00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:58,637 WHY YOU'RE HERE. 100 00:02:58,679 --> 00:02:59,972 I THOUGHT YOU WERE 101 00:02:58,679 --> 00:02:59,972 LEAVING TOWN. 102 00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:01,682 THE PLANE LEFT WITHOUT ME, 103 00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:01,682 AND I WAS EVEN ON TIME. 104 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:04,685 HE SAID TO BE THERE AT 11:00, 105 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:04,685 AND I GOT THERE AT 11:30. 106 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:08,271 MY LITTLE GIRL, 107 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:08,271 LEARNING TO PLAY THE LADY HARP. 108 00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:10,482 (scoffs) 109 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,692 SO WHO WAS IT? 110 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,692 WHO WERE YOU STRUMMING TO? 111 00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:15,194 NOPE. NOBODY. NOBODY. 112 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,240 SOY LATTE GUY. 113 00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:22,077 HE COMES IN EVERY DAY, 114 00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:22,077 HE ORDERS A SOY LATTE, 115 00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:24,079 AND I CAN SEE HIS ABS 116 00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:24,079 THROUGH HIS T-SHIRT. 117 00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:28,167 (Yac-Yan Da Biznessman's 118 00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:28,167 "Good Good" playing) 119 00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:34,631 ♪♪♪ 120 00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:36,925 ♪ SHORTY GOT THAT WHAT, WHAT, 121 00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:36,925 SHORTY GOT THAT GOOD, GOOD ♪ 122 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:40,470 ♪ SHORTY GOT THAT WHAT, WHAT, 123 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:40,470 SHORTY GOT THAT GOOD, GOOD ♪ 124 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,472 ♪ SHORTY GOT THAT WHAT, WHAT, 125 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,472 SHORTY GOT THAT-- ♪ 126 00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:44,265 DO HIM. 127 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:47,435 I CAN'T DO HIM. 128 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:47,435 HE'S NOT RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL. 129 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,188 HE DIDN'T KNOW WHO 130 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,188 ELEANOR ROOSEVELT WAS. 131 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,149 HE'S AN iPod D.J., AND HE THINKS 132 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,149 THE MOON IS CHASING HIM. 133 00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:55,694 I CAN'T MARRY A GUY LIKE THAT. 134 00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:55,694 MY KIDS WILL HAVE BAD GENES. 135 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,863 YOU DON'T HAVE TO MARRY 136 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,863 EVERY GUY YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO. 137 00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,447 SOME GUYS ARE JUST FOR SEX. 138 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:01,158 MAYBE YOU FEEL THAT WAY, 139 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,202 BUT I HAVE TO HAVE FEELINGS 140 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,202 FOR A GUY 141 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,661 BEFORE I CAN SLEEP WITH HIM. 142 00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:07,081 YOU DO FEEL SOMETHING. 143 00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:07,081 REMEMBER THE TUB, JUNE? 144 00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:10,000 THAT WAS GOD TALKING 145 00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:10,000 DIRECTLY TO YOUR BODY. 146 00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:12,169 JUST HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH HIM. 147 00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:12,169 IT'S GREAT. THAT'S WHAT I DO. 148 00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:15,338 IT'S HOW I CLEAR MY HEAD 149 00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:15,338 AND REALLY FIGURE THINGS OUT. 150 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:18,133 (gasps) "LOST" WAS PURGATORY. 151 00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:20,010 (gasps) 152 00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:20,010 AIOLI IS JUST MAYONNAISE! 153 00:04:20,052 --> 00:04:22,303 I LEFT MY LOUBOUTINS 154 00:04:20,052 --> 00:04:22,303 IN THE LUGGAGE ROOM 155 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:24,389 AT THE GANSEVOORT! 156 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,308 YOU HAD SEX IN MY BEDROOM?! 157 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:30,020 YES, JUNE, 158 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:30,020 AND YOU CAN, TOO. 159 00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:32,355 I'LL TEACH YOU. 160 00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:32,355 YOU'LL BE MY LEGACY. 161 00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:34,024 NOW I'LL BE KNOWN 162 00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:34,024 FOR TWO THINGS-- 163 00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:35,817 INTRODUCING YOU 164 00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:35,817 TO CASUAL SEX 165 00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:39,613 AND WRITING THE FINAL EPISODE 166 00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:39,613 OF "THE SOPRANOS." 167 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,365 ♪♪♪ 168 00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,367 (door bells jingle) 169 00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,367 JUNE. 170 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:47,328 MEET VALENTINA, MY NEW PARTNER 171 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:47,328 ON "DANCING WITH THE STARS." 172 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:50,331 HI! I'M JUNE-- 173 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:50,331 CAN I GET A TALL COFFEE 174 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:50,331 WITH AN EXTRA SHOT? 175 00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,333 UH, VALENTINA, JUNE'S NOT 176 00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,333 JUST THE COFFEE LADY. 177 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:56,046 YEAH, SHE CAN GET YOU A SCONE 178 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:56,046 OR A TROPICAL FRUIT CUP. 179 00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:59,507 JUST THE BATHROOM KEY, OKAY? 180 00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:59,507 AND WATER FOR YOU. 181 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:03,511 KEEP IT TIGHT. CALIENTE. 182 00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:05,013 RIGHT? 183 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,057 SHE'S EVERYTHING THAT 184 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,057 DUMP TRUCK ANGIE WASN'T. 185 00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:09,268 SHE'S YOUNG. 186 00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:09,268 SHE'S GOT 0% BODY FAT. 187 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,937 AND SHE'S GOT ONE PASSION-- 188 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,937 THE DANCE. 189 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,022 (door opens, bells jingle) 190 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,022 WE'RE GONNA BEAT THE HELL 191 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,022 OUT OF DEAN CAIN. 192 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,275 THAT'S GREAT, JAMES. 193 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,275 WATER'S OVER THERE. 194 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,275 (cup clatters) 195 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:19,027 HMM. THAT'S GOING 196 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:19,027 ON A COMMENT CARD. 197 00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,445 YOU CAN'T JUST THROW THINGS, 198 00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,445 JUNE. 199 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,990 I MEAN, ELLEN CAN BECAUSE 200 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,990 SHE HAS A MEDICAL CONDITION 201 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:25,075 CALLED A MYOCLONIC JERK. 202 00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:27,077 WHOOP! 203 00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:27,077 (stirrers clatter) 204 00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:30,580 WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO, ELLEN! 205 00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:30,580 NOT FREAKED OUT IF YOU'RE NOT. 206 00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:31,581 (whispers) BE SUPPORTIVE. 207 00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,374 (Ellen) WHOOP! 208 00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,374 (stirrers clatter) 209 00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,460 (thinking) JUNE, YOU NEED 210 00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,460 A KILLER PICK-UP LINE. 211 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,962 LOOK DOWN AT HIS HANDS 212 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,256 AND THEN ASK HIM 213 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,256 IF HE PLAYS GUITAR. 214 00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:41,382 CAN I GET A SOY LATTE? 215 00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:41,382 DO YOU PLAY THE GUITAR? 216 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,218 NONFAT SOY LATTE. 217 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,218 DID YOU HEAR 218 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,218 WHAT I JUST SAID? 219 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:46,387 WAIT. DID YOU JUST ASK ME 220 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:46,387 IF I PLAY THE GUITAR? 221 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,555 YEAH. I DON'T KNOW WHY 222 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,555 I SAID THAT. 223 00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:49,557 MY ROOMMATE SAID 224 00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:49,557 IT WOULD BE A GOOD-- 225 00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,226 YOU THINK I LOOK LIKE 226 00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,226 A ROCK STAR? 227 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,228 'CAUSE I FEEL LIKE 228 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,228 I LOOK LIKE A ROCK STAR. 229 00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:55,438 (chuckles) 230 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,564 WANNA GET A DRINK 231 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,564 SOMETIME? 232 00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,066 YEAH. YEAH. 233 00:05:58,108 --> 00:06:00,819 UH, YES. I--OKAY. 234 00:05:58,108 --> 00:06:00,819 YEAH, SURE. 235 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,113 I'M CHARLES. 236 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,113 HI. I'M JUNE. I'VE-- 237 00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:06,325 I'VE BEEN REFERRING TO YOU 238 00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:06,325 AS THE, UH, SOY LATTE GUY. 239 00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:07,826 (both laugh) 240 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,328 WHY? 241 00:06:09,368 --> 00:06:11,705 BECAUSE, UH, 242 00:06:09,368 --> 00:06:11,705 I DIDN'T KNOW YOUR NAME, 243 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:14,415 AND YOU ALWAYS ORDER 244 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:14,415 A SOY LATTE? 245 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:17,418 (door bells jingle) 246 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:17,418 DUH! OH, GOD. RIGHT. 247 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:20,421 RIGHT. UGH. SHOULD HAVE 248 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:20,421 GOTTEN THAT ONE. (chuckles) 249 00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:21,923 OH, MAN. (chuckles) 250 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:24,926 ♪ SHORTY GOT THAT WHAT, WHAT, 251 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:24,926 SHORTY GOT THAT GOOD, GOOD ♪ 252 00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:26,385 ♪ SHORTY GOT THAT WHAT, WHAT, 253 00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:26,385 SHORTY... ♪ 254 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:30,431 SO I USED YOUR LINE, 255 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:30,431 AND HE SAID, 256 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,809 "DO YOU WANNA HAVE DRINKS 257 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,809 SOMETIME?" AND I SAID YES. 258 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,519 (gasps) THAT'S GREAT! 259 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,519 (laughs) 260 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:37,480 BUT JUST REMEMBER. IT'S NOT 261 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:37,480 A DATE. IT'S CASUAL SEX. 262 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:37,480 YEAH. 263 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,275 YEAH, IT'S JUST... 264 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,275 IT'S BEEN SO LONG, 265 00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:41,442 AND I'VE ONLY EVER DONE IT 266 00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:41,442 WITH STEVEN, 267 00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:42,944 AND WHAT IF THEY DO IT 268 00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:42,944 DIFFERENT IN NEW YORK, 269 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,445 OR WHAT IF I'M BAD AT IT? 270 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:48,449 I HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN'. 271 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:48,449 YOU WANNA SEE MY SEX TAPE. 272 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,451 UH, WHAT? 273 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,451 YEAH, JAMES AND I MADE IT, 274 00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:52,453 LIKE, FIVE YEARS AGO 275 00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:52,453 WHEN WE DATED BRIEFLY. 276 00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,831 I'M SURPRISED IT'S TAKEN ME 277 00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,831 THIS LONG TO SHOW IT TO YOU. 278 00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:57,709 I USUALLY WHIP IT OUT 279 00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:57,709 AT PARTIES. 280 00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:00,461 LET ME SEE. 281 00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:00,461 WHERE ARE MY DVDs? 282 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:03,090 IT WAS RIGHT HERE. 283 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:03,090 IT WAS IN THE "RAIN MAN" CASE. 284 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:04,716 OH, GOD. 285 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,094 I AM SO SORRY FOR BARGING IN 286 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,094 ON YOU LIKE THIS, PASTOR JIN. 287 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,345 I KNOW YOU'RE VERY BUSY-- 288 00:07:08,387 --> 00:07:11,348 WH-WHAT HAPPENED-- 289 00:07:08,387 --> 00:07:11,348 WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR NOSE? 290 00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:12,557 OH, I GOT A NOSE JOB. 291 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:16,395 SO, UM, DO YOU REMEMBER THAT 292 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:16,395 BOX OF ITEMS THAT I GAVE YOU? 293 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,771 IT WAS ALL 294 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,771 MY ROOMMATE'S OLD STUFF? 295 00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:20,107 WE NEED IT BACK. 296 00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:20,107 NOT ALL OF IT. JUST "RAIN MAN." 297 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:23,902 OH, I CAN GIVE YOU EVERYTHING 298 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:23,902 BACK EXCEPT "RAIN MAN." 299 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:23,902 WHAT? WHY? 300 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,737 "RAIN MAN" 301 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,737 IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE. 302 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:29,783 I TRIED TO WATCH YOUR COPY, 303 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:29,783 BUT I DID NOT SEE DUSTIN HOFFMAN 304 00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,493 HUMOROUSLY CALLING 305 00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,493 FOR JUDGE WAPNER. 306 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,954 I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THAT. 307 00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,914 I WASN'T. 308 00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,914 YOU TAUGHT ME SOME THINGS 309 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:39,000 I'M GOING TO TRY 310 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:39,000 ON MR. PASTOR JIN. 311 00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:41,920 ANYWAY, I SOLD IT 312 00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:41,920 FOR 10 GRAND, 313 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:44,547 PIMPED OUT MY OFFICE, 314 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:44,547 AND STREAMLINED MY NOSE. 315 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:45,966 (both) YOU SOLD IT?! 316 00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,968 WINE? CHICKEN? 317 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:50,553 LOOK, THAT VIDEO OF ME 318 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:50,553 GETTING RAMMED BY MY BEST FRIEND 319 00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:53,765 MEANS THE WORLD TO ME. 320 00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:53,765 WHO DID YOU SELL IT TO? 321 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,934 (tango music playing) 322 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,934 NOW WORK THOSE JUDGES. 323 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,934 NOW WORK THE CAMERA. 324 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,518 GIVE ME THE FACE. 325 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,518 WORK THE JUDGE-- 326 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,021 NO! BUDDY, NO! 327 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,021 WHAT ARE YOUR HIPS DOIN', HUH" 328 00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,356 YES! DAMN IT, PUSH ME! 329 00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,356 (cell phone rings) 330 00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:02,523 (sighs) 331 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:03,524 (ring, beep) 332 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:03,524 HELLO? 333 00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:05,360 (man) James Van Der Beek? 334 00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:05,360 YES. 335 00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:07,528 Ron Roberts from Visage Video. 336 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,197 I'm watching you have sex 337 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,197 right now, 338 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:12,367 and soon American will be, too. 339 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:12,367 (door slams) 340 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,832 VISAGE VIDEO GOT A COPY 341 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,832 OF OUR SEX TAPE. 342 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:20,959 OH, NO. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? 343 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,461 I DON'T KNOW! YOU TELL ME. 344 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,545 THERE ARE ONLY TWO COPIES 345 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,545 IN EXISTENCE, AND I HAVE MINE. 346 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,006 JUNE DID IT. 347 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,006 I'M SORRY, JAMES! 348 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:28,925 JUNE? 349 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:28,925 SHE CLEANED OUR HOUSE BECAUSE 350 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:28,925 IT'S SPRING OR SOMETHING, 351 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:31,386 AND THEN SHE SOLD ALL MY STUFF 352 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:31,386 TO HER CULT LEADER 353 00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:32,762 SO SHE COULD FIX HER FACE. 354 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,181 WELL, RON ROBERTS SAYS 355 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,181 I CAN EITHER GET ON BOARD 356 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,556 OR SPEND A FORTUNE 357 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,556 TRYING TO STOP IT. 358 00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,642 EITHER WAY, IT'S COMING OUT. 359 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,769 I'M ON MY WAY TO SEE 360 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,769 MY ADVISOR RIGHT NOW. 361 00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:42,272 UGH. LUTHER? 362 00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:42,272 NO, I CAN'T TALK TO LUTHER 363 00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:42,272 ABOUT THIS STUFF. 364 00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:44,565 STRAIGHT SEX MAKES HIM NAUSEOUS. 365 00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:47,361 IT'S SOMEBODY WHO CAN 366 00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:47,361 REALLY SEE THE BIG PICTURE. 367 00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:48,611 James, 368 00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:48,611 everybody has a love video. 369 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:50,947 Colin Farrell's is dynamic. 370 00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:53,783 He's a dynamic, sexy, 371 00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:53,783 bald beast. 372 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:54,826 YEAH, BUT ISN'T THIS 373 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:54,826 GONNA HURT ME 374 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,577 ON ""DANCING WITH THE STARS"? 375 00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:58,830 Hurt you? 376 00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:58,830 Every woman in America 377 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,581 is gonna watch you dancing 378 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,581 and think 379 00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,876 about where your hips have been 380 00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,876 and vote for you. 381 00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:05,086 SO SHOULD I PLAY BALL 382 00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:05,086 WITH VISAGE? 383 00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:06,587 James, as a mother, 384 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:09,174 I can't tell you 385 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:09,174 to release that tape. 386 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,510 But as a connoisseur 387 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,510 of modern pop culture, 388 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,886 I can't tell you not to. 389 00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:16,597 Just make sure... 390 00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:16,597 you're a sexy beast. 391 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:17,598 (crunches) 392 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,685 I THINK I'M A SEXY BEAST. 393 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,103 (Irish jig playing) 394 00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:25,315 (both laughing) 395 00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:26,607 I LIKE YOUR GREEN HATS. 396 00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:27,984 IT WAS 397 00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:27,984 ST. PATRICK'S DAY '07. 398 00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,820 YEAH, I KNOW. I WAS CHLOE'S 399 00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,820 ROOMMATE BACK THEN, REMEMBER? 400 00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:34,032 I WAS WAITING FOR YOU GUYS 401 00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:34,032 AT NIFTY O'SHANNIGANS? 402 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,784 THIS DRUNK IRISH GUY THREW 403 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,784 MY PURSE INTO THE STREET. 404 00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:39,913 OH! DEAR LORD! 405 00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:39,913 OH. 406 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:41,664 OH, I SHARE YOUR DISGUST, JUNE. 407 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:41,664 (door closes) 408 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:44,042 SEX TAPES GIVE PORN 409 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:44,042 A DIRTY NAME. 410 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,627 I MEAN, PORN IS A CRAFT. 411 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,627 IT TAKES REAL SKILL. 412 00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,629 WHAT, YOU THINK I CAN 413 00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,629 GO PICK UP A BLOWTORCH 414 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:52,008 AND TURN ON A CAMERA, AND ALL OF 415 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:52,008 A SUDDEN, I'M A WELDER? 416 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:52,008 (smack) 417 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,218 (exhales deeply) 418 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,844 WHAT'S SHE DOING HERE? 419 00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:56,888 OH. ROBIN IS AMERICA. 420 00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,890 I'M USING 421 00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,890 HER ETHNICALLY AMBIGUOUS EYES 422 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,518 AS A DEMOGRAPHIC-STRADDLING 423 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,518 FOCUS GROUP. 424 00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:02,561 SO... 425 00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:02,561 (claps hands) 426 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:03,811 WHAT'S THE VERDICT SO FAR? 427 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,064 WELL, WHY DO YOU KEEP 428 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,064 DOING THIS? (smacks lips) 429 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,149 SEE? HMM. WHAT'S THAT? 430 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,149 (smacks lips) 431 00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:09,484 WHAT IS THAT? 432 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:10,651 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 433 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:11,652 I'M GONNA GO CHANGE 434 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:11,652 FOR MY DATE. 435 00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:12,946 THIS IS NOT A DATE. 436 00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:12,946 NO SPECIAL EFFORT. 437 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:14,697 WEAR EXACTLY WHAT 438 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:14,697 YOU WORE TODAY. 439 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,366 WELL, AT LEAST LET ME 440 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,366 GO GET MY PURSE. 441 00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:20,661 YOU'VE GOT THE ONLY PURSE 442 00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:20,661 YOU NEED. 443 00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:21,955 MY PANTS WERE ON THE FLOOR. 444 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,248 I DIDN'T HAVE ACCESS 445 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,248 TO MY ChapStick. 446 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:26,084 REMEMBER, KEEP IT CASUAL 447 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:26,084 AND ACT DISINTERESTED. 448 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,669 SEE WHAT I'M DOING 449 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,669 RIGHT THERE? DO THAT. 450 00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,380 ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY 451 00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,380 WITH THIS COMING OUT? 452 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:31,965 IT'S JUST SEX, JUNE. 453 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:31,965 IT'S NO BIG DEAL. 454 00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:34,509 NOW REMEMBER, GO UP FOR 455 00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:34,509 A NIGHTCAP. DON'T STAY OVER. 456 00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:35,843 IF HE ASKS 457 00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:35,843 FOR YOUR PHONE NUMBER, 458 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,929 GIVE HIM... THIS. 459 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,890 IT'S KELLY OSBOURNE'S, 460 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,890 AND IT'S NEVER NOT FUNNY. 461 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:43,602 (James) THAT'S NOT WHAT I 462 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:43,602 SHOULD BE USING MY TONGUE FOR. 463 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,686 (siren wailing in distance) 464 00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:48,273 WELL, HERE IT IS. 465 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,690 I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T MUCH. 466 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,690 (door closes) 467 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,692 (squawks) 468 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,692 AAH! KILL IT! 469 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,570 JUNE, THIS IS JUDY. 470 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,570 SAY HI, JUDY. 471 00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:54,946 (squawks) HI, JUDY. 472 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,156 SORRY. I SAW IT COMING 473 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,156 OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE, 474 00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:58,741 AND I THOUGHT IT WAS 475 00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:58,741 A CLAWED RAINBOW. 476 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,285 JUDY WAS MY GRANDPA'S. 477 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:03,622 HE DIED LAST YEAR, 478 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:03,622 AND I GOT JUDY IN HIS WILL. 479 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,706 (squawks) 480 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,706 AND THE MOON ROCKS. 481 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,917 (thinking) UGH. 482 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,917 AGAIN WITH THE MOON ROCKS? 483 00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:10,003 YOU KNOW, I THINK 484 00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:10,003 I'M ACTUALLY GONNA HEAD OUT. 485 00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:11,712 I'M KINDA TIRED, SO... 486 00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:13,965 SO HOT IN HERE. YOU HOT? 487 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:19,346 ♪ SHORTY GOT THAT WHAT, WHAT, 488 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:19,346 SHORTY GOT THAT GOOD, GOOD ♪ 489 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,139 ♪ SHORTY GOT THAT WHAT, WHAT, 490 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,139 SHORTY GOT THAT GOOD, GOOD ♪ 491 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,723 ♪ SHORTY GOT THAT WHAT, WHAT ♪ 492 00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:25,810 I DID IT, I DID IT, I DID IT, 493 00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:25,810 I DID IT, I DID IT, I DID IT, 494 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,937 AND I THINK I DID IT 495 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,937 PRETTY GOOD 496 00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,731 IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF. 497 00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,731 (giggles) 498 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:33,901 YOU'RE NOT COMPLAINING, 499 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:33,901 ARE YOU, SWEET STUFF? (giggles) 500 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:34,944 (Chloe's voice) 501 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:34,944 JUNE, NOW REMEMBER, 502 00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,946 DON'T STAY OVER. 503 00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,909 (thinking) 504 00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,909 I'LL LEAVE HIM A NOTE. 505 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:44,496 (Chloe's voice) 506 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:44,496 PUT DOWN THE PEN AND LEAVE! 507 00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,584 (whispering) 508 00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,584 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 509 00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:54,755 (squawks) HI, JUDY. 510 00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:56,132 (horns honk) 511 00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:58,009 (door opens) 512 00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,761 I WENT TO VERSAILLES! 513 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:02,763 I HAD CASUAL SEX! 514 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:02,763 (door closes) 515 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,224 YAY! GOOD FOR YOU. 516 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,224 HOW WAS IT? 517 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,475 YOU DIDN'T GET MARRIED, 518 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,475 DID YOU? 519 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,475 (bag thuds) 520 00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:07,768 NO. IT WAS GREAT! 521 00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:07,768 YOU WERE RIGHT. 522 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:08,769 IT WAS SO DIFFERENT 523 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:08,769 FROM ANYTHING 524 00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:09,937 I EVER FELT WITH STEVEN. 525 00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:12,982 I MEAN, I CAN BREATHE. 526 00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:12,982 I'M NOT OBSESSING OVER HIM. 527 00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:15,193 I LIKE HIM, BUT I'M NOT 528 00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:15,193 CONSTANTLY WONDERING 529 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:15,985 WHAT HE'S DOING ALL DAY. 530 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,778 YOU SEE THESE? 531 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,778 TEARS OF JOY. 532 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:20,198 I HAVEN'T CRIED 533 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:20,198 SINCE I WAS 10 534 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,283 AND MY MOM WOULDN'T TAKE ME 535 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,283 TO SEE "PULP FICTION." 536 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,868 (cell phone alert chimes) 537 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,868 OOH! OOH, IT'S CHARLES. 538 00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:24,785 HMM? 539 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,788 OH. "COME OVER NOW. 540 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,788 I NEED YOU." 541 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,708 AW, YEAH! 542 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,708 (singsongy) BOOTY TEXT! 543 00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:32,460 GET OUT OF HERE, 544 00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:32,460 YOU LITTLE SLUT. I LOVE YOU. 545 00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:34,671 I GOT YOU SOMETHING. 546 00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:36,256 IT'S A CASUAL SEX KIT. 547 00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:38,799 THERE IS MAKEUP REMOVER, 548 00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:38,799 CAB FARE, ENERGY BAR, 549 00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:41,802 INSTANT COFFEE, TWEEZERS, 550 00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:41,802 TAMPONS, PEPPER SPRAY, 551 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,263 A SHORT ARTICLE, 552 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,263 AND PICTURES OF ME. 553 00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:45,390 FOR THE CASUAL SEX-ER! 554 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:46,807 I'M A CASUAL SEX-ER! 555 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:47,808 (squeals) 556 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,603 (siren wailing in distance) 557 00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:52,855 (breathy voice) HEY, 558 00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:52,855 LOVE MUFFIN. MAMA WANTS A-- 559 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,899 (voice breaking) 560 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,899 JUDY FLEW AWAY! 561 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:57,444 (sobbing) 562 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:57,444 JUDY THE... BIRD? 563 00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,112 (sniffles) IT WAS HOT AGAIN 564 00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,112 THIS MORNING, 565 00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:02,198 AND I ACCIDENTALLY LEFT 566 00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:02,198 THE WINDOW OPEN. 567 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,201 (hyperventilating) I'M SORRY... 568 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,201 TO... BOTHER YOU. 569 00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:07,454 I JUST NEEDED TO TALK 570 00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:07,454 TO SOMEONE. 571 00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:08,829 (continues sobbing) 572 00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:11,832 I'M, UH, REALLY SORRY 573 00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:11,832 THAT THIS SOUNDS COLD, BUT... 574 00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:14,502 WE'RE... WE'RE CASUAL, 575 00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:14,502 SO, UM, 576 00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:16,296 MAYBE THERE'S SOMEBODY 577 00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:16,296 THAT YOU CAN CALL 578 00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:18,214 THAT YOU KNOW 579 00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:18,214 A LITTLE BETTER? 580 00:13:18,256 --> 00:13:20,467 (voice breaking) OKAY, BYE. 581 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:23,428 OKAY. 582 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:24,512 (door creaks) 583 00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:25,846 (sobbing) 584 00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:27,265 I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. 585 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,100 MY DOG CUDDLES RAN AWAY 586 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,100 WHEN I WAS 7, 587 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,851 AND I CRIED FOR A WEEK. 588 00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:33,438 IT FEELS LIKE I COULD CRY 589 00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:33,438 FOR A YEAR. 590 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,857 (continues sobbing) 591 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,857 OH! GRANDPA! 592 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,857 OH. 593 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:39,319 OH. OH. OH. 594 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,529 (sighs) 595 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,529 OKAY, FINE. 596 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,529 THIS IS WHAT WE'RE DOING. 597 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:47,160 OH, GOD. NO. OH, IT HURTS. 598 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:47,160 (moans) 599 00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:48,286 OH, GOD. 600 00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:48,286 (door slams) 601 00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:55,752 HAVE YOU EVER BEEN 602 00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:55,752 WITH SOMEONE WHO CRIES A LOT? 603 00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:57,253 NO, BUT JENNIFER HAS. 604 00:13:57,295 --> 00:13:59,798 SHE LIKES IT WHEN I CRY SO HARD, 605 00:13:57,295 --> 00:13:59,798 MY WHOLE BODY HEAVES. WHY? 606 00:13:59,838 --> 00:14:02,883 UM, THIS GUY I'M SEEING-- 607 00:13:59,838 --> 00:14:02,883 WELL, NOT REALLY SEEING. 608 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,803 HE--HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND. 609 00:14:04,843 --> 00:14:06,805 WE'VE JUST BEEN HAVING 610 00:14:04,843 --> 00:14:06,805 CASUAL SEX. I BARELY KNOW HIM. 611 00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:10,141 WELL, AS LONG 612 00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:10,141 AS YOU BARELY KNOW HIM. 613 00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:10,141 (dishes clatter) 614 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,811 (door bells jingle) 615 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,811 OH! WELL, HELLO. 616 00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:15,271 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I HAVEN'T 617 00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:15,271 SEEN YOU FOR THREE DAYS. 618 00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:17,357 I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU EITHER. 619 00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:17,357 YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HOME AT ALL. 620 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,693 I'VE BEEN HOME 621 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,693 THIS ENTIRE TIME. 622 00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:22,153 NO, I HAVEN'T. BUT ROBIN HAS, 623 00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:22,153 AND SHE TOLD ME EVERYTHING. 624 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,904 JUNE HASN'T BEEN HOME 625 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,904 FOR THREE DAYS! 626 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:26,907 DID SHE DIE? IF SHE DIED, 627 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:26,907 CAN I MOVE BACK IN WITH YOU? 628 00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:27,908 I CAN GET OUT OF MY LEASE, 629 00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,494 OR MY FRIEND TODD 630 00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,494 CAN TAKE IT OVER. 631 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:30,911 IT DOESN'T MATTER. I JUST WANNA 632 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:30,911 BE BACK IN THE WINNER'S CIRCLE. 633 00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:32,789 WELL, ROBIN'S LYING. 634 00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:33,914 I'VE BEEN-- 635 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,916 SORRY ABOUT 636 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,916 YOUR BOYFRIEND'S BIRD, JUNE. 637 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,916 (gasps) 638 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,545 BUT NO PROPAGANDA 639 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,545 IN THE BATHROOM. 640 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,505 I KNEW IT! YOU NEED TO BREAK UP 641 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,505 WITH HIM IMMEDIATELY. 642 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,382 I AM ENDING IT. 643 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,382 I'VE ALREADY BEGUN HIM 644 00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:45,009 ON A 5-STEP PROGRAM 645 00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:45,009 TO BREAK THINGS OFF. 646 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:49,889 I AM SENDING HIM TEXTS BY NOT 647 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:49,889 PUTTING ANY X's or O's. 648 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:54,935 AND I WILL SMASH 649 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:54,935 EVERY SINGLE OF THEM 650 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:55,978 UNTIL YOU BREAK UP 651 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:55,978 WITH HIM. 652 00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:58,732 BIRD BOY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE 653 00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:58,732 ONE STOP ON A WORLD TOUR. 654 00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:01,025 YOU DON'T PLAY BIRMINGHAM 655 00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:01,025 TWICE, JUNE. 656 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,152 YOU'RE RIGHT. I'LL END IT. 657 00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:05,822 I PROMISE. 658 00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:05,822 (telephone rings) 659 00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:08,115 (clatter) 660 00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:08,115 CHLOE, THAT WAS A CUSTOMER! 661 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:12,787 WE'RE ALL TRYING TO HELP YOU. 662 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:12,787 THIS MATCHES MY OUTFIT. 663 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,374 SO LUTHER TALKED 664 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,374 TO MY P.R. TEAM. 665 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,543 THEY'RE THRILLED 666 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,543 ABOUT THE SEX TAPE. 667 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,543 YAY! 668 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,211 YEAH. IT'S GONNA BE 669 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,211 TONS OF FREE PRESS. 670 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,211 HEY! 671 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,547 TURNS OUT PUBLICISTS 672 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,547 ARE BEHIND 85% 673 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,550 OF ALL CELEBRITY 674 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,550 SEX TAPE LEAKAGE. 675 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,550 REALLY? 676 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,343 SO I TALKED TO VISAGE 677 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,343 ABOUT MAKING SOME TRIMS, 678 00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,470 ESPECIALLY THE LIP LICKING. 679 00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,470 THAT'S THE WHOLE MIDDLE PART. 680 00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:31,431 I KNOW. THEY WON'T LET ME 681 00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:31,431 TRIM A SECOND, 682 00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:33,140 BUT THEY WILL ALLOW ME 683 00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:33,140 TO DO SOME RESHOOTS, 684 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:36,060 WHICH MEANS I'M GONNA NEED YOU 685 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:36,060 TO HAVE SEX WITH ME AGAIN. 686 00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,020 NO WAY. I HAVE 687 00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,020 A SCORCHED EARTH POLICY, JAMES. 688 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,981 YOU KNOW THAT. 689 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,981 COME ON. I LOOK LIKE 690 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,981 A SERIAL KILLER, 691 00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:42,149 LICKING MY LIPS 692 00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:42,149 EVERY FIVE SECONDS. 693 00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:43,568 AMERICA'S NOT GONNA THINK 694 00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:43,568 I'M A SEXY BEAST, 695 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,779 AND THEY'RE NOT GONNA VOTE 696 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,779 FOR ME ON "D.W.T.S." 697 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:46,987 COME ON. 698 00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:48,989 (sighs) FINE, BUT I HAVE 699 00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:48,989 TO BE REALLY DRUNK. 700 00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:51,910 THAT'LL BE PERFECT 701 00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:51,910 FOR CONTINUITY. 702 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,954 THANKS FOR LUNCH. 703 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,954 YEP. 704 00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:57,665 (door opens) 705 00:15:57,707 --> 00:16:01,461 I'M SORRY. 706 00:15:57,707 --> 00:16:01,461 I THOUGHT IT WAS JUDY. 707 00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:04,004 WHEN I SAW THAT BIRD 708 00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:04,004 SMASHED IN THE STREET... 709 00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:06,466 IT WAS PIGEONS. 710 00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:06,466 THEY WERE ALL PIGEONS. 711 00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:08,885 OH. 712 00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:08,885 WE RAN UP 713 00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:08,885 TO FOUR DEAD PIGEONS. 714 00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:10,637 (switch clicks) 715 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:11,721 WEAK SAUCE, JUNE. 716 00:16:11,763 --> 00:16:14,849 YOU'RE PLAYING BIRMINGHAM AGAIN. 717 00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:18,060 SHE'S DUMPING YOU. IT'S OVER. 718 00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:21,731 HONEY? IS THIS TRUE? 719 00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:21,731 NO, IT'S JUST-- 720 00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:23,023 OH, REALLY, "HONEY"? 721 00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:25,025 BECAUSE I RECORD 722 00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:25,025 ALL CONVERSATIONS 723 00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,402 FOR LEGAL AND PERSONAL 724 00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,402 REASONS 725 00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:28,028 THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO 726 00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:28,028 WITH MY RELATIONSHIP 727 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,739 WITH THE FRENCH PRESIDENT 728 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,739 NICOLAS SARKOZY, 729 00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:32,032 WHO IS NOT THE MAN 730 00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:32,032 I'M DATING WHO HAS A PLANE. 731 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,493 (beep) 732 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,493 (man) EXCUSEZ, CHLOE-- 733 00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,077 (beep) 734 00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,077 OOH. HEH. SORRY. 735 00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,077 WRONG CONVERSATION. 736 00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,455 (beeps, rewinding) 737 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,040 (June) YOU'RE RIGHT. 738 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,040 I'LL END IT. I PROMISE. 739 00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:42,627 (beep) 740 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,086 OH, GOD. I... 741 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:47,047 I THOUGHT I HIT ROCK BOTTOM 742 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:47,047 WHEN JUDY LEFT, AND I DID, 743 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:50,092 BUT THIS IS ROCK BOTTOM-ER. 744 00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,181 JUDY WOULD HAVE LOVED THAT. 745 00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,643 (door closes) 746 00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,643 HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?! 747 00:16:58,685 --> 00:16:59,978 HOW COULD YOU NOT DO THAT? 748 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,061 I WAS LETTING HIM DOWN EASY! 749 00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:04,064 HE WAS A REAL PERSON 750 00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:04,064 WITH REAL FEELINGS! 751 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,693 UGH! YOU ARE 752 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,693 THE WORST PROTEGE. 753 00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:09,654 LOOK, I CAN'T DO 754 00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:09,654 THIS WHOLE CASUAL SEX THING. 755 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:10,864 I TRIED. 756 00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:13,282 BUT I GET TOO ATTACHED. 757 00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:13,282 I CAN'T BE LIKE YOU. 758 00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:15,075 MY LADY HARP HAS FEELINGS! 759 00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:17,912 WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE THINGS 760 00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:17,912 SO COMPLICATED 761 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,998 WHEN IT COULD BE JUST SEX? 762 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,499 BECAUSE SEX IS COMPLICATED! 763 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:24,293 YOU'VE NEVER HAD FEELINGS 764 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:24,293 FOR SOMEBODY YOU'VE SLEPT WITH? 765 00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:26,754 "SLEPT WITH"? 766 00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:26,754 HONEY, IF YOU'RE FALLING ASLEEP, 767 00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:30,090 HE'S OBVIOUSLY DOING 768 00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:30,090 SOMETHING WRONG. 769 00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:30,090 UGH! 770 00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:31,384 (horns honk) 771 00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:35,179 (Irish jig playing) 772 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:38,892 AHH. 773 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:38,892 (laughs) 774 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:40,977 THIS REALLY TAKES YOU BACK, 775 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:40,977 DOESN'T IT? 776 00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:42,562 I LOVE ST. PATRICK'S DAY. 777 00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:45,147 YOU GET TO PUKE ON THE STREET, 778 00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:45,147 AND PEOPLE APPLAUD YOU FOR IT. 779 00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:46,190 ALL RIGHT. SO... 780 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:49,109 WE'RE GONNA TAKE IT FROM, UH, 781 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:49,109 MINUTE NINE. 782 00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,110 YOU'VE JUST BROKEN THE KAZOO. 783 00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,278 YOU HAD YOUR HANDS 784 00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,278 AROUND MY NECK, 785 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:52,321 AND WE WERE KISSING. 786 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:52,321 (beeps) 787 00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:55,157 OKAY. 788 00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:55,157 ALL RIGHT. 789 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,035 OKAY. MY HAT LOOK GOOD? 790 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,118 YEP. 791 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,118 OKAY. 792 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,538 OKAY. 793 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,122 (squeals and giggles) 794 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,751 WHAT? 795 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,751 SORRY, SORRY. 796 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,211 WHAT? 797 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,211 (exhales deeply) 798 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,211 SORRY. NOTHING. OKAY. READY? 799 00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,129 ALL RIGHT. OKAY. 800 00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:11,382 (laughing) 801 00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:11,382 (laughing) WHAT? 802 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,426 I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING. 803 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,426 FAT LADY FALLING? 804 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:16,763 (laughs) NO, 805 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:16,763 NO, BUT THAT'S GOOD. 806 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:19,933 (continues laughing) 807 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:19,933 OKAY, OKAY, STOP IT. 808 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:19,933 WE HAVE WORK TO DO. 809 00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:21,141 OKAY. 810 00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:21,141 ALL RIGHT. 811 00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:22,393 READY? 812 00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:22,393 YES. 813 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:23,310 OKAY, HOW'S THIS? 814 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:23,310 AM I HURTING YOU? 815 00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,939 NO, THAT'S FINE. 816 00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:29,149 OH, MY GOD. 817 00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:29,149 "AM I HURTING YOU?" 818 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:30,150 WHAT? 819 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,152 I-I CARE ABOUT YOUR COMFORT. 820 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:33,613 THAT'S WHY THIS IS SO WEIRD. 821 00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:37,157 I CARE ABOUT YOU. THIS WASN'T 822 00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:37,157 LIKE THIS FIVE YEARS AGO. 823 00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:38,409 NO, IT WASN'T. 824 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,078 I MEAN, FIVE YEARS AGO, 825 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,078 YOU COULD'VE DIED, 826 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,871 AND I WOULDN'T HAVE CARED. 827 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,871 I WOULD HAVE STOLEN YOUR CAMERA 828 00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:44,040 AND YOUR STUPID GOLD SKULL RING 829 00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:44,040 WITH THE RUBY EYES. 830 00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,875 I'M SO GLAD YOU DON'T 831 00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,875 WEAR THAT ANYMORE. 832 00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,543 THAT STUPID RING 833 00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,543 WAS SO BAD. 834 00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:48,878 I FEEL LIKE WE'RE GOING OFF 835 00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:48,878 ON A TANGENT. 836 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,171 I AM! IT WAS A BAD RING. 837 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,171 BUT THE POINT IS, 838 00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:54,174 I CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH YOU 839 00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:54,174 BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU. 840 00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:56,385 JUNE HAS RUINED ME 841 00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:59,555 WITH ALL OF HER STUPID TALK 842 00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:59,555 ABOUT FEELINGS. 843 00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:02,100 YEAH, WHO AM I KIDDING? 844 00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:02,100 I CARE ABOUT YOU, TOO. 845 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,102 (hats clatter) 846 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,186 YOU KNOW... (sighs) 847 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,186 I'LL JUST CALL VISAGE, 848 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:08,856 AND I'LL TELL 'EM... 849 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:08,856 RELEASE THE VIDEO AS IS. 850 00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:11,275 IF I'M A LIP LICKER, 851 00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:11,275 THEN I'M A LIP LICKER. 852 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:19,283 FIVE YEARS AGO, 853 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:19,283 I WOULD HAVE STOLEN THIS. 854 00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:24,122 AND NOW I'M TELLING YOU 855 00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:24,122 I'M TAKING IT. I'M WRECKED. 856 00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:29,418 ♪♪♪ 857 00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:33,006 JUNE! GUESS WHAT! I FINALLY 858 00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:33,006 KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! 859 00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:34,590 FEELINGS RUIN EVERYTHING. 860 00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:36,092 THAT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT 861 00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:36,092 I MEANT-- 862 00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,011 IT TURNS OUT I CARE 863 00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,011 ABOUT JAMES TOO MUCH 864 00:19:38,052 --> 00:19:39,219 TO MAKE A PORNO WITH HIM. 865 00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:43,223 WOW. THAT IS SO 866 00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:43,223 YOUR VERSION OF HUMAN. 867 00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:46,019 YEAH, AND THEN I STARTED 868 00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:46,019 THINKING ABOUT YOU AND BIRD BOY, 869 00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:48,688 AND I KINDA FEEL RESPONSIBLE 870 00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:48,688 FOR THAT WHOLE THING, SO... 871 00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,272 JUDY! 872 00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:51,482 (squawks) 873 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,233 CHLOE FOUND HER. 874 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,233 CHECK IT OUT. 875 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:55,111 JUDY, WHAT WERE 876 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:55,111 GRANDPA'S LAST WORDS? 877 00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:56,946 (squawks) 878 00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:56,946 "IT WAS THE TUNA." 879 00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,656 UGH, THAT'S DISGUSTING. 880 00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,740 HOW DID YOU FIND HER? 881 00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:01,701 WELL, AFTER THE WHOLE 882 00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:01,701 JAMES DEBACLE, 883 00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:03,703 I HAD TO MAKE SURE 884 00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:03,703 I WASN'T COMPLETELY BROKEN, 885 00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:06,497 SO I TOOK HOME THE FIRST 886 00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:06,497 RANDOM GUY I COULD FIND, 887 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,457 AND THAT'S WHEN 888 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,457 I FIGURED IT OUT. 889 00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:10,501 PARROTS THAT ESCAPE THEIR CAGES 890 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:13,295 TEND TO NEST IN TREES 891 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:13,295 WITHIN 25 FEET. 892 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,756 SO I YELLED "JUDY!" 893 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,756 OUTSIDE OF CHARLES' APARTMENT 894 00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:17,133 FOR, LIKE, TEN MINUTES, 895 00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:19,093 AND ALL THESE OLD JEWISH LADIES 896 00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:19,093 CAME UP TO ME, 897 00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,095 THEN FINALLY THIS STUPID BIRD. 898 00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:22,889 YOU DID A NICE THING. 899 00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,182 YEAH, WELL, I TOLD 900 00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,182 ALL THOSE OLD LADIES 901 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,433 I WAS THEIR GRANDDAUGHTER, 902 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,433 AND I NEEDED 50 BUCKS, 903 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:28,519 SO NOW I'M GOING SHOPPING. 904 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:28,519 BYE! 905 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,437 (chuckles) 906 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:34,567 SO... NOW THAT JUDY'S BACK, 907 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:34,567 I GUESS WE SHOULDN'T... 908 00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:35,526 YEAH, WE SHOULDN'T. 909 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,778 I'LL STILL COME IN 910 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,778 FOR MY SOY LATTES. 911 00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:41,281 AND I'LL SEE YOU 912 00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:41,281 IN THE TUB. (giggles) 913 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:43,367 GUESS YOUR BOYFRIEND 914 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:43,367 FOUND HIS BIRD. 915 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:43,367 HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND. 916 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:47,080 WELL, THAT'S GOOD... 917 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:47,080 BECAUSE HE HAS A BIRD. 918 00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:50,290 JUDY WANTED TO GO THIS WAY. 919 00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:50,791 (squawks) 920 00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:51,834 (door slams) 921 00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,298 Oh, James. Prince Harry 922 00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,298 stole your headline. 923 00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,676 It's on the cover of every 924 00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,676 tabloid in the checkout line. 925 00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:03,303 It's all my church group 926 00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:03,303 can talk about. 927 00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:05,681 Oh. I'm so sorry, James. 928 00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:07,683 I CAN'T BELIEVE 929 00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:07,683 I WAS UPSTAGED. 930 00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:10,310 IT'S LIKE KATRINA 931 00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:10,310 ALL OVER AGAIN. 932 00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:11,478 MY COLOGNE "LOVE HURRICANE" 933 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,313 WAS SUPPOSED TO COME OUT 934 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,313 THAT MORNING. 935 00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:15,733 Oh, that's a shame. 936 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,610 Do you think 937 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,610 you could release it now? 938 00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:19,153 Do you think 939 00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:19,153 it's been long enough? 940 00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,571 PROBABLY NOT. 941 00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,571 I MEAN, NEW ORLEANS IS BACK, 942 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,907 BUT THE GULF STATES 943 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,907 ARE STILL SUFFERING. 944 00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:26,160 You know what's delicious? 945 00:21:26,202 --> 00:21:28,121 Jambalaya. 946 00:21:28,162 --> 00:21:30,372 YEAH. 947 00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:32,416 Yeah. 948 00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:36,837 Captioned by 949 00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:36,837 Closed Captioning Services, Inc. 56575

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