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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:03,671 (June) IF YOU TOLD 2 00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:03,671 12-YEAR-OLD ME 3 00:00:03,712 --> 00:00:04,839 THAT ONE DAY I'D BE 4 00:00:03,712 --> 00:00:04,839 AT A FANCY NEW YORK WEDDING 5 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:06,423 MAKING OUT 6 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:06,423 WITH JAMES VAN DER BEEK 7 00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:09,844 WHILE KEVIN SORBO WATCHED, 8 00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:09,844 I'D HAVE TO SAY YOU WERE NUTS, 9 00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:11,846 BUT NOTHING SURPRISES ME 10 00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:11,846 ANYMORE... 11 00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:12,847 OHH! 12 00:00:12,888 --> 00:00:14,055 YOU BITCH! 13 00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:15,474 (loud slap) 14 00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:15,474 (gasps) OHH! 15 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:19,102 NOT SINCE I MET CHLOE, 16 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:19,102 THE BEST ROOMMATE IN THE WORLD. 17 00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:21,689 (woman) ♪ I'M NOT PERFECT, 18 00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:21,689 I'M NO SNITCH ♪ 19 00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,106 ♪ BUT I CAN TELL YOU ♪ 20 00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,066 (whispers) ♪ SHE'S A... ♪ 21 00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,066 (buzzer) 22 00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:27,695 ♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪ 23 00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:31,239 ♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪ 24 00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:34,242 (both laughing) 25 00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:36,912 THAT WAS THE WORST VODKA LAUNCH 26 00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:36,912 WE'VE BEEN TO YET. 27 00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:39,080 (switches click) 28 00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:39,080 (grunts) I'LL SAY. 29 00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:41,082 WHAT SHE'S HAVING? 30 00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:41,082 I DON'T EVEN GET IT. 31 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:43,502 IT'S SO THAT WHEN YOU ORDER 32 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:43,502 AT THE BAR, YOU CAN SAY, 33 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,963 "I'LL HAVE 34 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,963 WHAT SHE'S HAVING." 35 00:00:46,005 --> 00:00:48,089 THAT MAKES ME VERY ANGRY. 36 00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,090 (laughs) 37 00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:50,968 OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 38 00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:52,511 FOOD. 39 00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:52,511 EATING YOUR LUNCH 40 00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:52,511 FOR TOMORROW. 41 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:55,347 I LOVE THAT 42 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:55,347 YOU'RE NOT AFRAID OF CHEESE. 43 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,349 OKAY. I HAVE TO WAKE UP 44 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,349 SUPER EARLY TOMORROW. 45 00:00:57,391 --> 00:01:00,101 I HAVE TO DROP OFF RESUMES 46 00:00:57,391 --> 00:01:00,101 IN THE FINANCIAL DISTRICT AND-- 47 00:00:57,391 --> 00:01:00,101 (keyboard keys click) 48 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,478 IT'S ON HERE! IT'S ON HERE! 49 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,478 (gasps) 50 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,730 (squeals) 51 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,105 (gasps) 52 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,105 "JAMES VAN DER BEEK, 53 00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,107 "NEWEST CAST MEMBER 54 00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,107 OF 'DANCING WITH THE STARS,' 55 00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,735 "LEAVING CLUB 56 00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,735 WITH DARK-HAIRED BEAUTY 57 00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:09,737 AND SELF-PROCLAIMED 58 00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:09,737 CALIFORNIA RAISIN HEIRESS." 59 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:10,738 (laughing) 60 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:10,738 (squeals) 61 00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:12,698 THE LEGEND GROWS! 62 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,115 HEY, SHOULD WE SHOW HER 63 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,115 OUR ROUTINE? 64 00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:15,367 READY? 65 00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:18,119 WE MADE IT UP IN THE CAB! 66 00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:20,330 LOOK, WE'RE ZOMBIES. 67 00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:22,123 I USED TO HAVE 68 00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:22,123 A POSTER OF YOU. 69 00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:25,794 (horn honks in distance) 70 00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:33,134 ♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪ 71 00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:34,511 OH. HEY, ROBIN. 72 00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:34,511 I'M BRINGING CHLOE THE MAIL 73 00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:37,138 AS YET ANOTHER EXAMPLE 74 00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:37,138 OF THE MANY WONDERFUL THINGS 75 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,974 I WOULD DO IF I WERE 76 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,974 HER ROOMMATE AGAIN. 77 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,099 MM. 78 00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,145 I'M NOT WEAK. YOU'RE WEAK. 79 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:46,941 NO. 80 00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:48,943 (sighs) 81 00:01:48,984 --> 00:01:50,318 (door closes) 82 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,612 (horn honks in distance) 83 00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:05,333 OH, DON'T BOTHER. 84 00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:05,333 I ALREADY ATE ALL THE PILLS 85 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,168 FROM UNDERNEATH THE COUCH. 86 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,754 (refrigerator door opens) 87 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,754 (Eli) SHE'S BEEN LIKE THAT 88 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,754 ALL DAY. 89 00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,965 NORMALLY I LIKE 90 00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,965 A MOTIONLESS WOMAN ON THE FLOOR, 91 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:13,174 BUT I'M GETTING 92 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:13,174 A SAD HIT OFF THIS ONE. 93 00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,593 IT'S 94 00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,593 CRISSY AND ROBERT'S WEDDING. 95 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:17,012 STEVEN AND I WERE SUPPOSED 96 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:17,012 TO GO AS A COUPLE. 97 00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:19,180 WE GOT THE "SAVE THE DATE," 98 00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:19,180 LIKE, A YEAR AGO, 99 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:22,183 BEFORE I KNEW HE WAS 100 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:22,183 DIDDLING NURSE NICOLE. 101 00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:25,186 OHH. JUST THINK, BY THE TIME 102 00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:25,186 WE GO TO THIS WEDDING, 103 00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:26,981 WE'LL BE LIVING IN NEW YORK 104 00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:26,981 AND WE'LL ALREADY BE MARRIED. 105 00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,857 HEY, DR. STEVEN. 106 00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,857 OH. 107 00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,191 I HAVE 108 00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,191 THE FILE YOU ASKED FOR. 109 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,568 THANK YOU, NICOLE. 110 00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:33,236 WILL YOU BE 111 00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:33,236 AT THE GYM LATER? 112 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,447 I HAVE A NEW SPORTS BRA. 113 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,447 (chuckles) 114 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:38,033 YOU KNOW I LIKE TO EXERCISE. 115 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:38,033 (chuckles) 116 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:41,578 I CAN'T BELIEVE 117 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:41,578 HOW STUPID I WAS. 118 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:41,578 (tambourine jangling) 119 00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:44,039 (sighs) WHEN WE BROKE UP, 120 00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:44,039 STEVEN AND I DIVVIED UP 121 00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:45,582 ALL THE COMMITMENTS WE HAD 122 00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:45,582 AS A COUPLE, 123 00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:48,209 AND I GOT THIS WEDDING, 124 00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:48,209 BUT... (sighs) 125 00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:49,252 THERE'S NO WAY I CAN GO. 126 00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,671 WHY NOT? 127 00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:51,797 BECAUSE I HAVEN'T SEEN 128 00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:51,797 ANY OF OUR FRIENDS 129 00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,007 SINCE WE BROKE UP, 130 00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:54,257 AND I'M TOO ASHAMED 131 00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:54,257 TO FACE THEM, 132 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:58,012 AND CAN YOU STOP 133 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:58,012 WITH THE TAMBOURINE, PLEASE?! 134 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:58,012 (jangles) 135 00:02:58,053 --> 00:03:00,889 OH, IS MY TAMBO BOTHERING YOU? 136 00:02:58,053 --> 00:03:00,889 SORRY. JUST PRACTICING. 137 00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,223 MY BAND GOT A GIG. 138 00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:03,642 OKAY, IF YOU'RE GONNA LET 139 00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:03,642 ONE STUPID SETBACK 140 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,226 KNOCK YOU OFF 141 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,226 YOUR EASY SPIRITS, 142 00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:07,479 YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST MOVE 143 00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:07,479 HOME TO INDIANA. 144 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,480 THESE SHOES ARE, LIKE, 145 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,480 THE BEST THING 146 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:09,815 GOING ON IN MY LIFE 147 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:09,815 RIGHT NOW. 148 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,232 YOU NEED 149 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,232 TO LEARN SOME CONFIDENCE. 150 00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:13,068 THIS IS NEW YORK. 151 00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:13,068 IT'S NOT WHAT YOU DO. 152 00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,236 IT'S HOW YOU DO IT. 153 00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:16,237 (muttering) 154 00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:18,239 DON'T WRITE THAT DOWN. 155 00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:19,282 (Chloe) 156 00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:19,282 JUNE, I'M GONNA TAKE YOU OUT 157 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,242 AND TEACH YOU HOW 158 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,242 TO BE BADASS. 159 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,870 IF YOU HAVE 160 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,870 THE RIGHT ATTITUDE, 161 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,121 YOU CAN DO ANYTHING 162 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,121 AND GO ANYWHERE. 163 00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:25,455 NOW WALK UP 164 00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:25,455 TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE 165 00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:28,125 LIKE YOU HAVE GEORGE CLOONEY 166 00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:28,125 BETWEEN YOUR LEGS. 167 00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:29,417 WHAT? 168 00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:29,417 IF YOU'RE NAILING 169 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:31,837 THAT SALT-AND-PEPPER BASTARD, 170 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:31,837 THAT MEANS YOU'VE MADE IT. 171 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,839 COVER'S 20 BUCKS. 172 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,465 OKAY. 173 00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,092 TO GET 174 00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,092 THE BARTENDER'S ATTENTION, 175 00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:39,302 IMAGINE YOU'RE GETTING 176 00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:39,302 A DRINK FOR GEORGE CLOONEY. 177 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,304 (mouths words) 178 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,304 TOO EAGER. 179 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:44,432 TOO "ORDERING POTATO SKINS 180 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:44,432 AT NIFTY O'SHANNIGANS." 181 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:47,895 THERE YOU GO. 182 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:47,895 NOW YOU'RE GETTING IT. 183 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:51,314 ♪♪♪ 184 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:54,109 AND WHEN YOU'RE 185 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:54,109 ON THE DANCE FLOOR, 186 00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:56,070 PRETEND YOU'RE GETTING UP 187 00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:56,070 ON JAMIE FOXX 188 00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:58,864 JUST ENOUGH TO MAKE 189 00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:58,864 CLOONEY JEALOUS. 190 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,281 (whispers) OKAY. 191 00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:02,283 (man) 192 00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:02,283 ♪ GOT ME IN A TRANCE NOW ♪ 193 00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,911 HOLD YOUR GAZE. 194 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:04,870 NOW SWITCH. 195 00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,496 ♪ MUCH LONGER ♪ 196 00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:08,665 NOW SWITCH. 197 00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:10,291 SWITCH. 198 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,711 SWITCH. SWITCH! SWITCH! 199 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,546 SWITCH! MM! NICE. 200 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,464 ♪ YOU LOOK GOOD ♪ 201 00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:22,512 ♪♪♪ 202 00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:29,144 WOW. 203 00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:30,311 IMPRESSIVE. 204 00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,355 WHATEVER. 205 00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,355 OH, I LIKE IT-- 206 00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:33,899 NOT ACCEPTING 207 00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:33,899 THE COMPLIMENT, 208 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,692 FEIGNING CASUALNESS LIKE 209 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,692 YOU DON'T CARE. 210 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,318 MM. I DON'T CARE, DOUCHE. 211 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,486 OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH. 212 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:40,321 I'M SORRY. I'M JUST SO FULL 213 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:40,321 OF ADRENALINE, 214 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,699 I FEEL LIKE I COULD LIFT 215 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,699 A CAR RIGHT NOW. 216 00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:45,160 (chuckles and sighs) 217 00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:54,502 J.V.D.B., 218 00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:54,502 WHAT DO YOU THINK? 219 00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:55,712 I'M CHOOSING 220 00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:55,712 A LOOK FOR MY BAND'S GIG. 221 00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:58,173 DOES THIS SHIRT SAY THAT 222 00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:58,173 I REALLY BRING THE FUNK? 223 00:04:58,215 --> 00:05:00,341 MM... YES. 224 00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:03,220 (door opens) 225 00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:03,220 JUNE'S HOME. 226 00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,597 (door closes) 227 00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,597 USING THE THIRD PERSON 228 00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,597 ALREADY, HUH? 229 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,348 JAMES LIKES IT. 230 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,348 (refrigerator door opens) 231 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,517 TODAY WAS AN INCREDIBLE DAY. 232 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,395 I GOT A LEAD ON A JOB 233 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,395 AT A BROKERAGE FIRM, 234 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:15,816 A GAY MAN ASKED ME TO BE 235 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:15,816 IN HIS SHAMPOO COMMERCIAL, 236 00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:18,735 AND A STREET VENDOR GAVE ME 237 00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:18,735 THIS HOT DOG... 238 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:19,736 (keys jangle) 239 00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:20,737 FOR FREE. 240 00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:22,781 I EXUDE CONFIDENCE NOW, 241 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,365 AND THE WORLD CAN JUST 242 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,365 SENSE IT. 243 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:27,368 CHLOE IS A GENIUS. 244 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:27,368 I-I NEED TO THANK HER. 245 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,536 YEAH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW 246 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,536 WHERE SHE IS. 247 00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:29,955 I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR HER 248 00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:29,955 FOR, LIKE, AN HOUR. 249 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:33,374 (computer chimes) 250 00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,252 THAT WAS MY MOM, 251 00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,252 AND I DIDN'T ANSWER IT. 252 00:05:35,294 --> 00:05:37,378 I'VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE. 253 00:05:35,294 --> 00:05:37,378 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 254 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,421 IF SHE GETS UPSET WITH ME 255 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:41,382 AND DOESN'T SEND ME COOKIES 256 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:41,382 THIS WEEK, 257 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:42,634 SO BE IT. 258 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,386 MY MOTHER INVENTED 259 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,386 LUNCHABLES. 260 00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:46,763 DIDN'T GET ANY CREDIT 261 00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:46,763 FOR IT, THOUGH. 262 00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:49,683 (sighs) 263 00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:49,683 TRUSTED THE WRONG PEOPLE. 264 00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:52,602 (horn honks, 265 00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:52,602 indistinct conversations) 266 00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:53,979 (lock clicks) 267 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,772 (laughs) 268 00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:57,191 HEY, JUNE! 269 00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:57,191 (switch clicks) 270 00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,442 I KNOW YOU HATE 271 00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,442 WHEN I COME HOME DRUNK AND FUN 272 00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,278 AND EAT TOMORROW'S LUNCH. 273 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:02,403 (keys jangle) 274 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:02,403 YOU'RE IN A RUT 275 00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,363 WITH THE TUNA, BY THE WAY. 276 00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:12,455 (gasps) 277 00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:12,455 I'M HOME BEFORE HER? 278 00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:13,874 THAT LITTLE HOOKER. 279 00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:14,875 (June laughing) 280 00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:14,875 (James speaks indistinctly) 281 00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:15,876 (lock clicks) 282 00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:18,419 "I'M HOTKA VODKA!" 283 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:21,215 OH! HEY! THERE SHE IS. 284 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:21,215 (door closes) 285 00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:24,425 THE SEXY PIRATE! EYELINER! 286 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:25,844 (laughing) 287 00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,054 WHAT'S GOING ON? 288 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,429 I TOOK HER 289 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,429 TO THE VODKA LAUNCH. 290 00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:31,016 THEY GAVE ME A MAGNET! 291 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,310 YOU TOOK HER 292 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,310 TO THE VODKA LAUNCH? 293 00:06:33,352 --> 00:06:34,477 TAKE A PICTURE OF ME 294 00:06:33,352 --> 00:06:34,477 AND THE MAGNET. 295 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,021 I GO TO THOSE THINGS 296 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,021 WITH YOU... 297 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,021 (camera shutter clicks) 298 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,480 AND COME BACK LIKE THAT. 299 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,480 THAT'S OUR THING. 300 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,480 (click) 301 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,607 WELL, I WAITED FOR YOU, 302 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,607 BUT YOU NEVER SHOWED. 303 00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:42,861 OH, MAN. IT'S TOO BAD, TOO. 304 00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:42,861 THEY HAD TONS OF DRUGS 305 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,279 AND A BAKED POTATO BAR... 306 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,280 (chuckles) AND THEN 307 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,280 MACAULAY CULKIN GOT... 308 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,280 (grunts) 309 00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:46,823 HIS FACE PAINTED LIKE 310 00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:46,823 A TIGER. 311 00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:50,327 (laughs) IT WAS AWESOME. 312 00:06:50,369 --> 00:06:51,452 WELL, JUNE'S DEAD. 313 00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,621 I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. 314 00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,621 (snoring) 315 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:54,664 (door closes) 316 00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:02,505 (snoring) 317 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:04,674 (snorts) 318 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:06,467 (grunts) 319 00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:07,635 MORNING. 320 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:10,638 I'D OFFER YOU BREAKFAST, 321 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:10,638 BUT YOU DIDN'T MAKE ANY. 322 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,891 OHH. WHAT A NIGHT! 323 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,894 OHH. JAMES AND I HAD 324 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,894 SO MUCH FUN. 325 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,729 MM. 326 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,729 WE TALKED ABOUT CAMPING 327 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,481 AND GROWING UP AND S'MORES. 328 00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:21,482 OH, SO AMISH THINGS. 329 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:24,652 (sighs) OH. 330 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:24,652 I'M SURE I'M LATE FOR WORK. 331 00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:27,655 ALL RIGHT. I'LL FILL YOU IN 332 00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:27,655 ON THE REST TONIGHT. (panting) 333 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:30,075 WHAT? TONIGHT? 334 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,659 (camera shutters clicking) 335 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,659 (man) ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT 336 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,659 "DANCING WITH THE STARS"? 337 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,370 (man) HEY, HOW DO YOU FEEL 338 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,370 ABOUT... (speaks indistinctly) 339 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,370 (chuckles) 340 00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:34,495 (man) FACE ME, JAMES! 341 00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:34,495 (woman) 342 00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:34,495 THINK YOU'RE THE FAVORITE 343 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:35,663 TO WIN 344 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:35,663 "DANCING WITH THE STARS"? 345 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:35,663 HEY, CAN WE GET 346 00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:36,915 A SECURITY GUARD 347 00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:36,915 TO STAND GUARD OVER THIS GUY? 348 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:37,916 I DON'T WANT ANY HOLES CUT 349 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:37,916 IN HIS MOUTH. 350 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,294 OH, MY GOSH! 351 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:43,088 LOOK AT THE SIZE 352 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:43,088 OF THOSE SHRIMP! 353 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,506 THAT'S AMAZING! 354 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:46,674 ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU. 355 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,343 CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW MUCH PRESS 356 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,343 SHOWED UP FOR ME? 357 00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,304 EVEN THE BBC's HERE. 358 00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,304 OF COURSE, THEY'VE LOVED ME 359 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,306 EVER SINCE I DID 360 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,306 THAT GUY RITCHIE MOVIE. 361 00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:53,514 (cockney accent) I TOLD 362 00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:53,514 CHALKY AND PUFF PUFF AND THEM 363 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:54,766 DOWN AT PUB 364 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:54,766 ABOUT ME TROUBLE AND STRIFE, 365 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,517 AND THEN SHE COME IN 366 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,517 ALL HUNGRY-LIKE, 367 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,519 MAKE ME GO DOWN TO CHIP SHOP, 368 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,519 PUT ME MAGNUM IN HIS MOUTH, 369 00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,355 AND RIGHT SPRAY HIS BRAINS. 370 00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:01,522 ♪♪♪ 371 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:02,690 HOLD THESE. 372 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:03,900 (plates clatter) 373 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:03,900 I'LL GET MORE. 374 00:08:03,942 --> 00:08:05,193 UGH. I CAN'T BELIEVE 375 00:08:03,942 --> 00:08:05,193 YOU INVITED HER. 376 00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:06,403 (chuckles) WHAT? 377 00:08:06,445 --> 00:08:09,114 SHE'S FUN, AND HER COLORING 378 00:08:06,445 --> 00:08:09,114 MAKES MY EYES POP. 379 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:12,117 (sighs) I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST 380 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:12,117 GONNA BE US TONIGHT. 381 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,328 BRINGING SOMEBODY ELSE IN-- 382 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,328 IT MESSES UP OUR DYNAMIC. 383 00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:15,412 SURE, I TOOK HER OUT ONCE, 384 00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:17,747 BUT THAT WAS JUST 385 00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:17,747 A ONE-OFF, A PITY LAY. 386 00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:20,541 IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE, 387 00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:20,541 LIKE, A FULL-TIME THING. 388 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:23,128 HELLO. I'M HERE TODAY 389 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:23,128 TO INTRODUCE MYSELF TO YOU... 390 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:23,128 (woman) WHOO! 391 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:26,923 NOT AS AN ACTOR, 392 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:26,923 HUMANITARIAN, OR AUTHOR, 393 00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:27,924 BUT AS A DANCER... 394 00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:28,925 (camera shutters clicking) 395 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,927 SO THIS IS JUST 396 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,927 A SILLY LITTLE DANCE 397 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:32,762 THAT A FRIEND AND I LIKE 398 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:32,762 TO DO JUST FOR FUN. 399 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:33,972 (squeals) 400 00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,349 (cheers and applause) 401 00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:41,396 ♪♪♪ 402 00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:44,441 WHAT THE HELL? 403 00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:50,489 ♪♪♪ 404 00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,617 (rips) 405 00:08:54,659 --> 00:09:01,582 ♪♪♪ 406 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:02,959 WHEN DID YOU REHEARSE THIS? 407 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,002 WE DIDN'T. (chuckles) 408 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:07,964 ♪♪♪ 409 00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:09,383 (banging on door) 410 00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:12,469 KNOCKING ON THE DOOR 411 00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:12,469 LIKE YOU'RE THE POLICE! 412 00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:15,180 I AM SO SORRY. I TRIED 413 00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:15,180 TO SHUT DOWN THE INTERNET, 414 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,848 BUT IT'S BIGGER THAN ME. 415 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:17,849 OH, MY GOD. 416 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:17,849 MM. 417 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:18,975 I WAS IN THAT PHOTO. 418 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:18,975 (whispers) I KNOW. 419 00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,601 THEY PHOTOSHOPPED ME OUT! 420 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:24,231 I WOULD NEVER LET ANYONE CUT YOU 421 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:24,231 OUT OF A PHOTO WITH ME. 422 00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:25,440 IN FACT, SEGUE... 423 00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:27,401 (clicks keys) 424 00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:27,401 LET ME SHOW YOU SOME PHOTOS 425 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:28,776 I CUT YOU INTO. 426 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,405 HERE IS 427 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,405 THE WHITEWATER RAFTING TRIP 428 00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:32,780 WE TOOK LAST YEAR. 429 00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:32,780 (click) 430 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,032 THIS IS US IN BELIZE. 431 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,616 YOU'RE WEARING 432 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,616 A PUKA SHELL NECK-- 433 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,616 MORNING. 434 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:36,617 ANYONE WANT A BAGEL? 435 00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:37,785 DON'T EAT THAT. 436 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,662 EAT THE BRIOCHE FRENCH TOAST 437 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,662 WITH APPLE BUTTER... 438 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,622 (refrigerator door opens) 439 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,622 I'M GONNA MAKE YOU. 440 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:44,625 UGH! I HAVE TO GO. 441 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:44,625 THAT TAKES TIME. 442 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:45,502 OR... 443 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:45,502 (door closes) 444 00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:48,213 WE COULD HAVE 445 00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:48,213 ONE OF... THESE! 446 00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:49,506 I AM SO EXCITED! 447 00:09:49,548 --> 00:09:51,632 MY PICTURE'S NEVER BEEN 448 00:09:49,548 --> 00:09:51,632 ON THE INTERNET BEFORE! 449 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,427 (closes refrigerator door) 450 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,427 EVERY TIME YOU SEARCH 451 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,427 "JUNE COLBERN," 452 00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:56,012 IT'S THIS WOMAN IN PORTLAND 453 00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:56,012 WHO DROWNED HER KIDS. 454 00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,805 CHLOE, THANK YOU SO MUCH. 455 00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,805 (paper bag rustles) 456 00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:00,517 YOU GAVE ME THE CONFIDENCE TO GO 457 00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:00,517 TO THE WEDDING TODAY. 458 00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,310 THAT'S RIGHT. 459 00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,310 I DECIDED TO GO, 460 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:05,688 AND JAMES IS GOING TO BE 461 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:05,688 MY PLUS-ONE. 462 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,315 BUT WE'RE GOING TO DEREK JETER'S 463 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,315 BARBECUE LATER TODAY. 464 00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:08,525 I WAS GONNA CONVINCE HIM 465 00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:08,525 TO LEAVE HIS GIRLFRIEND 466 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:10,235 FOR, LIKE, 20 MINUTES. 467 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,319 LOOK, CHLOE, 468 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,319 YOU CAN'T ASK ME TO MISS OUT 469 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:13,321 ON A WEDDING 470 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:13,321 WITH MIDWESTERNERS. 471 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:14,655 IT'S WHERE 472 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:14,655 MY STAR SHINES BRIGHTEST. 473 00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:16,283 IT'S LIKE MY ACADEMY AWARDS. 474 00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:18,910 NO. YOU GUYS ARE DONE 475 00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:18,910 HANGING OUT. 476 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,329 NO MORE PICTURES, 477 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,329 NO MORE BAGELS, 478 00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:23,290 AND DEFINITELY NO WEDDINGS. 479 00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:23,290 (clatters) 480 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:25,333 OH, MY GOD. 481 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:25,333 SHE'S JEALOUS OF US. 482 00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:26,709 SHE'S JEALOUS THAT 483 00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:26,709 YOU AND I ARE FRIENDS. 484 00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,295 HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT ME 485 00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,295 LIKE I'M NOT HERE?! 486 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,879 OKAY, THIS IS 487 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,879 THE MOST UN-FUN THREESOME 488 00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:31,256 I'VE EVER BEEN A PART OF. 489 00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,049 NOBODY'S HAVING SEX, 490 00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,049 AND SOMEONE'S YELLING. 491 00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:35,093 I'M OUTTA HERE. 492 00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:37,471 (door opens) 493 00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:37,471 JAMES AND I ARE GOING 494 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:38,472 TO THIS WEDDING... 495 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:38,472 (door closes) 496 00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:39,889 AND I WILL NOT BE 497 00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:39,889 INTIMIDATED. 498 00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:42,142 THIS CONFIDENCE THAT 499 00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:42,142 YOU'RE EXHIBITING IS MINE. 500 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,726 I GAVE IT TO YOU, 501 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,726 AND I'M TAKING IT BACK. 502 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:46,896 YOU CAN'T. 503 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:46,896 IT'S IN MY BODY NOW. 504 00:10:46,938 --> 00:10:48,523 I'M NEW YORK JUNE. 505 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:51,067 "JAM ON 506 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:51,067 YOUR BLUEBERRY BAGEL, JUNE?" 507 00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:52,693 "NO, THANKS. 508 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:55,696 "I'LL HAVE 509 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:55,696 AN EVERYTHING BAGEL... 510 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,115 WITH SCHMEAR." 511 00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:00,285 BE WHITER 512 00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:00,285 WHEN YOU SAY THAT! 513 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,536 (horns honking in distance) 514 00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:05,706 (laughs) SO WE WENT 515 00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:05,706 TO THIS CLUB. SO COOL. 516 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:08,709 MEN AND WOMEN PEE 517 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:08,709 IN THE SAME BATHROOM. 518 00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,878 (crowd murmurs) 519 00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,878 (laughs) 520 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,755 SO I'M DOING REALLY WELL HERE. 521 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,132 (panting) NO FREAKIN' WAY. 522 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:18,094 JAMES VAN DER BEEK IS 523 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:18,094 AT MY WEDDING. EXCUSE ME. 524 00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,513 CONGRATULATIONS, CRISSY. 525 00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:22,890 SHUT UP.DAWSON JUST KISSED 526 00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:22,890 MY HAND. (chuckling) 527 00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,892 OBVIOUSLY, MY WIFE IS 528 00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,892 SUPER EXCITED THAT YOU'RE HERE. 529 00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,353 (chuckles) 530 00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,353 UM, YOU'RE HER FREEBIE. 531 00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:27,354 AH. 532 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:28,396 THE FREEBIE. YES. 533 00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:30,148 THE ONE EXCEPTION 534 00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:30,148 TO THE MARRIAGE VOW. 535 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,566 (chuckles) YEAH. 536 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,566 THE GREATEST RESPONSIBILITY 537 00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:33,734 THAT COMES WITH BEING 538 00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:33,734 A CELEBRITY. 539 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:35,529 (chuckles) 540 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:35,529 UH, MY FREEBIE IS 541 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:35,529 PERI GILPIN. 542 00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:37,738 UH, YOU KNOW, UH, ROZ 543 00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:37,738 FROM "FRASIER." 544 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,740 SHE'S SO DRY. 545 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,740 (breathes heavily) 546 00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:40,741 (Crissy) HA HA! 547 00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:41,909 (Crissy and Robert chuckle) 548 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,744 ♪♪♪ 549 00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:46,206 OOH! BAR. 550 00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:46,206 DON'T MIND IF I DO. 551 00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:50,335 ♪♪♪ 552 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:53,338 (amplified voice) THANK YOU. 553 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:53,338 WE ARE MAY/DECEMBER! 554 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,631 ELI, WHAT ARE YOU 555 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,631 DOING HERE? 556 00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:56,757 THIS IS MY GIG. 557 00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:56,757 WHAT DO YOU THINK? 558 00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,552 IT'S GREAT. YOU'RE ACTUALLY 559 00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,552 KIND OF A NORMAL PERSON 560 00:11:58,593 --> 00:11:59,927 OUTSIDE OF YOUR APARTMENT. 561 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,762 I'M LAYERED, JUNE, 562 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,762 LIKE AN ONION, 563 00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,764 A SEXY, SEXY ONION. 564 00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:05,600 (tambourine jangles) 565 00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:05,600 DO YOU LIKE 566 00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:05,600 THE WORD "BULBOUS"? 567 00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:09,396 (bass and drum playing) 568 00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,775 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, 569 00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,777 AND WHY ARE YOU HERE 570 00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,777 WITH KEVIN SORBO? 571 00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,446 I ONLY ARRIVE AT EVENTS 572 00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,446 WITH CELEBRITIES. 573 00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:20,781 I LIKE TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE, 574 00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:20,781 AND SINCE YOU TOOK 575 00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:24,785 THE ONE I USUALLY USE, 576 00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:24,785 HERCULES STEPPED IN. 577 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,454 WHEN DO I GIVE MY SPEECH? 578 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,373 UM, AFTER DINNER. 579 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:29,583 WHAT SPEECH? 580 00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:30,791 OH, I'M THE KEYNOTE SPEAKER 581 00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:30,791 AT THIS BENEFIT. 582 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,377 CHLOE SET IT UP 583 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,377 THROUGH MY PUBLICIST. 584 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,213 YOU SEE, I'M REALLY INVOLVED 585 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,213 IN THE FIGHT AGAINST M.S. 586 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:39,175 UH, HERE. IT'S MY AUNT BONNIE. 587 00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:42,011 I'LL BE SHARING HER STORY 588 00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:42,011 WITH YOU LATER TONIGHT. 589 00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:44,598 OKAY. 590 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,807 "A," YOU WERE NOT INVITED 591 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,807 TO THIS WEDDING, 592 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:49,477 "B," YOU TOTALLY CONNED 593 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:49,477 KEVIN SORBO, 594 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,021 AND "C," I HAVE A LIFE 595 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,021 THAT HAPPENS TO INCLUDE 596 00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,814 A FRIENDSHIP WITH JAMES. 597 00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:56,651 WHAT ARE YOU SMILING AT? 598 00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,653 (Steven) JUNE? 599 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:02,657 (door closes) 600 00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:07,495 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 601 00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,497 I-I CALLED THIS MORNING 602 00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,497 TO GIVE YOU THE HEADS-UP. 603 00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:10,998 DIDN'T CHLOE TELL YOU? 604 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,417 (rings and beeps) 605 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,501 HELLO? 606 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:15,670 CHLOE, IT'S STEVEN. 607 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,131 JUNE'S EX-FIANCE. 608 00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:21,468 YOU AND I HAD SEX 609 00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:21,468 ON HER BIRTHDAY CAKE. 610 00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:25,221 IT WAS CHOCOLATE. 611 00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:25,221 OH, HEY. WHAT'S UP? 612 00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:28,057 WELL, IS JUNE THERE? 613 00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:28,057 NO, SHE'S IN THE SHOWER 614 00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:28,057 GETTING READY FOR THE WEDDING. 615 00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:29,225 SO ANNOYING. 616 00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,018 I KNOW JUNE GOT THE WEDDING 617 00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,018 AFTER THE BREAKUP, 618 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,854 BUT, UH, I'M IN NEW YORK, 619 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,854 AND I DECIDED TO GO, 620 00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:35,231 so could you let her know? 621 00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:36,857 I COULD. 622 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:39,444 I SAID, "I COULD." 623 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:39,444 I DIDN'T SAY I WOULD. 624 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,237 SEMANTICS. GO. 625 00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,906 (indistinct conversations) 626 00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:46,242 I'M SO GLAD YOU DECIDED 627 00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:46,242 TO COME, STEVEN. 628 00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:47,910 YOU LOOK GREAT. 629 00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:49,746 SO YOU'RE OKAY WITH ME 630 00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:49,746 BEING HERE? (chuckles) 631 00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:51,456 YOU'RE NOT GONNA 632 00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:51,456 FREAK OUT? 633 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:54,250 (laughs) OH, STEVEN. 634 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,670 WHEN DID YOU GET SO FUNNY? 635 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,670 (chuckles) 636 00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:58,879 WHAT? NO, IT'S NOT FUNNY. 637 00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:58,879 IT'S HURTFUL. 638 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:02,049 SPEAKING OF, 639 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:02,049 STEVEN, HOW IS YOUR PENIS 640 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,468 SINCE THE LAST TIME 641 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,468 I SAW IT? 642 00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,136 (chuckles) CHLOE, I'M SURE 643 00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,136 YOU DON'T REMEMBER. 644 00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:08,055 YOU'VE SEEN, LIKE, 645 00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:08,055 300 SINCE THEN. 646 00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:09,516 YOU WANT TO GET A DRINK? 647 00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,892 OH, MY SECOND ONE 648 00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,892 OF THE DAY, YOU MEAN? 649 00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:12,935 SURE. 650 00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:17,482 SO... (sighs) I'M HAVING TROUBLE 651 00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:17,482 FINDING THE I.T. GUY. 652 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:18,899 I MEAN, YOU GOT 653 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:18,899 THE PowerPoint PRESENTATION 654 00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:20,777 I E-MAILED YOU, RIGHT? 655 00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:20,777 BECAUSE I NEED TO SYNC 656 00:14:20,819 --> 00:14:22,278 MY SLIDES TO MUSIC. 657 00:14:20,819 --> 00:14:22,278 (exhales deeply) 658 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,904 YEAH, DON'T WORRY. 659 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,904 IT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF. 660 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:26,491 (chuckles) 661 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:26,491 GOOD. 662 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:27,908 (exhales deeply) 663 00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:32,121 SO, UM, HOW DID 664 00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:32,121 THIS DISEASE AFFECT YOU? 665 00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:37,877 I... HAVE... 666 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:44,091 (laughs) 667 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:44,091 YOU REMEMBER THE TIME 668 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,301 WHEN I WANTED 669 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,301 TO GO SKINNY-DIPPING 670 00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:47,303 AND YOU SAID NO 671 00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:47,303 'CAUSE OF YOUR THING 672 00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:48,929 WITH COMMUNITY SWIMMING? 673 00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:48,929 (chuckles) 674 00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:48,929 OHH. 675 00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:51,140 I WAS OBSESSED 676 00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:51,140 WITH ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWING 677 00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:52,183 FECAL MOLECULES. 678 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,727 OHH. (chuckles) 679 00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:56,396 OHH. I DON'T EVEN KNOW 680 00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:56,396 THAT GIRL ANYMORE. (chuckles) 681 00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:58,105 (chuckles) YOU DO SEEM 682 00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:58,105 REALLY DIFFERENT. 683 00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,940 YEAH, I HAVE 684 00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,940 A TRANSVESTITE FRIEND NOW. 685 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:01,818 HER NAME IS TIM. 686 00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,319 (chuckles) 687 00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,319 WELL, I'D BETTER GET BACK 688 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:06,531 TO MY DATE, 689 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:06,531 JAMES VAN DER BEEK. 690 00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:07,741 I'LL SEE YOU LATER. 691 00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:09,534 UH, HEY, JUNE? 692 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:10,951 SORRY. UM... 693 00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:13,621 DOES THIS MEAN 694 00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:13,621 WE CAN BE FRIENDS? 695 00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:15,415 YEAH. 696 00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:17,375 YEAH, WE CAN BE FRIENDS. 697 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,001 (both moaning and panting) 698 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,002 OHH! 699 00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,588 GOD, THIS IS SO HOT. 700 00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,588 OHH. 701 00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:23,631 MM. MM. OHH. 702 00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:23,631 OLD JUNE NEVER WOULD HAVE 703 00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:23,631 DONE THIS. 704 00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:25,633 NEW JUNE ISN'T EVEN 705 00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:25,633 WEARING A BRA, 706 00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:27,968 JUST THOSE WEIRD CUPS 707 00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:27,968 THAT STICK ON WITH TAPE. 708 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:28,969 OH, GOD! 709 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:28,969 (chuckles) 710 00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,555 MM. MM! OHH. 711 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,766 (whispers) IT'S EVEN HOTTER 712 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,766 BECAUSE MY GIRLFRIEND'S HERE. 713 00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:34,768 WHAT? 714 00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:34,768 YEAH. 715 00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:34,768 OH, WE'VE BEEN EXCLUSIVE 716 00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:35,976 FOR, LIKE, THREE MONTHS 717 00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:35,976 AND... (chuckles) 718 00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:37,186 YOU'RE DISGUSTING. 719 00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:38,979 (whispers) 720 00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:38,979 I KNOW. SO ARE YOU. 721 00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,022 NO. 722 00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,022 (grunts) 723 00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,983 WHAT? I THOUGHT, UH, YOU WERE 724 00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,983 A NEW PERSON NOW, HUH? 725 00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:44,985 (chuckles) 726 00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:44,985 NO. NEW JUNE IS COOL DRINKING 727 00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:44,985 WINE DURING THE DAY. 728 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,363 SHE'S NOT OKAY 729 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,363 WITH YOU CHEATING. 730 00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:48,989 THAT'S WHY WE BROKE UP. 731 00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:50,991 NO, WE BROKE UP 732 00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:50,991 BECAUSE YOU'RE BORING. 733 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,410 WHAT? 734 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:56,372 IT FEELS SO GOOD 735 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:56,372 TO SAY THAT. (laughs) 736 00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:59,375 YOU'RE BORING. 737 00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:59,375 THAT'S WHY I CHEATED. 738 00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:01,961 I DID IT TO FEEL ALIVE. 739 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:06,006 ALL RIGHT. WELL... (sighs) 740 00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:07,425 TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. 741 00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:07,425 (chuckles) 742 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,803 (May/December) 743 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,803 ♪ STAY WITH ME, STAY ♪ 744 00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:11,596 (door opens) 745 00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:13,431 ♪ I NEED YOU TO LOVE ME ♪ 746 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:17,017 ♪ I NEED YOU TODAY ♪ 747 00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:19,437 ♪ GIVE TO ME YOUR LEATHER ♪ 748 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:24,024 ♪ TAKE FROM ME MY LACE ♪ 749 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:27,194 ♪ TAKE FROM ME ♪ 750 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:31,240 ♪ MY LACE ♪ 751 00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:32,826 (cheers and applause) 752 00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,034 (glass clatters) 753 00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:35,035 (indistinct conversations) 754 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:37,664 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF CANDICE? 755 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:37,664 AMAZING, RIGHT? 756 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:41,041 DO YOU KNOW SHE'S BEEN 757 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:41,041 SEXUALLY ACTIVE FOR 68 YEARS? 758 00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,877 WHAT'S WRONG? 759 00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:45,045 ARE YOU JEALOUS BECAUSE JAMES 760 00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:45,045 IS HANGING OUT WITH JUNE? 761 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,256 WHAT? NO. WHY DOES EVERYONE 762 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,256 KEEP ASKING ME THAT? 763 00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:51,218 SHH. HEY. HEY, CLO. 764 00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:51,218 IT'S ME. IT'S YOUR PAL ELI. 765 00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:52,846 COME ON, LADY. 766 00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:54,889 I HATE THE NEW JUNE, 767 00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:54,889 ALL RIGHT? 768 00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:56,474 SHE HAS TO BE 769 00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:56,474 IN THE SPOTLIGHT 770 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,058 AND GO PLACES 771 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,058 WITH A CELEBRITY. 772 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,436 IT'S LIKE EVERYTHING HAS 773 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,436 TO BE ABOUT HER. 774 00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,062 WHEN EVERYTHING SHOULD BE 775 00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,062 ALL ABOUT YOU. 776 00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:03,105 EXACTLY. THANK YOU. 777 00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,858 NOT BEING THE CENTER 778 00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,858 OF ATTENTION MAKES YOU FEEL 779 00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:08,235 LIKE YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL, 780 00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:08,235 BUT, HEY, IT'S OKAY, C-BEAR. 781 00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,655 EVERYBODY FEELS INSECURE 782 00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,655 SOMETIMES. 783 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:14,868 OKAY, I JUST REALIZED THAT 784 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:14,868 THIS IS A WEDDING, 785 00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:17,077 SO I'M GONNA STAY AND EAT 786 00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:17,077 THE SALMON, 787 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,079 BECAUSE AUNT BONNIE CAN'T, 788 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:22,082 AND THEN I'M LEAVING TO FIRE 789 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:22,082 MY PUBLICIST. 790 00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:24,251 BY THE WAY, 791 00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:24,251 YOUR BLONDE FRIEND IS HAVING 792 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,086 A MELTDOWN IN THE COATROOM. 793 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:27,547 (gasps) 794 00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:28,548 WHAT'S THE MATTER, JUNE? 795 00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,508 NOT AS CONFIDENT 796 00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,508 AS YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE? 797 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:31,676 (voice breaking) 798 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:31,676 HE SAID HE BROKE UP WITH ME 799 00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,302 'CAUSE I WAS BORING. 800 00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,722 (inhales deeply) 801 00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,722 HE CALLED YOU "BORING"? 802 00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:36,890 DUDE, THAT'S, LIKE, 803 00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:36,890 THE WORST THING 804 00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,474 YOU CAN SAY TO SOMEONE. 805 00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,518 HE'S RIGHT. HE KNOWS ME 806 00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,518 BETTER THAN ANYONE. 807 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,478 HE SAW RIGHT THROUGH ME. 808 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,478 (sniffles) 809 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:45,481 INSIDE, I'M STILL THE GIRL WHO'S 810 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:45,481 AFRAID TO GO SKINNY-DIPPING. 811 00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,107 OH, SKINNY-DIPPING? 812 00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,107 ARE PEOPLE GOING? 813 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:49,694 SEE? (sighs) 814 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:49,694 I'M NOT CONFIDENT LIKE YOU. 815 00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:53,113 NEW YORK JUNE WAS ALL AN ACT. 816 00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:53,113 (sniffles and sighs) 817 00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,491 I'M JUST AN INSECURE MESS 818 00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,491 WHO'S RIGHT BACK ON THE FLOOR 819 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:58,536 WHERE SHE STARTED. 820 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:58,536 (inhales deeply and sighs) 821 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,121 HERE. THIS IS UGLY. 822 00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:04,124 OKAY, FIRST OF ALL... 823 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,334 (blows nose loudly) 824 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,334 IF ANYONE'S 825 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,334 GONNA BE CALLING YOU NAMES, 826 00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:06,711 IT'S GONNA BE ME. 827 00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:09,129 SECOND, JUST BECAUSE 828 00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:09,129 SOME CHEATING LOSER 829 00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:11,131 WITH A CHEAP SUIT 830 00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:11,131 SAID SOMETHING 831 00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:12,132 DOESN'T MAKE IT TRUE. 832 00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:17,179 EVERYONE FEELS 833 00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:17,179 A LITTLE INSECURE SOMETIMES. 834 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:18,180 (hangers swoosh) 835 00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:19,933 I FEEL INSECURE SOMETIMES. 836 00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:22,769 I MEAN... (chuckles) I'M GOING 837 00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:22,769 ON "DANCING WITH THE STARS." 838 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:25,605 I'M ASKING AMERICA TO PICK UP 839 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:25,605 A PHONE AND JUDGE ME. 840 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:27,607 ONE DIGIT WILL SEPARATE ME 841 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:27,607 FROM AL ROKER. 842 00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:29,149 I MEAN, WHAT IF 843 00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:29,149 NO ONE VOTES FOR ME? 844 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:30,777 WHAT IF I'M TOO PRETTY? 845 00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,152 (hangers swoosh) 846 00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,152 MY HUSBAND AND I WILL VOTE 847 00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,152 FOR YOU, JAMES. 848 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,154 OH. THANK YOU, CRISSY. 849 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:35,322 YEAH. 850 00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,408 I CAN'T BELIEVE 851 00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,408 I MADE OUT WITH HIM 852 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,619 AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HE DID. 853 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:41,370 THAT WASN'T ME BEING 854 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:41,370 COOL AND AWESOME. 855 00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:42,747 THAT WAS ME BEING WEAK. 856 00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,165 JUNE, YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH HIM 857 00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,165 FOR, LIKE, 30 YEARS. 858 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:46,542 YOU'RE NOT WEAK. 859 00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,962 YOU HAVE 860 00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,962 A DECEPTIVE STRENGTH, 861 00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:53,173 AND YOU HAVE SOMETHING 862 00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:53,173 YOU NEVER HAD IN INDIANA--ME. 863 00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:56,176 SO COME ON. LET'S GO SHOW STEVEN 864 00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:56,176 HOW FABULOUS YOU ARE. 865 00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:58,220 JAMES, IT'S TIME TO ACT. 866 00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:00,180 (sighs) 867 00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,849 (imitating Mel Gibson) 868 00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,849 "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO HEAR, HUH? 869 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:02,850 "DO YOU WANT TO HEAR 870 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:02,850 THAT SOMETIMES 871 00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:05,185 "I FEEL LIKE EATING 872 00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:05,185 A BULLET, HUH? 873 00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:07,063 'CAUSE I DO." 874 00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:08,982 THAT'S FROM "LETHAL WEAPON." 875 00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:08,982 IT'S PART OF HIS PROCESS. 876 00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:09,857 OH. 877 00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:11,442 (exhales deeply) 878 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,193 ♪♪♪ 879 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:16,572 YOU'RE FEELIN' IT, CANDICE. 880 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:16,572 YOUR SPINE LOOKS SO STRAIGHT. 881 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:18,198 ♪♪♪ 882 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,575 (music stops) 883 00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:21,201 (amplified voice) 884 00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:21,201 UH, I-I HOPE YOU'RE ALL ENJOYING 885 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:24,371 WHAT IS OBVIOUSLY A WEDDING. 886 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:29,043 UH, CRISSY AND ROBERT, 887 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:29,043 YOU WON'T ALWAYS BE HEALTHY. 888 00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:31,671 IT ALL STARTED 889 00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:31,671 WHEN MY AUNT BONNIE, WELL, 890 00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:34,590 SHE SAID SHE COULD NO LONGER 891 00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:34,590 HOLD ONTO A CUP OF TEA, 892 00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:36,216 AND WE THOUGHT NOTHING 893 00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:36,216 OF IT AT THE TIME. 894 00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:39,219 YOU MONSTER! YEAH, I'M TALKING 895 00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:39,219 TO YOU, HOME PERM! 896 00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:41,221 I GOT A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU. 897 00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,265 HOW DARE YOU MAKE OUT 898 00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,265 WITH MY JUNE 899 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:46,060 AND THEN CALL HER 900 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:46,060 "BORING," HUH? 901 00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:48,479 SHE IS THE SEXIEST, 902 00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:48,479 MOST UN-BORING WOMAN 903 00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,024 I HAVE EVER 904 00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,024 HAD THE PLEASURE OF BEDDING. 905 00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:52,025 (guests murmuring) 906 00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:53,026 (gasps) 907 00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,027 (women) OHH. 908 00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:56,029 (man wolf-whistles) 909 00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:57,030 OHH! 910 00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:59,032 YOU BITCH! 911 00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:00,825 (guests) OHH! 912 00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:00,825 SINCE YOU MOVED HERE 913 00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:00,825 FROM INDIANA, 914 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,118 MEN HAVE JUST FALLEN 915 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,118 AT YOUR FEET, 916 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,453 BUT NOT THIS TIME. 917 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,453 NOT MY JAMES! 918 00:20:04,495 --> 00:20:05,913 THAT'S RIGHT. 919 00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:07,623 (guests murmuring) 920 00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:09,667 DON'T FORGET TO VOTE FOR ME 921 00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:09,667 ON "DANCING WITH THE STARS." 922 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,419 (cheering) 923 00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,254 (raised voice) 924 00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,254 LISTEN, I CAN'T HELP IT 925 00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:18,258 IF JAMES AND THIS CITY 926 00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:18,258 FIND ME IRRESISTIBLE. 927 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,302 THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES, JUNE! 928 00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:21,637 (guests gasp) 929 00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:23,681 (voice breaks) WHAT ABOUT HIM? 930 00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:23,681 WHAT ABOUT BABY DeSHAWN? 931 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:24,682 (lowered voice) 932 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:24,682 NO, THAT'S CRISSY'S NEPHEW, 933 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,642 AND HIS NECK IS NOT 934 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,642 YET FORMED. 935 00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:29,854 OH. THIS PARTY'S BEAT. 936 00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:29,854 LET'S BOUNCE. 937 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:33,066 (guests murmuring) 938 00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:35,442 (amplified voice) 939 00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:35,442 MY AUNT BONNIE BOUNCED 940 00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:37,904 BETWEEN DOCTORS, 941 00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:37,904 NUTRITIONISTS, HEALERS, 942 00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:39,321 AND NONE OF 'EM COULD 943 00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:39,321 DIAGNOSE-- 944 00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:40,740 (panting) 945 00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:40,740 (microphone feedback whines) 946 00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,742 (amplified voice) 947 00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,742 THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, STEVEN. 948 00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:46,286 ♪ I WANT YOU TO KNOW ♪ 949 00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:49,289 ♪ THAT I'M HAPPY FOR YOU ♪ 950 00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:50,958 NOPE. NOPE. 951 00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:50,958 ♪ I... ♪ 952 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,292 (feedback whines) 953 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,292 NO. 954 00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:54,962 FIND ANOTHER WAY 955 00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:54,962 TO EXPRESS THAT. 956 00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:56,005 (door closes) 957 00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:00,718 (horn honks) 958 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:04,304 SO SORBO, HUH? (sighs) 959 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:04,304 (TV playing indistinctly) 960 00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:06,306 DID YOU GUYS DO ZOMBIE ARMS? 961 00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,726 I'M GONNA SAY NO, 962 00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,726 BUT WE BOTH KNOW IT'S A LIE. 963 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:09,727 (clicks) 964 00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,478 OH, MY GOSH! 965 00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,478 JAMES, THERE YOU ARE. 966 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:12,312 (gasps) 967 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:13,313 "BIT O' BOVVA." 968 00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:14,356 OH, YEAH. 969 00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:14,356 WHAT'S THAT? 970 00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:17,317 OH, THAT'S THAT GUY RITCHIE 971 00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:17,317 MOVIE HE'S IN. 972 00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:17,317 YEAH. 973 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:18,694 (Cockney accent) TELL ROSIE, 974 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:18,694 THAT FILTHY SCRUBBA, 975 00:21:18,736 --> 00:21:21,321 HER FISH-AND-CHIPS WERE 976 00:21:18,736 --> 00:21:21,321 THE BEST. (chuckles) 977 00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:25,743 I'M MURDERED. (coughs) 978 00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:25,743 WHAT A BIT O' BOVVA. 979 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:26,493 ♪♪♪ 980 00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:27,578 I AD-LIBBED THAT LINE, 981 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,329 AND THEY MADE IT 982 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,329 THE TITLE OF THE MOVIE. 983 00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:31,207 (Chloe and June) OH. 984 00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:31,207 YEAH. 985 00:21:31,249 --> 00:21:33,292 Captioned by 986 00:21:31,249 --> 00:21:33,292 Closed Captioning Services, Inc. 57814

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