Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:12,710
Stan, what are you... It's Saturday.
2
00:00:12,712 --> 00:00:14,846
I thought your spin class was cancelled.
3
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:17,249
I don't know,
the alarm's got a mind of its own.
4
00:00:18,706 --> 00:00:19,851
Wait a second.
5
00:00:21,321 --> 00:00:23,988
Oh, my God, it's my peak day alarm.
6
00:00:23,990 --> 00:00:26,258
I set this years ago.
7
00:00:27,672 --> 00:00:28,860
Why, you ask?
8
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:32,130
It's all here,
in my vintage issue of Men's Health.
9
00:00:32,132 --> 00:00:34,999
Aside from correctly
predicting Zachery Ty Bryan's
10
00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:37,269
A-lister career, it has an article about
11
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:40,138
when a man hits the
scientific prime of his life,
12
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,073
his "peak," at the third month
13
00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:44,876
of his 42nd year. That's today.
14
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,279
What's it say about women?
When's my peak?
15
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:49,547
Oh, good Lord,
that would have been ages ago...
16
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:53,251
a-and stretching far into the future.
17
00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:59,624
Yes. Even my obvious lies
are at peak performance.
18
00:01:02,226 --> 00:01:04,696
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
19
00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:08,500
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
20
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:11,503
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
21
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:16,074
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
22
00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:21,179
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
23
00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:23,982
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
24
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,016
Aah!
25
00:01:26,119 --> 00:01:29,654
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
26
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:35,927
Welcome back to "Morning Mimosa"
with Trish and Suze.
27
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,862
It's time to call some of the men
28
00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:40,665
who ghosted Trish after one date.
29
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:44,068
First up on the list is a
humorless little schmuck
30
00:01:44,070 --> 00:01:46,604
named Suckboi Tony.
31
00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:47,672
Hey.
32
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:49,073
- Come on.
- What the [BLEEP]
33
00:01:49,075 --> 00:01:52,010
It's time for a thrilling
Stan-nouncement.
34
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:55,279
Today,
I have officially hit "peak Stan."
35
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:58,883
Everything at this moment in
my life is hitting its stride.
36
00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:01,953
I've got it all...
wonderful wife, great kids,
37
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,888
fridge in the garage.
38
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:06,024
A blend of faculties and experience
39
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:08,360
that are in total sync.
40
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,028
Cool, Dad, great.
41
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,330
Speak up, my boy,
can't hear you up at the peak.
42
00:02:12,334 --> 00:02:14,098
Can we put the TV back on?
43
00:02:14,159 --> 00:02:15,163
Hayley, is that you?
44
00:02:15,224 --> 00:02:17,301
Wind's whippin' like a mother up here.
45
00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:20,038
Be careful, Stan,
as they're constantly saying
46
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,505
on the series "The Crown,"
47
00:02:21,507 --> 00:02:24,809
"heavy is the head
that wears the crown."
48
00:02:24,818 --> 00:02:25,824
What are you talking about?
49
00:02:25,825 --> 00:02:28,980
I think he's saying that when
you're on top of the mountain,
50
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,115
people are gonna try to knock you off.
51
00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:32,717
- Right, Klaus?
- Right.
52
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:36,588
Man, you always get me, Francine.
53
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,122
Meet me in the kitchen.
54
00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:39,591
You may be right.
55
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,993
At the peak, I'm most exposed.
56
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:45,263
But also at the peak,
I can see my enemies coming...
57
00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:46,464
in every direction.
58
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:49,333
I can also see them not
able to handle the altitude.
59
00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:51,203
Should've hired a sherpa, haters.
60
00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:53,471
Come on, honey,
let's go to the grocery store.
61
00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:54,939
I want you to see what it's like
62
00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:58,210
when a man at his peak buys baked beans.
63
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:06,284
So, Roger, if you need pointers
on how to maximize free samples
64
00:03:06,286 --> 00:03:09,621
without these crummy farmers
giving you crap, just ask.
65
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:11,489
We do this a lot.
66
00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:13,090
I like to grab a sample,
67
00:03:13,092 --> 00:03:15,360
take a little lap, come back and pretend
68
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,294
I'm a different talking fish.
69
00:03:17,296 --> 00:03:19,430
That was my tip. I told you that.
70
00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:21,499
No you didn't. My oma taught me that
71
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:24,169
when I was a young ski
jumper in Düsseldorf...
72
00:03:24,171 --> 00:03:26,171
Are you [BLEEP] with me right now?
73
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:28,239
How did I end up in this grouping?
74
00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:30,708
Feel like I got put
on the practice squad.
75
00:03:30,774 --> 00:03:31,987
Whoa.
76
00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:34,780
Four bucks for one apple?
77
00:03:34,809 --> 00:03:36,514
That's robbery, I'll give two.
78
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:38,516
They're $4. We have samples if you...
79
00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:40,451
No, no, no, no, no,
I'm not trying anything.
80
00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:42,787
I am in control of this negotiation.
81
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:43,921
Take the sample.
82
00:03:43,923 --> 00:03:46,057
- What is he doing?
- Is it even good?
83
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,392
The best you'll ever have.
84
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,460
See, now you've overplayed your hand
85
00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:51,128
and just lost a customer.
86
00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:52,664
I'm walking away.
87
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:54,799
Adios, señor.
88
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:56,986
Still got any of those apples?
89
00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:01,006
Sucker. That's a fiver.
90
00:04:01,639 --> 00:04:03,341
This is gonna be amazing.
91
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:06,011
People forget,
but apples can go toe-to-toe
92
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,745
with any fruit out there.
93
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:11,016
Well, not peaches, plums, pears,
pomegranates, pineapples...
94
00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:13,618
and those are just the "p's"...
but a good apple is good.
95
00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:16,888
What are you waiting for?
Get to munchin', bro.
96
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:19,490
Oh, no, I paid out
the ass for this thing.
97
00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:21,226
The setting must be perfect.
98
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,228
Every single bite has to be savored.
99
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:25,030
My hands are empty.
Why are my hands empty?
100
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:27,098
I dropped the apple.
When did I drop the apple?
101
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,333
There it goes.
102
00:04:30,402 --> 00:04:32,103
Aah!
103
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,772
It went into that tiny... sinkhole.
104
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:36,241
I know.
105
00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:38,376
I thought for sure it
would go into that one.
106
00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:45,182
Say, "pe-e-e-e-eak."
107
00:04:46,005 --> 00:04:47,118
I'm ready now.
108
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,721
I'm thinking about a prime filet.
109
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,056
You offering any discounts?
110
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,657
I've hit my peak, see.
111
00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:53,991
Congrats there, friend.
112
00:04:53,993 --> 00:04:55,927
Guess it's all downhill from here.
113
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,398
Wait. Wait. Wait, what do you mean?
114
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,133
Don't you get it, I'm at my peak.
115
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,536
Sure, but once you've gone
all the way up,
116
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:07,138
- there's nowhere to go but, uh...
- Farther up?
117
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,775
Uh, how about a dry-aged steak?
118
00:05:09,859 --> 00:05:10,862
Dry?
119
00:05:10,907 --> 00:05:12,209
Aged?
120
00:05:12,211 --> 00:05:13,545
Is that what I look like to you?
121
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:16,081
Hey. I couldn't help but notice you,
122
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,149
and I had to ask.
123
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,684
What's your number?
124
00:05:20,008 --> 00:05:21,218
Oh, Tom.
125
00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:23,354
Hey, are you hitting on my wife?
126
00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:26,291
I was just joking about
what number she was in line.
127
00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:30,628
Tom, your horniness is a
problem for our business.
128
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:34,099
Everybody's coming for me.
They smell blood in the water.
129
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:36,167
You're reading way too much into this.
130
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,435
Oh, this is rich.
131
00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:40,037
Even the flier guy thinks I'm weak.
132
00:05:40,039 --> 00:05:42,941
Stan, they're on every car.
133
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:45,510
I'm not weak!
134
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,312
Alright, update on the peak.
135
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:49,514
My enemies think I'm on the downslope.
136
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:52,717
And thank you for warning me.
Your loyalty will be rewarded.
137
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,185
We were just teasing, Stan.
138
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,320
I wasn't even listening.
139
00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:56,988
Don't take this the wrong way, Dad,
140
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,856
but other people don't
spend a lot of time
141
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:01,258
- thinking about your life.
- Maybe.
142
00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:03,528
But lemme bounce an idea back at you.
143
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,796
I am Tom Brady.
144
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,200
People are jealous and
dying to see me lose.
145
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:13,070
But, like Tom,
I'm starting an anti-aging regimen.
146
00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:14,405
Goop lotions and serums,
147
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:16,207
removing nightshades from my diet,
148
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,743
and daily brain training,
like the crossword.
149
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:20,946
I don't know any of these.
150
00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:22,213
Point is, with this regimen,
151
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,082
I can take my peak and turn it into
152
00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:26,183
a mesa.
153
00:06:26,185 --> 00:06:28,486
Flat greatness. Forever.
154
00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:32,023
Stan, I think you're going
about this all wrong.
155
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:33,090
And honestly?
156
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:34,559
Being pretty narcissistic.
157
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,962
Narcissistic?
I'm thinking about other people
158
00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:38,597
and how they think of me.
159
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,034
Huh, him again.
160
00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:51,309
Hmm, my curiosity is piqued.
161
00:06:51,998 --> 00:06:53,178
Hi, there, Stan.
162
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,445
I'm Dr. Revánche.
163
00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:55,453
Like I said to the tech,
164
00:06:55,495 --> 00:06:57,248
I don't want to do
anything crazy, just...
165
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,583
Freeze the peak.
166
00:06:58,585 --> 00:06:59,985
You came to the right place.
167
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,586
Look what I can do.
168
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:06,123
Damn, son, bring a bucket and mop.
169
00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:07,659
Am I right?
170
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:10,195
But if I can be serious,
this is moving fast.
171
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:12,998
Maybe a tiny bit of botox
to freshen up instead?
172
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,201
Of course. Let's start small.
173
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,337
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
174
00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:21,406
That's the needle you use for botox?
175
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:24,009
This is the needle I
use for heart paralysis.
176
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,610
I'm a bad guy.
177
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:29,014
Oh, that's... honest, at least.
178
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:41,626
Hello, Stan.
179
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:47,632
Aah! What did you do to me?!
180
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,300
Stan, don't worry.
181
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:52,037
You're going to love your new face.
182
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:54,572
Although,
your old one is pretty nice, too.
183
00:07:55,620 --> 00:07:56,708
You were right,
184
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,710
someone was coming for you.
185
00:07:58,712 --> 00:07:59,745
It was me.
186
00:07:59,794 --> 00:08:02,313
I started with your face, but trust me,
187
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,581
it doesn't end there.
188
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:06,718
I'm gonna take your whole life.
189
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:14,392
Aah! Oh, my God, this is crazy.
190
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:18,396
And what is going on with my voice?
191
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:21,799
Oh, I also switched out
your larynx with that guy's.
192
00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:22,867
And I love it.
193
00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:26,304
♪ Good morning, alleywa-a-a-a-a-y ♪
194
00:08:29,963 --> 00:08:31,409
My beautiful face.
195
00:08:31,430 --> 00:08:33,210
My beautiful voice.
196
00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:35,146
That doctor changed everything.
197
00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:36,748
Oh, my God.
198
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:37,949
I guess it's the same.
199
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:41,686
Oh, my God,
what are you even going on about?
200
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,288
Sorry, I was talking to myself.
201
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:44,555
So was I.
202
00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:47,125
Not everything revolves around you.
203
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,562
No. No. Lose the hat.
204
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:53,565
You're right, it's too much.
205
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:59,437
Okay. We are a family at the table.
206
00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:01,439
- It is time for a meal.
- Uh-huh.
207
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:02,840
- Yeah.
- Good summary, Dad.
208
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,442
What's going on with your voice?
209
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,844
It's peaking, along with the rest of me.
210
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:08,513
It's like a second puberty.
211
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:10,782
There's a second puberty?
212
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,450
Oh, no.
213
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:15,153
Got you.
214
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,522
I said that way too soon.
215
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:19,324
Stay where you are. I said, "got you."
216
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,192
- Cop tackle!
- Lemme go.
217
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:22,327
Who is that?
218
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:23,728
And why are they here?
219
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,197
I asked them to stake out the house.
220
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,065
I noticed this man following me,
221
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:32,603
and was afraid he might
come for my home and family.
222
00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:34,405
Lies. He's not who you think he is.
223
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:37,475
He stole my face and my voice.
224
00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:39,010
I'm Stan, not him.
225
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:40,678
How do you explain this, then?
226
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,079
Can't fake that.
227
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:43,548
You gotta believe me.
228
00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:45,616
I just went to the doctor to get botox,
229
00:09:45,618 --> 00:09:48,486
you know, to preserve my peak,
and maybe some lip filler...
230
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:50,388
I'll give ya some lip filler.
231
00:09:50,409 --> 00:09:51,823
He said lip.
232
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:53,291
Why didn't you punch him in the mouth?
233
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:54,826
Oh, duh, of course.
234
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:57,428
Hey buddy, say that sweet,
sweet set-up line again.
235
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,364
C'mon. If we retrace my steps,
236
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:00,766
I can show you how he did it all.
237
00:10:00,839 --> 00:10:02,397
Blammo.
238
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:04,569
Okay, let's go.
239
00:10:05,032 --> 00:10:07,238
I don't think it's coming back.
240
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,573
Let's just get another apple.
241
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:11,176
No, that was a once-in-a-lifetime deal.
242
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:12,844
I'm eating that apple.
243
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,111
You can't fit in there.
244
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:16,381
Sure I can.
Been in a weight-loss contest
245
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:18,783
with college friends,
so I'm slim right now.
246
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,385
Slacked off bad the first week,
247
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,720
got chicken carbonara from
Domino's like 11 times,
248
00:10:22,722 --> 00:10:25,523
but this week I've only had coffee.
249
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:28,860
Okay, it's tight, but not so bad.
250
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:32,730
Oh, no, oh, no, I'm stuck, I'm stuck.
251
00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:35,901
Pull me out, pull me out!
I don't wanna do this anymore!
252
00:10:40,087 --> 00:10:42,139
- Dude.
- I lied.
253
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:43,541
I had four clif bars
254
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:45,877
and a tub of strawberry
frosting this morning.
255
00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,414
He made it.
256
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:52,217
Hi. Okay, it's way down there.
I'll be back.
257
00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:54,419
If you don't hear from me
in a week, um...
258
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,554
Ya know what? Just give up.
Move on with your lives.
259
00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:58,423
We'll all be fine.
260
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:02,293
Just ahead is Dr. Revánche's office.
261
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,029
You'll see where that monster duped me
262
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:07,365
and drugged me and set his
twisted plan in motion.
263
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,034
Buddy, it's empty.
264
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:11,202
I don't get it. Just yesterday this was
265
00:11:11,245 --> 00:11:13,038
a fully-functioning doctor's office.
266
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,041
I mean, his receptionist,
Susan, sat right there.
267
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,775
She had a gruff exterior,
but she really went
268
00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:19,577
to bat for me with my insurance company.
269
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:22,447
Real Stan,
why are we indulging this guy?
270
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:24,515
We're trying to appease a crazy person
271
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,584
because he knows where we live.
272
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,453
- Plus, it's funny, right?
- I know.
273
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:30,655
He put his ads everywhere
on my drive to work.
274
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:33,658
I'll show you.
275
00:11:34,231 --> 00:11:36,728
I swear, he had like five ads in a row.
276
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,730
He couldn't have gotten rid of them all.
277
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:43,869
Sir, you've peeled these ads
all the way back
278
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,136
to old Hollywood.
279
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,239
Oh, wait, the flier on my windshield.
280
00:11:47,298 --> 00:11:48,803
Follow me.
281
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:52,578
I tossed it down here.
282
00:11:52,622 --> 00:11:53,631
Is this it?
283
00:11:53,686 --> 00:11:54,980
No, just a lotto ticket.
284
00:11:54,987 --> 00:11:57,148
Ooh, someone left a box unscratched.
285
00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:58,683
Nope, that was just bird shit.
286
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,151
Can we just arrest this clown?
287
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:03,154
Say, this guy's clearly
going through something.
288
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:05,891
Ya know... maybe I can just
talk some sense into him.
289
00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:07,303
I speak clown.
290
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,695
Why are you doing this?
291
00:12:10,697 --> 00:12:12,630
You don't remember me, do you?
292
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:14,766
Let me freshen your memory.
293
00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:20,371
Many years ago,
I placed a bid on my dream home,
294
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:22,974
but I had competition.
295
00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:26,563
You.
296
00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:30,515
So the sellers asked each
of us to write a letter
297
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:32,049
to help them decide.
298
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:36,053
I put my heart and soul into that letter
299
00:12:36,055 --> 00:12:39,390
but you must have put more
because you got the house.
300
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:40,792
And at the time,
301
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:44,796
I still believed the
world was a fair place.
302
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:46,731
Later on, I ran into the sellers,
303
00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:51,669
who informed me that they
only received one letter.
304
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:54,205
Look familiar?
305
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,473
"I like house.
306
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:56,942
Want to live there bad.
307
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:58,610
Other guy seems like douche."
308
00:12:58,612 --> 00:13:00,678
This is good. How come
you didn't get the house?
309
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,013
That was the letter you wrote!
310
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,348
I don't know how you did it,
311
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,350
but I know you made my letter disappear.
312
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:07,285
Good instincts.
313
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,619
It was definitely me.
314
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,756
I took it and made a clean getaway.
315
00:13:10,815 --> 00:13:13,759
After that, I was enraged.
316
00:13:13,817 --> 00:13:16,027
I became consumed.
317
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:19,497
My wife couldn't dedicate
herself to a life of revenge,
318
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,298
so I ended it.
319
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:25,971
And soon I discovered
your weakness... vanity.
320
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:29,574
So I planted the peak
day idea in your head
321
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:32,577
and led you into my arms...
322
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:33,979
After med school,
323
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,981
a plastic surgery
residency in North Dakota,
324
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:37,849
and a couple years keeping
my [BLEEP] sister's
325
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:40,785
sandwich shop afloat in Woodstock.
326
00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:43,989
And now I have what's rightfully mine...
327
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:49,194
the house and the family I
never got the chance to start.
328
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:54,732
A security camera.
329
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:55,867
That'll prove everything.
330
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,369
I can't get through to this guy.
331
00:13:57,393 --> 00:13:58,880
Arrest him.
332
00:14:03,421 --> 00:14:04,676
We'll never catch him.
333
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,544
He had a crazy head start.
334
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:08,413
He probably ran track.
335
00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:11,616
And now I have what's rightfully mine...
336
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:16,621
The house and the family I
never got the chance to start.
337
00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:18,824
See? Told you it was me, old friend.
338
00:14:18,875 --> 00:14:20,826
Oh, my God, you are you.
339
00:14:20,856 --> 00:14:22,627
You look good, Stan.
340
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,429
Get a bucket and a mop.
341
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:26,497
The voice is sexy, too.
342
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:28,834
Say "banana."
343
00:14:28,836 --> 00:14:31,703
No. Stop making eyes at me and listen.
344
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:32,714
I've been in hell.
345
00:14:32,766 --> 00:14:34,639
But you can save my soul.
346
00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:36,974
You're the linchpin to my whole plan.
347
00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:39,244
Oh, I'm a great linchpin.
348
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:43,981
Reliable, strong, sexy,
charming when I need to be.
349
00:14:43,983 --> 00:14:46,784
Ooh, and if your plan involves walking,
350
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:49,120
I got a great new set of sneakers.
351
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,589
Comfortable, good price, brown.
352
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,791
Oh, and they got
the longest laces, Stan.
353
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:56,194
Shhhh. Less, Tuttle.
354
00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:58,563
Got ya.
355
00:15:00,736 --> 00:15:02,133
Got it.
356
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:03,535
Oh. Lost it.
357
00:15:03,537 --> 00:15:04,836
Got it.
358
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:08,139
Nope. Got it. Got it, yes.
359
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:10,322
Can't hardly see a thing in here.
360
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:14,713
An orange? Ech. I don't want this.
361
00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:17,916
Feel like I shoulda thrown the orange.
362
00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:25,022
As you can see,
I've got some heat on me right now.
363
00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:28,293
So I need you to take this
tape and show my family
364
00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,027
I am who I say I am.
365
00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:31,696
I think I'm getting a blister.
366
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:34,266
Maybe I should go home
and get a band-aid.
367
00:15:34,344 --> 00:15:36,968
Just go.
368
00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:39,170
I'm starting to panic, Stan.
369
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:40,972
Stop turning around and talking to me.
370
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,908
Did that guy just step
out of the bushes?
371
00:15:42,910 --> 00:15:45,643
Yeah. And now he's talking to 'em.
372
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:47,845
You think we should check it out?
373
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:50,715
Nah, now he's crawling
back into the bushes.
374
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:52,717
Just a nature freak.
375
00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:01,058
Oh, my God, he's got my family!
376
00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:03,728
Looks like the Smiths
are going on vacation.
377
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,530
Let's check the scanner.
378
00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:07,332
Officer Blatt, Caruso,
where have you been?
379
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:09,134
Officer down at Sixth Street and av...
380
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:12,403
Ugh, it's always bad news with that guy.
381
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,972
Tell me about it.
382
00:16:14,063 --> 00:16:15,740
Let's go get some ice cream.
383
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:23,848
They're still gone.
384
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:26,390
We need to look for clues
to where he might be going.
385
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,586
Is this something?
386
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,721
Uch, yes, that's an iPad.
387
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:33,124
I mean this.
388
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,225
Oh, my God.
389
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:35,860
Why would he do this to her?
390
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:38,797
He's going to do surgeries on them.
391
00:16:38,799 --> 00:16:40,799
That godless mons... Actually,
392
00:16:40,801 --> 00:16:42,601
Steve might be able to pull this off.
393
00:16:42,603 --> 00:16:43,802
No, must find them.
394
00:16:43,804 --> 00:16:45,870
Okay, Stan, I'll go get my car.
395
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:48,272
Quiet. Let me think. Where?
396
00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:51,876
I remember him testing the tools.
397
00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:54,479
There was a bird...
398
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,747
...and a bridge.
399
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,349
A rickety wooden bridge.
400
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,418
Tuttle, where is the closest
rickety wooden bridge?
401
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:03,888
Uh, there's a pretty solid
one over at the library.
402
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:06,157
Rickety. Rickety for chrissakes.
403
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:08,827
Oh! There's one
at the Japanese tea garden.
404
00:17:08,829 --> 00:17:11,896
Yes! You're a genius.
405
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:13,898
You absolute fool.
406
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:16,234
This is not it.
407
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:18,637
I think... ah...
It's not a bridge... ow...
408
00:17:18,639 --> 00:17:21,506
But there's a rickety
dock at the Marina.
409
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,574
The bridge was a dock.
410
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,376
The bird was a seagull.
411
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,312
Yes, I was on a boat.
412
00:17:27,314 --> 00:17:28,779
That also explains this barnacle
413
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:31,183
that's been stuck on me for days.
Let's go.
414
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,789
He must have them on one of these boats.
415
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:41,893
Some kind of, I dunno, surgery boat?
416
00:17:41,989 --> 00:17:43,261
Do you know which one?
417
00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:45,530
It could literally be any of these.
418
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:48,066
♪ Surgery boat, surgery boat ♪
419
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:51,202
♪ Cuttin'
up faces on a surgery boat ♪
420
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:55,340
♪ It's the eighth row over,
and the third boat do-o-o-o-wn ♪
421
00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:57,075
Look, we're never gonna find
'em if we stand around
422
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,343
listening to this guy sing.
423
00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:00,679
Let's split up and check
the boats one by one.
424
00:18:00,681 --> 00:18:02,280
Go.
425
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:06,817
Mmm.
426
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:08,819
Okay, who wants to go first?
427
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:10,488
Please, no.
428
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:12,423
Please, sir, have mercy.
429
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:15,760
I'll go. Always get the
first appointment of the day,
430
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,428
when the doctor's fresh.
431
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,763
Life hack for you kids.
432
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:22,367
Stop. You guys have to believe me.
433
00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:24,635
That's not the Stan you know.
434
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:26,905
Uh, yeah, we've pretty much
figured that out by now.
435
00:18:26,907 --> 00:18:29,840
Ugh, will you please
just leave me alone?
436
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,042
Listen up, Doc.
437
00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:32,911
I'm only gonna say this once...
438
00:18:32,913 --> 00:18:34,312
Fix my son's cheekbones,
439
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,915
then get the hell away from my family.
440
00:18:36,917 --> 00:18:38,783
Tell him, Dad. Wai... wuh?
441
00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:40,985
Looking at you now,
442
00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:43,822
I see that you need a little touch-up.
443
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:48,459
Nurse, scalpel.
444
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,328
- Still tied up over here.
- Right.
445
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:53,864
I don't care how
obsessed you are with me,
446
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,800
you can't have my family.
447
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,135
You don't get it.
448
00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:59,938
I don't want to have your family.
449
00:18:59,940 --> 00:19:01,406
I want to ruin them,
450
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:03,909
just like you ruined my whole life.
451
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:17,288
Watch the face. Watch the face.
452
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:19,758
Obviously, it's mine.
453
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:22,827
How dare you try to change my family.
454
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:25,430
Let me tell you, as a plastic surgeon,
455
00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:28,233
your family is far from perfect.
456
00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:29,300
You bitch.
457
00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:31,836
Maybe they're not perfect to you,
458
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:34,705
but I love them all as they are...
459
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,041
medium-looking.
460
00:19:36,043 --> 00:19:40,712
Except my wife, she's a [BLEEP] fox!
461
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:51,256
Time to face the music.
462
00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:55,060
I'm so sorry.
463
00:19:55,062 --> 00:19:57,396
When I said I love and
accept you as you are,
464
00:19:57,398 --> 00:19:59,864
I realized maybe that's
what I've been worried about
465
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,065
this whole time.
466
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:03,001
That once I'm past my peak
467
00:20:03,003 --> 00:20:05,203
you might not love and accept me.
468
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:07,872
- Just untie us.
- Hold on, I'm not quite done.
469
00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:11,876
I realize now, though,
you'll never give up on me.
470
00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:13,612
On good ol' Stan.
471
00:20:13,614 --> 00:20:15,680
- Uch, take it off.
- Jee-zuss.
472
00:20:16,251 --> 00:20:18,850
Get a bucket and a mop.
473
00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:22,687
Whew! Glad that's over.
474
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:24,355
Wait, is it over?
475
00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:26,625
Hopefully Dr. Kalgary
can squeeze me in today.
476
00:20:26,627 --> 00:20:27,826
Although, I do like carrying around
477
00:20:27,828 --> 00:20:30,561
this big 'ole flappy face.
478
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,762
Stan.
479
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:33,999
Come on, I'm kissing your ass.
480
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:37,235
Someone stop that apple.
481
00:20:38,194 --> 00:20:41,506
- Roger?
- Whoa, look at your face, dude.
482
00:20:41,508 --> 00:20:42,975
What happened to you?
483
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:45,510
Hey.
484
00:20:45,512 --> 00:20:46,912
That's a $4 apple.
485
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:55,988
What am I doing?
I'll just go buy another one.
486
00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:00,258
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
487
00:21:02,326 --> 00:21:04,079
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
34844
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
