Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,174 --> 00:00:04,004
WOMAN: Previously on
Mad About You...
2
00:00:04,452 --> 00:00:06,661
I was just thinking,
and no implication here,
3
00:00:06,661 --> 00:00:09,250
but I was gonna leave, so,
do you wanna maybe split a cab?
4
00:00:09,250 --> 00:00:11,701
Actually,
I thought I'd take a walk.
5
00:00:11,701 --> 00:00:14,048
Oh, okay.
Do you want to split a walk?
6
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:15,325
What the hell's
the matter with you?
7
00:00:15,325 --> 00:00:17,051
I know.
I don't know what's going on.
8
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:20,296
I mean. I-- I-- I really wanted
to... go with her.
9
00:00:20,296 --> 00:00:22,125
Jamie and I aren't doing
so great right now.
10
00:00:28,269 --> 00:00:29,719
We have to talk.
11
00:00:29,719 --> 00:00:31,169
We took a walk around the block.
12
00:00:32,101 --> 00:00:34,586
She got into a cab,
and I... came home.
13
00:00:36,588 --> 00:00:38,141
But it wasn't just a walk.
14
00:00:38,659 --> 00:00:40,557
I kissed Doug Berkus.
15
00:00:40,557 --> 00:00:42,283
I gotta get out of here.
16
00:00:42,283 --> 00:00:44,251
I can't really be here
right now.
17
00:00:44,251 --> 00:00:45,942
-Where are you going?
-I don't know where.
18
00:00:45,942 --> 00:00:47,426
-Are you coming back?
-I don't know.
19
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,463
-Shouldn't we talk about this?
-No.
20
00:00:49,463 --> 00:00:52,052
I can't talk about this now.
I can't talk.
21
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,777
Okay, wait, just wait.
22
00:00:54,330 --> 00:00:56,159
What's gonna happen now?
23
00:00:56,159 --> 00:00:57,954
-What happens now?
-I don't know, I don't know.
24
00:00:59,818 --> 00:01:00,991
I'm-- I'm...
25
00:01:02,545 --> 00:01:03,615
I don't know.
26
00:01:14,108 --> 00:01:15,247
[KNOCKING]
27
00:01:15,247 --> 00:01:17,007
Come in. It's open.
28
00:01:17,387 --> 00:01:18,699
Li--
29
00:01:18,699 --> 00:01:20,321
Hi, Jamie.
We're playing twister?
30
00:01:20,321 --> 00:01:21,598
You wanna play?
31
00:01:21,598 --> 00:01:22,979
Twister? No, thanks.
32
00:01:25,050 --> 00:01:26,465
-Hi.
-How about a three-way game
33
00:01:26,465 --> 00:01:27,949
-of chutes and ladders?
-Maybe later.
34
00:01:27,949 --> 00:01:29,089
I'll go set it up.
35
00:01:31,850 --> 00:01:33,610
Lisa, help.
36
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,061
-What's the matter?
-I'm in trouble.
37
00:01:36,061 --> 00:01:38,891
-What's up?
-I kissed Doug Berkus.
38
00:01:40,410 --> 00:01:42,550
That guy from the office?
He's so cute.
39
00:01:44,483 --> 00:01:46,071
Okay, really not the point.
40
00:01:46,554 --> 00:01:47,797
I know.
41
00:01:47,797 --> 00:01:49,385
I may have just screwed up
42
00:01:49,385 --> 00:01:51,456
what should have been
a very nice little life.
43
00:01:51,973 --> 00:01:54,804
-Come on. He'll get over it.
-Mine. My life. My life.
44
00:01:54,804 --> 00:01:57,289
All right. All right.
It's not the end of the world.
45
00:01:57,876 --> 00:01:58,946
Come on.
46
00:02:00,361 --> 00:02:01,742
You didn't...
47
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:05,125
-No. God. Of course not.
-All right. All right.
48
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,196
So you know, you'll feel bad
for a little bit.
49
00:02:07,196 --> 00:02:08,645
You'll get over it.
Life goes on.
50
00:02:08,645 --> 00:02:09,784
Paul left.
51
00:02:11,096 --> 00:02:13,305
-What do you mean he left?
-I told him what happened.
52
00:02:13,305 --> 00:02:14,582
He got upset and he left.
53
00:02:14,582 --> 00:02:16,239
And I couldn't stay
in the house alone,
54
00:02:16,239 --> 00:02:17,896
and frankly,
I don't know what to do.
55
00:02:17,896 --> 00:02:18,966
What do I do?
56
00:02:21,624 --> 00:02:23,108
-You're asking me?
-Yes.
57
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,286
Cool.
58
00:02:28,286 --> 00:02:30,391
[PHONE RINGING]
59
00:02:30,391 --> 00:02:32,428
-Yeah?
-Okay. Is he with you?
60
00:02:32,428 --> 00:02:33,808
Yeah. Is she with you?
61
00:02:33,808 --> 00:02:34,913
Uh-huh.
62
00:02:34,913 --> 00:02:36,639
-You believe this?
-LISA: Nope.
63
00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:38,986
Listen. You put her on
and I'll put him on.
64
00:02:41,264 --> 00:02:42,714
She doesn't want to talk to him.
65
00:02:42,714 --> 00:02:44,474
She said
she doesn't want to talk to you.
66
00:02:45,026 --> 00:02:46,580
She doesn't want to talk to me?
67
00:02:46,580 --> 00:02:49,824
No, no, no.
I don't want to talk to her.
68
00:02:51,032 --> 00:02:52,724
Well,
he doesn't want to talk to her.
69
00:02:52,724 --> 00:02:54,657
-Very mature.
-What?
70
00:02:54,657 --> 00:02:57,142
He says it's not that you
that don't wanna talk to him.
71
00:02:57,142 --> 00:02:58,868
It's that he doesn't want
to talk to you.
72
00:02:58,868 --> 00:03:00,697
-Very mature.
-Told you.
73
00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:02,699
They said you're very mature.
74
00:03:03,873 --> 00:03:06,255
Very mature sarcastic,
or very mature sincere?
75
00:03:07,532 --> 00:03:09,292
I'd have to guess sarcastic.
76
00:03:12,330 --> 00:03:14,159
It's not that
I don't wanna talk to him.
77
00:03:14,159 --> 00:03:15,436
It's that
I don't feel comfortable
78
00:03:15,436 --> 00:03:16,851
talking to him right now. Hm?
79
00:03:16,851 --> 00:03:18,370
-What?
-What?
80
00:03:18,370 --> 00:03:20,510
-Never mind. I don't know.
-Never mind. She doesn't know.
81
00:03:20,510 --> 00:03:21,511
She doesn't know.
82
00:03:21,856 --> 00:03:23,375
She doesn't know hopeless,
83
00:03:23,375 --> 00:03:24,721
or she doesn't know,
like, ambivalent?
84
00:03:25,653 --> 00:03:27,241
Will you just please
get on the phone.
85
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:29,036
-No, no.
-LISA: What did he say?
86
00:03:29,036 --> 00:03:30,624
-Hold on a second.
-Hold on a second.
87
00:03:30,624 --> 00:03:32,108
I got nothing to say to her.
88
00:03:32,108 --> 00:03:33,627
He's got nothing to say to her.
89
00:03:33,627 --> 00:03:36,181
-He has nothing to say to you.
-He has nothing to say to me?
90
00:03:36,181 --> 00:03:38,425
-I mean, what is there to say?
-I mean, what is there to say?
91
00:03:38,425 --> 00:03:39,460
A, I don't think
92
00:03:39,460 --> 00:03:40,979
she shouldn't be talking
to anybody right now.
93
00:03:40,979 --> 00:03:43,084
A, he don't think
she should be talking at all.
94
00:03:43,084 --> 00:03:45,121
She should be looking
inside her own soul...
95
00:03:45,121 --> 00:03:46,743
-...look inside her own soul...
-...for some answers...
96
00:03:46,743 --> 00:03:48,331
-...to very sticky questions...
-...to very sticky questions...
97
00:03:48,331 --> 00:03:51,092
...about the definition
of marriage and propriety
98
00:03:51,092 --> 00:03:53,474
and the consequences of actions
that people take in their lives
99
00:03:53,474 --> 00:03:55,131
and the ramifications thereof.
100
00:03:55,131 --> 00:03:56,477
Answers to all kinds of stuff.
101
00:03:58,065 --> 00:03:59,480
-And 2...
-And deux...
102
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:02,172
...in a larger sense... I mean,
what kind of person is she?
103
00:04:02,172 --> 00:04:03,415
-What kind of person is she?
-I mean,
104
00:04:03,415 --> 00:04:04,796
who is this woman
that I thought I knew...
105
00:04:04,796 --> 00:04:06,246
Who is this woman
that he thought he knew.
106
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,695
-...who made a mockery...
-Who has made a mockery...
107
00:04:07,695 --> 00:04:09,041
...of everything
that I held sacred?
108
00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:10,250
...of everything
that he held sacred?
109
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,941
And when we made
our sacred marriage vows...
110
00:04:11,941 --> 00:04:13,529
...and when we made
our sacred marriage vows...
111
00:04:13,529 --> 00:04:15,185
-...for better or for worse...
-...for better or for worse.
112
00:04:15,185 --> 00:04:17,395
-...for sickness or for poorer,
-In poorness and in death.
113
00:04:17,395 --> 00:04:18,982
I don't-- don't recall anybody
making mention...
114
00:04:18,982 --> 00:04:20,294
He doesn't recall
nothing whatsoever...
115
00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:22,054
...of the bride
kissing Douglas Berkus.
116
00:04:22,054 --> 00:04:23,711
...about the bride
kissing this clown, Berkus.
117
00:04:23,711 --> 00:04:24,781
And I'll tell you,
118
00:04:25,782 --> 00:04:27,819
the nerve, the unmitigated gall
119
00:04:27,819 --> 00:04:29,821
of her tearing apart the fabric
of this union
120
00:04:29,821 --> 00:04:31,374
out of personal weakness
121
00:04:31,823 --> 00:04:33,963
leaves any thinking,
feeling human being
122
00:04:33,963 --> 00:04:35,275
with a pit in their stomach.
123
00:04:36,931 --> 00:04:38,864
And tell her I want my dog back.
124
00:04:40,003 --> 00:04:42,351
You tell him that people
who live in glass houses
125
00:04:42,351 --> 00:04:43,628
should not throw stones,
126
00:04:43,628 --> 00:04:46,147
that none of us is so perfect
we may judge our neighbor
127
00:04:46,147 --> 00:04:48,011
and until he's walked a mile
in my shoes,
128
00:04:48,011 --> 00:04:49,047
he has not walked.
129
00:04:50,497 --> 00:04:51,636
Boy, are you in trouble.
130
00:04:53,914 --> 00:04:55,847
And tell him
if he stops by the apartment
131
00:04:55,847 --> 00:04:57,469
to water the plants.
And also tell him
132
00:04:57,469 --> 00:04:59,091
I left a frozen chicken
on the counter.
133
00:04:59,091 --> 00:05:01,024
And tell him if he wants to pick up Murray,
134
00:05:01,024 --> 00:05:02,888
he can come by my office
and get him tomorrow
135
00:05:02,888 --> 00:05:04,096
before his job interview.
136
00:05:04,096 --> 00:05:05,857
And tell him... goodbye.
137
00:05:07,859 --> 00:05:08,860
Did you hear that?
138
00:05:09,378 --> 00:05:10,517
Did you hear that?
139
00:05:11,587 --> 00:05:12,622
Just tell her goodbye.
140
00:05:13,485 --> 00:05:14,486
Goodbye.
141
00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:21,493
So this is Murray.
142
00:05:21,493 --> 00:05:22,667
Yes.
143
00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:25,186
Murray, Doug. Doug, Murray.
144
00:05:25,186 --> 00:05:26,429
Hi, Murray.
145
00:05:26,429 --> 00:05:27,741
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
146
00:05:27,741 --> 00:05:28,880
Listen, Jamie, I...
147
00:05:30,468 --> 00:05:32,297
Hey, can we wait
for the next one?
148
00:05:32,297 --> 00:05:33,747
Is that all right?
149
00:05:33,747 --> 00:05:35,404
-Fourth floor, please.
-Okay
150
00:05:37,233 --> 00:05:38,372
Um...
151
00:05:38,993 --> 00:05:40,201
-About yesterday--
-Doug--
152
00:05:40,201 --> 00:05:42,859
No, I-- I... didn't sleep at all
last night.
153
00:05:43,481 --> 00:05:45,275
Well, that makes 17 of us.
154
00:05:46,449 --> 00:05:47,864
Look, this thing
that happened...
155
00:05:47,864 --> 00:05:49,487
-Doug--
-No, I just can't--
156
00:05:49,487 --> 00:05:51,730
Please just let me say this,
okay?
157
00:05:52,938 --> 00:05:55,872
Uh... I thought
in the back of my crazy head
158
00:05:55,872 --> 00:05:57,771
that you wanted me to...
159
00:05:59,048 --> 00:06:01,637
Now, obviously, you didn't,
but I didn't know that.
160
00:06:01,637 --> 00:06:03,086
And if I had never tried,
161
00:06:03,086 --> 00:06:04,812
I would never have
forgiven myself, Jamie.
162
00:06:04,812 --> 00:06:06,952
-Doug--
-No, and I'm really,
163
00:06:06,952 --> 00:06:10,300
I'm very embarrassed
about this, but...
164
00:06:11,025 --> 00:06:12,717
Please know
that this will never,
165
00:06:12,717 --> 00:06:14,788
-ever happen again.
-No, I-- I know.
166
00:06:16,134 --> 00:06:18,757
I'm really...
Awfully fond of you, Jamie.
167
00:06:19,309 --> 00:06:20,345
I know that.
168
00:06:20,966 --> 00:06:23,244
And maybe in another life...
169
00:06:23,624 --> 00:06:24,867
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
170
00:06:31,460 --> 00:06:33,151
If I thought
that we couldn't be friends,
171
00:06:33,151 --> 00:06:34,497
I would really hate that, Jamie,
172
00:06:34,497 --> 00:06:37,189
so maybe we could just pretend
that this never happened--
173
00:06:37,189 --> 00:06:39,468
-I already told Paul.
-What?
174
00:06:39,882 --> 00:06:42,263
-I told Paul about it.
-Why?
175
00:06:42,712 --> 00:06:45,128
-Because I did.
-Oh, great.
176
00:06:45,128 --> 00:06:46,440
I swear the stairs are faster.
177
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,960
-I bet he wants to kill me.
-He doesn't wanna kill you.
178
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,341
Well, I hope that
you can just tell him that I--
179
00:06:51,341 --> 00:06:52,653
Hold it. Hold. Hold.
180
00:06:53,965 --> 00:06:54,966
Hi.
181
00:06:55,622 --> 00:06:56,726
Hi.
182
00:07:02,767 --> 00:07:03,940
-Hi.
-Hi.
183
00:07:09,256 --> 00:07:10,568
Well...
184
00:07:11,672 --> 00:07:13,467
can anybody think
of anything more awkward?
185
00:07:14,606 --> 00:07:15,676
Honey.
186
00:07:16,815 --> 00:07:18,023
Oh, me?
187
00:07:18,886 --> 00:07:20,198
Yes, you.
188
00:07:20,198 --> 00:07:21,544
Because I wasn't sure.
189
00:07:23,857 --> 00:07:25,375
Listen, I think it's--
190
00:07:25,375 --> 00:07:26,687
[ELEVATOR GRINDS]
191
00:07:27,377 --> 00:07:28,931
You know what?
I really don't think
192
00:07:28,931 --> 00:07:30,519
you should say anything
just now.
193
00:07:30,519 --> 00:07:31,968
-Okay, if I--
-And I'm really,
194
00:07:31,968 --> 00:07:33,211
really sure about that for you.
195
00:07:34,937 --> 00:07:36,525
Okay, I don't know
what's going on
196
00:07:36,525 --> 00:07:37,698
between the two of you.
197
00:07:37,698 --> 00:07:39,424
I think that's pretty obvious.
198
00:07:39,424 --> 00:07:40,908
There's nothing going on.
199
00:07:41,737 --> 00:07:43,186
I really wouldn't call it
nothing.
200
00:07:43,186 --> 00:07:45,603
No, no, I swear to you,
there is nothing going on.
201
00:07:47,570 --> 00:07:49,020
Look how nice
you both get along.
202
00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:50,780
[ELEVATOR ALARM RINGS]
203
00:07:50,780 --> 00:07:54,197
Honey, the security guys come
if the elevator isn't--
204
00:07:57,407 --> 00:07:58,685
[JAMIE SIGHS]
205
00:08:01,170 --> 00:08:02,274
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
206
00:08:05,899 --> 00:08:08,246
Do you want to come in
and talk for a minute?
207
00:08:08,246 --> 00:08:09,350
No. It's okay.
208
00:08:09,350 --> 00:08:11,352
I just want to talk to Doug
for a second.
209
00:08:12,146 --> 00:08:13,354
What are you doing?
210
00:08:14,355 --> 00:08:15,667
I'm just gonna talk to Doug.
211
00:08:35,066 --> 00:08:36,757
-You married?
-No.
212
00:08:37,655 --> 00:08:39,657
-Ever been married?
-No.
213
00:08:40,381 --> 00:08:41,417
Hmm.
214
00:08:41,935 --> 00:08:43,833
But I know
that it is not easy to...
215
00:08:43,833 --> 00:08:44,903
Really?
216
00:08:48,148 --> 00:08:50,495
Yes. And I want to say,
Paul, that I'm--
217
00:08:50,495 --> 00:08:51,565
[ELEVATOR GRINDS]
218
00:08:52,393 --> 00:08:56,052
Listen, I know
that whatever is wrong,
219
00:08:56,052 --> 00:08:58,123
whatever's going on
with Jamie and me,
220
00:08:58,123 --> 00:09:00,022
that is our problem.
We will fix it.
221
00:09:00,022 --> 00:09:01,610
That's got nothing to do
with you.
222
00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:06,442
It was wrong,
and I apologize to both of you.
223
00:09:06,442 --> 00:09:08,582
-That's very sweet.
-I mean that, Paul.
224
00:09:09,790 --> 00:09:12,241
I understand.
That's awfully civilized.
225
00:09:12,241 --> 00:09:14,554
At the same time,
I have to say to you,
226
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,936
and I mean this with nothing
but respect for you
227
00:09:17,936 --> 00:09:19,144
as a professional.
228
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:23,493
If you ever touch
my wife again...
229
00:09:23,942 --> 00:09:25,150
I won't.
230
00:09:25,150 --> 00:09:26,358
-I promise.
-[ALARM RINGS]
231
00:09:32,088 --> 00:09:33,434
-[ALARM STOPS]
-[ELEVATORS CONTINUES]
232
00:09:41,166 --> 00:09:42,789
Did you think
I was gonna hit you?
233
00:09:43,928 --> 00:09:45,136
Yeah, I did.
234
00:09:47,828 --> 00:09:48,967
Good.
235
00:09:55,249 --> 00:09:57,666
MARK: Best thing for that, cold beer and some karaoke.
236
00:09:59,115 --> 00:10:00,772
Mark, you should see this guy.
237
00:10:00,772 --> 00:10:02,774
He's sleeping on my couch
three in the morning
238
00:10:02,774 --> 00:10:04,880
watching Flipper
in his underwear and crying.
239
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:06,882
[LAUGHING]
240
00:10:06,882 --> 00:10:09,229
That's funny.
Excuse me for having emotions.
241
00:10:09,229 --> 00:10:11,611
You guys ever have a marriage
that just fell to crap?
242
00:10:12,232 --> 00:10:13,336
-Yes.
-Yeah.
243
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,374
-All right, then. So shut up.
-All right.
244
00:10:16,374 --> 00:10:18,790
What would you like us to do
to make you feel better?
245
00:10:19,895 --> 00:10:21,275
You know what would I like?
246
00:10:21,275 --> 00:10:23,105
I would really like
to punch somebody.
247
00:10:23,105 --> 00:10:24,451
Who Berkus?
248
00:10:24,451 --> 00:10:26,315
-For starters, yeah.
-You should have.
249
00:10:26,764 --> 00:10:27,903
Want to hit me?
250
00:10:28,317 --> 00:10:29,974
Hit you, why? What did you do?
251
00:10:29,974 --> 00:10:31,838
Nothing. It's just a release.
You'll feel better.
252
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,082
You would let me hit you?
253
00:10:35,082 --> 00:10:36,877
Sure. If it would make you
feel better.
254
00:10:36,877 --> 00:10:38,879
-Thank you.
-You want to?
255
00:10:38,879 --> 00:10:40,156
Nah. Maybe later.
256
00:10:40,156 --> 00:10:41,502
Come on, now. Do it now.
257
00:10:43,194 --> 00:10:44,540
-Really?
-Yeah. Go ahead.
258
00:10:44,540 --> 00:10:45,748
Go ahead.
259
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,028
Come on. That's not a hit.
260
00:10:50,028 --> 00:10:51,512
Paulie, that's not a hit.
261
00:10:51,512 --> 00:10:53,238
-That's a hit.
-There you go.
262
00:10:53,238 --> 00:10:54,757
-It hurts!
-What are you doing?
263
00:10:54,757 --> 00:10:56,276
-Me. What about me?
-Yeah, all right.
264
00:10:56,276 --> 00:10:58,727
Yeah. Okay, there. Now...
265
00:10:58,727 --> 00:11:00,763
-Now we feel better?
-Not one ounce.
266
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:04,387
You know what would I like?
I wanna be like my wife.
267
00:11:04,387 --> 00:11:05,734
I'd like to kiss somebody.
268
00:11:05,734 --> 00:11:06,804
Want to kiss me?
269
00:11:08,564 --> 00:11:10,428
-You would let me kiss you?
-Sure.
270
00:11:10,428 --> 00:11:12,016
-I don't wanna kiss you.
-Come on.
271
00:11:12,016 --> 00:11:13,396
Maybe it'll make you
feel better.
272
00:11:13,396 --> 00:11:15,295
Understand,
that has zero appeal to me.
273
00:11:15,295 --> 00:11:16,365
I understand.
274
00:11:16,917 --> 00:11:18,091
-Maybe later?
-Maybe later.
275
00:11:20,334 --> 00:11:22,129
Okay, all right.
See right there.
276
00:11:22,129 --> 00:11:23,268
That's a perfect example
277
00:11:23,268 --> 00:11:25,063
of somebody
that I would like to kiss.
278
00:11:25,063 --> 00:11:26,616
Well, you know,
I hate to nitpick,
279
00:11:26,616 --> 00:11:27,859
but, you know, kissing somebody
280
00:11:27,859 --> 00:11:30,241
-wouldn't make you even.
-Why not?
281
00:11:30,241 --> 00:11:31,967
Because James
didn't kiss somebody.
282
00:11:31,967 --> 00:11:34,555
-Somebody kissed her.
-It's true. The man has a point.
283
00:11:34,555 --> 00:11:36,661
-So?
-So technically,
284
00:11:36,661 --> 00:11:37,938
somebody would have to kiss you.
285
00:11:39,112 --> 00:11:41,701
Yeah. Then I could like take
about half an hour
286
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,668
to push them away,
pretend I didn't enjoy it.
287
00:11:43,668 --> 00:11:46,084
Hey, hey, come on. Come on.
Let's be fair to Jamie.
288
00:11:46,084 --> 00:11:48,328
This was a one-time thing,
an isolated incident.
289
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:50,744
You know, in Europe,
this happens all the time.
290
00:11:54,334 --> 00:11:56,336
-Where?
-In Europe.
291
00:11:56,336 --> 00:11:58,062
-Where in Europe?
-Wherever you want
292
00:11:58,062 --> 00:11:59,063
Italy, France.
293
00:11:59,891 --> 00:12:02,135
You don't think in France
this is happening every day?
294
00:12:02,135 --> 00:12:03,653
Oh. The French don't care.
295
00:12:03,653 --> 00:12:05,725
IRA: That's right.
It happens all the time,
296
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,519
Every day, every minute. What?
297
00:12:08,141 --> 00:12:09,280
Bingo. Just happened.
298
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,871
A guy in Marseille
just grabbed another guy's wife
299
00:12:13,871 --> 00:12:15,113
right in the croissant.
300
00:12:16,011 --> 00:12:17,702
All right.
So, why can't I do that?
301
00:12:17,702 --> 00:12:19,739
Because that's not you.
These people are French.
302
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:20,740
Don't you understand?
303
00:12:22,293 --> 00:12:23,812
All right. What about her?
304
00:12:23,812 --> 00:12:25,261
-What about her?
-What about her?
305
00:12:25,261 --> 00:12:26,953
See.
I don't even know what to do.
306
00:12:26,953 --> 00:12:29,162
What if she kissed me
out of her own goodwill?
307
00:12:29,162 --> 00:12:30,646
Well, you'd be one lucky man.
308
00:12:32,165 --> 00:12:34,892
-Here you go.
-Here you go, sweetheart.
309
00:12:36,169 --> 00:12:38,274
-What-- What is your name?
-Sandra.
310
00:12:38,274 --> 00:12:39,620
Sandra, Sandra, do you know
311
00:12:39,620 --> 00:12:41,243
that it happens to be
my birthday today?
312
00:12:41,657 --> 00:12:43,486
-Oh. Is it really?
-Yep.
313
00:12:45,178 --> 00:12:46,489
Well, happy birthday.
314
00:12:51,149 --> 00:12:52,564
So, I took a shot there.
315
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:54,774
Now, Paulie,
don't make us drag you out here.
316
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,361
You think
you're the first couple
317
00:12:56,361 --> 00:12:57,811
-to go through this?
-I know.
318
00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:00,055
Look, look, Fran and I
were just married. All right?
319
00:13:00,503 --> 00:13:02,126
There's this guy
in Fran's office.
320
00:13:02,126 --> 00:13:04,059
He keeps calling her
and calling--
321
00:13:04,645 --> 00:13:07,062
No, I'm sorry.
No, that wasn't Fran.
322
00:13:07,062 --> 00:13:08,511
That was another couple.
The Kopecks.
323
00:13:08,511 --> 00:13:10,651
They're friends of ours. But--
Fran told me--
324
00:13:10,651 --> 00:13:12,343
It's funny it sticks
in your mind but--
325
00:13:12,343 --> 00:13:14,000
You understand
what I'm trying to tell you?
326
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,622
Work things through.
It gets better.
327
00:13:15,622 --> 00:13:16,968
Mark, look,
328
00:13:16,968 --> 00:13:18,728
you're gonna depress the boy.
All right?
329
00:13:18,728 --> 00:13:20,938
ANNOUNCER: Whoever were
Hank Williams, your song is up.
330
00:13:20,938 --> 00:13:23,112
Here we go. It's our turn.
Come on. Let's go.
331
00:13:23,112 --> 00:13:24,355
Just what you need.
332
00:13:24,355 --> 00:13:26,184
-What do I need?
-You need a release.
333
00:13:26,184 --> 00:13:27,496
I-- I don't sing.
334
00:13:27,496 --> 00:13:29,498
You don't have to sing.
You just be loud.
335
00:13:29,498 --> 00:13:31,569
Ladies and gentlemen,
we have a little song now
336
00:13:31,569 --> 00:13:32,881
from the birthday boy.
337
00:13:33,951 --> 00:13:35,538
You guys,
make fools of yourselves.
338
00:13:35,538 --> 00:13:36,781
Make fool of yourself.
339
00:13:36,781 --> 00:13:38,679
-You go, you go.
-No, no, no.
340
00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:41,959
BOTH: ♪ Your cheating heart
341
00:13:42,545 --> 00:13:44,064
BOTH: ♪ Will make you weep ♪
342
00:13:44,064 --> 00:13:46,515
I don't know these guys
they have nothing to do with me.
343
00:13:46,515 --> 00:13:50,312
BOTH: ♪ You'll cry and cry ♪
344
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:54,005
-♪ And try to sleep ♪
-[PAUL MUMBLES]
345
00:13:54,005 --> 00:13:57,698
-♪ But sleep--
-♪ won't come
346
00:13:57,698 --> 00:13:59,908
♪ The whole night through
347
00:13:59,908 --> 00:14:01,979
-Sing it, Paul. Sing it.
-Whole night through.
348
00:14:01,979 --> 00:14:03,946
♪ Your cheating heart
349
00:14:03,946 --> 00:14:05,948
[MARK AND IRA CHIME IN]
350
00:14:05,948 --> 00:14:07,950
♪ Will tell on you
351
00:14:07,950 --> 00:14:09,607
-Will tell on you.
-Straight to Alabama.
352
00:14:09,607 --> 00:14:12,092
♪ Your cheating heart
353
00:14:12,092 --> 00:14:13,714
-Cheating heart.
-Ladies and gentlemen.
354
00:14:13,714 --> 00:14:15,371
♪ Will tell on you
355
00:14:15,371 --> 00:14:17,960
-Just like your little sister.
-[MARK AND IRA CHIME IN]
356
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:21,308
-♪ You'll cry and cry
-Sobbing, sobbing.
357
00:14:21,308 --> 00:14:23,966
-♪ The whole night through ♪
-The whole night through.
358
00:14:23,966 --> 00:14:25,830
[MARK AND IRA
TALKING OVER EACH OTHER]
359
00:14:25,830 --> 00:14:27,349
[PAUL MUMBLES]
360
00:14:27,349 --> 00:14:28,729
Sing it like he does.
361
00:14:28,729 --> 00:14:30,179
♪ The way I do
362
00:14:30,179 --> 00:14:32,595
And he does like,
clop, clop, clop.
363
00:14:32,595 --> 00:14:36,151
-♪ Your cheating heart ♪
-Cheating heart.
364
00:14:36,151 --> 00:14:39,913
-♪Will tell on you
-♪ Will tell on you
365
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:43,020
-♪ Will tell on you ♪
-Will tell on you.
366
00:14:44,055 --> 00:14:49,681
ALL: ♪ Will tell on you
367
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:50,820
[APPLAUSE]
368
00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:52,512
-Thank you.
-Yes.
369
00:14:52,512 --> 00:14:54,341
Thank you. Good night.
370
00:14:54,341 --> 00:14:56,481
There you go. Birthday boy.
371
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,863
Very nice, Paulie.
372
00:14:58,863 --> 00:15:03,419
Oh, wow. That was really great.
Happy birthday.
373
00:15:08,045 --> 00:15:09,701
-There you go. You happy now?
-No.
374
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:11,462
That's not what I had planned
at all.
375
00:15:13,291 --> 00:15:14,948
-SYLVIA: Where is Jamie?
-Why?
376
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:16,812
Why? Is that
an unreasonable question?
377
00:15:16,812 --> 00:15:19,677
You're married to that woman.
You're here, she's not.
378
00:15:19,677 --> 00:15:21,437
No, she had to...
379
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:24,578
She was supposed to--
You know what happened?
380
00:15:24,578 --> 00:15:26,028
Forget it.
I'm not that interested.
381
00:15:26,028 --> 00:15:27,305
Believe me.
382
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,136
-What are you doing?
-Making coffee.
383
00:15:30,136 --> 00:15:33,035
-Why?
-If Ziggy Klarik is coming over,
384
00:15:33,035 --> 00:15:35,003
I want to give the man
some coffee.
385
00:15:35,003 --> 00:15:37,660
You're gonna give Ziggy Klarik
a cup of coffee?
386
00:15:37,660 --> 00:15:39,939
You're not gonna give
Ziggy Klarik a cup of coffee.
387
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,837
Ziggy Klarik doesn't deserve
a cup of coffee!
388
00:15:41,837 --> 00:15:43,943
It's not the good coffee.
389
00:15:45,185 --> 00:15:47,429
Pop, what is it with you
and Ziggy Klarik?
390
00:15:47,429 --> 00:15:50,018
-Yeah, what happened?
-It's-- It's nothing.
391
00:15:50,018 --> 00:15:51,847
Forget it.
It's a long time ago.
392
00:15:51,847 --> 00:15:53,331
Oh, please, Burt,
tell them already.
393
00:15:53,331 --> 00:15:54,815
1954,
394
00:15:55,402 --> 00:15:57,991
a salesman comes into my store
with his new product.
395
00:15:57,991 --> 00:15:59,820
He says it's gonna sweep
the nation.
396
00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:01,305
It's a circular thing.
397
00:16:01,305 --> 00:16:03,721
It's tubular,
it's a circular tube.
398
00:16:03,721 --> 00:16:06,103
He says, "Burt,
this is gonna sweep the nation."
399
00:16:06,103 --> 00:16:08,760
-Sweetie, the short version.
-Oh.
400
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,659
He puts this tube
around his waist,
401
00:16:10,659 --> 00:16:12,109
and he starts twirling.
402
00:16:12,488 --> 00:16:14,663
Wait a minute. A hula-hoop?
403
00:16:14,663 --> 00:16:16,078
This guy brought you
the hula-hoop?
404
00:16:16,078 --> 00:16:19,806
That's right. We made a deal
for me to be the exclusive
405
00:16:19,806 --> 00:16:22,119
hula-hoop distributor
in the tri-state area.
406
00:16:22,119 --> 00:16:23,292
-The hula-hoop.
-Wow.
407
00:16:23,292 --> 00:16:25,950
The very next day,
I get a call from this guy.
408
00:16:25,950 --> 00:16:27,676
Ziggy Klarik outbid me.
409
00:16:27,676 --> 00:16:29,436
He knocks me
right out of the box.
410
00:16:29,436 --> 00:16:31,197
He makes millions.
And me,
411
00:16:31,197 --> 00:16:34,579
every time I see a hula-hoop,
now I get a pain right here.
412
00:16:34,579 --> 00:16:36,443
Oh, Burt,
don't eat your guts out.
413
00:16:36,443 --> 00:16:37,617
It was 40 years ago.
414
00:16:37,617 --> 00:16:40,068
Yeah. Meanwhile, the guy
is coming into my kitchen,
415
00:16:40,068 --> 00:16:41,448
and you're making him coffee.
416
00:16:41,448 --> 00:16:44,072
Because his son
is gonna marry Lisa.
417
00:16:44,072 --> 00:16:45,625
So, you know what?
For everybody's sake,
418
00:16:45,625 --> 00:16:48,628
could you and Ziggy to sit down
and try to work out a solution?
419
00:16:48,628 --> 00:16:50,871
Well,
there is a simple solution.
420
00:16:50,871 --> 00:16:52,114
He can drop dead.
421
00:16:52,942 --> 00:16:54,151
[BUZZER]
422
00:16:54,151 --> 00:16:56,567
-I think it's them.
-Them who?
423
00:16:56,567 --> 00:16:58,672
Whoever's coming who isn't us.
424
00:17:00,226 --> 00:17:01,951
I got it. I will get it.
425
00:17:05,231 --> 00:17:06,370
Hi.
426
00:17:06,370 --> 00:17:07,992
-Hi.
-Hi.
427
00:17:08,406 --> 00:17:10,477
You know what,
I'm gonna give you two a minute.
428
00:17:12,893 --> 00:17:14,654
I'm surprised you came.
429
00:17:14,654 --> 00:17:16,414
I didn't want to.
But Lisa asked--
430
00:17:16,414 --> 00:17:18,140
I believe you.
I was not looking forward
431
00:17:18,140 --> 00:17:19,866
-to this, either.
-I know.
432
00:17:19,866 --> 00:17:22,213
Um... All right,
as long as we're here...
433
00:17:22,972 --> 00:17:25,975
Listen, my parents don't know
anything about this, so...
434
00:17:25,975 --> 00:17:27,632
And they don't need to know,
so...
435
00:17:27,632 --> 00:17:29,531
Can we just pretend
at least for the afternoon
436
00:17:29,531 --> 00:17:30,635
that we're still us?
437
00:17:31,015 --> 00:17:32,051
Okay.
438
00:17:36,676 --> 00:17:38,574
-Hi.
-James.
439
00:17:38,574 --> 00:17:40,887
-Look who's here.
-How is everybody?
440
00:17:40,887 --> 00:17:42,751
Well,
we have an anniversary party
441
00:17:42,751 --> 00:17:44,442
and engagement party
on the same day.
442
00:17:44,442 --> 00:17:46,720
But other than that,
we're getting by.
443
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:48,412
[BUZZER]
444
00:17:48,412 --> 00:17:50,069
That's Sanford and his daddy.
445
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,794
-[BUZZER GOES ON]
-Let me get that.
446
00:17:51,794 --> 00:17:53,348
Boy, the rich buzz long.
447
00:17:53,348 --> 00:17:55,557
-[BUZZER GOES ON]
-Enough already. We hear you.
448
00:17:56,213 --> 00:17:57,214
By the way,
449
00:17:57,869 --> 00:17:59,078
you look very pretty.
450
00:18:00,182 --> 00:18:01,839
Thank you.
You look nice, too.
451
00:18:03,323 --> 00:18:04,738
All right, shall we?
452
00:18:05,498 --> 00:18:07,672
Because I've got 15 minutes.
453
00:18:08,501 --> 00:18:10,054
You ever seen a watch like that?
454
00:18:10,434 --> 00:18:12,574
No, I would imagine not.
455
00:18:13,713 --> 00:18:15,680
Honey, we took a checker cab.
456
00:18:16,233 --> 00:18:18,269
-I sat in the jump seat.
-Cool.
457
00:18:18,269 --> 00:18:20,547
Hey, Ziggy Klarik,
this is my sister, Jamie.
458
00:18:20,547 --> 00:18:21,893
-Hi.
-What's your name?
459
00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:23,067
-Jamie.
-Jamie.
460
00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:24,655
-Hi, Jamie.
-Hi, Sanford.
461
00:18:24,655 --> 00:18:25,828
We took a checker cab.
462
00:18:25,828 --> 00:18:26,967
I heard.
463
00:18:28,383 --> 00:18:30,695
-This is my brother-in-law Paul.
-Hi.
464
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,456
-What's your name?
-Paul.
465
00:18:32,456 --> 00:18:33,836
And this is Paul's mom Sylvia.
466
00:18:33,836 --> 00:18:35,493
Impossible.
467
00:18:35,493 --> 00:18:36,529
What?
468
00:18:36,874 --> 00:18:38,427
You can't be his mom.
469
00:18:38,876 --> 00:18:40,395
Maybe his sister.
470
00:18:40,395 --> 00:18:42,949
Oh, Mr. Klarik. [LAUGHS]
471
00:18:42,949 --> 00:18:44,537
His younger sister.
472
00:18:44,537 --> 00:18:45,745
[LAUGHS]
473
00:18:45,745 --> 00:18:47,126
All right, all right, all right.
474
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,093
Quiet. What's wrong with you?
475
00:18:50,267 --> 00:18:51,820
And I believe you know this man.
476
00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:53,994
-Hello, Burt.
-Ziggy.
477
00:18:53,994 --> 00:18:55,341
Been a long time.
478
00:18:55,341 --> 00:18:56,376
Uh-huh.
479
00:18:56,825 --> 00:18:58,999
You still got
that 12,000 square feet
480
00:18:58,999 --> 00:19:01,278
-on 8th avenue?
-That's right.
481
00:19:01,278 --> 00:19:02,520
Yeah.
482
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:03,590
Sporting goods?
483
00:19:04,039 --> 00:19:05,420
-Yep.
-Yeah.
484
00:19:06,352 --> 00:19:07,594
What did you clear last year?
485
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,734
We did all right.
486
00:19:09,734 --> 00:19:11,460
[LAUGHS]
487
00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:13,152
I'm sure you did.
488
00:19:14,705 --> 00:19:16,810
So, Ziggy,
let me ask you a question.
489
00:19:16,810 --> 00:19:18,053
Ooh, dad, let's not do that.
490
00:19:18,053 --> 00:19:20,193
How's the hula-hoop business?
491
00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:22,264
-What?
-Come on. 1954.
492
00:19:22,264 --> 00:19:23,921
-What about it?
-Come on. Don't pretend
493
00:19:23,921 --> 00:19:25,819
like you don't remember.
You screwed me, Klarik.
494
00:19:25,819 --> 00:19:27,442
-I screwed you?
-Yeah.
495
00:19:27,442 --> 00:19:28,753
You should've upped your price.
496
00:19:28,753 --> 00:19:30,997
My price?
I had a very fair price.
497
00:19:30,997 --> 00:19:35,277
So I was more fair.
Is it a crime to be more fair?
498
00:19:35,277 --> 00:19:37,659
I had a deal with that man
and you know it.
499
00:19:37,659 --> 00:19:39,902
-I know nothing.
-JAMIE: Excuse me, gentlemen.
500
00:19:39,902 --> 00:19:41,249
I'm sorry. But--
501
00:19:41,249 --> 00:19:43,734
We're here to discuss
the future, not the past...
502
00:19:43,734 --> 00:19:44,838
Yeah.
503
00:19:44,838 --> 00:19:46,737
...specifically,
two weeks from next Sunday,
504
00:19:46,737 --> 00:19:48,048
-the 12th.
-Yeah.
505
00:19:48,048 --> 00:19:52,121
So, if-- if we could either move
the anniversary party
506
00:19:52,121 --> 00:19:53,985
-or the engagement party--
-[SNORTS]
507
00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:56,643
"Engagement party."
Thank you, sweetheart.
508
00:19:57,334 --> 00:19:59,991
To tell you the truth,
up until about five weeks ago,
509
00:19:59,991 --> 00:20:01,441
I thought my son was gay.
510
00:20:03,478 --> 00:20:04,996
Dad, don't start this again.
511
00:20:04,996 --> 00:20:06,550
What am I starting?
512
00:20:06,929 --> 00:20:09,760
Who am I?
I'm an old-fashioned guy.
513
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:11,071
To me, you're gay.
514
00:20:11,934 --> 00:20:14,972
All right. Why don't we
just cut to the chase? Okay?
515
00:20:14,972 --> 00:20:16,491
Who's gonna change
their party date?
516
00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:23,567
How much?
517
00:20:23,567 --> 00:20:24,775
-How much?
-How much?
518
00:20:24,775 --> 00:20:26,880
-How much?
-How much? Yeah.
519
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,192
-Give me a number.
-A number?
520
00:20:28,192 --> 00:20:29,676
Yeah, a price.
521
00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:32,886
I give you money,
you take your party
522
00:20:32,886 --> 00:20:34,267
-to another Sunday.
-Dad--
523
00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:35,579
-Ziggy.
-All right. That's enough.
524
00:20:35,579 --> 00:20:36,683
-It really is.
-Jamie.
525
00:20:36,683 --> 00:20:38,478
I'm sorry, Lisa,
but there comes a point.
526
00:20:38,478 --> 00:20:40,377
Listen. My parents don't need
your dirty hula-hoop money.
527
00:20:40,377 --> 00:20:42,482
You can't just walk
into their home,
528
00:20:42,482 --> 00:20:44,898
into their kitchen criticizing
and disparaging.
529
00:20:44,898 --> 00:20:47,107
They're not an appliance
or toaster or something.
530
00:20:47,107 --> 00:20:48,350
These are people.
531
00:20:48,350 --> 00:20:50,663
You can't put a price
on 45 years of marriage.
532
00:20:50,663 --> 00:20:52,009
You can't just buy that.
533
00:21:00,017 --> 00:21:01,536
I'll give you $10,000.
534
00:21:01,536 --> 00:21:02,675
BOTH: Sold.
535
00:21:08,577 --> 00:21:10,683
♪ [THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
38392
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.