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This programme contains
some strong language
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Good evening! And welcome to QI,
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where tonight we are celebrating
100 years of the BBC
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in an episode that's all about
television itself.
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So for tonight's panel I'm using
words the BBC experimented with
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in 1935, to describe viewers
of this brand-new technology.
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Let's meet a telly observist,
Greg James!
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An opto-viser, Zoe Lyons!
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I like it.
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A looker-in, Richard Osman!
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And...
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..a bit of a glancer,
it's Alan Davies!
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Thank you very much.
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Right, let's hear their TV tunes.
Greg goes...
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MUSIC: "Grandstand" THEME
Oh.
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Love that. Zoe goes...
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MUSIC: "Ski Sunday" THEME
Oh, perfect. That's good, isn't it?
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I love the hip action there.
Very good.
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Like a mogul field. Richard goes...
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MUSIC: "Wimbledon" THEME
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And Alan goes...
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# Tinky-Winky! Tinky-Winky!
Dipsy! Dipsy!
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# Laa-Laa! Laa-Laa!
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# Po! Po! #
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LAUGHTER
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That's all we've got time for.
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Right, question number one.
You all spend a lot of time on TV,
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but who has spent more time
on television
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than anyone else in the world?
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I feel like Richard's
got a good shout.
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KLAXON
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It's good to pop your klaxon
cherry right there. Yes, it is.
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Is it the test card girl? She was
always on when I was a kid.
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You are absolutely right.
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Are you serious?! Oh, wow!
APPLAUSE
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Yes. Are you serious? Oh, wow.
It is the most broadcast face
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in the history of television.
To be fair, Sandi,
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I'm inside that clown costume,
so that's me as well.
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She's called Carole Hersee
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and it is estimated that Carole
has been on the air
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over 70,000 hours. Wow.
That's eight continuous years.
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And she is here with Bubbles
the clown tonight. There she is!
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Great work, Carole!
APPLAUSE
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Wow.
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So...questions that we have.
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Where did you get Bubbles the clown
from? He was a kit and I made him.
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Oh! So your dad, George,
he was an engineer at the BBC.
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Yes, and he was helping
to design test cards.
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And it was just decided that a child
would be better than an adult
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because there would be no fashion,
no make-up to worry about.
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Yeah. And it just happened to be
that Dad had sent in some pictures
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of my sister and I,
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and the committee decided, "We might
as well stick with his children."
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You must have the Guinness World
Record, surely, for being... No.
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No? Because it's not something
that's achievable to be beaten.
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Oh! That sounds like
a challenge. Yes.
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I'm honestly trying my best.
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I'm free for the next 80,000 days.
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But you must
have been incredibly famous.
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People must have stopped you
and gone,
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"Where's the clown? Get the clown!
Let's play noughts and crosses!"
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No, not really. Oh, OK.
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OK, well, where's the clown?
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Let's play noughts and crosses!
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But to anyone under 40, they must
wonder what that picture is.
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To us, it's literally like
the Mona Lisa. It's so familiar.
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I'm under 40. I know it. But only
from, like, I Love 1977 episodes.
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Are these the unused alternatives,
the ones that are on the screen?
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It was done in two sessions. These
were taken in the first session.
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Then they decided what they were
going to make the picture up as.
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And it was decided that
the blackboard was a good foil
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for finding
the centre of the screen.
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And did you go on into
working in television?
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No, I make period costume for
the stage. Do you?
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How wonderful. Wow. Amazing.
I'm intrigued by the committee.
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Yes, it's the BBC.
There's always a committee.
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Thank you so much for coming in!
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Thanks to Carole Hersee!
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Well, we're delighted to give her
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a little bit of screen time
on QI tonight
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because, you know,
definitely needs it. Right.
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How does the BBC send people
to sleep? What do you reckon?
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The Shipping Forecast. Yes...
KLAXON
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So there used to be a thing
called The Toddlers' Truce.
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1946 to 1957, there was
no television at all in Britain
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from 6pm to 7pm.
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OK? And this was so that
they could put the children to bed.
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It worked really well
until ITV started in 1955.
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Why would that scupper
having this hour break?
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They could just plough straight
through. But why would they want to?
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To suck up... Get all the viewers.
..the audience. Get the viewers.
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It's revenue. Advertising revenue.
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It's all revenue, this business,
Sandi. It's all revenue. Yeah.
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They lost an hour
of prime-time advertising.
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And they filled it with Nationwide.
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After 17 months of wrangling,
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Parliament finally agreed
to abolish it in February, 1957.
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We just went to bed when the news
came on. Three-day week,
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something about Belfast. Bedtime.
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LAUGHTER
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When I was a child, my father was
a broadcaster in Denmark.
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And television
would come on at seven.
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And then my dad would be
sitting there. He read the news.
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And he often did it with a pipe
and he always had a telephone
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because they couldn't afford
to have filmed inserts.
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So sometimes the phone would ring
and my dad would answer the phone
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and that went on for an hour
of my dad just reading
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and then at eight o'clock they would
have a half-hour documentary
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about the Queen's
silver spoon collection,
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and then the whole service would
close down. My father was two-thirds
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of all available television
in Denmark. Wow. Wow. Wow.
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He had a pipe during the news?! Yes!
Sometimes a little beer as well.
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I imagine him putting on different
hats and different outfits,
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little moustaches. Yeah.
Like a big Edinburgh show.
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Yeah. Just, "Yay!"
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"Meanwhile, in Germany..."
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Are you sure he was on TV?
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He might have just been
behind your television.
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LAUGHTER
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Right, what do you get
on the Blue Peter black market?
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Oh! Hmm.
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Milk bottle tops. Aww.
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What do they collect now?
There aren't any milk bottle tops.
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Toenails.
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The very first Blue Peter badge was
awarded on the 17th of June, 1963.
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It is probably
the world's longest-running
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family discount scheme.
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So you can get into
over 200 UK attractions for free
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and it makes them quite valuable.
For a brief while in 2006,
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they had to temporarily suspend
the whole thing
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because an online black market
was discovered...
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Wow. ..in Blue Peter badges.
The Times' leader -
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there's nothing better than a fierce
Times leader - described it as,
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"a knife to the national psyche".
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LAUGHTER
I've got Blue Peter badges.
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Did you say "badges"? Badges?
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Yeah. Wow! I've brought them.
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I'll give you £5.
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What did you get them for, darling?
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Well, I got them
about two years ago. Oh.
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I got them just for going on.
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And you get another one
when you go on again.
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I didn't know they got you
into places. I didn't know.
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I'd have tried harder as a child.
Legoland, Madame Tussauds...
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They're worth their weight in gold.
But now you have to have
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an accompanying ID card as well.
Do you?
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And they are meticulous
in tracking every child
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who's ever had a Blue Peter badge.
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Tracking? Oh, yeah? Yes.
That doesn't sound great.
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Well, what I mean is
that they have a card index.
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The original producer of Blue Peter
was... She's always known as
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the legendary Biddy Baxter.
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And when she was a child,
she wrote to Enid Blyton twice
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and got exactly the same reply
both times. "Eff off!"
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She was so angry.
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She's just casually sitting there...
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With a lion cub. ..with a lion cub.
I know. But she was so angry
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about how she was treated
by dear Enid as a child
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that she made sure every single
child got an individual response.
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And they still have this attitude of
making sure that every child feels
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that they are properly cared for.
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Renowned, of course,
for the things that they make.
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Anybody remember
the Thunderbirds Tracy Island model?
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Yeah. I love this.
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That's wonderful.
Yoghurt pots, loo rolls and so on.
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That's one apparently made by Anthea
Turner in 1993 and she still has it.
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Glued to her shoulder.
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In the '80s, she had one
on each shoulder, though.
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Tracy Island is really
my only childhood memory.
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Did you make one? Absolutely, yeah.
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Fantastic. The giant cowpat
she's used for the centre part.
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It's papier mache! OK.
Then oil and brown paint.
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And the grass is sawdust
with PVA glue. It's green paint.
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He's a bit touchy on the subject,
I think. Clearly touched a nerve.
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Definitely. Stand back!
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My kids watched the new Thunderbirds
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which is all very exciting.
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And then I showed them some old
Thunderbirds episodes and they were
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astonished at how long it took
Thunderbird 2 to launch.
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Yeah. It took forever. Yeah.
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The swimming pool took ages!
"Why is it so slow?!"
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And it rumbled out, being pulled
on a bit of fishing wire by some...
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00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:06,800
The palm trees pulled over
by someone else.
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00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,880
Remember Petra, Blue Peter's
first-ever pet? Oh, man.
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Impostor.
I'm just going to say the word.
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Impostor. 1962,
on the very last episode -
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there's Petra answering the post -
before Christmas...
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That should have been a clue,
to be fair.
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Petra was a tiny mongrel puppy
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and was introduced to the children
as the first-ever pet on Blue Peter.
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Unfortunately, her first appearance
was also her last.
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She died of a viral disease
two days later.
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AUDIENCE: "Awww!"
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And the producers raced around
London trying to find a dog
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that looked like the one
that had died. No! Yeah.
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And they found one
in a pet shop in Lewisham.
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That's this one. Fake.
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We had exactly the same thing
with Alexander Armstrong.
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00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:52,520
Same thing.
LAUGHTER
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True.
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You found him in a pet shop
in Lewisham?
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Yeah, we were scouring
the streets looking.
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00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:03,160
I thought, "OK.
Didn't think to look there."
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00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,760
While we're on the subject
of legendary television dogs,
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00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,920
lovely people,
please give it up for Basil Brush!
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00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:10,480
Hello! Hello, hello, hello!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
208
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,800
Look at this.
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00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,680
Look at this, eh?
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00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:16,360
Ooh!
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00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:22,040
Hello! I can't believe I'm on such
a clever panel. This is wonderful.
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00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:25,080
First of all, Sandi... Yes? A point
of order if you don't mind. Yes.
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00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,840
Lumping me
into the same category as dogs...
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00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:31,080
Yes. The last time I looked,
I was indeed a fox.
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00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,960
I'm so sorry. Now I know this is
a very intellectual show,
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00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:38,040
and you have those elves foraging
away behind the scenes,
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00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:41,080
hunting for facts, so I have
in fact, panel, brought along
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00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:44,000
a fun fox factoid... OK.
..for you all.
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00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,840
Right, here we go. Now, did you know
220
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,560
that there is a species of fox
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00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:52,480
that has evolved to have no ears?
222
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,520
Oh, I didn't know that.
What are they called?
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00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:57,720
Well, you can call them anything
you like. They can't hear you.
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00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:59,600
Boom! Boom!
225
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,080
APPLAUSE
226
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:08,720
You walked straight into
that comedy corridor. Very much.
227
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,400
The real reason you're here, isn't
it, is you're going to clear up
228
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,800
a little bit of general ignorance
for us? Yes, I've got a question
229
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:17,400
primed for the panel,
so brushes on Basils, please.
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00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,880
Just call me Sandi Foxsvig!
231
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:24,120
So where do urban foxes get
most of their food from?
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00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,760
OK. Panel?
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00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:28,440
Yes, Greg? My bins.
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00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,080
KLAXON
Aaaah!
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00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,160
Ugh!
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00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:38,600
Incorrect and hurtful stereotyping,
if you don't mind.
237
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,760
OK. Shame on you, shame on you.
238
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,640
What do urban foxes
actually like to eat, then?
239
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,800
Well, I'm more urbane,
actually, than urban.
240
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:49,240
But we're not fussy.
We'll eat rodents. Eurgh!
241
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:52,240
Worms, birds, rabbits,
even fruit and berries,
242
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:54,760
if we're feeling vegetarian,
like Mr Alan.
243
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,440
Or we'll eat all the meat if
we're feeling like you, Miss Sandi.
244
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,920
So I'm quite happy to swing
both ways for my stomach
245
00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:03,160
in your back garden.
Now, I've got to say...
246
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,800
Thank you for being present
247
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,560
at one of the most surreal moments
of my life.
248
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:14,800
LAUGHTER
Promises, promises, Basil.
249
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,760
I mean, we do rummage
in your bins, occasionally.
250
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,600
You can't blame us. No.
You do throw away lovely leftovers
251
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:24,880
and, Sandi... Yes?
..if you don't mind me saying,
252
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:28,000
that grilled herring the other night
was delicious.
253
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,800
So I'm looking forward to finding
out what you're making for tea
254
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,640
when I get home tonight!
255
00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,880
So I'm going to make a quick exit
to your back garden
256
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,920
down my escalator.
257
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,160
MAKES BUZZING NOISE
258
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,240
The one and only Basil Brush!
259
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:43,640
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
260
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:51,160
Anyway, to quote a phrase
first used on Blue Peter,
261
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,680
now for something
completely different.
262
00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:55,920
Who bought nine apartments
263
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:59,280
just to fill them
with their own TV shows?
264
00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,200
Nine apartments? Yes.
265
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,720
So we're going back to videotape,
back to videotape. Ah, OK.
266
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,160
So a tape collection.
267
00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:09,400
Yes, and it's astonishing.
268
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,400
It's a woman
you've probably never heard of.
269
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:14,320
She was called Marion Stokes.
And she's a legend in television.
270
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,560
She was born in 1929
in Philadelphia.
271
00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:21,560
And, inadvertently, she collected
the only comprehensive archive
272
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:25,000
of American TV news
from the late 1970s to 2012.
273
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,640
Have you heard of her?
No, it's amazing. It is astonishing.
274
00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:31,200
She began on the 4th November, 1979,
the Iran hostage crisis,
275
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:34,320
and she started recording the news
on a VCR.
276
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:38,000
And her son said she hit record
and she never stopped. Wow.
277
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:42,120
She's a phenomenal woman.
So this is her, co-producing a show
278
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,760
called Input in 1967
about social justice.
279
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:49,080
She was an amazing person
and she chronicled Fox, MSNBC,
280
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:51,320
CNN, C-Span, CNBC,
and all of it became
281
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,000
a sort of family obsession.
282
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,760
They'd have to interrupt
dinner to change the tapes.
283
00:14:55,760 --> 00:15:02,360
She just carried on. She filled
71,000 VHS and Betamax tapes.
Wow. My God.
284
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:07,320
Every minute of US television news
from 1979 to her death in 2012.
285
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:12,200
She had to buy nine apartments
to store them in... "Had to"!
286
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,640
"I better get another apartment."
287
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:17,000
"Marion, will you just stop it?"
288
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,960
LAUGHTER
289
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,120
I never learnt how to use
my video player
290
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,720
and to this day I'm really pleased
about that.
291
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,800
Cos...useless now, innit?
292
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,640
I was right just to wait.
293
00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:33,600
Just go, "Yeah, eventually
YouTube will come along
294
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,440
"and all of that knowledge
will be absolutely useless."
295
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,080
So, winning.
296
00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:41,560
What I remember about VCRs,
I had a dog called Bompy,
297
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:44,120
and he would just shag anything
298
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,600
and I was once at the home
of the founder
299
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,440
of the Born Free Foundation
300
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,400
and Bompy shagged the VCR machine.
301
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,160
LAUGHTER
302
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,480
He didn't get stuck
in the little flap?
303
00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:01,480
I don't believe it worked again.
Anyway... Cos once they're engaged,
304
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,880
you know, they can't withdraw.
305
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,840
The barbs come out
and then you're stuck there.
306
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,040
Oh, ow!
You have to press Eject. Yes.
307
00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:12,520
LAUGHTER
308
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:15,920
Sometimes there's
a long bit of tape that remains.
309
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:20,160
"Oh, no, the tape's fucked!
The tape's fucked!
310
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,800
"Gentle, gentle!
Don't pull it, don't pull it!"
311
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,320
I can't believe I'm on a show
312
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,440
where Basil Brush has lowered
the tone for everybody.
313
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:30,520
Anyway, she was able to buy
all these apartments, Marion Stokes,
314
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:33,640
because she was
an early investor in Apple.
315
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,640
And she made an enormous amount
of money. Good noise!
316
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,720
Cos you never had
that opportunity, did you?
317
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:44,880
Anyway, what do dogs
like to watch on TV?
318
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:46,720
Other dogs, I reckon.
319
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:48,520
If I'm driving in the car
with my dog,
320
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,560
he loves to see
other dogs in cars. Yeah.
321
00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:53,320
They do that thing where they have
one paw on the window, like...
322
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:54,680
Yeah.
323
00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,920
And then he's a Jack Russell
and he gets that look in his eye.
324
00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:00,920
"Dog! There's a dog! Dog!
325
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,680
"You want some? You want some?
326
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,200
"Yeah, jog on."
327
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,920
Any other thoughts? Basil,
have you got any thoughts, darling?
328
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,360
Yes, I'm glad
you brought me back up there.
329
00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:15,000
How about
The Great British Bark Off?
330
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,800
KLAXON
331
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,600
Oh!
332
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,280
Dogglebox?
333
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:21,800
Yes, yes.
334
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,840
Or Gogglefox!
335
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,840
Even better. Dogglefox, hello.
336
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,080
Any more? Have you any more?
You'll like this one.
337
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:32,040
Have I Got Chews For You.
338
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,400
KLAXON
339
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:39,320
I'm quite good at this.
OK. Any more? The Chase?
340
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,320
LAUGHTER
341
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:44,920
KLAXON
342
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,360
OK, you stay down there now, Basil.
343
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,600
Ooh!
344
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,280
That was my spare hand.
LAUGHTER
345
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,040
Honestly,
it's like a sort of bad dream.
346
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,480
They don't even have hands!
347
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,560
I know! It's very confusing.
348
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,560
So what do dogs like to watch on TV
was the question.
349
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:23,120
Humans need a minimum
of 16-20 frames per second
350
00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:26,040
in order to perceive what
we think of as a continuous film.
351
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:30,440
Dogs need about 70 so,
historically, films were presented
352
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,720
at 24, 25 frames per second,
so to dogs it's like
353
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:36,240
a sort of series
of flickering images,
354
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:39,480
but in recent years
frame rates have increased on TV.
355
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:42,840
So, for example, sports programmes
are up to 60 frames per second,
356
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:47,120
but we think of the original films,
which are 25 frames per second,
357
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,360
as much slower, as classier.
358
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:50,960
We think of Casablanca and
all those films as being classier.
359
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,640
And recently they've shot
big-screen films
360
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:55,800
like The Hobbit
in many more frames
361
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,120
and people have said, "Oh, my God.
It looks like a soap opera."
362
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,120
So people just don't think
it's classy.
363
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:02,800
Yep, people complain
that the better quality it is,
364
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,960
the less quality. Oh, hello!
365
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:08,680
Oh, I didn't know what that was.
It's a remote control.
366
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,880
LAUGHTER
367
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:16,360
He's going to get that stuck
in the VHS player in a minute.
368
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:21,040
Dogs will happily tune in
to any TV with a high frame rate.
369
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:23,520
They'll also watch
the National Lottery,
370
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,200
but only if it's a rollover.
371
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:28,760
What morally dubious activity
takes place
372
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:31,360
while people are watching TV?
373
00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:35,000
Judging people while pulling
the fluff between your toes out.
374
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:37,480
Is that you watching TV, Zoe?
375
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,960
And then making socks
out of the fluff that's come out.
376
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,360
I always feel like
377
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:43,560
if I'm eating a packet of Wotsits
during MasterChef,
378
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,440
I think, "Oh, come on."
They're making this beautiful stuff,
379
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,360
and you're going,
"These are delicious!"
380
00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:50,040
I do like those. They're lovely.
381
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,320
Oh, yeah, they're great.
Frazzles as well.
382
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,720
Oh, I've not had those.
You haven't had Frazzles?!
383
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,840
You haven't had Frazzles?
No. Greg, should I try them?
384
00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,600
They're, like, take a breath!
385
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,400
You can't believe it, can you?
She's never had a Frazzle!
386
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,400
The things we've been through
the last two years and that was...
387
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,200
It's like bacon, but kinder.
388
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,320
I like bacon. A Quaver?
389
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,080
Oh, I don't like Quavers.
Oh, come on!
390
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,960
They're delicious!
391
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:22,680
What's the matter with you?!
Who likes Quavers?
392
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,080
AUDIENCE "Yes!"
Who doesn't like Quavers?
393
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:26,760
AUDIENCE "Yes!"
394
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,040
Oh. That was more than a third.
395
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:32,920
That really had the feel
of a 52/48, didn't it? Yeah!
396
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:36,160
Who likes Quavers...and Brexit?
397
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,240
SCATTERED GROANS
Oh, it's the other lot!
398
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,840
Quavers for Remainers.
399
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:47,520
So the morally dubious thing.
400
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:51,440
2002, the head of Turner Broadcasting
System, a man called Jamie Kellner,
401
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,320
he accused television viewers
402
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:57,400
who ignored or fast-forwarded
through ad breaks of being immoral.
403
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,400
He said that that's the
contract you make with the network.
404
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,720
If you watch a show, then you are
also going to watch the commercials
405
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,680
because if you don't, you're
actually stealing the programme.
406
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:08,960
Urgh. Yeah. He did say
407
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,920
a certain amount of tolerance is
allowed for going to the bathroom,
408
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:14,400
but only if you really need to go.
409
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:18,600
BBC's never carried advertising,
but it still needed programme breaks
410
00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:20,600
so they used what were called
"interlude films".
411
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:22,200
Anybody remember
The Potter's Wheel?
412
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,320
Oh, the Potter's Wheel, yes.
413
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:27,200
They also had that penis
that rose right up....
414
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:31,400
..to fully erect
and then went down again.
415
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:34,560
I think they only played that once.
416
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:39,240
"Wrong tape, Nigel! Wrong tape!"
417
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,520
"You didn't put that out, did you?"
418
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,960
"I don't think anyone noticed."
419
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:45,960
So what they used to
do between shows,
420
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,200
they used to have idents
or moving logos.
421
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,520
Remember this one?
This was the bat wings one.
422
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,560
Let's have a look.
Remember the bat wings? No.
423
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,160
They were proper physical objects
that moved
424
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:58,120
and, in fact, this one was
so delicate it only lasted
425
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:00,960
for as long as it was filmed,
then it completely collapsed. Wow.
426
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,640
The one I remember is the globe.
Remember the globe spinning? Yes.
427
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,800
That's my era.
That and Jon Pertwee. OK.
428
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,840
HUMS "Doctor Who" THEME
429
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:10,760
BLOWS RASPBERRY
Behind the sofa.
430
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,520
You couldn't even pause it!
431
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,320
You couldn't even pause it!
432
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:17,640
It just went on. Stop it! Stop it!
"We can't stop it!"
433
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,160
Anyway, it's tiny. We have it here.
434
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,760
Right down the front. It's
the real thing? It's the real thing.
435
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,560
We've got the clock as well,
which is absolutely tiny.
436
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,240
And I don't know if you remember
the moving lines,
437
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,600
which was the BBC Two logo
for a very long time.
438
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,240
We've got all three here
and they're absolutely tiny.
439
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,600
Those are all the real ones
right there. Wow.
440
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,560
To be fair, Sandi, if they'd
done the globe actual size...
441
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:41,000
Yeah.
442
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,760
"What a waste of the licence fee!
443
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:48,240
"The BBC have made a planet."
444
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,800
What size would you
have liked it to be?
445
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,800
Well, I don't know.
Beach ball? Yeah!
446
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:56,080
Open it up, fill it with Frazzles.
Lovely. Done.
447
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,720
LAUGHTER
448
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,520
Now, do not adjust your set
as we transition
449
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:05,280
from the frothy glitz of prime time
to the gritty post-watershed drama
450
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,880
that is General Ignorance.
Fingers on buzzers, please.
451
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:12,600
What is the world's
longest-running TV show?
452
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,120
Coronation Street
must be up there, Sandi.
453
00:23:16,120 --> 00:23:18,400
KLAXON
Surely! No!
454
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,240
There it is, right up there.
455
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:25,480
The longest-running sitcom is
Last Of The Summer Wine, I think.
456
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,480
Isn't it? Great show.
457
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,320
Did you like that? Loved that show.
I watch it every Sunday.
458
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:32,640
I don't think it's on any more,
Greg. Where are you watching that?
459
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,400
I've got nine apartments'
worth of VHS tapes.
460
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,240
LAUGHTER
461
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,800
Is it a British one or where
are we going? It is British.
462
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:42,680
The longest-running show ever
in the history of telly
463
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:43,760
is a British show?!
464
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,760
It's an annual event.
Is it the Queen's Speech?
465
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,400
We're heading in the right
direction.
466
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,120
It's the Lord Mayor's
Show from London.
467
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:52,200
Ahh! It's so disappointing
when you get the answer.
468
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:55,360
Especially if the answer's that.
Yeah!
469
00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:57,520
The parade is over 800 years old.
470
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,880
It originated in the 13th century.
471
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:02,920
And the BBC began televising it
in 1937.
472
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,720
Wow. That's just one year after
they launched their regular service.
473
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:10,040
And it has broadcast every year
since, apart from World War II.
474
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:13,040
So there's been a total
of 77 instalments over 85 years.
475
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,360
It makes it the longest-running
television programme.
476
00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:18,000
Do you remember on the horse racing
they used to have a Citroen
477
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,760
with a camera on the roof
driving alongside? Yes! Yes!
478
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,080
It's like early GoPro, isn't it?
479
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,960
Yeah, really early GoPro!
You need a Citroen.
480
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:29,560
It's driving alongside
the horses and the bloke...
481
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:32,240
There had to be a bloke
on the top as well!
482
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:37,000
An absolute health and safety
disaster now!
483
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,120
"It's all right -
I'll go on the roof with it!"
484
00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:40,680
Probably started out the window.
485
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,720
"It's terrible out the window!
I'm too low!
486
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,880
"We're going to put it on the roof!"
"Are you mad?!
487
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,800
"It's not even a proper road -
it's a horse track!
488
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,720
"They go fast, you know,
they're doing 40!" "It'll be fine!"
489
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,680
"Holy shit!"
490
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,200
Just get on the car and go...waaah!
491
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:02,360
Why would you not just sit
on a horse with a camera?
492
00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:06,000
Oh, yes, that's so easy, Greg,
isn't it? Yeah, yeah.
493
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,800
The cameras are
the size of the horse!
494
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:12,320
Strap it to his head!
Strap it to the horse's head...!
495
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:17,680
They've got to keep up
with pure-bred racehorses!
496
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:20,520
This poor bastard
carrying a camera and a man!
497
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,080
I'm just offering solutions!
I like that, Greg!
498
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,760
The car was a better idea!
The car was a good idea.
499
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:30,760
It was just profoundly unsafe.
Insanely, madly unsafe.
500
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:34,960
Inevitably, the driver was pissed.
Everyone's always pissed!
501
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:38,200
At any races after lunch, the
driver's drunk.
502
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:41,400
Everyone was drunk,
Greg, in the '70s! Yeah.
503
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,080
All the time!
504
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:48,360
Another solution - another jockey
on the back of the original horse
505
00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:51,120
who's trained in horses,
train them up as a camera operator.
506
00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:53,320
They're filming behind
on the other horse.
507
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:55,880
Good idea, but what if
the horse with the camera
508
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:57,480
gets ahead of himself? Yeah.
509
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:01,320
He sees the finishing line
and thinks, "I can have this."
510
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,880
LAUGHTER
And then all you see on TV
511
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,120
is just an empty screen
512
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,960
as he moves away from the horses.
513
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,400
"Jesus Christ, he's good!
Look at the speed of him.
514
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:14,040
"He's filming it and everything!"
515
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,880
What you need to understand, Greg,
is he's waited 50 years
516
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:18,200
to get this off his chest.
517
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,600
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
518
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,400
The longest-running television show
began production
519
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:33,160
hundreds of years before
television was even invented.
520
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,760
What colour is radiation?
521
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,600
Oh, no... Ooh! Green.
522
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:40,240
Brown.
KLAXON
523
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:46,200
It's see-through, isn't it?
I thought it was see-through.
524
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,920
It's mostly invisible, colourless.
It's not a colour!
525
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:51,360
You can't ask what colour something
is if it's invisible! Well...
526
00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:54,280
"What colour is it?" It's invisible!
LAUGHTER
527
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:58,880
We've reached the point in the show
528
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:00,680
where Alan's medication
has worn off.
529
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:02,840
LAUGHTER
530
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:09,160
It's just kicking in.
531
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:13,040
It is commonly depicted as green
in popular culture.
532
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:15,280
That is the point.
But it is not green.
533
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:18,680
There is something called
Cherenkov radiation... Sure.
534
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,000
..that is seen
in water-cooled nuclear systems
535
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,520
and that makes the water glow,
but it's blue. OK.
536
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,320
And not green.
Didn't I say blue in my list?
537
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,920
No. No.
Second row, "No, you didn't."
538
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:33,560
I think on that note it's high time
for the scores.
539
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:35,640
I don't believe it!
540
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:38,920
In first place, with minus four,
it's Richard!
541
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:40,960
APPLAUSE
542
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:49,160
AS BRUCE FORSYTH:
In second place, nice to see her,
to see her nice, it's Zoe!
543
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,320
APPLAUSE
544
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:58,320
AS ALAN SUGAR:
In third place, with minus 15,
you're fired, Alan.
545
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,360
APPLAUSE
546
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:07,080
AS ANNE ROBINSON:
In fourth place, with minus 19,
you are the weakest link, Greg.
547
00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:09,120
APPLAUSE
548
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,960
But...he foxed it up completely,
549
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:18,960
in last place with minus 20,
it's Basil Brush! Thank you!
550
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:21,360
APPLAUSE
Thank you, thank you.
551
00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:31,600
All that remains is for me to wish
the BBC a very happy 100th birthday
552
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:35,600
and to thank Greg, Richard, Zoe,
Alan and, of course, Basil!
553
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:37,000
Thank you!
554
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:44,640
Here we are, sweetie.
555
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:48,000
And I leave you with the words
of David Frost.
556
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:51,080
"Television is an invention
that permits you to be entertained
557
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:52,120
"in your living room
558
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,680
"by people you wouldn't
have in your home."
559
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:56,720
People like us. Goodnight.
560
00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,480
Say goodnight, Basil.
Goodnight, Basil!
73832
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