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1
00:00:06,075 --> 00:00:08,422
What are you reading? Julius Caesar.
2
00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:11,114
Oh, for your
Shakespeare group?
Uh-huh.
3
00:00:11,252 --> 00:00:13,082
That's so cool that
you do stuff like that.
4
00:00:13,220 --> 00:00:14,428
I should do
stuff like that.
5
00:00:14,566 --> 00:00:16,223
It's good.
Keeps the brain sharp.
6
00:00:16,361 --> 00:00:18,466
Keeps the wits sharp,
the IQ up there.
7
00:00:18,604 --> 00:00:20,365
Keeps you interesting
to your mate.
8
00:00:21,193 --> 00:00:22,229
Huh?
9
00:00:23,540 --> 00:00:24,679
Doesn't really matter.
10
00:00:37,175 --> 00:00:41,317
♪ Tell me why
I love you like I do
11
00:00:41,455 --> 00:00:46,080
♪ Tell me who
can stop my heart
as much as you
12
00:00:46,218 --> 00:00:49,980
♪ Tell me all your secrets
I'll tell you most of mine
13
00:00:50,119 --> 00:00:54,433
♪ They say nobody's perfect
Well, that's really true
this time
14
00:00:54,571 --> 00:00:58,782
♪ I don't have the answers,
I don't have a plan
15
00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:00,094
♪ All I have is you
16
00:01:00,232 --> 00:01:02,786
♪ So, baby,
Help me understand
17
00:01:02,924 --> 00:01:04,374
♪ What we do
18
00:01:04,512 --> 00:01:06,652
♪ You can whisper
in my ear
19
00:01:06,790 --> 00:01:08,654
♪ Where we go
20
00:01:08,792 --> 00:01:11,174
♪ Who knows
what happens after here
21
00:01:11,312 --> 00:01:13,211
♪ Let's take
each other's hand
22
00:01:13,349 --> 00:01:16,766
♪ And jump into
the final frontier
23
00:01:18,975 --> 00:01:20,597
♪ The final frontier ♪
24
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,328
PAUL: James,
put the book down.
25
00:01:27,466 --> 00:01:28,812
Stop dilly-dallying.
Get going. Let's go.
26
00:01:28,950 --> 00:01:30,159
I'm going, I'm going.
27
00:01:30,297 --> 00:01:32,333
You got
big things to do.
Big day for Jamie.
28
00:01:32,471 --> 00:01:34,024
What?
29
00:01:34,163 --> 00:01:36,406
It's quittin' time!
30
00:01:36,544 --> 00:01:37,821
Quittin' time.
31
00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:39,202
Jamie, you're
quitting today?
32
00:01:39,340 --> 00:01:40,617
Yes, I am.
Yeah, yeah.
33
00:01:40,755 --> 00:01:42,999
She says she is,
but she tried 100 times,
34
00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:44,932
and then she just cannot
bring herself to do it.
35
00:01:45,070 --> 00:01:46,865
I can do it. I'm just
worried about Lance.
36
00:01:47,003 --> 00:01:48,280
What's gonna become of him?
37
00:01:48,418 --> 00:01:50,765
He will be fine
without you, believe me.
38
00:01:50,903 --> 00:01:52,940
He's ready for this.
Trust me.
He is prepared.
39
00:01:53,078 --> 00:01:54,873
I can quit anytime
I want to.
40
00:01:55,011 --> 00:01:57,117
You know what you need?
One of those little
withdrawal patches.
41
00:01:57,255 --> 00:01:59,015
I'm waiting
for the right time.
42
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:01,466
When would that be?
Are you going to just
shout out the words
43
00:02:01,604 --> 00:02:03,847
while actually
having the baby?
44
00:02:03,985 --> 00:02:05,573
No. I've been waiting
for Lance's campaign
45
00:02:05,711 --> 00:02:07,713
to get on an upswing,
and it's finally on one.
46
00:02:07,851 --> 00:02:08,818
A huge upswing.
47
00:02:08,956 --> 00:02:10,406
It is!
We're up in the polls,
48
00:02:10,544 --> 00:02:12,270
we finally have
money coming in,
49
00:02:12,408 --> 00:02:13,754
and, as a crowning
achievement,
50
00:02:13,892 --> 00:02:16,032
I've booked him
on Newsnight
with Judy Kaufman.
51
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:18,414
Wow! She had the pope
on last night.
52
00:02:18,552 --> 00:02:21,141
You know that
I've never,
ever seen Newsnight?
53
00:02:21,762 --> 00:02:23,073
Why not?
54
00:02:23,212 --> 00:02:25,075
Well...
It's on opposite Popeye.
55
00:02:26,525 --> 00:02:28,148
What happened
to all the umbrellas?
PAUL: Huh?
56
00:02:28,286 --> 00:02:30,011
The umbrellas.
57
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,910
Oh, I think I have
some in my office.
58
00:02:32,048 --> 00:02:33,083
How many?
59
00:02:34,015 --> 00:02:35,016
Six.
60
00:02:36,397 --> 00:02:37,398
[SHRIEKING]
61
00:02:37,536 --> 00:02:39,089
Oh!
Oh, my God! What is it?
62
00:02:39,228 --> 00:02:41,126
Hey, Fran, Fran,
it's a bird.
63
00:02:41,264 --> 00:02:43,163
You say that
like this happens
all the time.
64
00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:45,510
They go
for the eyes!
65
00:02:45,648 --> 00:02:47,857
They don't go
for the eyes.
66
00:02:47,995 --> 00:02:49,721
What the hell
is a bird flying
in here for?
67
00:02:49,859 --> 00:02:51,930
You left
the window wide open.
68
00:02:52,068 --> 00:02:54,346
Since when is that
an invitation
to exotic birds?
69
00:02:54,484 --> 00:02:56,072
[COCKATOO SHRIEKS]
If we leave
the door open,
70
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:57,694
what, is a cougar
gonna walk in?
71
00:02:59,282 --> 00:03:01,560
I have to get to work
and lead Fran to safety.
72
00:03:01,698 --> 00:03:03,183
Will you get rid
of it, please?
73
00:03:03,321 --> 00:03:05,219
Yeah, I'll do that,
'cause, as you know,
I am a falconer.
74
00:03:08,084 --> 00:03:10,431
Hey, Murray.
Take care of that.
75
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,367
What am I
paying you for?
76
00:03:17,335 --> 00:03:19,923
TROY: It sounds like
a really great plan...
I think.
77
00:03:20,061 --> 00:03:22,650
You boys think you have
the cojonesto do this?
78
00:03:22,788 --> 00:03:25,584
[HIGH-PITCHED] Yes.
[NORMAL VOICE] Yes, Arthur.
79
00:03:25,722 --> 00:03:27,276
The TV studio's
been taken care of.
80
00:03:27,414 --> 00:03:30,106
Is everything set
on your end?
Everything's set.
81
00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:31,797
If this goes down
the way you promised,
82
00:03:31,935 --> 00:03:33,592
we will be
most appreciative.
83
00:03:33,730 --> 00:03:35,284
How appreciative?
84
00:03:35,422 --> 00:03:37,217
This is just a taste.
85
00:03:38,666 --> 00:03:40,565
Oh, my favorite flavor.
86
00:03:45,570 --> 00:03:46,916
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
87
00:03:48,780 --> 00:03:50,022
[WHISPERING]
88
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:52,301
Morning.
Aah! Oh.
89
00:03:52,439 --> 00:03:54,095
Maybe enough coffee
for today, Troy?
90
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,959
Uh... Uh, sorry.
I just, uh...
91
00:03:56,615 --> 00:03:57,996
Nice blouse.
92
00:03:58,997 --> 00:04:00,585
Yes, uh,
good workmanship.
93
00:04:00,723 --> 00:04:04,071
Uh, may it sustain
many washings.
94
00:04:04,209 --> 00:04:06,867
Thank you. What were
you guys doing outside?
95
00:04:07,005 --> 00:04:10,215
Outside? Outside.
Outside.
96
00:04:10,353 --> 00:04:14,254
Outside. In the alley.
I just saw you.
What were you doing?
97
00:04:14,392 --> 00:04:15,910
Oh.
Having a catch.
98
00:04:17,636 --> 00:04:18,810
Having a catch?
99
00:04:18,948 --> 00:04:20,432
Yes. We were
having a catch.
100
00:04:20,570 --> 00:04:23,090
Huh. Why did that man
hand you an envelope?
101
00:04:23,228 --> 00:04:25,161
What envelope?
102
00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:28,268
Oh, this envelope. Oh.
Well, I had this one,
103
00:04:28,406 --> 00:04:31,685
and, uh, I asked him
to hold it while we were
playing catch.
104
00:04:33,411 --> 00:04:35,482
Hello, everybody.
Hey, Lance!
105
00:04:35,620 --> 00:04:36,862
Hey, who's better
than you are?
106
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,726
Nobody, that's who.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
107
00:04:43,041 --> 00:04:46,044
Jamie, I'm sorry
I'm late. My wife, she...
108
00:04:46,182 --> 00:04:49,392
She had this silly dream
that something terrible
would happen to me today,
109
00:04:49,530 --> 00:04:50,738
and she begged me
to stay home.
110
00:04:50,876 --> 00:04:53,465
That's so weird.
I'm reading
Julius Caesar.
111
00:04:53,603 --> 00:04:55,433
His wife does
the exact same thing.
112
00:04:55,571 --> 00:04:58,056
And, and what's
the terrible thing
that happens to him?
113
00:04:58,194 --> 00:05:00,023
He's stabbed
to death in public.
114
00:05:00,161 --> 00:05:01,922
Ooh, that would
be terrible.
115
00:05:02,060 --> 00:05:03,268
[CHUCKLES]
116
00:05:03,406 --> 00:05:04,890
Whenever you're ready,
I want to drill you
117
00:05:05,028 --> 00:05:06,582
for your big
Newsnightinterview
today.
118
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,066
Oh, my God.
119
00:05:08,204 --> 00:05:10,102
That's it! That's
the terrible thing!
120
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,104
Lance, it's
national exposure.
121
00:05:12,242 --> 00:05:13,934
Yeah, but it's, it's
with Judy Kaufman.
122
00:05:14,072 --> 00:05:16,695
That woman tears people
to ribbons. Did you see
what she did to the pope?
123
00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:19,560
That's because
he wasn't briefed.
You will be.
124
00:05:19,698 --> 00:05:21,942
It's gonna be the best
thing that ever happened
to your campaign.
125
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:25,117
Oh, no, no, no.
I am terrible
at those things.
126
00:05:25,255 --> 00:05:28,742
My, my mind goes blank.
I can't remember anything.
127
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,606
I say the first thing
that pops into my head.
128
00:05:30,744 --> 00:05:33,402
I mean,
let's face it, Jamie,
I choke under pressure.
129
00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:36,681
Why I think
I can be mayor
is beyond me.
130
00:05:36,819 --> 00:05:38,717
You've gone
on television before.
You've done fine.
131
00:05:38,855 --> 00:05:40,788
Just be yourself.
That's what people
respond to.
132
00:05:40,926 --> 00:05:43,860
Okay, be myself.
Be myself.
133
00:05:43,998 --> 00:05:46,104
Maybe
a slightly idealized
version of yourself.
134
00:05:46,242 --> 00:05:47,968
Right. Right.
135
00:05:48,106 --> 00:05:50,315
Listen, I will be with you
the whole time. I will
not leave your side.
136
00:05:50,453 --> 00:05:51,627
You promise?
Of course.
137
00:05:51,765 --> 00:05:53,767
Oh, that makes me feel
so much better.
138
00:05:53,905 --> 00:05:56,666
I don't know what
I'd do without you.
Uh-huh.
139
00:05:58,081 --> 00:06:00,808
Don't chicken out.
This is a big
opportunity for us.
140
00:06:00,946 --> 00:06:03,052
And if Lance Brockwell
has to get hurt
for it to happen,
141
00:06:03,190 --> 00:06:04,881
then that's just
too bad for him.
142
00:06:05,019 --> 00:06:06,331
What's gonna
hurt Lance?
143
00:06:07,194 --> 00:06:08,540
Jamie! Hi!
144
00:06:08,678 --> 00:06:11,923
Um... I was just saying
that if Lance Brockwell
145
00:06:12,061 --> 00:06:14,166
ever knew how much
we cared for him,
146
00:06:14,304 --> 00:06:16,721
he would be so
overcome with joy
147
00:06:16,859 --> 00:06:18,930
that his heart
would actually hurt.
148
00:06:20,932 --> 00:06:21,967
That's what
you were saying?
149
00:06:22,105 --> 00:06:24,038
Did you overhear
anything else?
150
00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:25,971
No.
Then yes.
151
00:06:27,628 --> 00:06:28,767
Okay.
152
00:06:33,876 --> 00:06:36,396
Lance, can I talk to you
for a second?
Sure.
153
00:06:36,534 --> 00:06:37,983
Now, I know this is
gonna sound crazy,
154
00:06:38,121 --> 00:06:41,987
but I think you may be
the victim of some sort
of plot.
155
00:06:42,125 --> 00:06:43,817
What?
I know.
156
00:06:43,955 --> 00:06:45,750
I know it sounds crazy,
but I happen to be
reading Julius Caesar,
157
00:06:45,888 --> 00:06:47,959
and I swear
it's playing out here.
158
00:06:48,097 --> 00:06:50,306
Troy and Vladimir are
like Brutus and Cassius,
159
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:52,342
and they're trying
to destroy you.
160
00:06:52,481 --> 00:06:55,000
Those two? [LAUGHS]
161
00:06:57,451 --> 00:07:00,109
Hey, Vladimir.
Is my wife around?
162
00:07:00,247 --> 00:07:03,112
Oh, Jamsie.
She's talking
to Mr. Brockwell.
163
00:07:03,250 --> 00:07:04,458
Okay. What'd you call her?
164
00:07:04,596 --> 00:07:07,116
Jamsie.
Jamie.
165
00:07:07,254 --> 00:07:08,255
Jamsie.
Jamie.
166
00:07:08,393 --> 00:07:10,430
Jamsie. Jamsie.
Jamie.
167
00:07:12,397 --> 00:07:15,193
[REPEATING] Jamsie.
[REPEATING] Jamie.
168
00:07:15,331 --> 00:07:16,608
Jamsie.
169
00:07:16,746 --> 00:07:17,954
Okay. Yes.
170
00:07:20,405 --> 00:07:23,822
And then this morning
a cockatoo flew
into our apartment,
171
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,341
and that's in the play.
172
00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:27,205
It's gotta be
some kind of omen.
173
00:07:27,343 --> 00:07:30,657
Oh, Jamie,
you are so cute!
174
00:07:30,795 --> 00:07:32,659
I remember,
early in my career,
175
00:07:32,797 --> 00:07:34,384
I was reading Crime and Punishment,
176
00:07:34,523 --> 00:07:35,903
and I did
the exact same thing.
177
00:07:36,041 --> 00:07:38,319
I saw parallels
all over the place.
178
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,701
Everywhere I looked,
there was crime
and punishment,
179
00:07:40,839 --> 00:07:43,359
crime and punishment.
180
00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:45,430
'Course, I was working
in the DA's office
at the time.
181
00:07:47,087 --> 00:07:49,365
Please just promise me
you'll be careful
around them.
182
00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:50,918
I will.
183
00:07:51,056 --> 00:07:52,402
You found
a cockatoo?
184
00:07:52,541 --> 00:07:55,302
Well, actually,
It found us.
185
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:56,614
Why don't you
just kill it?
186
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,929
Kill it?
You know, squish it
with your foot.
187
00:08:04,069 --> 00:08:05,312
It's, it's not
a bug, you know?
188
00:08:05,450 --> 00:08:07,314
It's a fairly
large bird.
189
00:08:07,452 --> 00:08:09,212
So spray it.
Spray it and throw it
in the trash.
190
00:08:09,350 --> 00:08:10,455
That's what I would do.
191
00:08:12,802 --> 00:08:15,874
Boy, New York is just losing
its small-town feeling.
192
00:08:19,188 --> 00:08:20,879
Hey.Hi.
193
00:08:21,017 --> 00:08:22,156
What are you
doing here?
194
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,745
Xeroxing for free.
Oh.
195
00:08:24,883 --> 00:08:28,128
Plus I am taking
my suddenly jobless wife
out for lunch.
196
00:08:28,266 --> 00:08:30,855
So? So?
How'd he take it?
Fine.
197
00:08:30,993 --> 00:08:33,961
I haven't
told him yet.
What are you doing?
198
00:08:34,099 --> 00:08:36,308
It's not a good time.
Something is going on
around here.
199
00:08:36,446 --> 00:08:38,621
Yes. You are
procrastinating.
200
00:08:38,759 --> 00:08:40,485
I need a bigger
envelope.
201
00:08:40,623 --> 00:08:44,178
I'm not procrastinating.
Troy and Vladimir are
plotting against Lance.
202
00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:45,455
What are you
talking about?
203
00:08:45,594 --> 00:08:48,182
I'm serious.
It's just like Julius Caesar.
204
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,220
[WHISPERING]
PAUL: Who, yippy and yappy?
205
00:08:51,358 --> 00:08:53,429
You'll see.
They're acting very shifty.
206
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,258
Here, Jamie. You're
gonna need this.
207
00:08:55,396 --> 00:08:57,019
It's the directions
to the Newsnightstudio.
208
00:08:58,123 --> 00:08:59,297
[WHISPERING]
Did you see that?
209
00:09:04,233 --> 00:09:05,545
Shoo!
[SHRIEKS]
210
00:09:05,683 --> 00:09:06,891
Shoo!
[SHRIEKS]
211
00:09:07,029 --> 00:09:09,169
Hey! Shoo! Shoo!
Shoo! Shoo!
212
00:09:09,307 --> 00:09:10,688
[SHRIEKS]
213
00:09:10,826 --> 00:09:13,518
Looking down at us.
What do you suppose
he's thinking?
214
00:09:13,656 --> 00:09:15,831
He's thinking,
boy, both those guys
are losing their hair.
215
00:09:19,075 --> 00:09:21,699
Come here.
216
00:09:21,837 --> 00:09:25,530
Listen to me. Do you
have any idea how much
that thing is worth?
217
00:09:25,668 --> 00:09:27,774
Cooked or raw?
[SHRIEKS]
218
00:09:27,912 --> 00:09:30,086
I'm not kidding.
This thing
is an exotic bird.
219
00:09:30,224 --> 00:09:31,778
It's worth,
like, five grand.
220
00:09:31,916 --> 00:09:34,332
Get outta here.
I'm serious.
221
00:09:34,470 --> 00:09:36,990
Somebody paid
$5,000 for that?
Yeah.
222
00:09:37,128 --> 00:09:39,579
People just have
too much money.
223
00:09:39,717 --> 00:09:41,926
Paulie, the guys use this
to meet women.
224
00:09:42,064 --> 00:09:43,652
You know, it's,
like, instead of dogs.
225
00:09:43,790 --> 00:09:46,551
You teach 'em how
to talk, and then they
hit on chicks for you.
226
00:09:48,001 --> 00:09:49,519
How lazy
could you get?
227
00:09:51,487 --> 00:09:54,801
They say things that
you can't say, like...
"Nice ass."
228
00:09:54,939 --> 00:09:55,871
Hey, cut it out.
229
00:09:56,009 --> 00:09:57,044
Nice ass.
Stop it.
230
00:09:57,182 --> 00:09:58,321
Nice ass.
What's the matter
with you?
231
00:09:58,459 --> 00:10:00,358
Nothing.
232
00:10:00,496 --> 00:10:02,394
You know what? I tell you
what we should do.
233
00:10:02,532 --> 00:10:04,465
We should capture it.
We should sell it
to a pet store.
234
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,295
No. What
are you doing?
235
00:10:06,433 --> 00:10:08,124
Shh! Gotta
sneak up on it.
236
00:10:08,262 --> 00:10:09,470
I saw this on Daktari.
237
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,541
Oh, I dunno.
238
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,683
[SHRIEKS]
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
All right!
239
00:10:14,821 --> 00:10:16,443
Now what do we do?
I got a plan.
240
00:10:16,581 --> 00:10:19,895
It looks so sad.
Looks melancholy.
241
00:10:20,896 --> 00:10:22,449
I got a melancholy
cockatoo.
242
00:10:24,071 --> 00:10:26,211
Here.
What's going on there?
What is this?
243
00:10:26,349 --> 00:10:29,387
Put those on. Pretend
we're in the bleachers
at Yankee Stadium.
244
00:10:29,525 --> 00:10:31,631
We're at Yankee Stadium,
but we're making soup?
245
00:10:32,908 --> 00:10:34,012
Shh. Come on.
246
00:10:34,150 --> 00:10:35,186
Oh, I don't
like this at all.
247
00:10:35,324 --> 00:10:37,050
You ready?
Ready... Jump!
248
00:10:37,188 --> 00:10:38,741
[SHRIEKS]
Hey, hey, hey!
249
00:10:40,812 --> 00:10:42,331
Ready? Jump!
[SHRIEKS]
250
00:10:43,573 --> 00:10:45,575
Hey, come here!
Get over here!
251
00:10:47,301 --> 00:10:49,614
See a sort of pattern
developing?
That's not working.
252
00:10:50,477 --> 00:10:51,858
I got an idea.
253
00:10:51,996 --> 00:10:53,998
What?
Ready? Shoo!
254
00:11:02,075 --> 00:11:05,043
Where is everybody?
Are you here
for Sex Date?
255
00:11:05,181 --> 00:11:06,804
Here. Fill this out.
256
00:11:06,942 --> 00:11:09,323
I'm 7 months pregnant.
I've actually already
had my Sex Date.
257
00:11:10,911 --> 00:11:12,672
I'm looking for Newsnight.
258
00:11:12,810 --> 00:11:14,915
Oh. Newsnight.
259
00:11:15,053 --> 00:11:17,193
Uh, they tape
across town.
260
00:11:17,331 --> 00:11:19,471
Oh, God.
What?
261
00:11:19,609 --> 00:11:21,404
Have you ever read
Julius Caesar?
262
00:11:21,542 --> 00:11:25,823
Uh, no, but there is
a great Star Treknovel
where Kirk meets him.
263
00:11:33,865 --> 00:11:37,489
IRA: Paul,
let me handle this.
Watch the master at work.
264
00:11:37,627 --> 00:11:40,389
Okay, me and my friend here,
we've been thinking it over,
265
00:11:40,527 --> 00:11:44,393
and, you know,
it seems like 5,000
would be fair, huh?
266
00:11:44,531 --> 00:11:46,015
I'll give you 500.
We'll take it.
267
00:11:46,153 --> 00:11:48,293
No, no. 500. Come on,
268
00:11:48,431 --> 00:11:51,780
you got a bird in
the front window exactly
like that for six grand.
269
00:11:51,918 --> 00:11:53,954
I'll give you 500.
All right. We'll take it.
270
00:11:54,092 --> 00:11:57,786
No!
Look, the nice man
is gonna give us $500.
271
00:11:57,924 --> 00:11:59,684
$500 is better
than nothing. What's
the matter with you?
272
00:11:59,822 --> 00:12:00,789
IRA: It's no good!
Four hundred.
273
00:12:00,927 --> 00:12:02,583
Okay, we're losing
money on this.
274
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,585
He's bluffing.
Three hundred.
275
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,242
300? Okay, see
what's happening?
276
00:12:06,380 --> 00:12:08,589
It's evaporating
right as we speak.
If you would listen to me...
277
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,246
Two hundred.
Two hundred!
278
00:12:10,384 --> 00:12:12,283
It's all going away
right before our...
279
00:12:12,421 --> 00:12:13,940
Don't worry about it.
He's bluffing.
$100.
280
00:12:14,078 --> 00:12:15,665
$100. Okay, why don't
we take that?
281
00:12:15,804 --> 00:12:17,564
Fifty buck a piece.
It'll at least cover our time.
282
00:12:17,702 --> 00:12:19,566
Zero.
What'd you say?
283
00:12:19,704 --> 00:12:22,224
I will give you
zero for this bird.
284
00:12:23,570 --> 00:12:24,882
Zero?
285
00:12:25,020 --> 00:12:26,676
Not, not 500?
Zero.
286
00:12:28,264 --> 00:12:31,198
400? 300? Two, one,
those are all gone now?
287
00:12:31,336 --> 00:12:32,855
That's right. Zero.
288
00:12:36,031 --> 00:12:39,068
Okay. We're just
gonna come back in.
We'll try this again.
289
00:12:49,596 --> 00:12:52,910
God, this is it?
This is where
they do Newsnight?
290
00:12:53,048 --> 00:12:54,152
Why is there
only one chair?
291
00:12:54,290 --> 00:12:56,499
Lance, your naivete
is so endearing.
292
00:12:56,637 --> 00:12:58,536
Newsnightis
based in Washington.
293
00:12:58,674 --> 00:13:00,331
You'll do the show
from here by remote.
294
00:13:00,469 --> 00:13:02,264
Really!
295
00:13:02,402 --> 00:13:05,992
Boy, I'll just...
I'll never get the hang
of this new technology.
296
00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:09,996
Anyway, Lance,
let's get this
behind your ear.
297
00:13:10,134 --> 00:13:12,446
Vladimir, don't
just stand there
like you're waiting on line
298
00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:14,034
for toilet paper
in Moscow. Help me.
299
00:13:17,658 --> 00:13:19,453
Wait, oh, ahh.
What's this?
300
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:22,318
This is the earphone
so you can hear Judy
Kaufman's questions.
301
00:13:22,456 --> 00:13:25,459
It's also how I'll
be able to communicate
to you from the booth.
302
00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,703
Now, you're on
in exactly one minute.
303
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:30,913
One minute? Oh, God.
No, I can't do this.
Where's Jamie?
304
00:13:31,051 --> 00:13:33,502
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
305
00:13:38,058 --> 00:13:40,164
Not to worry, Lance.
Everything's
under control.
306
00:13:40,302 --> 00:13:42,166
[NEWSNIGHTTHEME PLAYS]
307
00:13:44,444 --> 00:13:45,686
[SIGHS]
308
00:13:47,412 --> 00:13:50,553
Hello! I'm Judy Kaufman
in Washington,
309
00:13:50,691 --> 00:13:52,935
and welcome
to Newsnight.
310
00:13:53,073 --> 00:13:57,457
My guest this evening is
New York mayoral candidate
Lance Brockwell.
311
00:13:57,595 --> 00:13:59,217
Good evening, Lance.
312
00:13:59,355 --> 00:14:02,117
Uh... [CHUCKLES]
I'm, I'm sorry.
313
00:14:02,255 --> 00:14:03,670
Say, "Good evening,
Judy."
314
00:14:03,808 --> 00:14:05,396
Uh... Good evening,
Judy.
315
00:14:15,682 --> 00:14:16,925
[ELEVATOR BELL RINGS]
316
00:14:20,307 --> 00:14:21,861
If I am elected mayor,
317
00:14:21,999 --> 00:14:23,241
I pledge to lower...
318
00:14:23,379 --> 00:14:24,864
My pants.
My pants.
319
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,005
No. Taxes.
320
00:14:28,143 --> 00:14:30,455
Mr. Brockwell,
have you been
drinking?
321
00:14:30,593 --> 00:14:31,801
TROY: Yes.
Yes.
322
00:14:31,940 --> 00:14:33,010
No.
323
00:14:33,148 --> 00:14:35,288
No. Uh, you see, Judy,
drinking dulls...
324
00:14:35,426 --> 00:14:36,461
The drugs.
The drugs.
325
00:14:37,324 --> 00:14:38,601
No, uh, the senses.
326
00:14:38,739 --> 00:14:41,328
Can I please take
this thing out of my ear?
327
00:14:41,466 --> 00:14:44,021
JUDY: You will not be able to hear my questions.
328
00:14:44,159 --> 00:14:45,850
Hey!
Jamie!
329
00:14:45,988 --> 00:14:47,024
Jamsie!
330
00:14:47,162 --> 00:14:48,680
Jamie?
It's Judy.
331
00:14:48,818 --> 00:14:50,475
Yippee!
332
00:14:50,613 --> 00:14:51,994
JUDY: Excuse me?
333
00:14:52,132 --> 00:14:54,065
Lance,
don't acknowledge me
on the air.
334
00:14:54,203 --> 00:14:55,170
Security's
on their way.
335
00:14:55,308 --> 00:14:56,447
I don't care.
336
00:15:00,589 --> 00:15:03,040
Mr. Brockwell,
do you need a minute?
337
00:15:04,144 --> 00:15:05,559
JAMIE: No, Lance,
you can do it.
338
00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:07,768
Just use
your own words
and be yourself.
339
00:15:10,047 --> 00:15:11,807
What I was gonna say
is...
340
00:15:12,808 --> 00:15:14,465
That my first act
as mayor
341
00:15:14,603 --> 00:15:17,882
would be to restructure
the tax system,
342
00:15:18,020 --> 00:15:21,334
thereby creating a surplus
that could be funneled
into education.
343
00:15:23,301 --> 00:15:25,165
Bird? Looking
for a bird?
344
00:15:25,303 --> 00:15:26,339
IRA: Free bird.
345
00:15:26,477 --> 00:15:27,927
Would you like
a bird?
Here you go.
346
00:15:28,065 --> 00:15:29,859
Why is nobody
taking our fliers?
347
00:15:29,998 --> 00:15:32,276
Fliers. Nobody
takes fliers anymore.
348
00:15:32,414 --> 00:15:34,002
I do. How do you
think I found out
349
00:15:34,140 --> 00:15:36,349
about that whole
mafia-Vatican connection?
350
00:15:36,487 --> 00:15:38,213
Just let
the poor cockatoo
go, all right?
351
00:15:38,351 --> 00:15:41,457
He doesn't want
to go. I asked.
So ask again.
352
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,011
Here.
353
00:15:43,149 --> 00:15:44,805
Hey, little bird.
Want to fly?
354
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,255
Here. Fly.
355
00:15:47,187 --> 00:15:48,878
Go. Fly.
356
00:15:49,017 --> 00:15:50,604
Fly away. Be free.
357
00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,158
Fly like a bird.
358
00:15:52,296 --> 00:15:54,091
Be a bird. Free.
359
00:15:54,229 --> 00:15:55,851
Fly. No.
360
00:15:57,508 --> 00:15:59,234
So keep him.
I don't want him.
361
00:15:59,372 --> 00:16:00,994
All right, fine.
Give him away, then.
362
00:16:01,132 --> 00:16:02,651
Give him away to who?
363
00:16:02,789 --> 00:16:04,480
Excuse me. Excuse me.
364
00:16:04,618 --> 00:16:06,862
Could we interest you
in a "cockertoo"?
[GASPS]
365
00:16:10,452 --> 00:16:12,419
I guess she
misunderstood.
366
00:16:12,557 --> 00:16:13,973
Bird. Bird.
367
00:16:17,424 --> 00:16:18,598
Lance,
you did great!
368
00:16:18,736 --> 00:16:20,841
Oh... Thanks.
369
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,982
I did, didn't I?
Just great.
370
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,156
[LAUGHS]
You know, I really feel
371
00:16:25,294 --> 00:16:26,744
like I'm on
an upswing here.
372
00:16:26,882 --> 00:16:28,780
Gracie Mansion,
here I come.
373
00:16:28,918 --> 00:16:31,059
[LAUGHS]
374
00:16:31,197 --> 00:16:34,062
Boy, I'm really feeling
good about myself.
375
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:35,684
You know what I just
realized, Jamie?
What?
376
00:16:35,822 --> 00:16:38,066
[LAUGHS]
I'm the man.
377
00:16:38,204 --> 00:16:39,170
[LAUGHING]
378
00:16:40,896 --> 00:16:42,346
Lance, that's,
that's great,
379
00:16:42,484 --> 00:16:44,382
'cause there's
something I've been
wanting to tell you.
380
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:47,420
What's that?
I'm sure you know
what I'm about to say.
381
00:16:47,558 --> 00:16:49,077
No. [CHUCKLES]
382
00:16:49,215 --> 00:16:51,424
Well, I imagine
you've known this day
has been coming
383
00:16:51,562 --> 00:16:54,358
for a long time.
I have?
384
00:16:54,496 --> 00:16:56,912
Well, Lance, as I'm sure
you've surmised,
385
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,534
I'm quitting
the campaign.
386
00:16:59,190 --> 00:17:00,191
What do you mean?
387
00:17:00,329 --> 00:17:02,021
Well, I'm pregnant,
388
00:17:02,159 --> 00:17:03,539
so it seemed...
What?
389
00:17:06,370 --> 00:17:07,716
Well, I'm having
a baby.
390
00:17:07,854 --> 00:17:09,959
Well, this is
a hell of a time!
391
00:17:10,788 --> 00:17:11,961
I did tell you.
392
00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:14,274
Well, I can't remember
every detail.
393
00:17:14,412 --> 00:17:16,759
I'm trying
to keep my head
above water here.
394
00:17:16,897 --> 00:17:18,761
Oh, my God.
This is terrible!
395
00:17:18,899 --> 00:17:22,455
Lance, please.
You please!
396
00:17:22,593 --> 00:17:24,629
You're not making this
very easy on me.
397
00:17:24,767 --> 00:17:28,012
Easy on you? You're
ruining my life here!
398
00:17:28,150 --> 00:17:30,083
Please don't go. Don't go.
Don't have a baby.
399
00:17:30,221 --> 00:17:32,120
What?
Well, you're killing me
here, James.
400
00:17:32,258 --> 00:17:34,536
You're ripping my guts
out here!
401
00:17:34,674 --> 00:17:37,263
It's gonna be fine. Really,
it's gonna be fine.
402
00:17:38,195 --> 00:17:39,713
[BOTH SIGH]
403
00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:41,681
Listen, I,
I've gotta go.
404
00:17:44,546 --> 00:17:46,341
[SOBBING]
405
00:17:50,448 --> 00:17:51,656
Lance, listen.
406
00:17:51,794 --> 00:17:55,212
Listen. I've, I've really
enjoyed working together,
407
00:17:55,350 --> 00:17:57,697
and my hope is
that we can do it again.
408
00:17:57,835 --> 00:17:59,112
[SOBS]
409
00:18:03,806 --> 00:18:05,774
Well... Bye.
410
00:18:05,912 --> 00:18:07,189
[ANSWERS
UNINTELLIGIBLY]
411
00:18:13,402 --> 00:18:15,128
So what was Baretta
really like?
412
00:18:18,476 --> 00:18:19,960
I heard he was
pretty intense.
413
00:18:21,583 --> 00:18:22,825
Not even a chuckle
from you?
414
00:18:23,723 --> 00:18:24,724
Huh?
415
00:18:26,519 --> 00:18:28,037
What are you reading
now, Othello?
416
00:18:28,176 --> 00:18:29,384
Nah, not really.
417
00:18:29,522 --> 00:18:31,834
Want to watch
Newsnight?
Oh, God, no.
418
00:18:33,422 --> 00:18:36,805
Okay. Want to watch Popeye?
Okay.
419
00:18:37,495 --> 00:18:38,910
Good. This is good.
420
00:18:39,048 --> 00:18:40,705
I love that you're here.
This is so good.
421
00:18:40,843 --> 00:18:43,156
We can watch TV.
We can hang out.
422
00:18:43,294 --> 00:18:44,502
We can watch shows
423
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:47,160
that have absolutely
no redeeming value.
424
00:18:47,298 --> 00:18:48,610
I'm so glad you quit.
425
00:18:48,748 --> 00:18:50,370
[POPEYETHEME PLAYS]
What are you doing?
426
00:18:51,233 --> 00:18:52,683
What?
427
00:18:52,821 --> 00:18:55,030
Do you really think
I want to sit here
and watch Popeye?
428
00:18:56,376 --> 00:18:57,791
Well, Green Acres
is on, too.
429
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:00,967
You like that.
430
00:19:01,105 --> 00:19:02,969
What have I done?
[TV SWITCHES OFF]
431
00:19:03,107 --> 00:19:04,833
What do you mean,
what have you done?
You quit.
432
00:19:04,971 --> 00:19:07,560
You said, you promised
you were gonna quit,
and then you quit.
433
00:19:08,492 --> 00:19:09,976
I like my job.
434
00:19:10,114 --> 00:19:12,599
I love my job.
435
00:19:12,737 --> 00:19:14,774
[SOFTLY] How do I know
I'm going to like this?
436
00:19:14,912 --> 00:19:18,226
What?
How do I know I'm
gonna like doing this?
437
00:19:19,813 --> 00:19:21,332
How do you know
you're gonna like
being a mother?
438
00:19:21,470 --> 00:19:22,506
Shh!
439
00:19:26,682 --> 00:19:28,753
Well, it's
a little late now.
440
00:19:28,891 --> 00:19:31,618
I mean...
You know, we can't get
our deposit back.
441
00:19:33,689 --> 00:19:36,416
Believe me, I know.
442
00:19:36,554 --> 00:19:38,384
It's... You know,
it's like when
we were getting married.
443
00:19:38,522 --> 00:19:41,318
You were very happy
being single, right?
Yeah.
444
00:19:41,456 --> 00:19:42,836
But you traded that in.
445
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,597
You got married,
and that was a big risk,
wasn't it?
446
00:19:44,735 --> 00:19:47,807
Yeah, it certainly was.
447
00:19:47,945 --> 00:19:50,119
So let me ask you.
How did that
work out so far?
448
00:19:51,051 --> 00:19:52,432
So far,
not terrible.
449
00:19:53,537 --> 00:19:55,608
So?
So?
450
00:19:55,746 --> 00:19:57,955
So?
So?
451
00:19:59,646 --> 00:20:01,441
So? All right.
So shut up.
452
00:20:02,408 --> 00:20:03,823
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
453
00:20:10,278 --> 00:20:11,831
You know, sometimes
I'm very clever.
454
00:20:12,935 --> 00:20:14,282
You're a very lucky woman.
455
00:20:14,420 --> 00:20:15,904
You're a very lucky bird.
456
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,874
[IN BRITISH ACCENT]
You found
my cockatoo.
457
00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:22,324
That's your bird?
458
00:20:22,462 --> 00:20:24,809
Oh, Van Gogh,
you're alive!
459
00:20:24,947 --> 00:20:28,537
He flew out the window
while I was airing
the living room.
460
00:20:28,675 --> 00:20:31,022
His name is Van Gogh?
I never thought
I would say this,
461
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:34,405
but I am enormously
grateful. Here.
462
00:20:34,543 --> 00:20:36,545
Oh, isn't that nice?
Look, honey, $5.
463
00:20:38,651 --> 00:20:41,170
Van Gogh,
I'm so happy.
464
00:20:41,309 --> 00:20:43,966
I must say,
I'm very appreciative.
465
00:20:44,104 --> 00:20:45,209
You know, he talks.
466
00:20:45,347 --> 00:20:46,521
Really?
Yes.
467
00:20:46,659 --> 00:20:47,970
He says,
"pretty eyes."
468
00:20:48,108 --> 00:20:51,388
Really.
Yes. I taught him
myself. Watch this.
469
00:20:51,526 --> 00:20:54,391
Van Gogh,
what's mommy's best feature?
470
00:20:54,529 --> 00:20:55,668
VAN GOGH: Nice ass.
471
00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:07,645
So, so where
are you from?
472
00:21:07,783 --> 00:21:09,509
VAN GOGH: I'm from, uh,
Trenton originally.
473
00:21:09,647 --> 00:21:11,339
I moved out here
in the early '70s.
474
00:21:11,477 --> 00:21:15,377
Some old lady owned me
for a couple of years,
but she, uh, she passed on.
475
00:21:15,515 --> 00:21:17,862
So then I got sold
to some store on 8th street.
476
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,106
That's where
this British lady got me.
477
00:21:20,244 --> 00:21:24,421
I got a brother
down in Baltimore.
I never see him.
478
00:21:24,559 --> 00:21:26,871
That must be tough
'cause you can't write
him or anything.
479
00:21:27,009 --> 00:21:28,459
I know.
480
00:21:28,597 --> 00:21:29,736
Hey, you want
something to eat?
481
00:21:29,874 --> 00:21:31,255
I could eat
something.
482
00:21:31,393 --> 00:21:32,670
Is that
a yes or a no?
483
00:21:32,808 --> 00:21:34,396
If you're making,
I'll have.
484
00:21:37,434 --> 00:21:39,125
I'm not making,
but I'll make something
for you.
485
00:21:39,263 --> 00:21:40,609
I don't want
to be a bother.
486
00:21:40,747 --> 00:21:42,024
It's too late for that.
35706
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