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1
00:00:07,868 --> 00:00:11,501
Oh, Mrs. Buchman,
you're trying
to seduce me.
2
00:00:11,067 --> 00:00:13,267
I want to find the guy
who invented pantyhose
3
00:00:13,334 --> 00:00:15,867
and beat an apology
out of him.
4
00:00:15,934 --> 00:00:18,533
You know what? My guess is,
he's not a very tough guy.
5
00:00:20,301 --> 00:00:21,600
Do I look okay?
6
00:00:21,667 --> 00:00:23,267
You look really sexy.
7
00:00:23,334 --> 00:00:25,734
We're going to a funeral.
I don't want to look sexy.
8
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:27,700
No, I'm saying sexy
but, like, in a sad way.
9
00:00:28,900 --> 00:00:30,301
Oh, what did I do here?
10
00:00:30,368 --> 00:00:31,767
Let's see. Cold water.
11
00:00:31,834 --> 00:00:33,567
Yikes.
12
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:35,101
Murray, you see
how lucky you are?
13
00:00:35,167 --> 00:00:37,101
You never have to
wear pantyhose
your whole life.
14
00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:38,867
Ow!
What'd you do?
15
00:00:38,934 --> 00:00:40,368
I hate speaking
in public.
16
00:00:40,434 --> 00:00:42,301
You'll be fine. Listen,
the whole trick is
17
00:00:42,368 --> 00:00:44,533
you just... You got to know
what you're going to say.
18
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,134
I just want to say
how much I love him
and how much he loves me.
19
00:00:47,201 --> 00:00:48,700
All right. So that's all
you gotta say.
20
00:00:48,767 --> 00:00:50,767
Okay, don't worry
I'm gonna get it together.
21
00:00:50,834 --> 00:00:52,800
I'm not gonna pull
an Aunt Rachel. I promise.
22
00:00:52,867 --> 00:00:55,533
Who are you
talking to?
Uncle Van.
23
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,167
(PANTYHOSE RIPPING)
24
00:00:57,234 --> 00:00:58,301
No.
What?
25
00:00:58,368 --> 00:01:00,001
Oh, no.
What'd you do?
26
00:01:00,067 --> 00:01:01,567
Oh, fine! Fine!
You want to play
like that?
27
00:01:01,633 --> 00:01:02,834
That's just fine!
28
00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:04,834
That's how we'll play.
'Cause you know something?
29
00:01:04,900 --> 00:01:07,101
You try my patience,
you really, really do,
30
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:09,633
you flimsy discount
piece of crap!
31
00:01:18,567 --> 00:01:21,301
I got to tell you,
I'm surprisingly
aroused by that.
32
00:01:53,033 --> 00:01:54,968
You know, Uncle Van was
crazy about you
33
00:01:55,033 --> 00:01:56,300
from the minute
he met you.
34
00:01:56,367 --> 00:01:58,167
Hey, of course Uncle Van
was crazy about me.
35
00:01:58,234 --> 00:01:59,834
He needed
a partner in crime.
36
00:01:59,901 --> 00:02:02,300
You know, without me,
he never could have gotten
those golf balls
37
00:02:02,367 --> 00:02:04,000
in your mother's turkey.
38
00:02:04,067 --> 00:02:05,968
That was like a classic
Van moment.
39
00:02:06,033 --> 00:02:08,000
JAMIE: I wish you would
tell that story.
40
00:02:08,067 --> 00:02:10,400
All right. It was
Thanksgiving, we're
sitting around the table...
41
00:02:10,467 --> 00:02:12,033
Not here. At the service.
42
00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:14,534
Oh, forget it. I hate
speaking in public.
43
00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:16,901
I thought the key is
to know what you're
gonna say.
44
00:02:16,968 --> 00:02:19,000
Oh, no, no, no.
That's just for you.
45
00:02:19,067 --> 00:02:20,567
Come on,
he would love it.
46
00:02:20,634 --> 00:02:22,133
Who?
Van.
47
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,934
Hey, Van is gone,
48
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,934
and I ain't
taking the rap
for that turkey myself.
49
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,267
(DOORBELL BUZZING
REPEATEDLY)
50
00:02:27,334 --> 00:02:29,534
Oh, finally.
51
00:02:29,601 --> 00:02:31,801
Oh, good. Your sister now
buzzes in Morse code.
52
00:02:36,234 --> 00:02:38,501
(SCOFFS)
That's what you guys
are wearing?
53
00:02:39,501 --> 00:02:40,968
Are you kidding me?
54
00:02:41,033 --> 00:02:42,934
He loved plaid.
55
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,200
You're right. I'm sorry.
It's absolutely perfect.
Let's go.
56
00:02:45,267 --> 00:02:47,000
All right, Murray,
we're gonna be back later.
57
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,734
We're gonna go visit
Uncle Van.
58
00:02:48,801 --> 00:02:50,400
Remember Uncle Van,
he used to throw you
the tennis ball
59
00:02:50,467 --> 00:02:51,834
till you couldn't stand up?
60
00:02:51,901 --> 00:02:53,834
Yeah, well, no more
playing catch with Uncle Van.
61
00:02:53,901 --> 00:02:55,968
Why would you
tell him that?
62
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,501
Because it's the truth.
63
00:02:58,567 --> 00:03:00,534
So what's to be gained?
Either he doesn't
understand you,
64
00:03:00,601 --> 00:03:02,534
or he does,
and now he's sad.
65
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,868
You really give him
too much credit.
66
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:14,868
I guess, what I'm
trying to say is
I really love Uncle Van
67
00:03:14,934 --> 00:03:16,801
and I know Uncle Van
really loves me.
68
00:03:18,234 --> 00:03:19,701
He really does.
69
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,734
And I really do, too.
70
00:03:22,801 --> 00:03:25,100
I guess the reason
I love him so much
71
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,667
is because I know
how much he loves me.
72
00:03:29,934 --> 00:03:31,300
How much we love him.
73
00:03:32,901 --> 00:03:34,300
All of us.
74
00:03:34,367 --> 00:03:35,667
But especially me.
75
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,033
I really love Uncle Van.
76
00:03:40,968 --> 00:03:42,067
A lot.
77
00:03:43,601 --> 00:03:45,834
And I know
he really loves me.
Okay, okay.
78
00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:47,200
I think you
covered that.
79
00:03:47,267 --> 00:03:49,434
Would you please tell
the turkey story?
80
00:03:49,501 --> 00:03:51,434
Um...
81
00:03:51,501 --> 00:03:55,534
I think we all know
that Jamie had a fondness
for Uncle Van.
82
00:03:55,601 --> 00:03:58,534
And as she suggested
in her little story,
83
00:03:58,601 --> 00:04:00,334
he had a fondness
for her as well.
84
00:04:00,968 --> 00:04:02,133
Okay.
85
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:04,501
Um...
86
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,200
Van--Van was--was great.
87
00:04:08,267 --> 00:04:10,634
He was-- He was a warm soul,
88
00:04:10,701 --> 00:04:12,033
a--a big heart.
89
00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:13,767
He was just so sweet.
90
00:04:13,834 --> 00:04:15,234
I used to tell Jamie
91
00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:17,167
it was like he was
from another family.
92
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:19,801
Sorry.
93
00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:22,567
No, I mean, you're...
This is a wonderful family.
But I...
94
00:04:22,634 --> 00:04:24,534
Van was truly, and I said it,
the only person
95
00:04:24,601 --> 00:04:26,234
I could have
a conversation with.
96
00:04:29,501 --> 00:04:31,067
I really love
Uncle Van.
97
00:04:40,634 --> 00:04:42,467
You alienated
my entire family.
98
00:04:42,534 --> 00:04:44,667
Well, it had to be done.
99
00:04:44,734 --> 00:04:47,167
You know, why--why did you
take your Uncle Van?
100
00:04:47,234 --> 00:04:49,567
Why did you take
the pate?
101
00:04:49,634 --> 00:04:51,334
I like pate.
I like Uncle Van.
102
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,267
And I understand
he likes you, but still.
103
00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:56,334
I wanna make sure
his ashes wind up
in the right place.
104
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:59,033
I guarantee you
it ain't there.
105
00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:02,934
It's only for a day
or two till I decide
where he belongs.
106
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,033
South Dakota.
107
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:06,601
South Dakota?
Yeah.
108
00:05:11,167 --> 00:05:13,667
Why would we
spread his ashes
in South Dakota?
109
00:05:13,734 --> 00:05:16,167
Because he had
that Desoto. Huh?
110
00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:18,767
Okay, Lise,
111
00:05:18,834 --> 00:05:21,100
come here, I just wanna
explain something to you.
112
00:05:21,167 --> 00:05:23,067
All right,
South Dakota,
113
00:05:23,133 --> 00:05:24,400
Desoto,
114
00:05:24,467 --> 00:05:26,000
no connection.
115
00:05:26,067 --> 00:05:28,634
There's a similar sound
and yet there's nothing there.
116
00:05:30,167 --> 00:05:32,801
Fine. You think
of something.
117
00:05:32,868 --> 00:05:34,467
How do they get
a whole guy in here?
118
00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:35,901
(STUTTERING)
What are you doing?
119
00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:37,634
They put a 230-pound man
in a thermos.
120
00:05:37,701 --> 00:05:39,767
You're not even curious?
No!
121
00:05:39,834 --> 00:05:41,767
Have some respect.
122
00:05:41,834 --> 00:05:44,334
You--You could be curious
with respect.
123
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,634
(EXCLAIMS)
Oh, it's Sunday.
124
00:05:45,701 --> 00:05:47,300
I bet he's somewhere
playing golf.
125
00:05:47,367 --> 00:05:49,501
Well, I don't really think
that's true.
126
00:05:49,567 --> 00:05:53,434
You think when
someone dies, that's it,
their life just stops?
127
00:05:53,501 --> 00:05:56,133
I certainly think
it hinders their golf swing.
128
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,267
'Cause you know,
a lot of it's in the legs,
you know,
129
00:05:58,334 --> 00:06:00,033
and if you're dead...
Standing? A little tough.
130
00:06:01,467 --> 00:06:02,767
You're very naive.
131
00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:04,767
I'm naive? I'm naive
132
00:06:04,834 --> 00:06:07,467
and yet you have
a dead uncle with a
tee-off time. All right.
133
00:06:12,701 --> 00:06:14,767
(MURRAY BARKS)
134
00:06:14,834 --> 00:06:16,868
All right, but
don't tell anybody.
135
00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:19,400
There you go.
136
00:06:19,467 --> 00:06:21,234
Get your elbows
off the table.
137
00:06:23,234 --> 00:06:24,734
PAUL: Baby.
In here.
138
00:06:25,868 --> 00:06:27,267
Hi.
Hey, how'd it go?
139
00:06:27,334 --> 00:06:28,734
It went good.
140
00:06:28,801 --> 00:06:31,234
There's that dog of mine.
I know what you want.
141
00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:34,367
Don't feed him
up there.
All right.
142
00:06:34,434 --> 00:06:36,634
What happened?
I thought we were
having hamburgers.
143
00:06:36,701 --> 00:06:38,033
This is hamburgers.
144
00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:39,834
I know,
but they're so wide.
145
00:06:39,901 --> 00:06:42,634
I had my heart set on,
like, a regulation.
146
00:06:42,701 --> 00:06:45,334
It's Salisbury steak.
Grab some silverware.
147
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:46,801
What made you go fancy?
148
00:06:46,868 --> 00:06:48,234
It's the same
as hamburgers.
149
00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:50,634
Actually, only in Salisbury
is that the same.
150
00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:53,267
Reminds me of Uncle Van,
he used to love it.
151
00:06:53,334 --> 00:06:56,367
Uncle van loved
the Salisbury steak.
152
00:06:56,434 --> 00:07:00,167
You know, it's-- it's
really... It's so typical.
What?
153
00:07:00,234 --> 00:07:04,367
Your relatives, they come
for, like, one night
and they stay a week.
154
00:07:04,434 --> 00:07:07,200
Only until I can
find someplace
where he'll be happy.
155
00:07:07,267 --> 00:07:10,601
May I make a suggestion?
How about not here?
156
00:07:10,667 --> 00:07:14,133
It's a lovely area,
and it's easy to find.
157
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,000
Do you remember when he
took us on the Circle Line
up the Hudson?
158
00:07:17,067 --> 00:07:18,834
Hey, that was fun.
159
00:07:18,901 --> 00:07:20,868
Hey, how about that?
160
00:07:20,934 --> 00:07:22,200
We take a boat
up the Hudson,
161
00:07:22,267 --> 00:07:23,901
we scatter his ashes
into the river?
162
00:07:23,968 --> 00:07:26,100
No, it's so filthy.
It's polluted.
163
00:07:26,167 --> 00:07:28,133
Sweetie, with
all due respect,
164
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,434
he's ashes,
you know what I mean?
165
00:07:30,501 --> 00:07:32,934
Ashes don't really
mind filth.
166
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,701
In fact, technically
they are filth.
167
00:07:34,767 --> 00:07:37,267
You know, the whole
ashes to ashes,
dust to dust thing.
168
00:07:37,334 --> 00:07:40,200
Yeah, well, he's still
not going in the Hudson.
All right.
169
00:07:40,267 --> 00:07:42,133
Well, he loved-- he loved
the city, right?
170
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,601
What if we
scatter his ashes
just into the wind
171
00:07:44,667 --> 00:07:47,267
and then he'll settle
in whatever neighborhood
he enjoys.
172
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:49,901
I wanna find
the perfect place.
173
00:07:49,968 --> 00:07:52,133
I don't really think
he's gonna be that picky.
174
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,467
You really believe
when someone dies,
it's all over?
175
00:07:55,534 --> 00:07:58,701
I really do. You know what,
do we have a bun?
176
00:07:58,767 --> 00:08:00,767
How can you think that?
177
00:08:00,834 --> 00:08:02,501
I think that because...
178
00:08:02,567 --> 00:08:04,767
Listen, I question
the little things,
but the big things,
179
00:08:04,834 --> 00:08:06,267
you know,
like thunder and death,
180
00:08:06,334 --> 00:08:07,701
I do what I'm told.
181
00:08:09,334 --> 00:08:11,334
So when we die, that's it?
It's-- It's over?
182
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:12,834
We're just no longer
a couple?
183
00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:14,767
We're certainly not
a fun couple.
184
00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,100
Know what I think?
Still not right.
185
00:08:18,167 --> 00:08:20,501
Why can't you just eat
like a grownup?
186
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,400
See, this is why
they came up with death.
187
00:08:22,467 --> 00:08:25,267
To give nice people like
you and me a little break
from each other.
188
00:08:25,334 --> 00:08:27,834
I don't want
a break from you.
189
00:08:27,901 --> 00:08:30,267
You know what I think?
What?
190
00:08:30,334 --> 00:08:33,567
I think,
you can't get hamburger
from Salisbury steak.
191
00:08:33,634 --> 00:08:35,734
It's just too late
in the game.
192
00:08:35,801 --> 00:08:38,067
'Cause everywhere you look,
uncooked edge.
193
00:08:38,133 --> 00:08:40,067
Do you not want
to be together forever?
194
00:08:40,133 --> 00:08:42,100
No, I do, absolutely.
So?
195
00:08:42,167 --> 00:08:43,567
So...
196
00:08:43,634 --> 00:08:45,367
Ketchup. Ketchup would
be the thing,
197
00:08:45,434 --> 00:08:47,534
'cause ketchup,
if I may say,
would suggest to this,
198
00:08:47,601 --> 00:08:50,567
in its heart,
that it's a burger.
It could be a burger.
199
00:08:50,634 --> 00:08:53,033
Hey, Uncle Van,
no kidding, I've asked
you once already.
200
00:08:56,434 --> 00:08:58,334
You know, forever
doesn't mean till you die.
201
00:08:58,400 --> 00:08:59,767
Forever means forever.
202
00:08:59,834 --> 00:09:02,567
Do you remember that play
we saw on Jane Street?
203
00:09:02,634 --> 00:09:05,033
(EXCLAIMS)
The two women in the garage?
That was the whole point.
204
00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:06,701
Can't get out of it
that easy.
205
00:09:06,767 --> 00:09:09,901
Would tomato help?
Yeah, tomato
would be good.
206
00:09:09,968 --> 00:09:11,634
What are you doing?
Huh? Nothing.
207
00:09:11,701 --> 00:09:13,133
Did you open that?
No.
208
00:09:16,701 --> 00:09:19,667
Just moving it over here,
though. Just leave it here.
Why?
209
00:09:19,734 --> 00:09:21,567
Because, to be honest
with you, I'm uneasy
210
00:09:21,634 --> 00:09:23,434
dining with a dead guy
on the table.
211
00:09:24,234 --> 00:09:25,801
Where's the cheese?
212
00:09:25,868 --> 00:09:27,167
What cheese?
213
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,968
Did you not offer
to bring me cheese?
214
00:09:29,033 --> 00:09:32,367
Cheese for the man
who calls my uncle
"The dead guy". My pleasure.
215
00:09:33,434 --> 00:09:35,200
Thank you.
216
00:09:35,267 --> 00:09:37,601
Hey, didn't Uncle Van
used to take you and Lisa
to the track?
217
00:09:37,667 --> 00:09:39,667
Yeah, all the time.
218
00:09:39,734 --> 00:09:42,534
I remember, one time
he took you down to the
winner's circle, right?
219
00:09:42,601 --> 00:09:44,934
That's right.
I can't believe
you remember that.
220
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,067
Yeah, I remember, 'cause you
told me Lisa had this crazy
blue dress on or something.
221
00:09:48,133 --> 00:09:50,300
I told you that?
Yeah. I pay attention.
222
00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:54,934
That little sweater
with Dalmatians
you were wearing?
223
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,467
That's amazing.
224
00:09:57,601 --> 00:09:59,067
A little barrette
you had...
225
00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:00,434
What the hell's
behind your back?
Okay.
226
00:10:03,133 --> 00:10:04,601
I knew it. I pushed it
with the barrette,
227
00:10:04,667 --> 00:10:06,200
that was my big mistake,
right there.
Look at him.
228
00:10:06,267 --> 00:10:08,000
He loved
the racetrack.
229
00:10:08,067 --> 00:10:10,234
He'd always be yelling,
"Tell me it's true, baby!
230
00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:12,601
"Tell me it's true!"
231
00:10:12,667 --> 00:10:15,434
Again, a little aroused.
232
00:10:15,501 --> 00:10:18,234
Look at that.
That's the happiest I've
ever seen him, right there.
233
00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:19,634
Looks very happy.
234
00:10:19,701 --> 00:10:21,300
Hey! That's a thought.
235
00:10:21,367 --> 00:10:25,767
We take his ashes,
we scatter them
in the winner's circle.
236
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:28,334
That's perfect.
Oh, the winner's circle,
that's perfect.
237
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:29,801
Yeah.
Who thought of it? Me.
238
00:10:29,868 --> 00:10:32,167
Okay, call Ira.
Why am I calling Ira?
239
00:10:32,234 --> 00:10:34,334
Because they don't just
let people into
the winner's circle,
240
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,267
you have to know someone
who owns the horse that wins.
241
00:10:36,334 --> 00:10:38,067
Yeah, so?
So Ira's at the track
all the time.
242
00:10:38,133 --> 00:10:39,534
Maybe he knows owners.
243
00:10:39,601 --> 00:10:42,100
(MURRAY BARKING)
Aha! Aha, aha.
244
00:10:42,167 --> 00:10:43,734
What?
Look at Murray.
245
00:10:43,801 --> 00:10:45,067
I'm looking.
I don't see "aha".
246
00:10:45,133 --> 00:10:46,634
So if there's no such thing
as forever,
247
00:10:46,701 --> 00:10:48,934
why did Murray
bring the ball
to Uncle Van?
248
00:10:50,767 --> 00:10:52,667
'Cause he's a dog.
249
00:10:52,734 --> 00:10:55,000
Last week he brought
my socks to the toaster.
He don't care.
250
00:10:56,601 --> 00:10:58,434
He just brings things...
251
00:10:58,501 --> 00:11:00,200
Sweetie, do you know why
he's doing that?
252
00:11:00,267 --> 00:11:02,133
He's doing that
'cause he smells...
253
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,767
No, you're right. Aha!
254
00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:13,033
You definitely
know this guy?
Yeah.
255
00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:14,868
And he owns the horse?
Yeah.
256
00:11:14,934 --> 00:11:16,234
So how do you know him?
257
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,968
Paulie, from the track.
I can't talk
about this right now.
258
00:11:19,033 --> 00:11:21,467
So just give me
the guy's name.
Why can't this wait?
259
00:11:21,534 --> 00:11:23,734
'Cause I got a guy
in my living room.
260
00:11:23,801 --> 00:11:25,601
What guy?
Jamie's uncle.
261
00:11:25,667 --> 00:11:27,367
In the urn?
In the urn.
262
00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:29,534
(CHUCKLING)
263
00:11:30,701 --> 00:11:32,200
When are you going
to the track next?
264
00:11:32,267 --> 00:11:33,601
I'm not.
265
00:11:33,667 --> 00:11:36,200
So fine. Give me
the guy's number,
I'll call him.
266
00:11:36,267 --> 00:11:38,634
And say what? Next time
one of your horses wins,
267
00:11:38,701 --> 00:11:40,534
I'd like to bury
my wife's uncle's ashes
268
00:11:40,601 --> 00:11:42,501
in the winner's circle?
What's wrong with that?
269
00:11:42,567 --> 00:11:44,200
It's never gonna happen,
my friend.
270
00:11:44,267 --> 00:11:45,801
Where are they
running now, Aqueduct?
271
00:11:45,868 --> 00:11:47,701
Everyone, let's get started.
272
00:11:47,767 --> 00:11:49,100
Belmont.
273
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,400
All right.
274
00:11:51,367 --> 00:11:53,467
Ira.
275
00:11:53,534 --> 00:11:57,501
Hi. Uh, I'm Ira,
and I'm a compulsive gambler.
276
00:11:58,601 --> 00:12:00,734
Hi, Ira.
277
00:12:00,801 --> 00:12:02,234
I thought that's
what you do here.
278
00:12:10,334 --> 00:12:12,801
"Duke says,
Ed picks 'em,
279
00:12:12,868 --> 00:12:15,033
"and Bill knows."
280
00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:17,467
I can't believe your sister
paid admission for your uncle.
281
00:12:17,534 --> 00:12:19,167
Meanwhile, where did she go?
282
00:12:19,234 --> 00:12:20,968
Maybe your uncle
wanted a beer.
283
00:12:21,033 --> 00:12:22,267
I kid you.
284
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:26,167
So what, this Paulie guy,
he's a big horse guy?
285
00:12:26,234 --> 00:12:27,567
Oh, yeah,
he's the biggest.
286
00:12:27,634 --> 00:12:29,367
'Cause I don't let
just anyone in my box.
287
00:12:29,434 --> 00:12:32,200
Hey, Maurice,
would I bring a guy
to your box
288
00:12:32,267 --> 00:12:34,167
who can't sit with you?
He can sit with me?
289
00:12:34,234 --> 00:12:35,934
Sure. He can sit with you.
290
00:12:37,868 --> 00:12:40,000
She's already
disappeared.
291
00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:41,667
I like
Valenzuela's horse.
292
00:12:41,734 --> 00:12:43,234
I told Tommy.
293
00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:45,100
What's that?
I told Tommy.
294
00:12:45,167 --> 00:12:47,400
You told Tommy?
Go ask him.
295
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,767
We believe you.
296
00:12:51,767 --> 00:12:54,234
How do I know this guy?
Why do you talk
to these people?
297
00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:56,000
He talked to me first.
298
00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:58,934
All righty,
all righty, all righty.
Who wants programs?
299
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,868
Programs. Is that different
than what I got here?
300
00:13:00,934 --> 00:13:02,367
No, Paulie, you gotta
have a program.
301
00:13:02,434 --> 00:13:04,400
Give me the program.
I remember these.
302
00:13:04,467 --> 00:13:05,634
Yeah, so do I.
303
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:07,300
Where's your guy
who owns the horse?
304
00:13:07,367 --> 00:13:08,834
It's Maurice.
Maurice.
305
00:13:08,901 --> 00:13:10,634
Yeah. He's gonna be here
any minute.
306
00:13:10,701 --> 00:13:12,601
He'll get us into
the winner's circle?
If his horse wins.
307
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:13,767
Do you think it'll win?
308
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,367
If I knew that,
I'd be too happy to live.
309
00:13:16,434 --> 00:13:18,801
You know, that three horse
will never take the trip.
310
00:13:18,868 --> 00:13:20,100
Did you tell Tommy?
311
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,267
Right now.
312
00:13:23,767 --> 00:13:24,934
Who is Tommy?
313
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,100
I don't know.
314
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,300
Man, I love this place.
315
00:13:30,367 --> 00:13:33,000
Are you sure
you should be here?
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
316
00:13:33,067 --> 00:13:34,634
You're not gonna be tempted?
317
00:13:34,701 --> 00:13:37,334
Paulie, there's more
to do at the track
than bet on the horses.
318
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,767
There's the fresh air,
there's the excitement,
the people.
319
00:13:39,834 --> 00:13:41,167
They got delicious food.
320
00:13:41,234 --> 00:13:42,968
And they got ducks
in the infield.
321
00:13:44,467 --> 00:13:46,100
Give me your wallet.
No, no, no.
322
00:13:46,167 --> 00:13:47,667
Give me your wallet.
It's okay, I'm cured.
323
00:13:47,734 --> 00:13:49,734
You're not cured.
I'm not gonna bet.
I swear.
324
00:13:49,801 --> 00:13:51,167
For how much?
Ten bucks.
325
00:13:52,467 --> 00:13:53,667
Now, is it me,
326
00:13:53,734 --> 00:13:56,334
or is the air pressure
in here unusually low?
327
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,701
Where did you go?
328
00:13:57,767 --> 00:13:58,801
Oh, look.
329
00:14:01,367 --> 00:14:04,434
Wow, a Secretariat
barometer.
330
00:14:05,234 --> 00:14:06,834
Really needed it.
331
00:14:07,701 --> 00:14:09,901
(TRUMPET BLOWING)
332
00:14:09,968 --> 00:14:11,634
Hear that, Uncle Van?
333
00:14:11,701 --> 00:14:14,501
ANNOUNCER: The horsesfor today's first raceare on the track.
334
00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:16,234
Ira.
Maurice.
335
00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:18,434
What do you think?
Hey, I want you to meet
my cousin Paulie.
336
00:14:18,501 --> 00:14:20,501
I hear you know
a few things.
Oh, a few.
337
00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:22,400
This is his wife
Jamie and Lisa.
338
00:14:22,467 --> 00:14:24,300
My pleasure.
They're both good.
339
00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:28,734
Yeah.
So, uh, who we
rooting for today?
340
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:30,567
First race,
I own the six horse.
341
00:14:30,634 --> 00:14:33,000
Six horse? Six horse.
342
00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:34,567
The name would be
343
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:36,868
"About To Be Glue."
344
00:14:38,367 --> 00:14:39,834
About To Be Glue.
345
00:14:39,901 --> 00:14:41,434
Yeah, that's not a good sign.
346
00:14:46,834 --> 00:14:50,000
Look, Uncle Van, horses.
347
00:14:50,067 --> 00:14:53,033
(IN A HUSKY VOICE)
Tell me it's true, baby.
Tell me it's true.
348
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,501
Look at this.
About To Be Glue
is 50 to 1.
349
00:14:57,567 --> 00:14:58,734
He's a long shot.
350
00:14:58,801 --> 00:15:00,234
He's About To Be Glue.
351
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,300
Uncle Van
loved long shots.
352
00:15:02,367 --> 00:15:05,300
Which is why he left you
a pair of mukluks
and a cheese wheel.
353
00:15:08,968 --> 00:15:11,567
We're going to get
hot dogs.
I'll give you a hand.
354
00:15:11,634 --> 00:15:13,067
Hey, hey, hey,
you're going nowhere.
What?
355
00:15:13,133 --> 00:15:14,400
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
What?
356
00:15:14,467 --> 00:15:15,801
All right, you can go.
357
00:15:15,868 --> 00:15:18,934
Don't anyone touch
my barometer.
All righty.
358
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,467
You know what, sweetie?
I'm not sure this horse
359
00:15:21,534 --> 00:15:23,934
is gonna get your
Uncle Van into
the winner's circle.
360
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,334
Look at this. It says,
"About To Be Glue
361
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:27,868
"doesn't figure."
362
00:15:27,934 --> 00:15:29,868
You hear that?
"Doesn't figure."
I like that.
363
00:15:29,934 --> 00:15:31,467
What does
the other one say?
The other one,
364
00:15:31,534 --> 00:15:33,133
here Belmont, six horse.
365
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,901
"About To Be Glue
figures to be last."
366
00:15:35,968 --> 00:15:37,934
Well, what
do they know?
367
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,901
ANNOUNCER:The horses are approachingthe starting gate.
368
00:15:39,968 --> 00:15:41,300
About To Be Glue.
About To Be Glue.
369
00:15:41,367 --> 00:15:44,067
Atta girl! I bet the ass
off that animal.
370
00:15:44,133 --> 00:15:47,434
Sorry, lady. Come on,
About To Be Glue!
371
00:15:47,501 --> 00:15:49,968
Honey, come on, we have to
make a bet for good luck.
372
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,000
Am I going
or you going?
Do you wanna go?
373
00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:54,067
I'm sitting.
I'm going. How much?
374
00:15:54,133 --> 00:15:55,968
Do what you got to do.
375
00:15:56,033 --> 00:15:57,767
Ira says
you can sit with me.
376
00:15:57,834 --> 00:15:59,434
Yeah, whatever.
When he gets back here
377
00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:01,100
I'll sit back with Jamie.
Whatever.
378
00:16:01,167 --> 00:16:03,567
What do you think
of my horse?
379
00:16:03,634 --> 00:16:06,567
Well, I'll tell you this,
he's naked.
380
00:16:06,634 --> 00:16:08,601
You're telling me what?
381
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:10,167
I'm saying he's got
nothing on him
382
00:16:10,234 --> 00:16:12,267
but a small guy
with a hat.
383
00:16:12,334 --> 00:16:13,734
You don't like
my jockey?
384
00:16:14,534 --> 00:16:15,934
I don't know.
385
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,601
It's okay, it's okay.
You don't want
to say anything,
386
00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:19,234
you don't want
to say anything.
387
00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:20,434
I don't know anything.
388
00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:22,300
Come on, tell me.
Where did you hear it?
389
00:16:23,801 --> 00:16:26,767
Ask Tommy.
You talked to Tommy?
390
00:16:26,834 --> 00:16:28,334
I don't even know
who Tommy is.
391
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,734
Oh, I hear that.
He hasn't been right
in weeks.
392
00:16:30,801 --> 00:16:32,567
Come on, tell me
what you know.
393
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,434
Well, I'll tell you this.
394
00:16:37,167 --> 00:16:39,534
You can't get hamburger
from Salisbury steak.
395
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:42,667
Say no more.
396
00:16:49,701 --> 00:16:51,167
Hey, Lise, listen.
397
00:16:51,234 --> 00:16:53,133
Why don't you
order me something?
I got to hit the head.
398
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,801
No betting.
399
00:16:54,868 --> 00:16:57,601
Betting? With what?
I'll meet you back
at the seats.
400
00:17:00,634 --> 00:17:02,901
Yeah, we're probably
gonna split something.
401
00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:08,067
Give me a $5 wheel
on the six horse,
front and back,
402
00:17:08,133 --> 00:17:09,968
and give me a six,
three, one box.
403
00:17:10,033 --> 00:17:12,601
Give me a $30 baseball,
one, three, six.
404
00:17:12,667 --> 00:17:15,667
Also on the six, let me have
we have $10 across the board.
405
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:17,200
Slap me!
406
00:17:17,267 --> 00:17:20,534
Okay. Give me
$20 to win, $20 to place
and $20 to show.
407
00:17:20,601 --> 00:17:21,834
Come on!
408
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:25,501
Here we go.
409
00:17:27,467 --> 00:17:28,901
Wow.
Tell me!
410
00:17:28,968 --> 00:17:31,434
I can't believe
LaGuardia's so close.
411
00:17:31,501 --> 00:17:33,667
Forget about LaGuardia.
Tell me about my horse.
412
00:17:33,734 --> 00:17:35,267
What?
Can he win?
413
00:17:35,334 --> 00:17:37,200
How do I know?
I'm here for a funeral.
414
00:17:37,267 --> 00:17:39,701
Oh, do you think
he'll die in the stretch?
415
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:42,701
What are you asking me...
I been to the track once
in my whole life.
416
00:17:42,767 --> 00:17:46,634
Just like me.
One long day,
and it lasts forever.
417
00:17:46,701 --> 00:17:49,033
Yeah, well, there's
no such thing as forever.
418
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:51,634
So in other words,
you think he can't
go the distance.
419
00:17:53,033 --> 00:17:55,167
Yeah. That's exactly
what I'm saying.
420
00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:58,601
You make a quinella?
421
00:17:58,667 --> 00:18:00,033
That wasn't me, babe.
422
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:07,167
I miss you, Uncle Van.
423
00:18:07,234 --> 00:18:09,000
You were always
so nice to me.
424
00:18:10,767 --> 00:18:12,667
I wish I could
share this with you.
425
00:18:13,701 --> 00:18:15,133
In fact,
you know what?
426
00:18:18,834 --> 00:18:20,634
I can't believe
you already ate.
427
00:18:24,701 --> 00:18:27,501
Here, I got $500 to win
and $500 to place
on the six horse.
428
00:18:27,567 --> 00:18:28,834
Cancel it.
429
00:18:28,901 --> 00:18:30,601
ANNOUNCER: The horsesfor today's first race
430
00:18:30,667 --> 00:18:32,400
are approachingthe starting gate.
431
00:18:32,467 --> 00:18:33,901
All right, here we go.
432
00:18:33,968 --> 00:18:35,434
How you doing, Ira?
Good.
433
00:18:36,234 --> 00:18:37,334
Mike.
434
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,901
(CHUCKLES)
435
00:18:38,968 --> 00:18:42,133
Hey. Did you see
that they have, uh,
ducks in the infield?
436
00:18:48,267 --> 00:18:50,868
My wife likes
the number six horse, too.
437
00:18:50,934 --> 00:18:52,901
Do I know you?
438
00:18:52,968 --> 00:18:55,667
No.
So why you
talking to me?
439
00:18:57,734 --> 00:19:00,200
I thought
that was done here.
I'm sorry.
440
00:19:00,267 --> 00:19:01,968
Hi.
Hey, where you been?
Come on.
441
00:19:02,033 --> 00:19:03,567
Look what I did.
442
00:19:03,634 --> 00:19:05,701
Wow!
How much did you bet?
You said I should.
443
00:19:05,767 --> 00:19:09,334
All right, so, you know what,
our kids will work
with their hands.
444
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:10,868
ANNOUNCER: The horsesfor the first race
445
00:19:10,934 --> 00:19:12,968
have now reachedthe starting gate.
446
00:19:13,033 --> 00:19:15,534
I've really got a feeling.
I feel like Van is here
447
00:19:15,601 --> 00:19:18,267
and this horse is gonna win
and he's gonna wind up
where he belongs.
448
00:19:18,334 --> 00:19:20,200
Hey, honey, I so want
to believe that.
449
00:19:20,267 --> 00:19:22,100
Really?
Really.
450
00:19:22,167 --> 00:19:25,100
'Cause we need forever.
'Cause getting our
money back would be good.
451
00:19:25,167 --> 00:19:26,767
Did you hear about
Salisbury steak?
452
00:19:26,834 --> 00:19:28,667
I heard. Where'd
you hear it, Tommy?
453
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:31,100
Nah, Tommy's out.
There's a new guy.
454
00:19:32,501 --> 00:19:34,200
ANNOUNCER:They're all in line.
455
00:19:34,267 --> 00:19:35,667
Here, I got the food.
456
00:19:35,734 --> 00:19:37,100
Where's Uncle Van?
457
00:19:37,901 --> 00:19:39,801
He's with Ira.
458
00:19:39,868 --> 00:19:41,167
Hey, where is Ira?
459
00:19:41,234 --> 00:19:42,601
With Uncle Van?
460
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:46,934
ANNOUNCER: About To Be Gluestumbled at the start.
461
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:51,067
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
462
00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:55,367
Has anybody seen
a bronze urn?
463
00:19:56,033 --> 00:19:57,267
Guys, hey!
464
00:19:57,334 --> 00:19:58,767
Quit watching television.
465
00:19:58,834 --> 00:20:00,601
(ALL YELLING)
466
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,834
ANNOUNCER: Jim Schtickingtonstill in front by two.
467
00:20:02,901 --> 00:20:04,567
Jen's Hopeon the far side second,
468
00:20:04,634 --> 00:20:06,033
Kenny Lane can't go with him,
469
00:20:06,100 --> 00:20:08,167
and in-between horsesis About To Be Glue.
470
00:20:08,234 --> 00:20:11,200
...and three horsesacross the track chasing...
471
00:20:11,267 --> 00:20:12,734
Schtickingtonon the inside,
472
00:20:12,801 --> 00:20:14,567
Jen's Hope outside,and About To Be Glue
473
00:20:14,634 --> 00:20:16,334
this long shot coming on.
474
00:20:20,133 --> 00:20:21,701
About To Be Glue,
About To Be Glue.
475
00:20:21,767 --> 00:20:23,400
Uncle Van?
476
00:20:23,467 --> 00:20:25,734
Come on, you had
your little fun. Uncle Van?
477
00:20:27,667 --> 00:20:29,701
Olly olly oxen free.
478
00:20:29,767 --> 00:20:33,067
ANNOUNCER: Coming on,About To Be Glue is runninga huge one out here.
479
00:20:33,133 --> 00:20:36,167
About To Be Glue.
About To Be Glue.
480
00:20:36,234 --> 00:20:39,667
VAN: Tell me it's true, baby!Tell me it's true!
481
00:20:39,734 --> 00:20:42,734
ANNOUNCER: About To Be Gluehas suddenly sproutedwings out here
482
00:20:42,801 --> 00:20:45,434
and About To Be Glueis going to go on andwin it by three.
483
00:20:47,601 --> 00:20:49,267
We just won.
We won.
484
00:20:50,501 --> 00:20:52,534
Did you hear that?
What?
485
00:20:52,601 --> 00:20:54,167
Nothing.
What did you hear?
486
00:20:54,234 --> 00:20:56,367
What did you hear?
I didn't hear anything.
487
00:20:56,434 --> 00:20:58,834
All right. Let's go to
the winner's circle.
Yeah.
488
00:20:58,901 --> 00:21:00,701
Okay, great.
489
00:21:02,534 --> 00:21:04,267
How did you
not hear that?
Aha!
490
00:21:04,334 --> 00:21:05,501
All right!
491
00:21:15,167 --> 00:21:17,968
Fifty to one and I
didn't bet on him.
How stupid am I?
492
00:21:18,033 --> 00:21:19,400
I had $1,000 on him,
493
00:21:19,467 --> 00:21:21,501
and your cousin
talked me off the horse.
494
00:21:22,701 --> 00:21:24,300
How stupid are you?
36331
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