All language subtitles for Mad About You - S03E01 - Escape From New York

You finished?
Yeah.

* Tell me why
I love you like I do

* Tell me who
can stop my heart
as much as you

* Let's take each other's hand

* As we jump into
the final frontier

* I'm mad about you, baby

* Yeah!

* I'm mad about you

When are they gonna stop
with these take-out menus?

Like I need souvlaki
in this heat?

Maybe Mr. Science
can make it rain.

I once saw him make licorice

just using witch hazel
and a Q-Tip.

Oh, see, all that fur,
that's a big mistake.

Wanna see something?

Murray, you will enjoy this
'cause you're simple.

Look.

* It's Mr. Science

* Starring Mr. Science

Written by... There's a man
who... Produced by...
Forget about him.

Here we go.
Directed by Paul Buchman.
That's me.

The bedroom is an oven.

MAN ON TV: Welcome,
boys and girls.

For today's experiment,
we will need

a pound of bacon,
a piece of cardboard
and an empty tuna can.

Now, first you take
the bacon...

You believe this? A lantern
he makes from bacon fat.

You know how I shot this,
by the way?

I aimed the camera,
I walked away,
I made a sandwich.

It's just for now.
You're a brilliant director.

I understand. So why did
I spend my whole summer
directing Mr. Science?

Hey, Michelangelo
used to paint postcards
between gigs for tourists.

That's just a big fat lie.
You're trying to make me
feel better.

It's the best I got
in this heat.

Come here.

Oh, honey,
let's go out and eat.

You don't wanna go out.
That's where
they keep the heat.

You don't wanna go outside.

(FAN WHIRRING)

(FAN SPLUTTERING)

All right, we'll go out.

But first, do this.

What did you do?

Put these on.

What, are you nuts?
What kind of...

Put them on!

Ah!
See that?

Mr. Science?
Mr. Science.

I love that man.

Okay, one iced tea

and one nice cool
bowl of water.

Anything else?

Uh, just some kibble
for myself
and you know what?

Maybe one of those ice...
An iced tea also.

Boy, you really are thirsty.
Yeah.

Ursula, aren't you hot?

Yeah. You know, I think
it's the weather. Okay.

I said I was willing
to go somewhere else.

I know but I like it.
At least they know us here.

If we went somewhere else
once in a while, they'd
probably know us there too.

Fran said there's a great new
seafood place opened up
just around the corner.

Yeah, well, it's not gonna be
good as Stefano's.

What's Stefano's?

Stefano's.

It's not Stefano's.

What is it?

Roberto's.

The clam place,
Jersey shore?
Yes. Yes.

Stefano's.

Iced tea, what is it...

Just pouring and bringing,
that's all that's required.

It was a nice summer,
wasn't it?

Hey, that was hotter
than this.

We did things, though.
We did hot things.

Yeah, but we just woke up,
borrowed a car and drove?

Do you remember that?
We didn't know
where we were going.

And then, all of a sudden,
the sun was setting.

You could smell the ocean.
Then we saw
that big neon sign.

(PAUL SIGHING)

Vito's? Vito's. That was it.
It was Vito's.

It was not "Vito's."

Well, it wasn't "Stefano's."

It was "Boyd's."

Like you would eat clams
from a place called Boyd's.

I would. You know, in our
youth. We did crazy things
in our youth.

Let's do that!

What, just pick up
and go to Jersey?

Yes, why not?
It's the last weekend
of the summer.

We've been promising ourselves
we'd get away.

All right, so we'll get away
next year.

Well, maybe next year,
we won't be able to.

Why wouldn't we?
Because,
what if I'm by pregnant then?

What if. What if...
What if you're not?

Then we would
have gone away now,

had a nice time
for nothing.

No. I'm sorry.
Won't do it.

I'm telling you,
this is our last chance
to have fun together.

I'm going to go back to school
any minute,

you're going to be starting
another project.

Hey,
I--I have no next project.
Thank you.

You will.

I'm telling you.
This is our last chance.

Let's go. Let's do it.

Really? Great.
Yeah.

Great clams.
The best.

Plus we'll be
out of this city...
Near the ocean.

We got cool, you got clams.
That's 2-for-2.

Eduardo's!
Not even close.

All right.

Alarm override,
emergency child lock,

emergency lock...
Maybe I should just
get you the manual.

You know what, Frannie,
it's a car.

I've been in a car before.
Relax.

I am. I just, you know,
want you to have a good time.

You are my best friends
in the whole world, right?

Are you okay?
Yeah. Why?

I don't know,
you just seem sort of...

All righty here,
a little adjustments,
and away we go.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. oh.

I got it. I got it. I got it.

Now I can't reach it.

(HORN BLARES)

We're having fun now.

Have a good time.

Thanks. Thanks for the car.

Yeah. Okie-doke.
Bye.

And away we go.

Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on.

Are you sure you don't want
to come with us?

No. That--That-- That's okay.
You guys go.

Well, why? You said
Ryan's with Mark
for the weekend.

I have stuff to do.

What kind of stuff?

You know, stuff.
Working stuff
and work stuff?

What do you mean, work stuff?
You going back to work?

I thought I mentioned that.
Oh, well, okay, bye.

Okay, bye.

And away we go.
No, no, no, no, no.
Wait.

W-Where are you
going to work?

At the office
where I used to work.

You mean, my old job?

My old job.
Your old job
was my old job.

Hey, clams and cool.
Away we go.

No, no, no, no, just wait.

Well, technically, sure.

But when I left,
it was your new job.

Although now I guess
that would make it
your old new job

and my old old job

and I was really
just toying with the idea.

When are you going to go back?

Last Monday.

Why didn't you tell me?

I thought you'd be upset
since you got fired.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
I didn't get fired. I quit.

That's what I said.

No, you said I got fired.

You didn't let me finish.

Up.

What?

Up.

Since you got fired up
and quit.

Boy, were you
fired up
and you just quit.

I did.
I know.

Then why would I be upset?
I'm not.
You wouldn't.

Uh, good.
Fine.

Are we going or not?

That snake.

I can't believe
she'd just go out
and stab me in the back.

Why doesn't she
just drag me in a ditch,

shoot me,
and steal my shoes?

Meanwhile,
where are the blinkers
on this thing?

(ALARM BLARING)

(HORN BLARING)

(BRAKES SQUEAL)

MAN: Up yours!

I can't believe
she would just do this...

Forget about it.
Forget about it.

It's you and me
and the best fried clams
in the world.

Yeah, if Fran
didn't get there first
and eat them all.

Pepe's.

No, it wasn't Pepe's.

Well, you hated
when I said Boyd's.

Lupe's?

Lupe's.
Lupe's.

Lupe's.
Lupe's.

Lupe's. Lupe--no.

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

If that's Fran,
tell her I'm not here.

And where would you be?

Dead in the trunk
for all she cares.

She's probably calling
to apologize.

I don't care.
Don't answer it.
All right.

I'm serious.
Let it ring.
I wi... Yeah.

Make it sound
like we're having fun.

Hello?

(LAUGHING) Honey,
that was a good one.

Okay... Halifax.

Your turn.

You--You know...
You know what
you got to study?

Not answering the phone.

Yeah, Ma.

I figured
so long as you had the car,

you might as well
move my couch.

But, how do you...
What, you have
like radar on us?

Because on Monday,
they're delivering
the new couch

and I wanted to give
the old one to Lisa.

My Lisa?
We love Lisa.

I know you do.

She's so sweet.
She sure is.

Meanwhile, where is Ira?

What? He's so cranky.

It's the heat.

Ever since the change,
the heat doesn't bother me.

What change?

Before we, uh,
had air conditioning,

your father and I
used to drag our mattress
onto the fire escape.

Oh, that's great.
Yeah.

Hmm.

I have beautiful
sliced chicken.

I have cold Chinese
from Sings.

Ma, I told you,
we-- we're going for clams.

I have clams.

Do you remember
I told you about the place
near Asbury Park?

Freddy's.

No.
No.

Come and have
some fruit salad.
You won't get dehydrated.

Don't want the fruit salad.
D-D-Do you want fruit salad?

Fine. Yes.

Your father had
the worst diarrhea.

IRA: Yo, Aunt Syl!

Shh! Don't say anything.

About what?
Just...

Hey, how's it going?

Aunt Syl.

Hey.
Hey.

Hey, Ira.

Hey, James.

So you want to-- you want to--
you want to come
move the couch?

Yeah, sure. Let's do it.
Come on.

When did that happen?

He got a thing
in the mail.

PAUL: Watch it.
IRA: Watch it back.

So--those two.

Yeah.

So when do you
start school?
Oh, uh, 10 days.

Probably going to study
corporate finance.

You know what name I like?
Barbara. If it's a girl.

If what's a girl?

PAUL: Leave her alone, Ma!
I'm not...

We're talking.

As long
as you're talking.

IRA: Okay, here we go.

Hey, this is heavy.

Paulie,

you know who I ran into?

PAUL: Adlai Stevenson?

You remember Phyllis Gold
and little Ricky Gold?

Sure. Little Ricky Gold.

Ricky Gold
was the little nitwit

that you made me hire
as my assistant.

He just directed
a big movie, Perpetron.

Oh, God.

Paulie,
what are you doing?

(THUD)
IRA: Ow!

Ricky Gold
directed Perpetron?

Isn't that nice?

He used to get my lunch.

IRA: Would you go?

Ha.

What? What?

(THUD)
IRA: Ow!

Ricky Gold...

You're telling me Ricky Gold
directed Perpetron?

Yeah. Phyllis says
all the big shots loved it.

What big shots?

I don't
remember their names.

(STUTTERING) Ricky Go...
He didn't even know
what egg salad was.

I had to explain egg salad
to this kid.
It'll bomb.

You sure?
I promise.

Well, it better.

Maybe you
should call him.

I sent him a tape
of your Mr. Science.

(CRASH)
IRA: Ow!

Keep it coming.

Just hurry up, all right?
We're double-parked.

Just angle it a little.
Do you think you could help?

I am holding the door.

You swear Murray's okay
downstairs?

He's fine.
He's got the air conditioning
and your mother's pot roast.

I can't believe
Ricky Gold...
Let it go.

(THUD)
IRA: Hey!

You okay?

It's going to say
Otis on my ass
for the next three years.

All right, you know what?
Let's just turn
this thing around.

You look different.
No, he doesn't.

Could it be hotter in here?

Honey, just think cold beer
and clams.
Right.

Now, I want the place
to look nice.
Dennis is coming over tonight.

Who's Dennis?
My mailman.

Is that a new shirt?

Yeah, that's exactly
what it is. A new shirt.

You're dating your mailman?

Why not? He comes
to see me every day.

He's always
bringing me things.

Mail. He brings you mail.

Don't judge him.

I know!
You shaved your beard.

I never had a beard.

Well, I give up.
It's a toupee.

No.

Yeah. You're right.

Nice somebody noticed.

I like it.
Me, too.

Yeah, I know. I was going
to say it before,
but I... I didn't notice.

I got a thing
in the mail.

Guess what, kiddies?
This ain't going in there.

Well, what are we going to do?
She lives on the fifth floor.

The stairs?

Oh, I guess I'll just
have to get that door, too.

Now there's something
you don't see everyday.

What?
What?

They're towing Murray.

I'm sorry.
What do you want me to say?
I'm sorry.

JAMIE: Aw, look at him.

I know. I feel terrible.

Here we go.
We're going to let you out,
Murray.

The nice man's
going to let you...
Here we are.

Here we are, buddy.

Oh.

Hi. Hi, buddy.

Hello.
Good boy.

(GROWLING)

Hey, it's okay.

(GROWLS)

Honey, honey, honey,
Maybe you better not.

Well, this is really nice.

How did I get
to be the villain
in this piece?

Murray, let me--let me explain
something to you.

I'm talking to you.

I'm talk...
Hey, Murray, come on.

We made a mistake,
you know?
We made a mistake.

To err is human,
which is what we are.

Hey, who's your best pal
in the world?

Hi.

Aw.

All right. Hey, look,
you don't want to talk to me,

then I'm not going
to talk to you.

Sweetie, why don't you
bribe him, give him a treat
or something?

'Cause I don't want to.

What's that, honey?

You want to buy Murray
a big, huge, juicy hamburger?

What a good idea.

Hey, I don't want to be a part
of this emotional blackmail.

Why not?

Because it's not...

Hey, this how you going to be
if we have kids?
They pout a little...

Yes. I don't know.
It's possible.

They get towed,
I might buy them a burger.

It's 4:00.
I'd like to eat some clams.

Clams go home, you know,
at a certain time.
All right, we're going.

All right, come on, Murray,
get in the car. Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go.

All right, Murray,
let's go!

(BARKS)

Do you want to run in
or should I?

Hey, you want
to get him a burger,
get him a burger.

Leave me out of it.

Are you hungry?

I'm saving my mouth
for clams.

Try to relax.

Murray, you stay
with Daddy.

(GROWLS)

Ursula? Hi. We called
and ordered a burger.
Right.

Um, on the phone?

Yeah.
Right.

I'm relaxing.

I'm a relaxed boy.

Here we go.

Hmm.

A little more air.

Whoo.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Music.

(LOUD MUSIC PLAYS)

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

(ALARM BLARING)

(BEEPING)

What did I do now?

Uh-oh.

Hey, James.

Hey, James.

JAMIE: Honey, don't worry.
The locksmith will be here
any minute.

He must be suffocating.
You don't have a hanger
or something?

We have a coat rack.

Hi, hi. Thank God.

My husband's
locked in the car.
Please, please hurry.

There's probably
no air in there,
what, with the heat and...

You take Visa, right?
Or MasterCard.

Honey, hi.
Oh, you poor thing.

What happened?

I hit that thing...
I hit that button,

and the electric, the radio...
I don't know,
I hit the wrong thing.

And he thing I thought wasn't,
it was something...

Is he laughing?
No, no, no, no.

Good.
'Cause it's not funny.

I know.

You know, I could have--
I could have been killed
in there.

What are they thinking?
Don't they think
of these things?

I mean, a person, you know,
he's sitting in there...

They should have
like an emergency...
Some kind of a switch.

I mean, a person
could be in there...

(CAR DOOR CLICKS)
They put some kind of switch
that...

Hey, you shut up.

What does that say?
What?

That sign back there.

What sign?
Right back there.

I don't know.
It's back there.

Why don't we
just ask for directions?

To where?
To whatever
that place is called.

They like to hear a name.

You ask directions,
they like to hear a name

to the place
that you're asking about.

Maybe we should
have a baby right now.

Those are our options?

I pull into a Chevron,
or we have a baby?

Look at it logically.

I get pregnant now.

September, October,
November, December,

January, February,
March, April, May.

Boom. The kid's out
before it gets hot again.

Pull over.
What?

You have to admit,
it makes sense.

You don't want me pregnant
through all that humidity.

It doesn't make any sense.
Why not?

It makes no sense.
First of all...

First of all,
you're still on the pill.

Okay, second of all,

and maybe this is just me.

I don't think you bring
a child into the world
just to beat the heat.

All right. All right.

* Oh, I'm so hungry
I could pass out right now *

Clam house? Clam bake.
Clams. Clam shack.

Clams. Clams.
Clementine.
Clementi's.

Clamenza. Clamenza!

Was that it?
Clamenza.

I don't know, but either way,
that's a good name
for a place.

Don't you think?
I like that.

Five more minutes
and I'm eating
your mother's pot roast.

That's a good one.
Clamenza.

(DRAMATICALLY) Clamenza.

(FLIPPANTLY) Clamenza.

Clamenza, hello.
Clamenza's...clams.

Clamenza's clams.
Clamenza clams.
Hi. Clamenza.

(IMITATES DON CORLEONE)
Clamenza,
how about some clams?

Clamenza,
try the clams.

We've got clams.

Where'd you get the clams?

Clamenza brought clams.

I'm done
with the Clamenza thing.

(SNIFFING)

All right, one more.

Clamenza!

It just feels
like everybody's
getting somewhere, you know?

They're all getting jobs
and movies and couches
and the hair.

We're driving around
in circles.

Clamenza's!
Stop it.

No, look.
What does that say?

Clamenza's!
Clamenza's!

Clamenza's clam house.
Clams, clam broth,
clam bake, clam pie.

Closed.

What?
Closed.

Closed. Boarded up.
Boards on the window.

"Moved to a new location"?
I don't believe it.
Unbelievable.

This is how we spend
the last weekend
of the summer?

(SIGHS)

Although,
we got out of the city.

That's something.
It was so easy then.

When?
That other summer,
the first time we did this.

Yeah, of course it was easy
'cause we weren't looking
for anything then.

Do you think
we're looking too hard?
No.

For-- For what?

I don't know.
Everything, all of it.
Clams, babies.

Ooh, remember the baby clams?

Let's go home.

It's night.
How did it get
hotter in here?

Want to go
get something to eat?

No. Let's just go inside
and watch ourselves dissolve.

You don't want to eat first?

Would they stop
with these menus?

Nobody wants them.

"Clamenza."

First of all, stop saying it.

Second, of all,
you're not even
saying it right.

It's Clamenza.
Honey, honey, honey.

Clamenza.
Clamenza.

Formerly of Asbury Park.

Look,
it's right around the corner.

What... Wow.

Is this the place Fran
was talking to you about?

It must be.
Are they still open?

Yes, they're still open.
Do they deliver?

"Free delivery."

Clamenza's!
Clamenza's!

(SIREN WAILING)

As good as you remember?
Best clam I ever had.

Give me.

You have.

Mmm. Well, actually,
I went with the calamari.

Not so good.