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1
00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:03,469
- Hey, ray.
2
00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:05,270
- Shut the door! Shut it!
- What? Why?
3
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:07,306
- Shut the door and don't step--
don't walk anywhere!
4
00:00:07,308 --> 00:00:10,642
- You're freaking me out, man.
What's going on?
5
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:14,413
- I lost the hamster,
ally's hamster.
6
00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:16,181
- Oh, no.
He got out?
7
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:19,418
- Yes, he got out.
What the hell?
8
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,624
Come on.
9
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,026
Look, debra and the kids
10
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:28,260
Are going to be home
in an hour.
11
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,762
You got to help me
look for him.
12
00:00:29,764 --> 00:00:32,031
- They leave you alone
for one weekend,
13
00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:33,766
And the only other
living thing in the house
14
00:00:33,768 --> 00:00:37,136
Needs to run away.
15
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:40,639
- Yeah.
Shut up, all right?
16
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,608
Just help me look.
Pumpernickel!
17
00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:44,410
- Pumpernickel!
Pumpernickel!
18
00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:45,611
Pumpernickel!
- Here, boy.
19
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:46,779
Here, pumpernickel!
20
00:00:46,781 --> 00:00:48,480
- Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
21
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:50,382
You don't call him like that.
He's a hamster.
22
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:51,483
He doesn't know his name.
23
00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:53,485
- We should make
hamster noises.
24
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:57,156
[lips squeaking]
25
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:05,064
- [lips squeaking]
26
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:19,244
[silence]
27
00:01:21,848 --> 00:01:26,151
You could use a mint.
28
00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:36,328
- [gasps]
you drew that yourself?
29
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:39,465
- They're coming!
30
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:43,168
[beethoven's
"ode to joy"]
31
00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:05,791
[music stops]
32
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,694
[heart beating]
33
00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:15,167
["ode to joy" resumes]
34
00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:19,671
- Ma, what are you doing?
35
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:20,739
You're supposed to help me.
36
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,207
- Would you look
at these crumbs?
37
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:24,209
The way debra
keeps this kitchen,
38
00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:27,679
It's a miracle this place
isn't infested with hamsters.
39
00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:34,153
- He's not in the basement.
40
00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:35,721
- Dad, just so you know--
41
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,624
We want the hamster
brought back alive.
42
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:42,327
- That's up to him.
43
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,396
- All right, I checked out
the entire top floor--
44
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,597
No sign of pumpernickel.
45
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,366
By the way,
46
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:49,501
You shouldn't hide valuables
in your top drawer,
47
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:53,739
And you could use
some new underwear, raymond.
48
00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:56,341
- I'll put it
on the list, dear.
49
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,343
- All right, look, they're going
to be back in an hour.
50
00:02:58,345 --> 00:02:59,611
I'm just going to go
to the pet store
51
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:00,879
And get a new hamster--
that's all.
52
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,414
- Whoa, whoa,
you can't do that.
53
00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:03,649
- Why not? Why not?
They all look alike.
54
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,350
She'll never know
the difference.
55
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,452
- You would lie
to your daughter like that?
56
00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:09,321
- I'm not going to lie.
57
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:12,324
I'm just going to say,
"here's your hamster, honey."
58
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:14,693
- I'm telling ally.
59
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,461
- Will you just
mind your business?
60
00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:18,597
- Look, you're not going
to find one that looks the same.
61
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:22,201
- Oh, yeah, where am I going
to find a brown hamster?
62
00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:25,871
- I cannot be a party
to that lie.
63
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:29,274
- You just keep
your mouth shut, copper.
64
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:33,712
- Don't tell me to shut up.
65
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,980
- Yeah, how about
I make you, huh?
66
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,715
- Huh? How about
I'm right over here?
67
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,418
[overlapping shouting]
68
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:40,586
- Stop it!
69
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:43,689
Be nice boys.
70
00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:45,457
All right,
now we all need a break.
71
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:47,259
Let's have a snack,
72
00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:50,395
And maybe if pumpernickel
hears us enjoying our food,
73
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:53,699
He'll join us.
74
00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:56,735
- He can have some of yours.
He's not getting any of mine.
75
00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:03,842
- Dad.
- What?
76
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,777
- I'm trying to move it.
Could you get up?
77
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:10,249
- Give me a ride.
78
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,984
- Aah!
79
00:04:11,986 --> 00:04:15,354
- What is it, ma? What?
80
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:21,493
- Oh, boy. There he is.
81
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:22,628
- Where?
82
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:23,862
- Right there.
83
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:25,697
- What?
All I see is fudge pops.
84
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:28,800
- Look at the hairy one
on the left.
85
00:04:38,811 --> 00:04:42,814
- What?
86
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:45,450
Holy crap.
87
00:04:49,689 --> 00:04:51,790
- What did you do?
88
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,659
- What did I do?
89
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:54,926
What, you think I put him
in there?
90
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,628
I don't know
how he got in there.
91
00:04:56,630 --> 00:05:00,699
- Oh, he climbed into
an airtight freezer by himself?
92
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:02,000
- I don't know
how this could've happened.
93
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:05,070
I-I cleaned out
the hamster cage,
94
00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:06,838
And I must not have snapped
95
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,040
The cage back together
tight enough.
96
00:05:08,042 --> 00:05:09,541
And wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
97
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,310
Then I went
grocery shopping.
98
00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:14,646
- Did you have the groceries
on the table?
99
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,348
- He must have climbed
into the bag
100
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:18,650
That had the fudge pops.
101
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,687
Look--look at his whiskers.
They're all fudge-y.
102
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:30,629
- His last meal.
103
00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:32,831
- Poor pumpernickel.
104
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,066
- Ally is going to hate me.
105
00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:35,067
- Hey, give me one of those.
106
00:05:35,069 --> 00:05:36,835
- Will you get out of here?
107
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,537
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
108
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,005
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
He may not be dead.
109
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,840
- What, are you kidding?
110
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,643
You could crack a walnut
with that thing.
111
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:45,844
- No, I'm serious.
112
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,679
He may be cryogenically
preserved
113
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:51,416
In a state
of suspended animation.
114
00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:53,485
- He's dead! All right?
I have to buy another one now.
115
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,120
- Okay, look,
not necessarily, ray.
116
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,755
We may be able
to resuscitate him.
117
00:05:56,757 --> 00:06:01,693
- Hey, let's toss him
in the microwave.
118
00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:05,497
- All right, all right,
that's it.
119
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:06,965
I'm taking over this operation.
120
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,834
Ma, get me some towels.
Dad, I need some ice.
121
00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:10,469
Raymond, a cooler.
122
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:12,003
We're evacuating pumpernickel
to the vet.
123
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:14,740
Let's go.
Move, move, move, move, move.
124
00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:18,510
- Robert, the vet is not going
to revive a hamster, okay?
125
00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:20,946
These are disposable pets.
126
00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:22,848
- What about your
daughter's feelings, ray, huh?
127
00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:24,449
Are those disposable?
128
00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:26,885
- All right.
- No, it's not all right!
129
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,587
I happen to care
about a little girl
130
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,889
Whose heart is going to break
if she finds out
131
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,691
That her daddy didn't do
everything he could
132
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:35,627
To save the life
of her precious hamster.
133
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:39,431
Now, damn it, raymond,
get me that cooler!
134
00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:44,503
- Hey, ray, you forgot
to fill the ice trays.
135
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,438
- Well, then we'll just
pack him with fudge pops.
136
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,140
- What about this box
of fish sticks?
137
00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:49,141
- Oh, throw them in too.
138
00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:50,642
When debra comes home,
139
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:54,880
I'll show her
how to cook a real fish.
140
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:12,731
Debra.
141
00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:15,834
Frank, get up.
142
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,569
- Huh?
- Come on.
143
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:21,173
This place is a mess.
You haven't done a thing.
144
00:07:21,175 --> 00:07:25,076
- Hey, leave me alone.
I'm taking a break.
145
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:28,947
What have you been doing?
146
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,882
- I not only straightened out
the kitchen,
147
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,517
I scrubbed the countertops
148
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:34,186
And I cleaned out
the freezer.
149
00:07:34,188 --> 00:07:39,658
- And you celebrate
with a bottle of hooch?
150
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:40,759
- Hey, we're home.
151
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,160
- Hi, grandma.
Hi, grandpa.
152
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:43,562
- Hey, sweetheart.
153
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,163
- Frank?
154
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:47,866
- Hi, sweetheart.
Oh, this isn't mine.
155
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:50,836
This is mommy's.
156
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,003
- Marie, where's ray?
157
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,605
- Oh, raymond had to rush out,
158
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,240
But he should be
back soon.
159
00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:58,643
- Why does my living room
look like a frat house?
160
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:02,948
- I, uh, didn't notice
any difference, really.
161
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:04,516
- Hi, daddy.
162
00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:07,552
- Oh, hey.
Hey, everybody, you're home.
163
00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:08,787
Hi. Hey.
164
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:09,888
Hi.
How was your visit?
165
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:11,723
Oh, boy, I missed you.
166
00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:13,191
How's your father?
How's his thing?
167
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,759
He's got a knee--
what did he have, a knee?
168
00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:15,894
Oh, he got a new car--
he got a new car.
169
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:19,564
- Ray. Ray.
170
00:08:22,802 --> 00:08:24,169
W-what happened here?
171
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:27,606
- Oh, nothing. Uh-uh.
Why?
172
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:28,840
- What's that?
173
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,208
- Oh.
174
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,611
Oh, we, uh--
we gave pumpernickel a ride
175
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:34,145
In robert's police car.
176
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:37,749
Yeah, yeah.
He liked it too.
177
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:41,720
Rode the whole way with his,
uh, head out the window.
178
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:48,093
- This isn't pumpernickel.
179
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:50,228
Daddy, where's pumpernickel?
180
00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:56,968
- Um...
181
00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:02,674
Um...
182
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:06,177
- Pumpernickel sleeps
with the fish sticks.
183
00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:22,127
You know, ally,
it's my understanding
184
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:25,697
That freezing is
a virtually painless way to go.
185
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:31,202
- Unlike marriage
where the pain is--
186
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:34,673
- Frank.
187
00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:39,244
- Can I see pumpernickel?
188
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,845
- No, no, ally.
189
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:42,814
- Yeah, sure, honey,
you can go see him.
190
00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:43,915
- What?
191
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,784
- It's important for closure.
192
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:48,587
- Closure.
193
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:52,891
Reading books again?
194
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:55,860
- Why is he covered
in chocolate?
195
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,900
- Some of the fudge pops
must have melted.
196
00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:03,234
- Fudge pops?
- Give me, give me!
197
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:04,869
- No, no, no!
Get out of there!
198
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:06,004
- No, guys. Stop that.
- Don't touch those.
199
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:07,238
No, that's not fudge in there.
200
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,840
- There's cookies
in the kitchen.
201
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:10,275
Go on, honey. Go, go, go.
- Go get a cookie.
202
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,910
- Come here, sweetheart.
203
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:14,346
You know, the important thing
to know, ally,
204
00:10:14,348 --> 00:10:17,282
Is that pumpernickel
is in heaven.
205
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,283
- Not really.
206
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,852
- Frank.
207
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,787
- Not real heaven,
not people heaven.
208
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,322
- There's only one heaven.
209
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:25,924
- For your information,
210
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,792
There's a whole separate heaven
for animals.
211
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,294
- Just where
did you learn that?
212
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,396
- It's in the bible.
213
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:33,031
- Like you read the bible.
214
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:36,034
- I've read plenty
of damn bibles.
215
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:46,244
- Do all animals go to heaven
or just pets?
216
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:47,979
- All animals
go to people heaven
217
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,014
With us, dear.
218
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,815
- People heaven is for people.
219
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,985
Your grandma's
been hitting the sauce.
220
00:10:56,856 --> 00:10:58,890
- All right, thank you.
221
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:01,393
Thanks for clearing that up.
222
00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:03,294
- Do some animals
go to hell?
223
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:05,864
- We don't use
those words, ally.
224
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:09,834
- Bad animals go to hell, kid.
225
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,370
Believe you me, I know.
226
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,305
When I was your age,
227
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:17,375
There was this mean old
german shepherd named ilsa.
228
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:19,944
I was walking
to school one day,
229
00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:22,347
And I must have crossed
too close to her territory.
230
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,049
In those days,
231
00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:27,986
The germans were very sensitive
about their territory.
232
00:11:33,459 --> 00:11:36,227
Well, that's all it took
for fraulein ilsa,
233
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,163
The nazi she-wolf,
to jump out
234
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:42,300
And take a hunk
out of my all-american hide.
235
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:45,403
I still have the scar.
236
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:46,871
You want to see it?
I'll show you.
237
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,239
- Frank!
- No!
238
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,442
What are you doing?
Sit down.
239
00:11:50,444 --> 00:11:53,211
- Oh, all right.
240
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,046
The point is,
241
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,815
Fraulein ilsa is probably
in hell right now
242
00:11:56,817 --> 00:12:00,318
Dragging her nazi butt
across the devil's carpet.
243
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:12,864
- Thank you
for that heartwarming story.
244
00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:14,165
Look, ally,
245
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,201
I'm very sorry
that this happened,
246
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,902
But...
247
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:21,106
Now it's time to meet
your brand-new hamster.
248
00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:22,407
- No, thanks.
249
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:23,942
- Oh, come on.
Look, look.
250
00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:25,243
He looks just like
the old pumpernickel,
251
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,846
And the guy at the store
252
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:30,315
Told me that
in a couple years he might...
253
00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:32,217
Fly.
254
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:34,953
- Ray.
255
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:38,423
Ray, don't tell her that.
256
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,792
- All right, all right,
so he won't.
257
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,193
H-he's not going to fly,
258
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:45,830
But he did say that--
that he's magical.
259
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:48,800
- Ray.
260
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:52,237
- His personality!
261
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:53,838
- No, dad.
262
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,373
- Oh, come on, ally,
just take a look.
263
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,208
He's a cute
little replacement.
264
00:12:57,210 --> 00:13:00,779
- I don't want
a replacement, daddy!
265
00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:04,015
[door closes]
266
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:05,950
- I think that's exactly
what she needs--
267
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:09,087
A replacement daddy.
268
00:13:16,195 --> 00:13:19,330
- Could you go home, please?
269
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:23,001
And take these two theologians
with you.
270
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,141
- Look-it...
271
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,376
You don't understand, sweetie.
272
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:33,478
When a child's pet dies,
273
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,948
She has to go through
a grieving process
274
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:38,583
Before she can take on
a new pet.
275
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:42,153
- All right, you can read.
We get it.
276
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:47,559
Isn't it a little morbid to make
such a big deal out of this?
277
00:13:47,561 --> 00:13:49,294
- No, it's not morbid.
It's reality.
278
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,429
- Oh, come on.
It's a hamster.
279
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,098
Just--just leave it alone,
and she'll get over it.
280
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,134
- You know what I think would
be healthy for all the kids?
281
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:58,303
If we have sort of
a formal good-bye ceremony
282
00:13:58,305 --> 00:13:59,470
For pumpernickel.
283
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:00,939
- Good idea, deb.
- Yeah.
284
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,507
Ray can dig a hole
in the back yard.
285
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:04,943
- I'm not digging a hole.
- You're digging a hole.
286
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,477
And I will get a shoebox.
287
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:09,547
- Okay, I'll put out
the cold cuts.
288
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:13,384
- I'll get some beer.
289
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:16,354
- All right,
let's put on a funeral.
290
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:24,229
- [grunting]
291
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,534
- Hey.
292
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:32,003
How's it going?
293
00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:34,272
- I'm digging through solid rock
in a rainstorm.
294
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:36,207
How do you think
it's going?
295
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:39,878
- What, are you made of sugar?
It's barely drizzling.
296
00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:45,917
- Ow!
297
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:49,988
- Careful, honey.
298
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,322
- Why don't you dig this hole?
299
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:53,091
This is all
your fault anyway, you know?
300
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,192
You should've told me
about that broken piece
301
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,526
On the hamster cage.
302
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:57,929
- Hey, hey, if you were
a little more involved,
303
00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,631
You'd pick up
on these details.
304
00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:01,165
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
305
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:05,436
- Maybe I can make this hole
a little bigger.
306
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:07,939
[grunts]
307
00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:17,215
Oh, come on, dad.
308
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:20,018
Again with the metal detector?
What are you doing?
309
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:24,923
- Your mother's birthday
is coming up.
310
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:26,357
- Yeah, well,
311
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,192
There's nothing here
but dirt and rocks.
312
00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:32,597
- That's better than
what he got me last year.
313
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:35,099
- All right, ally, why don't
you--we'll put the box in,
314
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,634
And then I'll put the dirt
on it.
315
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:37,702
- Wait.
316
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,037
I want everybody
to say something
317
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,471
About pumpernickel first.
318
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:42,040
- Oh, that's good.
Yeah.
319
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,408
And then we'll all take
a handful of dirt
320
00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:44,409
And toss it in.
321
00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:45,543
- What are you doing?
322
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:46,544
- That's what she wants.
323
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:48,513
- It's raining, honey.
324
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,415
- Look, I think we should do
this ally's way.
325
00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:51,649
You want to get under
my umbrella?
326
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,017
- I'm wonderful
right where I am,
327
00:15:53,019 --> 00:15:56,220
Thank you very much.
328
00:15:56,222 --> 00:15:58,656
- Daddy, would you like
to start?
329
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:01,125
- Oh, I don't know, honey.
330
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,994
Why don't we let grandpa start?
Go ahead.
331
00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:05,229
- Grandpa?
332
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:08,099
- Uh, dad, could you power down
for a second?
333
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:11,536
- Huh?
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
334
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:12,670
All right, all right.
335
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:16,741
Uh, pumpernickel...
336
00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:21,145
Liked the hamster,
love the bread.
337
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:23,147
Next!
338
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,482
- Grandma?
339
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:27,118
- Okay, dear.
340
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,254
Even though pumpernickel
has gone from this earth,
341
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:32,156
I know he'll always be
342
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:36,627
Looking down at us
from heaven--people heaven.
343
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,496
- All right, go ahead,
uncle robert.
344
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:42,166
- [clears throat loudly]
345
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:47,238
Death...
346
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:54,512
The final good-bye...
347
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,782
The ultimate toodle-oo.
348
00:16:57,784 --> 00:17:01,452
Or maybe--
maybe death is not the end.
349
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,554
Maybe it's a beginning.
350
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:07,525
Perhaps it's
the ultimate howdy-do.
351
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,360
- Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
352
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:13,197
- What's the matter, ray--
too deep for you?
353
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,465
- Oh, god.
354
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,402
- Go ahead, robert.
355
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:18,770
- You know,
I have come to the conclusion
356
00:17:18,772 --> 00:17:20,405
That when I die,
357
00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:22,807
I would like to die
like pumpernickel--
358
00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:25,510
Quietly, painlessly,
359
00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:26,744
Chocolate fudge pop
360
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:30,481
Stuck to the corner
of my mouth...
361
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:35,053
For that, my friends,
must be a happy death.
362
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:38,556
[dirt thuds]
363
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,458
Aloha...
364
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:43,694
Which means good-bye
and hello.
365
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:44,829
- All right.
366
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:48,332
- Same with shalom.
367
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:50,068
- Shut up.
One meaning.
368
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:52,770
- All right, ray.
369
00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:56,841
- Your turn, mommy.
370
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:59,444
- Okay, well,
371
00:17:59,446 --> 00:18:01,846
I've always felt
very close to pumpernickel,
372
00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:04,849
Especially since I did
a lot of the feeding
373
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:06,317
And cleaning
374
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:11,155
And, you know,
most of the work.
375
00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:12,723
So pumpernickel's passing
376
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:15,760
Is going to leave
a big hole in my life.
377
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:20,498
Can't imagine what I'll do
with the time.
378
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:24,168
So long, pumpernickel.
379
00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:28,339
- Michael?
380
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,741
- Ally, why don't we do
the twins as a set, okay?
381
00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:32,343
'cause it's raining.
- Ray, ray.
382
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:34,445
You know what?
Come under my umbrella. Just--
383
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:39,150
- Hey, no talking.
Hamster funeral.
384
00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:42,653
- I'll miss you, pumpernickel.
385
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,290
- Geoffrey.
386
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:49,727
- I'll miss you too,
pumpernickel.
387
00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:55,533
- Now my turn.
388
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,369
I'll miss you too,
pumpernickel.
389
00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:02,773
You were my best friend,
and you still are.
390
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:04,775
Don't worry,
pumpernickel.
391
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:08,746
You'll always be with me,
'cause I'll never forget you.
392
00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:15,753
[dirt thuds]
393
00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:20,424
Your turn, daddy.
394
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:26,898
- Uh...
395
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:30,735
Um...
396
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:35,873
I didn't, uh,
have much contact with...
397
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,909
I didn't know pumpernickel
very well.
398
00:19:37,911 --> 00:19:40,711
Uh, the only thing I remember
399
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:43,481
Is when we brought him back
from the pet store
400
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:46,350
And ally wanted me
to hold him,
401
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:47,885
So I reached out
to grab him,
402
00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:52,623
And he bit me on the finger,
and it hurt.
403
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:56,294
So daddy said a bad word.
404
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,535
But ally picked up, uh...
405
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:07,271
Pumpernickel,
and--and she showed me--
406
00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:09,874
Showed me how to hold him...
407
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,642
Like this...
408
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:14,679
Right?
409
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:23,721
I never noticed until just now
how grown up you are.
410
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,557
The way you were
with your friend
411
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,993
And what you said just now--
412
00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:32,863
You really...
413
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:35,967
You really seem grown up.
414
00:20:35,969 --> 00:20:40,705
I'm proud of you.
415
00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:50,014
- Damn hamster.
416
00:20:56,989 --> 00:21:01,492
- Daddy...
417
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:06,030
Can we get
a rabbit tomorrow?
418
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,266
- Yeah, guys,
whatever you want.
419
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:09,900
- Cool. A rabbit!
420
00:21:09,902 --> 00:21:11,636
- Yeah! Whoo!
421
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:14,839
- Yeah, cool.
- Yeah.
422
00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:17,642
[door closes]
423
00:21:17,644 --> 00:21:21,812
- Rabbit--
that's a bigger hole.
424
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:32,723
[door opens]
425
00:21:35,527 --> 00:21:38,296
- You all laughed at me, huh?
426
00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:40,831
Big waste of time, huh?
427
00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:43,634
[coins jingling]
428
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:44,935
Huh?
429
00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:49,774
[chuckles]
430
00:21:49,776 --> 00:21:52,710
I think I'll buy myself
a yoo-hoo.
431
00:21:56,782 --> 00:21:59,350
- There goes
my birthday present.
29883
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