All language subtitles for en0122

Tell me why
I love you like I do

Tell me who can start my heart
as much as you

Let's take each other's hand

As we jump into the final frontier

I'm mad about you, baby

Yeah

Things are looking up.
She smiled during the salad.

You know why?
'Cause I used the funny lettuce.

Why was our wedding album
in the refrigerator?

- I didn't want Fran to see it.
- Why not?

'Cause her husband just left her.
How can you be so insensitive?

- Guys?
- One minute.

Go out there and talk to her.
Don't make me do this alone.

I am. I am. I am.
Look at this.

Great shot of Ira
pinching your grandmother.

Oh, yeah, and a great one
of Grandma slapping Ira.

It was really
a lovely affair, wasn't it?

It just kills me we don't have
the feeding-each-other-cake picture.

Because we had
a stupid photographer.

You criticized him
until you drove him away.

I criticized him.
The man was a quitter.

- Can I help?
- No, no, no, we're fine.

Go and talk to her.
And don't mention Mark.

- What am I, stupid?
- And don't talk about anything happy.

You know, holidays,
music, sunshine, sex, nothing.

So, how would this be?
Hey, Fran, you know...

the sex thatJamie and I had on
President's Day was really a symphony...

and it was so nice out.

Were you two
talkin' about me?

- Were we... No. No.
- Good. Because I am really fine.

- Oh, I know. Jamie was just saying...
- Saying what?

How fine you are.
Especially considering...

- What, that Mark left me?
- I'm not allowed to talk about it.

Here we go.
And I didn't forget you, Murry.

Oh, you two are so lucky.
Lucky to be so happy.

- Oh, no, we're not.
- We're not that happy.

- You're happy.
- No, you know, people think that.

- It's a cover.
- Really. I'd say we're happy...

- 30 percent of the time, maybe less.
- Less.

I feel like he ripped
my insides out with a crowbar.

I'm an abandoned shell.
I'm like one of those cars...

on the side of
the Long Island Expressway.

I'll get the wine.

James, you're not mad at me
about Sherman, are you?

No, no, no, come on.
We were ancient history.

It was stupid.
It was really, really stupid.

But it was
really, really great.

I remember.
Doesn't he have a gorgeous chest?

Who noticed? Most of the time
I was facing the pillow.

You are my idol.

I'm your fallen idol.

Oh. I miss Mark.

I'm sorry. I really
don't wanna be a burden.

- Oh, stop it. You're not a burden.
- I am.

I'm just a big, stupid burden,
and nobody loves me.

That's not true. We love you,
and your son adores you.

Ha! Sure. He and my parents are
living it up in Disney World.

Yesterday, he said he wanted
the Little Mermaid to be his mommy.

Honey, what are you doing?

I'm looking for the corkscrew.

- I don't see it.
- Did you look in the...

- What are you doing?
- There it is. Look at that.

It's always the last place
you look, huh?

- You're sitting here, reading?
- Don't make me go out there.

I don't know what to say.
This is not my field.

Like it's a picnic for me?

Are you really only happy
30 percent of the time?

No. I said that
to cheer her up.

'Cause that would mean we're
unhappy two-thirds of the time.

You missed the point entirely.

- Are you guys ever coming back?
- Tell her we fled.

- Here we come.
- We had an urge to flee and we fled.

- This is bad? Wait till tomorrow.
- Why, what's tomorrow?

Look. I know I must
look like the bad guy here.

- Nobody's taking sides.
- You're our friends. We love you both.

You see, you gotta
hear the whole story.

No, we don't.
We really don't.

I never had much fun as a child.
I always did what was expected.

I studied hard, went to med school,
got married, had a kid.

And now I'm almost 40.

And when it comes to the world,
I'm really just still an infant.

Don't you think you should be
living with someone?

- It's really between Mark and Fran.
- Look. Fran is great.

- Oh, she's a great lady.
- Great lady. There's no question.

- And she's doing great.
- Oh, boy, is she doing great.

No, not great great.
You know, not too great.

Just a good amount of great.
Wouldn't you say she's great, honey?

- She's a great lady. Done.
- Honey?

All of this has nothing to do with Fran.
This is about me.

If I don't do it now,
I'm never gonna do it.

Do what?
What are you gonna do?

I don't know. Shoot the rapids.
Go to Carnival in Rio.

Dance on the Great Wall of China.

- Oh, I don't think they allow that.
- What?

Wall dancing, They're very much
against that, the Chinese.

You know what I'm gonna do first?
I'm gonna ride cross-country...

just like they did
in The Easy Rider.

- You bought a motorcycle?
- No, a Range Rover.

I can't ride a motorcycle.
I don't have an ass.

No, the cake had
this frosting with little...

It was like frosty, little swirly,
squiggly, flowery things.

Rosettes.

Rosettes. Yes.

No, it wasn't white.
It was off-white. Like a...

- Not beige.
- Ecru.

Ecru? Is that a color?

Yes. Yeah.
No, not so much layers, per se...

- but, uh, tiers.
- Tiers.

Tiers.
The cake had tiers.

All you gotta do
is just re-create that cake.

And I'll tell ya,
if you pull this off, Mierko...

I'm gonna make a nice donation
to your war-torn country.

You bet. Thank you.
Bye-bye.

This is gonna be great.

At the party, I'm gonna re-create
the whole wedding cake shot.

You know, the bridesmaid,
the force-feeding, the whole shebang.

It's gonna be
a beautiful thing.

Gesture.
Let me ask you something.

If you're married a million years,
does your wedding album go platinum?

Connie... and I say this
not to be critical...

you're just
a little bit late again.

I'm sorry. One of my cats
was feeling isolated.

Okay. Yeah,
but still, six hours.

I can't take
all this shouting.

Hey, Connie. If PBS calls,
could you tell them...

Could you tell them?
Because I have to do some things.

What things?
She's always doing things.

She says she's going to do things,
and nothing gets done.

- You ever see her do things?
- I bet her parents messed her up.

- Well, I think you may be right.
- She's out of her mind.

Clearly.

I'd burn for her.

You'd burn for her?
You burn for Connie?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Well, here's an idea.

Why don't you invite
Connie to the party?

I'm gonna play with her head
like a drunk kitten.

- Giant squid! Big squid!
- Honey, it's the phone cord.

It's a phone cord.
It's a phone cord.

Just having
the SeaWorld dream again.

We should cancel the party.
I'm gonna call people and let them know.

- It's 2:00 in the morning.
- We should give them some notice.

We're not cancelling the party.

I just don't feel like we should be
celebrating in front of Fran and Mark.

It's our anniversary.
They said they want to be there for us.

- They're just saying that.
- That's what I'm saying.

I'm just saying what they said.
I can only go by what they say.

You know? So, just relax and just
forget it. Go back to sleep, please.

How can you sleep
through all this?

Apparently, I can't.

God, if this could happen to Fran
and Mark, why won't it happen to us?

- It won't. We're different.
- How?

- We're a better couple.
- How can you say that?

It's true. Come on.
Seriously, who would you rather be...

- them or us?
- They were the perfect couple.

They weren't the perfect couple.
They disagree about everything.

- They did not.
- Yes, they did.

They disagreed about everything.
And she criticizes him all the time.

- I criticize you.
- Not like this. In that hand-slappy way.

Honey, the other day at Empire Szechuan,
when you went for that last dumpling?

No, that wasn't a slap. You were hungry.
You did what you had to do.

And the way Mark
is always correcting her jokes.

- Exactly.
- You do that to me all the time.

I don't do that. I never.
When? Give me one example.

At the Futterman's party.
I was trying to tell that joke...

- about the priest and the monkey.
- It wasn't a monkey.

It was a dog dressed
as a monkey.

- That's the whole point of the joke.
- Thank you, Mark.

The only reason you're making
any points here is I'm very tired.

Fran said Mark
was always tired.

It's 2:00 in the morning.
I am due back at SeaWorld.

Trust me. We are not them.
It will never happen to us.

That's what Marilyn said,
and Fred and Debbie Evans, the Tuckers.

- So?
- All divorced.

- Get out. The Tuckers got divorced?
- Yes.

- They were the perfect couple.
- This is what I'm saying.

Wow! The Tuckers.

Now I'm worried.

You got me worried.
You happy?

Actually,
I feel a little better.

I'm not very good
at chit-chat.

Me neither.

So, where do you work?

Are you sure I can't get you
something to drink?

When do you
have to know by?

Whenever.

Boy, Warren and Connie...

it's like a David Lynch version
of When Harry Met Sally.

- Honey, what are you wearing?
- I'm Dean Martin.

- Why are you wearing a tuxedo?
- 'Cause it's our anniversary.

- Well, great. Now I'm underdressed.
- No, no, you look perfect.

I did look perfect.
Now I look underdressed.

- Trust me, trust me, you're fine.
- No, everything's off balance.

I mean, if we can't even get
our wardrobes coordinated.

Well, then we're doomed.
You know, because...

You know, that's why
most couples break up.

It's that painful lack
of wardrobe coordination.

It's not funny.
Look at Fran and Mark.

Would you please stop...
Stop trying to get me worried.

This is our night.
We are not them.

They weren't them at first.
They weren't them for years.

Now they're them.

That's them.

There are people
outside the door.

Yeah. Connie,
that happens all the time.

People very often come to the door
before entering the apartment.

I'm sorry.
Are you okay?

- You may actually have helped.
- Come on in.

You wanna give me your coats?

We're a little chilly.
Happy anniversary.

Here. If you hate it, you can return it.
Ask for Zora and mention my name.

In fact, you know what?
I'll do it.

Can I at least see it?

Oh. Here.

- I got it.
- Hey.

Hey, what?
You don't bring a present?

Please. I'd like to
think we're past that.

- Hey, Frannie. How you doin'?
- She's fine.

So, where's Mark?
What did he do, leave you or something?

Yes.

- No.
- Yes.

Oh, man.

I'm so sorry.

- You datin' yet?
- Ira!

All right. Can we embarrass
ourselves later, please?

I have a little presentation
to make for my wife here.

- Oh!
- Happy anniversary.

Oh, my.
Why, it's my wedding dress.

How odd.

What am I missing?

You are missing one
very important photograph.

Ta-da!

Surprise.

- My God.
- Well, why don't you go put that on?

You are the sweetest person
in the world.

This is what I've been
trying to tell you.

- Another great party, Pauly.
- Can't believe my tux still fits.

- Looks a little tight.
- Get outta here. It's not tight.

Well, you look a little puffy.
Like Roger Moore in Moonraker.

Well, that's uncalled for.

It fits. I'm the happiest
woman on earth.

Wow! Wow!

- Will you marry me?
- I'm sorry. I'm taken.

You're late.

I'm sorry. I had a tough delivery.
Triplets.

It's like pulling three pot roasts
out of a Pringles can.

- Makes me wanna have children.
- Say...

you look fantastic!

- Just fantastic!
- Thanks. Go back to your wife.

It's so sweet
of you all to come.

Don't be silly.
We're happy to be here.

All righty.
Why don't we just start...

We'll gather over here,
and we'll take the picture. Sweetie.

Frannie, why don't you
join us over there.

We'll take a little picture.

Come on. Guys?

Don't look at anyone else.

All right.
So, dearly beloved...

we are gathered here today
to re-create...

the traditional shoving of the cake
down your loved one's throat.

- Now if I remember correctly...
- The band was here.

The bar was there.
The bathrooms were nine miles away...

'cause the idiot caterers
didn't listen to a word I said.

- All right, sweetie.
- Right. Ira and Lisa were there.

- And Fran and Mark were on this side.
- There you go.

So, you got Ira and Lisa.
We got Mark and Fran with...

Or you know what?
Wherever you wanna stand is good.

If we're gonna do this,
we should be historically accurate.

Don't touch me.

- Don't make a scene.
- I'm not making a scene.

What speed film you got in there? 'Cause
I don't know if you have enough light.

- You might wanna move to the left.
- I quit.

Well, are you happy, honey?
You've done it again.

- You're right. I'm wrong.
- I'm back.

All right.
See, you're right, you're right.

You see? Paul can admit
when he's wrong.

- I don't think I'm wrong.
- 'Cause you're an idiot.

It's not like there's another woman,
for God's sake.

Well, there just
might be another man.

What, a guy?
Oh, yeah, right.

Me? Good. Very good.

- Not you, me!
- Oh, come on, Fran!

- Is that so impossible to imagine?
- No, but you would never...

- Why don't we just get the picture?
- Never what?

- You know what!
- Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?

- RememberJamie's painter boyfriend?
- Fran?

- You slept with Sherman? Ha!
- Lisa!

- I don't believe it.
- Believe it.

- Tell him.
- You knew about this?

It happened right here
in this apartment.

- Here?
- We weren't home.

- What, you gave her a key?
- No, she had a key.

- I don't have a key.
- Because you're not trustworthy.

I'm not trustworthy?
I'm not trustworthy?

I didn't come up here
with some painter to get...

Spackled?

Thank you.

How could you all
keep this from me?

If you hadn't have left,
this never would have happened.

- It's really not our business.
- None of your business?

My wife is throwing it around
all over your apartment...

and this is
none of your business?

Okay, everybody, smile.

All right, so it's getting off
to a shaky start.

I told you I didn't
want this stupid party.

Hey, put that down,
unless you intend to flip me.

Stupid.
It was just so stupid.

I went to a lot of trouble
to make this happen.

You think it's easy to match
frosting on a year-old cake?

It's very sweet.

- Why are you mad at me?
- I'm not mad at you.

God, you're so obtuse.

So, you're upset 'cause
you married an obtuse guy?

No, no, the party
was very sweet.

The picture, the cake, all of it.
It was very sweet.

- Yes, but?
- I'm scared, okay? I'm scared.

- Scared of what?
- Of that.

You're scared
of our living room?

No, that we'll end up hating each other
and battling over custody of Murry.

Well, first of all, that's never
gonna happen, 'cause I get Murry.

So that's not even a question.

- Don't make jokes!
- I'm not. He's my dog.

So this whole thing
could just end tomorrow?

- Yes!
- How can you say that!

You said it.
I'm just sitting here getting hit.

Dating was better. You knew it was
gonna end. You could prepare for it.

What are you saying?

You would feel better
if you knew we were gonna split up?

- Fran and Mark split up.
- Because they grew apart.

- What about us?
- Different. We're growing together.

- How do you know?
- Because I've been watching.

I've been watching you.
And me, I know from before.

I want some kind of guarantee
that we're not gonna split up.

Okay, you want a guarantee?
Here is a guarantee.

Nobody... Nobody will work harder
at their marriage than you and me.

That's it. What are you gonna do?
It's just... It's work.

It's maintenance.
It's like growing a garden.

So, we're a garden?

That's what I came up with.
We're a garden.

And if we do it right,
you know...

- we'll blossom and flourish.
- Really?

I don't know. I'm just
makin' this up as I go along.

You're making up very good.

- We should get back out there.
- Yeah, just...

- We're being terrible hosts.
- Yeah.

- What the hell, it's our party.
- Mm-hmm.

- Sherman was a real man!
- Ow!

He was romantic!
He was tender! He was tireless!

Fran, you let me up,
or I swear I will get really mad!

There's nothing more attractive than
a woman who'll get you in a half nelson.

Ow! Oh! Fran, I don't know
who you are anymore. I swear!

- You've gone completely nuts.
- Me?

You're the one
running away from home.

I'm not running.
This is a rite of passage.

Oh, you are such an idiot!

Oh, my God.
They're at it again.

What is this?
Every time they have a party...

You see? This is wild.
This is spontaneous.

This is what I mean. This is what
Peter Fonda would do in The Easy Rider.

Easy Rider.
Not The Easy Rider.

My God, if you can't even
get the title right...

- how are you gonna survive out there?
- I'm sorry.

It's something that I've got to do.
I gotta try it on my own!

I gotta live on the edge.
Push the envelope.

I just might not be here
when you get back.

I know.

It's just the chance
I'm gonna have to take.

I'll call you from Jersey.

This table's
been very good to us.

It's 'cause we treat it
with affection.

Thank you for
a lovely party.

I can see staring at this face
for another 50 years.

- Really?
- Oh, yeah, absolutely.

- Even if I get a double chin.
- I'd love both of them.

- And gray hair?
- Mm-hmm.

- And wrinkles?
- Not a problem.

Even if I had false teeth,
a mustache and I drooled?

- Why do you push? You always push.
- Okay, I'm sorry.