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1
00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:10,396
Morning, Gareth.
2
00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,634
# Mnamanah doo doo do-do-do
3
00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:23,195
# Mnamanah doo doo do-do
4
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:29,032
# Mnamanah doo doo do do-do do do-do
do do-do do do do-do-do-do-do
5
00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:31,595
# Mnamanah doo doo do-do-do
6
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:33,950
# Mnamanah doo doo do-do
7
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:39,632
# Mnamanah doo doo do do-do do do-do
do do-do do do do-do-do-do-do
8
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,913
# Mnamanah na na-na na-na
mnamanah na na na-na
9
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,156
# Mnamanah doo doo do-do-do
10
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:48,271
# Mnamanah doo doo do-do
11
00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:54,157
# Mnamanah doo doo do do-do do do-do
do do-do do do do-do-do-do-do! #
12
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:56,792
Muppets.
13
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:27,077
I've not given up on going to university.
14
00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:33,037
It's just that I've been made senior
sales rep, which is a great opportunity.
15
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:39,509
There's people coming in from Swindon,
which is a new and exciting venture as well.
16
00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:44,155
I'm 30. I want to grow up, basically.
17
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,750
I suggest we put this down as a lesson.
18
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:52,988
Have this stuff over to me by three o'clock.
Three o'clock today please.
19
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:58,513
Then we'll say no more about it. All right?
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)
20
00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:01,757
Gareth Keenan. Who's that?
21
00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:04,551
Oggy!
22
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:09,788
Oggy oggy oggy! Oink oink oink!
Oggy oggy oggy! Oink oink oink!
23
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:14,949
Oggy... Oggy...
Oggy oggy oggy! Oink oink oink!
24
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,036
See you later.
25
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:25,275
- Do you keep in touch with Oggy?
- That was Oggy.
26
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:28,233
- Was it? How is he?
- You don't know him.
27
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,238
- I wish I did. He sounds great.
- He is.
28
00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:34,716
Could you
keep the pig impersonations down?
29
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:40,119
Yeah. I've told you before, you can't
tell me what to do, I'm team leader.
30
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:45,075
- I'm senior sales rep, so I can.
- Team leader beats senior sales rep.
31
00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:51,628
No. My job title actually means something.
I got a pay rise. Team leader means nothing.
32
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,796
It means I'm leader of a team.
33
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:59,597
It's a title someone's given you to get you
to do things they don't want to do for free.
34
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:04,476
It's like making the div kid at school
milk monitor. No one respects it.
35
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:06,113
- They do.
- No.
36
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:11,952
Yes, they do. If people were rude to me,
I gave them their milk last, so it was warm.
37
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,033
Right.
38
00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,596
Oh, no...
39
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:43,190
I found that in "Inside Paper".
40
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:49,316
It's the trade magazine for the paper
industry. My ugly mug on the front!
41
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,272
Embarrassing.
42
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,512
All right.
43
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:11,437
He's put me off what I was doing now.
Oh, yeah. Making the phone calls.
44
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,192
Don't...
45
00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:23,552
Dawn, someone's
coming to collect that later, so...
46
00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:28,709
Lee, I wouldn't get caught there, mate.
Top brass are milling about.
47
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:32,595
- I'm going anyway, mate. See ya.
- Bye.
48
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:40,876
Sorry. I've got to supervise everything
and make sure it's all...
49
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:47,076
- You haven't visited for ages.
- Yeah. I'm a bit snowed under.
50
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:50,113
- But you're all right?
- I'm fine. You?
51
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:53,471
- Mmm. Did you?
- Your phone.
52
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:57,116
(PHONE RINGS)
53
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,756
- It's all go!
- This is Neil.
54
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,110
- Neil Godwin.
- Hi.
55
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:15,598
- Neil is Jennifer's replacement.
- I'm David's boss.
56
00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:19,759
- Just a little bit above me...
- I'm the UK manager.
57
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:25,273
I was David's equivalent in Swindon,
doing the same kind of job.
58
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:29,234
My branch closed
and now my staff are coming here.
59
00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:32,591
So I'm David's boss, looking after him.
60
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:38,238
Looking after's the wrong term because
we're both... Good to meet you though.
61
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:44,390
- We have met before. Ipswich conference.
- Oh, God. I was a leetle bit drunk!
62
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:48,752
- For most of the week.
- Doesn't sound like me, does it?
63
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:53,839
Anyway... Come into my boudoir.
64
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:59,114
- Ooh! Is Jennifer with you?
- No. She's on her way, apparently.
65
00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,072
Part-timer.
66
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:06,432
Monkey!
67
00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:10,349
Just an example
of the laughs we have here - for one.
68
00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:14,517
Sure, we're in potentially traumatic times,
69
00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:18,315
but they are exciting times with the merger.
70
00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:24,834
Things move fast. Only two weeks ago, I was
telling them I'd decided to stay after all,
71
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:28,555
and you saw how relieved they were at that.
72
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:33,311
But we've had a personnel change of 25%,
people coming and going.
73
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:37,479
Redundancies -
some involuntary, which is hard.
74
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:41,559
I had to let my PA go. Last in, first out.
75
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:45,150
Which was really sad. That was upsetting.
76
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:53,475
I'm coping. I rolled with the punch.
Dawn can do a lot of it anyway.
77
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:58,470
There'll be time for this later,
but I'll give you some of it now.
78
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,797
Is that in your way? I'll move that.
79
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,151
Oh, God. Look at that. Stupid.
80
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:09,797
Get UK Manager of the Month, Inside Paper,
and pull a daft face.
81
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,958
- You look quite young.
- Photogenic...
82
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,230
- It's 18 months old.
- Yeah.
83
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:19,115
I got it out today to throw it away.
Definitely.
84
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:28,310
- Look at that.
- Inside Paper inside the paper bin!
85
00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:33,753
Recycle that. It's a shame 'cause...
86
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:41,479
(ELECTRONIC VOICE)Stop! Move away from the cookie jar!
87
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:46,469
Stop! Move away from the cookie jar!
88
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:51,189
- Hello...
- Want a biscuit?
89
00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:55,477
Stop! Move away from the cookie jar!
90
00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:57,477
Good, innit?
91
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:03,594
You know this thing we're doing lunchtime?
A welcome do for the Swindon lot.
92
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:08,715
Just to meet and greet.
I'm going to do a speech, so no heckling.
93
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:11,832
- I've got a joke you can use.
- Go on.
94
00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:15,749
It's Christmas dinner, royal family.
95
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:21,910
Camilla Parker-Bowles says, "OK. I'll think
of something, you have to guess what it is."
96
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:26,875
- She's thinking a black man's cock.
- Trust Camilla. It's not racist?
97
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:32,313
No. Prince Philip goes, "Is it bigger
than the bread bin?" She goes, "Yeah."
98
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:35,876
Charles goes, "Can I put it in my mouth?"
"Yeah."
99
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,833
The Queen goes, "Is it a black man's cock?"
100
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:43,511
- She's guessed it from those clues!
- Straightaway.
101
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:48,430
That's the sort of stuff I write.
You didn't write it, you just told it.
102
00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:51,074
Well done. Do it again.
103
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,670
Stop! Move away from the cookie jar!
104
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,395
Look forward to this!
105
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:08,799
(DAVID) Big day today.The Swindon mob are arriving.
106
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,514
I've laid on a little do for them.
107
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,438
- Sheila.
- Hi, Sheila.
108
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:17,076
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
109
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,160
If you're asking what the vibe is,
110
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:25,911
it's just a chill-out,
get to know each other type of vibe.
111
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:28,873
- Nice to see you.
- Settling in all right?
112
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:33,710
Jennifer's coming backto oversee the transition.
113
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:37,469
Very much holding Neil's hand.
Daunting for him.
114
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:45,832
Ooh. Dawn, you know I don't drink! Eh?
115
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:50,158
She gave me some wine
and I went, "You know I don't drink!"
116
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:55,036
- Do you not drink?
- He says, "Do I not drink?"
117
00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:01,435
- Yeah. He drinks.
- Right. OK.
118
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,676
Just a little bit.
119
00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:12,113
Take a chair - not literally!
120
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,196
Ladies first.
121
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,310
Here we go.
122
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,956
You put the chairs out? It's great.
123
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,799
- You're saying a few words?
- Just a few.
124
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,959
Don't be nervous.
Just bring me on and enjoy the show.
125
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:37,231
Some people are intimidated when talking
to lots of people in an entertaining way.
126
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,432
Not me. I've had experience.
127
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,996
At a Coventry conference,
some of us put on a review
128
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:48,876
and I did impressions of
the conference co-ordinator, Eric Hitchmo.
129
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,674
He talks like this and says one thing.
130
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:56,829
"I don't agree with that in the workplace."
I did him as famous people.
131
00:10:57,040 --> 00:11:00,999
The compere would go, "Lt Colombo"
and I'd come out in a mac.
132
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:05,751
"My wife loves you... but I don't
agree with that in the workplace!"
133
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,076
And I did him as Basil Fawlty.
134
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:13,229
"I think I got away with it... but I don't
agree with that in the workplace!"
135
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:17,638
And he loved it
because there was nothing vicious.
136
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:21,753
Some "comedians"
would have been more nasty.
137
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:27,717
He's got a withered hand, like Jeremy
Beadle. I didn't mention it. No need.
138
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:33,518
Hello, everyone. For those of you
that don't know me, my name's Neil Godwin.
139
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:37,156
For those of you that do know me,
keep shtum.
140
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,356
I'm a man of simple pleasures.
141
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:46,317
I don't need lovely houses and classy
restaurants, so good job I moved to Slough!
142
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:52,191
No, it's great to be in Slough.
I've just spent a year in Beirut.
143
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,914
(LAUGHTER)
144
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:59,318
I know that David is worried
about taking on these new staff
145
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,717
because it'll mean more responsibility -
146
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:06,515
he'll have to delegate twice as much work!
147
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:12,477
There will be perks. I'm sure he's looking
forward to having more men underneath him.
148
00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:16,559
Here's the man at the top of the pile,
David Brent.
149
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:25,671
Thanks. What he was saying about me being
top of the pile of men - saying I'm gay.
150
00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:31,238
I'm not gay. In fact, I can honestly say
I've never come over a little queer!
151
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:38,877
Get to the real stuff.
That was just... He's putting me off.
152
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:44,916
Welcome to Slough to the new people.
My name's David Brent.
153
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:49,079
I've always been in the paper industry,
haven't I?
154
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:53,159
My parents owned a paper shop -
until it blew away!
155
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,352
There's better ones than that. OK.
156
00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:02,798
I'm not used to public squeaking.
I piss pronunciate a lot of my worms.
157
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:05,759
Ooh.
158
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:09,396
"The Two Ronnies". Classic stuff.
(PHONE RINGS)
159
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:15,118
Turn the phone off. If you're not
concentrating, you won't enjoy it as much.
160
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:19,871
Focus. Anyway,
good to have you all here from Swindon.
161
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:25,279
I hear they dropped an atomic bomb
on Swindon - did about £15 worth of damage.
162
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:28,073
Right. OK.
163
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:31,033
That's... Right.
164
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:40,549
Good job Eric Hitchmo isn't here. He'd say,
"I don't agree with that in the workplace."
165
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:45,880
Imagine if Eric was a Los Angeles detective.
It'd be a bit weird, wouldn't it?
166
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:50,471
"My wife loves you but...
I don't agree with that in the workplace."
167
00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:55,549
What's that, Eric?
You've started running a hotel in Torquay?
168
00:13:55,760 --> 00:14:01,471
"Don't mention the war and...
I don't agree with that in the workplace!"
169
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:05,195
I don't agree with that in the workplace!
170
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:09,279
You know Eric Hitchmo.
Who's been to the Coventry conference?
171
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:14,076
- Do you not know Eric Hitchmo?
- Yeah, but he doesn't talk like that.
172
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:19,035
- Yes, he does. Right, Gareth?
- I prefer your stuff about his little hand.
173
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:22,437
- I don't do that.
- You do. The wanking claw.
174
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:29,592
Has everyone heard of Harry Enfield?
Harry Enfield?
175
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:34,794
- Yes.
- Right. OK. Then, who's this?
176
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:40,470
"I do not believe you wanted to do that.
Only me!"
177
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,430
Oh, come on!
178
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,313
You try something and that's...
179
00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:59,954
- Thanks, David.
- Eh?
180
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:03,118
- Thanks.
- Whatever. Just...
181
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:09,555
OK. There's plenty of wine and snacks left
if you want to help yourselves to anything.
182
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,392
Thanks.
183
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:29,148
(MURMUR OF CONVERSATION)
184
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:34,195
- I see you've got the wheelchair.
- I have, yeah.
185
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:39,679
I've got a mate who's got a wheelchair.
Not a mate, I don't like him much.
186
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,912
- I feel all right, yeah.
- It looks very smart.
187
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,873
Cheers. Thank you very much.
188
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:55,029
Sorry. Excuse me. Dawn.
You've been off reception for an hour.
189
00:15:55,240 --> 00:16:00,314
I don't know if we're missing calls or what.
Could you check?
190
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:04,832
Check the messages.
Is that all right? Thanks, mate.
191
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,634
As long as it's comfy...
192
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:16,513
Hi.
193
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:24,429
Lunchtime gigs are the worst.
I don't think Neil warmed you up.
194
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,757
He's not a professional comedian.
195
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:33,114
- He was funny though.
- An amateur will stitch up a professional.
196
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:37,757
Here's one I should have told you.
The Royal family. Christmas Day.
197
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:43,830
Camilla goes, "Let's play "20 Questions".
You've got to guess what I'm thinking of."
198
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,998
What she's thinking of
is a black man's cock.
199
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:51,193
Charles goes,
"Is it bigger than the bread bin?" "Yes."
200
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,198
Philip goes,
"Can I put it in my mouth?" "Yes."
201
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:57,358
The Queen goes, "Is it a black?" Hiya.
202
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:02,434
- Sorry. Were you telling a joke?
- No. That was it.
203
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,074
What did the Queen say?
204
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:11,795
- What was the joke?
- The Royal family playing "20 Questions".
205
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,958
It's not the black man's cock one, is it?
206
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:20,188
- It might be, but... Bad, isn't it?
- It's all right. It's funny.
207
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,392
Harmless. Well done.
208
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:29,236
Have you all met this little lady...
this lady?
209
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:39,955
It's a shame this had to happen today,
but I've just had a complaint.
210
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:45,518
- What complaint?
- I can't believe you told racist jokes.
211
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:52,319
Wrong. No way. He thought it was funny,
so I don't know why he's complaining now.
212
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,954
He? It was a woman.
213
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:58,516
I assumed it was the... new guy.
214
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:02,156
- Anyway, it isn't racist.
- What is it?
215
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:04,635
- The joke?
- The gist of it.
216
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:08,116
- It won't be funny now.
- What's the content?
217
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:12,552
Royal family on Christmas Day.
Camilla goes, "Let's play a game.
218
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:18,198
"You have to guess what I'm thinking of."
She's thinking of a black man's cock.
219
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:25,435
So Charles goes, "Is it bigger
than the bread bin?" Camilla goes, "Yup".
220
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:29,269
Philip goes,
"Can I put it in my mouth?" "Yup".
221
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:32,438
The Queen goes, "Is it a black man's cock?"
222
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:36,633
He's heard it before.
So that's the sort of... yeah.
223
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:41,679
I can see why that might be offensive.
224
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,838
I don't say anything bad
about black people.
225
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:49,431
- It's about a black man's cock.
- It just happens to be a black man's cock.
226
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:55,078
You're using the stereotype that all black
men have large penises to make it funnier.
227
00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:57,794
It's not an insult. It's a compliment.
228
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:03,233
Black people should be flattered that their
only achievement is oversized genitalia?
229
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:06,079
- They shouldn't be ashamed.
- It's a myth.
230
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:11,434
- I could show you a magazine where...
- Could you?
231
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:15,155
I haven't got it with me.
When are you next in?
232
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:21,192
I could just say big cock
and not mention the colour.
233
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:26,793
Or you could tell those jokes
in your free time and not in the workplace.
234
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,956
It was his joke.
235
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:34,109
Whatever, David. You've heard my opinion.
Shall we go back outside?
236
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:42,995
You ought to be careful because some
of them can be a little bit sensitive, so...
237
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,556
- Sorry? Who can?
- Some... people...
238
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:52,357
can take things the wrong way -
as an actress said to a bishop!
239
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:58,351
That's not a gay stereotype. I'm not saying
that's the wrong way. I'm saying it's a way.
240
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:01,552
Some straight women like it the wrong way.
241
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:07,198
It doesn't matter if you're gay. One in ten,
apparently. That seems a bit high.
242
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,597
You might be...
If you are, good luck to you.
243
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:14,554
Just make sure it's legal and be safe. OK?
244
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:22,719
That's it. A lot of people can't keep up
245
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:26,913
with what words are acceptable
and what words aren't.
246
00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:33,639
My dad, for example,
isn't as cosmopolitan or as educated as me
247
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,798
and it can be embarrassing.
248
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:42,677
He doesn't understand new trendy words.
He'll say "poofs" instead of "gays".
249
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:49,158
"Birds" instead of "women",
"darkies" instead of "coloureds".
250
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,916
- All right, Tim?
- Yes, thanks, Keith.
251
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:06,873
- Hi.
- Sorry. I didn't mean to...
252
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,833
Your T-shirt's got "Pot my pink" on it.
253
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,998
- Play snooker?
- Not that way.
254
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:17,318
- So it's... Rachel, isn't it?
- Tim.
255
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:19,954
- Well done.
- Gareth.
256
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:21,991
Hiya.
257
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:23,713
Keith.
258
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:27,636
Thanks very much. Good luck.
259
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:31,116
- Jenny. You've met Oliver?
- Yes.
260
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:35,598
- Good lad. We were having a laugh earlier.
- Yeah.
261
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:40,112
- Did you like that joke I told?
- Yeah. It was funny.
262
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:44,393
- David, we've talked about this.
- Yup. Interesting.
263
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:46,875
See you later, David. Goodbye.
264
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:54,032
She should chill out a bit more. Maybe
a bit of the old ganja, know what I mean?
265
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:57,391
Course you do. Meetings would be different.
266
00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:03,152
"David, I've called this meeting because
I want you to get me some Hobnobs"!
267
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:11,274
Like in Scooby Doo, all those Scooby Snacks
because he's got the munchies.
268
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:14,711
Dooby dooby doo! "Raggy!"
269
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:20,472
I was not advocating the use of drugs.
I was talking to someone on their level.
270
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:23,956
I can communicate with people
from all walks of life.
271
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,117
- Olive?
- Mm.
272
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:31,278
- Snacks.
- So when did you come up?
273
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,038
Saturday.
274
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:35,672
Saturday.
275
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,797
Was it your mum
or your boyfriend drove you?
276
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:43,037
- No. My brother came up with me.
- OK.
277
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:47,119
Have you got ties in Swindon
or are you starting again here?
278
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:50,596
- I'll be going back weekends.
- OK.
279
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,637
Sorry. So have you got a boyfriend or not?
280
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,956
No, I haven't.
281
00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:04,397
- I think I left my drink over there...
- See you in a bit.
282
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:11,190
Tim, I know you don't mean to
but you're cramping my style.
283
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:14,517
- What?
- I'm planning to get off with her.
284
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:18,838
- And what if I liked her?
- I saw her first.
285
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,508
And how does that work?
286
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:29,629
You've won the argument doing that,
have you? Of course.
287
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:45,630
Everyone's nice.
288
00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:49,316
- Hi.
- Hi.
289
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:51,829
- They came for the package.
- Yeah?
290
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,031
- No problem.
- Cool.
291
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,471
- I'm so bored.
- Are you?
292
00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,638
Do you want to wind up Gareth for a bit?
293
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:04,276
I don't think we should. He's a bit busy.
294
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:08,632
- So?
- So am I, Dawn, actually.
295
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,796
So should you be.
296
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:23,515
- Is that where you're going to?
- Mh-hm. A few things I need.
297
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:51,593
Dawn. I've been checking my diary. I've
been overlooking something. So have you.
298
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:56,555
There's a 20 minute window here -
"Wind up Gareth with Dawn."
299
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,036
So shall we do that? Shall we?
300
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,760
This way, please, madam.
301
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:07,316
(GARETH) I'm not in the mood.
(TIM) Just a quick one.
302
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:10,830
- Did you see that film "Gay Lords Say No"?
- No.
303
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,713
(GIGGLING)
304
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:26,508
Sorry. Hello.
Could I have a quick word with everyone?
305
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:32,189
I'm mainly talking to the Swindon lot here.
306
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:36,632
Some of you seem to have got off
on the wrong foot with me.
307
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:40,799
You didn't like some of the jokes
I told earlier.
308
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:47,348
You've got to chill out.
Trust me. This is what I do. All right?
309
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:52,190
You will never work in a place
like this again. It's brilliant. Fact.
310
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:57,520
And you'll never have another boss like me -
a chilled-out entertainer.
311
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:03,556
Some of you didn't understand the jokes
and misinterpreted one and went to Jennifer.
312
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:07,992
OK. I'm a bit annoyed
you'd go to Jennifer and not me.
313
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:12,557
Who was it that complained?
It's not a witch hunt. Who was it?
314
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:14,910
Two of you. Good.
315
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:19,477
Why did you think
you could go to Jennifer but not me?
316
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,797
I don't know you
and I didn't like your jokes.
317
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:29,439
- You shouldn't be laughing at black people.
- Funny that only two of you thought that.
318
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:35,272
- I didn't like it either.
- Right. You're new. You don't know me.
319
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:38,517
- I'm not new and I find it offensive.
- He didn't.
320
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:42,998
- What's he got to do with it?
- He doesn't mind us laughing at him.
321
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:46,954
Why should only black people
be offended by racism?
322
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:52,632
Good point.
First sensible thing you've said all day.
323
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:57,789
I say, come one, come all,
we're all the same. Let's...
324
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:01,197
That's why there's only one black guy here?
325
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,358
Wrong. Indian fella in the warehouse.
326
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:10,112
And an Indian fella used to work up here.
He left. Didn't like it. Up to him.
327
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:13,869
I'd like the place to be full of 'em.
Right, Gareth?
328
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:18,392
- Well, half and half.
- You are half and half, aren't you?
329
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:22,115
- I'm mixed race.
- That's my favourite.
330
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:26,199
That's the melting pot. Please.
331
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,756
So there's your racist for you.
332
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:31,678
So...
333
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,992
- He said melting pot! Oh, my God!
- He did!
334
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:55,671
- He didn't actually do the fingers.
- Let's just get on.
335
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,030
Let's just love each other.
336
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:02,791
# What David needs
is a great big melting pot... #
337
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:04,513
Lee!
338
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:12,912
Dawn?
339
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:24,832
All right.
340
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:44,272
# So what becomes of you, my love
341
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:50,351
# When they have finally stripped you of
342
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:52,915
# The handbags and the gladrags
343
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:58,353
# That your granddad had to sweat
so you could buy? #
29958
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