All language subtitles for Bobs.Burgers.S13E17.Crows.Encounters.of.the.Bird.Kind.1080p.HULU.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

- Hi.
- Hey, Tina.
How was Thundergirls?

- So... good?
- No!

My future is ruined!
I did Thundergirls all wrong!

I'm a Thundergirl disgrace!

A "BlunderGirl"? Sorry.

What happened?

I was in the bathroom
and I heard yelling.

How come there's
always someone yelling

when I'm trying
to use the bathroom?

Family tradition?

I'm just upset because
my future is a sick joke

and it's all my fault.

Okay, tell me about it, Tina.
Tell Mama.

I'm just gonna casually zip up
my fly while you're talking.

Go ahead, sweetie.

Tonight at Thundergirls,

after we made some pretty
badass bookmarks,

we were all heading out
the door to go home

when Troop Leader Ginny said
she wanted to talk to me.

Tina, hey. I've been
meaning to talk to you.

Have you given any thought
to pursuing your Lightning Sash?

Oh, I mean,
the Lightning Sash is

the highest sash
in Thundergirls.

- You need a lot of
badges to earn that.
- Correct.

So, I figured getting it
would be... hard?

It is! But so worth it.

Colleges look at
the Lightning Sash.

NASA likes the Lightning Sash
on a résumé.

So do Fortune 500 companies.

I know what, um, those are...

The top 500
fortune cookie companies?

If I were you, I'd get on it.
Look, you're one of our more...

- seasoned Thundergirls.
- Thank you?

But for someone so seasoned,

you are way behind
on your badge count.

Course I was too at your age.

But you buckled down
and got your Lightning Sash?

I did not.

And I regret it
every day of my damn life.

Sorry for swearing,
a Thundergirl never swears.

Good story.
Especially the profanity.

I was mostly distracted
by Mom's fly.

Yeah, you did not
do a great job, Lin.

Okay, okay, there.
It's all the way up.

- It-It's not.
- Oh.

What the hell's going on
with these pants?

Anyway, keep talking, Tina.

So, you want to get this
Lightning Sash thing?

Now I do.

I-I've just been having fun
at Thundergirls when

I should have been thinking
about how it could mold

- my whole entire future.
- That's what you get

for being such a party animal.

Wait, so how many badges
do you need

- for your Lightning Sash?
- 25.

And how many do you have?

Six. Including the badge you get
just for joining Thundergirls.

The joiner badge.

Aw, my little
Jackie Joyner-Kersee.

And you've been
a Thundergirl forever,

so at this rate,
by the time you get 25 badges,

you'll be...
a million years old?

Oh, no! That's too old.

Tina, listen, you can
still get your lightning thingy.

You're just gonna have to pick
up the pace a bit, you know?

- You're right.
- Thattagirl!

I'll earn a badge a day.
Starting tomorrow.

A badge a day?

Yep. The sooner I get it done,

the sooner I can get
my out-of-control life

back on track.

- Oh, boy.
- Okay...

Let's go alphabetically.
Archery badge.

I can rip through that one
really fast.

Yes, please, can we be
an archery family?

Uh, I mean,
"ripping through archery"

just sounds like a bad idea.

Rapping through archery though,
that could be something.

What rhymes with "archery"?
"Fart-chery"?

Okay, how about, uh...

bird-watching? That's easy.

Oh, uh, you know, I dabbled

in bird-watching once.
Well, by dabbled, I mean

I bought a bird guide
and put it up on the shelf

and looked up at it sometimes.

That's great because
the Thundergirl Handbook says

we'll need a bird guide.
And also binoculars.

We used to have binoculars.
What happened to those?

They're in my room.
I use them to spy on my feet

while I lie in bed.
Where's my badge?

Great. I'll go to the park
tomorrow to see some birds.

Dad, bird-man?
You're coming with.

Oh, uh, okay.

I mean, I should stay at
the restaurant, but...

bird-watching does
sound relaxing.

Uh, you know, I've been
a little stressed lately.

You mean, all the time
every day, all day long?

- And when you sleep.
- Yeah, pretty much. Great.

I'm gonna get my Lightning Sash
and have a good future

and it's all gonna be fine.

Oh, and Mom? Your fly is
somehow all the way down again.

Oh, wow. Maybe this is
just how it is now

and I'm gonna have
to buy cuter underwear.

All right, Dad.

I'm looking at the time
and it's bird o'clock.

Hey, Bob, aren't you kind of
afraid of birds?

I was. But I realized they
aren't trying to kill me,

and now I'm fine with them.

If they don't get
too close to me.

Like me with salads.

Not to be rude, but did you hear
when I said it was bird o'clock?

It's almost bird-thirty now, so...

Tina, easy. But okay, we can go.

Bye! I'll be here
if you need me.

Uh... I figured.
Linda, thanks for covering.

You're welcome.
Say "hi" to the birds for me.

Or flip 'em the bird. Ha!

- Uh, okay.
- That'd be funny

'cause they're also birds.

So, how does this work exactly?

I have to observe 15
different types of wild birds,

identify them by name,
and write them down.

Well, good thing
we have my bird book.

For the identifying part.
Really glad I bought this...

so long ago.

Did it make a noise
when you opened it?

Yeah. Because it's
never been opened.

Probably thought
it never would be.

I bet some new birds
have come out

since that was published.
Look!

Oh, yeah.
A black hopper bird.

You-you mean... a crow?

- Right. A crow. Sorry, I choked.
- That-That's okay.

One bird type down.
14 types to go.

"Crow."

Uh... Yep, that was a crow.

"American crow," technically.

"Widespread. Numerous in cities.

Of the genus Corvus..."

- Got it, Dad.
- Yep.

♪ Birds ♪

♪ Bird ♪

♪ Bird, bird ♪

♪ Bird. ♪

Where's all the friggin' birds?

I mean, we saw Bruce the goose,

but then like
ten different crows.

Or maybe the same crow
ten different times?

Yeah, what is this,
a Counting Crows concert?

- What?
- Nothing.

We're not on schedule here.

Didn't we also see a pigeon?

Yeah. Plus that
little brown bird.

What did we think that was?

Sparrow, maybe?

It was hard to get a clear ID.

That's another thing:

why do they have to
fly around so much?

We need like 11 more species!

Oh, look, a ranger.

Is that a type of bird? Where?

No, I-I mean, a park ranger.

Who works here.

Oh. It's Ranger Matthew Dainko.

Maybe he can point us to where
the cool bird hangouts are.

He fricking better!
Sorry. I'll calm down.

Uh, excuse me? Ranger Dainko?

Can I help you?

Maybe.
Um, I'm here working toward

my Thundergirls Lightning Sash.

Are you trying to earn
your trash clean-up badge?

Oh, no. Sorry.

Ah. Then I'll, uh... carry on.

But-but actually I'm trying
to earn my birding badge?

Oh! Well,
you came to the right place.

It's like Grand Central Station
for birds around here,

with all the species
passing through

on their migration routes.

I've seen common starlings,
house finches,

cedar waxwings--
that's my spark bird.

Your what?

Spark bird,

the bird that got me
interested in birding.

A waxwing showed up outside
the ranger station

one day when I was at a...

vulnerable place
in my personal life.

- What was wrong?
- Maybe we shouldn't
get into it.

No, no, no, no, no, it's okay.

I had just gotten
the worst haircut of my life.

- Oh.
- I mean, this was here.

Huh. That sounds awful.

I stared at that waxwing
for half an hour.

Just feeling my feelings,
you know?

Uh-oh.

Uh, are you okay?

Eh, let's not talk about
waxwings. Or bad haircuts.

Hey, say you wanted
to see a lot of different birds

in a really, really short time.

Really short time.
What would you do?

Well, birding's
about being present.

You know, slowing down.

- Great.
- Some people come out here

and just want it to happen fast,
so they pull out

all sorts of dirty
little tricks.

Go on...

Well, you know,

some people use
recorded bird calls.

That's frowned upon.

Oh, yeah. That's terrible.

And then there's
the punks that bait.

- They "bait"?
- Yeah, they put out
a bunch of food,

then watch the birds roll in.

It's not sporting.

And as everyone knows,
you don't feed wild animals.

That's a big old no-no.

Yeah, sure, totally.

I see anyone doing that
in this park,

I'm slapping them with a fine.

Good to know, good to know,
good to know.

Yeah. Thank you, Ranger Dainko.

Uh, could you recommend
any specific spots

that are good for bird-watching?

'Cause where we've been
has been... not that.

Well, you could
always try the meadow.

You just follow that path,
go to the right,

and then stay along
the wood line.

- Anyway, happy birding.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.

Okay, so now we know
what not to do.

Uh-huh. Or do we know
what not not to do?

Mm. Mm-mm.

Would you say this is your
best bread for baiting birds?

- What?
- We'll take it.
- Oh, my God.

Tina, the ranger said
you shouldn't bait them.

So, let's not do that

and just use the bread for...
sandwiches?

He'll never catch us, okay?

We can say we're
having a picnic.

A bread picnic.

Also, how's your phone
reception here?

Want to pull up some
bird calls from the Internet?

Maybe a fun playlist?

Tina, I really don't
want us to get caught

and then have to pay a fine.

Dad, I can either
get my Lightning Sash

and do well in life
or not get it, and-and...

never get into a good college
and never achieve my dreams!

Okay, okay. I guess it will
just be feeding birds.

People do that
all the time, right?

Sure. And people also
just casually play bird calls

from their phone.

So that birds can hear
how great they sound.

Could you cue 'em up?

Uh... yep.

I'm just gonna say it...

this day could be more fun.

Shall I do a little dance?

You've already done
so many of those today.

What if you
dare me to do something?

Like, dare you to dream?

No. What if you dare me to...
put this napkin

on Teddy's shoulder
without him noticing?

Ah, the old napkin shoulder. Classic.

Okay, you dared me to do it,
I'm doing it. I feel so alive.

Teddy, old buddy, old pal.
How's tricks?

Oh, hey, Louise. I'm doing good.

A little anxious.
Might be all the coffee.

I think I might need
some more coffee

just to kind of push past it,
you know?

Get to that place where
nothing matters anymore.

Great.
Well, keep up the good work.

More coffee, Teddy?

You betcha, yes, please.
Toot-toot!

Or decaf, we have decaf...

I'd rather be dead!

Okay, okay.

I might not fill up
the whole cup.

Hey, how come you
got a napkin on your shoulder?

Huh? Oh. Did I put
that there this morning?

Do I have one there a lot?

Hmm.

Now it's my turn to dare you.

Now dare's an idea!
Eh? Nailed it.

Little louder
with the bird calls?

Let's hear those "cheep-cheeps"

in the cheap seats, huh?

What bird call is that?

"Exotic Birds of the Amazon."

I-I think the one video ended
and this played automatically.

Maybe exotic is good?

Birds will think
they're on vacation?

Um, what are you doing
with the crumbs?

Making a smiley face.
If you were a bird,

would you fly past a smiley face
made of bread crumbs?

- Probably not?
- Okay then.

How are you at
emoji silly tongues?

I mean... not great.

Just do what you can.

Kids? Order's up!

- Little help?
- Coming!

You're on. Make it good.

I'm always on, honey!

Your burger, madam.
Young sir...

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

And, uh... Do you have a diaper
you could spare?

Excuse me?

I said, "Do you have
a spare diaper?"

For my cute little bottom
that needs to go poo-poo.

- There I did it, goodbye!
-"Poo-poo."

I'm a genius.

Gene. Louise. In here, now.

- Crap.
- Don't feel bad.

Potty training is hard.

She's right.

I know what you kids are doing.

- It was all Gene's idea.
- What?

You're doing dares.

I know, it's awful.

That's what I kept
trying to tell Gene.

Shush. What I want to know

is why didn't you
ask me to play?

Uh... huh?

Wait, you want us to dare you?

Yeah! I do dares. I love dares.

I never said no to one. Ever.

Is that a good thing?

Of course it is.
When I was growing up,

kids in the neighborhood
called me "the Dare-y Queen."

- Huh.
- Mm.

Well, I called myself that a lot
and it kind of caught on.

But hey, this isn't the
old neighborhood. We're at work.

So, no bothering the customers

and nothing that makes
a big mess, capisce?

We can work with that.

All right, then.

Go dream up a good dare
for your mother.

Make it fun.

I dare you to hug me, woman!

Aw, I'll take that dare.

But seriously. Give me
a real dare. Better than that.

- It's working.
- Okay, um,

those are mourning doves.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

So, yeah. Wow.
Should we just walk away

from this bird-baiting area and,
you know, try not to do things

that could get us fined?

But this is going well, Dad.

And we still have
eight bird types left to go.

- Huh.
- What?

You see that up there?

There's sort of a large bird.

Yeah, that's a big boy. Or girl.

I can't see its, um...
N-Never mind.

Can you see its beak?

Is it more pecky,
or rip apart-y?

I think it's hooked?
So... rip apart-y?

I'm not sure,

but I think that's a hawk.

Possibly a broad-winged hawk.

Okay. And it's circling why?

Is it doing laps?

Is this a fitness thing?

I think it's circling because

we might've made it
easy for it to see

where its next meal is
coming from.

- Oh, no. You mean the doves?
- Yup.

Birds eat other birds?!

I mean, I guess I knew that

but it seems crazy to me now!

They should be friends,
they have so much in common!

Yeah. But eating each other is
definitely something they do.

No! We can't let this happen!
Get away, birds!

Fly away from the
smiley face silly tongues!

- It's a trap!
- Uh, Tina.

Ranger Matthew Dainko!

Okay, okay. Uh...

I'll just pick up all
the crumbs. There's one.

- There's one!
- Tina, we should go.

Just a couple more crumbs.
There's one. Oh, so many crumbs.

- Tina!
- Okay, coming!

- Oh, God!
- Uh, yup.

A broad-winged hawk.

Wow, look at this
great illustration.

- Huh, huh.
- Never mind.

Do you think the dove's
gonna be okay?

Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, maybe don't look, though.

Also, Ranger Dainko's
walking this way, so, uh...

- Tina, we've got to go.
- What have I done?!

Tina, please.

Um, can you make that noise
a little quieter?

Thank you.

Thank you, that's better.

What the heck happened here?
Bread crumbs?!

Oh, no.

The bird call video
came back on!

How do I mute this thing?!

Toucans?

Please stop, phone.

Why are you doing this?

You! You... bad birders!

- Stay right there!
- Okay, run!

Excuse me, can you point me to
the nearest water fountain?

I'm very parched.

It's-it's
over there by the dog run.

The dog run dog run,

or the field where
people let their dogs run?

I don't have time for this!

- Excuse me!
- Sorry.

- Dog run dog run!
- Thank you.

Ow! Ow, ow!
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Yeah, baby! I did the dare!

Hot plates, straight out
of the dishwasher.

- Impressive.
- I often drop them

even when they're not hot.

Good dare, good dare.
Way better than

the "napkin on the shoulder"
thing, which,

uh, sorry-- little lowbrow.

Wait, there's another one
on there! Dang it!

All right, next dare.

Give it to me.
Dare-y Queen's ready!

Okay, I think
I might have something.

Ooh, tell me.

- Interesting.
- What is it? What is it?

I can tell it's gonna be good.

Well, first you should know
it involves a customer.

What? That's one
of the rules, Louise.

But all the best dares
are about humiliating yourself.

You can't just
take that off the table.

Yeah, it's like
Peter Jackson saying,

"I'll make a movie but
absolutely no hobbits!"

Plus, you said you
never turn down a dare.

You did say that, Linda.

Come on, Dare-y Queen.

No. I'm not doing it.
It's irresponsible.

And you know what?
I'm fine with it.

I'm fine with
not doing the dare.

Just go bus that table.

I'm gonna go in the kitchen.
I'm fine with this.

Wow. What happened
to you, Linda?

- You used to be cool.
- I still respect you, Mom.

Ah, whatever.

Did we lose him?

Oh. Look over there, Tina.

It's a blue jay. See it?

Yeah.

Uh, maybe you want to
put it down in your book?

One blue jay... Not ripped apart
by hawk because of me.

Okay.

And now let's watch
for more birds as we

get out of here very quickly.

Hopefully the ranger gave up

- looking for us.
- Okay.

On three, we get up
and run out of the park

or I might walk fast.

I'm not sure what I'm up for.

Ready? One, two, three.

This is Ranger Matthew Dainko!

Bad birding people,
bird-killing birder-ers,

if you can hear this,

you are wanted for questioning,

and definite fining!
Oh, God.

He's gonna find us.
Then he's gonna fine us.

The old find-and-fine.

What if we hide? In there?

Okay, we're here now.
And for a bathroom in the park,

there isn't too much horrible
stuff I can't look at.

Except in the toilet,
and all around it.

And the walls.

Yeah, the walls are bad.

I will cover
every inch of this park

until I find you monsters!

This is all my fault.
I thought this was gonna be

the first step
toward a successful life.

But I lost it, man.

I'm a dove killer
hiding out in a toilet.

How's that look on
a college application?

Uh, Tina, don't feel too bad.

I-I bet the dove died happy?

Eating really good bread.
That's how I want go, Tina.

And I think, yeah, I'm pretty
sure he was really old.

And maybe even
had a terminal illness?

All right,
I'll-I'll stop talking.

Can you still
hear me, bad birders?

Are you out there
somewhere tossing

bread around like
it's the devil's confetti?!

I'm gonna peek real quick
to see where he is.

And he's very close.

Uh, hey, there's a crow.

Oh, no, do you think he heard

what happened and
now he wants revenge?

It looks like he's just
messing with a twig.

Is he gonna turn it
into a weapon?

Is he gonna shiv us
in the bathroom?!

I don't think so.

Oh, God, he just
looked at me, though.

- Don't make eye contact.
- Right.

I just came to drop off

an order.
And also I wanted to ask,

how does it feel to be
a shell of your former self,

Dare-y Queen?

She used to be the Dare-y Queen.

But that was a long time ago.

Isn't that right, Linda?

Hmm.

I wonder how she'd
feel if we double...

dog...

Don't you do it, Louise!

...dared her.

No!

Double dog deal with it, Mama!

Oh, okay, fine. I'll do it!

Come back here,
tell me what it is.

Yay, Linda!

God, I love peer pressure.
Always works.

Okay, I don't see him
and I don't hear him.

Maybe we should make
a run for it?

- Oh, wow.
- What? Do you see him?

No, the crow.

I thought it was playing

with a twig,
but it was bending it.

O-Okay. The ranger thing

feels a little more pressing,
but great.

Now it's poking
the stick into a log.

Like it's using it.
Oh, yeah.

I-I think that's a crow thing.

They-they make tools, maybe?

I mean, mostly they
dig in dumpsters, but...

It's really getting in there.

Maybe it's looking for bugs?

Or treasure? Probably bugs.

Found you!
Ah!

Geez, did you have
to use the megaphone?

Yes!
Ah!

Come out, you two. Come on out.

I knew I should've
checked the bathroom earlier,

but I thought, "They wouldn't
hide in the bathroom."

Not that our bathrooms
aren't reasonably sanitary

but come on,
it's a park bathroom.

I'm so sorry, Ranger Dainko.

Yeah.
Th-This is really my fault.

I mean, I'm gonna say that.

It's not really his fault.

- Oh! The crow's back.
- What? Oh.

We've been watching him
while we've been in this

reasonably sanitary bathroom.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah, he bent a twig

and he's been poking
into that log for,

- like, a while now.
- Huh.

I've heard about it,
but I've never

actually seen them
use tools before.

That is truly--
Oh, I'm-I'm talking too loud.

Do you mind if I...?

Uh... Okay. Yeah.

Geez. Look at that.

Crows are really smart, huh?

Yeah, we should
stop eating them.

Kidding.
That was not a good joke

around bird lovers.

So about those bread crumbs
and the dove.

I'm so sorry
about the bread crumbs,

and the bird calls, and the poor
innocent little dove

who I'm praying is
at least in bird heaven.

Which must be
really high up there.

It would have to be
or birds would always be

flying into it by accident?

Anyway, I just-- I wanted
my Lightning Sash so much.

Oh, Tina.
I was in the Nature Boys.

For us it was
the Order of the Grizzly.

A lot of the other fellas
were hustling for that

Grizzly Sash and
I always felt bad for them

'cause they never just
stopped and smelled the roses.

Rose-smelling
was a badge back then.

Really? Huh.
Seems like an easy one.

I mean, look at us,
right now, just crouching here

enjoying this majestic crow.

He doesn't give up, does he?

- I really like that crow.
- Oh, my God.

Is it your spark bird?

Oh. Yeah. I guess it is.

Oh, I'm witnessing someone
find their spark bird.

This is gonna get
emotional for me.

Uh, okay. Are-are you--
Are you all right?

Do you want some toilet paper?

Oh, uh, never mind,
the whole roll is wet somehow.

I mean, I can probably
guess how it-it got wet.

I'll-I'll be fine. Hey...

let's forget about the whole
"bread crumbs, dead dove,

chasing you around the park"
thing, okay?

We're all birders here.

- Whoa.
- He did it.

A millipede! What a rush, huh?

You guys, uh, want to
watch a little longer or...

Oh, oh. It flew away.

Aw.

Should we, uh,
get out of the bathroom?

Yeah, yeah, let's get out.

Uh, I actually
have to pee, so...

Never mind, I'll hold it.
No offense.

Uh, excuse me?
We're ready to order.

Your server will be
with you in a moment.

Here I come.

Uh...
Ow.

Okay, uh...

Sorry, I'm a little
turned around today.

What can I get you?

Um, I would like a
Burger of the Day?

Ooh, good choice.

And, uh... fries.

Fries, yep, yep, of course.

Loving this. Loving this.

How about you, sir?
What'll you have?

Um, a cheeseburger.

You got it! Writing it down.

Here I go. Cheese... burger.

- Wow. Guess the Dare-y Queen's
alive and well.
- Ooh!

Now I will bring your order
back into the kitchen.

And cook it. Like this. Ow.

No, no, no, no, no. Mom,

don't do that.
That seems dangerous.

I'm doing it.
It's a double dog dare.

I'm gettin' double dare points!

Oh, dear Lord.

Dare-y Queen! Oh, God!

Mom!
No, I'm fine!

Ow. Oh, God.

- Ow!
- She's so brave.

Well, looky here,
if it isn't the bird nerds.

Ha! She nailed you guys.

Mm.

So? How'd it go, Tina?

You get your badge?

I'm two birds away.
I might go back

to the park
and finish up tomorrow.

And then you're on your way to
getting your Lightning hoozit?

Maybe. I think I'm just gonna

earn badges at a normal speed.

I might get more out of it.

And I don't want to be a fortune
cookie company CEO anyway.

And no doves have to die.

- Say what now?
- Uh, I'll tell you later.

Did you hear what it
sounds like when doves cry?

Eh... Yeah. It's unsettling.

- How was it here?
- Eh, fine.

We sold some burgers,
ate some gross stuff,

maybe scared a couple
customers a little bit.

Um... What-what do you mean?

Well, glad to have you back,
big guy.

Why did you just put
a napkin on my shoulder?

Ha! It was a dare.

No, it wasn't.

They dared me, Bob. I swear.

We don't know
what he's talking about.

What's a "dare"?

No, you guys. Come on.

It's kind of
a waste of a napkin.

No. No. It was a dare!

You got to believe me, Bob!

Teddy, calm down.

♪ ♪

♪ Sha, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Mm, uh-huh ♪

♪ Mr. Crow and me ♪

♪ Watching from the bathroom ♪

♪ When I see you there
bending that stick ♪

♪ I want to say, "Hey, look at
you bend that stick" ♪

♪ Don't want to see a pigeon ♪

♪ Mr. Crow, poke that log
until you find something ♪

♪ Looks like
you found a beetle? ♪

♪ Oh, look, now you flew up
in a tree ♪

♪ Mr. Crow and... ♪

Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT

and TOYOTA.