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LINDA:
♪ Candy cane moose ♪
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With a little red nose.
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(kisses) Aw.
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I still feel like it's too soon
to take these down.
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It's only been a week since Christmas.
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Eight days, Mom. Which I happen to know
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because I've been trying
to solve this stupid thing
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since Christmas!
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Come on, little ball.
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Get out of your cage.
Get out of your cage!
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My stocking stuffer
brings only joy and peace.
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-(playing harmonica)
-Gene? Gene?
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00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:51,009
-You said you were taking a little break?
-What?
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I couldn't hear you over my harmonica.
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Is that hat for your hands?
Have I been wearing hats wrong?
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No. Santa thought my head
was a little smaller,
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00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,060
so I'm just stretching it out.
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00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:02,145
So, you're still
putting Christmas stuff away?
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00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:04,898
Yeah. Say sweet dreams
to the clothespin angel.
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00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:07,484
-Sweet dreams, clothespin angel.
-Kiss 'em.
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-What?
-Kiss 'em.
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No. No, thank you.
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I don't want to kiss
any more ornaments, Lin.
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That's kind of why
I went into the kitchen.
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Also to juice with my antique juicer
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that you got me
which I love more than life.
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-That you told me to get you.
-Yeah, and I was right
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about how good a gift that would be.
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Just like the perfume that I got you.
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I love my perfume.
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Joy by Joy Behar.
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Just brings so much joy.
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I miss your old smell
of grease and crackers.
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So, do you need us to keep helping
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00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:36,554
with this incredibly long
taking down the tree process?
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No, you guys helped the first three hours.
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-It's fine.
-Well, in that case,
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I'd like to intro-juice you
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to Orange Lemon Basil.
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I can't wait to taste the difference
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between this and Orange Lemon Mint.
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Uh, forget Orange Lemon Mint.
I was a different person then.
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(exhales)
Okay, done with ornaments. Moving on
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to holiday cards. Aw, look at 'em.
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All the beautiful, smiling families
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telling me Season's Greetings.
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All the teenagers
going through awkward phases.
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00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,498
-Oh, yeah, a bunch of other Tinas.
-What?
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00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:06,292
You know, I don't think we got
as many cards as we usually get.
50
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,336
Maybe we're being shunned?
Because they're all jealous
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00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:10,714
of our perfect skin
and our long, long lashes?
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Oh, my God.
We are being shunned.
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00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,510
We're getting taken off
of people's Christmas card lists.
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00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:17,929
Why would we get taken off
people's Christmas card lists?
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Because of our long, long lashes?
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00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:21,599
No, because I couldn't
get it together this year
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to send our card out.
Or last year.
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00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:25,437
And that's how it happens.
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You stop giving, you stop getting.
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00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:29,190
-Like high fives?
-Yeah.
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00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:31,401
Right. So, why didn't you send one out?
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-Seems easy enough.
-Well, excuse me, Miss Missy.
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Hardest thing of all is getting
a good picture of this family.
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It's like wrangling
a bunch of muddy babies.
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You people probably don't remember
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00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:42,537
the last picture we sent out, but I do.
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00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:45,206
Tina's eyes were half-shut,
Gene was all blurry,
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00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:47,334
and Louise was doing a serial killer face.
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00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:48,960
And that was the good picture.
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You mean this serial killer face?
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-Aah! Yes. Uh, stop it.
-Stop what?
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00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:56,176
Stop it. Ugh. Look how good
these pictures are.
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00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:59,220
Look at my cousin Valerie
and her family on that cruise.
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00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,848
They were all pointing
towards land or a whale
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00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:04,309
or a dolphin.
And ours was in a grocery store.
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00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:05,602
That was the best we could do,
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standing in front
of that pineapple display.
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00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,189
Oh, my God, pineapple.
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00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,690
Bob, for a minute, stop with the juice.
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-Uh, never.
-Remember that year
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we tried to take our picture
in that guy's yard
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00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:15,362
because he had a nice fountain,
83
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,155
and then he came out and got real mad?
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00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:19,532
Why have a fountain if you won't
let people do a Friends in it?
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00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,284
Lin, I think you're being
too hard on yourself.
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They're just cards.
We'll take a good picture next year.
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00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:25,580
It's not a big deal.
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Not a big deal?!
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00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:30,168
Um, I-I mean, isn't that true?
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00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:32,504
Thin card that gets thrown away?
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-Not a big deal?
Uh, why is your eye twitching?
-(Linda grunting)
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And she's kind of balling up
her hands into fists.
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Linda, breathe.
Bob doesn't know what he's talking about.
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00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,681
You know what?
It's still January, right?
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00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:45,350
-I mean, yes?
-It's January somewhere.
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So, 'tis still the season, sorta.
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We're still in the winter.
We still have time, right?
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-For what?
-If we went out somewhere nice
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to take a picture today,
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we could get cards printed tomorrow,
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send them and still be in
the holiday card-giving window.
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We'd be back in
the card-getting business, baby.
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00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,618
Uh, w-wait, today? I mean...
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00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:06,496
Come on! You know it's gonna be
a slow day at the restaurant.
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00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,915
Everyone's still on winter break,
winter breaking.
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I just figured that
if it's a slow day in the restaurant,
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I could play-- I mean, work--
with the new juicer
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that you so thoughtfully got for me,
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my great love.
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Yeah, and this is our last day of freedom
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before we have to go back to school.
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Today, my only plan is to sit on my butt
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and solve this fun/infuriating puzzle.
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Aah! Dang it.
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00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,021
I was planning on becoming
a harmonica virtuoso today.
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-(playing harmonica)
-Gene, buddy?
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Please? You're killing me.
You are killing me.
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Everybody, we're doing this.
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So, come on, get dressed!
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-Let's go. Let's go. Go, go, go!
-ALL: No!
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All right! And I found the perfect place.
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I looked it up, and it's gorgeous.
We're on our way.
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Uh, wait, what's the name of this place?
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Eh, don't worry about the name.
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Wh-Why don't worry about the name?
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00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,958
It's, uh, it's called s-something lookout.
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00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:53,793
-Okay.
-Three Mile Lookout.
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00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:56,087
What does that mean?
You can see for three miles?
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00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:57,756
-Whoa.
-Yeah, maybe.
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00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,133
Or, uh, or because
it's a three-mile walk to get there.
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-What?
-What? Let me out!
-What? Pull over!
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-Drive, Bob, drive!
Put the child locks on.
-(kids shouting)
133
00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:06,389
-What? We-we don't have child locks.
-Just drive!
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(Linda whoops)
Three Mile Lookout,
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here we come.
Then it's just a three-mile walk
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to a beautiful lookout.
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-BOB: Mm.
-You're not my mother right now.
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Oh, I can just see it.
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Us in nature.
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00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:22,364
Everyone smiling, looking at the camera.
141
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:23,782
Some of us wearing hats?
142
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What do you think?
Pom-pom to the left?
143
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,369
Pom-pom to the right?
Left? Or right?
144
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,037
-Left? Right?
-Tina, shh.
145
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-Busy. Puzzle.
-Okay, but real quick?
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Anyone have any requests,
or shall I just riff?
147
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-(plays harmonica) Aah!
-Tina.
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00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,378
-Sorry.
-Hey, kid in the middle.
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00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:37,962
Okay, I need room to work here, people.
150
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:39,214
-Ow!
-Ow!
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00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:41,466
Kids, no fighting.
When we take this picture,
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00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:43,134
everyone's got to smile and mean it.
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No grouchy grumps.
Bob, that goes for you, too.
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-Are you still mad
that I'm making you walk?
-Yes.
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I love you.
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00:05:49,974 --> 00:05:52,394
In my head, I'm juicing right now.
157
00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:57,273
Here, Bob, take the snacks.
I got the camera.
158
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,776
-I'll take the snacks
-N-No, no, that's okay, Gene.
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00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,736
-I-I got it.
-Ah, you don't trust me.
160
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,405
-And rightly so.
-RANGER: Hey.
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Going for a nice winter hike, huh?
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00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,366
No.
We're here against our will.
163
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,034
-Wait, what?
-No. (chuckles)
164
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We didn't kidnap them.
165
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:10,620
Oh, well, that's a relief.
166
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,288
Now I don't have to fill out that form.
167
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,540
You know, actually, we're here to take
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00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:15,166
a perfect holiday family photo.
169
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,918
Isn't it a little too late for that?
170
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No! It's still during the window.
171
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,463
-Uh, Lin.
-What?
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00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:23,383
Well, you guys seem great.
Okay, be safe, don't litter,
173
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:25,385
and no kicking pine cones.
They don't like it.
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00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,262
Mom, you know what I'm thinking?
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This parking lot
is absolutely breathtaking.
176
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:31,766
We should take the picture here.
177
00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:33,601
Oh, yeah.
That's a great idea.
178
00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:36,688
So artistic if we did it, actually,
just right here.
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00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:39,941
What? No. We're taking
a really, really nice picture.
180
00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:41,943
It's our big comeback.
We're going up.
181
00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:44,029
Wait, "up"?
There's "up" involved in this?
182
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:45,697
Yes.
It's called a lookout.
183
00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:47,449
You have to go up to look out.
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00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,701
Everywhere's a lookout.
I'm looking out right now.
185
00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:52,662
No. Come on. Everyone, practice
your smiles and follow me.
186
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(breathes deeply)
Thank you.
187
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:12,182
The air's thinner up here, right?
Is the air thinner?
188
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,101
People shouldn't walk up hills.
Gravity doesn't want us up here.
189
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:18,063
Did a bird poop twice on you guys, too?
190
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:21,441
(gasps) Oh, it's even better
than I imagined.
191
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,361
Okay, take a minute
to get yourselves camera-ready.
192
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,904
Tina, get that poop off.
193
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,530
Do I have time for a blowout?
194
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:30,033
My glam squad
is about 20 minutes behind us.
195
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,117
Not this time, baby.
196
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:32,285
Bob, you're steaming.
197
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,953
Maybe try to get that under control?
198
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:35,872
(panting):
Okay. I'll try to stop.
199
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,707
You look like a Cup O' Noodles over there.
200
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,209
All right, I'm gonna
try and figure out this timer.
201
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,669
These things are easy, right?
202
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:43,296
Oops! Wait, is this
on ten seconds or three?
203
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:44,464
-(camera clicking)
-Hold on.
204
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,049
Aah! I pressed the timer.
205
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:47,384
Why'd it take a picture?
206
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,260
-Aah!
-Lin, do you want help?
207
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:50,679
No, no, I got it.
208
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:53,223
-Oh, come on!
-Uh, h-here, let me try.
209
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,766
-(timer beeping)
-Okay, I think we're set.
210
00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,601
-Butt shot.
-Nice!
211
00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,479
Geez, what kind of timer is this?
212
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,773
Who can move that fast?
Cheetah people?
213
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,817
I mean, we're Cheeto people.
214
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,985
Okay.
Oh, I think I just reset the date.
215
00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:08,405
And I might have taken, like,
30 pictures up my nose.
216
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,907
-There's your Christmas card.
-Oh, ratzafratz!
217
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:13,118
Uh, maybe we don't all have to be in it?
218
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,495
Maybe I take it, and you can tell everyone
219
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:18,123
that I left you to join the Army,
220
00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:20,166
and you're bravely carrying on without me.
221
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:23,628
Even though I'm braver
because I joined the Army.
222
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:26,006
I already thought of that.
Doesn't work.
223
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:27,507
What if people see you in the restaurant?
224
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,676
Can't you just say he's Dad's hot twin?
225
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,886
-This plan is perfect. I like it.
-All right, we're doing
226
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,638
the hot-twin-Army-Dad plan.
Let's do this.
227
00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:35,390
Oh! Hikers!
228
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:38,059
-Hello! Hi!
-Uh, yeah?
229
00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:40,395
Uh, can you take our picture?
230
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:43,273
Uh, okay!
Just, we're very far away from you!
231
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,400
You won't be able to make out your faces!
232
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:47,235
Oh, no, not from over there!
Over here!
233
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:49,988
On our camera!
Please!
234
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,990
We need a family picture!
It's an emergency!
235
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:53,992
Oh, okay!
236
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,244
Oh, thank you so much.
We really appreciate it.
237
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:58,788
(panting):
Sure. It wasn't too far out of the way.
238
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,373
-It was pretty far.
-It was pretty far.
239
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,167
Louise, put the toy down.
Come on. We're doing this.
240
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,877
Fine, I'll do it behind my back.
241
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,546
Okay, everyone squish in
and say "ravioli."
242
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,715
ALL:
Ravioli.
243
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,175
-Got it.
-You know what?
244
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:11,634
Could you just take a few more
245
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,470
-just for safety?
-Okay.
246
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,764
All right, everyone's eyes open?
Bob, you still steamy?
247
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:18,600
Wait, I was talking.
Can you take it again?
248
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,727
You know, I know it doesn't really matter,
249
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,645
but can you smile while you take it?
250
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:24,564
I think we'll get
a better smile out of the kids.
251
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,733
Right?
Your face is kind of tight.
252
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:29,611
-Okay, thank you!
-All right.
253
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,279
We're done. Let's go.
254
00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:32,447
-Oh, they're awful.
-What?
255
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,407
Bad.
They're all bad.
256
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:37,160
Shadow. Shadow.
Ugh, they're all in shadow.
257
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,245
And Gene's completely
turned around in this one.
258
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:42,082
-I had to go.
-Maybe silhouette could be our thing?
259
00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:44,376
Like, you can't see our faces.
Who are we?
260
00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:46,336
Like, a-a mystery card.
261
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:47,962
Oh, her stupid thumb's in this one.
262
00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:49,714
Ugh. Stick to hiking, sweetie.
263
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:53,218
Okay, so, I guess we wait
for another hiker to come along?
264
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:55,762
-Maybe it'll be Annie Leibovitz.
-I have a better idea.
265
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:58,056
We make a hang glider
out of Dad's underwear,
266
00:09:58,139 --> 00:09:59,432
and we glide down to the parking lot
267
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:00,767
-and go home.
-That sounds nice.
268
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,560
Oh, I got the timer working!
269
00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,145
We don't need any more dumb hikers!
270
00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:06,898
And we're switching locations.
The sun's facing that way.
271
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:08,274
You people stand there.
272
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,318
I'm putting the camera here
on this nice rock.
273
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:12,779
Hello, rock.
Thank you for being here.
274
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:15,156
Kids, you'll be back in your jammies
before you can say,
275
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,033
"Oh, my God, what a great Christmas card."
276
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,577
Okay, but I'm pretty sure
I used up all my fierceness.
277
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:21,830
Wait, I found a little more. Mm.
278
00:10:23,915 --> 00:10:26,042
-Oh, this is it! This is the moment.
-(timer beeping)
279
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,961
Smile, people. Smile, please.
280
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:30,130
-I'll never ask for anything again.
-Wait, my hat.
281
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:31,715
Wait, my this.
(farts)
282
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,425
-Gene.
-Bob! Bob, smile.
283
00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:35,635
-Everyone, you're not smiling!
-(farts) Oh, whoops.
284
00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:36,761
-(Louise laughs)
-Yay, Dad!
285
00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:39,180
Okay. Okay.
286
00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,349
Okay.
287
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:45,437
Uh, oh, no. Is it that bad?
288
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,939
-Is it Tina's hat?
-No! Oh, God, no.
289
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,733
It's... it's...
290
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,901
-Yeah?
-It's perfect.
291
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,069
It's more than perfect.
292
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,155
It's-it's the picture I have in my head
293
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:56,698
when I think of you guys.
294
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,450
It's that double fart magic.
295
00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:00,744
-So does that mean...
-We got it?
296
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,287
We got it!
297
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:03,913
-Oh, thank God.
-Oh, yeah!
298
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,248
First one to the car gets to drive.
299
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:06,416
Okay.
300
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:07,876
Oh, thanks, everyone.
301
00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:10,170
I know it was a long day
and exercise is very difficult
302
00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:12,088
and awkward for this family,
but this is really...
303
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,840
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
304
00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:18,553
No...!
305
00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:20,680
Got it! I got it. I got the camera.
306
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,223
-Thank God.
-(sighing heavily)
307
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:23,933
Oh, that was close.
Okay, I'm pullin' it out.
308
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,479
-Oh. Oh, no.
-What, "oh, no"?
309
00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,522
The hole's not wide enough
for my hand and the camera.
310
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:31,107
Wh-What are you talking about?
311
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,360
I can't get my arm out without
lettin' go of the camera,
312
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,070
and if I let go of the camera...
313
00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:36,696
Yeah, that would be bad.
314
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,699
Should I play a mournful blues?
315
00:11:39,783 --> 00:11:41,951
-Probably not.
-I should.
-♪ ♪
316
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:47,540
-(all straining)
-Okay, okay, maybe we can...
317
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:50,251
Ow, ow, no. Mommy's elbow
doesn't go that way.
318
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,003
I can't see any way to get the camera.
319
00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:53,505
I can't reach it from any angle.
320
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:56,007
Uh, maybe if we had a trained bird?
321
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:57,509
Oh, now you want a trained bird.
322
00:11:57,592 --> 00:12:00,512
Before Christmas it's all,
"We can't get a trained bird."
323
00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:02,055
Maybe we could try to train that squirrel?
324
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:03,973
Hi... Oh, he's gone.
325
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,017
Okay, what if we drop the camera--
326
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:08,895
wait, hear me out--
and not do this anymore?
327
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:10,146
Ooh, he likes it. He likes it.
328
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,356
She's frowning.
329
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:15,068
Lin, at some point
we might have to consider
330
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,319
saying goodbye to the camera.
331
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,904
No. Never.
332
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:20,240
The best picture our family has
ever taken is on this thing.
333
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:21,866
You didn't see it. I saw it!
334
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,785
(straining):
It was like a... a fairy tale,
335
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,870
but in... but in real life.
336
00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:28,456
But maybe we don't need a
picture on the Christmas card.
337
00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:30,458
Just some nice words?
338
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:31,626
I'm ready with the bubble letters.
339
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,336
Oh, Tina, I love your bubble letters,
340
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,380
but that's the worst idea
anyone's ever had.
341
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:36,965
Okay, let me try something.
342
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:38,717
Hey, Mom, can you show me how
to eat corn on the cob again?
343
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,802
I forget how and I need to know.
344
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,637
For school. Uh, corn school.
345
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:44,347
Uh-uh. I'm not fallin' for the old
346
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,725
"How do I eat corn on the cob" trick.
Who even knows.
347
00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:48,893
-Damn, she's good.
-Maybe I try something.
348
00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:51,312
Hey, Mom, what number comes after nine?
349
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:54,107
-What? Ten.
-Right, but, um,
350
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:56,192
show me on your fingers how many ten is.
351
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,862
For, um, corn school. Crap.
352
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:01,531
-Nope.
-Mom, I need a hug. A two-armer.
353
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,241
Uh-uh, Gene. Hug your father.
354
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,201
All right, Dad, let's do this.
355
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:19,257
(moaning):
Oh, oh, my hand's gettin' so tired.
356
00:13:19,341 --> 00:13:21,676
-Oh, no.
-Does it want to go home and take a nap?
357
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,553
Here, Mom, you can use my hat
to cushion your arm.
358
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,680
(grunting) Little help?
359
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:29,559
(sighs):
Ah, thanks, Tina.
360
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:30,935
That pom-pom feels nice.
361
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:33,355
Kids, have snacks and enjoy the day.
362
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:34,606
Yay, snacks.
363
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,941
This boy wouldn't say no
to some hot cocoa.
364
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:39,110
Blah. What is this?!
365
00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:40,362
It-It's my juice.
366
00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:41,738
Did you put it in there as a prank?
367
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,406
No. And don't waste it.
368
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:44,949
I-I think I juiced, like, 30 oranges
369
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,451
to fill this thing.
370
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,244
This is not a juice situation, Father.
371
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,954
Gene, I will ground you so hard.
372
00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:52,791
Sorry. Sorry.
I-I just miss my juicer so much.
373
00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:55,001
Yeah, we heard you two singing together.
374
00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:05,303
Why couldn't you have just
juiced some hot chocolate,
375
00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:06,596
you psychopath?!
376
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,181
I guess that's it.
377
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:09,766
We're out here in the snow
like a bunch of Jeremiah Johnsons
378
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,768
and there's nothing we can do about it.
379
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,853
Louise, no one's turning
into Jeremiah Johnson.
380
00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:16,272
Also, I don't know
how you know that movie.
381
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,941
It's a movie?
I just made up the name
382
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,150
'cause it sounded good.
383
00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:21,569
What?
No, it's a... Oh, forget it.
384
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,366
Okay, the plan to squirt
a bunch of soap down there
385
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,910
and twist my arm out didn't work
'cause we don't have soap.
386
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:31,246
And that idea to pry my arm out
with a stick
387
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:33,998
really didn't work, and now
there's a stick stuck in here.
388
00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:35,500
And my hand's gettin' numb.
389
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,252
My hands are getting numb, too.
390
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:38,795
Dang it. How am I supposed
to solve this dumb thing
391
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,630
with dumb numb hands?
392
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:41,923
Agh!
Hey, just curious--
393
00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:43,466
are we gonna be spending the night here?
394
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,301
'Cause if so, we're gonna
need to add a few rooms
395
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,594
to this thing.
396
00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:49,014
Oh. Make sure my room
has a California King.
397
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:50,348
And I want jets in the tub.
398
00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:51,850
Lin, it's gonna start getting dark soon,
399
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:54,144
and we still need to hike
three miles back down.
400
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,395
Also, the snacks are gone.
401
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:56,938
Guess we're gonna have to scavenge.
402
00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:58,732
Tina, go find that squirrel, befriend it
403
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:00,025
-and then betray it.
-Fine.
404
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:01,401
No! We're not eating squirrels
405
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:02,944
and we're not spending the night.
406
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:04,904
Just leave me here.
407
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:06,448
Uh, uh, go back down to the car.
408
00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:07,949
I'll-I'll figure it out.
409
00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:09,451
-'Kay.
-Bye, Mom.
-Miss you.
410
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:11,703
Guys, no. We're not going
anywhere without your mother.
411
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:12,912
But snacks!
412
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,873
Oh, oh! I-I have a lozenge in my pocket.
413
00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:17,208
Everyone take a lick, and-and maybe, uh,
414
00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:18,752
huddle together to stay warm.
415
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:21,129
Blow on each other with
your nice hot family breath.
416
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:23,381
I'm saving my hot breath for this.
417
00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:25,717
-(playing harmonica)
-No!
418
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,385
Oh, it's you folks again. Heh.
419
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:29,220
That sounded like Bob Dylan
got caught in a trap.
420
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:31,848
-Thank you.
-Would you look at that sunset?
421
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,017
Wow.
You folks get a good picture?
422
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,269
(laughs weakly)
Uh, funny story.
423
00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:38,396
-Can it be a short story?
-Eh, it's pretty short.
424
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:39,981
Uh, my wife dropped the camera,
425
00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,609
but then she caught it,
now her hand is stuck in that hole.
426
00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:44,611
Yeah, she won't let go of it,
but if she did,
427
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,905
we could leave and go to our warm house.
428
00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:48,239
Sorry, did I say that out loud?
429
00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:49,908
Mr. Ranger, here's the thing:
430
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,910
the best picture
we've ever taken as a family
431
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,328
is on this camera.
432
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:54,746
I need it to make holiday cards
433
00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:56,706
because we never sent them out
the last couple years,
434
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:58,416
and-and people are startin' to take us off
435
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,210
their card-giving lists,
436
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,461
-and-and-and if we...
-Uh, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.
437
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,713
-Look, we see this all the time.
-Really?
438
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,715
No. I just wanted to stop you from talking
439
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:07,050
-so I can tell you something.
-Yeah?
440
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,301
You have to go.
441
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:09,844
No one can be in this park after sunset.
442
00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,930
Yup, uh, we'll-we'll be outta
here in a jiff.
443
00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:14,182
Uh, I'm about to crack this thing here.
444
00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:17,602
Well, it's sunset now,
so you have to go right now.
445
00:16:17,686 --> 00:16:19,437
This is like, the main part of my job.
446
00:16:19,521 --> 00:16:21,231
Well, I mean,
this and cleaning the bathroom.
447
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,691
Which I definitely always do.
448
00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:25,151
Well, I'm not going anywhere
without this camera.
449
00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:26,653
-You're not leaving?
-No.
450
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:29,280
Okay.
So this is your first warning.
451
00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:31,324
Oh, um, how many warnings are there?
452
00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:33,410
There's three, and we're nearing
warning number two.
453
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,286
It's comin' around the bend.
454
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:37,706
Here she comes, and second warning.
455
00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:39,416
(sighs)
Lin, maybe just do what he says?
456
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,335
I can't, Bob.
I can't let go of this camera.
457
00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:44,671
Third warning means
I got to take away your park pass.
458
00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:46,047
We were supposed to have a park pass?
459
00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:47,590
I mean, oh, uh-oh.
460
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,009
Do you not have a park pass, sir?
461
00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,760
Oh, uh, no, we do.
462
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:55,265
I was just thinking of another,
uh, pass that we have.
463
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,017
Oh, yeah.
We have so many passes.
464
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,476
-I, uh, pass, pass, pass, pass.
-We hike all the time.
465
00:16:58,560 --> 00:16:59,978
-Oh, so much. We love it.
-Yeah.
466
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,896
Well, you guys didn't let me finish.
467
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:03,273
I'm gonna take away your park pass,
468
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,525
I issue you a ticket,
and if you don't come willingly,
469
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:08,069
that's called "́resisting a park ranger."
470
00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:10,572
But who can resist a man in uniform?
Sorry.
471
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,741
So you're gonna have to pay a hefty fine,
472
00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:15,160
your family's gonna
be escorted out of the park,
473
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:17,120
and that's probably not the best way
474
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:19,247
to wrap up a quality family outing.
475
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:21,541
Anyway, warning number three.
476
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:24,377
-Lin, please.
-I, uh...
477
00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:25,545
Do we have permission to tickle her?
478
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:27,630
Do we have permission?!
479
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:32,552
BOB:
Lin, I know this means a lot to you,
480
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:33,887
but there's a ranger here
who is gonna make us pay
481
00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:36,598
a lot of money
and also maybe carry you out?
482
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,683
Or me out?
I'm not sure which.
483
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,685
-Let's play it by ear.
-Please carry me out.
484
00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:43,855
Can you just, maybe, I'm sorry, but,
485
00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:45,607
-let go of the camera?
-No way.
486
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:48,109
I'm not throwing away my shot of us.
487
00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:49,903
Look, folks, just to clarify,
488
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,279
the third warning is not really a warning.
489
00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:53,615
It's like the final thing,
and I just said it,
490
00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:56,493
so that means now you're gonna
get Ranger arrested.
491
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,203
So, how are we gonna do this?
492
00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:00,622
Come on, Mom, you're so obsessed!
493
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:02,874
You got to learn to let things go.
Literally.
494
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:04,793
Agh! Damn you, game!
495
00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:06,670
Why did Santa curse me with this...!
496
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:09,130
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
497
00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:11,174
I just solved it!
498
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:12,676
(laughing)
Yes. Yes!
499
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,013
Okay.
Now my life has no purpose.
500
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:18,932
That's, uh, great, Louise.
501
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,642
Lin, please.
502
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:23,520
Look, I know you all think
I'm crazy right now,
503
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,480
but it's-it's more than just a picture,
504
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:26,690
and the-the cards.
505
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,525
It's about being a human.
506
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,652
These cards connect us with other people.
507
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,654
And when there's no people
left in the world,
508
00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:34,280
the aliens will find our cards
509
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:36,950
and they'll be like,
"Aw, look at that family."
510
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:39,369
Oh, fine. Forget it.
511
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,955
My hand's so numb,
I probably should just drop it.
512
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:43,748
Okay, here I go.
513
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:45,291
-Ah...
-Wait, Mom, don't.
514
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:47,502
-My puzzle.
-Yeah, I know, you solved your puzzle.
515
00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:49,087
I'm proud of you, baby.
516
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:50,213
Didn't take you long at all.
517
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:51,464
(coughs):
Eight days.
518
00:18:51,548 --> 00:18:53,883
No, I think I know
how to get you out of there.
519
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:55,552
-And the camera.
-You do?
520
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,429
Yeah.
We've been trying to turn your arm,
521
00:18:57,512 --> 00:19:00,056
but we need to turn you.
522
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,059
-Me?
-So, we'd have to turn Mom upside down?
523
00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:04,644
I think so?
524
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:06,688
I solved my puzzle by turning
the ball all the way around
525
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:08,106
while pulling.
526
00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:09,441
Maybe that's how we get you out--
527
00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:11,651
we keep turning you until
we find the sweet spot,
528
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:13,486
and then wham-bam, freedom, ma'am.
529
00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:14,696
Hopefully.
530
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,406
-Huh.
-I mean, it's worth a try.
531
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,241
I call all the change in her pockets.
532
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:19,617
And her ChapStick.
533
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:22,245
Um, Mr. Ranger, would you mind helping us
534
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,122
turn my wife upside down?
535
00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:25,957
I thought you would never ask.
536
00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:28,001
-Oh. Really?
-But only because I'm a park ranger
537
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,753
(clears throat)
and it's my job,
538
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,296
and not because she just
made me cry a little bit
539
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:32,714
and I miss my family.
540
00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:34,966
Uh, well, maybe if I grab here,
you lift there.
541
00:19:35,050 --> 00:19:36,676
Kids, take the legs.
542
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:38,345
GENE:
This is exactly how
Cirque du Soleil got their start.
543
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:40,013
All right, we good?
We ready?
544
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:41,181
-KIDS: Ready.
-RANGER: Check.
545
00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:42,390
And, Lin, whatever you do...
546
00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:43,725
Yeah, yeah?
What, what?
547
00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:45,435
Don't drop that camera.
548
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:48,480
Mwah. Even if my arm gets broken
into a million pieces.
549
00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:50,648
Well, no, then you should
probably drop it.
550
00:19:50,732 --> 00:19:53,068
Okay, here we go.
(grunting)
551
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,905
LINDA:
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Watch it, watch it.
552
00:19:58,239 --> 00:20:00,950
Ah! We did it!
We actually did it!
553
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:02,160
Oh, my God.
Hello, hand.
554
00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:03,912
Oh, come here, kids.
Oh, Bobby.
555
00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:05,163
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
556
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:06,373
My family.
557
00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:07,916
(laughs)
I'm so happy for you guys.
558
00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:10,126
And I need you to immediately
leave the park.
559
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:11,544
Uh, yup, right.
We're going.
560
00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:13,129
Thank you, Mr. Park Ranger.
561
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:16,007
I've solved you, wooden puzzle,
and now I'm done with you.
562
00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:18,009
Return to the hell from which you came!
563
00:20:18,093 --> 00:20:20,303
Okay, well, please don't just
throw puzzles you're angry at
564
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:22,180
-into the rock.
-Right. Sorry.
565
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:25,225
And, hey, keep a lookout
in your ranger station mailbox
566
00:20:25,308 --> 00:20:27,519
for the best family portrait
card you've ever seen!
567
00:20:27,602 --> 00:20:29,854
And they walked out of my life.
568
00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:34,192
Anybody on lime time?
569
00:20:34,275 --> 00:20:36,861
-I'd love some water.
-No! No water.
570
00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:38,446
Water is stupid juice.
571
00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:40,990
Okay!
Who wants to see 'em?
572
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:41,866
-Yes.
-Me.
-I do.
573
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:43,243
Okay, printing's not cheap,
574
00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:44,828
so don't touch 'em if your hands
are gross and greasy.
575
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,913
Well, they always are,
so what are you gonna do?
576
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,289
-Yeah, we work in a restaurant.
-Eh?
577
00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:50,125
-LOUISE: Whoa.
-GENE: Ooh.
578
00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:51,084
-Hot damn.
-Wow.
579
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,836
We'll never look that good again.
580
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,254
I know.
Take it in.
581
00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:55,463
It's all downhill from here.
582
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,048
For you, Dad, and Mom.
583
00:20:57,132 --> 00:20:59,134
-Not us. We're young.
-Thanks, Louise.
584
00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:00,844
-My wiener's out.
-What?!
585
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,920
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