All language subtitles for the.marvelous.mrs.maisel.s02e06.720p.web.h264-skgtv

Is he... Is he coming back down?

I don't know.

Should we wait?

I don't know.

Can we sit?

I don't know.

- Susie.
- Hmm?

- Susie.
- What?

We're at your place.

We fell asleep.

Oh. I had a really weird dream.

Hopefully no one else is up.

I was ice-skating and I got
attacked by a giant beaver.

My neck feels weird.

Is that sexual?

I guess my father
never came back down.

Guess not.

What?

"Having sex with his mind

so she didn't have to think
about his penis."

So ballsy.

You should go.

Mm. Good luck.

Aw, damn.

What?

I left Pamela in your dad's car.

- Who?
- My plunger.

You named it?

I'm spending a lot of time alone
up here.

Go without it.

Fine.

Susie! Susie!

- Susie!
- Susie!

Eyes up.

Clear all channels.
Quarter hour report.

Team One, check in.
Team One, over.

Team One, nothing here. Over.

Team One, coordinate with the
maritime crew and report back.

- Over.
- Copy.

Team Two, check in.
Team Two, over.

Team Two.
Nothing to report, Oliver.

- Team Two, over.
- Team Three, report.

- Team Three. Over.
- Oliver. No sign of her to the northeast.

Okay, let's reposition the
northeast teams to the west.

Team Three, what's your
current position? Over.

- Hey, guys.
- - Susie! We found her!

Hey, everyone! We found Susie!

- We were so worried.
- We were losing our minds.

All teams, stand down.

I repeat, stand down.
She's home.

Are you okay? Are you injured?

- Uh, no, no, I'm fine.
- Team Four. Team Four.

- No injuries.
- Oh, thank God.

Let's get a blanket on her,
and get her in a chair.

Anyone know
where Team Four is?

I've lost radio contact.

There is no Team Four.

You always walk around
like that?

Here's some soup. Sip it slow.

You've got to get
your strength back.

Yeah, well, lentil's not
my favorite, but sure.

It's the other teams.

They want to hear your voice
for themselves.

Uh, hey, teams.

It was all a bit harrowing,
but I'm okay.

Nothing injured but my pride
and, uh, a little bit my elbow.

Soup's helping.

You made their day, Susie.

Always happy to help.

So you missed some excitement
at Polynesian night.

Oh, yeah? What happened?

Fran Zimmerman knocked over
a can of Sterno

and lit her grass skirt on fire.

It took nine coconuts
to put her out.

Wow.

Anything wrong?

No, just...
Have you seen Papa today?

No. He came in very late from
wherever he was last night,

and was asleep
when I got up. Why?

Hello, all.

- Hi, Mom.
- Mmm.

- Midget.
- Morning.

No food for you, Astrid?

Oh, no.
I'm fasting for Tisha B'Av.

Tisha B'Av. Really?

It's considered the saddest day
in Jewish history.

It's got competition.

My fast started at sunset.

That's why you missed me
at Polynesian night.

You weren't at Polynesian night?

Where's Abe?
Working off a hangover?

He'll be here, Moishe.
He's just running a little late.

Oh, you scared me.

I'm sorry, Shirley.
For a second there I thought

- you were a bear.
- What's wrong with you, honey?

- Besides what we already knew.
- She's fasting, Shirley.

Yeah, that's why I wasn't at
Polynesian night.

You weren't at Polynesian night?

Hey, guys. Okay if I join?

Go ahead, sit.

- Is it okay, Noah?
- It's a free country.

I don't know
what's keeping Abe.

- He's usually up so early.
- Right.

Running around in that funny
little romper of his.

His what?
Rosie, don't play dumb.

We've all seen Abe in his
little romper; it's hysterical.

And so formfitting.

Every cut of the mohel's knife
on vivid display.

Please don't let him hear you

talking about his romper,
Moishe.

- You're not eating, Astrid?
- No, I'm not.

- I'm fasting for Tisha B'Av.
- What's that again?

It's a day in remembrance of
the destruction of the First

and Second Temples, but I guess
no one else gives a shit.

- Astrid.
- Sorry. Sorry.

Ah, no, I'm sorry.

Yeah, you've got a lot
to be sorry for, buddy.

Noah, what can I do here, huh?

Guys, stop.

These were important
fucking temples.

I don't know
what you can do, Joel.

How about invent a time machine?

- Undo what you did.
- Stop, please.

Maybe we should take this away
from the table.

What, so you can beat me up?
No, thanks.

- I couldn't beat you up.
- I'm completely out of shape.

I'm sore from playing
horseshoes.

What are you, competing for the
Biggest Steiner Sissy sash?

Abe.

There he is, Mr. Sunshine.

Sit down, Abe.

Papa, do you want to sit here?

No, I'm going to sit over here.

Move, move, move, move.

I know that look.
And Abe, I can help.

I've got Ex-Lax back in
the room, boxes of it.

- He eats 'em like candy.
- I don't need a laxative,

Moishe;
I'm very regular, thank you.

Whew. All this talk
is making me hungry.

Morning, Mr. Weissman.

I have your tomato juice.

I won't be having any.

Sir?

I won't be having any.

Yes, sir.

He turned down tomato juice.

Are you all right, Abe?
Y-You don't feel warm.

I just don't want a glass
of tomato juice, okay?

Is that such a shock?

Attention, Steiner diners.

Good news.

The missing plumber
has been found.

I repeat, the missing plumber
has been found.

So it's a beautiful day outside
and I thought,

why not stay inside and bowl?

- Anyone want to tag along?
- Bowling?

No, Joel. No one here wants
to go bowling.

I'm missing something.
What's wrong, Abe?

What's wrong? A lot of us

are still processing this thing
you did to my sister, okay?

This isn't about
their breakup, Noah. No.

That was centuries ago.

Many things have happened since.

Many suns have risen

and many have set.

He's lost his mind.

Like he's swallowed Gandhi.

Papa...

Why is everyone
so focused on me?

- Papa...
- I'm trying to eat.

Papa!

Porch.

What is this about?

I probably said something at
some point that put him off.

In fact, I know I did.

I'll fix it. Eat. Eat.

She knows I'm fasting.

Why would she say that?

You must have a lot
of questions.

You know, I woke up
several times in the night

thinking I'd imagined
what I saw.

Maybe someone slipped something
into my drink. Lysergic acid.

That's a drug
that makes you hallucinate.

See colors, monsters...

Daughters saying horrible things
on a showroom stage

in front of a thousand people.

It's impossible, what I saw.

It's not. You saw it.

It was me.

Is this a hobby?

It's a profession.

And you make money from this?

A little. Not enough.

But that's the plan.

You want to be Milton Berle.

God, no.

Then whom?

I don't know... Me.

You're already you.

It's all me.

And the arrests?

- How did you know about that?
- Never mind how I know.

What did you do
to get arrested? Twice.

They said misdemeanors,
but that could be many things.

- Was it gambling?
- No.

- Did you break in somewhere?
- Yes.

I'm the notorious cat burglar
of the Upper West Side.

- So you won't tell me.
- No.

My God, the first time
we brought you here,

I was carrying you.

- Who was that woman?
- What woman?

The woman with us
in the car last night.

Oh... I'm so used to people
thinking she's a guy,

I didn't know who you were
talking about.

- She's clearly a woman.
- Her name's Susie.

She's my manager.

- She doesn't look professional.
- She's very professional.

Her appearance just doesn't
reflect it yet.

She was carrying
a toilet plunger.

- It's part of her act.
- She's a comedian, too?

No, she's sort of pretending
to be an employee here.

My head is spinning.

Let me get you a tomato juice.

You've ruined tomato juice
for me.

- You don't mean that.
- It's ruined.

Who wants to pick a card?

Get the fuck away from us!

In a way,
I'm glad this happened.

Really?

I want people to know.
Mama should know.

- It's time.
- No.

I don't want to hide it anymore.

I've been trying to find a way
to tell you all.

And what if you don't
stick with it?

Why put her through this tsuris?

I'm sticking with it.

Like you stuck
with your marriage?

That's not fair. Joel left me.

You were going
to get back together.

You made a point of telling me.

We decided not to.

Are you seeing
the flip-flops here?

It was more like he flipped,
I flopped.

Well, I can't keep
falling behind

and playing catch-up
on your life, Miriam.

I need some control over this.

- So what do you want me to do?
- I want you to lie low.

Do not tell your mother
or anyone else

about this absurd thing
you're doing.

I'll let you know
when the time is right.

I'd like to tell her
when we get back to the city.

No, when we get back, we unpack.

We'll unpack either way.

No, if everyone gets distracted,

we won't unpack,
and suitcases and boxes

will be crowding
the place for weeks.

- I can't live like that.
- Fine, then after we unpack.

And get past Hanukkah.

Hanukkah? That's months away.

You want to spoil your mother's
Hanukkah by telling her

you're pursuing a life
as a foul-mouthed comic?

My act's not all foul.
You came on a blue night.

Miriam, you owe me.

Now lay low
and don't tell anyone

until I decide
the time is right.

I. Me. Your father.

All right. I'll lay low.

Now I have to go apologize
to the tumbler.

He's an innocent in all this.

He hit birdies on five
of his last six holes.

- Isn't that somethin'?
- That is somethin'.

- You play golf, Joel.
- Actually, I don't.

And there was this kid, this
19-year-old, Jack Nicklaus.

He's gonna give Arnold Palmer
a run for his money one day.

- But you follow golf.
- Actually, I don't.

I'm gonna get you
on the links this year, buddy.

- Nothing's gonna stop me.
- Marv really wants to golf with you, Joel.

Excuse me, guys.

Uh, Joel, there's something up
with the kids.

It's time-sensitive.
Will you excuse us?

Of course.
Hope everything's all right.

- Was it Midge who played golf?
- What's wrong with the kids?

Nothing.

I'm buying you an ice cream.

Single vanilla.

So, breakfast was tense.

No, Hiroshima was tense;
breakfast was worse.

What happened?

Papa showed up at the Concord,

and I was... on stage.

- Whoa.
- Yeah. Big whoa.

- When? How?
- I'm not even sure what brought him there.

Fate. The gods. When I was four,
I took two lollipops

when the rabbi told me to take
one, and this is my punishment?

You want me to talk
to him? I mean,

- we're the only two who know, right?
- It won't help.

He just needs time.

Thank you.

So, how was the gig?

Oh.

We're having that conversation?

Yeah, we are.

Well, I...

spotted Papa
almost from the get-go,

but I had to keep going.

I... said things,

things I barely remember.

I heard laughs.
Some pretty big laughs.

Kind of wish I was there.

Yeah.

I should go.
Thank you for the ice cream.

Thanks for getting
the Feinburgs off me.

- They should invent a spray for that.
- Yeah. They should.

I've got water in my ear.

Tilt your head
and hop up and down.

There's a couple of spots open;
you can go on in.

Eh, I'm gonna wait.
I've already experienced

a couple of shower mishaps,
and it's best to be safe.

- Mishaps?
- I accidentally walked into the men's

just as the tummler was
bent over to pick up his soap.

I can't unsee that.
Also, nobody sees this.

I don't ever even look.
So I'm good.

Worked. See you in a bit.

Mm.

- Good night, Susie.
- Night, Susie.

- Night, Susie.
- Hello. - Night, guys.

Gonna be a hot one tomorrow.
Dress accordingly.

- See you, Susie.
- Good night, Susie. - Good night, Susie.

Good night, Susie.

- Did she quit? Was she fired?
- Oh! Mystery!

Old lady Steiner did one of her
white-glove inspections today.

- I wish she'd announce those.
- That woman scares me.

She's actually really nice.

She came to visit
when I was in the infirmary.

Oh. Susie,
you can put your ditty bag

in the space under my bed
if you want.

What did you call it?

A ditty bag.
What do you call it?

My shit.

Susie, you're a gas!

So, Sally and I saw you talking
to Felix tonight, Laura.

- Oh. Do tell.
- He asked me to pass the salt.

- It was hardly talking.
- We saw you blush from across the room.

You were redder
than the ketchup.

He is so handsome.

And so single.

You guys are talking
about the same Felix, right?

Teaches ballet? Walks around
in a leotard all day?

- That's him.
- Mm-hmm. - Guys, you know he's a...

- Never mind.
- Attention, employees,

it's lights out.
See you tomorrow.

Season's just about over.

It feels like it just started.

- This might be my last stint in the Catskills.
- Deecy, no!

No, no, it's good.
If the singing career's

gonna happen, I just got
to get out there and do it.

You can totally do it, Deecy.
You've got a fantastic voice.

- Like Rosemary Clooney.
- Better.

I'm gonna be
the next Lucille Ball.

- Oh, no doubt, Sally.
- You're a born comedienne.

And just so you guys know,
when I get famous,

I'm not taking
any of you with me.

She is so funny.

Look out, Lucille Ball.

- I'm Broadway bound.
- Oh, I saw her do

Doll's House in high school.
She made me cry.

- Your father's a big producer, right?
- Yeah, but I'm changing

my last name
so that when I make it,

I know I made it on my own.

How about our resident poet?

You're, like,
the next Emily Dickinson, Pearl.

You're all invited
to my Pulitzer ceremony.

You know none of that's
gonna happen, right?

Especially the poet.

Night, everybody.

- Night.
- Yeah. - Good night.

- Night.
- And whichever one of you

is gonna change
your name, don't.

Use that shit.

A reminder that swim trunks

and bathing suits must be worn
at all times in the lake,

even after dark.

If you're afraid, son,
then be so,

because here comes
a classic knockdown,

courtesy of Sir Isaac Newton's
first and second laws of motion.

Okay. But the gravity weight's
changing as it glides.

And the surface of the table
is modulating

with the humidity in the room.

Have fun with that.

Son, be an object in motion,
won't you? Give me my space.

Wimpy Bernstein!
How they hangin'?

A little lower this year,
I think.

How do Jews mark
the passage of time?

We don't count
the rings of a tree.

We mention the distance
from the floor

to Wimpy Bernstein's schnutz!

Ah-ha-ha-ha!

Oh. Here's the life
of the party.

Hey, Pop.
Pull up a stool.

- Who's your friend?
- Not a friend.

- Could be your friend.
- I'm not disagreeing, Pop.

Come on.

Phone call! Phone call!

Oh, God, now Moishe's gonna sit
there on the phone and yammer on

- like a complete yutz.
- Phone call for Abe Weissman.

- Oh. It's for me?
- Better get it, Abe.

Could be one or your
egghead professor friends

wondering how to zip his fly.
Isn't that what happens?

You know calculus and physics

but forget how
to put your pants on?

Hello?

What? What?

You're stuck in the dugout,
slugger. Get in there.

- Pop.
- Come on. She's your type:

she's cute, she's quiet,
she knows how to read.

Fine. I'll go where
my matchmaking skills

- are appreciated.
- You do that.

- Anything interesting?
- Not really.

I'm sick of Eddie Fisher.
I'm sick of Elizabeth Taylor.

Pretty soon they'll be sick
of each other, right?

Here's hoping.

So, I've seen you bowl.

- You're good.
- I'm okay.

No, you're really good,
like a professional.

Well, I'm no Dick Weber,
but I hold my own.

What's with the shooting stars?

There's a meteor shower tonight.

It's supposed to be really neat.

- Are you going?
- Into space?

To the viewing party, silly.

Out on the lawn.
I'm going.

You should go.

Maybe.

Thank you, Franklin.
Thank you so much.

See you soon. Bye.

Okay. Okay,
catching my breath here.

- What is it, Pop?
- That was the director of Bell Labs

calling to tell me that
they have officially okayed

- the funding for my project.
- Wow, that's huge!

- Congratulations!
- This never happens

after such a short tenure.

It's a giant vote of confidence.

Don't be so surprised, Pop.
You're a big shot.

They want me to come in
to discuss it in person, today.

- They want me there today.
- Well, get going.

Let's see, I've got to get
the car pulled around.

- I should stop home and put on a suit.
- Got to look your best.

- Hey. Come with me.
- Oh, I don't want to get

- in the way.
- You won't be in the way.

Come. See my office.
See your father the macher.

We'll have dinner after.

- Someplace nice?
- With champagne.

- Let's do it.
- Rose! Rose, I got picked.

My project at Bell Labs
is funded, it's going forward.

- Papa, that's great.
- Oh! Yes, it is.

We're, uh, we're going
to the city, Noah and me.

We'll be back tomorrow morning.

The average IQ of Steiner guests
will drop for a day,

but we'll get by with our brute
strength and street smarts.

We have to leave immediately.

- Go. Go.
- Jimmy! Jimmy!

Where is that boy
when you need him?

- I'm right here, Mr. Weissman.
- Mah-jongg.

That's just not right.

- Shirley?
- What?

Have you moved since last night?

- Nope.
- Not even to go to the bathroom?

- Nope.
- Do you think this is wise?

Hey, we're not playing
for 3-In-One Oil here.

This is for money.
Do you understand?

Serious money.
Now go away. Go away!

- Who were they?
- They're nobody. Ignore them.

She's the only person
whose disposition worsens

- in the fresh air.
- Mm-hmm.

- Miriam?
- Hmm?

Miriam Maisel,
please come to building 15B.

Miriam Maisel,
please come to building 15B.

- Where's that?
- Not sure. I'll go check.

- I'll see you at the cottage.
- Okay.

Hey. What's up?

Got some good news, finally.

Hit me with it.
What's going on in there?

Oh, it's rehearsals
for the employee show.

Apparently, it's been
a Steiner Resort tradition

for a thousand years.

Right. They put it on
the last day.

I always have such mixed
feelings about it.

I love the show,
but it means summer's over.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen. One
of the girls in my cabin, Laura?

She comes from a big
New York showbiz family.

I clawed some info
on a contact from her,

and I booked you another gig.

She's even lending me her car.

- Oh.
- What's wrong? That's good.

Well, I kind of told my fath...

Nothing. Let's do it.

Great. Okay, so meet me back
here again tomorrow at 9:00.

- Okay.
- Mrs. Maisel.

Anything I can help you with?

No, Stevie. I'm fine, thanks.

It's unusual to see a guest
in the employee area.

Well, I was out taking a walk,
and ran into one

of your ace plumbers here,
so I thought I'd tell her about

a little issue with the cottage,
cut out the middleman.

Yeah, I'm taking care
of it, Stevie.

Have plunger, will travel.

All right, well, uh,
any way I can help, please call.

I will.

She has a disgusting rash
on her back.

Susie, how would you
even know that?

Seen her in the shower.
Part of it's oozing.

Why do you have
to ruin Stevie for me?

Sorry. Thought it was
interesting.

I've got to get going.

Hey, how did you get
your plunger back?

I didn't. Kids here,
they got two cents between them,

but they all pitched in
and got me a brand-new one.

So thoughtful. Just makes me
hate my own family even more.

- See you tomorrow.
- See you.

It's Speech Synthesis.

Speech Synthesis?

Hello. Hello.

- Fascinating.
- It'll go way beyond

just the production of words.

The machine itself will
eventually know what to say.

We are talking
artificial intelligence.

The future is now.

There are applications
in cryptography,

satellite communications...

God, I'd love
to tell you more about it,

but I think I've said
all I can to someone

without the proper
security clearance.

It's pretty high-up stuff, son.

I hope you understand.

I get it, Pop.
A secret's a secret.

- Afternoon, Abe.
- Devlin. Ah.

Devlin's my mechanical engineer.
A real whiz.

Devlin, this is my son Noah.

I figured as much. Abe's been
talking about you non-stop.

Well, it's in
his genetic profiling

to boast about his offspring.

Nice meeting you.

Great guy. You would love
working with him.

- Oh, I'm sure I would.
- Come on.

Let me show you
more of the place.

Gentlemen, my son Noah.

- Hi.
- I-A-I-B-I-D.

I insisted they let me
recruit my own team,

because I wanted
a certain diversity.

- I almost hired a woman.
- Good for you, Pop.

But we're always
on the lookout for new talent.

People like you.
Lester, meet my son.

Ah, the famous Noah Weissman.

- Nice meeting you.
- Same here.

You haven't been boring people
about me, have you, Pop?

Me? Maybe a little.

Ah, Charles. Just the man
I wanted to see.

What's up, Abe?

- Here he is.
- I'll add some specifics.

I'm Noah Weissman.

The famous Noah Weissman.

Abe has raised you to me
so many times, I've lost count.

You shouldn't do that,
Pop, really.

Of course I should.
They need you here.

Charles, I want you
to sit down with Noah today.

I'd love to, Abe,
but I'm jammed with meetings.

Sure, but carve some time out
for him as a favor to me.

Really, Pop, if he's busy...

Too busy to meet
a prospective Bell Labs star?

Of course he's not.

Abe, this is something that
is not going to happen today.

But it's why I brought
Noah down here.

It's not going to happen.

Really, Charles,

if you value our relationship...

Abe, let's take this
into a secure room.

A secure room?

- Have a seat, please.
- All right.

But, Charles,
I'm very confused here.

Why in the world are we...

Fellas, this is Dabney Franklin,
head of security.

Yes, Dabney,
I've seen you around the office,

but why is the head
of security here?

Well, Abe, I'm afraid we...

Come on in, Bob.
This is Bob Jackson,

- head of our in-house counsel.
- Yes, hello.

Okay, why is someone
from Legal here?

I don't... For Pete's sake!

Abe, this is Martin Cummings

with our Government Liaison
Department,

and I've asked Devlin here
as a witness.

- Witness?
- Hello again.

What-what the hell is going on?

This is a little awkward, Abe,

but I'm afraid
your actions forced the issue.

- What actions?
- Well, you've been pressing so hard

about your son coming on board

that I need
to tell you something.

Noah can't work at Bell Labs.

- What?
- The job you keep pushing him for,

it's not gonna happen.

But he's so qualified.

He graduated
top of his class at MIT

and he's a top researcher
and he's barely 30.

He's more than that, Abe.

No, I'm quite sure he's 30.

He's more
than a researcher, Abe.

This is why we brought you
to a secure room.

We're gonna let you know
a couple of things

that a man so far down
the totem pole such as yourself

normally wouldn't be privy to.
Martin?

Your son is involved
in a highly classified project

for the United States
government.

That's not true.

- Is it?
- At the highest levels.

He let me know
a few weeks ago that you

were pushing for him to come
here, bandying his name about.

- You talked to them?
- He didn't have a choice, Abe.

You were so vocal about it.
So persistent.

But now you know.
It's not going to happen,

there should be
no more mention of this,

and thank you for your time.

No, wait,
I have a security clearance.

I think I deserve to know more.

I'm going to be frank
with you, Abe.

Your clearance level
is extremely low.

It allows you to see some
non-consequential documents,

but its level is not much above,
say, the janitorial staff.

Theirs may be higher, what
with the disposal of documents,

the shredding. Yeah,
I'm pretty sure the janitors

have a higher security clearance
than you.

What is this project
that's so high-profile?

Noah?

Sorry, Pop.

A secret's a secret.

We're gonna debrief Noah
a bit on what happened today, Abe.

Then you two can get back
to your vacation.

Meaning?

We need the room.

♪ You always hurt ♪

♪ The one you love ♪

♪ The one you shouldn't hurt ♪

♪ At all ♪

It's after 7:00, Pop.

Mm-hmm.

Isn't it time
for the celebratory dinner?

- Your project was approved.
- Not hungry.

♪ The sweetest rose ♪

♪ And crush it ♪

♪ Till the petals ♪

♪ Fall ♪

This is a beautiful clear night
to view a meteor shower, folks.

This will be a Perseid cloud,

courtesy of your friendly
neighborhood comet,

Swift-Tuttle.

We'll be gazing
to the north here,

and we're looking at a five
to seven minute event duration.

♪ You always take ♪

Well. Hi, neighbor.

Hi, neighbor.

Fan of meteors, are you?

Ever since Swift married Tuttle

and changed her name
to Swift-Tuttle.

I was at the wedding.
Didn't think it would last.

Swift is so much taller
than him.

I didn't know
you were coming back.

I wasn't, but I had made
an appointment at the hair salon

before I left, and they don't do
refunds for cancellations.

- Ah.
- I'm very cheap.

Sure.

We can sit together, you know.

I didn't want to presume.

♪ If I broke ♪

♪ Your heart last night
it's because ♪

So you like nerdy stuff
like this?

Dr. Fleischer is nerdy.

The cosmos is not nerdy.

The cosmos is wonderful.

I wasn't saying it wasn't.
I love the cosmos.

Are you cold?

A little.

♪ The one ♪

♪ You shouldn't hurt at all ♪

- Better?
- Better.

Here's
our first show now, folks.

Look low in the sky

and try not to blink
or you'll miss 'em.

- You cold?
- Nope.

You look cold.
You can share the blanket.

I'm a man. I'm a Jew. I suffer.

♪ With a hasty word ♪

- ♪ You can't recall ♪
- Better.

♪ So ♪

♪ If I broke ♪

♪ Your heart last night ♪

♪ It's because ♪

♪ I love you most of all. ♪

Steinerites,
please join us dockside

to celebrate Arlene Ableman's
70th birthday this afternoon.

There will be two kinds of cake.

Pop.

Pop!

Where's Rose?

- Mrs. Weissman?
- Yes, Mrs. Weissman.

Beauty salon.

Pop.

What happened to Jimmy?

Good morning, sir.

Welcome to Steiner Mountain
Resort Salon and... Sir!

Rose. R-Rose.

Rose!

Abe, don't! Don't!
You're making it hotter!

What is wrong with you?

Your son is not
who you think he is.

He is a high-level...

- I don't know what he is.
- Noah?

- If that's his name.
- Of course that's his name.

- What makes you so sure?
- We named him.

Well, I am not calling him
Noah anymore.

Until I find out more,
I am calling him Son-X.

Abe, please,
you're not making sense.

I got in trouble at Bell Labs,
and it's all his fault.

- What did you do?
- Nothing.

I talked him up to coworkers.

- What did they say?
- That talking about my son

was some sort
of high-level security breach

that only me and the janitors
were not aware of.

He works at a university.

It's a cover. It's...

it's a cover.

And he's saying nothing.

Three hours driving back,
he wouldn't answer one question.

Not one.

I was so mad.

I didn't stop
for a bathroom break.

And he had to go. Oh, yes.

It was painfully obvious
he had to go.

My God.

I had to go, too.

We think we know Son-X,

but we don't know Son-X.

Let me see what I can find out.

Amen.

Hi, Astrid.

Oh, bless you, Rose.

You're here for the service?

Yes.

I'm so hungry and tired,

I don't even know
what time it is.

It's around 3:00.

The rabbi was going to cancel
when he saw it was just me,

but I cried really hard,
so he stayed.

So, yay.

- The rabbi's a good...
- man.

Oh, sorry.
That's my Chinatown paste.

- Right.
- It's pungent.

- Okay.
- And oil-based.

It doesn't respond to water.

- No, it's fine.
- Okay.

What page?

Um, 142.

Ah.

Oh, other way.

So, Noah and Abe are back.

Oh, good.
Did they have a nice trip?

They did.
They had a lot of time to talk.

- Oh, good.
- Yeah.

Noah talked
about his work a little bit.

He doesn't do that much.

Oh, it's a complicated subject,

- I can tell you.
- Yes?

But I'm not supposed
to tell you.

Oh, of course.

But it's complicated.

Oy, doo zugst mir.

- So much travel.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Really?

- Where does he go?
- Oh, he doesn't say.

Although, sometimes when he gets
back, there's sand in his shoes.

- Sand?
- And his gun.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, it comes out.

He cleans it, oils it.
It's good as new.

- He carries a gun.
- Sometimes.

- The company makes him.
- Amen.

Oh, listen to me, yakking away,
and you're here to pray.

Oh, yes. Yes, I am.

So you call his university
the company?

- Sort of.
- Or-or the other place he works

is the company?

Did I say
there was another place?

- You implied it.
- I didn't mean to.

Oh, well, does-does he keep
in touch when he's away?

- He usually can't.
- But if he's away

- and you need to reach him, are you able to?
- Not really.

What would you do
in an emergency?

Oh, I don't know. I can't
just dial the operator and say,

"Give me the CIA."
It doesn't work that way.

Of course not.

Oh, we're on the next page.

Oh.

How? When?

They must have recruited him
in college.

Does he... kill people?

I don't think so.

I-I would like to know
if my son kills people.

I'll try to get more specifics
out of her next time.

Both of them.

Both of who?

Nothing. Nothing.

Attention, Steiner guests:

Labor Day approaches, marking
the end of another great season.

We'll see you at our final
soiree in the main hall.

Bring your dancing shoes.

What is this?

- It's our ride.
- It's a tank.

The rich girl in my cabin
said she'd lend me her wheels.

I didn't know
it was gonna be the car

the Archduke Ferdinand
was assassinated in.

Do you crank it?

No, but when you start it,

the sound will scare
the crap out of you.

Guess we
should get going, James.

You're gonna
need a booster seat.

I'm not gonna need
a fucking booster seat.

Jesus. What am I, fucking five?

Ah, I'm gonna need
a fucking booster seat.

Blankets will work
or phone books.

I'll drive it back up to
the cabin and grab something.

That was louder than last time!

Oh, I think my heart stopped.

My butt feels hot.
Does your butt feel hot?

Your what feels hot?
My ears are ringing.

Your what's ringing?
That blew my ears out.

Oh, wait, I can hear again.
Stop yelling.

Your what feels hot?

My butt.

♪ Every morning ♪

♪ Every
morning ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Go, you chicken fat ♪

♪ Go away ♪

♪ Go, you chicken fat ♪

♪ Go. ♪

That's the thing
about mah-jongg.

The longer you grind on...
14, 15, 16 hours...

these alta kakas get dopey

and they don't know
what tiles they're passing.

They don't even know
their own names.

They wouldn't know anyway.
These people are quite old.

That's when
I swoop in for the kill.

And I make them pay on the spot.

Even if I have to march them
down to the Western Union,

they will pay.

Sounds very exciting, Shirley.

I come home on a high.
I can't get to sleep.

That's when
the lovemaking starts.

You know, guys, maybe that's
as far as the story should go.

And maybe not even that far.

That's why we get a cottage
so far away from everybody else.

And thank you for that, Shirley.

At one point, Shirl was down 12.

Can you believe it? At the end,
she won it back and then some.

You always end up on top, don't you, Shirl?

My God, I've only ever played

mah-jongg for pennies.
I've never lost $12.

$12? Honey, no,
I was down $1,200.

Who would play for a lousy $12?

Shirley, you were down $1,200?

Oh, it sounds like a lot,

but in mah-jongg it's not,
really.

Hey, so, what did you do
with our Abe,

Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm?

Your super sunshiny disposition

is in such stark contrast
to his.

Moishe, I'm in a fine mood

and having a wonderful time
with my wife and my children.

Please stop focusing on me
and focus on the festivities.

Really, you should
replace Buzz up there, Abe.

Infect the crowd
with your enthusiasm.

Be in whatever mood
you want to be in, Pop.

- Don't let him push you around.
- No one pushes me around, son.

I do what I want, just like
everybody else around me

does whatever the hell
they want,

no matter what the effect.

Papa, Noah was
just saying that...

I understand what he was saying.

Unless it's some sort of code.

All right, everybody.
It's that time.

We look forward all season

to seeing how the gang
is gonna entertain us.

You know them.
You love them. You tip them.

- We do. We do.
- They're our wonderful Steiner employees,

and they're here
to put on a show.

Hard to top last year's theme,
"To the Moon and Back,"

with our head chef Julias's
rendition

of "That Old Devil Moon."

Who knew the King of Kreplach
had such beautiful pipes, huh?

But this year,
we may have outdone ourselves.

This year we bring you

"Around the World
in 80 Minutes,"

a sensational musical odyssey

to some of the most exotic
places on Earth.

Enjoy.

♪ Around the world
I've searched for you ♪

♪ I traveled on
when hope was gone ♪

♪ To keep a rendezvous ♪

♪ I knew somewhere,
sometime, somehow ♪

♪ You'd look at me
and I would see ♪

♪ The smile you're smiling now ♪

♪ It might have been in... ♪

China.

Holland.

Russia.

Who would bring Cossacks
into a room full of Jews?

Buzz has a bit
of a masochistic side.

Why are you laughing?
Is it supposed to be funny?

I don't think so.
That's what makes it funny.

Scotland.

Oh, come on, Papa. You've got
to be enjoying this a little.

I'm enjoying it thoroughly.

What makes you think
I'm not enjoying it?

I don't know,
your sphinxlike detachment?

I guess I don't know
what funny is.

Arabia.

Italy.

The rest of the world is gonna
get us for this one day.

I'm gonna grab another drink.

But our first stop?

Brazil.

♪ Way down among Brazilians ♪

♪ Coffee beans... ♪

What'll you have? I'm buying.

The drinks are free.

Then I'm buying you two.

Gin martini, olives.

- Yes, ma'am.
- So, did your table plotz

at the sight of the Cossacks?

Oh, they plotzed.
Didn't even kvetch first.

That Buzz is growing on me.
He's got an edge.

The Secret Life
of Buzz Goldberg

might make
a fine Hitchcock movie.

So, are we going to see
each other again?

We're going
to see each other again.

I guess it's settled, then.

- We'll keep it on land?
- I'm good with that.

Venetian guy brought back
bad memories.

Thank you.

You know how to find me.

Actually, I don't.

You don't have my number?

- You never gave it to me.
- You know where I live, though.

Somewhere by the park?

- Do you have a pen?
- No.

I don't either. I guess
I'll find one and write it down,

- and I'll get it to you sometime tonight.
- Sure.

I'll probably head out
by 10:30, though.

Okay. Before 10:30.

Sorry, I know that would have
been kind of neat to say,

"You know how to find me,"
then walk away like in a movie,

but the logistics were off.

- Next time.
- Next time.

♪ Why they could percolate
the coffee in Brazil ♪

♪ No tea ♪

♪ Or tomato juice ♪

♪ You'll see ♪

♪ No potato juice ♪

♪ 'Cause the planters
down in Santos all say no ♪

♪ No, no ♪

♪ You'll add to
the local color ♪

♪ Serving coffee
with a cruller ♪

♪ Dunking doesn't take
a lot of skill... ♪

♪ It might have been
in County Down ♪

♪ Or in New York,
in gay "Paree" ♪

♪ Or even London town ♪

♪ No more will we
go all around the world ♪

♪ For we have found our world ♪

♪ In you. ♪

Brava!

That was wonderful.

Brava!

Welcome back to Steiner Resort.

We missed you
while you were away

on your travels.

But you chose
the perfect time to return,

because do we ever
have a surprise for you.

What now, a kickline
of Gruppenfuhrers?

When he's not mourning the loss
of his beloved Ebbets Field,

this man is thinking up
funny things to say.

Here he is, direct
from The Ed Sullivan Show,

Phil Foster.

- Phil Foster?!
- Oh, Phil Foster! Wow!

Thanks, everyone.

It's nice to be up here
in the Catskills.

A great place for families.

And as you know, these days,
in family life,

you got to have a dog.

Last week,
I went up to Connecticut,

'cause in Connecticut,
I found out they have

very exclusive kennel clubs.

I'll tell you how exclusive
one kennel club was up there.

Little sign outside said
"No dogs allowed."

Really, Astrid, you have nothing
to be concerned about.

Well, that's the problem.
I don't remember what I said.

I was so weak from fasting.

I just have this sense
that somehow I blew it.

No, no, you said
nothing unusual.

- Good. I feel better.
- Mm-hmm.

...very interesting:

they let the dog
pick out his own name.

Yeah. He hears the name,
he knows it,

he turns around and he answers.

So I tried it out.

I said "Prince," he went "Ruff."

I said "King," he went "Ruff."

I said "Spotty," he went "Eh..."

Because, to tell you
the truth...

Are you as funny as him?

What?

The comedian.
Phil Foster.

Are you as funny as him?

Are we doing this now?

- Doing what?
- Yeah, what are you guys talking about?

What are we talking about?
It's a secret, okay?

You know secrets, Noah.

Are we not allowed
to have secrets?

- What's secret? What's going on?
- Nothing is going on.

I'm just trying
to enjoy the comedian.

We all are, Abe.
A lot of talking going on

during the comedian.

Are you?

I said,
"I don't care about the dog's parents."

He said, "I'm not talking
about the dog's parents..."

- Yes.
- Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

- Astrid?
- What?

Is anything wrong?

You tell me.
Is anything wrong?

I was just asking you to dance.

Oh.

I thought you were gonna
accuse me of something.

- Yeah, sure. Let's dance.
- Shirley Maisel,

it's time to trip the light
fantastic, you big winner.

- Let's do it.
- Okay.

Come on, Abe.

I don't want to.

We can dance here,
or we can dance in Paris.

We started with a dance.
Want to end with one?

Sure.

It was all so different
this year.

Yeah.

I'm glad you came, though.

Yeah. Me, too.

I guess it's time we dance
with someone else.

I guess so.

♪ Remember ♪

♪ When you held my hand ♪

♪ Say, remember ♪

♪ When you were my man ♪

♪ Walk, talk ♪

♪ In the name of love ♪

♪ Before you ♪

♪ Break my heart ♪

♪ Dance on over ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Roll it over in your mind ♪

♪ Why don't you dance with me ♪

♪ I'm not no Limburger ♪

♪ Why don't you dance with me ♪

♪ I'm never no Limburger ♪

♪ Oh, yes, I ♪

♪ Why don't you dance with me ♪

♪ I'm not no Limburger ♪

♪ Oh, just a Limburger. ♪