Original subtitles

Subtitles by: Ali EmJay

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY]

[MUSIC GROWS LOUDER] [INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

[FEEDBACK SCREECHES]

WOMAN ON MICROPHONE: One, two, testing.

Over it!

[READING]

[MAN SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]

MAN 1: Argh, you gobshite!

MAN 2: Ah, you're fucking whiny...

MAN 3: All right, you fucking cunt.

This one goes out to Alistair.

Fuck you for leaving me.

[LAUGHS]

That was a bit dark. I'm... I'm sorry.

[UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES]

[WHOOPS]

[MAN SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]

[LIUSAIDH MOANING]

[LIUSAIDH SQUEALS]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Fuck!

[TRAIN APPROACHING]

[SNIFFS]

LIUSAIDH'S MUM: Hey, dolly, get up!

Up!

[MUZAK PLAYING]

[MAN CLEARS THROAT]

Have you got any mortadella?

LIUSAIDH: No, we don't stock mortadella.

[WOMAN LAUGHING]

MAN ON PA: Two rotisserie chickens for the price of one.[CONTINUES LAUGHING]

MAN ON PA: Today only. Two rotisserie chickens for the price of one.

Aye, so, Ryan said to his mam that if we got the tables and the chairs out the catalog,

then we'd have enough money to get the floor done.

'Cause for me, we were needing the floor done more than the table.

So, she was like, "All right. Okay."

So, she looked at the catalog

and picked out a table, a nice table.

And she was gonna pay for it, but then, I looked at the catalog,

and the price was just for the table.

You had to pay for the chairs separately.

After that, we were looking at £300-400,

when we thought it was just 150.

And the floor was 300.

It's nice, isn't it?

Truly modern.

Ryan didn't want it, but then, Kelly across the road got it,

and then, suddenly he wanted it.

So, I didn't really know what to do,

but then his mam bought the table and chairs for us anyway.

BOY: Donna, can I go out with Nate?

[SHOUTING] You're not allowed in here. Go and play or something.

BOY: You can't tell me what to do.

DONNA: Do you want me to tell your dad?

Play! Now!BOY: Ugh!

[DOOR SLAMS]You ever gonna have any of your own?

No. Not really bothered.

[MAN WHISTLING TUNEFULLY]

Aurora borealis.

She's coming.

[MAN CONTINUES WHISTLING]

MAN ON TV: For a family man who has a lot of kids,

this is the perfect vehicle for you.

I can fit all my camping gear in the back...[DOOR UNLOCKS]

[KEYS JINGLING]

[DOOR SHUTS]

For a vehicle this size, this baby...

Hey.

I could take a turn on this going...

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADPHONES]

[PHONE RINGING]

LIUSAIDH: Hello.

LIUSAIDH'S MUM: Put down the phone.Why?

LIUSAIDH'S MUM: Just hang up.WOMAN: ...someone to talk to...

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

LIUSAIDH'S MUM: Pick up the phone!Yes, Mother.

LIUSAIDH'S MUM: Another helpline caller.

I really wish your father would get his finger out of his arse

and change our number.

He takes so long to do anything.

How long have I been asking him about painting the back wall in the living room?

He takes a year to turn around, that man.

Have you been taking your tablets?

No. Really?

No, I haven't. I can't swallow pills.

It's physically impossible for me without gagging and throwing up.

My throat says, "No!"

The doctor said you'd see a big improvement.

I don't want those weird pill space cadet eyes.

I'd rather just drink like you.

These people know what they're talking about.

Dr. Smith was the one who...

At least I know where I'm at with alcohol.

And he's right. I mean...

You and Dr. Smith just want to brush it all under the...

You're on a slow train to nowhere.

He said that? I saw him at bingo.

He actually said that? He thinks

you don't have any hobbies or real passion...

I know about cheese.

You look gray...Excuse me?

But worst of all, you don't have a boyfriend.

[CHUCKLES] "Worst of all"?

You should have a boyfriend by now.

And what's wrong with cheese?

I just worry about you. That's all.

And I'm really trying to make that mean something to me.

At your age, I was already pregnant with your...

[PLAYING MELANCHOLY TUNE]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

[STOPS PLAYING]

[SHUTS PIANO LID]

WOMAN: Have you done it yet? No, no, we have not.

LIUSAIDH'S MUM: Hello?

Anyone?

Chinese for dinner.

[SIGHS]

It's getting cold!

[PHONE RINGING]

Oh, fuck.

Hello?

MAN: Hello. Is this the helpline?

No, you've got the wrong number.

Oh... Hello... Hello?Okay.

[ROPE CREAKING][GASPS]

[CREAKING CONTINUES]

[CREAKING CONTINUES]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES]

[TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]

[CREAKING CONTINUES]

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING]

Vodka and vodka, please!

Uh, yeah.

Got any music?

You want something to drink?

Yes, please.

Just help yourself to anything you want in the minibar.

Okay.

[GRUNTING SOFTLY]

Oh! [CHUCKLES]

You guys can really drink here.

Makes working in a supermarket easier.

Can't really conjure up the energy to resent it through a hangover.

[BALLAD PLAYING ON LAPTOP]

This is a good song.

[HUMMING ALONG]

♪ La, la, la, la, la...

[HUMS]

Cheers.Oh, boy. You're a mess.

Now you're a mess, too.

Mmm!

Let's go.[SQUEALS AND GIGGLES]

[MOANING]

[SPITTING]

[COUGHING]

[SIGHS]

I'm sorry.

LIUSAIDH: They're so aggressive.

DONNA: What, the pigs?LIUSAIDH: Yeah.

DONNA: Aye, 'cause you know, gangsters apparently have,

like, pig farms.

So when they kill someone

they can use the pigs to eat the bodies.

Pigs eat humans?

Aye. And, you know, for gangsters and that

so they don't get caught.

'Cause there's no evidence left.That's dark!

That's dark as fuck.

DONNA: That's what happens.

What time does the Sing for Scotland repeat start?

[LAUGHING] Starts in half an hour.

Right. Then, we have to take these now...

Yes. Yes, we do.

So we're coming up for the first song.

I'm off if youse are gonna be gurning all day.

No, D...[BOTH PROTESTING]

Donna...

LIUSAIDH: You know what?DONNA: What?

You've got a bad attitude.

Ugh! So immature, honestly.

LIUSAIDH: Stay!

I'm not gonna stay and watch youse mix drugs and...

It's just not good.

Mix...[BOTH LAUGH]

Eh, I... I can't even taste it.

Here, have some tea.

Give me the tea.

Ugh, that's cold. Ugh.Ugh.

Oh, that's disgusting.

I can't believe you don't have a CD player.

Seriously. Who doesn't have a CD player?

Me.[BOTH LAUGHING]

It's so weird.

Just make your own music.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Mmm. Aye, Ben took it.

Look, he's not coming over, is he?

No how.

You know what it's like.

We can't really, like, talk properly when he's here.

Yeah, we can.

No, we can't. Your responses are all like,

"Oh, Ben..."

Oh, this is offensive.

[LAUGHS]

Shut up.Like you're different.

I don't know. You're just, like, not you.

Uh, I'm more me. I can be myself with Ben.

Mmm. I can be myself around you.

I thought you were the same with me.

Uh, aye. But it's different.

I'm closer to him than anyone.

What about your dad?

What about him?

Doesn't he have a CD player,

or literally anything that we can play some fucking music on?

No.

Just has that police scanner.

It started off as a precaution, now he listens to it like music.

[SNORTS]

What?[CHUCKLES]

Ow!

Oh, my God! I'm sensitive to pigs.

I had a bad experience in my childhood.

Don't do that!I don't even wanna know.

I just got these in. They're called Ballet Slippers.

Ooh!

We'll make good money from these.

Decent amount of MDMA.

Those make me horny.

I haven't had sex in ages.

Ugh!

Why "ugh"?

What's "ugh"?

I'm lucky me and Ben have such a healthy sex life.

We've been doing it, like, twice a day.

Doesn't it hurt?

What?Sex.

I mean, it must be pretty shit

to know there's guaranteed pain every time you have sex.

How would you know if it's painful?

Plus, we don't even do anal.

Then, how do you have sex?

We rub...

[LAUGHS]

What?

Sex doesn't mean purely penetration.

Sex is everything, all of it.

Just because I don't let him fuck me up the arse, it doesn't mean...

You've never had sex?

You've never had sex.

Has he told the church he's gay yet?

No.

I think I'm starting to come up.

Mmm...

[SQUEALS]

I went to see her, and she was just lying there.

You know, she wasn't really conscious.

And I remember saying to my mum,

"Mum, what do you see?"

And you know what?WOMAN: What?

I sang to her and then...

As I was singing, she...

She passed away.

[VOCALIZING]

She's fucking amazing.

You could do this.

I want to be her.

LIUSAIDH: You're better than her.

And better-looking.

[LIUSAIDH SQUEALS]

Whoo!

Whoo!

[BOTH YELLING]

Everything's going back to normal.

Mmm.

Let's never go out there.

[PHONE RINGING][GROANING]

Hello.

Hello?

CALLER: Hi.

Hi, who's this?

Who's this?

Charlotte.

Uh, are you a helper, Charlotte?

No, you've got the wrong number.

The helpline is 49626.

[CALLER SIGHS]

I'll bet you're having a right laugh about this.

No. It's one digit off. It's an easy mistake to make.

You'll be laughing about this with your friends, won't you?

No, I'm not laughing. We get these calls all the time.

I was ringing the wrong bloody number this whole time.

It took me a year just to pluck up the courage to do this.

Well, I'm sorry you got me.

I've been building up to it for months.

How come?

[SIGHS] Oh! I feel like an idiot.

Are you laughing at me, Charlotte?

No.

I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone about this.

About what?

I want to go to sleep

for a very long time.

So do I.

Well, I wasn't expecting that!

So what's the big hoo-ha with sleep?

[MUZAK PLAYING]

No, we don't stock mortadella.

MAN: Good morning, miss.

[ITEMS CLATTER]

Um...

How did you... Like...

Uh, how did you find me?

Uh, there's only a couple of supermarkets in town.

Well... [CHUCKLES]

What time do you get off?

I think I finish in, like, [SPUTTERS LIPS] five minutes.

Great.

I'll wait outside.

Okay.Mmm-hmm.

Great.

MAN ON PA: Rotisserie chickens are still on special...

[MAN ON PA CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

[EXHALES]

When are you leaving?

I don't know.

I didn't get a return ticket.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]Oh.

The sun goes down early here.

Does it?

BEARDED MAN: Hello?

Hey, darling.

God, what a smart girl.

I'm so proud of you.

That's great.

Absolutely.

Um... Yeah, I'll be back soon.

I know, I know...ALISTAIR: Why can't you hold my hand in public?

I don't know, look...

...for a couple of days.

Yeah, I know I've been gone a while, but I'll be back soon.

ALISTAIR: [SIGHS] You said you'd tell the church.

BEN: Please. We're having a good night.

ALISTAIR: You should tell the church.BEN: I will. I will.

BEARDED MAN: Which center?

Aw! Thanks for calling.

Okay. I love you.

How old is your daughter?

Oh, she's eight.

She's climbing the walls 'cause it's almost Christmas.

[CHUCKLES]

It gets expensive when they get older.

You don't wanna hear about that.

No... [SNIFFS] I do.

[SIGHS]

She wants a mobile.

She's eight, and she wants a mobile phone.

What about her mam?

Oh, she's set.

That's probably why she left me.

Good luck getting down.

ALISTAIR: Come on.BEN: Alistair, please.

ALISTAIR: Why am I ruining...

BEN: Alistair, don't start this tonight. Come on.

ALISTAIR: When are you gonna tell the church?

BEN: When are you gonna tell your dad?

[MUSIC BOX PLAYING][POLICE SCANNER CHATTER]

Argh! My leg.

Argh, it's gone numb.

Been sitting here too long.

How long have you been playing that thing?

Four days.

[LOUD CRASH]

[ALISTAIR'S DAD PANTING]

ALISTAIR'S DAD: Alistair!

Help me.

Alistair.

Help me, son.

Help me.

[PANTING]

[GRUNTING]

[LIUSAIDH LAUGHING]

Ooh!

I feel 13 again.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh!Oh, no!

Fuck me!

[GRUNTS]

[LIUSAIDH LAUGHS]

Fuck. Fuck, it's cold!

[GROANS][LAUGHS]

Fuck you, cold!

MAN: Stop it.

Hello.CALLER: Hi, Charlotte.

How are you today?

I'm okay, thanks. How are you?

All the better for hearing a familiar voice.

[CHUCKLES]

Um, I went to the clootie well today.

The one that's here?

Aye.

Did you hang some clothes up?

Yeah, I took like a bit of a T-shirt

and then put it in the water and then tied it up.

So, we'll see if that does what it's supposed to.

I used to take the kids up there when they were little.

Oh, yeah?

How many kids do you have?

Two.

Well, they're grown up now.

Kids of their own.

How many grandkids do you have?

Oh, I don't want to talk about that.

I don't like them coming round,

seeing me like this.

They want to put me in a home, Charlotte.

I'm a nuisance to them.

Look, I'm sure you're not a nuisance.

They probably just want you to be looked after properly.

I'm on my own now.

My wife is gone.

I'm a burden to my children

They want to get rid of me.

[CALLER SOBS SOFTLY]

Well, you're not a burden on me.

I like talking to you.

Do you?Aye. I do.

I don't really have anyone to talk to either.

Like, I try to talk to them, and...

But when I try to, it's like they can't hear me.

I can't tell if they can't hear me,

or they're ignoring me.

Either way, it's like the world's gone deaf.

How old are you, Charlotte?

Twenty-four.

You must have friends you can talk to.

Not really.

Everyone I get through to tends to fuck off.

Why did you go to the clootie well, Charlotte?

To heal.

Apparently it's supposed to, like, do that.

Now, you aren't hurting yourself, are you?

Nah.

I'm letting other people do that to me.

Sometimes it feels like I'm asking people to do that to me.

You should take responsibility for your own life.

Yeah, that's depressing.

Speaking of which, any plans for Christmas?

Oh, just a quiet one this year.

Why don't you invite your family round for dinner?

Oh, no, no.

They won't want to see me.

It should be a happy day.

I wouldn't want to take that away from them.

You know, I still set a place for Edith on the table.

Who's Edith? My wife.

I'm not scaring you, am I, Charlotte?

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[PLAYING GENTLE MUSIC ON PIANO]

[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

MAN: Fuck off! What is this?

I'm back.

You're not getting rid of me that easily.

Ha-ha! What?

What's going on?

Why? What the fuck's going on?

His dad's been taken to hospital again.

All right.

Well, I'll go up to the hospital with him then.

We're going up first thing in the morning.

Don't you have church in the morning?

[CHUCKLES] I'll figure it out.

Will you?Yeah.

When are you gonna figure out telling them that you're gay?

Excuse me?

You should probably tell them about Alistair at some point.

Who the fuck do you think you are?

I'm someone that cares about Alistair,

and cares about his well-being.

Yeah, so do I, and I think you should go home.

I should be here for Alistair.

Well, I'm spending the night with him.

Then I'll spend the night in his dad's bed.

[SCOFFS]In case he needs me.

No one needs you.

He wants to be with me. Now, just go home.

At least I'm not ashamed of him.

Bye.

[POLICE SCANNER CHATTER]

[MAN CRYING]

[POLICE SCANNER CHATTER]

[MAN CONTINUES CRYING]

He just passed away.

I think you should go now.

[RADIO STATIC SCREECHES]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

BEARDED MAN: Oh, it's you. [CHUCKLES]

Um... Are you leaving?

Yeah. Yeah.

It's time for me to go.

But first...What are you doing? Oh, my God.

We're gonna order some room service...[SQUEALS]

LIUSAIDH: Ahhh! Oh, my God!

We're really early.

Just a little time for a cup of tea?

Yeah, no, I... Um...

I've got to get my tr... My tickets, still.

Okay. Aye. Well, um...

See you, then.

[LAUGHS]

Bye.Bye.

What's your name?

My what?What's your name?

Say what? I can't... I can't quite...

Do you even wanna know my name?

Bye.

[MAN WHISTLING TUNEFULLY]

LIUSAIDH'S MUM: Ah! There you are.

Right, Jim. We need to do something with that garden.

It's a bomb site.

LIUSAIDH'S DAD: It's out the back. No one can see it.

That's why I've left it till now.

But I'm sick of having to pull the back curtains

any time I have a guest.

Or we should get blinds.

Oh, for God's sake. We don't have money for all this.

You were meant to be here five minutes ago.

I do enough for everyone...

LIUSAIDH'S DAD: You got five minutes.

LIUSAIDH'S MUM: Dolly!

It's your dad's work party.

Come on, everybody wants to see you there.

You getting your dress on?

I'm putting a dress on.

LIUSAIDH'S MUM: Whoo-hoo! That's my girl.

[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING]

Hi.

Hi, Marie, how are you?

Not bad. Yourself?

Not bad.

I drove here with my boyfriend in my car.

You got a car?

Yeah.

And a boyfriend.

Nice.

But I'm drunk.

What? You can't drive home now, can you?

I'm way too drunk.

Whoo! You drunken bitch!

That's enough, Marie. Come on.

Let's get you some scones.

[ALL SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

[MOANING]

Hello?

What are you doing here?

LIUSAIDH: I come here all the time.

What are you doing here?

I read about it on the Internet.

[TRAIN APPROACHING]

[TRAIN HONKING]

LIUSAIDH: What did it say?

BEARDED MAN: It says if the fall does't do it, the train will finish you off.

[CROSSING BELL DINGING]

[TRAIN HONKING]

[TRAIN HONKING GROWS LOUDER]

Let's move to California.

ALISTAIR: What?

We'd have to wear sunblock every day.

ALISTAIR: Get a massive fridge.

With loads of bottled water in it.

And a garbage disposal.

And therapists.

[IN VALLEY GIRL ACCENT] Oh, my God. I need to talk to my shrink.

[IN NORMAL ACCENT] Seriously.

If we could just...

Do it.

I don't have a passport.

We could just go to the post office and get one.

I can't afford it.

So what's with the, uh...

The stuff?

[CHUCKLES]

I'm about to start taking some hormones

to become a girl.

Obviously.

[EXHALES]

What?

The doctor says I have to live as a woman for a year

before I can get the full operation.

Wait a minute. You've, like, actually been to the doctor?

Aye.

Aye.

Um...

What does Ben think about it?

I haven't told him.

He's probably gonna notice at some point.

We haven't really been speaking a lot recently.

How come?

Because I think the church knows about me.

He can't be in the church if they know about you.

Is that why you're thinking about a sex change?

No, of course not.

Wait a minute. You're literally changing your gender

to be with this guy.

I'm not.

Then why are you doing this?

Why the...

Can you help me, please?

Ugh.

[LAUGHS]

Right. Well, first of all, we are taking this off.

Okay, so...

Is that...Okay. Close your eyes.

Oh, my! You've got good eyes.

Thank you.

Here.

Pinky...

This little piggy went to market.

I was thinking maybe Alice, or Ali.

I like that one.

Open a little bit.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

[LIUSAIDH SCREAMS]

[YOUTH YELLS]

Hey!

Hey! Come back!

Come back, you fucking...

Alistair.

It's okay.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

[SOBBING]

Easy.

It's all right.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

Can I have a tissue?

My sleeves, come on.

Come on, wipe it on it.

[TRAIN HONKS IN DISTANCE]

My ex-wife has this beautiful house.

She's putting our daughter through private school.

I'm not even allowed to pick her up,

'cause I don't have a nice enough car.

I'm supposed to be a man.

And I know it's modern times and blah, blah, blah.

That doesn't change my primal instinct to provide.

Right?

I'm failing at it.

Failing.

My life was...

Was supposed to be different.

[INAUDIBLE]

Can we... Can we just go?

[SOBBING]

[BALLAD PLAYING ON CELL PHONE]

[CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

[CHUCKLES]

What?Come on.

No. Oh.Come on. Come on.

[BOTH GRUNT]

I can... I can only dance when I'm drunk. [CHUCKLES]

You can't go.

I've really got to get this train.

I mean, you can't...

You know...

You can't do that, because it's not fair.

It's not fair.

Here, come on.

[WHISPERS] It's not fair on the ones that you leave behind.

It's Liusaidh.

Liusaidh?

I'm Dale.

CALLER: Well, she liked to walk.

She would come home with the weekly shopping

and her hands would be red-raw.

She'd walk all the way home through the tunnel,

and come in looking happy in spite of being dog tired.

[LIUSAIDH LAUGHS]

CALLER: I didn't think much of it at the time.

I used to watch her rub hand cream.

She always had this cream next to her chair in the living room.

She'd rub this cream and soothe the dry bits on her palms

from the plastic bags.

Ah! I shouldn't have let her walk like that.

Every time I think about it, it...

It breaks my heart.

LIUSAIDH: Could you have saved her?

CALLER: No.

She was taken from me.

LIUSAIDH: Good. It's easier.

It's too crowded. I'm sick of the clutter in this fucking house.

I want rid of it.

I'll sort that out.

Oh, aye, aye. I've heard it all before.

I want rid of it. She never plays it.

I did try to once.

We need the space.

Do you remember what you did?

[TURNS TV VOLUME UP]LIUSAIDH'S MUM: You don't even...

LIUSAIDH'S DAD: What do we need the space for, eh?

LIUSAIDH'S MUM: Space to use.

[BOTH ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]

LIUSAIDH's MUM: That's too loud.

LIUSAIDH'S DAD: Turn that down, missy.

I can help you.

[MUZAK PLAYING]

Hi.Hi. Eh...

Could you step this way?

I would love to, but actually I've got to work.

No, just for two seconds. I need to have a quick word with you, Liusaidh.

These are all out of order.

Please don't sack me.

Come on, please... Please don't sack me.

There's nothing I can do.

I mean, you've got to understand

you were off work for five days in a row.

I mean, you didn't come in once.

I'm sor...Shut up! I don't give a fuck!

I don't get paid to give a fuck.

[STUTTERS] Okay. I mean, I can see...

I can understand that you're angry.

But I'm gonna have to let you go.

No, no, no, no.

No. No, no.

No, no, no, no.

No.

No.

Uh...

I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do.

Why are you so happy all the time?

What?

Like, why is it that every time I look over at you from the cheese counter,

you're smiling?

Uh... I don't know.

I have a good life.Stop smiling

because you don't have a good life.

You work in a supermarket with your mam.

Yeah, well, I'm...

I mean, I'm lucky to have a job.

There's lots of people at the moment that don't, so...

Can you suffer then?

What do you mean?Stop smiling.

Stop smiling.I'm not.

You are.I'm not smiling.

Stop it.I'm not smiling. I'm not.

This is shit.

This is shit.

No, it's not shit.

Fuck you,

and fuck the cheese!

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR SHUTS]MAN: Do you have any mortadella?

LIUSAIDH: We don't fucking stock mortadella!

I'm starting to get these weird bits of fat at the top of my legs.

At the back.

It's horrible.

It's like foreign bodies, like, living under my arse.

Is it really bothering you?

Yeah, it looks all warped and deformed.

Does Ryan mind?

He hasn't mentioned it.

Then why do you mind?

It's not about him, it's about me.

No.

You want to look good for him.

You dress up for him, you do this shit to your nails for him.

You dress up, too.

Yeah, but not for a man.

No. For lots of men.

Uh-huh. [CHUCKLES]

So less judgement on me.

Look, you're worrying about your weight,

because you want to have kids with Ryan

and keep him around to help you raise them.

Where does this even come from? Ryan doesn't want more kids. We're past that now.

But are you? Those kids aren't yours.

I take care of them like they're mine.

Don't you want something more?

Something?

Donna...

This...

It's coming up for a year now.

[DOOR OPENS]BOY: Donna, can I have...

You're not allowed in here. Out!

[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]BOY: I hate you, Donna.

Should I try the shellac?

Hello?

Earth to Liusaidh.

What the fuck is shellac?

It's a gel that stays on for a few weeks.

But it's hard to get off.

You have to soak your nails in acetone,

and then, cover your nails with pads and tinfoil.

Do you fancy going uptown? Doing a wee bit of shopping?

Ach, I don't know.

We need some quality time, you and me.

It'll be good.

I like it.

What do you think?

I think it's sensational.

I think I'll go for it.

What, are you getting it now?Yes.

Come here.

Come here.Okay.

So, I'm going to need you to take it out in your name.

Um, why?

Because I got too much stuff on credit under my name.

But I don't want the debt for this thing.

Look, I'll pay for it. I just need your name to get it on credit.

But you've already got too much stuff,

so how are you gonna pay for this?

My name is blacklisted. All right?

I can't get anything on credit from any shops anymore.

So I really need you to put your name on this

and I will pay it off straightaway.

Why'd you even need a new couch?

Because I've got some of the girls coming round,

and I wanted the place nice.

You sound just like your father.

[GROANS]

But he wasn't complaining when I got him his flat-screen telly.

Why'd you care so much about what those ladies think?

You know what? You're a social climber.

You never grew up in a one-bed shithole

with seven other kids and an outdoor toilet.

Because I made sure of that.

Is that why you only had one child?

I wish you didn't do that to me.

Excuse me?I can't...

Talk to anyone.

You can talk to me.No, I can't talk to you.

Look, let's just get this back to the house

and we'll sit back down and natter all night.

And your father is on a need-to-know basis.

Come on.Of course.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hello. How are you today?

Uh...

Not bad. Yourself?

MISSIONARY: We're in the area to discuss the Bible with you.

With all the terrible events going on in the world,

a lot of people are questioning whether God exists,

or cares about the human race.

Would you agree with this?

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

Fuck.

BEN: Making me do something that's...

That's wrong.

ALISTAIR: They're brainwashing you. They'll make you fucking crazy.

BEN: I'm sorry.

Well, they've put you back on the Prozac,

because I can see it in your eyes.

[POLICE SCANNER CHATTER]

Don't go back to the church, please.

[SOBBING]

Please don't leave me.

BEN: Get off me.

ALISTAIR: I fucking need you.

Just get the fuck off me.

Please.

Look at you.

I don't even know what you are anymore.

You're a freak.

You're manipulating me into committing a sin with you,

because you don't want to be alone in it.

And you don't have anyone to save you.

ALISTAIR: No, I'm loving you.

And I'm asking you to love me back,

and maybe we can be happy.

Because I love you.

I forgive you.

MISSIONARY: In the afterlife, we can offer you paradise on Earth.

That is for you to keep,

and inside the leaflet is all the details of the church.

If you could give it a read, we'd be very grateful,

and maybe we could come back round next week and hear your thoughts.

Okay. Well, thank you for your time.

[DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS]

That's not true.

You've got me.

[POLICE SCANNER CHATTER]

WOMAN: Oh, is that what it is?

Holds the shape of your boots.

Like a shoe tree, but for boots.

Right enough.

Liusaidh, you're looking a wee bit puffy at the moment.

What?

The bags under your eyes are starting to dominate.

Dominate?

I've got an amazing cream that would help those tremendously.

The eye cream off the shopping channel.

Aye. It's taken years off me.

It could do the same for you.

No, thanks.

My pleasure.

I'll send some over with Susan.

You won't get a boyfriend like that,

hiding behind those things.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION AND LAUGHTER]

[YELLING][DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

[MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Come on, come on.

[GROANS]

MAN: She is fucking wasted, man.

LIUSAIDH: Fuck off.

MAN: What the fuck you doing?

Stay there. Stay there.

What are you doing?

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Oh, my God. Is that water?

[MEN AGREEING]

[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Come on, get her up.

Get comfy.You got any music?

Who are you?

Your lover.Yeah?

Whoo![MEN LAUGH]

Whoa.

[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Oh, oh. Oh, no!

Oh, she spits.

Lie down. Party's just beginning.

Party's just beginning.

[ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY]

She came on to me though, didn't she?

She wanted this.

[MEN CHUCKLE]

You want it, don't you?

Yeah? Yeah. That's it.

Remember me? Remember me from the club?

Remember me?

[GROANS]

Come on, man.

MAN: Yeah. Yeah, get on there.

[MEN CONTINUE INDISTINCTLY]

[INAUDIBLE]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

[LAUGHTER]

CALLER: Merry Christmas.

LIUSAIDH: Merry Christmas.

CALLER: I did what you said.

I invited the kids over.

LIUSAIDH: Did you? Aye, I did.

LIUSAIDH: Was it nice to see the grandkids?

CALLER: It was nice having a bit of life running about the house.

The eldest is very musical. I didn't know that.

I have an old piano, and he was straight on it.

Playing all the songs he'd been learning.

Oh, aye. He had me singing along.

It takes something, I'm telling you.[CHUCKLES]

LIUSAIDH: [CHUCKLES] My granddad used to have an organ.

I used to play it when I was a wee kid.

Well, I say playing, but I was probably like bashing on the keys.

And then, my dad bought this old out of tune piano.

And he always said that he was gonna play it, and then, he never did.

So, I would, like, sneak up there and start playing it.

And I loved it.

Me and my mate, we used to do karaoke all the time.

And we always had this...

We always said that we would move to California

and get really suntanned,

and I was gonna make all the money at night playing the piano in nightclubs,

and then, he was gonna come down and sing.

And then we'd have enough money to live in the warm.

It would have been good.

CALLER: It sounds great, actually.

Did you have a nice Christmas?

Well, I went to sleep with three random guys

and then woke up covered in bruises and love bites.

But my mum didn't burn the turkey... What?

So you win some, you lose some. What happened?

I don't know. I blacked out.

Well, do you think you might have been raped, Charlotte?

[SNORTS]

No, no. I chose to go.

Why do you think you chose to go with them?

I don't know.

I don't fucking know.

Well, I mean, I wasn't even there.

I mean, I was. I was laying in the bed.

But, like, I wasn't.

Because I was in a different drunken dimension

dreaming myself away.

Well, it's time to wake up now.

I wasn't always like this.

You're only at the beginning.

It's all to come.

Was it worth it?

Like... Like...

Was it worth it?

I still set a place for Edith at the table.

Well, if I didn't do that,

it would be like she disappeared without a trace.

Edith...

What? Are you there, Edith?

I'm tired.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Time to go to sleep now.

[SNIFFLES]

[DIAL TONE]

[SNIFFLING]

[LIUSAIDH SOBBING]

LIUSAIDH'S DAD: Oh, I...

I...

[SIGHS]

Hey...

[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]

[HEARTBEAT THUMPING]

[POLICE SCANNER CHATTER]

[SHOUTS]

[HEARTBEAT THUMPING]

[INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION]

It's so cold.

I know. It's fucking freezing.

[SOFTLY] Fuck you.

Fuck you for doing that to me.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

Okay.

Okay.

Enough.

[INAUDIBLE]

[INAUDIBLE]

Hello?

LIUSAIDH: How was the ceremony?

What?Alistair's ceremony.

Why are you asking that?

Because I never went.

It was nice.

Proper religious, though.

[SNORTS]

Do you wanna go out and just get fucking smashed?

Yeah.

Will you do my nails?

Fucking finally.

[CHUCKLES]

Great. Well, see you.