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1
00:00:06,148 --> 00:00:07,714
Whoo! All right, man,
2
00:00:07,739 --> 00:00:09,156
make that one.
3
00:00:09,181 --> 00:00:11,145
Easy. What's the score again?
4
00:00:11,170 --> 00:00:14,704
You have letters H-O-R-S,
and I have none.
5
00:00:18,312 --> 00:00:19,645
All right.
6
00:00:20,242 --> 00:00:21,875
I'm-a head home. You done, too?
7
00:00:21,900 --> 00:00:23,412
No, I'm-a hang around for a little bit.
8
00:00:23,437 --> 00:00:25,137
All right. Hit me up for one last shot.
9
00:00:25,162 --> 00:00:26,891
Splash time.
10
00:00:34,445 --> 00:00:35,678
Hey, what's up, little man?
11
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,036
Yo, what's up?
12
00:00:37,061 --> 00:00:38,195
Want to shoot around?
13
00:00:38,220 --> 00:00:39,488
Nah, man.
14
00:00:39,513 --> 00:00:41,652
But I do want those shoes.
15
00:00:42,944 --> 00:00:46,160
(CHUCKLES): Okay, well, put
them on your Christmas list,
16
00:00:46,185 --> 00:00:48,606
and maybe Santa Claus
will you bring you some.
17
00:00:49,637 --> 00:00:51,736
I don't believe in no Santa.
18
00:00:51,761 --> 00:00:54,584
But I do believe you're
gonna give me those shoes.
19
00:00:57,981 --> 00:01:00,294
I'm not giving you my shoes.
20
00:01:00,363 --> 00:01:03,434
Plus, I outweigh you
by a hundred pounds.
21
00:01:06,389 --> 00:01:09,515
Well, you're a little big-boned,
so it's starting to even out.
22
00:01:11,685 --> 00:01:13,451
Now...
23
00:01:13,614 --> 00:01:15,228
you ready to give me those shoes?
24
00:01:15,885 --> 00:01:17,294
(SIGHS)
25
00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:18,540
You know what?
26
00:01:19,002 --> 00:01:20,438
Fine.
27
00:01:21,829 --> 00:01:23,963
I can't believe this bunch of...
28
00:01:23,988 --> 00:01:26,149
Oh, my God, is that Santa Claus?
29
00:01:26,174 --> 00:01:28,434
♪ ♪
30
00:01:30,071 --> 00:01:33,151
MAN (ON TV): Okay, it's time
to turn up the intensity.
31
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,738
Squat down and up.
32
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,192
Work those glutes.
33
00:01:37,217 --> 00:01:39,258
Push that butt back. Push those...
34
00:01:39,283 --> 00:01:42,725
Aw, come on, Calvin. You know, get up.
35
00:01:42,750 --> 00:01:44,553
You promised you would
exercise with me.
36
00:01:44,578 --> 00:01:45,223
(CHUCKLES)
37
00:01:45,248 --> 00:01:49,359
Believe you me, baby, you got
my heart rate up plenty.
38
00:01:50,788 --> 00:01:52,481
TINA: Oh, hey, Malcolm.
39
00:01:52,506 --> 00:01:54,296
You just getting back
from the park with Dave?
40
00:01:54,321 --> 00:01:55,887
Uh, yeah, yeah.
41
00:01:55,912 --> 00:01:58,045
If he ever beats you in basketball,
42
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,872
we're gonna have to put
you up for adoption.
43
00:02:01,842 --> 00:02:03,624
Well, you don't have
to worry about that.
44
00:02:03,649 --> 00:02:05,131
So I'm-a go take a shower.
45
00:02:05,156 --> 00:02:07,775
Hold on, hold on. What
happened to your shoes?
46
00:02:10,286 --> 00:02:11,871
You know, I lost them.
47
00:02:11,896 --> 00:02:14,548
Don't tell me you lost
them in a game to Dave.
48
00:02:15,004 --> 00:02:16,936
We're gonna have to lie
about this as a family.
49
00:02:16,961 --> 00:02:17,842
Yeah.
50
00:02:17,867 --> 00:02:20,588
All right, look, it's no
big deal... relax... but...
51
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,373
- I just got robbed down at the park.
- CALVIN: Whoa, whoa.
52
00:02:22,398 --> 00:02:24,242
- What?!
- You got robbed?
53
00:02:24,267 --> 00:02:26,311
Look, guys, calm down. I'm fine.
54
00:02:26,336 --> 00:02:28,137
Oh, my God, thank God you're okay.
55
00:02:28,162 --> 00:02:29,772
Hey, it's cool, Ma. Okay.
56
00:02:29,797 --> 00:02:31,296
Who did this, man?
57
00:02:31,321 --> 00:02:32,442
Who attacked you?
58
00:02:32,467 --> 00:02:33,937
Hey, look, it's no big deal.
59
00:02:33,962 --> 00:02:36,249
It was just some punks
down at the park.
60
00:02:36,274 --> 00:02:38,516
What you mean it's no big deal?
61
00:02:38,541 --> 00:02:41,338
We're Butlers, right? You
mess with one of us,
62
00:02:41,363 --> 00:02:43,051
- you mess with all of us.
- That's right.
63
00:02:43,076 --> 00:02:45,655
You know what, Tina? Where
you keep my fighting shirt?
64
00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:48,075
- No, hold on.
- 'Cause I'll beat up this whole town.
65
00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:49,985
- I know you will. I know you will.
- You know I will.
66
00:02:50,010 --> 00:02:53,283
Just relax, okay? There's no need
to fight. I will take care of it.
67
00:02:53,308 --> 00:02:54,170
You will?
68
00:02:54,195 --> 00:02:56,150
Yeah. 'Cause-'cause-'cause
I'm a Butler.
69
00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:58,100
- That's right.
- A-And Butlersdon't play.
70
00:02:58,125 --> 00:02:58,787
Damn right.
71
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,092
You damn right. Now... (GROWLS)
72
00:03:00,117 --> 00:03:02,271
- (GROWLS)
- Yeah. Give it to me. (GROWLS)
73
00:03:02,296 --> 00:03:03,681
- (GROWLS)
- Yeah! (GROWLS)
74
00:03:03,706 --> 00:03:05,061
That's right.
75
00:03:06,151 --> 00:03:07,941
Was he messing with me?
76
00:03:08,796 --> 00:03:11,606
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
77
00:03:11,631 --> 00:03:12,660
♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪
78
00:03:12,685 --> 00:03:17,060
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
79
00:03:17,592 --> 00:03:19,577
Thanks for helping us
install these cameras.
80
00:03:19,602 --> 00:03:22,244
After what happened to Malcolm,
we're gonna feel so much safer.
81
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:24,834
Yeah, well, these babies
are top of the line.
82
00:03:24,859 --> 00:03:26,449
You can monitor them from your phone.
83
00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:29,039
They have night vision and zoom.
84
00:03:29,130 --> 00:03:31,730
You know... between this tool belt
85
00:03:31,755 --> 00:03:33,822
and all these new high-tech gadgets,
86
00:03:34,286 --> 00:03:35,790
I kind of feel like Batman.
87
00:03:36,805 --> 00:03:38,214
Really?
88
00:03:38,239 --> 00:03:40,109
'Cause you look like one
of the Village People.
89
00:03:41,959 --> 00:03:43,585
No, no.
90
00:03:43,650 --> 00:03:45,337
(DEEP VOICE): I'm Batman.
91
00:03:47,378 --> 00:03:48,760
Dad.
92
00:03:48,935 --> 00:03:51,459
Why are you wearing
your fighting shirt?
93
00:03:51,989 --> 00:03:53,389
I'm going down to that park,
94
00:03:53,414 --> 00:03:55,347
and I'm-a find out who jacked Malcolm.
95
00:03:55,372 --> 00:03:56,805
Well, h-hold on.
96
00:03:56,830 --> 00:03:58,864
I'm-a come with you. I can help.
97
00:03:59,060 --> 00:04:00,319
How are you gonna help?
98
00:04:00,344 --> 00:04:02,543
Back home I was part of
the Neighborhood Watch.
99
00:04:02,568 --> 00:04:05,467
Now, I don't want to brag, but...
100
00:04:05,838 --> 00:04:07,898
a couple years ago, I
single-handedly caught
101
00:04:07,923 --> 00:04:10,494
the elusive Kalamazoo Basil Bandit.
102
00:04:10,916 --> 00:04:12,522
Spoiler alert:
103
00:04:12,773 --> 00:04:13,947
it was a deer.
104
00:04:14,447 --> 00:04:16,013
What?
105
00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:18,104
Spoiler alert: I don't care.
106
00:04:18,262 --> 00:04:19,789
Look, besides,
107
00:04:19,814 --> 00:04:21,780
I don't need you... I
got Abe and Tommy.
108
00:04:21,805 --> 00:04:23,727
- Who are they?
- A couple of real OGs
109
00:04:23,752 --> 00:04:25,747
that keep their ears to the streets.
110
00:04:25,772 --> 00:04:28,437
OGs? They're a couple of old farts
111
00:04:28,462 --> 00:04:30,511
that play chess in the park all day.
112
00:04:31,260 --> 00:04:33,238
They also do tai chi.
113
00:04:34,231 --> 00:04:36,832
O-Okay, well, I-I'm-a,
I'm-a come with you.
114
00:04:36,857 --> 00:04:37,684
Why?
115
00:04:37,709 --> 00:04:38,908
As backup.
116
00:04:39,255 --> 00:04:41,055
Look, we're a couple of fathers
117
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:43,157
who both want to keep
this neighborhood safe.
118
00:04:43,322 --> 00:04:44,555
Also...
119
00:04:44,580 --> 00:04:46,035
(DEEP VOICE): I'm Batman.
120
00:04:49,273 --> 00:04:50,439
Hey, are the cameras working?
121
00:04:50,475 --> 00:04:51,566
- Mm-hmm.
- Yep. We can see everything
122
00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:52,739
right here on the TV.
123
00:04:52,764 --> 00:04:54,030
Oh, thank you, Marty.
124
00:04:54,055 --> 00:04:55,831
No, no problem. I love electronics.
125
00:04:55,856 --> 00:04:56,785
You know, I like to pretend like
126
00:04:56,810 --> 00:04:58,572
I'm the tech guy on a covert team
127
00:04:58,597 --> 00:05:00,530
with a cool nickname like Virus
128
00:05:00,555 --> 00:05:02,425
or... Firewall.
129
00:05:03,892 --> 00:05:05,563
How about Nerd Man?
130
00:05:07,311 --> 00:05:09,652
Okay, Captain Bed Wetter.
131
00:05:11,153 --> 00:05:12,434
That was our secret.
132
00:05:12,459 --> 00:05:14,693
Hey, man, don't mess with Firewall.
133
00:05:14,718 --> 00:05:16,347
I won't.
134
00:05:16,697 --> 00:05:18,401
Mm, now I got to pee.
135
00:05:20,215 --> 00:05:22,325
So, now do you feel safer?
136
00:05:22,350 --> 00:05:23,962
Here, yeah.
137
00:05:23,987 --> 00:05:25,840
But I'm still worried about
walking around the neighborhood
138
00:05:25,865 --> 00:05:27,765
or taking Grover to the park.
139
00:05:27,790 --> 00:05:29,339
Oh, you should take a
self-defense class.
140
00:05:29,364 --> 00:05:31,198
Oh, please. She doesn't need that.
141
00:05:31,223 --> 00:05:33,662
I got you. See, back in the '90s,
142
00:05:33,687 --> 00:05:35,649
when this area was a little rougher,
143
00:05:35,674 --> 00:05:38,074
I developed my own self-defense system.
144
00:05:38,099 --> 00:05:39,406
Oh, no.
145
00:05:39,847 --> 00:05:42,254
No, not "Tina kwon do" again.
146
00:05:42,512 --> 00:05:44,203
Please. You loved it.
147
00:05:44,228 --> 00:05:46,062
We used to train together all the time.
148
00:05:46,087 --> 00:05:47,929
We did not train together!
149
00:05:48,861 --> 00:05:50,697
I put on homemade protective gear,
150
00:05:50,722 --> 00:05:52,236
and you beat the crap out of me.
151
00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:55,607
It was a bonding experience.
152
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,489
See, I figured out a
way to defend myself
153
00:05:59,514 --> 00:06:01,856
using things that I
just had in my purse.
154
00:06:01,881 --> 00:06:03,020
Will you teach me?
155
00:06:03,049 --> 00:06:04,872
Of course I will.
156
00:06:05,668 --> 00:06:07,005
Marty, suit up.
157
00:06:07,030 --> 00:06:09,764
No, no, Mama. I just ate.
158
00:06:09,789 --> 00:06:12,379
Well, if you want, I could
demonstrate without the pads.
159
00:06:12,404 --> 00:06:13,626
All right, fine.
160
00:06:13,722 --> 00:06:15,441
Okay. Oh, oh, and, uh,
161
00:06:15,466 --> 00:06:18,657
wear a extra pillow,
'cause we're going hard.
162
00:06:20,081 --> 00:06:21,434
This is exciting.
163
00:06:21,458 --> 00:06:23,297
You know, I've never done
anything like this before.
164
00:06:23,323 --> 00:06:25,107
On that deer case, I worked solo.
165
00:06:26,364 --> 00:06:27,923
Must've been nice.
166
00:06:29,020 --> 00:06:30,466
Hey, hey, fellas.
167
00:06:30,535 --> 00:06:31,801
Calvin.
168
00:06:31,909 --> 00:06:33,995
Ain't seen you down here in a minute.
169
00:06:34,482 --> 00:06:36,614
Hey, guys, I'm Calvin's friend Dave.
170
00:06:36,768 --> 00:06:38,604
Didn't nobody ask who you were.
171
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,552
And don't nobody care.
172
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:44,335
He's right, Dave.
173
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,807
They really don't.
174
00:06:47,192 --> 00:06:49,535
Look, fellas, I don't
know if you heard,
175
00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:51,870
but Malcolm got mugged
down here the other day.
176
00:06:51,895 --> 00:06:53,516
Yeah, we saw it.
177
00:06:53,541 --> 00:06:55,516
- Check.
- You did?
178
00:06:55,541 --> 00:06:57,141
W-Well, who did it?
179
00:06:57,513 --> 00:06:59,637
It was Jamaal and them.
180
00:07:00,335 --> 00:07:02,329
You mean those little kids over there?
181
00:07:02,769 --> 00:07:05,020
Are you kidding me?
This is embarrassing.
182
00:07:05,045 --> 00:07:07,708
Malcolm got rolled by a
bunch of little kids?
183
00:07:08,005 --> 00:07:10,201
Well, it looks like I'm-a
have to go over there
184
00:07:10,226 --> 00:07:12,056
and teach those little kids a lesson.
185
00:07:12,831 --> 00:07:14,998
I didn't even have to
wear my fighting shirt.
186
00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:17,455
O-Okay, well... just, Calvin,
187
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,501
don't do something you're gonna regret.
188
00:07:19,675 --> 00:07:21,521
Eh, it's too late for that, Dave.
189
00:07:21,546 --> 00:07:23,085
I already brought you.
190
00:07:23,546 --> 00:07:25,497
Yo, Jamaal!
191
00:07:29,936 --> 00:07:33,121
I can't believe those little
kids jumped me like that.
192
00:07:33,146 --> 00:07:35,098
It was like watching a
bunch of baby lions
193
00:07:35,123 --> 00:07:37,113
take down a wildebeest.
194
00:07:37,777 --> 00:07:40,247
Where were you, anyway? You
were supposed to have my back.
195
00:07:40,272 --> 00:07:41,549
Well, I was right there.
196
00:07:41,574 --> 00:07:43,582
I was offering them my
shoes instead of yours.
197
00:07:44,580 --> 00:07:46,606
No one wants your Skechers, Dave.
198
00:07:47,841 --> 00:07:49,874
I'm letting you know
something... this ain't over.
199
00:07:49,899 --> 00:07:51,989
We need to teach those
little kids a lesson.
200
00:07:52,014 --> 00:07:54,991
'Cause around here, nobody
messes with Calvin Butler.
201
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,292
Aah!
202
00:07:56,623 --> 00:07:57,770
(WHIMPERING)
203
00:07:57,795 --> 00:07:59,062
I stepped on a acorn.
204
00:07:59,572 --> 00:08:00,914
Come-come over here.
205
00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:02,089
Give me your shoulder, your shoulder.
206
00:08:02,114 --> 00:08:03,822
Okay. All right.
207
00:08:08,808 --> 00:08:10,509
What the hell, son?
208
00:08:13,011 --> 00:08:14,878
How'd you let yourself get robbed
209
00:08:14,903 --> 00:08:16,689
by a bunch of little kids?
210
00:08:18,676 --> 00:08:20,367
Why do you only got one shoe on?
211
00:08:20,392 --> 00:08:23,114
Because I got robbed by
a bunch of little kids!
212
00:08:25,252 --> 00:08:27,020
But at least I fought back.
213
00:08:27,045 --> 00:08:29,648
Yeah, and look what it got
you... no shoes, just like me.
214
00:08:29,673 --> 00:08:31,027
Look...
215
00:08:31,604 --> 00:08:33,632
you might want to count again, Malcolm.
216
00:08:33,657 --> 00:08:34,907
I kept one.
217
00:08:36,162 --> 00:08:37,737
I'm going over to Jamaal's house
218
00:08:37,762 --> 00:08:39,648
and I'm giving his parents
a piece of my mind.
219
00:08:39,673 --> 00:08:42,507
Oh, no, no, please don't do that, Pop.
That never works out.
220
00:08:42,603 --> 00:08:45,332
- What are you talking about?
- Fifth grade basketball.
221
00:08:45,357 --> 00:08:46,963
When I wasn't getting
enough playing time,
222
00:08:46,988 --> 00:08:48,842
you went and gave my coach
"a piece of your mind."
223
00:08:48,867 --> 00:08:50,333
I ended up benched for
the whole season.
224
00:08:50,419 --> 00:08:52,043
Well, that's 'cause Sister Mary Agnes
225
00:08:52,068 --> 00:08:53,242
couldn't see talent.
226
00:08:54,793 --> 00:08:57,398
Look, Pop, when you go talk to people,
227
00:08:57,423 --> 00:08:59,796
it somehow always turns into a fight.
228
00:09:00,875 --> 00:09:02,340
Look, son,
229
00:09:02,365 --> 00:09:05,332
sometimes a man has to
fight for his family.
230
00:09:05,667 --> 00:09:08,625
See, you wouldn't know that
because you don't have kids.
231
00:09:08,964 --> 00:09:10,764
Trust me, Malcolm...
232
00:09:11,091 --> 00:09:13,511
this is what good parenting is.
233
00:09:13,642 --> 00:09:15,575
Now, you might not see it now,
234
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,544
but I-I'm really trying
to help this kid.
235
00:09:17,678 --> 00:09:19,462
You know, the proof is in the pudding.
236
00:09:19,487 --> 00:09:21,070
I raised a son
237
00:09:21,095 --> 00:09:22,828
with a good head on his shoulders.
238
00:09:23,441 --> 00:09:25,784
Hey, thank you, Pop. (CHUCKLES)
239
00:09:25,809 --> 00:09:27,499
I was talking about Marty.
240
00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,234
Okay, so I'm-a show you
how we protect ourselves
241
00:09:33,259 --> 00:09:34,491
in the hood.
242
00:09:34,516 --> 00:09:35,982
Marty, get in here!
243
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:44,974
Okay, so,
244
00:09:44,999 --> 00:09:46,365
whenever I'm in the streets,
245
00:09:46,390 --> 00:09:50,287
I always carry three
self-defense essentials.
246
00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:53,150
Weapon number one.
247
00:09:53,219 --> 00:09:54,769
A comb?
248
00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:58,216
(LAUGHS) It may look like a comb...
249
00:09:59,072 --> 00:10:01,365
because it is a comb, but...
250
00:10:02,639 --> 00:10:04,037
in the right hands,
251
00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:07,192
stab, stab, stab, stab, stab!
252
00:10:10,396 --> 00:10:11,628
See?
253
00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:13,987
I'm safer, and, bonus...
254
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,790
I look fresh.
255
00:10:16,502 --> 00:10:17,746
Eh?
256
00:10:17,893 --> 00:10:19,589
Marty, are you okay?
257
00:10:19,614 --> 00:10:21,626
Aw, he's fine. Okay, so...
258
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,816
weapon number two.
259
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:26,659
Seasoning salt?
260
00:10:26,684 --> 00:10:29,997
Cheaper than pepper spray
and really good on chicken.
261
00:10:30,774 --> 00:10:32,608
- Close your eyes, baby.
- Huh?
262
00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:34,894
Shake! Shake, shake, shake, shake!
263
00:10:35,193 --> 00:10:36,275
Oh!
264
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:37,466
Aah! That burns!
265
00:10:37,491 --> 00:10:39,271
- It burns so bad.
- (CHUCKLES)
266
00:10:39,296 --> 00:10:40,545
(SCREAMS)
267
00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:44,826
(SNEEZING)
268
00:10:45,792 --> 00:10:48,808
Now, third and most lethal weapon.
269
00:10:49,189 --> 00:10:50,822
A whiskey bag?
270
00:10:50,906 --> 00:10:53,531
- Full of spare change.
- (COINS JINGLING)
271
00:10:54,457 --> 00:10:56,590
Now, to the untrained eye, you know,
272
00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:58,818
I'm just an alcoholic
273
00:10:59,387 --> 00:11:01,887
- on my way to the Coinstar.
- Mm-hmm.
274
00:11:03,465 --> 00:11:05,675
But to the unsuspecting predator?
275
00:11:05,700 --> 00:11:07,520
- Ka-ching! Ka-ching, ka-ching!
- (GRUNTING)
276
00:11:07,545 --> 00:11:09,864
- Ka-ching!
- (GROANS)
277
00:11:17,246 --> 00:11:18,895
You ready to try?
278
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:19,872
Uh, I think so.
279
00:11:19,897 --> 00:11:21,530
Okay, girl. All right.
280
00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:24,489
So, you're walking down the street.
281
00:11:30,455 --> 00:11:33,389
Okay, and an assailant approaches you.
282
00:11:33,710 --> 00:11:35,275
What do you do?
283
00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:37,082
- Uh, I guess I would whack him
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
284
00:11:37,107 --> 00:11:40,657
- A couple times here
- Mm-hmm.
285
00:11:40,682 --> 00:11:42,160
And then maybe a...
286
00:11:42,185 --> 00:11:45,230
a tappity-tap-tap here.
287
00:11:46,134 --> 00:11:48,487
I'm so sorry, Marty. Are you okay?
288
00:11:48,512 --> 00:11:50,446
Honestly, anything's
better than the salt.
289
00:11:50,471 --> 00:11:51,637
Oh.
290
00:11:51,662 --> 00:11:53,285
- Come on, Gemma.
- Okay.
291
00:11:53,310 --> 00:11:55,918
- This is street warfare, okay?
- Okay.
292
00:11:55,943 --> 00:12:00,028
Like, just imagine this man
has stolen your purse!
293
00:12:01,444 --> 00:12:02,964
What do you do?
294
00:12:04,121 --> 00:12:06,043
(GRUNTS)
295
00:12:06,068 --> 00:12:08,846
Now give me back my purse, please.
296
00:12:08,871 --> 00:12:10,441
- "Please"?
- "Please"?
297
00:12:11,722 --> 00:12:13,879
Yeah, yeah, we... we got
a lot of work to do,
298
00:12:13,904 --> 00:12:15,322
or you gonna die.
299
00:12:17,198 --> 00:12:18,559
Thanks for asking me to come along
300
00:12:18,584 --> 00:12:20,251
to talk to Jamaal's parents.
301
00:12:20,276 --> 00:12:22,081
I didn't ask you to come along.
302
00:12:25,349 --> 00:12:28,127
Okay, now, Calvin, remember,
303
00:12:28,156 --> 00:12:30,429
we're talking about someone's child,
304
00:12:30,454 --> 00:12:34,104
so we need to be reasonable,
keep our voices at an even tone,
305
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:36,543
and, no matter what,
never be aggressive.
306
00:12:39,157 --> 00:12:41,090
Come on out! I want to talk to you
307
00:12:41,115 --> 00:12:43,432
about your little punk-ass son!
308
00:12:45,980 --> 00:12:47,448
Hey, check it out.
309
00:12:48,008 --> 00:12:50,414
Looks like Gramps got
another shoe, huh?
310
00:12:50,439 --> 00:12:54,429
(CHUCKLES): "Gramps"?
That's all you got?
311
00:12:54,454 --> 00:12:55,607
- Boy, I'll kill you!
- Okay.
312
00:12:55,632 --> 00:12:57,434
Calvin, Calvin.
313
00:12:57,459 --> 00:12:59,058
He's a child. Calm down.
314
00:12:59,181 --> 00:13:01,782
Yeah, man, you better
listen to your nurse.
315
00:13:01,807 --> 00:13:02,995
Hmm.
316
00:13:03,890 --> 00:13:06,276
You said that like it hurt my feelings.
317
00:13:06,301 --> 00:13:08,119
My aunt is a nurse.
318
00:13:09,097 --> 00:13:12,675
- Jamaal, where are your parents?
- They ain't here.
319
00:13:12,716 --> 00:13:14,667
- Well, where are they?
- None of your business.
320
00:13:14,692 --> 00:13:16,258
- Oh, I'll make it my business! You...
- Okay.
321
00:13:16,283 --> 00:13:17,893
- Okay, Calvin.
- I want the door open.
322
00:13:17,918 --> 00:13:20,721
(CHUCKLES): Careful, old man.
You gonna hurt yourself.
323
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:25,037
This was fun, but I'm
gonna go back inside
324
00:13:25,062 --> 00:13:27,971
and watch TV. Night-night, Gramps.
325
00:13:27,996 --> 00:13:30,962
And, nurse, make sure
he takes his medicine.
326
00:13:32,338 --> 00:13:34,045
Yeah, well, joke's on you.
327
00:13:34,070 --> 00:13:36,351
My aunt's saved hundreds of lives!
328
00:13:38,715 --> 00:13:40,609
That kid is disrespectful.
329
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,719
That's because clearly his
parents aren't around.
330
00:13:43,797 --> 00:13:46,810
Which is why it's up to
us to teach him a lesson.
331
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:51,589
H-Hold on, b-by stealing his bike?
332
00:13:51,927 --> 00:13:53,948
It's called good parenting, Dave.
333
00:13:54,603 --> 00:13:56,172
Hey, Jamaal!
334
00:13:56,197 --> 00:13:58,797
If you want your bike
back, come find me!
335
00:13:58,822 --> 00:14:00,704
You getting on or what?
336
00:14:00,729 --> 00:14:02,105
Well, just for the
record, I do not approve
337
00:14:02,130 --> 00:14:04,227
of this method of conflict resolution.
338
00:14:06,233 --> 00:14:07,718
All right, how do you want to do this?
339
00:14:07,751 --> 00:14:08,918
What, do I grab a hold of your waist?
340
00:14:08,943 --> 00:14:10,442
Shoulders. Shoulders.
341
00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:12,754
(BELL DINGS)
342
00:14:17,947 --> 00:14:21,846
Listen, Gemma, I know that
you are a sweetheart.
343
00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:24,289
But this is not Kalamazoo!
344
00:14:24,314 --> 00:14:25,576
Okay. Okay.
345
00:14:25,601 --> 00:14:26,892
- Okay?!
- Okay.
346
00:14:26,917 --> 00:14:29,413
When someone comes after you,
347
00:14:29,767 --> 00:14:31,478
- you got to go there.
- Yeah.
348
00:14:31,503 --> 00:14:32,856
I don't want to hurt Marty.
349
00:14:32,881 --> 00:14:33,888
Screw Marty!
350
00:14:34,824 --> 00:14:36,351
Mama!
351
00:14:36,598 --> 00:14:38,528
He's not Marty.
352
00:14:38,553 --> 00:14:41,242
- He is a bad guy, okay?
- Yeah. Okay.
353
00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:43,866
You need to channel your inner anger!
354
00:14:43,891 --> 00:14:44,843
Okay.
355
00:14:44,868 --> 00:14:46,359
- (PANTING)
- What is it gonna take
356
00:14:46,384 --> 00:14:47,982
for you to release
357
00:14:48,007 --> 00:14:50,622
and unleash that inner beast
358
00:14:50,647 --> 00:14:54,405
- and go after this monster?
- Uh...
359
00:14:54,430 --> 00:14:56,619
Uh, uh...
360
00:14:56,644 --> 00:14:59,175
I guess if somebody was
really trying to hurt Grover.
361
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:00,008
- Good.
- Yeah.
362
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:02,419
- Use that, okay?
- Okay. Okay
363
00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:03,542
This sicko...
364
00:15:03,567 --> 00:15:05,107
- Whoa, whoa.
- GEMMA: Mm-hmm.
365
00:15:05,132 --> 00:15:06,848
- Is going after your kid.
- Yeah.
366
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:10,007
What are you gonna do to
protect your little boy?
367
00:15:10,032 --> 00:15:10,819
Yeah.
368
00:15:10,992 --> 00:15:13,398
Mama, I am your little boy.
369
00:15:14,192 --> 00:15:16,779
Not today, sicko!
370
00:15:16,804 --> 00:15:18,194
(GRUNTING) Get him!
371
00:15:18,219 --> 00:15:21,038
- Don't hurt my little boy!
- Get him!
372
00:15:21,063 --> 00:15:23,492
(GRUNTING) Yeah! Yeah!
373
00:15:24,110 --> 00:15:27,078
- Yeah!
- Gemma, it's me, Marty!
374
00:15:27,103 --> 00:15:29,077
(GRUNTS)
375
00:15:33,658 --> 00:15:35,288
Cool!
376
00:15:35,313 --> 00:15:37,242
Mom knocked out Firewall.
377
00:15:41,514 --> 00:15:42,931
(CALVIN CHUCKLES)
378
00:15:42,956 --> 00:15:44,277
Like that.
379
00:15:46,335 --> 00:15:49,513
That's right. A bike for a shoe.
380
00:15:49,538 --> 00:15:51,966
(CHUCKLES) Holla at ya boy.
381
00:15:52,591 --> 00:15:54,090
You stole his bike?
382
00:15:54,147 --> 00:15:56,827
That's right. Because I care.
383
00:15:58,061 --> 00:16:01,982
Look, the boy's got to learn
that actions have consequences.
384
00:16:02,007 --> 00:16:03,440
An eye for an eye.
385
00:16:03,465 --> 00:16:05,615
Yeah, well, Gandhi said,
"An eye for an eye
386
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:07,064
makes the whole world blind."
387
00:16:07,089 --> 00:16:09,788
Well, Gandhi didn't wear $300 sneakers.
388
00:16:09,813 --> 00:16:12,227
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
389
00:16:12,252 --> 00:16:13,862
Look at you, Pop.
390
00:16:15,276 --> 00:16:18,518
Look who I found outside
about to tag your truck.
391
00:16:18,543 --> 00:16:20,009
About to tag my truck?
392
00:16:20,276 --> 00:16:22,345
Malcolm, go get some bail money.
I'm going to jail.
393
00:16:22,370 --> 00:16:24,944
- Whoa, no, no, no, no.
- No, Pop. No. No, stop.
394
00:16:24,969 --> 00:16:26,491
Calm down. Pop.
395
00:16:27,723 --> 00:16:30,291
Now, just let me talk
to him for a minute.
396
00:16:30,434 --> 00:16:32,778
Fine. But after that, he's mine.
397
00:16:33,115 --> 00:16:34,927
Hey, you need backup?
398
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:36,602
I've been on this case
since the beginning.
399
00:16:36,998 --> 00:16:38,520
That was today, Dave.
400
00:16:38,545 --> 00:16:40,966
Yeah, I know. And look, we
already caught the perp.
401
00:16:40,991 --> 00:16:42,573
(SCOFFS)
402
00:16:44,433 --> 00:16:46,262
Man, here we go.
403
00:16:46,294 --> 00:16:48,325
Now you're gonna give me a
lecture on stealing, right?
404
00:16:48,350 --> 00:16:49,460
No.
405
00:16:49,539 --> 00:16:51,536
I wasn't gonna give you a lecture.
406
00:16:51,561 --> 00:16:53,297
I was gonna tell you I'll go in there
407
00:16:53,322 --> 00:16:54,520
and get your bike back.
408
00:16:54,728 --> 00:16:56,160
What's the catch?
409
00:16:56,185 --> 00:16:57,896
Well, you got to listen to my lecture.
410
00:16:58,791 --> 00:17:00,639
Jamaal,
411
00:17:00,664 --> 00:17:02,547
I know what it's like to be your age.
412
00:17:02,696 --> 00:17:04,711
You're trying to figure
out how to be a man.
413
00:17:04,818 --> 00:17:06,476
But in this neighborhood...
414
00:17:06,706 --> 00:17:08,530
well, some people have a different idea
415
00:17:08,555 --> 00:17:10,119
of what that means.
416
00:17:10,399 --> 00:17:12,786
I know what it means. I am a man.
417
00:17:12,811 --> 00:17:14,410
Don't tell me what a man you are.
418
00:17:14,435 --> 00:17:16,168
Your bicycle still has a bell on it.
419
00:17:17,522 --> 00:17:19,096
But, hey,
420
00:17:19,251 --> 00:17:21,072
Jamaal, that's a good thing.
421
00:17:21,097 --> 00:17:22,761
Because it means you
still get to choose
422
00:17:22,786 --> 00:17:24,322
what kind of man you want to be.
423
00:17:24,862 --> 00:17:27,274
Now, do you want to be a
weak one or a strong one?
424
00:17:27,299 --> 00:17:29,421
I was strong enough to take your shoes.
425
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:32,850
Oh, you think so? Because
the way I remember it,
426
00:17:33,046 --> 00:17:35,380
after half a block I stopped running,
427
00:17:35,405 --> 00:17:37,772
turned around, and gave you my shoes.
428
00:17:38,065 --> 00:17:40,020
That's 'cause you were afraid.
429
00:17:40,045 --> 00:17:42,451
(LAUGHS)
430
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:45,278
Jamaal, I am a grown
man, and if I wanted to,
431
00:17:45,303 --> 00:17:48,374
I could've beat the black off
of you and your tiny crew.
432
00:17:49,574 --> 00:17:51,140
But I didn't.
433
00:17:51,553 --> 00:17:53,512
Because when I was your
age, my father taught me
434
00:17:53,537 --> 00:17:57,005
what makes a man truly strong
is helping other people.
435
00:17:57,751 --> 00:17:59,258
You mean Gramps in there?
436
00:17:59,283 --> 00:18:01,526
(CHUCKLES): Yeah.
437
00:18:01,675 --> 00:18:05,577
I know his methods may
seem a little old-school,
438
00:18:05,896 --> 00:18:08,370
but my father is the
strongest man that I know.
439
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,381
(BELL DINGING)
440
00:18:15,490 --> 00:18:16,924
I wonder what Malcolm's saying
441
00:18:16,949 --> 00:18:18,849
to that little thuglet out there.
442
00:18:21,237 --> 00:18:22,912
You know what? We can watch 'em
443
00:18:22,937 --> 00:18:24,973
on the security cam feed on my phone.
444
00:18:26,435 --> 00:18:29,048
Unless you think spying on
them would be unethical.
445
00:18:29,968 --> 00:18:33,022
Dave, we stole a kid's bike.
446
00:18:33,474 --> 00:18:35,143
Oh, that ship has sailed.
447
00:18:37,844 --> 00:18:40,478
Jamaal, what my father taught me
is that strength doesn't mean
448
00:18:40,503 --> 00:18:42,636
being able to take things
from other people.
449
00:18:42,982 --> 00:18:45,056
It means being able to
earn them for yourself.
450
00:18:45,469 --> 00:18:47,135
It means doing the right thing
451
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,126
even when the wrong thing looks easier.
452
00:18:49,593 --> 00:18:51,171
And most important,
453
00:18:51,510 --> 00:18:54,903
real strength doesn't come from
pushing other people down.
454
00:18:55,157 --> 00:18:56,942
It comes from lifting 'em up.
455
00:18:58,132 --> 00:18:59,389
You give me some speech,
456
00:18:59,414 --> 00:19:01,447
and it's supposed to change my life?
457
00:19:02,678 --> 00:19:04,332
Brother, I wish it could.
458
00:19:05,066 --> 00:19:06,462
But how about this?
459
00:19:06,689 --> 00:19:08,426
I'll meet you at the
park every Saturday.
460
00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:10,563
We shoot hoops and we talk
461
00:19:10,588 --> 00:19:12,161
about whatever you want.
462
00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:15,550
That's it. Now, you
show up if you like.
463
00:19:16,672 --> 00:19:17,942
Maybe.
464
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:21,505
All right, cool. Now, like I promised,
465
00:19:21,530 --> 00:19:23,253
I'll go get your bike back.
466
00:19:24,013 --> 00:19:26,178
That's not necessary, son.
467
00:19:27,158 --> 00:19:31,003
Looks like my plan to
lure Jamaal over here
468
00:19:31,028 --> 00:19:32,960
so that you could have
a talk with him...
469
00:19:32,985 --> 00:19:34,892
has worked.
470
00:19:37,161 --> 00:19:39,262
You can have your bike back.
471
00:19:40,130 --> 00:19:42,872
Um, Dave, are you crying?
472
00:19:46,180 --> 00:19:48,913
It takes a strong man
to show his emotions.
473
00:19:49,464 --> 00:19:51,909
Oh, oh, no tears on the fighting shirt.
474
00:19:54,977 --> 00:19:57,218
- Come and get it, boy.
- Pop, come on, man.
475
00:19:57,243 --> 00:19:59,267
(WHOOPING)
476
00:19:59,886 --> 00:20:02,034
Gonna dunk on you.
477
00:20:02,059 --> 00:20:02,813
Yeah, right.
478
00:20:02,838 --> 00:20:03,725
You're getting ready
to get punked right...
479
00:20:03,750 --> 00:20:05,828
- Man, just shoot...
- Aah!
480
00:20:05,853 --> 00:20:08,104
- Oh.
- (SCOFFS)
481
00:20:08,129 --> 00:20:10,040
Look who's here. The kid showed up.
482
00:20:10,064 --> 00:20:11,384
- Hey, what's up, little man?
- Hey, man.
483
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:13,711
You know what, now we can
play a little two-on-two.
484
00:20:13,736 --> 00:20:15,423
- Yeah.
- Okay.
485
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:20,359
All right, Malcolm and I are captains.
I choose first.
486
00:20:20,384 --> 00:20:22,130
I'm just saying, I sunk
my last three buckets.
487
00:20:22,155 --> 00:20:23,670
I'll take Jamaal.
488
00:20:23,953 --> 00:20:25,488
- My man.
- All right, little man,
489
00:20:25,513 --> 00:20:27,899
- you shoot for first.
- Got it.
490
00:20:32,623 --> 00:20:35,952
What? Not all black
people play basketball.
491
00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:40,435
Bet you wish you had chosen me, huh?
492
00:20:42,639 --> 00:20:44,453
Not at all.
34696
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