All language subtitles for Married With Children - 0623 - The Gas Station Show

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We're in trouble.

Daddy's watching Shenandoah.

No, not the one where Jimmy Stewart
beats all odds to preserve his family?

When they crank up the theme song,
Dad's gonna blow like a geyser.

Oh, we're doomed.

He's gonna wanna spend time
with us now.

Come on, kids.

God, that movie makes you think.

Family meeting.

Family, there comes a time
in the life of every man...

Can we just skip
through the speech, Al...

...and get to the punishment that you
will inflict on us for being your family?

What is it this time, honey?
You gonna get out the horseshoe set?

Boys-against-the-girls bocce?

Oh, no, Al...

...not the boo-hoo with you-know-who
at the zoo.

No, Peg, because we're no longer
allowed in the zoo...

...thanks to young Mr. Bundy,
who answered the question:

What happens when you feed
a panda Pop Rocks?

At least I have
a little intellectual curiosity.

I wasn't pointing
at the leopard yelling:

"How many animals died
for that coat?"

Well, at least I didn't pull my pants
down and moon the monkeys.

Well, at least I didn't turn her in.

Well, at least I didn't ask
the girl chimp to my prom.

- Hey, now that was a hot chimp!
- That's sick. That's sick!

Now, kids, hold it. Hey.

Now, I think we're missing
the point of Shenandoah.

Families are meant to be together.

- Well, we don't wanna be together.
- You have no choice.

I dedicate today
as Bundy Sunday Fun Day.

And so it ends.

Now, here's the plan.

We're going to take a Sunday drive.

In the Dodge?

Just for that, you ride in the back seat
with your mother.

Now, anyone else have
any problems with the Dodge?

And I'm not going to tell you now,
but I have a special surprise in mind.

You got a bumper sticker that says
"My Other Car Is My Feet"?

You used your finger to make
a cool racing stripe...

...in the dirt on the side of the car?

You got a new eight-track
of "Hotel California"?

We can crank it as we're towed
down the freeway?

Don't make me kill you
on Family Day.

- I say we all put on our finest clothes...
- We're in them.

...pack ourselves some vittles...
- We have none.

...and pile in the car
for a day of fun...

...a day of family, a day of love.

Sixty-four bottles of beer on the wall
Sixty-four bottles of beer

If one of them bottles...

You stink, Al.

- Why isn't Kelly pushing?
- Drop dead, you little doody.

Shut up, the lot of you.

Now, this is Bundy Sunday Fun Day.
I'll not have you ruin it for me.

Pumpkin, put the car in park, honey.

Oh, I already did that
before you started pushing.

Al, stop it.

All right, all right.

I'm fine.

- AI!
- I wanna kill you for this!

Come on, Al.

Look, when this car ran out of gas, you
promised that if we helped you push...

...you'd let us in on this big surprise
that you have for us.

So, what is it, Al? Tell us.

Are you dying?

No.

But if you were the least bit observant,
you'd see what the surprise is.

Oh, my God.

I see it. I see it.

Oh, Al, can this be true?

Tis.

After years of living like paupers...

...the Bundys are gonna do what
the Rockefellers are doing:

We're gonna get our gas today
from the full-serve pump.

You see?

Oh, Al. I feel like a princess.

Who's the king of surprises?

- Daddy!
- You betcha.

Who wants to be the one to honk
the horn to summon the attendant?

- I do. I wanna do it.
- I do. Come on, Dad, I wanna do it.

All right, now, now,
how does a father choose?

Let the boy do it.

Al, isn't that a little obnoxious?

Peg, we're paying 25 cents extra
for a gallon. He'll take it and like it.

Come on, you rummy. Fully serve us.

- What can I do for you, folks?
- We'll have $2 worth of regular.

Will there be anything else, sir?

Yes, there will be.
Check under the hood.

Peg, look at that.

It's the first time I told somebody
to do something and he's doing it.

Yes, honey. It's also
the first time you've had $2.

You're down 4 quarts of oil.
Want me to put it in?

Hey, how many paychecks
do you think I get in a week, buddy?

No, no, just check something else.

Well, your engine block is cracked...

...and you got a pair of nylons
for a fan belt.

Those are my good black ones.

Hey, what do you wanna do, you wanna
look good walking or look good riding?

Hey, Dad, can I order
the geek around too?

Hey, marry your own.

No, I was talking about
the gas jockey, Dad.

Bud, I said it was Bundy Family Day,
didn't I? Of course you can.

Okay, goober.

Check the tires,
there might be a nickel in it for you.

Son, son, son. I don't have a nickel.

Yeah, you're pretty low, sir.
You want some air?

Oh, no, thanks. We'll just breathe
the stuff that's around.

Oh, Al, you've made this
such a great day for us all.

Yeah, Daddy. Thank you.

Hey, Mom, look, look. There's a lady
putting gas in her own car.

She can't hear us laughing from here.
Let's go there.

Okay.

Go ahead, lady. Save 25 cents.

You know, Joe,
what really makes me mad?

- What, having a car this colour?
- No. No.

It's all those damn
Japanese imports.

After seeing a bunch of those clunkers,
you don't mind putting elbow grease...

...on one of these
fine American products, huh?

That's why I always got me a bunch
of fine American bumper stickers...

...to show where
I'm coming from. Yep.

It takes a good
American bumper sticker...

...to hold in a headlight, eh, Joe?

Yeah, they sure build them,
don't they?

This roof must be strong to hold up
under the weight of all that bird doody.

If there's no free services left,
I guess I'll be on my way.

- What's the damage?
- Two dollars.

Alrighty.

Here's 1.

And...

...there's 1.10, 1.20, 1.21...

...two dollars.

Gee, Joe, I don't see that smile they
advertise that comes with full service.

Al, the guy inside wants $12
for all this stuff.

I don't have $12.

Gee, kids, look how handsome
Daddy Habib looks in his uniform.

You continue to make us proud,
honey.

Why'd you do it, Peg?

Why'd you eat me into debt?

Well, it's your own fault, Al.

You take us into full-serve,
tell us to think like Rockefellers...

...of course we're gonna go for
the Ho Hos and the Slim Jims.

Don't worry, Daddy. We're gonna
go home now and raise the money...

...to get you out
of this financial fox paws.

Right. We'll have you home cursing
the day you were born in no time.

Yes, please hurry.

For as Jimmy Stewart said
in that great classic, Shenandoah...

Wow, they must really love you
as fast as they headed off.

If they really loved me, they'd be
heading in the direction of my house.

Well, Bundy, we're coming up
on our really busy time of day, so l...

Hey, Joe, I stole my father's car.
Wanna go to the beach?

So I'm going to the beach.

Well, I don't feel ashamed.

I mean, I am a shoe salesman
and I did have my family out in public.

Thank God this station's
not in my neighbourhood.

I mean, the chances of me
seeing anyone I know are about...

Hi, Al.

They're about certain.

See, I told you it was him.

I could see where you would think
it was an orangutan...

...but I knew I recognized that bald spot
when I spotted it from the freeway.

You know, Jefferson, good for you.

You decided to take
the Miller boy camping, huh?

Where's the woman? Out shopping
for some more of those lacy T-shirts...

...that so drive the men crazy?

I'll have you know, Al,
that I happen to like tiny bazooms.

Oh, I had plenty of women
before Marcie...

...and I swear, you get tired
of big, succulent breasts.

Besides, I don't want a bunch of guys
staring at my wife.

I mean, that's the good thing
about Marcie. No guy ever...

That's quite enough, honey bunch.

Well, Al...

...here's something I bet you haven't
heard from a woman in a long time:

Fill her up.

Or do I have to confirm the rumours
and tell you where to put the nozzle?

Well, Marcie, no need to... at me.

We'll fill you up and you can be
on the highway...

...blinding truckers
in about a minute.

There you go.

- That'll be 12 bucks.
- He didn't put any gas in, dear.

Then I'm gonna have to tell
your superior.

Jefferson, find me anyone.

Guess you people are wondering...

...what a man of my position is doing
working in a gas station?

I do it to remind me
of where I've come from.

Couldn't pay for your own gas,
could you?

No. Give me 12 bucks.

Oh, Al, if all it will take is $12
for you to regain your self-respect...

...and get out
of this demeaning position...

...then ask someone who cares.

See you later, Al. Sorry.

Oh, Mother Macree!

Well, hello there, Habib.

Well, family, what is the proper way
to say hello to a friend...

...from the other hemisphere?

May the prophet
smile upon you, Habib.

He already has with this fine job
and the blood that flows in my shoe.

How may this unworthy one
serve you?

Check under the hood.
And I say that not to demean you...

...but to ensure the safety
of my family.

- Oh, I love you, Jim.
- I love you, Betty.

- I love you all.
- Oh, thank you, Jim Jr.

- I love you, father.
- Oh, thank you, Betty Jr.

Now, family,
I have a big surprise for you.

That you've pulled in to full-serve?

No, son. What kind of a dad
would just do that?

No. We're going on a picnic.

Well, what better way to celebrate
another Lundy Sunday Fun Day?

- Oh, thanks!
- Great!

- I love you, Jim.
- I love you too, Betty.

Yeah. And the kids love you too.

Now, that'll be 5 bucks.

Well, there you go.

- Should we give the man a tip, Jim?
- Nope.

I told you we should have
taken my car.

Your car? Since when did you
ever pay for anything?

- Leave Mom alone.
- Drop dead, the lot of you.

Take my advice, buddy.

You probably got a lot of women
pressuring you into marrying them.

But don't do it.

Marriage leads to everything bad
in life:

Work, kids, Habib shirts.

You understand what I mean?

Tell your friends.

What, is my foot invisible?

How can you miss it? It's swollen
to three times its normal size.

Al, don't even say a word.
I've had a terrible day.

Peg, you've been gone seven hours.
Don't tell me you couldn't raise $12.

Al, you have a job and you can't raise
$12 in seven hours.

Do you wanna hear
about my day or what?

I'm sorry. Do go on.

Well, we went back to the house
to look for the money...

...but Mom called.
She was a little down.

She got on a scale today
and it said she weighed 380.

She's been 374 since high school,
and she's afraid...

She's afraid she's getting fat.

Don't worry, Peg, she probably had
6 pounds of food stuck in her teeth.

When I think of how
that woman loves you.

- Thank God she can't hear you.
- Thank God she can't eat me.

Can we get to the money part
of the story?

God, you're so impatient.

Anyway, I found $20 in the pocket
of one of your old shirts.

The shirt that I wanted to wear
but you couldn't find?

Yeah. Maybe I learned a lesson.

I should probably look
when I said I did.

On the way over here,
your car ran out of gas.

- Too bad. Give me the money.
- We don't have any money.

- Well, you said you had $20.
- Well, we did, before the taxi.

What taxi?

Well, the taxi we called
when your car ran out of gas.

It's two blocks away. He's there
with the meter running...

...so stop dilly-dallying
and fill this can up.

Why should I,
what's wrong with you?

We walked in to full-serve.

Now where's that full-serve smile?

Daddy, is Bundy Sunday Fun Day
officially over?

Yes, pumpkin. I'm afraid that it is.

But don't worry. See, next week
we're gonna drive up to the woods...

...and we're going hunting.

See, I'll be the only one
carrying the rifle...

...and you kids can run out there
and flush out the game.

We'll call it Bundy Sunday Gun Day.

- Oh, boy.
- Indeed.

That'll be 2 bucks, Peg.

Get it from my husband.
He's a wealthy shoe salesman.

Not you.

Now, they're women,
I expect that from them. But you...

...I expected a little more loyalty
from you.

I tried to talk some sense
into the women.

- I tried to make them hurry.
- Well, what happened?

The sandman got me, Dad.

You know I get all sleepy
when I take a ride in the car.

I napped all the way to the beach.

The house.

Life is rough for you, isn't it, son?

Don't worry, Dad. Bud Bundy
always lands on his feet.

Yeah. We'll find out about that
when I get home.

But I just wanna tell you
one thing, son.

All I wanted to do
was spend one day with my family.

Am I to be punished for this?

Yes.

Because it's a stupid, moronic thing
to waste your Sunday with your family.

Well, I paid for it.

But now it's time for someone else
to pay for it.

Habib is dead.

Long live Habib.

The only way to save this,
this final Bundy Sunday Fun Day...

...is to watch my only son
suffer as I have suffered.

The next car in here is yours.

- Hi.
- We're the Swedish bikini team.

We just love guys named Habib.

Sit in back and enjoy us
as we ride down a bumpy road.

- Bye, Dad.
- Bye, Dad.

Hi.

We're the Chicago bowling team.

We're looking for guys named Al.

We love guys named Al.

Let's boogie.

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