All language subtitles for Cannibals.and.Carpet.Fitters.2018.HDRip.XviD.AC3-EVO-HI

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish Download
nl Dutch
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal) Download
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian Download
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:05,001 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2 00:00:07,523 --> 00:00:10,791 GILLIAN: Okay, we are officially on the road! 3 00:00:10,793 --> 00:00:13,227 Whoo! 4 00:00:13,229 --> 00:00:14,628 Jack, is this recording? 5 00:00:14,630 --> 00:00:16,295 JACK: Well, check if the red light's on. 6 00:00:16,297 --> 00:00:17,431 GILLIAN: Can't see. 7 00:00:17,433 --> 00:00:18,632 Oh, yeah. 8 00:00:18,634 --> 00:00:20,666 There we go. 9 00:00:20,668 --> 00:00:22,835 We are on our way. Smile at the camera. 10 00:00:22,837 --> 00:00:24,805 No, not when I'm not driving. 11 00:00:24,807 --> 00:00:26,440 You're such a miserable sod. 12 00:00:26,442 --> 00:00:28,875 We're going on a camping trip. Be happy! 13 00:00:28,877 --> 00:00:31,844 Yay! Five-and-a-half hours in a car! 14 00:00:31,846 --> 00:00:33,949 The red letter day nobody wants! 15 00:00:39,287 --> 00:00:41,488 GILLIAN: Aw, look, all the tents. 16 00:00:41,490 --> 00:00:44,360 JACK: Yeah, tents, great. 17 00:00:48,896 --> 00:00:50,931 GILLIAN: So here we are. 18 00:00:50,933 --> 00:00:54,767 Everyone's having a lovely time in their tents. 19 00:00:54,769 --> 00:00:56,937 And this is us. 20 00:00:56,939 --> 00:00:58,938 Yep. 21 00:00:58,940 --> 00:01:02,575 It's literally been several hours now, 22 00:01:02,577 --> 00:01:04,744 and Jack still hasn't put up the tent. 23 00:01:04,746 --> 00:01:08,284 Except it hasn't been several hours, has it? 24 00:01:27,002 --> 00:01:29,369 And as you can see, we've gone for the... 25 00:01:29,371 --> 00:01:31,837 less-is-more approach with the tent. 26 00:01:31,839 --> 00:01:34,840 You don't like it, you can go bunk up with Weirdy-Beardy. 27 00:01:34,842 --> 00:01:35,875 [LAUGHS] 28 00:01:35,877 --> 00:01:37,810 It's fine, darling. 29 00:01:37,812 --> 00:01:41,447 Here's to our romantic camping weekend! 30 00:01:41,449 --> 00:01:42,715 - Okay. - Whoo-hoo! 31 00:01:42,717 --> 00:01:44,853 - Ayes ayes ayes. - Ayes ayes ayes. 32 00:01:46,422 --> 00:01:48,324 - Oh, that's disgusting. - [LAUGHS] 33 00:01:52,493 --> 00:01:55,828 Jack, it's what it's all about. It's beautiful. 34 00:01:55,830 --> 00:01:57,433 You must like this. 35 00:01:59,368 --> 00:02:02,437 We're on private land. We're probably gonna get shot. 36 00:02:06,841 --> 00:02:08,608 GILLIAN: Jack! 37 00:02:08,610 --> 00:02:10,710 - Can't bring your phone with! - All right, all right! 38 00:02:10,712 --> 00:02:13,347 GILLIAN: Jeez! 39 00:02:13,349 --> 00:02:15,585 Two minutes! 40 00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:22,923 JACK: Oh! Something met its end here! 41 00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:25,591 Gill! Gill, come on down and come and see this! 42 00:02:25,593 --> 00:02:26,992 GILLIAN: I'm really sad. 43 00:02:26,994 --> 00:02:29,395 - No! - No, that's horrible. 44 00:02:29,397 --> 00:02:30,764 You gotta come and see it! 45 00:02:30,766 --> 00:02:33,667 The poor baby had a mom and a dad and friends. 46 00:02:33,669 --> 00:02:35,634 He probably does. 47 00:02:35,636 --> 00:02:37,372 I'm hungry. Let's go get some food. 48 00:02:41,409 --> 00:02:45,611 And here she comes, finally! 49 00:02:45,613 --> 00:02:46,947 Jack, give me the camera back. 50 00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:48,948 No! Come on, just catch up! 51 00:02:48,950 --> 00:02:50,516 Jack, don't film me when I'm tired. 52 00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:52,885 I look awful. 53 00:02:52,887 --> 00:02:55,020 You're the one who wanted to see the countryside! 54 00:02:55,022 --> 00:02:56,789 Look at it! Isn't it beautiful? 55 00:02:56,791 --> 00:02:58,093 Don't start. 56 00:03:10,938 --> 00:03:13,573 Babe, can you remember which way we came? 57 00:03:13,575 --> 00:03:16,675 I think someone's got us lost. 58 00:03:16,677 --> 00:03:19,478 No. This way. 59 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,116 - Mm-hmm. - Come on. 60 00:03:23,152 --> 00:03:24,520 Okay. 61 00:03:28,623 --> 00:03:30,823 Jack, it's bloody dark now, and you've gotten us lost, 62 00:03:30,825 --> 00:03:32,626 and I'm freezing. 63 00:03:32,628 --> 00:03:34,997 JACK: Give me the camera. There's a light on it. 64 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,969 Here, get the lantern from my bag. 65 00:03:42,938 --> 00:03:45,572 - [LOUD SNARL] - Shh, shh, shh! 66 00:03:45,574 --> 00:03:47,807 - [SOFT GROWLING] - Oh, my God, what? 67 00:03:47,809 --> 00:03:49,476 You hear that? 68 00:03:49,478 --> 00:03:51,777 - Yeah, what is that? - [GROWL] 69 00:03:51,779 --> 00:03:53,782 JACK: Don't know. Come on, let's move. 70 00:03:59,955 --> 00:04:01,687 GILLIAN: Jack, slow down! 71 00:04:01,689 --> 00:04:03,690 JACK: Come on, then. There's something behind us! 72 00:04:03,692 --> 00:04:05,692 [GILLIAN WHIMPERING] 73 00:04:05,694 --> 00:04:06,859 What was it? 74 00:04:06,861 --> 00:04:09,128 [SOFT GROWLING] 75 00:04:09,130 --> 00:04:11,730 Oh, my God, it's still there. Jack, it's still there! 76 00:04:11,732 --> 00:04:12,835 - Come on! - [GILLIAN SCREAMS] 77 00:04:24,111 --> 00:04:25,614 Gillian. 78 00:04:26,647 --> 00:04:29,049 Gilly. 79 00:04:29,051 --> 00:04:31,484 You just left me, you prick! 80 00:04:31,486 --> 00:04:33,556 Shh, shh, shh! 81 00:04:35,524 --> 00:04:37,523 Oh, shit. Jack! 82 00:04:37,525 --> 00:04:41,430 - [GROWLING] - [SCREAMING] 83 00:04:42,763 --> 00:04:45,532 GILLIAN: Oh, my God! Jack! 84 00:04:45,534 --> 00:04:47,736 [GILLIAN SOBBING] 85 00:04:50,972 --> 00:04:52,808 Oh, my God! 86 00:05:01,049 --> 00:05:04,620 [PANTING] 87 00:05:08,757 --> 00:05:10,689 - [WHIMPERING] - [BANGING] 88 00:05:10,691 --> 00:05:12,292 Please, let me in! 89 00:05:12,294 --> 00:05:13,893 Help me, help me! 90 00:05:13,895 --> 00:05:15,996 Oh, are you all right there, my dear? 91 00:05:15,998 --> 00:05:17,597 Oh, what's going on? 92 00:05:17,599 --> 00:05:20,165 You can't just barge into my house like this. 93 00:05:20,167 --> 00:05:23,636 I'm so sorry, but there's something out there. 94 00:05:23,638 --> 00:05:25,104 I think it's just killed my boyfriend! 95 00:05:25,106 --> 00:05:26,972 Please, I need to call the police! 96 00:05:26,974 --> 00:05:28,775 Calm down, dear, no need to worry. 97 00:05:28,777 --> 00:05:30,143 You're safe now. 98 00:05:30,145 --> 00:05:31,611 No, you don't understand. 99 00:05:31,613 --> 00:05:34,047 I need to call the police! It just... 100 00:05:34,049 --> 00:05:36,181 It just grabbed him like he was a piece of meat! 101 00:05:36,183 --> 00:05:38,018 What grabbed him? 102 00:05:38,020 --> 00:05:40,020 I don't know! 103 00:05:40,022 --> 00:05:43,256 It was huge! Oh, my God, Jack! 104 00:05:43,258 --> 00:05:46,993 Oh, oh, you poor thing! You're shaking! 105 00:05:46,995 --> 00:05:48,895 Come on, let's get you in the kitchen, 106 00:05:48,897 --> 00:05:51,297 sit you down and get you a nice cup of tea. 107 00:05:51,299 --> 00:05:53,333 No, I just need to call the police, please! 108 00:05:53,335 --> 00:05:55,969 That's all right, dear. The phone's in the kitchen. 109 00:05:55,971 --> 00:05:57,807 Come this way. 110 00:06:01,642 --> 00:06:03,012 This way, my dear. 111 00:06:10,786 --> 00:06:12,885 Take a seat with my boys. 112 00:06:12,887 --> 00:06:15,190 Just popping the kettle on. 113 00:06:18,993 --> 00:06:22,128 We don't often get visitors, do we, boys? 114 00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:24,600 [DISHES CLATTERING] 115 00:06:32,039 --> 00:06:35,075 Don't worry. They won't bite you. 116 00:06:35,077 --> 00:06:36,710 Do you take sugar? 117 00:06:36,712 --> 00:06:39,813 Um, just milk. 118 00:06:39,815 --> 00:06:42,782 Wait, did you say you had a phone that I could use? 119 00:06:42,784 --> 00:06:45,885 Oh, yes, sorry, dear. There's me being mother. 120 00:06:45,887 --> 00:06:49,325 Two seconds, my lovely. I'll be right back. 121 00:06:51,859 --> 00:06:54,760 Phone, phone, now where did I put it? 122 00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:57,097 [DISHES CLATTERING] 123 00:06:57,099 --> 00:06:59,969 So, um, how long have you guys lived here... 124 00:07:00,969 --> 00:07:02,238 Oh! 125 00:07:05,674 --> 00:07:07,342 Grub's up, boys! 126 00:07:23,058 --> 00:07:24,694 Charlie! 127 00:07:28,296 --> 00:07:30,266 Dinner time! 128 00:07:32,801 --> 00:07:35,137 [GROWLING] 129 00:07:40,308 --> 00:07:42,211 That's my boy. 130 00:07:46,214 --> 00:07:47,946 ♪ Carpets make your day ♪ 131 00:07:47,948 --> 00:07:50,150 ♪ We're dashing through the lake ♪ 132 00:07:50,152 --> 00:07:51,818 - [STEREO BLARING] - [CAR HORN HONKS] 133 00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:53,389 DRIVER: You fucking prick! 134 00:07:54,955 --> 00:07:56,224 [CHUCKLES] 135 00:07:58,260 --> 00:07:59,395 JADE: Dad! 136 00:08:06,702 --> 00:08:09,001 - What is it? - Phone for ya. 137 00:08:09,003 --> 00:08:10,335 Already? 138 00:08:10,337 --> 00:08:12,337 Only just opened. 139 00:08:12,339 --> 00:08:13,338 Who is it? 140 00:08:13,340 --> 00:08:14,873 I don't know. 141 00:08:14,875 --> 00:08:18,078 - Who is it? - Hey! Give it here. 142 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,713 Go and make us a cuppa. 143 00:08:20,715 --> 00:08:22,748 Hello? 144 00:08:22,750 --> 00:08:25,984 Oh, hello there, Mrs. Hanning. [CHUCKLES] 145 00:08:25,986 --> 00:08:29,823 Yes, I've got my best team heading out to you. 146 00:08:29,825 --> 00:08:31,224 Do not worry. 147 00:08:31,226 --> 00:08:34,094 They're literally loading up now, okay? 148 00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:37,096 Lovely. If you have any problems, 149 00:08:37,098 --> 00:08:39,832 just give me a call, okay? 150 00:08:39,834 --> 00:08:42,203 Thanks. Bye! 151 00:08:45,406 --> 00:08:46,906 Morning, all. 152 00:08:46,908 --> 00:08:48,307 JADE: Chris. 153 00:08:48,309 --> 00:08:50,744 Ah, Christopher. 154 00:08:50,746 --> 00:08:54,814 It seems your alarm clock is 10 minutes out of sync again. 155 00:08:54,816 --> 00:08:57,282 You really need to look into that. 156 00:08:57,284 --> 00:08:58,350 All right. 157 00:08:58,352 --> 00:09:01,488 I had a... late night. 158 00:09:01,490 --> 00:09:04,090 Ugh. Too much information. 159 00:09:04,092 --> 00:09:07,127 I can't hear that kettle boiling, Jade. 160 00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:08,130 [SCOFFS] 161 00:09:10,231 --> 00:09:12,264 Oh, yeah, make us a brew. 162 00:09:12,266 --> 00:09:15,301 Gosh, as if I'm not busy enough! 163 00:09:15,303 --> 00:09:18,838 - Tash in? - She's out back loading up. 164 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,541 Yes, and can you go and help her, please? 165 00:09:21,543 --> 00:09:23,877 It's a big job today. 166 00:09:23,879 --> 00:09:26,345 All right, Nige. God, I ain't even had a tea yet. 167 00:09:26,347 --> 00:09:28,248 Remember to make up for those 10 minutes 168 00:09:28,250 --> 00:09:30,849 during your lunch as well. 169 00:09:30,851 --> 00:09:32,387 Yeah, whatever. 170 00:09:39,394 --> 00:09:40,830 Tash! 171 00:09:42,831 --> 00:09:44,397 TASHA: Heads up! 172 00:09:44,399 --> 00:09:45,931 Come on, watch the hair! 173 00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:47,801 You vain sod. 174 00:09:47,803 --> 00:09:50,069 Anyway, you're late, as always. 175 00:09:50,071 --> 00:09:51,503 I had a bit of late one. 176 00:09:51,505 --> 00:09:53,473 You know what I'm like when I hit the sambucus. 177 00:09:53,475 --> 00:09:55,941 Stop, stop. I don't care. 178 00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:57,476 Just get that on the van. 179 00:09:57,478 --> 00:09:59,311 All right, chill out. What's the job? 180 00:09:59,313 --> 00:10:01,947 Some old country house apparently, 181 00:10:01,949 --> 00:10:03,582 in the middle of nowhere. 182 00:10:03,584 --> 00:10:05,754 A big country house. 183 00:10:07,021 --> 00:10:09,288 And here's your paperwork. 184 00:10:09,290 --> 00:10:11,191 Have you got enough gripper on the van? 185 00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:12,358 Yes. 186 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:13,593 And underlay? 187 00:10:13,595 --> 00:10:15,128 Yes, Nige. 188 00:10:15,130 --> 00:10:17,297 Okay, just checking. 189 00:10:17,299 --> 00:10:19,367 It's a good job for us, this one. 190 00:10:21,535 --> 00:10:23,371 Behave yourself, please. 191 00:10:26,908 --> 00:10:28,340 Hold on, a full house? 192 00:10:28,342 --> 00:10:30,276 Just you and me? That's bullshit. 193 00:10:30,278 --> 00:10:33,278 Don't worry. Your best mates Dean and Colin will be there. 194 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:34,980 [SIGHS] Great. 195 00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:37,182 I think I prefer just us doing it. 196 00:10:37,184 --> 00:10:38,853 Where are they now, then? 197 00:10:40,388 --> 00:10:42,589 Don't do it. 198 00:10:42,591 --> 00:10:44,858 Colin, don't do it. 199 00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:46,392 What? 200 00:10:46,394 --> 00:10:47,960 You gonna hit a pipe. 201 00:10:47,962 --> 00:10:49,494 I'm not gonna hit a pipe. 202 00:10:49,496 --> 00:10:52,364 I am telling you now you're gonna go hit a pipe. 203 00:10:52,366 --> 00:10:54,334 I'm not going to hit a bloody pipe. 204 00:10:54,336 --> 00:10:56,436 How long do you think I've been doing this job? 205 00:10:56,438 --> 00:10:59,439 [SIGHS] All right. Go on, then. 206 00:10:59,441 --> 00:11:01,240 Oh, you didn't lay the wrong way around. 207 00:11:01,242 --> 00:11:03,176 Oh, for God's sake, will you shut up? 208 00:11:03,178 --> 00:11:04,509 I don't see you down here doing it. 209 00:11:04,511 --> 00:11:07,213 And how am I supposed to fit down there with you? 210 00:11:07,215 --> 00:11:09,548 And what's that supposed to mean? 211 00:11:09,550 --> 00:11:10,819 [GROANS] 212 00:11:14,422 --> 00:11:16,258 See? Told ya. 213 00:11:17,458 --> 00:11:19,492 [SIGHS] 214 00:11:19,494 --> 00:11:21,494 She ain't happy. 215 00:11:21,496 --> 00:11:23,562 Listen, Nige, it's fine. She's all right with it. 216 00:11:23,564 --> 00:11:25,931 And we told her these things happen. 217 00:11:25,933 --> 00:11:29,636 What? Well, of course I rang the plumber, yeah, yeah. 218 00:11:29,638 --> 00:11:31,403 Hey, hold on a minute. 219 00:11:31,405 --> 00:11:33,605 Well, Malcolm has just turned up now. 220 00:11:33,607 --> 00:11:37,176 Yeah. I know, big house, big job, big money, I get it. 221 00:11:37,178 --> 00:11:39,244 Don't panic, all right? 222 00:11:39,246 --> 00:11:41,648 We'll start loading up the van, and we'll head out there. 223 00:11:41,650 --> 00:11:44,517 All right, okay. Okay, okeydokey. 224 00:11:44,519 --> 00:11:46,619 Cheese. Bye, Nige. Bye. Bye. 225 00:11:46,621 --> 00:11:49,388 He never bloody stops him. 226 00:11:49,390 --> 00:11:51,356 - Morning, fellas. - Malcolm. 227 00:11:51,358 --> 00:11:54,259 Oh, finally showed up now we've finished the job. 228 00:11:54,261 --> 00:11:55,628 Where's your car? 229 00:11:55,630 --> 00:11:58,230 Oh, yeah, sorry, man. I sorta lost it. 230 00:11:58,232 --> 00:12:00,066 - You lost your car? - Didn't mean to. 231 00:12:00,068 --> 00:12:01,566 I had a late night one, you know? 232 00:12:01,568 --> 00:12:03,268 Hey, I got home okay, though, didn't I? 233 00:12:03,270 --> 00:12:06,205 How did you lose it? I shouldn't even ask. 234 00:12:06,207 --> 00:12:07,706 Can't remember. 235 00:12:07,708 --> 00:12:09,709 Oh, well, these things turn up. They always do. 236 00:12:09,711 --> 00:12:11,476 You see, they don't, though, Malcolm. 237 00:12:11,478 --> 00:12:13,946 Your car keys maybe, but a little Fiat Punto 238 00:12:13,948 --> 00:12:15,480 ain't gonna turn up on your windowsill, is it? 239 00:12:15,482 --> 00:12:17,450 Oh, well, luckily, I left the keys in the car, 240 00:12:17,452 --> 00:12:21,287 so at least I'll get them back at the same time. 241 00:12:21,289 --> 00:12:23,355 Don't worry. He's just in a mood 'cause he's weed himself. 242 00:12:23,357 --> 00:12:25,325 Oh, right, yeah, cool. 243 00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,125 Overactive bladder syndrome. 244 00:12:27,127 --> 00:12:28,628 That is common when you get to, like, your 50s. 245 00:12:28,630 --> 00:12:30,430 - My nan had it. - Shut it, Malcolm. 246 00:12:30,432 --> 00:12:31,730 I'm not even 50. 247 00:12:31,732 --> 00:12:33,432 Lob your bike in the van and get in. 248 00:12:33,434 --> 00:12:35,200 - Where we going now, then? - Gonna go meet Tash. 249 00:12:35,202 --> 00:12:37,570 Your favorite, hey? Whoa, what you doing? 250 00:12:37,572 --> 00:12:39,471 You in the back as well, mate. 251 00:12:39,473 --> 00:12:41,173 Isn't that illegal, me in the back? 252 00:12:41,175 --> 00:12:42,542 Not if you keep your head down. 253 00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:44,109 Why can't I sit up there with you two? 254 00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:45,610 Malcolm, apprentices have to sit in the back. 255 00:12:45,612 --> 00:12:48,181 We've been through this. It's a rite of passage. 256 00:12:48,183 --> 00:12:49,481 All right, then. 257 00:12:49,483 --> 00:12:52,120 You say we're meeting Tash, yeah? 258 00:13:04,432 --> 00:13:06,766 Wow. Can really smell the shit in the air around here. 259 00:13:06,768 --> 00:13:09,104 [PHONE CHIMES] 260 00:13:12,273 --> 00:13:14,172 [LAUGHS] 261 00:13:14,174 --> 00:13:17,509 Aw, Craig's a player, man. Top lad. 262 00:13:17,511 --> 00:13:19,711 Some funny shit! 263 00:13:19,713 --> 00:13:21,647 What are you doing? 264 00:13:21,649 --> 00:13:25,118 Craig sent me some pics from last night. Look. 265 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:28,220 Don't you think my arms look big in that shirt? 266 00:13:28,222 --> 00:13:31,423 Is that Malcolm in the background? 267 00:13:31,425 --> 00:13:33,426 - Is it? - [DEVICE BEEPING] 268 00:13:33,428 --> 00:13:35,194 Don't remember seeing him out. 269 00:13:35,196 --> 00:13:37,629 Look, forget your phone. Can you help me fix the satnav? 270 00:13:37,631 --> 00:13:39,798 Chill out! 271 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:41,600 [SIGHS] 272 00:13:41,602 --> 00:13:43,603 Look, it's broken anyway. I told you that last time. 273 00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:45,604 What you reckon, new profile pic? 274 00:13:45,606 --> 00:13:48,074 [SIGHS] Just forget your phone. 275 00:13:48,076 --> 00:13:49,341 Just find directions. 276 00:13:49,343 --> 00:13:51,212 I'll just ring Nige and ask him. 277 00:13:52,713 --> 00:13:55,415 [PHONE RINGING] 278 00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:56,516 This one here? 279 00:13:56,518 --> 00:13:59,118 Oh, so lovely, so soft. 280 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,654 [RINGING CONTINUES] 281 00:14:02,656 --> 00:14:04,657 Feel your feet on that. 282 00:14:04,659 --> 00:14:10,463 [PHONE RINGING] 283 00:14:10,465 --> 00:14:12,101 Phone, Jade! 284 00:14:13,534 --> 00:14:15,334 Don't be shy. Take your shoes off. 285 00:14:15,336 --> 00:14:17,402 Cupid Carpets. Jade speaking. 286 00:14:17,404 --> 00:14:19,739 Dad! Phone! 287 00:14:19,741 --> 00:14:21,706 Perfect color for this time of year as well. 288 00:14:21,708 --> 00:14:24,543 [CHUCKLES] Who is it? 289 00:14:24,545 --> 00:14:26,515 Who is it? 290 00:14:28,449 --> 00:14:30,649 It's Chris! 291 00:14:30,651 --> 00:14:31,683 [CHUCKLES] 292 00:14:31,685 --> 00:14:34,122 Excuse me one second. 293 00:14:42,563 --> 00:14:44,599 Don't let them leave. 294 00:14:48,535 --> 00:14:50,472 Yes, hello? 295 00:14:51,739 --> 00:14:54,706 The postcode is on the paperwork. 296 00:14:54,708 --> 00:14:56,676 What? 297 00:14:56,678 --> 00:15:00,245 Well, use a satnav. 298 00:15:00,247 --> 00:15:01,516 Who broke it? 299 00:15:03,217 --> 00:15:04,385 Sorry, mate. 300 00:15:11,693 --> 00:15:14,226 You guys not been to this place before, no? 301 00:15:14,228 --> 00:15:16,295 No, Malcolm, otherwise I wouldn't be working out 302 00:15:16,297 --> 00:15:19,465 Nigel's useless directions, would I? 303 00:15:19,467 --> 00:15:21,334 When did you start smoking, then? 304 00:15:21,336 --> 00:15:23,136 Me? Oh, few years now. 305 00:15:23,138 --> 00:15:24,336 [COUGHS] 306 00:15:24,338 --> 00:15:26,239 - Want one? - No, thanks. 307 00:15:26,241 --> 00:15:28,306 I don't think you're gonna impress Tasha with all that. 308 00:15:28,308 --> 00:15:29,441 You know, she's a health freak. 309 00:15:29,443 --> 00:15:30,909 Really? 310 00:15:30,911 --> 00:15:32,711 Don't even know why I started, to be honest. 311 00:15:32,713 --> 00:15:34,580 Only started last week. I think it's just a case of... 312 00:15:34,582 --> 00:15:36,481 You're rambling again. 313 00:15:36,483 --> 00:15:39,551 Aw, I just dripped egg all over the roadmap. 314 00:15:39,553 --> 00:15:41,354 You're an animal. 315 00:15:41,356 --> 00:15:43,189 Haven't you chaps ever thought about using one of those 316 00:15:43,191 --> 00:15:45,191 satellite navigation thingies? 317 00:15:45,193 --> 00:15:46,758 - I don't trust them. - Why? 318 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:47,859 I just don't. 319 00:15:47,861 --> 00:15:49,528 Tell him why. 320 00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:51,497 Because they're not always right. 321 00:15:51,499 --> 00:15:54,167 Or because some people follow every instruction blindly, 322 00:15:54,169 --> 00:15:56,168 even if it means driving into a fence. 323 00:15:56,170 --> 00:15:58,237 Well, it said turn right, didn't it? 324 00:15:58,239 --> 00:16:00,705 How many times did I say you're going the wrong way, Col? 325 00:16:00,707 --> 00:16:02,407 Oh, look, there's a fence, Col. 326 00:16:02,409 --> 00:16:03,676 We're going to crash, Colin. 327 00:16:03,678 --> 00:16:06,345 - Is that true? - He's lying again. 328 00:16:06,347 --> 00:16:08,480 Oh, I'm lying, am I? Let's go and ask the poor family 329 00:16:08,482 --> 00:16:10,615 having their kid's birthday party in the garden, shall we? 330 00:16:10,617 --> 00:16:12,284 Ask them if I'm lying. 331 00:16:12,286 --> 00:16:14,653 Oh, he's over-exaggerating it a bit. 332 00:16:14,655 --> 00:16:16,855 Anyway, shouldn't we be getting a move on, fellas? 333 00:16:16,857 --> 00:16:19,492 Malcolm, you know the score. The quicker we get there, 334 00:16:19,494 --> 00:16:21,326 the more work we're gonna have to do. 335 00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:23,498 Chill out, they'll be fine. 336 00:16:25,732 --> 00:16:29,668 ♪♪ [OMINOUS] 337 00:16:29,670 --> 00:16:32,470 CHRIS: When he said "big," I didn't think this kind of big. 338 00:16:32,472 --> 00:16:33,839 TASHA: Well done, Nige. 339 00:16:33,841 --> 00:16:36,209 Can see why he wanted all of us here. 340 00:16:36,211 --> 00:16:37,880 CHRIS: Fucking great. 341 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,757 Enjoy the pie, boys. 342 00:16:51,925 --> 00:16:54,726 [KNOCKING] 343 00:16:54,728 --> 00:16:56,662 All I'm saying is I just either prefer 344 00:16:56,664 --> 00:17:00,566 working on my own or with you 'cause the others do my head in. 345 00:17:00,568 --> 00:17:01,767 Hello. 346 00:17:01,769 --> 00:17:03,936 - Hi. Mrs. Hanning, is it? - Yes. 347 00:17:03,938 --> 00:17:07,340 - We're from Cupid Carpets. - Oh, the carpet people! 348 00:17:07,342 --> 00:17:08,674 Do come in, do come in. 349 00:17:08,676 --> 00:17:09,778 Thank you. 350 00:17:11,746 --> 00:17:14,780 Ooh, you're a strong man, aren't you? 351 00:17:14,782 --> 00:17:16,415 The job keeps me fit. 352 00:17:16,417 --> 00:17:19,784 I bet it does. I bet it does. 353 00:17:19,786 --> 00:17:21,786 Just follow me. 354 00:17:21,788 --> 00:17:24,889 Do you want me to show you around or... 355 00:17:24,891 --> 00:17:26,658 You show us where the living room is, 356 00:17:26,660 --> 00:17:28,394 we can set up in there, if you like. 357 00:17:28,396 --> 00:17:31,496 Okay, my dears, this way, then. 358 00:17:31,498 --> 00:17:33,666 It's nice and quiet around here, isn't it? 359 00:17:33,668 --> 00:17:36,572 Yes. Just the way I like it. 360 00:17:38,773 --> 00:17:40,872 This is the living room. 361 00:17:40,874 --> 00:17:42,875 It should be no problem at all. 362 00:17:42,877 --> 00:17:44,877 We don't use it much anymore. 363 00:17:44,879 --> 00:17:47,679 We've got so many other rooms. 364 00:17:47,681 --> 00:17:50,382 Jeez, look at this fella. 365 00:17:50,384 --> 00:17:52,618 Could be from that film. What's it called? 366 00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:55,588 That's an old relative of mine, my dear. 367 00:17:55,590 --> 00:17:57,326 Quite a family heirloom, that. 368 00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:03,928 We managed to move most of the furniture for you. 369 00:18:03,930 --> 00:18:05,298 On your own? 370 00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:07,766 My boys helped me. 371 00:18:07,768 --> 00:18:10,069 We got rid of all the old carpets as well. 372 00:18:10,071 --> 00:18:12,538 I know that can be a pain. 373 00:18:12,540 --> 00:18:13,673 Yeah, you wouldn't believe what your carpets 374 00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:14,907 will pick up over the years. 375 00:18:14,909 --> 00:18:17,709 No, I can imagine. 376 00:18:17,711 --> 00:18:19,645 Can I get you a cup of tea or anything? 377 00:18:19,647 --> 00:18:22,514 Oh, yeah, tea would be great, thanks. No sugar. 378 00:18:22,516 --> 00:18:24,750 One tea, no sugar. And you, my dear? 379 00:18:24,752 --> 00:18:26,484 Oh, no, I'm fine, thank you. 380 00:18:26,486 --> 00:18:30,625 All right, well, give me a shout if you change your mind. 381 00:18:32,959 --> 00:18:34,694 - Seriously? - What? 382 00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:36,494 Well, no wonder she lives all the way out here 383 00:18:36,496 --> 00:18:37,963 'cause her family's well ugly. 384 00:18:37,965 --> 00:18:39,932 You need to watch your mouth. 385 00:18:39,934 --> 00:18:42,801 I speak to the customers, not you, simple. 386 00:18:42,803 --> 00:18:44,637 Okay, okay, calm down. 387 00:18:44,639 --> 00:18:47,005 Just making conversation. 388 00:18:47,007 --> 00:18:49,542 Bet this place is haunted or something. 389 00:18:49,544 --> 00:18:51,510 If you believe in that crap. 390 00:18:51,512 --> 00:18:54,383 You could make a proper good horror film here, though. 391 00:18:56,117 --> 00:18:59,685 They were just some ordinary carpet fitters. 392 00:18:59,687 --> 00:19:02,420 She was a sweet old lady that lived in some crap hole 393 00:19:02,422 --> 00:19:04,055 in the middle of nowhere. 394 00:19:04,057 --> 00:19:06,058 Are you actually gonna do some work today? 395 00:19:06,060 --> 00:19:08,394 Why don't you get that stuff off the van? 396 00:19:08,396 --> 00:19:10,795 - Well, what you gonna do? - Prep upstairs. 397 00:19:10,797 --> 00:19:12,630 Well, the others better hurry up 398 00:19:12,632 --> 00:19:14,702 'cause I ain't doing all this on my own. 399 00:19:16,737 --> 00:19:17,969 ♪ Hey ♪ 400 00:19:17,971 --> 00:19:20,505 ♪ No, you're outta the frame ♪ 401 00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:22,742 ♪ No, you're outta the frame ♪ 402 00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:24,976 ♪ No, you're outta the frame ♪ 403 00:19:24,978 --> 00:19:27,413 ♪ No, you're outta the frame ♪ 404 00:19:27,415 --> 00:19:30,116 ♪ No, you're outta the frame ♪ 405 00:19:30,118 --> 00:19:32,551 - [CLICK] - What are you doing, man? 406 00:19:32,553 --> 00:19:34,153 You're doing my head in, giving me a headache. 407 00:19:34,155 --> 00:19:36,021 - I was getting into it. - Yeah, I noticed. 408 00:19:36,023 --> 00:19:38,390 Don't give up the day job whatever you do. 409 00:19:38,392 --> 00:19:40,993 Oh, sorry, Col! 410 00:19:40,995 --> 00:19:42,128 [SIGHS] 411 00:19:42,130 --> 00:19:44,096 What's wrong with you today? 412 00:19:44,098 --> 00:19:45,898 Nothing. What do you mean? 413 00:19:45,900 --> 00:19:49,435 You're a miserable bastard, that's what I mean. 414 00:19:49,437 --> 00:19:50,770 She's leaving me, Dean. 415 00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:52,036 Who is? 416 00:19:52,038 --> 00:19:54,639 Carol, my wife! 417 00:19:54,641 --> 00:19:56,442 Jesus, you've met her at every Christmas doo 418 00:19:56,444 --> 00:19:57,810 for the last five years! 419 00:19:57,812 --> 00:20:00,413 Yeah, I know who Carol is. 420 00:20:00,415 --> 00:20:03,581 Do you wanna talk about it? 421 00:20:03,583 --> 00:20:05,484 No, not really. 422 00:20:05,486 --> 00:20:06,718 All right. 423 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,154 Well, actually, if you must know, 424 00:20:08,156 --> 00:20:10,523 she says I've become boring and predictable, 425 00:20:10,525 --> 00:20:12,157 and I'm just not spontaneous anymore. 426 00:20:12,159 --> 00:20:14,459 I mean, me, not spontaneous? 427 00:20:14,461 --> 00:20:16,428 I get fish and chips for dinner every Friday night, 428 00:20:16,430 --> 00:20:17,929 ungrateful bitch! 429 00:20:17,931 --> 00:20:20,468 You let it out, mate. Better if we pull over, eh? 430 00:20:26,474 --> 00:20:29,942 I mean, how am I suppose to fit it all in? 431 00:20:29,944 --> 00:20:32,945 I'm trying to pay for the patio she's always wanted. 432 00:20:32,947 --> 00:20:36,815 That's why I work the extra overtime. 433 00:20:36,817 --> 00:20:38,617 No, I'm not silly, I know I might have 434 00:20:38,619 --> 00:20:40,051 put on a few pounds since the '80s, 435 00:20:40,053 --> 00:20:42,987 but we've all changed since then. 436 00:20:42,989 --> 00:20:45,457 I mean, she ain't exactly Bonnie fucking Tyler. 437 00:20:45,459 --> 00:20:48,226 - You know what I mean? - Sure, mate. 438 00:20:48,228 --> 00:20:50,795 I mean, I try and do the right thing, settle down, 439 00:20:50,797 --> 00:20:54,800 get a secure job, get married, have kids, 440 00:20:54,802 --> 00:20:57,869 and this is what I get for it. 441 00:20:57,871 --> 00:20:59,504 It's a joke, Dean, it's a joke. 442 00:20:59,506 --> 00:21:00,505 I'm a joke! 443 00:21:00,507 --> 00:21:02,073 Right, listen to me now. 444 00:21:02,075 --> 00:21:05,778 You are not a joke, so pull yourself together. 445 00:21:05,780 --> 00:21:07,713 You are Colin the carpet fitter, 446 00:21:07,715 --> 00:21:09,814 and the best carpet fitter I know. 447 00:21:09,816 --> 00:21:12,083 And carpet fitters don't cry, do they? 448 00:21:12,085 --> 00:21:14,052 Hey? 449 00:21:14,054 --> 00:21:16,591 No. So who are ya? 450 00:21:18,692 --> 00:21:20,493 Colin the carpet fitter. 451 00:21:20,495 --> 00:21:23,262 That's right, and what don't carpet fitters do? 452 00:21:23,264 --> 00:21:24,730 Carpet fitters don't cry. 453 00:21:24,732 --> 00:21:26,564 Exactly, and what are we gonna do now? 454 00:21:26,566 --> 00:21:27,933 Go fit some carpet. 455 00:21:27,935 --> 00:21:29,738 Good. Come on, then. 456 00:21:31,706 --> 00:21:34,005 - Sorry about that, mate. - It's all right, mate. 457 00:21:34,007 --> 00:21:35,741 You know where you're going, yeah? 458 00:21:35,743 --> 00:21:38,878 I think so, I think so. 459 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,679 Just a case of staying positive. 460 00:21:41,681 --> 00:21:45,453 No, I mean, you know where you're driving to? 461 00:21:49,790 --> 00:21:52,226 ♪♪ [HIP-HOP] 462 00:22:00,001 --> 00:22:01,934 Here you are, my lovely. 463 00:22:01,936 --> 00:22:03,903 Ah, thanks, love. 464 00:22:03,905 --> 00:22:05,204 Cheers. 465 00:22:05,206 --> 00:22:07,242 [KEYS JINGLE] 466 00:22:09,709 --> 00:22:10,978 [LOCK CLACKS] 467 00:22:25,126 --> 00:22:29,928 ♪ I want to take you out to dinner ♪ 468 00:22:29,930 --> 00:22:32,932 ♪ My darling ♪ 469 00:22:32,934 --> 00:22:35,333 ♪♪ [CONTINUES] 470 00:22:35,335 --> 00:22:37,805 What is this shit? 471 00:23:05,166 --> 00:23:08,669 ♪♪ [CONTINUES] 472 00:23:11,639 --> 00:23:15,174 ♪ For when we die ♪ 473 00:23:15,176 --> 00:23:19,278 ♪ Wade through the line ♪ 474 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,684 ♪ The pending high ♪ 475 00:23:24,685 --> 00:23:25,984 Beautiful. 476 00:23:25,986 --> 00:23:27,619 Beautiful. 477 00:23:27,621 --> 00:23:29,621 Thank you. Thank you for coming. 478 00:23:29,623 --> 00:23:30,891 Thank you. 479 00:23:31,926 --> 00:23:33,061 [SIGHS] 480 00:23:34,061 --> 00:23:35,163 Tash! 481 00:23:36,630 --> 00:23:38,030 I'm ready to fit down here now! 482 00:23:38,032 --> 00:23:40,735 Shall we get the carpets off the van?! 483 00:23:43,103 --> 00:23:44,605 Tash?! 484 00:23:45,939 --> 00:23:47,708 Fucking deaf, man! 485 00:23:52,213 --> 00:23:54,213 Weird. 486 00:23:54,215 --> 00:23:56,115 Hello! 487 00:23:56,117 --> 00:23:59,318 I can't seem to open this door! 488 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:00,819 Hello! 489 00:24:00,821 --> 00:24:02,821 Old lady! 490 00:24:02,823 --> 00:24:04,292 Anyone! 491 00:24:10,296 --> 00:24:11,900 Hey, little fella. 492 00:24:16,036 --> 00:24:18,870 Hey, look, take it easy, mate. 493 00:24:18,872 --> 00:24:20,874 Look, I don't know what you want, but... 494 00:24:23,910 --> 00:24:26,380 [SCREAMS] 495 00:24:32,319 --> 00:24:33,388 Chris? 496 00:24:36,423 --> 00:24:39,627 ♪♪ [CONTINUES] 497 00:25:09,957 --> 00:25:12,393 My fucking nose. 498 00:25:29,944 --> 00:25:31,312 Sorry, Tash. 499 00:25:41,221 --> 00:25:42,323 Fuck! 500 00:26:07,046 --> 00:26:08,348 Fuck! 501 00:26:20,226 --> 00:26:21,463 [SCREECH] 502 00:26:38,144 --> 00:26:42,046 [SCREECHING] 503 00:26:42,048 --> 00:26:44,118 [SCREECHING] 504 00:26:48,121 --> 00:26:51,391 [SCREECHING] 505 00:26:52,592 --> 00:26:55,226 Boys! Boys! 506 00:26:55,228 --> 00:26:56,864 Stop it now! 507 00:26:58,832 --> 00:27:00,000 [SCREECH] 508 00:27:09,376 --> 00:27:12,046 Now let's get this stuff cleaned up! 509 00:27:21,522 --> 00:27:23,258 [DOOR OPENS] 510 00:27:24,425 --> 00:27:28,096 [FOOTSTEPS] 511 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:34,401 [GRUNTS] 512 00:27:36,570 --> 00:27:38,139 [TASHA GROANS] 513 00:28:08,168 --> 00:28:10,505 [GROANS] 514 00:28:23,417 --> 00:28:25,919 [GROANS] 515 00:28:31,124 --> 00:28:32,559 [GROANS] 516 00:28:59,253 --> 00:29:01,188 [YELLS] 517 00:29:14,168 --> 00:29:16,504 [GRUNTING] 518 00:29:31,651 --> 00:29:33,187 [GRUNTS] 519 00:29:36,689 --> 00:29:41,496 [GAGGING] 520 00:30:02,749 --> 00:30:05,082 William. 521 00:30:05,084 --> 00:30:09,487 What have you done to my boy? 522 00:30:09,489 --> 00:30:11,191 Don't come any closer. 523 00:30:13,427 --> 00:30:15,663 - I mean it! - [LAUGHS] 524 00:30:18,165 --> 00:30:19,400 [THUD] 525 00:30:24,670 --> 00:30:27,674 [GROANING] 526 00:30:39,152 --> 00:30:40,752 Charlie! 527 00:30:40,754 --> 00:30:43,388 Dinner time! 528 00:30:43,390 --> 00:30:45,759 [LAUGHTER] 529 00:30:56,402 --> 00:31:00,107 Boys! Come and help me clean this mess up! 530 00:31:23,530 --> 00:31:24,632 Hello? 531 00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:28,402 [LOW GROWL] 532 00:31:34,274 --> 00:31:36,077 [SNARLING] 533 00:31:42,349 --> 00:31:44,619 - [LOUD ROAR] - [SCREAMING] 534 00:32:30,697 --> 00:32:34,198 Nice work, boys. Let's get this grub sold, 535 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,601 and then I'm gonna treat us all to a lovely lunch. 536 00:32:37,603 --> 00:32:39,372 [ENGINE STARTS] 537 00:33:10,637 --> 00:33:12,637 Tell you what. I'm glad I'm here. 538 00:33:12,639 --> 00:33:13,871 I'm dying for a leak. 539 00:33:13,873 --> 00:33:16,510 Oh, lovely. Grab the tools, then. 540 00:33:19,746 --> 00:33:22,680 Come on, then. 541 00:33:22,682 --> 00:33:26,219 - What was he crying about? - Oh, mate, leave it. 542 00:33:34,695 --> 00:33:37,329 - Hello! - We at the right house? 543 00:33:37,331 --> 00:33:39,697 Oh, I hope so 'cause there's nothing else around here. 544 00:33:39,699 --> 00:33:41,565 - But where's the van? - What van? 545 00:33:41,567 --> 00:33:43,234 The other work van. 546 00:33:43,236 --> 00:33:45,669 Chris and Tash are supposed to be here already. 547 00:33:45,671 --> 00:33:48,673 Maybe they parked in the back, skiving or something. 548 00:33:48,675 --> 00:33:51,412 Someone better be in. I'm gagging for a piss now. 549 00:33:55,849 --> 00:33:57,648 Look, that's our underlay in there. 550 00:33:57,650 --> 00:33:59,818 Where? 551 00:33:59,820 --> 00:34:02,253 Well, where they gone, then? 552 00:34:02,255 --> 00:34:03,722 Chris! 553 00:34:03,724 --> 00:34:06,023 Tasha! 554 00:34:06,025 --> 00:34:08,396 Come on, let's have a nose around the back. 555 00:34:10,363 --> 00:34:13,967 Malcolm, you stay there. Beep the horn if anyone comes. 556 00:34:23,644 --> 00:34:25,309 Whoa. 557 00:34:25,311 --> 00:34:27,012 I tell you what, mate, 558 00:34:27,014 --> 00:34:29,513 I wouldn't mind a place like this when I'm older. 559 00:34:29,515 --> 00:34:32,450 Yeah, Carol always wanted me to move out to the sticks. 560 00:34:32,452 --> 00:34:34,455 Hey, Col, it's opened, mate. 561 00:34:46,867 --> 00:34:48,733 Hello! 562 00:34:48,735 --> 00:34:50,769 It's the carpet fitters! 563 00:34:50,771 --> 00:34:52,406 Anyone home? 564 00:34:53,874 --> 00:34:55,073 Well, I don't know. 565 00:34:55,075 --> 00:34:56,707 Right, I'm going for a piss. 566 00:34:56,709 --> 00:34:58,343 No, you're bloody not! 567 00:34:58,345 --> 00:35:00,010 Dean! Dean! 568 00:35:00,012 --> 00:35:02,646 Mate, I can't hold it. Two minutes. 569 00:35:02,648 --> 00:35:04,985 That's not very professional! 570 00:35:06,052 --> 00:35:07,621 [SIGHS] 571 00:35:18,432 --> 00:35:19,533 [CLANK] 572 00:35:20,967 --> 00:35:23,738 [METAL RATTLING] 573 00:35:51,865 --> 00:35:53,530 [ZING] 574 00:35:53,532 --> 00:35:55,869 [GRUNTS] 575 00:36:00,474 --> 00:36:02,043 [GROWLS] 576 00:36:08,148 --> 00:36:11,649 [CLATTERING] 577 00:36:11,651 --> 00:36:14,555 - [WHISTLING] - [SPLASHING] 578 00:36:17,657 --> 00:36:18,892 [ZIPPER ZIPS] 579 00:36:19,892 --> 00:36:22,563 [TOILET FLUSHES] 580 00:36:46,686 --> 00:36:50,091 [CLATTERING] 581 00:37:09,709 --> 00:37:10,711 [GROWLS] 582 00:37:12,746 --> 00:37:14,381 [FOOTSTEPS] 583 00:37:16,148 --> 00:37:18,017 Oh, finally. 584 00:37:19,718 --> 00:37:21,856 What's the matter with you? 585 00:37:23,756 --> 00:37:24,789 Fingers. 586 00:37:24,791 --> 00:37:26,024 What? 587 00:37:26,026 --> 00:37:28,526 There were some fingers in the toilet. 588 00:37:28,528 --> 00:37:31,762 What you talking about? 589 00:37:31,764 --> 00:37:36,800 I just saw two human fingers floating about willy-nilly. 590 00:37:36,802 --> 00:37:40,637 Not a turd or anything normal. Fingers. 591 00:37:40,639 --> 00:37:42,673 Your eyes are playing tricks on ya. 592 00:37:42,675 --> 00:37:45,609 You need to get some glasses, mate. 593 00:37:45,611 --> 00:37:46,744 What you eating? 594 00:37:46,746 --> 00:37:50,013 Little slice of this pie. 595 00:37:50,015 --> 00:37:52,182 Chicken, I think. 596 00:37:52,184 --> 00:37:54,218 Spit it out. 597 00:37:54,220 --> 00:37:56,120 You just used the toilet without asking. 598 00:37:56,122 --> 00:37:57,655 Hardly think they're gonna notice 599 00:37:57,657 --> 00:38:00,024 a little sliver of pie missing. 600 00:38:00,026 --> 00:38:02,526 There's a nipple in the pie. 601 00:38:02,528 --> 00:38:04,162 A what? 602 00:38:04,164 --> 00:38:08,669 There is a human nipple in the pie. 603 00:38:10,135 --> 00:38:11,905 [COUGHS] 604 00:38:41,568 --> 00:38:43,637 [GROWLING] 605 00:38:52,546 --> 00:38:54,849 [GROWLING] 606 00:38:56,148 --> 00:39:00,050 ♪♪ [POP] 607 00:39:00,052 --> 00:39:01,686 [SIGHS] 608 00:39:01,688 --> 00:39:04,492 ♪♪ [CONTINUES] 609 00:39:39,892 --> 00:39:41,160 Hello? 610 00:39:59,211 --> 00:40:01,745 Yeah, yeah, sure, Nige. 611 00:40:01,747 --> 00:40:03,347 Yeah, sure. 612 00:40:03,349 --> 00:40:08,555 Landing, stairs, hallway. Yeah, no worries, mate, yeah. 613 00:40:15,061 --> 00:40:19,030 Well, I can fit that for you on... 614 00:40:19,032 --> 00:40:20,664 on Tuesday. 615 00:40:20,666 --> 00:40:22,700 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 616 00:40:22,702 --> 00:40:25,272 [RATTLING] 617 00:40:28,807 --> 00:40:31,075 No way. 618 00:40:31,077 --> 00:40:34,245 Bloody hell, Col, there's toes in this as well! 619 00:40:34,247 --> 00:40:37,180 [GROANS] Get me a bloody towel. 620 00:40:37,182 --> 00:40:39,352 Do you reckon you just eat a bit of Chris or something? 621 00:40:41,053 --> 00:40:42,590 [COUGHS] 622 00:40:43,722 --> 00:40:45,592 [RATTLING CONTINUES] 623 00:40:52,898 --> 00:40:55,835 Hello? Is someone there? 624 00:40:56,869 --> 00:40:58,369 Malcolm? 625 00:40:58,371 --> 00:41:00,937 Tasha, what the bloody hell you doing down there? 626 00:41:00,939 --> 00:41:04,378 No time. Help me get these doors open now. 627 00:41:07,012 --> 00:41:08,912 This is a wind-up, innit? 628 00:41:08,914 --> 00:41:11,182 - [CHARLIE ROARS] - What was that? 629 00:41:11,184 --> 00:41:13,017 Just get me the fuck out of here. 630 00:41:13,019 --> 00:41:15,452 All right, all right. 631 00:41:15,454 --> 00:41:18,055 Lads! Lads! 632 00:41:18,057 --> 00:41:19,923 Oh, it won't open! 633 00:41:19,925 --> 00:41:22,061 - Just do something, quick! - All right! 634 00:41:25,030 --> 00:41:26,798 I've got an idea! 635 00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:28,968 [COUGHING] 636 00:41:30,169 --> 00:41:32,035 I knew that meat was funny. 637 00:41:32,037 --> 00:41:34,338 Now do you believe me about the fingers in the toilet? 638 00:41:34,340 --> 00:41:36,340 What you think is going on? 639 00:41:36,342 --> 00:41:37,977 I don't even want to say it. 640 00:41:49,354 --> 00:41:51,888 [HONKING] 641 00:41:51,890 --> 00:41:53,026 Malcolm! 642 00:41:58,997 --> 00:42:01,466 - What are you doing? - TASHA: Please hurry up! 643 00:42:01,468 --> 00:42:03,434 - Is that someone down there? - Oh, my God! 644 00:42:03,436 --> 00:42:05,503 This is like that Pretzel bloke! 645 00:42:05,505 --> 00:42:07,137 It's Fritzl, you idiot. 646 00:42:07,139 --> 00:42:08,271 It's Tasha! 647 00:42:08,273 --> 00:42:10,941 Get me the fuck out of here. 648 00:42:10,943 --> 00:42:12,012 Give me that! 649 00:42:13,512 --> 00:42:14,781 Come on! 650 00:42:16,215 --> 00:42:19,152 [SNIFFING] 651 00:42:21,086 --> 00:42:23,356 [SNARLING] 652 00:42:25,358 --> 00:42:28,792 [GROWLING] 653 00:42:28,794 --> 00:42:30,160 Oh, shit. 654 00:42:30,162 --> 00:42:32,265 Get these fucking doors open now! 655 00:42:35,434 --> 00:42:37,403 - Are you all right? - Tasha! 656 00:42:41,441 --> 00:42:45,475 - What is going on?! - [CHARLIE ROARS] 657 00:42:45,477 --> 00:42:48,278 - And what the fuck was that? - Let's go! 658 00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:51,017 - [ROARING] - Yeah! 659 00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:57,888 - Malcolm! - Oh, shit. Sorry! 660 00:42:57,890 --> 00:42:59,492 [ENGINE STARTS] 661 00:43:00,526 --> 00:43:01,928 DEAN: Go, go! 662 00:43:10,903 --> 00:43:13,037 - Oh, bollocks! - What now? 663 00:43:13,039 --> 00:43:14,405 You left my toolbox in the kitchen. 664 00:43:14,407 --> 00:43:15,972 Is that really important? 665 00:43:15,974 --> 00:43:18,142 Well, they're my own tools. Expensive. 666 00:43:18,144 --> 00:43:19,876 Carol bought me most of them. 667 00:43:19,878 --> 00:43:22,113 Oh, fair enough, then, mate. Wanna nip in and get them? 668 00:43:22,115 --> 00:43:24,481 We'll just wait out here and see if we get killed or not! 669 00:43:24,483 --> 00:43:27,818 Jesus. I'm gonna buy you a new fucking toolbox. 670 00:43:27,820 --> 00:43:29,586 Can we just get out of here? 671 00:43:29,588 --> 00:43:31,955 - [GASPS] - [SCREAMS] 672 00:43:31,957 --> 00:43:33,226 Tasha! 673 00:43:38,965 --> 00:43:40,965 Dean, we're in trouble, mate! 674 00:43:40,967 --> 00:43:42,999 [WHEEZES] 675 00:43:43,001 --> 00:43:44,367 What you want to do? 676 00:43:44,369 --> 00:43:46,169 Uh, hide! 677 00:43:46,171 --> 00:43:49,372 They've already seen you, you wolly! 678 00:43:49,374 --> 00:43:50,408 Come on! 679 00:43:50,410 --> 00:43:52,008 Guys? 680 00:43:52,010 --> 00:43:53,412 Is everything all right? 681 00:43:55,081 --> 00:43:57,113 MALCOLM: What is going on? 682 00:43:57,115 --> 00:43:59,950 Malcolm, stay in there. He ain't see ya. 683 00:43:59,952 --> 00:44:02,954 - What are we gonna do? - We can make a run for it. 684 00:44:02,956 --> 00:44:04,158 Ready? 685 00:44:09,061 --> 00:44:10,528 [WHOOSH] 686 00:44:10,530 --> 00:44:12,530 Get back, get back! 687 00:44:12,532 --> 00:44:14,066 Get back! 688 00:44:26,512 --> 00:44:28,979 - MALCOLM: What's going on? - Shit, and all of them. 689 00:44:28,981 --> 00:44:31,883 Oh, God, now what we gonna do? 690 00:44:31,885 --> 00:44:33,416 The house. 691 00:44:33,418 --> 00:44:35,519 Back in there? 692 00:44:35,521 --> 00:44:37,256 [SCREECHES] 693 00:44:38,423 --> 00:44:41,561 Well, what are you waiting for? 694 00:44:49,235 --> 00:44:51,001 - Now what? - Weapons. 695 00:44:51,003 --> 00:44:53,004 - Weapons? - Have that. 696 00:44:53,006 --> 00:44:55,171 I'm not working now, mate. 697 00:44:55,173 --> 00:44:56,673 Use it to defend yourself with! 698 00:44:56,675 --> 00:44:58,376 We're supposed to fight them off with these? 699 00:44:58,378 --> 00:45:00,111 I don't think we've got much choice, mate. 700 00:45:00,113 --> 00:45:01,114 There's one outside! 701 00:45:10,657 --> 00:45:11,859 Move. 702 00:45:18,164 --> 00:45:20,564 MRS. HANNING: We know you're in there, gentlemen. 703 00:45:20,566 --> 00:45:22,198 What do you want from us? 704 00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,635 I would've thought that was obvious by now. 705 00:45:24,637 --> 00:45:28,071 She still want her carpets fitted? 706 00:45:28,073 --> 00:45:30,209 We're intending to have you for dinner. 707 00:45:34,113 --> 00:45:35,249 Move! 708 00:45:50,729 --> 00:45:53,233 - Dean, in here. - Shit. 709 00:45:55,468 --> 00:45:56,633 What are we doing? 710 00:45:56,635 --> 00:45:57,536 Hide. 711 00:46:00,206 --> 00:46:02,976 - And I suggest you do the same! - Brilliant. 712 00:46:16,990 --> 00:46:18,258 [DOOR OPENS] 713 00:46:38,677 --> 00:46:40,646 [GROANS] 714 00:46:54,026 --> 00:46:57,128 Get off me, you fucking asshole! 715 00:46:57,130 --> 00:46:59,329 Whenever you're ready, Col! 716 00:46:59,331 --> 00:47:00,733 [YELLS] 717 00:47:02,135 --> 00:47:03,566 Get back! 718 00:47:03,568 --> 00:47:05,104 Get back! Get back! 719 00:47:12,311 --> 00:47:13,544 [SCREAMS] 720 00:47:13,546 --> 00:47:15,115 Come on! 721 00:47:40,305 --> 00:47:41,675 [DOOR OPENS] 722 00:47:53,552 --> 00:47:55,352 All right, that's it. We're well fucked. 723 00:47:55,354 --> 00:47:57,655 This has got to be the worst job we've been on. 724 00:47:57,657 --> 00:48:00,157 Get your phone out, ring Nigel, let him know what's going on. 725 00:48:00,159 --> 00:48:02,193 Good idea, but it's at home on charge. 726 00:48:02,195 --> 00:48:04,128 - What? - It was dead before I left. 727 00:48:04,130 --> 00:48:06,396 - Where's yours? - Well, I left it in the van. 728 00:48:06,398 --> 00:48:07,798 Oh, great. Good night, carpet fitters. 729 00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:10,166 - We are dead. - Just calm down, all right? 730 00:48:10,168 --> 00:48:12,538 We'll just stay here, and we'll wait it out. 731 00:48:20,613 --> 00:48:23,414 Hey, Col, look at this stuff. 732 00:48:23,416 --> 00:48:26,816 Bet it's worth a fortune. Where do they get it all from? 733 00:48:26,818 --> 00:48:30,456 I don't know. Let's wait until they come down and ask them. 734 00:48:43,503 --> 00:48:46,169 - As I suspected. - What's that? 735 00:48:46,171 --> 00:48:47,637 These carpets. 736 00:48:47,639 --> 00:48:49,673 Nigel was knocking them out dirt cheap in the shop. 737 00:48:49,675 --> 00:48:53,376 Really? How interesting. 738 00:48:53,378 --> 00:48:55,912 That old bird's been in the shop, you know? 739 00:48:55,914 --> 00:48:57,914 I bet this one's worth a few pounds. 740 00:48:57,916 --> 00:48:59,316 [SCREAMS] 741 00:48:59,318 --> 00:49:00,483 [THUD] 742 00:49:00,485 --> 00:49:01,484 Col? 743 00:49:01,486 --> 00:49:03,255 You all right? 744 00:49:04,923 --> 00:49:06,293 [GROANS] 745 00:49:09,262 --> 00:49:12,595 Not really, mate. I just fell through the floor! 746 00:49:12,597 --> 00:49:15,432 Hang on. I'll see if I can find something to get you out. 747 00:49:15,434 --> 00:49:18,769 MRS. HANNING: Let's find the little bastards! 748 00:49:18,771 --> 00:49:20,803 Shit. They're coming. 749 00:49:20,805 --> 00:49:24,274 Well, go on, save yourself. I'm done for. 750 00:49:24,276 --> 00:49:25,675 I ain't leaving ya. 751 00:49:25,677 --> 00:49:28,611 Get to the van. My phone's in there. 752 00:49:28,613 --> 00:49:32,850 Okay, okay. I'll be back, mate, I promise. 753 00:49:32,852 --> 00:49:34,821 Just go! 754 00:49:40,559 --> 00:49:43,896 Somebody's been playing with my toys. 755 00:49:54,240 --> 00:49:56,340 [LAUGHS] 756 00:49:56,342 --> 00:49:59,609 [GROANING] 757 00:49:59,611 --> 00:50:01,847 [LAUGHS] 758 00:50:03,816 --> 00:50:05,548 Come on down. 759 00:50:05,550 --> 00:50:08,519 I'd like to see you make a pie out of me! 760 00:50:08,521 --> 00:50:10,553 Silly fool. 761 00:50:10,555 --> 00:50:15,626 I'm not going to eat you, but he might. 762 00:50:15,628 --> 00:50:17,227 Who? 763 00:50:17,229 --> 00:50:20,597 You'll find out. 764 00:50:20,599 --> 00:50:23,769 [LAUGHS] 765 00:50:26,972 --> 00:50:30,874 Oi, come back, you silly cow! 766 00:50:30,876 --> 00:50:32,345 Oi! 767 00:50:48,561 --> 00:50:49,863 Shit. 768 00:50:58,503 --> 00:50:59,838 Col? 769 00:51:00,939 --> 00:51:02,342 Dean? 770 00:51:03,809 --> 00:51:06,410 Listen, guys, don't be mad. 771 00:51:06,412 --> 00:51:08,412 I know you told me to stay in the van, 772 00:51:08,414 --> 00:51:10,780 but it was dark, and it was hot, and it was... 773 00:51:10,782 --> 00:51:12,451 Tasha! 774 00:51:14,619 --> 00:51:18,357 [PANTING] 775 00:51:24,963 --> 00:51:26,896 Oh, God. Oh, God. 776 00:51:26,898 --> 00:51:28,534 Okay. 777 00:51:29,602 --> 00:51:30,804 [GRUNTS] 778 00:51:34,907 --> 00:51:36,606 Okay. 779 00:51:36,608 --> 00:51:39,709 All right, mate, calm down. 780 00:51:39,711 --> 00:51:42,379 I get it. You're pissed off 781 00:51:42,381 --> 00:51:44,751 'cause the whole staple in the foot thing. 782 00:52:05,938 --> 00:52:07,340 [SCREAMS] 783 00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:10,510 [MALCOLM GASPS] 784 00:52:13,012 --> 00:52:14,510 Shit. 785 00:52:14,512 --> 00:52:17,583 Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. 786 00:52:20,985 --> 00:52:23,622 Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. 787 00:52:33,865 --> 00:52:35,901 Don't look at me. You shot him. 788 00:52:38,137 --> 00:52:39,472 [SCREECHING] 789 00:52:54,686 --> 00:52:58,521 You fucking little bastard! 790 00:52:58,523 --> 00:53:01,658 Right! Before we get any more unwanted attention, 791 00:53:01,660 --> 00:53:04,764 dispose of your brother's body, please! 792 00:53:06,731 --> 00:53:08,999 Is she still in there? 793 00:53:09,001 --> 00:53:11,468 Get her in for tomorrow's supper, 794 00:53:11,470 --> 00:53:14,771 and please get rid of that bloody van! 795 00:53:14,773 --> 00:53:18,075 If I have to see that fucking stupid logo one more time, 796 00:53:18,077 --> 00:53:20,814 I'll have all your balls for breakfast! 797 00:53:38,430 --> 00:53:41,432 Oi! Go hide your brother's body first, 798 00:53:41,434 --> 00:53:44,167 then I'll let you have a bite. 799 00:53:44,169 --> 00:53:45,568 Go on! 800 00:53:45,570 --> 00:53:47,873 Get out and get on with it! 801 00:54:39,825 --> 00:54:43,160 Come on to my land, 802 00:54:43,162 --> 00:54:47,064 into my house, 803 00:54:47,066 --> 00:54:52,936 and think that you can kill my boys? 804 00:54:52,938 --> 00:54:56,008 You gob shites don't know who you're messing with. 805 00:54:59,778 --> 00:55:01,211 [DISTANT SCREECHING] 806 00:55:01,213 --> 00:55:04,680 Oh, for Christ's sake. What now? 807 00:55:04,682 --> 00:55:07,486 [SCREECHING CONTINUES] 808 00:55:43,155 --> 00:55:45,222 You all right, mate? 809 00:55:45,224 --> 00:55:48,026 She trap you down here as well? 810 00:56:08,847 --> 00:56:11,150 Somebody get me the fuck out of here. 811 00:56:13,751 --> 00:56:16,954 - [BANGING] - [SCREECHING] 812 00:56:16,956 --> 00:56:19,990 What the hell is going on in here? 813 00:56:19,992 --> 00:56:21,624 [GRUNTS] 814 00:56:21,626 --> 00:56:24,294 I take it you've let him get away. 815 00:56:24,296 --> 00:56:27,330 This is ridiculous! 816 00:56:27,332 --> 00:56:30,100 Well? You gonna go and find the little ginger bastard 817 00:56:30,102 --> 00:56:33,035 or hang around me like a wet dog all day, hey? 818 00:56:33,037 --> 00:56:35,608 Or do I have to do everything myself? 819 00:56:39,345 --> 00:56:40,813 No, no, no, no, no. 820 00:57:02,968 --> 00:57:06,573 ♪♪ [POP] 821 00:57:09,675 --> 00:57:12,175 Have you got through to anyone yet? 822 00:57:12,177 --> 00:57:13,376 Nope. 823 00:57:13,378 --> 00:57:15,077 Have you even tried? 824 00:57:15,079 --> 00:57:17,648 Uh, yes, I've tried both Tash and Chris, 825 00:57:17,650 --> 00:57:18,881 thank you very much. 826 00:57:18,883 --> 00:57:19,918 No answer. 827 00:57:21,653 --> 00:57:23,653 Right. 828 00:57:23,655 --> 00:57:25,657 Give us the phone. I'll give Colin a try. 829 00:57:33,264 --> 00:57:34,700 [SIGHS] 830 00:57:36,168 --> 00:57:38,171 [PHONE RINGS] 831 00:57:40,872 --> 00:57:42,705 Hello. 832 00:57:42,707 --> 00:57:43,809 Colin? 833 00:57:44,843 --> 00:57:46,142 Ah... 834 00:57:46,144 --> 00:57:48,614 - [DIAL TONE] - Hello? 835 00:57:50,215 --> 00:57:53,383 Why doesn't anyone answer their bloody phone? 836 00:57:53,385 --> 00:57:55,017 What happened? 837 00:57:55,019 --> 00:57:56,687 I'm not sure. 838 00:57:56,689 --> 00:58:01,291 Oh, I hope it's not another plumber call out. 839 00:58:01,293 --> 00:58:03,296 Keep trying them, hey? 840 00:58:04,697 --> 00:58:06,899 ♪♪ [POP] 841 00:58:11,369 --> 00:58:13,805 Yes. Yes! 842 00:58:18,477 --> 00:58:20,947 Yes! Lads! Lads! 843 00:58:27,852 --> 00:58:29,021 Oh, shit. 844 00:58:30,354 --> 00:58:31,657 Shit! 845 00:58:53,746 --> 00:58:58,080 So you can't find the little shite anywhere? 846 00:58:58,082 --> 00:59:01,454 If he's got out, we're ruined, do you know that? 847 00:59:03,454 --> 00:59:06,756 When it gets dark, we'll send Charlie out after him. 848 00:59:06,758 --> 00:59:08,961 Until then, start packing your stuff. 849 00:59:10,262 --> 00:59:11,794 When Harry gets back, 850 00:59:11,796 --> 00:59:14,766 we'll take a little holiday, I think. 851 00:59:19,838 --> 00:59:22,374 [PANTING] 852 00:59:30,148 --> 00:59:31,249 Yes. 853 00:59:39,490 --> 00:59:41,490 Come on. [LAUGHS] 854 00:59:41,492 --> 00:59:43,392 Yes. 855 00:59:43,394 --> 00:59:44,995 [BEEPS] 856 00:59:44,997 --> 00:59:46,199 Fuck! 857 00:59:47,832 --> 00:59:49,202 - Okay. - [BEEPS] 858 00:59:51,235 --> 00:59:53,403 Emergency. Which service? 859 00:59:53,405 --> 00:59:55,972 Police, ambulance. Anything with flashing lights, yeah? 860 00:59:55,974 --> 00:59:57,506 Sir, I need you to tell me which service you require. 861 00:59:57,508 --> 00:59:59,209 Fire, ambulance, or police. 862 00:59:59,211 --> 01:00:01,178 I need police, but probably an ambulance as well. 863 01:00:01,180 --> 01:00:02,812 Connecting to multiple services. 864 01:00:02,814 --> 01:00:05,148 - Thank God. - What is your location? 865 01:00:05,150 --> 01:00:07,584 I don't know, I'm in the middle of fucking nowhere, mate! 866 01:00:07,586 --> 01:00:08,919 Did you say Norfolk? 867 01:00:08,921 --> 01:00:10,854 No, I don't know where I am. 868 01:00:10,856 --> 01:00:12,888 What is the nature of your call, sir? 869 01:00:12,890 --> 01:00:15,225 I don't know. It's been one of those days, you know? 870 01:00:15,227 --> 01:00:18,061 Please calm down, sir, and explain the best you can. 871 01:00:18,063 --> 01:00:20,095 Okay, right, where to start? 872 01:00:20,097 --> 01:00:23,099 Um, well, I found some fingers in a toilet, 873 01:00:23,101 --> 01:00:24,934 my friend ate a pie that had a nipple in it, 874 01:00:24,936 --> 01:00:26,570 then the cannibals tried to get us, 875 01:00:26,572 --> 01:00:29,573 one of them shot a spear through my friend's cheek, 876 01:00:29,575 --> 01:00:32,408 and my other mate, he fell through the trap door thingy, 877 01:00:32,410 --> 01:00:34,544 and he's still trapped down there. 878 01:00:34,546 --> 01:00:36,546 Is there an adult with you? 879 01:00:36,548 --> 01:00:38,247 I'm an adult. 880 01:00:38,249 --> 01:00:39,416 [DIAL TONE] 881 01:00:39,418 --> 01:00:40,919 Hello? 882 01:00:42,588 --> 01:00:43,923 Oh. 883 01:01:38,242 --> 01:01:39,945 Stay back! 884 01:01:51,689 --> 01:01:54,057 I did warn ya! 885 01:01:54,059 --> 01:01:55,961 [SNARLS] 886 01:02:02,367 --> 01:02:04,667 [SNARLS] 887 01:02:04,669 --> 01:02:06,072 [GROWLS] 888 01:02:44,575 --> 01:02:45,608 Please. 889 01:02:45,610 --> 01:02:47,012 I'm done. 890 01:03:03,996 --> 01:03:05,463 [PHONE RINGING] 891 01:03:06,631 --> 01:03:08,200 [RINGING] 892 01:03:10,102 --> 01:03:12,501 Hello. Cupid Carpets. Jade speaking. 893 01:03:12,503 --> 01:03:14,704 - Jade, thank God! It's Dean! - You all right? 894 01:03:14,706 --> 01:03:16,338 Yeah, is your dad there? I ain't got long. 895 01:03:16,340 --> 01:03:19,642 It's been proper boring here today, you know? 896 01:03:19,644 --> 01:03:21,510 Jade, can you just get Nigel, please? 897 01:03:21,512 --> 01:03:23,146 All right, touchy! 898 01:03:23,148 --> 01:03:24,680 You haven't messed another job up, have ya? 899 01:03:24,682 --> 01:03:26,682 'Cause he'll be well pissed. 900 01:03:26,684 --> 01:03:30,220 Here he is now. Dad! 901 01:03:30,222 --> 01:03:32,091 Dean on the phone. 902 01:03:34,726 --> 01:03:37,292 Hello, Dean. 903 01:03:37,294 --> 01:03:39,428 Please tell me it's all going okay. 904 01:03:39,430 --> 01:03:42,231 Nige, it ain't gone quite to plan. 905 01:03:42,233 --> 01:03:43,332 What do you mean? 906 01:03:43,334 --> 01:03:46,102 What have you broke this time? 907 01:03:46,104 --> 01:03:50,106 I swear, Dean, if you and Colin have botched this one up, 908 01:03:50,108 --> 01:03:52,207 you better start looking for somewhere else to work. 909 01:03:52,209 --> 01:03:54,544 No, listen, we are in serious trouble here, yeah? 910 01:03:54,546 --> 01:03:56,148 [BEEP] 911 01:03:57,581 --> 01:03:59,249 Listen, Nige, this is gonna die on me. 912 01:03:59,251 --> 01:04:02,718 You got to get help. Get help to the house, yeah? 913 01:04:02,720 --> 01:04:04,055 Hello? 914 01:04:05,523 --> 01:04:07,390 Oh, come on! 915 01:04:07,392 --> 01:04:09,059 [SIGHS] 916 01:04:09,061 --> 01:04:10,563 He heard me. He must've. 917 01:04:18,070 --> 01:04:20,437 What was all that about? 918 01:04:20,439 --> 01:04:21,504 Not sure. 919 01:04:21,506 --> 01:04:23,573 Reception's terrible. 920 01:04:23,575 --> 01:04:25,608 I'm gonna head over there. 921 01:04:25,610 --> 01:04:28,077 I can't afford this, Jade. 922 01:04:28,079 --> 01:04:30,579 Bloody cowboys, the lot of them. 923 01:04:30,581 --> 01:04:33,716 Have they messed up? Are you sacking them? 924 01:04:33,718 --> 01:04:37,253 I'm not going to sack anyone yet. 925 01:04:37,255 --> 01:04:39,388 Depends what's happened. 926 01:04:39,390 --> 01:04:41,557 I trust I can leave you to lock up? 927 01:04:41,559 --> 01:04:43,660 - Yeah, fine. - All right, well, I'll go over 928 01:04:43,662 --> 01:04:47,463 and see if I can fix whatever mess they've made, then. 929 01:04:47,465 --> 01:04:49,532 You get Natasha on the mobile, 930 01:04:49,534 --> 01:04:52,301 see what's going on and let me know, okay? 931 01:04:52,303 --> 01:04:53,635 Yeah, yeah, no worries. 932 01:04:53,637 --> 01:04:55,775 Right, I'll see you later. 933 01:04:57,275 --> 01:04:59,309 Tell your mother 934 01:04:59,311 --> 01:05:02,048 I'm probably going to be working late. 935 01:05:14,392 --> 01:05:17,359 Guess what, man. I finished early, yeah. 936 01:05:17,361 --> 01:05:19,064 What you doing? 937 01:05:54,633 --> 01:05:56,231 Malcolm, get the fuck in the van! 938 01:05:56,233 --> 01:05:57,834 I think you've just killed someone! 939 01:05:57,836 --> 01:06:00,403 I know. Don't worry. He was a cannibal. 940 01:06:00,405 --> 01:06:03,539 Oh, I kind of feel less guilty now. 941 01:06:03,541 --> 01:06:05,543 - Well, get in! - Okay. 942 01:06:09,648 --> 01:06:11,513 What the hell were you doing out here? 943 01:06:11,515 --> 01:06:14,283 Long story. See what they did to Tash? 944 01:06:14,285 --> 01:06:16,486 - I know, mate, I know. - Have you called anyone? 945 01:06:16,488 --> 01:06:18,655 I got hold of Nigel, and I think he's on his way out. 946 01:06:18,657 --> 01:06:20,689 What a nightmare! 947 01:06:20,691 --> 01:06:24,193 How many are there of these cannibals? 948 01:06:24,195 --> 01:06:26,229 - Malcolm, you're a genius. - Huh? 949 01:06:26,231 --> 01:06:27,629 There was three and the old bag. 950 01:06:27,631 --> 01:06:28,865 Now that one's roadkill, 951 01:06:28,867 --> 01:06:30,200 the fat one fell out the window. 952 01:06:30,202 --> 01:06:31,633 That's who that was. 953 01:06:31,635 --> 01:06:33,803 Which means it's just the big bald fella left. 954 01:06:33,805 --> 01:06:35,671 We can take him. 955 01:06:35,673 --> 01:06:37,941 Why have we got to go back in there? 956 01:06:37,943 --> 01:06:39,211 To get Col. 957 01:07:03,934 --> 01:07:05,637 [KNOCKING] 958 01:07:11,276 --> 01:07:12,878 You! 959 01:07:14,813 --> 01:07:16,414 Going somewhere? 960 01:07:17,881 --> 01:07:18,981 [THUD] 961 01:07:18,983 --> 01:07:20,351 Come on. 962 01:07:21,352 --> 01:07:22,517 Where are we going? 963 01:07:22,519 --> 01:07:23,785 Col's in the basement. 964 01:07:23,787 --> 01:07:24,854 Keep 'em peeled. 965 01:07:24,856 --> 01:07:26,592 Big fella's a sneaky bugger. 966 01:07:31,296 --> 01:07:34,631 Quick, before he uses his giant fish gun! 967 01:07:34,633 --> 01:07:38,204 [SCREECHING] 968 01:07:40,505 --> 01:07:42,972 MALCOLM: You know that part where you said we can take him? 969 01:07:42,974 --> 01:07:44,907 - Yeah? - That was a lie, right? 970 01:07:44,909 --> 01:07:46,744 - In here! - [YELPS] 971 01:07:52,450 --> 01:07:53,983 He seems really angry. 972 01:07:53,985 --> 01:07:56,952 Probably 'cause you just punched his mother in the face. 973 01:07:56,954 --> 01:07:59,321 You think reckon that's upset him? 974 01:07:59,323 --> 01:08:01,260 Do you realize there's another door there, right? 975 01:08:05,530 --> 01:08:08,834 [WHEEZING] 976 01:08:13,972 --> 01:08:16,342 - [SCREECHES] - Sorry. 977 01:08:34,392 --> 01:08:35,958 Malcolm! 978 01:08:35,960 --> 01:08:38,430 [SCREECHING] 979 01:08:55,979 --> 01:08:57,383 Please! No! No! 980 01:09:05,823 --> 01:09:06,858 Oi! 981 01:09:09,393 --> 01:09:11,030 Asshole! 982 01:09:16,901 --> 01:09:18,336 [CLICK] 983 01:09:22,639 --> 01:09:24,539 [CLICKING] 984 01:09:24,541 --> 01:09:27,079 [WHIMPERS] 985 01:09:28,612 --> 01:09:29,615 [GUNSHOT] 986 01:09:41,925 --> 01:09:44,696 [GASPS] I got one! 987 01:09:46,865 --> 01:09:48,965 Oh. Nice one, buddy. 988 01:09:48,967 --> 01:09:50,600 [SCREAMS] 989 01:09:50,602 --> 01:09:51,601 Dean! 990 01:09:51,603 --> 01:09:53,069 Oh, bother! 991 01:09:53,071 --> 01:09:54,069 [SCREAMS] 992 01:09:54,071 --> 01:09:55,373 [THUD] 993 01:09:59,677 --> 01:10:01,847 That old woman is doing my head in. 994 01:10:03,580 --> 01:10:05,383 Let's go get Col. 995 01:10:09,586 --> 01:10:12,390 Dean, what are we even looking for? 996 01:10:14,793 --> 01:10:17,059 That, Malcolm. 997 01:10:17,061 --> 01:10:19,095 And how are we gonna get down there? 998 01:10:19,097 --> 01:10:20,930 I don't know yet. 999 01:10:20,932 --> 01:10:22,998 - Still got your lighter? - Oh, yeah. 1000 01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:24,699 I don't have any cigs left, though, so... 1001 01:10:24,701 --> 01:10:27,372 No, so we can see what we're doing down there. 1002 01:10:33,644 --> 01:10:34,646 [GASPS] 1003 01:10:36,814 --> 01:10:38,650 - [SCREAMS] - [THUD] 1004 01:10:39,651 --> 01:10:41,387 [GROANS] 1005 01:10:49,160 --> 01:10:51,162 You evil bitch! 1006 01:10:53,531 --> 01:10:54,566 Malc! 1007 01:10:55,967 --> 01:10:58,103 Malc, are you alive, mate? 1008 01:10:59,870 --> 01:11:02,640 Malcolm! Malcolm, you there? 1009 01:11:04,909 --> 01:11:06,111 Fuck! 1010 01:11:13,218 --> 01:11:16,488 Col, you better be alive, mate. 1011 01:11:56,628 --> 01:11:57,795 Col. 1012 01:11:59,030 --> 01:12:00,566 Colin. 1013 01:12:10,207 --> 01:12:12,108 Fuck's sake. 1014 01:12:12,110 --> 01:12:13,579 Col! 1015 01:12:18,282 --> 01:12:20,017 - Come on, you bastard. - [FLICKING LIGHTER] 1016 01:12:23,321 --> 01:12:24,986 [GROWLS] 1017 01:12:24,988 --> 01:12:26,525 [SCREAMS] 1018 01:12:49,347 --> 01:12:50,816 [SNARLS] 1019 01:12:57,589 --> 01:13:00,323 [SNARLS] 1020 01:13:00,325 --> 01:13:02,094 You fucking stink. 1021 01:13:20,911 --> 01:13:23,048 Dean, now, mate! 1022 01:13:25,683 --> 01:13:26,685 [SCREAMS] 1023 01:13:33,090 --> 01:13:34,293 - [STABS] - [ROARS] 1024 01:13:37,894 --> 01:13:40,031 [ROARS] 1025 01:13:42,900 --> 01:13:43,902 Dean! 1026 01:13:48,205 --> 01:13:49,974 [ROARS] 1027 01:13:59,017 --> 01:14:00,251 [SHOUTS] 1028 01:14:13,397 --> 01:14:15,166 That's enough! Let's go! 1029 01:14:17,367 --> 01:14:19,034 What's the matter? 1030 01:14:19,036 --> 01:14:20,735 That looks like a nasty bite, mate. 1031 01:14:20,737 --> 01:14:22,337 You think I'm gonna turn into one? 1032 01:14:22,339 --> 01:14:24,208 Don't be so stupid! 1033 01:14:28,312 --> 01:14:30,881 Come on! Let's go! Let's go! 1034 01:14:42,693 --> 01:14:44,095 What the hell? 1035 01:14:46,964 --> 01:14:48,800 I'm gonna bloody kill 'em! 1036 01:14:52,870 --> 01:14:54,837 Hello! 1037 01:14:54,839 --> 01:14:56,073 Dean? 1038 01:14:57,107 --> 01:14:58,376 Colin! 1039 01:14:59,844 --> 01:15:02,011 Anyone in? 1040 01:15:02,013 --> 01:15:04,015 Can anybody hear me? 1041 01:15:07,418 --> 01:15:09,254 Mrs. Hanning! 1042 01:15:17,327 --> 01:15:19,865 Well, this is all seems a little bit odd. 1043 01:15:25,469 --> 01:15:28,973 [WHIMPERING] 1044 01:15:34,745 --> 01:15:38,015 [ROARING] 1045 01:15:44,921 --> 01:15:46,387 You find some backup? 1046 01:15:46,389 --> 01:15:48,324 - I found Malcolm. - Well, where is he, then? 1047 01:15:48,326 --> 01:15:50,228 He didn't make it, mate. 1048 01:15:53,930 --> 01:15:55,299 Poor sod. 1049 01:15:57,401 --> 01:15:59,400 [CHARLIE ROARS] 1050 01:15:59,402 --> 01:16:00,838 Over there! 1051 01:16:08,446 --> 01:16:09,948 Fucking wedged shut, mate! 1052 01:16:11,249 --> 01:16:12,416 This way! 1053 01:16:14,451 --> 01:16:15,454 Shit! 1054 01:16:18,022 --> 01:16:19,357 Hello? 1055 01:16:21,459 --> 01:16:22,894 Dean? 1056 01:16:24,128 --> 01:16:25,461 Colin? 1057 01:16:25,463 --> 01:16:28,265 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 1058 01:16:31,835 --> 01:16:33,968 Hello? 1059 01:16:33,970 --> 01:16:36,040 Is anyone down there? 1060 01:16:38,142 --> 01:16:39,945 This is useless. 1061 01:16:41,211 --> 01:16:42,444 [PHONE BEEPS] 1062 01:16:42,446 --> 01:16:45,381 Hi, Colin, it's Nigel. 1063 01:16:45,383 --> 01:16:48,818 Can you give me a ring when you get this message, please? 1064 01:16:48,820 --> 01:16:51,857 I'm at the house, and there's just... 1065 01:17:03,601 --> 01:17:07,238 [COUGHING] 1066 01:17:24,054 --> 01:17:25,620 [THUD] 1067 01:17:25,622 --> 01:17:26,855 [THUD] 1068 01:17:26,857 --> 01:17:28,990 DEAN: Here, look, Col, look! 1069 01:17:28,992 --> 01:17:30,995 - Yes! - Oh, you beauty. 1070 01:17:34,298 --> 01:17:36,297 It's a way out, mate! 1071 01:17:36,299 --> 01:17:37,900 Yes! 1072 01:17:37,902 --> 01:17:39,538 [CHARLIE GROWLS] 1073 01:17:42,138 --> 01:17:44,172 Shit, Col, I think he's coming! 1074 01:17:44,174 --> 01:17:46,378 Go, go, go! 1075 01:17:56,152 --> 01:17:57,254 [GRUNTS] 1076 01:18:00,523 --> 01:18:02,490 [THUD] 1077 01:18:02,492 --> 01:18:04,459 [SIGHS] 1078 01:18:04,461 --> 01:18:05,627 Charlie! 1079 01:18:05,629 --> 01:18:08,499 We're leaving! [ECHOES] 1080 01:18:09,967 --> 01:18:13,071 I suggest you get your arse up here! 1081 01:18:25,249 --> 01:18:27,018 Time to go. 1082 01:18:44,000 --> 01:18:46,401 - You all right? - Yeah. 1083 01:18:46,403 --> 01:18:49,073 I just want to go and see Carol, mate. 1084 01:18:53,443 --> 01:18:55,880 You're not Charlie. 1085 01:18:57,548 --> 01:18:58,614 What did he say? 1086 01:18:58,616 --> 01:19:01,086 Col, look at his shirt. 1087 01:19:04,455 --> 01:19:06,955 [SCREAMS] 1088 01:19:06,957 --> 01:19:09,227 No, wait! What are you doing? Wait! Wait! 1089 01:19:10,527 --> 01:19:12,194 - Hey! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1090 01:19:12,196 --> 01:19:14,462 Easy, lads. Doing all right? 1091 01:19:14,464 --> 01:19:16,200 [COLIN CHUCKLES] 1092 01:19:18,134 --> 01:19:21,005 Oh, give us a break, hey? 1093 01:19:22,005 --> 01:19:24,405 Easy, lads, easy! 1094 01:19:24,407 --> 01:19:27,443 - Okay. - We met your mother. 1095 01:19:27,445 --> 01:19:30,014 - Col, there's some in there! - [COLIN CHUCKLES] 1096 01:19:33,017 --> 01:19:35,150 Oh, God. 1097 01:19:35,152 --> 01:19:38,119 What's he carrying? 1098 01:19:38,121 --> 01:19:41,058 Col, there's some behind us! Oh, it's a bloody ax! 1099 01:19:42,559 --> 01:19:44,629 What is that? 1100 01:19:47,330 --> 01:19:49,700 Oh, Col. Col, Col, Col, Col. 1101 01:19:52,702 --> 01:19:55,072 What are we gonna do? 1102 01:19:56,173 --> 01:19:58,106 Carpet fitters don't cry! 1103 01:19:58,108 --> 01:19:59,574 [SHOUTING] 1104 01:19:59,576 --> 01:20:02,280 ♪♪ 1105 01:20:02,282 --> 01:20:04,078 Subtitles by explosiveskull 1106 01:20:04,080 --> 01:20:05,748 ♪ Catching up with my old friends ♪ 1107 01:20:05,750 --> 01:20:08,350 ♪ At Uncle Charlie's place ♪ 1108 01:20:08,352 --> 01:20:10,651 ♪ My pal says, Al, hey, check it out ♪ 1109 01:20:10,653 --> 01:20:12,520 ♪ Look who showed her face ♪ 1110 01:20:12,522 --> 01:20:14,390 ♪ We met two years before ♪ 1111 01:20:14,392 --> 01:20:17,325 ♪ But all would end in misery ♪ 1112 01:20:17,327 --> 01:20:19,494 ♪ Say what you may Fate has a way ♪ 1113 01:20:19,496 --> 01:20:21,732 ♪ Some call it destiny ♪ 1114 01:20:23,467 --> 01:20:25,234 ♪ How are you And yes, thank you ♪ 1115 01:20:25,236 --> 01:20:27,636 ♪ And all the pleasantries ♪ 1116 01:20:27,638 --> 01:20:29,738 ♪ Well, it's loud in here Let's go out there ♪ 1117 01:20:29,740 --> 01:20:32,306 ♪ And chew our old stories ♪ 1118 01:20:32,308 --> 01:20:34,208 ♪ Yeah, I recall the worst of ♪ 1119 01:20:34,210 --> 01:20:36,645 ♪ Though our love was bittersweet ♪ 1120 01:20:36,647 --> 01:20:39,347 ♪ You're overdue I'm someone new ♪ 1121 01:20:39,349 --> 01:20:41,717 ♪ At least that's what I think ♪ 1122 01:20:41,719 --> 01:20:46,555 ♪ Sure picked a fine time to come ♪ 1123 01:20:46,557 --> 01:20:51,126 ♪ For what was did couldn't be undone ♪ 1124 01:20:51,128 --> 01:20:55,564 ♪ Don't walk back in, then turn and run ♪ 1125 01:20:55,566 --> 01:20:59,504 ♪ Sure picked a fine time to come ♪ 1126 01:21:02,807 --> 01:21:04,806 ♪ Well, I dropped my aspiration ♪ 1127 01:21:04,808 --> 01:21:07,443 ♪ And I took a fall from grace ♪ 1128 01:21:07,445 --> 01:21:10,078 ♪ I fought for you I know it too ♪ 1129 01:21:10,080 --> 01:21:11,779 ♪ Some things never change ♪ 1130 01:21:11,781 --> 01:21:16,517 ♪ We've been down this road before ♪ 1131 01:21:16,519 --> 01:21:21,422 ♪ But there's light this time I'm sure ♪ 1132 01:21:21,424 --> 01:21:23,592 ♪ Yeah, I still got your photographs ♪ 1133 01:21:23,594 --> 01:21:27,863 ♪ And every single paragraph you wrote me ♪ 1134 01:21:27,865 --> 01:21:31,300 ♪ Just hoping ♪ 1135 01:21:31,302 --> 01:21:35,604 ♪ Sure picked a fine time to come ♪ 1136 01:21:35,606 --> 01:21:40,275 ♪ For what was did couldn't be undone ♪ 1137 01:21:40,277 --> 01:21:44,546 ♪ Don't walk back in, then turn and run ♪ 1138 01:21:44,548 --> 01:21:48,620 ♪ Sure picked a fine time to come ♪ 1139 01:21:50,687 --> 01:21:55,556 ♪ What the hell are you doing here ♪ 1140 01:21:55,558 --> 01:21:59,427 ♪ I'll drift in your atmosphere ♪ 1141 01:21:59,429 --> 01:22:02,631 ♪ Just like you to turn up out of the blue ♪ 1142 01:22:02,633 --> 01:22:07,235 ♪ When you're missing him ♪ 1143 01:22:07,237 --> 01:22:11,606 ♪ Sure picked a fine time to come ♪ 1144 01:22:11,608 --> 01:22:16,345 ♪ For what was did couldn't be undone ♪ 1145 01:22:16,347 --> 01:22:20,582 ♪ Don't walk back in, then turn and run ♪ 1146 01:22:20,584 --> 01:22:24,522 ♪ Sure picked a fine time to come ♪ 1147 01:22:27,857 --> 01:22:31,827 ♪ My pal says, Al, don't turn around ♪ 1148 01:22:31,829 --> 01:22:36,867 ♪ Let her walk away ♪ 76718

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.