All language subtitles for the.simpsons.s34e22.720p.web.h264-cakes

Aah!

Aah!

Mm.

What? Whatcha...

D'oh!

Who the hell are these people?

Why you...

Oh, my pâté de campagne!

My "Kick me" sign!

Oh, how could she?
Why would she?

So many feelings,
all of them anger.

Must drive them away.

Rage belongs on the road.

Where the hell's my phone?

Got to express my rage
to the person who enraged me:

my wife.

Marge, I am so, so,

so, so angry.

Anger emoji, skull emoji,

eggplant emoji,
because I hate eggplant.

Fire, fire, fire. Aah!

A fire-fire-fire hydrant!

Okay, Homer, stay calm.

Your seat belt will save you.

Wha?

Thank God I still got my airbag.

Safety first.

Hmm?

Ah.

Well, at least I got
shatter-proof glass.

Oh, it's shattering!

D'oh...!

I'm soaring through the air
like an angel,

or a beautiful loogie.

How very majestic
the world looks from up here.

The sky, the ocean,

Ralph.

Bart's bald mommy
is going to die.

That's her problem.

Homer? Yo, big man.

Now's not the time to chill.

What? Who the hell was that?

It's me, Maggie's
Happy Little Elf doll.

Oh, yeah.

She calls you Goobie-Woo.

Of course she does.
That's my damn name.

Okay. Sheesh, Goobie-Woo.

But how are you talking
right now?

That's a little complicated.

You see, I'm a projection
of your psyche,

and you're in the middle of
a very traumatic life event.

Traumatic? What do you mean?
I feel great.

Homer. Homer, what you're
currently experiencing

is called
post-traumatic elation.

Is that like Post Raisin Bran?

Damn it, man,
you are literally in the middle

of a car accident!

What?! Oh, right.

Let me lay this out.

You and me are gonna use
this car ejection

for some self-reflection,
okay, my brother?

And that journey begins with

finding the source
of your anger.

Now, gaze into that
little piece of glass.

I need a safe-deposit box.
Want to know why?

Well, that's why I got into
banking in the first place,

for the thrilling stories.

Well, this morning,
I was on my break

- at the nuclear power plant...
- Uh-huh.

...so I went and got myself
a bag of chips.

Potato chips.

I feel like I'm at
a story slam right now.

They were so delicious
and salty and chompy,

and before long,
they were all gone.

- No.
- Almost.

Oh, there's a twist?

But then I pulled out this,

a chip that looks exactly like
John Travolta.

And that's why I need
a safe-deposit box,

to protect this treasure
forever.

Oh, don't study opera staging
in Vienna, they said.

Work in a bank, they said.

Mm-hmm. Mr. Simpson,
it looks like your family

already has a safe-deposit box.

Your wife rented it out
over a decade ago.

- Wow, you've got a wife.
- Wha?

Now, I'm not supposed to
show you this,

but lucky for you right now
I'm super high.

"Last will and testament"?

Written by Clarence Bouvier,
your father-in-law.

Marge's dad left a will?

He never told me about that

in the four conversations
we ever had.

It says here he set up a trust

to pay Marge Simpson,
ooh, $1,000 a month.

A thousand dollars? What? No.

No! What?!

No! No? What?

No.

And I can confirm that
your wife has been

receiving that money every month
since her father died.

Marge has been getting
all that money for years,

and she never told me about it.

I-I don't know what to feel.

In these situations,
many of our customers

opt for extreme rage.

Well, I hate to just
follow the crowd, but...

So that's why I was so mad.

And that's why
I'm even angrier now.

For all these years, Marge has
been hiding money from me.

It's a blatant act of, of, uh...

The term is
"financial infidelity."

And I can see how
you'd be angry.

Oh, thank you.

- But it's the wrong emotion to feel.
- Damn it.

Homer, I'm gonna help you
work through this anger

so you can find peace.

Aw, work? That sounds like work.

How much time do I have?

I'd say about
point-three seconds

- judging by how fast you're flying
towards that tree. - Aah!

Oh, my God, we're airborne.

Whoa!

I don't know which one
I'm more upset about,

that my wife has been keeping

a secret mountain of cash
from me,

or that I'm about to die
in a stupid, violent car wreck.

Don't make me choose,
Goobie-Woo.

Homer, you're spiraling.

Of course I'm spiraling.

I'm literally flying
through the air.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Listen, I know you're feeling
all the feels right now,

but we're getting closer
to the real source of your rage.

What? I'm sorry,
I'm eating my feelings.

Bad Homer. Spit out that food,
and those feelings.

What was Marge
spending that money on?

And why did she keep it a secret
from everybody?

Um, not everybody, Dad.

I hate to say it,
but we've known about

Mom's secret cash
for quite some time.

Yeah, that's why I laugh myself
to sleep every night.

What? And here I've been
worried sick about

your night giggles.

Let me tell you
how we found out.

I was blowing off steam
one day...

...and I saw that Mom was
getting $100,000 a month!

Then I explained to Bart
how decimal points work.

Then we asked Mom about it,
and she admitted

the whole thing.

So then tell me, why did she
keep the money a secret?

I don't think you can handle it.

- I can handle it.
- Okay.

The reason is...

Your father is
an ape-faced butt monster

who eats booger sandwiches
and also sucks.

Why, you little
unreliable narrator!

Ow! Glass is sharp.

Oh, even my kids knew
I was being fiscally unmanned.

Okay, got to go, ape face.

See you at your funeral.

We'll be the kids running around
in our nice clothes,

poignantly unaware of
the finality of death.

Oh, that tree can't
get here fast enough.

Okay, Michael Phelps,

don't swim to your death
just yet.

Don't you want to find out
what Marge been

spending the money on?

Oh, you bet I do.

Well, that's what I thought.
Give me your best guess.

I want to give her
the benefit of the doubt,

but I can't help
but imagine the worst.

See you later. I'm off to earn
our only source of income.

He's gone. Robo-butler,
bring me a caviar hoagie.

My word. This is so expensive.

Mmm. Mmm-mmm.

You know what else
I'm paying for?

Sexy handymen doing chores
around the house.

I don't know which I love more,

being rich or hiding it
from my husband.

Let us mock him through dance.

Whew, Homer, I hesitate to ask,

but why does your brain think

that's what Marge is doing
with the money?

Because it's what I'd do.

Except the repairmen would be
my favorite rock stars:

Kiss, Bon Jovi, Men at Work,

because of
their excellent work ethic.

Stop!

Your wife is a
much better person than you are,

and she's been using the money
in a very different way.

So no robot butler?

On me? No way.

I'm sure that... Huh?

Goobie-Woo in da house!

- Oh, my God.
- Whoo!

All this time, I've been
thinking the worst about Marge,

but she was using the money
to save me.

Ya think?

And she only kept it a secret
to save your dumbass male pride.

Huh?

Holy crap,
I just flew past the tree!

Whoo!

Thank God, I don't have to
be mad at Marge anymore.

If anything, you should be mad
at Marge's dad.

- Huh?
- Oh, snap, I shouldn't have said that.

"Oh, snap"?
What do you mean, "Oh, snap"?

Oh, snap, why not?
What do you know?

Nothing. And closure!

Closure-closure,
closure-closure.

Oh, no. I got to know
what Marge's dad did,

or said or rapped.

Aha, and I've got
the magical footage right here.

Don't look at it!
You've come so far.

Inner peace has almost defeated
your outer rage.

You've got to be strong, man.

So if I look at
that piece of glass,

I could change my fate

and perhaps even risk
my very soul?

Well, I'm cool with that.

What the hell?!

But, Dad,
Homer has a good heart,

and I'm going to marry him.

Oh, honey, this Simpson fellow
will never provide for you.

He has jackass written
all over him.

Marge, do you have
any turpentine?

It's not coming off.

Hmm.

His friends did that
after he fell asleep at a party.

Homer's the sweetest person
I've ever met.

Every time I look into his eyes,

I see someone who will
never stop loving me.

Oh... crap.

Look, I'm gonna leave you
something special in my will

to make sure you're okay,
because you've found

every father's worst nightmare:

true love with a true loser.

Loser? But I thought
Marge's dad liked me.

He was always warning me about

doors hitting my butt
on the way out.

How dare he emasculate me
from beyond the grave?

Uh-huh. I told you
not to look at it.

Wait, how could I remember
that talk

between Marge and her dad
if I wasn't around to see it?

You can see stuff like that
'cause you're a ghost now.

You dead.

D'oh...!

I tried to tell you,
and you didn't want to hear me.

You was eating your feelings
and carrying on.

Goobie-Woo knows what's good.

I'm gonna see this
in every dream now.

Oh, my God, I'm in heaven now.

It's so huge, so majestic.

So red.

Ooh, it's one of heaven's
goaty-footed angels.

And look at that giant fork.

Probably for eating
delicious, heavenly s'mores.

Think again, pally.

Ow!

Wait a second, I'm in hell?
But why?

Because you committed
the deadly sin of wrath

against your father-in-law.

So what? Everybody hates
everybody these days.

Plus the rest of
the seven deadly sins

all in the last half second
of your life.

Whoo-hoo! I hit for the cycle!

Okay, so this is
where you check in

for your eternal punishments.

Who are they?

That's our exchange program
we have with heaven.

We send them people
condemned for sins

that aren't sins anymore.

All aboard for those damned

for being gay between 5000 BC
and like ten years ago.

It's about damn time.

Make way for Miss Thing!

Now arriving,
former residents of heaven

who are now considered bad
by today's standards.

Wherefore art I in hell?

I gave the world Othello.

Yeah, and performed it
in blackface.

Get outta here.

I didn't even actually
write the plays!

Okay, Mr. Simpson,
looks like your punishment is

to be boiled alive
for all eternity

- in a lake of blood.
- All right.

Just wait over there.

Oh, there's a line?

Hey, do you mind if
I go ahead of you?

Yeah, in fact, I do mind.

Oh, for... Oh...

Fine, take this buzzer.

When we're ready for you,
it'll electrocute you

and set your torso aflame!

I know how buzzers work.

Ooh, poker.

Oh, boy, I got-a the best hand.

I'm-a gonna win.

Ha! Nice bluff, Benito.

Marge's dead dad!

You thought
I wasn't worthy of Marge.

I'll kill you
and send you to super-hell!

Hey, hey, behave yourself.

We have standards here.

Shut up, Tom Selleck!

What Marge's dad did to me
was super-sucky.

It's probably the reason
he ended up here.

Actually, he ended up here
thanks to an unrelated

check forging scheme.

Checks. Remember them?

Oh, crazy.

Homer, uh, let's you and me
take a walk.

Walking?
Oh, this really is hell.

I want to show you something.

Wow, another screen?

Yeah, this is hell.
Screens everywhere.

Mom, Dad, I'd like you
to meet Mercer.

He designs board games.

Oh, like Parker Brothers?

Yeah, like Parker Brothers. No.

You actually play that
mainstream corporate garbage?

You're so lucky
to be meeting me today.

Seriously, I am
so jealous of you.

Check this out.

My new game
is gonna be a huge hit.

It combines the Stratego-ness
of Stratego,

the implicit sexual tension
of Twister,

and the hard-driving whimsy
of Tic-Tac-Toe.

It's called Side-gammon.

Who's up for a game? Huh?

Oh, come on!

It's super complicated!

You'll be out
before you know it,

and you'll be humiliated!

Excuse me,
I have to go yell something

into your washer-dryer.

He really is brilliant,
and he has a good heart.

I'm going to marry him.

I'm the Mozart of board games

and novelties!

Why, that guy's a total loser.

I don't want him to marry Lisa.

Wait, I was never as bad
as him, was I?

Actually, there was a time

when I would have preferred
that guy to you.

Plus, you know what?

We got an advance copy
of Side-gammon,

- and it's not bad.
- Oh, my God.

I'm starting to see things
from another point of view.

Your point of view.

I didn't even know
other people had those.

You were just worried
about Marge,

the way I'd be worried
about Lisa.

No matter how old
and dead we get,

we just want to make sure
our little girls are okay.

D'oh!

Homer Simpson, we are now ready

to boil you for eternity
in a lake of blood.

Wow, suddenly
that doesn't sound so good.

Eh, you just had
an epiphany, pally,

which means you get
to go back to your life.

It's a dumb rule, but we need
a two-thirds vote to change it.

Which is also a dumb rule.

What can I say?
Hell ain't perfect.

Homer, you're getting
another chance.

Now, get the hell out of hell
and go back to my daughter.

You heard the man.
Let's get your ass home.

Ow!

Damn, that hurt.

You died and went to hell.

Ralph knows.

Whee!

Thank you, Goobie-Woo.

I learned more
tumbling through the air

than I ever did
tumbling through my life.

- Dad!
- Homer!

Goobie-Woo.

Oh, Homie,
thank God you're okay.

Homer, I have to ask you,

why did you send me
that angry text?

It doesn't matter.

I have since set aside
my own ego

and learned to savor
my many blessings.

And you, my darling,
are foremost amongst them.

I don't understand
a thing he's saying.

He seems to be in a lot of pain.

Can't you give him something?

Absolutely not.

No can do till we get
to the hospital.

Ah.

I guess I can go another month
without a new purse.

That's the end.

Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION

and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

and TOYOTA.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

You see, I'm a projection
of your psyche,

and you're in the middle of

- a very traumatic life event.
- And cut.

Now we should move on
to the part

where your character slaps Dad.

Wait a minute,
isn't that just a sound effect?

No, it's got to be real.
Right, Lizzo?

Uh, seems a bit excessive to me,
but, hey, pshh, you're the kid.

You know what?
If you're uncomfortable,

you don't have to do it.

I could do it for you.
And action!

Maybe a few more for safety?

Whose safety?
I don't feel safe!

Ow. Ow.

Why, you little...

This beat is fire.

Yo, Lisa, how 'bout
I get Sasha Flute,

you get your saxamaphone,

and we, uh, jam?

I'd love to.

Ow. Ow.

Ow. Stop that.

Ow. Ow.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Why, you little...

Ow.

Shh!