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1
00:00:05,472 --> 00:00:07,073
What did people do at their desks
2
00:00:07,074 --> 00:00:09,041
before Buzzfeed, Candy
Crush, Instant Messaging,
3
00:00:09,042 --> 00:00:11,711
texting, sexting, tweeting,
'gramming, and Snapchat?
4
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:14,213
I bet they got buttloads
of work done. Suckers.
5
00:00:14,214 --> 00:00:16,582
What did we say about
half-naked Snapchats?
6
00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:17,717
We didn't say anything.
7
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:20,052
You said, "this is a place of business,"
8
00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:22,088
and then you asked what Snapchat was,
9
00:00:22,089 --> 00:00:24,390
and I had to tell you because, as usual,
10
00:00:24,391 --> 00:00:26,559
you have no idea what anything fun is.
11
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,623
Once again, Freddy is reinforcing
your bad habits and, quite frankly,
12
00:00:29,649 --> 00:00:31,998
- stoking some of his own.
- What?
13
00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:34,000
If you two put a fraction
of your narcissistic energy
14
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:36,002
into solving the issues
currently plaguing our society,
15
00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:40,206
perhaps rising sea levels, autism, and
the rabidly dwindling bee population
16
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,542
would be things of the past.
17
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:46,012
Whoa. Somebody needs to get laid.
18
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,700
Sometimes I say things
that are totally true
19
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:09,702
without even realizing how true they are,
20
00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:12,038
like in 2008 when I accidentally said...
21
00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:14,707
I bet you anything the dumb golden girl
22
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:17,543
outlives the man golden girl
and the slut golden girl.
23
00:01:17,544 --> 00:01:20,546
No chance. Sluts live forever.
24
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,381
So when I accidentally diagnosed
25
00:01:22,382 --> 00:01:24,050
Henry's sexual frustration,
26
00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:26,216
it shouldn't have surprised
me how right I was.
27
00:01:26,242 --> 00:01:27,742
It's a bed-wetting remedy,
28
00:01:27,743 --> 00:01:29,611
and your primary color is yellow.
29
00:01:29,612 --> 00:01:31,513
Do you really not
understand what the issue is?
30
00:01:31,514 --> 00:01:33,648
The box literally looks like
it's been soaked in urine.
31
00:01:33,649 --> 00:01:34,783
Ew.
32
00:01:34,784 --> 00:01:36,518
Did you pee on my box?
33
00:01:36,519 --> 00:01:38,553
Somebody needs to get laid.
34
00:01:39,655 --> 00:01:41,590
Yes.
35
00:01:41,591 --> 00:01:44,960
I accidentally called that
in 2014 like five seconds ago!
36
00:01:44,961 --> 00:01:47,762
Still, I couldn't help but
feel partially responsible.
37
00:01:47,763 --> 00:01:50,932
After all, I'd been consuming
most of Henry's free time.
38
00:01:50,933 --> 00:01:52,667
All right, Eliza. It's getting late.
39
00:01:52,668 --> 00:01:54,536
Uh, let's try this again.
40
00:01:54,537 --> 00:01:56,738
Your co-worker returns
from maternity leave
41
00:01:56,739 --> 00:01:59,608
anxious to share with you
a photo of her newborn baby
42
00:01:59,609 --> 00:02:02,577
who happens to look like this.
43
00:02:02,578 --> 00:02:04,079
And you reply?
44
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:06,248
Aw-aw-aw-aw.
45
00:02:06,249 --> 00:02:07,749
That said,
it really doesn't leave him
46
00:02:07,750 --> 00:02:09,084
much time to mack on hoes.
47
00:02:09,085 --> 00:02:11,153
And because Henry's so
deficient in vitamin V,
48
00:02:11,154 --> 00:02:13,655
he's super salty about my
relationship with Freddy.
49
00:02:13,656 --> 00:02:14,723
So, long story short...
50
00:02:14,724 --> 00:02:17,592
We need to get Henry some strange.
51
00:02:17,593 --> 00:02:19,861
- Exactly.
- Oh!
52
00:02:19,862 --> 00:02:22,197
You know, there's a cute girl
53
00:02:22,198 --> 00:02:24,132
that works in the coffee shop downstairs.
54
00:02:24,133 --> 00:02:25,534
Now, she asked about Henry once.
55
00:02:25,535 --> 00:02:28,537
And for no real reason, I blocked it.
56
00:02:28,538 --> 00:02:29,704
Hmm.
57
00:02:29,705 --> 00:02:31,806
I regret that now.
58
00:02:31,807 --> 00:02:32,974
So, you'll help me?
59
00:02:32,975 --> 00:02:35,143
- No.
- Oh.
60
00:02:35,144 --> 00:02:36,244
Oh, see? I don't know what my problem is.
61
00:02:36,245 --> 00:02:39,514
It's like my default setting is to block.
62
00:02:39,515 --> 00:02:41,583
But don't worry. I-I'll help you.
63
00:02:42,685 --> 00:02:44,586
Probably.
64
00:02:44,587 --> 00:02:46,688
While Charmonique and I came up with a plan
65
00:02:46,689 --> 00:02:49,191
to not block Henry and the cute barista,
66
00:02:49,192 --> 00:02:51,059
he rearranged his desk supplies
67
00:02:51,060 --> 00:02:53,061
like a sexually frustrated lunatic.
68
00:02:53,062 --> 00:02:54,896
I don't know why three-hole punch
69
00:02:54,897 --> 00:02:56,598
gets priority seating over here.
70
00:02:56,599 --> 00:02:59,234
It's not like I punch three
holes in things all that often.
71
00:02:59,235 --> 00:03:01,670
You know what? You need to go.
72
00:03:01,671 --> 00:03:04,239
Just pack your paper
holes and get out of here.
73
00:03:06,742 --> 00:03:08,076
Brought you something.
74
00:03:08,077 --> 00:03:09,778
Where did this come from?
I don't even use this.
75
00:03:09,779 --> 00:03:12,681
It's a gift card to the
coffee place downstairs.
76
00:03:12,682 --> 00:03:13,649
Here.
77
00:03:14,585 --> 00:03:17,085
Don't you want to go get a drink? Hmm?
78
00:03:17,086 --> 00:03:20,755
Uh, before 5:00 P.M. or
tomorrow from 7:00 to 3:00,
79
00:03:20,756 --> 00:03:23,558
or next Tuesday when she covers for Romy?
80
00:03:23,559 --> 00:03:25,961
Hmm?
81
00:03:25,962 --> 00:03:29,497
The next Tuesday when she covered for Romy,
82
00:03:29,498 --> 00:03:31,032
Henry finally took the bait.
83
00:03:31,033 --> 00:03:32,200
I'm gonna grab a coffee.
84
00:03:34,770 --> 00:03:37,639
Ca-kaw!
Ca-caw!
85
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:38,773
Is it going down?
86
00:03:38,774 --> 00:03:40,642
It's going down.
87
00:03:40,643 --> 00:03:43,878
But whether or not Henry would notice
the cute barista who was covering for Romy
88
00:03:43,879 --> 00:03:46,615
- remained to be seen.
- He's next!
89
00:03:46,616 --> 00:03:47,916
Hey, stranger.
90
00:03:47,917 --> 00:03:51,620
Ooh, it is taking every
ounce of self-control I have
91
00:03:51,621 --> 00:03:52,921
not to block this.
92
00:03:52,922 --> 00:03:55,056
It's like I want people to be happy.
93
00:03:55,057 --> 00:03:57,559
But on the other hand, no, I don't.
94
00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:59,060
Here you go, Henry.
95
00:03:59,061 --> 00:04:01,796
Oh, my God. She gave him a cookie.
96
00:04:01,797 --> 00:04:04,032
She gave him a cookie he didn't even order.
97
00:04:04,033 --> 00:04:05,133
I didn't order this cookie.
98
00:04:05,134 --> 00:04:06,668
I know.
99
00:04:06,669 --> 00:04:08,503
I just thought maybe you'd like to try it.
100
00:04:08,504 --> 00:04:09,537
It has nuts.
101
00:04:09,538 --> 00:04:11,606
You can eat around the nuts.
102
00:04:11,607 --> 00:04:14,175
No, thanks. Too much work. I don't want it.
103
00:04:15,645 --> 00:04:17,279
He gave back the cookie.
104
00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:20,649
Now, who gives back a cookie
unless it's oatmeal raisin?
105
00:04:20,650 --> 00:04:22,550
Look, Henry, the cookie
was my way of saying that...
106
00:04:22,551 --> 00:04:24,886
You're gonna screw up your inventory.
107
00:04:24,887 --> 00:04:26,121
Where's Romy?
108
00:04:26,122 --> 00:04:28,757
Wow. He blocked himself.
109
00:04:28,758 --> 00:04:31,493
It's like he doesn't even
realize she's hitting on him.
110
00:04:31,494 --> 00:04:32,560
He has no game.
111
00:04:32,561 --> 00:04:35,697
And if we don't help him,
he's probably gonna die alone.
112
00:04:35,698 --> 00:04:38,566
I really hope I didn't just
accidentally predict that.
113
00:04:38,567 --> 00:04:39,634
Hmm.
114
00:04:41,037 --> 00:04:42,985
So, here's the plan.
115
00:04:42,986 --> 00:04:44,587
We covertly gather intel on Henry,
116
00:04:44,588 --> 00:04:47,023
post him on every single
dating site in existence,
117
00:04:47,024 --> 00:04:48,357
handle the pregame for
him so he can't mess it up,
118
00:04:48,358 --> 00:04:50,626
and then throw a mixer full of women
119
00:04:50,627 --> 00:04:52,461
already predisposed to bang.
120
00:04:52,462 --> 00:04:54,463
Mm, okay, so we're gonna
need his height, weight,
121
00:04:54,464 --> 00:04:57,900
likes, dislikes, birthstone, and any STDs.
122
00:04:57,901 --> 00:04:59,902
And favorite cast member of "FRIENDS."
123
00:04:59,903 --> 00:05:00,970
Ooh! Mine's Chandler.
124
00:05:01,498 --> 00:05:04,273
It's that sarcasm as
a self-defense, though.
125
00:05:04,274 --> 00:05:08,274
Good morning, Charmo...
126
00:05:09,179 --> 00:05:11,347
Nique.
127
00:05:11,348 --> 00:05:14,884
What's this? There's no one
here to say "good morning" to.
128
00:05:14,885 --> 00:05:17,019
How then will people know to have a good...
129
00:05:17,020 --> 00:05:20,189
Good morning, Joanna!
130
00:05:20,190 --> 00:05:24,193
♪ Joanna ♪
131
00:05:24,194 --> 00:05:25,361
There she is!
132
00:05:25,362 --> 00:05:27,363
Oh. Linda.
133
00:05:27,364 --> 00:05:30,533
♪ Linda in red ♪
134
00:05:30,534 --> 00:05:33,502
♪ Is dancing with me ♪
135
00:05:33,503 --> 00:05:34,970
Thank you for your leadership, Linda.
136
00:05:34,971 --> 00:05:36,405
You're welcome, sir.
137
00:05:36,406 --> 00:05:39,175
- Hey, dad!
- Oh, hey, Terrence.
138
00:05:39,176 --> 00:05:42,634
Don't I get a song? I'm
okay with "Terrence in red."
139
00:05:42,672 --> 00:05:45,240
Actually, it's more of a ketchup-y color.
140
00:05:45,241 --> 00:05:46,541
And I wouldn't want people to think
141
00:05:46,542 --> 00:05:48,176
I'm favoring you because
you're my son-in-law.
142
00:05:48,177 --> 00:05:49,511
Oh, right. Good thinking.
143
00:05:49,512 --> 00:05:51,880
- Better safe than sorry.
- And who do we have here?
144
00:05:51,881 --> 00:05:53,682
Who's this?
145
00:05:53,683 --> 00:05:56,518
- Oh, my name's Fatima.
- Fatima.
146
00:05:56,519 --> 00:05:58,920
♪ fatim-a-way, fatim-a-way ♪
147
00:05:58,921 --> 00:06:00,789
♪ Fatim-a-way, fatim-a-way ♪
148
00:06:00,790 --> 00:06:04,292
♪ In the jungle, the mighty jungle ♪
149
00:06:04,293 --> 00:06:08,230
♪ Fatima sleeps tonight ♪
150
00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:12,801
I bet you get that all the time, don't you?
151
00:06:12,802 --> 00:06:14,269
I'm sorry.
152
00:06:14,270 --> 00:06:15,871
I'm interviewing for an
administrative position.
153
00:06:15,872 --> 00:06:19,207
♪ Fatim-am-am-away ♪
154
00:06:20,543 --> 00:06:22,878
You're on the wrong floor,
but you can walk down to five.
155
00:06:22,879 --> 00:06:25,547
Just head straight.
156
00:06:25,548 --> 00:06:28,383
I love this job.
157
00:06:33,222 --> 00:06:35,029
Here you go.
158
00:06:35,107 --> 00:06:37,174
So, how's whatever thing
you were whatevering about
159
00:06:37,175 --> 00:06:38,863
in your office the other day?
160
00:06:38,889 --> 00:06:40,856
Oh, I redesigned the package myself.
161
00:06:40,857 --> 00:06:43,291
Went with a cool gray,
which connotes dryness.
162
00:06:43,292 --> 00:06:45,293
Oh, my God, yes, cool gray
connotes the hell out of...
163
00:06:45,294 --> 00:06:48,897
Hey. Do you like hiking?
164
00:06:48,898 --> 00:06:50,198
What?
165
00:06:50,199 --> 00:06:53,135
Do you like to go for hikes?
166
00:06:53,136 --> 00:06:54,770
Why? Do you like hikes?
167
00:06:54,771 --> 00:06:55,904
Let's say I did.
168
00:06:55,905 --> 00:06:57,406
Would you be all, like, "awesome!
169
00:06:57,407 --> 00:07:01,043
"Let's go on a hike. Hiking
is my favorite thing"?
170
00:07:01,044 --> 00:07:02,811
No.
171
00:07:02,812 --> 00:07:04,780
Yeah, hiking sucks.
172
00:07:04,781 --> 00:07:07,179
Can you lick your lips and
look off in the distance?
173
00:07:07,230 --> 00:07:09,698
I want to add a photo
of you to my contacts,
174
00:07:09,699 --> 00:07:12,635
but I don't have one, so
could you unbutton your shirt,
175
00:07:12,636 --> 00:07:13,869
lean against that doorframe,
176
00:07:13,870 --> 00:07:17,306
and just, like, slowly
lick your lips like...
177
00:07:17,307 --> 00:07:18,440
Are you on drugs?
178
00:07:18,441 --> 00:07:22,411
No, but if I were, would
that be a deal-breaker?
179
00:07:26,283 --> 00:07:27,616
Oh, uh, dad?
180
00:07:27,617 --> 00:07:29,285
Can I... sir? Hmm?
181
00:07:29,286 --> 00:07:30,419
Oh, what is it, boy?
182
00:07:30,420 --> 00:07:32,288
Oh, well, it's not that
I'm at all ungrateful
183
00:07:32,289 --> 00:07:34,790
for my position as
alternate office floater.
184
00:07:34,791 --> 00:07:38,394
It's just I was wondering since Fatima
was being given the opportunity to... who?
185
00:07:38,395 --> 00:07:41,263
Uh, Fatim-am-am-away?
186
00:07:41,264 --> 00:07:43,799
Oh. Oh, yeah. I love her.
187
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:44,867
Right.
188
00:07:44,868 --> 00:07:48,337
Um, I was wondering if maybe I could
also interview for the administrative...
189
00:07:48,338 --> 00:07:49,605
Don't be silly, Terrence.
190
00:07:49,606 --> 00:07:52,608
That job has Fatima's
name written all over it.
191
00:07:52,609 --> 00:07:56,378
And this company counts on
you to float... Alternately.
192
00:07:56,379 --> 00:07:57,680
Sam.
193
00:07:57,681 --> 00:07:58,981
Honey.
194
00:07:58,982 --> 00:08:00,449
Mwah! Mwah!
195
00:08:00,450 --> 00:08:01,584
Mwah! Mwah!
196
00:08:01,585 --> 00:08:03,619
Hi, mom. Hello, Terrence.
197
00:08:03,620 --> 00:08:05,421
I was just, uh, picking Sam up for lunch.
198
00:08:05,422 --> 00:08:07,289
- Do you want to join us?
- Oh, he can't.
199
00:08:07,290 --> 00:08:09,625
He has, uh, a lot of floating to do.
200
00:08:09,626 --> 00:08:11,393
In fact, he was just about to float away.
201
00:08:11,394 --> 00:08:14,597
- Oh, actually...
- Float away, Terrence.
202
00:08:16,726 --> 00:08:18,827
Oh! Uh, copy that, dad.
203
00:08:18,828 --> 00:08:20,662
Uh, bye, mom. Love you.
204
00:08:20,663 --> 00:08:23,665
Now, my love, let's go nourish ourselves.
205
00:08:23,666 --> 00:08:25,067
Actually, Sam, let's not.
206
00:08:25,092 --> 00:08:27,026
I beg your pardon?
207
00:08:27,027 --> 00:08:31,097
I'm afraid I just lost my appetite
watching you be so cruel to Terrence.
208
00:08:31,688 --> 00:08:34,467
He is married to our
daughter. He's family now.
209
00:08:34,468 --> 00:08:37,503
I can't understand why you
dislike him so much. Mm.
210
00:08:37,504 --> 00:08:39,072
I guess I always pictured Maureen
211
00:08:39,073 --> 00:08:41,040
with some strapping blue-collar bloke
212
00:08:41,041 --> 00:08:43,476
who later turned out to
be the prince of zamunda.
213
00:08:43,477 --> 00:08:46,312
Well, I'm sorry.
214
00:08:46,313 --> 00:08:48,481
But until you make things
right with Terrence,
215
00:08:48,482 --> 00:08:50,049
I'll be lunching alone.
216
00:08:50,050 --> 00:08:51,217
Oh, Yazmin.
217
00:08:57,925 --> 00:08:59,592
This is a bad idea.
218
00:08:59,593 --> 00:09:00,927
We have no other choice.
219
00:09:00,928 --> 00:09:02,662
Henry didn't offer up any personal info,
220
00:09:02,663 --> 00:09:04,364
and the only pic I was able to get
221
00:09:04,365 --> 00:09:06,966
looks like this.
222
00:09:09,036 --> 00:09:10,036
Okay.
223
00:09:10,037 --> 00:09:12,972
Darn, it's password protected.
224
00:09:12,973 --> 00:09:14,474
Try "1234henry."
225
00:09:16,010 --> 00:09:17,477
That's not it.
226
00:09:17,478 --> 00:09:20,179
Try "henry69."
227
00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:23,950
I'm sure it's
not... oh, my God, we're in.
228
00:09:25,519 --> 00:09:26,619
Henry.
229
00:09:27,621 --> 00:09:29,589
I got a great idea.
230
00:09:29,590 --> 00:09:31,924
Ladies, what's going on here?
231
00:09:31,925 --> 00:09:35,228
Because it looks to me like you're rifling
through Henry's personal belongings.
232
00:09:35,229 --> 00:09:37,063
Oh. We are.
233
00:09:37,064 --> 00:09:38,631
But...
234
00:09:38,632 --> 00:09:41,467
... We have good reason.
235
00:09:41,468 --> 00:09:43,970
We want to help Henry find a lady.
236
00:09:43,971 --> 00:09:46,973
He is all work and, like, no play, sir.
237
00:09:46,974 --> 00:09:50,109
And we mean no play.
238
00:09:50,110 --> 00:09:52,378
Well, he takes his job seriously.
He's a man after my own heart.
239
00:09:52,379 --> 00:09:54,714
Yes, but at the end of the day,
240
00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:56,761
you go home to your beautiful wife,
241
00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:59,731
whereas Henry goes home
to a salad, usually.
242
00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:01,166
You can't make love to a salad.
243
00:10:02,735 --> 00:10:04,102
What can I do to help?
244
00:10:05,738 --> 00:10:08,740
Oh, find out who his favorite "FRIEND" is.
245
00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:10,642
And if he ever had the clap.
246
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:14,279
Oh, sorry, sir.
247
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,347
Uh, no, Henry, please, join me.
248
00:10:18,838 --> 00:10:20,372
Thought you had a private bathroom
249
00:10:20,373 --> 00:10:22,540
- in your office.
- Oh, I do. I do.
250
00:10:22,541 --> 00:10:23,742
It's just that sometimes,
251
00:10:23,743 --> 00:10:25,910
I like to make amongst
the masses, you know.
252
00:10:25,911 --> 00:10:27,879
Hmm. I see. Yeah. Yeah.
253
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:29,347
Although, you can pick up
254
00:10:29,348 --> 00:10:33,218
some rather rare ailments doing just that.
255
00:10:33,219 --> 00:10:36,688
You ever pick up any rare ailments, Henry?
256
00:10:36,689 --> 00:10:37,856
Sir?
257
00:10:37,857 --> 00:10:40,392
You ever contract the she-bola virus?
258
00:10:40,393 --> 00:10:43,395
Come down with a... rotten Richard?
259
00:10:43,396 --> 00:10:47,699
You ever accidentally download
a bad episode of "burn notice"?
260
00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:49,734
No, sir.
261
00:10:49,735 --> 00:10:53,571
No. No, no. Me neither. Yeah.
262
00:10:55,574 --> 00:10:59,277
I don't think it's gonna happen
for me here today, sir. No.
263
00:10:59,278 --> 00:11:01,880
- No, sure. Sure.
- Just gonna shove off.
264
00:11:07,674 --> 00:11:09,575
He's clean.
265
00:11:09,576 --> 00:11:11,154
- Yeah. Sounded that way.
- Yeah.
266
00:11:11,192 --> 00:11:14,631
Noted. I will remove his profile
from hotdatescoldsores.net.
267
00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:15,799
Good. Yeah.
268
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,801
Henry may have been disease free,
269
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:21,237
but we were about to make him go viral.
270
00:11:24,575 --> 00:11:27,877
Now, 51% of the mice with
symptoms survive the trial,
271
00:11:27,878 --> 00:11:30,313
which I'm calling a success.
272
00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:32,148
Good morning, Henry. And how are you?
273
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:34,884
Listening intently, as
we're in the middle of a meeting.
274
00:11:34,885 --> 00:11:37,120
Listen, I was wondering if
you were free on Thursday.
275
00:11:37,121 --> 00:11:39,322
- Free to do what?
- Get a drink with me maybe.
276
00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:41,324
There's something I want to show you.
277
00:11:41,325 --> 00:11:42,359
He's free.
278
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,227
What do you want to show me?
279
00:11:44,228 --> 00:11:46,796
Um, I thought we could just leave from
the office after work and drive together.
280
00:11:46,797 --> 00:11:48,631
- Sound good?
- Yes. Very.
281
00:11:48,632 --> 00:11:49,899
Great. It's gonna be a late night.
282
00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:52,435
So make sure you rest up.
283
00:11:55,373 --> 00:11:58,308
She's been acting so weird lately.
284
00:11:58,309 --> 00:12:02,178
Henry, are you out of
your mind? She wants you.
285
00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:04,147
Okay, don't...
286
00:12:04,148 --> 00:12:07,150
Don't do that. Don't do that!
287
00:12:07,151 --> 00:12:08,618
She doesn't want me.
288
00:12:08,619 --> 00:12:11,621
You may not be good at reading
between the lines, but I am.
289
00:12:11,622 --> 00:12:14,190
"Rest up"? Oh, you are in for it, buddy.
290
00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:15,358
Now, do you want me to go down to the lab
291
00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:17,360
and whip up some stamina sups?
292
00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:19,429
- Sups?
- Supplements! Yes or no?
293
00:12:19,430 --> 00:12:20,630
Larry, you're being ridiculous.
294
00:12:20,631 --> 00:12:21,798
We're like brother and sister.
295
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,635
Or cousins.
296
00:12:25,636 --> 00:12:26,870
Took my cousin to the prom.
297
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:28,371
And I am not afraid to say
298
00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:32,275
that we did more than slow dance.
299
00:12:32,276 --> 00:12:34,144
Don't... hmm?
300
00:12:34,145 --> 00:12:36,379
Tell people that story. No?
301
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:39,282
Henry is super, super
excited about tomorrow night.
302
00:12:39,283 --> 00:12:41,151
He is? Well, Larry is,
303
00:12:41,152 --> 00:12:43,219
but I'm hoping it'll trickle down.
304
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:45,522
Good because I found a great venue.
305
00:12:45,523 --> 00:12:46,589
Ooh!
306
00:12:46,590 --> 00:12:49,292
I think we could each invite, mm, 20 girls?
307
00:12:49,293 --> 00:12:51,461
20? I'm having trouble
finding one who's right.
308
00:12:51,462 --> 00:12:52,762
Listen to this one.
309
00:12:52,763 --> 00:12:55,532
"I love nature."
310
00:12:55,533 --> 00:12:57,700
What's wrong with nature?
311
00:12:57,701 --> 00:12:59,502
Nothing, but the people
who love it smell bad.
312
00:12:59,503 --> 00:13:01,504
And look at this bitch. Ugh.
313
00:13:01,505 --> 00:13:03,506
She looks nice.
314
00:13:03,507 --> 00:13:05,175
In a flowers-in-the-attic
kind of way.
315
00:13:05,176 --> 00:13:06,810
Don't tell me she's not
sleeping with her brother.
316
00:13:06,811 --> 00:13:08,711
Whoa! Okay, hold up.
317
00:13:08,712 --> 00:13:10,647
Now you're the one blocking.
318
00:13:10,648 --> 00:13:12,215
Block... blocking? I'm not blocking.
319
00:13:12,216 --> 00:13:13,817
I just know Henry's tastes,
and sorry, but people who
320
00:13:13,818 --> 00:13:15,318
"Don't like animals"
321
00:13:15,319 --> 00:13:16,287
need not apply.
322
00:13:16,288 --> 00:13:18,321
Henry doesn't even have animals.
323
00:13:18,322 --> 00:13:21,524
If you don't like animals, you're racist.
324
00:13:21,525 --> 00:13:23,193
Mm, disagree.
325
00:13:23,194 --> 00:13:25,495
I really hope we're not
wasting our time on this,
326
00:13:25,496 --> 00:13:27,464
because we served that
cookie up on a platter,
327
00:13:27,465 --> 00:13:28,865
- and he didn't even bite.
- Yeah.
328
00:13:28,866 --> 00:13:31,334
We could probably invite a
million girls with bad dads,
329
00:13:31,335 --> 00:13:33,303
and Henry would still
find a way to screw it up.
330
00:13:33,304 --> 00:13:35,205
Mm-hmm. You're gonna have to coach him up.
331
00:13:35,206 --> 00:13:37,540
Get your Mr. Miyagi on.
332
00:13:37,541 --> 00:13:40,477
Teach him a little wax on, wax that ass.
333
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:43,446
Pshew!
334
00:13:45,144 --> 00:13:47,012
That night, I stopped by Henry's
335
00:13:47,013 --> 00:13:48,647
to help him get his game on.
336
00:13:51,707 --> 00:13:53,474
What are you doing here?
337
00:13:53,475 --> 00:13:55,242
Henry, let me in. I need to talk to you.
338
00:13:55,243 --> 00:13:57,645
- About what?
- Open your door.
339
00:14:03,085 --> 00:14:04,218
For someone so big on manners,
340
00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:06,020
you seem to have forgotten yours.
341
00:14:06,021 --> 00:14:07,688
- Would you like a beverage?
- Yes, please.
342
00:14:07,689 --> 00:14:10,024
All right.
343
00:14:10,025 --> 00:14:13,761
You know, it's, uh, customary to
call someone before dropping by.
344
00:14:13,762 --> 00:14:15,596
A girl walks into your house,
345
00:14:15,597 --> 00:14:18,065
and that's the first thing you say to her?
346
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:20,067
No wonder you're just
sitting around being lonely.
347
00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:22,703
I'm not lonely. I have my
good friend Philip roth.
348
00:14:22,704 --> 00:14:24,338
Mm-hmm.
349
00:14:24,339 --> 00:14:26,240
Maybe a little lonely.
350
00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,209
And maybe I can help you with that.
351
00:14:28,210 --> 00:14:30,177
Uh, what are you doing?
352
00:14:30,178 --> 00:14:32,513
Women like it when you
find excuses to touch them.
353
00:14:32,514 --> 00:14:34,115
You never do that.
354
00:14:34,116 --> 00:14:36,450
Well, I don't like touching
people for no reason.
355
00:14:36,451 --> 00:14:37,718
Well, I'm not talking about for no reason.
356
00:14:37,719 --> 00:14:41,719
I'm talking about for a
very, very specific reason.
357
00:14:42,057 --> 00:14:43,090
What are we doing here?
358
00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:45,092
I spend tons of time
letting you boss me around,
359
00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:46,360
and now it's your turn.
360
00:14:46,361 --> 00:14:49,029
So, lesson number one, while
I'm casually talking to you,
361
00:14:49,030 --> 00:14:51,232
find some small excuse to touch me.
362
00:14:56,471 --> 00:14:59,006
Great job. Great job.
363
00:14:59,007 --> 00:15:00,975
That was excellent progress.
364
00:15:00,976 --> 00:15:04,478
Hats off to you, sir. So, yeah... oh.
365
00:15:04,479 --> 00:15:07,314
This is yours. I'm really sorry.
366
00:15:07,315 --> 00:15:11,252
And I will be seeing you tomorrow.
367
00:15:14,677 --> 00:15:16,845
You wanted to see me, sir?
368
00:15:16,846 --> 00:15:18,180
Terrence, yes, um...
369
00:15:18,181 --> 00:15:20,215
I had Joan order you some lunch.
370
00:15:20,216 --> 00:15:21,550
Oh!
371
00:15:21,551 --> 00:15:23,552
Well, this will sure make
my cube mates jealous.
372
00:15:23,553 --> 00:15:24,753
Thanks, dad.
373
00:15:24,754 --> 00:15:28,457
I meant for you to eat
it here in my office.
374
00:15:30,260 --> 00:15:32,394
With me.
375
00:15:32,395 --> 00:15:33,762
Seriously?
376
00:15:33,763 --> 00:15:35,063
Seriously.
377
00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:37,199
I'd be honored.
378
00:15:38,501 --> 00:15:40,836
Oh, wow, this looks lovely.
379
00:15:40,837 --> 00:15:43,138
Is that a frizzled leek?
380
00:15:43,139 --> 00:15:45,507
Let's cut the crap, Terrence. I mean...
381
00:15:45,508 --> 00:15:46,675
Look. Look.
382
00:15:46,676 --> 00:15:49,545
What is it you want from me, huh?
383
00:15:49,546 --> 00:15:53,448
Well, sir, I... suppose I want
384
00:15:53,449 --> 00:15:55,517
what everyone else at
work seems entitled to...
385
00:15:55,518 --> 00:15:57,819
Love, respect, and...
386
00:15:57,820 --> 00:16:01,156
My name worked cleverly into a song.
387
00:16:01,157 --> 00:16:03,825
Well, "Terrence" doesn't
work cleanly into songs.
388
00:16:03,826 --> 00:16:06,495
It's cumbersome, un... ungainly.
389
00:16:08,064 --> 00:16:10,732
Oh, what about "Oops, I Terranced again"?
390
00:16:11,768 --> 00:16:13,302
Be reasonable.
391
00:16:13,303 --> 00:16:15,304
Fine.
392
00:16:15,305 --> 00:16:18,607
But I would be remiss, sir, if I
didn't articulate my frustration
393
00:16:18,608 --> 00:16:20,475
with your unwarranted rejection of me.
394
00:16:20,476 --> 00:16:23,579
In fact, it ignites a
burning rage in my soul.
395
00:16:23,580 --> 00:16:27,182
And this is you with a
burning rage in your soul?
396
00:16:27,183 --> 00:16:30,085
Absolutely, sir. This is
the angriest I've ever been.
397
00:16:30,086 --> 00:16:31,905
That's fascinating.
398
00:16:34,424 --> 00:16:36,725
What if I said you weren't
good enough for my daughter
399
00:16:36,726 --> 00:16:38,093
and you never will be.
400
00:16:38,094 --> 00:16:41,463
I would firmly disagree and ask if
there's anything else I can help you with.
401
00:16:41,464 --> 00:16:43,498
Terrence.
402
00:16:45,068 --> 00:16:46,568
Don't you see?
403
00:16:46,569 --> 00:16:48,604
You're not an alternate office floater.
404
00:16:48,605 --> 00:16:50,138
The way verbal abuse passes right through
405
00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:53,575
your pale, clammy skin,
you're customer service.
406
00:16:53,576 --> 00:16:54,843
I am?
407
00:16:54,844 --> 00:16:58,280
- How would you like a promotion?
- I'd love one!
408
00:16:58,281 --> 00:17:00,115
Thank you for choosing Terrence.
409
00:17:00,116 --> 00:17:01,583
Stop shaking my hand.
410
00:17:01,584 --> 00:17:04,486
Oh, sorry. Sit. Eat. Eat!
411
00:17:04,487 --> 00:17:06,655
The big night had finally arrived.
412
00:17:06,656 --> 00:17:08,156
You look great.
413
00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:09,291
Thanks.
414
00:17:09,292 --> 00:17:11,159
- So do you.
- Thanks.
415
00:17:13,765 --> 00:17:16,066
Hey, uh, so, uh, don't forget about
416
00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:18,402
that smolder you showed me last night.
417
00:17:18,403 --> 00:17:19,903
Yeah, about that.
418
00:17:19,904 --> 00:17:21,905
Eliza, I would feel a lot more comfortable
419
00:17:21,906 --> 00:17:24,074
if you were to just come
out and tell me... hey.
420
00:17:24,075 --> 00:17:26,143
What am I doing here?
421
00:17:26,144 --> 00:17:27,161
Um, okay, okay.
422
00:17:27,174 --> 00:17:28,708
You know how you can never tell
if someone's hitting on you,
423
00:17:28,709 --> 00:17:30,110
- like the barista?
- Romy?
424
00:17:30,111 --> 00:17:31,444
No, not Romy.
425
00:17:31,445 --> 00:17:34,281
Filling in for Romy. The cookie lady.
426
00:17:34,282 --> 00:17:36,750
Cookie lady?
427
00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:39,085
Was jeopardizing her inventory
428
00:17:39,086 --> 00:17:41,187
by expressing sexual interest in me.
429
00:17:41,188 --> 00:17:43,723
Yeah. It's called flirting, you idiot.
430
00:17:43,724 --> 00:17:46,826
So, because you have no
game and you're grouchy
431
00:17:46,827 --> 00:17:49,863
because you aren't getting
any, we decided to help you out.
432
00:17:56,271 --> 00:17:58,104
I see.
433
00:17:58,105 --> 00:18:00,807
These women look remarkably
like the both of you.
434
00:18:00,808 --> 00:18:03,877
This is very telling,
and a little sad, frankly.
435
00:18:03,878 --> 00:18:06,012
What are you talking about?
436
00:18:06,013 --> 00:18:08,882
At least half the women
here are downright beautiful.
437
00:18:08,883 --> 00:18:10,483
Clearly, this has nothing to do with me
438
00:18:10,484 --> 00:18:12,185
and everything to do with the two of you.
439
00:18:12,186 --> 00:18:13,720
This is incredibly insulting.
440
00:18:13,721 --> 00:18:16,256
- I was just trying to help you.
- I don't need help.
441
00:18:16,257 --> 00:18:18,258
Just because I'm not sexually promiscuous
442
00:18:18,259 --> 00:18:21,261
doesn't mean that there's
something wrong with me.
443
00:18:21,262 --> 00:18:22,896
And for the record...
444
00:18:23,765 --> 00:18:25,699
I do all right, thank you very much.
445
00:18:27,234 --> 00:18:28,735
A-and let the record also show
446
00:18:28,736 --> 00:18:31,104
that I'm not interested in that cookie.
447
00:18:31,105 --> 00:18:34,941
And... and... and off the record...
448
00:18:34,942 --> 00:18:37,944
Not everybody thinks that
casual sex is a cure-all.
449
00:18:37,945 --> 00:18:40,380
Some of us happen to be
looking for the real thing.
450
00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:45,452
Okay, henry69.
451
00:18:45,453 --> 00:18:47,387
That... that is in reference
to the moon landing,
452
00:18:47,388 --> 00:18:51,388
and you had no right to be in my office!
453
00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:59,032
I couldn't let Henry walk away mad at me.
454
00:18:59,033 --> 00:19:01,201
I needed to apologize.
455
00:19:01,202 --> 00:19:04,704
I also needed his credit
card to pay for the bar tab.
456
00:19:07,875 --> 00:19:11,111
So, you're just going to uber-Jack me?
457
00:19:11,112 --> 00:19:14,080
Oh, that was not my intention. I
sincerely thought this was mine.
458
00:19:14,081 --> 00:19:15,815
You know what? Oh, maybe it is.
459
00:19:15,816 --> 00:19:17,751
Are you saying that in a suggestive manner,
460
00:19:17,752 --> 00:19:20,453
because I've been told I'm really bad
461
00:19:20,454 --> 00:19:22,789
at reading cues from women who
are sexually attracted to me.
462
00:19:22,790 --> 00:19:26,693
I think you're bad at
reading cues in general.
463
00:19:27,795 --> 00:19:30,463
But then again, the same thing
could probably be said for me.
464
00:19:30,464 --> 00:19:32,165
Really?
465
00:19:32,166 --> 00:19:33,867
So, if I were to say something like,
466
00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:35,835
"would you like to go somewhere
quiet for a drink," you'd say?
467
00:19:35,836 --> 00:19:39,806
In terms of relative volume,
we're already somewhere very quiet.
468
00:19:39,807 --> 00:19:42,809
That sounds remarkably
like something I would say.
469
00:19:44,211 --> 00:19:46,880
Probably be impossible
470
00:19:46,881 --> 00:19:50,250
for two people like us to get together.
471
00:19:50,251 --> 00:19:52,986
Probably.
472
00:19:52,987 --> 00:19:55,088
In that case, goodnight, madam.
473
00:19:55,089 --> 00:19:57,056
Oh, and to you, sir.
474
00:20:00,094 --> 00:20:02,262
Henry!
475
00:20:02,263 --> 00:20:03,797
Take the cookie!
476
00:20:03,798 --> 00:20:05,765
I... yeah. I was about to.
477
00:20:08,102 --> 00:20:10,270
Um, on second thought...
478
00:20:12,273 --> 00:20:14,441
Watching Henry speed away in that car...
479
00:20:14,442 --> 00:20:15,809
You're welcome.
480
00:20:15,810 --> 00:20:18,812
Was bittersweet, I had to admit.
481
00:20:18,813 --> 00:20:22,315
- Should I block it?
- Yeah.
482
00:20:22,316 --> 00:20:25,886
I'm-a block it.
483
00:20:25,919 --> 00:20:30,125
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