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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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There you go.
4
00:02:25,271 --> 00:02:27,315
That's mine.
5
00:02:27,482 --> 00:02:29,651
Woman:
Hey, Tobe!
6
00:02:32,695 --> 00:02:34,739
Oh my God.
7
00:02:34,906 --> 00:02:37,534
Stay right here.
Excuse me.
8
00:02:39,118 --> 00:02:41,037
Boy:
Stare much?
9
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:43,832
- Hey, Kenny.
- Hey. Can I have a taco dog?
10
00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:47,877
- Yeah, is that it?
- And a button buster.
11
00:02:50,046 --> 00:02:52,257
There you go.
12
00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:57,095
Is that your girlfriend?
13
00:02:57,262 --> 00:03:00,515
Not that you'd understand,
but Amanda Pak
14
00:03:00,682 --> 00:03:03,893
is so hopelessly dorky
15
00:03:04,060 --> 00:03:08,147
that even a dateless wonder like myself
has to draw the line somewhere.
16
00:03:08,314 --> 00:03:10,358
Uh-huh.
17
00:03:10,525 --> 00:03:13,319
$4.50, home slice.
18
00:03:13,486 --> 00:03:16,781
My dad says he'll pay you
if you give me a receipt.
19
00:03:17,782 --> 00:03:20,201
He's gonna start deducting me
from his taxes.
20
00:03:20,368 --> 00:03:22,954
I think you and your dad
deserve each other.
21
00:03:23,121 --> 00:03:26,207
He also told me to ask you
for a ride home when you're done.
22
00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:28,376
( '30s music playing )
23
00:03:30,712 --> 00:03:34,424
Radio: ♪ Fish got to swim,
birds got to fly ♪
24
00:03:34,591 --> 00:03:38,136
♪ I've got to love one man
till I die ♪
25
00:03:38,303 --> 00:03:40,138
( Tobe singing along )
♪ So I can't help ♪
26
00:03:40,305 --> 00:03:44,225
♪ Loving that man of mine ♪
27
00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,352
♪ Diddley-doot-doo-doot-doo... ♪
28
00:03:46,519 --> 00:03:49,188
- This is gay.
- No, classic.
29
00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:51,316
It stood the test of time.
30
00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:53,401
The coolest cars, the '50s.
31
00:03:53,568 --> 00:03:55,153
The best movies, the '70s.
32
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,907
The best songs, the '30s.
The golden age of American songwriting.
33
00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:00,825
More like olden age.
34
00:04:00,992 --> 00:04:04,120
Why can't you like normal stuff
like everybody else?
35
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:07,332
( horn honks )
36
00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:10,376
Hey, Tobe.
37
00:04:10,543 --> 00:04:12,170
Oh, hey, Amanda.
38
00:04:12,337 --> 00:04:16,174
- Is that your little brother?
- No!
39
00:04:16,341 --> 00:04:19,177
Are you babysitting like me?
Cool.
40
00:04:19,344 --> 00:04:21,137
See you at graduation.
41
00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:23,264
Okay, bye-bye.
42
00:04:38,363 --> 00:04:41,032
Hi, Mr. Hulbert.
Can I stay here a while?
43
00:04:41,199 --> 00:04:43,284
My mom says I still need
adult supervision.
44
00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:46,287
Yeah yeah, sure.
I'll supervise you.
45
00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:48,873
- Here, get me another beer.
- Sure.
46
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:52,460
Pop Pop, it's the middle of the day.
47
00:04:52,627 --> 00:04:54,337
I know.
48
00:04:54,504 --> 00:04:56,547
My pants don't seem
to fit me anymore.
49
00:04:58,466 --> 00:05:00,885
What, do you want me to be
uncomfortable?
50
00:05:03,638 --> 00:05:06,099
Kenny:
You get more crap all the time.
51
00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:09,310
- Is it worth any money?
- Not yet.
52
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:13,147
- Go home, Kenny.
- What are you watching?
53
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:16,651
I traded tapes with a guy in LA.
Got some old Vitaphone shorts
54
00:05:16,818 --> 00:05:18,778
and a Monica Velour movie
for my collection.
55
00:05:18,945 --> 00:05:21,364
- Now go home.
- I want to watch.
56
00:05:21,531 --> 00:05:24,325
Just tell me when the gross stuff
is gonna happen.
57
00:05:26,077 --> 00:05:29,080
( disco music playing )
58
00:05:31,082 --> 00:05:33,501
This movie is totally rare.
59
00:05:33,668 --> 00:05:36,838
Everything today
is just shot on video,
60
00:05:37,005 --> 00:05:39,382
strippers on Prozac junk.
61
00:05:43,011 --> 00:05:45,722
Hands Solo, I presume.
62
00:05:45,888 --> 00:05:48,516
Consarnit, can't a fella get
any privacy around here?
63
00:05:48,683 --> 00:05:51,144
There's no time for that.
We need your help.
64
00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:52,311
Who's we?
65
00:05:52,478 --> 00:05:54,814
I'm Princess Layme.
66
00:05:54,981 --> 00:05:57,358
And my companion
is Dork Fudgepacker.
67
00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:59,193
Hey.
68
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,030
The star of this movie
is Monica Velour.
69
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:04,657
I have almost all of her movies.
70
00:06:04,824 --> 00:06:07,035
She was the most respected,
71
00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:09,662
biggest, classic X film star.
72
00:06:09,829 --> 00:06:10,913
( alarm sounding )
73
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:13,541
Hands Solo: We're being pulled in
by the Muff Star's tractor beam.
74
00:06:17,879 --> 00:06:19,380
( grumbling )
75
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:22,300
Cocktroopers.
Get down.
76
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,219
Tobe:
Look at her.
77
00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:27,972
She's sweet, beautiful,
78
00:06:28,139 --> 00:06:31,392
totally sexy, confident.
79
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:32,727
( groans )
80
00:06:37,732 --> 00:06:40,526
Kenny: You're crazy.
This movie sucks.
81
00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:43,279
You know dick.
82
00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:46,532
Now go home.
There's a gross part coming up.
83
00:06:46,699 --> 00:06:48,951
Bye, Tobe.
84
00:06:49,118 --> 00:06:51,287
( crowd cheering )
85
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:55,416
It's been said that the future
belongs to the young.
86
00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:58,836
And to that I have
only one response:
87
00:06:59,003 --> 00:07:00,880
God help us all.
88
00:07:01,047 --> 00:07:02,757
( cheering )
89
00:07:02,924 --> 00:07:05,426
But seriously, before you the young
90
00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:09,764
can have the future, you'll have
to spend the next 20 or so years
91
00:07:09,931 --> 00:07:12,934
working for us the old.
92
00:07:13,101 --> 00:07:14,560
( crowd laughs )
93
00:07:14,727 --> 00:07:18,940
Because you're not ready
for the keys to life's car just yet.
94
00:07:19,107 --> 00:07:21,609
( cheering )
95
00:07:26,114 --> 00:07:28,616
Man:
Here we go, nice smile.
96
00:07:28,783 --> 00:07:31,994
Great. Let's get some picture
with your friends.
97
00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:34,580
Um...
98
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,500
Smile, please.
99
00:07:37,667 --> 00:07:39,585
The button's on top.
100
00:07:39,752 --> 00:07:41,587
I know where the button is.
101
00:07:41,754 --> 00:07:43,881
- ( camera clicks )
- Can we go now?
102
00:07:44,048 --> 00:07:45,758
No no, one more.
One more.
103
00:07:45,925 --> 00:07:48,386
Oh, look.
Look at the bear.
104
00:07:48,553 --> 00:07:51,305
You stand here.
105
00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:53,266
Great.
( laughs )
106
00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:55,685
This will make a great
holiday picture.
107
00:07:55,852 --> 00:07:57,687
( camera clicks )
108
00:07:57,854 --> 00:07:59,981
Well, it clicked.
It did something.
109
00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:04,986
That's it. That's it.
That's it. Huh? Good.
110
00:08:05,153 --> 00:08:07,113
- ( rap music playing )
- ( cheering )
111
00:08:09,073 --> 00:08:11,450
Man: Empty.
112
00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:13,619
Oh, sorry, dude.
113
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:16,998
Hurry up.
On my God.
114
00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:23,671
( chanting )
Chug chug chug chug chug.
115
00:08:23,838 --> 00:08:25,840
( cheering )
116
00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:32,305
- Hey, Perbert.
- Even Perbert wants a peek.
117
00:08:33,639 --> 00:08:35,391
Tobe:
What are you guys looking at?
118
00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:36,976
Live from Amanda Pak's,
119
00:08:37,143 --> 00:08:39,604
it's Saturday night.
120
00:08:46,402 --> 00:08:49,030
Tobe:
Hitachi Magic Wand.
121
00:08:50,448 --> 00:08:52,283
The Cadillac of vibrators.
122
00:08:52,450 --> 00:08:54,118
No batteries,
you just plug it in.
123
00:08:54,285 --> 00:08:56,954
Annie Sprinkle's all-time favorite.
124
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:03,544
Russ Meyer?
125
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:06,005
- No way.
- ( coughs ) Yeah way.
126
00:09:11,302 --> 00:09:14,889
People who jerk off to porn
are just creepy.
127
00:09:19,310 --> 00:09:22,563
Well, she's not gonna get laid
just sitting in her room.
128
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:25,566
( '30 music playing )
129
00:09:28,819 --> 00:09:31,906
♪ There's a great big mystery ♪
130
00:09:32,073 --> 00:09:34,575
♪ And it sure is worrying me ♪
131
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,285
♪ This diddie wa diddie ♪
132
00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,747
♪ This diddie wa diddie ♪
133
00:09:39,914 --> 00:09:43,834
♪ I wish somebody would tell me
what diddie wa diddie means. ♪
134
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,301
( alarm buzzing )
135
00:09:52,468 --> 00:09:54,262
Pop Pop:
Rise and shine, boy.
136
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:57,640
Wakey wakey
eggs and bacey.
137
00:10:15,074 --> 00:10:16,867
Cheer up,
I've got a surprise for you.
138
00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,828
Give it to me later.
139
00:10:18,995 --> 00:10:21,414
How about I give it
to somebody else?
140
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,624
Okay, what?
141
00:10:29,005 --> 00:10:30,673
Happy graduation.
142
00:10:32,383 --> 00:10:34,468
Awesome.
143
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:37,471
Thanks, Pop Pop.
The Civic.
144
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:40,433
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Give it back. Give it back.
145
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:47,398
Happy graduation.
146
00:10:48,983 --> 00:10:51,610
What is this?
The truck?
147
00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:54,030
It's not a truck.
It's a family business.
148
00:10:54,196 --> 00:10:55,656
Why can't I have the Civic?
149
00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,077
The Civic is mine.
150
00:11:02,038 --> 00:11:05,750
The truck? What am I supposed
to do with the truck?
151
00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:07,543
You got your own business.
152
00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:09,962
People work their whole lives
for that.
153
00:11:10,129 --> 00:11:11,464
Be your own boss.
154
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:15,426
Anywhere you go
you have a nice income.
155
00:11:15,593 --> 00:11:17,261
Not for long.
156
00:11:18,429 --> 00:11:21,682
People don't want to eat pig eyes
or donkey dicks
157
00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:23,976
or whatever hot dogs
are made of anymore.
158
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:30,066
You're right.
You're so goddamn smart,
159
00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:33,444
sell them broccoli burgers
or gaysicles
160
00:11:33,611 --> 00:11:35,446
or whatever the hell it is
they do eat these days.
161
00:11:35,613 --> 00:11:39,742
How come you couldn't just give me
money like everybody else?
162
00:11:40,743 --> 00:11:44,038
It's a good thing your mother's not alive to hear you
talk so ungrateful.
163
00:11:44,205 --> 00:11:46,832
Otherwise the both of us would
just smack the hell out of you.
164
00:11:48,751 --> 00:11:50,753
I'm going upstairs.
165
00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,220
Pop Pop:
Tobe.
166
00:12:00,930 --> 00:12:02,890
Tobe!
167
00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:16,654
Thattaboy.
168
00:12:16,821 --> 00:12:18,906
Chip off the old block.
169
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:27,790
That's nice.
That's really nice.
170
00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:46,142
( phone rings )
171
00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:48,018
- Hello.
- Man: Hello.
172
00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:50,229
- I'm calling about the Weenie Wiz.
- Yeah.
173
00:12:50,396 --> 00:12:53,858
I saw your ad on the web.
It's 1970 all original?
174
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:55,568
Uh, yeah.
175
00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:58,154
And the giant hot dog,
what's that built of?
176
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,657
Um, metal.
Yeah, metal and paint.
177
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:04,660
It's a work of art.
A thing of mystery meat beauty.
178
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:06,579
You want to come take a look
at it this afternoon?
179
00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:09,165
I'd love to, but I'm in Loogootee.
180
00:13:09,331 --> 00:13:11,208
- What?
- Loogootee, Indiana.
181
00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:13,043
The place where
corn on the cob comes from.
182
00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:15,045
I saw your post on the web.
183
00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:16,964
Um, well, can you
come up here and get it?
184
00:13:17,131 --> 00:13:19,216
I don't have a lot of time.
185
00:13:19,383 --> 00:13:22,803
I don't know, it's not like
I can drive it to Indiana.
186
00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:47,328
( rock music playing )
187
00:14:05,596 --> 00:14:08,057
♪ I'm just like putty ♪
188
00:14:08,224 --> 00:14:10,518
♪ Putty in your hands ♪
189
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,856
♪ With a wave of your hand ♪
190
00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:17,441
♪ Putty putty ♪
191
00:14:17,608 --> 00:14:18,859
♪ I'm your slave to go man ♪
192
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:24,740
♪ And I'll go on this way... ♪
193
00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:27,868
Hey, I see you,
you little creep.
194
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:30,246
- What?
- Were you gonna stand here all night
195
00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:32,665
- looking at my daughter, huh?
- Dad!
196
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,833
- Well?
- What? No, sir.
197
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,337
- I just came to see your daughter.
- Tell it to the police, punk.
198
00:14:40,965 --> 00:14:42,841
- Oooh!
- Hey, come back here!
199
00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:45,719
- ( engine sputtering )
- Come back here!
200
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:48,597
We are not done.
Where are you going?
201
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:58,274
- Hey, I've got to talk to you.
- Leave me alone.
202
00:14:58,440 --> 00:14:59,900
Hey.
203
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:11,829
Pop Pop:
The cops was just here.
204
00:15:11,996 --> 00:15:14,290
What for?
205
00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:18,460
They told me somebody
who was driving the Weenie Wiz
206
00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:22,423
was caught peeping through
some high school girl's window tonight.
207
00:15:24,216 --> 00:15:26,969
- It wasn't me.
- Of course it was you.
208
00:15:27,136 --> 00:15:29,305
What do you think, I'm some kind
of a half-assed retard?
209
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:32,474
Okay. Well, I'm sorry.
I won't do it again.
210
00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:35,019
I told them I didn't know
a thing about it.
211
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:37,896
I said it must have been
somebody else's blue truck
212
00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:39,898
with a 20-foot hot dog
on top.
213
00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,234
For some reason they had
trouble believing that.
214
00:15:42,401 --> 00:15:47,072
Now they think I'm Lester
the molester for Christ's sake.
215
00:15:47,239 --> 00:15:49,325
Do you realize what you're doing to me?
216
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:52,369
It's time you grew up,
God damn it.
217
00:15:52,536 --> 00:15:55,289
Go back to school
or get some kind of a job.
218
00:15:55,456 --> 00:15:57,041
Find yourself a girlfriend.
219
00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:59,835
Hanging around that rathole room
220
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:02,212
with those crazy movies
and all that goddamn junk.
221
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:05,132
What should I do?
Sit around getting drunk all day?
222
00:16:05,299 --> 00:16:09,053
You know, sometime you and that
smart mouth are gonna turn around
223
00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:10,888
and you're gonna find me croaked.
224
00:16:11,055 --> 00:16:13,807
Not the way you put it away.
You're preserved
225
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:16,894
like some mutant two-headed sheep
or Einstein's brain.
226
00:16:17,061 --> 00:16:18,312
You through, smartass?
227
00:16:18,479 --> 00:16:21,190
Never wanted to have this
conversation to begin with.
228
00:16:21,357 --> 00:16:23,984
You've got a head like a rock.
229
00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:26,195
Just like your mother.
230
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:09,405
Pop Pop:
I hear you in there, you little hoodlum.
231
00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:11,615
Go to bed.
232
00:17:11,782 --> 00:17:14,034
Okay okay.
I'm sorry.
233
00:17:16,370 --> 00:17:19,248
Pinhook. Pinhook.
234
00:17:19,415 --> 00:17:21,166
Pinhook.
235
00:17:23,961 --> 00:17:26,422
Loogootee.
236
00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:30,008
Pinhook.
237
00:17:41,937 --> 00:17:43,605
Yay.
238
00:17:43,772 --> 00:17:46,942
Getting closer all the time, buddy.
239
00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:52,865
- Man: Hello?
- It's Tobe.
240
00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:56,034
We talked before
about the truck I'm selling.
241
00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:58,746
- The giant doggy?
- Are you still interested?
242
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:00,873
I'm pretty far.
243
00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:03,041
No no, it's cool.
I'm gonna drive it down.
244
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:05,461
- My lucky day.
- $5000, right?
245
00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:08,130
- That's right.
- I'll take the bus back.
246
00:18:08,297 --> 00:18:10,299
- There's a bus station, right?
- Hey, where's the rest of your hat?
247
00:18:10,466 --> 00:18:13,093
- Of course.
- Great. See you soon.
248
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:18,098
I'm leaving, Pop Pop.
249
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:21,226
The windows around here
aren't big enough for you?
250
00:18:23,437 --> 00:18:25,731
I'm going to Indiana to sell the truck
251
00:18:25,898 --> 00:18:28,317
and then I don't know what I'll do.
252
00:18:28,484 --> 00:18:31,403
You're leaving just because
I yelled at you?
253
00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:35,657
Later, Kenny.
254
00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:39,578
Hey hey.
Well, do you need anything?
255
00:18:42,206 --> 00:18:43,957
Get cash.
256
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:47,920
Even if you've got to walk the guy
to the bank, get cash.
257
00:18:49,338 --> 00:18:52,966
Hey, where are you going?
258
00:18:56,345 --> 00:18:59,264
♪ Love is waiting
just around the corner ♪
259
00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:02,100
♪ Love is waiting just around
the corner ♪
260
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:05,229
♪ Love is waiting
just around the corner ♪
261
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:11,860
♪ They say love is just
around the corner ♪
262
00:19:12,027 --> 00:19:14,780
♪ Any cozy little corner ♪
263
00:19:14,947 --> 00:19:17,074
♪ Love is just around the corner ♪
264
00:19:17,241 --> 00:19:20,494
♪ When I'm around you ♪
265
00:19:20,661 --> 00:19:23,539
♪ Venus de Milo ♪
266
00:19:23,705 --> 00:19:25,999
♪ Was noted for her charms ♪
267
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:29,253
♪ Just strictly between us,
you're cuter than Venus ♪
268
00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:32,548
♪ And what's more,
you've got arms ♪
269
00:19:32,714 --> 00:19:35,801
♪ So let's cuddle in a corner ♪
270
00:19:35,968 --> 00:19:38,387
♪ Any cozy little corner ♪
271
00:19:38,554 --> 00:19:41,098
♪ Love is just around the corner ♪
272
00:19:41,265 --> 00:19:44,184
♪ And I'm around you ♪
273
00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:47,187
♪ Love is just around the corner ♪
274
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:50,232
♪ Love is just around the corner. ♪
275
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:07,124
( exhales )
276
00:20:22,306 --> 00:20:26,184
♪ Cocaine, champagne ♪
277
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:29,938
♪ Take a ride on my jet plane ♪
278
00:20:30,105 --> 00:20:34,192
♪ Spotlights, late nights ♪
279
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:38,280
♪ End it all with a drunken fight... ♪
280
00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:42,951
Hey, baby.
What are we drinking?
281
00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:44,870
Uh, bourbon.
282
00:20:45,037 --> 00:20:46,371
Coming right up, handsome.
283
00:20:46,538 --> 00:20:48,206
Take a seat wherever you want.
284
00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:52,377
Oh, and I need $40 cash
upfront for the drinks.
285
00:20:52,544 --> 00:20:54,421
- Here, I'll get it.
- Wait, is that--
286
00:20:54,588 --> 00:20:58,050
Wait, no.
I'm looking for Miss Monica Velour.
287
00:20:58,216 --> 00:21:00,177
Monica?
288
00:21:00,344 --> 00:21:02,346
Yeah, she's coming on at 8:30.
289
00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:05,307
I need $40 though in the front.
290
00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:12,773
- Thanks.
- Man on P.A.: Remember,
291
00:21:12,940 --> 00:21:15,317
Sunday is single dad night
here at The Petting Zoo.
292
00:21:15,484 --> 00:21:18,904
Free games and face painting
in the parking lot for the kiddies.
293
00:21:19,071 --> 00:21:21,073
( dance music playing )
294
00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:30,415
Hey, I thought you said
she came on at 8:30.
295
00:21:33,168 --> 00:21:35,087
What's your name anyway?
296
00:21:35,253 --> 00:21:37,422
Snickers.
297
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,051
Your parents gave you
a dog's name?
298
00:21:41,218 --> 00:21:43,720
No, it's a candy bar.
299
00:21:44,972 --> 00:21:46,181
Huh.
300
00:21:46,348 --> 00:21:48,308
I guess it's better than PayDay.
301
00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:51,269
Or Crackle.
302
00:21:51,436 --> 00:21:53,397
You need another drink.
303
00:21:53,563 --> 00:21:55,023
No.
304
00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:57,275
I'll just finish what I have.
305
00:21:57,442 --> 00:21:59,111
♪ Now is the time to release ♪
306
00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:02,572
♪ All the things
you've been holding back... ♪
307
00:22:02,739 --> 00:22:05,325
You want to go to
the executive VIP lounge?
308
00:22:05,492 --> 00:22:07,160
Where's that?
309
00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:09,204
Only $400.
310
00:22:09,371 --> 00:22:11,331
We could have a real good time.
311
00:22:12,749 --> 00:22:14,626
I didn't see any lounge.
312
00:22:14,793 --> 00:22:18,797
We used to have a lounge
but the roof collapsed.
313
00:22:18,964 --> 00:22:21,550
Now it's in the back seat of my car.
314
00:22:21,717 --> 00:22:24,011
Okay, for you...
315
00:22:25,637 --> 00:22:27,639
$200.
316
00:22:27,806 --> 00:22:29,558
No. No thank you.
317
00:22:29,725 --> 00:22:31,768
I'm here to see Monica Velour.
318
00:22:33,395 --> 00:22:36,106
- $100.
- Huh-uh.
319
00:22:37,941 --> 00:22:40,777
- $60 and two packs of smokes?
- No.
320
00:22:41,903 --> 00:22:45,032
Hey, fellas.
What are we having?
321
00:22:45,198 --> 00:22:47,200
- I'm hungry for a bite of Snickers.
- Yeah?
322
00:22:47,367 --> 00:22:49,453
- Snickers needs some nuts.
- Right here, baby.
323
00:22:50,912 --> 00:22:54,166
Man on P.A.: And now the star
of "Welcome Back Harder"
324
00:22:54,332 --> 00:22:58,211
and "Saturday Night Beaver,"
adult film superstar
325
00:22:58,378 --> 00:23:00,297
- Monica Velour.
- Monica Velour.
326
00:23:00,464 --> 00:23:03,425
Whoo!
Monica!
327
00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:08,263
♪ Tonight ♪
328
00:23:08,430 --> 00:23:12,100
♪ I celebrate my love ♪
329
00:23:12,267 --> 00:23:14,352
♪ For you ♪
330
00:23:14,519 --> 00:23:17,189
♪ It seems ♪
331
00:23:17,355 --> 00:23:22,903
♪ The natural thing to do ♪
332
00:23:23,070 --> 00:23:28,825
♪ Tonight no one's gonna find us ♪
333
00:23:28,992 --> 00:23:34,706
♪ We'll leave the world behind us ♪
334
00:23:34,873 --> 00:23:37,209
♪ When I make love to you... ♪
335
00:23:37,375 --> 00:23:40,045
Man:
You've got to be shitting me.
336
00:23:40,212 --> 00:23:41,838
( laughs )
Damn.
337
00:23:42,005 --> 00:23:43,632
Somebody ordered off
the senior menu.
338
00:23:43,799 --> 00:23:46,343
Shut up.
339
00:23:46,510 --> 00:23:49,221
Man: I think grandma's got
Depends on under there.
340
00:23:49,387 --> 00:23:50,514
Man #2: Right.
341
00:23:54,559 --> 00:23:57,813
It's amateur night
at the old folks' home.
342
00:23:57,979 --> 00:24:00,857
( men laughing )
343
00:24:02,734 --> 00:24:05,403
Yo, I think this guy
over here is in love.
344
00:24:05,570 --> 00:24:07,781
( laughs )
345
00:24:10,492 --> 00:24:13,411
Oh, leave it on, baby.
346
00:24:13,578 --> 00:24:16,832
- Leave it on.
- Shh!
347
00:24:16,998 --> 00:24:21,002
Hey, I think this dickwad
has a problem.
348
00:24:21,169 --> 00:24:23,130
Yo, dickwad.
What's your problem?
349
00:24:24,756 --> 00:24:27,300
I don't-- I don't have a problem.
350
00:24:27,467 --> 00:24:29,594
No, I think you do have a problem.
351
00:24:29,761 --> 00:24:33,431
You keep giving me a look like some
kind of pissed-off faggot look.
352
00:24:33,598 --> 00:24:35,934
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah, I see that look.
353
00:24:36,101 --> 00:24:37,853
Hey, can't we all
just get along?
354
00:24:38,019 --> 00:24:41,565
We're all friends.
This guy just wants us to be polite
355
00:24:41,731 --> 00:24:44,651
while his grandma up there earns money
for his back-to-school clothes.
356
00:24:44,818 --> 00:24:46,611
Right, guy?
357
00:24:52,325 --> 00:24:54,995
Don't the sheep
back at the frat house
358
00:24:55,162 --> 00:24:56,955
feel neglected
with all you guys here tonight?
359
00:24:57,122 --> 00:24:59,040
- What?
- Hear what he said to you, son?
360
00:24:59,207 --> 00:25:01,209
Snickers:
Oh no he didn't.
361
00:25:01,376 --> 00:25:04,462
Who the fuck
do you think you are, geek?
362
00:25:06,798 --> 00:25:09,426
That's Monica Velour.
Okay?
363
00:25:09,593 --> 00:25:12,971
More woman than
you sad rodeo clowns
364
00:25:13,138 --> 00:25:17,225
could ever hope to get in your entire
regrettable existences.
365
00:25:17,392 --> 00:25:19,519
Big words from such a little dick.
366
00:25:19,686 --> 00:25:21,646
Man #2:
That's what I'm talking about, man.
367
00:25:23,732 --> 00:25:27,694
♪ How friends turn into lovers ♪
368
00:25:29,029 --> 00:25:32,115
♪ When I make love to you... ♪
369
00:25:33,950 --> 00:25:36,620
- ( men laugh )
- ( grunts )
370
00:25:36,786 --> 00:25:38,830
- Fuck this shit!
- Snickers: Jesus Christ! Milton!
371
00:25:38,997 --> 00:25:41,541
( clamoring )
372
00:25:41,708 --> 00:25:44,669
Come on, get up.
Get up.
373
00:25:44,836 --> 00:25:47,047
Bouncer:
God damn it, stop it!
374
00:25:47,214 --> 00:25:48,924
Owner:
Look at my club!
375
00:25:49,090 --> 00:25:50,717
Monica:
It's not my fault.
376
00:25:50,884 --> 00:25:53,011
Owner: Never happened
until you came around.
377
00:25:53,178 --> 00:25:54,763
You promised me eight weeks
of headlining.
378
00:25:54,930 --> 00:25:57,682
I know what I promised you.
But look at you.
379
00:25:57,849 --> 00:26:00,936
You're too old to be dancing.
I'll tell you what--
380
00:26:01,102 --> 00:26:03,521
why don't you come in on Monday
and work the room, huh?
381
00:26:03,688 --> 00:26:05,565
She's not working the room with me.
382
00:26:05,732 --> 00:26:08,818
- Oh, eat me, Sparkles.
- Snickers.
383
00:26:08,985 --> 00:26:11,738
That boy was just doing what
you should have been doing.
384
00:26:11,905 --> 00:26:15,158
Just because we work in a sty don't mean
we got to put up with those pigs.
385
00:26:15,325 --> 00:26:16,451
We got rights.
386
00:26:16,618 --> 00:26:17,911
I'm gonna give you
two rights, a left
387
00:26:18,078 --> 00:26:20,997
and another right if you don't shut up
and get out of my face!
388
00:26:21,164 --> 00:26:22,374
You ain't my daddy.
389
00:26:22,540 --> 00:26:25,377
Close the door.
390
00:26:25,543 --> 00:26:27,212
Come on. Come on.
Come on, I've got a kid.
391
00:26:27,379 --> 00:26:29,130
Owner: That makes two people
with problems, don't it?
392
00:26:29,297 --> 00:26:33,176
What about my car service?
How am I supposed to get home?
393
00:26:33,343 --> 00:26:35,428
Owner:
Stick a rocket up your ass and fly.
394
00:26:35,595 --> 00:26:37,555
I don't care.
395
00:26:37,722 --> 00:26:39,140
Bye.
396
00:26:50,860 --> 00:26:52,821
( radio chatter )
397
00:26:58,451 --> 00:26:59,911
How's he doing?
398
00:27:00,078 --> 00:27:01,579
You know this fella?
399
00:27:01,746 --> 00:27:04,416
He knows me.
400
00:27:04,582 --> 00:27:06,418
He'll be fine.
401
00:27:06,584 --> 00:27:09,462
Might have actually gotten hurt
if he weren't so loaded.
402
00:27:09,629 --> 00:27:13,049
People probably survive a plane crash,
they get enough beers in 'em.
403
00:27:13,216 --> 00:27:15,635
Ma'am, he's not fit to drive.
You know where he lives?
404
00:27:17,887 --> 00:27:19,180
Uh, yeah.
405
00:27:19,347 --> 00:27:22,559
I don't live anywhere near here.
406
00:27:22,726 --> 00:27:25,937
Just don't talk.
I'll tell them where to go.
407
00:27:27,105 --> 00:27:29,399
You'll have to sign off for him.
408
00:27:31,526 --> 00:27:34,154
Hey, is that nitrous?
409
00:27:43,038 --> 00:27:45,206
( Tobe groans )
410
00:27:52,005 --> 00:27:53,798
Tobe:
Is this your house?
411
00:27:53,965 --> 00:27:55,467
Well, I didn't know where you lived
412
00:27:55,633 --> 00:27:58,219
and I figured one of us should
be able to get home okay.
413
00:27:59,721 --> 00:28:02,474
Where do you live, anyway?
414
00:28:03,475 --> 00:28:05,352
Auburn, Washington.
415
00:28:06,728 --> 00:28:08,730
Your parents
vacationing down here?
416
00:28:08,897 --> 00:28:11,608
My mom died when I was three
417
00:28:11,775 --> 00:28:13,860
and I haven't met my dad.
418
00:28:14,944 --> 00:28:16,946
Jeez, sorry.
419
00:28:18,073 --> 00:28:19,657
So what are you doing here?
420
00:28:19,824 --> 00:28:22,160
I came to see you.
421
00:28:23,536 --> 00:28:26,247
- Just me?
- Uh-huh.
422
00:28:27,832 --> 00:28:29,793
How old are you?
18? 19?
423
00:28:29,959 --> 00:28:31,586
18.
424
00:28:31,753 --> 00:28:33,671
Do you know how old I am?
425
00:28:33,838 --> 00:28:35,673
I could have had you.
426
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:37,759
So?
427
00:28:37,926 --> 00:28:40,512
You're Monica Velour.
428
00:28:41,721 --> 00:28:43,556
You're beautiful.
429
00:28:43,723 --> 00:28:46,267
You're--
430
00:28:46,434 --> 00:28:48,686
you're a star.
431
00:28:48,853 --> 00:28:50,730
Now I know you're drunk.
432
00:28:50,897 --> 00:28:52,941
Come on, upsy-daisy.
433
00:28:53,108 --> 00:28:54,442
What is that?
434
00:28:54,609 --> 00:28:56,319
It's what you need right now,
trust me.
435
00:29:00,782 --> 00:29:02,534
( gags )
436
00:29:02,700 --> 00:29:05,370
Ugh, it tastes like
powdered puke.
437
00:29:05,537 --> 00:29:07,455
Well, you'll thank me tomorrow.
438
00:29:07,622 --> 00:29:09,916
Don't do a whole lot of drinking,
do you?
439
00:29:11,876 --> 00:29:13,545
Not really.
440
00:29:13,711 --> 00:29:16,631
Once I drank a whole case
441
00:29:16,798 --> 00:29:19,300
of non-alcoholic beer though.
442
00:29:20,385 --> 00:29:24,848
I woke up in a pile of fake vomit.
( chuckles )
443
00:29:29,936 --> 00:29:32,814
I heard what you did.
It was nice.
444
00:29:32,981 --> 00:29:35,233
Stupid, but nice.
445
00:29:36,818 --> 00:29:38,862
It's not often a guy
stands up for me.
446
00:29:39,028 --> 00:29:41,573
Those guys were morons.
447
00:29:41,739 --> 00:29:44,909
They were just talking bullshit.
448
00:29:45,076 --> 00:29:47,328
Ah, who knows?
Maybe not.
449
00:29:47,495 --> 00:29:49,664
There are certain things
a girl just don't want to hear
450
00:29:49,831 --> 00:29:52,333
no matter how old she gets.
451
00:29:52,500 --> 00:29:54,794
But that's the deal, right?
452
00:29:54,961 --> 00:29:57,213
You're only as good as what's in
your bra and panties.
453
00:29:58,465 --> 00:30:00,133
It's weird.
454
00:30:00,300 --> 00:30:03,386
You're a dream.
455
00:30:03,553 --> 00:30:06,222
It looks like you've been popped
out of the movie
456
00:30:06,389 --> 00:30:07,932
to sit on the couch with me.
457
00:30:09,893 --> 00:30:14,272
I used to watch your movies and think
about how great it would be
458
00:30:14,439 --> 00:30:18,318
to meet you and talk to you,
hang out with you.
459
00:30:18,485 --> 00:30:20,945
But it was always just a dream.
460
00:30:23,740 --> 00:30:25,783
But now my dream is real.
461
00:30:27,118 --> 00:30:29,454
Get a lot of ass talking like that?
462
00:30:32,373 --> 00:30:34,250
You got any dough?
463
00:30:34,417 --> 00:30:37,295
My wallet is in my backpack.
464
00:30:39,464 --> 00:30:41,299
I'm calling you a cab.
465
00:30:41,466 --> 00:30:43,510
( phone ringing )
466
00:30:47,805 --> 00:30:51,059
Recording: You've reached the Country
Checkered Cab Company
467
00:30:51,226 --> 00:30:53,770
serving Pinhook, Loogootee
468
00:30:53,937 --> 00:30:56,189
and all of greater
Guthrie Township.
469
00:30:56,356 --> 00:30:59,776
Your call is important to us.
470
00:30:59,943 --> 00:31:01,653
Please wait.
471
00:31:01,819 --> 00:31:04,113
So where are you staying?
472
00:31:05,657 --> 00:31:07,867
Fuck.
473
00:31:09,994 --> 00:31:11,538
Come on.
474
00:31:11,704 --> 00:31:13,581
Wake up.
475
00:31:13,748 --> 00:31:16,292
The school bus is outside.
476
00:31:16,459 --> 00:31:19,420
The ice cream man is here.
477
00:31:19,587 --> 00:31:22,632
Santa Claus came.
478
00:31:31,724 --> 00:31:33,851
( meows )
479
00:32:06,884 --> 00:32:09,137
( horn honks )
480
00:32:09,304 --> 00:32:11,889
( car approaching )
481
00:32:13,349 --> 00:32:15,059
Hey, Kayla kitten.
482
00:32:20,690 --> 00:32:23,359
Ronny, a phone call
would really be appreciated
483
00:32:23,526 --> 00:32:25,820
before you decide
to just drop on by.
484
00:32:25,987 --> 00:32:28,865
I saw the police and ambulance
at the club last night.
485
00:32:29,032 --> 00:32:31,367
I just came by to see
if you were dead.
486
00:32:31,534 --> 00:32:35,330
Well, sorry to disappoint you.
487
00:32:35,496 --> 00:32:37,832
"Stripper Wins Custody Battle."
488
00:32:37,999 --> 00:32:40,918
That's not a headline you read
a whole bunch, huh?
489
00:32:41,085 --> 00:32:44,047
Well, I've got to make
a living somehow.
490
00:32:44,213 --> 00:32:47,383
It's not like your alimony
can keep me going.
491
00:32:47,550 --> 00:32:49,010
No, well, that's why I came by.
492
00:32:49,177 --> 00:32:52,972
See, my lawyer, he wants to make some
changes now that you're working.
493
00:32:53,139 --> 00:32:55,308
Great.
494
00:32:55,475 --> 00:32:58,978
So?
You gonna invite us in?
495
00:33:00,396 --> 00:33:02,440
Look,
496
00:33:02,607 --> 00:33:05,276
it's 8:00 AM on a Saturday morning.
497
00:33:05,443 --> 00:33:08,279
Can't we-- can't we do this
some other time?
498
00:33:08,446 --> 00:33:12,241
I ain't leaving. So maybe we'd just
better take this inside, huh?
499
00:33:14,285 --> 00:33:16,537
No.
500
00:33:19,666 --> 00:33:21,793
You got somebody in there,
don't you?
501
00:33:21,959 --> 00:33:23,961
It's none of your goddamn business.
502
00:33:24,128 --> 00:33:27,006
You're turning tricks again,
aren't you?
503
00:33:27,173 --> 00:33:29,842
Monica: You know what?
Fuck you.
504
00:33:30,009 --> 00:33:32,762
Ronny:
The judge is gonna love this.
505
00:33:32,929 --> 00:33:35,515
This-- this is rich.
506
00:33:35,682 --> 00:33:39,060
I've got to see for myself
what kid of loser
507
00:33:39,227 --> 00:33:41,854
pays money to screw
an old shipwreck like you.
508
00:33:42,021 --> 00:33:43,981
What?
509
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,276
Hey hey!
Hey hey! Ow!
510
00:33:47,443 --> 00:33:49,028
- Get out of here! Just get out!
- Dumb bitch.
511
00:33:49,195 --> 00:33:52,532
Hey, you're sick, you know that?
You need help.
512
00:33:52,699 --> 00:33:54,992
Just go.
Go, little man.
513
00:33:55,159 --> 00:33:57,995
- Yeah yeah yeah.
- Mommy!
514
00:33:59,664 --> 00:34:01,999
Keep it up, you'll see her
when she's 21.
515
00:34:04,460 --> 00:34:06,713
Kayla baby, I'm sorry.
516
00:34:06,879 --> 00:34:09,590
Everything's gonna be fine.
517
00:34:26,941 --> 00:34:28,693
What are you doing?
518
00:34:29,902 --> 00:34:32,739
Look, it's not a good time.
519
00:34:32,905 --> 00:34:33,906
You need to go.
520
00:34:34,073 --> 00:34:36,534
Wakey wakey,
eggs and bacey.
521
00:34:36,701 --> 00:34:39,787
It's-- you shouldn't have
been here to begin with.
522
00:34:39,954 --> 00:34:41,664
Just beat it.
523
00:34:41,831 --> 00:34:44,375
Breakfast is the most important
meal of the day.
524
00:34:44,542 --> 00:34:47,920
Those eggs
are probably bad.
525
00:34:52,091 --> 00:34:54,385
Five minutes.
526
00:34:54,552 --> 00:34:57,764
Breakfast and then I'll go.
527
00:35:13,279 --> 00:35:15,156
This is a switch.
528
00:35:22,121 --> 00:35:24,415
( crying )
529
00:35:49,649 --> 00:35:52,318
Look, you really really
need to go.
530
00:35:56,405 --> 00:36:00,326
Um, can I get your autograph?
531
00:36:02,245 --> 00:36:04,121
Sure.
532
00:36:04,288 --> 00:36:07,166
Like one on
your underwear or something?
533
00:36:08,167 --> 00:36:10,294
No no. Hold on.
534
00:36:16,300 --> 00:36:18,344
Monica:
Jeez, look at this.
535
00:36:18,511 --> 00:36:21,055
Some old perv croak
and leave it to you?
536
00:36:21,222 --> 00:36:25,059
No, it's, uh, mine.
537
00:36:26,477 --> 00:36:28,145
God.
538
00:36:28,312 --> 00:36:31,023
Haven't seen that stuff in years.
539
00:36:31,190 --> 00:36:34,277
My ex made me burn
all my movie junk.
540
00:36:35,361 --> 00:36:38,656
Oh, here you are.
Girl of the Month.
541
00:36:38,823 --> 00:36:41,534
Yeah, right.
My big break.
542
00:36:41,701 --> 00:36:45,329
- Miss January, 1978.
- 1978.
543
00:36:49,125 --> 00:36:50,626
Um, were your turn-ons
544
00:36:50,793 --> 00:36:53,504
really chest hair
and customized vans?
545
00:36:53,671 --> 00:36:56,299
If they were,
they sure ain't now.
546
00:36:56,465 --> 00:36:59,886
I think my manager
wrote most of that crap.
547
00:37:02,096 --> 00:37:04,974
Hey, what's that?
548
00:37:06,225 --> 00:37:09,228
That's the premiere of
"Furburger Deluxe."
549
00:37:09,395 --> 00:37:12,440
Oh right,
the drive-in waitress one.
550
00:37:12,607 --> 00:37:14,483
Believe me,
551
00:37:14,650 --> 00:37:17,945
bending over in roller skates
is not as easy as it looks.
552
00:37:20,948 --> 00:37:22,992
God, where'd you get all this crap?
553
00:37:23,159 --> 00:37:25,119
Uh, the web,
554
00:37:25,286 --> 00:37:28,039
junk stores.
555
00:37:28,205 --> 00:37:29,999
All over.
556
00:37:31,167 --> 00:37:32,752
Must have a lot of time
on your hands.
557
00:37:32,919 --> 00:37:34,629
You're the best.
558
00:37:34,795 --> 00:37:37,465
I don't get into much.
Only the best.
559
00:37:37,632 --> 00:37:40,259
Yeah, were the best.
Were.
560
00:37:42,386 --> 00:37:45,097
You know, all this time
561
00:37:45,264 --> 00:37:49,018
I told my folks that I was
a jazzercise instructor.
562
00:37:53,189 --> 00:37:56,359
13 years of my life
563
00:37:56,525 --> 00:37:59,236
right here.
564
00:38:10,623 --> 00:38:12,917
Look, you should split.
565
00:38:13,084 --> 00:38:14,377
I've got some people coming by.
566
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:17,338
It was really nice to meet you.
567
00:38:21,342 --> 00:38:24,053
So can I see you?
568
00:38:24,220 --> 00:38:26,347
Bye-bye.
569
00:38:27,765 --> 00:38:30,393
- My van is really far.
- Bye.
570
00:38:33,604 --> 00:38:35,731
Yeah.
571
00:38:35,898 --> 00:38:37,817
All right, see you later.
572
00:38:39,276 --> 00:38:40,861
Maybe.
573
00:38:55,418 --> 00:38:57,837
♪ Keep knocking
and you can't come in ♪
574
00:38:58,004 --> 00:39:01,090
♪ Keep knocking and you
can't come in ♪
575
00:39:01,257 --> 00:39:04,427
♪ Keep knocking
and you can't come in... ♪
576
00:39:04,593 --> 00:39:06,637
Pop Pop:
Hello.
577
00:39:06,804 --> 00:39:09,223
Tobe's not here.
578
00:39:09,390 --> 00:39:11,934
Speak slow and leave your number.
579
00:39:12,101 --> 00:39:14,270
Semper fi.
580
00:39:14,437 --> 00:39:16,647
( machine beeps )
581
00:39:16,814 --> 00:39:19,358
Hey, Pop Pop.
It's Tobe.
582
00:39:19,525 --> 00:39:21,527
I'm in Indiana.
583
00:39:21,694 --> 00:39:24,030
I got beat up,
584
00:39:24,196 --> 00:39:26,282
cheated out of money,
585
00:39:26,449 --> 00:39:28,868
someone spray painted the truck,
586
00:39:29,035 --> 00:39:31,078
people tell me to go home.
587
00:39:31,245 --> 00:39:34,540
So much for small-town hospitality.
588
00:39:34,707 --> 00:39:37,418
Don't touch my junk.
I'm coming back.
589
00:39:37,585 --> 00:39:41,589
I'm just gonna sell the truck
and take a bus home.
590
00:39:41,756 --> 00:39:44,467
- Hello?
- Tobe: Hey, Claude.
591
00:39:44,633 --> 00:39:46,177
It's Tobe.
592
00:39:46,343 --> 00:39:49,221
I'm driving through
your neighbor's cornfields.
593
00:39:49,388 --> 00:39:53,142
- I'm in the big white barn.
- I see it.
594
00:40:01,776 --> 00:40:04,361
( engine sputters )
595
00:40:09,408 --> 00:40:10,951
Claude:
Can you see me?
596
00:40:13,287 --> 00:40:16,415
- Uh, yeah, I see you.
- I can see you too.
597
00:40:16,582 --> 00:40:18,751
- ( roars )
- ( screams )
598
00:40:18,918 --> 00:40:20,961
( laughing )
599
00:40:21,128 --> 00:40:22,838
Oh, I'm sorry.
600
00:40:23,005 --> 00:40:25,299
Listen, I put a lot
of work into that guy.
601
00:40:25,466 --> 00:40:27,218
I've got to use him
every chance I get.
602
00:40:27,384 --> 00:40:29,386
Claude Turner.
603
00:40:29,553 --> 00:40:31,597
Hey, Tobe.
604
00:40:31,764 --> 00:40:33,933
You look like
you're having a rough trip.
605
00:40:34,100 --> 00:40:36,060
No, it's cool.
606
00:40:36,227 --> 00:40:37,603
You want to check out the truck?
607
00:40:37,770 --> 00:40:40,856
The phallic symbol express?
Absolutely.
608
00:40:41,023 --> 00:40:42,566
Come on.
609
00:40:48,197 --> 00:40:50,449
Hmm.
610
00:40:52,535 --> 00:40:55,246
Whatever floats your boat.
611
00:40:55,412 --> 00:40:58,165
Claude:
Come on in.
612
00:40:58,332 --> 00:40:59,917
Whoa.
613
00:41:00,084 --> 00:41:02,128
( bottles clinking )
614
00:41:09,468 --> 00:41:11,345
So you're an artist?
615
00:41:11,512 --> 00:41:14,098
That's a good word.
616
00:41:14,265 --> 00:41:16,225
Pretty cool stuff.
617
00:41:16,392 --> 00:41:18,352
More good words.
618
00:41:18,519 --> 00:41:20,354
Here you go.
619
00:41:20,521 --> 00:41:22,481
Root beer, king of soda.
620
00:41:29,530 --> 00:41:33,409
You collect all the stuff my grandpa
would tell me to throw out.
621
00:41:34,451 --> 00:41:35,786
He called it junk.
622
00:41:35,953 --> 00:41:37,663
American culture.
623
00:41:37,830 --> 00:41:41,125
Junk is America.
624
00:41:41,292 --> 00:41:45,379
We don't have the Sistine Chapel
or the pyramids.
625
00:41:45,546 --> 00:41:49,133
We have PEZ dispensers
626
00:41:49,300 --> 00:41:51,802
and Big Boy
627
00:41:51,969 --> 00:41:55,347
and trucks with weenies.
628
00:41:55,514 --> 00:41:58,434
And a Russ Meyer
and a Creature Feature.
629
00:41:58,601 --> 00:41:59,935
- ( roars )
- Oh!
630
00:42:00,102 --> 00:42:02,313
( laughing )
631
00:42:02,479 --> 00:42:05,107
Look, we're only 200 years old.
632
00:42:05,274 --> 00:42:07,359
We're still the naive,
633
00:42:07,526 --> 00:42:09,862
over-hormonal teenagers
of planet Earth
634
00:42:10,029 --> 00:42:12,323
making lots of mistakes.
635
00:42:16,702 --> 00:42:20,289
- That's five grand, right?
- Yeah.
636
00:42:22,708 --> 00:42:25,711
Oh, uh, no checks.
637
00:42:25,878 --> 00:42:27,963
Cash.
638
00:42:28,130 --> 00:42:30,257
Oh?
639
00:42:30,424 --> 00:42:32,218
Hmm.
640
00:42:32,384 --> 00:42:34,595
Well, you know,
641
00:42:34,762 --> 00:42:38,474
I'm not the cash-laden
celeb artist I appear to be.
642
00:42:38,641 --> 00:42:42,603
It'll take me a few days before
I can get over to the bank.
643
00:42:44,230 --> 00:42:46,315
But I can offer you something
for collateral.
644
00:42:46,482 --> 00:42:48,275
Maybe we can even make a trade.
645
00:42:48,442 --> 00:42:51,612
How about Uncle Ronny
or Tricky Dick for the truck?
646
00:42:53,113 --> 00:42:55,824
I can stay in town until Monday.
647
00:42:55,991 --> 00:42:58,160
Is Monday good?
648
00:42:58,327 --> 00:43:00,663
Okay.
649
00:43:02,623 --> 00:43:04,458
( Claude laughs )
650
00:43:04,625 --> 00:43:08,295
♪ See see Rider ♪
651
00:43:10,381 --> 00:43:13,717
♪ See what you've done done ♪
652
00:43:13,884 --> 00:43:17,137
♪ Lord Lord Lord ♪
653
00:43:17,304 --> 00:43:19,974
♪ Made me love you ♪
654
00:43:20,140 --> 00:43:25,020
♪ Now your gal done come ♪
655
00:43:27,606 --> 00:43:31,777
♪ You made me love you ♪
656
00:43:31,944 --> 00:43:36,907
♪ Now your gal done come. ♪
657
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:08,522
( engine sputters )
658
00:44:17,865 --> 00:44:20,826
Hey. Hey!
659
00:44:20,993 --> 00:44:22,619
Who are you?
660
00:44:22,786 --> 00:44:25,289
Uh, a friend.
661
00:44:25,456 --> 00:44:27,791
She's not here right now.
662
00:44:27,958 --> 00:44:30,544
Go get your happy ending
somewhere else.
663
00:44:30,711 --> 00:44:33,630
Thanks for the tip.
664
00:44:34,798 --> 00:44:36,300
What's the matter?
665
00:44:36,467 --> 00:44:38,886
You got something against
beautiful teenage girls?
666
00:44:39,053 --> 00:44:40,846
You miss your mommy?
667
00:44:41,013 --> 00:44:43,640
Or did you forget what year it is?
( laughs )
668
00:44:44,641 --> 00:44:46,727
( camera clicks )
669
00:45:03,410 --> 00:45:05,204
Woman: Hey!
670
00:45:05,371 --> 00:45:07,331
- What you do?
- I'm her husband.
671
00:45:07,498 --> 00:45:10,167
You bug off.
672
00:45:10,334 --> 00:45:13,003
- I call police.
- Hey hey, relax.
673
00:45:13,170 --> 00:45:15,381
- ( shouting in Cambodian )
- Ow! Hey!
674
00:45:15,547 --> 00:45:17,508
Hey, stop it!
675
00:45:17,674 --> 00:45:18,509
Hey hey!
676
00:45:18,675 --> 00:45:20,719
Yeah, I know, steamed dumplings
in 20 minutes. Yeah.
677
00:45:20,886 --> 00:45:23,055
Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
678
00:45:35,943 --> 00:45:38,695
- Thanks for coming down.
- Who couldn't wash somebody's hair?
679
00:45:38,862 --> 00:45:41,490
A dead monkey could do this,
I'm telling you.
680
00:45:41,657 --> 00:45:43,700
You know I have a kid right?
681
00:45:46,203 --> 00:45:48,372
Weekends, extra,
whatever you need.
682
00:45:52,376 --> 00:45:55,379
Hey.
Hey.
683
00:45:55,546 --> 00:45:58,215
She says I don't have
the proper image, she says.
684
00:45:58,382 --> 00:46:01,552
She says this is a class establishment.
685
00:46:01,718 --> 00:46:03,720
Dusty-cunted old hag,
where does she get off?
686
00:46:03,887 --> 00:46:05,806
I've got class coming out
of my friggin' ass.
687
00:46:07,516 --> 00:46:09,226
Swear to God,
688
00:46:09,393 --> 00:46:12,646
you screw a few hundred guys
and the whole world turns against you.
689
00:46:15,941 --> 00:46:17,860
I need a drink.
690
00:46:25,576 --> 00:46:26,952
Hold this.
691
00:46:30,831 --> 00:46:32,374
Fuck 'em all.
692
00:46:36,545 --> 00:46:39,840
( slurping )
693
00:46:40,841 --> 00:46:43,552
That winner at my house
the other morning was my ex,
694
00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:46,263
if you hadn't figured that out.
695
00:46:46,430 --> 00:46:48,432
Sounds like a good person
to be broken up with.
696
00:46:48,599 --> 00:46:50,809
Yeah. Right now
it's looking pretty crappy.
697
00:46:51,810 --> 00:46:54,563
I'm taking him to court
to get custody of my daughter.
698
00:46:54,730 --> 00:46:57,274
If he finds out I'm back in the biz
699
00:46:57,441 --> 00:47:00,360
I've got a snowball's chance in hell.
700
00:47:00,527 --> 00:47:03,739
But you're not still in it, are you?
701
00:47:03,906 --> 00:47:07,326
You haven't done a movie
since "Where's the Beef?"
702
00:47:07,493 --> 00:47:09,620
No, there's these local guys,
703
00:47:09,786 --> 00:47:12,372
they want to put me
in a comeback movie.
704
00:47:12,539 --> 00:47:15,918
They say I've got
box cover recognition.
705
00:47:17,336 --> 00:47:21,757
I shouldn't do it,
but I'm fucking broker than broke.
706
00:47:21,924 --> 00:47:26,136
Won't your ex find out?
Can't you do something else?
707
00:47:27,596 --> 00:47:28,680
Yeah.
708
00:47:28,847 --> 00:47:31,099
You saw how that went.
709
00:47:34,770 --> 00:47:36,563
So what's this movie about?
710
00:47:36,730 --> 00:47:41,151
Well, there's no script,
but I think it's gonna be good.
711
00:47:41,318 --> 00:47:43,570
I mean classy.
Something that'll lead to bigger things.
712
00:47:43,737 --> 00:47:45,405
What's it called?
713
00:47:46,823 --> 00:47:48,116
"Bunghole Banditos."
714
00:47:49,826 --> 00:47:52,162
Wow.
715
00:47:52,329 --> 00:47:55,123
Sounds like Oscar time.
716
00:47:55,290 --> 00:47:57,084
I don't know.
717
00:47:57,251 --> 00:47:59,920
It's not gonna be like the old days.
718
00:48:01,046 --> 00:48:02,756
They had real stories.
719
00:48:02,923 --> 00:48:05,592
We were actresses.
We tried to make it believable.
720
00:48:05,759 --> 00:48:08,845
Yeah, now it's like Evel Knievel
is directing.
721
00:48:09,012 --> 00:48:12,015
Yeah right.
50 guys, one girl,
722
00:48:12,182 --> 00:48:14,518
half a gallon of Crisco--
will she make it?
723
00:48:15,519 --> 00:48:17,771
- Did you hear her?
- Yeah, but...
724
00:48:17,938 --> 00:48:20,691
they want to pay me three grand.
725
00:48:20,857 --> 00:48:22,985
That's a lot more
than I got in the '70s.
726
00:48:23,151 --> 00:48:26,780
I mean, some of those early ones
all I got was 50 bucks,
727
00:48:26,947 --> 00:48:29,700
a stick of grass
and a case of the crabs.
728
00:48:29,866 --> 00:48:31,535
( groans )
729
00:48:33,412 --> 00:48:36,957
Is the crabs thing
still part of your contract?
730
00:48:40,127 --> 00:48:42,921
You are a weird fucking kid.
731
00:48:45,007 --> 00:48:48,051
Linda.
Linda baby,
732
00:48:48,218 --> 00:48:50,596
we've got to get together,
733
00:48:50,762 --> 00:48:53,849
- party sometime.
- Yeah, whoo!
734
00:48:54,016 --> 00:48:56,643
Sure, how's never?
Is never a good time?
735
00:48:56,810 --> 00:48:59,771
- I got 20 bucks.
- ( men laugh )
736
00:49:02,899 --> 00:49:06,236
That's my real name--
Linda Romanoli.
737
00:49:06,403 --> 00:49:08,780
You probably already knew that.
738
00:49:10,407 --> 00:49:13,118
And my shoe size
and blood type too.
739
00:49:13,285 --> 00:49:15,329
Eight and a half.
740
00:49:17,164 --> 00:49:21,043
I don't know your blood type.
Honest.
741
00:49:27,049 --> 00:49:29,718
I'm gonna be sick.
I've got to sit down.
742
00:49:31,094 --> 00:49:32,971
All right, don't sit.
Don't sit. Don't sit.
743
00:49:33,138 --> 00:49:35,474
You're almost home.
744
00:49:35,641 --> 00:49:38,352
♪ Doing things right
four or five times ♪
745
00:49:38,518 --> 00:49:39,811
♪ Four or five times ♪
746
00:49:39,978 --> 00:49:42,939
- ♪ Maybe I'll sigh ♪
- ♪ Maybe I'll sigh ♪
747
00:49:43,106 --> 00:49:45,484
- ♪ And maybe I'll cry ♪
- ♪ And maybe I'll cry... ♪
748
00:49:45,651 --> 00:49:47,694
- ( grunts )
- ♪ If I die ♪
749
00:49:47,861 --> 00:49:50,197
♪ I'm gonna try
four or five times ♪
750
00:49:50,364 --> 00:49:51,823
♪ Four of five times... ♪
751
00:49:51,990 --> 00:49:54,117
( scatting )
752
00:49:58,288 --> 00:50:00,957
- Hold on.
- Oh!
753
00:50:03,043 --> 00:50:05,879
What kind of knight
in shining armor are you?
754
00:50:07,172 --> 00:50:10,759
- ♪ And maybe I'll cry ♪
- ♪ And maybe I'll cry... ♪
755
00:50:10,926 --> 00:50:13,553
No no.
No no no.
756
00:50:13,720 --> 00:50:16,139
You're kinda cute.
757
00:50:16,306 --> 00:50:19,976
Like the guy in the "Archie"
comics with the funny hat.
758
00:50:20,143 --> 00:50:23,939
Jughead. He was the drummer
in their band.
759
00:50:24,106 --> 00:50:26,191
Right.
760
00:50:29,069 --> 00:50:31,571
Oh!
761
00:50:31,738 --> 00:50:34,199
( groans )
762
00:50:34,366 --> 00:50:37,494
- I'm thinking you maybe should leave.
- ( water running )
763
00:50:41,164 --> 00:50:43,333
Here.
764
00:50:53,051 --> 00:50:54,886
Can I call you?
765
00:50:55,053 --> 00:50:57,431
( snoring )
766
00:51:21,246 --> 00:51:23,206
Score.
767
00:51:35,135 --> 00:51:36,219
What can I do for you today?
768
00:51:37,554 --> 00:51:40,098
Um... uh...
769
00:51:40,265 --> 00:51:43,894
I'd like to buy some fireworks.
770
00:51:50,901 --> 00:51:52,527
( knocks )
771
00:52:02,370 --> 00:52:05,999
You look for her?
772
00:52:06,166 --> 00:52:09,628
Uh, yeah.
Do you know where she is?
773
00:52:09,795 --> 00:52:11,755
At school.
774
00:52:11,922 --> 00:52:13,965
Every day same time.
775
00:52:14,132 --> 00:52:16,510
Do you know where that is?
776
00:52:16,676 --> 00:52:19,888
This way.
Not far.
777
00:52:20,055 --> 00:52:21,765
Half a mile.
778
00:52:54,130 --> 00:52:56,967
♪ Baby ♪
779
00:52:57,133 --> 00:52:59,845
♪ Baby, are you satisfied? ♪
780
00:53:00,011 --> 00:53:02,848
- Hello.
- Hi, Daddy.
781
00:53:03,014 --> 00:53:06,601
♪ I say baby... ♪
782
00:53:06,768 --> 00:53:10,355
- How was school?
♪ Baby, are you satisfied? ♪
783
00:53:12,732 --> 00:53:16,069
♪ Mmm, baby ♪
784
00:53:16,236 --> 00:53:19,364
♪ Tell me if you're satisfied ♪
785
00:53:21,241 --> 00:53:24,244
( whistling )
786
00:53:38,216 --> 00:53:40,510
Tobe: They're so worried
about your safety, you know?
787
00:53:40,677 --> 00:53:44,639
They spend half your class time
letting you know that drugs kill,
788
00:53:44,806 --> 00:53:47,058
don't drink and drive,
789
00:53:47,225 --> 00:53:49,853
don't have sex--
you'll get AIDs,
790
00:53:50,020 --> 00:53:52,647
don't commit suicide.
If you're thinking about it get help.
791
00:53:52,814 --> 00:53:54,441
And then what do they do?
792
00:53:54,608 --> 00:53:58,320
Uh, I can't think.
793
00:53:58,486 --> 00:54:01,323
Well, here, they let you
sign up for the army
794
00:54:01,489 --> 00:54:03,617
at the booth
in front of the gym.
795
00:54:03,783 --> 00:54:05,160
- Gym?
- Uh-huh.
796
00:54:05,327 --> 00:54:06,745
- ( phone ringing )
- I hate gym.
797
00:54:06,912 --> 00:54:09,748
Hold that thought.
798
00:54:11,333 --> 00:54:14,127
- Hey, Monica.
- Hey, kiddo. I got your note.
799
00:54:14,294 --> 00:54:17,464
( spooky music playing )
800
00:54:17,631 --> 00:54:20,216
Man:
There is only one thing to do.
801
00:54:20,383 --> 00:54:23,261
Frankenbooty must be destroyed.
802
00:54:23,428 --> 00:54:25,263
- I won an award for this.
- ( man grunting )
803
00:54:25,430 --> 00:54:29,100
Yeah, the Coochie Award
for breast actress, 1980.
804
00:54:29,267 --> 00:54:30,352
Yeah yeah.
805
00:54:30,518 --> 00:54:34,272
It's kind of like an Oscar
except shaped like a horse dick.
806
00:54:34,439 --> 00:54:37,442
I wound up banging the dents
out of my Chevy with it.
807
00:54:39,402 --> 00:54:41,696
What was it like working
with Donnie Davis?
808
00:54:41,863 --> 00:54:45,283
I mean, he totally
revolutionized horror
809
00:54:45,450 --> 00:54:49,120
with "The Last House on the Street"
and "The House Two Doors Down."
810
00:54:49,287 --> 00:54:51,373
Well, I can't tell you much there.
811
00:54:51,539 --> 00:54:54,793
I mean, the guy knocked off
a case of Scotch a week.
812
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:57,379
He wasn't awake for most of the shoot,
and when he was
813
00:54:57,545 --> 00:55:01,299
his attention was mostly focused on
how to most effectively grab my ass.
814
00:55:01,466 --> 00:55:03,677
- ( screams )
- ( groaning )
815
00:55:03,843 --> 00:55:05,762
( screams )
816
00:55:09,683 --> 00:55:12,227
Now this part,
to me this is like
817
00:55:12,394 --> 00:55:15,730
a direct homage
to the Hammer Films tradition
818
00:55:15,897 --> 00:55:17,482
of horror with sex.
819
00:55:17,649 --> 00:55:19,317
Homage?
Ain't that cheese?
820
00:55:19,484 --> 00:55:21,152
( chuckles )
821
00:55:21,319 --> 00:55:24,948
Oh no, it's French.
It means "to show respect for."
822
00:55:25,115 --> 00:55:28,201
( moaning )
823
00:55:28,368 --> 00:55:32,205
Well, the only French you should use
when talking about this masterpiece
824
00:55:32,372 --> 00:55:36,334
is "la turd"
or "la money de easy."
825
00:55:36,501 --> 00:55:38,420
You know what I think of this?
826
00:55:38,586 --> 00:55:40,880
It was fun to make
827
00:55:41,047 --> 00:55:43,133
but boring as paint drying to watch.
828
00:55:43,299 --> 00:55:45,260
( grunting )
829
00:55:45,427 --> 00:55:48,430
- ( moans loudly )
- Oh!
830
00:55:50,056 --> 00:55:53,351
Now you know how it feels.
831
00:55:53,518 --> 00:55:55,687
( laughs )
832
00:56:01,735 --> 00:56:04,446
You are a weird fucking kid.
833
00:56:12,037 --> 00:56:13,913
( camera beeping, clicking )
834
00:56:19,085 --> 00:56:21,212
Come on.
I look like dog crap.
835
00:56:21,379 --> 00:56:24,299
You, nature--
what's not to like?
836
00:56:24,466 --> 00:56:26,634
You'll break your camera.
837
00:56:26,801 --> 00:56:29,471
( sighs )
838
00:56:31,181 --> 00:56:33,600
Where the hell are we going?
839
00:56:35,143 --> 00:56:37,479
You wouldn't be the first guy
to take me out to the woods
840
00:56:37,645 --> 00:56:39,439
to try and kill me, you know.
841
00:56:41,608 --> 00:56:43,526
That's weird.
842
00:56:52,327 --> 00:56:55,121
- And?
- Sit down.
843
00:56:55,288 --> 00:56:57,415
Relax.
844
00:56:59,626 --> 00:57:02,045
What are you doing?
845
00:57:02,212 --> 00:57:04,380
It's okay.
846
00:57:04,547 --> 00:57:07,383
Are you-- are you trying
to fucking kill me?
847
00:57:07,550 --> 00:57:10,261
Okay, turn it off.
I'm not kidding.
848
00:57:10,428 --> 00:57:12,430
It's okay, it's okay.
849
00:57:12,597 --> 00:57:14,641
It's our one-week anniversary.
850
00:57:14,808 --> 00:57:16,601
I met you a week ago today.
851
00:57:16,768 --> 00:57:18,645
- ( fireworks exploding )
- All right, get down. Get down.
852
00:57:18,812 --> 00:57:20,939
( Monica screaming )
853
00:57:21,106 --> 00:57:24,734
- ( Tobe coughing )
- You fucking dick.
854
00:57:27,195 --> 00:57:29,572
( Tobe laughs )
855
00:57:34,577 --> 00:57:37,539
- Tobe: That was awesome.
- Monica: That was really good.
856
00:57:39,874 --> 00:57:42,293
( coughs )
857
00:57:46,422 --> 00:57:49,759
And for dinner
we have hot dogs.
858
00:57:49,926 --> 00:57:52,303
That's a shock.
859
00:57:56,516 --> 00:58:01,271
So how did you first hook up
with Mr. Wonderful?
860
00:58:01,437 --> 00:58:04,065
Yeah, right.
861
00:58:04,232 --> 00:58:08,027
I had this gig dancing
down in Tampa.
862
00:58:09,737 --> 00:58:12,490
And he brought in
his business clients,
863
00:58:12,657 --> 00:58:14,909
became a regular,
talked to the girls,
864
00:58:15,076 --> 00:58:17,704
started asking me out
and after a while I said yeah.
865
00:58:19,038 --> 00:58:21,916
And at first it was nice.
866
00:58:23,626 --> 00:58:25,920
He treated me good.
867
00:58:26,087 --> 00:58:28,006
He bought me nice stuff.
868
00:58:28,173 --> 00:58:30,258
He had a good job.
He was straight.
869
00:58:31,593 --> 00:58:33,887
So getting married
seemed like the thing to do.
870
00:58:34,053 --> 00:58:36,764
And I tried to be a good girl,
871
00:58:36,931 --> 00:58:39,767
but it weren't enough.
872
00:58:39,934 --> 00:58:42,729
What he wanted
was a goddamn slave.
873
00:58:42,896 --> 00:58:44,522
Ouch.
874
00:58:44,689 --> 00:58:46,608
Yeah, we fought all the time,
875
00:58:46,774 --> 00:58:49,485
throwing dishes,
the whole nine yards.
876
00:58:49,652 --> 00:58:52,614
We knew the cops
by name after awhile.
877
00:58:56,659 --> 00:58:59,454
Everybody makes mistakes.
878
00:58:59,621 --> 00:59:01,497
Yeah, everybody makes mistakes.
879
00:59:01,664 --> 00:59:04,250
Sure, but it ain't that easy.
880
00:59:04,417 --> 00:59:07,962
You can make a mistake
that can ruin your whole life.
881
00:59:10,632 --> 00:59:12,634
He didn't ruin your life.
882
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:16,429
Yeah, I got Kayla out of it.
883
00:59:18,223 --> 00:59:20,558
It's just life, you know?
884
00:59:20,725 --> 00:59:23,895
You get sucked into things
and time goes by
885
00:59:24,062 --> 00:59:26,481
and you wonder who's that
looking at you in the mirror.
886
00:59:26,648 --> 00:59:28,691
Not that you'd understand.
887
00:59:30,818 --> 00:59:33,071
It's just...
888
00:59:34,280 --> 00:59:36,991
I thought I'd be
farther along at this age,
889
00:59:37,158 --> 00:59:39,953
made a difference in the world.
890
00:59:40,119 --> 00:59:41,746
You know?
891
00:59:47,752 --> 00:59:49,879
But you have made a difference.
892
00:59:50,046 --> 00:59:53,132
You made people happy, excited.
893
00:59:53,299 --> 00:59:54,467
Excited?
894
00:59:54,634 --> 00:59:58,638
I think I've had a little too much
of that kind of excitement in my life.
895
00:59:58,805 --> 01:00:00,974
People like me--
896
01:00:01,140 --> 01:00:04,143
goofy-looking guys
who can't get a date,
897
01:00:04,310 --> 01:00:07,814
lonely old guys
or couples even.
898
01:00:07,981 --> 01:00:11,150
I mean, there are probably
thousands of babies
899
01:00:11,317 --> 01:00:14,362
born from
"Jigglebuns Part 2" alone.
900
01:00:14,529 --> 01:00:16,531
Yeah.
901
01:00:17,699 --> 01:00:19,534
Maybe.
902
01:00:22,745 --> 01:00:24,789
Got a girlfriend?
903
01:00:27,166 --> 01:00:29,377
No.
904
01:00:29,544 --> 01:00:31,004
I don't know.
905
01:00:31,170 --> 01:00:34,716
There was this one girl
I liked-- Amanda.
906
01:00:36,592 --> 01:00:38,720
But she's a dork.
907
01:00:38,886 --> 01:00:41,556
And I'm a dork.
908
01:00:42,724 --> 01:00:45,768
I think dork dating
is still illegal in most states.
909
01:00:47,353 --> 01:00:49,647
You're just scared.
910
01:00:50,648 --> 01:00:51,774
I'm not scared.
911
01:00:51,941 --> 01:00:54,736
Young and scared
of the real thing.
912
01:00:56,654 --> 01:00:59,157
You're scared
it won't be like a movie.
913
01:01:02,952 --> 01:01:05,371
If you could be anywhere
in the world right now,
914
01:01:05,538 --> 01:01:07,457
where would you be?
915
01:01:07,623 --> 01:01:09,542
I don't know.
916
01:01:09,709 --> 01:01:11,627
Well, think of someplace.
917
01:01:11,794 --> 01:01:13,588
But how am I gonna get there?
918
01:01:13,755 --> 01:01:16,758
You gonna drive me
in the bonermobile?
919
01:01:23,014 --> 01:01:25,391
Okay.
920
01:01:26,768 --> 01:01:28,561
Oregon.
921
01:01:28,728 --> 01:01:31,314
What's in Oregon?
922
01:01:31,481 --> 01:01:33,191
It's natural out there.
923
01:01:33,358 --> 01:01:36,027
I don't know.
It's spiritual.
924
01:01:38,196 --> 01:01:41,366
There's the ocean
and clams on the beach.
925
01:01:41,532 --> 01:01:42,950
Great dope.
926
01:01:43,117 --> 01:01:46,496
Me and Kayla,
we get a place in the woods--
927
01:01:46,662 --> 01:01:47,997
a log cabin.
928
01:01:48,164 --> 01:01:51,334
Nobody looking down
their noses at us anymore.
929
01:01:51,501 --> 01:01:54,837
I heard of a family
who did that once.
930
01:01:55,004 --> 01:01:56,547
Really?
931
01:01:56,714 --> 01:01:58,549
Yeah.
932
01:01:58,716 --> 01:02:00,635
Gave it all up and moved
out into the woods.
933
01:02:00,802 --> 01:02:02,887
That's cool.
How'd they do?
934
01:02:03,054 --> 01:02:05,306
One winter they got snowed in
935
01:02:05,473 --> 01:02:07,809
and they had to eat their grandma.
936
01:02:11,479 --> 01:02:12,980
You know, for a young kid,
937
01:02:13,147 --> 01:02:15,817
you really are a negative downer.
938
01:02:18,277 --> 01:02:20,488
Sorry.
939
01:02:20,655 --> 01:02:22,865
You know what I hate more
than anything else?
940
01:02:23,032 --> 01:02:25,284
Negativeness.
941
01:02:29,956 --> 01:02:32,166
Hmm.
942
01:02:36,337 --> 01:02:38,840
I sort of have a confession to make.
943
01:02:40,633 --> 01:02:42,301
I knew this was coming.
944
01:02:44,387 --> 01:02:46,639
I'm 17.
945
01:02:47,890 --> 01:02:49,851
17.
946
01:02:50,017 --> 01:02:51,644
Fuck.
947
01:02:52,812 --> 01:02:55,940
I think the last date I had
with a 17-year-old,
948
01:02:56,107 --> 01:02:58,985
I was 12.
949
01:03:00,403 --> 01:03:01,863
I turn 18 in October.
950
01:03:04,615 --> 01:03:06,742
Hmm.
951
01:03:16,919 --> 01:03:18,838
You a virgin?
952
01:03:23,593 --> 01:03:25,136
It's cute.
953
01:03:25,303 --> 01:03:28,139
It's old-timey like a--
954
01:03:28,306 --> 01:03:31,809
like a kid still wanting
to be president.
955
01:03:37,899 --> 01:03:39,692
Monica:
I'm not stupid.
956
01:03:39,859 --> 01:03:42,278
You had this all planned.
957
01:03:42,445 --> 01:03:45,448
Tobe: Is that okay?
We can go home.
958
01:03:45,615 --> 01:03:48,826
Monica:
No. It's original.
959
01:03:48,993 --> 01:03:51,496
"A" for effort.
960
01:03:53,539 --> 01:03:56,709
- Pinch a little, don't twist.
- Tobe: Oh.
961
01:03:56,876 --> 01:03:59,962
- You ain't changing channels.
- I'm sorry.
962
01:04:01,881 --> 01:04:04,050
Monica:
No, don't press on it.
963
01:04:04,217 --> 01:04:06,302
More like you're painting a house.
964
01:04:06,469 --> 01:04:07,970
Tobe:
Is this good?
965
01:04:08,137 --> 01:04:10,223
Monica:
There you go.
966
01:04:10,389 --> 01:04:12,642
Just like that.
967
01:04:12,808 --> 01:04:15,436
( moans )
968
01:04:15,603 --> 01:04:18,356
Now put a raincoat
on your little friend there.
969
01:04:18,523 --> 01:04:22,193
- Tobe: Little?
- Don't worry about it.
970
01:04:23,361 --> 01:04:26,280
- Tobe: Oh, wow.
- Monica: Oh, that's right.
971
01:04:26,447 --> 01:04:29,033
- ( Tobe moaning )
- Back and forth.
972
01:04:29,200 --> 01:04:32,703
- Little circles.
- ( Tobe moaning louder )
973
01:04:32,870 --> 01:04:34,747
( Monica moaning )
Little circles.
974
01:04:34,914 --> 01:04:37,041
( both moaning )
975
01:04:43,089 --> 01:04:45,383
( both sigh )
976
01:04:48,052 --> 01:04:50,054
( '30s music playing )
977
01:04:53,015 --> 01:04:55,017
Whoo!
978
01:04:55,184 --> 01:04:58,354
Whoo!
Yeah!
979
01:05:00,314 --> 01:05:03,401
♪ I love someone second to none ♪
980
01:05:03,568 --> 01:05:06,487
♪ But, Cupid, you hear me
talking to you ♪
981
01:05:06,654 --> 01:05:11,242
♪ In making love he makes
a dove look stupid ♪
982
01:05:12,952 --> 01:05:15,788
♪ He's made love a special art ♪
983
01:05:15,955 --> 01:05:19,000
♪ Gives me treatment for my heart ♪
984
01:05:19,166 --> 01:05:21,544
♪ I realized ♪
985
01:05:21,711 --> 01:05:23,754
♪ Right from the start... ♪
986
01:05:23,921 --> 01:05:26,090
( answering machine beeps )
987
01:05:26,257 --> 01:05:28,342
Hey, Pop Pop, call me.
988
01:05:28,509 --> 01:05:31,095
Call me back on the telephone.
989
01:05:31,262 --> 01:05:33,014
You know, the telephone?
990
01:05:33,180 --> 01:05:34,932
Remember reading about that?
991
01:05:35,099 --> 01:05:37,435
It was invented shortly
after your 40th birthday.
992
01:05:37,602 --> 01:05:40,104
It's where you can talk to people far
away without having to yell real loud.
993
01:05:40,271 --> 01:05:42,189
Come on.
994
01:05:42,356 --> 01:05:44,191
( dialing )
995
01:05:44,358 --> 01:05:46,652
( ringing )
996
01:05:46,819 --> 01:05:48,779
Kenny: Steeno residence,
Kenneth speaking.
997
01:05:48,946 --> 01:05:51,574
Kenny, it's Tobe.
Hey, have you seen my grandpa?
998
01:05:51,741 --> 01:05:54,076
- Is he all right?
- I was at the skin doctor all day.
999
01:05:54,243 --> 01:05:57,997
Do me a favor-- find him.
Tell him to ignore my last message.
1000
01:05:58,164 --> 01:05:59,957
I don't think I'm coming back.
1001
01:06:00,124 --> 01:06:01,917
Huh? Why?
1002
01:06:02,084 --> 01:06:03,919
Tell him I'm in love
1003
01:06:04,086 --> 01:06:06,297
with Monica Velour.
1004
01:06:06,464 --> 01:06:08,466
Who's that?
1005
01:06:08,633 --> 01:06:11,010
It's the lady in all my posters.
1006
01:06:11,177 --> 01:06:13,596
Just do it.
1007
01:06:13,763 --> 01:06:15,931
( chatting )
1008
01:06:20,978 --> 01:06:22,772
I don't know where
you get that, but it's good.
1009
01:06:22,938 --> 01:06:25,191
I need that too.
1010
01:06:25,358 --> 01:06:28,361
Hot dogs.
Get your hot dogs.
1011
01:06:28,527 --> 01:06:31,030
( men laughing )
1012
01:06:36,911 --> 01:06:39,163
Hi, Mommy.
1013
01:06:40,164 --> 01:06:41,999
Hey, baby.
1014
01:06:42,166 --> 01:06:44,418
Uh, why aren't you with your daddy?
1015
01:06:44,585 --> 01:06:46,712
Tobe said you wanted to see me.
1016
01:06:48,255 --> 01:06:49,840
Didn't I tell you never
to go with strangers?
1017
01:06:50,007 --> 01:06:52,760
He's not a stranger. He's your friend.
I saw him in your house.
1018
01:06:52,927 --> 01:06:54,929
What the hell are you doing?
1019
01:06:55,096 --> 01:06:56,806
Are you crazy?
1020
01:06:56,972 --> 01:06:58,724
You wanted to see her.
Here she is.
1021
01:06:58,891 --> 01:07:01,560
And you didn't pick her up
so there's no custody rules broken.
1022
01:07:01,727 --> 01:07:05,147
This is not cool. My ex finds out
about this, he's gonna shit.
1023
01:07:06,273 --> 01:07:08,150
Johnny, watch Kayla, will you?
1024
01:07:08,317 --> 01:07:11,070
- Come here, Kayla.
- Go on, baby.
1025
01:07:14,073 --> 01:07:15,741
What are those guys doing here?
1026
01:07:15,908 --> 01:07:19,036
- They're my friends.
- They're the creeps who yelled at you.
1027
01:07:19,203 --> 01:07:22,540
Look, you can't do this,
coming around out of the blue,
1028
01:07:22,707 --> 01:07:25,418
picking up my kid,
asking all kinds of questions.
1029
01:07:25,584 --> 01:07:28,838
- Huh-uh.
- Hey, who invited Oscar Mayer?
1030
01:07:29,004 --> 01:07:30,840
( laughing )
1031
01:07:31,006 --> 01:07:33,801
I'd like to see you.
What about tomorrow?
1032
01:07:33,968 --> 01:07:36,011
I don't think so.
I'm working.
1033
01:07:36,178 --> 01:07:38,055
You got a job?
1034
01:07:38,222 --> 01:07:42,476
Yeah, I'm gonna do some glamour work
over at the Crestline Motor Lodge.
1035
01:07:42,643 --> 01:07:44,770
I'm gonna be a big star
all over again.
1036
01:07:46,647 --> 01:07:50,192
Wait, that
"Bunghole Burrito" movie?
1037
01:07:50,359 --> 01:07:51,861
I thought you said you didn't want to.
1038
01:07:52,027 --> 01:07:54,572
Yeah, well, when is life
doing things you want to?
1039
01:07:54,739 --> 01:07:56,407
I need the money.
You got any better suggestions?
1040
01:07:56,574 --> 01:08:01,245
I mean, I can't even get a six-buck-
an-hour shampoo girl job in this town.
1041
01:08:01,412 --> 01:08:04,623
Not without someone waving
a dick in my face.
1042
01:08:04,790 --> 01:08:07,084
- Well, what about Kayla?
- What about Kayla?
1043
01:08:07,251 --> 01:08:09,879
Lawyers don't work for free.
1044
01:08:10,045 --> 01:08:12,882
No, you said that if people find out
you're back in the business,
1045
01:08:13,048 --> 01:08:14,300
you would never get custody.
1046
01:08:14,467 --> 01:08:17,845
Well, maybe I'll get lucky this time.
1047
01:08:18,012 --> 01:08:19,805
Nobody will ever know I did it.
1048
01:08:19,972 --> 01:08:21,766
The way this one sounds,
1049
01:08:21,932 --> 01:08:24,602
they're not gonna be taking
any close-ups of my face anyway.
1050
01:08:24,769 --> 01:08:27,354
There has to be something else though.
1051
01:08:27,521 --> 01:08:29,315
This could ruin everything.
1052
01:08:29,482 --> 01:08:31,066
What are you getting
so high and mighty for?
1053
01:08:31,233 --> 01:08:34,695
You wouldn't even know who I was
unless I balled on camera.
1054
01:08:39,950 --> 01:08:42,453
Come on, Linda.
Beer's getting cold.
1055
01:08:42,620 --> 01:08:44,455
I mean warm.
1056
01:08:44,622 --> 01:08:47,666
- And I'm getting cold. Come on.
- ( laughing )
1057
01:08:47,833 --> 01:08:50,503
You know something?
You're just like all the rest.
1058
01:08:51,545 --> 01:08:55,633
You spend your whole life looking
for some wild jungle sex machine.
1059
01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:59,178
And when you find one all you want to do
is turn her into fucking June Cleaver.
1060
01:09:00,888 --> 01:09:03,974
I just-- I just don't think
you should do it. I could help you.
1061
01:09:04,141 --> 01:09:06,560
Look, I don't need another guy
1062
01:09:06,727 --> 01:09:08,938
trying to run my life.
1063
01:09:09,104 --> 01:09:10,606
You're not my boyfriend.
1064
01:09:10,773 --> 01:09:13,317
You're some kid I took home
'cause I felt sorry for.
1065
01:09:13,484 --> 01:09:15,152
And you're fucking 17.
1066
01:09:15,319 --> 01:09:18,447
I mean, all you know about
is, like, book reports
1067
01:09:18,614 --> 01:09:20,199
and dances at the gym
1068
01:09:20,366 --> 01:09:23,035
and some stupid movies I did
30 years ago.
1069
01:09:23,202 --> 01:09:26,997
I mean, that's fantasy.
This is reality.
1070
01:09:27,164 --> 01:09:29,166
That's something you know
nothing about.
1071
01:09:29,333 --> 01:09:32,378
And the reality is that me and every
other woman in the world...
1072
01:09:35,339 --> 01:09:37,216
we have minds of our own.
1073
01:09:37,383 --> 01:09:40,594
So unless you want to buy
some Arab slave girl
1074
01:09:40,761 --> 01:09:42,596
or a thing you blow up
with a bicycle pump,
1075
01:09:42,763 --> 01:09:44,932
you'd better learn
to fucking deal with it.
1076
01:09:53,524 --> 01:09:55,025
You should go.
1077
01:09:55,192 --> 01:09:58,320
Monica, really,
I care about you.
1078
01:09:58,487 --> 01:10:01,198
Yeah, that's not my name.
1079
01:10:02,741 --> 01:10:04,493
Hey, you got ears, weenie boy?
1080
01:10:04,660 --> 01:10:07,204
The lady don't want you
around here.
1081
01:10:07,371 --> 01:10:09,874
You're busting up the party.
Amscray.
1082
01:10:13,168 --> 01:10:16,005
Okay, I want you to call your daddy
1083
01:10:16,171 --> 01:10:18,007
and tell him that
you're with a girlfriend
1084
01:10:18,173 --> 01:10:19,884
and you're gonna
be home soon, okay?
1085
01:10:20,050 --> 01:10:22,261
Okay.
1086
01:10:48,329 --> 01:10:50,414
- ( snorting )
- Yeah, baby.
1087
01:10:50,581 --> 01:10:53,417
Oh, fuck me!
1088
01:10:53,584 --> 01:10:55,669
- ( laughs )
- Later.
1089
01:11:07,348 --> 01:11:09,266
( laughing )
1090
01:11:09,433 --> 01:11:11,226
I see you.
1091
01:11:57,690 --> 01:11:59,608
( gagging )
1092
01:11:59,775 --> 01:12:02,277
Oh, fuck.
1093
01:12:13,998 --> 01:12:15,833
( crackling )
1094
01:12:17,960 --> 01:12:19,753
( knocks )
1095
01:12:19,920 --> 01:12:21,463
Hey, Tobe.
1096
01:12:24,883 --> 01:12:27,511
I was wondering
if I'd ever see you again.
1097
01:12:29,304 --> 01:12:33,267
Here to bestow me with the wondrous
educated hot dog?
1098
01:12:33,434 --> 01:12:35,227
Yeah.
1099
01:12:35,394 --> 01:12:37,730
Sorry, I got caught up
in some stuff.
1100
01:12:37,896 --> 01:12:40,065
That's five grand, right?
1101
01:12:44,945 --> 01:12:47,239
What kind of stuff catches you up
in Loogootee?
1102
01:12:47,406 --> 01:12:51,368
Well, there's this woman
I'm involved in.
1103
01:12:51,535 --> 01:12:53,704
You work fast.
1104
01:12:53,871 --> 01:12:56,331
I sort of knew her
from before.
1105
01:12:56,498 --> 01:12:59,376
Oh, the thick plottens.
1106
01:12:59,543 --> 01:13:01,420
( laughs )
1107
01:13:04,256 --> 01:13:06,091
Everything hunky-dory?
1108
01:13:07,968 --> 01:13:10,179
I don't know. Maybe--
1109
01:13:10,345 --> 01:13:11,805
maybe I need some advice.
1110
01:13:11,972 --> 01:13:14,725
Well, if you don't mind
1111
01:13:14,892 --> 01:13:17,603
that I've lived alone
for going on 10 years.
1112
01:13:17,770 --> 01:13:22,316
When I was your age a computer
would fill this whole barn.
1113
01:13:22,483 --> 01:13:23,692
Sit down.
1114
01:13:35,370 --> 01:13:38,332
This girl that I--
1115
01:13:38,499 --> 01:13:41,502
or this woman that I'm with,
1116
01:13:41,668 --> 01:13:44,713
she's a mess.
1117
01:13:44,880 --> 01:13:47,341
I see.
1118
01:13:47,508 --> 01:13:49,968
I mean, she's angry all the time.
1119
01:13:50,135 --> 01:13:54,932
You know, it's like she's given up
on things ever going right for her.
1120
01:13:55,099 --> 01:13:58,435
It's like the biggest problem
she has is her.
1121
01:13:59,978 --> 01:14:02,689
Sounds like a lot
of people sometime.
1122
01:14:05,943 --> 01:14:08,195
How old is your lady-friend?
1123
01:14:09,696 --> 01:14:11,949
Uh, 49.
1124
01:14:12,116 --> 01:14:15,994
You know, I hate to be the one
to say this to you but...
1125
01:14:17,871 --> 01:14:20,457
but you may not be big enough
to go on this ride.
1126
01:14:22,167 --> 01:14:24,378
She's surrounded by creeps.
1127
01:14:24,545 --> 01:14:26,839
They're just taking
total advantage of her.
1128
01:14:27,005 --> 01:14:30,217
We bring people
into our lives for a reason.
1129
01:14:30,384 --> 01:14:32,636
She brought you into hers.
1130
01:14:32,803 --> 01:14:35,347
I want to help her.
1131
01:14:35,514 --> 01:14:39,768
I know I can make
things better for her.
1132
01:14:39,935 --> 01:14:42,521
Yeah, helping people--
1133
01:14:44,106 --> 01:14:46,483
tricky biz.
1134
01:14:46,650 --> 01:14:50,070
Now you can open the door
and they just stay there.
1135
01:14:50,237 --> 01:14:52,698
Or even jump out the window.
1136
01:14:54,533 --> 01:14:56,869
But she's gonna ruin her life.
1137
01:14:57,035 --> 01:15:00,831
I don't-- what should I do?
1138
01:15:00,998 --> 01:15:03,000
You care about her?
1139
01:15:03,167 --> 01:15:04,334
Yeah.
1140
01:15:04,501 --> 01:15:07,921
Her, not just you and her?
1141
01:15:10,591 --> 01:15:12,009
Uh-huh.
1142
01:15:14,303 --> 01:15:15,762
( sighs )
1143
01:15:15,929 --> 01:15:18,515
Then you have to do the first thing
that comes into your mind.
1144
01:15:18,682 --> 01:15:20,934
Unless it involves automatic weapons.
1145
01:15:21,101 --> 01:15:23,353
Or semi-automatic weapons.
1146
01:15:25,147 --> 01:15:27,107
Even if you flop,
1147
01:15:27,274 --> 01:15:29,484
it'll be real.
1148
01:15:29,651 --> 01:15:31,987
It'll be a Tobe...
1149
01:15:32,154 --> 01:15:33,572
Hulbert.
1150
01:15:33,739 --> 01:15:37,117
It'll be a Tobe Hulbert flop.
1151
01:15:39,620 --> 01:15:41,580
But what if I do flop?
1152
01:15:43,790 --> 01:15:46,376
Well,
1153
01:15:46,543 --> 01:15:50,214
my dad, also Claude,
was a magician
1154
01:15:52,090 --> 01:15:54,051
back when people
really wanted to believe
1155
01:15:54,218 --> 01:15:56,803
in something
that was obviously unreal.
1156
01:15:56,970 --> 01:15:59,431
When I would watch him do his act,
1157
01:15:59,598 --> 01:16:02,184
it would be another layer
1158
01:16:02,351 --> 01:16:05,437
of mystery for me and my mom,
1159
01:16:05,604 --> 01:16:08,732
if the tricks he did last week
1160
01:16:08,899 --> 01:16:11,276
would work this week.
1161
01:16:12,736 --> 01:16:14,738
They didn't always.
1162
01:16:15,864 --> 01:16:19,409
Sometimes the rabbit
would be in heat.
1163
01:16:19,576 --> 01:16:21,620
Or the assistant got drunk.
1164
01:16:21,787 --> 01:16:24,915
Even magic
can let you down sometimes.
1165
01:16:26,583 --> 01:16:30,254
But when I would ask him
about things going wrong,
1166
01:16:30,420 --> 01:16:33,590
he said,
1167
01:16:33,757 --> 01:16:36,426
"Show up on time,
1168
01:16:36,593 --> 01:16:39,096
do your act 100%
1169
01:16:39,263 --> 01:16:40,681
and hope for the best."
1170
01:16:42,933 --> 01:16:44,768
So there you have it.
1171
01:16:44,935 --> 01:16:47,020
From my dad to you.
1172
01:16:48,272 --> 01:16:50,607
Show up on time.
1173
01:16:50,774 --> 01:16:52,901
Do your act 100%.
1174
01:16:54,903 --> 01:16:56,530
And hope?
1175
01:16:56,697 --> 01:16:58,740
And hope.
1176
01:17:01,660 --> 01:17:04,329
Anything else?
1177
01:17:07,082 --> 01:17:08,583
- See you.
- Bye.
1178
01:17:08,750 --> 01:17:11,753
Thanks for the bike.
Wish me luck.
1179
01:17:11,920 --> 01:17:16,300
All effort only postpones
our inevitable failures.
1180
01:17:16,466 --> 01:17:19,553
- What?
- Good luck.
1181
01:17:50,625 --> 01:17:52,586
( knocking )
1182
01:17:54,713 --> 01:17:57,215
Yeah, no. Just--
1183
01:17:58,842 --> 01:18:01,386
( knocks )
1184
01:18:03,680 --> 01:18:05,057
Listen, not happening, buddy,
all right?
1185
01:18:05,223 --> 01:18:07,142
Wait wait.
1186
01:18:07,309 --> 01:18:09,686
Oh, yeah, okay.
Yeah yeah. Come on in.
1187
01:18:09,853 --> 01:18:11,980
Hurry up.
1188
01:18:13,774 --> 01:18:15,442
I don't want him
to be part of this.
1189
01:18:15,609 --> 01:18:17,611
Who fucking cares
what you want?
1190
01:18:17,778 --> 01:18:19,571
The more the merrier.
1191
01:18:19,738 --> 01:18:21,740
And just for that,
Tinker Bell here gets first pop.
1192
01:18:24,368 --> 01:18:26,828
Listen, you little stalker
from a time warp.
1193
01:18:32,250 --> 01:18:33,543
Producer: All right, come on.
Strip down, bro.
1194
01:18:33,710 --> 01:18:36,046
It's almost game time.
I want to get some test shots.
1195
01:18:36,213 --> 01:18:39,049
Work on your wood, dude.
Time is money.
1196
01:18:43,303 --> 01:18:45,931
I'm gonna go grab me
some smokes.
1197
01:18:46,098 --> 01:18:47,808
And lube up, honey.
I want to get rolling.
1198
01:18:47,974 --> 01:18:49,893
Director:
Where are you going?
1199
01:18:58,110 --> 01:19:00,779
( all laughing )
1200
01:19:02,447 --> 01:19:04,783
( knocking )
1201
01:19:06,451 --> 01:19:08,578
It's the cops.
1202
01:19:08,745 --> 01:19:11,039
I'll handle this.
1203
01:19:12,666 --> 01:19:14,042
Howdy, Officers.
1204
01:19:14,209 --> 01:19:16,711
I got a report of some suspicious
activities in here.
1205
01:19:16,878 --> 01:19:20,715
No, just making a good old fashioned
all-American dirty movie.
1206
01:19:20,882 --> 01:19:22,551
You fellas care to join us?
1207
01:19:22,717 --> 01:19:24,845
Uh, no.
1208
01:19:25,011 --> 01:19:27,347
We need to see IDs from everyone.
1209
01:19:27,514 --> 01:19:28,640
Come on, guys.
It's gonna be fine.
1210
01:19:28,807 --> 01:19:29,891
You in charge here?
1211
01:19:30,058 --> 01:19:32,811
Yeah, Rod Kroger.
This is my director Luke Rivet.
1212
01:19:37,858 --> 01:19:40,485
- Underage. 17.
- What? What?
1213
01:19:40,652 --> 01:19:43,780
Are you-- Rod, come on.
Rod! Rod!
1214
01:19:45,115 --> 01:19:48,452
Come on. Come on.
He's not even supposed to be here.
1215
01:19:48,618 --> 01:19:50,704
We haven't shot
anything yet, all right?
1216
01:19:50,871 --> 01:19:53,582
Son, you know what's going on here?
1217
01:19:54,791 --> 01:19:57,586
They just told me if I did what they
said I could have a good time
1218
01:19:57,752 --> 01:19:59,754
- and make some money.
- Luke: Liar!
1219
01:19:59,921 --> 01:20:01,882
Get him out of here.
1220
01:20:02,883 --> 01:20:05,844
- Grab your gear, kid.
- Bitch, you set us up.
1221
01:20:06,011 --> 01:20:09,014
Party's over, amigos.
1222
01:20:26,865 --> 01:20:30,994
Oh, Jesus H Christ taking a dump.
What now?
1223
01:20:33,205 --> 01:20:35,707
Mrs. Hulbert, your son here
1224
01:20:35,874 --> 01:20:38,668
almost got into
some very serious trouble.
1225
01:20:38,835 --> 01:20:41,546
I really think you need to keep
a closer watch on him,
1226
01:20:41,713 --> 01:20:44,883
his acquaintances,
his classmates,
1227
01:20:45,050 --> 01:20:47,552
his internet sites.
1228
01:20:47,719 --> 01:20:49,930
Pornography is an evil thing.
1229
01:20:50,096 --> 01:20:52,307
Thank you, Officer.
1230
01:20:54,059 --> 01:20:55,894
Love her with all your might, Tobe.
1231
01:20:56,061 --> 01:20:58,772
( clicks )
She's the only one you got.
1232
01:21:09,199 --> 01:21:11,159
Man, I loved her
in "Frankenbooty."
1233
01:21:11,326 --> 01:21:12,911
Female cop:
What?
1234
01:21:14,120 --> 01:21:16,122
That's two jobs
you screwed me out of.
1235
01:21:16,289 --> 01:21:17,916
And you almost got me busted.
1236
01:21:18,083 --> 01:21:20,252
Spent my last 20 bucks
on a cab ride home.
1237
01:21:20,418 --> 01:21:22,379
You got some fucking
explaining to do, kiddo.
1238
01:21:25,840 --> 01:21:27,676
I, uh--
1239
01:21:27,842 --> 01:21:29,678
I thought these
might help you in court.
1240
01:21:31,972 --> 01:21:33,682
Jesus.
1241
01:21:34,808 --> 01:21:37,352
He's an even bigger asswipe
than I thought.
1242
01:21:37,519 --> 01:21:39,563
If that's possible.
1243
01:21:44,609 --> 01:21:47,904
Oh man.
I'm gonna gold frame this one.
1244
01:21:53,785 --> 01:21:55,870
What is this?
1245
01:21:56,037 --> 01:21:58,123
It's 5000.
1246
01:21:58,290 --> 01:22:00,208
For you.
1247
01:22:00,375 --> 01:22:03,336
Holy Christ.
1248
01:22:05,922 --> 01:22:07,215
What do I got to do?
1249
01:22:07,382 --> 01:22:09,217
Nothing.
1250
01:22:10,885 --> 01:22:12,971
It's for Oregon.
1251
01:22:13,972 --> 01:22:16,891
You, me, Kayla.
1252
01:22:26,526 --> 01:22:28,528
What?
1253
01:22:28,695 --> 01:22:31,698
I really need the money but...
1254
01:22:36,244 --> 01:22:37,662
We can't.
1255
01:22:37,829 --> 01:22:39,706
Well, I--
1256
01:22:39,873 --> 01:22:42,542
I could go to school,
work part time.
1257
01:22:42,709 --> 01:22:44,586
You could, I don't know,
1258
01:22:44,753 --> 01:22:46,838
start a business or something.
1259
01:22:47,005 --> 01:22:48,757
Oh, come on.
1260
01:22:48,923 --> 01:22:51,343
I need some old fart
who's got a good job
1261
01:22:51,509 --> 01:22:53,887
and wants to settle down.
I got a kid.
1262
01:22:55,013 --> 01:22:57,807
I mean, you're 17.
1263
01:22:57,974 --> 01:23:01,227
No guy your age
wants to be a father.
1264
01:23:01,394 --> 01:23:03,063
You need to do things.
1265
01:23:03,229 --> 01:23:05,106
You need to see the world.
1266
01:23:06,941 --> 01:23:09,694
You'd leave us high and dry.
1267
01:23:10,820 --> 01:23:13,448
Kayla's got one
half-ass dad already.
1268
01:23:13,615 --> 01:23:16,409
That's more than enough.
1269
01:23:16,576 --> 01:23:19,037
But...
1270
01:23:19,204 --> 01:23:22,791
this has been so great, right?
1271
01:23:22,957 --> 01:23:26,836
I've done more this week than
I've probably done my whole life.
1272
01:23:27,003 --> 01:23:29,214
I mean, you're incredible.
1273
01:23:29,381 --> 01:23:31,341
- Don't.
- I love--
1274
01:23:31,508 --> 01:23:33,176
Huh-uh.
1275
01:23:33,343 --> 01:23:35,845
You're only gonna make it worse.
1276
01:23:38,973 --> 01:23:40,934
Don't I get to decide
what I can say?
1277
01:23:41,101 --> 01:23:43,061
No. Not this time.
1278
01:23:43,228 --> 01:23:46,648
You're the baby.
I'm the grownup here.
1279
01:23:51,736 --> 01:23:53,697
Fuck you.
1280
01:23:55,949 --> 01:23:58,493
- Get up.
- No.
1281
01:24:01,162 --> 01:24:03,665
Get up.
1282
01:24:17,679 --> 01:24:19,305
Okay.
1283
01:24:19,472 --> 01:24:21,641
I'm gonna make this
nice and easy.
1284
01:24:23,101 --> 01:24:26,104
This is you
and this is me.
1285
01:24:28,481 --> 01:24:30,191
Again.
1286
01:24:30,358 --> 01:24:32,277
You.
1287
01:24:32,444 --> 01:24:34,612
Me.
1288
01:24:37,031 --> 01:24:39,993
You need to go.
1289
01:24:41,327 --> 01:24:43,204
Go home.
1290
01:24:43,371 --> 01:24:47,625
Get a girlfriend your own age
and do something with your life.
1291
01:24:52,422 --> 01:24:54,924
But I sold the truck to help you.
1292
01:24:56,259 --> 01:24:58,511
You made me happy.
I want you to be happy.
1293
01:24:58,678 --> 01:25:00,346
You're Monica Velour.
I never even thought--
1294
01:25:00,513 --> 01:25:02,182
Shh.
1295
01:25:06,436 --> 01:25:08,104
Kiss me.
1296
01:25:27,081 --> 01:25:29,000
I've done it all.
1297
01:25:30,376 --> 01:25:32,670
But I think I like
kissing best.
1298
01:26:28,977 --> 01:26:32,397
Fuck you. Fuck you!
Fuck you!
1299
01:27:19,944 --> 01:27:22,238
( sighs )
1300
01:27:37,629 --> 01:27:40,214
( crying )
1301
01:27:55,271 --> 01:27:57,231
Work of art.
1302
01:28:34,686 --> 01:28:35,937
( Mexican music playing )
1303
01:28:38,272 --> 01:28:40,358
( men shouting, cheering )
1304
01:29:19,272 --> 01:29:20,898
Oh my God.
1305
01:29:21,065 --> 01:29:23,234
( moaning )
1306
01:29:25,903 --> 01:29:27,321
Oh!
1307
01:29:27,488 --> 01:29:30,992
- You ever heard of a knock?
- Oh boy.
1308
01:29:31,159 --> 01:29:35,079
What are you doing
watching my videos?
1309
01:29:35,246 --> 01:29:37,165
Hey, it's my house, okay?
1310
01:29:37,331 --> 01:29:38,916
Goodbye, candypants.
1311
01:29:39,083 --> 01:29:41,335
Listen, I'll call you tomorrow
down the hall, all right?
1312
01:29:43,713 --> 01:29:47,133
Oh, Pop Pop.
Impressionable young mind here.
1313
01:29:49,052 --> 01:29:50,678
You could never be a doctor.
1314
01:29:50,845 --> 01:29:53,848
Damn, there goes
my lifelong career goal.
1315
01:29:54,015 --> 01:29:55,975
Pop Pop:
You could have wrote, you know.
1316
01:29:56,142 --> 01:29:58,061
You could have answered the phone.
1317
01:29:58,227 --> 01:30:00,772
- I was busy.
- Yeah, I see.
1318
01:30:00,938 --> 01:30:05,151
Yeah, while you were out proposing
to Miss October 1914,
1319
01:30:05,318 --> 01:30:07,653
I thought maybe I might
enjoy myself for a while.
1320
01:30:07,820 --> 01:30:09,447
How'd you know?
1321
01:30:09,614 --> 01:30:12,325
The kid told me.
What's his name? Neighbor's boy.
1322
01:30:16,204 --> 01:30:18,581
Are you okay?
Did you have a good time?
1323
01:30:18,748 --> 01:30:21,084
Did you get cash for the truck?
1324
01:30:21,250 --> 01:30:23,294
Yeah, I did.
1325
01:30:25,296 --> 01:30:27,507
Did you miss me?
1326
01:30:29,008 --> 01:30:30,885
What the hell do you think?
1327
01:30:31,052 --> 01:30:33,429
Who else have I got in my life
1328
01:30:33,596 --> 01:30:36,307
except for you,
you skinny little pain in the ass?
1329
01:30:36,474 --> 01:30:38,476
Kenny:
I knew you'd be back.
1330
01:30:41,562 --> 01:30:44,398
- ( Kenny screams )
- Pop Pop, it's against the law.
1331
01:30:44,565 --> 01:30:45,525
Pop Pop:
All right, all right.
1332
01:30:45,691 --> 01:30:48,277
Maybe I should just hang out
with Tommy Komenski.
1333
01:30:48,444 --> 01:30:51,781
Kenny, Kenny, Kenny.
Uh, he's sorry.
1334
01:30:51,948 --> 01:30:53,616
Just don't tell your parents, okay?
1335
01:30:53,783 --> 01:30:57,370
He's too old to do jail time.
What's up?
1336
01:30:57,537 --> 01:30:59,497
I tried to tell you on the phone.
1337
01:30:59,664 --> 01:31:01,833
Some girl came by.
She was looking for you.
1338
01:31:01,999 --> 01:31:04,085
She gave me this.
1339
01:31:19,183 --> 01:31:21,394
( gargling )
1340
01:31:24,355 --> 01:31:25,731
( cracks )
1341
01:31:37,326 --> 01:31:39,287
- Tobe: Amanda?
- That's me.
1342
01:31:39,453 --> 01:31:42,415
Hey, it's Tobe from school.
1343
01:31:42,582 --> 01:31:44,959
I got your note.
What's up?
1344
01:31:45,126 --> 01:31:49,505
Amanda: Not much.
Just babysitting all summer.
1345
01:31:49,672 --> 01:31:52,300
Tobe:
So you like Russ Meyer?
1346
01:31:52,466 --> 01:31:55,845
Amanda: Totally.
"Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens"
1347
01:31:56,012 --> 01:32:00,975
is like "Our Town" on acid
and, like, Viagra.
1348
01:32:02,518 --> 01:32:05,980
I found your gift on the lawn.
Sorry my dad scared you away.
1349
01:32:06,147 --> 01:32:08,149
Tobe:
Oh yeah.
1350
01:32:08,316 --> 01:32:11,027
Amanda: Don't worry,
he scares everyone away.
1351
01:32:13,029 --> 01:32:14,530
So where were you?
1352
01:32:14,697 --> 01:32:16,741
Tobe:
I sold my truck
1353
01:32:16,908 --> 01:32:20,494
and wanted to drive around
and see the country.
1354
01:32:20,661 --> 01:32:22,496
Amanda:
Really?
1355
01:32:22,663 --> 01:32:25,458
Last time I stopped by, your friend
told me you were marrying a hooker.
1356
01:32:25,625 --> 01:32:28,127
Tobe: What?
No, no hookers. That's Kenny.
1357
01:32:28,294 --> 01:32:30,630
Kenny fell out of a Tilt-a-Whirl
when he was eight.
1358
01:32:30,796 --> 01:32:32,548
He hasn't been the same since.
1359
01:32:32,715 --> 01:32:36,594
I've seen him try to make phone calls
with a cable remote.
1360
01:32:36,761 --> 01:32:38,429
Amanda:
Good.
1361
01:32:38,596 --> 01:32:41,933
I don't go out
with married guys.
1362
01:32:43,893 --> 01:32:46,520
Tobe:
So we should hang out sometime.
1363
01:32:48,439 --> 01:32:50,566
Amanda:
I don't work weekends.
1364
01:33:02,411 --> 01:33:04,372
( camera clicks )
1365
01:33:45,454 --> 01:33:47,790
( instrumental music playing )
90359
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