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Previously on Deadbeat:
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My guest today is celebrated
paranormal communicator,
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Camomile White.
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00:00:06,379 --> 00:00:08,350
I see him. I see your grandfather.
5
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He died trying to save the store.
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I hated this place.
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- She just made that all up?
- Excuse me.
8
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We're having a moment here.
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Your grandfather didn't die
trying to save the store.
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He died trying to light it on fire.
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I don't know who you are.
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But if you ever pull a
stunt like that again...
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00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,536
In the criminal justice system,
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there are crimes that can land you in jail
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for more than one year
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and crimes that can land you
in jail for less than one year.
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Or possibly just result in a small fine.
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These are the crimes
that could go either way.
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00:00:48,361 --> 00:00:50,031
Bad news, dirtbag.
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That's over five hundos in stolen merch.
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It's grand larceny.
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You're going away for a long time.
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Detective, you're gonna wanna hear this.
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What do you got for me?
25
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One of the stolen items is on sale.
26
00:01:02,489 --> 00:01:04,092
Total value of the stolen merch is 490.
27
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It's petty theft.
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It's a misdemeanor.
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A sale item, that is genius.
30
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Where do they come up with this stuff?
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Well, that's a dainty little knock.
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- Hi.
- Hi, I'm Sue
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from Camomile White's office?
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A couple of days ago,
you vomited all over her?
35
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Yeah, I remember very well.
36
00:01:28,507 --> 00:01:31,413
You also soiled her Pierre
le Soixante pantsuit.
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00:01:31,479 --> 00:01:33,350
- Her what?
- Her pantsuit.
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She wanted me to give you
this dry-cleaning bill.
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For 25 bucks, what...?
40
00:01:39,261 --> 00:01:41,265
- I can't afford this, but...
- You seem like a nice guy.
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00:01:41,331 --> 00:01:43,069
Just pay the bill.
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You do not wanna get on
this woman's bad side.
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Bad side? She already
kicked me in the nuts.
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00:01:48,179 --> 00:01:50,149
It'll get worse. I'm sorry, I have to go.
45
00:01:50,216 --> 00:01:51,652
No. No, you don't.
46
00:01:51,719 --> 00:01:53,756
No, no, no. Listen, come
in, have some peanut butter.
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We'll sort it out over a nice
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spoonful of peanut butter.
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What's up, Pac, how you living?
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Not very well, I fear, Roofie.
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I got this bill I can't afford.
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00:02:45,558 --> 00:02:47,595
Don't know how to deal with
it, I got no one to turn to.
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00:02:47,662 --> 00:02:49,666
The stress is really
having its way with me.
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00:02:49,732 --> 00:02:52,470
So what are you saying is you
wanna borrow money from me?
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Money? No. Weed.
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You know, for the stress.
Were you listening?
57
00:02:57,347 --> 00:02:59,418
Look, Pac, I can't just
keep giving you weed.
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00:02:59,484 --> 00:03:01,288
I'm a businessman.
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00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:04,761
As your drug dealer, which the
idea is you pay me for drugs.
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00:03:04,828 --> 00:03:07,367
Well, as my friend, can you loan
me money to pay for the drugs?
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00:03:07,434 --> 00:03:08,703
How much you need?
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00:03:08,769 --> 00:03:10,340
As my dealer, how much for an eighth?
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00:03:10,406 --> 00:03:12,209
For a friend, 25 bucks.
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00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:15,182
For 25 bucks, I could just pay
the stupid dry-cleaning bill.
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00:03:15,249 --> 00:03:16,585
Roofie, can you loan me 25 bucks
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00:03:16,652 --> 00:03:18,188
to pay this stupid dry-cleaning bill?
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00:03:18,255 --> 00:03:19,892
I wanna help you out.
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00:03:19,958 --> 00:03:22,429
But I can't just give you cash
every time you're in a bind.
69
00:03:22,496 --> 00:03:24,500
I got this hot morphine
connect down at St. Anfernee's.
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00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:26,604
She said about some haunty
stuff going on down there.
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Maybe, you should pay her a visit.
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Thank you so much again for coming.
73
00:03:33,385 --> 00:03:34,954
Roofie spoke very highly of you.
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00:03:35,221 --> 00:03:38,762
Well, he was very high when
he spoke of you too so...
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00:03:38,828 --> 00:03:40,431
What's going on here?
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00:03:40,499 --> 00:03:41,935
Just a lot of weird stuff
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00:03:42,201 --> 00:03:44,205
like unplugged heart machines turning on
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00:03:44,272 --> 00:03:47,679
and saline drip bags just
depleting for no reason.
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00:03:47,746 --> 00:03:50,751
Have there been any deaths
in this particular hospital?
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00:03:50,818 --> 00:03:52,755
Yeah, it's a hospital.
81
00:03:52,822 --> 00:03:55,528
- There's tens of thousands of deaths.
- I see.
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00:03:59,469 --> 00:04:01,238
Oh, this is gonna be a
lot harder than I thought.
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00:04:01,306 --> 00:04:03,911
Just to be clear, we
don't need you to exorcise
84
00:04:03,978 --> 00:04:05,548
the whole hospital. It's just one room.
85
00:04:05,614 --> 00:04:07,317
Just that?
86
00:04:07,384 --> 00:04:10,791
Yeah, it's the unofficial
hook-up room for the staff.
87
00:04:10,858 --> 00:04:14,264
So the nurses are willing
to pay whatever it takes.
88
00:04:14,331 --> 00:04:15,901
They are? That's great news.
89
00:04:15,968 --> 00:04:19,441
I'm so strapped for cash...
90
00:04:19,508 --> 00:04:21,746
I'm so strapped for time.
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00:04:21,812 --> 00:04:22,948
Ain't no time for this.
92
00:04:23,015 --> 00:04:24,918
Honestly, you know. I'm in high demand.
93
00:04:24,985 --> 00:04:28,985
Job of this size, I would
have to charge about $100.
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00:04:29,327 --> 00:04:30,362
A hundred dollars?
95
00:04:30,429 --> 00:04:32,400
- Okay, 50.
- Fifty?
96
00:04:32,466 --> 00:04:34,003
Twenty-five dollars, but not a penny more.
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00:04:34,270 --> 00:04:36,574
- Great, deal.
- Deal.
98
00:04:36,641 --> 00:04:39,747
Good, I shan't let ye down, my lady.
99
00:04:39,814 --> 00:04:42,253
- Thank you.
- You are in good hands.
100
00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:48,698
Someone will clean that up, right?
101
00:05:05,531 --> 00:05:07,535
Excuse me, I was eating those.
102
00:05:07,602 --> 00:05:08,971
Not quickly enough, if you ask me.
103
00:05:09,038 --> 00:05:11,310
Oh, and who are you supposed to be?
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00:05:11,376 --> 00:05:12,579
You see me?
105
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:14,449
Is that your first or your last name?
106
00:05:14,516 --> 00:05:15,751
- What?
- What?
107
00:05:15,818 --> 00:05:17,956
No, I am Hiro Tamagachi.
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00:05:18,022 --> 00:05:19,960
The professional hot dog eater?
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00:05:20,026 --> 00:05:21,062
You died?
110
00:05:21,329 --> 00:05:22,331
Sadly, yes.
111
00:05:22,397 --> 00:05:23,667
My name is Kevin Pacalioglu
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00:05:23,734 --> 00:05:25,403
and I'm here to finish
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00:05:25,470 --> 00:05:26,874
any unfinished business you might have.
114
00:05:26,940 --> 00:05:28,510
Really? You do that for me?
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00:05:28,576 --> 00:05:30,914
Yeah, for 25 bucks I'd
do just about anything..
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00:05:30,982 --> 00:05:32,551
Well, right before I died,
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00:05:32,618 --> 00:05:34,053
I was training for the most important
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eating competition of my life.
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The Oinky's Hot Dog Invitational.
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00:05:37,594 --> 00:05:38,763
- Exactly.
- I'm aware of it.
121
00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:40,400
I was all set to take back my title
122
00:05:40,467 --> 00:05:43,005
from my arch rival,
Johnny Praline, that prick.
123
00:05:43,071 --> 00:05:47,681
Well, I don't mean to sauer
your kraut, but you're a ghost.
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00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:50,552
- Eating is kind of off the table.
- Here's the thing.
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00:05:50,619 --> 00:05:52,824
A few years back, I signed
up to be an organ donor.
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And, after I died, they took
from me my most prized organ.
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Those bastards took your stomach.
128
00:06:00,472 --> 00:06:02,376
What? No, that's the good part, you idiot.
129
00:06:02,443 --> 00:06:03,612
What I'm trying to say is,
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00:06:03,679 --> 00:06:06,985
I may be dead, but my stomach lives on.
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00:06:07,052 --> 00:06:09,924
Find it, Kevin. Find
whoever has my stomach.
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00:06:09,991 --> 00:06:12,495
And make them enter that
hot dog-eating contest.
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00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:23,417
Hey, did the nurse text
you the address yet?
134
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:24,886
No, man.
135
00:06:24,953 --> 00:06:26,557
Look, I'm gonna tell you when she text me.
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00:06:26,624 --> 00:06:27,892
Why'd you give her my number anyway?
137
00:06:27,959 --> 00:06:29,596
Because she needs to get permission
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00:06:29,663 --> 00:06:30,932
from Tomagachi's stomach recipient
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00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:32,502
to set up a meeting.
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00:06:32,569 --> 00:06:34,539
I'm saying, why did you
give the nurse my number?
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00:06:34,606 --> 00:06:36,910
I don't have a number anymore.
142
00:06:36,977 --> 00:06:38,914
They shut off my cell phone weeks ago.
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00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:40,918
Yeah, I've been living
off the grid, untrack-able.
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00:06:40,985 --> 00:06:42,688
I'm a free man.
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It's not by choice.
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00:06:44,125 --> 00:06:46,462
Excuse me, hey, bro,
it'd be good right here.
147
00:06:46,529 --> 00:06:49,000
All right, let's be cool here,
this client buys a lot of weed.
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00:06:56,449 --> 00:06:58,586
Yo.
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00:06:58,653 --> 00:07:00,757
- Yeah, you know, I'm like eyes in the sky.
- I hate that.
150
00:07:00,824 --> 00:07:01,959
- Don't you hate that?
- Yeah.
151
00:07:02,026 --> 00:07:03,128
Right?
152
00:07:08,439 --> 00:07:10,076
What is that?
153
00:07:10,142 --> 00:07:14,584
I call that one Spurious
Accusations and Lies.
154
00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:17,757
I would have called it Tiny Tower of Teeth.
155
00:07:17,824 --> 00:07:19,694
Or The Leaning Tower of Teeth-a.
156
00:07:21,465 --> 00:07:23,101
So what were you, like,
a dentist or something?
157
00:07:23,167 --> 00:07:26,540
I was an avant-garde-ist.
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00:07:26,607 --> 00:07:28,444
And I put myself, literally,
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00:07:28,511 --> 00:07:30,916
into every piece of work I ever made.
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00:07:30,983 --> 00:07:34,923
Blood, sweat, jism diluted
with tears of happiness.
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00:07:34,991 --> 00:07:36,627
That's jiz?
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00:07:36,694 --> 00:07:38,698
That one's a mixed-media collage
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00:07:38,765 --> 00:07:41,937
of pubic hair glued together
with pus from a sex wound.
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00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:44,643
And that there, my masterpiece.
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00:07:44,710 --> 00:07:45,779
For my swan song,
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00:07:45,845 --> 00:07:47,983
I hung myself upside-down
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00:07:48,049 --> 00:07:50,521
and exploded myself on a blank canvas.
168
00:07:50,587 --> 00:07:54,128
But those imbeciles
have hung it upside-down.
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00:07:54,195 --> 00:07:55,731
Yo.
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00:07:55,798 --> 00:07:58,737
- The nurse texted me the address.
- Oh, good.
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00:07:58,804 --> 00:08:00,441
Guess who's gonna be here Saturday night.
172
00:08:00,507 --> 00:08:01,743
James McAvoy?
173
00:08:01,810 --> 00:08:03,013
- I don't know.
- Who?
174
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,149
No. Camomile White.
175
00:08:05,217 --> 00:08:06,886
Yes, she's doing, like, a séance.
176
00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:08,757
Channeling the spirit of Vesuvius,
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00:08:08,824 --> 00:08:10,461
whatever his name is.
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00:08:10,527 --> 00:08:12,932
The guy who did all this
pretentious ass-nice art.
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00:08:12,998 --> 00:08:14,201
Vesuvius.
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00:08:14,468 --> 00:08:16,138
You should go meet her.
181
00:08:16,205 --> 00:08:18,576
You know what, I think that ship has sank.
182
00:08:18,642 --> 00:08:20,646
I went to that book signing thing.
183
00:08:20,713 --> 00:08:22,517
And she can't see ghosts at all.
184
00:08:22,584 --> 00:08:24,488
- She's a total fake.
- What?
185
00:08:24,554 --> 00:08:25,924
- Yeah.
- Fake?
186
00:08:25,991 --> 00:08:26,495
Yeah.
187
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,461
Hey, man, just hope her titties isn't fake.
188
00:08:28,462 --> 00:08:29,931
No, I don't know.
189
00:08:29,998 --> 00:08:32,704
Hard to tell when I was
throwing up all over them.
190
00:08:32,770 --> 00:08:34,875
I wrecked her Soixante pantsuit.
191
00:08:34,941 --> 00:08:38,515
Now she's sticking me with
this $25 dry-cleaning bill.
192
00:08:38,582 --> 00:08:40,151
- That's the bill you told me about?
- Yeah.
193
00:08:40,218 --> 00:08:42,189
- That's the bill? Twenty-five dollars?
- Yeah.
194
00:08:42,256 --> 00:08:45,662
Come on, man, Camomile White
don't need your $25, she's rich.
195
00:08:45,729 --> 00:08:47,099
She's power-moving you, man.
196
00:08:47,165 --> 00:08:48,768
- She's what?
- Power-playing.
197
00:08:48,835 --> 00:08:50,705
She's trying to assert
her dominance, that's all.
198
00:08:50,772 --> 00:08:52,776
- I don't like it when people do that.
- Yeah.
199
00:08:52,843 --> 00:08:54,178
Power-play me.
200
00:08:54,246 --> 00:08:55,782
You know what?
201
00:08:55,849 --> 00:08:57,753
She try to muscle me
with a dry-cleaning bill?
202
00:08:57,819 --> 00:09:00,224
Wait until she sees
what my counter-move is.
203
00:09:00,492 --> 00:09:02,495
And what move would that be?
204
00:09:02,563 --> 00:09:05,501
It's the least expected move there is.
205
00:09:05,568 --> 00:09:06,704
I'm gonna pay that bill.
206
00:09:06,771 --> 00:09:07,873
On time.
207
00:09:07,940 --> 00:09:09,642
In full.
208
00:09:09,709 --> 00:09:12,682
Now, if you'll excuse me, I
have a stomach to track down.
209
00:09:26,676 --> 00:09:27,845
I'm here about the stomach.
210
00:09:27,912 --> 00:09:29,749
- You're the guy.
- Yeah, I'm the guy.
211
00:09:29,816 --> 00:09:32,554
Menachem. Sit down, sit down.
212
00:09:32,621 --> 00:09:34,524
I didn't know what kind
of bagel you'd want.
213
00:09:34,591 --> 00:09:35,995
So I didn't get you any.
214
00:09:36,061 --> 00:09:38,099
Oh, can I settle on this?
Don't touch these bagels.
215
00:09:38,165 --> 00:09:39,601
Oh, since we're just sitting here,
216
00:09:39,668 --> 00:09:41,839
why don't I tell you a story?
217
00:09:41,905 --> 00:09:43,743
Every ghost needs closure
218
00:09:43,809 --> 00:09:45,313
and that's the whole
reason he's still here.
219
00:09:45,580 --> 00:09:46,815
It's an amazing story.
220
00:09:46,882 --> 00:09:48,719
And it definitely explains this appetite.
221
00:09:48,786 --> 00:09:51,257
I didn't even know you could
receive stomach transplants.
222
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:54,765
Listen to me, I'm very
appreciative of this stomach.
223
00:09:54,831 --> 00:09:58,038
But this Oinky's hot
dog eating competition,
224
00:09:58,104 --> 00:09:59,273
that I can't do.
225
00:09:59,340 --> 00:10:00,576
Oh, you don't have to do it though.
226
00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:02,680
It's not even you. It's
Tamagachi's stomach.
227
00:10:02,746 --> 00:10:04,784
It's very well-trained, it
will do all the work for you.
228
00:10:04,850 --> 00:10:07,088
You don't get it. I can't...
229
00:10:07,156 --> 00:10:09,960
- Oinky's hot dogs, they're pork hot dogs.
- Yeah.
230
00:10:10,027 --> 00:10:10,996
I can't eat pork.
231
00:10:11,063 --> 00:10:12,331
What happens if you eat it?
232
00:10:12,599 --> 00:10:14,737
It's against my religion.
We don't eat pork.
233
00:10:14,804 --> 00:10:17,041
It's like breaking a contract with God.
234
00:10:17,108 --> 00:10:18,210
Who negotiated that?
235
00:10:18,277 --> 00:10:19,680
I'm not doing your competition
236
00:10:19,747 --> 00:10:21,683
and that's that, I'm sorry.
237
00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:23,988
No, no, no, you can do it.
238
00:10:24,055 --> 00:10:25,758
You can do it.
239
00:10:31,770 --> 00:10:33,172
He said no?
240
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,176
After I saved his life
by donating my stomach?
241
00:10:35,243 --> 00:10:38,216
- I know, Hiro Tamagachi, I know.
- I have an idea.
242
00:10:38,282 --> 00:10:40,019
If you don't get that goddamn rabbi
243
00:10:40,086 --> 00:10:41,757
into that hot dog-eating contest,
244
00:10:41,823 --> 00:10:44,061
I'm gonna unplug every
feeding tube in this hospital.
245
00:10:44,128 --> 00:10:45,931
But that would mean...?
246
00:10:45,998 --> 00:10:47,200
Hundreds of innocent lives lost.
247
00:10:47,267 --> 00:10:48,603
All on your conscience.
248
00:10:48,669 --> 00:10:50,975
Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's bad.
249
00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:52,277
Why, what were you gonna say?
250
00:10:52,344 --> 00:10:54,281
No, nothing, I was just thinking that,
251
00:10:54,348 --> 00:10:56,252
if the hauntings got
worse, I wouldn't get paid
252
00:10:56,318 --> 00:10:58,756
and I wouldn't be able to
afford my dry-cleaning bill
253
00:10:58,823 --> 00:11:00,360
and Camomile would
basically win, but that...
254
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:03,098
You know what, your thing is
probably a way bigger deal.
255
00:11:03,165 --> 00:11:04,868
Figure it out.
256
00:11:07,339 --> 00:11:09,745
What was that?
We had him on grand theft.
257
00:11:09,812 --> 00:11:12,851
One bottle of liquor.
The rest was baby formula.
258
00:11:12,918 --> 00:11:14,854
So what are you saying?
Perp was a family man?
259
00:11:14,922 --> 00:11:16,324
Trying to provide?
260
00:11:16,391 --> 00:11:17,993
What I'm saying, Simmons, is sometimes,
261
00:11:18,061 --> 00:11:20,732
if no one gets hurt,
262
00:11:20,799 --> 00:11:23,672
and the motive is noble enough, sometimes,
263
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,682
it just ain't worth the paperwork.
264
00:12:02,014 --> 00:12:04,018
- What are you doing here?
- I think I found the loophole.
265
00:12:04,084 --> 00:12:05,453
Are those Funyuns?
266
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:06,722
Get out of here.
267
00:12:06,789 --> 00:12:07,891
- Give me one.
- No.
268
00:12:07,958 --> 00:12:09,328
All right, listen, listen, listen.
269
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:10,964
In the criminal justice system,
270
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:13,035
there are felonies and
there are misdemeanors.
271
00:12:13,101 --> 00:12:15,139
In Jewish, there has to be some sins
272
00:12:15,205 --> 00:12:16,374
- that are worse than others, right?
- In Jewish.
273
00:12:16,442 --> 00:12:18,078
According to Yohakmet,
274
00:12:18,145 --> 00:12:19,882
this analogy you came up with,
275
00:12:19,949 --> 00:12:22,286
eating pork breaks the laws of kosher.
276
00:12:22,353 --> 00:12:24,825
- That's a felony.
- Okay, all right.
277
00:12:24,892 --> 00:12:28,031
But sometimes, if nobody gets hurt
278
00:12:28,098 --> 00:12:29,267
and the motive is noble enough,
279
00:12:29,334 --> 00:12:31,037
it just ain't worth the paperwork.
280
00:12:31,104 --> 00:12:32,807
What are you talking about?
281
00:12:32,873 --> 00:12:35,946
I'm talking about eating
pork is a victimless sin.
282
00:12:36,013 --> 00:12:38,117
The only person you're
worried about offending is God.
283
00:12:38,184 --> 00:12:39,721
By eating these hot dogs,
284
00:12:39,787 --> 00:12:41,056
you will be directly helping
285
00:12:41,123 --> 00:12:43,027
a tortured ghost finally find his peace.
286
00:12:43,094 --> 00:12:45,766
The ghost of the man who saved your life,
287
00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:48,270
I mean, come on, God's gotta understand.
288
00:12:50,074 --> 00:12:51,845
All right?
289
00:12:51,911 --> 00:12:53,414
For me?
290
00:12:54,082 --> 00:12:55,952
Oh, man.
291
00:12:58,758 --> 00:13:00,093
If you can eat this,
292
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,097
you'll have no problem eating a hot dog.
293
00:13:02,164 --> 00:13:04,870
Well, then, why don't we
just start with a hot dog?
294
00:13:04,936 --> 00:13:06,807
Okay.
295
00:13:08,209 --> 00:13:09,345
Hotdog.
296
00:13:09,412 --> 00:13:11,349
I wanna do this, I really do.
297
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,520
But this could be a slippery slope.
298
00:13:13,788 --> 00:13:14,755
How so?
299
00:13:14,823 --> 00:13:16,759
I've kept Kosher my entire life
300
00:13:16,826 --> 00:13:19,899
and cultivated a sense of
discipline and self-control.
301
00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:23,173
If I break this one rule,
albeit for a noble cause,
302
00:13:23,239 --> 00:13:25,310
who's to say I won't spiral out of control?
303
00:13:25,377 --> 00:13:26,946
It won't happen.
304
00:13:27,013 --> 00:13:29,284
I'm here with you every
step of the way, okay?
305
00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:33,392
Just think of me as a
moral compass of sorts.
306
00:13:40,874 --> 00:13:42,543
Here it comes.
307
00:13:46,818 --> 00:13:47,954
There's the rush.
308
00:13:52,296 --> 00:13:54,032
Yeah, okay.
309
00:13:56,070 --> 00:13:57,540
Fair enough, yeah, I deserve that.
310
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:06,423
♪ Meshugenah ♪
311
00:14:06,490 --> 00:14:10,165
♪ Meshugenah ♪
312
00:14:10,231 --> 00:14:13,504
♪ Meshugenah ♪
313
00:14:13,571 --> 00:14:17,278
♪ Meshugenah ♪
314
00:14:17,345 --> 00:14:21,219
♪ Meshugenah ♪
315
00:14:21,286 --> 00:14:24,358
♪ Meshugenah ♪
316
00:14:24,425 --> 00:14:25,929
♪ Meshugenah ♪
317
00:14:36,816 --> 00:14:38,386
- Coming, buddy?
- What?
318
00:14:38,453 --> 00:14:39,488
Hey, what are you doing here?
319
00:14:39,555 --> 00:14:41,058
I know you've got some drugs.
320
00:14:41,124 --> 00:14:42,494
Come on.
321
00:14:45,199 --> 00:14:46,603
Stop, stop.
322
00:14:46,869 --> 00:14:49,007
What are we doing? Look at us.
323
00:14:49,074 --> 00:14:51,478
We're beating a man because he
didn't have heroin to give us.
324
00:14:51,545 --> 00:14:53,215
What happened?
325
00:14:53,282 --> 00:14:55,219
This is that slippery slope
I was telling you about.
326
00:14:55,286 --> 00:14:56,990
You were supposed to be my moral compass.
327
00:14:57,056 --> 00:14:58,492
You're a moron compass.
328
00:14:58,559 --> 00:15:00,363
- Let's get out of here.
- Out of here.
329
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,808
You know what I always
want about hot dogs?
330
00:15:05,875 --> 00:15:08,579
It's the texture, it's like meat
has already been chewed for you.
331
00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:10,416
You don't have to do any of the work.
332
00:15:10,483 --> 00:15:11,919
- Hey, where the hell's our guy?
- Relax.
333
00:15:11,986 --> 00:15:13,422
He didn't wanna get recognized,
334
00:15:13,489 --> 00:15:15,794
so I lent him some clothes to change into.
335
00:15:15,860 --> 00:15:17,397
An orthodox Jew in your dingy clothes?
336
00:15:17,464 --> 00:15:18,833
He's gonna look like
337
00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:21,505
every other hipster in Brooklyn.
338
00:15:21,572 --> 00:15:23,810
All right. I'm gonna go see what
339
00:15:23,876 --> 00:15:25,613
that dick-licker Johnny Praline is up to.
340
00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:29,053
Hey.
341
00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:32,493
- Unrecognizable.
- You look very fetching.
342
00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:33,963
- I think so too.
- Yeah.
343
00:15:34,030 --> 00:15:36,534
So, hey, listen, I signed
you up under a pseudonym,
344
00:15:36,601 --> 00:15:38,572
- just to be safe. Yeah.
- Very smart.
345
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:40,074
- Then, what'd you use?
- Excuse me.
346
00:15:40,141 --> 00:15:41,711
You the one they call Anal Bead?
347
00:15:43,047 --> 00:15:44,383
- You're a putz.
- Shoot, no.
348
00:15:44,450 --> 00:15:46,654
It was supposed to say Animal Beard.
349
00:15:46,721 --> 00:15:48,892
My penmanship's a little tight.
350
00:15:48,959 --> 00:15:50,963
I'm Johnny Praline, defending champion.
351
00:15:51,029 --> 00:15:52,900
All right.
352
00:15:52,967 --> 00:15:55,738
Anyway, I just wanted to
pop by and introduce myself.
353
00:15:55,805 --> 00:15:57,075
Good luck. It's anyone's game.
354
00:15:57,141 --> 00:15:58,945
I'll catch you on the
flip-flop. Good enough.
355
00:15:59,012 --> 00:16:00,781
All right, see you later.
356
00:16:00,848 --> 00:16:02,185
- What a nice guy.
- A mensch.
357
00:16:02,452 --> 00:16:03,754
I didn't expect that in competition.
358
00:16:03,821 --> 00:16:05,625
Unbelievable, unbelievable.
359
00:16:05,691 --> 00:16:07,160
- Anyway, are you ready for this?
- Yeah.
360
00:16:07,428 --> 00:16:08,764
I had a lot of knishes on the way here.
361
00:16:08,831 --> 00:16:09,799
This shouldn't have been.
362
00:16:09,866 --> 00:16:10,968
That's all in the past now.
363
00:16:11,035 --> 00:16:12,739
Not really, but...
364
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,141
You don't have to worry about it.
365
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:15,845
You're stomach is gonna do all the work.
366
00:16:15,912 --> 00:16:16,914
I will be on the sidelines
367
00:16:16,980 --> 00:16:18,884
rooting for you the whole time.
368
00:16:18,951 --> 00:16:21,188
Let's go. I feel like Mr. Miyagi.
369
00:16:26,666 --> 00:16:29,571
Well, the contestants are
taking their spots on the stage
370
00:16:29,638 --> 00:16:32,009
as the 32nd annual Oinky's
Hot Dog Invitational
371
00:16:32,076 --> 00:16:34,581
is about to get underway.
372
00:16:34,648 --> 00:16:36,786
Of course, defending his
title is Johnny Praline.
373
00:16:36,852 --> 00:16:39,591
And with the recent
passing of Hiro Tamagachi,
374
00:16:39,658 --> 00:16:41,762
I would say Praline is the frontrunner.
375
00:16:41,829 --> 00:16:44,802
Three, two, one, go!
376
00:16:45,469 --> 00:16:47,073
And they're off.
377
00:16:50,946 --> 00:16:52,149
Praline's got his game face on.
378
00:16:52,216 --> 00:16:54,754
He has come out of the gate strong.
379
00:16:54,821 --> 00:16:57,092
Praline is using his
two-dogs-on-a-leash
380
00:16:57,158 --> 00:16:59,129
technique that won him gold last year.
381
00:16:59,196 --> 00:17:01,568
But it looks like newcomer Anal Bead
382
00:17:01,634 --> 00:17:03,537
is giving Praline a run for his money.
383
00:17:05,909 --> 00:17:07,579
It almost looks like Anal Bead
384
00:17:07,645 --> 00:17:09,783
is using the same
stomach-squeezing technique
385
00:17:09,851 --> 00:17:13,024
as the late, great Hiro Tamagachi.
386
00:17:20,905 --> 00:17:23,711
- And now, this competition...
- Wait a second.
387
00:17:23,778 --> 00:17:25,882
A man in the sidelines
is inhaling some hotdogs.
388
00:17:25,948 --> 00:17:27,518
He's pulling ahead of everyone.
389
00:17:28,754 --> 00:17:31,059
It seems like this
competitor is adopting
390
00:17:31,125 --> 00:17:34,565
the fat-slob-shoveling-food
down-his-gullet technique.
391
00:17:34,632 --> 00:17:36,002
Now, I'm getting word that this guy
392
00:17:36,069 --> 00:17:38,606
has taken down three full
buckets of refill dogs.
393
00:17:38,673 --> 00:17:40,510
That's about 60 hot dogs.
394
00:17:40,577 --> 00:17:41,813
And if that's the case,
395
00:17:41,879 --> 00:17:44,017
this contest has just met its dark horse.
396
00:17:46,756 --> 00:17:48,960
The immersions
of the spectator is thrilling.
397
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:51,599
It's like when Seabiscuit
popped out of the crowd,
398
00:17:51,666 --> 00:17:53,670
won 1940 Santa Anita Handicap.
399
00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:00,649
All right, times up. Stop eating.
400
00:18:01,852 --> 00:18:03,522
We have a winner.
401
00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:08,030
- Winner!
- There you have it.
402
00:18:08,097 --> 00:18:11,070
At 75 hot dogs, a complete unknown
403
00:18:11,137 --> 00:18:15,145
has won the Oinky's 32nd
Annual Hotdog Invitational.
404
00:18:21,590 --> 00:18:22,827
What happened?
405
00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:24,864
Why did you guys all stopped eating?
406
00:18:30,575 --> 00:18:31,944
- Hey, schmuck.
- Yeah?
407
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:34,917
I renounced my most
sacred religious beliefs
408
00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:37,856
because you told me I was
helping the ghost of the man
409
00:18:37,923 --> 00:18:39,626
who saved my life find peace.
410
00:18:39,693 --> 00:18:42,298
It was an accident. I
binge eat when I'm nervous.
411
00:18:42,565 --> 00:18:44,803
- And then, you...!
- I know, I'm sorry.
412
00:18:44,870 --> 00:18:46,272
I screwed up. I screwed up.
413
00:18:46,339 --> 00:18:47,976
Menachem, I'm sorry.
414
00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:50,047
Menachem, Menachem.
415
00:18:50,113 --> 00:18:52,051
Menachem.
416
00:18:54,355 --> 00:18:57,194
- Tamagachi, what just happened?
- Are you serious?
417
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:59,030
You won. You set a world record.
418
00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:00,567
I am so sorry.
419
00:19:00,634 --> 00:19:01,936
I don't want this.
420
00:19:02,003 --> 00:19:03,773
No, no, no, it's okay.
421
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:06,245
Watching you eat was
like watching Michelangelo
422
00:19:06,311 --> 00:19:08,215
paint the Sistine Chapel.
423
00:19:08,282 --> 00:19:10,152
Besides, it was never
really about me winning.
424
00:19:10,219 --> 00:19:12,724
It was about that ass
clown Johnny Praline losing.
425
00:19:12,790 --> 00:19:15,596
You know, for the first time in my life,
426
00:19:15,663 --> 00:19:17,300
it is my heart that is full.
427
00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:41,113
I'm proud of you, man.
428
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,051
You got 25 bucks the old fashioned way.
429
00:19:43,117 --> 00:19:45,622
Miss Morphine gave you a glowing review.
430
00:19:45,689 --> 00:19:46,924
Sounds like good day to me.
431
00:19:46,991 --> 00:19:48,661
And, Roofie, I set a world record, man.
432
00:19:48,728 --> 00:19:51,266
I can't believe that.
433
00:19:51,333 --> 00:19:52,869
Oh, I took a 25 bucks
434
00:19:52,936 --> 00:19:54,305
and got that traveler's check.
435
00:19:54,372 --> 00:19:56,209
Good, give me, give me. I'm not sure why.
436
00:19:56,276 --> 00:19:57,713
It's part of my
437
00:19:57,779 --> 00:19:59,215
counter-power-play move with Camomile.
438
00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:01,252
Yeah. Are you sure that's the best move?
439
00:20:01,319 --> 00:20:02,956
Roofie, trust me.
440
00:20:03,023 --> 00:20:05,861
It's the only move I have left.
441
00:20:12,641 --> 00:20:13,810
Well, well, well.
442
00:20:13,877 --> 00:20:15,981
If it isn't the Vomitable Snowman.
443
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,350
Enough with the pleasantries.
444
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:19,989
I'm here for one thing and one thing only.
445
00:20:20,056 --> 00:20:21,826
If you're here for the
séance, you missed it.
446
00:20:21,893 --> 00:20:23,697
Oh, the séance? Yeah, how did that go?
447
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:24,799
They loved me.
448
00:20:24,866 --> 00:20:26,735
James McAvoy even showed up.
449
00:20:26,802 --> 00:20:29,174
Wow, and the ghost, he was satisfied?
450
00:20:29,241 --> 00:20:32,680
The spirit of Vesuvius
was more than satisfied.
451
00:20:32,747 --> 00:20:35,753
No, no, no.
452
00:20:35,820 --> 00:20:38,359
Do you know up and down?
453
00:20:38,426 --> 00:20:40,763
He doesn't seem happy.
454
00:20:40,830 --> 00:20:42,801
What are you talking about?
455
00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:44,771
All he wanted was for his final piece
456
00:20:44,838 --> 00:20:47,777
to be hung right-side-up
by this imbeciles.
457
00:20:47,844 --> 00:20:49,346
He's an avant-garde-ist.
458
00:20:49,413 --> 00:20:50,817
He's missunders...
459
00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:53,054
- You know what, I de-gress.
- As always.
460
00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:56,327
I'm here to talk about
the dry-cleaning bill.
461
00:20:57,763 --> 00:20:59,900
- Check.
- A traveler's check?
462
00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:02,171
Yes, I'm in between banks right now,
463
00:21:02,238 --> 00:21:03,441
but I wanted to have a check
464
00:21:03,708 --> 00:21:05,412
so I could come here and say, check.
465
00:21:05,479 --> 00:21:07,916
As in, I'm onto you and your little game
466
00:21:07,983 --> 00:21:10,147
and I'm winning, I think.
467
00:21:10,214 --> 00:21:11,449
Like chess, right?
468
00:21:12,216 --> 00:21:13,451
No. What? No.
469
00:21:13,718 --> 00:21:15,386
Check mate.
470
00:21:15,453 --> 00:21:17,488
No. What beats check mate?
471
00:21:17,755 --> 00:21:19,757
What beats check mate? A flush?
472
00:21:20,858 --> 00:21:21,959
- Nothing.
- Nothing?
473
00:21:22,026 --> 00:21:23,060
Nothing.
474
00:21:25,162 --> 00:21:28,165
Why didn't I just say check mate?
475
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:43,214
You wanna do this?
476
00:21:43,281 --> 00:21:44,248
Yes.
477
00:21:44,315 --> 00:21:46,117
- What's this?
- Go.
478
00:21:47,385 --> 00:21:48,920
My favorite masterpiece.
479
00:21:48,986 --> 00:21:51,022
Right side.
480
00:22:00,219 --> 00:22:05,219
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