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1
00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:10,609
Dude, you live in here?
2
00:00:10,835 --> 00:00:12,715
Yeah, check it out.
3
00:00:14,527 --> 00:00:17,366
Oh, dude, you live in here!
4
00:00:17,391 --> 00:00:18,560
- Yeah.
- What the f...
5
00:00:18,561 --> 00:00:20,370
How?
6
00:00:20,371 --> 00:00:21,519
So, back in the '90s,
7
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,814
I registered a whole bunch
of celebrity domain names
8
00:00:23,816 --> 00:00:25,150
and then I sold them off years later
9
00:00:25,175 --> 00:00:26,478
- and made a fortune, man.
- Oh.
10
00:00:26,478 --> 00:00:27,607
Yeah, crazy.
11
00:00:27,608 --> 00:00:29,647
ShannenDoherty.com paid
for this carpet here.
12
00:00:29,648 --> 00:00:32,487
Regis Philbin paid for
the entire kitchen remodel.
13
00:00:32,488 --> 00:00:33,577
- And Zac Efron...
- That's nice.
14
00:00:33,578 --> 00:00:35,266
Thank you... paid for all of my pants.
15
00:00:35,267 --> 00:00:36,386
He wasn't even a thing in the '90s.
16
00:00:36,387 --> 00:00:37,466
Yeah, no, I know. I
mean, sometimes I would
17
00:00:37,467 --> 00:00:39,276
just make up a name and get lucky.
18
00:00:39,277 --> 00:00:40,436
- Nice.
- Yeah.
19
00:00:40,437 --> 00:00:42,292
Oh, that's a two-man bong.
20
00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:43,715
- Built it myself.
- No way.
21
00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:45,446
Yeah. Here, let me show you something.
22
00:00:45,447 --> 00:00:47,426
Something better than that?
23
00:00:47,807 --> 00:00:49,776
This is my bong collection.
24
00:00:49,945 --> 00:00:51,395
Oh, my God, Clyde.
25
00:00:51,887 --> 00:00:53,896
Oh, my God! Is everything
in here smokable?
26
00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:55,336
I mean, can you smoke everything?
27
00:00:55,337 --> 00:00:58,256
This right here plays
music when you rip it.
28
00:00:58,257 --> 00:01:00,296
Well, I'm pretty jazzed about that.
29
00:01:00,430 --> 00:01:02,439
And this is the first
bong I actually ever made
30
00:01:02,464 --> 00:01:04,402
- back in sixth grade.
- Wow. Oh, holy shit!
31
00:01:04,403 --> 00:01:05,472
There's whole half a nug in here.
32
00:01:05,473 --> 00:01:06,552
- There is?
- Yeah.
33
00:01:06,553 --> 00:01:08,552
Oh, man, that's from middle school.
34
00:01:08,976 --> 00:01:10,965
- We gotta hit that.
- Yes, sir.
35
00:01:10,990 --> 00:01:12,074
Yes Sir.
36
00:01:12,075 --> 00:01:14,761
Hit it, hit it, hit it, hit it.
37
00:01:22,390 --> 00:01:23,540
Yeah!
38
00:01:25,144 --> 00:01:27,169
You okay?
39
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:29,471
Hey, Clyde.
40
00:01:29,752 --> 00:01:31,781
Clyde! Is it okay if I hit this?
41
00:01:31,806 --> 00:01:34,234
He seems cool.
42
00:01:35,284 --> 00:01:38,103
Oh, shit.
43
00:01:38,738 --> 00:01:39,787
Can I help you?
44
00:01:40,020 --> 00:01:41,144
You mean
45
00:01:41,738 --> 00:01:42,807
"May I help you?"
46
00:01:42,966 --> 00:01:44,814
- What?
- May I help you?
47
00:01:44,839 --> 00:01:46,656
You may, I guess. What?
48
00:01:46,712 --> 00:01:48,264
Oh.
49
00:01:51,552 --> 00:01:53,431
What are you...
50
00:01:53,456 --> 00:01:54,555
you know him or something?
51
00:01:55,145 --> 00:01:57,125
Know him?
52
00:01:58,503 --> 00:02:00,563
He's the one who did this to me.
53
00:02:08,635 --> 00:02:11,222
- Synced and corrected by hawken45 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
54
00:02:39,606 --> 00:02:40,665
Oh, shit.
55
00:02:40,690 --> 00:02:42,740
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
56
00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:47,900
Are you telling me that
Clyde did that to you?
57
00:02:47,925 --> 00:02:49,864
- What?
- Did he do that to you?
58
00:02:49,865 --> 00:02:51,190
Oh, no. No, no.
59
00:02:51,191 --> 00:02:52,959
I was torn apart by guerillas in Africa.
60
00:02:52,984 --> 00:02:54,201
- Oh, thank God.
- Yeah.
61
00:02:54,201 --> 00:02:56,200
Oh, thank God.
62
00:02:56,550 --> 00:02:57,739
Shit.
63
00:02:57,764 --> 00:03:00,351
For a second there I was like,
"I am a fucking shit magnet
64
00:03:00,376 --> 00:03:01,778
for people these days."
65
00:03:01,985 --> 00:03:03,342
Okay, good. Okay.
66
00:03:03,366 --> 00:03:05,699
So, uh... okay, so
how do you know Clyde?
67
00:03:05,724 --> 00:03:07,597
I was his middle school
guidance counselor.
68
00:03:07,622 --> 00:03:08,495
Oh.
69
00:03:08,496 --> 00:03:10,435
Most of the children I worked with
70
00:03:10,436 --> 00:03:12,355
- were...
- Pieces of shit?
71
00:03:12,356 --> 00:03:13,505
Far below average intelligence.
72
00:03:13,506 --> 00:03:15,405
But once in a blue moon,
73
00:03:15,406 --> 00:03:18,445
a child would come along
who had the potential
74
00:03:18,446 --> 00:03:20,455
to change the world.
75
00:03:20,456 --> 00:03:22,882
And Clyde was, like, that student?
76
00:03:22,962 --> 00:03:24,545
He wasn't "like" that student.
77
00:03:25,136 --> 00:03:27,676
- He was.
- He's a genius.
78
00:03:27,811 --> 00:03:29,445
- Kind of.
- Whoa.
79
00:03:29,446 --> 00:03:30,770
- Pac?
- Hey.
80
00:03:30,834 --> 00:03:32,485
- What are you doing?
- Well...
81
00:03:32,486 --> 00:03:35,355
Ooh! You're talking to
a ghost, aren't you?!
82
00:03:35,356 --> 00:03:37,365
Aren't you?! Oh, oh, oh, oh!
83
00:03:37,366 --> 00:03:38,525
- Calm down. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Ooh, what happened?
84
00:03:38,526 --> 00:03:41,870
- Uh, actually, it's...
- Wait, don't tell me!
85
00:03:41,895 --> 00:03:43,375
- Shit!
- Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
86
00:03:43,376 --> 00:03:46,495
Uh, okay. Is it, uh...
is it, uh... uh...
87
00:03:46,496 --> 00:03:49,903
- is it Ethel Merman?
- Who... who's Ethel Merman?
88
00:03:50,221 --> 00:03:52,033
- "Who's Ethel Merman?"
- Is she merfolk?
89
00:03:52,073 --> 00:03:54,435
- Seriously?
- Okay, well, it's not her.
90
00:03:54,436 --> 00:03:56,321
Oh, I give up, then. Who is it?
91
00:03:56,322 --> 00:03:59,450
It is the ghost of your middle
school guidance counselor.
92
00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:00,311
Mr. Faggy?
93
00:04:00,621 --> 00:04:01,760
"Mr. Faggy"?
94
00:04:02,334 --> 00:04:03,516
Is that your name?
95
00:04:05,302 --> 00:04:06,431
It's Fa-jzeh!
96
00:04:06,834 --> 00:04:08,833
The "G" is soft. You know that!
97
00:04:08,858 --> 00:04:10,826
He says it's Fa-jzeh with
a soft "G" or whatever.
98
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,311
- Oh, shit, it's him!
- Yeah!
99
00:04:12,780 --> 00:04:13,889
Well, whatever happened with that guy?
100
00:04:13,890 --> 00:04:14,880
I haven't thought about him in years.
101
00:04:14,881 --> 00:04:17,300
You got me fired, that's what happened!
102
00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:19,078
You got him fired, that's what happened.
103
00:04:19,111 --> 00:04:20,544
Oh, yeah!
104
00:04:20,545 --> 00:04:22,514
Yeah.
105
00:04:22,515 --> 00:04:25,464
Oh, I think I may
have told the principal
106
00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:27,741
that he had... he had
showed me his balls.
107
00:04:27,766 --> 00:04:30,344
Ugh. I had "shown" you my balls.
108
00:04:30,345 --> 00:04:32,394
- You did?! Oh!
- What?
109
00:04:32,395 --> 00:04:34,125
- Why?
- No, no, no!
110
00:04:34,150 --> 00:04:35,211
He made that up!
111
00:04:35,211 --> 00:04:37,545
Look, I wasn't trying
to get him fired, okay?
112
00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:39,568
I was just sick of him always
trying to correct my grammar
113
00:04:39,593 --> 00:04:40,846
and motivate me and stuff.
114
00:04:40,871 --> 00:04:42,874
Right, well, you got
him sent away to Africa.
115
00:04:42,899 --> 00:04:45,770
Okay, okay, I chose to go to Africa.
116
00:04:45,771 --> 00:04:47,284
What, he get eaten by
a lion or something?
117
00:04:47,284 --> 00:04:49,303
- Uh, no. A gorilla, actually.
- Whoa.
118
00:04:49,304 --> 00:04:50,403
- Right?
- Actually,
119
00:04:50,404 --> 00:04:52,057
it was a band of guerilla fighters.
120
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:53,496
I got caught in the
middle of a political coup.
121
00:04:53,521 --> 00:04:55,390
Holy shit, it was a band of guerillas.
122
00:04:55,391 --> 00:04:56,480
Oh, shit. What kind of music?
123
00:04:56,481 --> 00:04:58,490
I don't know. He did not specify.
124
00:04:58,491 --> 00:05:00,235
Wait a second. If Mr.
Faggy died in Africa,
125
00:05:00,335 --> 00:05:02,048
- what's he doing here?
- Good question.
126
00:05:02,148 --> 00:05:04,167
Even as the guerillas
were ripping me to shreds
127
00:05:04,168 --> 00:05:07,585
and feeding me to actual gorillas,
128
00:05:07,585 --> 00:05:09,644
all I could think about
129
00:05:09,645 --> 00:05:11,664
- was Clyde.
- That's weird.
130
00:05:12,210 --> 00:05:13,594
No.
131
00:05:13,595 --> 00:05:15,574
I can't leave
132
00:05:15,575 --> 00:05:19,091
until he has lived up
to his full potential.
133
00:05:19,091 --> 00:05:21,280
Okay, I got it. It's making sense now.
134
00:05:21,281 --> 00:05:23,854
All right, so how does
he make that happen?
135
00:05:23,974 --> 00:05:26,269
By winning first place
136
00:05:26,817 --> 00:05:27,957
at that.
137
00:05:29,260 --> 00:05:31,309
"Sexy singles in your area"?
138
00:05:31,603 --> 00:05:33,703
- Is that a contest?
- Oh, wait.
139
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,289
Oh. Oh!
140
00:05:37,290 --> 00:05:39,369
"Big Apple Idea Fair,
141
00:05:39,370 --> 00:05:41,744
where imagination meets
wonder and blows your mind."
142
00:05:41,844 --> 00:05:43,869
Oh, okay.
143
00:05:43,918 --> 00:05:45,977
What... what happens if he doesn't win?
144
00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:48,967
There will be consequences.
145
00:05:48,968 --> 00:05:52,868
- Like... aw, shit!
- Whoa!
146
00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:54,967
Wait a second, is that a bong?
147
00:05:54,968 --> 00:05:57,410
Okay, Idea Fair,
148
00:05:57,411 --> 00:06:01,390
where imagination eats
wonder and blows your mind.
149
00:06:04,027 --> 00:06:05,196
I have an idea.
150
00:06:05,197 --> 00:06:09,386
What if we smoke weed to come up
151
00:06:09,387 --> 00:06:11,377
- with some great ideas?
- Great idea.
152
00:06:13,487 --> 00:06:16,396
What about...
153
00:06:16,397 --> 00:06:17,456
lasers?
154
00:06:17,457 --> 00:06:18,556
- Damn it!
- What?
155
00:06:18,557 --> 00:06:21,446
You said lasers and
I... obviously, lasers,
156
00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:22,857
- and I fucking forgot...
- Hey.
157
00:06:22,859 --> 00:06:24,467
What I was gonna say.
I'm sorry for yelling.
158
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:25,595
No, sorry. I'm a blurter. I didn't mean
159
00:06:25,596 --> 00:06:27,465
- to blurt that out.
- No, I just... my bad.
160
00:06:27,466 --> 00:06:28,595
Listen... oh, I got
it. I have something.
161
00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:31,465
What about... fuck.
162
00:06:31,648 --> 00:06:33,647
Oh! What about a device
163
00:06:33,728 --> 00:06:35,857
that helps you remember
ideas that you just forgot
164
00:06:35,858 --> 00:06:38,551
- in your brain?
- Holy shit, yes!
165
00:06:38,576 --> 00:06:40,525
- Yeah?
- Yes!
166
00:06:40,628 --> 00:06:42,119
- So how would that work?
- I don't know.
167
00:06:42,195 --> 00:06:43,938
You know, they say that, uh...
168
00:06:43,963 --> 00:06:45,983
that most people get their best ideas...
169
00:06:45,983 --> 00:06:47,258
- On the shitter?
- Close.
170
00:06:47,734 --> 00:06:49,843
Whoa, what is this, pomegranate?
171
00:06:49,884 --> 00:06:51,278
Oh, my God! I think I got it!
172
00:06:51,279 --> 00:06:53,228
Okay, look, even if we
have this trampoline here,
173
00:06:53,229 --> 00:06:54,328
it still doesn't take
care of the problem.
174
00:06:54,329 --> 00:06:56,238
I knew you were gonna
say that, so I propose
175
00:06:56,239 --> 00:06:59,258
we put a second trampoline right here.
176
00:06:59,259 --> 00:07:01,288
Sounds like you boys are onto something.
177
00:07:01,289 --> 00:07:03,183
Mr. Faggy, hi. Yeah, almost.
178
00:07:03,183 --> 00:07:04,318
Not quite there yet.
179
00:07:04,319 --> 00:07:06,249
Ugh, no.
180
00:07:07,329 --> 00:07:09,258
What is this?
181
00:07:09,624 --> 00:07:11,095
The cure for cancer?
182
00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:12,834
That's me,
183
00:07:12,859 --> 00:07:15,788
uh, knocking your reefer device
184
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,989
onto a trampoline.
185
00:07:18,990 --> 00:07:20,556
This is just an idea
186
00:07:20,557 --> 00:07:22,466
to avoid coming up with an idea!
187
00:07:22,467 --> 00:07:23,596
We're sorry, Mr. Faggy!
188
00:07:23,597 --> 00:07:25,656
- Ideas are hard!
- It's Fa-jzeh.
189
00:07:25,657 --> 00:07:28,486
- The "G" is soft.
- Fa-jzeh.
190
00:07:28,487 --> 00:07:29,556
- Tell him we're trying.
- We're trying!
191
00:07:29,557 --> 00:07:31,476
You're not trying!
192
00:07:31,477 --> 00:07:34,151
You're smoking reefer
193
00:07:34,151 --> 00:07:37,250
and showering together.
194
00:07:37,251 --> 00:07:40,230
Now stop farting around!
195
00:07:40,231 --> 00:07:42,658
That guy!
196
00:07:42,849 --> 00:07:45,150
Fucking...
197
00:07:45,226 --> 00:07:46,800
Did he see the trampoline
floor idea? What did he say?
198
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,849
Ugh, he thinks we're
smoking too much pot.
199
00:07:51,850 --> 00:07:53,799
Actually, he might...
200
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:54,849
he might be right about that.
201
00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:56,025
Huh?
202
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,576
I mean, ever since I started
smoking weed, all of my ideas
203
00:07:58,576 --> 00:08:00,374
are either half-baked
or they're about weed.
204
00:08:00,374 --> 00:08:02,373
Now, hang on a second, Clyde.
205
00:08:02,667 --> 00:08:04,650
It sounds to me like
you're talking about
206
00:08:05,182 --> 00:08:06,332
giving up the weed.
207
00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:07,442
No!
208
00:08:07,518 --> 00:08:08,803
What? Hell no! No!
209
00:08:08,828 --> 00:08:11,222
All I'm saying... jeez, really?
210
00:08:11,322 --> 00:08:12,702
- That's what you thought?
- Yeah.
211
00:08:12,702 --> 00:08:14,201
- For a second I was like...
- Fuck! No, no, no.
212
00:08:14,176 --> 00:08:15,893
- All I'm saying is...
- this guy is not...
213
00:08:16,235 --> 00:08:18,025
No, what I'm saying
is that we have to find
214
00:08:18,026 --> 00:08:19,250
the inventions and ideas that I had
215
00:08:19,250 --> 00:08:20,309
before I started smoking.
216
00:08:20,310 --> 00:08:22,597
Sure, sure, sure. Okay, so, uh...
217
00:08:22,622 --> 00:08:25,700
how do we find the ideas
from before you started...
218
00:08:25,701 --> 00:08:27,324
I wrote them all down in a notebook.
219
00:08:27,324 --> 00:08:29,157
Notebook. Okay, where
do we get the notebook?
220
00:08:30,254 --> 00:08:32,394
- Buried.
- Alive?
221
00:08:39,911 --> 00:08:41,530
I get it. So you just
dug a bunch of holes
222
00:08:41,531 --> 00:08:42,660
and buried all your shit in the park?
223
00:08:43,726 --> 00:08:44,630
It's time capsules, man.
224
00:08:44,631 --> 00:08:46,530
You never know when you're gonna
need something from your past.
225
00:08:46,531 --> 00:08:48,560
- Time capsule?
- Here. Yeah, here we go.
226
00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:50,580
What's a time capsule?
227
00:08:50,581 --> 00:08:52,580
Oh, my God! Is that a Smash Mouth CD?
228
00:08:52,581 --> 00:08:54,580
Huh.
229
00:08:54,581 --> 00:08:56,640
This is the wrong box.
This is from high school.
230
00:08:56,641 --> 00:08:58,670
I used to love this album so hard.
231
00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:00,570
Come here.
232
00:09:00,571 --> 00:09:02,461
- Can I keep this?
- Yeah.
233
00:09:05,621 --> 00:09:07,185
Okay, so apparently, this is from
234
00:09:07,185 --> 00:09:09,284
your second tour in Afghanistan.
235
00:09:09,285 --> 00:09:11,314
- I don't remember any of this.
- Oh.
236
00:09:11,315 --> 00:09:13,175
Okay.
237
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,204
What is this?
238
00:09:17,205 --> 00:09:19,344
Oh, yeah. That.
239
00:09:19,345 --> 00:09:22,344
That was a letter from jail
last week when I met you.
240
00:09:22,345 --> 00:09:24,274
Shut up.
241
00:09:24,275 --> 00:09:26,255
Clyde!
242
00:09:30,335 --> 00:09:32,184
That one's not mine.
243
00:09:32,185 --> 00:09:33,315
Ew!
244
00:09:39,185 --> 00:09:41,214
- What the...
- Hold on. Wait, wait.
245
00:09:41,215 --> 00:09:43,244
What is that?
246
00:09:43,245 --> 00:09:45,975
Oh, dude, that's a
tiny, little baby skull.
247
00:09:46,189 --> 00:09:47,558
Oh, it's so cute.
248
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,264
- All right, just keep digging.
- All right.
249
00:09:49,265 --> 00:09:51,194
You can bust through that.
250
00:09:51,195 --> 00:09:53,304
- Aha!
- Is this it?
251
00:09:53,305 --> 00:09:55,900
- Oh, no. This is the map.
- What map?
252
00:09:55,980 --> 00:09:57,990
The map to where all
the capsules are buried.
253
00:09:59,467 --> 00:10:00,556
Say what?
254
00:10:00,970 --> 00:10:03,009
Here it is! Okay.
255
00:10:03,010 --> 00:10:04,819
- That's it?
- For real this time.
256
00:10:04,820 --> 00:10:05,407
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
257
00:10:05,408 --> 00:10:07,019
And here's my idea journal.
258
00:10:07,225 --> 00:10:08,525
- Let's do it!
- Oh, man,
259
00:10:08,527 --> 00:10:10,366
no wonder we didn't find it.
There used to be a tree here.
260
00:10:10,367 --> 00:10:11,516
- Oh, shit.
- I had so many great ideas
261
00:10:11,517 --> 00:10:13,496
back in the day. This is a car
262
00:10:13,497 --> 00:10:15,486
that runs on gas and electricity.
263
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,875
Cool. I think that's
already a thing, though.
264
00:10:17,876 --> 00:10:19,815
- Oh, yeah, of course. Um...
- Yeah.
265
00:10:20,048 --> 00:10:21,147
What do you got?
266
00:10:21,172 --> 00:10:22,825
This is a... this is a phone
267
00:10:22,826 --> 00:10:25,264
that also has a camera and
a computer inside of it.
268
00:10:25,289 --> 00:10:26,875
That is one smart phone.
269
00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:28,845
Shit, you're right.
270
00:10:28,846 --> 00:10:29,865
- What?
- Uh...
271
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:31,240
That's a smart phone, man!
272
00:10:31,265 --> 00:10:33,775
Oh! This is a... a...
273
00:10:33,776 --> 00:10:35,268
a pussy that you keep in your pocket.
274
00:10:35,293 --> 00:10:36,895
- A pocket pussy?
- Yeah.
275
00:10:36,896 --> 00:10:38,482
- And you fuck it?
- Yeah.
276
00:10:38,483 --> 00:10:39,620
Holy shit.
277
00:10:40,247 --> 00:10:41,490
That's already a thing. I have one.
278
00:10:41,491 --> 00:10:42,650
- It is?
- Yeah.
279
00:10:43,494 --> 00:10:45,440
You can order it online.
I got a few of them.
280
00:10:45,441 --> 00:10:46,570
- Fuck!
- What?
281
00:10:46,571 --> 00:10:48,420
What... okay, what about this?
282
00:10:48,421 --> 00:10:49,530
That's just my school yearbook.
283
00:10:49,531 --> 00:10:51,016
This is a fucking yearbook?
284
00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:53,273
Oh, my God, I've never
actually seen one of these.
285
00:10:53,298 --> 00:10:55,450
Back in the orphanage, they
just put us in catalogues.
286
00:10:55,451 --> 00:10:58,540
Why'd you cross your photo out?
287
00:10:58,541 --> 00:10:59,570
Uh, I... I didn't.
288
00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:01,470
Why would you do that, Clyde?
289
00:11:01,471 --> 00:11:02,530
Let's just go, all right?
290
00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:04,450
Wait, hold on, hold on. What... what?
291
00:11:04,451 --> 00:11:05,995
Who scribbled out your
yearbook photo, man?
292
00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:07,540
You wouldn't understand, man.
293
00:11:07,541 --> 00:11:10,481
I mean, I'm sure you
were one of the cool kids.
294
00:11:11,641 --> 00:11:13,540
Yeah, of course.
295
00:11:13,541 --> 00:11:15,570
Cooler than you.
296
00:11:15,571 --> 00:11:19,540
Well, not all of us had
special powers like you did.
297
00:11:19,541 --> 00:11:22,520
All I had was this bully.
298
00:11:22,878 --> 00:11:25,957
- Brody Keller.
- Fucking grody Brody Keller.
299
00:11:25,996 --> 00:11:27,500
That's exactly what I used to call him.
300
00:11:27,477 --> 00:11:29,170
That guy dunked my head in
the toilet so many times,
301
00:11:29,170 --> 00:11:30,229
I got swimmer's ear.
302
00:11:30,230 --> 00:11:32,209
Why do you think I started smoking weed?
303
00:11:32,210 --> 00:11:34,049
'Cause you couldn't hear
them telling you not to?
304
00:11:34,074 --> 00:11:35,904
Because I wanted to be cool.
305
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,444
I wanted to stop getting
stuffed in my own locker.
306
00:11:39,469 --> 00:11:41,788
You know, Brody left me in
there over a long weekend once.
307
00:11:41,813 --> 00:11:44,407
I had to eat my own pet snake
308
00:11:44,432 --> 00:11:46,612
- just to survive.
- Ew, raw?
309
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,200
- Hey, that's it.
- What?
310
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,340
That's it! That's how we're
gonna win the Idea Fair!
311
00:11:50,365 --> 00:11:51,269
- Snake snacks?
- No!
312
00:11:51,270 --> 00:11:53,259
We need to put a stop to bullying
313
00:11:53,260 --> 00:11:55,249
- before it even starts.
- I like it.
314
00:11:55,250 --> 00:11:58,983
We need to invent a line
of bully-proof clothing
315
00:11:58,983 --> 00:12:00,787
- and accessories!
- What the fuck, man!
316
00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:02,606
Yes!
317
00:12:02,607 --> 00:12:03,706
Wait, Clyde!
318
00:12:03,707 --> 00:12:05,686
You gotta say break right or break left!
319
00:12:30,657 --> 00:12:31,667
Ah!
320
00:12:34,737 --> 00:12:35,796
Oh.
321
00:12:41,817 --> 00:12:43,766
Yo mama is so ugly
322
00:12:43,767 --> 00:12:45,787
that people forget how fat she is.
323
00:12:46,787 --> 00:12:48,646
Yeah, I can read lips.
324
00:12:48,647 --> 00:12:50,707
- Shit, I'm sorry, man. I...
- Fucker.
325
00:13:12,687 --> 00:13:14,726
Only one thing left to do.
326
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:16,766
Win that Idea Fair.
327
00:13:16,767 --> 00:13:18,826
No. We gotta test this out in the field.
328
00:13:18,827 --> 00:13:20,657
Oh, yeah.
329
00:13:27,217 --> 00:13:29,336
God, my heart is beating
so fast right now.
330
00:13:29,361 --> 00:13:31,696
It's probab... probably
all the Adderall.
331
00:13:31,697 --> 00:13:33,627
I got it, too.
332
00:13:34,707 --> 00:13:36,776
- Can I help you?
- Brody Keller.
333
00:13:36,777 --> 00:13:39,636
Clyde Shapiro. Let's do this.
334
00:13:39,637 --> 00:13:41,626
Clyde Shapiro?
335
00:13:41,627 --> 00:13:43,676
From Don Quixote Middle School?
336
00:13:43,677 --> 00:13:44,816
No way!
337
00:13:44,817 --> 00:13:46,666
Hey, man!
338
00:13:46,667 --> 00:13:48,706
- It's been a long time.
- Maybe for you.
339
00:13:48,707 --> 00:13:50,104
What? I don't understand.
340
00:13:50,104 --> 00:13:51,901
Hasn't it been the same
amount of time for both of you?
341
00:13:51,926 --> 00:13:53,944
- I was trying to be mouthy.
- Oh, fuck. Okay.
342
00:13:53,945 --> 00:13:56,611
- Brody, dinner!
- Yeah, coming!
343
00:13:56,611 --> 00:13:59,600
Sorry, guys. Just about to sit
down to dinner with the fam.
344
00:13:59,601 --> 00:14:01,560
Oh, hey, you two wanna join?
345
00:14:01,561 --> 00:14:02,580
- Yeah, sure.
- What?
346
00:14:02,581 --> 00:14:03,620
- No, wait.
- What, no!
347
00:14:03,958 --> 00:14:05,296
Don't you wanna give me a noogie
348
00:14:05,296 --> 00:14:08,127
or tell me my mom has AIDS
and I caught it from her
349
00:14:08,127 --> 00:14:09,772
when I was coming out of her vagina
350
00:14:09,773 --> 00:14:11,722
and now it's only a matter
of time before I die?
351
00:14:11,723 --> 00:14:13,712
Jeez, man.
352
00:14:13,713 --> 00:14:14,822
I was pretty awful, huh?
353
00:14:14,823 --> 00:14:16,450
Regularly.
354
00:14:16,475 --> 00:14:18,454
You know, I was just a lost kid.
355
00:14:18,931 --> 00:14:20,348
I was just trying to gain some control
356
00:14:20,373 --> 00:14:21,653
by keeping you down.
357
00:14:21,654 --> 00:14:23,662
So you have no desire
to bully me right now?
358
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:24,772
No, I'm a changed man, Clyde.
359
00:14:24,773 --> 00:14:26,732
I'm a father now.
360
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:29,548
I'm married. I work with autistic kids.
361
00:14:29,549 --> 00:14:32,184
Okay, so you have no urge to say,
362
00:14:32,773 --> 00:14:35,612
I don't know, punch Clyde
right in his big, dumb face?
363
00:14:35,613 --> 00:14:37,087
None whatsoever.
364
00:14:37,088 --> 00:14:38,700
- Just a tap on the chin?
- Nah.
365
00:14:38,700 --> 00:14:39,818
Dude, it would really
help us out right now.
366
00:14:39,818 --> 00:14:42,487
- Nah,
- I just, you know... sorry, guys.
367
00:14:42,488 --> 00:14:44,153
I... I can't.
368
00:14:44,178 --> 00:14:45,648
All right.
369
00:14:45,648 --> 00:14:47,587
- Okay.
- Thanks, asshole.
370
00:14:47,588 --> 00:14:49,637
Shitballs.
371
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:51,687
What do we do now?
372
00:14:51,688 --> 00:14:53,909
Hey, girls, I know what we could do now.
373
00:14:55,849 --> 00:14:58,828
- Oh, that's familiar.
- Ah!
374
00:14:58,829 --> 00:15:00,768
Oh, shit.
375
00:15:00,769 --> 00:15:04,749
- Oh, the anus.
- Oh, so exposed.
376
00:15:06,769 --> 00:15:08,729
The anus.
377
00:15:09,729 --> 00:15:10,919
All right.
378
00:15:12,859 --> 00:15:15,908
Okay, you ready?
379
00:15:15,909 --> 00:15:17,292
I'm ready.
380
00:15:19,232 --> 00:15:20,291
- Oh!
- Did it hurt?
381
00:15:20,292 --> 00:15:23,171
No, it was, uh...
382
00:15:23,838 --> 00:15:25,007
it was refreshing.
383
00:15:25,053 --> 00:15:26,250
Pac,
384
00:15:26,252 --> 00:15:28,301
we're literally sitting
on a million-dollar idea.
385
00:15:30,172 --> 00:15:32,578
- Oh, it was refreshing!
- Right?
386
00:15:32,603 --> 00:15:33,371
Yeah.
387
00:15:33,372 --> 00:15:36,322
- Oh, it smells like money.
- Yeah, right?
388
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,241
Good morrow, milady.
389
00:16:00,242 --> 00:16:02,351
We are here to win the pres...
390
00:16:03,445 --> 00:16:05,579
prestigious Big Apple Idea Fair.
391
00:16:05,604 --> 00:16:07,733
Ooh, I like your enthusiasm!
392
00:16:08,758 --> 00:16:10,644
Believe me, enthusiasm
has nothing to do with it.
393
00:16:10,644 --> 00:16:12,400
Except for when we
came up with the idea.
394
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:12,895
Obviously.
395
00:16:13,037 --> 00:16:15,359
Okay, well, I will be
happy to sign you in.
396
00:16:15,384 --> 00:16:16,520
Where is your child?
397
00:16:18,502 --> 00:16:20,471
My what?
398
00:16:20,472 --> 00:16:21,652
Your child.
399
00:16:28,552 --> 00:16:31,482
Oh, you mean one of these?
400
00:16:36,702 --> 00:16:38,641
This is... this... ugh!
401
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:42,444
Where in the fart are we gonna
find a kid on such short notice?
402
00:16:42,445 --> 00:16:44,453
Pac, even if we had ample notice,
403
00:16:44,454 --> 00:16:45,523
it would still be a whole thing.
404
00:16:45,524 --> 00:16:46,603
Yeah, all right.
405
00:16:46,604 --> 00:16:48,503
What... all right, spitballing here.
406
00:16:48,504 --> 00:16:50,496
What about this... we
lift a kid from the street.
407
00:16:50,521 --> 00:16:52,273
We gotta keep this professional.
408
00:16:52,298 --> 00:16:53,918
- Okay?
- Yes. Yeah.
409
00:16:53,919 --> 00:16:55,333
Professional. Agreed.
410
00:16:55,333 --> 00:16:58,302
- What do you have in mind?
- Craigslist. Let's go.
411
00:16:58,303 --> 00:16:59,452
Yeah.
412
00:17:00,378 --> 00:17:02,010
Okay, Craigslist. Here we go.
413
00:17:02,011 --> 00:17:04,878
Wedgie-proof underwear inventeurs
414
00:17:04,879 --> 00:17:05,978
- looking for...
- Wait, hold on.
415
00:17:05,979 --> 00:17:08,200
Pac, this is a multimillion-dollar idea.
416
00:17:08,225 --> 00:17:10,399
We can't just put this online
for some schmuck to steal.
417
00:17:10,399 --> 00:17:12,678
- Oh, fuck. You're right.
- We have to be very specific
418
00:17:12,703 --> 00:17:13,792
about how we word this, right?
419
00:17:13,794 --> 00:17:15,298
- Just the basics.
- Okay, here we go.
420
00:17:15,298 --> 00:17:17,426
- Try again.
- Uh, how about
421
00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:20,416
"men seeking boy for
underwear experiment"?
422
00:17:20,417 --> 00:17:22,020
- Perfect.
- Right?
423
00:17:22,092 --> 00:17:23,346
Yeah.
424
00:17:23,347 --> 00:17:25,486
And there it goes.
425
00:17:26,018 --> 00:17:27,988
Okay.
426
00:17:29,417 --> 00:17:31,356
Hey, Clyde, uh...
427
00:17:32,027 --> 00:17:32,996
you remember earlier
428
00:17:32,997 --> 00:17:33,970
when you were telling
me about getting bullied
429
00:17:33,971 --> 00:17:36,297
and you assumed that I
was one of the cool kids?
430
00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:37,401
Yeah.
431
00:17:37,402 --> 00:17:39,361
You were right! Look, there's an email.
432
00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:43,301
Look at that. His name is Dustin.
433
00:17:43,393 --> 00:17:45,676
I like him already. He loves "pizzah."
434
00:17:45,711 --> 00:17:47,382
- So do I.
- Amazing.
435
00:17:47,382 --> 00:17:48,958
I'm gonna see if he can meet right now.
436
00:17:48,983 --> 00:17:50,863
Sweet, good idea.
437
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:55,431
- Done.
- Phew!
438
00:17:55,432 --> 00:17:57,471
Whoa.
439
00:17:58,189 --> 00:17:59,013
He's in!
440
00:17:59,061 --> 00:18:00,407
And such a fast emailer.
441
00:18:00,432 --> 00:18:02,391
Wow!
442
00:18:02,392 --> 00:18:04,351
Hey, fellas, come on in!
443
00:18:05,361 --> 00:18:07,162
Okay. Actually, man, we
should probably get going
444
00:18:07,162 --> 00:18:08,652
if we're gonna make
it to the fair in time.
445
00:18:08,653 --> 00:18:09,644
No problemo.
446
00:18:09,644 --> 00:18:11,543
I just gotta feed my
hamster upstairs first.
447
00:18:11,545 --> 00:18:12,684
Make yourselves comfy.
448
00:18:12,685 --> 00:18:15,594
- Yeah. Oh.
- Oh, that is springy.
449
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,654
- Hey, he's cute, right?
- Yeah, he's super cute.
450
00:18:17,655 --> 00:18:19,534
- Yeah.
- I didn't expect that.
451
00:18:19,535 --> 00:18:21,189
- Yeah.
- He's really well-mannered, too.
452
00:18:21,190 --> 00:18:22,908
He is. I like that he's
going up to feed his hamster.
453
00:18:22,908 --> 00:18:25,183
- It shows responsibility.
- That is true.
454
00:18:25,208 --> 00:18:26,594
Yeah. You know what?
455
00:18:26,848 --> 00:18:28,807
I think we kind of hit the jackpot here.
456
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:29,907
- Yep.
- Cha-ching!
457
00:18:29,908 --> 00:18:32,472
Right? I'm excited!
458
00:18:32,472 --> 00:18:34,324
Hello, gentlemen.
459
00:18:34,586 --> 00:18:36,550
- Sir.
- Oh, herro!
460
00:18:36,552 --> 00:18:37,611
Do you know who I am?
461
00:18:37,612 --> 00:18:39,432
Uh, I presume Dustin's dad.
462
00:18:39,527 --> 00:18:41,591
- Try again.
- Dustin's grandfather?
463
00:18:41,592 --> 00:18:43,601
My name is Chris Andersen.
464
00:18:43,602 --> 00:18:47,541
I'm the host of the show
"America's Dumbest Predators."
465
00:18:53,672 --> 00:18:56,561
No?
466
00:18:56,562 --> 00:18:58,661
Pac, this guy's creeping me out.
467
00:18:58,662 --> 00:19:01,071
Do you know how old Dustin is?
468
00:19:01,770 --> 00:19:04,008
Uh, yeah, nosey.
469
00:19:04,033 --> 00:19:06,521
- He's 12, I think.
- He's actually 11.
470
00:19:06,522 --> 00:19:07,402
Sweet.
471
00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:09,001
You know that makes what
you're doing here illegal?
472
00:19:09,002 --> 00:19:10,049
Uh, no. We were told
473
00:19:10,050 --> 00:19:11,842
that any child up to and
including the age of 12
474
00:19:11,867 --> 00:19:13,708
- was totally fine.
- Fair game.
475
00:19:13,748 --> 00:19:15,727
Soliciting sex from a minor?
476
00:19:15,728 --> 00:19:16,975
That's not what's going on here!
477
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,307
Sex?! What?! No!
478
00:19:19,308 --> 00:19:21,489
We just... listen. We
just needed to get this kid
479
00:19:21,514 --> 00:19:22,603
to come back down to the city with us
480
00:19:22,604 --> 00:19:23,951
so we can test out a pair of underwear
481
00:19:23,976 --> 00:19:25,752
that rips off of his body easily.
482
00:19:26,241 --> 00:19:28,260
Okay, I'm hearing how that sounds now.
483
00:19:28,285 --> 00:19:29,941
I have here your email exchange
484
00:19:29,966 --> 00:19:31,945
- with young Dustin.
- Good. Proof.
485
00:19:31,946 --> 00:19:33,348
Here you ask him,
486
00:19:33,348 --> 00:19:36,285
"Are you cute in a way that
adults would find appealing?"
487
00:19:36,310 --> 00:19:38,197
Yeah, because the judges
of the competition...
488
00:19:38,198 --> 00:19:41,893
Here you ask, "Do you
have good oral skills?"
489
00:19:41,996 --> 00:19:43,845
Well, yeah. One of the categories
490
00:19:43,846 --> 00:19:45,160
- includes an oral presentation.
- Yeah.
491
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:48,231
And here you ask, "Dustin,
if we go all the way,
492
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:52,124
could you fit the two
of us into your mouth?"
493
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:55,034
Yeah, becau... wait. What?
494
00:19:55,035 --> 00:19:56,165
Let me see that.
495
00:19:59,357 --> 00:20:01,074
Oh, that was meant to say,
496
00:20:01,099 --> 00:20:02,605
"Could you fit the two
of us into your month?"
497
00:20:02,606 --> 00:20:04,566
Your month meaning that if
we actually win the Idea Fair,
498
00:20:04,567 --> 00:20:06,536
it'll probably be, like, a
month of meeting with investors.
499
00:20:06,537 --> 00:20:08,596
Hey, Clyde? I think we
should make a run for it.
500
00:20:08,597 --> 00:20:10,547
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
501
00:20:11,667 --> 00:20:13,606
- Oh!
- Oh, no, no!
502
00:20:13,607 --> 00:20:15,586
Okay. All right, I'm going!
503
00:20:15,587 --> 00:20:17,576
I'm gonna... ow, ow!
504
00:20:17,577 --> 00:20:19,546
Why does Clyde get to stand up?
505
00:20:19,547 --> 00:20:21,546
Ah, okay, all right.
506
00:20:21,547 --> 00:20:24,546
Oh, God!
507
00:20:24,547 --> 00:20:26,476
I got ya,
508
00:20:26,477 --> 00:20:28,466
you lying motherfucker!
509
00:20:28,467 --> 00:20:31,749
How does it feel to be
accused of pedophilia
510
00:20:31,774 --> 00:20:33,516
on national TV?
511
00:20:33,517 --> 00:20:36,476
You human sack of shit!
512
00:20:36,477 --> 00:20:37,896
Hey, Clyde!
513
00:20:37,976 --> 00:20:40,855
Now you really can say
514
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,482
I've shown you my balls!
515
00:20:45,657 --> 00:20:48,657
Technically, Clyde can't
see those, Mr. Fa...
516
00:20:51,597 --> 00:20:53,546
- Oh, never mind.
- What?
517
00:20:53,547 --> 00:20:54,666
I'll tell you later.
518
00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:56,576
Okay, let's get up.
519
00:21:04,517 --> 00:21:08,536
You're going away for
a long time, slutboy.
520
00:21:12,135 --> 00:21:14,522
Dude, we are so lucky we're
not in prison right now.
521
00:21:14,547 --> 00:21:15,606
Yeah, I know.
522
00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:18,476
Buying ChrisAndersen.com eight years ago
523
00:21:18,477 --> 00:21:19,596
was the smartest thing I've ever done.
524
00:21:19,597 --> 00:21:22,486
- Yeah.
- Well, second smartest thing.
525
00:21:22,487 --> 00:21:23,646
What? What are you talking about?
526
00:21:23,647 --> 00:21:26,476
I think I finally cracked
the trillion-dollar idea.
527
00:21:26,699 --> 00:21:28,818
Oh, yeah, man, maybe we should just drop
528
00:21:28,861 --> 00:21:31,106
the whole wedgie-proof underwear thing.
529
00:21:31,107 --> 00:21:32,558
I'm not talking about
wedgie-proof underwear.
530
00:21:32,583 --> 00:21:34,573
I'm talking about this.
531
00:21:36,613 --> 00:21:38,722
What do you say, partner?
532
00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:42,502
Wanna go into unfinished
business with me?
533
00:21:45,673 --> 00:21:48,612
- Come here, man!
- Aw!
534
00:21:50,633 --> 00:21:52,552
How about we hit that two-man bong?
535
00:21:52,553 --> 00:21:54,582
- I thought you'd never ask.
- Yes!
536
00:22:04,607 --> 00:22:09,607
- Synced and corrected by hawken45 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
37424
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