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1
00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:09,828
Checkmate.
2
00:00:09,931 --> 00:00:11,451
You checkmated my queen,
not my king.
3
00:00:11,551 --> 00:00:14,171
We're playing lesbian chess
because I'm lesbian,
4
00:00:14,275 --> 00:00:15,655
so the queen trumps the king.
5
00:00:15,758 --> 00:00:17,828
- Ah, fair enough. Good game.
- Shush.
6
00:00:17,931 --> 00:00:19,171
Can you keep it down, please?
7
00:00:19,275 --> 00:00:20,685
Why is he so nervous?
8
00:00:20,793 --> 00:00:22,863
Invites are going out tonight
for the Arky Gala.
9
00:00:22,965 --> 00:00:25,445
They're hand-delivered
to all the top Arkies.
10
00:00:25,551 --> 00:00:28,211
Wow, the Arky Gala is
the most exclusive
11
00:00:28,310 --> 00:00:30,240
and sexy event of the year.
12
00:00:30,344 --> 00:00:32,284
Well, if I get invited,
you'll get to come, too.
13
00:00:32,379 --> 00:00:34,209
Assistants are
mandatory plus-ones.
14
00:00:34,310 --> 00:00:36,380
Oh, my goggles.
15
00:00:36,482 --> 00:00:37,762
That's a catchphrase
I'm trying out
16
00:00:37,862 --> 00:00:38,902
because I wear glasses.
17
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,140
Well, don't get your hopes up.
18
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,691
ArkyTV says
I'm on the bubble.
19
00:00:41,793 --> 00:00:43,483
Well, I hope we get invited.
20
00:00:43,586 --> 00:00:45,996
- It sounds fun!
- I don't want to go to have fun.
21
00:00:46,103 --> 00:00:47,483
I want to go
so I can curry favor
22
00:00:47,586 --> 00:00:49,516
with a venerable
Richard Longtooth!
23
00:00:49,620 --> 00:00:52,310
Who? -He's the CEO
of Splunk Energy Drinks.
24
00:00:52,413 --> 00:00:54,313
Rip and Bella were
their spokespeople.
25
00:00:54,413 --> 00:00:56,693
- You were a Splunksman?
- Indeed.
26
00:00:56,793 --> 00:00:58,663
And together
we were Splunkspeople.
27
00:00:58,758 --> 00:01:00,618
It's not often
that advertising meets art,
28
00:01:00,724 --> 00:01:03,794
but in our campaign,
that's exactly what transpired.
29
00:01:04,413 --> 00:01:05,933
♪ If you're stuck in a funk ♪
30
00:01:06,034 --> 00:01:07,244
♪ You got to drink Splunk ♪
31
00:01:07,344 --> 00:01:08,904
♪ Will it shrink my junk? ♪
32
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,210
♪ What, are you drunk? ♪
33
00:01:10,310 --> 00:01:11,520
♪ That rumor's debunked ♪
34
00:01:11,620 --> 00:01:13,760
♪ I got to drink Splunk. ♪
35
00:01:13,862 --> 00:01:16,552
I know if I can just suckle
a tiny taste of talky time
36
00:01:16,655 --> 00:01:19,065
with Longtooth, a Splunksman
once more could I be.
37
00:01:19,172 --> 00:01:21,342
That
could be the fucking invite!
38
00:01:22,862 --> 00:01:24,972
Sorry, Rip.
Just testin' out the doorbell.
39
00:01:25,068 --> 00:01:26,968
You got to do that every year.
40
00:01:27,068 --> 00:01:28,658
Ugh, Swooper,
don't do that again.
41
00:01:28,758 --> 00:01:31,168
I'm expecting
someone very important.
42
00:01:33,379 --> 00:01:34,969
I told you not to ring it again!
43
00:01:35,068 --> 00:01:38,028
I didn't. It rang on its own
'cause it's broken.
44
00:01:38,137 --> 00:01:39,787
See? Good thing I tested it.
45
00:01:41,448 --> 00:01:43,688
Sorry, that was me.
It was an accident that time.
46
00:01:45,103 --> 00:01:47,003
Sorry, forgot you didn't want me
to ring it.
47
00:01:47,103 --> 00:01:49,413
That's on me.
48
00:01:49,517 --> 00:01:51,927
Okay, that time,
I was doing a goof
49
00:01:52,034 --> 00:01:53,414
where I pretended to push it,
50
00:01:53,517 --> 00:01:56,687
but then I did actually push it,
so I know I messed up.
51
00:02:02,275 --> 00:02:04,305
Sorry. Another accident.
52
00:02:04,413 --> 00:02:07,663
Rip Digman, you have been
invited to the Arky Gala.
53
00:02:07,758 --> 00:02:09,998
Yes! This is
the happiest I've been
54
00:02:10,103 --> 00:02:12,833
in many moons!
55
00:02:47,586 --> 00:02:51,716
And, for the occasion,
my tuxedo of deepest brown.
56
00:02:51,827 --> 00:02:54,547
Remember,
my darling Maraschino Cherry?
57
00:02:54,655 --> 00:02:55,785
Dip me, Rip,
58
00:02:55,896 --> 00:02:57,276
like I'm a mozzarella stick
59
00:02:57,379 --> 00:02:59,309
and the floor is
marinara sauce.
60
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:01,623
Hydip!
61
00:03:01,724 --> 00:03:03,974
Oh, how I miss you.
62
00:03:04,068 --> 00:03:05,238
Tux shrank in the closet,
63
00:03:05,344 --> 00:03:07,104
probably due
to the temperate air.
64
00:03:07,206 --> 00:03:09,166
Let me just...
65
00:03:09,275 --> 00:03:10,475
Ow!
66
00:03:10,586 --> 00:03:12,616
It was an accident!
67
00:03:12,724 --> 00:03:14,864
It's archaeology's
biggest night,
68
00:03:14,965 --> 00:03:16,445
and all the stars are out,
69
00:03:16,551 --> 00:03:19,001
from Mayor Magooble
to Zane Troy himself.
70
00:03:19,103 --> 00:03:21,383
Oh, Rip Digman.
Say, what's it like to be back
71
00:03:21,482 --> 00:03:23,102
at the Arky Gala
after so many years
72
00:03:23,206 --> 00:03:24,966
- as a punchline?
- A punchline?
73
00:03:25,068 --> 00:03:27,618
You mean the best part
of a joke? It feels great.
74
00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:30,074
And as always, no one
outside of the venue will have
75
00:03:30,172 --> 00:03:32,482
any idea what's going on inside.
76
00:03:32,586 --> 00:03:34,686
That's right, Howard.
77
00:03:34,793 --> 00:03:36,833
As you can see, guests are
depositing their phones
78
00:03:36,931 --> 00:03:39,691
and signing NDAs
in order to enter the event.
79
00:03:39,793 --> 00:03:41,793
But I wanted to play
with my clock app.
80
00:03:41,896 --> 00:03:44,856
So we'll never know exactly
what's happening at this party,
81
00:03:44,965 --> 00:03:47,235
but I would imagine
there are a ton of drugs.
82
00:03:47,344 --> 00:03:49,104
More flake than
you can possibly imagine,
83
00:03:49,206 --> 00:03:50,476
and probably a sex room.
84
00:03:50,586 --> 00:03:51,686
A big, orgy sex room
85
00:03:51,793 --> 00:03:53,213
where everyone is fucking
and sucking
86
00:03:53,310 --> 00:03:54,660
to their heart's content. Howard.
87
00:03:54,758 --> 00:03:56,588
Thanks, Doreen,
for that vivid speculation.
88
00:03:56,689 --> 00:03:57,999
But alas,
we can only wonder
89
00:03:58,103 --> 00:03:59,903
what sort of debauchery
goes on in there.
90
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,480
Rest assured, whatever it is
must be very cool.
91
00:04:03,586 --> 00:04:06,996
Hey, everyone, it's time
for the Arky shuffle!
92
00:04:07,103 --> 00:04:09,103
♪ Dig, dig ♪
93
00:04:09,206 --> 00:04:10,996
♪ Clean dirt from a vase ♪
94
00:04:11,103 --> 00:04:13,003
♪ Now look inside a tomb
and get scared of a mummy ♪
95
00:04:13,103 --> 00:04:15,313
♪ Run away from the mummy,
now dust a little dust ♪
96
00:04:15,413 --> 00:04:17,383
♪ Whip to the left,
whip to the right ♪
97
00:04:17,482 --> 00:04:19,142
♪ Now excavate
and swing from a vine ♪
98
00:04:19,241 --> 00:04:21,241
- Come on, Rip.
- Hard pass.
99
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:23,174
I haven't danced
since Bella died.
100
00:04:23,275 --> 00:04:24,715
♪ Sink, sink ♪
101
00:04:24,827 --> 00:04:25,927
♪ There's quicksand
on the floor ♪
102
00:04:26,034 --> 00:04:27,724
- Excuse me.
- My God.
103
00:04:27,827 --> 00:04:30,067
It's synchronicity.
It's exquisite.
104
00:04:30,172 --> 00:04:32,452
I spy with my little Arky eye:
105
00:04:32,551 --> 00:04:34,071
- Mr. Longtooth.
- Great!
106
00:04:34,172 --> 00:04:36,142
I can show him a magic trick
to butter him up.
107
00:04:36,241 --> 00:04:38,661
I shoved a huge ribbon
in my throat before we got here,
108
00:04:38,758 --> 00:04:40,028
and I'm dying to get it out.
109
00:04:40,137 --> 00:04:41,547
Respectfully,
that sounds like
110
00:04:41,655 --> 00:04:43,755
the worst idea I've ever heard
in my entire life.
111
00:04:43,862 --> 00:04:45,902
- That was respectful?
- Yes.
112
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,520
The disrespectful version
would've been that it was
113
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,590
the worst idea I've heard
in all my many lives,
114
00:04:49,689 --> 00:04:51,139
were I to believe
in reincarnation,
115
00:04:51,241 --> 00:04:52,591
which I strongly don't.
116
00:04:52,689 --> 00:04:54,069
Anyway, you need to head over
117
00:04:54,172 --> 00:04:55,972
to the assistants' section.
Aw, man!
118
00:04:56,068 --> 00:04:58,588
I can't believe how many people
are drinking champagne here
119
00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:00,929
when they could be enjoying
a Splunk Energy Drink.
120
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:03,284
Oh, hey, Mr. Longtooth.
I didn't see you there.
121
00:05:03,379 --> 00:05:06,169
Is there a finer sight in all
the world than the Arky shuffle?
122
00:05:06,275 --> 00:05:09,165
Mmm! It's absolutely
mesmerizing. Oh, Rip Digman.
123
00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:11,375
Been a while since I've seen you
around these parts.
124
00:05:11,482 --> 00:05:13,762
Well, I'm back
and feeling very good,
125
00:05:13,862 --> 00:05:17,412
which reminds me of my favorite
flavor of Splunk, Berry Splunk.
126
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,547
Well, this is pathetic.
127
00:05:19,655 --> 00:05:22,235
Rip, are you seriously
trying to pitch yourself
128
00:05:22,344 --> 00:05:24,034
as a new Splunksperson
for Splunk?
129
00:05:24,137 --> 00:05:25,617
How desperate.
130
00:05:25,724 --> 00:05:28,524
Mr. Longtooth, would you care
to see a magic trick?
131
00:05:31,655 --> 00:05:33,405
Wow, there was
so much ribbon in there.
132
00:05:33,517 --> 00:05:35,447
- Oh, goddamn it!
- Can I buy you a drink?
133
00:05:35,551 --> 00:05:37,171
It's an open bar, but sure.
134
00:05:37,275 --> 00:05:39,965
Hello, fellow assistant Arkies.
135
00:05:40,068 --> 00:05:42,208
What do you all think
of the latest issue
136
00:05:42,310 --> 00:05:43,550
of Assistant Arky Magazine?
137
00:05:43,655 --> 00:05:45,825
Hmm. Talk about a humdinger, right?
138
00:05:45,931 --> 00:05:47,721
Ah! -Hey, I haven't seen you
around before.
139
00:05:47,827 --> 00:05:50,477
I'd be more than happy to
show you the ropes if you want.
140
00:05:50,586 --> 00:05:51,616
You know, mentor you.
141
00:05:51,724 --> 00:05:53,144
Back off, creep.
142
00:05:53,241 --> 00:05:54,761
Oh, s-sorry, ma'am.
S-Sorry.
143
00:05:54,862 --> 00:05:57,662
Hey, I'm Trisket.
I like your vest.
144
00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,788
Thank you.
It helps me keep track of
145
00:05:59,896 --> 00:06:01,856
where my torso ends and begins.
146
00:06:01,965 --> 00:06:04,445
By the way,
wearing sunglasses inside
147
00:06:04,551 --> 00:06:06,451
where you're protected
from UV rays,
148
00:06:06,551 --> 00:06:07,831
that's badass.
149
00:06:07,931 --> 00:06:10,031
- Want to try them on?
- Over my glasses?
150
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:11,967
- Okay.
- Looks good. I like your vibe.
151
00:06:12,068 --> 00:06:14,278
Really? My mom always said
I come on too strong.
152
00:06:14,379 --> 00:06:16,069
But then again,
she doesn't talk to me anymore.
153
00:06:16,172 --> 00:06:18,342
Neither does my dad. Oh, no.
See? I'm doing it again.
154
00:06:18,448 --> 00:06:20,688
Nah, it's cool.
My parents hate me, too.
155
00:06:20,793 --> 00:06:22,693
Apparently,
no daughter of theirs would ever
156
00:06:22,793 --> 00:06:23,933
"moon people all the time."
157
00:06:24,034 --> 00:06:26,974
- Whoa. You're so cool.
- Mm-hmm.
158
00:06:27,068 --> 00:06:29,588
Oh, you want to go, flyboy?
I'm down for a donnybrook!
159
00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:31,789
Oh, yeah? I'm gonna punch
the tip of your cock.
160
00:06:33,172 --> 00:06:34,622
Come on.
161
00:06:36,034 --> 00:06:38,244
Wait, you're his assistant?
162
00:06:38,344 --> 00:06:40,214
Saltine,
why are you fraternizing
163
00:06:40,310 --> 00:06:41,790
with my greatest enemy's
subordinate?
164
00:06:41,896 --> 00:06:44,206
- That's Trisket, my new friend.
- Oh, no, she's not.
165
00:06:44,310 --> 00:06:46,030
If I ever catch you talking
to her again, you're fired.
166
00:06:46,137 --> 00:06:47,927
- But that's not fair!
- And that goes double for you,
167
00:06:48,034 --> 00:06:50,144
- Trisket, you little wanker.
- Okay.
168
00:06:50,241 --> 00:06:52,381
Oh, man.
169
00:06:57,793 --> 00:06:59,213
Please tell me
you're not gonna drink that.
170
00:06:59,310 --> 00:07:01,070
Trisket, we're not supposed to
talk to each other.
171
00:07:01,172 --> 00:07:01,972
We could get fired.
172
00:07:02,068 --> 00:07:03,028
Then let's go somewhere
173
00:07:03,137 --> 00:07:04,027
they can't see us.
174
00:07:04,137 --> 00:07:06,207
You mean break a rule?
175
00:07:06,310 --> 00:07:08,070
Okay, I'm obsessed.
176
00:07:08,172 --> 00:07:09,792
Attention, everyone.
177
00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:11,446
I'm Billy Themet,
head of the Met,
178
00:07:11,551 --> 00:07:12,831
and I want to welcome you all.
179
00:07:12,931 --> 00:07:14,411
I haven't tried the food
because I'm waiting for
180
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:17,027
my wife to cut it up for me,
but it smells delectable.
181
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,997
I want to share
an exciting announcement.
182
00:07:19,103 --> 00:07:21,143
Tomorrow we break ground
on a new wing of the museum,
183
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:25,071
all thanks to a generous
donation from Rich Longtooth.
184
00:07:25,172 --> 00:07:27,312
The Longtooth wing
will be just as refreshing
185
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:30,413
and exciting as my
non-FDA-approved energy drinks.
186
00:07:32,275 --> 00:07:34,165
Everyone into the temple.
187
00:07:35,517 --> 00:07:36,967
Detonate the charges.
188
00:07:37,862 --> 00:07:41,212
We're here to stop the museum
from expanding.
189
00:07:42,068 --> 00:07:43,828
So we can say Zapper's Arcade!
190
00:07:47,482 --> 00:07:48,792
Sorry to crash
your party, moldy oldies.
191
00:07:48,896 --> 00:07:50,786
You can call me High Score
192
00:07:50,896 --> 00:07:53,586
'cause I have the high score
in every game at Zapper's.
193
00:07:53,689 --> 00:07:55,309
Meet your other hosts
for the evening.
194
00:07:55,413 --> 00:07:57,593
- Boombox.
- Pump up the volume.
195
00:07:57,689 --> 00:07:59,719
Tomboy. -I'm a girl
that dresses different.
196
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:01,687
Allergies.
197
00:08:01,793 --> 00:08:03,483
- Slingshot.
- Sling-a-ding dong.
198
00:08:03,586 --> 00:08:05,756
Dojo Dave.
199
00:08:05,862 --> 00:08:07,902
- Australia.
- Have a go, ya mug.
200
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:11,170
And Booby Trap.
201
00:08:11,275 --> 00:08:13,785
Zapper's is where we hang out
every day,
202
00:08:13,896 --> 00:08:16,306
and we're not gonna let
a bunch of moldy oldies
203
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,833
tear it down just to make
your stupid museum bigger.
204
00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:20,901
So, here's how this is gonna go.
205
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,340
Mayor Magooble is
gonna sign this form
206
00:08:23,448 --> 00:08:26,448
to make Zapper's Arcade
a historic landmark
207
00:08:26,551 --> 00:08:27,971
that can't be demolished.
208
00:08:28,068 --> 00:08:29,858
Do that, Mr. Mayor,
and you'll find
209
00:08:29,965 --> 00:08:31,785
your campaign contributions
drying up
210
00:08:31,896 --> 00:08:33,966
- before the next election cycle.
- I can't sign it.
211
00:08:34,068 --> 00:08:36,238
It'd be political suicide!
212
00:08:36,344 --> 00:08:38,664
Suit yourself, but if you don't
sign within an hour,
213
00:08:38,758 --> 00:08:41,208
an Arky will die
every ten minutes.
214
00:08:41,310 --> 00:08:44,170
- Of natural causes?
- No, of murder.
215
00:08:44,275 --> 00:08:46,615
All right, enough of this BS.
216
00:08:46,724 --> 00:08:48,624
There's no way
these snot-nosed brats
217
00:08:48,724 --> 00:08:51,344
are gonna murder anyone.
218
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:52,478
Oh, won't we?
219
00:08:52,586 --> 00:08:53,786
The children have
the upper head.
220
00:08:53,896 --> 00:08:55,446
You'll never get away with this.
221
00:08:55,551 --> 00:08:56,791
Oh, yes, we will.
222
00:08:56,896 --> 00:08:58,406
You moldy oldies
gave up your phones,
223
00:08:58,517 --> 00:08:59,657
so you can't call the cops.
224
00:08:59,758 --> 00:09:01,208
And those NDAs you signed means
225
00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:03,550
no one can say a word
about what happens tonight.
226
00:09:03,655 --> 00:09:04,965
You're trapped!
227
00:09:05,068 --> 00:09:06,858
Mon Dieu, he's right.
The NDAs.
228
00:09:06,965 --> 00:09:08,335
Why did we sign those?
229
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:09,998
It's your choice, Mr. Mayor.
230
00:09:10,103 --> 00:09:14,243
Sign the landmark form or watch
the world's greatest Arkies die.
231
00:09:14,344 --> 00:09:16,664
And if any of you are
thinking about escaping,
232
00:09:16,758 --> 00:09:18,588
we filled the moat
with piranhas.
233
00:09:18,689 --> 00:09:21,099
Even if you made it across,
you'd have to deal with
234
00:09:21,206 --> 00:09:24,336
an oil slick.
Booby Trap.
235
00:09:25,689 --> 00:09:27,379
Holy hell.
One step on that oil,
236
00:09:27,482 --> 00:09:29,522
and we'll likely slip
straight to death.
237
00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:32,170
Well, well, well. Rip Digman.
238
00:09:32,275 --> 00:09:34,165
I've played your arcade game
at Zapper's.
239
00:09:34,275 --> 00:09:35,785
My arcade game?
240
00:09:35,896 --> 00:09:37,656
The Arcade Game!
241
00:09:37,758 --> 00:09:39,068
King Tut is back,
242
00:09:39,172 --> 00:09:40,792
and he is pissed
at archaeologists.
243
00:09:40,896 --> 00:09:42,336
Play as Rip or Bella
as we battle
244
00:09:42,448 --> 00:09:44,658
to rescue Swooper
from Tut's evil clutches.
245
00:09:44,758 --> 00:09:46,998
Power up by eating iguana jerky.
246
00:09:48,172 --> 00:09:49,972
But don't let Tut defeat you.
247
00:09:50,068 --> 00:09:53,308
Tonight I dine on Arky hummus.
248
00:09:55,413 --> 00:09:56,483
Good God.
249
00:09:56,586 --> 00:09:58,236
And it's the only game
250
00:09:58,344 --> 00:10:00,244
with ungrounded wiring so
you get shocked as you play.
251
00:10:00,344 --> 00:10:01,904
- Ow! Fu--
- Digman!
252
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,410
But they buried all the copies
of my game in the Arizona desert
253
00:10:04,517 --> 00:10:06,657
after everyone complained
that it was impossible to beat.
254
00:10:06,758 --> 00:10:08,588
Impossible to beat?
255
00:10:08,689 --> 00:10:10,689
No, you just got to
know the trick.
256
00:10:10,793 --> 00:10:11,863
The trick? What trick?
257
00:10:11,965 --> 00:10:13,205
Wouldn't you like to know?
258
00:10:13,310 --> 00:10:15,550
Australia, Slingshot.
Search the whole museum.
259
00:10:15,655 --> 00:10:17,275
Hunt for stragglers.
Dojo Dave.
260
00:10:17,379 --> 00:10:19,479
You're in charge of security
while we're gone.
261
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,586
Got to be honest.
262
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:23,589
This kid has
amazing leadership skills.
263
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:26,139
- I can't see anything.
- Here.
264
00:10:27,724 --> 00:10:29,594
Wow.
265
00:10:29,689 --> 00:10:32,139
This is my favorite room
in the museum.
266
00:10:32,241 --> 00:10:34,311
It's an exact recreation
of a bedroom
267
00:10:34,413 --> 00:10:35,593
from the Victorian era.
268
00:10:35,689 --> 00:10:38,069
Ooh! It even has
an authentic chamber pot.
269
00:10:38,172 --> 00:10:40,972
- Man, that thing is beat up.
- I know, right?
270
00:10:41,068 --> 00:10:42,898
And look,
there's even an original copy
271
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,620
of my favorite book.
272
00:10:44,724 --> 00:10:47,934
There are many stories about
heights that are not wuthering.
273
00:10:48,034 --> 00:10:49,864
This is not
one of those stories.
274
00:10:49,965 --> 00:10:52,065
- Such good writing.
- This is cool.
275
00:10:52,172 --> 00:10:53,932
I've never hung out
with an assistant Arky
276
00:10:54,034 --> 00:10:55,344
- I actually like.
- Same.
277
00:10:55,448 --> 00:10:58,168
- You're like my first friend.
- Yeah, same.
278
00:10:58,275 --> 00:11:00,025
Maybe we can have
another friend-hang next week.
279
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:02,857
That sounds great.
Oh, who am I kidding?
280
00:11:02,965 --> 00:11:04,785
Rip and Zane would never
allow that.
281
00:11:04,896 --> 00:11:06,096
And I can't get fired.
282
00:11:06,206 --> 00:11:08,066
Being an Arky is my dream.
I'm sorry.
283
00:11:08,172 --> 00:11:10,102
This needs to be
a one-night-only friendship.
284
00:11:10,206 --> 00:11:13,096
Alas, we're fated to be
star-crossed homies.
285
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:16,066
Star-crossed homies.
I love that phrase. Oh!
286
00:11:16,172 --> 00:11:18,762
- Hey there, kids.
- Okay, here's the deal.
287
00:11:18,862 --> 00:11:20,242
Whoever gets us the hell
out of here will be named
288
00:11:20,344 --> 00:11:21,794
the spokesperson
for Splunk Energy Drinks.
289
00:11:21,896 --> 00:11:23,896
In that case, it shall be me.
290
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,660
Toodle-oo, chaps.
291
00:11:29,793 --> 00:11:32,313
Merde. He was
the best jumper of us all.
292
00:11:32,413 --> 00:11:34,073
I could certainly
never jump that far.
293
00:11:34,172 --> 00:11:37,002
Man, that skeleton is
cool as shit, though.
294
00:11:37,103 --> 00:11:38,693
Silver lining, I guess.
295
00:11:38,793 --> 00:11:40,003
What are you kids doing here?
296
00:11:40,103 --> 00:11:42,833
Uh, just enjoying
this awesome museum.
297
00:11:42,931 --> 00:11:44,101
But it's closed.
298
00:11:44,206 --> 00:11:46,336
Yeah, we absolutely
love history,
299
00:11:46,448 --> 00:11:49,278
- so we snuck in.
- Ah, I used to do that.
300
00:11:49,379 --> 00:11:50,409
Let me guess. Gate C?
301
00:11:50,517 --> 00:11:52,237
Exactly. Gate C.
302
00:11:52,344 --> 00:11:55,144
Well, you guys picked
a simply fascinating exhibit,
303
00:11:55,241 --> 00:11:56,861
but there's just one problem.
304
00:11:56,965 --> 00:12:00,025
- There is no Gate C.
- Now!
305
00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:01,547
Australia,
report in. Everything clear?
306
00:12:01,655 --> 00:12:03,235
Could use your help
with the hostages.
307
00:12:03,344 --> 00:12:05,624
Hostages?
Uh, yeah.
308
00:12:05,724 --> 00:12:07,864
It's all bonzer out here.
309
00:12:07,965 --> 00:12:09,615
And good on ya for asking.
310
00:12:09,724 --> 00:12:11,034
Copy that. Over and out.
311
00:12:11,137 --> 00:12:14,307
- Wow. That was fucking spot-on.
- Right?
312
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,897
We are dead.
313
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,310
Sure, eventually
we'll go the way of all flesh,
314
00:12:21,413 --> 00:12:22,833
but perhaps not today.
315
00:12:22,931 --> 00:12:24,031
Follow me.
316
00:12:25,758 --> 00:12:28,208
This temple was transported
completely intact from Egypt,
317
00:12:28,310 --> 00:12:30,140
and inside was
a great pharaoh's tomb.
318
00:12:30,241 --> 00:12:31,621
As was tradition,
he was buried
319
00:12:31,724 --> 00:12:34,244
with his organs hidden nearby
in Canopic jars.
320
00:12:34,344 --> 00:12:37,524
If we can find
a preserved organ like this,
321
00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:40,660
we can throw it in the water
to distract the piranhas.
322
00:12:43,896 --> 00:12:45,406
Soup's on.
323
00:12:52,827 --> 00:12:55,857
Don't you have
a race car bed to piss?
324
00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:02,307
Whoa!
325
00:13:04,172 --> 00:13:06,552
He's just a kid, Rip.
How are you losing?
326
00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:08,515
He's shockingly strong.
327
00:13:11,103 --> 00:13:12,933
I have mixed feelings
about this.
328
00:13:13,034 --> 00:13:14,864
Hey, Rip.
329
00:13:16,275 --> 00:13:17,475
Fuck off.
330
00:13:17,586 --> 00:13:19,066
Zane's about to get out
and free us all.
331
00:13:19,172 --> 00:13:21,342
One more step,
and he's my new Splunksman.
332
00:13:21,448 --> 00:13:23,098
Never!
333
00:13:23,206 --> 00:13:24,476
Ah!
334
00:13:24,586 --> 00:13:26,996
Nice.
335
00:13:27,103 --> 00:13:28,693
Wha...
336
00:13:28,793 --> 00:13:30,593
Well, your hour is up,
Mr. Mayor.
337
00:13:30,689 --> 00:13:31,899
What's it gonna be?
338
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,100
- I'll never sign.
- Very well.
339
00:13:34,206 --> 00:13:36,656
Then the time has come
for an Arky to die.
340
00:13:36,758 --> 00:13:38,168
Any volunteers?
Him!
341
00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:40,515
Oh, my goggles.
342
00:13:44,655 --> 00:13:46,445
- Where are we going?
- After observing those kids,
343
00:13:46,551 --> 00:13:47,831
I think I know
how to defeat them.
344
00:13:47,931 --> 00:13:49,831
Wait. Should we even bother?
345
00:13:49,931 --> 00:13:51,171
- What do you mean?
- If we do,
346
00:13:51,275 --> 00:13:52,755
everyone will learn the truth,
347
00:13:52,862 --> 00:13:54,482
that we're friends.
348
00:13:54,586 --> 00:13:56,476
I can't keep our friendship
in the shadows anymore.
349
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:59,306
Here. I stole this
from the gift shop earlier.
350
00:13:59,413 --> 00:14:01,933
- It's a brontosaurus bracelet.
- That's funny.
351
00:14:02,034 --> 00:14:03,484
I also got you
a bronto bracelet.
352
00:14:05,103 --> 00:14:09,343
Whoa. Okay,
this just got quite real.
353
00:14:09,448 --> 00:14:11,518
Time for your kill scream, Rip.
354
00:14:11,620 --> 00:14:12,720
Any last words?
355
00:14:12,827 --> 00:14:14,447
Only these: Mr. Longtooth,
356
00:14:14,551 --> 00:14:16,101
feel free to use
my image posthumously
357
00:14:16,206 --> 00:14:18,136
in an ad for Splunk.
I don't mind.
358
00:14:18,241 --> 00:14:19,521
I'm not sure that's...
359
00:14:19,620 --> 00:14:21,140
You can make me do
whatever feels right.
360
00:14:21,241 --> 00:14:22,901
It can be demeaning,
nasty, perverted stuff.
361
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,590
If you want, you could even use
actual footage of my autopsy.
362
00:14:25,689 --> 00:14:28,829
And the doctor could be like,
"Hey, where's the balls?"
363
00:14:28,931 --> 00:14:30,691
That is A-okay with me.
364
00:14:30,793 --> 00:14:33,313
Wow. You really are a sad man.
365
00:14:33,413 --> 00:14:34,553
Sad?
366
00:14:34,655 --> 00:14:37,335
Would a sad guy do this?
367
00:14:38,793 --> 00:14:40,973
It's game over for you, Rip.
368
00:14:41,068 --> 00:14:43,138
Game over?
369
00:14:43,241 --> 00:14:44,791
Wait. What about this?
370
00:14:44,896 --> 00:14:46,276
If I can beat your high score
in the Digman video game,
371
00:14:46,379 --> 00:14:47,789
you let me go.
372
00:14:47,896 --> 00:14:50,096
If I can't, you can kill me
and everyone else here.
373
00:14:50,206 --> 00:14:51,276
What the fuck, Rip?
374
00:14:51,379 --> 00:14:53,379
No, I think I'll just kill you.
375
00:14:53,482 --> 00:14:54,862
Oh, I get it.
376
00:14:54,965 --> 00:14:57,095
Is this how you keep
your high scores intact?
377
00:14:57,206 --> 00:14:58,896
You murder anyone
who may actually
378
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,590
- threaten your pixelated crown?
- No, I...
379
00:15:01,689 --> 00:15:02,999
Fine, then, just kill me,
380
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:05,003
since you're so afraid
I'll humiliate you.
381
00:15:05,103 --> 00:15:06,693
Just do it and then kill Zane.
382
00:15:06,793 --> 00:15:10,343
Bring in the game.
383
00:15:12,517 --> 00:15:15,587
Here are the rules: if Rip beats
High Score's high score,
384
00:15:15,689 --> 00:15:17,899
you go free.
If he doesn't, you die.
385
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,000
Step aside, pizza face.
386
00:15:21,103 --> 00:15:22,453
It's go time.
387
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,690
Aw, fucking no way!
388
00:15:25,793 --> 00:15:28,213
Oh, I'm so fucked!
I'm so royally fucked!
389
00:15:28,310 --> 00:15:30,140
And one quarter pourer to boot.
390
00:15:30,241 --> 00:15:32,141
Time's up, Rip.
391
00:15:32,241 --> 00:15:34,101
I'm coming, Bella.
392
00:15:34,206 --> 00:15:36,616
- Not so fast.
- Saltine!
393
00:15:38,379 --> 00:15:39,449
Wh-What?
394
00:15:39,551 --> 00:15:41,721
I can't hear my boombox.
Who am I?
395
00:15:46,724 --> 00:15:49,034
- Ha!
- Whoa, whoa.
396
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:53,591
Hooray! All right!
397
00:15:53,689 --> 00:15:55,029
Yay!
398
00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:57,406
Rip, before you say anything,
399
00:15:57,517 --> 00:15:58,927
this is Trisket,
and she's my friend.
400
00:15:59,034 --> 00:16:00,834
If you can't accept that,
it's your problem.
401
00:16:00,931 --> 00:16:02,171
No, yeah, it's fine.
402
00:16:02,275 --> 00:16:03,515
I don't give a shit
about that stuff anymore.
403
00:16:03,620 --> 00:16:04,620
You saved our lives!
404
00:16:04,724 --> 00:16:06,214
- Oh, really?
- Trisket, we're leaving.
405
00:16:06,310 --> 00:16:08,140
Ugh! I got to go.
Zane's my ride.
406
00:16:08,241 --> 00:16:10,451
Wait a minute.
Where's High Score?
407
00:16:17,827 --> 00:16:19,617
Huh.
408
00:16:24,827 --> 00:16:27,137
High Score?
409
00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:31,449
I was hoping
you'd find me in here.
410
00:16:31,551 --> 00:16:33,551
Perhaps I
should introduce myself.
411
00:16:33,655 --> 00:16:35,275
You already did.
You're High Score.
412
00:16:35,379 --> 00:16:37,519
My name isn't High Score.
413
00:16:37,620 --> 00:16:39,240
It's Ponce de Leon.
414
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:43,000
500 years ago, me and
my fellow conquistadores--
415
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:45,243
Tomboy, Allergies, Boombox
and the rest--
416
00:16:45,344 --> 00:16:48,344
found the Fountain of Youth
here in Nueva York.
417
00:16:48,448 --> 00:16:50,098
I created a cover story
that it was in Florida
418
00:16:50,206 --> 00:16:51,406
to throw people off,
419
00:16:51,517 --> 00:16:52,927
but we've been living
in a state of
420
00:16:53,034 --> 00:16:54,834
perpetual youth for centuries.
421
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:56,691
Ironic, isn't it?
After all that,
422
00:16:56,793 --> 00:16:59,313
I was the moldiest oldie of all.
423
00:16:59,413 --> 00:17:01,413
Whoa. So, uh, just wondering.
424
00:17:01,517 --> 00:17:03,207
Can this fountain bring people
back to life?
425
00:17:03,310 --> 00:17:04,970
No, it just makes you
look younger.
426
00:17:05,068 --> 00:17:06,338
But the older you get,
427
00:17:06,448 --> 00:17:08,548
the more often
you need to drink from it.
428
00:17:08,655 --> 00:17:10,445
That's why I'm always sipping
from my cup.
429
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:12,101
The water from the lake
runs up the tube
430
00:17:12,206 --> 00:17:13,446
into the soda fountain.
431
00:17:13,551 --> 00:17:15,001
But I can't let it fall
into the hands
432
00:17:15,103 --> 00:17:16,383
of the museum,
it's too addictive.
433
00:17:16,482 --> 00:17:18,592
It makes you feel youthful,
like bangs,
434
00:17:18,689 --> 00:17:20,789
but it also overtakes your life,
like bangs.
435
00:17:20,896 --> 00:17:26,616
So I'm gonna hit this button
and destroy it once and for all.
436
00:17:30,034 --> 00:17:32,314
Don't move a muscle.
437
00:17:32,413 --> 00:17:34,413
Wait, not even my heart muscle?
Because I would die.
438
00:17:34,517 --> 00:17:36,097
You know the heart is a muscle, right?
439
00:17:36,206 --> 00:17:37,616
I swear I'm not trying to be
a know-it-all.
440
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,314
I'm just saying, you said,
"Don't move a muscle,"
441
00:17:39,413 --> 00:17:42,073
but I got to keep moving
that one, Mr. Longtooth.
442
00:17:42,172 --> 00:17:43,762
Okay, my hands are up.
443
00:17:48,103 --> 00:17:49,523
What the hell are you doing,
Longtooth?
444
00:17:49,620 --> 00:17:51,240
I've been searching
for the fountain for decades.
445
00:17:51,344 --> 00:17:53,314
When I discovered it was here,
I donated a fortune
446
00:17:53,413 --> 00:17:55,143
to expand the museum
and gain access.
447
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:57,971
And now that it's mine,
I'll add it to Splunk.
448
00:17:58,068 --> 00:18:00,168
An addictive drink that
also makes you look younger?
449
00:18:00,275 --> 00:18:01,855
I'll make billions.
450
00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:07,210
Oh. Ah, I feel 40 years old.
451
00:18:07,310 --> 00:18:08,720
The age at which life begins,
452
00:18:08,827 --> 00:18:10,307
according to
Women's World magazine.
453
00:18:10,413 --> 00:18:12,693
I bet I can do the splits again.
454
00:18:12,793 --> 00:18:14,693
Rip, I need to tell you
455
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:16,793
how to beat
the Digman video game.
456
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:18,306
It's impossible to beat it solo,
457
00:18:18,413 --> 00:18:20,453
but when you play it two-player,
458
00:18:20,551 --> 00:18:22,971
Rip and Bella can do
a combo move
459
00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:25,308
to defeat the final boss.
460
00:18:25,413 --> 00:18:29,313
It's all about...
it's all about teamwork.
461
00:18:30,103 --> 00:18:31,933
- He's dead.
- Saltine, you heard him.
462
00:18:32,034 --> 00:18:33,554
- We need to do teamwork.
- But what kind?
463
00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:36,895
The one thing Longtooth
can't tear his eyes away from.
464
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,690
The Arky shuffle.
465
00:18:38,793 --> 00:18:40,173
Two, three, four.
466
00:18:40,275 --> 00:18:42,515
♪ Now dig, now dig ♪
467
00:18:42,620 --> 00:18:44,620
♪ Clean dirt from a vase ♪
468
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,284
♪ Now look inside a tomb,
get scared of a mummy ♪
469
00:18:46,379 --> 00:18:47,409
-♪ Run away from a mummy. ♪
- Wait.
470
00:18:47,517 --> 00:18:48,967
Wait, what are you doing?
My God.
471
00:18:49,068 --> 00:18:51,028
That dance, it's incredible.
472
00:18:51,137 --> 00:18:53,617
It's working.
He's falling under our spell.
473
00:18:53,724 --> 00:18:56,904
- Now let's ice this moldy oldie.
- For High Score!
474
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:04,974
Aw, look.
He's just a baby now.
475
00:19:05,068 --> 00:19:06,688
Indeed, but it'll wear off.
476
00:19:06,793 --> 00:19:07,933
Ponce said so himself.
477
00:19:08,034 --> 00:19:10,004
There's only one thing
left to do.
478
00:19:11,586 --> 00:19:13,756
He's actually an old man,
don't forget.
479
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,762
I know it looks bad,
but it's totally aboveboard.
480
00:19:16,862 --> 00:19:18,382
This is a necessary evil.
481
00:19:18,482 --> 00:19:21,762
Not even evil, just totally
and completely necessary.
482
00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:26,856
There.
That piece of shit is dead.
483
00:19:26,965 --> 00:19:28,995
Man, that's tough to look at.
484
00:19:29,103 --> 00:19:31,763
Also, I got to say,
didn't feel good doing that.
485
00:19:31,862 --> 00:19:33,662
But it was the only option.
Had to do it.
486
00:19:33,758 --> 00:19:35,448
I'm sure he's gonna re-age
any second,
487
00:19:35,551 --> 00:19:38,281
and it'll be like
I definitely didn't kill a baby.
488
00:19:40,068 --> 00:19:41,858
Any second now.
489
00:19:43,931 --> 00:19:46,071
I'm betting it still reverts
even though he's dead.
490
00:19:46,172 --> 00:19:49,552
That magic water's gonna
wear off, and it'll be aces.
491
00:19:50,413 --> 00:19:52,523
Any second.
492
00:19:55,931 --> 00:19:58,661
Oh, fuck yes!
Thank Christ!
493
00:19:58,758 --> 00:20:00,688
That was a little touch-and-go
there for a minute,
494
00:20:00,793 --> 00:20:02,213
right, Saltine?
495
00:20:02,310 --> 00:20:04,100
And by the way, I'm off the hook
for the one earlier, too.
496
00:20:04,206 --> 00:20:06,516
The karate guy?
He was also old.
497
00:20:06,620 --> 00:20:08,100
Yeah, man.
498
00:20:08,206 --> 00:20:11,656
All right, now that that
is neatly and morally settled,
499
00:20:11,758 --> 00:20:14,718
let's blow this place to hell
and get out of here.
500
00:20:15,896 --> 00:20:18,586
Did you yell
"For High Score" earlier?
501
00:20:18,689 --> 00:20:20,619
I did. Yeah.
It's weird in retrospect.
502
00:20:20,724 --> 00:20:22,864
We didn't really know him, and
he was pretty much the villain
503
00:20:22,965 --> 00:20:25,615
most of the time, but...
heat of the moment.
504
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:28,454
A giant sinkhole formed
next to the Arky Gala
505
00:20:28,551 --> 00:20:30,521
last night,
destroying Zapper's Arcade
506
00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:33,030
and killing the CEO
of Splunk Energy Drinks.
507
00:20:33,137 --> 00:20:35,237
We wish we could provide you
with more details,
508
00:20:35,344 --> 00:20:37,104
but since everyone signed NDAs,
509
00:20:37,206 --> 00:20:39,096
nobody who was there is allowed
to say what happened.
510
00:20:39,206 --> 00:20:40,856
Airtight NDAs once again
511
00:20:40,965 --> 00:20:44,615
spoil what we can only assume
would be a great story.
512
00:20:46,137 --> 00:20:47,277
Ooh! We almost got him.
513
00:20:47,379 --> 00:20:48,829
We got to do the combo move.
514
00:20:48,931 --> 00:20:51,551
C-C-Combo!
515
00:20:51,655 --> 00:20:54,825
♪ If ever you think about ♪
516
00:20:54,931 --> 00:20:57,521
♪ The happiest days
of your life ♪
517
00:20:58,896 --> 00:21:01,276
♪ Cast back your mind
for a while...♪
518
00:21:01,379 --> 00:21:02,659
Yeah!
519
00:21:06,758 --> 00:21:09,618
I couldn't have done it
without you, Bella.
520
00:21:09,724 --> 00:21:12,384
I love you.
We will never be apart.
521
00:21:12,482 --> 00:21:15,592
♪ Just remember all the good
times that you had♪ -
522
00:21:17,689 --> 00:21:19,139
Oh, no! Damn it!
523
00:21:19,241 --> 00:21:23,831
♪ Do you remember
only happy days ♪
524
00:21:23,931 --> 00:21:25,281
♪ Full of flaming Junes... ♪
525
00:21:25,379 --> 00:21:27,659
Fleety! Stop!
It was an accident!
526
00:21:33,482 --> 00:21:36,592
♪ Or do you remember ♪
527
00:21:36,689 --> 00:21:39,379
♪ Those stormy Novembers ♪
528
00:21:40,413 --> 00:21:45,553
♪ When we walked
in the wind and the rain?♪
529
00:21:47,103 --> 00:21:51,973
♪ Schooldays were
such happy days.♪
530
00:21:53,965 --> 00:21:55,965
Chirp.
37703
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