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1
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It seems todaythat all you see
2
00:00:04,463 --> 00:00:08,050
Is violence in moviesand sex on TV
3
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:11,845
But where are those
Good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,848
On whichwe used to rely?
5
00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:17,851
Lucky there'sa family guy
6
00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:21,438
Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do
7
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,148
All the thingsthat make us
8
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Laugh and cry
9
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He's a family guy
10
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:39,164
God, I hate coming to the vet.
11
00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:41,708
They charge me 90 bucks a day
to keep Brian here.
12
00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:44,211
For 60 bucks, I could put him
up at the Holiday Inn.
13
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:45,629
Huh? Who's with me?
14
00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:49,258
My apologies.
15
00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:52,094
My pet cricket has restless leg syndrome.
16
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:55,931
I hope Brian's stomach pains
aren't anything serious.
17
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,393
Ugh, look at that, Lois.
That's why cats freak me out.
18
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,436
He's doing that weird, stretchy leg thing
19
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,855
where they lick themselves.
20
00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:07,234
Look at that, huh?
21
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:08,402
Look at that .
22
00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:10,112
Ew...
23
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:12,739
Oh, thank God the vets
are here to help Brian.
24
00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:14,908
I want to be a veterinarian
when I grow up.
25
00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:16,493
Meg, we've been over this.
26
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:20,080
You're gonna gain 150 pounds
and write Ugly Betty fan fiction.
27
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:21,915
- But Dad...
- Meg, that's final.
28
00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:23,709
Meg, that's final. Meg, that's final.
29
00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,961
See, this bird knows
what I'm talking about.
30
00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:27,462
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
31
00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:28,797
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
32
00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,507
- You're very polite.
- You're very polite.
33
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,134
You do not see that these days.
34
00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,261
You do not see that. I like you.
35
00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:36,638
- I like you.
- Oh, thank God.
36
00:01:36,722 --> 00:01:38,724
You know, you never really know
what somebody thinks of you,
37
00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:40,642
but I'm glad I made
a good first impression.
38
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:43,270
- Would you like to be friends?
- Like to be friends.
39
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:45,564
Oh, God, this is all going so smoothly.
40
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:46,899
What's your name? I'm Peter.
41
00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:48,692
- Peter.
- No way! That's my name!
42
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,944
Hey, you should come home
and spend the night at my house.
43
00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:52,779
Lois, will you make up the guest room?
44
00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:55,365
Peter, that's someone's pet.
You can't just take it.
45
00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:58,202
Well, maybe they never know it's gone.
46
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,960
Oh, Brian, I'm so glad you're okay.
47
00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:08,337
Yes, he's doing fine.
48
00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:10,130
We were able to clear
the stomach obstruction.
49
00:02:10,214 --> 00:02:12,216
Turns out it was a used diaper.
50
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,550
- Ew!
- Gross!
51
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,386
- Oh, yes.
- Get off my back.
52
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,721
I thought it was Indian food.
53
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,682
Oh, thank you so much
for your help, Dr. Jewish.
54
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,601
I really thought we were gonna lose him.
55
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,228
It was my pleasure, Mrs. Griffin.
56
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,396
Go ahead and check out
with my intern, Anna.
57
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:42,621
I never wantedanyone like this
58
00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:45,123
It's all brand new
59
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:48,961
You'll feel itin my kiss
60
00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:50,963
I'm crazy for you
61
00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:52,798
- Bah
- Bah
62
00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:54,716
- Bah
- Bah
63
00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:58,136
Ah-ah
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00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:00,889
Crazy for you.
65
00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:06,728
We now return to Busy Business Lady
66
00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:07,896
Whose Life Is Missing Something
67
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,858
But She Doesn't Realize It
Because She's So Busy With Business.
68
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,860
No, no, I cannot make
that business meeting.
69
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,611
I've got a different
business meeting at 3:00,
70
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,154
and will be doingbusiness there.
71
00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:18,031
I was wondering ifyou're free for coffee.
72
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,366
Oh, no, I can't!
73
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:21,535
I've got a lunch meeting,
and then a meeting after lunch,
74
00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:23,245
- after that...
- Shh, shh, shh.
75
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,789
Over the next 90 minutes,
I'd like to show you
76
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,792
that all your problems
can be solved by my penis.
77
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,344
Hey, guys, what is going on?
78
00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:40,721
- No way!
- Cool!
79
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:42,097
That thing don't bite, do it?
80
00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:44,683
Guys, say hello to Adrien Beaky.
81
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,810
- Pick a lane, bitch.
- Isn't that funny?
82
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,937
He heard me say that
on the way over in the car.
83
00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:50,898
I gotta pee. Where's that Snapple bottle?
84
00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:53,901
I had a gay experience at camp.
85
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:56,403
We... we had the radio on
86
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,071
and they were talking about
some goofy stuff.
87
00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,781
So, what are you...
what are you guys drinking?
88
00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:01,783
Hey, Peter, you kind of look like a pirate
89
00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:03,076
with that thing on your shoulder.
90
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,745
A pirate? Ah, cool!
91
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:06,246
You should get a pirate name.
92
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:08,248
- And a peg leg.
- And a hook hand.
93
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:10,083
And you should have sex
with that crossing guard
94
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:12,669
even though she looked young
and then I found out she was 12.
95
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,005
I mean, you should get an eye patch.
96
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,549
Eye patch would be cool.
97
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,263
Mom, can we go back to the vet
98
00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:25,349
and see the pretty vet assistant again?
99
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,809
Well, I guess, if Brian gets sick again.
100
00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:30,103
Oh, boy! Hey, Brian, look!
101
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,106
Brian's sick. Mom, get your keys!
102
00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,775
Chris, I'm not going to the vet.
103
00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:36,652
Aha!
104
00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:37,736
There's me wench!
105
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,404
Peter, what the hell are you doing?
106
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:42,157
That's Long John Peter to you, Porthole.
107
00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:46,078
Fetch me five tankards of ale,
108
00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:48,121
- and a leg of mutton for me maties!
109
00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,084
Who the hell are those guys?
110
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:54,753
Just a few sea dogs from
my fishin' boat days.
111
00:04:54,837 --> 00:04:57,381
I don't care who they are, they stink!
Get 'em out of here!
112
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:59,049
They stink of good cheer, Lois!
113
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,677
- Aha!
114
00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:04,346
After we've had our fill
of bread and wine,
115
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:06,014
we shall tell tales of other times
116
00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:07,808
we had our fill of bread and wine.
117
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:11,436
God, this is a more disturbing
sight than Tom Hanks and ET
118
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,521
in Philadelphia.
119
00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:14,815
Ouch...
120
00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:16,358
There you go, you're good.
121
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:17,484
You didn't touch me.
122
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,069
I don't wanna get AIDS.
123
00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:26,285
Kristallnacht!
124
00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:27,536
Aha!
125
00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:30,914
'Tis Long John Peter
and his merry men come seeking plunder.
126
00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:33,625
All your Tucks Medicated Pads be ours.
127
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,711
Aah! Oh, my God!
128
00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:38,088
Oh, God, what are you doing?
129
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:40,048
Aha! For no reason,
130
00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:42,718
I'm going to fire
this cannon all over your store.
131
00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,182
Aha!
132
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:49,933
Terrible pharmacy toys.
133
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,769
We'll see to it that no child
ever receives these
134
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,480
as a last-minute gift
hastily bought on the way to the party.
135
00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:03,363
Dear me, it's almost 3:00.
136
00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:06,200
I've got to get this shipment
of sugarcane, tobacco and spices
137
00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:08,076
to the harbor before day's end.
138
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,706
That car is coming up awfully fast,
139
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,791
but at least it's flying the British flag.
140
00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:22,424
Oh, no. Privateers.
141
00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:25,469
No doubt they're after
my sugarcane, tobacco and spices.
142
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,638
Well, Shelley Boothbishop
isn't about to let you
143
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,264
over-egg this pudding.
144
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:31,892
Aha!
145
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,154
Prepare to be boarded.
146
00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:46,323
You'll never take my cargo.
147
00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:02,631
Load the cannon.
148
00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:01,815
All clear, sir.
149
00:08:04,610 --> 00:08:05,777
Shoot it again.
150
00:08:05,861 --> 00:08:07,404
What? I didn't understand that.
151
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,740
I said "shoot it again,"
but I said it pirate-like.
152
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:29,009
Well done,
you barnacle-munching scallywiggers.
153
00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:30,761
Sir, we've got a man down.
154
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,429
Oh my God! Adrien Beaky.
155
00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:33,514
Say something.
156
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,350
Shoot... me.
157
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,602
Oh, God, this is my fault.
158
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:39,978
I did this.
159
00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:42,439
I've screwed up worse
than Disney did when they cast
160
00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,816
Michael J. Fox in that Zorro remake.
161
00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:47,819
Who was that masked man who saved us?
162
00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:50,322
I don't know, but he left his insignia.
163
00:08:57,079 --> 00:08:58,705
Give it to me straight, Dr. Jewish.
164
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:00,040
Is he gonna live?
165
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:02,334
Mr. Griffin, I'm afraid
your parrot is dead.
166
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:06,004
No!
167
00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:08,173
Did he at least die with dignity?
168
00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:11,218
Well, he convulsed a lot
and fell off the operating table.
169
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,262
Then he flopped around
a little on the floor,
170
00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:15,430
and then a passing nurse
accidentally stepped on him
171
00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:17,474
and kicked him into a puddle of urine.
172
00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:18,767
Which must've frightened him,
173
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,853
because his bowels
released all over himself.
174
00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:23,480
I tried to pick him up,
but then I got angry
175
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:25,357
because some of it got on my thumb,
176
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,860
so I threw him against the wall
and that's where he died.
177
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,570
That's the way I want to go.
178
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,989
I'm really sorry about your dad's parrot.
179
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,115
Oh, that's okay.
180
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,408
He'll get over it pretty quickly
181
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,326
and then move on to another wacky thing.
182
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,161
Lois, whose pipe organ is this?
183
00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:39,288
My name's Anna.
184
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,081
Um... I'm Chris.
185
00:09:42,124 --> 00:09:45,002
Sometimes I have to poop for a long time.
186
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,004
Now you say something.
187
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,214
You're funny.
188
00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:51,466
But I bet a lot of girls
tell you that, huh?
189
00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:55,220
Well, the only girl I know
is my sister, and she sucks.
190
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,264
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
191
00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:59,600
Wow, we're having a conversation!
192
00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:03,145
Listen, I have to get back to work,
193
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:06,899
but, um, would you maybe
want to go out sometime?
194
00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:08,150
Yes!
195
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,484
Great. Here's my number.
196
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:10,777
Awesome!
197
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:13,947
Oh, no, I broke the pipe organ.
198
00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,949
Hey, look, the deed to a cattle ranch.
199
00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:29,546
So, um... how do you like
working at the vet?
200
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,882
Oh, it is so rewarding.
201
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,133
Ever since I was a little girl,
202
00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:35,302
I have loved working with animals.
203
00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:38,096
Did you ever make it with one of the dogs?
204
00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:41,475
- What?
- I mean, uh, did you enjoy your appetizer?
205
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:42,809
It hasn't come yet.
206
00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:47,189
Oh, um, I mean, did you ever
make it with one of the dogs?
207
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,732
No! Stupid!
208
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,817
Chris, just relax.
209
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,194
Um, okay.
210
00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:56,573
You know, Anna,
when I first saw you,
211
00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:59,201
I thought you were the most
beautiful girl in the world,
212
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:02,454
and now all I want to do
is show you my innermost self,
213
00:11:02,538 --> 00:11:04,581
but I'm afraid you'll reject me
because you won't like
214
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:07,251
what you see, or that
you'll see my scrotum,
215
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,669
and see that it has a seam on it,
216
00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:10,879
and then you'll think
I'm made up of two different guys
217
00:11:10,963 --> 00:11:12,089
that were sewn together,
218
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,091
'cause that's what
I think happened, and...
219
00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:16,176
Chris, I like you.
220
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,598
You don't have to try so hard.
221
00:11:21,765 --> 00:11:22,808
I'm sorry.
222
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:24,101
When I'm around a pretty girl,
223
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:27,145
I get all worked up like a kid
watching a toy commercial.
224
00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:28,939
Kids! Kids! Kids!
225
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,065
Shiny! Gooey!
226
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:31,191
Stretchy! Fun!
227
00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:32,776
Hasbro's Best Thing Ever!
228
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:33,944
Sticky! Yummy!
229
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,195
Bouncy! Fun!
230
00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:36,822
Hasbro's Best Thing Ever!
231
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,323
- Fly it!
- Yeah!
232
00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:39,992
- Toss it!
- Awesome!
233
00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,577
- Swim it!
- Aw!
234
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,161
- Eat it!
- Whoa!
235
00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:44,913
Hasbro's Best Thing Ever!
236
00:11:44,997 --> 00:11:46,415
Kids? Kids?
237
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:48,834
It's so awesome!
238
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,043
I want it!
239
00:11:54,590 --> 00:11:55,757
Hey, fellas!
240
00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:58,093
Um, I have a question.
241
00:11:58,594 --> 00:12:01,722
I went on a date with this
girl that I really like,
242
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:03,849
and if you don't mind,
243
00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:06,101
I was hoping I could ask
you a few questions
244
00:12:06,185 --> 00:12:07,644
about the birds and the bees?
245
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:09,938
Ah, my boy wants to know about sex.
246
00:12:10,022 --> 00:12:11,148
Came to the right place.
247
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,816
Chris, what you always want to remember
248
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,985
is that sex is perfectly natural.
249
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,696
Whoa, uh, uh, sorry, Mr. Swanson.
250
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,740
Um, I wasn't really talking to you.
251
00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:21,909
Chris, I know a lot about sex.
252
00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:24,161
Yeah, and I'm sure you have fond memories,
253
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,455
but I was kind of
hoping to get some advice
254
00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:29,082
from someone who isn't broken
from the waist down.
255
00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:30,167
I'm a father!
256
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,085
You're a two-wheeled monster!
257
00:12:35,214 --> 00:12:36,423
That's gonna be my ring tone.
258
00:12:36,507 --> 00:12:37,799
Quagmire, call me.
259
00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:49,478
Well, I have to get to work, Chris.
260
00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:51,605
I have tons and tons
of dogs to incinerate,
261
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:54,149
but I can't wait to see
you tomorrow night.
262
00:12:54,233 --> 00:12:56,610
Oh, God, I'm so sorry. I'll clean that up.
263
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,320
Oh, uh, that's okay. I'll get it.
264
00:12:58,403 --> 00:12:59,613
Have fun at work!
265
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,198
Okay. Bye, Chris.
266
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,868
- What do you think you're doing?
- What?
267
00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:07,246
You, a man, are cleaning up a mess
268
00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:09,039
made by Anna, a woman,
269
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,999
that she, also a woman,
270
00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:13,460
- spilled on you, a man.
- So?
271
00:13:13,544 --> 00:13:15,295
You're treating her like a human being.
272
00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:17,214
If you want to get anywhere with a chick,
273
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,882
you can't treat 'em too nice-like.
274
00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,425
- Really?
- Trust me, Chris.
275
00:13:20,509 --> 00:13:22,052
The next time you see this girl,
276
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,388
treat her like crap, and you'll be cooler
277
00:13:24,513 --> 00:13:27,391
than a mid-'80s novelty
answering machine message.
278
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:29,768
I'm gladyoucalled, but I'm not home
279
00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:31,395
But I'll be backbefore too long
280
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:33,355
You gotta wait for the beep
You gotta leave your name
281
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:34,731
You gotta leaveyour number
282
00:13:34,815 --> 00:13:36,900
- Wait for the beep
283
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:39,570
It's me again.
I just had to hear itone more time!
284
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:44,491
Chris, is everything okay?
285
00:13:44,575 --> 00:13:45,659
You seem a little,
286
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:47,369
I don't know, quiet tonight.
287
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,037
Yeah, everything's fine.
288
00:13:49,121 --> 00:13:50,956
Uh, yes, can I have two tickets,
289
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:53,917
one man and one bitch
that needs to do what I say.
290
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,919
What? That's not funny, Chris.
291
00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:57,963
Here's your ticket. Pick that up!
292
00:13:58,046 --> 00:13:59,882
Chris, why are you acting like this?
293
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:02,551
Pick that up and cook it
into something delicious
294
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:04,678
or knit it into something
that's useful to me!
295
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,977
Um, are you ready to make out now?
296
00:14:12,186 --> 00:14:13,854
Why in the world would I want to do that
297
00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:15,564
after what you just said?
298
00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:17,774
You're obviously
not the person I thought you were!
299
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:19,359
I never want to see you again!
300
00:14:19,443 --> 00:14:21,320
I can't believe I thought
you were special!
301
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,280
- Anna, wait!
302
00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:24,740
Oh, no!
303
00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,116
What did I do?
304
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,951
Hey, Chris! Guess what we just did!
305
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,620
- Bonnie, tell him.
- We had sex.
306
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:32,122
- We had sex!
- We had what Joe calls sex.
307
00:14:38,212 --> 00:14:40,130
Chris, honey, what's wrong?
308
00:14:40,214 --> 00:14:42,841
- Anna took a dump on me.
- What?
309
00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:44,927
Yeah, she broke up with me.
310
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:47,179
Oh, she dumped you.
311
00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:48,639
That's what you meant to say.
312
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:49,765
What's the difference?
313
00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:52,392
Well, what you said first was...
314
00:14:52,476 --> 00:14:55,145
Well, I mean, when
two grown-ups love each other
315
00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:58,649
very much, sometimes they show it by...
316
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:01,068
Never mind. So... so, what happened?
317
00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:02,319
I don't know.
318
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,071
I did everything Dad said.
319
00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:05,614
I should've known Peter
320
00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:06,865
had something to do with this.
321
00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:07,991
You're not the first person
322
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:09,284
whose life he's screwed up.
323
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:14,748
Knock, knock.
324
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:16,083
Nicole? Ronald?
325
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:17,459
Who's ready for Boggle?
326
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,462
Oh, my God! No!
327
00:15:20,546 --> 00:15:22,214
Why? Why?
328
00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:24,007
My beautiful Nicole!
329
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:26,468
My man Ronald, who did this?
330
00:15:26,552 --> 00:15:29,012
Oh, man, they were so good together!
331
00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,473
We were just establishing our friendship.
332
00:15:31,557 --> 00:15:33,517
They were about to get engaged.
333
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,978
Oh, he was going to ask me to be an usher.
334
00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:38,188
I mean, he already had enough groomsmen,
335
00:15:38,272 --> 00:15:40,482
so he made me an usher, but just to think
336
00:15:40,566 --> 00:15:43,610
I could be involved
in the ceremony in any way.
337
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:46,613
You told Chris to act
like a jerk to this girl?
338
00:15:46,697 --> 00:15:48,991
Well... define "Chris."
339
00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:51,159
Peter, he's really upset right now.
340
00:15:51,243 --> 00:15:53,704
I mean, he cared about this girl a lot.
341
00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:55,163
Can't you see what you've done?
342
00:15:55,247 --> 00:15:57,332
I don't know, I mean,
I thought I was helping.
343
00:15:57,416 --> 00:15:58,834
But you may be right.
344
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,878
'Cause now Chris is all sad and crying
345
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,379
and fat and bad at sports.
346
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:03,839
Well, you created this mess,
347
00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:05,674
and you have to help him fix it.
348
00:16:05,757 --> 00:16:07,676
Man, parenting is more complicated
349
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,803
than making a 1940s phone call.
350
00:16:10,304 --> 00:16:11,471
Hello, operator?
351
00:16:11,555 --> 00:16:13,348
Crestview 4162, please.
352
00:16:13,432 --> 00:16:14,433
One moment, please.
353
00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:32,409
- Hello?
354
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,535
- Hello?
- Hello?
355
00:16:33,619 --> 00:16:34,620
- Hello?
- Hello?
356
00:16:34,703 --> 00:16:36,121
- Hello?
- Hello?
357
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,540
Well, what do you know about that?
358
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,800
Hey, Chris, it's me.
359
00:16:48,884 --> 00:16:51,303
- I got something for you here.
- What is it?
360
00:16:51,386 --> 00:16:53,597
I caught you a bullfrog outside.
361
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,099
Poked some holes in its back
so it can breathe.
362
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:57,184
See, look at this...
363
00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:58,852
Oh, boy.
364
00:16:58,936 --> 00:17:00,229
All right, hang on, hang on.
365
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:44,314
I'm never gonna be happy again.
366
00:17:44,398 --> 00:17:47,067
I know how you feel, son,
but you can't give up now.
367
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,236
Now, let's get out there
and meet some ladies, eh?
368
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,446
But I don't want to date anyone else.
369
00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:52,573
I want Anna.
370
00:17:52,823 --> 00:17:53,907
Chris, you don't want to miss out
371
00:17:53,991 --> 00:17:55,951
on experiencing your teenage years.
372
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:57,494
If you do, you'll feel as bad as I do
373
00:17:57,578 --> 00:17:58,787
when I miss the toilet.
374
00:18:02,666 --> 00:18:04,334
Peter Griffin!
375
00:18:10,549 --> 00:18:11,550
All right, Chris, have a seat.
376
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:13,135
Your date'll be here any minute.
377
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:16,513
In fact, I think she'll
be coming through that door.
378
00:18:17,431 --> 00:18:19,266
Hey, Chris. I'm Betty.
379
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:20,642
Sorry I'm late.
380
00:18:20,726 --> 00:18:22,394
Your dad told me all about you.
381
00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:24,479
You sound like a swell fella.
382
00:18:24,563 --> 00:18:26,398
Uh... Thanks.
383
00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:28,233
So, where are you from?
384
00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:31,236
I'm from the rich part of town,
so you know I'm a good egg.
385
00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:32,863
But I'm more interested in you.
386
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:35,616
- Did you finish your homework today?
- What?
387
00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:38,118
You know, your dad's
got a birthday coming up.
388
00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:40,954
Have you given any thought to
what you might be getting him?
389
00:18:41,038 --> 00:18:43,207
How do you know when my dad's birthday is?
390
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:45,167
Well, that... It doesn't matter.
391
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:47,169
What are you getting
your dad for his birthday?
392
00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:49,087
I don't know. A tie.
393
00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:52,257
Ooh! I don't know if he
would want one of those.
394
00:18:52,341 --> 00:18:54,176
I think he's got enough ties.
395
00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:55,260
I think he might...
396
00:18:55,344 --> 00:18:57,012
Chris, I don't
want a tie! Pick something else!
397
00:18:59,014 --> 00:19:00,432
Chris, this is Barbara,
398
00:19:00,516 --> 00:19:02,851
the girl from your class
you used to have a crush on.
399
00:19:02,935 --> 00:19:05,687
Now, you kids enjoy yourselves,
and I'll create some atmosphere.
400
00:19:06,188 --> 00:19:08,524
This is a favorite by Men At Work.
401
00:19:08,607 --> 00:19:10,526
Do you come froma land down under?
402
00:19:18,784 --> 00:19:20,869
Look at me witha brand-new Hyundai
403
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:25,958
I don't understand, Chris.
404
00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:27,626
Your blind date should be here by now.
405
00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:28,961
She answered the ad.
406
00:19:29,545 --> 00:19:30,838
Whoa!
407
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:38,929
So, still no luck on the girl front, huh?
408
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,430
I know Dad's been trying to help,
409
00:19:40,514 --> 00:19:42,140
and I'm trying to listen to him,
410
00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:44,142
but nothing seems to be working.
411
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,894
Well, I know I asked him to help,
412
00:19:45,978 --> 00:19:48,397
but it occurs to me
that you've been taking advice
413
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,400
from everyone except
the one person who matters.
414
00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:53,235
What do you want, Chris?
415
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,821
All I want is to go out with Anna again.
416
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,865
Then you just need to go talk to her
417
00:19:57,948 --> 00:20:00,325
and tell her exactly how you feel.
418
00:20:00,409 --> 00:20:03,120
But she said she never
wants to see me again.
419
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:05,247
Well, I'm sure you can
come up with some excuse
420
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:06,498
to see her at the vet.
421
00:20:06,915 --> 00:20:08,250
Is there any more coffee?
422
00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:14,840
Anna, I'm here with my dog.
423
00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:16,633
He's not feeling well.
424
00:20:16,717 --> 00:20:17,968
you.
425
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:20,012
Don't you think you'd
rather go to another vet?
426
00:20:20,095 --> 00:20:22,556
Anna, to be honest, I came here
427
00:20:22,639 --> 00:20:25,601
'cause I wanted to apologize
for acting like such a jerk.
428
00:20:26,101 --> 00:20:27,394
That's not who I am.
429
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:28,729
Oh, yeah, no, no, no.
430
00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:29,938
Yeah, no, you're... you're a cool guy.
431
00:20:30,022 --> 00:20:31,690
Brian, shut up!
432
00:20:32,191 --> 00:20:34,193
Look, I was just really nervous
433
00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:36,403
'cause I've never had a girlfriend before,
434
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:39,198
and I wanted to make sure
I didn't do anything wrong.
435
00:20:39,281 --> 00:20:41,950
You know, you really hurt me, Chris.
436
00:20:42,117 --> 00:20:44,077
I know. I was wrong.
437
00:20:44,161 --> 00:20:46,538
- I don't want to hurt anybody, Anna.
438
00:20:46,705 --> 00:20:48,874
Please. Just give me another chance.
439
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:51,543
Gosh! He doesn't look so good.
440
00:20:51,627 --> 00:20:52,920
I know.
441
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,421
But you do.
442
00:20:58,258 --> 00:21:01,178
You know, I get off at 4:00.
443
00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:03,305
I might just be up for a movie.
444
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:07,935
Okay, somebody really needs
445
00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:09,269
to help me here.
31968
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