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1
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It seems today that all you see
2
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,175
Is violence in movies and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:11,845
But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,932
On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:18,143
Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:21,563
Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do
7
00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:23,148
All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,232 --> 00:00:24,816
Laugh and cry!
9
00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:29,613
He's a family guy!
10
00:00:35,244 --> 00:00:36,245
Lois, look at this.
11
00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:40,165
My essay won first prize in
the New England Rising Writers Contest.
12
00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:42,751
I'm gonna be honored at the big ceremony
on Martha's Vineyard.
13
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,586
They're gonna put me up
at a luxury hotel, all expenses paid.
14
00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:49,550
- Wow, congratulations, Brian.
- Meg, please, I'm talking.
15
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,468
Over a thousand people
entered the contest,
16
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:52,678
and they chose mine.
17
00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:56,265
- Well, that's wonderful, Brian.
- Yeah, that's a great achievement.
18
00:00:56,348 --> 00:00:59,852
Just like the first chemotherapy patient
to figure out the handkerchief look.
19
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,189
Honey, get in here!
20
00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:06,525
- What is it?
- Just... Just get in here!
21
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:09,736
- What... Oh, my God.
- Right?
22
00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:12,072
- It's like you don't even have cancer!
- Don't even have cancer!
23
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,991
- I know.
- Oh, my God.
24
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,411
No, but I still have
pretty aggressive cancer.
25
00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:24,459
Come on, Peter. We're gonna be late
for lunch with Mom and Dad.
26
00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:26,962
Oh. Right.
27
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,631
- You didn't forget, did you?
- No, no, I didn't forget.
28
00:01:29,715 --> 00:01:32,843
Let me just go change
out of this fishing gear.
29
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,471
- Hey, Peter, what's up?
- Come on, come on, we gotta go now!
30
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We gotta go now. Come on, Joe! Joe!
Quagmire! Come on. Go, go, go!
31
00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:41,351
Pull the car around. Come on, let's go!
32
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:46,231
- Hello?
- Lois, this is Peter.
33
00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:49,651
I'm afraid that on my way to the bedroom
to change, I took ill.
34
00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,320
You'd best go to lunch without me.
35
00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:53,447
Why do I hear an engine?
36
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:55,282
Because my stomach is rumbling in a way
37
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,576
that sounds like the engine
of Joe's fishing truck.
38
00:01:57,659 --> 00:02:00,579
- Peter, are you lying?
- Now she's a doctor, guys.
39
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:02,289
- Hi, Lois!
- Quagmire says hi.
40
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:04,583
Damn it, Peter,
you're going fishing, aren't you?
41
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:07,085
You promised me you'd come to lunch
with my parents today.
42
00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:09,505
Well, Lois,
until we get an appointment secretary,
43
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:12,466
things like this are gonna continue
to fall through the cracks.
44
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,843
My parents are not gonna like this, Peter.
45
00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:17,429
You know they're still angry
at how you behaved at our wedding.
46
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:24,269
- You may now kiss the bride.
- Kiss her? I am gonna destroy her.
47
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:32,694
Mom, are you still mad at Dad
about yesterday?
48
00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:33,904
Well, sort of.
49
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,406
I mean, we planned that lunch
two weeks ago.
50
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:37,616
But he promised he'd go with me
51
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:40,118
to put flowers on my grandmother's grave
this afternoon,
52
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:41,954
so I guess it's all right.
53
00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:45,999
- Peter, are you ready...
- Oh. Right.
54
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:53,382
So, a lot of tension
with Peter lately, huh?
55
00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:57,135
That's an understatement, Brian.
He's been incredibly thoughtless lately.
56
00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:59,221
Even more so than usual.
57
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,014
But tonight is our sex night,
58
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:04,351
and a little physical release
will do us both some good.
59
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:07,646
- Peter, are you... Oh, come on!
- Lois, I know it's late,
60
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,481
but, me and the guys,
we're going beekeeping.
61
00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:12,025
Oh, my God,
what the hell is wrong with you?
62
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:16,697
Whoa, someone just yelled themselves
out of honey with breakfast.
63
00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,240
I don't need honey, Peter,
64
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,951
I need a husband
who wants to spend time with me.
65
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,578
Can I make a suggestion?
66
00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:26,290
All you two have done is argue about stuff
for the past two weeks.
67
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,375
It's my guess you could use a vacation.
68
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:29,877
Why don't you come out
to Martha's Vineyard
69
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,879
and watch me accept my award?
70
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:34,089
Wow, does that sound wonderful.
71
00:03:34,173 --> 00:03:36,008
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
that sounds expensive.
72
00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:37,968
Can't we just do something fun here
at the house?
73
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,386
It's just as relaxing.
74
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:42,890
Hey, guys,
I've decided I'm gonna take up the drums.
75
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,475
- I'll start packing.
- I'll start packing.
76
00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:02,367
Look, Quagmire, we're only gonna be
in Martha's Vineyard for a couple days.
77
00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:04,745
Can't you just watch the kids?
78
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:07,456
Man, you're more of a letdown
than Fruit Stripe Gum.
79
00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:10,959
Hmm! Aw!
80
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,337
What are we gonna do, Lois?
Quagmire's busy,
81
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,963
and Joe and Bonnie are out of town.
82
00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:18,675
- Well, what about Cleveland?
- He's on the road touring with Black Box.
83
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:29,019
- Everybody
- Everybody
84
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:31,104
- Everybody
- Everybody
85
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,482
Well, wait a minute,
what about that nice old man
86
00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:34,733
who lives up the street?
87
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:37,110
Oh, yeah,
maybe Herbert can watch the kids.
88
00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:38,779
He seems like a responsible guy.
89
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,491
So it would only be till Monday,
and we could pay you for it.
90
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:44,201
Yeah, and it's real easy, I promise.
91
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:46,870
I mean, you've spent time
watching children, right?
92
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,622
- Yes, sir. Yes, I have.
- Wonderful.
93
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:02,803
Brian, this is wonderful.
I feel like one of the Kennedys.
94
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:06,765
You know, the over-privileged drunk ones,
not the socially-responsible dead ones.
95
00:05:06,849 --> 00:05:08,976
You know, this resort offers
some wonderful amenities.
96
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:12,062
They have bird-watching,
wine tasting, horseback riding.
97
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,022
Yeah, they also have stork startling.
98
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:18,068
Squawkety, squawkety, squawkety,
squawkety, squawkety, squawkety!
99
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:23,532
Your bird intelligence is no match
for my people intelligence.
100
00:05:26,869 --> 00:05:29,913
All right, children,
your mammy and pappy asked me
101
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,499
to look after you
for the next couple days,
102
00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:35,294
so I want to lay down a few ground rules.
103
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:37,796
No cussing, clean your plates,
104
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,592
and only a half hour of radio
and then it's off to bed.
105
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:42,759
Well, that sucks.
106
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:46,889
And don't you mouth off to me,
or I'm gonna slap you right in your penis.
107
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:48,056
No offense, Mr. Herbert,
108
00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:50,767
but I'm a 17-year-old girl,
and I don't need you here.
109
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,728
Well, no offense to you, Meg,
110
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:56,315
but you're a 17-year-old girl,
and I don't need you here.
111
00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:04,031
What do you think's keeping Peter?
112
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,575
I hope he gets here
before they give you your award.
113
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,702
Well, you're here, Lois.
That's enough for me.
114
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:09,912
Oh...
115
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:12,289
You always know just what to say.
116
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,832
And now, reading a passage
117
00:06:13,916 --> 00:06:17,211
from his grand prize-winning
short essay, Amazing Grace,
118
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:18,504
tonight's guest of honor,
Mr. Brian Griffin.
119
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:24,968
Thank you very much.
120
00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:28,722
"She was grace in name and in essence.
121
00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:33,685
"To those she loved, she exuded
strength, life, laughter and light.
122
00:06:33,769 --> 00:06:35,771
"And, to me, also sorrow,
123
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:38,357
"for circumstance had bound her
to my best friend,
124
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:42,236
"through whom we met in the warmth
and serenity of her home.
125
00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:44,488
"Nothing from the first day I saw her
126
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,782
"and no one
that has happened to me since
127
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:50,160
"has ever been
as frightening and as confusing,
128
00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:52,746
"for no person I've ever known
has ever done more
129
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:55,916
"to make me feel more sure,
more insecure,
130
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:58,627
"more important and less significant."
131
00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:09,638
That was beautiful, Brian.
132
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:12,933
Well, you know what they say,
write what's in your heart.
133
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:17,271
Hey! Oh, did...
Did I miss Byron's reward?
134
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:20,524
Brian's award. And, yes, you did, Peter.
135
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:25,279
You've been a good son, Brian,
and I'm sorry you're so sick.
136
00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:27,823
- What?
- Peter, where the hell have you been?
137
00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:34,037
Every time that we go to a hotel,
you hide the key to the minibar from me.
138
00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:38,166
But I found it. I found it.
139
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:43,046
You're a piece of work, you know that?
An hour late and you're drunk.
140
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,049
You had an opportunity
to share a beautiful moment with Brian,
141
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,342
and you wasted it,
142
00:07:47,426 --> 00:07:48,844
wasted it like the Osmond family
wastes water.
143
00:07:51,430 --> 00:07:53,640
Who's in the shower? Is it Donny?
144
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:56,310
No, I showered earlier.
It could be Merrill.
145
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:59,021
- Merrill's right here.
- Well, where's Jimmy?
146
00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:01,732
Jimmy's running through the sprinklers
in the yard.
147
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,526
- Is it Marie?
- No, no one's in there.
148
00:08:04,610 --> 00:08:07,779
So the shower's just running
with no one in there?
149
00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:10,782
- That's right.
- Well, I'll be a son of a gun.
150
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:20,042
- Hey. Good morning.
- Oh, good morning, Brian.
151
00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:23,378
That's a lovely fragrance you're wearing.
What is it?
152
00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:26,340
Oh, this? This is Hartz Mountain Flea Dip.
153
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:29,426
Kills ticks, fleas and mosquitoes.
It's very potent.
154
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,678
Almost as potent
as the inspiration you give me
155
00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:34,139
to plumb the deepest fathoms of my soul
156
00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:37,226
for a literary bounty
of truth and loveliness.
157
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:44,983
That's so much better. Morning, Lois.
158
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:48,654
I'm sorry about last night.
I promise I'll make it up to you.
159
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,906
Well, if you really mean that,
160
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:53,283
I was hoping we could go
paddle-boating today.
161
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,911
Great, but can we do it after 5:00?
There's a ball game on.
162
00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:58,705
Well, then maybe Brian and I
can hang out.
163
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:00,874
- Do you mind, Brian?
- No, not at all.
164
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:03,293
Good, now can you move, please?
You're blocking the screen.
165
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:07,172
We now return to
Damn, Nature, You Scary on BET.
166
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:10,676
Damn, look at that
son of a bitch go. He hauling ass.
167
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:13,762
That thing come by my house, I kill it.
168
00:09:15,848 --> 00:09:18,934
That little rat-looking thing just
got ate.Damn, Nature, you scary!
169
00:09:20,853 --> 00:09:23,438
You must remember this
170
00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:24,731
A kiss is still a kiss
171
00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:33,282
A sigh is just a sigh
172
00:09:33,365 --> 00:09:39,162
The fundamental things apply
173
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:43,584
As time goes by
174
00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:52,926
Moonlight and love songs
Never out of date
175
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:59,057
Hearts filled with passion
Jealousy and hate
176
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:06,064
Woman needs man
And man must have his mate
177
00:10:06,148 --> 00:10:10,527
That no one can deny
178
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:16,658
It's still the same old story
A fight for love and glory
179
00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:22,956
A case of do or die
180
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:28,420
The world will always welcome lovers
181
00:10:28,504 --> 00:10:32,382
As time goes by
182
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:38,805
The world will always welcome lovers
183
00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:45,896
As time goes by
184
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,239
- You all know what day it is?
- No.
185
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:58,825
- It's bath day.
- I don't want to take a bath.
186
00:11:00,035 --> 00:11:05,332
Not for you, silly. It's bath day for me,
but I can't wash myself.
187
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,959
Know anybody
with a pair of strong, young hands
188
00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:08,544
to help me in and out of the tub?
189
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:12,756
Rats!
190
00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:20,389
- Oh, I had so much fun today, Brian.
- So did I.
191
00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:21,974
Hey, you feel like grabbing something
to eat?
192
00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:23,934
Oh, I'd love to, but Peter and I,
193
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,979
we're gonna get dinner
at that little place by the...
194
00:11:33,277 --> 00:11:35,988
Well, looks like I am free.
195
00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:37,447
Hey, you know what might be fun?
196
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:40,909
How about we just order room service
and watch a couple of bad movies?
197
00:11:40,993 --> 00:11:43,829
Yeah, that does sound like fun.
I'll go rent Vanilla Sky.
198
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:46,456
I said a bad movie, not an abortion.
199
00:11:49,835 --> 00:11:52,087
This is gonna be great.
A whole evening with Lois!
200
00:11:52,171 --> 00:11:53,505
We are gonna have such a fun time.
201
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:54,798
Lois, my darling!
202
00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:57,634
Couple of steaks, some wine,
maybe a couple of sundaes...
203
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:58,927
Lois, my darling!
204
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:00,762
...little music, some candlelight.
205
00:12:01,013 --> 00:12:02,097
Lois, my darling!
206
00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:04,892
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What am I doing?
207
00:12:04,975 --> 00:12:06,727
This is Lois, Peter's wife.
208
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,354
How can I even think
about trying anything?
209
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:12,149
- Hello?
- Hey, Brian, it's me.
210
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,317
I got a question for you.
211
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:18,197
Herbert and I are playing Scattergories.
Would you count NyQuil as a beverage?
212
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:20,199
- No, right?
- No.
213
00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:22,409
Yeah, not gonna fly, old man.
Thanks, Brian.
214
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:25,162
Damn it. I'm missing
Boy Meets World for this?
215
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:32,544
This is so much fun, Brian.
216
00:12:32,628 --> 00:12:33,670
Well, it's a Saturday night,
217
00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:36,048
sorry the video-store pickings
were a little sparse.
218
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:37,674
Hope you like Roman Holiday.
219
00:12:38,467 --> 00:12:41,178
I lied. I was a princess the whole time.
220
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:44,223
You bitch!
I'm gonna punch you in the face!
221
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:49,144
That was a lovely dinner.
I saved all my scraps in a bag for you.
222
00:12:49,228 --> 00:12:53,482
Thanks. You know, Lois,
I'm sure you've already figured this out,
223
00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:57,528
but that essay I wrote,
I wrote it about you.
224
00:12:57,778 --> 00:12:58,987
Oh...
225
00:12:59,071 --> 00:13:04,284
I had a hunch. Thank you, Brian.
I'm glad you shared that with me.
226
00:13:04,368 --> 00:13:06,703
Well, you know, Lois,
you mean a lot to me.
227
00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:12,042
I mean, things you say and things you do
resonate with me in a big way.
228
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:15,879
When you drive away to go to the market,
I just don't know what to do with myself.
229
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:19,174
And then when I hear that car
coming up the driveway, I just go berserk.
230
00:13:19,258 --> 00:13:21,635
I mean, you know, half the time,
when you go to the market,
231
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,971
I just assume you're leaving forever,
and when you get back,
232
00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:28,100
I realize I have no idea
how long you've been gone, and I...
233
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:30,269
Well, you know what, I'm...
I'm rambling. I...
234
00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:33,689
- Would you like some more champagne?
- I'd love some.
235
00:13:35,524 --> 00:13:37,317
My head is swimming.
236
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:43,532
Oh, my God! Brian, no! Now, stop it!
What are you doing?
237
00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:45,868
I can't help myself, Lois!
I know you're married to Peter,
238
00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:48,537
but I love you
and I can't stand it anymore!
239
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:52,165
Brian, no! No! Get down! Get down!
240
00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:55,752
This is a good sweater! Off! Off!
241
00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:59,173
Brian, I think you'd better go.
242
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:09,308
Lois, I'd really like to talk
about this.
243
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:12,561
- No! Stop scratching the door!
- Okay.
244
00:14:17,316 --> 00:14:19,276
Oh, my God, I attacked Lois!
245
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,236
What the hell was I thinking?
I'm a rapist!
246
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:25,157
I'm... I'm no better than Kobe Bryant
or Mike Tyson or Reagan!
247
00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:28,744
Hey, Brian,
another Scattergories question.
248
00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:32,623
The category is "Type of Pet."
Herbert put "Cambodian."
249
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:33,749
That's not right, right?
250
00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:35,792
Look, Stewie,
I can't talk about this now, all right?
251
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:38,795
- Jeez, what's your problem?
- I just...
252
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:42,132
I did a bad thing,
and I don't know what to do about it.
253
00:14:42,216 --> 00:14:44,259
I feel like I'm losing my mind.
254
00:14:44,343 --> 00:14:46,637
That's how I felt
at that Grateful Dead show.
255
00:14:47,012 --> 00:14:49,473
Does anybody want to buy my shirt?
256
00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:52,935
I'll trade you my shirt
for a grilled cheese!
257
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:57,397
So, what happened, sport?
Come on, talk to your pal, Stewie.
258
00:14:57,481 --> 00:15:00,609
All right, but only because
I've got to tell somebody.
259
00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:06,448
- I pretty much just threw myself at Lois.
- So, you finally did it, huh?
260
00:15:06,532 --> 00:15:08,408
Well, look, Brian, as your friend,
261
00:15:08,492 --> 00:15:11,286
I should tell you that
that vagina is ground zero, man.
262
00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:14,081
I mean, I just...
I wrecked that thing on the way out.
263
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:18,085
And just to be a jerk,
I carved "Brooks was here" in the wall.
264
00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:21,338
Did... Did you see that?
Did you see "Brooks was here"?
265
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,422
We didn't have sex.
266
00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:26,218
'Course, what with Chris going before me,
I pretty much just walked out of there.
267
00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:27,928
Didn't even have to stoop over.
268
00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:30,722
There was even room to twirl a cane
as I strolled.
269
00:15:30,806 --> 00:15:32,766
- You're exaggerating.
- Only a little bit,
270
00:15:32,850 --> 00:15:34,351
that's the messed-up thing.
271
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,691
- Morning, Lois.
- Peter, there you are.
272
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:42,943
Were you down at that hotel bar
all night again?
273
00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:45,320
I was, Lois.
And you know who's staying at this hotel?
274
00:15:45,404 --> 00:15:46,738
Nathan Lane!
275
00:15:46,822 --> 00:15:49,783
We got wasted at the bar,
and he ended up asking me to marry him,
276
00:15:49,867 --> 00:15:53,036
so I convinced this minister to do
the job, but the joke's on Nathan Lane,
277
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,788
'cause gay people can't get married!
278
00:15:54,872 --> 00:15:57,374
- They can in this state, Peter.
- Oh.
279
00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:00,627
Well, in that case,
we're registered at Filene's.
280
00:16:00,711 --> 00:16:03,964
God, you've spent half
this entire trip intoxicated!
281
00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:06,216
I'm intoxicated all right, Lois,
282
00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:09,011
by the beauty and magic
of Martha's Vineyard,
283
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:12,598
Nantucket, Cape Cod
and all the great destinations
284
00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:15,100
that make Massachusetts
the wondrous place it is.
285
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:19,980
The spirit of Massachusetts
Is the spirit of America
286
00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:23,775
The spirit of what's old and what's new
287
00:16:23,859 --> 00:16:27,613
The spirit of Massachusetts
Is the spirit of America
288
00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:31,408
The spirit of the red, white and blue
289
00:16:33,202 --> 00:16:35,454
I am so glad
Brian brought us out here, Lois.
290
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,289
He's a real pal, you know that?
291
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:40,250
Well, it's actually Brian
I need to talk to you about.
292
00:16:40,334 --> 00:16:42,169
Boy, he's a hell of a guy, isn't he?
293
00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:44,546
He's the one guy I know I can trust.
294
00:16:44,630 --> 00:16:46,965
Brian tried to have sex with me.
295
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:48,634
Was he bigger than me?
296
00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:56,433
"...and they told Peter
to stay away from the Wolf.
297
00:16:56,517 --> 00:17:00,479
"But he didn't listen to them
'cause he's his own man.
298
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:05,025
"And he knew that sometimes the things
that seem the most dangerous
299
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:07,778
"turn out to be the most fun."
300
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:11,365
Yes, sir, it was a good day
for young Peter.
301
00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:22,835
Are you a pedophile?
302
00:17:29,925 --> 00:17:33,303
Hey, Lois told me
there was some funny business.
303
00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:35,138
- Yeah, what of it?
- Well, it's just...
304
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,641
I can't help but feel
a little betrayed, Brian.
305
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,476
Lois is my wife, and...
306
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:42,104
Well, I mean, all the dry food
I've bought for you over the years?
307
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,981
Yeah, well, you don't deserve her,
you know that?
308
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,024
- Say what, now?
- You don't deserve her.
309
00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:48,318
She does nothing
but give and give and give,
310
00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:50,863
and you repay her
with selfishness and neglect.
311
00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:53,907
I mean, you've barely spent any time
with her at all on this vacation.
312
00:17:53,991 --> 00:17:56,577
Well, who the hell are you
to tell me how to run my marriage?
313
00:17:56,660 --> 00:17:59,121
You can't even hang on to a girlfriend
for more than a couple months!
314
00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:00,581
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
315
00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:03,250
You're a freakin' train wreck
with that crap, Brian.
316
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:05,002
You couldn't even get Jillian
to take you back,
317
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:07,629
and she was dumber than Lou Ferrigno.
318
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:41,580
Stop it! Stop it! Get off my husband!
319
00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:45,834
Wait a minute, Brian. Nathan Lane
is right. What are we doing?
320
00:18:45,918 --> 00:18:49,004
Look, I'm sorry, all right? It's just...
321
00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:53,091
When you have feelings for someone
that are strong enough, you just,
322
00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:55,427
I don't know,
lose sight of the rest of the world.
323
00:18:55,511 --> 00:18:59,765
Brian, she's my wife,
and you're my best pal.
324
00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:01,767
So, what are we gonna do about this?
325
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:07,606
I promise, Peter,
nothing like this will ever happen again.
326
00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:09,024
Thanks, old buddy.
327
00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:11,652
Yeah, blah, blah, blah!
That's all well and good, Peter.
328
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:15,447
Now, get ready, we're having dinner
with my parents tonight!
329
00:19:15,531 --> 00:19:17,991
Oh. Right.
330
00:19:22,621 --> 00:19:24,998
I just feel terrible
about this whole thing, Lois.
331
00:19:25,082 --> 00:19:29,336
- Can you ever forgive me?
- Yes, Brian, I can.
332
00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:31,421
But there's something
you deserve to know.
333
00:19:31,505 --> 00:19:33,841
- What's that?
- Well,
334
00:19:33,924 --> 00:19:36,260
it's not like I haven't thought about it.
335
00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:37,719
- Really?
- Well, yes.
336
00:19:37,803 --> 00:19:40,556
I mean, you and I have a lot in common,
337
00:19:40,639 --> 00:19:43,100
and we've spent so much time together
over the years,
338
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:48,188
and, of course, that essay you wrote,
it really touched my heart.
339
00:19:48,272 --> 00:19:49,815
Well, to be honest, Lois,
340
00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:53,193
I ripped off most of that speech
from Summer of '42.
341
00:19:53,277 --> 00:19:54,278
Oh.
342
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,238
Well, it was still nice.
343
00:19:56,321 --> 00:19:57,698
Let me just ask you this.
344
00:19:57,781 --> 00:20:00,909
When these thoughts about you
and I have crossed your mind,
345
00:20:00,993 --> 00:20:03,203
is it good?
346
00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:05,205
- What do you mean?
- Well...
347
00:20:05,289 --> 00:20:06,290
Oh!
348
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,374
Yeah.
349
00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:10,085
Well, a lot of times
when Peter and I are having sex,
350
00:20:10,169 --> 00:20:11,420
I feel suffocated,
351
00:20:11,503 --> 00:20:15,215
but with you I imagine it would be
like doing it with a stuffed animal.
352
00:20:15,299 --> 00:20:17,634
- Everybody ready to go?
- All set, Peter.
353
00:20:17,718 --> 00:20:18,802
Good.
354
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,263
Well, we may be leaving
Martha's Vineyard,
355
00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:25,517
but the spirit of this wonderful place
will stay in our hearts all the way home.
356
00:20:25,601 --> 00:20:26,768
'Cause after all...
357
00:20:27,436 --> 00:20:31,190
The spirit of Massachusetts
Is the spirit of America
358
00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:34,985
The spirit of what's old
and what's new
359
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:38,864
The spirit of Massachusetts
Is the spirit of America
360
00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:42,618
The spirit of the red, white and blue
361
00:20:42,701 --> 00:20:46,580
The spirit of Massachusetts
Is the spirit of America
362
00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:50,417
The spirit of what's old and what's new
363
00:20:50,501 --> 00:20:54,254
The spirit of Massachusetts
Is the spirit of America
364
00:20:54,338 --> 00:21:01,261
The spirit of the red, white and blue
30318
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