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00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,880
It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:08,342
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:11,595
But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,848
On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:18,185
Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,688
Lucky there's a man
who positively can do
7
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:23,273
All the things
that make us
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00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:24,816
Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:30,113
He's a family guy
10
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:38,789
Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker
with a Channel 5 News Special Report.
11
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,959
And I'm Diane Simmons.
A flash flood warning is in effect
12
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,336
as rain continues
to pound Rhode Island.
13
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:46,588
Let's go to Asian reporter
Tricia Takanawa,
14
00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:49,925
Who's gonna tell us all about the rain
15
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:52,344
Tom, residents all over Quahog
16
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:54,930
have been affected
by the heavy rains,
17
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,766
although some are doing
their best to ride it out.
18
00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,768
For example, I'm here with
19
00:00:59,852 --> 00:01:02,437
Rides-a-Ten-Speed-
Everywhere Guy.
20
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:06,483
Sir, why are you riding
your ten-speed in the rain?
21
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,527
I don't mind. A little
drizzle never hurt anybody.
22
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:10,737
I like riding the ten-speed
because it's fun,
23
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:13,198
it gives me energy, and it's
a great way to stay in shape.
24
00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:14,908
What do you do
for a living?
25
00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:17,202
I work in accounts receivable
at Quahog Insurance.
26
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,746
Uh, it's not too demanding,
the pay is good,
27
00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:21,915
and it's a great way
to stay in shape.
28
00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:24,626
Well, we should wrap this up--
you're getting wet.
29
00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:27,296
Well, I'm living life before
the cancer I have kills me,
30
00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:28,380
so I don't mind
the rain.
31
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:29,923
Water feels good
on my skin.
32
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:32,467
It's cool, refreshing, and it's
a great way to stay in shape.
33
00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:34,678
- What kind of cancer?
- It's rectal cancer.
34
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,847
It's slowly eating away
at my lower insides.
35
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,558
It's a quick process, both
painful and untreatable,
36
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:41,310
and it's a great way
to stay in shape.
37
00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:42,811
Thank you, Tricia.
38
00:01:42,895 --> 00:01:44,271
Some local residents
have even been evacuated
39
00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:46,565
to Quahog Stadium
for their own protection.
40
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:49,776
Why do I have to stay here?
41
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:51,653
We just think
you'll be safer.
42
00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:53,864
- But my house is dry.
- Here's a blanket.
43
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,116
If you're looking for a bathroom,
it's all around you.
44
00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,704
Oh, crap, Peter,
it's a flash flood!
45
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,164
Oh, man, I better save
46
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:04,124
my autographed picture
of Dean Cain!
47
00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:06,418
You know, from before he got
all desperate for attention.
48
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,297
Hey, is that Dean Cain on that park bench?
49
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,007
Oh, God!
50
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:16,136
PETER:
Lois! Uh, you may want to come down here!
51
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:18,972
Oh, my God!
52
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,599
I know--
about the water, right?
53
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,518
Wow! Cool!
54
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,062
- Hey, Chris, come here.
- What? Why?
55
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,272
- Just come here.
- What is it, Dad?
56
00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:30,400
Does it feel like the water
suddenly just got warmer?
57
00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:32,027
- No.
- Oh, that's right,
58
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,654
it's pee that makes it warmer.
59
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:36,573
Peter, the water's rising fast!
We got to get out of here!
60
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,575
Hang on, Lois.
There's a case of beer in the fridge.
61
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,952
I can't leave that behind!
62
00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:41,620
Meg, you're a good swimmer.
Go get it.
63
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:43,080
What? But, Dad...
64
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,915
And for God's sake,
do not be afraid
65
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,458
to make me a sandwich
while you're in there.
66
00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:59,596
Peter, Meg's been
in there a long time.
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00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,723
Boy, you cannot wait
to criticize her
68
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:03,058
at every turn, can you?
69
00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:04,601
Go get her!
70
00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:11,191
Well, Lois, I am sorry
for snapping at you earlier.
71
00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:12,651
You were right
to criticize Meg.
72
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,152
She could not even handle
this simple task.
73
00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:16,864
She's in there right now
taking a nap underwater.
74
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:19,116
For God's sake, save her!
75
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,329
My God, we better get her
to a hospital.
76
00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:25,914
She doesn't look too good.
77
00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:28,000
Yeah, she looks worse
than Andy Garcia
78
00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:29,710
when he had his conjoined twin.
79
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:32,045
I had a great time
with you tonight.
80
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,173
- You're really amazing.
- Thanks, Andy.
81
00:03:34,256 --> 00:03:36,049
I had a great time, too.
82
00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:38,510
Hey! How about some love
for shoulder guy over here?
83
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,762
- Shoulder guy wants to get in on this.
84
00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:43,223
- Just ignore him.
- Okay...
85
00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:45,684
So, do you maybe want
to go in the other room?
86
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,269
Sure. Sounds good.
87
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:50,564
- Oh-ho! And shoulder guy's going with ya.
- Rick, shut up.
88
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:52,274
Hey, bitch,
want to suck on my tooth?
89
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,989
Mr. and Mrs. Griffin,
I'm afraid your coma's in a daughter.
90
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,658
I mean... I mean,
your daughter's in a coma!
91
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,368
What?
Oh, my God, did you--
92
00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:05,579
Did you hear what I said?
93
00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:07,456
Brain freeze!
94
00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:09,041
Oh, my God!
95
00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:11,793
Oh, that one is going
in the Christmas letter.
96
00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,420
Oh, my God, Peter,
97
00:04:13,504 --> 00:04:15,631
what if she doesn't
come out of it?
98
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:16,965
I know, Lois.
99
00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:18,383
I never realized until now
100
00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:20,385
how much I've taken her
for granted.
101
00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:23,013
I mean, she's my only daughter,
and I feel like
102
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,265
I've never treated her
as well as I should've.
103
00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:27,226
Hey, Meg, you got
something on your shirt.
104
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:33,190
Hi, Dad.
105
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,359
Aw, don't be too hard
on yourself, Peter.
106
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,611
We all do things that
we're not proud of.
107
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,112
Well, I am gonna change.
108
00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:41,490
You hear me, Meg?
If you come out of this,
109
00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:43,116
I am gonna treat you
like a princess
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00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,743
for the rest of your life.
111
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:47,246
'Cause I been a worse
father than Abraham.
112
00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:51,124
You want to tell me what
the that was?
113
00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:58,549
Excuse me,
I'm Dr. Milano.
114
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,342
I'm the intern
for this floor.
115
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,594
You know, you guys
can probably go on home.
116
00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:04,096
We'll let you know
if there's any change
117
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,389
in your daughter's
condition.
118
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:06,557
Wow, you're
a real doctor?
119
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,141
Hey, does Scrubs
work here?
120
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:10,435
I love that guy.
I want to meet Scrubs.
121
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:12,604
Ooh, and I want to meet
black Scrubs, too.
122
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,031
Well, hello, sleepyhead.
123
00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:24,575
I'm Michael.
124
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,493
Hi, Michael.
I'm Meg.
125
00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:29,162
- Meg!
- Oh, my God! Meg, you're okay!
126
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:31,123
Oh, Meg, my beautiful daughter!
127
00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:33,000
Oh, things
are gonna be different.
128
00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:35,711
No more will I treat you
like some kind of alien.
129
00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:39,131
FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Three minutes to minimum safe distance.
130
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:42,426
Stop. Not so fast, y'all.
131
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:45,721
You think you can just up
and run away, you crazy.
132
00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:47,723
I like to eat people
from other planets,
133
00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:49,766
especially y'all.
134
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,352
I likes
to eat you with my little mouth, too.
135
00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:54,605
Oh, now, y'all get back up
inside me, little mouth.
136
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,774
- I wants to play, too.
- Get back inside--
137
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,194
- I'll get you when we's eatin' em.
- Zoop!
138
00:06:02,446 --> 00:06:04,573
So, what is it you wanted
to show me?
139
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:05,949
That, Brian.
140
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:08,660
What? It's a rundown old house.
141
00:06:08,744 --> 00:06:10,412
Well, yes, I-- I suppose
142
00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:12,873
to the untrained eye
that's what it would look like.
143
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,541
Walk inside with me, Brian.
144
00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:19,588
This is disgusting.
It smells, it's falling apart,
145
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:22,049
and you can hear the mice
humping in the wall.
146
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,051
MOUSE :
Ho-ho! Ho-ho! Ho-ho!
147
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:25,677
Ho-ho! Ho-ho!
148
00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:28,347
Oh... That was so awesome!
149
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:30,724
That's why we can get
it for a steal, Brian!
150
00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:33,101
We fix it up and sell
it for a huge profit!
151
00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:35,771
You're crazy.
No, I'm not gonna buy this house with you.
152
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:38,148
Fine, I'll just give the
profits to another investor.
153
00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:39,650
Plenty of others interested.
154
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,110
- Oh, yeah? Like who?
- Mort Goldman, for one.
155
00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:43,737
Says it's a smart investment.
156
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:45,572
But what does he know?
He's only Jewish.
157
00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:46,698
All right, I'm in.
158
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:52,037
Oh, there's my little angel!
159
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:54,206
Here, let me get that
for you, sweetie.
160
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:56,375
Thanks, Dad!
161
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:58,961
Wow, Peter, I got to say,
you've really been true
162
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,046
to your word about
treating Meg better.
163
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,631
She's my only daughter, Lois.
164
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:05,175
She needs to be protected,
like a rare gemstone,
165
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,594
or the herniated scrotum
of an older gentleman.
166
00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:09,513
Well, I think
you've been wonderful.
167
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,682
Like when you took her
to that new movie,
168
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,434
I'm Rich and You're Poor,
but Let's Dance Together.
169
00:07:14,518 --> 00:07:17,771
I'm rich and you're poor,
but let's dance together.
170
00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:20,440
- Society won't like it.
- I don't care.
171
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:23,026
Good for you, good for you.
172
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:24,528
Yeah, and I can't believe
173
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,572
how you stood up
to Connie D'Amico for me.
174
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,032
- Hey, Meg.
- Uh, hi, Connie.
175
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:31,118
I can't fit all my books
in my locker.
176
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:33,996
Can I put the rest of them
on your ginormous ass?
177
00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:37,499
Hey, Connie, hi.
Peter Griffin, Meg's father.
178
00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,251
Say, uh, can you
do me a favor?
179
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,086
You see that fire
extinguisher there?
180
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,882
Dad, that's enough!
181
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,217
Dad, that's enough!
182
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,052
That's enough, Dad!
183
00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:56,935
I just want you
to know, Meg,
184
00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,729
if there's anything
you ever want,
185
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,522
- all you got to do is ask.
- Really?
186
00:08:00,606 --> 00:08:02,482
Well, there kind of
is one thing.
187
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:05,235
- There he is now!
188
00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:08,155
Hey, Meg.
You ready to go?
189
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,991
Dad, you remember Michael Milano
from the hospital.
190
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,869
- He's my date.
- Oh.
191
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,996
Say, Michael,
can you do me a favor?
192
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,789
You see that fire
extinguisher there?
193
00:08:21,627 --> 00:08:24,630
Stay away from my daughter,
you possible rapist.
194
00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:26,840
Dad, stop it.
Michael's my date.
195
00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:29,760
Meg, I almost lost you once,
I'm not gonna lose you again.
196
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,929
This guy may look
harmless on the outside,
197
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:35,057
but on the inside he could be a complete
bastard, like Fred Flintstone.
198
00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:38,268
So, why exactly do you
want this separation?
199
00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:41,647
Well, Mr. Stoneberg, in a nutshell,
the cat put me outside,
200
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:45,817
I was bangin' on the door
for like 20 minutes, shouting "Wilma!"
201
00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:48,946
- I didn't hear you.
- Oh, there's no way you didn't hear me.
202
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,615
- I was in the shower.
- Oh, she was in the shower.
203
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,450
The elephant's trunk
was on full blast.
204
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,410
You could've been right
on the other side of the door,
205
00:08:55,494 --> 00:08:57,496
- and you wouldn't have done a damn thing.
- I couldn't hear you.
206
00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:59,581
And besides, you're always
yellin' about something.
207
00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:01,542
All you do is spend my money
on expensive clothes and hairdos.
208
00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:03,418
How the hell am I supposed
to know when to pay attention?
209
00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:05,003
But when I want to get my rocks
off, you're nowhere to be found,
210
00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:06,839
you passive-aggressive bitch.
211
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:09,091
Meg, can I talk to you
in the kitchen, please?
212
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:12,427
- Dad, what the hell?
- Lois, did you know that Meg had a date?
213
00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:15,639
Yes. With that nice boy
from the hospital. What's the matter?
214
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:18,058
We don't know him.
Maybe he's not even a boy.
215
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:19,768
Maybe he's two dwarves
in an overcoat
216
00:09:19,852 --> 00:09:22,145
wanting to see what sex is like
with a big person.
217
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,147
Huh? Is that what you want?
218
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,066
Two crafty dwarves
in your house,
219
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,818
after your daughter--
Wait, do dwarves grant wishes?
220
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,028
No, Peter, they're people,
like you and me.
221
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,864
Well, good-bye phone
in the bathroom,
222
00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:33,699
but I still don't like Meg
dating that boy.
223
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:35,617
Guys that age,
all they care about
224
00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,661
is putting their thing
in everything.
225
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:40,998
I'm not gonna let Meg turn out
like my Nerf football in the hall closet.
226
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,458
Dad, didn't you say you'd
give me whatever I wanted?
227
00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:45,294
Well, I want to go out
with Michael.
228
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,296
Peter,
you're being overprotective.
229
00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:49,381
Look, why don't you
just talk to him?
230
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,341
You might find out
he's not so bad.
231
00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:53,802
All right, Lois, but I know
what my gut tells me.
232
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:55,762
And right now it's telling me
I have...
233
00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:58,974
Indigestion.
234
00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:01,143
But I'll suck it up
and talk to Michael.
235
00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:02,644
Even though I've also got...
236
00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:06,273
Diarrhea.
237
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,777
So, you are here
to take out my daughter.
238
00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:12,154
What are your intentions?
239
00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:13,614
I just think
Meg is really cool,
240
00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:15,449
and I want to get
to know her better.
241
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,284
You know, Michael,
my daughter's womb
242
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,411
is not a wildfire
for you to douse
243
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,079
with your
adolescent seed.
244
00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:22,247
I understand.
245
00:10:22,331 --> 00:10:23,332
Do you, Michael?
246
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:24,708
Do you?
247
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:25,959
We'll see.
248
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:27,544
Let me ask you
a question.
249
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:29,296
You ever sit on your arm
till it falls asleep,
250
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:30,756
and then play
with yourself
251
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,341
and pretend like
somebody else is doing it?
252
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,218
Honestly... yes.
253
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:35,928
Not anymore you don't.
254
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:38,639
'Cause you're going
out with my daughter.
255
00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:45,896
Morning, Brian.
Here, put this on.
256
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,940
- How long have you been here?
- 7:00 a.m.
257
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,483
All right, here's your hammer,
here's your walkie,
258
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:50,984
and here's your stud finder.
259
00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:52,319
Beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep.
260
00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:53,904
Oh. Oh, well,
it's working.
261
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,073
All right,
joke time is over.
262
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:59,451
Work time has begun.
You get started with this drywall,
263
00:10:59,535 --> 00:11:02,204
and I'm gonna start pulling out those
old floorboards in the kitchen.
264
00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:05,082
- Hey, Brian, knock, knock.
- Who's there?
265
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:08,961
Two friends building a house together.
266
00:11:13,257 --> 00:11:15,592
Hey, Meg, I, uh,
got you something
267
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,135
for our three-week
anniversary.
268
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:20,222
Wow, a Maroon 5 CD.
269
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:21,890
Yeah, I remember
how you told me
270
00:11:21,974 --> 00:11:23,308
you liked terrible music,
271
00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:24,810
so I thought
you might appreciate it.
272
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,895
You're so thoughtful.
273
00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:28,480
Mm...
274
00:11:28,564 --> 00:11:30,190
- What the hell?
- What's wrong?
275
00:11:30,274 --> 00:11:33,861
Uh, Meg, I'm not sure,
but I think your dad
276
00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:35,571
is sitting at
that table over there.
277
00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:36,989
What? Where?
278
00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:38,699
Well, I can't tell
if it's him.
279
00:11:38,991 --> 00:11:41,201
I-- I think he's wearing
some kind of disguise.
280
00:11:41,285 --> 00:11:43,370
Oh, my God, Dad.
281
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:45,038
What do you think you're doing?
282
00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:46,748
Peter? Who Peter?
283
00:11:46,832 --> 00:11:48,250
I didn't say "Peter."
284
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:49,501
I said "Dad."
285
00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:51,837
Oh...
286
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,298
Have you been spying on us the
entire time we've been dating?
287
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,216
Meg, it's only because
I want to make sure
288
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,635
this guy treats you right
and doesn't try anything funny.
289
00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:00,929
Meg, this is more
than I can deal with.
290
00:12:01,013 --> 00:12:03,432
If your father is this opposed
to our relationship,
291
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:05,142
I don't see how
it can work out.
292
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,351
But, Michael...
293
00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:07,686
I'm sorry, Meg.
294
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:10,022
I promise
I won't forget you.
295
00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:12,482
See, look, Meg,
he just walked out on you.
296
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:13,859
He's a bad man.
297
00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:15,360
Like Jodie Foster.
298
00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:19,990
Oh, no, Jodie!
It's my husband!
299
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,533
He's home from work early!
300
00:12:21,617 --> 00:12:22,701
Don't worry, baby.
301
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:24,161
He had to find
out sometime.
302
00:12:27,623 --> 00:12:29,708
All right, Brian, I'm going to
go up to the upper level
303
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,251
and run this wire
down through the wall.
304
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:32,878
Grab your walkie,
305
00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:34,922
- I'll call you when I get up there.
- Okay.
306
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:37,299
- Brian, pick up. Over.
- What?
307
00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:39,510
Brian, please say "over"
when you finish talking. Over.
308
00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:41,678
What? Over.
309
00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:44,097
- Do you see the wire yet? Over.
- No.
310
00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:47,226
- No... what? Over.
- No. Over.
311
00:12:47,309 --> 00:12:49,311
Okay, I'm going to start
feeding it through. Over.
312
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:50,729
Wait, if you haven't
started feeding it,
313
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:52,439
why'd you ask me if
I could see it?
314
00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:54,066
Didn't copy that. Over.
315
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:55,817
I said why'd you ask me
if I could see it,
316
00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:57,903
if you haven't started
feeding it? Over.
317
00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,488
Oh, that's better.
I can hear you now. Over.
318
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:01,073
Do you see it yet? Over.
319
00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:03,033
You know, you're a jackass.
For the record,
320
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,826
I don't want to hang out with
you anymore when this is over.
321
00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:06,745
When this is what, Brian?
Over.
322
00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:09,248
I said I don't want to hang out
with you anymore when this is over.
323
00:13:09,331 --> 00:13:11,416
When this is what? You've got to
finish your sentence. Over.
324
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:12,918
That's it.
My sentence is over.
325
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,419
Your sentence is what, Brian?
Over.
326
00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:16,338
My sentence is-- Wait a minute.
I have to say "over"
327
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:18,173
even if the sentence ends
with the word "over"?
328
00:13:18,257 --> 00:13:19,800
Ends with the word what, Brian?
Over.
329
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:20,968
Oh, I see the wire.
330
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:22,386
You see the wire what?
Over.
331
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:23,762
- Over!
332
00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:29,893
Tonight's movie
presentation is brought to you by Sanka.
333
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:32,062
Don't ya want a,
want a Sanka?
334
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,147
Don't ya want a,
want a Sanka?
335
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:36,191
Don't ya want a,
want a Sanka?
336
00:13:36,275 --> 00:13:38,402
It doesn't keep me up
at night,
337
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,279
but it helps me poo!
338
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:47,119
Meg, sweetie, it's been,
like, two weeks.
339
00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:49,121
Don't you think it's time
to forget about that boy?
340
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:51,832
Yeah, Meg, he was a bum anyway.
You'll find another fella.
341
00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:54,084
I could set you up
with one of my friends.
342
00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:55,419
Oh, wait...
343
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,045
I don't have any friends.
344
00:13:57,129 --> 00:13:59,089
I could set you up with Dad.
345
00:13:59,173 --> 00:14:01,133
Dad, would you be interested
in dating Meg?
346
00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:02,509
I certainly would.
347
00:14:02,593 --> 00:14:04,136
There, Meg,
everything's fine.
348
00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:06,388
It's not Michael
I'm upset about!
349
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:07,973
Well, what is it then?
350
00:14:08,599 --> 00:14:10,642
I'm pregnant!
351
00:14:10,726 --> 00:14:13,937
Dad, I swear to God
I didn't know that
352
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:15,856
when I set you up
with her.
353
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,237
Oh, I can't believe this!
354
00:14:22,321 --> 00:14:23,697
My baby's pregnant!
355
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,824
- How could this happen?
- I don't know.
356
00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:27,868
But regardless of how
it happened, it happened.
357
00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:30,829
You're pregnant, Meg,
and there's only one thing to do.
358
00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:39,963
Meg, can you turn over?
I gotta get that thing out of there.
359
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:41,381
You're sitting
on my shirt.
360
00:14:41,465 --> 00:14:43,550
I gotta put it
on this hanger.
361
00:14:43,634 --> 00:14:45,636
Now, I'm going
to Michael's house
362
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,513
to force him to marry you.
363
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:50,766
Dad, please don't do this!
364
00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:52,100
You can't make
him marry me!
365
00:14:52,184 --> 00:14:54,019
I just want
to talk to him.
366
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:56,563
- Why do you have a shotgun?
- I just want to talk to him.
367
00:14:56,647 --> 00:14:58,148
- Dad, this is ridiculous!
- I just want to talk to him.
368
00:14:58,232 --> 00:14:59,942
- Put that gun away!
- I just want to talk to him.
369
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,485
- What are you doing? It is not his fault!
370
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,195
- It was an accident!
- I just want to shoot him.
371
00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:04,404
- I just want to talk to him.
- You can't shoot him!
372
00:15:04,488 --> 00:15:06,782
Wait, what-- what are you doing?
373
00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:08,700
You got my Meg pregnant!
374
00:15:08,784 --> 00:15:10,077
What?!
375
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,828
Oh, my God! Meg!
376
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:13,288
Why didn't you tell me?
377
00:15:13,372 --> 00:15:15,207
I didn't think you
wanted to see me.
378
00:15:15,290 --> 00:15:16,708
But this changes
everything.
379
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,544
I want to be there
for you, Meg.
380
00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:20,838
I love you.
381
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:22,381
Will you marry me?
382
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:23,715
Yes!
383
00:15:23,799 --> 00:15:25,092
Of course!
384
00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:26,844
Ah, now see?
385
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,263
That's an even more beautiful
sight than 72 virgins
386
00:15:29,346 --> 00:15:31,682
waiting in heaven
for a suicide bomber.
387
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,851
Here I am!
388
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:35,811
We're playing
The Gathering.
389
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:36,895
Want to join?
390
00:15:36,979 --> 00:15:38,939
Osama!
391
00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:44,778
- Um, you know something, Brian?
- Yeah?
392
00:15:44,862 --> 00:15:46,113
I'm starting to think maybe
393
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:48,657
we bit off a little more
than we could chew.
394
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:51,326
- Yeah.
- Well, we're in it,
395
00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:52,619
and we're going to finish
the job.
396
00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:54,788
Should we get started
on the upper level?
397
00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:58,625
No.
398
00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:00,043
What the hell
are we gonna do?
399
00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:01,962
We've sunk all of our money
into this place.
400
00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:04,548
I've, um...
I've got an idea.
401
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:05,799
I'll be right back.
402
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:10,804
So, listen, uh, we're going
to want to be leaving now.
403
00:16:10,888 --> 00:16:12,222
- Why?
- Because I just emptied
404
00:16:12,306 --> 00:16:14,433
a full tank of gasoline
and lit a match.
405
00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:16,685
We've got about
five seconds.
406
00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:40,834
Didn't we have an electrician
in there today?
407
00:16:40,918 --> 00:16:43,378
Uh... he left.
Pretty sure he left.
408
00:16:43,462 --> 00:16:44,546
Isn't that his truck?
409
00:16:46,507 --> 00:16:48,634
Well, by God, Brian,
we're murderers.
410
00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:51,261
I guess this means you'll
be going to doggie hell.
411
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,897
Hey, what do you guys
think of this one?
412
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:04,316
Meg, are you sure you want
to go through with this?
413
00:17:04,399 --> 00:17:06,401
You know, there are
other options.
414
00:17:06,485 --> 00:17:08,529
Mom, I'm not getting
an abortion!
415
00:17:08,612 --> 00:17:10,906
I'm not saying an abortion,
per se,
416
00:17:10,989 --> 00:17:13,534
but maybe you just drink
and smoke a lot.
417
00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:15,536
- What?
- Just don't start doing it
418
00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:17,788
and then chicken out halfway
through the pregnancy,
419
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:19,706
because then you'll
wind up with Chris.
420
00:17:19,790 --> 00:17:21,458
Well, Lois,
I got the cake.
421
00:17:21,542 --> 00:17:23,961
Oh, and they were all out of
the bride and groom figurines,
422
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:26,630
so I got the Iron Giant
and a courtroom doll
423
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:29,383
that kids use to show where
the molester touched them.
424
00:17:31,927 --> 00:17:34,346
All right, Meg, enjoy
your bachelorette party.
425
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,098
I am outta here
426
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:37,891
'cause I don't need to see
what you crazy girls
427
00:17:37,975 --> 00:17:39,309
are going to do while I'm gone.
428
00:17:39,393 --> 00:17:40,602
But just remember,
this is a residence
429
00:17:40,686 --> 00:17:42,062
and should be treated as such.
430
00:17:42,145 --> 00:17:43,647
And if you girls drink anything,
431
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,274
there's recycling under the sink
in the kitchen.
432
00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:47,025
Okay, have fun.
433
00:17:48,277 --> 00:17:50,821
So... what are we
supposed to do?
434
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:52,573
Yeah, this doesn't seem
like much of a party.
435
00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:57,160
Hey, what's with all the noise?
436
00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,329
Got some complaints
from next door.
437
00:17:59,413 --> 00:18:03,083
I might have to take
you girls downtown.
438
00:18:10,424 --> 00:18:12,426
Which one of you
is the lucky bride?
439
00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:15,554
What's your name, sweetie?
440
00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:16,805
Dad, you know my name.
441
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,515
Ep, ep, ep, ep!
442
00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:20,309
It's Officer Nasty.
443
00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:23,687
Careful, I might be carrying
a concealed weapon.
444
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,532
Hello.
445
00:18:35,616 --> 00:18:36,825
Hi. Name, please?
446
00:18:36,909 --> 00:18:38,118
Neil Goldman.
447
00:18:38,202 --> 00:18:39,411
Goldman, Goldman...
448
00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:40,787
Sorry, no Neil Goldman.
449
00:18:40,871 --> 00:18:42,164
Oh, I beg your pardon.
450
00:18:42,247 --> 00:18:43,790
I meant to say
Chris Griffin.
451
00:18:43,874 --> 00:18:45,959
Griffin, Griffin...
Oh! here it is.
452
00:18:46,043 --> 00:18:47,586
Says you're supposed
to be an usher.
453
00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:48,670
Well, you need this.
454
00:18:48,754 --> 00:18:49,755
Name, please?
455
00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:51,048
Chris Griffin.
456
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,674
Griffin, Griffin, hmm.
457
00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:54,885
I'm sorry, sir, Chris Griffin
has already checked in.
458
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,845
Well, that's impossible!
459
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:00,724
Meg, are you ready?
460
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,559
Sweetie, what's wrong?
461
00:19:02,643 --> 00:19:03,894
Mom, I can't do it.
462
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,771
I can't get married.
463
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:08,023
What? Well, why not?
464
00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:10,776
Because...
I'm not pregnant.
465
00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,945
What do you mean?
How do you know?
466
00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:16,907
- I got my period.
- Oh.
467
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,367
I must've read
the test wrong.
468
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:20,035
What am I going to do?
469
00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:21,662
Michael's out there
waiting for me.
470
00:19:21,745 --> 00:19:24,248
Well, Meg, the best thing
you can do is be honest.
471
00:19:24,331 --> 00:19:26,166
Just tell Michael
the truth.
472
00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:28,252
If he cares about you,
he'll understand.
473
00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:29,378
I'll try.
474
00:19:29,461 --> 00:19:31,004
Thanks, Mom.
475
00:19:31,088 --> 00:19:32,339
I love you.
476
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:34,591
I you
too, honey.
477
00:19:45,102 --> 00:19:48,313
God, look at Meg's fat shoulders
in those spaghetti straps!
478
00:19:48,397 --> 00:19:51,066
It's like bread baking
around twine.
479
00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:55,863
Meg... you look beautiful.
480
00:19:55,946 --> 00:19:57,239
Thank you, Michael.
481
00:19:57,322 --> 00:19:59,241
I have never been more
in love with someone
482
00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:00,993
than I am with you
right now.
483
00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:02,995
Oh, Michael,
I love you, too.
484
00:20:03,078 --> 00:20:04,913
And I have some
wonderful news:
485
00:20:05,289 --> 00:20:06,874
I'm not pregnant.
486
00:20:06,957 --> 00:20:07,958
- What?
- What?
487
00:20:12,129 --> 00:20:15,090
Dad, I'm sorry about
this whole mess.
488
00:20:15,174 --> 00:20:18,594
You know what, Meg?
It's all my fault.
489
00:20:18,677 --> 00:20:20,762
I never should've dragged
you into this, anyway.
490
00:20:20,846 --> 00:20:23,682
I guess sometimes
a father just gets
491
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:25,809
a little overprotective
of his daughter,
492
00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:28,896
but you got to know I was only
thinking about your happiness.
493
00:20:28,979 --> 00:20:31,064
I know, Dad.
And I appreciate it.
494
00:20:31,148 --> 00:20:34,401
The problem now is that these
people are expecting a show.
495
00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:36,862
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Conway Twitty.
496
00:20:38,572 --> 00:20:40,532
Hello, again.
497
00:20:40,616 --> 00:20:43,410
Nice to see you.
498
00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:47,706
It's been a long time
499
00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:50,292
You're just as lovely
500
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:55,631
As you used to be
501
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:59,092
How's your new life?
502
00:20:59,176 --> 00:21:01,637
Are you happy?
503
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,599
Hope you're doin' fine
504
00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:08,352
Just to know it
505
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:12,940
Means so much to me
37781
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