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1
00:02:09,550 --> 00:02:18,517
(Jolly music)
2
00:03:24,083 --> 00:03:25,501
- How much is this?
3
00:03:25,835 --> 00:03:27,503
- That's uh...35 dollars.
4
00:03:34,385 --> 00:03:35,803
- This one?
5
00:03:36,137 --> 00:03:38,764
- That's 31, but it's a...
solid silver.
6
00:03:39,098 --> 00:03:41,600
- For 31 dollars I could
buy the holy grail.
7
00:03:47,648 --> 00:03:49,817
- Shit
8
00:04:21,223 --> 00:04:23,476
Oh it's a, it's you Irv.
9
00:04:23,976 --> 00:04:26,896
- Oh Melvin, did I see a
flick last night!
10
00:04:27,396 --> 00:04:28,773
You see, Tina Russell is this
nun...
11
00:04:29,148 --> 00:04:31,484
- Yeah I seen it,
lseenit
12
00:04:31,859 --> 00:04:33,360
- You didn't tell me!
13
00:04:33,694 --> 00:04:35,613
- Well I ain't seen you.
14
00:04:35,988 --> 00:04:37,865
- But I saw you
yesterday!
15
00:04:38,449 --> 00:04:39,533
Ooooh,
16
00:04:39,867 --> 00:04:41,702
You took a two
hour lunch again.
17
00:04:42,119 --> 00:04:43,913
What did you think of the picture?
18
00:04:44,246 --> 00:04:45,998
- Eh, it was good.
19
00:04:46,582 --> 00:04:47,875
- Oh, and that green sequence,
20
00:04:48,209 --> 00:04:51,295
When Tina's sister and her husband,
take off her clothes
21
00:04:51,629 --> 00:04:53,047
and put the boots to her
22
00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:54,298
Awww
23
00:04:54,673 --> 00:04:58,385
Especially...especially when they
remove her undergarments!
24
00:04:58,803 --> 00:05:01,722
And the sister warms her up,
while the guy gets his Shmuck ready.
25
00:05:07,978 --> 00:05:12,233
- Wait a second...l only got one,
I didn't know you were coming.
26
00:05:14,193 --> 00:05:16,737
- I had breakfast already.
27
00:05:18,572 --> 00:05:21,617
Look, how pink...
28
00:05:22,785 --> 00:05:24,036
How nice,
29
00:05:24,370 --> 00:05:27,164
looks like Tina Russell's before the
guy poked in his Shmuck!
30
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,086
Looks good enough
to eat.
31
00:05:35,089 --> 00:05:37,007
Ain't you gonna eat it?
32
00:05:37,633 --> 00:05:39,552
- Yeah, yeah after I finish dusting
33
00:05:47,726 --> 00:05:50,980
Well uh, yes that was an interesting
motion picture
34
00:05:51,313 --> 00:05:53,482
from a, from a purely
intellectual standpoint.
35
00:05:53,816 --> 00:05:55,943
- Also very horny!
36
00:05:56,277 --> 00:05:57,403
Last night when I got home
37
00:05:57,736 --> 00:05:58,946
I crept up the stairs,
38
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:00,239
nice...
39
00:06:00,656 --> 00:06:02,241
Debbie was in bed reading...
40
00:06:02,616 --> 00:06:04,535
The first words out of her mouth
41
00:06:04,869 --> 00:06:06,579
Irving, don't start already!
42
00:06:06,912 --> 00:06:08,873
Today was my day at the hairdressers!
43
00:06:10,624 --> 00:06:12,835
- I may even write a book.
44
00:06:13,168 --> 00:06:14,962
Pornography in film,
45
00:06:15,296 --> 00:06:17,756
an intellectual study, the impact on
modern man.
46
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,759
- We spent the whole night
under a tent.
47
00:06:21,093 --> 00:06:23,554
A tent with a throbbing center pole.
48
00:06:26,265 --> 00:06:28,976
Next time I'll bring my rain coat
to the theatre
49
00:06:29,310 --> 00:06:31,937
Wear it in my lap, like
all them other guys.
50
00:06:32,313 --> 00:06:33,272
That'll show her.
51
00:06:33,606 --> 00:06:34,899
That'll show her.
52
00:06:36,233 --> 00:06:38,152
We'll see how she likes
sleeping under a tent
53
00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:40,863
with a chronically collapsed
center pole.
54
00:06:43,616 --> 00:06:45,534
Don't tell me such movies
don't turn you on.
55
00:06:45,868 --> 00:06:46,702
- L\/Ie?
56
00:06:47,036 --> 00:06:48,954
With all the action I get?
57
00:06:49,288 --> 00:06:50,414
- So?
58
00:06:51,081 --> 00:06:53,000
So what did you do last night?
59
00:06:54,293 --> 00:06:58,172
- Well last night it was June Madigan,
again.
60
00:06:59,048 --> 00:07:00,215
- June Madigan?
61
00:07:00,633 --> 00:07:03,302
Is that the curver you picked up
at the hopscotch bar?
62
00:07:03,802 --> 00:07:08,140
- No, no, no, June Madigan the pretty
young housewife from East 73rd Street.
63
00:07:08,557 --> 00:07:12,811
You know, the one with the, handsome,
scrapping steel worker husband.
64
00:07:13,687 --> 00:07:15,606
The one who is irresitably
attracted to me
65
00:07:15,940 --> 00:07:19,401
- Married women, they are always
dangerous.
66
00:07:20,319 --> 00:07:24,198
What if that goy, that steelworker
should drop in unexpectedly.
67
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:27,409
- A chance that must be taken.
68
00:07:29,119 --> 00:07:31,705
I am sure his disability pension would
take care of him.
69
00:07:32,164 --> 00:07:35,000
Oh I am a coiled Cobra
when I am surprised.
70
00:07:37,419 --> 00:07:39,838
Anyway like I told you
before,
71
00:07:40,172 --> 00:07:43,133
June has been dying to get me and her
together with her friend Agnes.
72
00:07:44,385 --> 00:07:46,845
You know the three of us in
one bed together, you know?
73
00:07:48,222 --> 00:07:49,056
So...
74
00:07:49,682 --> 00:07:50,599
last night,
75
00:07:51,058 --> 00:07:52,977
Agne's husband was out bowling,
76
00:07:53,811 --> 00:07:56,188
and uh, Jesus
77
00:08:00,109 --> 00:08:02,027
- So who is watching the dry goods?
78
00:08:02,403 --> 00:08:05,864
- Oh I just dropped in for a minute,
Mrs. Finkelfarb, to see how Melvin
79
00:08:06,198 --> 00:08:06,740
was doing.
80
00:08:07,116 --> 00:08:08,283
- Mmhmm.
81
00:08:11,620 --> 00:08:13,539
We had any customers yet?
82
00:08:13,872 --> 00:08:15,082
- Momma, don't start already.
83
00:08:15,416 --> 00:08:17,251
- Uh, from this you earn a living,
84
00:08:18,085 --> 00:08:20,337
Buying dreck and selling hazari
85
00:08:20,713 --> 00:08:22,631
- Momma, I do a good business.
86
00:08:22,965 --> 00:08:23,590
- Mmm
87
00:08:23,966 --> 00:08:25,884
- Alright, not a good business,
88
00:08:26,301 --> 00:08:27,302
but a good business.
89
00:08:27,636 --> 00:08:29,805
- For this? For this you
gave up college?
90
00:08:30,139 --> 00:08:32,224
Two more years and
you would have been an accountant.
91
00:08:32,558 --> 00:08:33,892
- Ma, I don't want to be an
accountant.
92
00:08:35,019 --> 00:08:38,397
- No you want to buy dreck,
and sell hazarai.
93
00:08:39,189 --> 00:08:42,860
- Look Ma, buying dreck and selling
hazarai, it gives me the few pennies
94
00:08:43,193 --> 00:08:44,194
lneed
95
00:08:44,528 --> 00:08:46,071
and the time I need to
become a writer.
96
00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:47,197
- A writer?
97
00:08:47,573 --> 00:08:49,783
A writer he wants to become!
98
00:08:50,117 --> 00:08:52,619
At a time when people
are only reading dirty books,
99
00:08:52,995 --> 00:08:56,206
like Portnoy's Complaint
and the Charlie Chaplin report
100
00:08:57,374 --> 00:08:59,960
Ah, you have got a customer!
101
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:05,382
Customers, huh, they got long hair,
102
00:09:05,966 --> 00:09:07,634
patched blue jeans,
103
00:09:08,552 --> 00:09:10,971
and holes in their undergarments
I bet ya,
104
00:09:11,805 --> 00:09:15,225
Uh, the one with the beard is a boy,
I hope.
105
00:09:16,101 --> 00:09:17,686
Well Melvin,
106
00:09:18,020 --> 00:09:19,480
Take care of your customers,
107
00:09:20,022 --> 00:09:21,440
Dinner will be waiting.
108
00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:28,489
(Sneaky Music)
109
00:10:53,198 --> 00:10:57,202
(Moaning)
110
00:11:11,967 --> 00:11:13,886
- (off screen) Oh Baby
111
00:11:32,571 --> 00:11:34,364
- Uh nurse, send in Mrs. Finch.
112
00:11:34,698 --> 00:11:37,367
- Mrs. Dogrun, and Mrs. Carpenter are
also waiting.
113
00:11:37,701 --> 00:11:39,828
- There'll be no waiting here, we have
three beds,
114
00:11:40,162 --> 00:11:43,373
I mean we have three examination
tables, working at all times.
115
00:11:43,916 --> 00:11:45,500
Tell them to get undressed also.
116
00:11:48,086 --> 00:11:49,046
Ah.
117
00:11:51,256 --> 00:11:54,760
- Oh Doctor, what an instrument!
118
00:11:55,093 --> 00:11:55,928
May I examine it?
119
00:11:56,261 --> 00:11:57,054
- Of course.
120
00:11:57,387 --> 00:11:59,139
Oh!
121
00:12:17,074 --> 00:12:20,702
Pardon me Madam, I have
other patients who I must care to.
122
00:12:21,787 --> 00:12:23,622
- Doctor, hurry back!
123
00:12:25,082 --> 00:12:27,834
- And what seems to be
your problem Mrs. Carpenter?
124
00:12:28,502 --> 00:12:32,589
- It's just that my little thing runs
and oozes all the time.
125
00:12:32,923 --> 00:12:34,675
Especially when I think about you
Doctor.
126
00:12:35,092 --> 00:12:36,802
- Got some leaky plumbing eh?
127
00:12:37,135 --> 00:12:38,720
Here let me plug the hole.
128
00:12:39,054 --> 00:12:40,389
Temporary packing of course.
129
00:12:41,056 --> 00:12:42,933
Oooh!
130
00:12:48,313 --> 00:12:50,774
Pardon me Mrs. Carpenter.
131
00:12:51,108 --> 00:12:52,025
- But wait a minute!
132
00:12:54,778 --> 00:12:58,240
(sneaky music)
133
00:13:57,424 --> 00:14:00,344
- So you got leaky plumbing eh?
134
00:14:01,762 --> 00:14:04,222
Well here, let me plug the hole.
135
00:14:06,058 --> 00:14:07,434
(fly unzipping)
136
00:14:10,729 --> 00:14:13,440
Temporary packing of course.
137
00:14:21,490 --> 00:14:25,702
(forboding exploding sound)
138
00:14:29,122 --> 00:14:32,167
(bells ringing)
139
00:14:41,426 --> 00:14:43,970
(bells ringing)
140
00:14:44,554 --> 00:14:50,519
(Arabic music)
141
00:15:06,493 --> 00:15:09,204
- Master I am here to
heed your wishes.
142
00:15:10,664 --> 00:15:12,416
You have five wishes.
143
00:15:13,125 --> 00:15:16,211
- Well gee, I uh, I always
thought three wishes was the standard.
144
00:15:17,212 --> 00:15:20,173
- That was years ago,
when three wishes went someplace.
145
00:15:20,841 --> 00:15:22,801
There's been inflation you know?
146
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:28,306
Well I'm waiting master,
to grant you the first of your wishes.
147
00:15:28,682 --> 00:15:30,434
- Well wait a minute, don't rush me.
148
00:15:30,767 --> 00:15:34,354
I mean a guy can't have the
responsibility of five wishes
149
00:15:34,688 --> 00:15:35,814
being pushed up on him,
just like that.
150
00:15:36,148 --> 00:15:38,108
- Yes kind and gentle master.
151
00:15:38,483 --> 00:15:39,734
I am sorry master.
152
00:15:41,153 --> 00:15:43,238
- Well just because I am a kind and
gentle master,
153
00:15:43,572 --> 00:15:45,907
well don't get the idea
I'm easy.
154
00:15:46,324 --> 00:15:49,744
- I am standing patiently master,
awaitng your first wish.
155
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,497
- Well I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
156
00:15:56,460 --> 00:15:59,671
How come you came out of that
jar like that? I mean poof?
157
00:16:00,297 --> 00:16:02,048
- Five hundred years ago.
158
00:16:02,424 --> 00:16:05,218
Abdul El Rasheed the sorcerer,
159
00:16:05,552 --> 00:16:07,345
condemned me to imprisonment
in that jar.
160
00:16:08,388 --> 00:16:10,640
I could only be freed to serve
a master.
161
00:16:11,975 --> 00:16:13,977
Who rubbed the inside
of my jar.
162
00:16:15,103 --> 00:16:17,731
You succeeded in rubbing
the inside of my jar.
163
00:16:18,106 --> 00:16:20,066
- Now look I don't want you
telling people how
164
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:23,111
I succeeded in rubbing the inside
of your jar.
165
00:16:24,196 --> 00:16:25,363
- As you wish master.
166
00:16:26,656 --> 00:16:28,575
- Quick hide.
167
00:16:28,909 --> 00:16:29,784
- Where?
168
00:16:30,118 --> 00:16:31,286
- Anyplace, get back in your bottle.
169
00:16:31,661 --> 00:16:34,372
- Well I can't on such short notice,
it's a big deal.
170
00:16:35,165 --> 00:16:36,917
- Some magic genie you are.
171
00:16:43,215 --> 00:16:45,008
- Goldstein, the tenant, called!
He said there
172
00:16:45,342 --> 00:16:46,968
was smoke coming
from underneath your door!
173
00:16:50,347 --> 00:16:51,306
Who's she?
174
00:16:51,973 --> 00:16:52,682
- A customer Momma,
175
00:16:53,016 --> 00:16:53,850
- A customer?
176
00:16:54,184 --> 00:16:55,477
In the back room?
177
00:16:55,894 --> 00:16:57,812
Where's the rest of her clothes?
178
00:16:58,146 --> 00:16:59,940
- That's the way they dress where
she comes from.
179
00:17:00,857 --> 00:17:02,734
- A foreigner eh?
180
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,070
She looks like someboy out of the,
181
00:17:05,403 --> 00:17:07,405
I wouldn't mention the name
nights.
182
00:17:07,822 --> 00:17:09,741
- Momma why were you carrying
that can?
183
00:17:10,534 --> 00:17:12,369
- Well because when Goldstein
called I thought you had
184
00:17:12,702 --> 00:17:14,412
a fire, so I came to put it out!
185
00:17:17,791 --> 00:17:20,001
- But Momma, that's paint
thinner, it burns!
186
00:17:21,294 --> 00:17:23,505
- Oy I gotta get my glasses checked.
187
00:17:24,381 --> 00:17:26,091
- Momma, you don't wear glasses.
188
00:17:26,466 --> 00:17:30,095
- See I gotta get glasses,
so I can have them checked.
189
00:17:31,221 --> 00:17:32,847
A customer huh?
190
00:17:33,265 --> 00:17:34,182
Melvin,
191
00:17:34,516 --> 00:17:35,016
listen,
192
00:17:35,350 --> 00:17:37,769
you know a nice, eligible man like
you
193
00:17:38,478 --> 00:17:40,272
has got to be very careful,
194
00:17:40,605 --> 00:17:42,399
those people,
195
00:17:42,899 --> 00:17:46,111
they believe that a man
should have more than one wife,
196
00:17:46,528 --> 00:17:50,115
that his mother should
share him with!
197
00:17:56,580 --> 00:17:58,081
- Well,
198
00:17:58,456 --> 00:17:59,916
we're alone again.
199
00:18:00,375 --> 00:18:02,294
- Just wait a minute and let me think,
huh?
200
00:18:02,627 --> 00:18:03,795
- Oh master,
201
00:18:04,337 --> 00:18:07,966
your wildest desires are
at your fingertips!
202
00:18:08,341 --> 00:18:09,968
You need only command me.
203
00:18:10,343 --> 00:18:12,137
- Look my Mommas pushing me from one
side, you gotta push me
204
00:18:12,470 --> 00:18:13,471
from the other?
205
00:18:17,142 --> 00:18:20,186
Jesus nobody can read,
I got a closed sign out there!
206
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:24,649
- Oh master, I must tell you, I'll
have to hang around until your five
207
00:18:24,983 --> 00:18:26,276
wishes are used up.
208
00:18:27,027 --> 00:18:29,904
So if you don't see me,
and you want me,
209
00:18:30,822 --> 00:18:32,741
Just clap three times,
210
00:18:33,074 --> 00:18:35,577
orjust rub the inside of my jar a
little,
211
00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:36,703
I like that.
212
00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:39,039
- Alright already!
213
00:18:40,248 --> 00:18:42,167
Oh my god, it's Janet Geckle.
214
00:18:42,834 --> 00:18:45,754
I met her two years ago, at a singles
night, up at the Concord.
215
00:18:46,421 --> 00:18:48,465
Quick, quick, what's your name?
216
00:18:48,798 --> 00:18:50,634
- Hamara.
217
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:09,152
- Oh, hi Melvin!
218
00:19:09,694 --> 00:19:12,197
I'm so glad I caught you in.
219
00:19:17,118 --> 00:19:20,914
Standing here, I, I feel like one
ofyouranfiques
220
00:19:21,247 --> 00:19:22,207
on display.
221
00:19:25,126 --> 00:19:27,003
Can't we go in the back room?
222
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,478
- Uh Janet, there's someone I have
always wanted you to meet.
223
00:19:43,895 --> 00:19:46,523
- Let me put on my glasses Melvin.
224
00:19:48,983 --> 00:19:51,236
Who did you want me to meet Melvin?
225
00:19:51,569 --> 00:19:54,155
- Oh, uh, my aunt Sophie, you
would like my aunt Sophie.
226
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,159
- The way you talked, I thought
she was here.
227
00:19:59,828 --> 00:20:01,705
I'm so glad we are alone.
228
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:03,123
- You are?
229
00:20:03,790 --> 00:20:05,709
- Ah, Melvin,
230
00:20:06,042 --> 00:20:07,877
I have so much to tell you.
231
00:20:08,670 --> 00:20:11,631
It's so nice to have a friend,
to be intimate with.
232
00:20:12,090 --> 00:20:13,883
- To be intimate with?
233
00:20:15,510 --> 00:20:18,471
- Someone you can feel safe with.
234
00:20:19,055 --> 00:20:20,890
Someone who's not
going to make a pass at you
235
00:20:21,224 --> 00:20:22,517
every time you turn around.
236
00:20:24,894 --> 00:20:26,771
Ah, Melvin, Melvin.
237
00:20:27,355 --> 00:20:28,690
I found him!
238
00:20:29,107 --> 00:20:30,525
I found him.
239
00:20:31,693 --> 00:20:33,611
The man I was born for.
240
00:20:34,279 --> 00:20:36,197
- Another Doctor right?
241
00:20:36,865 --> 00:20:37,991
- A gynocologist.
242
00:20:38,366 --> 00:20:40,076
Dr. Vladamir Barker!
243
00:20:41,035 --> 00:20:44,205
My heart races when I speak the name.
244
00:20:44,539 --> 00:20:47,125
Feel!
245
00:20:48,418 --> 00:20:49,627
Feel it racing?
246
00:20:50,128 --> 00:20:52,630
- Oh it's racing, it's racing!
247
00:20:53,047 --> 00:20:55,341
Oh, it's me that's racing.
248
00:20:56,676 --> 00:20:58,595
- He's handsome,
249
00:20:58,928 --> 00:21:00,847
distinguished,
250
00:21:01,222 --> 00:21:03,141
he charges forty dollars
a visit,
251
00:21:03,933 --> 00:21:05,852
no house calls.
252
00:21:06,186 --> 00:21:07,937
And he respects me as a woman.
253
00:21:08,813 --> 00:21:11,691
Not as something to paw and fondle.
254
00:21:16,446 --> 00:21:17,405
- Well,
255
00:21:17,739 --> 00:21:18,907
he sounds a,
256
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,075
he sounds a,
257
00:21:22,452 --> 00:21:24,621
- Melvin you are such a great friend!
258
00:21:24,954 --> 00:21:27,207
I had to tell you.
259
00:21:30,752 --> 00:21:32,670
I've got to get back to work.
260
00:21:36,591 --> 00:21:38,843
- Dr. Vladamir Parker
261
00:21:39,177 --> 00:21:40,929
Obviously a pseudonym.
262
00:22:05,954 --> 00:22:07,497
Where did you come
from?
263
00:22:07,831 --> 00:22:09,707
- I was hanging around.
264
00:22:10,041 --> 00:22:13,503
Boy do I ever love the way
you rub the inside of my jar.
265
00:22:13,837 --> 00:22:15,588
- You mean you was here all the time?
266
00:22:15,922 --> 00:22:16,923
- Invisible.
267
00:22:17,382 --> 00:22:18,675
And now oh master,
268
00:22:19,008 --> 00:22:21,803
Your wildest desires are at your
fingertips.
269
00:22:22,428 --> 00:22:24,305
You need only command.
270
00:22:24,764 --> 00:22:26,891
- Well..ok...ok,
271
00:22:27,267 --> 00:22:29,185
I want to go to bed with ah,
272
00:22:30,186 --> 00:22:31,062
with...
273
00:22:34,148 --> 00:22:36,067
Three girls, all at once.
274
00:22:36,442 --> 00:22:39,445
And I wanna be a doctor, and
look like Harry Reems.
275
00:22:41,114 --> 00:22:42,240
- That's your wish?
276
00:22:42,574 --> 00:22:43,408
- That's my wish.
277
00:22:44,701 --> 00:22:45,743
- Alright.
278
00:22:46,494 --> 00:22:47,745
You must close your eyes.
279
00:22:48,371 --> 00:22:50,290
- Why must I close my eyes?
280
00:22:50,623 --> 00:22:52,375
- You must close your eyes for the
spell to work.
281
00:22:54,377 --> 00:22:56,921
You're peeking!
282
00:22:57,255 --> 00:23:00,341
- Well uh, what's gonna happen so bad
I can't see it?
283
00:23:01,801 --> 00:23:03,928
- Don't you want to look like Harry
Reems?
284
00:23:04,262 --> 00:23:07,307
Be a doctor and go to bed with three
girls at once?
285
00:23:09,434 --> 00:23:11,185
(Incantation)
286
00:23:11,519 --> 00:23:13,396
- Hey watch it with the spinning,
I get sick to my stomach very easily.
287
00:23:13,897 --> 00:23:18,443
(Incantation)
288
00:23:21,029 --> 00:23:22,906
(Magic Bells)
289
00:23:31,581 --> 00:23:33,499
You're a phony genie,
it didn't work.
290
00:23:36,044 --> 00:23:38,671
- Hi what happened to your voice,
do you have a cold?
291
00:23:39,964 --> 00:23:42,967
- You're still a phony genie,
I ordered three girls!
292
00:23:51,225 --> 00:23:54,145
- You poor dear, lie down,
we will make you come- fortable.
293
00:23:54,729 --> 00:23:56,981
- That's more my style.
294
00:24:33,434 --> 00:24:37,772
(soft music)
295
00:25:46,632 --> 00:25:50,595
(moaning)
296
00:27:01,499 --> 00:27:05,711
(moaning)
297
00:28:43,434 --> 00:28:44,894
- (off screen) Melvin!
298
00:28:45,228 --> 00:28:46,229
What are you doing?
299
00:28:46,729 --> 00:28:49,941
- I am playing doctor with Suzy, Ona,
and Edna Momma.
300
00:28:51,317 --> 00:28:54,570
- Melvin, it's time to go home.
301
00:28:54,987 --> 00:28:57,782
- I can't Momma, I am giving
Edna a thorough internal.
302
00:28:58,866 --> 00:29:01,410
- What kind of meshuggeneh
talk is this?
303
00:29:02,036 --> 00:29:04,622
You're gonna give Susan
a thorough internal?
304
00:29:05,331 --> 00:29:07,541
- Momma, how did you get here?
305
00:29:08,334 --> 00:29:09,627
- I walked.
306
00:29:10,211 --> 00:29:12,129
I'm gonna take a subway
for one block?
307
00:29:12,588 --> 00:29:14,090
- Where are the others?
308
00:29:15,007 --> 00:29:20,346
- Who would be here? Except
Edna, Ona, and Susan?
309
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:39,240
- Momma, why are you looking at me
like that?
310
00:29:40,408 --> 00:29:42,576
- Do you feel alright Melvin?
311
00:29:43,911 --> 00:29:45,830
- I feel alright.
312
00:30:02,388 --> 00:30:05,641
- That's the way it was Sadie,
he was on the floor, I don't know what
313
00:30:05,975 --> 00:30:07,059
to do.
314
00:30:07,935 --> 00:30:10,229
I think I hear him coming,
let's talk about milk men.
315
00:30:14,525 --> 00:30:18,821
So Sadie, if you're not satisfied,
take on my milk man.
316
00:30:19,864 --> 00:30:22,658
He's young, he's tall, he'll give the
317
00:30:22,992 --> 00:30:27,413
heavy cream like you never had before.
318
00:30:28,998 --> 00:30:31,208
I think he's gone now.
319
00:30:33,878 --> 00:30:38,674
Alright, yes. I am so
worried about my Melvin,
320
00:30:39,008 --> 00:30:41,510
I just don't know what to do.
321
00:30:41,844 --> 00:30:42,762
What Sadie?
322
00:30:44,388 --> 00:30:48,267
Of course he knows if he plays
with himself too much
323
00:30:48,601 --> 00:30:51,145
his brain will turn into
overcooked Kasha.
324
00:30:51,479 --> 00:30:53,731
What else could a mother do
but to tell him?
325
00:31:20,091 --> 00:31:21,008
- Melvin!
326
00:31:21,384 --> 00:31:22,510
Vos makhstu?
327
00:31:22,843 --> 00:31:23,594
- Fine.
328
00:31:26,806 --> 00:31:28,349
- What's wrong with you?
329
00:31:28,724 --> 00:31:31,227
- It's my mother,
I think she is having an affair.
330
00:31:33,437 --> 00:31:34,897
- Your mothers not an old woman
331
00:31:36,857 --> 00:31:38,859
When we were in highschool,
I used to have the roaring
332
00:31:39,193 --> 00:31:40,236
hots for her.
333
00:31:41,695 --> 00:31:43,114
Who is the lucky man?
334
00:31:43,447 --> 00:31:44,698
- Her milk man.
335
00:31:45,032 --> 00:31:46,409
- Petrosky, I know him.
336
00:31:46,784 --> 00:31:48,035
He's a shtarker,
337
00:31:48,369 --> 00:31:50,121
He's taking care of half the gals
in the neighborhood.
338
00:31:52,832 --> 00:31:56,043
And, you're not the only one that
troubles.
339
00:31:56,794 --> 00:31:59,130
I told you last week, my brother in
law came over to spend a
340
00:31:59,463 --> 00:32:00,589
few days us.
341
00:32:00,923 --> 00:32:02,800
Such a loafer!
342
00:32:03,134 --> 00:32:05,177
Spends so much time on the
sofa we are thinking about having him
343
00:32:05,511 --> 00:32:06,262
fitted for slipcovers.
344
00:32:06,762 --> 00:32:07,847
- All these years.
345
00:32:08,597 --> 00:32:11,642
Whole string of plumbers, TV
repairmen,
346
00:32:12,143 --> 00:32:14,478
icemen, and she thought
I never suspected it.
347
00:32:15,563 --> 00:32:17,648
Now it's Petrosky the milk man,
348
00:32:17,982 --> 00:32:20,609
and now she is already giving
references of him to her friend Sadie.
349
00:32:21,068 --> 00:32:22,361
- What an appetite.
350
00:32:22,695 --> 00:32:25,072
It was five days before
I knew the guy was growing a beard.
351
00:32:25,531 --> 00:32:27,116
He never gets his face from behind
the plate.
352
00:32:27,450 --> 00:32:30,244
- Petroksy, he's young, he's tall,
he's good looking,
353
00:32:30,578 --> 00:32:34,206
and on top of it all
he gives them the heavy cream like
354
00:32:34,540 --> 00:32:36,292
they
never had it before.
355
00:32:36,959 --> 00:32:41,046
- Petrosky, he's our milk man too.
356
00:32:41,589 --> 00:32:43,507
With his reputation,
I might be worried.
357
00:32:43,966 --> 00:32:46,343
But he would be hard to find
a day where my wife hasn't been to the
358
00:32:46,677 --> 00:32:47,136
hairdresser.
359
00:32:49,430 --> 00:32:52,099
Melvin, my boy,
I have to get back to the store.
360
00:33:01,984 --> 00:33:03,652
(magical chimes)
361
00:33:11,619 --> 00:33:15,206
- What is your desire master?
362
00:33:16,457 --> 00:33:18,375
- Don't you ever get back
inside your bottle?
363
00:33:18,709 --> 00:33:20,711
- It's more fun hanging around.
364
00:33:21,045 --> 00:33:24,715
'Sides, I can see when you're going to
rub the inside of my jar.
365
00:33:26,383 --> 00:33:30,971
Not one of my previous masters
ever rubbed the inside of my jar with
366
00:33:31,430 --> 00:33:33,516
such, such technique!
367
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:35,559
Master,
368
00:33:36,644 --> 00:33:37,853
Master, what is your pleasure?
369
00:33:39,104 --> 00:33:40,147
- Well you see,
370
00:33:40,481 --> 00:33:42,358
there's this milk man,
a plain ordinary milk man.
371
00:33:42,691 --> 00:33:44,527
- Oh you mean Petrosky?
372
00:33:45,152 --> 00:33:48,822
- Hey how do you know Petrosky?
You haven't been shtupping him too?
373
00:33:50,032 --> 00:33:52,743
- What kind of a genie
do you think I am?
374
00:33:53,285 --> 00:33:56,539
I only know of him because
you have been talking about him.
375
00:33:57,081 --> 00:33:59,291
- You know you are sneaky,
and I don't like the idea of you
376
00:33:59,625 --> 00:34:01,669
hanging around watching everything I
am doing.
377
00:34:04,421 --> 00:34:07,049
Well hey, I told you not
to follow me around.
378
00:34:07,466 --> 00:34:12,263
- Well I have to hang around
within sight of myjar.
379
00:34:13,931 --> 00:34:17,184
- Well uh, make me into a milk man.
380
00:34:17,518 --> 00:34:19,645
- What do you want to look like?
381
00:34:20,437 --> 00:34:24,733
- Oh just your plain, average,
everyday, handsome dog of a milkman.
382
00:34:25,526 --> 00:34:29,113
- You have to be more specific.
383
00:34:29,697 --> 00:34:33,242
- Wait a sec, I once saw a milk man
in a film, and he shtupped everybody
384
00:34:33,617 --> 00:34:35,536
At one apartment building.
385
00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:38,080
By the time he reached the top floor,
386
00:34:38,414 --> 00:34:40,416
After taking care of all the ladies in
the house,
387
00:34:40,749 --> 00:34:43,711
When he was giving his heavy cream to
the bottom floor it had already
388
00:34:44,044 --> 00:34:45,087
turned into sour cream.
389
00:34:45,421 --> 00:34:47,214
- But what did he look like?
390
00:34:47,548 --> 00:34:49,758
It was this actor named John Ashton.
391
00:34:50,092 --> 00:34:52,303
Yeah he made it with these two great
looking chicks.
392
00:34:52,845 --> 00:34:56,098
- So think about what he looked like,
and close your eyes.
393
00:34:57,933 --> 00:35:01,520
(incantation)
394
00:35:24,043 --> 00:35:26,920
(soft music)
395
00:37:00,931 --> 00:37:05,477
- Oh darling, I could hardly wait
until you made your delivery.
396
00:37:11,567 --> 00:37:13,569
Darling.
397
00:37:15,988 --> 00:37:17,906
I want your heavy cream.
398
00:37:23,036 --> 00:37:24,913
- I want some of your heavy cream
too baby.
399
00:37:30,419 --> 00:37:33,338
- But I have to save some for
my other customers
400
00:37:39,595 --> 00:37:42,139
(drums pounding)
401
00:40:02,195 --> 00:40:06,408
- And don't forget Petrosky,
I want some heavy cream too.
402
00:40:08,076 --> 00:40:10,746
- Momma, what are you doing here?
403
00:40:12,039 --> 00:40:14,666
_ Hmm, my big boy.
404
00:40:15,584 --> 00:40:21,381
Who would think by looking at him that
he was Valedictorian for his
405
00:40:21,715 --> 00:40:24,051
graduating class of PS768
406
00:40:25,093 --> 00:40:28,722
- Momma, you've gotta stay our
of my fantasies.
407
00:40:32,392 --> 00:40:34,978
Momma, don't come near me
I am your son Melvin.
408
00:40:35,771 --> 00:40:42,653
- Ah, Petrosky don't try to fool me,
that tushy? That shmuck?
409
00:40:43,487 --> 00:40:45,280
That isn't my Melvin.
410
00:40:46,031 --> 00:40:48,575
Wouldn't I know?
Haven't I powdered his
411
00:40:48,909 --> 00:40:53,372
tushy, and washed his little shmekala
while he went tinkle
412
00:40:53,705 --> 00:40:55,457
in the potty all these years.
413
00:40:55,874 --> 00:40:57,876
- Momma, I grew up.
414
00:40:58,210 --> 00:41:00,087
- Petrosky?
415
00:41:00,504 --> 00:41:02,381
Give me the heavy cream.
416
00:41:04,007 --> 00:41:06,718
- OK Mrs. Finkelfarb, here it is.
417
00:41:13,308 --> 00:41:18,480
- Ugh it's butta, you've been
bouncing and wiggling all day long you
418
00:41:18,814 --> 00:41:20,899
churned the thing into butta.
419
00:41:21,692 --> 00:41:24,277
- Sorry that's all the
heavy cream I have left.
420
00:41:25,404 --> 00:41:27,364
- Petrosky.
421
00:41:28,031 --> 00:41:31,952
I want you should give me,
your heavy cream.
422
00:41:32,703 --> 00:41:37,082
The way you do everyday, from the
nozzle!
423
00:41:37,416 --> 00:41:39,418
- Momma, stay away from me.
424
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,129
Momma, you're making me
very dizzy.
425
00:41:47,050 --> 00:41:50,387
- Momma, you see, I think I am going
to get a nosebleed,
426
00:41:50,721 --> 00:41:52,931
and it's all your fault Momma.
427
00:41:53,390 --> 00:41:55,308
And besides, that's incest!
428
00:41:56,893 --> 00:41:59,646
Momma, Momma!
429
00:42:04,735 --> 00:42:08,780
You know I bet that big mouth genie,
gave her the address of wherever I was
430
00:42:09,573 --> 00:42:10,866
Uh, Momma?
431
00:42:11,450 --> 00:42:15,746
Have you ever thought of another man,
since Papa died?
432
00:42:17,122 --> 00:42:18,999
- Why would I want another man?
433
00:42:19,499 --> 00:42:21,043
I always have you.
434
00:42:21,376 --> 00:42:25,130
Well yes Momma, but you see other men
can give you compainionship.
435
00:42:25,672 --> 00:42:26,882
And, uh, and stuff.
436
00:42:27,340 --> 00:42:31,678
- Well what kind of companionship
could those men give me that
437
00:42:32,012 --> 00:42:34,181
I don't get from my lady friends?
438
00:42:41,938 --> 00:42:44,691
- I knew I'd find you here.
439
00:42:48,195 --> 00:42:52,866
- Alright Shamus, you big dick.
440
00:42:55,368 --> 00:42:57,245
I hear you are looking for me.
441
00:42:57,621 --> 00:42:59,664
- You're right Bonita.
442
00:43:00,499 --> 00:43:02,417
- Well you got Clyde.
443
00:43:05,087 --> 00:43:07,005
But you'll never get me.
444
00:43:18,308 --> 00:43:21,895
- Stop, stop in the name of the law,
don't do that.
445
00:43:22,687 --> 00:43:26,274
Don't it will blow your brians out
and make an ugly mess.
446
00:43:26,858 --> 00:43:30,779
Give it to me, please,
I've got something better.
447
00:43:32,197 --> 00:43:35,117
I've got something better for you.
448
00:43:52,300 --> 00:43:56,096
- Boy, that Tina Russell,
and how about that Marc Stevens?
449
00:43:56,429 --> 00:43:58,598
Have you ever seen a schvonce
like that one?
450
00:43:59,015 --> 00:44:01,685
- Well I don't know I haven't had
any complaints you know.
451
00:44:02,018 --> 00:44:04,646
- Oh come on now Melvin,
this is your old buddy you are talking
452
00:44:04,980 --> 00:44:06,189
to, Irving Stein.
453
00:44:06,523 --> 00:44:09,484
I remember you from the locker room
at PS768
454
00:44:09,818 --> 00:44:14,156
- Well yeah, that is before I got my
B12 Shots.
455
00:44:14,865 --> 00:44:18,118
- You mean, now you got a schvonce
like Marc Stevens?
456
00:44:18,535 --> 00:44:20,036
- Well what do you think it is
June Madigan likes about me.
457
00:44:20,537 --> 00:44:22,164
- June Madigan, what do you mean
the one with the strapping steel
458
00:44:22,497 --> 00:44:23,165
worker husband?
459
00:44:23,498 --> 00:44:26,418
- Yeah that one, what do
you think she goes so crazy for?
460
00:44:26,751 --> 00:44:28,503
It ain't only my good looks you know.
461
00:44:28,879 --> 00:44:31,464
- I've gotta get back to work.
462
00:44:34,259 --> 00:44:36,178
- If Irving only knew.
463
00:44:41,308 --> 00:44:45,020
Hey wait a minute, didn't I just rub
the inside of herjar yesterday?
464
00:44:45,353 --> 00:44:47,230
Why should I spoil that genie?
465
00:44:48,940 --> 00:44:51,276
I'll bet she's had five
masters before me.
466
00:44:52,903 --> 00:44:56,865
Not one of them had a technique like
me, not one.
467
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:09,461
(magical chimes)
468
00:45:13,798 --> 00:45:16,760
- What is your desire master?
469
00:45:17,260 --> 00:45:21,014
- Genie, I command you to make
me a private eye like Marc Stevens.
470
00:45:22,807 --> 00:45:27,437
Oh and genie, I want
Tina Russell as my partner
471
00:45:34,694 --> 00:45:37,948
(incantation)
472
00:45:41,785 --> 00:45:46,873
- Alright Marc, now is the time for
the big showdown.
473
00:45:51,002 --> 00:45:54,214
Oh dear, and I mean big.
474
00:45:59,803 --> 00:46:02,430
Let me just put my lips around
that thing.
475
00:46:06,268 --> 00:46:11,147
Let me take the tip of my tongue
and put it into the opening.
476
00:46:14,401 --> 00:46:17,320
Til' the juices just begin to flow.
477
00:50:08,843 --> 00:50:12,388
- Momma, what are you doing
here again?
478
00:50:13,014 --> 00:50:16,976
- I'm watching! I might have have
known I'd catch you here again.
479
00:50:17,519 --> 00:50:21,439
Listen, I don't mind a little
hanky panky,
480
00:50:21,814 --> 00:50:25,735
But you and that little blondie, out
of I wouldn't mention the name nights.
481
00:50:26,069 --> 00:50:28,321
Is making a bad habit out of this.
482
00:50:29,155 --> 00:50:33,284
- Ah hah! It was that big mouth
genie who told you where I am.
483
00:50:34,202 --> 00:50:38,540
- Can I ask you a question maybe?
Who is watching the store while you
484
00:50:38,873 --> 00:50:40,875
are playing the big shtupper?
485
00:50:51,886 --> 00:50:53,805
- Boy am I dizzy.
486
00:50:54,597 --> 00:50:56,516
Any minute now I expect a nose bleed.
487
00:50:57,016 --> 00:50:59,269
And it's all her fault.
488
00:50:59,644 --> 00:51:01,563
I've gotta find a way to keep
her out of my orgies.
489
00:51:05,316 --> 00:51:07,986
- Melvin, oh I had to see ya.
490
00:51:08,403 --> 00:51:11,406
Debbie and I, what I fight we just had
on the telephone.
491
00:51:12,907 --> 00:51:15,285
Oh, it's a good thing we were on the,
phone and not face to face.
492
00:51:15,618 --> 00:51:17,328
Otherwise l...l mighta hit her.
493
00:51:17,662 --> 00:51:20,582
Then she woulda broken my nose
and my collar bone, or something,
494
00:51:21,124 --> 00:51:24,252
She could hit a zets, that girl.
495
00:51:24,669 --> 00:51:26,921
Oy, I hate to come to you
when I got troubles.
496
00:51:27,255 --> 00:51:30,800
- Well who else would you come to,
what are friends for?
497
00:51:31,551 --> 00:51:34,512
I got problems with my mother.
498
00:51:35,054 --> 00:51:37,515
- You heard about the guy with
the iron fist under the velvet glove?
499
00:51:37,849 --> 00:51:41,436
Debbie, she's got brass balls, under
lace panties.
500
00:51:41,769 --> 00:51:46,316
- I strongly suspect that my mother
is having an affair with some women.
501
00:51:50,445 --> 00:51:52,655
- At least they can't make
her pregnant.
502
00:51:57,910 --> 00:51:59,621
- Momma?
503
00:52:00,371 --> 00:52:02,290
Momma, where are you going?
504
00:52:03,249 --> 00:52:05,168
- I'm going out, I have a date.
505
00:52:05,877 --> 00:52:06,919
- A date?
506
00:52:07,253 --> 00:52:08,588
A date with whom?
507
00:52:08,963 --> 00:52:12,258
- With the girls, Sadie and a new girl
Nora, good night.
508
00:52:12,592 --> 00:52:17,055
- Momma I was hoping you would stay in
tonight and play some canasta with me.
509
00:52:17,472 --> 00:52:20,016
- Oh I can't, I promised Sadie.
510
00:52:21,809 --> 00:52:23,061
- And Nora?
511
00:52:23,478 --> 00:52:25,396
- And nora.
512
00:52:26,564 --> 00:52:29,567
- Momma, if you go out, I am
going to do something desperate.
513
00:52:30,193 --> 00:52:33,488
- Oh Melvin, I know what you'll do.
514
00:52:33,988 --> 00:52:38,910
You'll go out, you'll drink too
much, you'll be sick,
515
00:52:39,243 --> 00:52:42,455
you'll come home, you'll kneel
in front of the toilet and
516
00:52:42,789 --> 00:52:44,916
you'll throw your guts up all
night long.
517
00:52:45,375 --> 00:52:48,252
Good night darling.
518
00:52:52,006 --> 00:52:53,466
- She's right.
519
00:52:53,883 --> 00:52:55,259
I'll go to Bernsteins,
520
00:52:55,718 --> 00:52:57,637
and I wont know when I've had enough,
so I'll take that one more,
521
00:52:58,805 --> 00:53:01,432
Five malteds instead of four.
522
00:53:01,766 --> 00:53:03,518
And then I'll throw up my kishkas
all night.
523
00:53:16,030 --> 00:53:19,200
Oy, why do I always take that
fifth one?
524
00:53:34,799 --> 00:53:36,551
(magical chimes)
525
00:53:39,512 --> 00:53:42,432
- Oh, oh my goodness, what
is your desire Master?
526
00:53:50,356 --> 00:53:53,901
- Hey Mel, your ma called, the
elevator in the building broke down.
527
00:53:55,945 --> 00:53:59,449
Oh pardon me, I didn't intend to
interrupt something.
528
00:53:59,907 --> 00:54:02,785
- No ah, you didn't interrupt anything
Irv. This is my friend.
529
00:54:03,244 --> 00:54:05,788
- Let me guess, June Madison?
530
00:54:06,414 --> 00:54:08,332
- No, no this is my friend Amara.
531
00:54:08,666 --> 00:54:10,418
- Amara? You never told me about her.
532
00:54:10,752 --> 00:54:13,004
You been keeping her to yourself?
533
00:54:14,922 --> 00:54:17,175
- Look uh, you think thats
a girl right?
534
00:54:18,926 --> 00:54:21,512
Well that ain't any girl.
535
00:54:22,680 --> 00:54:23,765
- It's a guy?
536
00:54:24,098 --> 00:54:25,892
- No no, it's a genie.
537
00:54:26,309 --> 00:54:29,353
- It's a genie? Of course it's a
genie, any fool can see it's a genie.
538
00:54:30,980 --> 00:54:35,818
- Oh great and kind master,
prince of the universe.
539
00:54:36,861 --> 00:54:39,781
Command me, I am your slave.
540
00:54:40,114 --> 00:54:44,410
- Oh just one question, if I decide
to take my friend along with me,
541
00:54:44,994 --> 00:54:46,913
do I use up only one wish?
542
00:54:47,246 --> 00:54:48,289
- Only one wish.
543
00:54:49,165 --> 00:54:51,709
- So uh, how would you like
to be John Ashton
544
00:54:52,043 --> 00:54:52,668
for a couple of hours.
545
00:54:53,085 --> 00:54:53,920
- What do you mean?
546
00:54:54,253 --> 00:54:56,130
- Look I mean, you like
shtupping right?
547
00:54:57,048 --> 00:54:58,758
Well stick with me and I'll
get you shtupped.
548
00:54:59,133 --> 00:55:01,052
- I'll stick, I'll Stick!
549
00:55:01,385 --> 00:55:02,804
- Genie, I uh,
550
00:55:03,137 --> 00:55:07,642
I want my friend here to be John
Aston, and I wanna be Harry Reems.
551
00:55:08,059 --> 00:55:09,936
- You know what might be a good
idea?
552
00:55:11,229 --> 00:55:14,190
The two of you boys,
with one very horny girl.
553
00:55:14,607 --> 00:55:17,276
- Hey you know that would be
a good idea.
554
00:55:17,610 --> 00:55:20,488
- Yeah, but who should the girl be?
555
00:55:23,616 --> 00:55:27,870
- I only suggested this because,
this has been one of my greatest
556
00:55:28,204 --> 00:55:28,955
fantasies.
557
00:55:30,039 --> 00:55:31,791
Two boys at once.
558
00:55:34,210 --> 00:55:36,754
- Hey wait a second, I know this girl
Sandy,
559
00:55:37,129 --> 00:55:39,173
The one Tina Russell and I
were involved with.
560
00:55:39,507 --> 00:55:41,843
- Tina Russell? You made it
with Tina Russell?
561
00:55:42,343 --> 00:55:43,219
- Yeah and Sandy.
562
00:55:43,553 --> 00:55:45,388
- Close your eyes boys.
563
00:55:48,140 --> 00:55:50,017
(Incantation)
564
00:56:08,286 --> 00:56:10,204
- Melvin, where are we?
565
00:56:10,872 --> 00:56:12,790
- A place where they have
orgies.
566
00:56:13,207 --> 00:56:15,126
- Where is it located?
567
00:56:16,460 --> 00:56:19,171
- I think it's in the same building I
live in, three or four flights above.
568
00:56:20,214 --> 00:56:24,051
Wherever it is, it's easy for
my mother to get here.
569
00:56:33,644 --> 00:56:36,647
(upbeat music)
570
01:00:52,903 --> 01:00:56,824
- Ah Irving, boychick! I know you
have always wanted me.
571
01:01:03,455 --> 01:01:04,707
9h yes!
572
01:01:07,585 --> 01:01:09,295
- But what about Melvin?
573
01:01:09,712 --> 01:01:11,630
- Eh, let him watch, maybe
he'll learn something.
574
01:01:20,097 --> 01:01:22,016
(moaning)
575
01:02:01,805 --> 01:02:04,391
- Momma, how did you get here?
576
01:02:04,808 --> 01:02:06,727
Irving even told me the elevator
was busted.
577
01:03:00,072 --> 01:03:03,409
(moaning)
578
01:03:46,577 --> 01:03:48,370
- That was something.
579
01:03:49,038 --> 01:03:50,956
Now I've done something I have always
wanted to do.
580
01:03:52,291 --> 01:03:53,959
Ball your old lady!
581
01:03:54,293 --> 01:03:56,170
And I was right, she's hot!
582
01:03:58,172 --> 01:03:58,964
Melvin!
583
01:03:59,298 --> 01:04:00,466
Boychicko!
584
01:04:00,966 --> 01:04:02,843
Your Mommy is some Tootsie!
585
01:04:03,969 --> 01:04:07,723
And that Sandy, it was just like the
old days.
586
01:04:09,558 --> 01:04:12,478
Remember Ethel Pinsky,
You used to take the back,
587
01:04:13,979 --> 01:04:16,357
I used to take the front.
588
01:04:16,815 --> 01:04:19,360
And then just like that latest Harry
Reems picture with Tina Russell
589
01:04:19,777 --> 01:04:20,986
and what's her name.
590
01:04:21,528 --> 01:04:24,656
Your momma and Sandy they
both dove at each others muffs!
591
01:04:24,990 --> 01:04:27,701
- Irving, one more word and I'll
592
01:04:29,078 --> 01:04:30,996
- What Melvin?
593
01:04:32,206 --> 01:04:35,042
- I'll never take you with me again,
never, no place!
594
01:04:35,918 --> 01:04:39,171
- Now wait a minute, be reasonable,
I was only kidding.
595
01:04:41,006 --> 01:04:43,258
Look the next time you are planning
to take a little trip to that
596
01:04:43,592 --> 01:04:45,094
penthouse or whatever
597
01:04:47,012 --> 01:04:49,890
Just give me a little nudge
and I'll be here.
598
01:04:50,307 --> 01:04:52,935
- Look I don't want any stories
floating around Harry's delicatessen
599
01:04:53,268 --> 01:04:54,144
about my Momma.
600
01:04:54,978 --> 01:04:56,855
And if maybe Debbie got wind of it.
601
01:04:58,607 --> 01:05:00,859
- I hope I am not
interrupting something.
602
01:05:01,193 --> 01:05:02,486
- No uh, come right in.
603
01:05:02,820 --> 01:05:04,488
- What a mob down the street.
604
01:05:06,240 --> 01:05:10,160
In front of the dry goods store,
they are having a big sale!
605
01:05:10,744 --> 01:05:13,747
Everythings at half price!
606
01:05:14,331 --> 01:05:18,168
- Oh, I left my brother in law that,
that bishcon, that rip off artist.
607
01:05:18,544 --> 01:05:21,922
To watch the store!
608
01:05:24,133 --> 01:05:28,345
- Uh, so Janet, how is your friend the
gynocologist these days?
609
01:05:30,848 --> 01:05:32,433
- Oh, oh him.
610
01:05:33,308 --> 01:05:36,353
I'm through with him.
611
01:05:38,105 --> 01:05:39,982
He's only interested in, well...
612
01:05:42,860 --> 01:05:44,778
vaginas...
613
01:05:46,196 --> 01:05:48,115
Other girls vaginas.
614
01:05:49,908 --> 01:05:54,163
And anyway, I have met this most
fascinating man!
615
01:05:55,706 --> 01:05:58,292
Harold Sampson
616
01:05:59,042 --> 01:06:00,919
- Harold Sampson, the insurance man?
617
01:06:01,295 --> 01:06:03,088
- You know him?
618
01:06:03,464 --> 01:06:06,800
Yeah tall, big hands, and
not too good looking right?
619
01:06:07,134 --> 01:06:12,014
- No, no, no this one is very,
very handsome.
620
01:06:13,098 --> 01:06:15,017
- Yeah well maybe, if you like
the big biking type
621
01:06:15,767 --> 01:06:18,187
but not too many girls I know
like a guy
622
01:06:18,645 --> 01:06:21,523
who wears a hat with horns and is
always holding a weapon in his hands.
623
01:06:21,982 --> 01:06:23,984
- Oh so you do know him.
624
01:06:24,443 --> 01:06:26,361
You described him perfectly.
625
01:06:27,279 --> 01:06:29,198
- You mean he wears a hat
with horns?
626
01:06:29,531 --> 01:06:31,950
- Nah, no, no, no, no, no
627
01:06:33,410 --> 01:06:35,829
He always, he's always...
628
01:06:37,831 --> 01:06:41,460
He's always got his weapon
in his hands.
629
01:06:44,546 --> 01:06:47,132
Goodbye Melvin!
630
01:06:47,841 --> 01:06:50,636
- Oh, who is that running out of the
store?
631
01:06:51,094 --> 01:06:52,429
Was that your red face?
632
01:06:52,846 --> 01:06:54,723
- A customer Momma
633
01:06:55,098 --> 01:06:58,227
- Melvin, I am not going to hear any
stories about you if I go into
634
01:06:58,560 --> 01:07:00,521
Harry's delicatessen am l?
635
01:07:01,355 --> 01:07:04,107
It's enough his pastrami gives
me a heartburn.
636
01:07:05,984 --> 01:07:10,739
Why don't you close the store today,
you won't get any more customers.
637
01:07:12,407 --> 01:07:16,662
Stein's dry goods has a huge clearance
sale on,
638
01:07:17,246 --> 01:07:20,123
the whole neighborhood's there.
639
01:07:20,457 --> 01:07:22,376
Oy, it's such a success,
640
01:07:22,709 --> 01:07:25,629
already they have given
Irving Stein oxygen.
641
01:07:25,963 --> 01:07:28,215
And taken him away to the hospital
in an ambulance.
642
01:07:29,299 --> 01:07:33,303
He was so overcome with the
way they cleaned out his store.
643
01:07:34,346 --> 01:07:36,807
Twice they had
to give him sedatives.
644
01:07:37,140 --> 01:07:39,309
When his brother in law passed
close to him.
645
01:07:39,643 --> 01:07:42,396
I guess he was just so grateful
for the way the young man ran such a
646
01:07:42,729 --> 01:07:43,855
sale for him.
647
01:07:58,161 --> 01:08:00,080
- Momma?
648
01:08:00,914 --> 01:08:02,833
Do you remember a Harold
Sampson?
649
01:08:04,126 --> 01:08:08,297
- Harold Sampson?
The big viking insurance man.
650
01:08:08,714 --> 01:08:13,468
Everybody knows him, he's a
big schmoozer with the ladies.
651
01:08:14,803 --> 01:08:18,765
In this building alone, there must be
three children,
652
01:08:19,099 --> 01:08:20,225
and they all look like him.
653
01:08:21,643 --> 01:08:23,562
Oy what a heart breaker
654
01:08:23,895 --> 01:08:28,900
Poor Myra Cluxturn, she was ready to
leave Milton
655
01:08:29,276 --> 01:08:31,403
Until she found out that Harold was
making
656
01:08:31,737 --> 01:08:35,365
whoopie with her daughter Joyce.
657
01:08:37,242 --> 01:08:40,370
And I heard down
at Harry's delicatessen
658
01:08:40,704 --> 01:08:44,291
that he has a serious thing
going on with Cynthia Schwartz
659
01:08:45,584 --> 01:08:47,628
Number 10B
660
01:08:48,378 --> 01:08:51,965
And they say she is pregnant now
too.
661
01:08:52,549 --> 01:08:55,093
- Momma, I think I am gonna go to the
movies.
662
01:08:55,427 --> 01:08:59,681
- No Melvin, you go to the movies too
much, it's bad for your eyes.
663
01:09:01,058 --> 01:09:02,934
And your eyes are not so great.
664
01:09:03,560 --> 01:09:07,522
New prescriptions the
past three years for your glasses?
665
01:09:10,025 --> 01:09:14,946
You know they say that certain
things boys do make their eyes
666
01:09:15,322 --> 01:09:16,406
not so good.
667
01:09:18,617 --> 01:09:22,579
Melvin, you don't shake it too much
when you make peepee do you?
668
01:09:23,038 --> 01:09:25,624
- Good night Momma!
669
01:09:27,751 --> 01:09:31,046
- What else could a mother
do but to tell him?
670
01:09:33,173 --> 01:09:36,093
- (off screen) Mrs. Petrovich, please
restrain yourself.
671
01:09:36,510 --> 01:09:38,387
I have my reputation in the
building to consider.
672
01:09:41,014 --> 01:09:43,892
- Mr. Gordon, is my policy
ready for me yet?
673
01:09:45,936 --> 01:09:48,855
- (off screen) Oh let's see,
that's not yours
674
01:09:49,940 --> 01:09:51,858
and uh, that not yours.
675
01:09:54,444 --> 01:09:56,363
- I want this size.
676
01:09:56,780 --> 01:09:58,657
- Oh yes, I have it.
677
01:09:59,491 --> 01:10:01,410
I had your policy in my pants
pocket all along.
678
01:10:02,285 --> 01:10:05,539
But my hands are full,
won't you please get it?
679
01:10:15,882 --> 01:10:18,385
- Mr. Gordon?
680
01:10:19,970 --> 01:10:21,888
Do you have my policy ready?
681
01:10:22,264 --> 01:10:24,182
- Shortly, shortly Mrs. Holmes
682
01:10:27,686 --> 01:10:31,189
- What's Mrs. Petrovich doing
down there?
683
01:10:32,274 --> 01:10:34,192
- Reading the small print
684
01:10:34,526 --> 01:10:36,194
Reading the small print.
685
01:10:39,990 --> 01:10:41,908
- I'll be behind my door.
686
01:10:44,202 --> 01:10:46,121
As soon as you have my
policy ready.
687
01:10:48,248 --> 01:10:50,792
- As soon as I refill my pen
sweet lady.
688
01:10:57,549 --> 01:10:59,092
Ah, ah!
689
01:11:08,810 --> 01:11:11,354
(slow jazz music)
690
01:11:50,143 --> 01:11:51,645
(magical chimes)
691
01:11:56,024 --> 01:11:59,945
- I am here to take care of your
inner most desires, sire.
692
01:12:00,779 --> 01:12:02,823
- Do you always have
to creep up on me?
693
01:12:03,824 --> 01:12:05,784
- This is your last wish Master.
694
01:12:06,535 --> 01:12:08,453
- You don't have to remind me.
695
01:12:08,787 --> 01:12:12,791
- After this wish I shall disappear
from your sight forever.
696
01:12:13,875 --> 01:12:17,128
Back into the dark recesses of my jar.
697
01:12:18,713 --> 01:12:22,634
Please master, would you
grant me one moment?
698
01:12:25,011 --> 01:12:27,597
I face centuries of lonliness in
my jar.
699
01:12:29,850 --> 01:12:31,017
- I'm sorry.
700
01:12:31,351 --> 01:12:33,186
- No, no there's nothing you
can do about it.
701
01:12:33,645 --> 01:12:35,897
But in these last moments
together,
702
01:12:36,231 --> 01:12:38,149
may I make a recommendation?
703
01:12:41,403 --> 01:12:46,491
Don't squander your last wish,
choose your next partner well.
704
01:12:47,200 --> 01:12:50,453
Select someone who has some
tender feelings for you
705
01:12:50,996 --> 01:12:53,415
Someone who really cares about you.
706
01:12:53,832 --> 01:12:55,750
Someone who could give
you the ride of your life.
707
01:12:58,003 --> 01:13:00,505
- I don't want to go to bed with my
mother
708
01:13:00,839 --> 01:13:03,967
- I'm not speaking about your mother.
709
01:13:04,801 --> 01:13:08,054
Merciful Master,
what is your desire?
710
01:13:09,055 --> 01:13:10,974
- I, uh
711
01:13:11,433 --> 01:13:13,351
I want to be the kind of insurance man
that Eric Edwards is.
712
01:13:15,312 --> 01:13:17,355
And I want to be chased by women
713
01:13:17,689 --> 01:13:19,524
like Tina Russell and Lynn Stevens.
714
01:13:21,067 --> 01:13:22,986
- You shall have your wish master
715
01:13:23,653 --> 01:13:25,572
But first there is something that I
must tell you.
716
01:13:28,241 --> 01:13:31,494
And it's against all rules laid down
for genies.
717
01:13:33,246 --> 01:13:35,916
I like you Melvin Finkelfarb
718
01:13:36,249 --> 01:13:38,084
I shall miss you very much.
719
01:13:39,544 --> 01:13:41,463
I love you Melvin Finkelfarb.
720
01:13:42,297 --> 01:13:44,215
(incantation)
721
01:13:51,556 --> 01:13:55,185
Goodbye, I love you.
722
01:13:57,062 --> 01:13:58,980
I love you.
723
01:13:59,814 --> 01:14:01,691
- Amara, Amara?
724
01:14:03,818 --> 01:14:09,616
- I hope your pen is really full baby,
you have a really big policy to write.
725
01:14:12,118 --> 01:14:14,329
- Ok baby, just let me dip
it into the well.
726
01:14:17,123 --> 01:14:19,459
(moaning)
727
01:16:33,843 --> 01:16:37,097
- Pardon me Mrs. Curt, I have to go
see your neighbor
728
01:16:38,932 --> 01:16:40,892
Mrs. Benson
729
01:16:41,226 --> 01:16:43,061
I have to write up a new policy.
730
01:16:43,478 --> 01:16:45,897
I'll be back shortly.
731
01:16:47,565 --> 01:16:50,443
- Hurry back, I'll keep this
seat warm for you while your away.
732
01:17:02,580 --> 01:17:05,458
- Is my policy ready baby?
733
01:17:06,459 --> 01:17:08,378
- I have it right here
734
01:17:17,846 --> 01:17:20,473
- Seems to be a few loopholes in my
policy.
735
01:17:28,273 --> 01:17:32,443
I'd like you to plug up all my loop
holes before you leave this afternoon.
736
01:20:19,861 --> 01:20:22,405
I want more baby.
737
01:20:22,905 --> 01:20:23,865
More.
738
01:20:26,868 --> 01:20:28,786
- Sorry darling.
739
01:20:29,203 --> 01:20:32,874
I've got to go re-write
Mrs. Curts policy.
740
01:20:34,917 --> 01:20:38,296
- But you haven't finished
plugging all my holes.
741
01:20:39,339 --> 01:20:41,924
- I'll be back.
742
01:20:53,853 --> 01:20:55,772
- Amara!
743
01:20:56,981 --> 01:20:58,191
Amara!
744
01:20:58,524 --> 01:21:01,069
Oh come on, I know your hanging around
here.
745
01:21:23,257 --> 01:21:26,177
Amara?
746
01:21:26,511 --> 01:21:28,429
I didn't realize that you cared.
747
01:21:29,305 --> 01:21:31,224
I mean you really cared about me.
748
01:21:32,266 --> 01:21:36,687
Even though I wasn't tall,
good looking, and richly endowed.
749
01:21:39,273 --> 01:21:41,818
Amara?
750
01:21:42,151 --> 01:21:43,986
I hope you can hear me.
751
01:21:44,695 --> 01:21:46,614
I love you.
752
01:22:02,547 --> 01:22:05,299
- How do you feel this morning Melvin?
753
01:22:05,675 --> 01:22:07,927
- I, uh, feel alright Momma.
754
01:22:08,678 --> 01:22:11,931
You know you have been looking so pale
lately,
755
01:22:12,348 --> 01:22:15,226
and you've been moping around
756
01:22:15,601 --> 01:22:18,229
no, theres no fever.
757
01:22:18,646 --> 01:22:21,357
Maybe you should have some chicken
soup anyway.
758
01:22:21,691 --> 01:22:24,193
- Not for breakfast Momma!
759
01:23:23,669 --> 01:23:27,089
Oh, uh, can I do something for you
Madam?
760
01:23:28,216 --> 01:23:30,468
It's Miss.
761
01:23:32,678 --> 01:23:34,597
Oh my what a lovely jar.
762
01:23:38,684 --> 01:23:40,561
- Well it ain't for sale.
763
01:23:48,027 --> 01:23:49,946
Hey, uh, don't I know you?
764
01:23:50,821 --> 01:23:52,365
- Maybe.
765
01:23:52,823 --> 01:23:54,116
I work down at the dime store.
766
01:23:54,450 --> 01:23:56,661
I'm a sales girl, you've probably seen
me there.
767
01:23:57,078 --> 01:23:59,622
- What department do you work in?
768
01:23:59,956 --> 01:24:01,707
- I'm in pottery.
769
01:24:04,043 --> 01:24:05,086
- Miss?
770
01:24:05,419 --> 01:24:07,088
- Names Pearl.
771
01:24:07,630 --> 01:24:09,549
- Pearl, would you insulted if uh,
772
01:24:10,132 --> 01:24:13,928
- I would be insulted as many times
as you would like to insult me.
773
01:24:14,303 --> 01:24:18,891
- No I mean, uh, how would you like
to join me for dinner tonight?
774
01:24:19,225 --> 01:24:21,852
You see there is this delicatessen
down the street, Harry's.
775
01:24:22,186 --> 01:24:25,064
It's a pretty classey joint,
so would could dine there.
776
01:24:25,398 --> 01:24:27,400
- Sounds lovely.
777
01:24:27,733 --> 01:24:29,610
I'll meet you here after work.
778
01:24:30,653 --> 01:24:33,739
- You know you, uh, you remind me of
someone I once knew.
779
01:24:34,115 --> 01:24:34,907
- Oh?
780
01:24:35,283 --> 01:24:36,993
- Yeah, she uh,
781
01:24:37,577 --> 01:24:41,289
She used to love it when I rubbed
the inside of this jar.
782
01:24:49,880 --> 01:24:53,718
- Well I better get back
to work.
783
01:24:54,051 --> 01:24:56,220
Don't forget, you'll find
me in pottery.
784
01:25:09,108 --> 01:25:12,862
(Arabic music)
55457
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