All language subtitles for Riverdale.US.S07E05.Tales.in.a.Jugular.Vein.720p.WEB.h264-ELEANOR.[TheRostrum.net]_Subtítulos01.ENG

[glass clinks]

Obviously, I don't have
to remind you gentlemen

that this meeting
never took place.

Of course not,
Mayor Blossom.

Has Ethel Muggs
been talking much

since she's been
with the Sisters?

Not a peep.

Sister Woodhouse
has imposed
a vow of silence.

Very good.

-What about the PTA?
-[Featherhead]
Parents are still upset.

It's all they talk about
at our meetings.

Who killed
Mr. and Mrs. Muggs?

As long as people remain
focused on this murder case,

the more precarious

our grasp
of the situation becomes.

What's the
Sheriff's office doing?

Tom is trying
to find this "milkman"

and the murder weapon.

Why is he doing that?

I have the murder weapon
right here.

What are you
getting at, Fredreich?

[Dr. Werthers]
We have to stop rehashing

the Muggs murder case
and start making sure

that something like it
never happens again.

In my extensive research,
in case after case,

comic books
are the influencing factor
in most incidents

of juvenile delinquency
and teen violence.

They are
a moral scourge, gentlemen.

And their creators,
criminal degenerates.

That's what the PTA
should be talking about.

Comic books.

Not the Muggs.

And I believe
I know exactly how
to make that happen.

[typewriter clacks]

Well, look who strolls in
whenever his heart desires.

What do you want, kid?

I was just
in the neighborhood.

Where is everyone?

They're all out
with a stomach bug.

Now I'm under more water
than the Titanic.

-Can I help?
-[typing]

I need a full issue...

I can do that.

...written by tomorrow morning.

Yeah, that's no problem,
Mr. Fieldstone.

I'm fast.
I'm a great speller.

Four stories.
Seven pages each.

Zero margin for error.

[Jughead]
I'll write 'em on spec.

If you like them, then great.

And if not,
there's plenty more
where that came from.

Right.

If you have trouble
coming up with some ideas,

take these springboards.

Talk them through with Bernie.

I will. Won't let you down.

Bernie.

Gosh, Bernie,
all these stories
have been done to death.

Aren't there
any original ideas anymore?

Says the teenager?

Bernie, you're a genius.

What about stories
about teenagers
and high school?

Pep Comics doesn't have
any of those, right?

Uh... [sighs]

Al says he doesn't
relate to them.

But teenagers
do buy our books.

Well, shucks,
me and my friends do.

[snaps finger]
What about a narrator

that's actually
a witchy lunch lady,
or a creepy janitor?

We can call it
"Homeroom of Horrors."

Huh?

You think Mr. Fieldstone
will bite?

Sure.

Give it a whirl.

[door opens]

There's my little
tortured genius.

-[door closes]
-Think you could
take a break

from writing the next
great American novel

and take this glamour gal
to go see a fun flick?

[typing rapidly]

Diaboliqueis playing
at the Babylonium,

and I know
you don't mind subtitles.

Ooh. Could we go
tomorrow, maybe?

I'm on deadline.

Al's asked me to write
an entire issue by morning.

An entire issue?

Sounds like
a bit of a coup for you.

Yeah, it is.

But it's also
a lot of pressure.

Though, if I do a bang up job
on these pages tonight,

Fieldstone could ask me
to be one of his go-to's.

Okay. Okay.

My French thriller about
murderous schoolteachers
can wait.

But since I'm here,
maybe I can help you.

How far have you gotten?

I'm almost done
with my first story.

I'm all ears.
What's it about?

Sports-themed.

Because what's scarier
than gym class?

And it has a narrator,

like all of my yell yarns will,

um, called the Key-Keeper.

-I had one of the artists
at Pep Comics do a mockup.
-[chuckles]

It's pretty nifty, right?

The niftiest.
Looks like a real charmer.

[Key-Keeper] Well, well, well,
if it isn't another
problem child.

You're looking for a little
mischief and mayhem,

aren't you?

Well, maybe I can be
of some assistance.

[keys jangling]

I'm the Key-Keeper,
you see?

The midnight custodian
of this schoolhouse of horrors.

Come along
and let's wake the dead

with a real spine twister,
shall we?

[keys jangling]

[door unlocks]

I call
this sordid little tale...

[Key-Keeper reading]

[whistle blows]

[Key-Keeper]
Every team has one,

the runt, the klutz,
the pip-squeak.

On the Bulldogs
basketball team,

that half pint was

Dilton Doiley,

who was short,
near-sighted
and uncoordinated.

At the end
of one particularly
grueling practice,

Coach Kleats
had the team line up
for free throws.

No one could leave
until everyone
had made a basket.

But Dilton couldn't
make a shot
to save his life.

Come on, Doiley.

Get your head in the game.

[ball bounces]

Maybe you need
a little motivation.

[whistle blows]

[Key-Keeper] Coach Kleats
had the other players

start running laps
until Dilton sunk one
lousy bucket.

You're a dead man, Doiley.

[Key-Keeper] Poor Dilton.

He would soon learn
the true meaning
of the term "foul play."

The hell is wrong
with you, Doiley?

I'm sorry, fellas.

I... I'm trying my best.

Why are you even here

if you can't make
one stinking basket?

I just wanted to be
part of a team.

Then be the damn water boy.

[scoffs]

It's like what
Coach Kleats said...

"You've got to get
your head in the game."

How... how do I do that?

Maybe a night
stuffed in a locker

will help you figure it out.

What? No. Guys, guys, guys.

Please, please,
don't do that.

No. Please! Please!

You don't understand.

Stop! I can't.

-Hey, guys, maybe this isn't
such a good idea.
-[Dilton] Don't leave me here!

-Stuff it, Andrews.
-[Dilton crying]
I can't be here alone.

-Please. I can't.
-Doiley's got to learn.

He's gonna start
pulling his weight.

Or we're gonna murder him.

No! Don't go!

Please! Please! Don't go!

Don't leave me here!
I can't do this. No!

No! Please!

[Key-Keeper] What these
merciless jocks didn't know

was that
Dilton Doiley was born
morbidly claustrophobic.

[birds chirping]

[breathing uneasily]

[door opens]

[Key-Keeper] So, by the time
the day shift found
and released Dilton

the next morning...

Dilton had suffered
a complete psychotic break.

He was a changed man.

A madman, you might say.

Hell-bent on revenge
against the Bulldogs.

[glass breaks]

[Key-Keeper] Then it was just
a matter of lying in wait

for his teammates
to reconvene
for basketball practice

later that afternoon.

Luckily, Dilton had
the perfect hidey-hole

from which to pop out
and surprise his teammates.

After which Dilton
could dedicate himself

to perfecting
his free throw technique.

Gotta keep
my head in the game.

Gotta keep my head
in the game.

[Kleats] Attaboy, Doiley!

Help! [yelling]

Gotta keep
my head in the game.

Gotta keep
my head in the game.

Gotta keep
my head in the game.

Gotta keep
my head in the game.

Gotta keep
my head in the game.

[screeching]

[woman screaming]

Good for Dilton.

Those awful bullies
got what was coming to them.

Exactly.

And you see, that's what
nitwits like Werthers

just don't understand.

What, exactly?

Well, that these
so-called "degenerate" comics

are actually bite-sized
morality tales.

Especially those that involve

Julian Blossom getting
his head chopped off.

I mean, you joke,
but it's true.

Yes, comics can be
over the top
and bloody sometimes,

but in these stories,
people that break the rules
get punished.

People who are cruel
to others get punished.

People who have lustful sex
get punished.

Lustful sex, did you say?

Tell me more
about that, Juggiekins.

[chuckles] I've got a tale
for you.

And it starts,
believe it or not,

-on a dark and stormy night...
-[thunder rumbling]

With a flat tire
near an isolated mansion.

And a young, strapping man
in need of assistance.

[thunder rumbling]

Yes?

May I help you?

I'm sorry to bother you
at this hour, ma'am,

but my hot rod got
a flat tire down the road.

Must've ran over a nail
or something.

[Nana Rose] Oh, how dreadful.

And now here you are, stranded,
you poor dear.

Why don't you come inside?

You can use our telephone
to call the garage.

At this hour?
Oh, they'll be closed, ma'am.

Would it be too much trouble
if I stayed the night?

That way, in the morning,
I can call the garage

and I'll be out of your hair.

[thunder rumbling]

I suppose. But...

I'm afraid the storm
has knocked out our power.

But you can warm yourself
by the fire.

Well, come in.

Come in.

Oh, you look a fright.

[thunder rumbling]

[Key-Keeper]
They say a picture
is worth 1,000 words,

but I only need two
for this one.

Hubba-hubba.

[slurping]

[gulps and clears throat]

Thank you for the tea, ma'am.

It's... I already feel better.

There's not much
in this world that
a strong cup of tea

and a roaring fire can't fix.

And you're welcome to stay
in my guest room tonight.

Oh, thank you, ma'am.

That's very kind of you.

However, there are one or two
ground rules you must observe.

Of course.

Of course. Anything.

Once you're in your room,
you must stay there.

All night.

And you must lock the door,
and keep it locked

for the entire night.

Any particular reason why?

[Nana Rose] Alas, yes.

I am not alone
in this house.

My granddaughter
lives with me,

and she's not quite
in her right mind.

She has this
compulsive craving

for intimate, physical,

some might even say
inappropriate touching.

Really?

Oh, yes.
She's ravenous for it.

Can't keep her hands
to herself.

Wow. That's...

I mean, that sounds... Wow.

She's even been known
to sneak into the bedrooms

of strange young men
in the middle of the night

in order to get her "fix,"
as it were.

[thunder rumbling]

Is... that your granddaughter?

Yes, it is.

She's beautiful, isn't she?

Well, it's getting late.

Let's get you settled,
shall we?

[Key-Keeper] Surely some rules
were meant to be broken,

especially when
the consequences might prove

to be downright titillating.

[door creaking]

[curtains ruffling]

[Cheryl] You're here.

You came.

Are you the old lady's
granddaughter?

Yes. I'm Cheryl.

I'm so glad you're here.

It's been so long
since I've gotten to touch...
like this.

I... sure am happy
to be here, too.

Let me just light a candle.

-No! No!
-Whoa.

No.

What we're about to do
is best...

It's best done in darkness.

Now kiss me.

And let me... feel you.

[kissing]

[Key-Keeper]
Avert your eyes, pervert,
and turn the page,

to a bright new day.

[Nana Rose]
How was your night,
young man?

Did you sleep well?

It was... incredible.
[laughs]

Thank you again
for the hospitality, ma'am.

I, uh...
I saw your granddaughter,

I think, by the window.

So what's wrong with her?

Some kind of mental illness?

Oh, Cheryl was once
youthful and vibrant,

like any young girl her age.

But she wanted adventure.

And I couldn't help
but indulge her.

She took a trip
to some tropical jungle

in some far-off place,

and unfortunately,
while she was there,

she contracted
a rare form of leprosy.

Leprosy?

Horrible, terrible,
disfiguring disease.

Rotting her swollen flesh away,

and incredibly painful.

[gulps]

Now she can't be
around other people

because it's
so very contagious,
you know.

But, I mean, you don't...

Oh, no,
I was exposed as a child,

and so I'm immune.

I don't suppose you...

Am immune? No.

Mercifully,
she'll soon succumb
to the leprosy and die,

which is why

I do everything in my power

to ensure that she relishes
her final days on Earth.

[sputtering]
What do you mean?

What do you mean by that?

It was no accident
that brought you here,
young man.

How do you think those nails
got onto that road?

I did warn you.

I gave you a chance
to lock that door
and be a good boy.

And now you're almost
certainly infected as well.

[Cheryl] After last night,

we're going to be together
forever, and ever

till death do us part.

[screaming]

Well, that was grotesque.

What was the moral there?

Don't trust creepy old ladies

and their nymphomaniac,
leprosy-ridden
granddaughters?

Well, it's more of
a "curiosity killed the cat"
message, I think.

Ah.

Or don't engage
in heavy petting
in the dark with someone,

if you haven't got
proper protection. [chuckles]

You know, I'm hearing
that Archie and Cheryl
broke up,

and that in the end,
they didn't do much more
than neck...

Oh, yeah? Well...

Who can keep up
with all the horny teens
at Riverdale High?

I mean, what else
is there to do?

That's why God created
high school.

So there'd be a place
where boys could...

chase girls and vice versa.

Yeah.

I mean...

girls will do
just about anything

to get a boy's attention.

Including feigning an interest
in comic books, apparently.

[typing]

[Key-Keeper]
Every school has one.

The plain Jane
with the ponytail mane,

the sweater-set
waiting for better yet

who none of the boys
seemed to sick
their sights on.

Bland Betty was
little more than
an invisible girl.

Yes, my foul fiends,

Betty's prospects of landing
a date were very grave indeed.

So she followed the advice
of her favorite beauty mags.

And now,
how can I help you, hun?

I would like
a new look, please.

Oh, what's giving you
the gringles,

doll face?

I just feel so...

unseen.

All the girls
at my school have beaus,

and it's just like
I'm a, uh...

ghost.

I need something...

else, something new.

Something amazing
that will get
all the boys' attention.

[hairdresser]
Well, I've got to tell you,

this ponytail
is doing you no favors.

But, but, but,

I just came back
from my fabulous
honeymoon abroad.

And there's this new hairstyle
that is all the rage in Europe.

Really? What is it?

[hairdresser]
It's called the Beehive.

"Beehive."

Sounds sophisticated.

Oh, it is.

So we tease up all your hair,
put in some extensions,

and then we roll it all up
into a dome,
just like a hive.

A hive-hive?

I know it sounds
a little silly,

but wait till you see it.

All the girls
in England and France,

they just love it.

And the boys,
they're crazy about it.

And, on my mother's grave,

may she rest in peace...

you're going to get
all the attention
you've ever wanted,

and then some.

What the heck?

If it's good enough
for the Parisians,
it's good enough for me.

[hairdresser] Oh, smart girl.

You're going to look so chic.

Now, there's just one thing.

Once we get
your goldie locks
up into the hive,

you're not gonna be able
to wash your hair

or undo it, ever.

Oh. Well, how do I
maintain it?

With this. Hair spray.

Use throughout the day
as needed.

Well, my mom says,
I'm supposed
to wash my hair

every other day
or at least once a week.

With all due respect
to your dear mama,

I'm the professional.

And you do want
to look beautiful.

Am I right?

[Key-Keeper] The next day,

an all-new Betty
showed up at school.

Her coif climbed
to such heights
it rivaled the Tower of Babel.

And similarly,
it got everybody talking.

All the boys went
goo-goo-ga-ga.

And as for the girls, well,

they were positively gangrene
with envy.

[coughing]

Watch where you're
spraying, Betty.

You know, that ridiculous
hairstyle will never
change the fact

that you'll always be
a ponytail princess

on the inside.

[both laugh]

[Key-Keeper] Betty didn't care

what Cheryl
and Veronica thought.

In fact,
that was the first time

they'd spoken to her.

And once Betty got
that blush of attention,

well, she started needing it,
feeding off it.

The more hairspray
she put in her hair,

the heavier and more
shellacked it became.

And the more the boys
noticed her.

Can I carry your books
to class, Betty?

Aw, gee, thanks, Julian.

Hey, uh, Betty,
can I take you out

this Friday night, please?

[chuckles] Aw, Archie...

I'll think about it.

[Key-Keeper] And Betty
stayed true to her word.

She didn't wash her hair
or undo it, ever.

She even slept in her beehive,

putting more hairspray on
before tucking herself in
at night.

And that's when
the very bad thing happened.

[suspenseful music playing]

I swear, in all my years,
I've never seen a cuter couple.

-[chuckles]
-She's a cool cookie now,
isn't she, Pop?

What do you mean, "now?"

Betty's always been a peach.

You're making me blush, Archie.

Hey, I'm a lucky cat.

I'm going out
with the ginchiest girl

with the ginchiest hair
at Riverdale High.

["I Got Stung" playing]

Mmm! Best song ever.

-Come on, snake, let's rattle.
-Okay.

[suspenseful music playing]

Betty, is everything all right?

Whoa, Betty.

[Betty] Something's not...

Betty. Betty!

-Betty!
-[coughing]

Someone get some help!

Betty's having
some kind of fit!

Someone call the hospital!

Oh, God! Betty!

[Key-Keeper] No one could guess
how a young girl like Betty,

so full of life,
would just drop dead.

Then again, maybe the town's
coroner will have the answers.

So young, so beautiful,

and what
a fascinating hairstyle.

Hmm.

[whirring]

Oh, my.

What have we here?

No.

No!

Please, no!

No, anything but spiders!

[Key-Keeper] Turns out,
Betty's hair

attracted more than just boys.

A black widow spider
had crawled

into her tresses that night

and laid a batch of eggs
in that ginchy hive of hers.

And when those
itsy-bitsy spiders hatched,

they chewed into her brain,

which is what triggered
Betty's deadly diner bug-out.

Poor, sweet Betty.

She had to learn her lessons
the hard way.

Beauty is only skin deep,
and vanity kills.

-[screeching]
-[woman screaming]

"Beauty is only skin deep?"
"Vanity kills?"

Are these actually
different lessons

or variations on a theme?

And what's wrong
with wanting to look good?

Boys do the same thing.

They toss weights around,
to turn themselves
into he-men.

-Uh...
-At any rate, by my count,

you're down to your last story

and I still haven't had
a starring role in one.

Well, say, that's a notion.

Something romantic
would be nice.

Or something that focuses
on female friendship.

Yeah, what if we did a flip

of the classic teenage
love triangle?

One in which the girls

don't go at each other's
throats and cat-fight.

Now, you're singing my tune.

Presenting my fourth and final
story of the evening.

A terror tale I'm calling
"My Better Half."

Archie's a good egg.

But a half-wit when it comes
to decision-making.

He struggles
with the most basic

of all
multiple-choice questions.

Should he go
for A, "The girl next door?"

Or B,
"The rich starlet-socialite?"

But in a rare stroke
of mad genius,

Archie chose C,
"Both of the above."

So, on Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays,

Archie takes Betty out.

And on Tuesdays,
Thursdays and Saturdays,

he takes out Veronica.

The one downside
to this break-neck schedule

was that Archie would,
on occasion,

collapse from sheer exhaustion.

But it was nothing
that couldn't be rectified

with a strong cup of coffee.

Or four.

But even for
a strapping young buck,

six dates a week
will wear a fella out.

That's why Archie
saved Sundays for himself.

To rest, recover, and replenish
for the week ahead.

Now, you might think Archie

would try to keep
his relationships a secret.

But he didn't.

Betty and Veronica
knew he was dating the other.

Still, each girl wanted Archie
all to herself.

They're playing
Double Indemnity

at the Babylonium
tomorrow night,

if you want to play
a little back row bingo.

Oh, I wish I could swing it,
but I got plans.

Meaning you've got a date
with Veronica.

When are you going to drop
that vapid airhead?

Oh, please. Don't get razzled.

Why shouldn't I?

Having to share my beau
with that smelly tomboy.

Don't I make you happy?

Of course you do.

Then why aren't I enough?

Oh, come on,
it's not like that.

Hey, you guys
are both so different.

But let me let you in
on a little secret.

[whispers] You're my favorite.

[both] Really?

Oh, Archie.

How do you do it, Andrews?

Two broads at the same time.
What's your secret?

All right, listen,
'cause I'm only gonna
say this once, okay?

You tell them
what they want to hear.

That yes,
I'm seeing other girls,

but I'm only serious
about you.

Okay? You feed them
the same three simple words.

"You're my favorite."

[boys snicker]

Technically, that's four words.

"You're" is a contraction.

"You are my favorite."

-Four words.
-Shut up, Doiley.

We're learning
from Don Juan here.

But don't you ever get...
exhausted?

Sure.

But that's why God
invented Sundays and coffee.

[boys laughing]

Things might've kept
humming along as is

until graduation day,

but the Good Ship Archie
was headed for an iceberg,

Valentine's Day,

which, this year, disastrously,
landed on a Sunday.

So, Veronica,
who's the lucky guy

taking you out
for Valentine's Day?

-Archiekins, of course.
-Keep dreaming.

Archie is my date.

You know, Betty,
for a smart girl,

you really are dense.

Archie is going to spend V-Day
with his best girl.

And that's me.

-Says you.
-Says him.

Archiekins says the only reason
he spends so much time with you

is because
you're a charity case.

First of all, he hates
being called Archiekins.

Second of all, the only reason

he spends any time
with you at all

is because your ego
is so fragile

he's afraid you might do
something desperate or crazy

if he breaks up with you.

He said I'm fragile?

Oh, as a Glamerge egg.

Well, he told me
you're so high-strung

you sometimes take your mom's
sleeping pills to go to bed.

-He told you that?
-Mmm-hmm.

Sounds like someone's been
playing you two for fools.

[scoffs]

[both] That rat-fink!

Archie, you have
to choose right now.

Who's going to be your date
for Valentine's Day?

And after you pick me,
of course,

you need to end things
with Betty permanently.

Ladies, ladies,
let's all calm down.

In fact...

neither of you can be my date
on Valentine's Day.

[both] Why not?

'Cause I'm taking my mom.

You see, it's...

It's her first Valentine's Day
without my dad, and...

And, well, she needs me.

I hope you guys can understand.

Archie, of course
we understand.

That's so sweet and thoughtful.

I'm sorry we pressured you.

Me, too. It was her idea.

Well, you guys shouldn't
have to miss out

on Valentine's Day
on account of me.

I mean, there must be some
other guys you can go out with.

Yeah, Betty,
find somebody else.

No. No, it's really okay.

There's an extra credit report

that I've been
putting off, so...

As for me, Mademoiselle
just published a recipe

for an egg-white face mask
I've been dying to try.

So that'll keep me busy.

Okay, so you're both staying in
this Sunday night, then?

[music playing on record]

But when Sunday night
rolled around...

Betty and Veronica decided
against staying in,

and went on a Valentine's date,

together.

So, imagine their surprise
when who should walk in but...

-He wouldn't.
-He couldn't.

[both] That rat-fink!

[Betty] Wait.

Whatever you're about to do...

I have a much better idea.

Betty. Veronica.

What's going on?

We were wondering
how your Valentine's date went

with your mom.

Yeah, it was nice. Quiet.

Why?

Well, because a night-off
gave us a chance to reflect,

and since you've been
having such a hard time

deciding between the two of us,

we were thinking...

what if you had us both?

At the exact same time,

for a very, very special date?

Really?

[both] Really.

Say no more.

I'll pick you both up tonight,

we'll head over
to Lover's Lane.

I know the perfect spot.
Nice and private.

Actually, Betty had
an interesting idea.

I was thinking we could meet
in shop class.

After hours, of course.

Why would we go there?

-[both chuckle]
-Don't you know?

It's sound-proof.

And we plan on making
a lot of noise.

[both] Come, Archie. Join us.

Wait.

You're forgetting something.

Your coffee.

We took the liberty
of brewing it

extra strong for you tonight.

Oh, guys, I really don't think
I'm gonna need a boost tonight.

Now, now, no need to posture.

You'll want all your energy
for what we have planned.

Promise.

Cross our hearts
and hope to die.

Mmm.

[echoing] Everything all right,
Archiekins?

[echoing]
Yeah, no, I'm good. I just...

[normal]
Someone's waking up, Vee.

[Veronica] I think
you're right, Bee.

Welcome back, handsome.

What's happening?

Apologies if you're

experiencing
a splitting headache.

I wasn't sure how many
of my mom's sleeping pills

to slip into your coffee.

Whatever it is,
I'm sure we can figure it out.

But it's already
been figured out, silly.

Trust us.
This is a perfect solution.

After all, a problem shared
is a problem solved.

-Shall we, Vee?
-After you, Bee.

Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait!

Wait, hold on! Hold on!

[screaming]

Stop! Stop, stop,
stop, stop, stop!

This won't hurt... much.

[both] We just want
to double our fun.

[screaming]

[splattering]

[Key-Keeper] Here,
for the first time,

Betty and Veronica
are with their beloved Archie

on the same night
at the same time,

secure in the knowledge
that they'll never have to

share him again.

Didn't I tell you
he was a half-wit?

-[woman screaming]
-[Key-Keeper chuckling]

Well?

What did you think of that
tag-team twist at the end?

O. Henry, eat your heart out,
am I right?

I have... opinions.

Okey-dokey.

I'm detecting
a pattern, Jughead.

The sexual politics
in most of your stories

are troubling,
to say the least.

[chuckles softly]
Veronica, my gosh,

you may be overthinking this.

These stories
are just meant to be a gas.

For whom?

Not teen girls, not when you're
depicting them like...

shallow, crazy killers.

Is that what you think of us?

No. Of course not.

The boys
aren't great shakes, either.

So you admit
you're demonizing women?

Veronica, it's just
a comic book.

Anyhoo, I'm done now.

Why don't we try to catch
that last showing of Diabolique

at the Babylonium?

What do you say? My treat.

I think I'll take a page
from your last story

and split.

What's going on?
Are we not copacetic anymore?

Of course we are.

I'm just tired, is all.

I'll catch you
at school tomorrow, promise.

[Jughead] And as easy as that,

whatever bubble Veronica and I
had been in, just burst.

Tomorrow, at school,
things would be different.

We'd no longer be
the Marilyn Monroe

and Arthur Miller
of Riverdale High.

We'd pass each other
in the hall,

but she'd once again be
the beautiful socialite,

and I'd be the melvin
who writes comic books.

The kind that hopefully
weren't corrupting
the youth of America.

[Featherhead] "Don't be fooled
by their name.

These publications
are anything but comic.

In their pages,
crime is glorified.

Acts of wanton carnality
are celebrated.

Stabbings and beheadings
and disembowelings
are commonplace,

vividly depicted,

and offered up to our children
like so much bubblegum.

If anyone doubts
the insidious effects

of this subversive medium,

let me stress
what my extensive research

has proven time and again.

There's a direct
and undeniable link

between gruesome acts
of brutality depicted

in the pages of comic books,

and similar acts of savagery
committed in real life

by the juveniles
who read these comics books.

Our children are being seduced

-by violence, by sex,
by depravity.
-[typewriter clacking]

Their innocence
must be preserved

by any means necessary."

I congratulate you,
Dr. Werthers.

That's a brilliant editorial.

The soon-to-be-forgotten
Muggs murders,

small potatoes compared
to the threat to America

that you have outlined
here for us tonight.

Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

I consider it my civic
and moral duty.

That's why
these so-called creators

of these dangerous and morally
reprehensible stories

must be held accountable

and punished to the full extent
of the law.

[Fieldstone] I've been reading
your stories, Jones.

I gotta say, I love 'em.

This is incredible stuff.

Thank you, Mr. Fieldstone.
I, um...

I needed a win today.

Oh, how come?

Ah, let me guess.
Girl trouble?

Yeah.

I... kinda had
this sweet thing going
with this one gal,

but then she read
my comics and, um...

Well, she took it
the wrong way.

I don't think she liked
what I was saying.

I don't even know
what that means.

But you busted your ass

to turn those stories
around overnight.

And I think you deserve

a little something extra
for that.

-A bonus?
-God, no. What are you, nuts?

No, I'm thinking, um, credit.

-Your name...
-On the cover?

God, no. A byline.

-On the inside. But still...
-It's my name in print.

Oh, golly, that would be
incredible, Mr. Fieldstone.

I mean, my friends would flip.

How does
Jughead "Jugular" Jones

sound for a byline?

Oh... [whistles]
I'm crazy for it.

[laughs] Yeah.

Now, you listen to me, kid,

I don't know much,
but I do know this.

Girls come and go.

But your name in print,

now that's a thing
that'll make people
sit up and take notice.

[Jughead] Little did
any of us imagine
how prophetic

Mr. Fieldstone's words
would turn out to be.

[screeching]

[woman screaming]